It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 47: Diglet Splooge (We're Sorry)

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

Boyos are back from a celeb spot on our Niece Denise's podcast and we are here to completely ruin any of the intelligent and thoughtful reputation we gained from being on her show. We get into Seahorse birth, Sperm count, and who we would choose as our insignificant others. Rate us 5 stars and leave a review on Apple Podcasts!  Links here to follow on Social Media! and Find Other Places to Listen!

So we talked about seahorses giving birth and the males giving birth and all the babies and everything. And I told Rooks this fact yesterday, but Zach, they give birth to 2,000 babies at a time. So, you know, really just blasting little seahorses out there, Urethra, like crazy. It's definitely not the Urethra. Do they have it? Also, I'm going to put out there, I did not listen to the podcast last week i'm a bad host i didn't listen no two weeks ago no it was last week no was that corey no we talked about it with cory and jeremy cory went real gross and was on urban dictionary so in my mind that was you i'm sorry he uh he found some sexual position called the seahorse uh let

me try to guess i I'm guessing like, oh, go for it. You're okay. So you're the guy standing. No, it's, it's not a sexual position.

That's not what it was. Sexual, sexual act. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Nevermind. I don't want to get kind of,

it's kind of, it's kind of a position. I don't want to, basically it's just like you're laying down on your back and it's when you come on yourself. So like you come and then it's like on your stomach or legs or whatever the fuck. Whatever direction you're aiming, you know, I don't know your guys' tilt angle. You know what I'm saying? I think I might start laying paper towels down on my stomach when that happens.

Just easier to clean up. Don't act like that's not a great idea we've been here for welcome back everybody zach is here damn it that's so fucking gross a tummy bib it's better than nothing yeah right i mean but also just aim somewhere else i like what am i what am i gonna aim on the sheets i'm not trying to do laundry the goal is to get it on your body so you don't get it on the sheets or any exactly my body is my body is essentially a vehicle to eventually wipe off you know what i mean but if you have you have paper towels put them somewhere don't put them on yourself yeah sometimes things get crazy man

sometimes i don't know where i'm aiming okay sometimes it's just what do you mean you climb the walls like you can climb the walls like spider-man man like afterwards you can not during so what i'm saying is like you know sometimes like sometimes let's say i'm in the position to see horse if i'm putting paper towels down like if i put one maybe like on this on the belly sometimes you know sometimes it might not hit the belly sometimes like i don't know like they get another paper towel okay so now i'm supposed to every time like i want to get a quick little wax sesh before i go to bed now i have to put down five paper towels in different areas that i might hit what is this what is this mind sweeper no what are you doing this what are your areas the areas are literally your stomach

your slightly higher stomach and if it's getting all the way to your pecs, buddy, you should join an Olympic sport or be an athlete. Sometimes I got a little bit of a pull to the left. Sometimes it's to the side. I don't know. It's not that tiger. The catcher's throwing down the number two. The catcher's like, give me the two.

Give me the curveball. A lot of times when it happens, man, I just kind of black out for a little. I don't keep track of anything i i think i just wakes up there's just white stuff on the ceiling just all over his room that's why he can spider-man around afterwards that's true that's true although i don't know why it's called the seahorse though because the seahorses lay flat i feel like it'd be it'd be the seahorse if you were standing up and down right yeah i don't it's just like human but seahorses don't lay down like why is it the seahorse just because you're late like seahorses don't lay down because they have 2 000 babies at a time is that how many i'm i'm dispersing

i think it's potential i think it's more right it's gotta be more all right i got it i'll fact check you here we go thank you thanks thanks jay man you know like i was criticizing us for talking about this after two minutes but then now i'm thinking about all the things i just said within the first five minutes of the podcast i'm really just disappointed in myself a lot of people are learning a lot of things about me oh my gosh dude after like hypothetically right me and the bra guy and we're gonna get in this later me and the bra guy we're just on another podcast it's like much more serious and then like if any of those listeners come over here and listen to this bullshit after five minutes they're gonna be like who the fuck is this idiot like who is this guy that was just talking you better not steal

my tummy bib idea i'll come after i'll I'll sue your ass. Patent pending. Shark tank tummy bib. We've got a lot of shark tank ideas, and I'm going to try to keep track of all of them. All right, so take some guesses on how many sperm are in one fertile male human ejaculate. 2,000. Based on Google. Oh, no, it's way more. I'll take the over on that, Bob. I'm going gonna go 5 000

100 million what wait what big shout out condoms and they're putting overtime they don't get it on they don't get enough credit they don't get enough credit holding that back holding back 2 million babies that is crazy i did not know it was that much in one splooge that's so much yeah yo actually shout out shout out to like trojan all the condom companies like goodness gracious that is battle tested right there there's like a million a million versus like the wall from game of thrones and sometimes only one makes it through like that's some crazy that's some crazy fucking odds right there based on google it says if you're under 20 million it's like a cause of concern like you need to go get tested for like fertility which is insane that's so wild 20 million swimmers do they like do they like when they're because i know like they're all trying

to fertilize the egg right like when they get in there do they like throw down against each other it's a family guy but so the family guy i know that's the family guy but like do they like do they deke it out or is it just like is it like a is it more of a race or a death match that's what i'm asking i think they're just trying to help each other maybe it's just like a collective oh team effort you know like amazing race type oh my gosh that'd be crazy have you seen where the one i don't know if it's a sport or a competition or a tradition where it's like they get a hundred people and try to stack themselves into the tallest tower they possibly can that's just what it is there's just like 100 million at the base 20 million on the next level

another million another 100 million and they just keep getting to one until one is close enough and then they're good all right uh should i get us off this topic i feel like that was that was too much for the weekend just like thinking now and then it's just oh yeah we need to move on no you should do you should clip that part and then just release that as a as like a five minute mini pod and just at a random time we're just gonna make that completely separate from what we're doing the rest of the day here now that's stated we gotta we're gonna go hot and cold left and right on all of these all right very non-sexual another question for you how many holes does a straw have one oh god it has one hole

it has one hole I would say it has no holes that's not real because there's not a hole punched into it it's just a cylinder no matter how thick the diameter of the straw there's still thickness there so you're still punching a hole into material

at one point the plastic straw could have been just a full amount of plastic and a hole had material. At one point, the plastic straw could have been just a full amount of plastic and a hole had to get punched through to make the straw. Or you form a whole. It was a rectangle that was formed into a circle, though. If you take a cube and take the top and the bottom off of it, it's not a hole. It's just a cube with an opening.

