It’s Wednesday My Dudes - 103: Bullets, Baked Beans, Bonjonviovi

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

Ruxx survives an active shooter, Cory bathes in baked beans, and Bryan only hears Minion voices. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. Someone got shot in my apartment yesterday. Why'd you do it? Someone got shot in my apartment. Well, it's like our apartment complex is gym, which is like our neighbor building. But someone got shot in the gym. I came back yesterday and fucking cops everywhere. Like two roads closed down.

I was like, what the fuck's going on i knew many was here i texted many he was like and he didn't text me back because he was in the shower and i like pulled up to the cops i was like hey i live here can i park and go to my apartment they were like yeah you're fine i was like what's going on and i like i like looked on twitter and like like yeah someone got shot in the gym. Like it was like non life threatening injuries. And the shooter is still at large. I was like, what? And they were like, and the shooter went back into the ambassador, which is our building.

And I was like, what? What the fuck? And so, yeah, yesterday was stressful as shit when I got home. Oh, my God. I was I was not in the right headspace for it at all. And then i was just exhausted i'm surprised they let you back in the building and just like because he should be around i mean that's what you think uh they were like my brain was like there are i'm not kidding there

were probably like 25 30 cop cars like surrounding our buildings yeah like this he's not gonna shoot me during all this right now like he's not gonna show his face he's good it was fine you have ushering you into the building like you're good i had my own escorts uh no dude literally i was so my my um my parking garage is level b and then the first floor is like laundry and like some apartments. And then second floor is like our lobby. I get in my elevator on B and I'm like very stressed out. Like as I pulled into my parking garage,

I officially get the text from our apartments. Like, Hey, we're on lockdown right now. Like there's like shooter at large, whatever. And I was like, Oh my fucking God,

what? I get my elevator that shit goes up one floor to the first floor and then stops and the doors are about to open i was like well this was fun man it's like i'm getting fucking shot right away this is fantastic but that's just like drop kick the person that's just like innocently standing there waiting for the elevator as soon as it opens I grabbed my and like it was someone with a gun like I'm so dead here but I did the shit where have you ever

like put your keys in between your fingers like I'm gonna Wolverine this motherfucker it's like dude guy's gonna fucking just shoot I have fucking four steps to take this guy and he's gonna have one fucking trigger move like the basement sniff out the shooter

no she's fucking she was that's another thing too is like I had to take her out like later in the day of course she's in fucking la la land just like oh I'm gonna sniff this I was like yanking her like get the fuck over here idiot like I just can't get over the fact that they got

shot in the gym yeah i don't think apparently apparently and this is there's some there's some dude on twitter who like covers dc crime then he was like on the scene and he was like he tweeted like live tweeted a little bit but he was like apparently someone insulted like or someone like made a joke or insulted somebody in the gym and then the dude pulled out a gun and shot them which also like number one softest thing i've ever heard in my entire life like you see that shit on twitter and shit where it's like someone gets made fun of it's like you wouldn't say that to me if i was holding my ar in your face it's like dude you're gonna fucking shoot someone for making fun of you on the internet?

Like, you're a pussy. Like, that's the pussiest shit I've ever heard in my life. But, yeah, apparently... It's also funny that it's in a gym where it's, like, you would want to actually, like, show off that you're strong and, like, not just physically fight them. Like, who brings a gun to the gym?

Who brings a gun to the gym, dude? If you're not fucking... If you're not 6'9", like, don't bring a gun to the gym dude if you're not fucking if you're not six nine like don't bring a gun to the gym like do you think he had in his gym bag like he's got protein shaker like hoodie gun every single time wrist wraps deagle um i don't know that's a good question there's no way he had it on there's no way he's working out with a gun on him right well like you went back to his car and got it and then came back in like so what that's so much effort for someone just like here so much like someone could say the worst thing in the world to me and i'm gonna go yeah here let me walk the parking garage isn't close to the fucking gym let me walk out of the building go down a ramp walk all the way to my car swipe myself out of the parking garage like it's just i mean yeah how do you not in that like minute or two just like

clear your head for a second you gotta stay mad you're not so long it's just like it was just stomp out of the gym so far keep that anchor the whole way back oh god it was yeah it's it was a wild fucking thing and our fucking apartment sends us like updates as it's going on and like they were like oh yeah so um the police are still investigating but they said it's clear to like walk around but like don't come to the office to pick up a package. Who the fuck right now with all these alerts? It's like, oh yeah, I gotta go get my fucking Amazon Prime package. Everyone's gonna stay in their apartment.

Is it like an email or is it through an app or something? It's a text message and an email. Can you reply all to the email and be like, but is the gym open? Because I gotta get a lift in just to see i need a pump yeah did you get the blood up like you think they wiped down the machines after oh you think what i think they wiped down the machine after after use you know probably not because i'd be like just like a puddle of blood on the bench. Let me disinfect this real quick.

