It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 16: Bryan Has No Friends

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

After hella technical difficulties the boyos are back! Talking everything that was missed from the hidden/missing episode, how Zak is washed, Halloween, Millennial Dance Moves, Chicken Sandwhich Tier Lists, UFC, Baseball Boomers, Sports Fight Tier Lists, and some quit hitter questions at the end! This one has a bit of everything, gotta make up for the last two weeks!     Follow us on Twitter @IWMD_Pod

It is Wednesday, my dudes. Mayberry's entire burn. Mayberry? Mayberry? I was with my mom this weekend, so whenever your family came up, we referred to you as Mayberry. Felt real weird. Burn's laptop exploded in the middle of the last pod. It was bad. We're going to start today. We got two of the three

boyos, or three of the four boyos here korean beef on the ones and twos cory aka c word that's me and of course the bra guy hi coming at you so what we're gonna do what we're gonna start with we hit a lot so in our we did start recording last week and it was it was straight fire flames like not to toot our own horn but it was a heater of a podcast it was s tier but unfortunate unfortunately not e tier definitely not e tier um but unfortunately technical difficulties whatever but bry guy we're gonna me and bry guy are gonna take cory through some of the topics we talked about and then we're gonna shed some of our own light because you guys obviously didn't hear last week it's the lost episode we're gonna we're gonna refer to it all

the time as this great lost episode that you guys will never hear so we're gonna dive a little bit into it though today bry guy what do we got what do we what do we start with so zach had a whole great segment that was like 20 minutes long just about how washed he was and about how much of an old man he was. It was great. Such good content. So relatable. Also just hilarious because he's just falling apart inside.

So we'll never hear that. Zach's segment. It's my favorite one. We could all relate. He was talking about like how he was excited to go to target to pick out like dishes for his new apartment feel that i was like dude you're such an old man i'm so against that i was i was mad about that about like being old i was telling rooks and zach and you probably know this because you had these dishes too i still have the dishes from college the big black

circle bowl things yes and those were Mike's in college too. So those things are like old as hell. And I never get through. I respect some hand-me-down dishes, but you know, having a nice new clean set, I feel you Zach. That's such a waste of money. Zach, it's an F-tier opinion.

So Zach is washed. Then for some reason, we got into Halloween. It was like, Oh, of course you did. Cause it's May. You know, casual Halloween talk in May.

Up and coming. You know, you know how it'd be. What's your, what's your, we were going through just random things. What's your shittiest Halloween costume you've ever done? Like lack of effort.

Like what's your shittiest one? I'd see it was 404 not found oh just i just wrote i just white t-shirt wrote it across because one funny two i'd see three like i i don't do that much for halloween typically there's some some occasions i have but i feel like you needed like three three halloween costumes that year too because like we went out like Thursday, Friday, Saturday night. Oh my god, yeah. It was like Nerd and then we did Walking Dead and then it was like, oh guys, we have this other party and we're like, white t-shirt, write something on it. Let's go.

Can't repeat outfits. Yeah, I was saying mine was in like seventh grade. I think I like wasn't planning on going trick-or-treating and then I like got invited out i was like oh i have friends so i didn't have like an actual costume but i had a bunch of glow sticks and i had like glow stick glasses and like wristbands like a necklace and that was it so did you go did you have so i guess did you have an identity like were you a thing or were you like right he was a fucking glow stick. I was a glow stick. It was a good time. And then my shitty... Which you know, Corey, you witnessed this costume.

Yeah, I still do. Johnny Bravo. Showing up to Indigo. Shout out. Love you. Miss you. Show up in a black t-shirt and jeans. It was nighttime, so I didn't even wear that it was nighttime so i didn't even wear the sunglasses with it and then i just like kind of spiked my hair up but not really at all

the fact that you were johnny bravo is the fact that like that'd be perfectly fine cost had you just gone it's a little mile and gotten a spray the hairspray that's like i was like not doing it blonde for one night come on man well it looks mentioned this last week we had blonde hairspray yeah i was like not doing it blonde for one night come on man well it looks mentioned this last week we had blonde hairspray because i had it for my costume and he just didn't use it it was a big it was a big debate but then i was like no forget it and i was like i'm just gonna go half-ass like i'm just gonna give me a percentage in your mind like what percentage did you actually think about it because i feel like it was five no more than putting the stuff in my hair yeah you know how i am with my hair it was i know that's why i feel like it was five no more than putting the stuff in my hair yeah you

know how i am with my hair it was i know that's why i'm like there's no way it like we talked about it i was like oh that'd be funny and i was like well then also we're going to indigo the sweatiest person that's ever existed is on the mic currently aka me like i i sweat disgustingly so i don't want to have like gatorade yellow sweat dripping down my body like i'm just like i'm just gonna stick i'm just gonna stick with nothing in my hair man we originally called our product gatorade but yeah yeah that was one big topic we talked more halloween because you know i know but I'm saying. What else within Halloween? I can't remember. Yeah. So, Corey, when was the last time you went trick or treating? Oh, because mine was seventh grade because I moved in eighth grade.

So I didn't have friends by the time Halloween came around. And then like, man, you not having friends slash kind of having friends is a big theme of last week. Nerd. And then in high school, I feel like you sort of aren't allowed to i i'm trying to remember the exact last time i did it i feel like i don't know i feel like it was no older than like maybe ninth grade yeah maybe there's like one time in between where it was like because like i'm down for Halloween. It's fun. Candy, come on.

Dress up goofy. I'm in. There's probably one year that I went out with like a friend's little sibling and it was like, you know, go with like so-and-so's little brother and like we just went out. I don't think that counts. Look at you being a good guy. What the fuck? I mean, I got my own bag and I got my candy. It's not like it was completely

selfish like people are giving out king size on this block all right how many pieces of candy did you steal from that child uh i don't know if i would say steal i'm sure i immediately got back and i was like is there anything you don't like in there because you got to go back did you guys do this you go back you pour it on the ground and you just do tradesies you're like i don't like this i like that though and you you know cory barter tell me you have had a whopper in your life the candy oh my god yeah what the fuck is a whopper like what's in it it's a malted it's like a malted milk ball isn't that like the the like slogan or whatever it's maltese or something we were maltese is a dog no it's chocolate chocolate flavored dogs i was talking i was talking about

how like you know in like the um the bowls where it's like oh take as much as you want or take like one piece or something like you always know that shit's completely picked through when it's only fucking whoppers like the entire top of the fucking pile is just whoppers i like this shit's pit clean exactly so fuck random whopper story no random whopper story i was a huge i was a huge whopper slanderer last week and then i said i never had a whopper before and then like the podcast cut off so maybe i was assigned from like the whopper gods being like bitch we uh when i was younger i used to really like them actually and for some i guess i got it maybe for halloween like you know that it like looks like a milk carton it sounds weird but you know what i mean like if you know what whoppers are and it was like i got a huge thing karina all like this story shout out karina she i got it for

like halloween maybe a birthday gift or something she stole it from me and like my friend kevin and i were like hanging out or whatever and she made us learn dance moves like dance positions to get them like we were like dogs for treats mind you like they're my Whoppers, so she just straight up stole them and was like, dance because I just want entertainment right now and you can get the thing that I stole back from you. So of course we did.

Psychopath. First position, second position, all the way up to five. You know five dance positions? At one point I did. I know first is like they're all just like you stand there and put your leg like in another spot it's like this is like this is like a dance ballet type dance right yeah yeah it's like i was trying to like i was like what

kind of what the fuck are they talking about put your legs put your like one foot in front of the other then like i don't know like twist your feet in weird positions it's i don't know they're not moves i'm like looking down on my dance move i'm looking down on my feet right now and like trying than like, I don't know, like twist your feet in weird positions. I don't know. They're not moves. I'm looking down at my feet right now and like trying to do like anything that would like look like dance and it just, it looks. It's not like the Dougie

or anything like that. It's like move your foot slightly to the left. Position one definitely is the Dougie. Position two, Soldier Boy. Position three, Nay Nay. The jerk. It's the reject action. the left position one definitely is the dougie position two soldier boy position three nay nay the jerk it's the reject the most out like those dances all just so outdated at this point man people are gonna be like what the fuck are they talking about this is boomer that's people don't know what the fuck we're talking about all right we're millennials though that

was like very much millennial culture. It's not whatever under us is. Peak dance move, I feel like, was the whip because then it just turned into like, I think it was like all. No, no, no. For what it turned into. Because I feel like our friends would go out and we would just do random like daily activities, but like mime it out like a dance move.

