It Could Happen Here - CZM Rewind: The Cum Conspiracy Episode

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

From milking machines to testicle tanning, the gang tells four stories of semen based conspiracy theories and quack science spreading across the online conservative right. Original Air Date: 3.15.23See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everyone, it's John also known as Dr. John Paul and I'm Jordan or Joe Ho and we are the Black Fat Film Podcast, a podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. This year we have had some of our favorite people on including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross, and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Fam podcast on the iHeart Radio app. Have a podcast or whatever you get your podcast, girl. Ooh, I know that's right. ["Wonderful Music"] Curious about queer sexuality, cruising, and expanding your horizons?

Hit play on the sex positive and deeply entertaining podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising, relationships, and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions,

sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday. Hey, I'm Gianna Prententi. And I'm Jeme Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts. If you're early in your career, you probably have a lot of money questions. So we're talking to finance expert Vivian Tu, aka Your Rich BFF, to break it down.

Looking at the numbers is one of the most honest reflections of what your financial picture actually is. The numbers won't lie to you. Listen to this week's episode of Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's hard to read the news these days without asking yourself, how did we get here? Fiasco is a history podcast for the co-creators of Slow Burn. In our first season, Bush v. Gore,

we examined an unmistakable turning point in American politics, the 2000 election, which resulted in a high-stakes stalemate, ended with one of the most controversial rulings in Supreme Court history. So if you're trying to make sense of the present moment, check out Fiasco, Bush v. Gore. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,

or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos. I'm a psychology professor at Yale. And I started to notice that a lot of my students weren't all that happy. So I created a new class. Welcome, everybody, to psychology and the good life. It became the biggest class in the history of Yale.

I'm a little bit surprised to see as many of you are here as are here, but that's great. But it's not just my students who need to understand the science of you. I'm a little bit surprised to see as many of you are here as are here, but that's great. But it's not just my students who need to understand the science of wellbeing. And that's why we launched the Happiness Lab, so you can learn about it too. Are you ready to feel happier? Head to the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or if you like to listen. Brought to you by the 2024 Subaru Share the Love event, now through January 2nd.

Coolzone Media. 2024 Subaru Share the Love event, now through January 2nd. Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Robert Evans here, and we had been planning to make a new cum episode to give you all a white Christmas this year. But you know what I didn't wind up wanting to do right during the holidays when we didn't have to work is spend hours researching some other weird cum conspiracies on the internet.

So we're just going to play the old cum episode for you as a rerun. I know that's not the most effortful version of our job that I could have done this year, but also it's been a real shitty year for everybody. So let's just listen to an old cum episode and pretend we gave you a new cum episode. Merry Christmas everybody. So let's just listen to an old come episode and pretend we gave you a new come episode. Merry Christmas, everybody. ["It Could Happen"] Dearly beloved, welcome to It Could Happen here.

We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life, electric word life. It's a thing that only happens with the addition of a couple of ingredients. And one of those ingredients is the subject of our episode today. Oh, yeah. You guys like that?

Everybody really happy with that? I love that. Yeah, I'm feeling not at all like I want to kind of shower. OK, you can you can you can hear the moment where we're all simultaneously questioning every single decision we've ever made in our entire lives. Mm hmm. Yeah. Now we're all simultaneously questioning every single decision we've ever made in our entire lives. Yeah, now we're all bonded together. So how's everybody doing today? We've got Neil Wong, Garrison Davis, James Stout, and I should let people know I wasn't joking about the come thing. So those of you who are too online will know this. Those of you who are not online enough, this is one of the online things that you will want to know because it's very funny. And the gist of it is that,

like four days ago, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson got sent a link to a Twitter account that is, that purports to be spreading like hidden news about the evils of the Chinese communist regime. And they put out a video that was a segment from a British milking fetish pornography video. Now, if you're not aware, the milking as far as I can tell, I believe that kind of descended from the long lineage of like rubber fetishists, right? And there's like a lot of medical fetish stuff tied into it. But the idea is that men are entirely wrapped up on hospital gurneys and giant pumps suck the semen out of them. So it's like a cow milker.

The machine is very cow milker. So this, this Twitter account put this up claiming that it was the Chinese government stealing the semen of young men. And Jordan Peterson shared it saying it was an unbelievable act of evil and then everyone had the best day of their lives and an hour of two later he deleted it now I have been continuing. Coward coward cowards it's strange so strange that he left the world of peer-reviewed academia. Yeah, it's wild that he's no longer a professor. It's very funny. We're continuing to give him shit for it online.

But it set us off down an interesting road. And because some other stuff fell through, we're going to talk about the wide world of weird right-wing cum conspiracies. Most of them, at least, are going to be right-wing. There's a surprising number of semen-based conspiracies. Everybody did research on their own special thing. I wanted to start by talking about

this Jordan Peterson cum video and giving kind of some of the background on it. So I believe it was last July, the Chinese Human Sperm Bank of Shanghai announced that it was hosting a competition for college students to find out whose semen was the best in terms of like, you know, a number of modal sperm per milliliter, I think is the way that they judge it. And basically, the idea was that they were trying to find like people with sperm concentration

greater than 60 million per milliliter. And if they visited a sperm bank a set number of times in a six month period, they could receive a prize that was equivalent to about $1,200. Right, now the reason this is happening is that China for the first time as a result of a number of different policies had negative population growth very recently. And this is the thing that can cause a problem for a country for a variety of different policies had negative population growth very recently.

And this is the thing that can cause a problem for a country for a variety of reasons. So the government is trying to shore up birth rates and there are a lot of couples in China that have had issues conceiving. And so there's a huge amount of demand for sperm in the country right now. So this is not a weird story.

It is actually a thing that happens all around the world regularly. But right around the time that this happened, a little bit after that, it came out that a Japanese company started selling what is called in the articles, I found an automatic sperm extractor to Chinese sperm banks. Now, this is I'm going to send you all the link. I was hoping you would. Oh, yes, good friends. Thanks, buddy. Yes, we're all going to see this. So the machines price listing on Alibaba, where it sells for about five to $6,000, describes

it as a device that quote, merges modern digital technology, automatic control technology and simulation technologies with semen collection and premature ejaculation desensitization training function. So it has a number of purposes, including to help guys stop coming too early. Which, hey, no shame. It's funny that someone built a machine for it. It's extremely funny. I think you can buy it on Aliexpress. I personally am not attaching anything. I bought an Alibaba to sensitive parts of my body. $6,000.

It's not cheap. Now, the primary, these are not being used for people who are coming too quickly. This is like the worst ever R2D2. This it is it is weird. What's the orientation? Does it stand on the ground and you just approach it? You have to stand up. Yeah. But what if you're a short king? I said I'm sure they have options.

It has like the rough shape of like a handheld massage device, but it is kind of like formed like almost an art deco robot vagina. And basically from what I've read, kind of the reasoning is that like, hey, we need people to donate sperm. Some people feel weird about just masturbating in a clinic and we hope this is a more pleasant experience for them.

