It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Best of #2: Dawn of the Spunk Tank, and other Shenanigans

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

We are 100 eps into this thing, bout time we get another best of episode. This time we didn't forget to include the Spunk Tank (TM) origin story we all love and maybe don't remember. Full rundown of the episodes in this Best Of shown below... Ep. 61: MooseknuckleEp. 73: Funeral Home YelpEp. 76: Hot Milk DispenserEp. 19: Spunk OriginEp. 83: Airplane Trapdoor Ep. 86: Nicene CreedEp. 84: Another TrapdoorEp. 34: The Soft Entry (Chinese Food Draft)Ep. 93: Ai Scripts Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts!Links here to follow on social media!, find other places to listen!, and call into the show!

No. He's down there just blowing. Kneecaps are not organs. Fuck you, Ratatouille. It is Wednesday, my dude. Condom gun. Bang. I got some last-minute additions to the Brian draft from Amanda, if you want. Oh, yes. Absolutely.

Number one, your talent in making people feel bad about themselves, but yet also being a fiercely loyal friend. That's like mine. Specifically Amanda. You said I had a hobo aesthetic. No, I said you look kept and unkept at the same time. And then you said you had the hobo aesthetic.

Those are two different qualities also. Well, mine's like the physical manifestation of that, And then you said that's a hobo aesthetic. Those are two different qualities also. Well, mine's like the physical manifestation of that, and this one is like the internal manifestation of that. Somehow Amanda's was a nicer, even though she said that you make people feel like shit. So, I don't know. I mean, she's a nurse because of me, so you're welcome, Amanda. Really made her break down into tears in chemistry class.

Tough love. That's how they do it in the army. Number two, your casual responses to finding strange women in your bed. That was one time. One of my favorite stories of all time. What a hit. It's so good. I feel like we've told it.

I don't know what else you'd do. I think it was a pretty good response. Wait, I haven't heard the story. Really? Don't worry. Your boy's do. I haven't heard the story. Don't worry. Tell me the response. There was no response. I went to class.

Oh, you slept there. I wake up. I wake up. Can I tell my side? Because you woke up way later than I did. Burn your butt. Hold on. It's Wednesdaynesday do you want me to like hit you take off your titties take off your titties welcome back to another episode of this

wednesday my dudes episode 76 uh i'm back from touching butts and finding treasure in the ocean bobbing for cranberries yeah bogging for cranberries uh break out the bible as we're talking heaven this week but before we get there story about college so let me my side first because i woke up way before you did um hey everyone it's background oh zach's here his core is here rooks is here hi all right so i launched a long distance girlfriend and she was coming up on Friday afternoon. Thursday night, me and Rooks were roommates freshman year. He and our dorm left at like 10 p.m. to go to a concert. And you left with, I think, like BP and Amanda.

They were just like hanging out. But you all left at the same time. And you're like, leave the door unlocked. Because when I come back, I'm not going to be able to like have my key or something i don't know so i left the door unlocked i woke up in the middle of the night and you like stumbled back in fell in your bed and i heard a girl's voice or something and i was like all right they brought him back or like you were with a friend rooks is back and i fell asleep again and i woke up again and someone's like pushing me and i was like ah what i'm going to bed i fell asleep again

and then i woke up like smushed against the wall because it's a twin-sized bed in the dorm and there was like my back was touching someone else's back and i was like maybe that's just like amanda or something and they like they need to they just crashed here and i was like it's fine it's the middle of the night i'm going to bed so i fell asleep again but my alarm came went off in the morning and i was like we'll have to get to class. And I was like, I don't care to figure out who this is. But I rolled over them and stood up and I looked at them. I was like, that's not Amanda.

That's also not anybody I know. And they're also in sleep clothes. So it wasn't someone who went out at night, was too drunk, stumbled back to the dorm and fell asleep. It was someone who just went to the wrong room and then fell asleep in my bed but i was gonna wake him up because like i don't know i was like i'm gonna leave that i'm gonna leave that to rooks he can deal with it i'm going to class it was this 8 a.m class too it's so early to deal with that dude i wake up deathly hungover i go yak in the bathroom my like i'm all hazy my contacts are all fucking dried out and shit i see so uh burns girlfriend who's supposed to visit she had blonde hair

i look in the bed i see a blonde hair person i was like oh she came surprising that's cool i lay back down think nothing of it i wake up at like 10 i'm like look in the bed she's not there i don't see anybody's stuff in the room. I was like, wait a second. I was like, what the fuck? Did she go to class and take her stuff? Like, what the fuck's going on? And I texted Burn.

I go, yo, was someone in your bed last night? And he was like, I have in all caps. I was like, I have no idea who that was. And I was like, you didn't. Hold on a second. You woke up and saw somebody that you didn't know in your bed and you just didn't like, I would have so many questions.

Like I would, how the fuck do you get here? Who the fuck are you? What the, like, why are you here? Um, number four,

why are you here? Number five, how did you get here? Like, I would just be like, so like flustered and I would need so many, like so many answers but brian was just like yeah i gotta go to class i'm gonna get out of here this rooks

problem fuck him number six do you have enough blankets she definitely did not because man we also like in our dorm we got our football cleats in there but they smelled so bad that we kept the windows open like in the middle of winter in penn state so our place was freezing um but she was also like sort of face down so i couldn't really see her face and she was blonde i was like maybe she came up early so i texted rooks i so never told the girlfriend because also she will never believe that story so i don't know and i had not enough details also found out way later though and she was like way less mad than she would have if she found out that day so just the fact also burn had the thought oh maybe she came and surprised me in the middle of the night and it's like i'm not gonna wake up my girlfriend and say hey thanks

for visiting me here oh it's good to see you burn was like wake me up hey you get your sleep okay i'm gonna go tiptoe tiptoe off to class, okay? You have a good day. I had chemistry, all right? I had to go study. I just love that you both ignored it, kind of, and then it went away. Moral of the story, just ignore your problems. If I woke up while she was still there, I absolutely would have been like, who the fuck are you? Sick PJs also.

