It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 25: Always Buy Condoms on Prime Day, ft. Kristin

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

One of our Females in the Field gets the guest spot this week. Kristin joins the boyos to draft the hottest dudes in the MCU, per her request. We get a caller that heckles Ruxx and we put Kristin through the regular guest spot hot seat. Timestamps: 0:00:00 - 0:17:19 - Intro 0:17:19 - 0:29:26 - Hot Seat for Kristin 0:29:26 - 0:36:21 - Caller - Jeremy 0:36:21 - 1:24:33 - MCU Dude Draft Rate us 5 stars! Leave a review! Follow us on Twitter @IWMD_Pod

It is Wednesday, my dudes. Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. We're on episode 25, one away from half a year. Never would have thought we would actually make it to this point. Look at us. Hey, look at us. Look at us. Who would have thought?

Not me. Not me. Not any of us. We had a good one. We're wrecking Marvel Universe universe hottest dudes in the universe we have a caller as well but first brooks introduce our guest this week we have a very very special guest we got one of it's wednesday my dude's very own females in the field they came up with the name we're not being assholes what a great person we got here today for you guys.

You're in for a treat. A hater of velvet suits, a lover of mozzarella sticks, and voted most attractive in Marlboro's class of 2012. Everybody, let's clap it up. Kristen in the house. Thank you, thank you. Kristen in the house. Thank you. Thank you. Happy to be here. I was already feeling the pressure, and that last comment really just edited on. Viewers, you can't see me, and you're welcome for that right now.

Yeah. So you're good. You're good. You'll be great. So no pressure, but we'll probably start out with the hot seat. Or do you guys want to start with a caller? Uh, wait, wait, hold on. You're skipping.

I don't get introduced. I don't get introduced on my own podcast. The people know who we are, Zach. It's all right. Big daddy's daddy. Talk about Volvos real quick. Yo buddy. I've been hitting some gorilla mode pre-workout and let me tell you three and a half cups

of strong coffee in the morning. Got your boy absolutely wired as someone who doesn't drink caffeine going from no caffeine to equivalent of three and a half cups of coffee i am sweating in the gym before going to the gym no no it's pre-workout okay it's pre-workout that's an equivalent to three and a half cups you're trying to poop your pants my guy buddy. Buddy, the shits are unbelievable. Come on, hot. It's too early in the episode to be talking about shit. Come on.

Welcome to the pod. Didn't Brian ask about vulvas? How did he go to... Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, I was super scared about what Zach was going to say because Brian was talking about vulvas. And Zach was like, dude, I've been hitting.

And I was like, after that, I was terrified to hear what the rest of the sentence was going to be. I needed another sound bite off of that. I was really excited about it. All right, Rooks, hit us with a Volvo story. That's the sexy part, right? Just one time at band camp. I got nothing.

Korean beef in the house. Love you, viewers. Corey, how you doing? Fantastic. Nice. You sound more feminine than I do, honestly. I'm going to boot you off as female in the field. That's fair.

That's fair, I guess. Non-binary persons in the field. We make it happen. We got an open spot i say i say you do hot seat though also hey hey hold on hold on hold the fucking bone cotton how's everyone's weekend oh good question guys round the circle around the circle i went to the pool for the first time in like three years. The people I went to the pool with had never been to a public pool though.

And they're like, this is so weird. How have you not lived your life and gone to a public pool once in your life? That's really weird. It's so bougie. It was weird. Did any little kids shit in the pool? Brian, do you shit in the pool?

You just assume. It's not a casual thing at public pools. It's a huge deal if someone shits in the pool brian you shit in the pool you just assume it's not it's not a like casual thing at public pools like it's a huge deal if someone shits in the pool because they have to drain it you remember our fifth grade trip i was gonna bring this up and the principal's kids who are like two and four were also invited and we had to leave early because there was a turd floating through the pool and who do you think actually had that turd pop out their butthole probably maybe or no probably rooks because he agreed he says that he pees in pools all the time so hey i i pee in pools yes i don't

shit in pools i'm not an animal you know what you also do in pools rucks you break diving boards that's the that's the diving boards problem that's the diving boards problem that ain't your boy's problem this guy went on my diving board one time and took it in with him you had to be there but just picture it i watched that's my guy i watched the bra guy do a full leap off the diving board, like jump, plan his feet at the end, jump in, perfect dive, 8 out of 10. So I guess not perfect. Anyway, I see that and I'm like, oh, I can hit this shit. I fucking go to just take my first bound, you know, my first like plant step leading into my jump. Next thing I know, I'm underwater and i hear laughter and i'm like what the fuck just happened you know you're waterboarding yourself i was so confused i was

so lost i look up i'm i'm in the deep end i look up there's just a big big diving board just floating on the top of the pool over my face and i broke a fucking diving board the first time first time visiting kristin's family at their beautiful home i broke their fucking diving board my parents weren't even pissed they came out and they were like did this actually just happen like this man just took down our diving board for years thanks rooks literally an 18 diving board. Tony's not making dives into the deep end anytime soon, so I'm sure they don't use it. You don't know that? Maybe Tony

and Al play dibble on the weekends. You don't know. Play what? Dibble? Is that just like a Marlboro, New Jersey thing? You never played dibble before? Do you want to like... It sounds like a sex game. I heard diddle at first, and I was like, hmm.

You ever played diddle? No. I was like, hmm. I don't think that's the right term. You ever play diddle? No. Diddle is a sex game. Dibble is when you throw a cap of a bottle or something at the bottom of the pool, and it's like you have to be the first one to dive in and get it, but it's obviously clear, so it's hard to see it. You've never played dibble before?

That sounds like fetch to me. What kind of poor person pool game are you playing? Yo, chill. Not a poor person game. Dibble is when you throw trash around the pool and you throw it into the pool and you all have to go fetch it. It genuinely sounds like fetch.

But hey, dibble your ass off at the pool, baby. Yeah, thank you so much. So, Bright Guy, what's your rankings for this weekend? Oh, three floating turds out of seven. Out of seven? Out of four? Out of four, sorry's your rankings for this weekend? Oh, three floating turds out of seven. Out of seven? Out of four. Out of four, sorry. It was a good weekend.

Man, sounds like a shitty weekend. Am I right? Play a sounder. Play a sounder. Get out of here. I don't... Where's the... Hold on.

Wait for it. Wait for it. Just mid. Okay, thank you. I'm just going gonna keep it going no yeah keep going for a full hour of that okay welcome to the podcast i think it's on like repeat so it just keeps going i love it c word what c word what's up what's your ranking for the weekend so my weekend uh we painted the basement finally which i'm hyped about that's big adult things but you know doing housework moving the needle a little bit getting things done and then we capped that off with a night out where we had it was me and claire we

met up with our friends dan and jill got you a bite to eat, went out to the bars, which hasn't happened in a while. Then we did... It was like a barcade, kind of. We played a lot of games, lost a lot of quarters. There's this game... Yes, Brian? Did you play Dibble? No.

They closed the pool because somebody broke the diving board, actually. Fuck off! It was great. We played. They closed the pool because somebody broke the diving board, actually. Oh, okay. Yeah. Fuck off. But it was great. We played.

I'm looking it up. It's called Duck Pin Bowling. Have you guys ever played it? Yeah. Yeah. It was so much fun. Brian, we're taking you out. Going out on the town. Also, me and Dan, we went up.

We went to go get our ladies' drinks. We're like, you know what? You guys put our name in for the bowling thing. We'll go up. We went to go get our ladies drinks. We're like, you know what? You guys put our name in for the bowling thing. We'll go up. We'll get you drinks. Come back. After like 30 minutes of waiting, they already have drinks in their hand. Some guy randomly bought them drinks and we were like, this is fantastic.

I love this. So then the next time. Were you not pissed? No, I'm not pissed. Hey, they're with us. Compliment. They know they're with us. True.

Yeah. Also like hot commodity, you know? And then so the next time when we needed drinks, me and Dan were like, oh, you know what? Like we'll send them up. Like why not, right? Nobody's buying us drinks. Again, free drinks, baby. So we just got funded drinks all night, which was good.

That's tough. Granted, caveat to that, they were buying the ladies' drinks and not us, so casually they had to go up and get our drinks afterwards, but it was fantastic. So I give my weekend three painted Himalayan salt walls and one drunk, desperate guy. Okay. I like the scale.