So it was like driving a car like you'd like buckle in your seat belt and like get somebody to hop in the car with you and you're just like driving around love that when you're hammered at a bar it's my favorite i hated college at that time it was the worst that was all of our college experience no the dabbing stuff was the best the absolute worst time of my life the peak moments in my college career. I want to put this on my resume. So me and Corey, we do just random things back and forth in that dab or hit them folks after it. So we just do the most random shit and then we'd hit either one of those.

We're at this nightclub. Shout out Indigo again you deserve all the shout outs um but me and cory are just in the fucking middle of the dance floor just going back and forth doing these random fucking moves and at one point i do like a fucking hail mary like across cory's like across cory's chat i bless him and then we fucking hit them folks to it and these two dudes I reckon they're on the football team

I've seen I like I see them on campus all the time like their football gear these two dudes go oh fuck and they like come over and like dap us up

and they're like yo that was tough as shit and I was just like I was like my life's over like I it can't get better than this and then they gave Rooks

a whopper it was weird they gave Rooks a whopper. It was weird. They did not give me a whopper, because then I wouldn't talk about this fucking moment. That would make the moment a little less cool. But yeah, that shit was tough. It was the worst. I hate it so much.

We have a photo. It was so great. No, we have a photo of us on our cruise from spring break, and everyone is dabbing with the waiters that we have, except I'm in the back just looking so annoyed. Fucking, if I wasn't blacked, I wouldn't have done it. But even though I was hammered at that dinner, I still was like, I don't want to do this, guys.

And then everyone was like, no, come on, it would be funny. And I'm like, I don't want to do this. And then everybody did it. I was like, fuck it. He could barely order his food, and then he could still know that he didn't want to do this and then everybody did it he could barely order his food and then he could still know that he didn't want to do the dab for the picture I was not trying to do that shit

who was drunk enough that they didn't know what a spring roll was? was that Ethan? uh yeah that sounds like Ethan okay my only my drug moment ordering dinner was like the my shit was the like from the office like i think i ordered uh i think i ordered like frog legs or something and i was like

if the leg isn't attached to the frog i send it back or something i kept like as i was going through the list i was just saying that after everything i ordered and everyone i like i don't remember any of it and then the next day everyone's like dude you said it like 13 times to every single thing you ordered it was every single thing i ordered i was like but if it's not here i'll send it back or some shit like it was so i'm pretty sure you were very drunk that first dinner and then didn't make it to the second dinner or you came like half an hour late? Yeah, you came late. No, no, no. Me and Brooks came late to one of them.

The third dinner, that was the day that I was like puking the entire fucking day. I did not go to dinner that night. That night I was like, no, like have fun at dinner, but I'm fucking trying to get my life together. Brooks, were you there? Was it me, you and Ethan or maybe me and Ethan on a different cruise where we were doing the Jeopardy and we were like drinking. That was the last night it was me and you. Yeah, yeah, and Ethan, or maybe me and Ethan on a different cruise where we were doing the Jeopardy and we were, like, drinking. That was the last night. That was me and you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because Rooks and I showed up pretty late in one on, like, the last night. The last supper was – That's when I – I was wasting pans. Yeah, Steph ordered for me that night because I could – I just – I forgot how to read. It be's like that. It wasn't my vision was gone. I just forgot how to read.

Shout out to Rooks, man. Shout out to Bahamas. Yeah. like that it wasn't my vision was gone i just forgot how to read shout out man shout out bahamas um what was the other oh so the last thing we talked about which somehow we went from zach being washed to halloween so now we're gonna take another right turn we're talking about a tier list on best chicken sandwiches because you know you get, you get those on Halloween. But we ranked, the four we ranked were like your school's chicken patty, Chick-fil-A, Popeye's, and the McChicken. In my tier list, I had Popeye's chicken sandwich at S

because it's far and away the most superior sandwich. I had the McChicken at B because I was like, it has so much nostalgic value for me. I respect you so much for that. It's good. It's good, solid.

But like the nostalgia of it is what puts it at B tier for me. I had Chick-fil-A at C because they try to talk like they're this awesome sandwich and like, this is the best fucking chicken sandwich. And it's fucking not. You hear that Chick-fil-A you motherfuckers it sucks um it doesn't suck it's just not as good as like they hype it up to be like they have all these like i don't know how y'all's chick-fil-a is my chick-fil-a is a bunch of like 13 year olds walking around going my pleasure my pleasure and it's like y'all are like getting brainwashed and shit this is kind of terrifying but like you can't act like this is some fancy ass chicken sandwich and then give me what you give me because

it's not it's nothing crazy like it's not i don't understand what you expect them to like not advertise it though it'd be like yeah this is pretty average so like come to our restaurant no not even not even like they just act like it's the hottest shit on this planet, and it's not. When Popeyes came out, that shit was bussin'. That shit was so good, and it's still so good. And it puts the Chick-fil-A sandwich to shame. Anyway, my fucking tier list burned. Shut the fuck up. And then the school chicken patty, I think put i think i put an e tier or d you at the very end before

my computer died you went no screw chick-fil-a for them for their lgbt stances they're going e tier the school chicken patties going d tier you ranked it above chick-fil-a oh that's right yeah fuck that yeah no we're there yeah yeah e tier chick-fil-a d tier school lunch the thing is after we talked about that i was like i really should just never had chipotle again i could get chicken anywhere else i like it a lot but like yeah it's not that great for them being like huge dicks yeah and i want to outrageous i want to i want to emphasize because i didn't i haven't said it like i haven't said it on this podcast i said it last week fuck Chick-fil-a

fuck the people that run Chick-fil-a you're fucking assholes go fuck yourself alright sorry just had to put it in there platform is yours well I was gonna I like Popeyes I'd put above Chick-fil-a I haven't really had Chick-fil-a that much

because like their lines are outrageous and at the end of the day it's like a chicken sandwich like i don't i don't care that's facts so i i'd put again for nostalgia and i'm not a big chicken sandwich guy anyway so i'm doing i'm doing the uh mcchicken above yeah all of it like i don't care i expect that i'm totally cool with that i'm doing mcchicken i'll do i'll do a like i feel weird putting any of these at s because i'm not like super into any of it like it's fine that's why i pick other things when i go to any of these places well i guess not not popeyes or chick-fil-a but uh i never had the chicken patty at lunch i did like in elementary school and then I grew

up and learned and just got pizza and Bosco sticks and the other shitty foods that aren't meals. What the fuck is a Bosco stick? What? It's like cheese filled bread. Oh, okay. Yeah, we just call those cheese sticks. I got a story about those.

My like high school and middle school lunches were Choco Tacos. Yes. We had slushies, so everybody was on that slushy life. For lunch? Yeah. And then we did not eat healthy. I'm going to tell you right now.

They had those in our middle school. Bro, not the middle school I moved to. Oh, yeah. The one we went to together. I brought lunch every day and and i had like pb and j and i'll trade it for like pizza which was i did until like for the most part until like i don't know like freshman year of high school and then it was just like i got lazy shocker but we would do we would do the the like barely heated barely cooked cookies

the like took dough and put in the microwave. And we're like, here you go. And pizza. Like, that was my lunch. So, yeah, chicken patty I'll put down. I'll do... Fuck it, I'll do E. I'm back on the E grind. I don't care.

Hey, he's back, dude. Finally using his whole fucking tier list. Goddamn. I'll do Popeye's at B and Chick-fil-A at C because Chick-fil-A is there. Guys, Wendy's Chicken Sandwich. Spicy Chicken Sandwich. You didn't say Wendy's Chicken Sandwich. I don't care.

