It Could Happen Here - The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch: How to Build a Haven, Part 1: The Siege

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

James starts off a four part series on the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch, a trans haven in Colorado which came under attack in 2021.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You should probably keep your lights on for Nocturnal Tales from the Shadowbride. Join me, Danny Trejo, and step into the flames of fright. An anthology podcast of modern-day horror stories inspired by the most terrifying legends and lore of Latin America. Listen to Nocturnal on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast, and we're kicking off our second season digging into tech's elite and how they've turned Silicon Valley into a playground for billionaires. From the chaotic world of generative AI to the destruction of Google search, Better Offline is your unvarnished and at times unhinged look at the underbelly of tech

brought to you by an industry veteran with nothing to lose. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever else you get your podcasts from. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Eliane Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi everyone, it's James. I just wanted to explain why you're only going to hear my voice in the first episode, but you're going to hear Garrison in the other episodes as well. And that's because I went to Tenacious Unicorn Ranch twice, once during the period that we're going to call the siege, and once again in the summer of 2022. And so the part that only I experienced, only I'm going to talk about. We felt that was the most honest way to do it. I hope you enjoy it. I have worked on this for a very long time. Hard Scrabble Pass in southern Colorado in the winter.

It's not where you'd expect to start a story that's fundamentally about the internet. But it's where a four-wheel slid a rental car in the spring of 2021. If you remember back then, Biden had just been inaugurated, some chuds had stormed the Capitol, and vaccines were gradually being administered across the country. Less remarkably, Frontier Airlines had taken forever to find my damn bag, and I was trying being administered across the country. Less remarkably, Frontier Airlines had taken forever to find my damn bag, and I was trying to get there before dark. About a week before, I'd seen a tweet. I followed this natious unicorn ranch because I

grew up as a farm kid who didn't really slide quite as easily as others did into the super macho stuff, and I certainly didn't slide anywhere near conservative politics. What the ranchers were doing, building a queer haven and anarchist alpaca farming co-op, inspired me. I'd been missing country life a lot during the pandemic, and I wanted to get out onto the ranch. But that wasn't really why I was driving an inappropriate rental car through a whiteout. I was doing that because I'd seen this tweet. And that tweet said the ranch was under attack and they needed help. The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch is under attack by local bigots and militia. They have threatened violence publicly to us and those that help or associate with us. They have encroached on our property, armed, at night, with the intent to harm those of us that live here. We need help. That's where this story starts for me.

It's where this story starts for a few characters you're going to hear this week. But it's not where the story really starts. It starts with Penelope Logue, who we'll call Penny, working at a big box store and dealing with increasing transphobia, both online and in person, in the early Trump era. Penny's a veteran and a country girl, and she was looking to get out of the city. Along with her partners, Kat and Jen, she decided to rent some land and set up farming

rescued alpacas. So we started in Livermore, Colorado, which is on the whole entire other side of the state. And it really was a reaction to what was happening to the queer community. Um, not only locally, but kind of what we were seeing nationally when about two years into the Trump presidency where things were just getting really bleak and dire for the majority of people that we hung out with. Um,

we, we were originally going to try to like, just make a, uh, make a bus that was roadworthy and we could live in and just kind of be nomadic, but we couldn't really on board and help other people that way. Like that was really just, it would have been hard to have the cats we have.

Yeah. Yeah. We also had like, even at that point we had like four cats, so it was, or two, three cats, whatever. It was two at the time, but too many for um well and dogs and whatever so so we uh so i had always wanted to do a homestead and i grew up uh farming and ranching so it was very natural for me um and so we found a ranch that we could rent in livermore um and me cat and jen um just uh kind of set out to start somewhere that was a haven for queer people,

but also a home for us, you know. It turns out the United States is in something of an alpaca crisis. The animals were once extremely fashionable, and herds popped up all over the West in the 1980s. Now, that generation of alpaca ranchers are aging out of the hard physical labor that makes about every day on a ranch, and their alpacas are often left to their own devices. The unicorns, as the people in the valley call them, adopt these alpacas, which are often neglected and care for them. They refeed them slowly, so they won't die from the bloat that comes from refeeding too fast, and they sell their f fiber as yarn. Gradually, with a ton of hard work and a growing community, they built their ranch into a sustainable operation. But as the

herd grew, and their unfortunate rental agreement became clearer, they decided they needed a different ranch, and so they moved across the state to Westcliff. And it was a rented ranch that we were trying to rent to own. We thought we were renting to own actually. And then that rug got pulled out from underneath us. Like they just, they just, when we went to purchase it, they were just like, no, you haven't been renting to own. You've just been renting. And wouldn't an additional a hundred thousand dollars. So it was like, yeah, right.

