It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 48: The XLB, Russian Roulette, and Saber Beers

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

Ruxx is out this week but Zak, Cory, and Bryan pick up the slack talking about best ways to open a beer, their choice of walk out song for Baseball, and whether they would donate sperm. Good ol' grab bag episode this week full of random topics. Rate us 5 stars and leave a review on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on Social Media! and Find Other Places to Listen!

uh but so if you're gonna bang a cork bottle up against the wall or a wine bottle up against the wall are you gonna are you gonna are you like stopping once it like i've never done this so do you stop and then it's like out a little bit and you just like twist it off or you just keep going and it like shoots off like i don't because if he shoots off there's just gonna be wine all over the floor yeah that's no stop i I'm assuming your natural common sense instincts trigger at that point, and you're like, yeah, let me just pull this cork out and not let it ricochet across the wall. Why don't you just slam it on a counter instead of a wall?

So it doesn't pour out. I've just only seen people slam it against the wall. Yeah, all right. You've got some crazy friends then. Wall, curling iron I've seen a straight up lighter yeah lighter but the lighter i've seen like it's just like demolishing the glass like and then it's just like i've seen like the top is like the wine is like bubbling it's like clearly the wine's getting hot quick quick tier list um of three different ways to open types of alcohol. Your butthole.

One, saber on the champagne bottle. Two, when you have two beer bottles next to each other, one slightly underneath. And you kick it. Kick it and it pops off. And, oh man, hold on. I had a good third one. Oh, just straight like shotgunny like stone cold

like shotgun in a beer what about wedding ring and you put it underneath wedding ring this is my tier list you cannot add anything to it those are the three i'm going official i'm just going special mentions what was the first one you said three that was too much for my tiny brain. Saber to the champagne bottle. That's pretty cool because that means you've got a saber. We should start bringing swords to tailgates and just popping everything open. You could do it on a beer bottle too, right? It's the same thing. It's just slightly smaller.

Yeah. Beer. You just do it with a knife. You just do it with like a knife. Yeah. No, but bring us full saber. It would be cooler. Your tailgate truck. Kick one because that is just more

feasible like i'm not i guess to brian's point i'm typically not bringing a saber to my tailgate so like i'll go i know we're gonna make it happen yeah yeah i've got my foot to most i bring my feet most tailgates so that's one for me because i was at least one of them at least one of them so yeah you kick it open so like you put you put the one top of the bottle like underneath the other one and then you like oh let's still use another bottle yeah was that a stipulation you're not just like raw dogging it with your foot that'd be you just said you're gonna kick it open i just you kick you kick the bottle underneath and it like pops it open you know like the tiktok where they like go to like spin kick something and they kick off like yeah bottle yeah yeah i was picturing that i mean that

would be one if i could do that but also if i could do that that would be a twist top and then i would just twist it and take it off but this is the cooler way to do it. Okay, okay. One kick, two saber, three shotgun, because Z-Boy does not shotgun. Anymore? You retired? I mean, I barely ever did. Can't retire if you never started, my guy. I'm not going to retire from the NFL if I've never been in the NFL, you know?

See, for the dramatic flair of it, I like the shotgun that goes everywhere, and then you immediately go see for the dramatic flair of it i like the shotgun that goes everywhere and then you immediately go into the chugging aspect of it but if it's just a if it's a lame kind of like tempered shotgun it's not as cool although that does have its place when you're not trying to get everyone else wet but i i tend to agree cory that would probably be my rankings as well i'll slam beers next to each other and like have them explode everywhere and maybe we get like two percent of corey i'll do that because i was 316 that's just that's just like that's just for entertainment and i'm here for the entertainment

that's true dude i i stay awake at night sometimes thinking about what my wwe entrance would be with all your sleeping problems you've talked about, I'm not surprised. So what have you figured out? I feel like you've had enough time to pick a song. So if I'm going like,

I feel like you can either go the spooky route or the hype route. And I would definitely go the hype fireworks route. I would definitely, I was a big fan of the Ultimate Warrior who would just run

out of the arena right to the ring. It doesn't give you a lot of time to interact with the fans, but I always thought that was kind of cool. But I did like the Macho Man's tassels on the bottom of his sleeves. Big sucker for tassels. On the bottom of his nipples. Yeah, I've, like, it's like, oh, this this might actually be we could probably maybe save this actually no it's great we'll do it right now um i'll think of another topic this kind of goes along to like your like the wrestling thing or if you were playing baseball what would your like

walkout song or if you were a closer what would your closer song be as they call you from the pen my walkout song is just the iphone default alarm just to really annoy everybody just have everyone feel like they're in a dream and they need to wake up and this isn't real just really mess with everyone's heads think about as a pitcher if that's your alarm in the morning and you hear that every time playing some mind games man but like you would also be coming out to that every single time like you don't you i get annoyed when i hear the alarm i'm at home i just put it on for an hour straight every day that's part of my training regimen just really get it ingrained in my head that that's i bet batting

practice headphones in i'm just playing the alarm the entire time all right it's just in i'm going i'm going with bry on brian's track i'm gonna go the 60 minutes theme song just the ticking of the clock dude that'd be kind of intense if you were a closer like exactly like and then you hear the and like everybody's silent like ninth inning it's just the taking that'd be kind of hard your boy shows up yeah i think this is it oh yeah i hate it you just angered millions of people across the world i would either go like a smooth like one for 95 with that or like have a nice 10 era as a closer with that entry music like no one would fear him coming out i played like a pickup game of like softball or whatever underhand pitch baseball in like 10th grade with like scouts at one point i'm so bad

i'm the most uncoordinated person i swung so hard missed so bad every time they're just like just take first base i was like all right man thanks i'll see you over there did you try keeping your eye on the ball dude i haven't played baseball since that day and then before that day it was my last day of coach pitch which is like first grade so you played baseball for like one day pretty much my dad was the coach and he pitched and we had a kid on our team who was blind in one eye and my dad did not throw the ball where he needed to go ever because like you if you're blind in one eye and like it's the eye facing the pitcher you could only see like the far side of the plate so you have to put it out there every single time my

dad did not he hit that kid so many times it was not good i yes yeah so hold on which which way did he hit like was his eye his good eye closer i would assume his good eye has got to be closer to the picture it was his bad eye was closer i, that's a tough way to start out Little League. That's what I'm saying. But, like, I felt so bad. Couldn't play anymore after that. Was he blind before your dad pitched to him? Did your dad cause it?

Brian's dad was just underhand pitching to everyone, and then this kid comes up, and he just winds up and just whips a 60-mile-an-hour front right to this kid's dome oh no my dad is not in jail because you would definitely go away for a very long time for that depends if he was like alibi yeah he had to back him on he's on your team you're supposed to be giving you an easy pitch. Keith Mayberry comes in in the ninth inning. The TikTok's going on. All the kids are cowering in the corner. He just beans this kid in the eye.

Oh, it would be so bad. Yeah. So I would say for mine, I'd probably do Gimme Gimme Gimme a Man After Midnight by Abba. Like, just hit the chorus as I walk up. I just feel like that would be... Get the whole stadium going. It would be electric. That would be pretty good.

