It’s Wednesday My Dudes - 111: You Gotta Pay the Troll Toll, to Get in Big Hole Guys' Hole (ft. Dan)

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

Big hole guy finally drops trow to show the world how big it really is. Dan graces us with his presence this week as Ruxx sends in his spec-script for the next Fast in the Furious franchise movie, we do a tasty would you rather, and Dans but gets warm.Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts!Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. I would just first like to start off by saying it is an honor to be here. I did not sleep well last night. I pre-call, you know, in the warm-up period in the green room. We talked about how tired I was today, but I'm fired up. I'm ready to go. I just hope I can pull through for you guys and um make this a special for you as it is jesus what is this some job interview farewell somebody hired

this man oh my god i do have my resume handy if you need a copy i'd be happy to we'll make sure to link that when when brian posts it yeah on all our social yeah yeah. If you have a list of 25 references as well, I'll need those as well. Can we count the bachelor party? That's 10. I'll just use those 10. I have to make 15 more friends though, but I'll start working on it.

You could write Jill's name down a couple different times and that might count. She could change her voice. I could use someone with their personal phone number and then maybe a work cell phone number. A death phone number. Their Snapchat username. You could get a lot out of that. Dan.

It seems like you've done this before. Have you done this before? Once or twice. No comment. It's fine. We've never hired anybody for the show usually they just kind of show up we used we could use an intern do you need the experience and only the experience well it doesn't hurt to add it so um we'll see how this goes and

i might start putting my name out there more often. Fair. Okay. I actually think Dylan was our intern for an episode, and we blamed everything that went wrong on him. So just be prepared to be blamed for everything. Nothing will go wrong. I know. I like the confidence. We got over our roadblocks. We're good now.

Yeah. He's good with IT. We figured that out. The real question is, Dan, do you like Fast and the Furious? You want the real answer? Yeah. How many movies have you seen? Because Brian asked me earlier today, and I had a guess, but I don't think it was.

I had a guess. I mean, I've seen when the first two came out, I definitely watched them. I mean, that was like you had to watch them. Yeah. I remember the Tokyo Drift one. And I probably have seen parts of every single movie. And when I see them, I never know which movie is which. And I just assume it's the same one.

Fair enough. I don't know. I watched Hobbs versus Shaw. That counts, right? That's one of them. You watched that one? That's like one of the ones you watched. It's the only one I remember that I knew I watched.

And Tokyo Drift. I've seen that one. That one I saw. Those two are probably the most recent watches. Did it make any sense watching that one? I wasn't going to hold it back. You watched episode 1, 2, 3, and 13. Yeah, that's true.

I thought you were going to say only hobbs and shaw which is like saying you've seen like the lion king when you've only seen lion king one and a half or whatever that one is where it's like what like barely not that not that bad okay why are you guys uh well you guys into this the fast and furious i mean is there like a pop quiz that i i asked court if i was supposed to prepare anything I didn't know that would We will put you on the hot seat there's not a pop quiz And it's not strictly Fast and Furious But like

Somebody might have a question about it We could change it Yeah we could The reason I bring it up Since Rooks is out this week He so graciously sent us a clip For us to play He loves Fast and the Furious as Everyone listeners viewers Since Rooks is out this week, he so graciously sent us a clip for us to play.

Perfect. He loves Fast and the Furious, as everyone, listeners, viewers of the show know. And as the aspiring writer and creative that he is, he wrote us a script and performed it live. Let's go. It is three minutes long. That sounds like too long, but okay. Yeah. So I have it as a clip on youtube that's like private so like no one can see it but i can pause it so if we ever want to just stop let me know and if we ever want to stop for commentary let me know okay so we will raise our hand if we would like to add commentary other than that just let it ride

let's see this strap in title have you seen this yet did you watch i've listened to i've read the first like four lines and i've listened to him speak before if that's gonna okay we'll just let's soak it in yeah 11 pizza drift int pizza shop day dominic terretto letty ortiz brian o'connor mia terretto roman pierce t.h parker and ramsey are gathered inside a newly opened pizza shop they're dressed in aprons with flour on their faces and hands dominic the context there's also a pizza angle to it just if you're confused why there's a pizza it's like nice is it drive-through pizza oh don't get me started probably well it's official we're the fastest pizza yolo's in the world letty grinning

who would have thought the family that races together also makes pizza together? Brian chuckles. You know, we've been through everything. Racing, heists, and saving the world. Maybe it's time for a change of pace. MIA. Teasing. Dom, I always knew you had a soft spot for Italian cuisine.

Dominic smirking. What can I say? Racing and pizza have a lot in common. Speed, precision, and that burning desire to be the best. Suddenly a mysterious... Alright. I'm gonna stop you there. Do you have it sped up? Speed, precision, and that burning desire to be the best. Suddenly, a mysterious... All right. I'm going to stop you there. Do you have it sped up?

Or is he just live? Yeah, we told him to really enunciate everything. I can't. We can't let this keep going on. I can't. We're only 45 seconds in. We've got another two minutes. Man, we're almost one third of the way.

That's pretty good. I think I'm just getting to the good part. I'll let it go another 40 seconds, maybe. Give it a try. Okay, there we go. Let's get back into it. It hurts my ears. A stranger bursts into the shop, breathing heavily.

Mysterious. Stranger. Frantically stranger, frantically. Shreddo, you have to come quickly. The world is in danger. Dominic, confused. Who are you and what do you mean? Mysterious stranger, waving hands. There's a powerful criminal organization planning to unleash chaos on a global scale.