We had to move right as COVID was getting bad in America. So like March of 2020, that was fun. I was like, yeah, it was, it was the worst and best move all, all at the same time because the roads were fucking empty. Like if quarantine was in full effect,

so the roads were empty. So we were traveling with trailers full of animals on empty roads. And then after like the restrictions lightened and we got used to what like the normal traffic flow was, we were like, fuck this. Like, uh,

but it was cool. Like having everything shut down. We couldn't like, the big problem was we couldn't rent anything because every rental place had shut down. And so the, The big problem was we couldn't rent anything because every rental place had shut down. And so really it was like the beginnings of like the community for us, right? It was like we tapped friends and comrades to help.

Social media. Yeah, and everybody really stepped up and helped with that move. So it was cool. Westcliff's where I met them. It's a beautiful town in the Sangre de Cristos. In the summer, it's full of tourists taking weekend trips to the mountains and eating ice cream. And in the winter, it's quiet, snow-covered, beautiful, and absolutely freezing.

In March of 2021, I drove through the town in the afternoon, in what I figured was an inconspicuous manner. Everyone else who visited the ranch that month had picked up a tale. Aside from a few strange looks, I think I got through okay. I took a long, lonely, winding road through the valley and then turned down a dirt road toward the ranch. Penny met me at the gate in a plate carrier with a rifle. We briefly hugged, and then I quickly parked my car outside the dome that the growing queer community at the ranch called home. It was a profoundly strange experience. Inside the house was full of warmth, conversation, and laughter. People enjoying each other's company and enjoying being out of the biting wind and snow. Outside was cold. We wore plate carriers and the ranchers carried long guns. I carried a camera, a GoPro and an IFAK.

And then, dressed in battle rattle, we broke the ice on the alpaca drinking tanks and tried to stop the recently adopted animals from refeeding too quickly. I walked and talked with Penny and Jay, another of the unicorns whose story we'll get to later, about the stress that the increasing threats to them had had on them but first we met the animals we have sheeps we have goats we have of course alpaca we have ducks and chickens um day-to-day doggers yeah lots of dogs five pyrenees which are livestock guardian dogs and a couple of blue healers, rescues, and my dog, Starbuck, and... Eight kitties.

Oh, yeah, eight cats. Yep. But the vast majority are the alpacas. Yeah. It might sound idyllic, and in many ways it is idyllic. But the work on the ranch never stops, and sick alpaca need tending to almost constantly. Even during the siege, which we will get to soon, I promise.

There was a lot that volunteers could help with, but animal husbandry wasn't on the list. So even after long nights patrolling their ranch, cold and afraid, Penny and Jay often had to take it in turns looking after old animals with bloat, as they labored to breathe. Here's one that I recorded. Can you set that down and help me stand her up?

Because we're just going to see if we can get her to walk. All right, if you'll run it. Okay. I know, I know, I know. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. My feels are burping.

Good. Mix that bait and soda in there. Mix that baking soda in there. Gotta walk, baby. That's part of this. I know. That's part of this, though. Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, baby. You can't do that. It's all right, love. It's all right. Well, if you're not gonna walk walk my love, I gotta do this. I know it hurts. Yeah, okay. Let's get you in the cushion. Yeah.

There you go. It's okay. There, that's a good burp. There. There. Sounded like there was a little bit more movement. Yeah, I'm getting the feeling that they probably didn't even start asking for help until the weakest of their herd was actually dying in the old field. The story about how we got from a thriving and happy ranch community, built on the anarchist principle of mutual aid and solidarity, to what the unicorns called the siege, is a story that's about lies, bigotry, and the internet.

