It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 59: Casesar Salad Hot Pocket: Short King Draft

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

Short King Mama Aye, the boyos short king Cory Myers leads us in a draft of Short Kings and all Short King experiences which leads us down a rabbit hole finding out that Kirby is 8 inches tall. We also eventually invent the Caesar salad hot pocket and the boyos get some hot pocket homework for next week. Rate us 5 stars and leave a review on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. You guys ever eat just like a bag of croutons as a snack? Yes, all the time. Next question. The Texas toast, cheese, and garlic ones. I'm shocked you guys are on my side. That's so easy. I thought you were going to hate me for that.

Such an easy question. Rooks, you don't? I mean, I just don't buy. I don't purchase croutons. But like at your parents' place. My parents don't purchase croutons. But like at your parents' place. My parents don't purchase croutons either. If, like, if I had croutons, I mean, sure, but I don't know. Let's change this question.

You just sound so sad when he said that. He's like, I mean, my parents don't really buy croutons. We never had croutons. I'm a little tired. Fuck you guys. You know the French bread pizza? So I'm assuming at one point somebody's gotten that. So have you ever had a full thing of stale French bread pizza?

Like, would you eat that as a snack? There you go. Easily. Why do you hate French bread pizza, Zach? It's always dry and hard as a rock. That's why I don't like bagel bites. Because I think bagel bites get overly done in the microwave and or toaster oven. And that's why pizza rolls are superior.

You're not following the recipe for it, man. Come on. You gotta look at the wattage. How do you fuck up bagel bites, my guy? How do we get to bagel bites from French bread? Pizza. The instructions are on the box. No answer?

Okay. We need to get to that. Every time I made them, they've been hard as a rock. They've been like actual freezings you could throw in. How the fuck have you been making them that they're hard as a rock? I feel like... I think I'm on the right side of history here. I think if you ask

more people do they prefer bagel bites or pizza rolls, the clear answer would be pizza rolls. I have a theory. It's because in Chicago, they only have deep dish bagel bites so that's why he doesn't know how to actually make the actual bagel bites it all adds up deep dish bagel bite is a the hot pocket not the thing you just said the meat pocket yeah i'll put a pin in the hot pocket conversation i found out i know the reason why it's because we're at a higher

altitude and you know like chicago city of the mountains that's what they say yeah my my high all right i think i want to i want to go back to hot pockets can i get everyone's top three favorite hot pockets or lean pockets if you want to if you want massive diarrhea only had like hot pockets like one time it's always the pizza hot pocket what are you talking about how dare you i mean the so the p for me my top three like classic ham and cheese always kind of slaps no i like pepperoni pizza it's gonna like it gets the job done number one even though oh my god like i don't know what it is the steak and cheese ones are actually bussin but the steak you just can't look at it. You can't make eye contact

with it. You make eye contact with that steak, you're going to have a bad time. You're going to regret all your decisions. I don't think I could have named three before you named three, so I'm happy you did. Are there breakfast ones? I feel like I like those. The breakfast ones slap. The sausage, egg, and cheese ones are good. Sausage, egg, and cheese for me.

Then the meatball ones with the garlic shell a shell i don't know what the pocket i guess i enjoy i enjoy the do you say shell well i i guess the but see this is also because a pocket has like an opening if it was truly a hot pocket they'd have the top cut off and you could one bite one bite and it becomes a pocket pocket, they'd have the top cut off. One bite and it becomes a pocket though. They don't tell you that. It's not one bite turns into a hot pocket. They just call it hot pockets.

You could sew a pocket shut and it's still a pocket. It's not really functional. It's an inconvenience is what that is. It's a cosmetic pocket. I would like to counter the meatballs. The meatballs never all heat up evenly it never happens there's like three meatballs in there there's i know there's

three and one is always frozen solid one of them's a fucking like jawbreaker in the middle of the fucking hot pocket like and then the other two are piping hot like balls of lava pipe it up see if it if it was a real pocket i feel like it would actually heat up evenly so i'm on zach's side now cut them in half but if you microwave but no because then if you heat out if you heat it up in the microwave it'll just ooze out it doesn't like stand up even better it doesn't stand up dude also the most annoying thing those little sleeves you have to put the hot pockets in because you gotta do origami to get it to work. And then they have the tearaway thing. You put it in the sleeve.

Then it stands up. The sleeve stands up. Maybe that's the pocket. Is that the pocket? There's no way. There's no way in a moving, rotating microwave that the fucking Hot Pocket will stay erect. There's no shot. There is no shot.

Take it to Mythbusters. How fast do you think it's moving? Take it to Mythbusters. Why do you think it's moving? Take it to Mythbusters. Take it to my seventh grade science project on the stupid folding trifold boards. I will do a full experiment on this. Aren't they supposed to be on the go? So if you go with an actual pocket, then you're right. That defeats the purpose, right?

You'd be losing all that shmeet well so maybe you're supposed to put it in a pocket because you're on the go yeah i heard that if you don't put it in your pocket you're eating it wrong fucking a pocket pocket just a pocket eat a bite pocket hot pocket it doesn't say it doesn't say there's no it's it's to it. It's meant, and actually it's more like for businesses because it's meant for when you have the pocket on your shirt. On the front. Yeah, like Brian's saying. Exactly.

It's the frocket hot pocket. Yeah, the frocket. Instead of a pocket square, you have a hot pocket. Hot pocket. A hot pocket that matches your tie. That's what we got going on here. Next wedding you go to, you just have a hot pocket that matches your tie. That's what we got going on here. Next wedding you go to, you just have a hot pocket in there instead of a pocket square.

It's actually a really good idea. Do you fold the hot pocket in any specific way or do you just let it fly in there normally? I have the answer. You cut it in half, microwave it so that it oozes out and then that's the decoration part of it sounds like a mess what was that steak and cheese

they have the high protein hot pockets now which is just hilarious because they just put more dirty meat inside of it and just call it high protein it's like all the filling they couldn't get rid of like four years ago fuck it we're making bigger ones what meat do you trust more taco bell or hot pocket taco taco bell yeah taco bell because chicken wow they grow that in the lab right there ready to go chicken and t-bell not that bad chicken and t-bell like looks like chicken now the beef the beef like it's not like it doesn't look like beef it doesn't it's not it doesn't look like beef it's just beef normally doesn't have the effects that taco bell beef has on me you know see beef one more time beef noted i really uh i thought you guys were gonna not trust taco bell more so idea for hot pocket

is that the company is the company hot i assume it's like a bigger company like nabisco or somebody that just like it's definitely owned by it's nestle the chocolate makers. It's Pepsi. All right, PepsiCo. They have to make a crouton-filled Hot Pocket. It's just solid. It's just crunchy the whole way through. I don't like that. And you also still have to heat it up. Crouton outside.

Let's make it actually. But then you put Caesar salad on the inside. Okay, here. Hold on. So I'm just looking at the Hot Pocket website, which which apparently is a thing which i'm very happy it is um they have these things called the big and bold hot pockets and there's four of them can we make uh for next week's episode can we all go to the store buy a big and bold each on each flavor and then report back on it sure yes but we also have to sort ourselves into which of us is each big and bold

okay so here let's let's all decide. I'll read the four off, and we can decide real quickly who is buying which one. Hopefully, they are in our areas. Based on personality. Do they have a small and timid brand? No. Okay, the first one is buffalo-style chicken. The second one is chicken bacon ranch.