You're not making any sense right now, my guy. There is one hole. You just started talking about cubes and we're talking about straws. Different polygons. If it was a rectangular or a square straw, I wouldn't call that opening a hole. I'd just say it's like an open-ended cube. No, it's a hole.

I mean, it's like one singular. It's like an extended hole. You know what I mean? It's like... This hurts my fucking brain yeah like is is a is a diglet one hole but a doug drio three holes or is it one is it three diglets coming out of one hole to make a doug drio that's just made it so much more confusing for me no that makes it so much easier doug trios obviously it's in his name it's three holes you can see him coming out what if the trio refers to the three diglets it's like it's like a group of diglets is called

a doug trio okay gotcha it's like it's like a murder of crows yeah yeah or like uh how do you think they get how do you think they get formed up do you think the one diglet splits into three diglets and performs a doug trio do you think they link up with other Digletts and all get in the same hole? So they start out with 20 million of them, and then they battle to the death. And then whatever the three strongest are. How many little baby Digletts do you think there are in one Diglett's Booge, you know?

Oh, God. Shout out Pokemon, though. I've been playing a lot recently. Shout out Diglett's Booge. What version of Pokemon are you playing? We need to... Brilliant Diamond. Who's your starter?

I chose the Penguin. Ooh. I have no idea. Water type? Yeah, water type. He's like an ice or water steel type. He's very cool. He transforms into a big penguin.

Original trio. What's your guys' choice? Charmander, easily. Zaddy? Squirtle my nurdle, buddy. Oh, big Squirtle boy here, too. I just like... I saw them fully evolved.

It's like, I want the fucking Bowser-looking motherfucker that has cannons on his shoulders. You know i mean like this guy has this guy has weaponry oh you're gonna throw leaves at me i have fucking cannons on my shoulder my guy dude i just love how they with squirtle they're like all right this is a squirtle or squirrel and a turtle mixed and then they were just like nah then we're gonna go full turtle and then just war turtle and then blast toys. Like no see a squirrel. That's true. I forgot they didn't have any of that propagate over to the next forms of that at all. But yeah. Shout out Charmander too. Big Charmander guy.

A scene in the anime. The Bulbasaur is garbage. The Pokemon show when his flame almost went out. And Ash is like running him to the Pokemon center. Covering his little flame. So sad. Very sad. Almost cried. almost went out and ash is like running him to the pokemon center covering his little flame so sad very sad almost cried saddest moment in cinema history on cinema right now right next to uh jack dying in titanic and tony stark in marvel dude jack was a simp he could have survived jack was so fucking dramatic.

Or Rose was that big of a bitch that he was like, I'd rather freeze in the Atlanta. Also, why did his body drown in everyone else's float? Is this because they had life vests on? The people who float had life vests on? I think so. He was poor boy, so he didn't have a life vest. Does that happen to your body when you freeze?

I thought your body is just naturally buoyant. Or maybe because he was all muscle, because's rock hard leonardo dicaprio just no fat and just body density right to the right to the atlantic ocean floor you obviously sink because that's how like people drown your body ends up floating once you're like decomposing and there's like gases on the inside but it sinks because the water goes into your lung. It fills up your lung. That's what makes you sink, right? Like he was above the water. He just froze to death. No, but you can sink with air in your lungs. You've never sunk in water alive.

Well, no. I'm trying to drown myself. No. No, that's not true. Because when you float, you inhale and fill up your lungs with air. And that's what makes you float yeah I'm fucking confused

you guys have never been in water and just breathed out some air and like you sink apparently unless we're talking about cum on this podcast like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about so you have one area of expertise god damn it.

Know your lane. Know your lane. I'm confused by Zach never sinking in water. No, you have, but I feel like just naturally, unless if you're 3% body fat, you're just eventually going to float. Like fat is buoyant so you're gonna you know if you're if you're 15 body fat you think it that will cause you to float at least part of your body to float how could part of your body float just like you're only your foot's out of the water carry the fat in your ass and your ass just starts to float and you kind of do a tp underneath the water uh never seen it before but i i'm gonna say i doubt it uh and that's a plot hole i don't think

you actually sink for the scientists scientists viewers who listen call in and let us know i don't think you sink when you when you're just like chilling there do you not go to the pool like is that not a thing in chicago community pool dive sticks yeah but i feel like that but if i am not actively if i don't die underneath the water then i don't sink then i shouldn't sink like they froze to death above the titanic and then they should just bounced up and down like popsicles. I'm so fucking lost. I am so lost. Once they actually freeze.

Yeah, sure. I could see them like bobbing up and down. But I think he like got too cold to like keep moving. Rank the order of Titanic deaths that you would prefer. I'll give you the options. One, you shoot yourself in the start i'll give the options one you shoot your yourself in the head uh like the captain or like the one i think one gray i did uh captain goes down with the ship two you're crushed by a giant one of those giant metal steam engine things um you freeze bobbing up in the water um or you drown in one of the rooms because you can't get

out underneath oh drowning in a room last absolutely that's such a nightmare that's absolutely number four on my list and then uh freeze definitely third because it definitely should take forever and hurt the most uh crush second i'm in my head it's quick it's not like you got your shins down crushed and you're just gonna kind of bleed out otherwise that's kind of on par with the rest of them obviously bullet to the head's the fastest so like yeah it's at least dignified because you're like easily saying like all right see you guys but i'm going bullet to the head is number three because it's like three for me. I'm like,

like if I was in a situation, I'd be like, okay, I guess I'm getting in the water and I'm going to figure this out. Like I'm not dying today, but I'm probably going fair. Bullet is three. I'm going to go water is two just because,

or yeah, water is two just cause I would still have hope. But man, that would, that would fucking suck. And then number one, if I get crushed by the big thing, and I'm just dead in a pop, hey, at least, like,

I was in the process of figuring something out. I was standing there like, okay, what do we do? And then this thing came and just smushed me into the ground like a fucking cartoon. Oh, well, that sucks. I guess I'm out of here. That's fair. See you in hell.