They possess a technology capable of disabling every electrical system in the world tj raising an eyebrow sounds like they're cooking up some serious trouble if they succeed it could lead to anarchy destruction and millions of lives lost let you determine so what what's our plan mysterious stranger whispering they're hosting an underground street race in the city tonight showcasing their latest prototype and we need to infiltrate the race and retrieve that technology before the d can deploy it dominic grinning well it seems like we're back in business extra city streets night the crew has modified their pizza delivery cars into high performance machines at the starting line ready to race

Dominic intense remember it's not just about winning the race we have to stop them from achieving their evil plan the race begins with blistering speed and heart pounding action the crew showcases their exceptional driving skills there's some like sound effects

in there too for some reason I gotta stop it because I some like sound effects in there too for some reason i gotta stop it because i want to at least chime in and be the voice of reason a little bit we can't listen to the full three minutes because i don't think rooks and zach are ever gonna come on again they're gonna be mad i think we have discussed what kind of vehicles these uh cars at the starting lineup would be pizza delivery cars what What do you expect? What's your typical pizza delivery vehicle? Oh 85 What's the pizza van pizza SUV from Pizza Planet on

That's I mean that's like this skin you get like if you're playing the video game like that's a hot drop I Mean there's a video game for the pizza Fast and Furious movie now We're expanding I'm on for it why stop at just a movie I mean start the franchise over again you gotta let Dan behind the curtain right now there's no way that you've picked up on it because he's never done a podcast

with us um you can listen to some episodes there's a lovely website that lets me do ai voices of our friends and so then you also combine that with chat gpt of saying hey write us a script for fast and furious but also make them own a pizza shop and then this is what you get so it sounds so good but then there's parts of it where it's like so sped up or like his voice goes like in the beginning so i did catch on to it when i's like so sped up or like his voice goes like in the beginning.

So I did catch on to it when I was like, how is he speaking so quickly? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When it was like really like high pitched at the beginning, it settled down a little bit and then he had a stroke and then I was nervous. There's a slider on the like voice program and it's like, do you want it to be steady and monotone or do you want them to have like inflection in their voice? And if you do the inflection in their voice thing, they do a lot of the in between sounds. And it's insane, but way more entertaining. Guys, we have a 50. No, we have a minute and a one second left. I want to know how it ends.

I want to say no. We got to get into weekends. We got to interview this man for on hot seat. We can't. I thought this was just going to be like one scene. I mean, are we getting the whole movie progressing here? It's only three minutes. What did Rooks do for us here?

Rooks is a crazy mind. I think we should hear him out. I'd like to hear it. Where did we leave off on? Dan wants to hear it. They're at the starting line. They're getting ready to drop the towel or throw it up in the air and throw it around and throw it specified i'm pretty sure he's like just we have to save the world but also we have to win the race i think he said at one point so you do

have to do both so okay well go ahead brian maybe instead of i don't want to pre-predict it but maybe instead of like the shirt or the bra that they twirl, they take a pizza. They twirl the pizza and when it hits the ground, that's when they gotta go. That'd be sick, actually. 100% what happens. Executing daring drifts and maneuvers. INT, criminal headquarters, night. Meanwhile,

Roman hacks into the criminal organization surveillance systems, discovering their secret hideout location. Roman, through earpiece guys i've got their coordinates meet me at the rendezvous point after the race xd city streets night the crew battles rival racers overcoming obstacles and evading the authorities all while keeping an eye on the prize the technology that could save the world nt criminal headquarters control room night dominic and the crew infiltrate the criminal hideout, engaging in intense hand-to-hand combat and high-octane chase sequences.

Dominic to the crew, we're running out of time. Find the technology, disable it, and let's get out of here. They locate the technology and manage to deactivate it, preventing the impending disaster. The X-State criminal headquarters rooftop. Knight. State Criminal Headquarters rooftop night. The crew makes a daring escape by racing through the city's rooftop, skillfully maneuvering past obstacles and jumping over gaps.

It got really generic by the end there. It just kept saying they got the technology, where there's so many details about pizza at the beginning. Bad ending. Bad ending. I'm sorry, guys. We can do better than that. I mean, hey, it's like a Fast and the Furious. I feel like they should just adapt that into the movie. They should have stopped eventually, but they just kept going.

It's actually really spot on. AI's getting too smart. Chat to the T. God damn. Thank you. Shout out, Rooks. Yeah, shout out, Rooks. Aspiring writer.

Aspiring director. We'll see him back here next Wednesday. It is Wednesday, my dude. I'm going to fuck you, Brian. Yo-ho. Yo, how do you get milk out of a crab? Give me milk now, mommy. Fat matches.

Solve world hunger tonight. Look at this vagina. Animal style. Bonnie has a wonderland. Be the way. I'm sweater. Ow! That came as an orgasm?

Wah, wah, wahoo! That's like an orgy, my guy. What's up, sluts? The Olympics are a fraud. Your word is Reichstrabatism. Ew, you're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through it. Your bottom self?

Trying to low-key penetrate you with his... Hey, boo-boo. I shall not. Yeah, I shall not. Talking around to shit himself all the time. He's trying to have sex with a woman. Gun to the penis is what you need, brother. White Jesus.

Kirby's down there just blowing. Kneecaps are not organs. Fuck you, Ratatouille. It is Wednesday, my dudes. Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode 111. The long-awaited appearance of the Dan-Mul. Thank you for coming on.

I feel like we've waited like 100 episodes too long to have you on. It's a little too late. Episode 12. We should have waited one more. That's Dan's number. Would have been good. Although it's one and twelve. I feel like 111 one is more special though because i feel like more people can relate to the all ones versus one one two it's only special to me but that's true there we go hey next time you

join a im team make sure you grab that coveted one one one number that everybody goes for yeah yep a man of the people always looking out for them and not yourself. We finally get to do another hot seat though, because we haven't had a guest on in a while. So I'm hyped. I'm very excited. We haven't said these stupid questions in a while. And you've had a lot of time to practice other people's answers. So you better be creative.

Oh boy. We had our call in from Brooks already. And we have a, a would you rather that was sent to us through Instagram direct message, which like I guess that works. So shout out Dylan. Shout out. And it's been like two weeks, so I bet we have some random stories. So, Dan, you can go last.