You need something the crowd can sing along to, I feel like. That's why Wild Thing in Major League is such a great walkout song. And it also gives you a reason just to be a terrible pitcher because you're just following the rules of the song. You can't come out to Wild Thing and have pinpoint accuracy it's true so i would say you play the whole song just really milk that walk out from the bullpen just flap the entire stadium everyone makes like a straight line

for the mound no just all the way around high five every fan is that illegal i read nothing about the crab walk from the from the are you guys sprinting or running out of the bullpen if you're a closer i am 100 sprinting you know those goofy little like uh tricycles that they have for the seventh inning stretch like the the races i'm hopping on that that That's a great call. I was thinking a vehicle as well. But to really go with... I need something just really confusing because of the alarm. So I'm going to get a car, but the car at Universal Studios

where they do the stunt driving stuff. Oh, I thought you were going to say the People Mover. You're going to have a tour guide bring you all the way to the... Even it's the car from there though where the steering wheel is in the back of the car so they can it looks like they're driving backwards really well where they're really just driving a car normally so i'll just drive out on the field just do a bunch of donuts completely destroy the field move all the bases around then i get to pitch they have to run a lot further because the bases aren't in the same spot anymore it's all part of the plan that's why you have the alarm as your like walk-up song or

whatever because everybody's just like pissed off that you're coming onto the field they're just focused on that and they just won't be able to figure it out i feel like i have to play in like the xmlb though for these rules to actually work i'll make it happen oh like oh like like the extreme the xfl the xlb that's what you gotta call it sorry okay xlb extreme league baseball um it's like it's indoor and you can catch it off the wall but if it hits two walls it's worth double if it lands on the ground you know i gotta change up the rules make some things up streakers are welcome yeah they become part of the game yeah last baseball thing and then we can awkwardly transition um i there was a thing i don't know if you guys saw a while ago pita came out and stopped wanted

to stop calling it the bullpen because apparently i know but they gave a fire replacement and wanted to call it the arm barn which is an electric replacement and i kind of like that like i think pita's a little over the top sometimes a lot of the times actually but if they're gonna provide fire recommendations for improvements i'm all for it could you imagine be like now warming up in the arm barn is this i'd be so hyped they're taking the stance of just like your milk man making thing every making things just so much better instead of like complaining they're just gonna be like we have these bomb recommendations just take them we're just gonna be like so much better

no yeah because peter always just says don't do something they don't say do this instead yeah give us an option i'm all about it i don't know anything about baseball. I don't care about tradition. Change it now. Where's the GoFundMe for that page, Zach? I'd like to find it. I don't know who the money would go to, though. I don't think anyone needs any money for it. It's to bribe the commissioner to actually do it.

Yeah, that's what it is. But also, rule two that we're going to implement after that, all uniforms are made out of 100 fur just to really spite pita just be like we did what you said but to make up for the lack of animal abuse you every single xf xlb team is xlb xlb is um their mascot is an actual animal and then when you beat that team you skin that animal and you can take it 162 games in the season it's gonna be a long season what if it's an animal what if it's like a crayfish how do you how do you how do you skin a crayfish you could take a shell off a shrimp i mean they got they got exoskeletons you just have after every single game against that team,

everybody just has like, what's it called? Like the Louisiana barbecue. It's like a shrimp boil. Yeah, that shrimp boil. Shrimp boil. After every single game. Instead of tailgating, people are doing that outside the stadium after. But not for non-shrimp boil related animals as well?

I'm picking an endangered animal for my team's mascot. Is this a counter-practice of every team in the XLB that we have to have a shrimp boil no matter what the mascot animal is? Here come the Minnesota Polar Bears. Let's hope they don't lose that many games this season. They're used to the warm temperatures due to global warming, but not that high. They're playing the Houston Humans this week, and i really am rooting for one team over the other

pick a lucky fan from the stadium to be the mascot for each week but we'd only have them play on which day brian uh hold on i don't have it ready wednesday it is wednesday my dudes welcome back to another episode of it's wednesday my dudes episode 48 rooks is out he's uh volunteering at a strip club but uh cory's back hello everybody zach's here you think you think rooks makes it hail instead of makes it rain and just throws change at the strippers instead of dollar bills no so he takes his dollar bills goes to chuck e cheese gets tokens and then comes back and then throws tokens at them he's actually supporting two businesses then so exactly for him it's more small business volunteering though can you please

explain what volunteering in a strip club is that's. That's what threw me off a little bit. So just in case one of the strippers, dancers, sorry, dancers need some more time in the back to get ready and there's a slot open for them to kill time, he gets to fill in, go out on stage, and do his act. Now, it's more of like a sock puppet ventriloquist kind of act, but he's also on a pole at the same time. He's like, you know when you get sushi

and they have the pickled ginger there? He's the pickled ginger because they're supposed to eat that to cleanse your palate. So he's what comes out and we're like, oh goodness, don't want that. Really can't wait for the next adult female performer to come out. I mean, honestly, I don't think it's a bad idea just to be like it gives you some perspective you know it's like it could be a group of all yeah well if you're

like in a if you're in a photo with a bunch of really good looking people you're gonna look worse but if you're in a photo with a bunch of really ugly looking people i'll step in here i don't know if rox is gonna like that analogy well we're saying purely he's not a woman, right? I guess. Yeah. We didn't specify what kind of strip club. We didn't specify the kind of strip club either. That's fair.

Are there co-ed strip clubs where just like anybody goes on stage? I feel like the market's not big enough for people who would enjoy a co-ed strip club okay we'll keep that one in the tank for a while you're kind of getting close to like no because it's just it's dancing it's not a sex thing i was gonna say that's like that's like an orgy my guy yeah because i feel like i feel like the i feel like the bisexual like demographic isn't that i don't know what the statistics are i don't know if you can people like who reports to be bisexual, but I bet it's not as big as... Right?

You're going to check the census? Yeah. Jamie, check the stats. We were mentioning small businesses. So is the strip club itself is a small business? Is the individual dancer also a small business contractor entrepreneur entrepreneur so okay but you're supporting basically two equivalent

small businesses slash entrepreneurs at the same time so honestly you can support a lot of small businesses at one time do you think small business saturday do you think they have specials on strip clubs they should right i feel like there's just a special every day on a strip club though to be honest it's the only time you get handed those little cards i think it's like when you go to the involvement fair college there's a lot of booths you're just supporting different clubs but it's all but like you're in one venue you know and they're hosting true so dancers are clubs no in that analogy they are i'm not saying that they are because they have job fairs i guess that's getting into recruiting though

not a sound analogy um this one's falling apart i like i like my how's your week brian oh thanks for asking cory uh just got to see spider-man again great around the second time but we're sitting there watching the previews like before i was like man why is there captions for this trailer that's so weird the movie starts there's captions for the entire movie i didn't realize that's like a thing like i worked in a movie theater i definitely knew it was a thing but like i've never accidentally bought a ticket where there's captions at a real movie theater and i hated it because of how big a movie screen is that like it takes up so much room and movies are so loud that you don't need captions like i understand people who are hard of hearing need them cool

got it but like i can hear fine even cory should be fine he kind of can't really hear very well what so that was a surprise but anyways go see spider-man uh new year's eve stayed up till 11 58 and then said it wasn't worth it and went to bed because i just i wasn't watching the ball drop. You didn't see Andy Cohen get schmacked? Schmacked like drunk or schmacked like hit? It was a hit on himself, like drunk. No, I didn't, and I don't want to. Pretty entertaining. All right.

Wasn't it Pete Davidson and Miley Cyrus? That was a different show show which we also tuned into which was what you would expect so okay yeah i didn't want to see that so i went to bed it was great um finished watching all of you season three so i binged that in like five days great show uh i didn't like season three as much as the other ones though yeah just saying and people told me season three was the best so people are stupid it's just everybody i think we don't have to we won't get in the whole thing i just think they're just getting into the whole uh walking dead thing like they just have the same problem it happens again and

then they solve it and then they move on like well he's like a main like girl character in it i won't say names if people aren't caught up i feel like she's very different from what she was before like her character changed a lot and that was kind of strange um but i don't know we'll see season four is in paris that's not really a spoiler it's just at the very end so uh that'll be interesting. Do you see, do you guys know the show Emily in Paris on Netflix?