Yeah. It was so weird. This is not your dorm, the way you're you're lost but this camera this camera this camera let the people know what you got going on ashton kutcher get out of here uh we posted in the tenor like facebook group the last day of college i was like and i told the story and i was like if this was you let me know i just have questions no one responded, obviously. Classic. Could happen, man. I hope when I'm like 65, I meet someone and they're like, man, I have this crazy story from college. And it's like that person.

I'm like, finally met them. We will never know, but somebody else is telling the opposite side of that story and I just wish I knew what that side was. I don't need to know who you are. I just want to know how that happened. The other side is absolutely I got't need to know who you are. I just want to know how that happened. The other side is absolutely I got home from being blacked out. I went to the bathroom and then I ended up in the wrong dorm

or something like that. Like 110% that's the story. And then it was like, oh, I woke up in a random person's dorm and I just got the fuck out. Like that's absolutely all it is. The thing though, Zach, also for the story,

we're on the first floor. You don't have to take the elevator at all. And you have to key card into our building and your key card only works for that building. So I don't know how you're that drunk that you realize you didn't go up any stairs or elevator. Oh, I have. I had to have lived in that building. Maybe she was like drunk, ready for bed. And she's like, oh, i want to go get a slice of

from the big o or maybe go to gtg and grab a little snacky poo and then maybe she came back and she didn't have her like keys or something and then she was walking past and someone walked right past our room where like people leave out the stairwell and she just walked in and went in the first fucking door or some shit oh that, that's a really good theory, actually. Or she was visiting, and she was just like, had no idea. Like, her friend gave her her key card, and she just went out. Oh, yeah. Or, like, took her key card and got out and had no idea which room it was and just found

a door that was open. We should have an episode where we come up with, like, and obviously we'd have to plan this, but just have the most elaborate story for how she got there and see what everyone comes up with. Oh, we could, like, Mad Libs the whole story. That's how we got to do it. But whodunit, if you will. My idea, she's a ghost of my past.

Girlfriend's future or whatever, you know? I'll meet her eventually. She's going to die. It's my wife from the future who dies. And I saw her too. Why would I see your ghost? Because we're in a throuple. Oh, shit. That's tough. yeah all right yes damn both of our

wives die well it's the same both of your wife that's what i meant yeah that's what i meant both of our wife inside foreclose that tristan at bold three detergent plus yeah if you shard yourself, absolutely would keep that clip for the rest of your life. I'd play that at your wedding, your funeral, graduation, your kid's wedding, your kid's funeral, just everything. Reincarnation. My kid's funeral, dude. You're going to show up to my kid's funeral with audio of their dad, their deceased father, I'm assuming at this point, shitting himself. That's really nice, Burn.

That's really kind. Guys, I got such a good message from your father. I think it's going to trigger a lot of good memories for you. It's going to bring the mood of this funeral back up a bit. We're at like a five. We're going to get back up to a ten. And just... Burn's over here vibe-checking a funeral, dude.

You guys, it's kind of down in here. We need to turn this shit up a little bit. Like, dude. I feel like it might need to be the opposite direction. Like, we're too happy. Let's bring it back down. Who wants to watch, like, a car crash video? We need to be back down on a two.

Because I heard some laughs over in the corner. Vibe-checking a funeral is one of the craziest things you've said on this podcast. And you've said some wild shit on here. Yelping a funeral. Oh. Yo, this funeral was mad trash, bro. No hors d'oeuvres. The guy in the casket.

Not makeup terrible. Do you think they have reviews for funeral homes on Google? They have to. There's reviews for funeral homes on like on google they have to there's reviews for like every building that exists we should invent a thing where it's you get invited to a fake funeral no one really died but you just go for the fun of it a funeral party is that a thing dude what i've noticed i feel like all funeral homes look the exact same. I've never seen a bad funeral home. I've never seen a really nice-looking funeral home.

They're always just really average. They just kind of smell the same. They're really dimly lit. They have old curtains. Oh, this was sad. I shouldn't have done this. I was meaning to change the topic. This was really sad. Dude, the first review was like, I was recommended this home when my brother passed and it was just a

beautiful like it's just like they go really into detail and just that just made me really sad my fucking well okay i'm in this sort of things sort by one star reviews and then we'll get back to that that sounds even worse i don't even i don't i can't i don't have the mental right now i'm too tired all right zach will look it up after while we're talking about the interior decorating of funeral homes because Zach apparently has opinions on it. I mean, what else do you need? It's a room. No, I'm just going to smell bad because there's dead bodies in it.