The third one is double pepperoni pizza and the fourth one is is is the worst is a steak nacho nacho spice blasted crust i i i will just say i am i will take any of them except for whatever the fuck the last one was. I want no part of that shit. I want it on record. I was on the fence, and then the word blasted came out of your mouth, and I was like, yeah, that's it. Dude, they're all blasted crust. They're just buffalo blasted crust, ranch blasted. I like buffalo or the pizza.

I'll do either of those. The image that just went to my mind with the ranch blasted is like it just shows up, but it's like submerged in like a cup of ranch. It's covered. Can I dibs chicken bacon ranch? That was my go-to. I'm going to end up with a goddamn fucking steak nacho one, aren't I? No, no, no. Corey said he wanted that one. Oh, Corey is?

I'll do the buffalo style chicken then okay i'll do the pizza one okay hell yeah the pizza one man it's gonna say so different than just a regular pizza pocket like i'm not gonna lie all these have been getting like two and a half stars out of five oh the so i'm not i'm not i'm gonna have the full essay long title you gave me of mine. What the hell was it called? Oh, yeah. Here we go.

Yours is the big and bold 50% larger steak nacho with tomatoes, jalapenos, reduced fat cheddar cheese, and creamy cheese sauce in a nacho spice blasted crust. There's four of them in here. I just wrote down steak nacho. I can't. I'm not doing that fucking marketing was like man this is good like this is gonna stick this is it's like the Kylo Ren get straight to the more everyone's gonna get it okay and also are also if these aren't available in your area I want everyone to pick a hot pocket they have not tried yet and then report back on it. Or make it a Hot Pocket.

I have very – yeah. If you want to make a Caesar salad one, you could go with it. Honestly, if they have – do the dessert ones. Like if you made a s'mores Hot Pocket, I guess it's kind of like an inside out. Isn't that a Pop-Tart? Yeah, I was going to say, is that a Pop-Tart or a Toaster Strudel, my guy? Yo, I love Toaster Strudels. Yo, Toaster Strudels.

Pillsbury, hit us up and sponsor us. Oh, my God. I will get diabetes if I get any discount on fucking Toaster Strudels. I'm getting worked up over here. I need to open a window. This man's already got massive shoulders. He's just going to look like a Toaster Strudel the minute he gets sponsored just gonna widen out to the shoulders toaster strudel has a halloween costume that's pretty tight kind of hard that'd be sweet yeah i'm

strawberry though strawberry filling do you want the nothing else are you gonna have the cream on you or what oh yeah no it's like a highlighter party. You bring it with you, and then people put it on you. Okay. I was just curious. I need to be that for Halloween. It's going to be great. Yeah. What day of the week is Halloween this year?

Is it Monday? Wednesday. My nipples are hard now. Number one, remove your bra. I like nuts. Sis, in my butt, I'm ready to go. Vulva's a sexy thing. My dick will go like, boop, and just flip inside out, and it'll turn into a vagina.

And you take me. Hi, boys. And of course, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack. Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby. God damn, he's so good. Yeah, he calls me big time.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Of course, it makes me dookie. If you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back out. And then I swallow. I want to die. Raw dog and lower. Kid's shirt, he based her on nipples.

He's got slop. Rock's dick has anchor arms. I think I got to get out of here. I'm going to get the paintbrush. I know a fucking great question. Who has vertical butt cheeks? To the death. No, Bob, look it down.

I'll see if I fucking win this fucking game the death. No, Bob, look it down. I'll see my fucking witness. Look again, man. It is Wednesday, my dear. Yeah. Episode 59. Nice. 59? Special one.

We didn't mention it. Happy anniversary, Zach. It's been a year. It's felt like five. Tight, tight, tight. I tried to look up the first thing you said on the podcast, but it was really boring, so it didn't turn out to be fun. Damn, asshole.

All right. I'm expecting you to be something like crazy. Happy anniversary. You're boring as shit man Great to have you You've come a long way, you used to suck What a host Not what I was going for but

Happy you're here Thank you, we're doing a draft today That perfectly represents who I am as a person So I'm excited Exactly, tall king body, short king personality That's the way you need to be So as we talked about uh short king draft this week uh drafting people but also experiences so that's leaves it pretty

open to anything so this will be interesting but first as always go through our weekends so zach how was your week oh buddy let me tell you i I was down in Florida in Key West for a wedding, and it was hot down there. And I drank a lot. It was spring break, and St. Patrick's Day down in Key West. So there was a gaggle of different people down there. There were the olds down there celebrating. There were the 21-year-olds down there. And then there was our group who was like right firmly in the middle

just wanting to celebrate a wedding. But anyway, it was hot. It was like 85, 90 degrees out. Sweated right through my suit like immediately. But I did – oh, also PSA, if I FaceTimed you at any point on the weekend, I apologize, or you're welcome if you liked it. Some people didn't answer on this FaceTime or this group. I was driving.

I was literally driving. You FaceTimed me. And I was like, what's up? And you were like, I'm at a wedding. It's lit. I was like, okay, I'm not picking up this call. I'm sorry. I was like, Zach, I love you.

Oh, as I'm looking at it now, I see it. Did I answer? I don't remember. It's answer i don't remember don't take offense but continue but it was very nice very nice happy couple shout out miles and maggie i appreciate the invite i'll keep it short and sweet uh one the cute or two things one the key west airport that's cool when you're arriving because it's one of those airports where you just walk onto the tarmac and into the so you feel like a rich person. But on the way back, that airport stinks. It's like a refugee camp in there.

There's just one mini terminal with everyone has to congregate. And it was not pleasant and it was hot. The other thing I turned into the undershirt goblin when I was there because it was hot, everyone unbuttoned their shirts and ties and I proceeded to go around ripping everybody's undershirt off to expose their bare chest, uh, men only. And if they consented, uh, which I did, did they consent though? Yeah, it was well, they did not consent. Well, I did mine first. So it wasn't like do unto others as you would like have done unto yourself kind of thing.

So the golden rule applies. But yeah, so I did that. And yeah, it took a lot of Adderall too. Adderall, Red Bull, and nicotine. I think it took enough Adderall to kill. The Holy Trinity. The Holy Trinity, brother. And somehow my heart did not explode.

But yeah, no, it was fun. It was fun. It was good to get in the sun a little bit, get prepped for summer here in Chicago. But, yeah, I would give my weekend four Sloppy Joes out of five because that's one of the bars we went to was Sloppy Joes. Oh, that's incredible. I'm jealous. Is there a neighboring bar called sloppy james no unfortunately not there there might be some open building space we could

we could invest in if you guys wanted to do a uh a capital investment it's easy i'll talk with our accountants we could do it we just play our podcast in loop on the music it'll turn into our studio slash bar slash shark tank room slash sperm donation center we do all four yeah quadruple threat brooks how was your weekend god damn it you're gonna lead me into my weekend with that shit mine's gonna be super short uh the rents went out to the west coast best coast uh they went visit my grandma in arizona they went to las vegas so um yeah so i had to watch their two dogs grand old time two little pieces of shit abe and amber if you're listening fuck off you're fucking you drive me crazy um But no, I literally just like kind of, kind of vibed out and play a little golf and just

kind of hung out, watched a fuck ton of housewives, man. Oh my gosh. The drama is crazy. And then the best part, the best part is when you start a new season of housewives, all their taglines change. Like in the intros, all the girls have like their like little one liners. And then like the new ones are always like, it, like, a step up from the year before. It's great.

I live for that show. Give me an example. I have no idea. I've never watched one. So, like, this one girl, shout out Giselle. Giselle, if you're listening, like, I don't really like you too much, but it's cool. Like, you're a great character on the show. But in Real Housewives of Potomac, Giselle,

she always calls herself the word on the street. So the first season was like, it's like, I forgot what it is. Something about her being the word on the street, whatever. The second season was like, if you're tired of the word on the street, then stop listening or some shit like that. Banger.