Yeah, but I have not watched it. I believe it's actually, the official title is Emily in Paris. Emily in Paris. I think that's the official title because I wanted it to rhyme.

Which I actually hate that show. I actually read that somewhere. Yeah. There was like a mention of you in that show. Like a small Easter egg egg so people are saying

there's gonna be a crossover and he's gonna end up going killing her which would be sick so my prediction for season four or at least hope is he goes and kills emily it'll be great um and then i spent like the rest of new year's weekend just like cleaning out my apartment and i have six bags of like crap i don't need that i put in my car to give to Goodwill so I'll rate my week six bags of useless stuff sounds like a positive to me dude I did that too I can pivot to my weekend so I also cleaned out like a full bag's worth of clothes people out there if you're listening you have a lot of stuff if you're stressed if you need to need a way to de-stress, get nothing cold. It's cold outside in most places.

Clean out your closet. Go through the old rule of thumb. If you haven't worn the clothes in a year, year and a half, you're probably never going to wear them. Put them in a nice bag. Do it in a good will. Someone else can use them. The best, like a top three stress reliever I have is cleaning out my closet and getting rid of clothes i don't know how anybody can be a hoarder i really don't but i mean did you count having like 35 plain white t-shirts as hoarding or just

a sound investment i mean i feel like that's another topic i feel like also those you can't really donate those you should just throw away uh yeah no those ones i get rid of them when they're like yellow and full of holes so i'm not gonna put that you should donate those you want them cooper i'll take them zach how's the rest of your week it was great. I did my recently new tradition of not really celebrating New Year's Eve, which was fun. I don't like New Year's Eve. I think it stinks. I went out to this. Oh, yeah, buddy.

New Year's Eve is. I didn't even know. I was just talking with some friends and I turned to the TV and I was and I saw I was, you know, oh, it's midnight or it was like, oh, it's 1202. And we didn't like count down or anything. I don't know. Just another day. Everything, I feel like I'm sounding like Brian.

Everything's more expensive. You just basically can go to a bar for $100, a bar that you go to the normal to that was free and it's more crowded and you can't get a drink and it's less fun. Are the bars in Chicago not usually like all you can drink on new year's i mean they are but you're paying like by the time you get you're probably getting the same amount of drinks for a hundred dollars as you do at night right it's just because of the

time it takes to get there how crowded it is i don't know maybe you're getting a couple more for i don't know but anyway i mean i didn't do i didn't do nothing i got with friends and then at around 12 30 we kind of we did kind of wander around to some bars shout out the baby food slap aka the girthwood fap aka the buttwood gap oh aka what it's actually called the burwood tap but we call it by those other three names um all those other names are so much better i know i know that's why i usually use one of those um yeah uh yeah it was nice and then saturday we went uh hung out with some more friends we went to this called it's called the basement but it's spelled b-a-s-s basement night spot in uh state college basement night spot basement night spot i don't know is this a

penn state shout out yes penn state thing okay there's a club the club like the quote unquote club they're called indigo change his name to basement night spot which is the worst name they could have possibly came up with you should have just done to another color like another variation of blue slash purple that had been like aquamarine yeah or something i'm going to aquamarine tonight or just aqua aqu Aqua would be sick. It wouldn't be bad. It's better than basement night spot. Yeah, so it was nice.

It's a little bougier, but it was a fire band playing. And we got a table. Some 40-year-old women tried to dance with us. I'm also terrible realizing that judging age of people,

especially women. You could be any age from 18 to 40, and I won't know. It is any age. Well to 40, and I won't know. It is any age. Well, 40 is pretty high. Dude, I don't know. With all the technology they got going on, all the face technology, I don't think 40 is too aggressive.

Face technology is not in person, though. If they're on Instagram, sure, they have some filters. Botox. Can you tell me Botox isn't face technology? I guess. Look at their elbows, man. See how wrinkly those bad boys are? The elbows are the first to go, man.

The elbows and the knees. Well, yeah. Kind of hard to stare at someone's knees in public more than elbows. You should try harder. That's all Zach stares at. I drop my glasses. Okay. Yeah, I need life to be a permanent like um either age you need like one of those glow wrist filter to like just just let me know like i need i need every every facet of life needs to have that like if you're in between the age of like every five

years they just give you a different color yep yep starting with 18 i'm on board with that because you don't have a bracelet you're under 18 and then i don't know if there's that many colors though can we do that many colors for five year increments starting at 18 all the way up to like all you need is like up to like 50 right that's true you're not you're just you're just doing shades of colors and zack's still just confused all different shades of like black to white and gray. They're just different shades. And Zach's just like, oh my god. But yeah, so we went to that bar that was fun. And then Sunday just got ready for the week, man.

Ready for the grind. Worst day of the year was yesterday. Nah. Best day of the year. Did you do any work at work yesterday or was it just emails? Now it was just emails. It was just safe, but great day.

Didn't do much. Um, but yeah, no, it was good. I'm going to get my weekend for banana bread loaves cause I made four today and I gave two of away. I've got two today.

Yeah. I baked him today. Where, how long are those two going to you i think i'm gonna freeze one and the this other one will probably last me to the weekend i'm in i'm surprised i thought you'd be like three days max for both of them so four loaves like jesus right. And the fishes. How's my week? All right. Thanks, Corey. How's your week? I was getting there. So I wasn't here last week.

I have a couple comments on last week's pod that I'll get to. But went back to New York for Christmas. Pretty low key. Hung out with the family. Nothing much there of note. Came back. Took like three days off got to celebrate the birthday 28 with claire downtown so we just did a nice like restaurant lunch a birthday which i definitely remembered came back and uh hung out like i like older people birthdays. It's just like a day of nothing.

I'm okay with that. So did that. Got my couch in, finally. It took six months. And immediately went out, bought a 65-inch TV. Your boy was a potato this weekend. It was glorious.

I felt the couch. It's great. Very comfy very comfy fits about three people so everyone fly in there's a place for you three six foot something people my guy fully sprawled out i'm working i'm working five eight on a good day over here so we do a live podcast from that couch specifically maybe we should don't all right put in the books new year new us all right uh but did that and then we went out to to your point zach about like uh like hating nye and not hating but not wanting to go out to the bars and do all that we did the most grown-up thing of all and we did a steakhouse dinner so we like went to a nice restaurant had a steak dinner and like drinks

and went home played board games and like said yay it's midnight and then said goodbye it was a good it was good it's like the perfect uh way to celebrate in my opinion crush a bottle of champagne it was a good time um rating what rating uh i was gonna say 65 inches winky face it's a solid rating it's pretty big it's the perfect size actually i think same i think trim the bushes around the outside i'll make it look bigger exactly and that's what i did around the tv um i have some comments though about last week they're short they're just i don't think anyone zach get going on what i'm gonna i'm gonna keep yeah i don't think anyone reigns this podcast and rooks is claimed yet i heard i heard him talk about the term tilt angle and went into depth about a tummy bib, which I did research.

There is a belly bib, which is the exact opposite of a tummy bib. It's to cover your stomach when you're pregnant and you don't want to get food on your belly. That is literally the opposite. Yeah. So complete opposite directions. And then my last comment was uh one of my favorite things brian immediately picking that he would kill himself before hearing the other options of how to die in titanic it was well like all the options you die it's just but like zach zach

just saying okay you have three you have like, he, he told you there's multiple options. He just goes, all right, option one, you shoot yourself in the head. Brian, you're out of nowhere. Yes. That one. Tough week. Look, last week was great.