So they all probably smell the same because they all get the same like dead body eraser scent. No, I'm just saying that there's no variation. Like there's there's you know bad good and best of a lot of things restaurants hotels free um like i've never been to i feel like i've you know i haven't been a lot of funerals knock on wood but i've been to enough to probably seen a spectrum of funeral homes and every funeral home i've gone to has been the exact same i feel like there might be a market for kind of like a drippy funeral home

or maybe you've just gone to a lot of poor people funerals ever thought about that that's i guess that's you kind of indirectly roasting my family there but that's fine i guess burns out here just coming for blood right now jesus man relax i feel like the kardashians are gonna have a crazy funeral they're not going to like ted's Funeral Home down on 5th Street that got three reviews. Like they're going to be buried in like a glass chapel. Look, man, Ted's Funeral Home is doing fine, okay? Don't look up reviews for funeral homes, okay? I'm in like a really sentimental mood right now

and I don't like it. So when Rooks was looking up reviews for funeral homes, I decided to look up reviews for other things, specifically Mount Everest. And they have a lot of questions and answers for it. And I just want to read you some of them right here. First question, is there a Del Taco close to the summit? And someone said, yes, but they don't allow flip-flops,

no shoes, no shirt in our service. Someone else said, can a small boy climb the mount everest and someone said yes i took my son that is nine months old truly the best and only experience in his very short life and then the last one uh is it cold up there and someone said no quite warm because you're more near the near to the sun jesus fucking christ man i feel like that'd be an underrated maybe thing for us to do is just to look up uh like you know uh landmarks or geographic uh you know wonders of the world and then see the questions and reviews i feel like these are these are pretty funny give me a good chuckle i feel like there's only like

i feel like there will only ever be dumb questions which makes this a great idea like there's never i don't feel like there's ever going to be anything that's like common sense like it's all going to be stupid shit can you freeze in under two minutes at the top with a short sleeve t-shirt and shorts said only if you're cooler than a cucumber uh so five checking this conversation i'm gonna bring us back down again found a one-star review on a funeral home uh this lady was not happy because they asked her to help carry the body out of the van so there are bad funeral that can't be true like like no casket revie northeast you put on blast you got a bad. Don't have your funeral there. What did you say?

Washtern McReavy? What? Washburn McReavy Northeast. Washburn McReavy sounds like an old soldier from, like, the Civil War that you hear about in class. It's just like, or when you're at, like, a reenactment, it's like, yeah, I'm Spawn of Washburn McReavy. He was in the 105 Infantry. It's just, like, so, it's such a random specific old name.

I love it though. It's your ancestor. Shout out my boy Washburn. Shout out. Brian, play the shout out music. Oh, I got a couple options. Do we have shout out music? Yeah. Zach requested a shout out

noise last week so I have three yeah go ahead let's learn it's not music give us a shout out and I'll play all three he did he just shout out Washburn shout out Washburn

that was too quick too quick I didn't know what that was way too quick no I don't like but I don't like just like one shout like if you're playing shout from that you gotta do like the whole fucking spiel give me the verse of shout then i mean i kept them short and i didn't think we're gonna like them but i will workshop but give me another shout out all right shout out uh shout out uh the number one sports podcast or whatever you. What was that? Shout out Ryan Hickey, Worldwide Sports Radio Network.

Yeah. I know what song that is. That's kind of hard. That was kind of tough. Shout out on YouTube. That was the first thing that popped up. Wasn't bad. All right.

I got a third one. Zach, give us a shout out. Shout out Mother Teresa, even though I got a third one. Zach, give us a shout out. Shout out Mother Teresa, even though she's a bad person. No, no. Was that just, did you just YouTube screaming? Like, is that just what you searched? Just screaming? I just

YouTube shout and those are the first three things and I thought they were perfect. No, give me the second. I choose number two. Yeah, give me the second one more time. give me the second i choose number two yeah give me the second one more time give me the second one more time it's a real song though so i don't know if we can actually get copyrighted uh shout out all those bad funeral homes though i don't i don't like that you have that queued up like i don't like that that's accessible to you i think i think sperm banks should be always be random like if you're willing to go there like you should not get to pick it should just be luck of the draw if you're

willing to go there you should most definitely get to pick it should just be luck of the draw if you're willing to go there you should most definitely get to pick no i don't know it's gotta be could you imagine how fun that would be like you just don't know no because it's permanent man this isn't the sims you got like jeffrey dahmer's child yeah like what unless it was like we vetted everybody no one has any health conditions they're all like six foot tall have great sats sorry cory you're out and uh they hate the gilmore girls then i'm good but like they don't meet those criteria i'm out but i feel bad for the for the for the sperm buckets that have been there for like uh for like like the longest time it's like the puppy who doesn't get adopted that turns into like a dog and it's like eight year old and it's

never been adopted because it's too old and everyone wants everyone with the puppies everyone wants the the tall blonde hair i don't think you get an email from the sperm bank every time somebody doesn't pick your sample you don't like sorry mike uh yeah they didn't pick you again don't worry you'll hear from us later today they definitely they definitely like keep all the samples in like a big bank vault right like it's like a big one of those big doors yeah it's a safety deposit box also yeah don't say bucket next time you talk about a sperm bank. You're overestimating the amount of sperm you need to donate at a sperm bank.

Oh, they should do a dunk tank. Next question, next question. Somebody ask yours. As a fundraiser. Come on. Who wouldn't want to dunk somebody? No, it'd be called the spunk tank. Megan, stop. Megan, stop.

All right, ladies, call in if you want us. Guys, I think we could raise a lot of money, and we could get it to get that poor soul who never has had a sperm actually used to create a baby. Just like get him some like reparations money. He deserves some money back for just being frowned upon for the last. The guy who's getting the email saying who's not picking them. Yes.

Yeah. I mean, maybe just don't have that policy. First of all. No, no, no. We have to keep doing that. We got to keep him in check. He got way too confident when he got in here. All right.

Well, we took a wild detour. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're staying. We're keeping turning left. Zach interrupted me. I had a great idea. Corey and Zach. We're going to make a new movie.

It's called Ocean 69. They rob a sperm bank.'s in the mgm grand oh my god because there's famous people's sperm in there all the a-list celebrities and they're going in there steal it to then distribute it out to the less fortunate wait so it's like a Robin Hood scenario? Oh no, we're Robin Hood in it? We're robbing the rich sperm to give to the poor? Yeah, exactly.

