It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 61: Quit More Things, Look at More Balls (Baseball Draft)

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

Did you know whales blowholes are the same muscles as your butthole? The boyos delve into this discovery and then also draft baseball experiences, players, or just anything baseball related. Rate us 5 stars and leave a review on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. So I'm happy we didn't do the podcast last week because of home. And I really wanted to ask this, but I didn't want to yell it in my parents' house because they're just like old and don't do anything anyway. So it's super quiet. But I don't know why, but I was in the shower and I thought, how deep do you have to dive into the ocean before like water will go in your butthole because of pressure you know okay um there has to be you can do the math a lot to unpack here okay so what was the thought that led to that usually there's like you see something and you're like oh that makes me think of this and then it makes me think of so how did we get there i guess so much

to unpack i maybe the shower had like really strong pressure and i was like hmm but i don't know i was trying to remember why i got to that point and i didn't have written down so i'll say as you admittedly has on this podcast have said like you don't get in between the cheeks when you like you're like the bottle is out of play for you and i just don't with in between the cheeks. The bottle is out of place for you in the shower. I just don't with a bar of soap. I don't know, man. We can check tape. But as someone who's against water shooting in the booty in the first place,

I'm a little confused as to why this came up with you as well. It just doesn't seem like it's your speed. So do we want to do the math, get out a whiteboard real quick? Just like before we start measuring, are we talking nautical miles or are we talking land miles? Because this time we actually are talking of the ocean. So definitely nautical. We're going deep underwater.

Would it be like a really stupid thing if I just Googled exactly what you said? Like, please do it. I probably trust me,s like i probably i have looked this up okay i was like i was like it definitely like the butthole option is definitely not going to be like the top search on google but there's got to be something of like the pressure where the water will go into your orifices you know what i'm saying i think if you type in how deep in water do you have to go before and give me like the top 10 autofills, butthole is in there. Butthole is a top 10.

Mouth, nose, eyes, ears. And then, yeah, that's four. Well, finishing that sentence isn't just going to be how deep in the water can you go before ears. It's going to be like before you die or before something. Well, yeah was i was thinking it's fair enough but i was thinking like what would you google before you get to the butthole of of water shooting into your body from i mean butthole is number one guys i'm telling you i'm surprised you're not on board with this is this something you have to be on board with

it's a lot of so i have um how deep do you have to go in the ocean before water pressure like that's where i ended it yeah and it's just water pressure changes drops is low increases kills you is the top five that's five you go number six butthole easily number six put it on the board thank you steve um so in my research uh it had to do with the muscle of your butthole specifically it's a sphincter i it's a sphincter muscle which a whale's blowhole is also a sphincter so whales have buttholes at the top of their heads fun fact yo i have so how deep can whales go into the ocean i guess and Do they have the same muscle strength, butthole muscle strength as a human would?

Oh, I got the butthole strength of a blue whale. I googled how deep you have to go in the water. What did I type? Until water pressure shoots in your butthole. That's how I finished that one. So just reading these links, does water go up your butthole when you do a cannonball great question that's actually a really good question yeah when you go swimming why doesn't water go into your butthole and fill it up and fill it up i'm literally i'm gonna be on some

like fucking google list of just like weird like people are like yeah watch out for this guy he's been googling some weird stuff recently that's those are the two goofy answers i see everything else is kind of like everything when i tried to actually find the answer they're like it's it won't happen like you're gonna die before it happens i was shocked by i didn't expect my butthole to be that strong yeah i mean i will say so like i after reading these link titles i was curious as to why water doesn't go into your butthole and fill it up when you swim i was curious yeah but hey according to reddit a shout out of faithless heartless it's called the sphincter a ring of muscle surrounding and serving to guard or close an opening or tube.

Hey, big time, the more you know energy right now. That is the exact user account that I would expect to write that post. What was it? Please say it again. Faithless, heartless. Thank you, Reddit. So that's been on my mind, guys. I'm happy we got that so it poses the question though because if it is a muscle can you work out that muscle and would you add it to your workout

regimen my asshole i mean is that is that what you're trying if you're trying to deep sea scuba dive my guy you can go all the way down like that's the thing when you go down there like do you gotta like clench is that the thing. When you go down there, do you got to clench? Is that the thing? When you get down there, you got to have the butthole muscle to clench it up? Apparently not. No. My butthole is surprising me.

I'm impressed by that guy back there. He's just holding his own. He's putting in overtime. Yeah, man. Talk about the sixth man award. Unsung hero. You get it? This guy's number one. Yeah, man. Talk about the sixth man award. Unsung hero. You're kidding me. This guy's number one overall pick, dude.

This guy's MVP. Mr. Most Relevant. Well, okay. All right. So, okay. So the butthole's a no. What about the urethra? The urethra is not like a tight muscle like that.

Maybe yours isn't. So you're saying water's going in your urethra? The urethra is not like a tight muscle like that. Maybe yours isn't. So you're saying water's going in your urethra now? Urethra burn, yes. I'm saying like... So it's like the butthole, it makes sense because it's like clenched tight and it's like a little barrier, you know what I'm saying? But like your dick hole, like...