Zaddy, what we got? Zad, how was your week? I had three major things happen to me this weekend. First, I got catcalled for like the fourth time, which was, it's very, yeah, it was, it's been a humbling experience, but I also stand with my fellow females who get catcalled. I feel your pain. We stand together. Hot boy.

You do not, you, no, we are not the same. This man literally brought this up on the podcast to brag about it stand with our female viewers he also constantly texts his female friends letting them know that he just got cackled so just do with that what you

will he's got a lot of people cackled four times in his life he's got a like enjoy it while it lasts yeah exactly I'd buy you a drink Zach thanks cory uh second thing went to a bar is what 4 a.m bar actually so got a little litty city friday night uh i was with me and my uh two other friends who happen to be females and my job specifically was to set pics and screen the creepy guys that were trying to hit on them so i was going full kendrick perkins just then rolling to the hoop and trying to catch lobs. But I performed my duty well, they said, so that was good.

And then I proceeded to wander downtown Chicago at about 3.30 a.m. looking for a train and or an Uber because there was no Ubers. Eventually found one for $50 back to my apartment. So that was a nice little hit to the paycheck or to the wallet. Third thing, ordered chinese food your korean brethren rooks your asian korean brethren uh it was delicious but they had a little dealio on uber eats going it was buy one get one crab rangoons so i'm not just gonna get six crab rangoons i'm gonna get 12 along with my order of General Tso's chicken. And since I eat all 12 Crab Rangoons,

you better believe you're sweet-aching Panachkis, I guess. You're sweet-aching? What did you just say? You're sweet-aching what? Panachkis. What the fuck is that? I don't know. It's a word. So 12 Crab Rangoons, an order of General Tso's chicken,

and then, oh, I had like a sugar-free blue Gatorade. Yeah, way to get the sugar-free one. You really needed that. Oh, yeah. Cows. Yeah. Got to watch those cows.

Yeah, those cows. Got to watch out for cows. I'm drinking 12. Yeah. Take a dive. Fucking 12 crab rangoons. It's literally just like cream cheese and crab, isn't it? At what time was this?

After drinking? Oh, no, no. This was a Saturday. I watched Space Jam. This is his brunch. He had 12 crab rangoons as his brunch Saturday. at what time was this after drinking oh no no this was a set this was a saturday i watched space jam anyway like this is his brunch he had 12 crab ranchers brunch saturday yeah this was a journey yeah this whole weekend was a roller coaster it was cat called thursday night uh went out friday night chinese food saturday night and then we don't count sunday so i'm gonna give it weekend man yeah i'm gonna give it uh if you don't give it 12 crab rangoon, I'm going to murder you.

I'm going to give it 12 crab rangoons. Thank you. Good job. Kristen. How do I even top that? I'm exhausted. 13 crab rangoons. Challenge accepted.

I'd be so mad. No, I feel like I definitely lost a lot of brain cells this weekend, so I guess that's how I'll rate it. But Friday, I went out to dinner with a friend from good old Marlboro, New Jersey. Shout out Josh Flitter, child actor, still killing it. Then came home, watched some television, living my best Friday life. Saturday, I went to a 90s-themed party, which fantastic theme of a party. Highly recommend maybe for the next Christmas party, boys. But yeah, so much fun. We already got that set. Don't you worry. Well, shit, I want to hear all about that. But yeah, just drank literally for like

12 hours straight. Ended up not crab ragouts, but i ordered some chicken tendies at like 1 30 in the morning by myself ate those kind of sad but lovely uh sunday i went to the good old malibu you know living that best cali life um and drank some more to nurse the hangover so here we are i would say 13 brain cells lost that's my rating nice Nice. Not bad. Not bad. Nice. Sad but lovely album cover. Sad but lovely. It definitely already exists, right? I mean, it's got to now. It does now.

All right, Kristen. How are your nerves? You ready for this? I'm sweating. Wait, did everyone go? Whoa, fuck you, Jen. Fuck you, Kristen. You know what?

Hey, don't worry about it. Pass him. Don't worry about it, Weekend Hey, don't worry about it. Don't worry about my weekend. Don't fucking worry about it. My Skype froze for a solid minute, and then I came back and Rooks was talking. I thought you talked. I'm sorry. No, fucking go ahead.

Don't worry about me. It's fine. All right. I don't care at all. Just go. Okay. All right. Hot seat time?

Are we actually going over the hot seat? Oh, God. No, Rooks, how was your weekend? Yeah, come on, Rooks. I mean, it was a good time. Friday, went out, went to this bar called Decades. Super overpriced drinks, like disgustingly overpriced. But man.

How much for a drink? Like my buddy got a Red Bull vodka, it was $18. Yeah, that's what California live in, unfortunately. But so Decades is sweet, though, because every floor is a different decade of music. 90 floor, early 2000s floor. It's sweet.

But yeah, it was a good time. Hold on, do they just keep adding on floors as the decades pass? I guess so. Right now down the rooftop down into the earth i want a 1930s floor give me seven floors under the ground down into the fucking ground shut the jive down there she's like our boys in the pacific theta just gonna be like why is this place always under construction but yeah it was dirt everywhere it's good bar good time um and then saturday was terrible

saturday i was supposed to golf on the way to golf clear skies i get five minutes away from the first or from the course pouring rain lightning thunder whole shebang we wait in the clubhouse have a few beers and just like oh we're gonna feel it out and see how it goes after an hour and a half they officially say they're closing down for the day we call another course oh we're good we didn't even get touched by the rain fuck yeah we get in the car we fucking drive over five minutes away from there satan's clouds start rolling in looks like the movie you ever seen the movie fucking twister where the sky is just black the entire movie that's what it looked like over this fucking

golf course it doesn't rain i put my my fucking car in park starts fucking pouring so they say oh yeah we're gonna close down so then we just went to like dinner and shit and we ended up at like 6 30 going to a course and playing nine holes when it finally cleared up. But the whole process of just driving and doing all that shit, it killed my buzz. It killed my buzz very hard. Also, what we ate, I ate hella wings and fries. Going out to play golf after that when it's 90 something degrees outside and you're just sweating oil, not the best.

You know, standing up out of the golf cart, I'm laboring. Not the best. So, I'm going to give it, I'm going to give my weekend a three lightning bolts out of ten. I'm going to give it a three out of ten. Not the best.

Bad weekend. Not the best. Torrential down. Bad weekend. Not the best. All right. Imagine going golfing after everything Zach consumed this weekend, though. That's true. I was all gooned up. Goon squad. It makes sense.

You saw Space Jam 2. You had to eat some goon afterwards. Just makes sense. I'm just going to say, had to eat some goon afterwards. Just makes sense. I'm just going to say, I don't like that word for a food. Goon? Eat some goon? Doesn't sound good. Eat some goon left or right, man.

It's just, it's too close to poon for me. It's too close. We'll keep it around. All right. Time for the show with hot questions and even hotter seats. This camera, this camera, this camera. Kristen, you ready? I guess.

Yo, turn that shit down. That shit's loud as hell. It's pretty quiet in my ear, so that's... It's okay. It's a good level. It's a good level. It's just adding more anxiety, but go for it. We'll start easy.

Okay. National Friday was last week. Rank these fries. Regular, curly, sweet potato, steak, waffle, crinkle. Wait, that was so many. One more time? You get every fry. Regular, curly, sweet potato,

steak, waffle, crinkle. Okay, I think I'm going curly, waffle, Good choice. Steak, regular, sweet potato? Wow. Is that all of them? Yes.

Did I miss one? You put steak way too high They're so good. There's like so much Up in there My name's burn everything's about me fuck you man All right, i'll go i'll go are we doing okay all right kristin yes first of all shout out big al you can only eat one big al meal for the rest of your life what is it good that is a good one i think i'm going his cheese raviolis that he makes every Christmas, just, you know, for the traditions.

It means a lot to the fam, so got to keep that going. Would he be willing to sell them online sponsored by It Is Wednesday, my dudes? I'll see what I can do. I'll put in a good one. We'll do the buy one, get one the Rangoon special. Honestly, can you please start doing fake ads for Big Al's Pizza and Pasta on these podcasts? Because that would be amazing. We only do real ads for Big Al's Pizza

and Pasta. He can just memo us a dollar. If he just memos us a dollar, we're literally sponsored. So we have to do it then. We had one that Rooks would read. I was not going to read that fucking ad. No fucking way. Anywho.