But you know how this works. We talk. We tell a story from the week. If you got an emoji to describe it, feel free, because that's also sort of what we do right now. But yeah, Corey, start us off off how was your week yeah uh so two weeks ago i think it was because it's been two weeks since the last one so i was in philly the weekend prior to that one for a wedding um had like a nice little uh r and r weekend because it was cold we got there like thursday and claire was in the wedding but i didn't have to go to all the extracurricular stuff so yeah had a nice hotel got in thursday

had fun at the uh uh rehearsal dinner and then there was the day off in between which was nice and that but i worked from the hotel but dope ass hotel uh and then claire went to like a barbecue or whatever for the afternoon and then she was going over to stay at the uh bride's place so then i just had like a whole like hotel like kind of like swanky hotel a little bit like off into the like the outskirts of philly so it was like kind of like had everything around it like coffee shop and stuff like that yeah so i kind of like just chilled took a nap at like 4 p.m i went out with the other two uh there's a husband of one of the other bridesmaids and a boyfriend of the other one of another bridesmaid we went out and played like a golf

simulator brought our own beers and then just like called in a night like and then did the next morning went out for coffee the three of us and hung out because the girls were all getting ready and then we just went to the wedding. It was a, it was a good time, but sounds like you didn't need Claire for this weekend, except for just the invite. And then it was like, okay, I got it from here. And it was great. And we can like, I will say too, like when you are a plus one to somebody who's in the

wedding, you get a primetime table too. Like we were right next to the dance floor, like next to the sweetheart table too. So you're like hanging out with the, the, you know, key, uh, guests, bride and groom. Um, but one wild story from it was that, well, two actually. So the, one of the groomsmen that I met on the rehearsal the night before, um, we had like a nice dinner, like out of telling you how to shout, they had the open bar or whatever. We were there for like three hours or four hours drinking um his wife was super pregnant and she came she was there thursday just like hanging out the next day or no yet saturday at the wedding like he came in

and like uh ryan the guy i was with he was like oh do you hear the story because i wasn't at the barbecue the day before because i was working and i was like no and he was like oh yeah remember his wife who was like really pregnant i was like yeah she uh wanted to labor the day before so he like the day before the wedding he had the birth of his child and then i think he was like running a little late on like saturday which is just like wild and also like obviously the mom wasn't there but like at one point i was like oh like i saw him and i was like where's like i wonder where she's at just like just taking care of your business yeah just had a baby you know pop out day one you're invited to a wedding that kid's gonna be popular you should have showed up

also so did they make it back to the wedding did Did they both come or just him? No, just him. I was going to say, that would be- I mean, the other one at that point was she had some things to do. She could have brought the date back. Priority, yeah. I wonder if he would have even gone to the wedding at that point, but he was in the wedding. So if he wasn't in the wedding, would he have gone? Question mark.

Good friend, bad friend. That's a really test of the relationship. Yeah. Exactly. Good husband, good friend. One last forever, one you can divorce. So, you know. Exactly, good friend. One lasts forever. One you can divorce. So, you know.

Exactly. Friendship. This is true. But then the other funny story for that weekend, I'm not even going to go through this weekend because two funny stories. The other one was, so the bride and groom, like, kind of, like, not fun story.

Like, earlier when they were dating, they, like, went out to, like, a shooting range. And there was, like, one of the shrapnel from the bullets like that katie was shooting like popped up and caught uh jerry in the eye so like bad accident uh they're all great now but he's like partially like his vision is partially impaired in the one eye so i'm telling you this story yeah i was gonna say you started off with this is gonna be a funny story this is pre maybe this is wild story i think it's like a year ago this is like a wild story so i'm telling you that because uh at the

wedding the you know how briding uh the wedding party does like entries or whatever and they do like funny things so one of the couples they was the best entry i've ever seen they came in and the bridesmaid took out a little water gun and like sprayed the groomsman in the eye and then he pulled out an eye patch and it was incredible it was hilariously done um so that was like i just had to tell that because it's the best one i mean i was here for the first half you lost me in the second half except the entrance the entrances are always so like uncreative anyway so i love it because it's like very unique to that situation you do the football hike with the the flowers you do you know someone gets on one knee exactly so

that was the first time i've been like wow like great job bring back the trauma the emotional and physical of everyone who came through that day like pretend like you're my dad and you beat me uh yeah exactly yeah so so my pirate my emoji is going to be i'm assuming there's a pirate emoji so make one that or pirate right there's got to be a pirate. My emoji is going to be, I'm assuming there's a pirate emoji. We'll make one. Or a pirate as well. There's got to be one of those.

We'll hoist the Jolly Roger. Dan, how was the weekend? Shout out to the Buckets. Shout out. Do I need to play the noise again? No, it's fine. It's good. Sorry about your ears i've tried to make the ai scream before and it just goes like ah like it you can't you gotta move that lever though you gotta slide up the bar make

put a little more uh spoopy in it a little bit but you can't control like volume like you can like enunciate things differently but it doesn't make you do it loud so gotcha i've tried maybe the next version of it they'll add that in um cory i know you have hawaiian rules for thanksgiving every year because karina ever so lovingly brings them all the time yeah so i know you're over going through that grocery store. All the way to Hawaii and back. Dan, what are your thoughts on Hawaiian rolls? I would say I grew up deprived as a child from having quality rolls.

Grew up in a household with a lot of white bread, a lot of potatoes, just bland chicken. If there was a King's Hawaiian roll that showed up on the plate i would be a new man but uh now that i have uh a job and i can buy what i want top notch top notch i know i've been missing out on my whole cabinet of only hawaiian rolls no i control myself i mean i'm not like addicted to, but if I see one, it won't be there for long. Plus, I always, I'm no cook by any means, or chef, shall I say,

but they have all those Instagram videos of people making like the sliders with the things on the rolls. They're so good. Buffalo chicken, chicken parmesan, you got a little garlic butter on top. And I just think,

wow, I should make those but i never do so yeah maybe someone will bring them to a party one time so just uh just fyi you know off the floor you could eat off the floor if you had to among other things not where i was going with this but um i was in the store recently they uh kind of changed things with those and for the better i saw hawaiian roll bagels and they're incredible i'm so happy they're so like is it like a dense bagel or is it still super soft it's halfway so it's still like a bagel but it's definitely like softer it has like the same texture on the outside as like hawaiian rolls do and it's sort of sweet made like a breakfast sandwich with it tastes like mcgrittle oh you toast it get toasted

warm it up how do you how do you uh of course i don't know sit on it for a little bit and just put it under tommy's stomach while he sleeps put it in your back pocket and walk around yeah yeah yeah walking around hawai rule. One for each cheek. But like, you know, look in your stores because it's worth it. That's my food news for the week. My gym pet peeve for the week, though. There's like a pool next, like the squat racks in my gym, which is like very inconvenient spacing.