No, you guys talk through it. Like there was a chance you were going to get out alive where the very beginning, the premise was choose how you're going to die. In my head, I didn't want to have any hope. I just wanted to know, all right, what's the least painful way? So I stand by that decision. Corey, do you want to rank how you're going to die? It's gun to the head, crushed by the falling thing, or drown in the ice. I would say so.

Or get stuck inside the ship there's four yeah so i don't remember aren't two of those like drowned freeze or drown that's that's the difference between yeah okay yeah pretty much i would say i would say uh i agreed with rooks where it's like you're trying to get out so like like i'm not immediately gonna grab the gun but like he all like nobody ever said like when do you pull the trigger on the gun? So I'm thinking it's, like, I would. Pocket that bad boy. Yeah.

I would. I guess with that logic, I have to go that one as one because it's, like, at any point I could just be, like, this isn't working. Just be, like, blap. It's not like somebody just. What if you have the gun and you're like holding out for as long as possible. Because you have like an optimistic point of view. You're like, I think I can survive this. You're in the water.

You've managed to keep the gun like dry. And then you go to kill yourself and you fumble the gun and it drops and falls into the ocean i i have confidence i would keep that thing close and clean and i would not drop it in the one time i need it um yeah i think i'm i think i'm popping myself in the head but not before trying the whole like trying the full way and then to the whole like freaking engine thing plopping on me whatever that means i got kind of far and then like i just wouldn't want to freeze in draft like that seems so slow and like yeah yeah but easy i'll just be i'll just like give the gun to rose and be like

yo keep that on that on that door because you got a lot of room up there you know like keep it up there keep it dry and then like once you start to see my eyes drop back a little bit because i'm like chilly over here like black black you know so all you're doing is making yourself almost freeze to death and then and cory's like i want to do both of them no no i'll get my leg crushed by the ship i'm gonna freeze in the water a little bit swallow some water and then she's gonna shoot me in the head just get them all i'll polar bear plunge all right i'll do it i'll hop in there quick polar bear plunge and then and then give it like maybe five minutes i'll be like this isn't working just do it like here you go jack the ship's not going down yet you don't have to be in the water the code was good guys come on the code to my

safety deposit box is and then just blop blop two two though to make sure i'm dead well glad glad oh you know no one ever mentioned taking the gun faking your own death and then stealing a lifeboat Blah, blah. Two, two, though. Two. Make sure I'm dead. Little glat, glat. Oh. You know? No one ever mentioned taking the gun, faking your own death, and then stealing a lifeboat. Or, yeah. Is that an option? No, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Robbing the lifeboat.

Yeah. That was the loophole that we didn't think of. All right. Option one. Take the gun. Murder everybody on the ship. Then there's an excess amount of lifeboats. We're saying, like, eight bullets?

Six. Isn't there six in our chamber for Russian roulette? I'm going to find a common gun. When did the Titanic sink? Was that an 1800th event? I think 2010. It was right after Toxic by Britney Spears came out.

I remember being in sophomore year of high school. 1912. They had muskets back then. They did not have muskets back then. No, I'm finding the... Is 1912 before World War I? No.

World War I... Did it start in 1914? It have it might be just before yeah all right so they had like legitimate guns then yeah feed system eight round magazine looks like at this gun that was okay all right so like just open up shop and you got an excess amount of life boats you're saving lives at that point you're just making it easy there's no decisions there's just no decisions left it's just no decisions left. It's just like, hey, there's no panic. Since there's a lot of rich people there,

you take all the lifeboats with your gun, start charging them to get on the lifeboats, and then you start a small little business. A lifeboat business. Oh, and if it's Saturday, you're supporting local businesses. Your own marriage or business. Could you imagine a guy with the gun and he's just like all right everyone bang bang welcome to zach's lifeboat business charged is ten dollars to get on sales are going just wasted

two bullets right there man you can't shoot those in the air you gotta get the people's attention there's a lot of chaos brian jack messed up you know how they did like romeo and juliet and they remade it with leonardo dicaprio but it's like modern and they have guns and stuff we should remake titanic but it's a modern and also leonardo is there again but he has guns everybody's on a carnival cruise yes so much. It's during the COVID pandemic. It would be a little. Everyone gets sick. It would be a less, less of a romance, more of a, what would it be?

I'm thinking like Spring Breakers mixed with the Titanic. Yeah. That's just, yeah, that's just accurate. The heat. I'm all on board. Fair enough. Well, what are your grab bag topics topics today because today we have no topics the topic is randomness the topic is we all brought something i have three i have one quick thing uh did you see that there's a new code variant today

so we're all gonna die um my next quick thing is did you know, or this is kind of like a thought to ponder. Since hot dogs are basically pureed meat stuffed inside animal intestine, a hot dog doesn't necessarily stop. Being a hot dog, after you eat it, we just become the new hot dog casings. And that makes us, in a way, a hot dog. Thoughts? Okay, it's a thought-based experiment i just i read that i was like is that your question because i could just say yes no that's okay that was my quick one i like the idea of being a hot dog it sounds sexual and i'm into that hot dog all right

all right my real one is i was talking with some friends and wrong you don't have friends next question um i needed to know what you guys were thinking on if a friend came to you and asked you to be their sperm donor would you say yes how close is this yeah how close is this oh i heard spread i was like what plus seven um but yeah that's the thing like you have to be really close to them obviously but like it's not gonna be some random friend from elementary school that's like hey i you signed my yearbook and said hags so like give me your child second question um are they asking me because they like want want their kid to look like half of me or do they have issue reproducing yeah so it's generally like maybe they are in a same sex couple or they can't like they have some disease

or issue or something like that okay so they're single and they just want to have a kid because if honestly if they were like yo zach i just really want my kid to look be half of you i'd be flattered as hell and i'd be like hell yeah brother here you go i mean or sister even if they that's what i was gonna say is like it's a huge compliment anyways even if like they it's not just purely because they want them to look like you they still have to factor that in of like, this person, the child's going to look half like this person. Okay, I've got the answer.

Go ahead. Yes, with the condition that, with all of my conditions, if this son and or daughter turns out to make oogles of money, I need some kickback. I need to be some sort of guardian where I get some money. Small business. It's a small business.

I'm a small business sperm donor. I need my money back. That's what you named your own penis, just small business? You would think we touched on all the topics about sperm, but every week it baffles me. I didn't want to bring this up because it's that same topic, but it's sort of like a normal take on it's not like a super bad when jonah hill can only think about penises and he's just trying to be this brian just can only think about like sperm and he's just like

every just typing on his this really came up like a month ago and i was like this would be a good one for us to talk about and then this is episode where you could talk about whatever and i was like all right well sperm it is we'll see so. We'll see. We'll see thoughts. So Zach is having a bunch of kids. He just signed a contract saying he gets. I don't have that many close friends. You said close friend asked you. I have very few close friends. So it wouldn't be that many.

What if I asked you? Yes. All right. Oh, that was immediate. Yes. What do you think your kid would make money off of? Also, I mean, sad but true. Also, if you didn't want to, but you didn't want to say no you could just go like try to list out all of your flaws and just be like i would love

to do it but like here's my whole medical history and what you should know about me and it's like i thought you're gonna say fake it what fake it like get someone else's no that'd be terrible that's horrendous man you know it's a lot easier than also like i don't i don't even know where you're going to get somebody else's sperm brian that's weird that you just have that ready to go you know it's easier than going and getting somebody else's sperm when one of your friends asks for your sperm is just saying no this is a bad game of sperm telephone where you just people keep asking each other for like that i ask like all right no but i'm gonna give them my other friend's sperm like well i don't want to give him my sperm so

i'm gonna go ask another friend guys but you could you could play guess who's the father every like pregame in every party you have it's like so and so brings like little timmy we should make this how do we make this like hollywood not like in a real life i thought you were like i thought you were like we're all gonna get together we're gonna mix some bottles up no also so what uh cory what's your thoughts i feel like you um so actually a little bit of a different thought i think i would i think i would um okay but i'm one of two people in this decision so that's where i was gonna go after that yeah so uh if uh claire would be like maybe not uh then that's a that's a that's a big no that's such want to call Claire right now to get an answer? Is she there?