See you in hell would um see you in hell brother um i was gonna ask something else and just it just also about the titanic hold on it's gonna come back to me i i never i've never seen that movie all the way through i'm being 100 honest dude it's like five hours long question is would you be a big coward and do uh do what that one guy did and just fake like and get on try to get on a lifeboat but like you be a big coward and do uh do what that one guy did and just fake like and get on try to get on a lifeboat but like you're a dude and they're clearly only saving women and children would you try your best to fake your way onto a lifeboat i feel like i just find like a couch cushion and be like well

this is no one's trying to steal this right i feel like i feel like there would be this whole um like four hour love story of me following falling in love with somebody else and then they would be end up like on a door in the water that was floating and i would look at it as well and i'd be like bitch scoot over there's more than enough space for me on that yeah i would climb on it as well and that's a great point i don't think she actually loved him because if you love somebody you would be like no help get on this you know come get on this door with me and i don't think she ever did she offer it's like a first date thing you know like when you're paying for a first date you clearly know i'm gonna say no like i'm not gonna

get on the door with you because i want you to survive but i appreciate the offer like at least act like you want me to live act like you're gonna pay for the meal the runtime for titanic is three hours and 14 god damn what is this fucking end game jesus christ that's so long i actually watched it it's i watched it like the whole way through as an adult for the first time like like a month or two ago and it was why i i don't know it was i was i was drinking and i was with other people and it was like post-game activity i was just like what the fuck is post-game was titanic yeah and i well like i'm hammered watching it and i have just like questions every time something happens like something's going on i'm like what the fuck is this dumb shit like i'm just like ruining the

movie for everyone else it's like if you're gonna to make me watch Titanic when I'm blacked out at three in the morning, like I'm going to take a poopoo on it, you know, that's such an incredible postgame activity that, uh, it was a lot, just three hours.

That's such a long postgame too, though. Yeah. You come back from the bar at 2 a.m. It happens. 5 a.m. Watch Jack die. Happens to the best of us,

man. That's, that's rough. I'm not jealous of you for that oh yeah we started the movie on on so it would be like early sunday morning probably probably carried a little past monday into tuesday very very close though to getting all the way to it is wednesday my dudes welcome back to another episode of it's wednesday my dudes sorry for the ridiculous intro try to be more middle ground uh episode 47 uh we're obviously it's a grab bag episode of we have kind of had nothing to talk about so we we're going to be asking questions to each other.

I got a couple of good ones for the end. Hopefully, we'll keep Zach out of the urban dictionary realm of things. But we got the usual borrows minus Corey come back from holiday still. So we got Rooks. What's up? Yeah, sorry. That like intro transition wasn't the best. But like, honestly, we just have like a 20 minute intro.

And it's like, OK, I okay, we got to fucking do this. We got to get this shit done. We got to fucking start the podcast. Hi, everybody. We got Zach. I'm somewhat of a scientist myself. Ooh. Shh.

He hasn't seen them. No, I have. I've seen it twice, actually. Not last night. No, no, no. No, I haven't, dickhead. I am also somewhat of a scientist myself. And I am, Brian.

So, weekly recap, how we always start. Rooks, how was your week? You know, Merry Christmas. It was a great Christmas trip. Went to Virginia, saw a bunch of the fam. Had a grand old time. Ate way too much food. Oh, my gosh, dude.

The last couple days, I've been sweating alcohol and butter because I've just been eating and drinking my face off. But overall, really solid trip. Christmas is Christmas. You know what I mean? It's always going to be a good time. Got gifts, got food. Always fun. christmas is christmas you know i mean it's always gonna be a good time got gifts got food always fun um and then we actually for the first time or well i think we'd done it one other time but we had a football game on chris like christmas weekend as well as thanksgiving this year so your

boy got to pop off twice this year and man oh i went fucking crazy dude i was i was all over the field i was a nightmare out there for for uh my uncle who's playing quarterback for the other team. But anyways, that was great. Had a great time with family. Football is like my least favorite thing right now. Just Arizona Cardinals. Get your fucking shit together, you dumbasses. Absolute dog shit last couple weeks of watching that.

Also, so your boy in fantasy football, there's my team. My team has been so inconsistent. I've been fighting injuries all year. Somehow made it to the semifinals of the playoffs. Playing my roommate, I need Miles fucking Gaskin. And Miles, if you're listening, oh man. Kick rocks, buddy. I fucking hate your guts Um I need Miles Gaskin to get me

Three and a half points And I'm in the championship Of my league going into last night But the guy was playing his whole team had been His whole team had played already I needed three and a half fucking points Miles Gaskin G gets me two fucking points two he got me two points and the worst part about it well there's two worst parts the first part

there's two other running backs that played for the dolphins last night both of them got three and a half points on the dot they both got three and a half points so fist me sideways and then on top of that i had two people i was thinking about playing instead of people i actually used decided to use the people i actually used adam thielen five points Five points. Miles Gaskin. Two points. Devontae Smith on my bench. 18 points. Rashad Penny on my bench. 19 points. I hate my fucking life. I hate football.

I think I'm done watching it. Penn State on Saturday. Yeah, you could fuck. You got me fucked up if you think I'm going to watch Penn State football on Saturday after all the football bullshit I've been dealing with. Everybody's like opting out to. Yeah. And like every college game, everybody's just declaring for the draft.

They're like, no, these bowl games matter. So we're just going to ignore it. That's facts. But yeah, fuck it. Like fuck football right now.