So again, we're laughing because like, look, a machine designed to capture semen is kind of a funny thing. That's OK. No shame on anybody for that. But the fact that you have both the government trying to encourage people to donate sperm and this weird machine kind of created fertile ground for a bunch of right wing weirdos to start making fertile ground. I'm grounded. I know fertile ground to commit them to make the completely un

ungrounded claim that like the government was trying to steal people's semen. Right. And that is the basis of Dr. Jordan B Peterson's fun little freak out on the Internet. And I will say you should try to find the videos of the automatic sperm extractor, this this amazing Japanese machine, because it is fascinating. Yeah. I think we should share some of these on the cool zone account. Do they have to like like like change? Like I assume they have to like change every time.

Yeah, because you can't clean that. If you watch the video, there's like a there's a rubber pad that like comes out like a like a sea urchin. The thing that the penis goes in is also the capture device. So it is removed with the sperm donation when you take it out. So again, this is funny because come, but there's nothing sinister here.

It's just in the same way that literally everything is, people have like spun it up into a nonsense thing. But because of this beautiful, beautiful story, which I hope we've all gotten to enjoy, I got to do a lot of work on the some of you. If you live, if you've worked in agriculture, you're not going to be surprised that stealing cum is a massive industry. Like it is a there is a lot of money to be made in stealing semen. There's enough money to be made in stealing semen that there are two different official terms that I have found for semen theft. The first is sperm jacking. How can it get better? How can it get better than that?

Oh, Garrison, it gets better because the second the second is spurgling. Oh my gosh. These are like professionals who like come up with these terms, huh? These are. That is a marketing genius. There actually is. I did find in my research, there is one actual Chinese based sperm conspiracy. It's just not a very sinister one. There's this Chinese businessman, Jesse Jabezu, who stole there's this I think it was a Canadian company, no, it was a US company who had

so this is for like bull semen. And one of the things that you want for bull semen is you don't want if you're inseminating cows, you want all of the babies to be female generally, right? Because bulls are not very, with outside of certain specific, if you're like trying to make more breeders or whatever, if you're in industrial agriculture, you don't want any of the boys, right? You just want to keep making those sweet, sweet lady cows that are, you know, more useful to you in a financial sense. So there's a US company that developed a method of before

insemination looking through the sperm and like sorting out the sperm that will make female cows. And that is apparently hard to do. I mean, it sounds like it would be hard to do, right. And this this, this Chinese businessman was like reverse engineering there. It's kind of actually it's basically the same story as Jurassic Park. And anyway, this guy has gotten sued for a bunch of money. He got chased down by a velociraptor cattle. I hope it works out just as well as Jurassic Park. Yeah, it's very funny. I will say there's a couple of really wild lines from this, the CVC story I found.

I'm just gonna read one to you. Zoo's activities could best be described as Machiavellian. At various points, he outlined a plan to make XY, that's the American company, quote, feel all the time the sword of Damocles is on their heads and brag the law is strong, but the outlaws are 10 times stronger. Okay, okay.

This guy is based. Look, Jesse Jabezu, my hero, the sperm bandit, incredible sperm jacker, one of the best spermless in the business. This man lives on an island with his cow wrapped in it. What a hero. There was also a case of a Japanese man who illegally took Wagyu cattle sperm to China

to try to give them sperm. And like the Chinese government immediately caught him and was like, no, this is actually incredibly dangerous. Like you're not allowed to just take animal breeding material into the country without because, you know, there's a wide variety of reasons that that could be end horribly. So he got in a shitload of trouble. Yeah. Anyway, that's my that's my sperm stories, everybody. Thank you for sharing. Yeah,

thank you. Thank you for spiraling my knowledge, Garrison. Hey, everyone, it's john also known as Dr. john Paul, and I'm Jordan or Joe Ho. And we are the black fat film podcast, a podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Oh chat, this year we have had some of our favorite people on including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross, and more. Make sure you listen to the BlackFatFilm Podcast on the iHeartRadio app? Have a podcast or whatever you get your podcast girl.

Oh, I know that's right. Curious about queer sexuality, cruising, and expanding your horizons? Hit play on the sex positive and deeply entertaining podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson-Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising, relationships, and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

New episodes every Thursday. Hey, I'm Gianna Prenti. And I'm Jeme Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline, the early career podcast from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts. One of the most exciting things about having your first real job is that first real paycheck. You're probably thinking, yay, I can finally buy a new phone. Mm-hmm.

But you also have a lot of questions, like how should I be investing this money? I mean, how much do I save? And what about my 401k? Well, we're talking with finance expert Vivian Too, aka Your Rich BFF, to break it all down. I always get roasted on the internet when I say this out loud, but I'm like, every single year you need to be asking for a raise of somewhere between 10 to 15%. I'm not saying you're going to get 15% every single year, but if you ask for 10 to 15 and you end up getting 8, that is actually a true raise.

Listen to this week's episode of Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In the aftermath of a transformative election like the one we just had, it's hard to read the news without asking yourself every five seconds, how did we get here? That's exactly what we're always trying to figure out on Fiasco, a history podcast from the co-creators of Slow Burn. In our first season, Bush v Gore, we examine an unmistakable turning point in American politics, the 2000 election, which came down to a recount in Florida and ended with one of the most controversial rulings in Supreme Court history.

In many ways, it's the beginning of the story we're living through right now. So if you're trying to make sense at the present moment, check out fiasco Bush v. Gore and find out how a statistical tie in the Florida vote count put the nation into an unprecedented holding pattern, during which American voters waited with bated breath to find out whether Al Gore or George W. Bush would be the next president of the United States. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Dr. Lari Santos. I'm a psychology professor at Yale, and I started to notice that a lot of my students weren't all that happy.

So I created a new class. Welcome everybody to Psychology and the Good Life. It became the biggest class in the history of Yale. I'm a little bit surprised to see as many of you as are here, but that's great. But it's not just my students who need to understand the science of well-being. And that's why we launched the Happiness Lab, so you can learn about it too. Are you ready to feel happier? Head to the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,

or if you like to listen. Brought to you by the 2024 Subaru Share the Love event, now through January 2nd. Oh, we're back and James is here to talk to us about the kind of sperm jacking that you do when you don't jack. I'm talking about jacking your own sperm by keeping it inside of you, semen retention.