This dude was lifting hard. He's covering up his tracks. They do that typical shit that people in the gym do where it's literally just like two half-assed sprains and a quick wipe and that's all it is. They're just smearing blood all over the place. Do you think it was kind of like a Plaxico Burris type situation where he was squatting

but just had like a pistol in his waistband and just like accidentally shot somebody the geometry involved in that i feel like would be it was multiple shots too so that means he like it happens once and then falls out and hits the ground and shoots again no headphones on right and every time you squat down for some reason it like pulls the trigger slightly if you think and so you're just like if you think any headphone would fully silence a fucking pistol being shot wait did you so did you say that the person died no no it's the whole reason we're making like i'm making jokes here

like non-lethal injuries like once the hospital i mean i would make the jokes too if he died yeah no that's what i was gonna keep going and like wonder if his ghost was still working out but well not if they if they died i would pump the brakes where'd it go where'd it get shot i need any details i'm like um here do you have the autopsy oh i also i completely forgot to text my mom and then my mom saw it on the news and texted me like are you okay like what the fuck and i'm like i'm sorry i'm in the elevator with the shooter mom can you be quiet is there a basketball court at your gym is this like a no this is like our gym i'm pretty sure it's like it's not a quote-unquote active shooter type

where someone's yelling because they're hitting threes? Okay, I just want to make sure. No, it's literally ours. I'm pretty sure our gym, and I've never been to it, I'm pretty sure it's like four treadmills, and that's it. Like, I think it's just like... Were they trying to recreate the OK Go music video? Yeah.

And then their gun fell out? It went horribly wrong. Dude, if you're gonna go into... Come on! If you're gonna try to do the OK Go video, you better not have a gun in your pocket. I'll tell you that right now. I mean, you gotta make the video. The first thing OK Go did

when it got on set was just, hey, any firearms? Firearm check before we step on these treadmills no okay let's get it going i wanted to be pretty sick to him to like make him want to shoot him like was it a good joke if he's making fun of him victim is not i mean life-threatening uh gunshot wounds shot a couple times at the gym by unknown shooter who's still who's still out large weird if they did an okay go video though with like ak's and they're swinging around while also like moving on the trend most it would be impressive maybe it would be dumb but it would be impressive

yeah bystander told me as he was inside the gym allegedly a guy was exercising and someone made a joke dot dot dot and that's all this person says in continued from what the bystander told

me the joke was not received well by the shooter yeah no fucking shit man he fucking shot it dude of course it wasn't received well i kind of respect just shooting them immediately though if you had to walk back to your car and come back with a gun, not cool. But if someone's just like, hey, you're stupid, and you just immediately shoot someone in the foot and just walk away, it's pretty like Wild Wild West. What? Like, just... It's like Elmer Fudd and whoever he shoots.

Bugs Bunny? Yeah. On-site, man. Mickey Mouse. Pluto. I think that would be man. Mickey Mouse. Pluto. I think that would be illegal. But yeah.

They could actually die. That was my day yesterday. That was great. That was really fun. I guess I know what your emoji is going to be. No, it's not going to be my emoji. Bugs Bunny. How does that happen? And then that's not any part of your emoji, though.

You must have had a big one. Oh, because a bigger feed happened on Saturday. saturday okay we'll discuss two people got shot i shot someone it is wednesday my day i'm gonna fuck you brian yo how do you get milk out of a crack give me milk now mommy fat matches solve world hunger tonight i get this vagina animal style How do you get milk out of a crab? Give me milk now, mommy. Fat matches. Solve world hunger tonight. Can I get this vagina animal style? Funny as Wonderland. Be the way.

I'm sweater. Ow! That came as an orgasm? Wah, wah, wahoo! That's like an orgy, my guy. What's up, sluts? The Olympics are a fraud. Your word is Reichstrabatism.

Ew, you're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through. Your bottom's off? Trying to low-key penetrate you. Hey, boo-boo. I shall not. Ew, you're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through. Your bottom's off? Trying to low-key penetrate you. Hey, boo-boo. I shall not. Yeah, I shall not. Talking around, just shitting himself all the time. He's trying to have sex with a woman. Gun to the penis is what you need, brother.

White Jesus. Kirby's down there just blowing. Hey, say hi. Kneecaps are not organs. Fuck you, Ratatouille. It is Wednesday, my dudes. Ah! Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode 102. T-minus 67 episodes till the fetish draft, Rooks. I know you needed an update on that, so get ready.

We're doing a bunch of would-you-rathers this week, so usually those get us pretty heated. So it'll be an interesting one. Zach's out, just actually has IT issues, which is funny, because usually we make up reasons. But we got Corey. What is up? We got Rooks. Hi. And I'm Brian.

We also have Bas basement in the background if you hear a dog whimper through some walls like i think it's cute and not that rooks is like keeping a dog in a basement somewhere uh but rooks uh do you want to go first or last on how your week went i mean i can go first the can't like the can of worms keep it going keep it rolling yeah but yeah so if you can't they keep referencing basement so your boy got a pooch um her name is indy is short for indigo the my uh our favorite one of our favorite bars at penn state that is now called basement night spot which is the worst branding in the history of branding um and um but yeah so they keep calling her basement but yeah chilled uh friday night didn't really do much uh had a few beverages you know i was just hung out and then saturday was big baseball day go gnats gnats played the guardians um went to brunch with we had we had a 12 person brunch group. Thank God. Oh, my God.

Shout out to my boy, Thicc, for this and for what's coming up. But, like, my least favorite thing in the world is when people try to, like, split brunch when, like, everybody, like, knows each other. You know what I mean? Like, when we have Venmo, it's like, whoever, like, someone just put your fucking card down

and we'll all Venmo you immediately. Like get the points, man. Why the our fucking server like didn't speak great English and shit. And people were like talking. I was like, does someone have this? Can someone please just put their fucking card down? I was like, I'll do it. But like, just does anybody want to do it?