Absolute banger. There's great ones oh salt lake city one of the girls if you take cheap shots always expect a hangover banger that's such a banger um that was better there's some really good ones i'll say quick question uh when i i'm not a big housewives guy but when i associate it with the housewives always an up like real housewives of beverly hills fucking new york rich places what the fuck do they do in in in fucking what you say the potomac or the pottawatomie so potomac potomac is rich very close to where i grew up it is rich as fuck it is disgustingly rich like it is it is a very rich

area what they're not doing housewives of fucking just like random suburb neighborhoods. I don't know. These people have money. Is there a season coming up, though, where it's like housewives of Helena, Montana or something? And it's just them on a ranch? Fuck no. Absolutely not. That's no fun.

All right. That's trailer park boys, my guy. You have to have people that are rich enough that they have these big charity events where everybody brings their problems to the charity events and they all throw down at this event for charity. There's a whole formula to this shit. Gotcha. Thank you. Watch a lot of Housewives, hang out with some dogs, play some golf. That's all your boy

did. I'm going to give it a plus one tagline because we're leveling up from the season before. We got'm going to give it a plus one tagline because, you know, we're like leveling up from the season before. We got like a plus one going on. Plus one tagline this weekend.

All right. Corey, how much Housewives you watch this weekend? Zero. It's funny. He said that. And I thought the next thing he was going to say, which March Madness round one happened this weekend. So I was like, oh, yeah.

Shout out North Carolina. Great job, guys. No shout out to the Hoosiers. Shout out our bracket. No shout out to the fucking Dons, man. Come on. Their best player got hurt, man. The Cyclones, though.

Move them money like a Cyclone. Good picks, boys. All great picks. Shocked it wasn't a perfect bracket. Very shocked. Too many one seeds won, surprisingly. Yeah, crazy how that works out. No Acura for us. We'll be back next year.

We're just going to repeat episodes every year. Same stuff. Shh, don't tell them that. But my weekend was good uh i took off friday because your uh your buddy's uh your favorite buddy kevin breen was in town i just i just mentally blacked out sound like elmer fudd over here uh but um him and one of the big hole guys came over on Thursday watched some games took off Friday I was gonna like buy a ticket to go to one of the like the first round but tickets didn't drop so I ended up just having a day off which was kind of dope so I got some things done

got a haircut cleaned out my car for the first time in give or take four years felt great um yeah it you know that had to be done um yeah went out claire and i dropped her car off to get her her christmas gift was a car starter guys anyone for uh girlfriends fiances anyone good gift just saying so we had to drop the car off went over to the bees apple bees for B's, for a couple drinks. People sleep on Apple B's. Just saying. Gets a bad rap. Love it.

We were supposed to go hang out with Kevin and Dan, but by the time the car was done, we called it a night. Woke up Saturday, went over, met them at a brewery uh did the biggest degenerate thing of my life which was play online casino roulette in a brewery just on my phone because fan duel like gives you money and i was like i have a free 80 so i just sat there like placing placing chips on on my phone and it it felt weird but i came out with 80 dollars out yeah if you're like at home like depressed in a corner is it better though like when you're surrounded by fun things to do like i think it's a little bit better i don't know but we turned a corner because your guy went 12 for 15 on bets won 200 this200 this weekend, which was shocking.

Also, though, it's probably because I don't remember making a lot of these bets. And I thought I did, but then after Zach's comment about the FaceTimes, I just looked, and I have four. So he FaceTimed me. Don't remember that. I don't think I picked up, but immediately after, I have four attempts to FaceTime him. And he canceled me four times.

So, like, I'm just looking at it. And it goes 10, 12 p.m. incoming. And then I have 10, 12 canceled, 10, 12 canceled, 10, 12 canceled. So, like, I tried. I tried my best, my guy. And then to take from Zach's words, your boy was a crumb on Sunday. Bracket is busted, obviously, and close the weekend off with T-Bell and Lord of the Rings, as you do. I was going to give my ranking a 12 out of 15 bets because that's as positive as i could but now i feel like i should give it four canceled face times from zach so i'm gonna give it that

well it's better i like it i um just i just gotta add on to that briefly my sunday meal i'm gonna get my flight back from key west consists of a giant jersey mike's ital Italian sub on rosemary parm bread, a Poke Bowl, and a large peanut butter blizzard from Dairy Queen. Jesus fucking Christ. I like it. I respect that combo. So it was crossing the globe. I went to Italy.

I went to Japan. And then I went to Dairy Queen. I went to Dairy Queen. Wherever they reside. Iceland. Dairy Queen was originated in to Dairy Queen. Wherever they reside. Wherever she resides. Dairy Queen was originated in Iceland, I heard. Oh, really? That'd be kind of dope.

Oh, no, no. Sorry. Sorry. Greenland. That's where it's colder. Come on. There you go. Correct.

Brian, how was your weekend? Thanks, Corey. So, went to a couple concerts. The first one was a band called The Dangerous Summer. The opener canceled, like, the the day of didn't know that um so like we got there like an hour after i was supposed to start because i didn't want to see the opener and like still didn't start yet and the venue that i was at was like sort of just a restaurant it was like a bar and they had a stage and it was like a good enough size but like most of the people there were just at tables eating food and there's like

two people standing in front of the stage it was super weird for like the opening band that like played to like pretty much an applebee's it was really strange and then the main band came on and like 15 people got up and stood in front of the stage and everyone else just stayed at their tables and like ate food it was really weird it was super strange most awkward concert i've been to um and the lead singer was definitely just blacked out drunk the whole time he was up there like swaying around like slurring his words and you're like screaming to the 15 people out there like he was playing a great show to like nobody but so that was strange went to a concert the next day much better uh first band

i have a bone to pick though because they played a like cover love a cover at a concert but they played a cover medley so they play like the first 37 so great song and then they switch and it's like we didn't get to the chorus i want to i want to hear the hits it was stupid then the next band though was hot mulligan which is the last concert i went to before i caught COVID. So redeemed myself. Didn't catch COVID this time. That's good. Knock on wood.

And then it's been. It takes a few days to develop the symptoms. Knock on wood. It's been like five. It's been like five days. So I should be fine. Sometimes it takes six. It'll be fine.

And then the main band was Knucklepuck. During that, there was like the pit people were moshing around. At one point, this one huge dude picked somebody somebody up put them on their shoulder like a plank and they just started spinning around in the pit like a helicopter everyone just like stopped and was like what are you doing and he just had a good 30 seconds of just helicoptering around and then put the guy down and just like walked out into the ground super strange it's a good special concert it's a good finisher it was wild it was fun though um but other than that my landlord's been showing my apartment because i'm moving out and he came over on like saturday he's like hey man stopping over to show the apartment

could use your bathroom real quick when i get there i was like yeah sure whatever so he walks in goes to the bathroom doesn't close the door, sits down, just starts ripping one. And I'm like, so I go to the other room and pretend that I'm on my computer. It's a one-bedroom apartment. I can still hear it from over here. And he just takes a quick, really loud dump, flushes, comes back. He's like, all right, I'm going to go grab the guy. I'm like, what?

Power. Hold. Just to clarify. So your landlord came in before showing and was like, oh, I need to use the bathroom. He went to your bathroom, didn't close the door, and just started dropping a fucking deuce

with you physically near him? Yes. What in the fuck what also in his in his defense he is pretty old but he's not that old like he's bro i don't give a he's old enough he's not old enough he's about to sell this he's about to pitch this fucking apartment to somebody this man's still a salesman i can't even speak right now he's fucking so flabbergasted by this. What the fuck? Rooks is pissed he stole his move. That's what Rooks does every time.