You know your net worth is based on what sperm you wear. That's not a wives tale. It's true. It's a tough sell first of all also i think google's buying it after our prosthetic ball idea also just like pair that with a spunk tank we can also get that at the red carpet every celebrity has to walk through it are we thinking this is like an indie film are you talking like warner brothers like summer blockbuster blockbuster uh zach snyder is going to produce it.

There's going to be a lot of explosions. Not fiery explosions. In 3D. There's going to be a lot of explosions. There's going to be a lot of lens flare on some stuff. God damn it. Make it end. Spunk take.

You don't want to die of cold toll free uh i'm just gonna go generic fried rice nothing specific because you put whatever the hell you also want on it anything fried rice also i googled it it's apparently originated in indonesia so i don't know why this counts as chinese food draft but no it counts i thought zach would be a lot more pissed off considering he wanted to do a fried rice draft instead of a chinese food draft but so you're saying you like fried rice like no not egg fried rice not vegetarian not veggie fried rice i'm saying any no you can't pick any also you have to pick your fried rice my guy you said you said anything goes i'm picking the category of a category of fried rice you gotta

you i think it's a i think it's a fair choice also you can just get plain fried rice and then just put whatever else on like whenever you get an entree it's like you can get general sauce chicken with fried rice on the side and it's just regular fried rice but then they throw the chicken on top well no but that's but there's a thing way to do it there's a thing called chicken fried rice where they mix it all right that's fine you can take fried rice you need all the help you can get in this draft so i'll let you just get him back and draft his next waiter he wanted that's right yeah oh jeff yeah he's great okay so fried rice is off the board you can still draft specific fried rice i'm i'll give you guys that um you're gonna hate this one too i'm gonna draft

the category experiences okay here we go okay i'm going the category just appetizers no you can't no you can't okay now we're not allowing that one no we're not allowing that no we're not allowing that okay no veto no so you know whenever i go to a chinese restaurant pick another one i don't get the entree all right let me let me talk i just get like eight appetizers because like the entree is just like a lot of fried rice and a side of chicken and then like those horrible vegetables we're talking about or you can get like an appetizer version of fried rice, an appetizer, like pork roll,

an appetizer, dumpling, some crab, brown coon and some chicken off at the same price. Just like smaller, little tiny. So you're drafting portion size. No,

I'm drafting that. The appetizers are better than the entree. This is bullshit. You're single-handedly killing this draft, Brian. You're the one who opened it up to experiences. That's not an experience. That's a category. You know what I will let you draft?

I'll help you out here. Hold on. Let me help him out here for a sec. You can draft the poo-poo platter, which is the Chinese version of the sampler platter, which has all the appetizers on it. That's what you can draft. I'm not touching poo-poo. R, which is the Chinese version of the sampler platter, which has all the appetizers on it. That's what you can draft. I'm not touching poo-poo, Rooks. You have a question.

I'll accept if his answer is the experience of eating only appetizers for dinner. Therefore, it's not getting rid of those specific appetizers from the board. I'm not saying you can't draft them. I'm saying yes. The experience of just ordering. Okay, that's fine. appetizers from the board. I'm not saying you can't draft them. I'm saying yes.

That's fine. I'll take all chicken dishes, please. Just say appetizers for dinner is what you're drafting. Just say that in the beginning so we don't yell at you. We have to round table that answer. You literally opened up and you're just like appetizers.

I'm like, what are you talking about? Don't say experiences and then not give us any other rules. Well, appetizers aren't appetizers for dinner and experience. Appetizers are a food item. Next thing I'm going to draft is just the taste because that's an experience. And that's broad enough, okay? All right. So be ready for it.

You better get entree up next. Good pick. You know, can't do only appetizers because that's my thing. So I'm going to draft another appetizer. So, but did you already draft an appetizer? I drafted the experience of having appetizers. Now I'm getting the actual...

I pick it up what you're putting down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna go with foods ending in the word rolls. So spring rolls, egg rolls. Just kind of throw whatever you want. Okay, now you're picking a fucking category of multiple things.

It's not an experience. It's not an experience. No, but it's food. Eat rolls. What is wrong with you? God damn it, you fucker. I'm starting to think Brian only heard Zach say there's no rules, and he doesn't even know what we're drafting right now.

Nah, give me all the rules. So, like, name more than two rules. The best thing at any restaurant is the rules, not just Chinese food restaurants. Except they're endless. Yeah, you go to, like, a steakhouse. They have rules. They just bring them out to you. You go to a Chinese restaurant, though Except they're endless. Yeah, you go to a steakhouse. They have rules. They just bring them out to you.

You go to a Chinese restaurant, though. They have rules. You gotta buy them, though. They're not free because they're better. You got some spring rolls. You got some egg rolls. You can combine a spring and an egg roll. You can't name three rolls.

You can name two. There's different versions. Those are subcategories. Under those, you can put whatever you want inside. Rolls. off the board so i'm gonna pick a little uh specific experience here and this i've seen this at two places in state college so i'm just gonna assume it's a chinese food experience and that's children of the people children of the people that work slash own they're running around the restaurant while you're eating and i first off uncle chen's put those kids to sleep i'm in there stumbling in after p-mans it's three in the morning

i don't know what i'm trying to order i don't know where i'm looking my eyes are crossed i just am sitting down in this chair waiting for some fucking general tease and there's this little I don't know what I'm trying to order. I don't know where I'm looking. My eyes are crossed. I just am sitting down in this chair waiting for some fucking general tease. And there's this little kid next to me playing fucking Candy Crush on a goddamn iPad. She's probably like six years old. Put these goddamn children to bed, man. Put them to sleep. But yeah, there were... Why did you draft children?