But Christmas was great. Loved, loved Christmas. So I'm going to give it, I'm going to give it one awesome football game on the field and then 30 terrible games off the field. Yeah, that ratio is pretty bad. Terrible.

Zach, how was your week? Yeah, it was good. Christmas came, went. Santa was nice. I'm supposed to be a little good boy. So no real surprises. I was nice. I'm supposed to be a little good boy. So, I mean, no real surprises. I was great this entire year. Debatable.

I mean, yeah, my family stayed with me. So, powered through that week. Just a lot of family stuff. A lot of driving to the suburbs. Just a lot to host your parents in your apartment. I think I talked about this last time. There's just no place to go other than the main room you are with your parents so i can't go down to the basement and play xbox or just go to my room and close the door so um but no it was good it was good to see

them and then yeah i mean just a bunch of family stuff it's getting it's getting kind of to the point now where i'm just like i mean i love my family i'll be wrong but just like all right do the same things over and over again based on the christmas draft man i i don't know if you can calm or confidently just say yeah i love my family i just want to go to a holiday where nothing is planned it's just hey let's just go with the flow we don't need to do this i could i could seriously to a t tell you the schedule that to that probably down to the minute how long each event or thing takes at my grandma's house for Christmas. I won't do it because I

don't want to lose the two listeners that aren't us and our friends that we have. But it is excruciatingly to the minute how precise we do stuff. I just want to go there. Let's just drink, make presents easy, get a present, open a present, eat, and just relax. stuff. I just want to go there. Let's just like drink, make presents easy, you know, get a present,

open a present, like eat and just, and just relax. But anyway, I know the holidays are, oh, they're fun. They're fine.

I took down my tree today. So back to full, uh, Oh, come on. What is that for Christmas? What do you want me to do? It's December.

Yeah, but I don't know. You're such a Grinch. I'm not a Grinch. Dude, the Grinch, the hero in his own story. Not the antagonist, like some people like to make him out to be.

The Who's just made fun of him. They bullied him up the mountain. They bullied a different colored skinned human in their own town. The Who's are the biggest racist ever. Bad guys. Bad guys. Definitely didn't think about it like that beforehand. Bad guys and girls.

So, yeah. So, Who's, you suck. Grinch, you're the man um yeah i mean i i mean this is the week two like so i mean christmas was great it was fine i love christmas the week this week is the week of just ultimate don't know what day it is and with with covid cases going nuts it's like no one really wants to hang out kind of so it's i'm just kind of stuck in my room playing halo in my apartment and just trying to figure out what I'm going to do for this week. So, yeah.

I mean, it's good. It's fine. I'll give it a... What will I give it? Oh, okay. What I will give it is one heater new Christmas song that in my mind has surpassed Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You. It is the Ed Sheeran, Elton John collaboration. It's called like Merry Christmas.

Absolute heater begeter. I would recommend everyone listen to it. It is a tier S tier Christmas song. Pass Mariah Carey's in my mind. Go listen to it and bless your ear balls. Is it new like this year? Yeah, I think it came out just this year okay yeah you're stacking it up to um or i carry but you didn't stack it up to

feliz navidad so still number two brian's actually gonna drop a clip of it right now thanks brian okay Thanks, Brian. Okay. Give me a second. I have to actually write down to do that. I'll give it one Elton John Ed Sheeran collabo. Is my rating. That's huge.

It's a big rating. It's a big rating. So my week caught COVID like two and a half weeks ago now so uh didn't have christmas so that was tight um also don't have a laundry machine in my apartment so i go to the laundromat and i was like two weeks behind on laundry when i caught covid so i had to be quarantined for 10 days. So like three days into it, immediately ran out of underwear. Not a good sign. Then like two days after that,

ran out of shorts. Did you sink it? Did you sink it? Wash your clothes in the sink? No, no, no, no.

Well, I was down to like sweatpants only. And like, if I, I could go to the laundromat today for the first time. Question, go ahead. So hypothetically, right?

You've been quarantining in your own place by yourself, right? Mm hmm. Just don't wear fucking pants. I don't like put my balls all on the couch, man. Well, then do you have. So did you run out of shorts and like sweatpants and everything? So I was like a day away from sweatpants running out. Don't like commando.

Just go commando and wear that shit. You're not going anywhere. I'm're not going on this you can't be commando even you can walk around commando but as soon as you can't sit down yes or lay down unless if you're in the bed doing sexy time i'm not putting cheeks and balls it's just like there's residual turd and like ball sweat everywhere and like that's just it's it's too much man i'm right there with you even even the the instance where i am in my bed doing the sexy time and we're done can't get my boxers on fast enough i just can't it's like it's like my baby blanket like i just need them on it's like in the movies where it's like they just immediately put clothes i am so different than both of you

oh we know you just walk around naked naked boy no yeah i just balls are weird man i don't want that on my couch i feel like you can't like wash a couch so it's just like i feel like there's just like it's just permanently sweat state so anyways i was a day away from have to wear jeans to like a bed and i was like this would be horrible but we're good it timed out fine so made it past that hurdle uh but yeah i didn't really have christmas stuff so i facetimed the family for like 15 minutes but like that was it so that was quick watched hella movies though watch don't look up watch the new matrix rewatched a bunch of the spider-man movies i binged season four of Are You the One?

I know Rooks loves that show. I do need to watch that. Dude, did you know... The one chick in it is like Jake Paul's girlfriend now. Oh, Julia Rose was on it? What? Yeah. She's like hella normal in the show.

Really? And then like... And I looked her up afterwards like... She changed. Because she's like... Yeah. She's a little insta-Thotiana now. Yeah. And I looked her up afterwards, like, she changed. Because she's like, yeah. She's a little Insta-Thotiana now. Yeah.

She seemed like super normal and nice before. She's fucking killing it, but like, Jesus. I'm sure she has ten times the amount of money I do. So I'm jealous. And then started watching the show You. Do either of you watch it? I know Chloe does. I haven't seen the most recent season.