Gets the apartment. That's so aggressive. Because, like, before trying to get somebody to rent a place, you would think it's like you're going to – maybe after. I don't know. But, like, when you got to go, you would think it's like you're going to, maybe after, I don't know, but like... When you got to go, you got to go. Could you visibly see a reaction from the person's face coming in, and did they see the

bathroom? Because like, at that point... They didn't see the bathroom. Oh. I forgot, dude. So they showed the apartment to like six people, and this is one of them. I forget which guy it was. But I was shocked. I don't know. I just... We had like a conversation afterwards too. He was like, hey, how's it going?

I was like, you just, the door's open the whole time. Did he? It was. How open? How? Like, like old. No, no, no. How open was the door?

How old? Fully. You have to say he's having hip surgery. No. He didn't shut the door at all no there's no way he just walked in he didn't touch the door

what the fuck old people don't care man they're gonna die soon they could give two shits if the door's open they could at least give one shit I feel like you could literally sue for compensation here this is awful. And then also, like, do you have poop or ear or anything?

Or is this man just letting it fly? Just like, fuck it. This apartment has a certain scent to it. Like, people are walking in, you're sitting on the floor on your fucking mattress, and it smells like shit. Everyone thinks you're fucking homeless, my guy. The thing is, he closed the door after, so he understood that part. But he didn't close it on

the way in which i flabbergasted i'm so lost i'm so lost so that was strange um he showed the apartment so many times my unrecognization of the week i found out that he took photos of the apartment after i moved out most of my furniture so on craigslist or zillow or something there's just a photo of my mattress in front of a tv in my living room with nothing else around it because one person who came in to like show the apartment i was like for the millionth time hey sorry all my furniture's gone i don't live like this normally like blah blah and she's like oh it's fine i saw the photo and i saw the apartment i was like i like this guy i was like please don't tell me that that's so strange hold Hold on, hold on, hold on.

No, this lady walked in. She looked like a character from Breaking Bad. Yeah, that's what I was saying. This lady walked in. Yo! She looked like she was doing meth. No, she looked like she did meth. She's like, I like this place.

That's awesome. It was not good. That's so sick. Rating for the week is six awkward apartment showings. Because it's strange all over the place. All right. You guys got your big boards ready? Yes.

I'm going on apartments.com. I'm trying to find these pictures, actually. Oh, please. Yeah, please. Can you please post the pictures? Ryan, what's your address again? I'm trying to find it. Post the link under the pod description.

Yeah, see if you can get any buyers. Burn, do not read your address out right now. Do it right now. You're leaving. So it is 1626. No, no, no, no, no. Dude, that was enough information, bro. There's not that many houses in Pittsburgh with that address number.

Oh, well, there you go. Now there is. You're going to have to blur that one out. And then Brooks is going to say, there's not that many apartments in this community. God damn, people. All right, moving on. So, draft. Do I have music for this

how do you not have short king anthem just loaded up copyright i don't know i don't i'm sorry give me a sound bite music instead of that give me give me a sound bite there you go give me milk. Boom. We're ready to go. That's our intro to the draft. We're ready to go. So we're going short kings and short king experiences. We're going three and three? Was that what we decided on? No, just whatever.

Wild card. Whatever you want, six rounds. Either or. Six rounds total? Yes. Love it. We cut the breaks. I have the randomizer up.

I'm going to press it. I'm not even going to look. I'm not going to look. Okay? Hold on. Rooks really doesn't trust that. Hold on I'm going to press it. I'm not even going to look. I'm not going to look, okay? Hold on. Rooks really doesn't trust Zach. Hold on. Let me reorder it. Did I press it?

Yeah, you did. Nah. Yeah, you did. Press it again. Press it again. Oh, look at that. Good press. Good press.

Good press. It goes Corey, then Bird, then Zach, and then Rooks. No, it doesn't. No. Oh, wait. Oh, shit. No, I'm fourth. I can't read.

Fuck. God damn it. Oh, it doesn't. No, I'm fourth. I can't read. Fuck! God damn it. Oh, how the turntables. I was hyped. Fuck! Well, I'm going to get off. Fuck this. See ya. Alright, now we get more picks. Alright, we've upped it to 12.

I mean, I'm in. I'm in. Alright, Corey, you're on the clock. I'm in I'm in alright Corey you're on the clock I'm gonna go as the representative short king here I'm gonna go with the one pick that I think might be the most controversial I'm going with Jesus

what? oh my god from Christianity.com it says he was average for his time and around average height was 5'5". So, coming off hot with the king of Christianity himself, short king, Jesus. Yeah, that's actually a pretty fired number one overall pick. I'm not going to lie.

You can see number one, bro? He has all those powers? He's not ready for that. You're at a party. Picture this. Ready? you're at a party picture picture this ready you're at a party let's just say let's just experience be turning water to wine is that allowed now well maybe okay but say that yeah you got you got water everywhere you know you want to drink you want a nice drink You're going to turn to the one true short King himself,

Jesus. And you know what? He'll cure leprosy as well. You know, you have that at the party. He'll do it. This is something I never thought about. I always assumed JC was taller than me.

Cause I'm like, Oh, he's the, you know, being grown up Christian all my life. It'd be like, you know, coming down from heaven.

I'm looking, I'm looking up to him like a father figure. Like, Oh, what up God? Now, now knowing the fact that he's going to come down from heaven, I'm going to be just towering over Jesus. My Lord and Savior is going to be tough.

It's going to be a tough look. Good luck, boys. I have Jesus. Good freaking luck. Do we end there? Yeah. Call it? Roll the credits.

Psych. I'm on the clock. Oh, man. With the second pick in the draft. Coming off the board, you know who it is. Rooks is sad. Everyone's favorite person. You may or may not have a cardboard cutout of him.

We're going three foot, three inches, coming from somewhere out in the middle of Russia, sort of that generation. Hasbulla's off the board. Thank you, everybody. Fuck you. Save the applause. Save the applause. It's a basic pick.

It's an uninspired pick. Oh, thank you. Thank you. It's fine. Look, Shor King, Mama A, is Hasbulla. He should have been number one. I'm sorry, Jesus. Jesus is cheating cheating he's got special powers you know his blue is just like he's the man of the people you know fuck you love you zach you're up all right uh play my music i want to be on the

clock okay thank you six seconds that was so sad i'm going to go i'm gonna continue the theme of the actual kings like it sounds like we're holding off on experiences a little bit uh i'm gonna go with uh the pink king kirby my short guy he'd be doing that sucking no uh he do be sucking dude he be sucking in he'd be floating he'd be turning into bricks and anvils. Yeah. I think Kirby's an underrated short king or amorphous object. I'm assuming he's a king. I think he's a guy.

I don't know. Short, short, king or queen. Gender fluid. Gender fluid king. Yeah. I think Kirby's pretty good. He's like a basic top five pick in Smash Bros. He's like Mr. Reliable. I'm not really feeling playing my number one guy in Smash today.

We're going to go with Kirby. Favorite color Kirby? The black and white Kirby. I kind not really feeling playing my number one guy in Smash today. We're going to go with Kirby. Favorite color Kirby? The black and white Kirby. I kind of like the black. A little retro Kirby. Wow. Didn't think we were going to pick the favorite colored Kirby, but here we are. Oh, well, we have to go back.