You don't clench your pee-pee? I clench it, but I can't like... You don't clench your ureth clench it but i can't you don't clench your urethra franklin no you uh get like a chip clip right yeah yeah yeah the one that you usually put on yours the one that you usually put on your snyder's pretzels you just rip that off clench it down now dude fuck that dude some of those things and some of the things got some snap to it my guy i will tell you what ridges but like sometimes you don't have those so you just gotta like fold it underneath and then like sit on top of it you know now we're like i mean you're wee wee oh it

just doesn't like like you never have water in your dick hole but like your dicks like furley fully submerged like does your like dick muscles like stop water from coming in i think it's like a vacuum and like that that would be that would be the opposite wouldn't like shit go into like your dick more than it's like a leaf blower nope you gotta switch it to suck instead that's what you're doing wrong just like cory said about uh kirby i just uh what the fuck is going on so we have a scientist friend we could call oh okay jesse's a nurse we have scientists on this planet that are researching that no just not dude dude jesse's probably like working right now her friend jesse's nurse she's probably

working dealing with like some like really serious shit and person hey so like dude when water goes in like your dick hole like just that's a question jesse would be all about though we can ask her the next time we see her but like okay let's jesse will be on the pod soon and i will ask her yeah sorry jesse we keep we keep fucking we keep fucking up and not have you on the pod we apologize is it better to have her on the pod and ask her like this as the topic or like oh it'll go on hot seat question okay thousand percent go on hot seat i've sorted that out all right boys what uh what day of the week would you work out your butthole i mean monday's push day so tuesday's legs hump day sounds good well wednesday wednesday's typically leg day for me so like i mean you can work it out too at the same time

i'm just saying like you you were listing your days i want to list my days too i'm gonna superset butthole on. It is Wednesday, Mikey. My nipples are hard now. Number one, remove your bra. I like nuts. This is my butt. I'm ready to go.

Golf is a sexy thing. My dick will go like, boop, and just flip inside out, and it'll turn into a vagina. And you take me. Hi, boys. Intercourse, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack. Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby.

God damn, he's so good. Yeah, he calls me big time. Ah, ah, ah. Wow, wow, wow. Booty. Of course, makes me dookie. If you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back out. And then I swallow.

I want to die. Raw dog and lower. A kid's turkey based on nipples. Just got slopped. Rock's dick has anchor arms i think i gotta get out of here i don't fucking great question who has vertical butt cheeks to the death episode 61 back from a week off uh talking baseball this week for opening day

rooks's idea to draft some things america's pastime uh zach's on paternity leave taking care of lego star wars currently but there's still three of us i'm brian we got rook What's up, Poppies and Chicas? We got Corey. Hola. And it's been two weeks, so we better have some good stories from our weeks. Eh. No?

I don't think I have a good story, but I have a lot of really dumb comments to make, so strap in. Corey. How was your week? weeks i think maybe even three weeks because i wasn't on oh yeah you might yeah how was your month man i don't even remember three i guess i said goodbye to you three weeks ago so uh one tear for brian adios i don't know maybe not times it was like 10 days sure um but the last thing that i can remember

that i wanted to talk about was i was i went to arizona to go visit the fam um and had the worst travel experience of my life uh not as bad as brian's couple weeks ago, but still bad. You still got to your destination, so that's better. Yeah, so I guess now I feel bad complaining, but I'm still going to complain. Don't fly anywhere right now. It's awful. I don't know if you guys have seen a lot of people's posts. It's ridiculous.

I thought it was just Southwest. People are just canceling everything. It's not even just Southwest. Is it because of worker shortages? Worker shortages, but the kicker that is Southwest was – just canceling everything it's not even just because they're like worker shortages worker shortages but the one the kicker that is southwest was so we this is two weeks ago we're supposed to fly direct to phoenix from pittsburgh friday at three o'clock flight got delayed an hour and then immediately just canceled with like no explanation was weird we were already in the airport bags checked so we had to like run over to the to the gate and like talk to the people

to see if they could move our flights around because we weren't going to go back like home we already took a day off but we were of course at tgi fridays having some drinks because we were trying to settle the nerves for claire bear she's not the she's not flying is not our favorite thing so we're doing that get lit so naturally we go and are the last people in line to go get our flights changed so that's great and then uh they move us into denver we never find out why it was canceled which is uh kind of stupid but then we fly into denver get in late have a drink with a friend cole shout out cole and then the next day we're supposed to hop on a flight to go from denver to phoenix at 11 30 in the morning and we wake up we get to a flight to go from Denver to Phoenix at 1130 in the morning.

And we wake up, we get to the airport. And the first thing that we see is our flight is delayed for five hours. So we're on the airport for six to seven hours just chilling there. And I found out the reason it was delayed is because Southwest wants to like do an update to their system and like brought down their system so like every flight from in like in the east coast or like central was like delayed at least six hours or canceled for that day so we're like great fantastic classic mix-up classic but we eventually got to sedona we saw uh my parentals jeff and elena uh they're their road trip. I need to pull up the handle. Brian, you've got to tag them in it for their Instagram account as they travel around the world. The U.S., not the world.

Are you sure you want to associate your parentals with this podcast? Are we sure we want to just... I'd be okay with it, yeah. I thinkff would be interested they would have opinions they only have themselves to be disappointed in because i am their child so that's a good point you're not wrong exactly um but yeah spent time in sedona uh spent time at the grand canyon flew back of course had another delay so uh don't fly um and then this week i didn't really do much cleaned hung in got my like shit in order which is kind of

nice adulted a little bit watched some movies saw beyond the pine her that movie where that dude freaking uh walking phoenix falls in love with an os weird as shit but like pretty good pretty fucking weird but like pretty good sorry to interrupt like i'm not gonna watch that movie does he fuck it no oh man you seem so excited when i saw all the previews of the movie and shit i was like this guy doesn't have sex with the phone does he like like so can you elaborate on have sex with the phone, does he? Like, so can you elaborate on have sex with the phone? Does he have phone sex or like physically like dick inserting somewhere? Into the cell phone or whatever?

No. Like a headphone jack needle dick. Just jamming that shit in the USB. Like trying to get some, trying to get some headphone. Swing and a miss. That's pretty good. Boo. All right. Where's your OS sex joke my guy uh exactly suck one at a time though i asked the question man he does not but okay they do have

phone sex yeah i figured that would be like yeah that would be like less polarizing but like i was just curious when it came i was like dude does this guy just fucking like yam it against the screen or something like how this is happening it was really funny because i was this was like saturday i was like claire was coming over we're gonna make uh like pulled pork and just like make dinner and watch a movie or something she like comes over i was like watching the movie and i'm like sitting on the couch in the like the scene that she like walks in he's like having a conversation like phone sex with the os and she's like what is this i was like uh it's a

movie her like have you ever heard of it it's not what it looks like no yeah i was like i swear it was nominated for awards uh that was pretty funny uh and then chilled with her family on sunday so it was good um i don't know what to rank this the last two weeks um i guess i'll rank it how many hours are you stuck i know that's what i was trying to figure out i'll rank it i think it's like 15 hours in the airport. Yeah. It's not fun. No. Not good.