No spoilers. It's fantastic. I love the show. I've literally only seen the first season now okay i got a bone to pick so what do you have some what's wrong with joe and then also like we gotta make sure joe's not a listener because he's gonna find your ass okay so look he's supposed to be like a stalker murderer serial killer guy so like he's supposed to be like a stalker murderer serial killer guy so like he's supposed to be sort of intimidating in some way like in any way but the profession they chose to give him is just librarian like this is a made-up story it's not based on anything true you didn't have to choose like make him a bookstore guy because he's weird like you decided out of anything in the world like yeah this guy just loves books and he's gonna stab people to death it's like i mean i'm not okay so my argument

against that would be like he's so he always has these little like um like monologues where he's talking and stuff and he has really good like speech and language and stuff like i don't know i just think it like so adds to his character of being like a very smart make him read books he doesn't need to be alive he can be professor but okay so if you watch the show and there is a scene of him just reading a book would you be like okay this was important to the story or would you be like why the fuck is there a shot of him reading a book for 20 minutes they show him in the bookstore all the time just like where he works books for somebody works and that's where he does his creeping it's it's so stupid i'm not afraid of this nerd coming after me with a harry potter book in his hand just reciting dr seuss as he

chased me down like an alleyway like it doesn't make any sense like if this guy was like a preschool teacher or like a pediatrician or like worked at claire's doing like ear piercings it's all the same thing that's all just so unintimidating at least make him like a butcher or like an ex-military guy like security guard something they could creep around that makes sense but part of it's so stupid part of what makes him so creepy and like kind of like the idea like i feel like a big idea of the show is that even the most normal people can be like psychotic and deranged and stuff so yeah this like guy that works at a library is like oh he seems like a little weenie or a bookstore whatever the fuck i can't remember where he actually works between it's a bookstore but like like yeah he's a little weenie and he reads books but he's also fucking terrifying like i think it's like i think

i think it adds to i like it i think it adds to it it's no he does so many dumb things too he like the one girl in season one it's not a spoiler at all they like go furniture shopping she's like oh i need a full new bed he's like all right hop on my convertible it's like dude you're going to furniture shopping you can't put you can't bring any of that back in the actual convertible and then they show him like coming back with like this small box strapped to the roof it's like there's not a full bed in that you're all lying to us this is so dumb there was like the two really dumb moments in that season that like oh but overall love that show though it's pretty good did you rank your weekend yet no rank your weekend last rant right here weekend and then i have a thought about

christmas stuff okay uh i'm ranking it two clear nostrils because i'm covet free all right what's your thought um okay so and this might be unpopular but like so i just watched i watched die hard this year for the first time. Okay. It's not a Christmas movie. I don't give a shit what anyone says. It's not a Christmas movie. I haven't seen it all the way through. I just know Professor Snape falls out of the building. It's not a fucking Christmas movie.

We had a super heated family argument because our whole family was split down the middle. I was like, no, this is not a Christmas movie. Just because there's some Christmassy things going on during the movie. It's a fucking action movie. You could have an action Christmas movie. A dude gets shot from underneath in his balls. They'll never do that in a Christmas movie. Like that's not a Christmas movie.

Is Home Alone a Christmas movie? I mean, just stuff just happens at Christmas. But it's like there's so much like idea. Like there's like so much about Christmas and like the idea of of Christmas and the family and togetherness of Christmas in those movies. Isn't Die Hard, it's like the main plot point is they're terrorizing this building and it's like a work party and it's like a Christmas work party. Yes, it's a Christmas party, but then people are just getting gadded up. It's not like, oh, if you're on the naughty list, you're going to getting gadded up like it's not like it's not like oh if you're on the naughty list you're gonna get gadded by santa it's like no it's just this is just the setting

is the movie red christmas a christmas movie yes santa is in red it's just the setting no santa's not crampus is in red christmas which is like the anti-santa is it red christmas or was it the other horror movie we watched on christmas like that's the other one damn it red christmas it's it just takes place on christmas and it's about a murderer so is that a christmas movie yeah man cletus the main character dude he's like so the die hard's a christmas movie Okay. You cannot compare Die Hard, which is iconic and everybody loves, to fucking Red Christmas that barely streams on Peacock right now, my guy. You cannot compare the two. Everybody loves Red Christmas.

Everyone that I've ever seen watch that movie has loved it. The hit rate is just 100 percent fuck die hard well no i i like the movie it's just it's not chris's movie all right whatever we need more chris's movies so we can factor it in uh fucking christmas story played like four times in the house like throughout us all hanging out this weekend yeah yo that kid's life just sucks man every time we watch the movie i'm like yo this kid's life is fucking terrible man like i know they're like that's how like the like i talked about this when i talked about home alone it's like why did that like this kid's family hates

him you know what i mean like they just overdid it at the time. Like that was like they overdid the characters. But this fucking little kid in Christmas story, his life is just garbage, man. I don't know. I think it was just I mean, I think he was just that's that's a normal kid's life in the Midwest. You get bullied. You want to be begun for Christmas. You don't know. You're you don't know.

Like your parents are like, no, you're not getting it. And then you get get it at the end that's how basically all my christmases went like oh no zach you're not getting this game boy this year i'm like oh and then my mom would be like one more present i'm like oh it's a game boy thanks mom and dad like that's exactly how the movie goes kids life way too home for zach this is why oh that's why zach hates christmas this is exactly why zach hates spending christmas christmas with his family it all adds up that's incredible oh jesus it was actually an autobiography of zach's life he's still getting the residuals from it so now it takes place in indiana like right around the the bend the lake from me.

So I relate to that on a very big level, that movie. I don't like that movie, though. I think that movie stinks. Just reminds you of home just a little bit too much. Great mashed potatoes, though, in that movie. The mashed potatoes were delicious looking. A memory that is vividly... That is up there with the top movie foods.