Corey, favorite color Jesus? Historically accurate Jesus. There it is. Thank you. Appreciate it. When you said Kirbyby i was like i feel like kirby's like gonna be surprisingly tall i looked it up he's eight inches so yeah wait wait wait wait that's fucking that's pretty it's pretty big okay can you just yeah yeah yeah

no yeah can you chill the fuck out can you not laugh about it like it's fucking it's a good size it's at least average i think it's huge it's a good size. It's at least average. I fucking Don't be talking about it. It's massive like I mean he's pretty round too, so like he's got that going for him, too Did that come did the vacuum come first or did Kirby come first and I mean that see you em um? I feel like the name so a name. Kirby Vacuum? Yeah. Vacuum's Orgasm? Yeah.

Yeah. You ever change it from suck to blow? There you go. Kirby. Brian, put the more you know sound in right after that. Wait, is there a blow option on vacuums i feel like it's really counterproductive that can't be the more you know sound serious question is there a blow option on vacuums is there a change do you ever change

that's a that's a fan my guy fans you can go blow and then yeah i didn't know i fucking could roll my goddamn vacuum outside blow some leaves like what the fuck is this shit just gotta turn the plug upside down okay all right all right all right rooks you on the clock i am on the clock so with my first pick and like i'm i'm getting this guy off the board. I don't think anybody is thinking this way, but I need him, okay? Dude's got a near and dear place in my heart. He's got a fat fucking ass, too. I'm going with, it's Wednesday, my dude's own. Corey Myers is my number one guy off the board.

I love you, man. It was on my list. Should have seen that. He was a mile away definitely not definitely not a first round pick though he was he was i'm gonna go behind jesus and then has and then kirby i think i'm gonna be okay cory cory's my guy you know i want to make sure we lock them up solid dude like it's mainly for the dumpy but like he has a lot of endearing qualities as well okay cory meyer is my first pick off the board.

Second pick that I'm going to throw in right now. Oh, no timer? Put it on. Do I need to be on this timer? Whatever. Time's up. These rules are a little all over the place. All right, we're skipping your pick.

Zach, you're back up again. Give me the music, Brian. All right, here we go. Are we done? I'm just kidding. Go ahead, Russ. Are we done? Are we done, soundboard guy?

Are we done? My second pick in this fucking draft is my boy danny devito absolute short king sexy as fuck is what my team i have the hottest team so far i got cory and danny devito out here like bro danny devito short king man is a boss mama fucking it's always sunny man is just he's too good frank reynolds is just too much of a goat guy fucks guy has money like what else can we do you know what i'm saying dude gets a magnum dong he has a magnum dong which he flaunts to everybody and then he also gets to he bangs artemis in dumpsters like i mean it's living the dream this is this was a fun it doesn't get better than that you might have i don't know if you actually looked at this hype but this was a interesting question i heard how much do you think

danny devito weighs oh god i don't even want to guess i feel like that's so is he holding a rum ham sounds like a rum ham so he's four do you want me to get he's four foot ten so factor that in and then guess his weight oh i want to see oh god 160 no he's way more than 160 i don't know man i can't he's dude he's 14 he's tiny he's so little like even though he's a gut it's gonna it's gonna look bigger he's at least 200 pounds he's dense he's like a dying star. Do we have his actual weight? I'm going to say... I'm going to go 210. Or 200 even.

Two bills. I'm going to go one... Day to meet him. Day to meet him. Cut him off. Please leave that in Please leave that in It stays in Oh my god for the viewers For the viewers. For the viewers. One dramatic pause. I'm going to give it one, and then Corey was just gone from Discord.

If you're going to do it, you got to cut my mic because I still said it. So there you go. Yeah. No, I'll cut your mic. Oh, God. That's so funny. 187. Let's go. So wait, that's what Google says or that's your guess. 187. Let's go.

Wait, that's what Google says or that's your guess? That's my guess, sorry. The dramatic pause really fricked with it up. I saw it. It says they're estimating 160. Eat my fucking literal ass, you bitches.

Let's go. That's what you drafted them. You know your boy. Fucking hoes out here trying to test me. Eat my fucking literal ass, you bitches. Let's go. That's what you drafted him. Exactly. Fucking hoes out here trying to test me. Also, sorry, viewers, for when I was laughing. I was literally just screaming into the mic. I was just not prepared for Corey to just mid-sentence just peace out.

Today's my day. I'm just trying to be as dramatic as possible. It's fair. All right, Zach. You're on the board. All right, let's go. I'm going to go with everyone's favorite two-foot cat,

my boy Garfield. He is, he's fat. He likes lasagna. He's a little angsty and angry, which I have learned to appreciate more

as I've gotten older. Everyone just leave Garfield the fuck alone and don't bother. Like, and I've grown to appreciate that over the years. I was going to draft the Grinch, but the Grinch is like 6'6". six six like the grinch he's tall so the garfield is the

short king version of the grinch and he likes lasagna so i'm a big garfield guy i'm gonna just say like those all sound like bad reasons to draft and i'm like you said like don't bother him and you're you're giving him the ring on his phone right now being like, hey, welcome to the squad, Garfield. You're part of the team now. Exactly. You know what we're going to do? We're not going to bother Garfield. We're just going to have – I just want him there.

Okay. I like it. Okay. The comparison between you and the Grinch, spot on. Right? I appreciate it. Kirby can suck Garfield. Oh, no.

All right, next. Jesus. Bry guy, who do you got? Back of the Oh, no. All right, next. Bry guy, who do you got? Back of the clock, boys. All right. Someone who exudes some Hezbollah energy. I've compared the two between each other before. Short King himself.

Coming in at one foot, four inches. Has some magical powers. Might be able to fight Jesus a little bit. I'm going Baby Yoda. Grogu off the board. Grogu, good pick. Let's go. Garfield is sitting on Baby Yoda and he's not moving.

Baby Yoda's going to eat Garfield. Slowly, but he'll eat him. How big is Garfield, do you think? He's got a little pop belly. I'm thinking Garfield's like 2 foot 30 pounds, probably. Are we talking height or pee-pee size? No. At least 8 inches. I would like to say, Zach just overestimated Danny DeVito's weight by like 50 or 60 pounds.

So his guesstimating right now should not be used. All right, Corey. Back-to-back picks. No one's drafted an experience yet i know as short king yourself i'm going to don't worry pounds bro i was 10 pounds off let's go before or after was for garfield's equals that's a fat fucking cat i know it's a cartoon but jesus christ that's a unit it's a unit short king uh he's hus A short king unit. He's husky. All right. Chonky.

Oh, better. Better. I'm going to save my experience for my second one of the two. I'm going to go my boy Bilbo Baggins. Come on. Like, it's easy. Claps. It is so easy. Well, hold on.

Bilbo over Frodo? Yeah, because Bilbo's the OG. And also, he's part of Frodo's family. Like, he's the first.bo's the og and also he's part of the frodo's family like he like he's the first he's the first one to come through you know he had the ring frodo frodo would not be there with the ring if bilbo didn't get it first so there you go um some say we could have avoided those three movies if if bilbo would have just done and we would have all been better for it had uh bilbo didn't know about that, though. He didn't know. Nobody told him what the ring was all about, my guy. Come on.

Oh, did he also find the bullshit army? This is another podcast. Ghost army in the third movie to fucking win the day and seal all the potholes. Spoilers. Another podcast. The eagle should have flown there earlier. God, I hate you. Don't get him riled up.

And so for experience, I'm going to go with getting the kids prices for an extra few years. That's a banger. That's a fucking banger. I'm not the one paying. It's still a good experience. Like you still get. It's for your parents. Not for you.