Like and then my boy shout out thick. He did it. But yeah. So then we went to the nat we went uh brunch then we went to the bullpen had a few drinks there and then we went to the nats game um fucking pouring rain game got delayed like an hour and a half it was fucking poured it was miserable but um then the sun came out tomorrow or not tomorrow later in the day um and then when does someone get shot let's get to the guns so no one gets shot but so during the like the big like pull for us to go to the

game and it's a bigger deal than sunday tommy did the fucking 999 challenge have you heard of it oh nine beers nine hot dogs and nine innings of baseball he fucked terrible dude we first off and it's the pitch clock era too that's crazy too that's why i waited a couple months too late to actually do this to be fair okay he the the one crazy fucking thing that he did which i was like i don't know what in your fucking mind but maybe this this like worked out he had five fucking beers in the first inning of baseball he slaughtered he didn't he didn't like keep up with like the timing of it like okay but like yeah he slammed five beers in the first inning and then was just like fighting an uphill battle the rest of the game um but like it was an unbelievable like

i've never seen something more electric we were sitting up in like the fucking bullshit chief seats too so like i did like yes i was intoxicated but i can't tell you one fucking like i can't tell you the score of the game i know jose ramirez had a home it was six to four yeah i i looked up the next day because somebody asked and i was like oh shit um but like i was just so enamored by him fucking pounding the glizzies and the beers like i just couldn't i couldn't stop fucking watching him do like his magic question um what were they the tall boy beers i assume not no so and then that's another thing so like they don't have just like small cans in there so like we were doing um it was like we measured out what nine drinks or nine beers they have like the plastic cups too yeah it was like 128 ounces or something

like that so we had to keep track of like his ounces throughout the day but how did he get the hot dogs down like i'm really curious the kids um the kids an animal um but yeah like at brunch he just had like a few scrambled eggs and that's all he ate and then smart and then uh during the yeah during the game he was the glizzy dude the last glizzy i thought he was gonna pass the fuck out man it was like because for me i was like dude this is the end like just fucking crush it it's the last lizzie i thought he was gonna pass the fuck out man it was like because for me i was like dude this is the end like just fucking crush it it's the last dog like put it down and like he is just like so physically in pain like it was i felt so bad for the kid well i feel like you did it the wrong order i feel like you throw the beer at the end and not the beginning because like if

you draw the beer at the beginning you're to be drunk and that might make it worse. And it's just easier to, I, I think it's, I think it's the right playing to do to like, I'd rather get fucked up. And then once I get fucked up, everything like you're going to be hungry.

When I, when I've had a hot dog sober on the golf course, I get halfway done. And I'm like, this just took two years off of my life. If I'm fucking drinking and playing golf i can have three hot dogs at the turn and be completely not phased by it at all that's true and it's easy just to like at the end down a lot of liquid what is what i would think

instead of doing that at the very beginning yeah i i guess that's fair but yeah impressed either way especially with he would have had an extra hour if he did it last season yeah it was like i don't know why he waited it was fucking nuts man it was really it was fucking amazing though but yeah like i couldn't i couldn't believe like towards the end just like in his my thing too is like the fucking hot dogs like first off they're not like the little oscar meyer ones they're like big stadium dogs and then on top of that he was like loading them up with like relish and everything i was like dude like this is like this is so unnecessary like this is gonna make things so much more difficult but gotta dip the bun in the beer

soak it up kobayashi style exactly oh my god i'm pretty sure i screamed like the phrase like kobayashi like five different fucking times um sure but yeah it was an unbelievable unbelievable feat um i was it was historical to witness it and then fucking saturday was goddamn mulch day i had to go spread mulch for fucking hours and i wanted to die i wanted to fucking die i have five high schoolers that are i have to direct to spread mulch in these people's fucking yards whilst hung over and it's like 90 or 85 degrees it was miserable actually mulch day is such a thing in rockville i don't think it's a thing anywhere else most of the biggest event.

Most of the high schools now in Moco do mulch sales, I'm pretty sure. Still, I've never heard of it anywhere else. But yeah. I spread mulch and then I came back and I was at 20,000 steps when I left spreading mulch

at 2.30 in the afternoon and I pull up to my apartment and oh yeah someone got shot and every the whole place is surrounded it's like what the fuck's my life right now but yeah the hot dog way bigger way bigger deal uh that's why my emoji for the week is hot dog in the beer hell yeah when he first said the 999 challenge i was like are you talking about this 6 12 18 24 challenge and24 challenge? That's what I thought too. Did he do that at the baseball game? We went to a baseball game, okay?

Tommy, my boy Thig, ripped some Nutter Butters in the stadium. Jesus. But yeah, that was my weekend. Incredible. Alright, Corey, how many dogs did you beat this weekend? I actually did have, I had a brat on Friday, actually.

Good lead in. There you go. My emoji is the old man and ignore the other ones because I realized I sent like a tree and a golf pin because I did like a bunch of old man stuff. I realized I should just send the old man. Yeah. Friday whipped out the grill first uh first time of the year did had some burgers brats had uh claire and her sister came over we just had

like a night in and hung out and then saturday was out all day doing yard work so like also mulching and like again dad dad weekend it was like i don't want to bore anyone especially after rooks this weekend so we can make it quick it's fine it was like mulched did yard work went to a day party at like five o'clock drank there and then sunday was like we did nothing and i tried out a new like virtual golf place which we should go to next time you guys come it was the only virtual golf place i've been to where you can putt which was sick like it's putting really fucking hard on that shit though it's like so hard to judge but yeah it was cool it was really cool so do they do like mini golf putt or is it like just greens it's just greens but it's like it was it's like the

screen is 16 feet away so you read it to the screen. And he's like, if you're further than 16 feet, hit it into the screen and a little bit harder. You know what I mean? And if it's less than 16 feet, hit it short. It was really cool, though. And then my only other update is if you don't have a team to root for this playoffs for the NHL, New Jersey devils could use all the fandom they can get um i can't help but notice that the pens and the caps are not playing so uh do with that what you will i'm not a hockey fan just like he's arizona coyotes fan too anyways i don't have also not

in the playoffs i don't have any loyalties i just date someone who's a rangers fan so i don't have any loyalties. I just date someone who's a Rangers fan, so I don't know if I can... Hey, man. You lived with me. I did. That's true, but... She doesn't need to be that happy always, you know? You can bring her down and peg her every once in a while. Exactly.