Yeah, it's it. How was that James? Beautiful, right? Was that unscripted? Did you just like do that? Yeah, didn't even write that. Didn't even write that, Garrison. So on the back of his hand,

he had a brainwave at two in the morning and it got that down. Those are the kind of things you can do when you've been podcasting as long as I can. Rubber's been in the cum space for several years. I've been in those soggy trenches for a long time. All right, we are after all at work, so let me continue. So I'm gonna talk about what happens

when you keep your calm inside you Okay. Yeah, this is a thing What are we doing today? This is critical journalism we are making content Talking of content, let's talk about the content of some Reddit posters. So the what's called the semen retention movement. And this will this will shock many of

you. Began on Reddit dot com. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like so many. I feel like I feel like because no one's getting away with their own Reddit. I I feel like if you type that into your phone,

I feel like if you'd type that into your phone, it would have finished the sentence the same way. Yeah, yeah. What if it's auto directed to reddit.com? Oh, believe me, we're gonna go there, Garrison, because when you Google sperm retention, you do indeed find some stuff on Reddit. So, I'll bet.

Now, they've spun off from Reddit, right? They now have their own organization, which is nofap.com. And nofap.com is a community centered sexual health platform. I'm using I'm allowing them to define themselves here, I guess, designed to help people overcome porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior, which is not necessarily like like the this isn't like not all semen retention as we're gonna learn is based in helping people become addicted to porn. But so far as that is a thing that people actually have.

And if someone was accusing Robert of being addicted to porn on his timeline this weekend. That would be because I keep ratioing Jordan Peterson with the pornography video that he mistakenly posted. That's correct, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just want him to respond so I can ask him, Jordan, tell me in your own words

what you thought was happening in that video. Yeah. Yeah. I really hope he thinks it's like milking. Like they have RFID colors and they get fed based on their production level. That would be great. Yeah.

What did you, you're a medical doctor. Did you think that cum actually worked that way? That you could just stick a sucker on somebody? Anyway. Yeah. Just get it out. Okay. So after this movement began on Reddit.com,

it quickly pivoted to kind of offering all kinds of weird physical and mental health benefits. And that's where it was adopted by friends of the podcast, the Proud Boys. Luckily, we do have a bit of insight into why, into the exact nature of the no-fap fascism that the Proud Boys practice, thanks to Kyle Chaney, who's a Politico reporter, who was reporting on the trial of one of the Proud Boys accused of sedition on January 6th called Zach Rell. That trial, for reasons that I'm not exactly clear on, the Proud Boy, I guess it's like their handbook, like the Proud Boy Bible was introduced, and into the record somebody said... Oh yes, it's in there. Yep, it's in the court record buddy, because what what the lawyers decided that it was pertinent to the case.

So a proud boy may not ejaculate alone more than once in every 30 days. That means he must abstain from pornography during that time. And if he needs to ejaculate, this is really weird. It must be within one yard of a woman. Fascinatingly specific. Yeah, yeah, right. And I like that they've gone with imperial measurements. With her consent, so that's nice,

the woman may not be a prostitute. So that's the proud boy's nature there, no fascism. But I think the way of understanding why some people practice this, perhaps best, is to go onto reddit.com. So I found a post by reddit user u slash monk 19 18 17. It seems like a nice guy and there are 480 upvotes on this. What I did was I went to semen retention and I looked at, you know, sorted by popular posts.

Found this one from a bunch of numbers and popular posts, found this one from a bunch of numbers. And so this guy has nine years of experience with semen retention. So I'm just going to read, I'm presuming his face. Oh boy, what a life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Him and some mugs off the coast of fucking Linds farm. That cannot be healthy.

No, I don't think it is. There is, and we'll get to this evidence that you shouldn't do this. So in his nine years of experience, he has experienced the following things. Seamen, when retained in our bodies, has healing, rejuvenating effects. Loss of semen has the opposite effects. This may not be scientifically proven, but it's proven by experience. That's a red flag.

That's interesting. Getting Reddit medical advice. While attempting any task that demands high physical mental or intellectual abilities, if we are semen retention powered we would actually enjoy the task which would otherwise seem dull. This is called sexual energy transmutation in layman's terms. Oh no. Wait, that's the layman's term? What's the non-layman term? It's got even more, I have no idea, spermazoic fucking fission. So for peak performance it's always necessary to be powered by semen. It would be best to use semen only for regenerative purposes, since nature originally intended it for regeneration and

not use it for sexual purposes apart from to create a child. If not serving that purpose, master whatever techniques are useful in not letting the seed out while having sex. At the end of the day, don't let your seed out like a worthless thing." There's more, so just contain yourself. Okay, great, great. Which is exactly the reason why core religions are based on celibacy. Because opposite of regeneration is degeneration, which will cause a man to fall into a lower state, controlled by his lower nature, rather than when he's subduing it.

We should let semen retention be part of our lives, not something that is done for superpowers. For superpowers are, in my experience, the sudden ecstasy that we feel once we transition from the degenerated to the regenerated state, and that will stabilize after some time, similar to how a flight maintains stable altitude after takeoff. Very similar, actually. Yeah, that's basically the same thing. That's what you can hear when the engines are spinning up. It's just a dude trying really hard not to nut, and it makes that noise. So excited for the next Marvel film

where the superhero gains his power from no- Paul Rudd has to not come so he can get tiny. No fat man. Yeah. So yeah, he didn't, I should add that this person confesses to having lapsed at some point in the nine years. Poser, poser, poser.

Yeah, it. Oh wow. Yeah, yeah, it's stolen. That's like when I learned Lance Armstrong was on steroids. It's just disappointing. Yeah, no one would have seen it coming. See what I did there? Okay, so this person then urges other posters on the Seamen Retention subreddit to not use streaks to outperform others or look better about ourselves or bring others down. The battle

with lust is a lifelong fight. And the more we get better at fighting, yeah, buddy. The more we become better at fighting victories over internal battles, the better we become as high valued men. Hell yeah. I've often wished that, you know, if the if the pandemic hadn't been a thing, and I could force you all to work in a central location, I could have like a wall of murals where I put under each of your faces

a quote from an episode that you've participated in. And James, that would be your quote. The battle against lust is a lifelong struggle. Yeah, that battle. Get some t-shirts knocked up and we can do a fundraiser. We eventually get the calls on media offices. We have a portrait hanging on the wall of each of us with one quote underneath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like on a plaque with a... Yes, yes. When we get the calls. When we take over the meta offices three weeks from now.

There is a marketing company that has been emailing me for about six months telling me how cheap it is to buy a billboard by the side of a road and send a message to a loved one. So maybe, great. Maybe I'll go with a way empowered by semen. The billboard industry's gotta be fucking doing bangerang. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, there will be until I put my positive messages about controlling lust and holding semen inside our bodies. True. And return men to their former glory. So a lot of the Reddit posts rely on a couple of different studies, right? One of these studies measured participants, a lot of what they're doing is they're claiming to increase testosterone, right? Right at the back. Testosterone does have, as Lance Armstrong can tell you, some performance enhancing benefits.

Sure. Yeah, it increases your muscle growth, your recovery from exercise, all that stuff. One of the studies measured participants' testosterone levels at baseline before masturbation and then in 10 minute intervals after masturbation, right? And then they were asked to abstain for three weeks and they came back and they did the process again.