I want more food. Dude, as soon as I hit 10 or 11, whatever it was like ages 10 and 0 i was i was ripping the big kid menu i was ripping the adult menu i can get i can get seconds for still probably less than what people are getting for the adult meals also movies as a boy who loves the movies guess who gets to go see movies more because i'm getting the kids price my okay so that's a better that's a better. Don't tell me about the experiences of a short king without living the experiences of a short king. Don't do it. This is the one topic I will...

You're not strapped for cash. It's your parents. If your parents are drafting, great pick. Okay, okay. But also, can I say, might have kids one day, love the height I'm coming in at because guess what?

I'm going to reap the benefits as well. Don't reap your kids. That's not appropriate. Come on, man. Somebody skip this, man. Jesus. What's your pick, Byrne? Y'all suck.

I forgot I'm up. Oh, I'm going to go... I'm going to experiences. I'm drafted step stools off the board. I know that was high on all your guys' picks for short-kitting experiences. Wrong. What other piece of furniture is made specifically for you except for a step stool? Wrong.

Such a tall person attitude coming into this. It's so stupid. I'm going to draft an experience that combats exactly what you just did. Because guess what? That's not an experience. That's a freaking product, my guy. Get out of here. Child prices?

I mean, it sounds like you're mad you don't have a stepstool at your house at all times. Bitch, I don't need a stepstool because I got my experience. I'll draft later or honorable mention. You don't need a stepstool so you're not a short king? Off the board, Rooks, you lost a pick. Sorry. I did not. I stand behind him.

He's full of truths and you're full of lies. All right. Zach, you're up. All right. So I need to – You got Kirby and Garfield. I've got an orange cat. I've got a pink amorphous blob.

I need another amorphous blob on my team. He's 5'7", so we're getting a little taller than the 8 inches of Kirby and the 2 feet of Garfield. He works at McDonald's. I'm going with Grimace. Grimace is a 5'7", short king. I need someone to combat Jesus. I need someone to back Grimace. No. Back Jesus down in the post. Grimace has to be huge. seven short king uh i need someone to combat jesus i need some of this back grimace no back

jesus down in the post has to be huge when you would ask me how big grimace was i was gonna say for sure at least eight feet tall okay there's no way i thought the same thing but i'm like i wanted a mcdonald's cast member they didn't want the chicken mcnugget buddies or whatever mayor mccheese is definitely over six feet i look how's the hamburger the hamburger not smaller the hamburger is 10 feet tall my guy i looked up his height he is like eight to ten feet tall i have a serious question how you just said oh i really wanted to draft a mcdonald's character how the fuck does that connect to the short kings draft how does it like oh we're gonna do shorts kings draft and you're like oh yeah i gotta look at the mcdonald's characters one of them's gonna hit i mean this

might be giving away an experience but short i mean i i long for the day i can still play in the play place i know cory can go in there going on the slides go ripping through the little jungle gym go hitting the ball pit i can't do that anymore so i wanted to kind of draft a little nostalgia oh my god that's really funny that's kind of on my list, Zach. Oh, I'm sorry. Don't give it away. Trading secrets out here. Honorable mention. Alright, Grimace off the board. Zach's going all

fictional so far. Don't even act. Just don't say Grimace off the board. Let's not pretend like he was even on the board. Anyone's fucking bored. Dude, my team of Garfield, Kirby, and Grimace Child prices off the board. Dude, I'm just looking at my lineup of Garfield, Kirby, and Grimace. Stepstool and Child Prices off the board. Dude, I'm just looking at my lineup of Garfield, Kirby, and Grimace is objectively terrifying. That's awful.

I was going a very different direction with Jesus on this one. When did we decide that our teams were going to fight? You guys keep mentioning, like, yeah, mine would piece up their fucking guys. When did we ever say that they're going to fucking throw down? I mean, we're going to have rounds of 10-year-olds come at these guys. We didn't discuss this, but it's fine. How are our experiences going to fight each other? You can hit a kid with a step stool?

Come on. No, it's just a step stool. How the fuck is a step stool going to take on a play place? Baby Yoda's going to pick it up and hit him with it no this is just cory has low prices how are they gonna beat up little kids it's a great question it makes no fucking sense okay my next pick just to kick off my back-to-backs i'm gonna do an experience so this is something that i've witnessed a thousand times that i was always jealous of if you are the shortest person playing pickup basketball you're always point guard you're

always bringing the ball up because everyone just assumes you're the quickest and you have the best ball handling and it's bullshit because growing up your boy had some i used to be able to handle the ball you know i used to be able to handle some balls you know what i'm saying but like i was always you're like i was a little taller i was a thick boy i was a chunk boy and i would try to i'd stand they they throw the ball in i'd stand there with my hands up they look at me for half a second and then they look at the tiny little guy throw him the ball pisses off his leg he goes out bouncing shit i'm just like what am i what am i fucking chopped liver give me the ball but always getting to be point guard and pick up basketball short king experience that i was always jealous of 100 percent um i like it my next pick

oh do i go experience or person how many how many do we have left? Three? Six total. This is going to be your fourth pick. So I have three left. Three, four, five. Oh, Jesus Christ, four, five, six. Okay. All right. I'm going to... This is tough.

I'm going to go another experience here. I'm going to go... This is just something that i think is funny and sorry it's all my short kings out there i apologize but like i just think this is funny um your feet dangling in a chair it's hilarious like it's so funny like just someone sitting down and like just like a regular person chair and their feet just swinging back and forth it's on my list i respect it that was on my list it's kind of funny um i like it like whenever there's a really tall chair and i get to swing my feet it's great i miss it like i just think it's anytime i see just someone someone else

living that experience it always just it makes me chuckle a little bit so i figured i figured i'd take it off the board great pick i'm proud of you thanks dianne zach um uh you're gonna pick a fourth animated character no i'm going i'm going experiences with my i'm gonna round three people three experiences i'm gonna do um i'm gonna go getting booped on the head as a tall king no one can really give me nice little head pats anymore you can boop a dog on the head give him a nice little pat um like when i see my friend cory i like to give him a little head boop um anytime i see someone shorter like they can you know kind of like ask them how they're doing and pat them on their head so i think getting booped on the head is uh is it definitely a short king experience i'm kind of bummed i don't to me this feels like a cop out because it seems like a tall king experience that you're bestowing upon a short king.

No, no, no. That's an experience a short king has. They get booped on the head. Corey, do you like getting booped? No, I do not like getting booped on the head. 100% have to be a good experience. It is true. Honestly, I'll allow it because I just have experiences in here that I listed.

And now that I'm reading them back, I'm like, these aren't necessarily good. They're just things that short people experience so I think we're missing the point but it's like yeah I mean whatever I mean like I mean you know I just like I have Jesus he'll make me like feel better about all these things happening it's fine yeah yeah maybe he's kind of down technically since I drafted Corey do I get his his whole team in perpetuity as well? Yo. No. The team up.

He's a player coach, so he does both. I mean, I've got some pretty good reads, pretty good plays out there. I know how to put together a team. Also, was that the correct usage of in perpetuity? Because I have no idea if it was, and I just hear it all the time. Definitely not, but that's okay. In penis-tuity. You could have just said the word.

What are you going to do? I think you could have just said the word also. What are you going to do trying to sound smart on the air for the people? I'm sorry. Hey, don't try. Live on air. All right, boys. I'm going to pick my last human for coward picking a human.

I mean, I've never met him, so I don't know if he's human. I'm assuming he's human based on the history books. Jesus is off the board. Remember that. I said, yeah. This guy could be Jesus. Please pick the devil. This guy.