But it's hard to think about those things too much at a ranch. Because in the two trips I've taken, I felt nothing but incredible sense of love, solidarity, and supportive community. If you've engaged with the story of the ranch at all, perhaps following Tenacious Unicorn Ranch online, it's probably because of the siege. But I don't want this to be a story that's just about guns, bigotry, and community defense. I also want it to be a story about how, long before the siege began, the community at the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch realized that nobody was coming to save them, and so they decided to save themselves. Welcome, I'm Danny Thrill. Won't you join me at the fire and dare enter? Dendrel, won't you join me at the fire and dare enter?

Nocturnum, Tales from the Shadows, presented by iHeart and Sonorum. An anthology of modern day horror stories inspired by the legends of Latin America. From ghastly encounters with shapeshifters, to bone-chilling brushes with supernatural creatures. I know you. Take a trip and experience the horrors that have haunted Latin America since the beginning of time. Listen to Nocturnal Tales from the Shadows as part of my Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hola, mi gente. It's Honey German, and I'm bringing you Gracias, Come Again, the podcast where we dive deep into the world of Latin culture, musica, peliculas, and entertainment with some of the biggest names in the game. If you love hearing real conversations with your favorite Latin celebrities, artists, and culture shifters, this is the podcast for you.

We're talking real conversations with our Latin stars, from actors and artists to musicians and creators, sharing their stories, struggles, and successes. You know it's going to be filled with chisme laughs and all the vibes that you love. Each week, we'll explore everything from music and pop culture to deeper topics like identity, community,

and breaking down barriers in all sorts of industries. Don't miss out on the fun, el té caliente, and life stories. Join me for Gracias Come Again, a podcast by Honey German, where we get into todo lo actual y viral. Listen to Gracias Come Again on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast, and we're kicking off our second season digging into how Tex Elite has turned Silicon Valley into a playground for billionaires. From the chaotic world of generative AI to the destruction of Google search, better offline is your unvarnished and at times unhinged look at the underbelly of tech from an industry veteran with nothing to lose. This season I'm going to be joined by everyone from Nobel-winning economists to leading journalists in the field, and I'll be digging into why the products you love keep getting worse

and naming and shaming those responsible. Don't get me wrong, though. I love technology. I just hate the people in charge and want them to get back to building things that actually do things to help real people. I swear to God things can change if we're loud enough. So join me every week to understand

what's happening in the tech industry and what could be done to make things better. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts. Check out betteroffline.com. Yeah, sure, they want to kill us. And they say it routinely. But we're the ones with the victim comments.

Yeah, but when we, like, call it out, you know um i.e hey stop killing us not even like fuck you just hey like could you just like lay off the whole killing us thing um there's like maybe follow jesus's teachings and not kill us you fucked him fuck it unapp like fucking unsympathetic victim screaming trainees like no it's like oh all right so no is the answer no you can't stop killing us good good excellent maybe time to get guns now the day i slip slid my way across hardscrabble past in my not so trusty nissan almera was the same day that a gunman walked into a supermarket in Boulder, Colorado,

and killed ten people with an AR pistol. My social media feed was filled with the sadly all-too-common reactions to these all-too-common mass murders that happen in this country. But the next day, I saw people flooding gun shops in a fear that the state would begin enforcing stricter gun control laws. It didn't. As I edit this draft, another young man, with another gun, has walked into a gay bar in Colorado Springs, about an hour from the ranch. It's an intensely conservative city that hosts

focus on the family. You'll know by now that the Club Q shooting resulted in the death of five people, including two trans people, and injured 21 more. I'll be honest with you, it felt a bit weird driving through Colorado to write a story about guns that was broadly positive, and in a sense it still does today, but the reason this story about guns is positive really has very little to do with guns, and everything to do with people. It's really solely about solidarity, more than it is about AR-15s, but some people will never get past the AR-15s enough to see that. In case you missed it or you caught one of the reports at the time that seemed to skim

over the fact that the rioters were out, we should give an account of the siege up top here so you understand what happened. Understanding why it happened, that's another episode, so for now, just understand that some boomers logged into their social media and the queer elimination rhetoric we've reported so much about overlapped with their small community in a valley in the San Gregor Cristo mountains. And this was a result. Things started as they often do these days online, with a throwaway comment about a parade in town. The girls didn't really know that they'd moved into the reddest county in colorado at the time lauren bobert was their congressperson but soon they started to get an idea of what some