Testosterone was higher in the baseline measurement at the end of the three weeks of abstinence, right? But the sample size was pretty small and there's some theorizing that the boost was actually caused by the anticipated masturbation that they were about to do at the second. They were so ready to come. Yeah, he's got ready to pop after three weeks.

The second study looked at a 45% increase after a few days, seven days of abstinence. But even a study showed this was a temporary peak that returned to normal even with continuing abstinence. So there's just these two studies. They're pretty... They happened a long time ago. We'll post them all in the show notes if you guys want to read more about nofap science. But we should just point out that there is in fact a multitude of evidence, and this is a bad idea, that having sex is actually good for you.

Having sex while trying not to ejaculate is is actually good for you. Having sex while trying not to ejaculate is probably not good for you, probably not good for your relationship either. One would surmise. You can go share into that, whatever. Yeah, if that's your thing. There was a study that investigated the motivation for semen retention among semen retainers. And a lot of it, it seemed like it people were people who felt that like either sex or masturbation was unhealthy or wrong or sinful. And there is evidence to show that like feeling guilty about yourself or living with stress and self-loathing like that is bad for you, right?

And that will reduce your testosterone level. And there's also some evidence to suggest that not ejaculating could give you prostate issues. Which, yes. Yeah, there's, there's, and this is like pretty debatable, like most things that people talk about within regards to coming and health, like you can find some studies like the studies on Testosterone some of them are kind of sketchy anyway Yeah, don't think also come or come either way

You know it's whatever, but if you do have a chance to fuck one of those Alibaba robots. I recommend it You don't pass that up. Let's talk about cum demons. Hell yeah, cum demons. Wait, okay, okay. Hard pivot here from. So, okay. We are not going as far afield from the no fat people

as you would think. Okay. But, all right, now the year is 2020. Everyone on earth has collectively gone insane. This is the summer of 2020. So this is the part of 2020 where fun stuff is happening. This is like late July. Oh, Garrison, that's when we met.

So yeah. We were getting just incredibly poisoned. Yeah. Yeah, we sure were Fun in like 20 years well well well life or death struggle for the sort of the Life or death struggle for the fate of the United States and whether or not people are going to be continuously murdered by the cops Is being waged in the streets? Donald Trump a Donald J. Trump, Donald J.

Trump. Wow. Donald Trump Jr. That one. That's that's that's the Trump. A little Trump here. Yeah. Trumpet. We're, you know, looking for looking looking for their

their their cure to COVID-19 on Twitter. And OK, so as as as we probably all remember, right? The thing that they found was hydroxy. OK, so one of the first ones that they found before before Ivermectin, this they found before before ivermectin this is this is before so much it was it inside of them all along me no this is this is this is hydroxychloroquine a

thing that was probably I hope they weren't full of hydroxychloroquine. I thought it was semen. No no we'll get to that where there's a the road is long but it ends with cum demons we first must walk the road so the road. So the road here is Donald Trump Jr. posts a tweet

saying like this saying this is necessary watching About this video from this doctor named Dr. Stella Emanue. Now, okay, so who is this person? She is part of a, oh, okay, I say part of, she runs this thing called Firepower Ministries, which, thanks to you. Oh, no. So you don't think they're going great. Yeah, yeah, I know, broadly, yeah, okay, cool. I'm good.

She's also part of America's Frontline Doctors, who are this group. Oh, good, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so we've been talking about, cool. I'm good. She's also part of America's frontline doctors who are this group. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. These dipshits. Oh my God. Okay.

So this is this is very, very much in the same vein as I'd architecture 911 truth. They found a bunch of people who technically have medical degrees or like nurses who were like, no, no, vaccines are bad. And hydroxychloroquine is, well, chloroquine, that one. Yeah. It's been a long day. I slept for eight hours, but in like several distinct parts of the day that were not continuous, it's been, things are going great.

You'd have slept better if you'd taken some horse medicine first. Quite possibly. I mean, it's not like it could have gone worse. I guess some catch. So. All right. So so this person's from the very sketchy doctors who are trying to sell like a bunch of random shit to cure COVID.

And okay, so who actually is this person? She is from Cameroon and Dr. Stella Emanue was caught up in the unbelievably sort of like, I mean, yes, objectively right wing, also very, very weird wave of Pentecostalism and Charismatic Christianity that's been sweeping across that part of Africa as part of sort of a, you know, a sort of like a very sort of long range of coordinated effort by right wing Christian missionaries. So, okay, so for people who don't know your Christianity very well, The Pentecostals and the Charismatic Christians are like firmly in the very, very weird camp

of Christians. Like these are, these are the people who do faith healing. One of the very common sort of Pentecostal things is this belief that like, like you just, you talk to God, like God's in your head and you just have conversations with him. Now, unfortunately for like all of us, and this is, you know, a thing that is a not insignificant contributing factor to why the last, I don't know, 10 years have been so bad shit is that like, this originally was kind of an isolated

Pentecostal thing and like the broader evangelicals were like, no, no, no, God only talks to me, like your pastor, like he's probably not like, you're not like having a conversation in your head with like- But that's changed. That's changed, yeah this this shit has this shit has fucking taken over everywhere it's really bad um and these people believe a lot of very very weird stuff so what do I mean okay so like you know she she has like some of the sort of standard like really really hardline like David Ike shit Like she believes that the world's being run by aliens and like reptiles and

like the vaccine has like alien DNA in it to like take over your day. You know, this is like sort of kind of Facebook moments. Alex Jones shit. Yeah, right. OK, but OK, I'm going to read this quote from Will Sumner. This is a quote from one of her sermons. They, which is demons, are responsible for serious gynecological problems, Emmanuel said. We call them all kinds of names.

Entromesias? Entromesias. We call them molar pregnancies. We call them fibroids. We call them cysts. But most of them were evil deposits from spirit husband, Emmanuel said of the medical- Yes!

Yes! No! Yes! God, no! They are responsible for miscarriages, impotence, men that can't get it up So, all right, immediately we have like we have there are several kinds of cum demons here that we're dealing with so There are like there's there's this okay, so a lot of this is drawn from what is a very like a genuinely unbelievably dubious piece of theology. So when I was researching

this, I saw I saw I saw someone there was there was like a religious scholar who was writing this. He was like, oh, I immediately recognized the theology of this. This is from this is from Genesis six. So OK, so I was like, OK, what immediately recognized the theology of this. This is from this is from Genesis six. So OK, so I was like, OK, what the fuck are they talking about? So I went back and I read. OK, so I went back and I read the Genesis and I'm going to read the two. This is this is from Genesis, Chapter six, verses one and two. And I am just going to read these two sentences.

And I am going to see if you two can produce come demons from this. OK. Happy to do so. I mean, I could produce cum demons from almost anything. That is the power. With the right machinery. You know what? I think we know exactly what the right machinery is. We know that we can produce cum demons mechanically.