There's seven games. They can win a couple of them. We'll see what happens. Don't need to win the whole thing. Braga, how was your week? So, it happened again. I watched a TV show in the wrong order. But

I thought, I literally for some reason, my brain just went you said, it happened again? I was just like you had another week in your life? Yeah. What do you mean? If I just said that and then ended my result, numbers on my

recap i'll do that next week um taxes brian watching movies tv shows in the wrong order i guess tv shows not movies the thing is though so it was like there's 10 episodes or 20 minutes each super fast episode 7 is called shiva shiva it's like a jewish wake or whatever but that doesn't happen until like episode nine which is very confusing um which is where i i started to to suspect something was wrong because the title of the episode didn't actually happen um it's like someone died but then the next episode they're back and like they don't talk about it i'm like this isn't right and then also like there's just some new lady who's like blonde and like very obviously different than the other character that was there.

I was like, where'd she come from? And then like the next episode, they introduce her for the first time. I'm like, was this whole episode a flashback? And they didn't talk about it. And then I realized and I was like, how many times have you done this? At least three times. This is minimum. This is the third time.

I forget what the second one was oh no so first one was the boys i watched the finale and then one through eight and then i watched one of the most wild finales you could watch in a tv show which i'm sure you're looking at it like holy shit this show's gonna be incredible i'm i'm hooked from the beginning it was great and then it went a real quick turn. Lots of flashbacks. Didn't make sense. The second one was the show called Party Down.

It was from early 2000s. I clicked on it. I just watched the finale on accident. But I realized that right away. So I was like, well, I'm not going to go back and watch the rest of it. So I watched the last episode of that show and nothing else. But on this one. Efficient way to watch shows. Just only watch the rest of it so i watched the last episode of that show and nothing else hey but on this one efficient way to watch shows just only watch the last episode stop that breaking bad you're a shame but on this one i like i figured it out i tried to like go back because

like episode seven and nine were switched but also episode 10 and eight are switched too and i was really lost so i went on reddit apparently it's just in the wrong order on hulu so it was copied over to my fun website correctly they just put it on hulu wrong so it's not my fault so i feel vindicated i mean it's just still funny it's hilarious and i will give you i will give you the kudos of that yes your ridiculous website didn't fuck you over it was hulu's fault yeah yeah so minus one point hulu plus one point website which i won't name on air brian's like that's probably yeah it's funny because like who's probably not messed that up that much you would think but you would watch the one time it is messed up i got some bad luck uh but yeah you

know i'm in texas my emoji is a cowboy hat because i feel like that's just super easy come on it had to happen at some point yeah i never knew university of texas was in austin and i feel really dumb like i i had no idea either when i went there i was like yo wait this is the campus yeah no i have the same usually it's based on penn state i'm always like oh all schools are out in the middle of nowhere but like it's also called ut austin and i'm like oh i thought that's just a different school because usually when there's a name at the end of it it's different than the main campus but no it's just the main one so i showed up i was like oh this this is gonna be cooler than i thought so toward around there toward around like south austin

there's like a ton of parks and stuff and i'm on like the wrong side of where the nice part of austin is which class is fine i guess spoiler yes i was walking my gym membership ended and i called them i couldn't renew it great but there's a gym at my apartment complex I'm at here. And I was walking back from that and there were two Miller High Life tall boys in brown paper bags outside of somebody's apartment door, which is just a really weird combination. And the next door to that, there's a dude who squats outside and smokes cigarettes all day. So there's literally just a pile of cigarettes. And then next to that door, there's a lady who feeds some stray cats there's like four cat bowls of food so this place is interesting out of the two gyms you guys described i'd rather go to the one that somebody got shot at i mean my game war has more than just treadmills and the door is locked so i don't know there's no blood at least

there you go but yeah it's uh it's interesting out here i got a question for you though so i made ravioli the other day put it in the pan boiled them took them out of the pan not pan pot put in a bowl went to go with the sauce from the fridge because i'll just throw it on top i don't need to heat it up don't need to waste another pot didn't have sauce so this is when i was at mike's so i looked at the like the drawer of condiments and just like mixed together a bunch of stuff i'll tell you what i did after but i want your answer of what you would mix together just for plain cheese ravioli if you already cooked them and you didn't want to eat in plain what sauce you making you only have condiments and you made a sauce out of the condiments or like you picked a sauce that was there no no i like i put together

like three things i would assume like ketchup was i would say ketchup or like some tomato based sauce has to be involved yeah i would think you can do whatever you want you can do whatever you want i feel like ketchup has to be involved if i'm gonna do whatever i want i might throw some barbecue sauce in there which is ketchup based so okay i might start off there um okay what else put in there another condiment hmm you're like cream cheese or something let's say i was like that's i was gonna do some kind of like there's some like sour cream with parmesan like could you do like the like yeah sure great i would do parmesan with like ketchup and ketchup something else okay i want to know what yours was though now like i don't

it's such an open-ended question i throw some soy sauce in there i don't know yeah okay so you want barbecue sauce and soy sauce yeah i don't know okay uh so i went uh hot sauce soy sauce butter and it's pretty good it was kind of weird because it's cheese ravioli definitely didn't go ketchup though you're a psychopath for trying to do that but also cory want barbecue sauce which is ketchup based so like both of you are questionable i thought mine was gonna be the weirder version but i don't like that you like you pose this hypothetical where we don't even get to see what we're looking at. So we're just like, I don't know. Pick whatever you want.