She had a sponsor. All right, Kristen, super serious question here. So Coppitalio, she's a Cali girl. All right. If you don't take a picture of a California sunset, does it even happen? No. That's all I got. That's it. Straight up no. Listen, Denise,

you know, loyal listener and viewer of the pod, will attest to how beautiful these sunsets are here. They hit different every day, so you've got to take a picture of them. Or a video sometimes. I agree. I see them on Instagram. I know. I was just curious. Yeah.

All right. We're doing two questions each, right? Is that the thing? Okay, cool. Question about tampons. Do you buy... Oh, my God. I want to...

Do you have to buy different types for different, like, flow patterns? Like... Sprinkle. Yes. Yes. Okay. No, sprinkle is not an option yes there are okay go ahead thank you there's waterfall there's mist i don't know how many waffle curly steak

no yes there are multiple sizes i don't know how many per se but there is like the regular ones are regular super or super plus those are like the three that i am aware of but there's probably a mega for those girls with those wide sets i don't know i don't dabble in that aisle but i know for a fact there are regular super and super plus and there's also different ones like there's a sport one for all the physical activities there's just normal ones there's cardboard but if you use that you're a sociopath and so on two follow-up questions uh one does the only uh do you ever change sizes or is it only like flow capture that you change oh wait what well i assume there's like a small, medium, and large, and then there's like heavy flow, light flow, mist, curly, steak.

No, I just answered that question. It was regular, super, or super plus, and they are bigger. They get bigger. Second question. Does it bristle out like a Christmas tree when it does? Have you never tried this out and put a tampon in the water to see what happens? No, I have not. I don't even like buying condoms in person.

I order those from Amazon. I'm not going to go and buy a tampon and just do a science experiment on it. You order condoms from Amazon? We need to unpack that. I know this is Chris Tazit, okay? I know. We're not glossing over that. What the fuck?

Why would I? It's a good deal. Prime Day, two days two days shows up you get do you please all right tell me right now do you order in bulk on prime day because it's only once or twice a year you don't know how often i'm having sex oh my god okay cat called man all right brian do you have your own prime account wait really quick do you have your own prime account so what I do is I order condoms

and then I gotta order a bunch of random shit to push the condoms down the order list so it goes like condoms and then it goes like apple slicer dish towels protein and you just gotta push it around and hide it you gotta hide it you gotta bury it good lord you're a fucking sociopath You just gotta push it around and hide it. You gotta hide it. You gotta bury it.

Good lord. You're a fucking sociopath. Alright, Brian, you're up. This is a hot seat classic. There's gonna be waves of ten years old. Ten year olds. Ten ten year olds. You know what I'm trying to say. You have to kill them.

I hate these questions. How many waves of ten ten year olds you know what i'm trying to say you have to kill them i hate these questions how many waves of 10 10 year olds can you kill i have to kill them yes yes because they're trying to kill you okay i only want one wave then i can't kill you want how many you want it's like what an easy way out i'm gonna do hold on i can't be killing all these kids but i'll do one wave you're killing 10 kids then but if anyone anyone is any murderer any murder in the history of murders that kills more than like five people is kill is a serial killer man i understand it's more than like two murder or something christ Kristen's out here multiplying the ship by five but she can't be killing people though

only ten I don't want to be a murderer if I have to be a murderer if the murderer life chose me then I'm going the fewer the better so the one way you can choose to kill none of them wait what you didn't say

oh this is a trick question it's not how many do can choose to kill none of them. Wait, what? You didn't say... Oh, this is a trick question. I would love to not kill any of them. It's not how many do you want to kill, it's how many will you survive. I mean, I just feel like also if ten kids are coming at me I'm probably dying anyway, so I'll just choose to not kill any of them and just die. Hey, that's an answer.

Sounds about right. I don't stand a chance against ten kids. It's terrifying. All right. All right. All right. I'm trying to think of one. I got two.

I got two. But. Two? Well, I asked three, so you can just ask. I guess there's no rules here. Well, we said two, so I need to stick to one more. If you could give everyone else in the world a superpower, but you didn't have one, what would it be?

But it has to be a legitimate superpower. Third leg. Everyone has one with that. You're the odd one out. Everybody has a superpower, except you. What do you give them? It has to be legitimate, though. You can't be like somebody has a longer index finger.

Sick. I'm talking like invisibility, flight. I was going to say I want everyone to be invisible, but that sounds so emo. The viewers are going to think I'm really depressed. I mean, are they wrong? No. Big sad podcast over here. We're um wait what are some i don't want everyone to know what i'm thinking because that sounds horrifying

no but everyone but then everyone would know like if they all have telepathy yeah i don't want that i don't want everyone to know what i'm thinking let them have super strength and then you just be the weakest that's what i was thinking honestly i have super strength and then you just be the weakest that's what i was thinking honestly i think that's the best option because then they could just do all the heavy lifting and i just you know roll around follow-up question to that does that make you the one with superpowers if you're the only one who doesn't have it no no no no yeah you don't think if everybody's like wow i guess you wouldn't look at that person and be like, wow, I wish I couldn't do that. Wow, I wish I had a great personality.

Fuck no. Yeah, I would. I agree with Brian. I want everyone to be strong so that I didn't have to do much. You got like movers. People would move you. Halfway there. You know, if you had to move.

The power to move. It's pretty good. The power to move me. All right, Coppitalio, is you ready Halfway there. You know, if you had to move. The power to move. It's pretty good. The power to move me. All right, Coppitalios, you ready? I guess. Fuck, marry, kill. Pizza, tacos, Bud Light. What?

Oh my gosh. Okay, the hardest question to date. I feel like... Okay never mind she's stoned okay because as much as i love bud light i literally can't imagine a life without pizza like there's other alcohol i can drink so i'm thinking i would fuck the tacos marry marry the pizza. We'll taco on taco action. We have them here as your sponsor. They were willing to sponsor you and now they're out. Wow.

And just like that, I lost my sponsorship. Listen, I'm their most loyal fan, but I got to play the long game and I had to marry pizza. I can't survive. In honor of that. I'll tally it up for you. Thank you. Thanks so much. Thank you of you. I'll tally it up for you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Okay, I'm last. Kristen, do you know the difference between snow bunnies and slob bunnies? Snow bunnies and slob bunnies? Yeah, slob on this dick. Is that? I was going to say say is it like two girls who like you don't find that funny

oh okay I find it funny how you thought it was really funny that was gonna hit so hard yes am I still answering the question no no no so hard. Yes. Am I still answering the question? No, no, no.

Hey, we're done. Great job, Kristen. Everybody, to our viewers, that's Kristen. That wasn't as hard as I thought. This camera, that camera, this camera. Tell the people what you got going on. Buy your condoms on Amazon. Well, please don't. Like, please don't. The advice is to get your own Prime account so you don't have to deal with

buying a bunch of random crap I can't I can't with you also why can't we did I miss why can't you go to the store and buy condoms great question because it's judgment

this world is full of sinners and judgers. And I don't want to be judged by any condoms. Well. I don't stand for it. Or I could have said they're always out of the Magnum XLs. The Midwestern milkman, everybody. And we wouldn't know when you're lying. Okay.

All right. Well, on to our second nonsense segment of the podcast so there's a caller it is a two minute long call i don't know they sent it to me directly so i just put it on so i have no idea what's gonna happen for two minutes i'm hoping it's something you're gonna listen to this for two minutes i'm so scared i don't know maybe it's a minute of silence at the end and it was just a mistake. We'll find out. But this one's a first-time caller, Jeremy from Indianapolis.

Oh, goddammit. Hey, guys. It's Jeremy. This is my first time calling on the show. Really excited since it's definitely my first time calling on the show. I've never called into this show before. A couple things. Number one, terrible show.

Cannot stand it. I can't stand it so much that I listen to the same episode three times in a row. It's just so bad. God, I love this show. Anyway, looking at my notes here, Rux is the worst host. Yes, that's correct. Moving on, Brian, a couple things to address with you. I heard you mention someone by the name of Timmy.

I believe his name is Big Shot. And if you ever refer to him as anything else, again, things will not end well for you. Secondly, you called me pale. I wasn't a huge fan of that. Slightly offensive. I would prefer the term fair-skinned in the future, thank you. Moving on, Rux.

Number one, you're an idiot, obviously. Number two, you've challenged a few friends of mine, the Count and Big Shot, not Timmy, Big Shot, to a match along with eight of their finest friends. I have assembled my crew and would like to read them to you.