Ew, that's so gross. All right, Rooks, beat that. How many hours are you in the airport? Zero hours in the airport. I would just like to comment on Corey. A lot of people talk about this shit, but it's like that shit where it's like like the you're the worst like the worst scene for someone to walk in on during a movie always like it always happens like i watch house of cards in my parents living room like on like summer break or something there

is not many sex scenes in that show like there's like compared to a lot of like a lot of like risque shows there's not very many sex scenes but when there are they're either like like very loud sex scenes or they're very strange sex scenes my dad walked down for all of them i watched like the first two seasons when the show was first released every time there was a sex scene i'd hear steps down the stairs i was like well my parents think i'm a pervert so that's great um he did that on purpose he knew he'd seen every episode this is my favorite part we got what are we at uh 22 minutes and 30 seconds of episode three oh fuck but no it was uh that shit always happened just running down the stairs

just it's like christmas morning the sound effects fucking freaking good oh god um weekends i guess okay so last two weekends

last weekend niece denise came out to dc partied it up we went fucking we went to the zoo saw some animals dude we walked up to the panda exhibit i said exhibit jesus these two pandas just wrassling it was the cutest thing like these two baby pandas the second we walk up they're just like tussling on the ground having a little greco-roman style action going on it was crazy but it was the cutest thing i've ever seen but zoo was great um went to clarendon ballroom friday night i talked about in this podcast before fire dance floor just literally one of my favorite dance floors and all of dc because it's like it's a big fucking place like it is a ballroom. And it was just bumping.

DJ was spitting that heat. Only knock on it, the bathroom's downstairs. Y'all gotta do something about that. I hate having to push out of the dance floor. You have to go all the way to the front. And then there's a staircase that goes downstairs. You go downstairs. I don't need this maze every time I need to take a piss.

I don't need it. It's a good breather, though. It lets you reset. You're not waiting in line in the middle of the dance floor. piss okay i don't need it it's a good breather though it like lets you reset i'm not like waiting in line in the middle of like the dance floor you know i literally came to clarendon ballroom man i know what i'm signing up for i'm not i don't want to leave the dance floor how's the water pressure though i already don't shoot up your breathers um but anyway strong enough anyway weekend was solid north carolina getting a little dub skis um carolina uh that that weekend they got

the dubsties okay that's that's saturday they got the dubsties they and i just want to clap it up or this carolina team um they gave me more than i could ever ask for okay coach k's last night cameron indoor yeah fucking ruined buddy you're fucked that's an l for you get out oh first north carolina matchup in the tournament ever coach k's last season coach k it's time for you to make a run and make the championship right fuck no get the fuck out bitch that's an l retired love it this team just just ruining coach k's last season i love this team i love this team forever but um yeah so it's a solid weekend this weekend your boy didn't really

do too much i was like busy doing shit but not like like going out like uh i went saturday saturday i had to go oh my god I had to fucking spread mulch So I Oh I forgot that's a thing in Rockville That's like the biggest event At my high school that I coach at The biggest fundraiser of the year Is this goddamn mulch sale

Where they just sell thousands and thousands Of bags of fucking mulch right It's like It's huge for the school though and it sucks but i like the football team specifically they have a fundraiser where they like the players go to different houses and spread mulch so i don't fuck i was on my goddamn hands and knees saturday morning just fucking spreading mulch into these goddamn yards for people not an ideal way to wake up not at all but hey we did it um and then your boy did some

shopping i got some drip i have some weddings coming up this summer i had to get some suits i had to replace a pair of pants from a wedding last summer um finally got the replacement parent and i literally i was with she i was with my mom my mom was like are you sure you want to get the slim fit ones again i was like yes i was like they looked fucking great mom i'll with my mom my mom was like are you sure you want to get the slim fit ones again i was like yes i was like they looked fucking great mom i'll take my chances again it's fine did you go up a size at all no no they fit fucking perfect are they a different material or something lemon like stretchy pants or something come on stitched. The exact same pants, boys. They looked way too good. I'm not

eating them out. More on the bingo card in the easy category. Again, this time I was prepared last time. I had the black compressions on under anyway. We're good to go. It's fine. You bought those pants knowing you're going to do it again. No, I'm not.

We're going to be a little we're gonna we're gonna be a little we're gonna try to be more conscious of it it's fine um but yeah i got got a bunch of wait i want you to take this sound clip the episode after the wedding because i really want you to play it for rogues because there's no way there's no way those pants stay connected they're gonna they're gonna make it this time they're gonna make it um but yeah i did and we will check tape in about two months i did i did but yeah i did get the exact same pants that i ripped beforehand it's fine they look fantastic um got a bunch of other shit sunday morning rain was falling no rain wasn't falling went and played golf your boy shot a 98 say less dude we're vibing had a pretty solid

weekend um not too much going on um how do i want to rank this um you know what i'll give it one pair of pants not ripping for the boys can you go to a wedding though to rip the pants but all right i'm i'm manifesting that i'm not gonna rip these pants okay okay vision boards just pairs of pants with really strong stitches on exactly right how's the weekend incredible so i've moved like 10 days ago now uh move out day was a lot so my i had to call all my utilities to turn them off or whatever but i forgot i called them and said they could turn them off at 8 a.m because i thought i was gonna be leaving a day early so i wake up i work from home i get on my computer at 7 30 start working 30

minutes into it my power just shuts out i'm like okay so i have to like can't work from home anymore uh i have to run to quarries and like work run back home pack some stuff go to quarries and work come back home finish packing stuff uh when i get home the second time i hub cap is just missing from my car so that's great i also step in dog crap on the way out to pack my car so there's dog crap on my shoe for the entire time i was moving in and out hell yeah then i can't can't fit everything so i just have to like throw stuff on the curb and then give some bunch of crap to Goodwill because highly overestimated what I could fit in my car.