Our challenge here is to produce them theologically. Okay, I'll try. I will use all of my occult knowledge. We must find a way to evacuate the vast deference of the soul. Okay, so I'm using the King James translation because that's the translation that all these psychos use. translation because that's the translation that all these psychos use. And it came to pass when men began to multiply in the face of the earth and daughters were born onto them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of man that they were fair and they took them wives of all which they chose. Okay. So I, I do know where they're, I do know what, what they are doing. So the sons of God, those would be what? Like fallen angels that have been procreating with women.

Yeah, the Nephilim. Yeah. So this ties into the Book of Enoch stuff, which was made a little bit after Genesis, but it retconned a lot of the creation story. So I can see where they're pulling come demons from, but it is a bit of a stretch. Yeah, you're kind of you could see cum demons in the way that like God's seed. Yeah, you could see it. Yeah, it's that's it is a stretch.

Now, okay, my analysis of this, I think they're pulling this out of their ass. And I think they're pulling this out of their ass. Well, it's cum demons. so yeah, they're priceless. This is so vague and true. I have, it is well known to people who follow me on Twitter that I have an immense and powerful disrespect for theology, but what part of the sons of God, what part of that gets you to demons and not, like, isn't the whole point of Christianity that we are all God's children? Like, is this not a thing that they tell you in every single fucking story?

How do you read that and not think they're talking about people and immediately jump to come demon? Here's what's going on. I can explain this because this is the King's James version. So this was made in a post book of E Enoch world. Around the alleged birth of Jesus, the Book of Enoch got very popular. And this introduced the idea of a fallen angel. The fallen angel isn't really in the Bible at all. It's only in non-biblical Abrahamic texts. So this idea then kind of got planted into a lot of like Catholic mythology as well. So when they're there, they have a distinction between like the sons of like the sons of God versus what was the what was the thing they used to refer to refer to the daughters? The sons of the daughters of men. Exactly. So the daughters are human where the sons came from God.

So that is some type of fallen angel that has been cast down to earth. Yeah, this is so dubious. They are doing a specific thing, but it's a result of a whole bunch of mistranslations and a whole bunch of various Christian and Gnostic texts that have been misinterpreted for thousands of years by the Catholic Church. And it creates a really weird theology that is indistinguishable from like Castlevania. So I blame Martin Luther. This is Martin Luther's fault.

Like the Catholic Church were doing this. Here's the thing. Martin Luther. It was to keep it in high Latin so the proles can't understand. This is what Martin Luther, I specifically, because, okay, so this was already happened. The Catholic Church was already doing this, right. But Martin Luther had a chance to fix this shit. And he was like, do you know what I'm going to do instead of that?

I am going to I'm going to turn against the peasant revolt and I'm going to do I'm going to bring about a level of anti-Semitism that is going to allow me to outflank the Inquisition on the right. He could have been fixing this bullshit. No anti-Semitism. Woo. I got to keep my patron lords in power. He was he was German. Like, there's only so much you can ask.

That's true. Yeah. Well, I'm happy that we can all go to sleep at night worrying about the sons of God and planting semen. Oh, there's also a thing I ever. So that's that's that's come demon type one. Right. That is OK. So those are those are the demons that like they they have. They have sex with women and they produce Nephilim from

or sometimes also you get fucked by Nephilim. There's a lot of sort of conflicting sort of theologian. All that stuff comes from the Book of Enoch. All that stuff is noncanon to the modern Bible. But it's where it's where it comes from fucking Book of Enoch. All that stuff is non-canon to the modern Bible, but it's where it comes from. Fucking Council of Nicaea. Pfft. Okay, but there's also a second,

there's also the second kind of cum demon, right? Which is, these are, well, okay, so succubi and incubi are- Based, here we go, I knew it, I was counting down. I was counting down. You had faith. Yeah. The other kind of demon, so you have your incub your incubi right who are another type of sex demon the incubi fuck men So they can steal their semen and there's there's there's some reason for this

There's another thing that she talks about which is that? There are witches who have like astral spirit sex with men in their sleep And if you're like having a sex dream, it's because you're having astral spirit sex with men in their sleep. And if you're like having a sex dream, it's because you're having astral spirit sex. No, no, yeah. I mean, like Bill Murray, I've experienced that. Oh, no, that was Bill Murray. Sorry, my mistake. I get our lives mixed up often.

Oh, wait, that's understandable. Yes, okay, okay. The cloud, the fog is clearing. I've had sex with too many sex demons. It's a real issue. Okay. So, all right. So we have the sex demons who are trying to impregnate you.

We have the sex demons who are trying to steal your cum. We also have the actual projecting witches, right? And the actual projecting witches are trying to steal people's cum as part of an Illuminati plot to create an even more powerful witch. And the even more powerful witch is going to use gay marriage and children's toys to like destroy the fabric of Western civilization and thus bring about sort of general new world order, etc. I have heard of this.

Honestly, that is some of my witch meetings. Yeah, I'm supposed that is not as far from the backstory to Warhammer 40,000 as it should be. That's very sadly true. I didn't want Warhammer 40,000 to come should be. That's very sadly true. I didn't want Warhammer 40,000 to come into our cum episode if I'm honest. No, it's, I mean, look, there's a lot of people who are interested in both semen retention

and Warhammer 40,000. That's a tight Vendahic ram. Yeah, yeah. They all play ultramarines. That was that's yeah, pretty good. Warhammer forty thousand joke for those of you who play. I also I also learned a couple of days ago that I one of the many crimes of the emperor of forty K was passing off in a Miri Bacara quote is his own.

Oh, yeah, that is that was that was a good bit. That was a really good bit. It's little pieces like that that let you know that Dan Abnett's pretty based. Yeah. That was my favorite part of the book. So funny. That's like, that's literally canon.

I do have like three pages written on testicle tanning. So we should, we should skip a little bit. That's the end of the sex demons. Please, go off. Well okay, the one thing I will add on is that one of the more funny modern versions of these if you go on the Benadryl subreddit, the recreational Benadryl subreddit you can find people who try to take enough Benadryl to have sex with the hat man

which is another form of trying to summon shadow people. You have to explain your terms for people here. The hat man is a tall thin man wearing a hat who appears when you take hallucinogenic doses of Benadryl because you can't afford better drugs because you're 17. Yes. We're younger. And there's some people, some people find the hat man extremely attractive or some of like the female shadow people variants. And they try to they I have I have read multiple reports of people explaining their sexual

experiences with shadow people. Anyways, the president of the United States and his son were promoting this. So this is great. This website, by the way, absolute adventures on here. I'm just reading about how to use Christ's blood as a weapon. Amazing. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. No problems here. Yeah. Do you know who won't steal your semen, everybody? We can't promise that.