This is the order that you have to face them. Number one, obviously, the Count will lead off. Number two, Big Time, also known as Timmy, but don't call him that. Number three, Matt James from The Bachelor. Number four, the dog from Cookie Crisp. Number five, Steve Buscemi. Number six, Kevin from from the office followed by Dave Matthews

followed by Mark Sanchez number nine the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz and number 10 to finish you will be Jeff Myers oh like I said guys terrible show

hope you have a terrible day thanks wow what what a fucking call um i would just like to say you know there were some shots taken at me there ending the call with i get i get finished off by jeff myers that's all i could ever ask for. Who is Tim? Big time Tim. Yeah, his dad calls him Big Time. He called him to the podcast. Okay. He doesn't get made fun of anymore because he listens to us now. He's from Valparaiso, Indiana.

Valparaiso. Right by me. I can go see him. Exactly. Thank you, our fair-skinned friend, Jeremy. Also, he called out Rooks and then called out me and then also called out Rooks again. He called me an idiot and then called me... That's how you know it was Jeremy.

It wasn't the Count calling in. The Count usually gets that one right. Oh, yeah. No, yeah, they're totally different people. That's why there's a group of 10 of them that are all going to fight Rooks. Exactly. Can I just say, the dog, the cookie crisp dog,

that's the most out of, left field the scarecrow from if he's an avid listener maybe he heard my cookie my cookie crisp rant and our cereal draft maybe it was we're we're settling the score for once because cookie crisp is dog shit cereal yeah all i got out of that was he's an avid listener. He's a big fan and he loves our show. So that makes sense. That stands out. What a fucking call. Just like that call in the description of every episode, there's a link.

Click on it. You can send us whatever. Do something like that. Clearly. There are no rules, obviously. Just roast rucks. I've been asking for people to roast rooks so many times, and I'm so happy it's finally happening. We do not audit these calls clearly as they're played live on the show. So if you also want to cancel us.

Someone please cancel Zach. There's one person. Condom order. Actually, no. I guess Bird can get canceled too. I mean, I said it last week. Bird's big upping Joseph Stalin for ten minutes. Talking about how great of a person he is.

Great boxer, poor politician. I'll stand by that. But hey, is it time to talk about some man meat? Oh, I just left it right. So, some man meat? Oh, bulges left and right. So as a lead into this, Kristen Compitello has the biggest boner

for every man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. So it's only fitting that the reason she's on this episode is one, she's great. We love her. But two, we're going to talk about bulges in the Marvel Universe. He'll take that out. Don't worry. That's not going to make it live. Yeah, I know. That's not going to make the final cut. He'll take that out. Don't worry. That's not going to make it live.

Yeah, I know. That's not going to make the final cut. He'll edit that out in post. Coming out in post. So how this is going to work, there's five of us. We each get five picks. We're going to go snake order. So first through five, and then five goes twice,

and we go back around. Zach, do you have the order? I'm going to generate it now. Do you trust me? I wonder who's going to get pick first. I really wonder who's going to get pick. That's not how this works. I think you to generate it now. Do you trust me? I should go first. That's not how this works. I think you should give your guests first pick. Equal opportunity podcast.

Are you ready? Yes. Rooks is going to hate me. It goes me, Brian, Kristen, Corey, Rooks. I literally just said, oh, I wonder who's going to be be fifth this is dog shit triggered let's go time to steal all the

good picks before Kristen gets to I'm gonna say I got four on my list didn't realize we're doing five five makes sense I should have realized so I'm not prepared at all I have over 40 people on my list thank you Kristen is prepared you know we're gonna pick 25 people

I just came ready why the fuck Thank you. Kristen's prepared. You know we're going to pick 25 people. I just came ready. Why the fuck do you have 40 people? Listen, I also phoned a friend, my brother, at Nicky Combs on Instagram. Shout out, Nicky Combs. Shout out, the king. I fucking love you. You're the fucking king. This is an ad for Nicky Combs.

He is the biggest marvel fan i know i sent him this list for like a nice little proof and he was totally aligned with my with my 40 selects so we'll see you get to pick five so i'll do some honorable mentions she's gonna go rogue and just draft 40 people all right zach you ready? Kick us off with the Marvel intro music that I know you've got on deck, Brian. I should have had that. No, that's in the notes.

Corey, give me a nice rendition of the Marvel opening theme. That was it. He's got it. We'll edit it in in post. Alright, with the first pick, I got a little theme for my draft. You know, as a resident zaddy of the group, I needed to pick those MCO hot boy baddie daddies.

So we got some bad dads on this draft. The first pick, obvious pick, is my guy Mysterio Jake Gyllenhaal acts as a father figure to Tom Holland. And Ag can be a daddy to me. Boy, I'm going to need him to take his fishbowl bucket off and put it underneath my crotch here because I'd be leaking when I see this man. He is so hot.

He is so hot. He's only hot with Tony Stark's glasses on. Well, he is hot with the fishbowl on. He could just lull me to sleep with that voice. He can do magic, but it's not really magic. He's a magician. Who doesn't love a good sexy magician? I do.

Yeah, so I'm going to go Jake Gyllenhaal. He's kind of got a sneaky side, which I also appreciate. Yeah, and also you can call me a water gun because I'm super soaked when I see this man on screen. With number one pick, Jake Gyllenhaal. Don't need that.

Oh, there's more where that came from baby if you didn't think i spent all day thinking of water puns for the rest of the four picks you are he's a dad to tom holland he's like a father figure and he's a dad to me dads on this list right i was gonna say where are the actual i just like to say if if you told me the number one overall pick in the marvel hot guy draft yeah was someone related to maggie fucking gyllenhaal i would be shocked like i would i would not believe you you can't hold that against him i'm not oh i am i am holding it against him 110 yeah i am too you can't come back same page you can't so i have a theme he's

got all the good genes though maggie gyllenhaal just like depleted that gene pole just by herself so like he's good he's fine garbage pig all right brian go ahead all right with the second pick in the mcu draft we're going killmonger whose first name is Eric. Oh, thank God. What a white, horrible first name. His name's Eric. So I'm going to ignore that part. That's a negative. The other negative, he has all those dots on his chest, but I'm going to spin it as he's ribbed for your pleasure.

You don't like speed bumps, my guy? Wow, ribbed for your pleasure. Ribbed for your pleasure. Like the condoms I buy on Amazon. Oh, yeah. Built for it. Apparently, he's a navy seal who does it like a man in uniform he's hot i don't care what anyone says i'm not gonna go gay for him but like he might this purpose sure not i mean not how that works okay no no he's a real person

no his personality sucks though like he's like that person. He's got the powers. No? His personality sucks, though. He's like that hot guy. His personality is 4 out of 10. It's Michael B. Jordan. Look, so Kristen, we're drafting hotness, not personality. This isn't the dating game. This is the boning game. Well, I'm just explaining why he was number 11 on my list of 40. So just keep that in mind.

So you have 10 really on your list. He didn't even break your top 10? He was number one on my list of four this man's good job this man's pecs are like two my pillows they're like supple but firm at the same time and i just want to put my head on them they're like foam rollers with the little spikes on it oh you can get all the knots out of your muscles oh dude i was i was i was glad when he kicked Black Panther off the ledge. I was kind of sad when he died. He was great. He was so good.

Who's up? Still taking back, he put Mysterio first. What a wild ride. Don't mess up your first pick. I'm ready. There is no mistaking my first pick. We gave you this one. No, I don't think you

realized who I actually picked. James Buchanan there was no mistaking my first we gave you this one we gave you no i don't think you i don't think you realize who i actually picked i know oh james buchanan barnes the sexiest man in the mcu the jawline the butt chin the butt the long hair the abs when he comes out of like the coma you know he's just he's loyal as fuck to captain america he's strong trying to kill him i want that okay he when he was i was gonna say he's easily manipulated which is a plus for us females and you know you can just easily manipulate him you can make him good reason thank you thank you very much um and yeah he is just like it's he's like the bad boy but he's so loyal that he won't actually cheat on you. So yeah, he is...

Unless somebody possesses him. Dude's got some PTSD as well, so have fun dealing with that. It's fine. He's gonna snap at his head while you're hooking up and just break your arm. I want that metal arm on me. That's all. That's how I'll leave you.

Yo, Bucky does like to fucky, but his long hair stinks. I would rather die with short hair Bucky. The long hair looks so bad. No, I fuck with long hair Bucky. I like the lettuce on it. Corey, long hair short hair.

Short. Let's go, baby. We stole the majority. 3-2. We're fine. Good job, team. Alright, Corey, your list of four is down to one. Who's your only pick? Was it on my list? Because as I mentioned prior to getting on this, I knew we were drafting Marvel Men.