people pretty small minority of people as it turned out thought about them so it started on facebook like honestly like we started seeing more comments and people getting weird about it and then there was literally to this day, I will still say it was a fascist fucking parade. You're talking about July 4th, 2020, 2020. They had a fascism,

like the local fascist did a fascism. And we observed this by accident because we were like, Oh, a parade that doesn't sound interesting. But we did go into town to get some coffee and ran smack into a fascist parade and fascist and what what sort of like so presentory things made you read it as fascist in the most like like direct way like there was christian nationalist flags three percenter flags confederate flags carried by armed white people screaming about the government and the libs and the queers.

Like it was a, they did a fascist. In the footage, there's that one guy with a shirt that says, I know things and own guns or something like that. And shoot things. And shoot things. Completely missing the point of that quote. I know and shoot things. Yeah. It was a overtly hard right sponsored parade that was supposed to be like hard like that.

Like it was like set up as a protest because of the COVID restrictions. They weren't letting people have a parade. And this was their answer to that. And so really all we did was call that out on Twitter. We were like, wow, like there's a fascist parade in West Clifton. We'll come back to this parade next episode. It's organized by a local newspaper, which is, to be perfectly frank, the most batshit crazy boomer brain worm thing I've ever seen in print. It was an open carry event where militias from across the US

come to open carry unloaded guns for reasons that we can't really pin down. Soon, the unicorns calling out the parade on Twitter set keyboard fingers clicking. I've said fingers here, but these people give off a distinct single finger typing vibe, if I'm honest. The first thing that we noticed was the tails. We started getting tailed from points that everybody, that we were very public about frequenting, uh, like Peregrine coffee and chappies. We started getting,

picking up tails, uh, from those points routinely. Um, and that, so like people like following you. Yeah. Yeah. Not very covertly in the same

three vehicles and they wouldn't just follow us anyone that they figured out knew us yeah anybody that announced on any social media platform that they were coming to see us they would then follow and then it really got it became super into the physical world when 9 News, well, 9 News did a piece on us in which the sheriff's department came up because they were mass reporting us for animal abuse. A lot of the harassment came from a website you're probably familiar with now, but maybe you wouldn't have been back then. It might have been Kiwi Farms. Kiwi Farms and locals. You don't have to say their names. Yeah, if we could blank out

but it's one of those things where like cis people don't even know that kiwi farms exist and more people need to fucking know because it's it's it's ridiculous at some point they already harass us we've done a couple of episodes i don't want to give them attention but like i don't know i don't know whatever you think is best that is worth mentioning i think yeah it's an entire forum dedicated to harassing trans people that get any sort of popularity, ruining their lives

as best they can with the stated goal of making trans people kill themselves. Yeah. And there's a lot of members. Notable TERFs are part of it. Everyone has found

this website now and people need to know at least that it exists. It's a truly awful cesspool of humanity. They spend all of their time obsessing over trans people it seems like it's worth naming them but please save yourself the time and don't click over there it's nothing good soon things got more real

welcome i'm danny thrill won't you join me at the fire and dare enter? Nocturnum, Tales from the Shadows, presented by iHeart and Sonora. An anthology of modern day horror stories inspired by the legends of Latin America. From ghastly encounters with shapeshifters to bone-chilling brushes with supernatural creatures. I know you. Take a trip and experience the horrors that have haunted Latin America since the beginning of time.

Listen to Nocturnal Tales from the Shadows as part of my Cultura podcast network available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast, and we're kicking off our second season digging into how Tex Elite has turned Silicon Valley into a playground for billionaires. From the chaotic world of generative AI to the destruction of Google search, Better Offline is your unvarnished and at times unhinged look at the underbelly of tech from an industry veteran with nothing to lose. This season, I'm going to be joined by everyone from Nobel-winning economists to leading journalists in the field.

And I'll be digging into why the products you love keep getting worse and naming and shaming those responsible. Don't get me wrong, though. I love technology. I just hate the people in charge and want them to get back to building things that actually do things to help real people. I swear to God things can change if we're loud enough. So join me every week to understand what's happening in the tech industry and what could be done to make things better. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts.