I don't understand. No, I drafted the experience, though, of being in this Chinese food place. The experience of the children. That's not what I said. Play the dolphin sound. It's an atmosphere thing. It's not a good Chinese food place if the family members aren't all in the restaurant running around. That's what I'm saying.

So you're drafting the family. Yeah, sure. Fast and Furious style. It's all about family. Exactly. That's my draft pick. It's an experience. Alright.

Corey. Draft's going great for you. you thought you weren't going to have anything because nobody's drafting anything related to Chuck all right all right oh I'm back up again on the turnaround oh yeah after picking some grass i'm gonna pick uh striking out and t-ball

because there is not anything more embarrassing and least less athletic than picking grass than striking out when the ball's not moving and man did i do it a lot you just hit the stick every time and the ball just plops down you gotta pick it back up uh life is rough i thought in t-ball it was like you like swing until you hit like i didn't think you could strike out oh yeah oh trust me you don't you just get walked to first but like walking yourself walking yourself after hitting the t six times in a row yeah uh they created a rule in north carolina this is why i hate the south not to be confused with the infield fly rule yeah don't don't confuse the two all right rooks uh it's not your third pick it's your second pick and it is the second round

okay my fourth pick in the second round um no my second pick is gonna go to umpires calling strike like the best the different varieties so your boy grew up playing baseball and been to many a baseball game like just the variability is great but there is nothing that just makes someone feel shameful when there's a 70 year old guy standing behind you and you strike out and you just go like it is just like yeah it's like you walk into the dugout like head down like you're just like my girlfriend left me my parents they got in the car they walked out like they've walked out on me now. It's just, it is demoralizing, and it's my favorite fucking thing in the world.

Grandpa yelled at me. I'm picturing right now Brian striking out in the team bowl. And then Rooks is, to right, to right. But yeah, I've heard like, it's great because sometimes people put emphasis on it. There's a guy, he was known in like rec league because he came back every year this dude wouldn't even say words every time there's a strike he just goes and that's it it's like it's like how am i supposed to hit with this shit going on behind me like what the fuck is that there's two rules two rules one i'm the king and two sorry um

but like it's just literally like it can be it can be game changing like having an umpire that like throws down behind you it's game changing what's he throwing down he's throwing his fuck because they do like the little hand thing so they go like one strike two strike and then like like it's the best turn up gang signs back there i know dude everyone thinks they're fucking we need to bring back the xlb again man we had an episode on that i mean it would be nice give us two umps back there and have them just, like, fight each other. Both of them are just going, hey, hey. You gotta have, you have two, you gotta do something ridiculous. Like, two umps that, like, if they ever get into an argument and turns into a fight, but, like, their feet can't move or something ridiculous. Like, they're just, like, rock'em, sock'em robots just, like, fucking, like, hitting each other and shit.

That'd be tough. It's a three-legged race. Both their feet are tied together on the inside and they have to stay like that the entire time we we gotta we gotta do like a full write-up on this league and then we'll come present it to the audience we'll talk to vince mcmahon and he'll really uh he'll finance it i mean he's you throw some cash around but yeah that's my that's my second pick midwestern milkman you're up all right uh on zach's behalf his fifth pick in the second round uh dumping way too much money into the 50 50 raffle and justifying it when you lose saying that part of your payment went to charity god damn are all his answers this specific uh they always are they get i mean yeah oh fuck me dude yeah

they don't get any less specific i guess i'll say that oh that's tough um that's still has he ever won should we call him i don't think i don't think he's ever won if he's won i feel like he would have told us by with that statement he's definitely never won no shot that's fair jesus all right uh i got the back-to-back right okay cool um you have the back-to-back to back to back you have four oh god that's a lot of talking um i'm gonna go with yelling good cut when your worst player whiffs on a swing it is by far the most demoral i i guess demoral not more demoralizing than striking out striking out but i mean everybody knows what you really mean when you say good cut but it's just such a good filler that everybody has as a fallback. Like probably I think the number one invention with baseball was that saying, because I feel like you,

you walk away not feeling like a piece of shit, even though everyone knows you're a piece of shit when you just whiff hard on a pitch. So good cut. Um, on the turnaround, uh, pitch so good cut um on the turnaround uh i will go with uh bringing your glove to the game knowing you're never gonna catch a foul ball that's a great pick that's an absolute eater of a pick i don't know if i've ever even known anyone to catch a foul ball but man a lot of people have brought

gloves to the game and respect to them because i gave it up a long time ago and it just brings me joy when i see it that's so fucking true dude i remember i was playing baseball when i was like little and i went to diamondbacks training camp and i got my gloves signed by like all the players and shit and then i was like well now like i don't want to use this for like when i play because it's like signed by everybody and i was like yeah i need a new glove now my parents are like what the fuck and i was like this is weird i was like i didn't expect this like but yeah i've never i've literally never caught a pop fire and i i i i took my glove always and i went to a lot of games growing up. I always took my glove. Not,

not one ball was hit in my section the entire time. I mean, I don't think I could catch one to be honest. I'm going to be the guy that like hides behind a girl who catches it. So just look out for that. Brian goes, he's just like looking for grass, poking up through the cement in the stands.

So he can pick at oh good god strong fingers can i guess what zach's pick's gonna be sure i mean it would be weird if you guess it uh he's gonna choose the fact that the managers of the team or coaches whatever you call them wear the same uniform that the players do. I feel like he thinks that's awesome. No, he didn't. But you know what? Keep that one for yourself. That's a good one.