You can't make up the rules halfway through when it's your time to go. Oh yeah, you can. There's no rules here. Are you kidding me? I'm going Wendy's S, Chick-fil-A F. Everything else is El Relo. Let's move on. Rooks, what's your Bosco stick story?

Oh, just that like – so I love those fucking things. Like they're so fucking good. Oh my god. Those things are so good. But like all I would like through from like – they started serving them at some point when we were in middle school and then they had out on my high school too i would go around to like everybody i knew and if they had them i'd be like yo let me get like half of one dude like i'd be like yo let me get like a quarter of that thing like you're the worst and they'd be like yeah sure like because every person's like yeah whatever like i don't give a shit and so they give me a little bit by the end i'd eat like

seven or eight like full ones because i just like asked like everyone in the fucking lunchroom oh my god those things were busting those things are so good we had a kid like that at our school too who like you just walk up he'd be like you're gonna finish that you're like yeah i'm actively eating this man what are you expecting and he was the freaking worst he was like the biggest chubbiest kid and then by the end of like high school everyone was like you're on steroids man like there's no way you got this like lean and like this like buff because he was like always the kid like begging for food also story about this kid his name's joel i'll call him out i don't know his last name

zero chance you will ever see calling you out Calling you out, boy. We were waiting for practice at the English teacher's classroom in eighth grade. And she's sort of attractive. We were in eighth grade, whatever. She just wasn't an ugly old lady. And he catcalled her from the back of class. And the football coach was also walking down the hallway and heard it. Came in. He didn't man up to it, but everyone knew it was him.

But the coach wouldn't let us throw him him under the bus only so we went outside and for the entire practice we just had to carry people back and forth across the field we paired up and they said pick them up go to the other side come back it sucked god i hate that kid forever for that he still has never like owned up for it and we know he did it everyone knows he did it he still won't admit it that kid sucks fuck you man you should send him a link to this episode uh joel i don't know your last name i actually think i remember his last name i don't want to call him say it do it right now we're not calling you out motherfucker we're trying to schedule a fight, dude. Let's cancel everybody. Boxing match.

Speaking of fights, you guys want some highlights from UFC this weekend? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, sure. There was a fight, so bring it on. So, highlights. There was lots of broken bones, lots of CTE, and a little reference to a lot of black guy porn. So i'll get into it

classic ufc one of the first fights this dude jacare sussa rooks probably knows his name he's like 40 years old he has like multiple black belts insane dude like on the ground like wrestling and stuff and then some like a brand new ufc fighter called him out and is like the guy who's fighting for this fight and was like hey i have a better ground game than this guy which all the commentators were calling out like this is insane this is ridiculous this kid's gonna get like molly whopped there's no way and so it comes out it's like first round whatever

back and forth but they like scramble for like takedown and Jacare like ends up on his back but like rolls out the backside of him but gets his arm stuck under the dude and the dude tries to go for an arm bar but since his arm was in a weird spot he didn't get it dude tries to go for an arm bar but since his arm was in a weird spot he didn't get it on the elbow which normally an arm bar you're trying to like pop his elbow out and they'll just tap and like say it's over but it was on his forearm instead

so he just snaps the dude's forearm in half and you could hear it like while it happened live there was like a very very audible bone snapping sound rooks you have a question this is this is different than the is this the same video or a different one than the one you sent this ufc was gross as shit i'm so glad i didn't watch no so tommy sent this to you you might have actually seen it but like two weeks ago was the chris weidman fight where he broke his leg in half oh no yeah i saw the leg yeah yeah but so he snaps his forearm they callman fight where he broke his leg in half. Oh, no, yeah. I saw the leg, yeah. But so, he snaps his forearm, they call the fight, and he just stands up, and he's like, alright, man, good fight. And just, like, walks to the center of the ring

and does not flinch at all. The dude is a madman. So that one was sick. And they showed the replay on that, and they were like, listen, listen, listen for it. And it was like, so many times. It was ridiculous.

The other crazy ko that happened it was like back and forth fight they're both hitting each other hella hard both of them were like knocked down like three times by the third round it was like a minute into it dude just like hits him clean once with his right hand dude shakes it off like dodges a couple times faints a couple times and then just like starts falling backwards from the center of the ring keeps stumbling backwards hits the fence lands face down is knocked down like 15 seconds after he got hit it like finally hit him and it was so strange because like you could see him like try to like stay on his feet and his knees are just kind of like wobbly and he's like looking at the other guy and then you see his eyes just like go up into the right and just like space out.

And you're like, yep, he's out cold. And then straight on his face. Commentators are going nuts too. Because like that just doesn't happen. Usually you just get hit once straight down onto your face. The black porn thing. Thank you. Like I don't like that you left that for the last one.

I had to give my other things in there. There's this chick called Caitlin Shukigan who is average. Chukugian. Thank you, Rooks. She wears like a t-shirt to fight. Horrible. You know if someone's wearing a t-shirt in MMA or at like the beach or at the pool, they're average. They're not going to be good at swimming.

They're not going to be able to like swim over a wave of the beach. They're also not going to be able to win a fight in MMA. Three pillars of wearing t-shirts at times you don't need to but anyways super average looks like a mom but for this fight there's like pr for it so like she's on twitter all the time people looked at her likes on our twitter page all black porn nothing else just from top to bottom her entire likes page just very very hardcore black eye porn and it was like all over reddit what what is that it's just like it's just like gifs and videos on twitter from like a couple different accounts they're just poor look this up are you spelling names like uh what are you

hoping to find here i think it's like at blonde fighter is her i'm not gonna i'm not gonna look at um porn while we're pogging later though yeah got you got you later but don't worry i already pulled it up oh my god oh my god and she like after all this this is scrolling this is still actively on her twitter right now yeah she doesn't have a profile photo anymore so i think she tried to delete it but it's still there now 25 000 followers come on she needs a pr team that's so maybe she got maybe she's so tight i'll give her some credit maybe she got hacked but like fuck fuck i don't like it all man fuck it was that's so funny awesome it was such good like drama leading up to it because i also hate her as a fighter so like she won the fight i just i just always like she's always like been she's always

in these like big time fights and i swear she always loses so i just like eventually i got to the point where it's like yeah i don't really care, like, if she's fighting. Because she's, like, super middle of the pack, like, women's fighter. And as long as you're not complete garbage, you'll eventually win a couple fights and go up Rooks' face right now. Yes. Scrolling through it all. It's insane, dude. And, like, to be honest, like, I mean, I don't know.

I feel like people on Twitter nowadays, like, I feel like people don't care. know i feel like people on twitter nowadays like i feel like people don't care like there's there's so much of like that stuff on twitter there's a few people i follow and i hope to god they know that people can see like their likes and like twitter's a dick too because twitter literally like you don't have to look like sometimes twitter will just like hey this person like this they will literally post on your timeline and i have these kids i went to high school with these two brothers that literally every time it's like blah blah blah and blah blah blah like this picture and it's just a chick like button it like half naked or butt naked it's just all my timeline it's like bro everyone can see this like also you guys are horny as fuck like you guys are down bad right now

man liking like things on twitter dude there's the goat if you want to see shit go to fucking chikugian's twitter dude just scroll through her likes man but like god just get it together i did not think that we would be talking about this topic tonight. It's so funny. I think it's fucking, that's so fucking funny, though. I think it's hilarious. It's insane. I think it's hilarious. There's so many memes of, like, Overeem and, like, Nganou,

just, like, referencing her, and it's awesome. That's so tight. This MMA subreddit was just on fire. But they had a fucking date with it. It was incredible. Oh, God. We hit gold. It was incredible. Oh, God. We hit gold. That's hilarious.

Gold, I say. Liquid gold. It was liquid gold. Ew. Oh, I don't. Oh, don't say liquid gold. I don't, yeah. I don't like that with what we were just talking about.

Let's go to the first break. The reference itself is one thing, but like, ew. Just fucking ew. Oh, God. Oh God. All right. I need, I need to talk. I need to talk. Like now that we're on like, we're on like Twitter, like I got to get off this page.