Didn't know if it was for hotness or other reasons. So he wasn't even on my list, but realizing that. Crossword skills. I'm surprised he's still on it but I'm going Thor see last podcast fucking bitch that's all ride the lightning with him

it was a hard one to not put him first but you're going short hair short hair yes yes king unless I'm trying to pull on

Ragnarok Thor times a thousand Ragnarok Thor when he first comes out with the freaking lightning oh my god oh my god I'm about to blow the two colored eyes too dead Ragnarok Thor, when he first comes out with the freaking lightning. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I'm about to burst. The two colored eyes, too. Dead. I could do with the same colored eyes. He ain't no husky. But it just makes him, like, even hotter. I don't know. I feel like I wouldn't know which way he's looking.

I feel like I know he's not, like, cross-eyed, but, like, it kind of looks like he might be. He's just a god. He could have whatever color eyes. He could have no eyes, for God's sakes. You know? Well, all right. Your standards are pretty low. Desperate times.

Desperate times. Oh, something – You had a list of four men, and you're going, I want Thor, but don't – take his eyes away. No, like, obviously, like, I want him to have eyes, clearly. But even if that man didn't have eyes, his body, he is a sculpture. All right. So where do you rank Thor without eyes on your top ten? Still at number two.

Thank you. Wow. Okay. Sucks for everyone else, I guess. All right, Rooks, finish off the first round. All right. To end the first round, I'm going with my main man, Korg, dude.

Korg from Thor Ragnarok. First off, everyone loves the funny guy. Funny as fuck. Like, makes the movie so good. You throw on top of that, he's like seven foot something tall. Funniest fuck. Like, makes the movie so good. You throw on top of that, he's like seven foot something tall. And literal rock for body. Rock hard abs.

And that's not a fucking metaphor. That is the truth. Rock hard penis at all times. We're fucking, now we're cooking with gas, baby. Now we're cooking with gas. You've got my dream man, all right? I'm going Korg. Great, just top to bottom. Awesome, awesome fucking person.

Start my list off with that. I did not expect our first round to be this combination of five. Of Mysterio, Killmonger, fucking Thorn, and Korg. What a list. What a list. All right. Second pick. combination of five of Mysterio, Killmonger, Buckethorn, Thorn, and Korg. What a list. What a list. Second pick. My second pick to kick off

to kick off round number two. You know, I'm a big Peter Quill guy. I'm going Star-Lord number two. I think Star-Lord, dude, his gear, tough as shit. His little mask is tough.

But, like, a fucking – it's kind of the same thing as Korg, you know? We got the funny guy, guy with a goofy-ass personality. And then he's got a hard body as well. Hard. Yeah. He did have the biggest glow up out of anybody. Yeah. He looks great. Funny guy guy and tons of evidence this guy fucks congrats like love this guy great great person to have

you know maybe makes a mistake here or there that's fine you know everyone makes mistakes like even ones that kids everyone like everyone makes mistakes like Like, even ones that kick. Everyone makes mistakes. Like, sometimes, you know, you spill something. Other times, you kill half of all living people. It's fine. We get over it. Water under the bridge. Star Wars. Star Wars, my number two pick.

I don't remember who's next. I am. And for the name that he goes by, I'm going to keep it in the family. I'm going with the God of mischief because doesn't that sound fun? There's a, I mean, he can transform, you know,

he could, there's a lot on the plate there for you to deal with. And, uh, you know, I want to be first in line. Loki. He's the OG fuck boy.ki that is all that's him i said what i said yeah and i stand by it which variant of loki are we going though uh for me i'm going uh sylvie female variant let's go baby that's that's literally the opposite of what this track is. But you know what? That's Loki, my man.

That's how you get around the rules. It's not, but sure. His hair flips are just so hard to resist. Got it. I'm just saying. The way around the rules is to not follow the rules is not logical. You are the one who asked me the question. I just said loki in general so if you're gonna

ask me which variant of it you know i'm gonna pick sylvie like i feel like that's not a crazy response again this is we're talking in circles it's fine i mean don't ask questions you don't want the answers to burn asked the correct answer the correct answer is alligator yeah we got new york loki okay that no i guess it's the alligator bc outie baby alligator he likes the caveat is you get sylvie but she still has a penis fair i'd prefer it okay there we go everybody wins all right kristin we also gave you this one drafter boy i know but he's like so expected but yeah i'm gonna have the sexiest team um america's ass could not be more more pure of a man steve rogers himself he would do whatever it takes to have me he would never leave me on red

my parents would love him i would be his best girl and i just i mean that man also a sculpture just glorious i mean i said this in the last pod but this is the same guy who didn't know how to work autopilot on a plane and just decided to just kamikaze it into the ocean instead of seeing his the love of his life it was like he doesn't apparently he doesn't value love that much he sacrifices himself for his country just jump out out of the plane. Point it down and jump out. Oh, he does not suck. You suck. No, he doesn't suck. He's just exhausting. He's also gonna

like abandon you like two years into the relationship and just get frozen underwater for 70 years. I was gonna say, you think he's gonna go under the ice? Damn. Yeah. So you gotta savor that while he's still. It's gonna be very late for that first date. Very damn it yeah save me that dance that i'll never get i'll just stand by your dying bed while you die and we never

actually dance until i've invent time travel and somehow make that work then he's gonna kiss your niece so that's nothing you guys say will make me not think he's sexy though and that was the point of this list so he does he is a smoke smoke show great biceps man got biceps for days yes he sure does all right hopefully my scab doesn't crap out because i keep freezing second pick i'm going mr frank castle the punisher himself um that dude's hot was an, the Punisher was an option? Is he in the MCU? I was going to say the list of 23 movies. That changes everything.

We didn't specify 23 movies. We said MCU. Damn it. I could have been Daredevil. Okay, it's fine. You could still pick Daredevil. Anyways. Okay, another man in uniform. Dude still pick Daredevil. Anyways. I'll get another man in uniform.

Dude was a Navy SEAL as well. He'll protect me from everyone who comes after me. So I could go be reckless, make some enemies, steal some stuff. He'll take care of everybody. It's going to be great. Take out all the high school bullies, middle school bullies. It's going to be great. Yeah.

It's going to be awesome. He's not ripped for my pleasure this time though so like maybe he has a little ptsd that might not play well uh but we'll see a little ptsd literally every episode of the first season opens up with him having a nightmare of his wife getting shot in the face yeah a tiny a tiny little bit of PTSD, though. Undiagnosed, he's fine. Yeah. You can't trust that self-diagnosis.

Brian's just trying to get the vote from the troops. He's going to be too back-to-back. For the troops. Armed forces. Who doesn't like a uniform? Hey, who doesn't like a uniform? Why'd you call New York there? My boys in blue. All right, you got back to back picks all right everyone welcome back to the baddies zaddy daddy mcu hot boy draft whatever we're calling it i know that's why you're here all right uh so for

my second overall pick i'm gonna pick my guy ego kurt russell bad dad sexy facial hair so i mean he just he just delves in a little bit of cancer putting in people's brains it's all right like well you look past it it's okay uh but i need a place for my baddie daddy mcu baddie zaddies to live so he's a planet so we have a nice little home base that we can live on he can create anything we want um it's kind of weird that we'll be like living inside him but we'll we'll we'll get over that um again great facial hair my guy kurt russell also with this uh pic i'm also getting the intro scene where he has the even greater hair without the facial hair and they're riding to the dairy queen and they're singing a brandy a great song uh probably right after he just stuck the tumor inside of her head

but we're not going to talk about that. So, yeah, Kurt Russell. And call me a lubed-up outdoor plastic car because I'm a full-blown slip inside when I see this man on the screen. Okay, so I got my guy Mysterio. I got my guy Ego. Second pick. If it doesn't end in O, cancel. I'm going to go with Baron Zemo.

My guy, Daniel. Nice. My guy has great coats. He has iconic dance moves at the club. So he's the guy I'm taking out partying with me because we're going to dress in style. He's going to be dressed to the nines. I'm going to be dressed to the nines. He's got those sweet dad dance moves.

RIP to his wife and kids, though, that got killed in some sort of sokovia blast thing uh big rips up to them i'll take care of baron zemo um as we probably go on lots of dates maybe we'll visit their grave sites whatever we'll pay our respects sounds like a real fun date going to the gravesites of his children yeah big time uh yeah he's he's he was the only one i argue he was the only villain to win at uh and any mcu movie he was the only villain besides thanos the first time but they fixed that at the end of civil war he basically wins he gets what he wants um so yeah i'm going with baron zemo and guys is there a box of duncan heinz classic yellow cakes mixed near my lower half because I am perfectly moist when I see Barron's email. That's it. End the podcast.