There's a wall between. So but still. OK. I was thinking about that. There's a lazy river so but still okay i was having to think about that there's a lazy river around all the dumbos which i would be on board for that'd be sick but there's this dude who's like swimming laps and they decided he needed to get out and stretch of course he's in a speedo but he's just like up against the glass just like leaning left and right full speedo like seriously like two three inches away from the glass. And like on the other side of the glass on one side,

just people like the mats where you stretch. Like, dude, your bulge is out for everyone to see. You know what you're doing. There's like the other side of the pool is away from all of the glass and it's very private. And he decided to walk over this corner and just swing that thing around in front of everybody. It's a pet peeve.

I'm not a fan. Never thought that that would have to be on somebody's list love that it is yeah yeah you know how they i'm sure you're not the only one did you think it was like a two-way mirror like did he have like uh was it like glass on one side he's thinking like oh no one can see me on the other side of that meanwhile he's checking out his own bowl you're probably hitting a PR on the bench press after seeing that. There's puke trickling down my shirt afterwards. Brian's pre-workout is watching a man stretch in his speedo before he goes to the lift. Slinging it back and forth coming out of the pool.

Gets the blood flowing, man, on leg day. Really pushes all that blood down where it needs to go. Shown off as medicine balls, if you will. Newest form of creatine. Yeah. really pushes all that blood downward and needs to go. Shown off as medicine balls, if you will. In his form of creatine. Yeah. So, I saw Spider-Man. It was incredible. I went to a graduation. It was incredible

for her, but like, you know, graduations are boring. But, yeah. High school, college? What was the... College. College, okay. Mazel. How do we feel about high school graduations and college graduations? Overrated, underrated? The difference between them or just both of them lumped together? Are you saying would you rather go to a high school or go to a...

I was going to say the only thing I would, I guess, say high school greater than college is like the speaker is generally somebody you might have had a relationship with. Other than like a professor or like the governor of Pennsylvania showing up and being like, oh, I relate to you guys because I went to school here. And it's like, yeah, but do you like at least with ours? I forget who it was. It was our English teacher. I forget what his name was so shows how close i was with them but i was closer to him than i was i don't even know what person's job it was that did the speech at my college so yeah for high school at least you

like you know every single person walking across that stage you've at least seen them walk by where college like i sat down next, like two kids I knew. And that was it. I was like, well, that was it. The sucks. I think for college,

here we are for the next two hours. Yeah. For college would have been like, if you had one of those like noticeable kids, like in Penn state, we had the Afro kid. Oh, squirrel girl.

Yeah. Squirrel girl. Like if you saw like one of those, like obviously not famous, but like campus famous people, you'd be like, hell yeah. This is the best graduation ever. Yeah. Glad they made it out.

I think we should skip college graduation and then really pump up preschool graduation. I like when toddlers do adult things and they don't know how to do it. So they're kind of wearing the robe and they're walking, but they all fall because like it you don't make toddler size robes i was gonna say you made it in class before you went you gotta roll it make sure you get the size of your head the valedictorian of preschool has to give a speech that's gonna be incredible like come on yes that'll get me pumped up so they've got their diploma like rolled up but it's sticking to their hands because they just had maple syrup they just had maple syrup like that's the only thing they had they just drink maple syrup that's like for as an example there could be sticky maple syrup on i'm not saying they only i'm not saying only toddlers have maple syrup and they can't have

anything else because you know they're chugging maple syrup in the green room bar yeah those canadian toddlers so the one redeeming quality of going to college graduation is uh the names because you don't know these people and they're insane so i got four uh three of them i think are fake but they read them out loud they said them very loud and proud and they were on the screen and no one else around me reacted at all. And I like looked around. But you had to do like a little make, try to make eye contact with someone who felt the same way, but you were alone.

We were like an hour and a half into a two hour graduation and like people were asleep. So, you know, I understand why they didn't catch it. But so first one I saw their first name was the which is incredible awesome because any last name afterwards is so cool anything anything at all your first name's the oh so cool it was pronounced like not as the but like it was spelled like yeah yeah no it was like i mean they might have pronounced it wrong but it wasn't the it was like to he or to her or something um the next one was but to you but to you it was the the to me it was the the next one was dick hurt uh d-i-k-h-y-u-r-t dick hurt no one reacted at all. Dude's name was Dick hurt.

After that, like 20 minutes after that was Finn McCock. P-H-I-N-N-M-A-K-E-C-K. Finn McCock. Again, no one reacted at all. And then quickly after that, Jennifer, my quatch. First name, Jennifer. Middle name, my last name, Q-U-A-C- first name jennifer middle name my last name q u a c h they said the middle name yeah they said they said no they said they say their full name like you could tell them a lot of people have like four names um so like good for them get the whole thing

right out two of them were fake that's why they had four names i don't know how the system worked i needed to like ask the person who graduated be like did you just write down anything you wanted because there's no way dick hurt finn mccock and jennifer my quatch are three real names that graduated for or i should just ask her like do you hey are you friends with dick hurt at your college like we're buds it made no sense two of them are in the same class like the teacher reads their names out they're probably just like all right guys everybody get out my class yeah i go by john now it's fine you can you can forget dick hurt it's it's no longer the

actually it's the the die the though he's an old englishman yeah sorry uh i don't know what an emoji for that would be is there a speedo diploma diploma sure yeah speedo a diploma and then an emoji where it's a square and just the on the inside of it we can make that a thing so yeah that was it was weird two weeks dan how was the last 28 nine years of your life how much time do we have make it quick though we got about 29 minutes give me one highlight from every year i'm gonna go i'm gonna go with the past two weeks so two weeks ago is last time you guys met so i'll fill in from there there we go that's good came back from chicago and i had i didn't really do a lot last weekend but i will say last week highlight of the week the past two weeks and up there as activities in the past year besides the chicago trip I went to see two friends,

the big booty mix guys. Concert. It looked crazy. Better than the DJ at the Lazy River Club? The Bamboo Club? Yeah, they still haven't responded back to me, by the way. So if anyone wanted to know, looking for an update to see if I got a response back on the instagram dm we are still waiting for the bamboo club dj

i will say though that on tiktok if i scroll through every once in a while i get a bamboo club tiktok that's not the algorithm come check out this place the the new the new bar in chicago the the place with all the cool drinks which i didn't see one cool drink the whole time we were there a lot of michael yeah a lot of um a lot of mickeys being passed around not a lot of cool drinks but apparently that's the place to get some drinks and listen yeah i wouldn't know never happened we have to go back when it opens but um so it was unbelievable i was i was living it up that night um it was on a tuesday too it was a wednesday there was an invite out there to you uh i was on the way to philly that day i would have been allegedly allegedly i told you the whole baby you could i almost said baby

making not that story sounded too made up that I don't believe you. You probably left Thursday and could have come to the concert. Fair enough. Yeah, so that happened, and it was a blast. So if anyone has two friends coming to their nearby arena, highly recommend it. I give two friends two thumbs up. Of course.