I can. I can promise any Any advertiser on this show, I've personally approved to make sure they will not come into your bedroom and steal your semen. Wow. How do you do, how does the approval process work instead of interest? I cannot divulge private companies. They sent Garrison $40.

Hey everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. Hey everyone, it's John also known as Dr. John Paul and I'm Jordan or Joe Ho and we are the BlackFatFilm Podcast. A podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Oh, chat. This year we have had some of our favorite people on including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross, and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Fam podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast,

or whatever you get your podcast, girl. Ooh, I know that's right. Curious about queer sexuality, cruising, and expanding your horizons? Hit play on the sex positive and deeply entertaining podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising, relationships, and culture in the new iHeart podcast,

Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeart Radio app, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday. Hey, I'm Gianna Prenti.

And I'm Jeme Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline, the early career podcast from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts. One of the most exciting things about having your first real job is that first real paycheck. You're probably thinking, yay, I can finally buy a new phone.

But you also have a lot of questions. Like how should I be investing this money? I mean, how much do I save? And what about my 401k? Well we're talking with finance expert Vivian Too, aka Your Rich BFF, to break it all down. I always get roasted on the internet when I say this out loud, but I'm like, every single year you need to be asking for a raise of somewhere between 10 to 15%.

I'm not saying you're going to get 15% every single year, but if you ask for 10 to 15 and you end up getting eight, that is actually a true raise. Listen to this week's episode of Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In the aftermath of a transformative election like the one we just had, it's hard to read the news without asking yourself, every five seconds, how did we get here?

That's exactly what we're always trying to figure out on Fiasco, a history podcast from the co-creators of Slow Burn. In our first season, Bush v. Gore, we examine an unmistakable turning point in American politics, the 2000 election, which came down to a recount in Florida and ended with one of the most controversial rulings in Supreme Court history. In many ways, it's the beginning of the story we're living through right now. So if you're trying to make sense at the present moment, check out Fiasco, Bush v. Gore, and find out how a statistical tie in the Florida vote count put the nation into an unprecedented

holding pattern, during which American voters waited with bated breath to find out whether Al Gore or George W. Bush would be the next president of the United States. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos. I'm a psychology professor at Yale, and I started to notice that a lot of my students weren't all that happy. So I created a new class. Welcome everybody to psychology and the good life. It became the biggest class in the history of Yale.

I'm a little bit surprised to see as many of you as are here, but that's great. But it's not just my students who need to understand the science of well-being. And that's why we launched the Happiness Lab, so you can learn about it too. Are you ready to feel happier? Head to the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or if you like to listen. Brought to you by the 2024 Subaru Share the Love event, now through January 2nd. We are going to close off by talking about sperm and testosterone, two of our favorite topics for this episode for some reason.

About a year ago, a trailer on Fox News dropped for a new batch of Tucker Carlson originals, titled The End of Men. It opens with the text that reads, In the current year, the cycle continues. Once a society collapses, then you're in hard times. Well, You're in hard times. Well, hard iron sharpens iron, as they say, and those hard times inevitably produce men who are tough, men who are resourceful, men who are strong enough to survive. And then they go on to reestablish order, and so the cycle begins again. Now, there's a few funny things about this video, from the ripped shirtless dudes milking cows to wrestling each other and shooting bottles of canola oil. At the gun range they're just shooting like 10 bottles of canola oil for some reason. Maybe they're into the Mussolini stuff,

you know, he was a big fan of Canola Roll. By, by far the most bizarre. I suspect they're shooting the Canola because it's like a seed oil thing, they think that like seed oil, so it's a weird right wing thing. Seed oils are like sucking out your testosterone anyway. It's something very silly, but by far the most bizarre thing in this trailer is a shot of a naked man with outstretched arms like Jesus on the cross style standing in front of a lake at dusk with a white machine shining a glowing red light on his dick. What? And again, it's a powerful image at the climax of the music from 2001 a space odyssey There's this there's this man facing balls first in front of this large red light at the end of this trailer. I

You should never have been any cause on our podcast or on Fox News for anyone to say the line After the end of the climax of the music from 2001 a space od Odyssey. Oh, that's the thing we're objecting to from this episode. That's the line. Yeah. Yeah. Because it shouldn't have climaxed. It lost its power in that moment. Considering both like the one sec James, that was a very good joke. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for seeing me, buddy. Yeah. So considering both like the text at the beginning and then some of the narration that we just heard in the trailer, they're kind of doing this weird like Kali Yuga thing, right?

Yeah, that is a bit of a bit of what's going on here because Kali Yuga. Again, you can listen to our episodes on Savitri Devi for a little more information about this, but it's like this weird right-wing Cont like quasi apocalyptic concept that evolved during an intermix between some of the early nazis and some of the people who are currently Behind the present leader of india. It's it's way too esoteric and weird to get into but it's one of the things that like the real Yeah, the real fucked into. But it's one of the things that like the real. Yeah, the real fucked up. I like it. We're not going to get into it too much, but I think the previous

November unsettling that it wound up adjacent to a Tucker Carlson episode because it's some like weird esoteric Nazi wizard shit. Yes. And that previous November, Joe Rogan posted a Kali Yuga meme, which went viral. It's about how hard times create strong men, which create good times, which lead to weak men, which create hard times. It's a fucking silly, his, his, his, the, uh, the accompanying text on the Instagram post that, that Rogan did said, civilizations move in predictable cycles.

We are in the Kali Yuga, the age of conflict. All of the chaos we're seeing right now is predicted in Hinduism thousands of years ago." So Rogan was probably just like parroting something that he heard from one of his many fashy or new agey friends, which considering Rogan's social circle, that could very well just be the same person. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. One of his fucking sparring buddies is either friends with a Nazi

or just stumbled upon a fucking the wrong podcast and then told him that when they were smoking weed. And, you know, that's I mean, that's honestly too. It's problematic because of his platform. But that's how I learned everything about Esoterica that I learned when I was in my 20s. Was some I was smoking weed with some sketchy dude who was going places you shouldn't have been on the internet. So a few months after Rogan posted this meme we have Tucker Carlson making this whole mini series surrounding this hard times creates strong men kind of trend. It's

taking cues from the online manosphere and Tucker posited that weak unmanly men are leading to the collapse of civilization, and a hardening of men is necessary to save it. According to Tucker, one of the threats to manhood is a quote-unquote total collapse in testosterone levels amongst men in recent years. And the solution goes beyond just your typical like anti-soy crusading that Tucker has done in the past. Now Tucker has turned to the cutting-edge science of bromeopathic medicine as advocated for by a quote-unquote fitness professional named Andrew McGovern who touts

that infrared light and testicle tanning is this deus ex machida for plummeting T levels in men. So obviously half the viewers right now are like what that's testicle tanning that's crazy but my view is okay testosterone levels like crash and nobody says anything about it. That's crazy. So why is it crazy to seek solutions? It's not crazy to seek solutions. And I think I was recently exposed to a term called bromeopathy. And I think there's a lot of people out there right now that are don't trust the mainstream information.