I'm so fucking upset right now. I just need to know how long did this all take you. Please say while or else that means it's off the dome and I don't like that. No, it was... I spent a lot of time on the thesaurus.com looking for synonyms for wet, moist, dripping, leaking.

I'm uncomfy. Disturbed. All right, Brian. Go ahead. All right. I'll try to talk less about how wet I'll be. Please. And I'll talk more about people being ribbed.

All right. I'm going. Another man in uniform. Gotta stick with the theme. Stop it. Because, you know, dude, boys love uniform. Or boys in blue. I gotta get one from

marines navy army i can't i forget the rest of them this guy's coming from the french army uh we're going to my boy george's batroc gsp baby george saint pierre he's not even an actor oh they oh he's the best so like, like I said, also the military. Rock and bod. He went to toe-to-toe with Captain America, so like, he could throw me around a little bit. He's gonna figure four lock me. It's gonna be great. He's got a French accent. Just sounds like he's got

marbles in his mouth all the time. And he's French, so maybe he can cook a little bit. So like, I'll take that. That's a good combo. So yeah, George's Batroc. Wow. Just wow. I don't have anything to say.

I gotta find two more military members to add to this list. Oh, I have one for you. Do you want me to tell you? Text me. Okay. Chris Pick is it now? It's Kristen. Oh, is it my turn okay wait let me i'm help helping my boy out okay um so next on my list i don't think this is considered cheating because the movie well

the movie's not out yet but you put richard madden in a marvel movie and i just am sweating i i didn't think i saw the trailer yet and I was already profusely sweating. And leaking, as some would say on this podcast. Oh my goodness. God damn it. That man is literally... Don't make the noise. That man is sex personified for me. You know, in anything he's in.

So I'm putting... I think his character's name is Icarus. So Icarus is my number three. Sexy as shit. I have a feeling he's gonna die really fast. It's gonna be great. What? Why do you say that? For sure. His name's Icarus. He's gonna fly too close to the sun. Come on.

And he's a rock star. He's just a rock star. Whatever. Alright, Corey. Your list is now negative ten on this so I'm gonna be really proud of you for thinking of one my boy Scott Lang one Paul Rudd does not age we all agree does not age that's a superpower in itself look at us huh who would have thought not me look at us Paulul rudd look at us doesn't age already superhuman plus

he's gonna grow a little bit he's a grower he's a grower baby and you know what i like that he's on my team also extra bonus i i'm shocked for somebody picking dads. He is not on Zach's list. I'm picking baddie daddies, bro. They're all evil villains. He robbed and went to jail. He's the definition of a bad dad. They're all villains. He literally went to jail and missed his daughter growing up, my guy.

So that doesn't sound great. I'm not his daughter. It doesn't sound great, though. Yes, Rooks. I would just, this is to the viewers. We were talking about this before the podcast. Do you think Ant-Man, when he grows to a bigger size, do you think his dick like proportionally grows with him?

If you have any thoughts, call in, let me know. Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you. It's just- No, we need to know. I mean, we didn't- Feel that out, you know? Yeah. Hank Pym might know we don't i feel like it's also beneficial when he shrinks oh

sorry just got a phone call i think well i think one it's gotta it's gotta grow because like when he shrinks he's not just like got a big like wiener hanging around yeah i'm just it's all proportional right like it would be like yeah however like yeah why'd you single out the dick that'd be like why don't you ask about the finger or the arm you're just like yeah like what is dick you know like obviously you know why the fuck do i care if his fingers get bigger that doesn't who gives a shit about but i think i think the question to ask is do you think that he can pinpoint i guess it would make him mr fantastic but like could he pinpoint body parts to do that with because if so i mean like it's a good point i know what i would do that's all i'm saying what would you do tell the viewers um i would grow my arm extra long so i could reach out the

drive-thru window without opening my door when i'm a little too far away perfect response what a fucking answer that's exactly what i was hoping for i think that's what we were all thinking right my next is it me now oh i have a twofer fuck okay first off i'm picking heimdall from fucking thor idris elba yeah with fucking light eyes and fucking dreads and a fucking huge sword and he can teleport people and shit i got the fucking chills thinking about that shit god damn it man like this guy is a fucking 10 on his own i just if you're listening love you like dm me but so he's like a smoke on his own you make him a myth like a mythical god type person with all these abilities and just the dopest head of hair i'm fucking i'm all i'm all in but like seriously

like idris if you're like listening like fucking reply to my dms the only problem is he can see everything so he can see everything you're doing so assuming you're are you are you are we assuming we're with all these dads and some sort of like mormon sister wives relationship i'm not all i'm not with all dads i'm with all yeah that's true sorry i'm i'm a dad focused right now so i'm sorry don't project your shit on me man um so are you assuming that he can see everything so does that worry you at all that he can see literally everything no i'm cool with that if i'm if i'm like like let's say you know he does answer my dms you know what i'm saying but like no like if

if me and heimdall are together like i'm not i'm not looking elsewhere you know i'm not doing anything wrong i am i am worshiping this dude man i'm here for the long haul good i'm just love to hear it love to hear it him him and his magic sword exactly that thing long boy too um okay i i have a question um so cory picked loki earlier i can't pick variations of loki right no no no okay which variant that were you going with i let you pick the richard e grant version i'll let you pick the old loki that's the only one you can that's what i was gonna do i was gonna pick classic loki because man his just his whole fit for the whole last two episodes which is so tough but i won't do that um i'm gonna go with fucking aldrich killian dude what a fucking come up what a come up yeah you know he had his he had his he had his moments iron man three my guy

iron man three bad guy um when he was scraggly in the scientists like you know he could have gotten it but then he turned into a fucking 10 he can like melt shit with his fucking hands that guy fucks his outfit too his goddamn drip like that man you think he's a 10 yeah he's hot as fuck he's hot as fuck that guy is hot as fuck yeah because he literally goes on fire but that's different no no i'm not talking physical temperature which he can do i'm talking in a like his looks he's beautiful are you fucking kidding me no that's like almost as wild as uh drafting mysterio first i'm just like are you fucking kidding me? That's almost as wild as drafting Mysterio first. I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me? Don't you dare compare Aldrich Killian to someone related to Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Are you fucking kidding me right now? This is fucking bullshit. It's so rough. This is the most surprised pick so far. And I'm more surprised about this than Korg. So, dude, he fucks. Shame on you more surprised about this than Korg. So, shame on you. Nah, that guy fucks. This guy has a massive forehead.

And a weird hairline. Korg just likes the slick back hair. That guy fucks. Big hair guy. That's all I'm going to say. I'm up, right? Yes. So,

I'm between two, but I still have one more pick so i'm not gonna get into it because i don't want to maybe he'll be around for the next one so i'm gonna pick up my friendly neighborhood spoderman tommy holland i'm mostly doing for you well so i'm mostly doing this as an investment because he's he's not like he's not that sounds worse he's not like hot boy you know what i mean incorrect he is a hot boy he's like i mean i guess yeah but he's like yeah he's still like like i don't know like like a hand like you describe him as like handsome i feel like it's weird to be like, that guy's hot as shit. For me, maybe. Not for you.

What are you, his fucking aunt? I wrote down that he's an approachable six-pack, you know? Like, he's, like, so hot, but, like, you still might have a chance with him. I'm pretty sure that's what I was going to say next. So, yeah, I agree with that. Also, Paul Zendaya, so, like. Yeah. Are we just glossing over the fact that cory was like i'm gonna kidnap and groom spider-man until he's

old enough that's not what i'm saying these are picks my guy these are picks it's do you not draft for your future can we just i got dads i'm i'm in the future buddy can we agree with you're picking all vets your team's's going to break some hips, and they're not going to perform. I'll tell you that much. They're experienced. The riper, the berry, the sweeter, the juice, my guy. Oh, God.

All right. Zach's going to go right by the spunk tank and just, like, pop out some more first-round draft picks. Jesus Christ. They're not going to be superheroes. Come on, man. They're going to be sitting on their ass eating crab ring goon all week.