I know you got a good one. Because I hate that. Dude, you're 85 years old. Take off those baseball pants. I do not want to see your moose knuckle from the nosebleeds. Like I wear glasses and I can see which ball is on which side, because they're all twisted up, man. You do not need to be wearing those.

Girls talk a lot about, like, baseball butts and stuff. Girls who are checking out the butts. Burns going to the game strictly for the dicks. Burns' eyes just staring at dicks the whole time. I'll give you trouble. Pop your piece around the track if you get nails and more nails. All right. I'm going to take my, obviously, my first overall pick.

I think it's a pretty universal. And it's standing up in the aisle when an airplane lands. I don't know. I don't know what we have to do to just tell people that this is not going to let you deboard any faster. If anything, it's going to deboard the plane slower. Because then you're in the middle. To squeeze out, it's already tight enough to squeeze out of your row. And then to squeeze out with someone both behind you and you're trying to grab your bag.

And I just don't... We're not moving for another 15 minutes. Why are you standing? I get like, oh, let's stretch my legs. You'll be fine for another 10, 15 minutes. Why are you standing? I get like, oh, let's stretch my legs. You'll be fine for another 10, 15 minutes. I think just the plain de-boarding etiquette. I could probably draft all airport things on here if I really wanted to.

Airport pisses me off. It's so bad. But this is the one that really makes... They hear that ding and then immediately they shoot up from their seats. I want to just throw something at every single I don't care if they're old lady old man older man

uh I just want to like throw my slightly older man yeah that older man I just want to throw my uh my packing peanuts at them um do you think we should event uh packing plates placking pain penis packing playing peanuts

i don't know anyway see it's gonna give me all frazzled right now i'm getting i'm getting angry just thinking about them standing up so do you think we should invent like a you know the moving aisles in the airport just put that in the aisle in the plane but it only goes backwards so everyone that stands up they turn it on it just launches them out the back of the plane love it then everyone else can just get up i'll talk to the faa but like how would you would you have to stop it for everyone that's getting off the plane like the right way right it's real quick turn on turbo turning into like a fucking episode of what's that fucking old show mxc dude it's like that shit where the people are just like i think there'd be a way we could do some

sort of trapdoor system so when they like press their feet with enough weight in the bottom it immediately plunges them down into a pen of sorts and they have to stay down there for an hour you know i mean i think that's i think that's a fucking great idea right no i got it they have to actually go back through as because they would right they would go in as they were like a carry yeah to the luggage so then they have to get back into the airport via like a normal luggage system they have to go onto that like cart then they have to go all the way back somebody actually has to claim them at the little sticker the little sticker tag on them the baggage guys grab them full force from the plane and throw them onto a cart they just sit in the carousel for hours on end the really fat guys go to like the oversized

luggage area and they're just out in the corner by themselves we're actually gonna draft and solve pet peeves today let's do it i kind of like of like that. I think so. That's so many pet peeves to solve. I don't think we could solve 25, but we could get there. 20. Math is hard. It's 25 in Portland. We teach math different over here. It's all that gas.

I don't know how that works, but number two. Second overall, and this is another just universal one i never knew how much this pissed me off until we live with quimbo but if you chew and smack your hips i'm gonna fuck like it is the if it sounds like you're just fucking like like a porn star eating pussy or something and you're chewing your fucking dinner I'm gonna lose my shit

it was loud like bro shut the why why does your mouth do that like just chew like a normal fucking person oh my god it's like it drives me it drives me absolutely fucking insane

that's the first one off the board for me i i had to get that one because it's i think that genuinely is my biggest like just like universal like oh my god please shut the fuck up like please stop doing that as soon as you say quimbo's name i thought you're going in a very different direction and you're like yeah i didn't know i didn't know this would bother me so much my biggest pet peeve is my roommate beats off when i'm in the room with him i thought i'd be all right with it but man it just really uh the noise just i thought i was gonna be okay with it you know and then it happened and i was like i don't like this i think that's definitely a parent problem because you don't just start jerking off in a room no smack yes um if you uh if you're

smacking your lips together your parents just didn't tell you to stop doing it they just let you do that so it's a it's much on the parents as the kid so in terms of fixing like whip smacking while you're uh all the parents correct only way you said kill the parents. Correct. Only way. You said kill the parents? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we could do that. Via a trapdoor system. Everything turns into a trapdoor.

I'll say this. Not enough trapdoors in the world. I said it. Trapdoors and quicksand. Stuff I thought was going to be a way bigger problem in my adult life. It turns out to not be an issue. We could make them a bigger problem. We could be a mess to society.

Problem or solution. That's true. I kind of like that. Good pick, though, Rux. All right. Give us a fourth pick. Can't hate on Scott this long. Fourth.

Man, I don't my the ones i picked last week were questioning during movies and people will ask you instructions from directions right yes yes okay so i'm gonna say people who act like eating bone in wings are like heroes and then make fun of you for eating boneless wings whoa little bitch what a liberal like like okay sorry i'm just like eating my chicken without a hassle i'm i'm not saying that you can't like bone in wings that's completely okay i don't care i get it like eat your wings how you want to eat it that's all you that's fine and i eat bone in wings that's completely okay i don't care i get it like eat your wings how you want to eat it that's all you that's fine and i eat bone in wings too but i sometimes order boneless wings and the whole speech of oh you're such a baby you're getting boneless like buddy it's all chicken it's all chicken it's all going to the same fucking place sorry i don't want to just destroy

myself in the process and create a scene. That's fine. How are you eating these wings? How are you eating them? You're destroying your body. What does that even mean? What does that phrase even mean? You're not supposed to eat the bone, man. No, I'm saying it's just getting everywhere.