And then I was at Goodwill and I had so much crap like in my car to like put some of it on the roof of the car, take some things out, put them in the bin, then come back into my car. And then I drove to the gym, but I left everything on my roof still. It's lucky none of it fell, but I still like drove a couple blocks to the gym got out what went parked went to like lock my car so i turned around to look at it and there's just crap on my like roof still i'm like well the fucking what all was on your roof do you have like one was like tape up there like what it was only a block or two like it was i didn't go very far but one was like a potted plant it was like ceramic so it's like heavy but like that thing would have shattered everywhere

dude it was uh crisis averted but like you know made it north carolina in good shape um but that day i went to the gym there's some dude drinking sparkling water in between sets am i crazy or is that weird that's weird i mean it's a little it's a little strange but like i don't know maybe he's a class not the weirdest i feel like that's a i feel like that would be like a rich person thing um i think it actually what is that the green bottle yeah yeah yeah yeah it was perrier uh and then at the gym in north carolina the one like on a military base there i saw a group of three people. It was like a family all wearing McLovin t-shirts. That's kind of hard.

You know the one with the ID? But every once in a while, a guy will be wearing it because it's a throwback. But to see a group of people all wearing it to the gym, it's not like you're going out to a bar and it's a thing. It's just casually, we're all wearing this t-shirt together for some reason say it that's fucking hard they are so strange um but yeah i was at home for a week decided to deal with my parents and that was not fun they're just get ready to get body bagged on the air again well so one uh did you guys know that ireland is not attached to britain because they didn't yeah they didn't know it was an island because they're going there for like a vacation i was like how you get into ireland they're like we're driving there i was like you're landing in britain

right she's like yeah so we're gonna drive there i was like that's you can't it's an island she gets attached to it it's like mom look at a map so she was shocked to find out 60 year old lady i don't i don't know so i told you extra this just burns rents if you guys are listening man this is not the podcast for you okay you guys get pretty much body bagged on here every time you get mentioned they're so boring i just she came back from the store and was like man dude could you believe they didn't have full gallons of milk it was the craziest thing and i was like wow like i don't what am i supposed to say to that like a store without something man dude she's just like she's just i mean i think it's kind of weird dude that's just like all she says though though. It's a good one-day conversation.

Then it's just filler. It's just filler. I just can't stand it. I'm picturing that specific. Your mom only talking about the milk to you the whole time you're there. You're like, that's all she talks about. I know you're mentioning small talk, but I'm picturing it's going to come up breakfast, lunch, dinner before you go to bed. Of all the topics, Bra guy does love his milk yeah she's just trying to follow your passions trying to bond with you man no but

she's like is it wasn't that weird i was like no it's it's not they run out of stuff all the time like so i'm happy i'm not home anymore um uh driving to raleigh though i saw a sign for a kfc did you know there's buffets at kfc or am i crazy have i have you ever seen that before i don't think i've seen that before i don't think i've seen it i almost pulled over it was like i think i need to go to a kfc buffet right now give me unlimited mac and cheese okay but how much how much like car time did you have left? It was only a two-hour drive. It was not worth it at all.

I was not hungry. I just wanted to get there. So got here fine, unpacked everything. It's been here like a day or two. I was on NC State's campus today, and there was some dude filming a music video, so that was sick. It might be in the background.

Shout out to whoever that guy is. And then shout out. I was coming back. Big shout out to that guy. If you're listening, that guy, we hope you make it. I wanted to Shazam it because he was like playing the music on his phone and then like they're recording it. And so you probably find it. But I also didn't want to like walk too close to him and be like holding my phone out.

Like, hey, man, what's the song? But I was trying to grab food on the way back here. And I was like staring at this window because there's like a menu on the window of this place. too close to him and be like holding my phone out like hey man what's the song um but i was trying to grab food on the way back here and i was like staring at this window because there's like a menu on the window of this place i've never been and then i hear like a click and the dude just locked the door and walked away and i was like sick man tight so they like just shut the door and locked it in front of my face i was like all right well i'm not going here so i ran back yeah i guess man it's i don't know i don't like the south it's too hot too racist and too hot so my rating one out of 12 i'm at the first airbnb out of 12

got about five books it's a big game i just love brian saying he hates the South and he's on day two of being in the South. It's got a lot of already long journey. He's going to spend a lot of time in KFC buffets. I'll tell you that. I wish not, man. I'm crossing that Mason Dixon line on 30 days. All right. You just wait.

Me and Rooks be hanging out. We're going to be vibing bird's gonna be living at my place pretty much are you guys gonna podcast from like the the couch turn down your mics and try to do that you should we should look a little asmr podcast welcome welcome we're training buttholes today uh it's what c I currently have one full gallon pressurized into

Prince asshole no no you don't they're out of full gallons he doesn't

have full gallons fuck me oh god alright we have a baseball draft but before that have you guys seen the show The Ultimatum?

No. Dude, it is so cringy. It's so... I had to turn it off. I couldn't. Really? What is it? Oh.

In the first or second episode, this is not a spoiler. The guy gets... One of the boyfriends gets up from the table and cuts everybody off because they're going through picking their next partner for the next three weeks and he's like everybody's like what are you doing and he like goes to like walk over and like I don't even know what he does because I was so like

I felt so much cringiness I was like this is so I didn't even I assume he's like gonna propose to his girlfriend because I was like it's so much worse so bad and I could feel it like I could feel the levels of cringe rising up and I was like it's so much worse so bad and i could feel it like i could feel the levels of cringe rising up and i was like this is getting turned what is this on so for rooks it's on netflix okay and it's it's the two people that host love is blind

vanessa and nick lachey host this one okay the premise is there's a couple and they're an ultimatum and so one of them says we either have to get married or break up so because this makes any sense they go on the show and they're gonna be they're gonna break up and then they get a new partner for three weeks and they live with them and then they go back to their original partner for three weeks and then they have to answer the ultimatum so like yeah great idea uh when you want to marry someone to just break up and hook up with someone else. So it starts off strong. So it's literally, it's just, okay, you guys have this ultimatum.