I'll text her, and we'll see if she... Call her live. We might get a... No, this wouldn't be an argument. It's not like I'm trying to have somebody else's kid. Yeah, I feel like if she says yes really quickly, that's like a conversation for like after the pot like she's like oh would you have someone else's my one of my close friends and she was like absolutely

all right please hold i can't focus on two things so talk talk amongst yourselves what about you brian yeah no so i i'm leaning towards no because it would be strange to like have a kid that's not your kid. And I think part of this is you have to sign some like legal documents to be like either you have to completely stay away or you're involved to X amount or you're not financially like liable and all that. But then you still have like a kid running around out there. And like like Corey is saying, if you have a significant other that's a huge topic but also like if you don't and then in the future you do what date number do you bring up like oh i have a kid but like it's not actually mine but like it is mine but like it's good i don't have to like take care of it like i don't know how you break that to someone and then be like okay you know

that's like a strange thing to i don't know i feel like that's an easier conversation to have than i have a kid but for sure it's just weird yeah all right the message has been sent um so we will wait for that also i phrased it in a way that's like i feel like you can't be like hey if somebody asked me asked asked me to like be the donor like like i can't be like that's okay right you know what i mean it's like how do you phrase that question such a weird thing because i was coming at it how possessive are you about my child well i'm coming at it from like it's like zach's position right like if it like i have no other like person making that decision it's like yeah and i have nothing else to think

about like i would like to think that i would be that good of a friend also it's like when it comes down to it i don't know would you want to be like involved in that kid's life though or would you be like fine with never talking to them is he cool or are they cool or are they a nerd? They're a nerd because they're half of you. I would like to be involved enough to make a decision. Involved enough to be like, do I want to fully commit to this before saying anything?

And then just to the front, I could be like, hey, moving to Seattle. See ya. I have a great example. I don't know why I didn't phrase it like this. Taylor asks you, do you say yes? Without Claire's input at this point, because obviously that's the whole conversation. If I were single and had no other thing in life to worry about, I think we've had this conversation in college or something

okay i would i think i would i'd like to think i would is is the way i would phrase it right like nobody ever knows that like you would have to really really think about it because it's such a wild hypothetical but like i know yeah i just like it's just strange i feel like you'd save a lot of money though i think like going through a sperm bank or something is probably hella expensive. I thought you were saying me as the donor would save a lot of money. And I'm like, I guess to Zach's point, if there's a whole contract written, I guess. That's true. Although I would kind of feel bad if then I went on to get married and then had kids.

That's the thing yeah my actual kids or my kids with my partner life partner um or like sucked way more than my donated kid oh guys uh Claire's typing uh what first response is that is an interesting question good job Brian that's not a no that's not a no and then she goes uh like immediately right of the bat, I'm not crazy about the idea. I mean, probably the answer I think I would get. And I, like, what else? Who expected anything else? You know, like.

But get a float. Zach's idea of like, but what if we get all the money they make when they're older? Or she'd be like, well, I'll float that out later that'll be that'll be a twofer so you phrased it as you you were the one donating i guess it makes sense because that was the question i thought you were phrasing this would would you accept someone like my best friends like you're the best friend asking oh someone else yeah that's a completely different question to ask her be like hey i'm infertile will you accept zach i said zach my text for verbatim was random question if i close if a close friend asked me to be a donor for them to have a baby because they couldn't have a baby

and then i said say insert one of claire's friends here because she's close to that person. What would you do or say? And then she said, she was saying, if it's something you were serious about, I would have to think about it. But also, I don't think I'm that crazy about the idea. Okay. And then I said, fair.

And she said, why did somebody ask? So now that's going to be a whole conversation. Follow-up question. Ask her. Hypothetically, you're infertile, and you need a baby. Are we going Brian, Zach, or Rooks? We need the answer. That seems like a really good topic to dissect at a whole other thing.

I'm not going to prep her with that, i'll uh i'll let her know that hey this is gonna be for for the podcast because uh i don't think i want to send that to her blind she might she might ruin some friendships okay i mean someone's coming last she could put me there that's fine we'll figure it out i mean mean, maybe. Maybe not. Rooks is the shortest, so I'm just putting that out there. All right. Thank you for the answers. That was enlightening. Thank you, Brian.

I've grabbed bag round two. If I'm a little bit more quiet, it's because I need to keep responding to Claire because that's not the end of that conversation. Don't want her to break up with you. Do you want to go next, Corey? Or do you want me to go next? Can you please go next you want to go next corey you want me to go next uh can you please go next i will go next um if you could make your own music festival for a day and had five artists to pick to build your ultimate lineup for that day who would those five artists be and i can go first if you guys need some time to think. Please go first so you can give us a couple of answers.

So my philosophy for this is I wanted to pick different genres. So I didn't want to pick five rappers, five alternative rock people. I wanted to get a bevy of artists that I enjoy. I enjoy, surprisingly, like I have a playlist that's just a random menagerie. Menagerie, I think, is the word. Glass menagerie. Yeah, glass menagerie of different people um so it bops around a little bit so i'm gonna go i'm gonna start with um my guy quinn 1992

fantastic i don't know if you've heard of him he's from michigan he has a lot of songs with like um like chelsea cutler if you know who that is he's from uh he uh he was like an up-and-coming artist again from michigan he's great um saw my firefly i was the only one so i went to firefly in delaware with rooks kristin um nina and rachel and the four of them went to go see someone else other artists i'm like well i'm gonna go see quinn so i saw quinn by myself and i'm just making friends in the audience um but it's way to do it he's really good all of his albums are great um what genre is it it's like it's like alternative pop it's kind of hard to describe it's very just kind of chill copacetic music i'd say um very vibey that's a i kind of

hate using that word but um i'll send you some songs brian you're gross um i just needed some idea because you didn't say anything except that he was from Michigan three times. I know. I couldn't. Well, it's because one of his albums is titled From Michigan With Love, and he references Michigan a lot, so that's why I did that.

Okay, artist number two, Drake. I love Drake. Drake is awesome. Everyone likes to hate on Drake, but I think he just only puts out bangers. Every feature he's on is great. I like all his albums. Scorpion specifically certified lover boy was good too.

I liked, I liked some of the songs on that. Yeah. I'm a big Drake guy. I think, I think people hate on Drake unless because it's like the cool thing to do. And I just like, no,

this guy just puts out music. He's just very mainstream now, so everyone has an opinion. Yeah, agreed. So that covers my rap genre. I know some people are like, it's not really rap. It's like, eh, it's both. It counts. Then we go with Kygo.

Kygo's my favorite EDM techno guy. Also saw him at Firefly Electric. He only puts out bangers. Granted, they're basically the same song you could splice every kygo song together and the only way to be tell them apart is that there's different features um on them you know like who's singing the the vocals to them but they're all great i'm a big tropical house guy and he was the base of the i feel like the one to invent that um or make it like as mainstream as it is yeah so yeah um they're all happy songs too

it's great like background work music too because it's like so like you said it's all the same so it's just one tone the entire time through you don't notice songs ending or anything agreed and i'm big like sing along with like like there's some like you know idiot like with the hard beat drops and the aggressive bass is good but i'm just at festival, I want to be able to sing along if I want to, and Kygo provides me that. That's true. Then I'm going country. I know you guys don't like country, I don't think.