The devil's definitely short. Devil's definitely tall. No, he's definitely short. Devil's definitely tall. He's definitely short. All right. Coming in at 5'1", you might know this guy because he lowered the temperature of the Earth by a couple degrees

because of how many people he killed. Genghis Khan, off the board. He's really going to round out and kill some 10-year-olds for me. Jesus, watch out. Man. Dude. and 10 year olds for me so jesus watch out just man dude has bula at the hands of genghis khan he's gonna train him up what a leader kirby is sucking all these people i'm getting all their powers it's gonna be so easy imagine jesus kirby sucking jesus up and then getting like a cool little like Jesus hair or sandals. You can only suck one at a time though.

So hold on. Question. Why? Why? It's Jesus. Why are you focused on the sandals out of everything? I feel like that's always just Jesus is always talking about a sandals. He's like he took a sandals off.

You could have said Jesus has like a bottle. You could have said Kirby's going to have like a bottle of wine. I got a water come on guys resurrection I mean yeah but you're going we're going with items I thought yeah like like because you know the Kirby's like appearance always changes I kind of like the image of Kirby walking around a little Jesus sandals

or like a little a bunch of like disciple Kirby's like okay so good that'd be so good moving on moving on cory you got back-to-back picks man don't mess it up all right well pick better than child prices all right i've got one that i feel like you're gonna like i feel like um horse jockey literally you have to be short to be a horse jockey. I'm going experience or person, I guess, because like whatever.

There's literally never been a person that's over like over, I don't know, like five foot five that's been a horse jockey. So suck it. You're never going to be. And I know all of you guys have wished you wanted to be horse jockeys your whole life. So. No, he got cut off again. Oh, God, that's so good. I love this, that this is the episode where he's getting cut off. I am going to lose it.

Also short. Short K experience. Short ass Wi-Fi. Oh, God. It's only my Discord. It's really pissing me off. Anyway. Horse jockey.

God damn it. This hurts. Of all the episodes. Let's do an X-Pick. Are you drafting? So, wait. Is it an experience or a person? I need clarification. Are you drafting all So wait, is it an experience or a person? I need clarification.

Are you drafting all horse jockeys ever or the career path of being a horse jockey? Shut the fuck up. Career path, I guess, because you'll never be able to do it. Oh, God. All right. I can find a big horse.

Eh. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Yo, short king yourself. Come on, the clock's ticking, man. You guys will like this one. Never having a shower that's too small. Oh, that's a good one. I feel like I've been with you guys on trips,

and every half the time, it's like, oh, the shower's too small. I have to tuck my head. Idiots, all of you. You can't get clean, idiots. All right. Nice. Yeah.

Got it. Why aren't all shower heads just installed on the ceiling, though? Like, just to get rid of the height discrepancy in general. Just install it, and there's, like, a rain ceiling. Whatever it is. Because it's a little harder to run the pipes. It's a lot there's like a rain ceiling. Whatever it is. It's a little harder to run the pipes. It's a lot more work, right? Who's a plumber? Well, I guess Corey did fake plumbing.

Corey did his shit for his house, right? Yes. How is it harder? How is it harder? Because typically you have beams that you have to run through that's holding up another level of your house. So it's just more that you have to pay for and more you have to hook up.

I trust my... A shower head isn't that heavy to hold up no not hold up but you have to drill holes through beams that are holding up this is boring and stupid and we'll take this offline but like i'll take this offline um okay i'm gonna go experiences i don't think this one's gonna be on your board so but you're gonna like it um something that short kings get to see a little bit more often than tall kings different angle on thing never mind so back to what i was talking about got him short king get to see a little bit different angle on stuff and uh it's kind of nice sometimes so uh drafting under boob

superior to side boob and like sometimes you just get the top down and like that gets old but like what if i want to be a foot shorter and then just like – This man is burning out of himself as someone that's just staring at titties all the time in public and shit. This man just outed himself. This man is like, yeah, I'd be walking around just staring at titties. This is everybody. I'm saying I wish I was shorter. Get a different angle.

Whatever you say, Bryn. Dude, you can – Don't say you're not looking at boobs. angle. Whatever you say, Burn. Dude, you can say you're not looking at boobs. You can say you like titties. That's fine. Say what you want about Jesus, but I know that man

was loving some underboob. I can't believe in a short king's dress you drafted looking at underboob. Like, dude, that's a,

I'm shocked you aren't really excited for me. Zach, what's your pick? My pick is being able to buy child XL clothes. I think that when you walk in, like when I walked into Kohl's and I'd grown out of, very quickly, the child sizes, they had all the sweet jerseys at Kohl's that were always way cheaper than the adult jerseys at at cole's that were always way cheaper than the adult jerseys i like cory i

know you've definitely bought like a like a like a child xl martin broder jersey and you were like oh i can squeeze into this puppy because i'm a short king so i feel like you just your options open up a little bit more because i feel like you can border the line between child xl and adult small if i'll make the same argument brian did i have not my parents have because i know sorry i have faith or had faith that i would grow a little bit more and that would be too small and i'm glad i had that faith but yes corey doesn't fit in child clothes anymore so yeah do child so when do so when does it become offensive? No, I actually

forgot I used to shop at Build-A-Bear a lot. So Zach has a really good point. Do child sizes go up to XXL or is that just mean? Does it become a mean factor at some point and they just say go to adult small? I don't think it's mean. I just think it's

naturally just how it's like naturally just like how it goes like you're gonna keep growing and getting bigger eventually you're gonna grow into adult sizes right no they just take away adult sizes and they go off of kid sizes but like you would be like a quadruple or like quintuple xl i'm for it all right who's I got back to backs he didn't have the music so he didn't know this ends my draft correct these two picks end my draft correct

correct alright I would just like to take a moment to apologize to absolutely nobody number 5 on my list listenor mcgregor listen to that fucking beautiful accent right there that was perfect thank you thank you i appreciate all the applause um i'm picking five foot eight conor mcgregor dude be piecing people up he's entertaining as fuck short king to the max short king with the heart of like a seven foot dude like man's a lion and his tattoos

are fucking crazy i love tattoos are bad his tattoos are nutty i love conor mcgregor he's getting is it easy number five pick easy money i can't believe he's on the board this long gonna he's gonna get fucking jesus a little fucking some body shots you know i'm saying g's gonna g's gonna wish he was back up on the cross all right and my last pick is going to be um me and this guy you know we've i've talked about him like in a positive light on this podcast um recently he's been kind of on my shit list. I'm going with Kyler Murray. So, Kyler Murray is listed at 5'10". Definitely bullshit.

No fucking way this guy's 5'10". Like, absolutely his playing height. He's definitely 5'8", 5'9". When I played basketball in high school, they said I was 6'3". Your boy is barely 6'0". Okay? Like, Kyler Murray is definitely getting that playing height bullshit. He's definitely 5'8", 5'9". school they said i was six three your boy is barely six foot okay like he is kyler murray is definitely getting that plane height bullshit he's definitely five eight five nine i love the

dude to death and i'm hope like i'm hoping him being a part of this team you know he's gonna get he's gonna understand what like what being on a team's all about you know it's not all about kyler murray all the time like even though you got a rocket arm and you got little like child legs that move at like four three speed like you still like you got to be a part of the team man and so this pick is hopefully humbling him and getting him ready to go this year kyler murray wraps up my draft i'd like to picture kyler murray going to like the movie theater trying to get the kids price so i love that pick for you you can't get the kids price because you took all the kids prices exactly is that how that works i don't think that's how that works yeah yeah no that's how the draft works you show up one day we ran out of kids prices

we have no more kids prices actually but hey that's my draft. My team is fucking fire. Conor McGregor is going to... Between Conor McGregor and Danny DeVito, there's going to be a lot of drugs going around and going to bring your team down very fast. Yeah, Corey's going to go down that slippery slope, you know what I'm saying?