This TV special is constantly referred to as a documentary. So surely you would expect Tucker to try and interview scientists or anyone with expertise on this topic. Not Tucker. Of course not, actually, not the case. No one expects Tucker to talk to anyone serious. Andrew McGovern, our bromeopathic hero, works as a personal trainer at Lifetime Fitness

in Columbus, Ohio. Oh my God. And he hasn't even been a trainer for very long. About a decade ago. Not even a good one. About a decade ago, he was the manager of an Abercrombie and Fitch store in Miami. Oh, perfect.

Yes. Okay, now, that's where I get all of my descriptions from. Is it guy who looks at the Abercrombie and Fitch store? Wait, and, but in Miami. Yeah. Hey, if you want to get Trin, that's where you get Trin. Yeah, yeah, that is, that type of dude is emerging here. As of 2017, he was the director of operations

for Petland Retail Stores. Duh! That just keeps getting funnier. But, but- This guy's resume is highly amusing. But Tucker, being a competent journalist, did not just interview one person, however. Kid Rock was brought on to be the sole voice of reason.

You know, Garrison, you laugh, but Kid Rock is the other person I've gotten prescription drugs from, so. Real bastion in the platonic cave of men stands Kid Rock and a guy from Abercrombie and Fitch. We must only be their shadows. Dude, stop testicle tanning. Come on. I haven't heard Testicle tanning. Come on. I mean, I haven't heard anything that good in a long time. Open your mind, Bobby.

I'm starting a punk rock band, and it's called testicle tanning. That's the end of it. I mean, don't you think at this point, when so many of the therapies, the paths they've told us to take, have turned out to be dead ends that have really hurt people, why wouldn't open-minded people seek new solutions? I don't know what the hell is going on in this world. I'm not even sure if I understood that question, but some days I just want to stop this planet and let me off.

Kid Rock did not buy into testicle tanning the same way Tucker seemed to. Oh God, is Kid Rock going gonna be the voice of reason? That's what I said! I said he was brought out to be the sole voice of reason. But we thought you were joking, because it's Kid Rock. I thought you were joking. I didn't believe you!

No, he's the only person that doesn't buy it. Kid Rock stands with science. It is indeed sweet home Alabama all summer long. Tucker was not the first person to advocate for testicular tanning as the solution to an allegedly problematic dip in testosterone levels. Dating back to 2015, you can find articles online such as, quote, former MLB player Gabe Kapler says, men who want to get stronger should tan their testicles from complex.

And, quote, I put a giant red light on my balls Kapler says men who want to get stronger should tan their testicles from complex and quote I put a giant red light on my balls to triple white testosterone levels from the men's health 2017 is that written by Ben Greenfield by any chance because he normally pops up with these things which which which one Have the the men's health one. Let me let me say guy. I inject a dick to make it bigger I have it in my show notes here. This was written by someone named Ben Greenfield. Oh, look at that fucking jackpot! Whoa, this bellend has won it. James, so proud of you today, buddy.

I'm so happy we have you on our team. James, are you taking performance enhancing drugs for this podcast? Sadly, Robert, I'm not. This is so funny. We have stepped into a gold mine of contact with Ben Greenfield, the guy who injected his own dick with stem cells to make it bigger. That's so funny. Oh man.

I urge you, I compel you, if you have any free time in your day, just Google Ben Greenfield penis. There will be several articles that are supposed to be reputable outlets that will just fucking make you unwell. Well, that is great to hear. But despite not being the first person to talk about testicular tanning, Tucker was certainly the most impactful. After the airing of The End of Men, testicular tanning showed a seven thousand increase in relative search interest on Google and thirty thirty five thousand increase in tweets on the topic.

Now surely some of these things are stuff like what are you making fun of it. Right. So I'm sure is a lot of you. But a lot of it is also a lot of it's also people who are just talking about it genuinely. But a lot of it is also a lot of it's also people who are just talking about it genuinely To quote a study published in a JM IR a dermatology publication Quote the promotion of testicular tanning generated significant public interest in an evidence-lacking and potentially dangerous health trend Dermatologists and other health care professionals should be aware of these new viral health trends to best

consultations and combat health misinformation unquote like, in terms of actual data, a 2017 meta-analysis of studies on sperm counts found that in North America, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, men's sperm counts have declined by about 50% between 1973 and 2011. Now, these results have not been enough to really cause broad concern unless you're like a right wing influencer for men, because there doesn't really seem to be an equal drop in testosterone levels. The problems mankind has had on the whole. Not enough semen per cum shot is not one of them. Yes. And, and like compared to previous decades, there is this maybe like a 20% decrease in

total testosterone levels amongst adolescent and young adult males, but that's highly fluctual and it's impacted heavily by diet. It's suspected that pollution and environmental degradation are also suspected of being contributing factors with plastics like phthalate being known to interfere with the production of hormones like testosterone. But this this area of research is still heavily contested, but still that has not stopped fitness YouTubers and conservative influencers from tying this to like the soy boy feminization of men and drumming up panic to grow their social media followings, sell their supplements and advertise affiliate products. The creme de la creme of red lights for testicular tanning is the Juv-Lite. Juv

is a light therapy panel company which sells these LEDs. They're like this upscale wellness brand. The smallest model they have costs over a thousand dollars with the full body ones going for around ten grand. This is when you know it's a grift. If someone is telling you that they need to sell you sunlight they are having a fucking laugh. Our friend Ben Greenfield advocates quote advocates that you spend the big bucks on juice, lest you quote, fry your balls to a crisp with a cheap knockoff.

You wouldn't want to do that, would you? This is unwise. Yeah, it seems like it's maybe a bad idea. I can teach you how to cook your balls safely without spending any money at all. Get a pair of AA batteries, take them right out of your remote control. You stick the active end in a bottle of water and then you put your hand on your testicles and it'll complete the circuit and power your testicles up with electricity, which you can

then ejaculate instead of cum. They'll probably give you superpowers, too. Almost certainly, Garrison. Legally, this is not a recommendation to do this. If you do this, that shit's not on us. You did that on your own volition. Please do not connect batteries to your dick. To quote that JMIR study evaluating the public's interest into secular tanning, quote, the

interest in this topic may be partially explained by the immense attention and advertising men's sexual health and hormone replacement or hormone enhancing therapies receive in the US. Although subsequent media coverage largely disfavored testicular tanning due to lacking evidence of potential dangers, other health influencers came to defend and encourage the practice of testicular tanning

specifically by using UV light. As an example, here is a clip from fitness YouTuber Elliot Hulsey's Strength Camp with 1.7 million followers. increased testosterone. Now you can drop your drawers and let your balls get kissed by the sun, or you can try one of these light panels to roast my nuts and be more manly. A 1939 study suggests that UV light exposure to your testicles increases testosterone by 200%. If you wanna join me in this experiment, you can find one of these bad boys at CozyHealth.com. Then just go to personallabs.com,

get your blood tested, get your testosterone, then after 8-12 weeks, check it again and find out if the nutrusting really works. So this whole idea goes back to this one 1939 study. 1939? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lots of good science in 1939, man. And if there's one thing I trust, it's science from 1939. Yep.