No, I'm just kidding. I promise. Hey, hey, I got receipts. Look, look, look. I'm just, I'm just on the, I'm just on the feed right now. Okay. But I want to talk about, so baseball boomers are just – can we just like – can we just completely restructure baseball at this point? Yes.

Like can we just – I'm so blown. So this past weekend, I was visiting my grandparents in Virginia. I watched the Dodgers play with my grandpa. Grandpa is a huge Dodger fan. And I was like – I was watching baseball and i was like okay i actually like kind of miss watching this shit like like i really do enjoy watching this like and like root like grandpa's huge dodger fans who are like rooting on the dodgers and shit i was like this is cool and then i go on twitter fucking today everyone's freaking out this guy

on the fucking was he on the twins this dude so they're up 15 to 4 they're shit pumping another team right they're shit pumping another team the other team is out of pitchers so they have like an infield player throwing and so if he's throwing like he's throwing fucking meatballs because like they can't actually pitch well so like he's he has he's thrown three balls to this guy and it's like it's one of these what's coming next it's one of these stupid un-fucking-written rules like oh you don't swing on 3-0 like when you're kicking the shit out of a team but the guy like so obviously the guy who's not a pitcher throws it over the plate like really slow and the dude cranks a fucking home run

and like his manager is like yeah he's not gonna make that mistake again like blah blah blah and it's like so dumb i hate like i hate how fucking boring baseball is like i was like i had such a good moment with it this weekend and then i go on twitter today and i'm like no this is why i hate this shit it's because all these fucking old fucks are like we need to make this game as boring as possible like this is america's pastime like shut the fuck up man that's really good just let people have like why can't we just have fun and like this is entertainment like this is literally entertainment i don't i don't understand but yeah whole whole big fucking thing right now with the manager getting pissed and everyone's just like he's a fucking batter like let the people hitting the ball hit the ball who gives a shit like who fucking gives

a shit my biggest thing with baseball is like and obviously the biggest thing that people have an issue with is like bat flips and shit like that. But that's usually also – and I don't know my baseball history. So again, probably wrong like most times I talk on this podcast. But the pitchers – it's like offensive to the pitchers. And they get pissed and then you start like getting beamed. Yeah. So – and that's – so we were going to talk about this last week and then podcast

got off but so there's video last week i went super viral this kid supposedly in this game it was like playoffs and shit it was like the ninth inning this team had came back from being down eight one and this kid jacked a fucking two run homer to win the game and he like flips the bat like or you know he like throws the bat he's like pointing at the camera and he's like let's he's like all fucking height which like yeah he just literally buttfucked the other team like great job like he hit a two run game winning homer awesome like had like emotion right and he's all hyped all these fucking people on twitter who have fucking fate they're fucking twitcon i know they're boomers immediately when they're talking shit about

baseball and they're like profile picture on twitter is this super zoomed in shit where you can't see anything other than like their fucking eyes and mouth or there's no there's no face structure it's just a super fucking awkward zoomed-in picture. But, like, literally all these people are like, I hope he got what was coming to him next time he was at bat. Like, I hope he got fucking beamed. This is why people don't fuck with baseball. Like, what are these fucking...

How do we have a game with unwritten fucking rules? That, like... Like, dude, you get hit in the face with a fucking 100 mile an hour fastball like oh yeah fuck you for celebrating doing your job correctly like yeah and look at look at any other fucking sport imagine dude dude scores a touchdown he's celebrating the end zone five people just like jump on him in the end zone start beating the shit out of him what you can't get mad at somebody for doing their fucking job like yeah and getting excited like let's be excited too it's like most people channel that

energy and yet if it's physical they do it in a way that is i'll say mostly legal sometimes they don't do it legal like hockey and football right like there are such things as cheap shots but it's so stupid to me that it's like people get mad at bat flips and all of that but they're not gonna get mad at somebody who can throw a hundred miles an hour at somebody's head it's like nope like he shouldn't have flipped that bat it's like no he shouldn't have thrown the ball a hundred miles an hour at his head like that's where it escalates and it's so stupid to me because it's like like there's so many unwritten rules specifically in baseball all sports have some but in baseball it's like majority of it it's so dumb to me

baseball is all like it's just all this like all of baseball's unwritten rules though are are just like don't be excited like don't don't make this sport fun like let's yeah let's keep this shit back to back to freaking by ruth and all these fucking boring ass like dude fuck that let's have fun watching the sport and playing a sport like i don't i just don't understand like the amount of the amount of tweets on that original video too like you would think like it would be like one or two boomers no it's like it's like boomer on boomer on boom you think that shit is fucking facebook with how many fucking boomers are posting on it like it's just one after another after another. I can't believe these people fucking think like that.

It's so fucking frustrating. It's like they think that the game's going to turn into the XFL if somebody just celebrates a home run. I was going to say, we need an XLB to really get back to where it's going. What are the crazy rules of the xlbb because xfl had like you could wear your own jerseys hits were like not penalized for like being roughing the passer and stuff like that i mean we're basically relaxed so i don't know how you would change baseball to be like rougher but basically just be like trying to bat while also dodging the ball. The pitcher can hit you and that's a strike. Oh, like pinball multi-ball?

You could have two pitchers at one time. Yeah, there you go. Pinball multi-ball. I was just going to say, simple would be like, so sometimes the baseball don't intentionally walk, like they'll throw four balls in a row on purpose, like super outside the strike zone.

Instead of intentional walks, you have to hit them with the pitch. Try to hit them with the pitch. But then that reverses exactly what I'm talking about. We're like, why the fuck are we trying to hurt people? I think you just leave one person on each base, and they're not allowed to move. And to get on base, you have to knock them off of that base. So it's full contact

every time but they can't catch the ball though they're just there to hit so there's people that are just blocking like the that'd be kind of cool if you had to run to the no but the problem with that bro have you seen some of the fucking baseball players bro

none of these dudes can run these dudes can only run in straight lines, man. These dudes are so thick. Easy addition. What do you play when you play wiffle ball? Pegging. Boom. Add that one.

Oh, my God. Oh. First off. You're trying to run to second? Keep your head up. I know people, I have heard people say pegging, but like. After it's your career. We'll say like beam, dude.

Like you got to beam them, you know. All right, guys. Pegging. You know what I'm saying? This podcast at one time was a tech podcast. Just for the sole transition of what we talked about, I get it. But come on. I said Whiffleball before I said it.

All right. At one time, this was a tech podcast. Now we're going – now we're a porn podcast. Like it's just porn and sex podcast. Now we're porn podcasts. It's just porn and sex podcasts. We always come out on top. I just

need to talk about this shit because it's so frustrating. It's just it was especially having a good I watched baseball for the first time in so long and I was like, oh my god. For me, it was a really special moment. I was like, fuck.

I want to watch this more. Then I see all this shit on Twitter and I'm like, no, fuck baseball. Baseball's literally the worst. If I'm not getting shit-faced in the stadium, I don't want to go. I think if there weren't unwritten rules, it would be better because unwritten rules are

unwritten for a reason because they don't actually make sense it's all like pomp and like respect and like i understand like be sort of respectful have some like sportsmanship but like just win the game and then afterwards shake hands and then leave like middle of the game i don't care how rude you are to me at all as long as it's not like actually illegal, be a complete dick to me if we're playing football together. Yeah. As long, as long as after the game,

you're like, all right, okay. And we move on. Hilarious, hilarious tweet on the, the, the bat flipping video.

Shout out my man's, uh, coach lanes, 34, uh, coach lanes, two L's. Hey,

you fucking boomer. Um, he says, blah, blah, blah. Did Barry Bonds or Hank Aaron celebrate like that? So why the hell would a kid do that?