We hadn't said we hadn't say we hadn't said spunk take once this episode why the fuck did you have to do that dude we gotta hit our quota we get uh money for every time we say it we don't we really don't I I send one dollar from

one bank account to another every time I say it to reward myself went from my bank account to another every time I say it to reward myself. Went from my savings account to my spending account. No, you have to name one of them in your little banking app, Spunk Tank. So that way you put $1 towards the tank. That's my savings account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I use for retirement.

When I go talk to my finance guy, I'm going to mention it a lot, and he's going to be really confused, but he'll get on the same page as me. No, no, no. It's in finance. Every finance guy gets it. Finance. Thank you. All right, Kristen.

Okay, we're on four, right? I'm, like, really debating. I think I'm going to make this game time decision. Okay. i'm going pietro maximoff but like not the evan peters version the other guy yes his name yes yeah it's the icy hair but like the dark eyebrows and like the chiseled face and the tight shirt where you can see his muscles poking through and just like the sheer speed and the bullet holes gets the heart pumping okay i

don't see him as bullet holes i see he sacrificed himself for a child so bonus points bonus points hot as shit he's loyal to his sister you know the sacrifice yeah it's just really it's really just the face and the body for me mostly but i'm trying to just back him up i will say though that evan peter's uh quicksilver doesn't didn't he like wasn't quick enough to like move bullets and shit out of the way so like greater than this little weenie who got hit by bullets yeah but like evan peters looks like a weenie it's true and this guy's hot i can't argue with that. Yeah, I'm not disagreeing. I will say, in Age of Ultron. Evan Pierce didn't even make my list.

I'm forwarding. In Age of Ultron, I burst out laughing when they're doing the suit up scene in that movie. Captain America grabs his shield. Iron Man grabs his suit. Thor grabs his hammer. And then Pietro ties a pair of new balances on his feet. And I'm like, buddy, come on. That's tough. What are we doing?

It's true. Also, it's Aaron Taylor Johnson, so shout out my guy. There it is. Classic three first name person. All right, so I kind of have a theme going with men in uniforms, so we're going to keep it going. We got the French army. We got some hidden... Valley ranch.

Punisher, whatever thing he is. And Killmonger, whatever army he was in. Can we get a little agent of shield action? Maybe agent of sword action? We're going Jimmy Woo. Woo, woo, woo. Jimmy freaking

Woo. He knows Jimmy freaking Woo. What? Fun fact, he was number one on my list. Then why did you draft him already? You've picked four other people. Yeah, we're in the last round. Once you go, and I didn't, again, didn't realize it's hottest, like, I can't not draft Thor. I mean. X.

Okay, what about your other two pigs? Your other three pigs? You guys all drafted everybody else. It's a bold strategy, Cotton. So I got my fourth boy in blue. We're cosplaying. We're all wearing outfits in the

bedroom. We got all kinds of things to change into. He's got handcuffs, magical little angels of sword handcuffs. He can do close-up magic so he can be like be tied up but then magically not be tied up. It's gonna be great. We can roleplay as Asian Jim.

It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great. I need to find a fifth guy that's in the military and that's what I'm gonna do. Also the person that Kristen tried to make me pick was Sam Wilson, which ew. What do you mean he was in the military and what? Ew?

Have you seen that man's biceps? The biceps. He just sucks. He's not good. This wasn't a personality thing. This was just the looks, I thought. Yeah, he sucks. I don't like his teeth. This was just the looks, I thought. Yeah, he sucks. I don't like his teeth.

Got him. Hey, Bird's dad's a dentist here, you know? Exactly. See? Come on. I don't like his teeth. Whatever. Who's up?

All right, Corey. No, I'm done, Corey. It's Zaddy. Welcome back, everybody, to the Baddy Daddy Zaddy MCU Hot Boy Draft. Just to recap my draft quick, we picked Mysterio to start out with. Then we picked Ego. And then we got Baron Zemo. So I got back-to-back picks, so we know we're going back-to-back daddies.

Baddie daddies, that is. First one, I need a leather daddy. I need Adrian Toombs, Michael Keaton, the Vulture. Give me the leather daddy he's got wings he can shoot little spiky things out of his wings he's resourceful he can work construction build and build us a house um he's also not afraid to put his foot down like when he killed that one guy uh also when he was staring in the rearview mirror in his car against Corey's boy, Tom Holland, I was a little turned on because like the light flashes from red to green and you're supposed to be like, oh, he's the vulture. And I'm like, I know he's a vulture, but thanks for giving me that visual cue.

So, yeah, I need a guy who can fly and a guy who wears a lot of leather. So I'm going Adrian Toombs. And you guys can call me a ticket right by the Shamu exhibit at SeaWorld because your boy is in the splash zone when this man is soaring across the screen. Oh, my God. I have no words. I really can't. I have zero words. The last daddy that we're going for is a little international pick.

We're going to little fly over to Mother Russia. We're going to go with my guy, Red Guardian guardian david harvard the epitome of a dad got the dad gut squeezing into those pants like he's going to church and he's like shit i got a wedding to go to and i haven't tried these pants on in a while i hope they fit but my guy gets in them uh he's kind of a knockoff captain america but he's a dad which is way cooler and he uh learns a lot character development. We harp on that a lot. He learns to love his two adopted children.

And yeah, I think his suit's pretty cool. And David Harbour's great. So I also, I'm a big weather guy. So call me some precipitation in Australia because it's about to be a rainstorm down under. And when I was watching that movie in Black Widow so yeah so that concludes the MCU baddie daddy zaddy draft

Brian take it away for your fifth pick I hate you so much because I was trying to find a fifth guy who is in the military and Alexei is in like the Russian special forces or something it was going to be perfect but no.

So I don't know if this counts as the military, but it's some sort of uniform. We're going with the man with the jacked up nose, Owen Wilson, good old Mobius. Wow. Wow. Wow. I don't think they have a uniform.

They kind of do. They're all dressed in like 60, 60s, like, suits. So, like, I could get behind that. It's some sort of military. He's not really the one with the wands, like, stabbing people. He's more of the guy behind the desk. He's, like, the CIA nerd. He's not, like, the CIA operative.

But he's still part of it. He still gets a special star whenever things happen. This is a big-time reach pick, right, guys? No, it's not. He's an undrafted free agent. No, no, no so this is a range he's an undrafted free agent he's an undrafted free agent you gotta you gotta round it out we have five people from five different special forces girls love a uniform you put on a suit not a suit like an army fatigue your points go up by like three. No. Just no. I'm truly, as the female correspondent here, what's my name? What am I supposed to be calling myself?

Female in the field. Female in the field. Female in the field. Wow. I'm truly disappointed in some of you boys. Suck it. True. Got it.

Is it my turn? Yes. Yes uh yes okay i'm rounding mine out with i'm i'm going ad hoc you're off my list smart hulk it's the sweater and the glasses for me because you know like bruce banner is like all right the regular hulk is like okay but smart hulk and like the tight sweater where it shows off all of his muscles and stuff. And, you know, he's smart too. So like bonus points. I think that he is very attractive. It's literally the Hulk with Mark Ruffalo's face.

So it's the best of both worlds for me. Don't. Okay. Listen, your picks are trash. Also, it's called Professor. I listened to the assignment. It's called Professor Hulk. You need to get Nikki Comps on that to educate you.

It's Professor Hulk. Everyone calls him Smart Hulk though. Who's everybody Professor Hulk. You need to get Nikki Comps on that to educate you. It's Professor Hulk. Everyone calls him Smart Hulk, though. Who's everybody? Everybody. Everyone. Everyone in my brain calls him Smart Hulk. I'll take Owen Wilson over Smart Hulk every day of the week. No.

I agree. Sweater vests? No. Give me my boy in blue. So, I'm next, right yes okay i assume x-men are not in this right off the table off the table just then shout out michael fastbender just gonna say it oh hell yeah um big group big agree you're to say Fassbender over... Yes. Quote me on it. Wow.

That's crazy. That's wild. I agree, Corey. Corey, I agree. Thank you, Zaddy. Three and two again. Trish. So then for my last pick, I'm going to go Mr. Andrew Garfield.

I hate Mondays himself. How does that not count? That's not who Spider-Man currently is. MCU. Unless if we believe that the rumor that he's in it. Kristen was able to draft somebody that was picked in a future movie. Yes, I agree. This is a good thing. And also, Andrew Garfield's definitely

going to be in the Spider-Man movie. We all believe this. Yeah, probably. But we don't know for sure. I think it's fair. He's a variant. I mean, Corey's messing up by not taking Tobey Maguire, but I'll let him take Andrew Garfield. Honestly, if I'm going to pick Tobey Maguire, it's going to be Emoto and Maguire.