Got any comments on race in this study? So this study was published in the journal Endocrinology, and it found that frequent UV irritation to the genitals increased urinary and drosterone, a metabolite of testosterone, increased these levels by nearly 200% quote unquote. Now, you'll be shocked to learn that there may be problems with this study. Guess how many test subjects were included in this in this study? I'm going to be generous and say eight. So Mia says eight. James and Greenfield, just one. One. You say one. Robert, how many how many do you think are in the study?

Geez, I think like seven was sacred to the Nazis, so I'm gonna say that. Five, a grand total of five people are in the study. Wow, I gave them too much credit. They had to pick the sacred discordian number, bullshit. Three of them are 54 years old and have manic depressive psychosis. The other two are 20.

Honestly, not a bad, not a representative sample for Tucker's audience. I was about to say the same thing. This is actually who watches his show. The the other two are 28 and 45 and have a quote psychopathy with depressive features, which is very old, old timey term. Everyone on Twitter, etc, etc. But I think what actually happened is I think they did this study at an asylum and just found people with depressive psychosis to do the study on. It's just these five, these five regular people.

No no individual graft results were produced. It only showed the quote unquote typical reaction. And there wasn't even a control group for the study. It was good science. Why bother? Not to mention there's many problems with like measuring testosterone in the first place because it changes broadly day to day and by age.

And it's very kind of unreliable. To quote the JMIR study again, quote, beyond this questionable study, research has shown that exposure to UV radiation may increase sex steroid hormone levels. However, these studies either do not include human participants, or do not specifically evaluate UV radiation exposure to the genitals. There is there is not a single other study since then that has done anything resembling like peer reviewed science. You know why? Everybody go to go to go fund me help cool zone determine whether or not testicle tanning works and we'll get that control group.

Okay, so my other question about this aren't aren't all these people getting fucking ball cancer We are we are Because yes, you may think that shining UV lights on your balls might have some long-term problems Yeah, it's great that Lance Armstrong's come back to the episode again so vice interviewed Seth Cohen, a urologist, and the director of the sexual dysfunction program at NYU Langdon Health. Quote, I'm not aware of any science or data or any journal publications proving that red light therapy improves male testosterone.

And quote, we change recommendations on medical therapies based on a double blind placebo controlled randomized trials, large studies with thousands of patients. That's where you'll find if there's any really statistical significance between red light therapy and a placebo. Could these men who underwent red light therapy and came out and felt stronger and more manly, could that have been a placebo effect? Of course it could." And as Mia mentioned, we have not really even gotten into the potential dangers yet.

Close direct heat to your testicles actually damages sperm count on top of the risk of giving yourself ball cancer by blasting concentrated UV light on your genitals for 20 minutes a day every day of the week, which is what is recommended. And she's great to the to quote that study one last time. Quote, research shows that excessive exposure to UV radiation may lead to higher rates of genital tumor formation and decreased sperm counts as sperm to genesis is temperature dependent. Thus, given the current obsession with optimizing male hormone levels, the high cost of red light therapy, and misleading information labeling of testicular tanning by prominent

influencers, there may be an increase in men exposing themselves to UV radiation and developing associated complications." Unquote. Right. Heroic. So, almost done here. But man, it's pretty funny that all of the worst people you know are going to get cancer.

Yeah, don't stop them. Yeah, I you know, there was a period of time in my life when I said where I will never wish cancer on anybody. But if you are deliberately exposing your testicles for the sun and to the sun in the hope of getting superpowers because of Nazi science. It's OK. It's OK. Like, I'm not going to mourn that. To be fair, that I did that I did 39 study was from the United States.

So it could be not talking about the other Nazi science. Oh, yes. You can stop. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. And I think I think a part of this whole narrative of the total collapse of men's testosterone levels, as Tucker puts it, is- Man, I fucking wish! Yeah.

It would make my life so much easier. But I think this is more about men in power feeling that their position of assumed superiority is being threatened. Really, all of our quack science and conspiracy theory stories today all revolve around this like subliminal dog whistle. It's no mistake that Tucker titled his program, The End of Men. In all the stories we're covering today, it is the fear of emasculation that is the hook

used to drum up fear and anger about how liberal feminism is eroding manhood. It targets some of young men's sexual insecurities while promoting this like anti-woke return to the old ways of rugged masculinity. Yeah, I might add because I think you're missing one aspect of it. I think you're identifying what he's signaling to his listeners and what they get out of it. But I also think that what he and the other folks who are kind of in positions of power and influence in the right get out of it. But I also think that what he and the other folks who are kind of in positions of power and influence in the right get out of this. Cause they're not, they don't believe this. They're not actually motivated by that.

No. What this is and what, cause we do not know specifically why like testosterone rates maybe lower, why sperm counts are definitely lower, but it likely has to do with a massive variety of industrial pollutants in the environment. And with the fact that industrial agriculture and the process nature of a lot of our foods

is having a negative impact on all of these things. Like it's consequences of capitalism, right? And because the consequences are getting increasingly hard to ignore, the thing that people like that need to do is find either a cure for them or another way to blame or another thing to blame them on. Right? And so if the aspect, the things that are horribly unhealthy about the society that

we have built is causing men to suffer consequences in their bodies, the thing to do on the right is to blame that shit on the liberals emasculating men and the solution is whatever kind of shit we can sell you, right? Like that's what's going on here. That's the motivation. And it happens outside of like, man shit too. Like that's all the right has anymore. Like their economic theories have been proven disastrously wrong. They have no actual ability to govern in a meaningful way, other than by causing harm to people. So it's entirely about taking the consequences of the world that they

advocate and blaming them on someone else and selling you snake oil to deal with it. Yeah, exactly. And so that is, that is most of the, of the testicular tanning fun that I got into this morning. We haven't even covered all the things that Ben Greenfield did to his dick in 2017. We'll get back on this subject,

but it is time for us to end. This is already over an hour. So I wanna leave you all, all of you beautiful. First, I wanna thank all of our beautiful correspondents for their research. And I wanna leave all of you with this simple piece of advice. If you feel like your testicles aren't getting enough solar radiation, simply purchase a glass cutter and an old microwave, cut a circular

hole in the microwave bag it while it's on, you'll be okay. That is our legally binding health advice. That's the end of the episode. It Could Happen Here is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from Cool Zone Media, visit our website, coolzonedia.com, or check us out on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can now find sources for It Could Happen Here listed directly in episode descriptions. Thanks for listening. Hey everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul.

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