The weekend, I don't think two thumbs up. The weekend, I don't think anything's happened. We've been pretty low-key. Been eating out a lot. Chick-fil-A. Got some nuggets from Chick-fil-A. You said eating out a lot right after Corey said big hole things, and it was

great timing. That's the bad comment. I've been hanging out with the other big hole guy. Hole to great time that's the bad comment i've been hanging out with the other big hole guy no hold on that's how you be we like to yeah i'm not even there so uh yes steer clear of that one so you don't want to you don't want to go down that conversation we'll leave that out emoji that weekend or that week hey you said two thumbs up I think that's easy I would say two thumbs up with like some you're not gonna throw a saxophone in there

I saw that snapchat you sent a you sent a saxophone snapchat they threw that in there they dabbled in the saxophone he came out of nowhere too like the lights would go dark you know when they trick you

it's like a magic show where it's like super bright and then black and then all of a sudden the lights would go dark. You know, when they trick you, it's like a magic show where it's like super bright and then black. And then all of a sudden the lights come back on. There's more people. Saxophone. And then one of them has a saxophone.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. So yeah, two thumbs up emojis and lasers. If you got that, we'll throw in the laser emoji or like. Yeah, you got it. When you send the text, you can do the screen effects. And I think one of them is lasers.

Yeah, let's go down the send button with the lasers exactly hey that's a first we've never had a screen effects on the emoji weekend way to make your uh make your mark also if you want to add to that you could do the saxophone emoji and then do the invisible ink and then you could like that's this too much that's tough we'll keep with the lasers through the lasers you could only do one screen effect or one text effect. I don't think you can double up. I'll save it. I'll save it for next week. It's his first episode.

I say let the man go. I say triple up if you want. Throw another effect in there. Someone's got to call Apple and change the settings and let us do it. I'm for it. I just don't think we can. My emoji is I'm actually calling all of you and leaving a message. Oh, and it's heartfelt.

And then I fart into the phone afterwards just to balance it out. With lasers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dan, do you know what's next? It's so good every time. How warm is that seat over there?

Oh, yeah. It's actually pretty warm, not going to lie. It's all those Hawaiian ones in the back pocket. Yeah, I had a couple buns in the back pocket. Save them for later. All right. We polled the audience. And we're going to ignore that and then ask you questions.

If you were a potato, how would you be prepared? Ooh. if you were a potato how would you be prepared um i like to make things a little different i'd go with a scalloped potato yeah the cheese slice thin slice thin some cheese bake it in the oven it takes a long time to make them but worth it a lot of prep work but um give me potatoes and cheese all day that That's a first. That's a really good answer. It is. I kind of forgot about scallop.

This is why he's here. Not anymore. Not anymore. Back in the noggin. All right, Danimal. Being one of our two big hole guys out there, rank these holes. Donut, corn, and pot um if anyone knows me it has to be the donut

big big hole guy and big donut guy love me a good donut um donut hole or donut though well these are ranking holes. Then go donut hole. Donut hole number one. There you go. No questions asked. Pot hole, corn hole? Yeah.

It's a toss-up, I know. It's a toss-up. I think I'm going to stick with my guns. I mean, shout-out to my big hole guy, my partner, big hole guy number two. Go with corn hole second, followed by pot hole, because who likes a pothole i mean yeah that was the correct answer thank you appreciate it took me a minute to remember what a pothole was i was thinking like a pot brownie and you call it a pothole and i was like i haven't heard that before and i figured i'd throw people off. Dan, I got another culinary question for you. How much sawdust could you put into a Rice Krispie before someone notices?

Homemade Rice Krispie or Rice Krispie you bought from the store? It's up to you. Up to me. Okay. I'll say two different answers. The one you bought from the store probably as much as you want because they're not as good and i've come to know that uh if you buy the value pack they're not as good when you buy a quantity of more than 20 or 24 wherever the pack is

gotta go to smaller boxes they're better homemade think you know. If you told someone you made homemade Rice Krispie treats and sprinkled some sawdust, right away they'd go. They'd probably ask if they're store-bought. That's what they'd ask. They'd go. That's tough. That's a tough look. That's a confident answer that I think I might need to test that out next holiday party.

You've asked everybody this question question so when you show up with rice krispies i'm going to be on edge a little bit be warned it might happen yeah you heard it here fair enough um we'll stick with food dan what is your what is your is this playing well we got we got questions all over the map over here so i I'm going to stick with food since Brian brought up food. Fair enough. What is your go-to middle school lunch item? You're packing lunch, not

buying. Packing lunch. That's a tough one. I know. That's why we ask the hard questions, man. I ain't called the cold seat, my guy. Middle school. I feel like I had a lot of PB&J or PB&Flop. Oh. Better.

Better. Did you ever put Nanners on that bad boy? Brian, hold it. I know you're going to be upset about it. Yeah. So I can't say as a young lad in middle school that I would throw bananas on there. I have tried recently. And I like bananas and I like peanut butter, but not a big peanut butter and banana sandwich guy. One for the home team.

You throw a fluff on that. Yeah. But I like bananas. You don't like bananas, Brian? I'm flipping the script here. I'm asking you the questions here but uh no bananas he's passed off the hot seat popcorn dan uh bananas are the worst thing ever invented period

they're kind of invented you you know, like, selective. Let's bypass it. Dan. If you were an inanimate object, what would you be? Could you please use that in a sentence? Yeah. If you were an inanimate object, what would you be? And why?

Then you add that because then that's the sentence. There you go. I mean, it's still a question's a sentence. Yeah. Inanimate as in like something like that. As in non-animate. Yeah. Non-animate.

Okay. I'd probably be a shoo. Oh.animate. Yeah. I'd probably be a shoe. Oh. Love it. Okay. A shoe. We're talking loafer. We're talking slipper.

What are we talking? Probably like a sneaker. Like a sneaker. Shoe. So you want feet inside of you? I like to get people, you know, moving where they need to be. I mean, I like shoes. Okay.