The pizza from the Goofy movie, the mashed potatoes from Christmas Story, and those are the only top two I can think of right now. What about the turkey from Grinch? The Big Mac from Spy Kids. That gets made with the packet that they put in the microwave, and then a Big Mac pops out. Third.

Oh, no. The nacho taco thing from Kim Possible that Ron always eats. That always looked really good sure y'all ever see no one else yo yeah no fuck that come on i was a nickelodeon boy i didn't watch any disney which speaking of all the food in good burger looks so good even the mondo burgers like the ones that like they like enhance that look just fucking huge i was like a little kid i was like i could fucking put down a mondo burger bro like i was with it but i need to do a full episode talking in that voice at some point but hey so for the viewers me and the bra guy yesterday me and the bride guy went over to another podcast crossover event that everyone's been asking for.

Our teams have been in contact for weeks now, just going through paperwork. But we went over to our niece Denise's podcast, which is called No One Knows Anything. No one knows anything on Apple podcast, Spotify. We went over there. Me andgg i got a little deep yesterday we got a little um if you if you want to hear a podcast but we're not talking about um cum and shit constantly it's a great it's a great alternative um me and bragg i got a little bit deep yesterday We talked some New Year's resolutions We talked some Marvel boyos But we wanted to just Give a big shout out over there

Thank you Denise for having us It was a great podcast honestly It was really fun It was a great change of pace from this Not that I don't enjoy this But you know It was nice But yeah we talked New Year's resolutions and if you want to hear me and brag

guys answers go give it a listen but zaddy what is your new year's resolution and do you like new year's resolutions or multiple you can give us a list if you want yeah um so i think new year resolutions are fine uh the one i to get like i'll get serious i'll get not serious uh what i'm not looking forward to is january 1st when all the gym creatures come out it sucks and they don't know how to use any i don't any of the so don't first of all don't get me wrong if you're going to the gym i applaud you it's hard to get started it's hard to set up a routine and get motivated so if you're going great but please buy some athletic shorts or some sweats don't be walking in there with jeans or cargo pants

you know put on some some nice gym you'll buy get put on some gym shoes i don't need to be seeing you in your tims your steel-toed tims doing calf raises like we don't need to see that it's not the optimal footwear to wear to a gym um i mean i think that's always always the traditional one is to is to get in shape or whatever and i i didn um i mean i think that's always the traditional one is to is to get in shape or whatever and i i didn't i think i started like working out actually like a lot when i got back from college mostly just because i didn't have anything to do i was living with my parents and i was just told myself i can't be in this house for longer otherwise my parents will kill me and i will kill my parents so we're going to the gym for an hour hour and a

half um so that was like a mid-year resolution thing but that's the one i think is the most stereotypical one and if you can do it and start it great but the gym for an hour, hour and a half. So that was like a mid-year resolution thing. But that's the one I think is the most stereotypical one. And if you can do it and start it, great. But the gym, I mean, we just need like a PBA. Like when you sign up for your LA Fitness or Export membership, they need you to give you like a list of what to wear and what not to wear. I feel like last year, January 1st, though, like, I guess, I don't know if I was at a gym. It like, since COVID is like a thing right now,

that like, I don't think that many people go back to the gym on january 1st yeah that could be people are still like kind of scared off well and with so it might be a little bit better this year with as we talked about last week uh with covid popping off right now who knows how busy specifically right now the january 1st rush is gonna be because i will say that is one of the worst fucking things and completely agree with zach like you get after it you get that fitness in and you change your life but like please don't come in and just make everyone else's life worse you know yeah no curling in the squat rack oh my god no fucking curling in the squat rack and no squatting in the curl rack seen that before too what no like the like on that like on a preacher curl no that was it was honestly like a tiktok i

think i saw and the guy was like oh you heard of you heard of curling the squat whack well i'm gonna go squat in the core oh that's good all right so so is that your resolution no that's what i just i just want to talk on what you want yeah that's my Yeah, that's my PSA to everyone who's pumped to go to the gym starting January 1st. Got it. I don't know. I feel like... So I think what I'm trying to get better at,

and I think is just a constant New Year's resolution, and we can get, I guess, minorly deep here, is to tell people... Or to tell more people more often that I appreciate them and the things they do for me without prompt without them doing anything for me right so like obviously you're pretty good yeah i get a gift thank you very much you didn't have to do that whatever but i think one of the things that is warranted and i don't care what your like love language or how you

receive like it always feels good to just hear like hey like appreciate you regardless of just you being in my life or whatever so i think i'm going to try to be better about that and just randomly reaching out to people and doing better so while i'm here i appreciate both of you you guys are good friends hey cory fuck that guy text after this yeah but cory fuck you um but i appreciate cory too uh but yeah so i think that's like one of the the small things just because especially like in times like this now with the pandemic is i think that gets lost since we're not in constant communication with people on a day to day basis uh and you can't really see it appreciation through actions it gets a little harder to be like man like you just kind of get a little lonely you know everyone's gotten lonely i

feel like and you're just you know thinking yourself like does anyone appreciate me or like does anyone value me i think there's like that constant reminder like you have to keep telling yourself like no someone's life is better for you being around and you've made impacted but i think you can do it in like a good thing by also reaching out um proactively and just letting people know randomly like hey like you guys are... Love you guys. You guys are the best. Also normalizing saying I love you to the boyos. Trying to do that more. We dabbled in this

a little bit yesterday. Love is for everybody. Everything you just said we talked about yesterday because it rings very true for everybody. I said it, and I don't mean to cut you off here, Zach, but I just... I said on Denise's pod yesterday, I'll say it again, especially right now, check in with everybody yeah i said it and i don't mean to cut you off here zach but i just i said on denise's pod yesterday i'll say it again like especially right now check in with check in with your people

make sure everyone's good like zach said tell them you love them tell them you appreciate them check on your people but keep going sorry yeah uh no i think i mean i think that's like the biggest one um so i'm gonna try to keep that more top of mind going forward. And then I'm trying to think of what else. I mean, I want to kind of gain some more mass, like muscle mass. Cultivate some mass. Cultivate some mass. Hopefully good mass.