We're going to, we're going to put you with somebody else for three weeks. And then you're like, well, they, they like, they date for a little bit. It's like,

they have a small time of like all of them get to talk with each other. And they're like three people. So hold on. It's six couples and so for a first week they're all there and they'll have to like pick someone they all like try to date each other all at the same time it's like a couple over there stuff like they sit with each person they're sitting in a corner talking to each other when bern said they all said they all try to date each other i was like is this a six-way couple right now what the fuck it's like there's a lot of dynamics that need to be discussed and i don't think they

can discuss that on tv no but it's it's great the scene that cory's talking about super cringy and it escalates like three times as much looks you would love it i i will definitely watch it it's really good i just finished uh i just finished uh season two of salt lake city of um real housewives so the schedule's open man what a great feller what a great next up yeah uh i'm gonna pass on that one you guys want to talk some baseball my only my only comment for the one episode i was out that i forgot to mention on my update was that i was lost and if somebody found me, they get a reward. One, what's the reward?

And two, do I get the reward if I find myself emotionally? Oh, what is going on? You've lost yourself emotionally. The reward is a guest spot on the podcast. So congrats. You're here. Yeah, we didn't get those milk cartons made in time. We found him him it's fine

uh cancel the amber alert we found our short king all right rooks uh baseball draft yeah so opening day just hit the other day you know we're getting back into the swing of things over here you see what i did there the swing of things you see like baseball like they have bats so there's a guy who holds the ball on the mound and he pitched no okay um mansplain baseball to me it's really simple like you don't get it like what the fuck um but no so um we're gonna draft we're gonna draft baseball related things so you know our drafts if you don't jesus christ buckle up but our drafts are very all over the place so it's we're just drafting anything baseball related

so it could be playing it could be a player it could be an experience Brian's mind is running right now it's wide open I would draft the sand that is in the infield that's a sleeper pick right there okay

also did you call it the sand on the baseball field? It's dirt. It looks like sand. The sand? Oh my fucking Jesus. This guy has to draft baseball related things and he's calling the dirt sand. I'm setting the bar where it needs to be set on the ground in the dirt because I know nothing about baseball in the sand in the sand but hey okay I don't care where I go in this draft honestly because like I don't think anyone's gonna

take mine so like all right Rooks is third I'll go third that's mine Zach second I will be I will be drafting for Zach on his behalf he said yes sorry his picks in the winter. Yes, sorry, we didn't explain that. I really don't care. It's like, I don't... Who's going first? Okay, I feel like there's going to be a lot of obscure picks. When's Zach picking? Second. Second.

So I go twice, okay. Yep. For the first overall of the entire draft, I'm going to draft the walk-up song. The coolest part of baseball to me is that every player gets to pick their own walk-up song and it's like i guess you now thinking about it i guess some players have it for like entry music for like base for basketball and like stuff like that but this is every time you come up to bat it's sick and you can pick whatever you want

like i don't know i think it's it's a nice way to put your own little personal touch into the game even though you're a professional baseball player you could be like i want gasolina to come on because you know i'm throwing that gas it's been chosen before exactly or like uh didn't they didn't uh rivera have like enter sandman when he came in his name's like, exactly. Like that. That's, it's just so sick. Like so much hype for a game that I will say pretty freaking slow.

That's a, that's a huge hype moment. Like, you know, you're down by one, you're coming up as a, like as a fan watching that favorite player or something. Can't even imagine what that player would be feeling when you hear that music.

That's gotta be pretty tight. I still stand by having the iPhone default alarm as my walk-up song. Just rattle the pitch. Just terrifying. Yeah, you're either getting walked or hit by the pitch every time. He's going to drop the ball on the mound, just balk every time I walk up. It's going to be great. How do you call the dirt on the field sand but you know what is yeah because

because you do you want a little insight into one of cory meyer's bucket list items he wants to see a balk off and the only reason i know that is because he's told me a million times and i have to ask him every time like what is that it's not something you can ever plan in life in life but i would love to see a game because it's happened before i'd love to see a game where there's a balk off anyway that's that's the one baseball thing i know oh my hey you know what brian good for you for uh listening uh plus you know what plus one to you for these irrelevant points. On the board. Yeah. Okay. Zach will be picking the hot dog where the bun is squished so tightly around the wiener that it has become one entity. I fucking hate him so much.

I know exactly what he's talking about. It's like the one they put in the tinfoil. It's the pre-made kind of and they just like wrap it up like they like probably give it like indian burn you know what i mean like that's how tightly they're wrapping you know sorry oh guardian burn yikes oh washington football team burn you're fine um why does zach only talk about hot dogs when he talks about sports? Golf? Hot dogs.

Baseball? Hot dogs. Everything else? Hot dogs. I'm starting to question some of his opinions. He's the glizzy god, man. You can't... It's just what it is. Glizzy god is aggressive of a name. All right, Rooks.

Hot dogs are off the board, specifically squished ones. If you want pristine hot dogs, I will allow it. You could go jumbo dog. You could go thick weans. You could go double fisting hot dogs. Aren't you third? You're third. Oh, wait, what?

Okay, whatever. Just go. My third pick, or the third overall pick. Fuck. Welcome to the draft. Well, I'll see myself out. Oh, my fucking God. Jesus Christ.

Skip two rounds. So, my first pick is going to be stadium beverages, okay? So, hey, you're a child. You're having a little cold Sprite on a summer day. Nerd. Be an adult. Go grab something like a Budweiser and represent America's pastime

like the sport we're watching, okay? Nothing hits harder than a nice cold beer in a baseball stadium in the spring and summer. It just slaps. It hits so different. And yeah, it's going to be $12 and that probably will get sold at a 7-Eleven for two. But you know what?