Check out betteroffline.com. Hola, mi gente. It's Honey German, and I'm bringing you Gracias, Come Again, the podcast where we dive deep into the world of Latin culture, música, películulas, and entertainment with some of the biggest names in the game. If you love hearing real conversations with your favorite Latin celebrities, artists, and culture shifters, this is the podcast for you. We're talking real conversations with our Latin stars,

from actors and artists to musicians and creators, sharing their stories, struggles, and successes. You know it's going to be filled with chisme laughs and all the vibes that you love. Each week, we'll explore everything from music and pop culture to deeper topics like identity, community, and breaking down barriers in all sorts of industries.

Don't miss out on the fun, el té caliente, and life stories. Join me for Gracias Come Again, a podcast by Honey German, where we get into todo lo actual y viral. Listen to Gracias Come Again on the i by Honey German, where we get into todo lo actual y viral. Listen to Gracias Come Again on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A local news reporter who covered the ranch got a parcel with a white powder in it.

That powder wasn't deadly, but it was a real threat. Soon, that threat came to the ranch. The Nine Nuders reporter thing happened, and then we started getting, like, warnings from people that were monitoring chat rooms. Like, they were like, oh, hey, like, the chatter about y'all has skyrocketed, and it is blatant like people making plans to burn your home down and kill you like and locals started warning us that like hey this has happened before you got to get ready this is real don't have run out other people yeah like don't be pretentious about this like we're being serious and so me and jay started for about weeks, we were walking patrols around the perimeter. The unicorns were afraid, so they took steps to defend themselves.

Lots of the people at the ranch, like Jen and Kat, who you can hear in this interview, didn't want to carry guns. Penny and Jay had some military experience, and they knew how to use and carry guns. So every night, they set out walking the perimeter to watch for intruders. On their property line patrols, they realized that there were people out there at night looking back at them. That night is when me and Jay came back from that and put out a very heartfelt cry on Twitter.

Like, we don't know what the fuck to do. We're terrified. And any help would be amazing they were armed at this point but they weren't ready for a gunfight that's a very different thing sadly though the gunfight they weren't ready for wasn't going to wait until they were yeah armed um rudimentally armed by the way like jay had a hunting no, a shotgun at that point. Yeah. Yeah. And I had my Springfield AR. And so we scared them off, but like that made it like clear and present for us. And so we put a heartfelt call out onto Twitter.

And Aldo was up here like the next day and caught people on the property that night. Like it was armed people on the property multiple people aldo arrived the next day spurred on by that same tweet i'd seen this isn't his voice but they are his words we won't say too much about him other than that he has significant experience with this kind of thing and he spent his own time and money to drive across the west to help some queer folks he'd never met who just wanted to raise alpacas and be left the fuck alone. I saw a post on Twitter from someone else boasting the original Tenacious Unicorn Ranch plea for help. I reached out to them

and after some back and forth and letting them vet me, we agreed I would drive down to help them out. I took a little time to do some map studies of the area and confirm some suspicions about local law enforcement. The sheriff at the time had publicly spoken at and supported Oath Keepers rallies as a keynote speaker alongside Stuart Rhodes, as well as other prominent Oath Keepers and three percenters. The cops haven't ever been much of an option in keeping marginalized people safe, but this was on a whole other level. I called some people to tell them I was heading to Tenacious Unicorn Ranch for accountability's sake. At the time, I was binging an unhealthy amount of Letter Kenny,

and when one of them asked me why I was driving six to seven hours to help total strangers, the first thing I thought was, when a friend asks for help, you help them. Other gave us his account of what happens. Again, for everyone's safety, we're not going to use his voice, but that night, he patrolled the perimeter after nearly being run off the road on the way to the ranch he said at first when he saw the tweets he thought penny and jay were overreacting but after that tale and after what happened that night he knew something very strange was going on so on arrival at the hard pack road off the highway there were two cars on the other