I'm going with Kenny Chesney. Kenny Chesney only puts out bangers. First concert I ever went to for my mom's 40th birthday, I think. Her fourth birthday. Yeah, fourth birthday. We went to see Kenny Chesney. I have an all-time terrible picture that I will send to the group of me in a cowboy hat and aggressive shorts at that concert.

But yeah, it's also tropical music. It's basically just beach music that he sings. It's beach country. And so love me some Chesney. So he's like the daytime slot, right? Yeah. Who's early? Who's later on?

He's probably going. So it's going to go Quinn to start it because we're going to start at like 11, right? So Quinn's like the daytime slot, right? Yeah. Who's early? Who's later on? He's probably going. So it's going to go Quinn to start because we're starting at like 11, right? So Quinn's 11 or noon. So Quinn's playing for an hour, hour and a half. Then we're going. Then we're probably going. Kenny Chazzy's playing for at least two hours because that man's got a discography. Yeah.

Then we're going. Then we're probably going Drake. Well, Drake's probably more of a night. I'll go Kygo next. Yeah. Then we're going... Then we're probably going Drake? Well, no, Drake's probably more of a knight. I will Kygo next. He's got a... Yeah. I will Kygo as like the afternoon, even though it's...

I feel like he's going to want to do lights though. So you know what? It's past daylight savings, so it gets dark really early. So it gets dark around four. So Kygo can do his light show. Then we'll do Drake, and then we're ending it with ABBA.

And I mentioned ABBA before, but I would love to see abba live i would abba greatest hits uh waterloo voulez vous aha uh give me give me give me a man after midnight uh dancing queen mama mia um and i what i want to have is abba play but have both mama mia movies playing on the big Jumbotrons on either side. Just with the sound off. Just to have the full immersive experience. So that'd be my lineup.

I am impressed that you had a full set list for that last one already in your head too. Oh, buddy. I love it. I could rip off ABBA. Was it Quinn Roman Numerals? Like he has Roman Numerals. Yeah, it's XCII. Yeah, I like him.

And also Claire. Shout out Claire. Big Claire episode today. Loves that guy. Yeah, he's the best. Loves that guy. He's the best. Corey, do you have a list you want me to go?

I'll go. I'll go. It's not perfect because I'm scrolling through and I know there's some other things that are definitely better for these. But to to the panic mode, I'm just going to list out what I have because that's funny. And let me make sure it's five. All right. Good enough.

I'm going to go walk the moon. Duh. It's my favorite band. That's obvious. Night slot. Day slot. I've never seen them at a day concert. So I'm going to lie. We've seen them at a day concert so i'm going that's a lie we've seen them at a day concert together which one at pitts campus all right you're gonna call

that thing a concert there's like it was like it was like it was a full set i don't remember it being that long i remember like four songs maybe. It was a full hour. Regardless. They were the only. Maybe it's because. Maybe. I'm still going to say day because Pitt's concert sucked. Like the people.

No fair. Okay. All right. Good. Whatever. Griffin to Zach's point of like favorite like. Shoot. Dance like EDM.

You know DJ. Griffin. Heat. Way out of left field. I've never seen him before, and I was trying to think of something old school, like Zach had Abba to fill that void. I put Elton John. Ooh, good call. Or it's either Elton John in my eyes or Billy Joel. Probably Billy Joel based on how much I was singing.

We didn't start the fire. We didn't start the fire at the Christmas party. My guess is he doesn't play that at concerts. I don't know why. If I'm picking the set list, I'm going to tell him we didn't start the fire at least five times in a row. We're not going to stop. It's five times in a row. He just has to keep going. All I want him to say

is Red China Johnny Way over and over again and that's it. It doesn't even have to be a whole song. gonna stop it's five times in a row he just has to keep all i want him to say is red china johnny way over and over again and that's it it doesn't even have to be a whole song just play the piano and say that and marilyn monroe um and then i have uh the killers like classic bar music so good bangers left and right heaters left and right. Heaters left and right. Straight steam. Can we say that? Steam, heat, fire, flames, all of it. And then my new love, Dua Lipa. Pop, bring in the pop.

Do we leapy? Dude, her songs are all bangers. All of them. And also, I feel, okay, i got a i got a good point so billy joel instead of ellen john because ellen john is featured on a song with so i can get her i can get them in there without wasting okay okay i'll come back to you i'm gonna think of a feature for one of my artists that is on one of their songs oh so your feature is elton john with dewey lipa yeah like you're surprised like this is like this is like the big reveal you know like dewey lipa's up there shaking her butt and i would like to think the big reveal is all of all of these guys and girls all show up on the stage together at

the end and are singing a song they sing we are the world sure sure but like before that it'll be like Dua Lipa closing and then Elton John comes in on the last song they sing that song and then everybody's like oh Griffin oh my god it's like the Avengers on stage they just alternate songs for five hours straight everybody knows back to back to one of their songs yeah all right so that was your five yeah sorry you're you're sipping yeah all right i have a i have a a dumb set of five and then like a sort of realistic set of five dumb set of five the dumb we're not weird al yankovic we're gonna go quick weird al yankovic easy apparently he's actually incredible but it would be sick to go uh to barack obama i just want spoken words to speech for an hour just to hear that man speak in person would probably be pretty

cool three mozart dead or alive or hologram throw them up there however you want four war do you know this it's like a metal band they dress up in like alien costumes and shoot blood into the crowd and not like a small amount of blood like a ridiculous amount of blood it would be great and that'll prepare you for see ya playing only the christmas album you're already covered in red you're looking festive it'd be great but those would be great to have but realistically um story so far it's like it's like it's like we could actually get these people to play together realistically not really just bands i actually want to play versus dead mozart on stage um band called the story so far they're

like pop punk i haven't seen them i've bought tickets to see them and they've canceled because i like covet a couple times um they'd be great day show because people kind of just like mosh around and hit into each other love literally every song they've ever put out and it'll be good to start out then take it back sunday same vibe it's still daytime you gotta tie yourself out early apparently i've seen them a couple times already but like they're always solid front to back all their albums are great what about side to side front to back side to side diagonal up and down all three dimensions. All four corners? Yes. Hits.

Third act, it's starting to, like, the sun's starting to set, so you can see the lights. We're going 21 pilots. They always put on a crazy show, interact with the crowd a lot. They kind of, they're moving more towards pop, so we're kind of getting off of the pop punk genre, kind of get some energy back. We're not punching each other anymore. It's kind of like jumping around and singing. Then then it's fully nighttime so you got all the lights going

kasha comes out on stage rocks a place you're covered in glitter by the end it's great then the finale we're gonna get a time machine what that's not that's not part of whatever we're gonna time machine we're gonna kanye west from like 2008 back before he was too crazy and he's like kind of on top of his own mental health and like there it'd be sick i never i've never seen him in concert i kind of don't want to go now because he seems like he would like have a panic attack on stage and like do something crazy but like back in the day i feel like it was straightforward just you play music and it'd probably be sick um so that's my top five and uh i'm sure every song he plays had a feature on it so kanye west can get a feature whoever yeah that's fair sack did you think of

your feature for your five yeah it's gonna be tiny meat gang with the quinn when they sing daddy good one oh shoot good call because i wasn't doing travis scott with with drake but i just i can't gang with the Quinn when they sing Daddy. That's a good one. Oh, shoot. Good call. Because I wasn't doing Travis Scott with Drake, but I'm just like, he can't do Travis Scott anymore. They can't put Travis Scott in their festival. No. You have all the choices in the world. He's the last one you can pick right now.