I'm still going to drink at least one or two an inning. Okay? So get out of my face. And it's the best. I love that shit. Oh my God. It's just... Two chef's kiss for that.

Love me a stadium beer wallet. Yeah. Oh, dude. Every time I go to baseball game, I spend racks. But... Yeah. I have a great time. You know? I am what I am. Yeah. a stadium beer wallet yeah oh dude every time i go to baseball game i spend racks but yeah i have a great time you know i am what i am yeah bry guy what do you got um so i'm gonna pick picking grass in the outfield because that's really where i shined back in my day my playing time it's a day

just those finger muscles man were strong uh people just did not expect me out there oh man oh don't don't go like that because you're picking grass come on these finger muscles are strong man oh we're getting deep inside them grass um yeah i didn't i didn't play much and you know what other sport can you just sit down and relax that much, you know? So, off the board. I know that was high on your guys' board. Knock it off. All right.

Oh, I'm back up again. On the turnaround. Oh, yeah. After picking some grass. I'm going to pick striking out and t-ball. Because there is not anything more embarrassing and least less athletic than picking grass than striking out when the ball's not moving and man did i do it a lot you just hit the stick every time and the ball just plops down you gotta pick it back up uh life is rough i thought in t-ball it was like you like swing until you hit

like i didn't think you could strike out. Oh, yeah. Oh, trust me. You don't. You just get walked to first. But walking yourself? It's tough. Walking yourself after hitting the tee six times in a row? Yeah. They created a Brian Mayberry rule in North Carolina.

This is why I hate the South. Not to be confused with the infield fly rule. Yeah, don't confuse the two. All right, Rooks. It's not your third pick. It's your second pick. It is the second round. Okay.

My fourth pick in the second round. No. My second pick is going to go to umpires calling strike, like the best, the different varieties. So your boy grew up playing baseball and been to many a baseball game. Like just the variability is great, but there is nothing that just makes someone feel shameful when there's a

70 year old guy standing behind you and you strike out and you just go, like, it is just like, yeah, it's like you walk into the dugout head down. You're just like, my girlfriend left me. My parents, they got in the car. They walked out on me now. It's just, it is demoralizing, and it's my favorite fucking thing in the world. Grandpa yelled at me.

I'm picturing right now Brian striking out in his heat bulb. And then Rooks is, strike, strike. I've heard, it's great because sometimes people put emphasis on it. There's a guy, he was known in our rec league

because he came back every year. This dude wouldn't even say words. Every time there's a strike, he just goes, and that's it it's like it's like how am i supposed to hit with this shit going on behind me like what the fuck is that there's two rules two rules one i'm the king and two sorry um but like it's just literally it can be it can be game changing like having an umpire that like throws down behind you. It's game changing.

What's he throwing down? He's throwing his fucking because they do like the little hand thing. So they go like one strike, two strike and then like, like, it's the best. Turn up gang signs back there. I know. Everyone thinks they're fucking. We need to bring back the XLB again, man. We had an episode on that.

I mean... It would be nice. Give us two umps back there and have them just fight each other. I would be... Both the members just going, Hey! Hey!

Dude, you gotta have... You gotta do something ridiculous. Two umps that if they ever get into an argument and it turns into a fight, but their feet can't move or something ridiculous, they're just like rock-em-sock-em robots just fucking hitting each other and shit, that'd be tough.

It's a three-legged race. Both their feet are tied together on the inside and they have to stay like that the entire time. We gotta do a full write-up on this league and then we'll come present it to the audience. We'll talk to Vince McMahon, and he'll finance it. Oh, 100%. He'll throw some cash around.

But yeah, that's my second pick. Midwestern Milkman, you're up. All right, on Zach's behalf, his fifth pick in the second round. Dumping way too much money into the 50-50 raffle and justifying it when you lose, saying that part of your payment went to charity. God damn. Are all his answers this specific?

They always are. They get, I mean, yeah. Oh, fuck me, dude. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they don't get any less specific. I guess I'll say that oh that's tough um that's still has he ever won should we call him i don't think i don't think he's ever won if he's won i feel like he would have told us by with that statement he's definitely

never won no shot that's fair oh jesus all right uh i got the back-to-back right okay cool um you have the back-to-back to back-to-back you have four oh god it's a lot of talking um i'm gonna go with yelling good cut when your worst player whiffs on a swing oh it is by far the most demoral i i guess demoral not more demoralizing than striking out on the tee ball. But, I mean, everybody knows what you really mean when you say good cut, but it's just such a good filler that everybody has as a fallback. Like, probably I think the number one invention with baseball was that saying because I feel like you walk away not feeling like a piece of shit

even though everyone knows you're a piece of shit when you just whiff hard on a pitch. So, good cut. On the turnaround, I will go with bringing your glove to the game knowing you're never going to catch a foul ball. That's a great pick. That's an absolute eater of a pick i don't know if i've ever even known anyone to catch a foul ball but man a lot of people have brought gloves to the game and respect to them because i gave it up a long time ago and it just brings me joy when i see it that's so fucking true dude i remember i remember i was playing baseball when i was like little and i went to diamondbacks training camp and i got my glove signed by like

all the players and shit and then i was like well now like i don't want to use this for like when i play because it's like signed by everybody and i was like yeah i need a new glove now my parents like what the fuck and i was like this is I was like, I didn't expect this. Like, but yeah, I've never, I've literally never caught a pop fly. And I,

I, I took my glove always. And I went to a lot of games growing up. I always took my glove. Not, not one ball was hit in my section the entire time. Like, uh,

I mean, I don't think I could catch one, to be honest. I'm going to be the guy that hides behind a girl who catches it. So just look out for that. Brian goes, he's just looking for grass poking up through the cement in the stands so he can pick at it. Good God. Strong fingers. Can I guess what Zach's pick's going to be?