Also, on top of that, what's every fucking sauce in the history of the world that's paired with a basic ravioli? They're all tomato-based. Tomato-based. They're all tomato-based. They could be cheese-based. They're all tomato-based. Alfredo.

There's no Alfredo ravioli. What the fuck? You can. It's not a thing. You could. It would be fine. Absolutely is a thing. It's not a thing.

You could have ravioli that doesn't have cheese on the inside. So you put cheese in the sauce. Yeah, and you could also have ravioli with fucking soy sauce, butter, and hot sauce. Yeah, you could fucking do whatever you want. But I'm just saying. From a culinary perspective here. Are are we gonna look this up should i pull up a youtube video and get like i don't have the whole audio i don't care enough i don't care enough i really don't we were wrong in the hypothetical world of sauce ravioli you're 100 correct go watch another tv show backwards if you type if you type in alfredo ravioli there is a recipe with 62 ratings uh 4.6 stars it exists

how many uh barbecue uh soy sauce and whatever the third thing is that i put in there you just did two things the thing is if you went like pulled pork ravioli which i don't know if that's a thing but we're making up stuff at this point you could make and then put barbecue sauce on it you could do anything you can fly go to the highway jump off um yeah that's fair i've dude apparently i keep looking up like barbecue restaurants and stuff in austin and there there's like always like an asian fusion place for some reason that also does barbecue and i keep going to those places i had a bow i went to a bow restaurant rooks you'd be proud uh incredible it was great i don't know any food that's just like meat in a bun wink wink uh is delicious

anything you just pick up just smush into your mouth i'm so good i thought you were gonna reference all those restaurants extreme lack of ravioli i mean if i make my italian chipotle and then we get it out here there'll be plenty of ravioli don't get me started on that. We need to pivot. Give us some hypotheticals, please. Pivot! Oh, last fun fact for the week. On episode 37 of Dragon Ball,

Goku defeats a guy by sticking a pole up his butt. All right, you guys want to get to some would-you-rathers? Let's do it. Okay. On face. Let me know if we've done one of these before i don't think we have but if we have we can uh you know quickly skip by them all right would you rather have everyone twice your age or older i don't know the phrase this is already wrong would you rather have everyone twice your age and older talk like an adult from Charlie Brown or everyone half your age and younger talk like a minion?

What? So anyone. So I'm almost 30. So anyone who's 15 or younger talks like a minion or anyone who's 60 or older talks like the peanuts characters uh well so the thing is the fact that i have to be around 15 or less year olds all the time i yeah i'm probably and then also like so many old people are off the wagon just saying shit anyway like i don't care like so many of them it's like i don't care what you have to say anyway man like i i'm probably picking i'm picking the older people to sound like charlie brown me too i feel like i would just like ignore

them anyway and like just go about my day whereas the other one's like gonna be fucking annoying so one would it not make coaching football easier if you just can't understand them you should like go over there and be so entertaining what's brutal is some of the kids are over that age too so I would have like half my kids talking half the other kids talking to English like this would be miserable I would be so fucking annoyed

if I could understand you you're on varsity if I can't JV easy distinguishing. It'd be funny to see a kid, though, that was under the age of Minion Boyce and then one day he comes in and he talks normal. That'd be pretty funny.

Hey, boss. We call that puberty. Well, yeah. I'd probably say, though, I'd have to say old people, man. Old people just say shit, too like so do young people i know but like so to some extent they both sometimes to me just sound individually like that like sometimes i just hear a kid and they just ramble in like their little

high-pitched voices and i'm like all right and then sometimes i listen to adults and it's just like muffled noise i'm like great like i don't so we should also clarify for people listening you do sort of have hearing issues so that might be that just that that just might be you that could be that could be very true actually oh people already go yeah i'm just sitting there smiling that's usually how yeah that's how it happens um how old are your parents yeah i wouldn't be able to my parents i we would never be able to converse again but like can we can i text them oh no because that's that's too easy of a work bro they're gonna text back and it's just gonna say

it's like a bunch of clouds you have a translation on google translate for charlie brown voice i want to translate to charlie brown voice though i mean if it has it one way it can go the other way right yeah google's pretty bisexual in one bow yeah i'm still fuck the old people all right sorry uh i won't say your parents names because you get mad at me for saying anything about yourself. I guess I'll switch it. I don't really care what, like, young kids have to say. So in the sense of, like, trying to actually understand and progress in life, sure. Young kids can, like, have the annoying voices.

And, like, I'm going to – they're not going to say anything insightful anyway. Oh, ouch. Oh, but I guess it's like have you ever seen the movie freedom riders with hillary swank no i don't know if i've heard of greta thunberg okay so i guess part of this which we didn't consider is like as we grow up to which i was not thinking of yeah so like when i'm 60 then like 30 year olds are gonna have that voice uh oh yeah make life tough when i'm 60 120 year olds are gonna sound crazy so fuck it yeah i guess then i just talked myself out of i don't i'm gonna go with the older people i don't understand i think that since it keeps moving as you age that's the right way to do it

yeah that does make more sense except the minion voices would be so much funnier and like i kind of want to pick that one just to be entertained. Because like, imagine watching any NFL player once you're like 50 or something, like give an interview afterwards. Because like, you still have Terry Bradshaw out there and he's still 100 years old. So you'll be able to understand him asking the question. But then there's some like new like rookie out of college. Like, all right, now picture how hard you laugh when you see them in the big hats now add that voice in when they have the big hats too

that'd be so fucking good i don't know if i i don't know if i'd survive like i don't know brooks's heart would stop always 70 watching crying watching. I'd be crying. The children one too though. I have one last thing. If you have children, you just wouldn't be able to teach them your own kids. Kind of screwed. I'm absolutely saying the old people.