side of the highway from the intersection backed in with their headlights off there was an old durango and a truck that i couldn't make the model of on the other side of the highway from the intersection, backed in with their headlights off. There was an old Durango and a truck that I couldn't make the model of on the other side of that Durango. Once I turned down the road, probably 200 yards after turning, I looked back and saw one of them turn on their headlights and start gaining on me until they were tailgating. I started to slow and pull over to see if they would pass, and they slowed and stuck with me. I had a suspicion about the two cars initially, and this was confirmation. I can't really say how fast we started going, but I know it was significant enough that I was starting to oversteer and lose traction on the back end of my car on turns. I knew Penny and the rest were waiting at the property gate, so I signaled Penny to say, hey, I got a tail, keep the gate locked, you'll see me driving by, tell me what vehicle is following

me. The vehicle slowed down as we approached the gate, so it appeared they may have been anticipating me to do the same. Once I passed the gate, they continued to follow. It turns out it was the Durango, which I later found out had been doing drive-bys of the property the past couple of days. The Durango quickly realized what Aldo was doing and pursued him past the ranch, further down that snowy dirt road. After I passed the ranch, I accelerated a little more to create some distance and drove to a spot that I had seen on the map on the way down that looked like I could effectively turn around without extra maneuvering. As I turned around, they had closed the gap and started to slow. Once they were pulling up next to me, I turned my high lumen carry light

on them to at least disorient or overstimulate them with bright white light and try to catch faces. The windows had a dark tint, so it was not feasible. My other goal was trying to convey, I see you and I have the advantage, without actually visually threatening them. The driver had been rolling their window down until I put that light in the window, then immediately stopped and rolled it back up. At that point, it was apparently enough to make them decide it wasn't worth it and take off. I legally carry a sidearm with me the majority of the time and had it on me. I had my hand on it but didn't feel the need to draw during that encounter. In the two minutes since he turned off the hardtop Alder's ideas about what he was in for had pivoted almost as fast as his car did in that pullout. Earlier on

while driving to the ranch from my house I had the thought you know this is probably bullshit and a bit of an overreaction on their part so maybe at least I can de-escalate some of their anxiety and give them some rest. This will probably just be a lot of nothing. Clearly, I was mistaken. And after that encounter, my mind was very much reoriented to the present reality. Driving through the gate, I had to prepare myself to the new possibility of actual exigency. And I thought, oh shit, there's something to this. Well, pitter-patter, motherfuckers. Aldous sent a message to Penny, saying that he was free of his tail,

and she opened up the gate. Quickly, he drove up the same dirt road I did a few days later to the dome, where the scared and sleep-deprived unicorns were hiding from the cold, and from the same people who had just tailed him down the dirt road. Once at the house, we made introductions, and I explained that a trusted source had boosted their call for help, and I was willing to drive over to see what, if anything, I could do to offer them in the form of assistance. They gave me situational awareness of the property, who lived there, etc.,

then went over what had been happening up until my arrival. The local harassment, people following them and doing drive-bys of their property Kiwi Farms threats of quote burning them out of their home. They had also mentioned there was a probing incident a couple nights before that had really set them off when they caught another unknown individual probing their fence on the southern side of the ranch. They detailed how they hadn't slept for almost 48 hours since that incident, which had prompted their call for help. I could tell they were just done mentally, emotionally, physically, but still keeping it together. So I said something to the effect of, you've done a great job. Go get some rest. I'll stay up and take the watch. That was around 9pm. The crew went to get some deserved rest and I got ready to go

out. Before stepping back outside, I had to ask myself, what the actual fuck is going on? I walked outside, grabbed my rifle and plates, put on some extra layers of warm clothes, and got ready for what turned out to be a long night. Quickly, as the unicorn slept, Arda got to work making a plan to keep the property and the people there safe. Having never been on the property, I went ahead and, the people there safe. Having never been on the property, I went ahead and, to the best of my ability, in the dark, started estimating distances, high, low ground, points of opportunity, weakness, cover, concealment, hazards, and any other unclear backdrops like the other residences that I had needed to be aware of. That all came into play later. Based off what I found, my best guesses,

I started working a patrol on foot covering the areas I thought were vulnerable and most likely for incursion. The roadside seemed like the most likely point of opportunity for them since there was no barbed wire and a single low wire fence being the only barrier to entry on the property. Pretty quickly things got weird. At around 2130, I heard the first vehicle pass by. There was decent moonlight at the time and I could see that it matched the shape and size of the Durango. They were driving by with their lights off, slow rolling, and had made a stop about halfway down the property line on the roadway. They repeated this multiple times, so this kind of confirmed my theory they would go for the easiest point of access off the roadway. The drive-bys continued sporadically, and twice from high point on property, I watched them turn their headlights back on, heading toward the highway, and stop on the hard pack, where another vehicle could be seen sitting with its headlights on.