Sure. It would be weird if you guess it. He's going to choose the fact that the managers of the team or coaches, whatever you call them, wear the same uniform that the players do. I feel like he thinks that's awesome. No, he didn't. But you know what? Keep that one for yourself. That's a good one.

I know you got a shrimp board. That's a good one. Because I hate that. Dude, you're 85 years old. Take off those baseball pants. I do not want to see your moose knuckle from the nosebleeds. I wear glasses and I can see

which ball is on which side because they're all twisted up. You do not need to be wearing those. Girls talk a lot about baseball butts and stuff. Girls who are checking out the butts. Burns go to the game strictly for the dicks burns eyes burns i just staring at dicks the whole time i mean moose knuckle is the whole package you gotta tell you that right now it's not just dick and balls jesus christ please draft i'm surprised it's not on his... I'm not drafting that. You have to draft it now. That's my undraftable.

That's an honorary pick for you. I'll take honorary. His undraftable, not to be confused with the Uncrustables. For Zach's next pick, and Brian, you need to splice the song into the podcast after me saying this. He is drafting singing Go Cubs Go. They're singing Go Cubs Go.

Go Cubs Go. I'm not doing that. Gross. I knew you weren't. Disgusting. It's me now? I think Rooks, you're up. Do you just say Go Cubs Go?

Is there a song yeah so every time someone gets a hit everyone everyone to their friend just looks at each other and they go hey go cubs go and that's all gcg hey chicago all right do you say the cubs are gonna win today is that actually how it goes yeah nerd all right. All right. I'm out. My third pick is just going to be super general. Relief pitchers. The whole idea of relievers is amazing. Like, you might not play ever. Your job is literally to come out because someone else is playing shitty,

and you just have to play mediocre for two innings, and then you're done like you literally there is there is no like you can come in and do a shitty job and everyone's like oh it's fine like we expected this anyway you know what i mean it's like yeah it's like being like backup quarterback it's like it's just no one expects anything of you and like you just get to come in you they're just sitting in the bullpen and like traveling the fucking traveling the united states they pick up phone calls on a goddamn like real telephone and shit it's like what the fuck like what an awesome life that is you know what i mean like operator there's zero pitchers like every reliever only throws like three pitches like they don't they

don't even have to do like real mlb level pitching like a lot of them don't have like a crazy repertoire or anything it's the dream job it's the absolute you're literally just traveling the united states like that's that's your job all right so our xlb relief pitchers they're just gonna charge the batter and if they knock them over, it's an out. Yeah? And we'll have like 10 of them. It's high speed, so right once the at-bat starts, the reliever gets to run in from the bullpen,

and if he tackles the batter before the ball is hit or the batter strikes out, he's out anyway. I guess it would be a double whammy if he swings and then gets tackled and you're out and then out i will feel free to use the bat on the relief pitcher too that's completely legal i will say i need the i need the run from them to be from the bullpen because one of my favorite things is watching these like goofy looking relief pitchers because most of them are goofy looking jog all the way from fucking right field to the mound at literally just a snail's fucking pace like just the slowest

brisk jog you've ever seen in your life so i need that to be the run into them taking on the batter the batter gets the bat but the relief pitcher gets to bring the the telephone that's a landline. Rotary phone is just solid cast iron. Also, all relief pitchers in Pittsburgh must be wearing pierogi outfits. It's just part of the rules. Alright.

That's my third. I got you. Back-to-back picks for me. I know you guys are real sad. That would be a burn pick, not going to lie. I'm not a fan of... All right, we're moving on. That wasn't a sturdy argument there, Chief.

That's only on days that end in a while. Along with picking grass, just something that's great about the sport uh you can just sit in the dugout and just like not do anything like 90 of the time you're just like hanging out with your friends like when you're on offense i kind of took one out of 15 people are actually doing anything you're just sitting there shit like there's no other sport where it's like once you play like pool and you have a team of 15 people for some bowling, maybe you're just sitting there doing nothing. So dug out.

Fuck off the board. I'm surprised that you said you had like 20. So like mine was like, yeah, I'm still fine. But it's like the idea of like like baseball is like social gathering on and off the field, like off the field. Like when you're watching baseball, you don't have to fucking like you could just sit there and chat. And then when you're in the dugout like no one's paying attention to anything like yeah that shit was literally

like the confession like talking head interview of my high school is like being in the dugout for baseball is like you getting all the tea at all times and that's why he's in the real housewives now it's true um back to back picks though uh to go along with not doing much,

playing the outfield when it's coach pitch, because that's as far as I made it in baseball. No one can hit it that far. So at that point, that's when you sit in the ground and start picking grass. Big outfield guy. Just put me as far away from people as possible. I was social distancing 15 years ago.

It worked out great. don't like people anymore um really good development for my mental and social health so really picking up a lot of people on this podcast my guy burns parents are sitting next to first base he's like yeah how far can you get me away from my parents please uh i just remember so my only story that i remember is i played like second base and there's a kid running from second to third i like got the ball and i was like i could run this kid down so i ran him down and dove but the ball was in the wrong hand and i tagged him they're like that doesn't count i was like that's so stupid like i hit him with the ball it's fine they They're like, nah, she's not out. After that, I was over it.

Just never wanted to play again. I hit him with the ball. I just tapped him. So yeah, outfield. Off the board. Oh shit, it's me, right? It's you again. I'm going to pick the first player of this draft um i'm gonna pick uh myself

shit but me a trade me fuck that's a great fuck that's a steal right there um no i will my the only player i'm gonna choose is randy johnson okay randy johnson led the diamondbacks to world series he exploded a bird that's how hard this guy fucking throws he blew up a fucking bird with a fastball absolutely legendary do you know what his fucking nickname is oh long johnson the big unit yeah the big unit is his nickname do i need to say anything else Long Johnson. The Big Unit. Yeah. The Big Unit is his nickname. Do I need to say anything else? Like, that's... It's over. Dude, a lot of Moose Knuckle.