So fucking stupid. I'm all for celebrating a home run, but do it in the right way. Bitch, do you know what time Hank Aaron was like? At that time, if Hank Aaron was playing baseball and celebrating and bat flipping and shit, he didn't not do it because like he wasn't like excited there were a lot of implications if Hank Aaron started doing that shit bro

if he did anything he's getting shot from the stands like a musket um coach lanes let's see where are you coach thank Aaron you mean Burlington Central High School Illinois my man coach lanes you're a fucking idiot that's a terrible fucking take that is a freezing cold fucking take right there this is just i don't know that much good i know like one of the about baseball i know a lot in other in other categories it's like in baseball they uh what was the top speed of a pitch back

in the day like that's one of the arguments is, like, people weren't pitching, like, 100 miles an hour, right? Or am I wrong? It was, like, one nautical mile an hour or something like that. Yeah. That's pretty fast. No, I'm just kidding. I think it was, like, I think back in the day, like, high heat probably was, like, 85, 80. What about low heat, though?

Low and slow, man. Less than 85 or 80. What about a circle change pitch how fast are those bitch shut up um pressure cookies as well back then all right so i wanted to talk we're saying a bunch of unwritten rules and i was trying to think of ones for football and i was like really racking my brain to try to figure out one because I know there's a million for baseball. I know there's a couple for hockey. But for football, the only one I can think of is don't hit the quarterback when they're doing a QB kneel.

That's the only one that's not necessarily legal, but it's kind of a respect thing. But other than that... What about kicker? Hitting the kicker? No, people do it. Kicker, yeah. Nowadays, a lot of times the punter and kicker

just kind of like doesn't put up a fight and they'll just drop to their knees and shit and they'll like try to take a blocker out or something but i mean penn state's kicker was like laying people out that's true had to actually block him at some point and then never played again like right like it's not a common thing for football to have unwritten rules but baseball they're everywhere like baseball we can't like walk over the pitcher's mound i know that's a big one for some reason the only other one for football that i know some people care about but i don't is like walking on the logo or like stepping on it but like i really couldn't care less and that's not like something that happens often at all

well there's like there's a like there's a difference too with like like shout out your boy juju like walking on the logo and then filming a fucking tiktok on the logo there's a difference but like even that like and then and i will say like cory was saying this earlier a big difference with like contact sports and doing it, it's like, if you break these rules, like, you will get hit legally for this stuff. Like, Juju, that game, or the last game where he did it and he got fucking, like, flipped and fumbled, like... Yeah.

I'll dovetail this into one of my biggest gripes with hockey and people that don't know hockey is people that want to take fighting out of hockey. It is like, sure, there are some unwritten rules. And part of the consequences of, you know, going after a star player, like getting cheap shots like that is pretty much every team at least i won't even say back in the day at least in like early 2000s like i grew up playing there were there's going to be somebody who's going to beat the crap out of you because it's their job to protect the rest of the team and like goons that's yeah and that's like that works like right now there's a whole lot going on with Tom Wilson on the Capitals in the NHL. That dude's a psycho.

Did he hit someone over the boards the other night? Yeah, he does not care. But here's the thing. Eventually, it's going to catch up to him, and it's not going to be good. I don't want to see anyone get hurt, but there's a lot of people who are going to be like trying to beat the crap out of them every single game. And like he knows that he's going to take that risk. So, you know, like life moves on with it.

But that's why I like I always like hockey because it's like Gretzky had I don't know the players names, but people were on team specifically to protect the star player because it's insurance and anyone can throw a cheap shot in any physical sport so that's why i always liked it it's like they yeah there's some cases where it's like kind of out of hand but also i think it does so much good so much more good than it does negative for hockey because people are like why are they fighting like this is so dumb like why don't they just box and it's like well that's not how they don't drop the mitts every time they step on the ice like they do it for a reason and they don't just stop people from going after like the star players because there's consequence to it yeah and it's gotten a lot better now because the goons have to have skill like which they always were like better than me and better than majority of

people but like there were some in the nhl that i don't know like i was better at in some category maybe it's passing maybe it's i don't know but yeah could you fight in high school or did they just like immediately stop it no you could do you know what locker boxing is yeah but that's with your own team isn't it well locker boxing is like you put you leave your helmet on and you box like it's like so it's called locker boxing because typically like teams would just like do it fight each other in the locker room just i don't know like roughhousing stupid shit but that's essentially what you could do in you know high school and stuff yeah like drop the helmet yeah like people's helmets and stuff would come off when they're doing that because they're just

like ripping like the helmet off and just like blindly throwing hands so then they would get like kicked out for a game or two or something but it wasn't like squaring up like rolling up the sleeves and just like freaking yeah going out man last game this season you ripped that helmet off and you go to town there was there was a game and there was a game in the student hockey league at penn state which was like legit where a kid like they got there's a bunch of fights or whatever because this one goon like i guess hit some kid from behind in the boards and i heard that his helmet got ripped off and when his helmet like got ripped off because somebody was going to fight him his like he like pulled and like

ripped his like scalp and had to get like 22 stitches sorry yummy but yeah there's i mean there's like random shit that happens but yeah no you can't like square up i fucking love hockey hockey fights they're so dope can we all right i've been wanting to do this to you let's can like random shit that happens but yeah no you can't like square up i fucking love hockey hockey fights they're so dope can we all right i've been wanting to do this tier list can we do this can we tier list sports fights so we'll have like tier lists like soccer baseball football basketball hockey can we do that really quick yeah like match them, match them up and, like, we can talk. Like, I want it because the fighting. Soccer, baseball, football, hockey? Basketball.

Basketball. Basketball. Okay, okay, okay. But, like, I want to just, like, rank them because fights in every sport are so different. And I love, like, I love, like, the different things. Football? Is football in there? No.

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I think there's a clear cut, like, beginning and bottom. And bottom and then like the middle is kind of where it gets weird yeah let's let's let's start let's stay on topic hockey is s tier hockey fights hockey fights are fucking s tier because like they literally first off they're wearing swords on their fucking feet. First off, it's legal. That's yes. First off, it's fucking allowed. But then, like, just everyone, like, at least if it's a one-on-one fight, everybody just backs up and is like, all right, they're going to fucking do this. And they just go at it.

And it's like, it's great. Hockey fights are S tier. Is that around the table? Absolutely. And even just, like, if a team's pissed at another team and they play again in a day or two, they'll just put out their third line at the very start of the game. It's so sick. It's so fucking sick.

I love that game so much. That's the Tom Wilson fight that just happened a couple weeks ago. And back in the early 2010 maybe, Devils and Rangers did that. It's the greatest when you do it back to back and it's like you're getting so much beef the first game and you're just like, alright guys and the minute you see the starting lineup come out and you're like, oh here

we go. Just all three go. So good. Let's go probably another easy one. Soccer. Soccer fights are fucking S tier. So first off. What?

Wait, what tier? F. F. You said S. I heard S. I'm sorry. F, F, F, F, F. Big fat F.

And I'm not like a soccer hater. You guys know I love soccer. I enjoy it. Yeah. But like first off, it's pretty much always just a shove. Like almost always it's a push. Or it's the much always just a shove. Like, almost always it's a push. Or it's the head-to-head. Yeah, the only cool one is freaking Zidane.

Zidane. Zidane fucking head-butting. Head-butting a dude, which was sick. But, like, why was that cool? Because he head-butted him, and then it was over. Like, yeah. That's just cheap shots. But, yeah, like, soccer, it's just not, like, you just that's just cheap shots yeah like soccer it's

just not like any time there's any kind of like argument like there's no bench clearing everybody just walks around and like shit talks each other and also these dudes are all from different parts of the world so they're all just speaking different languages to each other the entire time like if you ever like like if you ever look at their mouths and stuff like no one's speaking english like no one is speaking english and so it's just like i bet no one knows what the fuck is going on like i bet everyone's calling each other the c word and like everyone like nobody knows what's actually being said to them yeah like absolutely horrible i don't think i've seen a single clip of like an actual fight of a hockey

or not hockey soccer i'm sure there's like some like d leagues in like europe where they actually like throw down but like well i've seen well yeah i've seen like there's there's a lot of videos in like uh like smaller leagues in like south america and like europe and stuff where people like there's like full fucking brawls after but like that's never at like the professional level like the fans throw down oh yeah yeah if that's part of the ranking that changes but it's not it's not it's not no they're it's their own category because like those fans aren't playing the sport we'll do sports fan fights to your list at one point. We'll do that at another time. Real meta. Speaking of, did y'all see, like, off-topic, did y'all see the video of the dude at the Padres game who knocked another guy out?