But it's all about the team. I'm a coach player. All right, Zach. All right, my last pick it's gonna be experience my short last short king experience is not picking up

chicks at the bar so sometimes oh my god you fucking dickhead so sometimes you just wanna have a night out

night out with the fellas and you don't have to worry about if you're gonna bring home a nice lady back so it's nice to have not have to worry about that as a short king

you always come back get a good night's sleep and just solidified my last pick You don't have to worry about it if you're going to bring home a nice lady back. So it's nice to not have to worry about that as a short king. You always come back, get a good night's sleep. Just solidified my last pick for me. Rebuttal, Corey? Just solidified my last pick for me. It'll be my last pick. It'll be a good closer. Yeah, Corey's the end of the draft.

You all laughed, though. Brian laughed. I mean, I'm laughing because it's so mean. You're just a dickhead. All right. But I mean, that just means everyone on your team is not picking up girls. Yeah, I'm sure we're about Garfield, Grimace, and Kirby. Kirby's going to have to start to... Never mind.

So, last pick. Hey, I'm doing some sucking yeah that's where i was going with that um i got my people they're rounded out between his bula baby yoda and gagus con we're taking over the world then they're just gonna be staring at underboob all day and there should be they could reach a tall heights it doesn't matter because they're short we get all the step stools in the world. So last thing I'm going to draft, being the actual little spoon. Everyone wants to pretend like you're the little spoon, but nope. You're just on the other.

You're jetpacking. You're jetpacking. They're koala-wing you. You're not actually a little spoon. But guess who's going to be a little spoon? Baby Yoda. Everybody's bigger than baby yoda i will i'll say right that that's a top five pick i don't i don't know how that just snuck

onto the radar like that out of all the drafts you six round out of all the drafts we've done that is easily the biggest steal i've ever seen yeah that is that's highway robbery right there you know what hey brian play the clapping play the clapping soundbite for yourself. That's good. That's good. Thank you, guys. On the board. Corey, short king yourself.

Any final statements? For the last pick, and this only comes because Zach had his last round pick, I'm going to draft actually having a personality to make up for your lack of height. Girls, all they say,

you want somebody who's six foot, oh, six foot, and then you bring them home, and then they're pieces of shit and trash, and your boy has got a personality, because guess what? I don't have the height, so I make up in other factors Bada bing bada boom I Love it. It's a great pack great back rebuttal. No, I mean, I just said the bar

I mean Cory's picking up these girls the grocery store. I just said the bar no girl at a bar is going home with This Oh my goodness. Well, that's our draft. I'll post it. No, honorable mentions. We got to do honorable mentions. Fair, fair, fair. All right. Just get him out there.

Throw him out. Anyway. Go ahead, Rick. Just do all yours real quick. Only other person I had on my big board that wasn't drafted that I chose. Bruno Mars. Dude's got the voice of an angel. All of his music is fucking sex music and it's great um like it's all like baby making music he's i used to not like him when he was all poppy now he's doing all this

shit with anderson pock fantastic um and then my experience that i left on on my big board um i growing up wasn't a huge fan of roller coasters so having that out to not be able to ride them because you're too short like i would have loved but they were always like no like you're tall enough you're getting on the ride and i was like and i'd get on and like fucking be a little bitch about it but like i had friends who at the time were just like oh i'm too short i can't go on like that's and i was like oh man like i'm like i'm like squatting under the little fucking ruler and shit the little bear has his hand up but i'm just like squatting down and twerking on him and shit but that was my that would have been a great that would have been a great draft pick would have been the uh the are

you the he must be this tall sign guy as a short king because that guy's only like a couple inches taller than the four feet or whatever it's not wrong all right zach uh the only other uh king i had was prince prince is sick yeah he can rip guitar he changed his name to a symbol and also just the name the artless artist formerly known as prince which is awesome um For experiences, I have a few. Getting called little guy. Standing on your tiptoes. I had that one. I had that one, Zach. That's pretty good.

A shorter bench press slash squat path, which usually means you can squat more and bench more relative to your body weight, which I'm jealous of. Less likely to be struck by lightning. And piggyback rides when you're an adult. All pretty good. That could just be a thin kink kind of experience. No, but short's easier. Thin kink. Thin kink draft next week.

If they're too tall and gangly, the piggyback doesn't work as well. First overall pick on the thin king draft is being called Gumby. Incredible. I had Prince, too. He's 5'2". That's crazy. I didn't realize he was that short.

Tiny. Also, I had Muggsy Bogues. Come on. He was going to be like a big. Wait. I was just about to say a big. Brian a big. Wait. I was just about to say big baseball guy. That is not right. Mugsy Bogues is 5'3".

Yeah. That's my mom playing NBA basketball. It's wild. And she could. I got Grogu, but I also had Yoda. Me too. Do you have Yaddle? I could have stuck in the family.

Do you have Yaddle? Oh, the girl from the Christmas special? I don't, but that's a great deep cut. And then I also had Abdu Rozek. So if you know the beef that Hasbulla has with another short guy, another short king, it's Abdu. If Rooks would have drafted Hasbulla before me, I was drafting Abdu because, you know, a little good cop, bad cop. We're going to throw down. Good scouting.

And then I have two experiences. One, you know, a little good cop, bad cop. We're going to throw down. Good scouting. And then I have two experiences. One, short kings live longer. Just proven facts. And then two, the air is much cooler down where you are. I'm always warm. So, like, I like a little breeze every once in a while. Yeah, is it? I think it's the opposite.

Aren't you closer to the wind? No, he rises. What do you mean closer to the wind? I don't know. You can feel the wind from the ground know you can feel the wind you can feel the breeze more what do you think closer to the wind like if you're in a crowd if you're in a crowd and the average person is what average guy is like five eight five to nine average girls like five five five six right so the majority of them are down there as a tall king i'm standing clear above

them and i will get the wind i'm closer to the air could be closer to the floor vents though oh that's true you're just sucking off the floor vent god that's yeah kirby's down there just blowing me it's fine man always have always will god damn it um cory round us out uh all right so once i realized the direction we were going was not uh the Jesus route, I also had Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi. You should have kept them. I kind of wish I did, but whatever. Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter himself, five five.

Peter Dinklage, come on, short hand of the king. Boom, bada bing. Mark Wahlberg, the Funky Bunch, Pe bunch peacock gotta let him fly um he's five eight uh all right and then those were all my kings i had left and then i had uh moving the driver's seat up uh getting on someone's shoulders at a concert, so kind of piggybacking. So this is combating the step stool. Climbing up on counters to get to the top shelves, because sometimes I still have to do that. Being able to go on kiddie rides at an amusement park. Marking your height on the kitchen doorway in your 20s.

Always fun. And asking tall people how the weather is up there. It's a good one. It's closer to the wind. Exactly. Way closer to the wind. Alright.

I'll post these on our Instagram and Twitter. Not our last picks at the end but the actual ones we ended up drafting you can follow us on twitter instagram at iwmd underscore pod i'll post the clips of the episodes the drafts a bunch of other stuff raise five stars on apple and spotify leave us review on apple as well if you want to finally if you want to be part of the episode there's a link in the description of every episode you can call in leave us a question yell at us tell us what our draft was and we'll put in the episode but thank you for listening brooks you got your uh horoscopes ready oh yeah better be a short king

hey hey i got you okay call my people out there life is short. Always be a King. Outro Music