I'm just saying that my pet peeve is that i have a problem with people that have a problem with me eating boneless wings and one of my points is i don't have a problem with you eating bone in wings so why the fuck does it matter i hope you're at church right now just yelling about boneless chicken wings usually hang up like all right they're doing hymns now bye yeah honestly i'll like people people need to know like i don't understand where you think you get off that you're like oh man like i'm a fucking i'm a fucking caveman sitting here with my bone and

i'm better than you because i'm a man it's a fucking chicken like grow up i hate it i hate it i hate all of you i guess i knew you like bone in wings it's fine but like i don't i don't like the attitude for when i order boneless how many how many times have you gotten bullied for fucking eating boneless wings like i know we've all probably said things to you once but like jesus with any of you guys i guess oh for sure i mean yeah but like i feel very strongly about this i feel like there's a lot of other ones this should have been your number one overall pick yeah and i guess you three feel differently because that's why i feel strongly about it i wouldn't care i don't know if i've ever said like told to uh i don't back it up i don't know if i've ever

said to somebody like you're a bitch for eating boneless wings like i think it i don't back it up i don't know if i've ever said to somebody like you're a bitch for eating boneless wings like i think it's a worse one it's not a one it's not a wing two it's it's not as flavorful as a regular wing it's also just not as fun like i just want to get down and dirty with some food once in a while i want to go caveman style it's like eating the shower orange once in a while like eating orange in the shower it's the same thing some shower wings oh shower wings oh now we're doing gas all right how we solve this we install showers at buffalo wild wings so that we can eat our bowden wings in the shower and cory can sit at a table what everyone on board i'm just not gonna go eat food with you guys.

That's how I'm solving it. I think you're projecting on us that we would give you shit for boneless wings. I just think that it's... I genuinely... I might have said that to you once. I'm not saying you have. I'm not saying you have. But when I said that, my immediate response from all three of you was, Boo, and you must hate all three of us. I wasn't saying you

guys do that but your reaction was we probably have done that so i'm just backing my point up i don't think i can't tell you that you guys definitely have i don't think you have but people do people i know i have i know i have for sure there you go so they're brian i'm targeting brian all right we need you to call in every week because apparently if you don't see our faces, you get to yell at us. And so I appreciate the energy you're bringing. Who else are you going to hate on for your fifth pick? The distance between you three and me with just my phone and headphones in and not seeing you is astronomical. And I love it.

Okay. Yeah, this is my preferred medium now i'm never getting a laptop ever again um cooper knock it off um cooper's with us he also thinks you're a baby for your bowler swings inside foreclose that tristan at bold three detergent plus but that's another thing i get cheating's a thing like if like the amount of work you have to put in to get into a relationship that you enjoy being in for an extended period of time why in the hell would you want to run that back and have a second one on the side like what a crazy idea you're likely having to take that girl out for dinner i'm spending twice as much money to get like just to get caught and get in trouble and just have a this will blow up in my face i

get men are stupid but like what an ultimately dumb thing to do i can kind of see it from a girl's perspective like i get two free meals like i get to go out and dinner monday and thursday like i don't kind of like shout out women girl girl power. But like from a guy's perspective, you're just paying more. You're paying more for like, like what? An extra 30 seconds in the bedroom. Cause you know, we all know you're not lasting longer than that. Sorry. Like no one here is, is Johnny sins.

We're just, you know, we're lucky. I'm counting. I'm counting baseball stats in my head. I'm like Troy gloss third baseman for the angels. I'm trying to remember everyone who was on backyard baseball. You know, Albert Pujols, first base, Cardinals. And then it's done. If I can make it past 35 seconds, we're good.

I just, you were listing baseball players. Like, what the fuck is he talking about? I was like, oh, while you're in the mist. I was like, dude, what in the fuck? What does that have to do with anything? Dude, I make eye contact. I'm done. I'm looking up at the ceiling.

I'm looking up. I've never studied my walls more in my life. I'm like, ooh, it's kind of dusty up there. I need to hit that. That light bulb's out. I had no idea. That's what I look at. Look at everything.

Sometimes I'll put a pillow over my face, just accidentally smother myself just so I don't have any, just only sensation. Just no visual cues. I think you need to see a doctor at this point. Have you ever done that shit? Like, you know when people talk about, like, oh, like, what do you think about to last longer? People be like, my naked grandma, like, taking a shit. Like, do you have any shit like that? Any tips for the viewers

it's just baseball um it's it's it involves usually like i'll do the lord's prayer once in a while like just kind of run through that um then the apostles creed and then the 19th if i make it to the 19th creed we know we're having a good time like we're no we're no we're cooking with gas and god and then uh then i get to the ten commandments and that's usually when uh when i my night's over um i shall not i shall not yeah i shall not that's why people like i never understood like the term when you're you know you're coming up as a young lad going through puberty and everyone's like oh whiskey dick the worst thing in the world i'm like yo whiskey dick's kind of lit like lit. Like, what are we talking about here?

Like, you mean it just, like, it'd have more fun? Like, foreplay, it's like nature's gift. It depends, like, because, like, I think there's two different avenues of Whiskey Dick. There's, like, the can't bust, and then there's the can't get it get it moving whiskey dick it's like hey no shame here your boy is absolutely the latter man i i never get this magic dick it's just my thing is just a wet noodle we're just we're trying to figure this fucking thing out but like yeah i

like i can't the first one sounds great but like i't know. I don't know what that is, man. It's not, that ain't my, hashtag not my whiskey dig. Brian. It is Wednesday, my dude. My nipples are hard now. Only intended for a plain cut. You don't want to die of a cold. Toll free.