Oh, yeah. This guy. The one dude who got knocked out is not pressing charges, and I think it's like, I have to understand, like, he probably started it right, and then he just got clocked, and it's full embarrassment, I feel. The dude walking at him is walking with so much purpose. The first time I was watching the video, I was like, they're either going to fight or this guy's going to come make out with this guy. It's one of the two. I don't know which.

And the other guy stands there with his arms crossed and doesn't do anything. Not a good fighting stance. The dude in the the padres jersey cranks back immediately hits him the other guy does the most like ufc just like lock up and he falls back this dude falls back on his chair but he's on like the back part and he's just like leaned over he's hanging like have you ever seen have you ever seen the vine and that little kid he's at like the uh the little he's on like this little thing that has like a like a little pole going around in a circle and it's like a game to jump under it and it's a little kid that gets on and his arms go back and shit yeah like that's exactly what this guy like he's just like flailing over the fucking back of the seat it's so funny it's such a good video i haven't seen it you gotta send that to me after i'll

send it to you for sure we'll post it on twitter we got you all but um but yeah so let's hop i don't know we have left we have basketball we have baseball basketball baseball correct i want to go basketball is kind of like a wild card like old school basketball it was like a tier but now is like i don't think there's there's more talk there's a lot more it's it's a little bit like soccer where there's a lot more talk now i will say i like a lot of times basketball like the bench is clear i'm all i'm a big fan and the bench is clear even nothing happens we just get more people on the court like shit talking to each other like i'm fucking here for it but i think I think for me,

I'm going to put, I think I'm going to put basketball. Like I think I'll put it C tier. I want to give it rep. I watched the Ron, our test fight back in the day live. Like I was watching that game and it was like, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen.

Like I, I literally like I was how old I want to see. I want to see when that was because like I was, I was, I was so young. That fight was incredible. That's the one everyone will reference though. Cause like he like runs like 10 rows back into the stands and just start

swinging at everybody. And it's incredible. 2004. So I was a fourth grader and I was just like, this is amazing. Like I was like, this is the coolest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. Back in the day, they threw down

a basketball man because it wasn't they wouldn't call anything. They would let him just fight after the whistle for some reason and they would just break him up and they would just keep moving on. So it used to be awesome. I guess for the past no, I'm going to throw a B-tier. I'm going to throw a B-tier. I'm going to go history and everything ron artest fights got me in my in

my nostalgia right now i'm throwing that b-tier but it's on the way on the way down i'm fine i'll say c just because i don't i'm like i didn't watch basketball back in the day so like i have seen the clips and yeah like i get it but i can you name a fight within the last 10 years in basketball like a true like somebody threw a punch not somebody got in somebody's face there are like there are sporadically like spread out like sprinkled in and i can't like off the top of my head i can't think of it but in the last like couple years there's like there's like probably one fight a year where someone actually will be getting held back and they'll throw a punch and shit.

It's one punch. It's like the... I don't know. It's like the dude at the bar who's like the hold me back guy. It's like hold me back, hold me back. You know you're not going to fight somebody, but you're just going to make it seem like you will. I don't know. I'm giving it a C.

I've seen those fights. They were pretty legit so that's cool until i see somebody get clocked in the face at least once you're staying in c so we got football and baseball let's go let's go baseball baseball i mean there are some surprises like dude this dude, this, this shit were, uh, wasn't the blue Jays a couple of years ago, but he's a bat flip and all that. Yeah, dude. That man's, if you get hit hard enough that your sunglasses come off, you got hit fucking hard. Like you got fucking hit. So like, like there's, and like baseball, like there's like these little one-off fights

that are so fun like bryce harper when he like charged him out once and he's charging it with his helmet and then he throws his helmet and then tries hitting him which is just hilarious um entertainment value yeah because even when they're not good they're they're good for a different reason yeah i was gonna say a for effort d for execution because they always they come in swinging so hard and never connect they will always miss and then just kind of like pile up around each other and like my favorite my this is my favorite part about baseball fights is the dude like when the bench is clear the dudes from the bullpen come down who aren't close,

and you'll just see these six-foot-seven pitchers just running down from the outfield just super late to the fight. I think it's hysterical. I think it's so funny. Bro, if I'm in the bullpen, I'm not making that run out. I'm just going to pretend like I didn't see it. I thought you were going to like the one guy like i feel like it's always it's typically what the pitcher and the batter right yeah and it's always like

they're walking out and then you see like the managers of each team slowly come out and then you see one guy from each team full-on sprinting because he's been waiting for this his whole life he just goes past the manager and he doesn't even know who he's trying to hit he's just throwing him that's the guy that i like when dylan our roommate college got into a fight in im soccer oh my god i was that guy i sprinted out so quick i was ready oh i don't know what caught he was goalie didn't he like elbow someone or something? Somebody kicked it before the whistle blew or something. It was a corner kick, and one of the people on their team was trying to box him out. And he was like,

I am soccer. We're in the lowest league. Stop trying to box me out. He's also the goalie. You don't box out the goalie. You can't throw the goalie. It's like interference. I don't know.

So the guy was pushing back on him with his elbow a bit so then Dylan like elbowed him in the side really hard and the dude just picked his elbow up and hit him in the face or it was like

the other way around. And then Dylan threw the ball at his head. Yeah, I remember that. So let's read here because Major League Soccer F.

If we're doing intramural soccer at Penn State that's S tier. S dude people used to fucking go crazy I remember we played there was in um our last year of playing like so we played co-ed soccer so we have like we have like some of our friends on the team like we had like half of our squad was girls but other teams like would bullshit and they'd have like one or two girls like on the whole fucking team but they they'd run big dudes and shit.

But this one team, this guy, he was like a defender. He was like 6'3". Our friend Jesse is, how tall is Jesse? 5'1"? 5'2"? No, Jesse, if you hear this and we watch this. I'll say 5'2". If you hear this and we're fucking this up, we apologize.

But she's, she's the first time she touches the ball, she does the classic Jessie move. So, if any of you guys play FIFA, if you press B and A almost simultaneously, you do a little fake shot or a fake pass and you can really yoink people.

Jessie is the queen of this, and Jessie yoinked this 6-3 fucker the first time she touched the ball jesse takes ankles that's her currency big facts but the next time she touches a ball this big fucker literally just shoves her over like full on just like shoulder charges her and so she's like what the fuck and so she gets up he does it again and i was like this was like we we only had six we had like one sub and it was like while i was subbed out and i was like fuck that i was like i'm coming in like i think i like tagged somebody i think i tagged jjo because i wanted

to be like going at him for the viewers fuck it for zach oh zach go fuck yourself but like I am not good at soccer I'm not but I am stocky I am large so I'm pushing up this up the fucking side this guy runs at me I don't even like care about the ball anymore and I just like I'm running a straight line

and I see him coming at me and I just leave the ball like going in that straight line and I just like i'm running in a straight line and i see him coming at me and i just leave the ball like going in that straight line and i just i remember leveling him and he like he like grabbed my pants and got up i was like dude what the fuck was that man i was like you just shoved over a girl on my team three times in a row dickface like i was like like i'm gonna hit you like i'm just gonna hit you and he was like that's why roach is the enforcer on the soccer team that's why soccer needs enforcers exactly gosh i am stocky i am large hear me roar i am roach exactly dude but i was like i was like bro like but like people like that should happen way too much i am talking yeah there's in our playoff game i remember me and this dude were like going for a ball and like got shoulder

shoulder and like shoving each other and the ball was going straight and we just started veering right but we're still shoulder to shoulder like fighting each other and just kept veering right we're nowhere close to the ball but we're like head to head and it would just look so ridiculous it was great i think we got a yellow off of that but dude i am soccer people take it so much fun worth it okay so football fights last one we have I think Portland Finnegan versus Andre Johnson

baseball I don't think we graded baseball we talked about it oh yeah I'm throwing baseball I think I'm throwing baseball I'm throwing it throwing a B tier I'm doing B I'm gonna keep it C it's like execution B. I'm going to keep a B. It's like, it's good. Execution, man.