Yeah, I think that's the right answer. Sorry parents. they'll understand all right next one would you rather have a bad hand job from your grandmother or a good hand job from your grandmother i feel like we've maybe mentioned this before but i still want to we've mentioned it we don't think we've gotten to it. I don't like this. And then here's my one caveat. Does it have to be to completion? Yeah. Because otherwise, when does it end?

Oh, man. Oh, dude. There's not just a good time limit. I'm sorry, but then it has to be a good one. Yeah. Based on the logic, it would have to be. If it's a bad one, we're over here just playing like playing with a wet noodle and shit like i'm not doing that no no no that's fair okay do we just want to do a time limit then because then it makes it more of an even playing ground yeah what's the

time limit one full day what um One full day. What? Should we call a female in the field? I feel like the shorter the time is, the more enticing, the more down the middle the answers are. That's more what I meant. The more even it is because like if it's 10 minutes like i hate that i'm saying this if it's 10 minutes it's a good hand job like i'm probably it's we're doing to completion or the time limit correct or is it just yeah

the time limit see that's the thing i think it's one or the other because otherwise it's like it's either over quick or it's not but if it's just a time limit it's over quick then it's also the back half that's really bad fuck this man i think you would i mean i think you would have to go i that like qualifier is the decision point i feel like because if it's like to completion then you have to go good because then it's like get it over with and if it's not then i feel like you don't want to be sitting there being like wow that was a that was a good one you'd rather be like i feel like it has it has i feel like that was bad i think it has to be like two to like two to four minutes or something like that

like i think you can hold back for like psychologically if you come out of that being like that was a good one that's gonna be fucked up like right yeah right like you can't come there's no way you can come out of that situation and be like like you don't i mentally i don't you wouldn't survive if you're like that's a good that was a good job you know i don't know high five i don't know what um just a picture that also that the previous question also had to be answered and then the only noise she can make is Charlie Brown

old people noises. That's distracting. I don't think there's a right answer. Because I think if you do a time limit, it's horrible either way. And to completion is incorrect because one answer is easy but with a time limit too like personally i'd rather be bad if there's a time limit because

then it's just like all right i gotta fucking completely disconnect my brain from this situation until the time's done and then i'm fucking sprinting away for but like how bad is it i mean like how how how rough are her hair like nails calluses does she have arthritis it also does she have like what we determine bad is bad just like not gonna make make you orgasm or is it like pain yeah that's yeah that's where i'm trying to think of like if it's painful if it's not if it's just like then yeah you're just kind of hitting a wet noodle for 10 minutes and uh i'm really uncomfortable to get to get past it i'm just gonna say bad and that's my answer yeah i'm just gonna go bad fuck it i think we uh

we're forgetting a fourth person in this we could call zach he's not busy doing anything he just doesn't have internet i think this is a perfect question for him to answer he's definitely gonna screen the call but go for it i'll text him and make sure he, or you guys text him and tell him to pick up. And I hope he picks up while Verizon's there doing his internet. And he says all of this out loud for him. Hello? Hey. oh hello hey would you rather get a bad hand job from your grandmother or a good hand job from your grandmother with it being a time limit of seven minutes so we said five minutes four minutes five minutes four minutes five. Bad is the correct answer. There you go.

Why? Well, the Comcast guy is here. I don't want to be talking about him. Spell it out word by word. All right. I'm texting. Bye. Bye. That could not have been more perfect.

It's so good. That was awesome. I wish he went into detail though. And you just heard the Comcast guy in the background like, I think I'm going to be done here. I'll come back tomorrow. Well that worked out exactly how I thought it was going to all right well there's answer though the answer is bad and I feel good that we all agree with that one yeah all

right I have five total so we have three left we'll see if we get to all of them if we don't that's fine we can do this again at some point you know keep us going oh yeah all right would you rather sweat milk or have to bathe in baked beans twice a week bathe in baked beans just sounds fun i'm not gonna lie i fucking hate both of these these are both like yeah first off that's usually how would you rather work rooks no but like the fucking like okay grandma one outside of the easy choice before the grandma one the other one i thought was an easy choice but this is like like it's two things that i think would be like first off laying in a fucking bath of baked beans i cannot think of something that sounds worse.

Other than maybe a handjob from your grandmother. And then like sweating milk. Like, I'm just going to. It's like, are we talking thick milk? Like, are we talking like whole milk? Thick milk is a really funny. No, thick milk is a really funny way to describe it though so I'm gonna can I get like moldy

that's actually a good question what if you're lactose intolerant I'm probably I'm probably going baked beans because the more I think about the milk sweat I just can't it's just what if it's baked beans bathing in it every day

so what if it's baked beans bathing in it every day so can you wash the baked beans off of you that's a great question I feel like you can't I feel like you like you yeah I feel like you bathing in baked beans means like you are literally rubbing these baked beans all over you and then

you're getting out of the fucking shower okay can I towel off though and then your're telling yeah could you could you do like one baby boy like without soap and stuff like you bathe in baked beans and stuff and then like because then you're just gonna have like baked bean towels all the time yeah yeah that's the life you're living i mean that's fine i i already have like a towel for cooper when he comes in from outside the white button is like dirt off him so like it's just i'll just have like a baked bean towel and then you want you can get like three of those you wash them yeah i'm still going beans you're only doing three towels oh dude i'm gonna say it's only like three times a week oh i changed it to every day oh so then seven and then you shower or bathe in