So we're going to see. We're going to maybe go a little intense more with this cutting season we get in the summer. I might just, you know, been eating a lot of eggs lately. So I got to kind of balance my egg consumption. Don't know if it's the right amount of eggs. Also want to bake a little more. I'm big fan of, like, love baking. It's a good stress reliever for your boy.

So I bought some bananas. So I'm waiting for them to get a little brown and make some banana bread soon. You wanting to bake makes so much sense based on what your favorite Disney Channel original movie is. I just, I love, I have a KitchenAid. I think i said that before in the pod ladies have a kitchen aid um so i gotta use it so i just you know just whipping up some banana bread by the way banana bread no nuts no chocolate chips disgusting just straight bananas flour sugar eggs a little bit of sour cream gets a little bit of a tangy, a good consistency. Pop that sucker in the oven, pull it out, slather it with room temperature,

or no, like cold butter. It's got to be cold butter. I don't want to heat the banana bread up. Don't want to heat the butter up. Cold butter. I eat that. You just like a, just nom, nom, nom, nom, delicious. The best.

Ew. Give me a banana bread without the bananas in it and extra chocolate chips, and I'll be happy. That's disgusting. That's up my alley. Banana bread's the one banana thing I can actually handle. I think I've talked about this on here before. I'm big on if I can't get past the smell of something,

I can't eat it. And so banana's the smell. I don't know what the smell does to me, but it just makes me upset. Love banana bread. I can house some banana bread and i don't know i don't know where where the disconnect is but i can fuck around with some banana bread i'll make you guys the worst all right so thanks daddy i appreciate it let's let. Oh, also, gain a girlfriend. Zach's going to have to. That'd be lit. Oh. Ooh.

Zach's trying to settle down. I'm 27. I got, my sperm count is only going down from here. I think I reached the apex on the mountain. He's at 19 million.

He's lower. Exactly, yeah. He's down to 15 million or whatever. Yeah, just reached the apex of it. I mean, you go through phases. Like right now,

we're in personality. We're in kind of cuffing season. We're in like the midst of cuffing season so and then i bet once summer hits you know i'll be back like i've been singles great and then it's just a vicious cycle so someone's got to trap me in their net at the right time you just never let me go i gotta be with like misery you ever seen misery with like james khan yeah sometimes i just break my legs and just keep me in their house forever so I can't leave. All right. All strong-willed,

very physically also strong women who could break Zach's legs. To recap my resolutions. One, randomly tell people you appreciate them more through text or through calling. And also call people. I love FaceTiming. FaceTime people. We love to see your face. FaceTime people. We love a FaceTime. We love, we stand FaceTimes. Yes. Tell people you appreciate them. FaceTime people. We love, we stay in FaceTimes. Yes.

Tell me what you appreciate them. Zach wants to cultivate more in the mass, make more bread, and then find a girlfriend or find someone to basically, a girl would kidnap me and never let me go. That's love, baby. I love that you went third person for your second and third resolution.

That's right. All right. So Zach's going to start a baking show for the podcast this year and then also a dating show for Zach. We'll have to figure it out. That'll be good. We'll have people call in like the dating game.

Yeah, there we go. And we'll ask them some prompts. It'll be like Stockholm Syndrome, the dating game, where like I bake for my captor. That eventually you love them. Exactly, that I love them. Exactly. That I love them.

Oh, also, hey, speaking of the new year, just for all the viewers, a little sneak peek. Things are going to start changing a little bit around here. We're going to get a little more organized, okay? This dating game thing, it might actually happen, okay? Whoa, whoa, what's this? Just keep your ears out, okay? Keep your ears open okay keep keep your

ears i don't even know what's going on sloppy janes but uh the boyos in the new year we're gonna get a little bit more organized okay so just uh stay tuned some tricks up our sleeves exactly i like that you're teasing this because it's gonna force us to actually have to do stuff i know that's part of why i did it because i was like all right well if i put it out there our our friends and family that listen are gonna give a shit if we don't do it so yeah we uh we have some things planned for the after our 52nd episode oh yeah it's after the year which is what we're at 47 now jesus 47 only a couple weeks left so uh zach was talking about significant others i have a rant slash question slash statement we should have insignificant others you know like on facebook you can put your family members

and people you're in a relationship with i want to be able to list enemies and people that like i have a feud with like i want that to be public so we can like just really like really, really get into it. Like, celebrities are just, like, people in your life. I feel like that could get pretty hostile pretty quick. People you personally know. Like, there has to be some limits. Like, every relationship. Enemies? I don't have any.

How many enemies do you have? I feel like I have zero enemies. It's my true enemies. It's my New Year's resolution to make more enemies. Just really got gotta mix things up i want people coming for me from left and right that i have to like watch my back more you know it keeps me on my toes i think this is one of the stupidest ideas that's on this podcast give us an enemy right now you've been thinking about this so much who's who's one and two

or give us give us however many joel. Joel Copeland. Sixth grade. No, fifth grade. Sorry, eighth grade. I talked about him before. Yeah, I think I tried to organize you two in a boxing match, if I remember correctly. Oh, yeah. Easily Joel Copeland. Cat called our English teacher and made us have the worst football practice I've ever had in my life.

And he didn't own up to it. So he's enemy number one. Enemy number two,el copeland in high school he would go around at lunch and go to every single person go get done with that and you're like i'm actively eating my lunch man yeah i'm not done with it yet he's like all right and go to the next person hey you just try to steal your food nothing wrong with that he asked you didn't steal it yeah i don't know that no he was actually preventing waste stuff to preventing waste yeah and i'm sure he got food for people enemy number three joel copeland also in high school he was okay this is this is turned into burns just trying to call somebody out on the podcast

that's all that's all this is i said i wanted a insignificant other man it's just the one on top of mind so he like i should stop at this point but either way he's he's number one on the list i don't like uh number two quimbo there we go there's two people i don't like so like i wouldn't i don't like this for just calling out like one specific person like i don't i want him to make me better i'm picturing and i know this like you said facebook i'm picturing myspace like top 10 friends like just fucking top 10 bottom 10 yeah people I don't fuck with the most. It's, like, dude, I was your top five most hated person.