It can be really good, but for the most part, it's like... I'll say it right now, Batista made it a B for me. Yeah, oh my god. Like Ron Artest did for you for basketball, I've made it a B for me. All right. But football. Corey, you've seen the

Courtland Finnegan-Andre Johnson fight, right? I don't know it offhand Oh my gosh It's so good Don't even say anything more about it Corey, just watch it Braga, where are you throwing football? So

I don't Benches don't really clear often in football because they just give out There's penalties and negatives that happen to the game if you actually get into fights. It's not an unwritten rule. It's an actual rule. Oh, yeah. I saw this.

Okay. Dude, the Cortland Finnegan fight is great. Only reason I know that dude's name from like 15 years ago is because he got stomped by andre johnson because he did the full hockey like move where you pull the helmet off and then he swung it at his head and then hit him a couple times too that was so good the thing with football fights is they it's usually just like a big hit on the field and then they kind of throw a punch or two they don't like take helmets off and like square up so like it's not more of a fight it's more. It's more of how the game happens and then they get mad afterwards.

Shout out. I like it more than baseball. The Texans have a center, C. Myers. Just saying. Continue. The fuck did you just say? The center for the Texans during this fight, C. Myers. I don't know what his first name is. It starts with a C.

God damn it. That's my name. You fucker. I'm going for football. I'm putting football A. Just because I mean just the volume of fights and

I think football basketball used to have a lot of wild card fights. Football, the fights like wild card fights football like the fights are wild card as fuck like you have no idea what it's gonna turn into dude the fucking uh cj garner johnson shit from last year like yeah yeah i'll bring that up what the fuck was that like what was that and it was so awkward and hilarious but then there's a corner on the broncos what team's he on saints he's on the saints and he's like into his face with a receiver and like trying to fight him like talking into his face

turns around for half a second turns back around hits him the face really hard once and then just like gets into his face and like waits for the other guy to react and the other dude's just like i'm not gonna fight you and just doesn't react at all and then the other guy gets a flag and like gets off taken off the field and like is ejected out of the game it was it makes no sense so awkward it was so fucking well it's after he gets into like a power ranger stance well they eventually eventually they did start like throwing down and teammates came over and stuff but it's just like he hits him the first time and he backs up and there's just like five seconds of just like what's going like no one does anything and it's just like what is happening wasn't it like he

slapped him didn't it look like he like ball this fist and like hit him on the side of the face or something yeah there's no good way to punch a face mask on a helmet well that's it always hurt the only reason I'm putting football at a tear instead of s is there's not as much risk

when they fight because like they have so much like yeah but like that means you're the one initiating and that means you're the dumbass that punched someone with a helmet on like that means like but like on the field like obviously like these guys they get

into physical altercations yes someone can get hurt but like in the sense of like what we're talking about where it's like fisticuffs like it's very rare that someone's gonna be able to hurt your head punching you through a fucking helmet yeah it just never happens when i played youth football we had these two kids were going out at the end of practice like we're like scrimmaging or whatever and they're like it's getting real heated we're like oh shit and this one kid like he's just such a softy he's the kid that just like talk talk talk talk talk but like was ass was so bad but so

after practice like coach is like talking to everybody and they start like chirping each other again he's like all right let's they're like we're and everyone's just like fuck it like let him go like let him fight like they've's like, all right, let's – they're like – and everyone is just like, fuck it. Like let them go. Like let them fight. Like they've been doing this all practice. Like let it go. The one kid who's like super soft but like constantly talks goes and gets his helmet from the sideline and then puts it on and goes, all right, let's go then, bitch. And he's like trying to fight him.

It's like, dude, you literally just walked like 30 steps away to put your helmet on to fight somebody. Like you are softer than baby shit. Like you are so fucking soft. Like it was so funny. But he put it, he put it on. The other kid was like, I don't want to get my helmet. And then that was the end. The other kid was like, no, I don't want to put my helmet on.

He's like, that's what I thought, bitch. And everyone was like, what? It turned into like, let it. Oh it oh yeah this is gonna be sweet everyone's gonna fight to like what the fuck is going on what is happening weird too funny so strange i feel like i feel like we all agree with all of those though sports fight tierless no they're not i don't think any of us have very controversial sports opinions between all of us. None of us are baseball boomers. I know if we had Hickey on this podcast, he would have some opinions. No, Hickey.

Hickey's been retweeting a lot of the slander of baseball boomers, though. Ryan Hickey, World Wide Sports Radio Network. He's very down the middle, though. Because he's a millennial, has those opinions, he very much like respects the game of it so I feel like he would just be a little bit on the other side yeah he's one of those psychos that watches his baseball team play 162 games he watches like all

162 say his team say his team because it makes it yeah he watched them the Mets too who are pretty pretty brutal apparently like I don't get it I know way too much about the Mets because of Hickey and Ryan. Or not Ryan, Dylan. Wow.

Hickey and Ryan, maybe. Hickey and Ryan. Two different people. Yeah, the amount of Mets games I've watched that I didn't sign up for watching just because our roommates are watching the fucking Mets. The amount of Mets games I've watched in my life is just way too much. It's too fucking much. Bro, I knew half the team of the Devils

hockey team at one point. Heck yeah, you did, baby. And the Devils got traded away, so RIP. Yep, you probably watched the worst Devils teams in the history of this planet. You're welcome. You're fucking welcome, baby. Thanks, thanks, thanks welcome thanks thanks thanks well

burn honk honk for Zach honk honk for Zach you want to hit some quick hitters yeah let's wrap it up some quick hitters you want to hit some quick hitters right now I don't have any quick hitters so you better have some quick hitters sounds like Brooks does

I do actually have some I have like two goofy-ass questions and then if y'all want to throw one in there too, that's cool. But all right, first serious question. We asked our guest, our niece Denise this. If you were potato, how would you like to be prepared? Corey, you said you have one ready.

Go for it. I do. Potato roll? Anybody? Potato bread? Is is that i don't know it has potato i'm gonna say it's the first thing that came into my mind so i have to say it i don't know the structure of a potato roll it's just like a sweeter bread like that's basically all it is it made of potato like i don't even couldn't even tell you i have to assume it is i feel really fucking stupid asking that i have one in my kitchen if you want me to go read the ingredient i have to like i have to assume it is but like

probably not i don't know it's called the potato roll burn you share your answer i'm gonna look this shit up like cory's cory come's i said to cory at an earlier time shepherd's pie just because i thought it was a dumb answer but i actually don't like shepherd's pie so i'm gonna go just classic hash brown but like mcdonald's hash brown where it's like one like hash brown like patty because crispy as hell that's what you need with potatoes the crispiness oh there you go. It's a Pennsylvania Dutch tradition where they use potato flour. There it is.

Okay. That's fine. So you know what? At least I stayed within the confines of the rule. I looked up a recipe too, and there's mashed potatoes in the potato roll recipe. So, okay. All right. We'll give it a pass.

Weird answer, but pass. I'm just going with mashed, dude. my favorite type of potato is mashed potato just fucking mash mash me up dude throw some throw some milk on me oh my god do you like do you like won't be mashed potatoes or creamy um i like creamy if i want if i want mashed potatoes like i want it to be mashed dude i don't want like it's not it's like it's like the crunchy peanut butter thing all over it's like i don't want these little crunchy bits man i just want like a nice smooth creamy waves surfing all over my body kelly slater surfing on those creamy waves getting it all in my in my nooks and crannies there we go baby makes an appearance yeah no Mashed potatoes that are like chunky and have skin in them is just like you just didn't cook well.