You know, we can get really deep. See to be. I mean, I like shoes. Okay. We can get really deep. You see the world. You go on journeys in shoes. You see the world in shoes. Kick people's asses. Without shoes, but you might not make it as far. So if you got shoes, you got someone to go on a journey with, we'll get deep here.

That's actually a good answer. Snaps. Yep. I don't think the mic picks it up. No, probably not. Just go back. Add those in. Danimal, I need an actual number here because I know that this happened.

How much did your new fitness watch pay you to jump from whoop and it's garmin correct no free ads but garmin so funny story here story time we can put the music down do you have two what the fuck are you doing my guy that's not's not your wrist. That's your arm. We took a little break. We took a little break. So Garmin came in. It was like a new woman. It was like a new kid in school came in.

You're like, I got to be friends with that guy. Is it a woman or a guy? We got to be clear on the story. It's both. It's a shoe. It's a foot. Big foot. They them.

They them. I didn't know at first, so I said both. And I just watched their eyes. You offended them twice. They them. Okay. Okay. I didn't know at first, so I said both and I just watched their eyes. You offended them twice and they said neither? Exactly. Exactly. The first time it was like they must have made a mistake. Second time they're like, well, I got to correct this guy now.

Okay. It's a good thing you identify as a shoe now. So we're all good. Yes. Yes. Not enough. So I'll say not enough, Corey. That's the answer.

Really? Not enough money to switch all the way so um i dabble in both i swing both ways proud to say it just like the person who came in yeah you're gonna be like cyborg my guy you're gonna have things around your chest brian and i had heart like heart monitors when we were in college i don't have that athletes not yet what is the what is the armband thing this is a whoop so shout out promo code promo code promo code animal 69 for 20 off your next order on whoop accessories um it measures your heart rate so whoops like a fitness tracker measure your heart rate you typically wear it on your wrist but because i wear a watch i don't want to wear he's not gonna he's not gonna go to wrist watches so i moved it to my arm um it tracks your heart rate tracks

like your recovery um let you know if you're ready to take on the day or not um today was a good day woke up with a 95 recovery so oh actually follow-up question i'm gonna cut you off right there what's your heart rate at now during the house oh uh 75 beats per minute. Nope, they kept putting the music back down. That's according to the Garmin. What's your resting? Please hold. Hold music. We'll check for data quality here.

It's the first time we actually have stats. 68? 68. Just missed the mark, man. 68. My watch says I'm 75, so I don't know which one to believe. That's why I wear two.

If I had a whoop, I would wear it around my throat. Just so it would always tell me I'm not red. I could be like a shock collar. It's just a watch around your neck. It's a giant clock face in the front. It's not a watch around your neck it's a giant it's not a watch cory it's a whoop yeah sorry sorry i forgot it's not a watch it's there's a difference whoop just sounds like a fake product from like parks and rec that like aziz and zari tries to like sell to everybody it got me i mean i mean that's i mean i'd buy it too we'll get one for everybody we're back we're back we're back harder hitting questions

this one's been controversial but it's my favorite kid to euthanize one animal what what would it be, and how would you do it? Oh, my God. Like a, uh, just one animal of that species? You could kill more if you want. Yeah. Like, if you're feeling up to it. But if one is enough for you, let's just say one.

All right, so I, uh, not a big snake guy absolutely hate snakes yeah i uh i went for a run the other day there was a snake on the trail maybe eight inches long maybe a foot almost turned around and went home almost turned around and went home um didn't jumped over it did a little kick to the side kept going part right through the roof but i powered through so it would be any form of a snake uh could be baby snake adult snake baby snake touch it or get close to it well the second part of the question is how would you do it so you're not choking out with your hands also follow up i'll tell you what i have an answer to how i would kill the snake so you go ahead what would be fun dan's having himself a day with killing these snakes

how many can i kill all of them how do i watch them suffer i would probably do it in front of their families. Yeah. On live TV. Exactly. Let's do something fun. Stop. Like badminton. So if you took a snake, I don't know if you could get it in a ball form somehow. Maybe put it in a wiffle ball or something, but close it off.

So you've got to get it in. Keep it in there. Probably like badminton. You could play wiffle ball with it too i like it pass it around yeah that's a terrifying pitch too if you have a snake inside that ball yeah yeah hit it too hard the snake pops out kills your opponent yeah just crush it dies from cte concussion i will say what a unique way to kill something. And I hope somebody does that. Mine would be, remember in Shrek,

when he grabs the snake and blows it up and makes a balloon animal out of it and it floats to the sky? Yeah. That. Yeah. You gotta get pretty close to it, though, to do that, though. Yeah, that's true.

Well, you gotta put a snake in a wiffle ball, my guy. Then you gotta pitch it. I didn't say I'm putting in the wiffle ball. Oh, you wanna buy tickets to the wiffle ball game and see it be played yeah exactly exactly i like it incredible yeah the snakes they're down the worst get them out of here i like it all right dan what is you know how people ask like what's your ideal date, what's your ideal date? What's your ideal parlay? You know, rainy day.

You got nothing to do. You're searching through trying to find a game. You got to pick a two-legged parlay. What's the ideal parlay, my friend? Pretty good question. And I can answer that pretty straight up. So I don't think I'm that big of a risk taker. up front about that and i like taking big risks so if i if i do a parlay guy from the guy who has two bands on him measuring his heart yeah i just want to make sure that my heart rate gets over 80 i'm

gonna have to hang up this call and i'll talk to you guys next week straight straight to the doctor um so my ideal parlay is a uh you take either goal kind of a sport kind of a sport let's go with um let's go to football right we're out of football season we'll go football season pick the team you want to win right of course you parlay the team you want to win even if they're the favorite then you pick a player prop but you fade the player prop because you like that player i think they're going to play well but if you think they're going to get 50 receiving yards you drop it down to like 30 receiving yards and your odds end up being like plus 110 plus 140 you got to find that you got to find that match though so you don't stack up straight up odds.

You fade in. Man, that makes sense. You said a lot of those bets on our betting channel. That makes a lot of sense. I hate it. Alright, we're going back to food. It's our bread and butter.

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Drums. Would you rather sweat milk or have to bathe in baked beans every day for a year? I'll sweat milk or have to bathe in baked beans every day for a year? I'll sweat milk. I'm all right with that. Thank you.