Aldo is pretty experienced at this scenario. So is Paul, another of the defenders who came a few days later. That doesn't mean it wasn't scary, for all of us, but especially for Aldo, who arrived first and was patrolling a small farm he'd never seen, facing attacks from an unknown number of armed assailants. I can't remember how many times I wish I had my NVGs with me for better situational awareness, but they had been sent off for repairs, so I relied heavily on the moonlight, which there was a decent amount of. Not ideal doing a foot patrol on your own in the dark with an unknown number of people. Multiple times I thought, I should get one of them up.

There's way more ground that I can safely cover. I don't know the terrain well enough, and doing this alone is fucking dumb if this turns bad. But of course I ignored that intuition and told myself, okay, I'm overthinking this right now. These dudes are just trying to fuck with the queers, and this is purely intimidation. I'm just going to keep working the vulnerable areas, watch them play their dumb bullshit games, and let the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch folks rest. Besides, at the time, I didn't know the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch folks before that night. While they did great with what they had available to them, I had no idea how they would

respond in a shit-hit-the-fan situation, what their personal capabilities were, if they could be relied on for team movements, and didn't want to risk relying on someone running on fumes. So I said, fuck it, it'll be fine. His fears, as it turned out, were more than justified. A little before midnight, cloud cover came in while I was walking along the west fence line, and saw what I assumed was a dim flashlight or a cell phone light flash about halfway along the north fence line by the road. And about 15 to 20 seconds later, another flash, making me think that they were moving west towards the ranch gate. It was the first time I noticed anyone on foot, so I started slowly working my way down quietly

to see if I could get closer for a good visual on who it was walking the roadway since the moonlight went away. I stopped about 40 or so yards from the gate, squatted down low to reduce my profile, and just watch. After about 10 minutes, I heard quiet voices and then a very distinct Earl from the man that appeared and turned to call out after he activated the gate's motion sensing light. I remember I had to stop myself from laughing from them not only having such shitty discipline, but also at what was a perfectly comical chud name. I stood up and watched another dude come out of the dark into the light of the ranch gate who very much had the build of an Earl. The first guy began lifting and pulling at the gate lock and chain while Earl was trying to cover the motion sensing light. They stood at the gate and

I could hear them whispering for about a minute before I got annoyed at just how dumb they were and how they didn't notice me creeping closer to them while they were doing all this. Finally, from around 15 yards, I went ahead and lit up the two males in my flashlight, who both had their faces covered and no visible weapons. In a fairly sarcastic voice, I said something to the effect of, Hey, what are you idiots doing? Stop playing with the gate. Go away. It worked. I didn't really feel I had much recourse other than to give a verbal warning at that point, because they were still technically not on the ranch property and they had not made any visible attempts to trespass or do any property damage. Both of them

ran off in the most awkward non-athletic way you could think of. I didn't see anyone else in the area so I approached the road to watch them jump into a car and drive off. I kind of laughed at myself and remember saying out loud, God you guys are impressively stupid. Okay they're probing the property now. I realized these guys weren't working at a higher operational capability. I also felt a little more comfortable that even though I didn't have my NVGs to work in the dark environment, they didn't either. After staying out for another 30 minutes to make sure they were taking a break, I went back inside to warm up for a few minutes, get some food, and change my socks after it seemed they had maybe

gone and reconvened after they got caught trying to tamper with the gate. I turned off the lights inside the house that were visible from the road so I wouldn't be visible, and also just to see if that might make someone tempted to believe the tenacious Unicorn Ranch folks had turned in for the night. Things were quiet for the next hour or so. While out walking close to the east fence line toward the road, I remember a fox letting out a scream from less than 100 feet away from me. That honestly was more startling than all the other events in the night up until then. If you haven't heard a fox screaming, it does indeed sound like someone being murdered in the most brutal way possible. I heard a fox, probably the same fox, a few nights later on the ranch. Even in the midst of the siege, it was still a working ranch. And so as well as