Like you just forgot like four steps to this. You're lazy as shit. It's like if you made scrambled eggs and it was like their shell and it was also like. You just threw eggs in it and just had them like shatter and break in there. Like just horrible. All right. I got a quick hitter if you had to be in an animate object what would you be and why go oh fuck

keyword is inanimate that means you can't be like an animal so don't be stupid and say like a dog a zebra as dylan would say, a zebra. Alright, while you're thinking, I'll give that quick story. We were asking everyone in our apartment if you could ride one animal into battle, what would you ride? And we were saying like a dragon or like a bear or something scary. And Dylan was like, probably like a zebra.

A zebra. Bro, so a horse with stripes? Which people can already do? He was you're like oh i didn't think about which also like stand out like fuck like no man the stripes you blend oh true i got one i got one for your for your question i'll say it's super cheesy and dumb but i already went super stupid with potato rolls so i'll say airplane because i just like to travel so that's super cheesy and um god and you also store rooks's answer because he was gonna say the same thing i probably i was actually i was thinking about that but like

low-key i'd probably be like i'd probably be like a spoon dude just like or like a fork just constantly like be in food you know what i'm saying like i get a little taste you know i get a little taste here and there trying to be in tons of like aromas and smells dude like that'd be a vibe it's pretty good i did not expect you to say spoon like that'd be sweet whoa big question though big spoon little spoon uh we're gonna get a little spoon so like if i was like getting food like i could like it would be less amounts at a time so Big question, though. Big spoon, little spoon. We're going to go with little spoon. If I was getting food, it would be less amounts at a time, so I could

savor it more. Galaxy brain over here. They get into this way too much. Braga, what about you? The only half-decent answer I can think of is a mirror. I don't know why I think that's a good answer. Because I can see things. I don't know. I wanted to be a TV because I'm like, oh, I could just watch TV.

But then I'm the TV, so I can't see myself. So I was thinking a mirror. More specifically, a mirror set up across from a TV. I think actually being a mirror at a college bar would be great. Yeah. mirror at like being a mirror at like a college bar would be great yeah the amount of times like i've walked into a college bar and just like two hands on the sink just like looking like a demon looking into the mirror and just being like you got this like don't fucking puke you got to shit man you would see so many inspirational speeches to people to themselves do you know how many times

i've talked to myself there's like people like pissing behind me in the urinals at the first and I'm just like, don't fucking throw up you little bitch. Like I'm like saying this shit out loud to myself. So it is a good answer. It was definitely a good answer. I feel like

there's a deeper response to it. I didn't think it through, but yeah. I stumbled across the finish line. It's fine. Yeah, you're there. We got there. It's like dumbass. What's your last?

Dumbass fucking answer. Spoon is a dumb answer. Come on. Dude, nah, man. I'd be around food all the time. Last quick hitter. All right. Wrapping it up.

Last quick hitter. All right. How many waves of 10 year olds so there'd be 10 at a time how many waves of 10 year olds do you think you could like kill until you're overwhelmed and there's no so there's no regaining your stamina there's no weapons like it's just 10 year olds like thirsty to fucking kill you that comes in waves of 10 how many times or how many waves do you think you could successfully kill you had asked me this once before and you did not like my answer because i said unlimited because in my head so fucking stupid you're

such a dumbass you can knock out a 10 year old with one punch there's nine other ones there's nine other ones nibbling on your achilles dog yeah they're just like down their ankle bite a dog they're gonna snap through that shit. They got some canines in that fucking age, dude. All right. I sweep the leg. I take out four. Then double punch the same time.

That's more than the leg. That's a lot of legs you're sweeping. You're sweeping the legs. Sweep eight legs. Sweep eight legs. Four out. Double punch. That's another two.

Turn around. Kick one in the head. Grab the seventh one. Swing them. Hit the last two. Done. That's another two. Turn around. Kick one in the head. Grab the seventh one. Swing them. Hit the last two. Done. That's one wave. Just repeat that infinite times.

And look, little 10-year-olds always have snacks all the time. They're in the little corners of their pockets. Just pickpocket them. Once the first 10 are dead, find some snacks. I get food. Replenish. They have juice boxes. I got water.

I got food snacks. I am set replenished. They have juice boxes. I got water. I got food snacks. I am set for life. I don't know why just the phrase pickpocketing a 10-year-old is so funny to me. Well, you said pickpocketing a 10-year-old dead child. Dude, it's kind of hard, but I get it done. I'm skilled. Oh, my fucking God. That's such a fucking stupid answer.

It's such a stupid fucking answer. Corey, stand by it give me 10 10 year olds and i will do exactly what i just said just let me do it i don't think night i don't genuinely i want to know like what's the surrounding situation like they're constantly coming and is like if that's the case then is like food an issue like brian's saying like oh my god oh yeah food food is an issue like Brian's saying? Yes. Oh, yeah. Food is an issue. Yes. That's why I'm saying it's dumb to say Unlimited because they're going to, let's say, Gladiator Arena. Does the next 10 not? Well, hold on. This is really important.

Do the next 10 not show up until the last one is dead from the first round? Yeah. Then I'll say Unlimited. I'm sorry, Brian. You're'm sorry Brian I'm so fucking dumb even if you save one for you to get your energy back that means you had to fight nine other ones at the same time but I think

I'm sorry it is very apparent that you guys have not been around children it is like it is very obvious. Ten-year-olds, if there's nine of them trying to fuck you up, they can actually fuck you up a little bit. But here's the thing. I think that I could take out nine and then you just wait.

You wait it out. And you regain your stamina. If you took nine out at once once you could take nine out again so you ever play cod zombies you want no i was literally gonna say i was gonna say this is not fucking cod zombies where you have the havesy on the ground that's like slow crawling around while you like figure your shit out also you've never as a 10 year old been punched by someone bigger than you and got knocked out mike one shot at me on a trampoline once the boxing glove i was out cold but it can happen it's easy if he's punching one person there's nine other ones there you can't this isn't throwing 10 punches it's not hard you're not a

fucking intervention in modern warfare 2 that can collateral people you can't punch through someone's face to get to another face that's not how this works no it's not how this works look little kids are clumsy you give them a little barry sanders just head fake to the left three of them fall over it's easy you guys are so how many rounds are fighting bro i think and they're limited i'll say before you said that I could just leave one guy off to the side for a while, I was like, I'll say like maybe three rounds. But once you said that, I'm back in the game. So fucking dumb. You guys are so fucking stupid. Brooks is taking two 10-year-olds on and then like tapping out.

I think realistically I could probably fight off. I think I say like four waves. I think like four waves like I could handle. After that, I'm getting like exhausted. No. After that, there's no way. If you can take one wave, why can't you take more waves? You get tired.

You get hurt. You get more and more injuries. What if just – OK. So I'll leave one and I'll try to take my Achilles back together after a child's nibble through it. I got you. That's true. But just leave one little guy off to the side for like –

Doesn't have to be an hour. I'll hit it with the rice, dude. A while. Ice. Exactly. Compression. Elevation, dude. I'll just fucking throw my torn Achilles just up on a fucking chair with some ice.

I mean if you're trying to win these fights, if you're going to try to fold it in on round three, that's your business. You're fucking wrong. Four waves is like the max that I think realistically I could do. What if you just like, so you kill nine, and then you like befriend the last one? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And then just live life. That's not how this works.

That's not how this works. Brian, I agree with you. There's no negotiation. Or like if you want two friends, just kill eight. And then you're good. Ten friends. I could have ten friends. Just like, look, again, fruit snacks.

Kids like food. Just become prepared. Lots of fruit snacks. But if you don't fight me and bite my ankles, I'll give you ice cream. And they're like, okay. If you don't fight me and bite my ankles, I'll give you ice cream. Okay. Rooks said you have unlimited rounds of 10 10-year-olds, and Brian said sounds like 10 new friends to me. Let's just come full circle here and mention the fact that earlier in this podcast, we said last podcast and this podcast

sounds like the theme is that Brian has no friends. Let's just circle back to that and let's just use that as evidence against him. There's the title. Brian has no friends and needs new ones. There you go. Well, that's our episode for the week. Thank you.

Thank you. Love you. In the description, there's a link to send us a voice message if you want or if you don't who cares okay all right bye i'm so dead