That's the right answer. It's fine with me. And no comment. Please don't ask. No, he said no comment. Don't ask. I was going to ask what type of milk. We go and scam 1%, 2% whole chocolate, almonds, oat go two percent no we'll keep it we'll keep it real blue two percent

i don't want anything fancy i mean i don't need the oat milk almond milk too expensive anyways not even milk it's too expensive yeah but if you went that way you could maybe like milk yourself i'm yep i'm glad you said it because i was like he's gonna clip it if i say it and thanks for reading the mind and then you sell it add milk dan any day of the week yeah well brian i have one last one and it's the one oh let me do one more yeah let me do one and then i have the actual last one after you're the last one okay well the last one do you know somebody named the last one dude his last name is last, but it's pronounced to he is his first take you last one. Okay, Dan If dogs are a man's best friend was man's worst enemy I

Would say snakes but I can't go back I can't answer twice no man's worst enemy Let's go with let's go with laziness we're gonna keep it keep it straight up he was being lazy wow i might get a job after this big hole guy it just is deep who'd have thought no shallow holes here yeah big deep God. Damn it. I hate it. All right, Dan. What? This is the last question. This is the last question. Yes. Last one. Correct.

Got it. All right. There's going to be waves of 10 10-year-olds coming to try to kill you. Okay. The next wave does not start until you have viciously murdered the last 10-year-old of the first wave. Okay. How many waves of 10-year-olds do you think you could get through before you perish? What's the time gap between the...

The next wave does not start until you violently murder the last one in the first in the round prior oh so i mean technically i could i could space it out it's like zombies we're like leave that last one with no legs yep brian wait hold on he didn't answer he didn't answer i mean there has to be a point where you like like... I wouldn't say... I mean, 10-year-old... There's some big 10-year-olds. Sure. There's some small 10-year-olds, too. There's some small 10-year-olds.

You call that batting practice. How many waves do you think I can make it? Is that what the question is? How many waves? How many waves? Waves of 10. Waves of 10. 10.

Give me, like... Give me five waves. Complete. I make it to that sixth one and then i might tap out okay well you're gonna go five i start the six i start there's no taps you're dying yeah you're you're dead so you're fighting for your life give me five i'll take down 50 and then maybe like i'll sprinkle a few of the more the sixth wave take take down a few then at that point i think i cap out it you know cap out six i'm thinking a minute per child that's that's my thought one minute per child cap out an hour i thought you had the thought process down on you chop the legs you let them bleed out just you tourniquet the legs so they

last a little bit longer get like half an hour between each wave yeah you know there's like there's no there's no mental there's no mental point where you get like wow i don't know how much more i can do this to these these poor kids are they innocent kids do they deserve it and they're trying to kill you you can paint whatever yeah they are trying to kill you doesn't matter i'm keeping my answer i I'm going five. I'm going five. I'm getting through the sixth wave. Maybe it gets tough. I still like the idea of you just keep one alive for a very long time.

And technically it's infinity. No, it's technically like infinity. Like freaking anytime that guy's waking up because he's maybe unconscious, maybe alcohol a little bit, you freaking pop him again. He's technically not dead. Let the man sleep a little bit, you freaking pop him again. He's technically not dead. Let the man sleep a little bit. He might die from CTE faster than you do, but then he'd do it again in 50 years.

What is this? There's not. There's better answers, though. What if, and this is dark, to outweigh Dan's correct answers with other answers he said, but what if you like killed one and you found out that you had the potential to be a serial killer like then you just are good at it and you like want to keep doing it that's fucked up like you let the rage

you let the rage kick in and you're just like wow i mean i'm gonna go on a limb and say we've never murdered anyone and i will say that live and on the Internet for everyone to hear. I mean, that's good. If you want to dox yourself, go for it, as Rooks would say. Yeah, but I feel like if you leave one, I mean, does it really count if you like leave one? Like, yeah, they're always there. Like you could walk away. Like eventually maybe they catch up to you.

Like you go and want to live your life. But yeah, the way your wave number would still be zero but you would live it'd be zero yeah that's you don't want to come up with zero you gotta do at least one yeah you get through one you feel like you accomplished something you got one done okay so maybe what one plus nine and a half yeah is that a better answer you feel like you did something if you took down one wave and the second wave, it's like you do enough to get by. I think infinity or zero are the same answer. It's like a sweat glass, half full sweat glass, half empty type of deal.

You know what I mean? Sweat glass. Sweat milk. Oh, I'm back. Yeah. I was like, you have that thing way wrong also by the way this is not the end

Dan the real last question as we've said you have an alias of big hole guy so the question that everyone wants to know is how big is the hole? Do I have to say this on air?

We can bleep it out. We'll bleep it out. We'll bleep it out. Please bleep it out. That's so dumb. I love it oh do we got do we have a unit on that yeah just give us that's two bleeps you're gonna have to remember that brian we got it it's written down actually i should write down that i have to do it twice please please write that down

save that in the show notes in the show notes in the show notes in the show notes It's written down. Actually, I should write down that. I have to do it twice. Please write that down. Save that. In the show notes. In the show notes. In the show notes. In the show notes. Congratulations. And how many does he need to pass? And I will not be commenting on the other big hole guys.

Hole. Correct. 400. Yeah, they can comment when they come on. Well, I think you've answered the most ridiculous, but also most on brand. And like wholesome of the answers for hot seat. So like, that's true. Way to leave your mark.

Play that. You got to play the yay sounds. Come on. Oh, well, that's for the game show if you win. And I also just don't know where it is. That's not the right one. There you go. No, that felt right.

All right. All right. We got to wrap this up, but we have the would you rather, and I want to actually do that. So, like, maybe we do it fast. We'll find out. Yeah, it's not going to be fast, but I like it. It also kind of is a callback to something I mentioned earlier. So, like, that's why I kind of want we do it fast. We'll find out. Yeah, it's not going to be fast, but I like it. It also kind of is a callback to something I mentioned earlier.

So, like, that's why I kind of want to do it. Hit us. So, would you rather go to jail for two years or stay in jail until you can eat an entire door? Are we talking, is it, what kind of door? We're thinking wood. We're not, it's not jail cell door. It's not made out of metal. Like, standard. Are we talking, like.