I'm sure I can do this. Yo, they're coming out with cinnamon toast, crunch, stuffed puffs, marshmallows. You don't want to die of a cold. Toll free. Yo, they're coming out with cinnamon toast crunch stuffed puffs marshmallows. I just feel like you threw a bunch of words together. Yeah. I did not know where you were going with that. Cinnamon toast crunch stuffed puffs marshmallows. That's all fucking mouthful dude you didn't need three of those words it's like cinnamon toast crunch on the outside so it's not no it's stuff with like the filling

like a frosting type of filling i feel like puffed and stuffed can't be the same thing because puffed to me is like hollowed and stuffed is not. So it's like... That's why you don't work at the puff factory, Corey, because you have a small brain. There's just one lever on one side that says puff and on the other side it says stuff and they're just flicking it back and forth.

Are we not going to talk about Domino's just getting loaded tots on their menu i i gotta be honest you sent that i didn't know i thought it was just you were ordering dominoes i didn't realize there was a whole new like uh addition to the menu my only thing is like there better be a hell of a lot of toppings because the first one it's just cheese on them it's like you're gonna charge me an extra like seven dollars to throw some cheese and some tater tots i'm gonna be sad about it i found the script if you guys would like me to do a dramatic reading oh that'd be great do you want to send it to us and we can each get a part

oh it sounds like a lot of work okay never mind go ahead ron the problem enters his abs are a mess ron what the hell is a cab horny mike walks in horny mike it's where you live italian bitch horny mark start horny mike starts to get extra horny now ron pulls out a gun ron is gun same as pasta i am dieting like this shit is i am dieting paul and mike watson paul and vinnie are at the hospital jwoww enters jwoww what are you doing at the hospital paulie there's girls here vinnie hot girls paulie yeah he said it paulie starts doing laundry he has a gun i don't know where it keeps getting. I don't know where the AI is getting the gun references from.

Like. I don't. At what point do we just, like, not call it AI? Like, I feel like they're just throwing shit together. It's not. I was going to say the hospital scene. Very realistic. I'm not going to lie.

I could absolutely picture Paulie and Vinny just being in a hospital. And they're like, why are you here? He's like, there's girls here. Yeah, hot girls. The last one. Sammy, a sweet bitch. And Snooki. And Snooki.

You can't change her name to that. That's what it says! It says, Sammy... I'm reading this word for word. I'm not improv-ing here at all. Sammy, a sweet bitch, and Snooki, the ball of meat, are at work at the shop. They're selling t-shirts and weapons. Snooki, shirts and weapons selling not as much today. Sammy, yesterday Ron had a gun. Snooki, shirts and weapons selling not as much today.

Sammy, yesterday Ron had a gun. Snooki, I am bored. I want to get arrested now. Snooki is drinking on the boardwalk. She falls over into a pile of t-shirts. Snooki, I'm glad we had these shirts from the shop. Danny, the owner of the store, walks up and sees Snooki. Danny says,

Bitch. And that's just the end of it. Thank God she fell into the pile of that's just the end of it. Thank God she fell into the pile of shirts and not the pile of guns. I don't know where it keeps getting the gun shit from, though. I don't know where it keeps pulling that. Do they talk about, like, muscles as having

guns? That's, like, actually my one thought. Yeah. Which, the switch is incredible, because I would love if every episode they pull out a gun and shoot somebody Changing her nickname from meatball to the ball And then Sammy sweetheart to Sammy a sweet bitch like Forget about a horny Mike. Yeah That's a great neck to him it was horny mike and uh there's another one that's with i have one saved that's with the batman

and it's uh it's also very funny but we can spare it if is it new batman or like christian bale batman or no it's just a thousand hours of batman movies is what it said all right here we go you gotta pull it up it says it says batman uh they're in the traditional bat cave batman stands next to his batmobile and uses his bat computer uh he's sometimes bruce wayne sometimes batman all times orphan uh hey guys over here taking shots like call the fuck down batman this is now a safe city i have punched a penguin into prison alfred alfred batman's loyal battler carries a tray of goth ham alfred eat a dinner mattress wayne an explosion explodes the joker and two-face enter the cave joker is a clown but insane two-face is a man but attorney uh batman

batman no it is two-face and one face they hate me for being a bat batman throws alfred at two-face two-face flips alfred like a coin alfred lands heads up which means two-face goes home like there's so many aspects that are just so close to being at batman it is just you and i the joker bat versus clown moral enemies uh the joker i am such a freak society is just you and I, the Joker. Bat versus clown. Moral enemies. The Joker. I am such a freak. Society is bad.

You drink water. I drink anarchy. Batman. I drink bats just like a bat would. Wow. Batman looks around for his parents, but they are still dead. This makes him have anger. He fires a Bat Rocket.

The Joker deflects it with his sick sense of humor, a clownly power. The Joker. I have never followed a rule. That is my rule. Do you follow? I don't know. I don't. Batman.

Alfred gave birth. Alfred, give birth to Robin. Alfred begins to process since it is his job uh the joker now has a present in his hand he juggles it over to batman the joker happy bat day birth man batman opens the present since he's a good guy it contains a coupon for new parents but is expired this is a joker joke oh my god you know i'm not gonna lie the joker a coupon for her new parents and it's expired would be the hardest thing I've ever seen in my life. Keith Ledger

Joker. I'm still stuck on Alfred being bottle flipped and then landing correctly so then Two-Face just leaves. Two-Face, fuck, I gotta go guys. Oh my god. That's so good. That's the end. Is that the end of it?

Moral of the story story we need more uh we need more ai digesting media and recreating Thank you.