Now I'm number three. Like, what did I do? Like, I just like the, like, the reverse. Like, that's, like, the, it's, like, a fucking multiverse thing right there. It's, like, in another world. Like, MySpace is top enemies. It would have messed with your head so much. But, like.

It's definitely huge formable. It's, but, like much but like it's definitely i don't huge formable it's but like okay it's not i don't think it would i mean yeah people like ganged up on somebody yeah but like if you were like hypothetically if you were just having an issue with somebody and you just like put their face on your profile and someone texts you be like yo why did you like or they would text the other person yo permaun is insignificant other spot you gotta fucking text him like that actually would be hilarious but like i would want that for like i want that for like groups on facebook you know what i mean like like oh like what like so like you know how there's groups on facebook where

people like like you join groups like like your whole like high school class or something like that so like i would like it for like like oh like like cycle group through dc or some shit like that like people that like talk about going on bike rides or dc y'all are all on my insignificant other list fuck all of you and then that way it's not that way it's not one singular person and it's just like it's a group this group of people like i want all the fucking smoke fuck all of you i would fucking i would drive on the fucking potomac potomac river trail and just mow all of you down if i fucking could they all just okay just just to preface it just through dc they all think they're lance

fucking armstrong and they're all just fucking tucked into their bike going through like, they're on sidewalks and shit, man. Like, I'm just walking. Get the fuck out of here. Get your schwinn out of my fucking face, my guy. Sorry. I digress. I just picture you driving past your dad and mom biking, just like flicking them off.

Just like, no idea that it's actually them my parents are huge for the viewers my parents are huge cyclists they love riding their bicycles um but they so they like they go to places where they know it's not crazy so they go like they will from their house drive two hours to these trails that are over near like ocean city maryland that are wide open and they'll go out there you know why because it's not fucking washington dc like it's not a fucking busy city with confusing ass streets like cyclists get fucked buddy but um but yeah i would like to i would like to take i would want to smoke from like a full group you know what i mean just like full out just generalize like i I hate all. Oh, mm.

Yep. I was going to say, you can't do a group. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Okay. Cancel. Terrible idea. From Whoville.

Oh, okay. Yeah. This is a terrible, this is a terrible fucking idea. Okay. This is a PR nightmare. Zach, who's your insignificant other? I don't have any any i don't think i understand what the term like enemies means it sounds like a lot of work and a lot of hassle on my end just to put someone's name down that i don't i don't unless if you they killed a member of my family or hurt them severely i don't think i would have any enemies i don't really have

any enemies you don't have any people you slightly dislike yeah but like not enough to make them like insignificant other that is such a mean thing to say to someone not not like hey you stink hey i hate you you're insignificant meaning i don't even consider your existence i would like like like i would like to be able like make my own groups, and I would like to put other people in groups, and then that would be my – I would put – because the group posts way too long Facebook – people that post way too long Facebook statuses. No one's going to actually join that group, but I would love to put people in that group and then make that my insignificant other or put like just fucking would they get make it make a group would they get make a group just called bigots and then just put anybody who i think is in there and just like hey welcome to the group baby you earned it but are they notified they're in this yes oh my god that'd be so fucking

good so you can you can make i don't know if you can still do it on twitter but you can make little like groups on twitter and i think people didn't realize like people knew when they were put into that like group because you like just organize your friends it was like in like middle school someone added me to a group of like soccer friends i was like dude i've never played soccer i don't know what you think I'm part of this for, but it was like some kid from my like middle school. So I don't think having them notified they're in the groups. Oh, I think it'd be unbelievable.

Yo, that makes me think, have you seen these things on Twitter? It's like, who approved this idea? But it's like the groups where you can go in and a bunch of people are just like live talking about stuff. It's like kind of like an open like discord server,

but it's for specific things someone posted it was like the it was like people were talking about like the bangles playing the raiders or something and like the beginning of the football season and so there's like 60 people in this and someone's just ranting about the raiders offensive line and then there's some chick in there who's literally just masturbating, literally just like over the mic, just fucking masturbating. And he's like, like she's moaning and shit.

And this guy's in the background. Just like, yeah, like they really need to get rid of him. Like he's been such a, he's been such a liability at left guard. And you just hear this girl just going to town. It's like,

who thought this would be a good idea? Like who was like, yeah, we're just going to approve this. There's not going to be any problem with who thought this would be a good idea like who was like yeah we're just gonna approve this there's not gonna be any problem with this on twitter so chaotic uh you so safe moon does them all the time you can control who like can talk so that's on them for just saying anybody can turn their mic on because that's a mess another another one of my insignificant others would just be anybody who's in like the safe moon facebook group like insignificant whoa whoa catch these hands i'm one of your insignificant others no i'm trying to give you investment advice so i'm looking out for you okay burns

is close to a significant other as i have right now burns all right whatever it's my like my if i'm doing zach's new year's resolution kidding getting a girl to just break like break me down and hold me hostage that's burned for me i'll break you down i might hold you hostage but i'll break i've been thinking about it i might just that was partially a joke but i might start using that pickup line be like oh like what are you looking for like i'm looking for the plot of Misery. I want... Might attract the wrong kind of people. Oh, 100%. It'll keep it interesting.

I'll either be like, well, no, because he was a really famous writer and he made a lot of money afterwards, I feel like, so I would either hopefully escape and then I can make a lot of money and become famous afterwards. So foolproof plan when you really...

And I could put the person who kidnapped me as an insignificant other because they kidnapped me that full circle there it is call in with your insignificant others yeah i want to hear your insignificant others i want to hear who you would have as your insignificant other on social media in the description of every episode there is a link you can call in to leave us a message be part of the show ask us a question do anything like that leave us a review on apple podcasts raise five stars on apple or spotify and come back next week love you