Seven by five, or whatever it is. Three and a half. Are we talking, like, the, like, um. So you have, like, the panel door, which is, like, hollow in the middle. Solid wood. Or, like, you're talking, like. Solid wood. Like an oak.

Okay. You can pick your wood of choice. Um. So it's in jail for two years or until you eat a door yes so you could be in jail for longer than two years if you can't eat the door for sure for sure and yeah i you know what i'm just gonna be quick with it i'm gonna go to jail for two years i don't know if you tried to eat a years i don't know if you've tried to eat a door i don't know if you've tried to eat a door the answer might shock you but like i'm going door i think i'd be in there longer than two years give me the door you can't tell me you think like one day one you want like a one inch by one inch cube cut that out but do you think i mean you

gotta think do you think okay can i ask that versus two years 700 whatever days yeah around 700 door about take the door take the door but like but but are we factoring in like the like negative effects if there are any i mean i don't know the science behind it of eating doors or so i mean if you mix it into a homemade rice crispy treat oh fucking god damn it never gonna know you might think this thing's damn store-bought here we are but all the other prisoners are like damn why does this man have store-bought Rice Krispie Treats? God damn it.

That is the right answer. No, that's the right answer. You can't give the Rice Krispie Treats to the other inmates, but you have to be housing them yourself. In my head, I don't think that you can get a blender, but I think you can use standard prison tools. So I got a shift, right? Then I'm going to the commissary. Someone's funding me on the outside. So I got a lot of points.

I'm buying store-bought Rice Krispie treats. I'm going to take that shift, making a lot of sawdust out of this door. It's going to take a while, but you just sprinkle that bad boy on top of the Rice Krispie, chow them down. Maybe they taste a little stale, but you consist of a Rice Krispie diet for about a month and you're out a month

a month might be pushing i think a month i think it's good i think it's still a couple months i think it's how many rice crispy treats do you think you eat in one meal like as my only meal of the day like what do you like no like as breakfast i would say if you go past four you're pushing it okay like you eat like two or three and you're like okay like i'm fine you go past four so rice krispy treat i'll go let's say five because like if we're also eating it because we want to get out of jail quicker i I'm thinking you could house one more a day. There we go. So I'm saying in a meal.

So there are 120 calories per Rice Krispies. So I'm thinking. How many points are you saving up to buy those store-bought Rice Krispies on a jailhouse budget? He's very well-behaved. He's very well-behaved. Jesus Christ. Well, you also got to think you got to be in jail for a little bit to get those points to be well-behaved. So how long are you going to be in jail until you get the points?

You can buy food without – like just with money. Like people on the outside – Okay, follow-up question now. Do you know that the price – It's like PTO where some people start with vacation, some people have to – Oh, that's fair. Walk in with points to begin with. You go to jail December 31st. So then January 1st, you get all your Rice Krispies.

Fucking gosh. I'm thinking they're 120 calories each. That means your house is in at least 20 a day to get your 2,000 calories for the day. I mean, if you want to be out in the yard pumping iron with the boys as well, could pump that up about 30 a day you'll be at some point in the day though i mean but then you follow up question though is there a man in a speedo that's stretching while i'm pumping iron you think there's a lazy river at our jail if there is i'm choosing the two years this changes everything. I mean, you might get stabbed in the pool, but you'll be able to tell really fast because the water would turn red.

So that would be helpful. Also, actually, all the sawdust in your body would quickly fill the hole, so you'd be fine. You'd probably sink really fast. Or float. Ask Rose. We're not going through that no i don't i don't want to go through that i see this being another very long conversation come on your body's full of sawdust does it sink or float i mean topical the titanic the door floating yeah so there you go but it wasn't it was a door it wasn't sawdust people float yeah it's like compact it's in it you know it had a chance to compress i'm thinking though like so it's sawdust acid melt wood it doesn't melt steel beams exactly

so i'm thinking 30 a day. You said you're going to be clocked. You said 20 a day earlier. Where are you putting the other 10? Listen to what I'm saying. We're out in the yard. You're saying like Lazy River got in its head. You got distracted. 20 a day plus 10 because we're out in the yard pumping iron.

That's where we veered off. I'm back on board. You said, how are you going to poop because you're pooping wood? I'm going to counter with, if you drink imprison water, off i'm back on board you said how are you gonna poop because you're pooping wood i'm gonna counter with if you drink in prison water it probably pushes stuff through your system twice as fast because they don't got a brita over there right they're making like wine in the toilet like there's no way they got room for enough for one inmate to have 30 rice crispy treats a day they might have a brita and they also have a lazy river i think people who would have 30 rice krispie treats a day they might have a brita and they also have a lazy river i think

people who would have 30 rice krispie treats a day don't know what a brita is so i'm gonna say that's two different classes of people but 30 a day uh i think what one square inch of sawdust per rice krispie treat that's 30 square inches of sawdust per Rice Krispie Treat. That's 30 square inches of sawdust per day. I wonder if Google knows how big a door is. The square foot of a door? It depends what size door you want to pick.

You know, like standard. Doors are usually 21 square feet, but then like two inches thick? 21 times 12 now yeah there you go hold on this is the math corner 21 square feet the math portion of the episode 21 times 12 times 12 3024 square inches on next week we're gonna say it's two and a half inches thick that's

7560 square inches divided by 30 rice krispies in a day yeah how many days 250 days out before christmas man come on january thanksgiving at that point halloween possibly i mean oh my goodness you know my outfit's gonna be you know my outfit's gonna be for Halloween I'm a door I'm just I thought you were gonna say I was gonna poop out the door rebuild it again walk around in 2d oh you'd be the door but then you got to paint it like you're in uh the prison outfit paint an orange with some stripes on it. Boom. Easy. Clutch. Perfect.

Might have been the easiest riddle we've ever solved. Guys, we solved it. We saved the city. And all we needed was that lazy river. I mean, a lazy river would help pretty much everything in the world. So, you know, don't knock it till you try it. I asked Zach for the outro song song and this is what he chose so dan thank you for coming on uh thanks dan we'll have you again sometime soon thanks for having me bye I'm a black and black girl in a fantasy world Kiss me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour in pink

Kiss me here, trust me there, hang it, bang it You can touch, you can play If you say, I'm always yours You can touch, you can play If you say, I'm always yours. You can touch. You can play. If you play, I'm always yours. Come on, Barbie, let's be funny.