I'm going Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, a special place in my heart because I actually really loved Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man. He was definitely the hottest of the three, I would think. I would say, I mean.

He had the hottest personality out of all the Peters. Hot boy Andrew. That's what they call him. I don't know, man. Tobey Maguire, that guy. He! Yo, when Emma Stone's head bounced off the concrete

like a basketball, it was terrifying. was tough so depressing i'm gonna say not the greatest of the spider-men in in terms of whose girlfriends are still alive but doesn't matter to me that means he's got an opening cory for you that means he's got an opening, Corey, for you. That means he's got an opening. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to go in there and steal somebody's man. So, yeah. I'm just going to slide right in there. It just means Corey's head is next. So, wear a helmet and don't go on high surfaces.

Bounce my head off the concrete. Ugh. Ugh. All right. We're going to close out this draft here, okay? I needed a heater, you know? I need some more beef on my team. All right. We're going to close out this draft here, okay? I needed a heater. I need some more beef on my team.

And the last person I'm getting is a fucking beefcake. Last pick in the draft, I'm picking Drax. Fucking muscles for days, bro. Fucking beefcake times 1,000. Super loyal to his family like like i mean like r.i.p like like they they sounded like they had a rough time but like it shows that he's like super loving and caring also super literal like super straightforward you would never have to guess what he was thinking like everything is just exactly what he says and he has a great ability you know he can hide in plain sight when he doesn't move that's a plus two i'm

going with drags to close the draft out fucking hunk dude and also him having two sword like little like daggers as his weapon when he's that or like kind of like katana type they're like they're like short swords what's when he's fucking huge is such a fucking badass move like he's that or like kind of like katana type they're like they're like short swords what's when he's fucking huge is such a fucking badass move like he's fucking huge and he has these two little fucking little swords the guy fucks i just imagine watching drax's wife and i think his daughter get killed and someone comments you like oh man they're just straight up not having a good time right now. One out of five stars. Bad Yelp review coming after that one.

Would not recommend. One water buffalo. Went to this planet. Parents both died. Lost my daughter. Not coming back. It's a good turn. Hey, that's the draft right there, ladies and gents.

Is that everyone? I feel like we need some honorable mentions. Do we ever? Somebody's not mentioned. Let's go around the table. No, no, no. Honorable mention. Ned Leeds. My boy behind the computer. I'm shocked nobody picked him. I didn't even put him on my list because I thought he was

going to get picked. Like, I didn't put him on my list. Die in chair. At one point, I was going to go with, like, the people with the worst bodies, but, like, best personalities because, like, Hot's on the, and he was going to be my number one. And then I, for some reason, decided to go with people in made-up military outfits. So, honorable mention. Let the category come to you, man. Way to do it.

Had to go with the flow. I can't believe no one said Grandmaster. That guy is kinky as hell like we know for a fact you don't go after him for the looks you go after him because you know it's gonna be things are gonna get weird when you're doing weird shit you're gonna have to look at him so i mean you know who knows my immediate reaction was like isn't he gay but then also we're drafting so um you can only draft straight guys and force them into a homosexual relationship yeah of course

that's how it works yo big big honorable mention mention to my boy in WandaVision, one of the dudes who's trapped in the town, the guy with the mustache, that guy fucks, dude. I was going to put him on my list. I don't even remember his actual fucking name. I was going to put him on my list. Wait, who? I don't – exactly.

Such a side character. I didn't want to say it and have that to be the reaction. Everyone's like, who the fuck is that guy? Wait, we could technically say Deadpool, right? Because he's about to be in it. No, I don't think so. Deadpool's really not when he looks like an avocado. Not when he looks like an avocado.

You just listen to all the things that Deadpool has said about his own face. He's not a hot guy. He's just not. He is, though. I'm still into it, though. No matter what he sounds like, Ryan Reynolds, therefore I'm into it. Sounds like we did get voice changers.

I've got two. My guy, Mickey Rourke, Whiplash, Whip me in bed. That guy's big up. With the long hair. He's got the weird fingernails. He's so gross. I would just keep him around just to say i want my boot and like that'd be the only thing and then the other one was the another iron man villain uh jeff bridges aka iron monger aka opa diastane just because i love the way jeff bridges talks in that movie he's like tony how's it going

he's like he built it in a cave with a box of scraps and it's just like it's just objectively hilarious how he talks uh so it's just like slightly sound fed signing justin hammer from the iron man movies too he knows his weapons and he's definitely packing heat of his own you think justin hammer is better looking than aldrich killian and hammer stuff doesn't work that's crazy my man's gonna need viagra on the daily his guns be always breaking he's got that amazon prime though hell yeah my guy oh the other honorable mention i had uh does anyone know who dave is from ant-man is dave the guy from the apple oh no never mind no no so ti plays dave in ant-man and his name in like the wiki is just dave he has no last name or middle name it's just dave it is between him and

uh freaking mobius but dave apparently isn't in the military so i gotta pick him oh another awful mention the happy two happy fucks yeah happy be fucking hot enough to land aunt may that's true young howard stark also as a babe don't really have much to back that up he's just very attractive and i love his work in mama mia god damn it what about how he's in mama howard the duck of course he's in Mamma Mia. He's the young... No, he's like her husband. Yeah, Mamma Mia 2.

Mamma Mia 2 is not so good with that. Mamma Mia 2 better than Mamma Mia 1, though. I literally watched Mamma Mia yesterday. Still holds up, man. Dude, can we draft ABBA songs next? Because I would kill it in that draft. Wow. I think Claire might join for that one.

Let's go. I don't, I don't know that draft draft Amazons. What? I wasn't listening. What did you say? Abba song. What are you talking about?

Abba song. Abba song. Draft Amazons. That's what I heard. I was like, I'll take Amazon Prime. This whole podcast is an ad for Amazon Prime this is my two-day shipping yo speaking of amazons at the bar i was at yo there was a girl who was like 6 10 she was huge she scared

the shit out of me but my buddy my buddy said to my other friend, he goes, yo, she would hit you with a post fade so quickly on the basketball court. But she was standing next to me at the bar, and I was just looking up at her, just staring. And I felt bad because I'm sure people do this. People are probably just like, holy shit, you're huge. But she was so fucking tall. Imagine how I feel every time I go out to the bar, Rooks. Oh, dude. No, I know how you felt because I felt your pain in Austin, dude.

I went out with the tall boys. But hey, wonderful sewed. Viewers, thank you. This is a longer journey than we've had in a while. This was a very long journey. But hey, we had to get a little bit, a little bit lengthy, you know, we're hitting a lot of topics. Coppitellios, you did great. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much. Wow. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I I'm happy to join whenever and

answer any tampon related questions or talk about hot mess. It's my specialty. Both of those things are my specialty. Those are pretty much only the questions we have for you so that's perfect thank god you didn't ask any volvo related questions i don't even know what that thing i'll say he held back he held back i was expecting so much worse i need a separate sword for that just zach it's gonna be me denise and kristin and that's it it's gotta be it's gonna be it's gotta be like a fucking 60 minutes where it's just like the you two sitting down looking at each other and just no background music or anything. Just you guys having a conversation about this stuff.

We're going to release it on Amazon Prime Day. Yes. I was going to say that. It's like our special Christmas episode. Oh, my God. We're going to do a live podcast from our Christmasmas uh from our christmas party christmas party yes might be a little static honestly we should do it during the rehearsal dinner of our christmas party that's tough that would be big brain might be hard to have 20 guests on a podcast but we'll

figure it out no no they're all gonna watch us i'm to put glass downstairs in my basement. I'll glass off one room and they can all just watch us. Live audience would be sick. We could get viewer questions and they could come up to the mic and ask us stuff. That's so funny. You have to have a sign that says when people need to laugh. Because you're not funny.

All the time. We don't need signs. We could also break out the spunk take. Yes, sir. We could. Also, Corey, that basement is my basement, right? That's named after me, right? the time we don't need signs also cory also break out the spunk take yes sir we could also cory that basement's my basement right that's named after me right do i need to bring a plaque or anything like zach's basement i mean you pretty much like licked the whole cellar floor so there's a room under the stairs with your name on it there is a room under the stairs with well i guess there's no name under it now it could be yours dibs you might have a guest with you Harry Potter room

exactly play us out Brian hey thanks for joining us sorry I froze I don't know if we like said something play it out Rasputin Rasputin.

Rah, rah, Rasputin.