I have a set list of five people, five Travis Scott shows. Alright, thanks, guys. What I'm doing right now is I'm creating a Spotify playlist. It's Wednesday My Dude Festival Spotify. Everyone add one song from your five artists, and we'll share it out. And Rooks won't be included because he decided not to come.

It'll get you through next week and then we'll actually figure something else one thing i wanted to do if this podcast was only on spotify they let you put spotify songs in the middle of the podcast or at the end of beginning or whatever so you could do like song recommendations and edit every episode with like a song but then it's only on spotify there's literally nowhere else you get and apparently it's kind of glitchy. But it sounded cool at first. All right. I have two grab bag things.

One. Okay. Would you sacrifice 15 years of relevance for one championship for one of your sports teams? So 15 years, you're like the Jets. But you get a championship. The Pirates have been that for 30 years. I mean, yeah. Or Brian, go ahead. You go first.

If it was the Penguins, no, because we're already good. If it was the Steelers, no, because we're already not good this year. But we've had championships in the past. It's one team of your choice. So the only other team, I don't really watch Pirates, but I'm a Pittsburgh a pittsburgh fan in general so like throw them a bone they already suck anyways they haven't been good 100 years so like what's another 15 it's kind of a cop out because like you don't like baseball

anyway so you're just like yeah if i get this like genie wish i'll let them get a championship and continue to not care about them as a team. I mean, realistically, I would rather my team make the Super Bowl and lose multiple times than win once. All right. So I'll change it up then because my thoughts are a little different. So like I only have Penn State left on the teams that I want to live during a championship. And like after the Eagles won a Super Bowl. That haven't won one in like during my lifetime that I remember I would I would give up 15 years of Penn State relevant relevance for one championship because when the Eagles won they were immediately bad like two years later and i was like i really don't care

like i got to see them win a championship that's all i want to see and like pennsylvania is the one team i care about the most out of all of them so it's like yeah i'm like i could yeah i'm gonna go to the games and get drunk anyway at the tailgate like it makes it better if it's a game for like the whole time they could still play close games and lose but like they're gonna be like dog water for 15 years for one national championship i would take that because i just want to see every one of my favorite teams win before i kick it i get that but like if the difference is state wins i buy a ticket on the tit and then I shoot myself. Boom. Would you see your team win a championship if you have to play one round of Russian roulette? You get to see your team win the championship, but it's 1912 and then you have a ticket on the Titanic the next day.

Yeah, because we know our way out. You get the gun. You start a small business. It's Saturday. You make a lot of money. You make your way out. Then you go volunteer. You start a small business. It's Saturday. You make a lot of money. You make your way out. Then you go volunteer at the strip club. And Rooks is there.

Then you take his time machine that him and Kanye West are in. And then you come to the music festival. And then we're all there. Yeah, you just bring your podcast onto the ship with you. And we'll coach you through the rest. Extra, extra. What's this newfangled thing on a podcast? Come find out. Zach, please. go for it um so yeah

so my teams that i would consider this for are the bears obviously and then iu basketball and iu football so iu football i know is never like we're never winning a national championship so like it's basically like would you would you um would you sacrifice 15 years of relevance like we're not we haven't been relevant since we were born i think we made one rose bowl back in like 50 like 1958 or 68 or something like that so the answer for them is obviously yes iu basketball is also yes um because again we haven't been relevant since the 80s i think we made a final four in like 2002 or something like that for basketball so yeah i would definitely save for them as well. And then I think the answer is obviously just yes for Bears football.

We won one Super Bowl in 1985. Shout out the greatest defense ever in the NFL. We were good the next year. The steel curtain, right? Huh? The steel curtain, right? Yeah. Go fuck yourself.

Gross. They were actually, fun fact, the bears defense was actually statistically better the year after they won the super bowl but no one obviously remembers that because they didn't um they didn't win so um yeah yeah again i've dealt with inept football for my entire life and i don't even count the super bowl we played against the colt because everyone knew we were losing that game even when devon has to return the opening kickoff i knew we were losing that game. Even when Devin Hesse returned the opening kickoff, I knew we were losing that game because Peyton Manning was just going to shred. And Rex Grossman couldn't hold on to the football.

It was raining outside. The gods did not want us to win. So, yeah. I mean, granted, like, I would – I think it would be different, right, if I knew – like, that I know, right? Like, if you told me, like, hey, you can do this, but you'll get brainwashed that you made this deal, but like the Bears win the Super Bowl next year,

and then you just have to deal with it. You know what I mean? Like I can rationalize with myself. Because, Corey, like you were saying, like if you still like want the Eagles to do good, like sure, two years ago was great, but I'm sure you're pissed. I mean, you're happy they made the playoffs,

but you're still kind of, really? You're still, see, I think after two years, I'd be kind of pissed if the bears were trash again i'll i'll put my we're not gonna make this into a whole eagles rant but i'll put my thoughts about it i get more mad about them just mismanaging the team than i do them actually being bad if they like when you have a good quarterback and you bring in another good quarterback and you create stupid controversy that bothers me them if they were to just make moves and then like be bad okay like i don't care but like that's what makes me more mad

than them losing games also like yeah no i really don't care saw a super bowl go birds big dick nick um all right my other one and i don't really. Also, quick update on Claire. Yeah. The question. She goes, I didn't really like that question. Made me rethink our whole entire relationship. So you're welcome. I said, please don't hate me for that question.

That's a tough question. She said, no, I don't. But and then said that. So Claire. But so I don't have a question for this i guess i have a couple ideas i have the success rating of a few dating shows like like netflix dating shows and like bachelor and that stuff i have a random article so do not come at me with the accuracy if somebody's been doing their own studies um but i have percentages success rate for one two for it says 13 but keep in mind it's like a couple of

these are like live island uk love island australia all right so can you give us the 13 and we have to guess which one's top sure we could do i feel like you get real fast try to get the top five because i feel you you might get the first one is that how you want to do it okay i just we'll each get a guess or two and then that's it all right do all 13 uh i gotta read these out of order or maybe in order you don't know um uh i'll stick with the i'll stick with the highest how I'll stick with the, I'll stick with the highest. How about I stick with the highest love Island, right? Instead of us reading all the different ones, different countries. All right.

Anyway. Okay. So we got love Island. We got, uh, love is blind. We got married at first sight, uh, 90 day fiance. And, uh, there's something called first dates. I don't know that one. Uh, too handle no not that one and i think that's i said we'll go bachelor bachelorette as like yeah like the same thing okay so it would help if i saw three of those shows before

because like you don't think you've definitely seen Too Hot to Handle. You've seen Love is Blind. You've seen Bachelor. Look, Too Hot to Handle, 0%. None of them have stayed together. So is this saying that their match on the show, they succeed with or just some connection? It's a 2020 article that they're still together.

So they find somebody on the show, and then they still have lasted through 2020 this article. Let's do a collabo on this. Let's do a think piece. Love is blind. None of them are together anymore except for like one. Maybe the ratio is high because two out

of like eight, maybe that's a high percentage but like... It is percentage based. I'm not giving things away but it is percentage based all right bachelor's like pretty low because there's just a lot of couples you know i mean yeah most of them break up yeah love is blind might be like middle of the pack because there's like two of eight that's like 25 percent um 90 day fiance all i know is people on reddit talk about how horrible they all are and there's a lot

of seasons of it but they're actually engaged before it starts so I feel like they might stay together and then what are the other three I don't even know what you said I'll just say Love Island I've never watched Love Island

Bachelor slash Bachelorette. Married at first sight. I don't even know what that is. All right. And then Too Hot to Handle. Yeah. All right. You got to do Love Island.