your baked beans wipe off and throw it in the laundry and the laundry is also baked beans and it just smooshes it around in a circle and then my whatever throw it in a bucket and then throw it i'm not gonna explain laundry to you right here my thing is too i just the amount that i sweat like that's too that would be too much like having free milk then i mean all right so here's here's i'm not gonna sweat like what am i gonna do wipe a cup against me and then it's gonna happen oh man no i hate this so um i'm actually like an athlete and play hockey, so, like, thinking of, like, when I'm sweating and drenched, like, in sweat playing hockey, like, that would be milk on my pads, which I would then have to weakly, like, wash, and that sounds, like, even more

horrendous than just throwing baked bean towels into the wash and stuff. And then, like, whatever. Also, you're gonna look like a walking spunk tank man like yeah you're literally gonna look bukkake at all times one i think you sweat more than any of us so maybe you'll look like that yeah i don't think yeah yeah okay okay or you just look like you're in a Gatorade commercial and it would be kind of sick Gatorade rain like the white one sort of they have Gatorade white cherry

which I partake in do you want to know why there's no commercials on white cherry flavor white commercial Gatorade do you want me to explain that advertising nightmare yeah it's white cherry flavor of Of course, it's easy. Yeah, it's great.

It's a great idea. Let's push this through. I'm going baked beans as much as I hate it. Corey, you're also going baked beans? Easily baked beans, yeah. I hate baked beans so much. Easily the worst side on barbecue. And I like milk so much.

One, I wouldn't buy milk anymore. so much easily the worst side on barbecue and i like milk so much that one so you drink your own milk okay yeah there i mean would you i don't think i would i mean it depends like i guess if it's my life i'm sure i would eventually because it's like you would not get weirded out by it currently as somebody who doesn't sweat milk i would say i'm grossed out by it. Currently, as somebody who doesn't sweat milk, I would say I'm grossed out by thinking of me drinking my own milk sweat. You've never had sweat run down your face into your mouth? This is the easiest shit in the world. You tell Burn,

hey, you're going to save money on milk? And he's like, yeah, obviously. This man's living in his second crack den currently. Think of how many baked beans that man eats, too, though. He'd save a lot of money there. That's true. You could just eat baked beans for the rest of your life. Exactly.

No. No. You'd never have to spend money on food. You'd just be fueled by baked beans, which is another problem. But you'd never have to eat be fueled by baked beans which is another problem but like you never have to eat anything other than baked beans i would rather sweat milk and then shower more frequently than sweat regularly but then also have to shower in baked beans yeah i guess that's a good point too but which which i think a shower of baked beans is a lot funnier than a bathtub full of baked beans. And that's what my choice would be for you guys.

So you have to be a really big tube. And like your shower head, the little like pinholes are going to have to be like bean sized. Or you just don't have a shower head. Like you have a tube where just baked beans come out. Like I don't know why you're separating the baked beans. No, no, no, no, no. Why do you need a head for the fucking baked beans come out of it. Like, I don't know why you're separating the baked beans. Why do you need a fucking... Why do you need a head for the

fucking baked beans, man? You want different options for how they come out? I want a missed bean option. The baked bean pressure in your bathroom is just right, guys. Do you think... Do you think you pick like a different flavor of baked beans yeah going spicy if we're gonna bathe in baked beans you have to give us the option to change

around the flavor every once in a while it's like a bath bomb for you for your baked beans i can't hear the word baked beans again we've said baked beans the phrase baked beans 60 times in two minutes i can't hear it again just move on to the next one baked beans battlestar galactica bon john vov um i'm sticking with baked beans i want to look up some flavors and i want to get you guys some, uh, some choices and we're going to go through what would be the best, uh, bathtub of baked beans to be in. I want to hear the other.

Would you rather? Yeah. I want to just move on from this one. Really? Yeah. We're almost out of the flavors. We got time for like one more and I want to, I want to hear another,

I don't want to end off on baked beans being repeated 500 times. I'm completely there. Real fast, then, 30 seconds. I found eight flavors. You got brown sugar hickory, country style, onion, original, barbecue, home style, maple and cured bacon, or vegetarian. Pick one, Corey. Brown sugar.

Rooks. Yeah, I i was gonna say maple brown sugar you can't double up pick a new flavor um um vegetarian barbecue it's got that gives you that smoky man flavor i feel like vegetarian and baked beans would just be like nothing. They cancel each other out. Just let nature run its course, dude. It's all natural ingredients. You know beans aren't meat. Pick your goddamn flavor.

I'm so tired of talking about fucking baked beans. Just pick your flavor. Country style. I didn't know I was supposed to pick one too all right would you rather have chopsticks for hands yep or office chair wheels for feet you're perfectly adept at using both is it is it like each of my fingers is a chopstick? Or like I have literally just like a pincher chopstick? That's a great question. It's worded as, would you rather have chopsticks for hands? Okay, so it's definitely like just like a pincher then.

Yeah. Or it's singular chopsticks. One. Oh. Yeah, I was thinking one per hand, but that makes no sense. I think it's two per hand. Yeah. a little pinch you guys so you're you're a crab you're a little crab guy i feel like it'd be more important to have her oh i'm absolutely going uh the wheels for feet 100 why you know how nice it would be like going like on a downhill and just like letting letting my

body just coast down yeah like that'd be so sweet but how would you break how do you get uphill i'm a dad you said i'm good at using them so i breaking yeah i could absolutely fucking hit a little tokyo drift fucking nice little stop for you. And then going uphill, we're gonna like, we're gonna have to figure that out. So I was picturing like, I don't know why, because I'm sitting in an office chair I was picturing like one leg that has multiple wheels on it.