protecting people from violence, the ranchers, and their Peruvian mountain dogs, also had to make sure they were protecting the chickens from foxes. Sadly though, foxes weren't the only visitors that night. A few hours later, a much more serious threat emerged. The night continued to be quiet for the next while, and I decided to move along the east side of the property line. The cloud cover broke around 215, and I could see some movement and hear low voices again. I got low and held my position, since it was fairly safe. It could make out two figures walking towards me inside the property boundary. I waited until they were about 30 or so yards away, and I was pretty sure there were no others working flanks before using my rifle light to begin the process of PID and figuring out if they were armed. As soon as I saw them, I noticed they were both armed, one with an AR with no optics and the other with an M1A

with optics on it. I realized that while I had the high ground, I was not comfortable with the backdrops due to the house across the road potentially being in line with my firing position and started shifting to a safer spot in case the confrontation escalated into an engagement. I called out my first command while moving to a better position to their left side. You are trespassing on private property. Slowly place your weapons on the ground and show me your hands. Do it now. The two men froze in place but did not comply, and I recognized in that moment that these were two different men than who I had seen earlier. I called out again. Drop your weapons or I will fire on you. Do it now. As soon as I finished that sentence, they both looked at each other with their rifles and low ready, turned to the right

and ran. I pursued them so that I wouldn't lose the advantage I had and to make sure there was no way they could make it uphill towards the house or get into a more advantageous firing position if they decided to turn on me. While parallel to them so I could keep on the uphill side, I called out, stop and place your weapons on the ground. Realizing there might be others out there watching my light move, I turned it off so I wasn't such an obvious target, and made short bursts of the two men fleeing so that I could maintain a visual on them. It wasn't an ideal way to handle it, but this was all an incredibly unideal situation to begin with. After sustaining a fast-paced run over uneven terrain and somehow not falling on my face, I realized we were moving toward the fence line and quickly looked around with my light to make

sure no one else was waiting for them and also armed. At that point, I turned my light back on them and they both pivoted directly to the fence since we were still some distance from the gate where it appeared they were heading toward. The first one with the M1A pushed the fence down and hopped over. The second one panicked and with both hands tossed his AR across the small ditch on the other side of the fence and I watched it fly halfway across the road while he struggled over the fence. He scurried over and kicked his rifle across the road before picking it up and disappeared with the other male into the small ravine on the other side. I realized I was disadvantaged where I was located and repositioned to a small rocky mountain nearby so that I could at least get prone and have some cover if they decided to fire on me. I laid there and recovered my breath for a

minute or so, watching to see if anyone else was out there, and then moved toward the house to make sure there weren't other incursions I may have missed while occupied with the other two who disappeared. After trying and failing for a second time, it seems that the local bigots took a break for the evening, but Aldo and the unicorns couldn't. That was it for the rest of the night. I did go back down and find their entry point, where the fence had been newly damaged and bent inward, and tracks leading over the patchy snow from the roadway. Then I walked back to their egress point, where the fence had been bent outward. Everything that occurred that night was clearly a hostile incursion,

and they demonstrated intent to harm others on their own property. The only reason that didn't happen is because we were armed and prepared. I think they realized at that point that the ranch was not a soft target, and the occupants these men painted as weak were in fact hard people willing to protect themselves and stand up against their aggression. More importantly, the residents of the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch just wanted to be left the fuck alone. Unicorn Ranch just wanted to be left the fuck alone. It Could Happen Here is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from Cool Zone Media,

visit our website, coolzonemedia.com, or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources for It Could Happen Here updated monthly at coolzonemedia.com slash sources. Thanks for listening. You should probably keep your lights on for Nocturnal Tales from the Shadow. Join me, Danny Trails, and step into the flames of fright. An anthology podcast of modern day horror stories inspired by the most terrifying legends and lore of Latin America. Listen to Nocturnal on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast, and we're kicking off our second season digging into Tex Elite and how they've turned Silicon Valley into a playground for billionaires.

From the chaotic world of generative AI to the destruction of Google search, Better Offline is your unvarnished and at times unhinged look at the underbelly of tech brought to you by an industry veteran with nothing to lose. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever else you get your podcasts from. Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever else you get your podcasts from. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami.

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.