What percent do you think that is? I think Love Island's high. Really? I think so. Well, they come in as couples, right? Yeah, that one Fury guy, Tommy Fury or whoever that's a really attractive chick they met on love island so that's one okay wait so where they come in as couples and they have to like try to tempt them to break up or is that temptation island no that's like that's temptation i think

yeah love island let's do this differently instead of ranking because i can't remember what i said let's try to guess the percentage of where that show is success rate because that's so much easier so uh and i'll read them out of order so you don't think like the first one i read is like or maybe it is in order um all right so back i'll just say Bachelorette is higher than The Bachelor. What do you think the percentage success rate on The Bachelorette is in terms of of 2020? Still together. They are still together. 33%.

Zach? That's a good guess, Brian. I'm going to go with 27%. Boys. It's a good thing we started this podcast doing Bachelor stuff because 29%, that's kind of absurd that you just did that. It's the Bachelorette and 17 are still together, 5 are not.

Or maybe I'm misreading how that is. Oh, it's the opposite, other way around? Other way around. It says success rate. So I guess other way around. Sorry, I'm reading it backwards. So 17 are not together and 5 are together. 17 are not together, 5 are together.

Sorry. I was trying to be, maybe that's a glass half full way I'm reading this because the first number I thought they were still together and then the second number. You're right. Percentages don't work that way. Yeah. Five are together.

Seventeen are not. All right. Cool. It's amazing when you read percentages correctly how much more they make sense. Love is blind. We said two of eight, right? Yeah. I mean, if you're 28.

Yeah. So 25 percent. I'm fine with that 50 great logic but your math is slightly off it's three of six not two of eight so it was less couples to start i know and it's it's it's um amber and the one uh the the oh that guy stupid looking yeah and then it's um oh i just I just... I actually looked at... I recently looked at some of their Instagrams. Cameron. Cameron.

Cameron and the one girl. Yeah, and then... Oh, there is three. It's the couple they didn't show at all. Oh, that's dumb. Like, they are together. They cut them out the entire thing. Oh.

Ah, okay. All right. It's all right. Whatever. I would be really... I would be distraught if you guys just shit on my accuracy and my statistics here right there, so I'm glad we're still in this race. All right. Whatever. I would be really, I would be distraught if you guys just shit on my accuracy of my statistics here right there. So I'm glad we're still in this race. All right.

They're good. 90 Day Fiance. 41. I've never seen it. I just think it's a little higher. This is as of when now? Like as of. 2020, I believe this article was.

I took a picture of it. Is it 41% 90 Day Fiancé? So the 90 Day Fiancé is they're engaged and they have 90 days to plan the wedding so that the person can become a U.S. citizen. So they can be talking for years before the show starts. I'll give a hint because it's not 41. It's not 41 it's not but also keep in mind when it's a two-person decision and one person's trying to get status in the u.s that might sway towards a higher percentage you have to stay married to stay a citizen or is it just like instant citizenship it's not i don't think

it's instant citizen i think it is instant citizen citizenship but it does like they i don't think they have quarterly goals in the business way of saying it i don't know they check up on it like you know what i mean like i don't think they're like you're married you got it you know i think they have to because they're coming into the u.s i think they have to like get like reintroduced yeah like later all right so I'm guessing it's really low. I'm going to go 17%. Zach, what's your answer? Yeah, I'm going 13%.

I was thinking. Boys, I was trying to help. It's 75%. I said 41%. You're like, you got to remember, it's two people and this person's a gold digger. It's two people and it's one person trying to get status in the US. So in a relationship, if one per like you could have two people not happy, you could have one person, even if they're unhappy, they're still going to try to stay in the

relationship because they want to stay in the US. That's why I asked if you get divorced, you keep your citizenship or not. And you said you keep it. So then I went really low. No, I was saying like, you probably have to like you get it initially and then you probably have to stay together to keep like keep it. So then I went really low. No, I was saying like you probably have to like you get it initially and you probably have to stay together to keep like getting it. We'll read it back later. 75%. So it's 37 have not stayed together, but 28 have.

Okay. Your numbers are all. No, no, no. Okay. This couple started versus couples now 37 couples started 28 left are still together got it that cool that makes sense yeah we're almost a full bottle of wine and sorry sorry sorry sorry uh sorry all right last one or two what did i go through did we do love island yet the highest love island okay uh highest

love island and it is the uk because i know you guys brush up on the uk that's the one time fury was on tyson fury's like half sound like you'll find london yeah half brother um zach watches more than me so he's gonna guess first and then i'm gonna guess off i don't actually i just would know that one couple i think it's high though i think it's well sorry what was um i'm gonna go 37 percent 20 23 oh nice job b Brian. Brian, huge love Island. What is that from? Is that like winning Mario party?

I got a lot of game show noises for coming up episode. So continue. Also, Brian, I think, well, I think that's it. So the last one I wanted to say was too hot. Too hot to handle was in fact zero. There were four that started. There were four that started, meaning they left the show together, I believe, and then zero are still together as of 2020. So – No, I – it was probably zero after like a month after the show ended.

Probably. 90 Day Fiance won. Love is Blind 2. Pretty impressive, I would say. Because, percentage wise less seasons we'll see uh i don't know married at first sight but i'm interested because it's at 30 that's pretty high for being married at first yeah it's 39 people have left 12 still still in. That's pretty good. Bachelorette, great. Funny enough, Bachelorette, or Bachelor, bad. 25

leave as a couple. One is still together. So, boys, do not sign up for The Bachelor. Unless, of course, maybe Zach, you do want to sign up. I don't know what you're looking for. It's getting a little desperate, brother. Every birthday that passed, we're getting closer and closer well how desperate because like

you got how many people start on the bachelor like how many girls start because like i feel like you wouldn't be mad about being the bachelor dude the more i think about it it just seems like a lot of you're talking to the guy who's like i'm like worn out by hinge like having virtual conversations imagine if i had 30 conversations in a night i'd be i'd i'd be like you know like the get the the picture of the popeyes worker after all the chicken sandwiches where they're she's like hunched over on the bench that would be me after the first episode of the bachelor somebody who has no idea what you're talking about that is a wild image that you just put in my head.

Zach's canceling every cocktail party. Like, I already know. I'm just going to send all of you home. All right, let's go on. I think, okay, so could you, do you think, it's weird because COVID times. Do you think, if Zach could like talk to us, like talk to friends and like bounce ideas and stuff. Oh, okay. I know.

There's the Popeye's photo. know yeah i know that popeyes like if you could like if we could encourage you and be like you got it man i feel like i feel like you'd get through it because it's like also like 80 if we're talking percentages 80 of the people that go on that show don't give a shit and they're just going to be on a show and have a free trip buddy we would have to we would have to delete all the episodes of this podcast though so quick all right yeah though reddit would pull these up fast it would not be good or zach was just talking about how he's getting tired he's he's he's popeye's employee over there probably keep he's ready to settle down to keep three episodes we can keep the one that was clean and then the three with

kobe on them wouldn't be the ones we could keep our disney channel rooster movie one absolutely i mean it's free advertisement if they wanted to cancel us to cancel us what like we literally have episodes saying we get canceled we get canceled round two like we made it very easy we're self-aware we made it very easy for them to pick which one they would it's like if you're gonna look at the titles without even listening they could pick out the episodes that they want to cancel us for that is true hopefully not this one but thank you for listening you can follow us on instagram and twitter at iwmd underscore pod we'll post the episode clips and drafts and tier lists and dumb videos and everything like that

playlist greatest five stars on apple and that playlist actually uh raise five stars on apple podcasts and spotify leave us a review on apple if you feel like it and finally if you want to be part of the show there's a link in the description of every episode could send a voice message and I'll put it in there Ask a question say something stupid insult us do whatever Thank you for listening Corey sing us out