Is that what we're saying? Or are we saying like you have two legs with just wheels on them? It's the same thing as the chopstick, right? Where it's like one singular one and that's your foot. One wheel per foot per foot oh then you're just on roller skates your whole life that's kind of fun i'd rather do that well you're not you're on one wheel per foot hey one wheel per foot though is like skates though you could still do that it's like heelys but you're saying you're like you're good at using them which which means I can get around.

It's not like it's like... Yeah, but you can't stop on one wheel. You know how on your office chair they spin? It's not like a roller blade where they're stuck facing one direction. That's why you can stop using roller blades. On an office chair, you're just going. You have to stop with your hands somehow. Maybe you're good at it. We're just going to crash into shit.

Physically, I don't think you could get uphill with those, right? Because they're going to just swivel around so you won't have any friction to push up a hill, right? I guess it's not that fun because you're not... Chopsticks for hands, then.

Chopsticks for hands is... Like, what am I going to do with this shit, bro? Buddy, I don't want to sit at the bottom of the hill and just look at it and be like, now what? Like, I just don't want to do that. I get it. I'm just saying, like, oh, the wheel sounded so fun, and then now it's like, well, it was pretty inconvenient.

Yeah. I think you could still, drive a car you know just just if we're walking around you just need to avoid hills at least up hills i mean first off have you seen where cory lives second off yeah yeah that's kind of what i was thinking about so hills there's hills i step outside my house and i'm just down at the bottom of the hill immediately though that's kind of nice solution you have a dog yep yep that's true mush i guess i guess also too though like now i was thinking about the chopsticks and like it'd be pretty fucking hard to drive a car. Imagine trying to shift. Like really?

Just, Oh, cause we got pincers. Yeah. Yeah. It's not, this is not singles. It's not like sticks again.

Okay. Wait, I thought we said it was single chopsticks. It's not pinchies. Okay. Crab claws. Yeah. I mean,

I guess. It's less fun for sure you're gonna have to have a straw for every single drink too probably cause like using your little like pincers that's hard with a glass cup you know you could double up if you use both pincers at the same time you could I would just

rather get a straw but then now it's like how do you open up the straw with your pincers at the same time you could i would just rather get a straw but then now it's like how do you open up the straw with like this okay one also so if i have yeah i have the office chair wheels it's like it's truly like an office chair where it's like it can it's like on like a swivel it swivels yeah oh man you're never gonna be able to catch a ball ever again if you have the pencil you'd never play football I mean I got bigger problems man like oh also are we talking like if your hands are chopsticks are they like

little baby ones like are they the size of your your fingers or they like fully like full chopsticks okay man I really want to do the wheels but I do the wheels but I'm gonna do the chopsticks you'd never be able to wear contacts again if you do chopsticks

I mean I feel like you could get pretty good yeah that's true I have way bigger problems than this I think the hill thing's not that big of a problem I think it's your only problem, and there's way more advantages.

Like, one, you know, like the, just get like a motorized skateboard, and if you ever find a, keep it in your backpack, if you ever find a hill, just sit on it and ride up. So do I ever have, do I have,

like, is the office chair thing on the bottom of like my foot, or it completely gets rid of my foot, and that's, like... At, like, the bottom of my ankle, I have... Does it matter? Yeah, because then I could, like... I could, like, break by, like, pushing back on my heel or something if, like, the chair was in the middle.

Oh, no. Okay. It's not a foot also with a wheel. That's what I'm asking. Yeah, okay, okay okay i think you have to go chopsticks man like the thing is too even if you have like a motorized skateboard and shit you're gonna have to balance it and your shit swivels like your feet you sit you'd have to sit oh man that's just i'm going chopsticks okay cory i think i i think i'm going chopsticks too as i look at

the hill outside my house but mate would you be a better skater if you could swivel like ice skater but that's the thing like i can't see i know you keep saying like mentally, I just can't get like wrapped around the idea of being good at skating with swivel legs. Like, I understand you're telling me I could, but I don't know logically how like I could do that. So I like I just have to go chopsticks at that point. Like it isn't. I'm telling you, it's really enticing because you know know how good I would be at just, like, deck hockey? Like, which there's a lot of deck hockey here in Pittsburgh, like, that'd be fun, but, like, that would be my only good positive use.

And again, the hill thing, can't get over that. Yeah, it's the hills for, like, just not, you're not going to be able to effectively, like, you'll be able to balance and stand on them and, like, move around a little, but you see a hill, you're fucking done fucking done like you can't do anything it's just way more i think it's just way more inconvenient for the wheels thing versus like the hands for chopsticks thing the first thing i think of is like it's a cool like thing to try to like do every day with like i feel like you could get around mostly like the same way you could live you could live like live a life a more normal life for sure

what are we saying your hands regenerate if they break i mean if i just say they don't break if i didn't it's okay yeah i mean because that's the thing you say the same thing i don't think any fucking office wheel is able to like withstand going down there you know yeah yeah i was just thinking of like if your hands catch on fire what happens i mean that's a risk we all play every day you know what if i go to the gym and someone shoots me you know like it's we're hypothetical what ifs they're in the what ifs of life man all right well zach's not here to say the song of the week so uh we didn't start the fire okay what happened

bye Bye. Outro Music