Tell you what. All of the Moose Knuckle. That's the one Moose Knuckle I'll be like, okay, like, I'll sneak a peek too, Burn. I'm with you there. That's where you frame it. Get it signed. It's a Moose Fist, my guy. Jesus. It's not one kn signed. It's a moose fist, my guy. Jesus. It's not one knuckle.

It's all five. How many balls you got down there? You got some growths. Get those checked out. Seabird, what do we got for us? All right. So Zach is going on behalf of Zach. He's going to go with the next player.

He's going Kyle Schwarber. And this is direct quote. Kyle Schwarber, he hits mammoth home runs, a.k.a. Schwarbo's. He went to IU. He absolutely mashes, taters, and ding-dongs over the outfield wall. He's built like a hoss. Yeah.

Yeah. That's probably. Jesus Christ. And also, now, I support that pick because he's a philly so uh go phil go fight in phil's schwarbo's had to get it had to get an indiana reference in there somehow yeah of course yeah all right well we won't give that the light of day we will move on to the next one um i'm gonna go with returning foul balls for a freeze pop oh did you guys do that yeah wait what no but you've told me about it what it's just so up in new york state baseball which your boy was okay i got a lot of thoughts about baseball hated playing

it because your boy's strike zone was very little he was a short king now and way back in the day you can imagine what that strike zone looked like um i got called for strikes up in the face anyway part of new york rules uh the little concession if you if anyone a patron who's coming watching you know siblings or whoever else nobody's going to a little league game that doesn't belong there uh that i know um if you went and like grabbed the foul ball or i guess a home run ball and brought it back to the concession you would get a free freeze pop and it was like their way of like not losing baseballs that's actually pretty tough yeah and like it was great so everyone loves freeze pop exactly that's all i have to say about it um and then on the turnaround i'm gonna draft last pick

is it last we have two we have two more oh we're doing six yeah yeah all right moose knuckles still on the board if you do need it you need one moose knuckles there um i'm going to draft the rigged mascot race in the seventh inning. Every team has it, and it's fantastic. Classic pierogies. Classic pierogies. Chester cheese, I think.

It's great. It's great for the kids. It's great for the drunk adults, a.k.a. me. You know who's going to win, but at the end of the day, do you actually know who's going to win? And it keeps people on their toes. So I'm going to draft the rooks for you, the President's Race. Yeah, President's Race.

Pierogi Race for Pittsburgh. And fill in the blank for the other ones. And then Zach on the whatever pick this is. Five. He's going to go with make... This one might be what Rooks kind of already said, but we'll go... He's got backups in case.

Making friends with the beer vendors since you've gone to see them every inning. Jesus, I can't read. No, that's different that works okay mine is the beer itself his is the experience of getting the beer and getting to know this guy handing him the beer yeah that makes sense that's a solid choice i like that one good on you zach it's way better than picking someone from fucking iu all right my fifth pick is going to be

ripping absolutely unfieldable balls like line drives in batting practice when you're hitting to other players on your team so like sometimes in practice our coaches would like let us like hit the the ground balls to like warm people up and i'm literally just fucking full swinging that i'm like hitting the ball to the goddamn outfield for no we're hitting to like shortstop and second base i'm hitting like perfect line drives in the outfield and shit just sending that shit just out here flexing you know just showing off the skills making everyone look like some little bitches i was batting like a thousand in batting practice okay like i was sitting there just ripping heaters okay yeah i was throwing it to myself, but I was hitting bombs.

But hey, it just lets the people know who's the alpha. You know what I'm saying? We know, yeah. Yeah. I hate baseball. All right, my fifth pick, to go along with all my others of picking grass, striking out on tee ball, sitting in a dugout doing doing nothing and then sitting in the outfield and doing nothing uh quitting

baseball it's a big moment in my life and i didn't play after coach pitch uh i was not good i realized i couldn't hit it past the infield and i I was like, well, that's probably a sign. I should just stop doing this. So yeah, quitting. I suggest everyone do it. Hold on. Hold on. In life?

Or I assume you mean baseball? Well, people should quit more things. People have too much motivation sometimes. You don't have to do something for as long as people do it like all of you started doing really well in the world in the world tone it down you know take it back a notch just like ruin your life slightly to let the rest of us catch up you know break some streaks this is the saddest no like i we need to address this for a second one are you okay two i cannot wait to see this post on on the instagram where it's just depressing depressing depressing like

burn your little pictures for your draft just needs to be a bunch like frowny faces and shit just like literally just frowny emojis the whole time. Alright. To round us out, I was told we were doing five picks because I had five and then apparently we're doing six. No one said anything about how many picks. We did. We talked about it.

We didn't. We definitely didn't. We did. We did like a second before we started. Alright, pick it. Pick it. Pick a moose knuckles, boys. Let's go. The boys love it. Everyone wants to talk about it, but they don't because they're too afraid to quit.

You know, quit more things. Look at balls. All right, Brooks, you're up. Do you know what they say? Eye on the ball. I don't, I don't need to do a horoscope this week. That horoscope was perfect.

Quit things and look at balls. Um, so to round out my draft, um, I'm going to go with, it's kind of, it's, it's not the same as Corey's,

but it's just saying kid at the end of everything. So in baseball, it's like literally just, kid at the end of everything. So in baseball, it's like literally just, Hey, good night kid. Come on now kid. Fuck went out there kid. Like just being able to just say that and no one questions it and everyone

joins in and it's like, Oh yeah, that was a good one. Like I'm gonna, I'm gonna steal that. Like it's just, I don't know. I don't know why.

I don't know who just was like, yeah, I'm going to put kid at the end of this. And like everyone was just like oh fuck that guy's a ring to it and it's just everything from then on out like you just put kid at the end everything and then it sounds like it's baseball

related honestly but that's my last pick we out here that's a really good pick I'm not gonna lie I like that one a lot rounded it out alright Zach pick another Indiana player zach is gonna pick ditching work at noon to go to a 120 game enough sat shout out great pick shout out his employer yeah you're the real mvp

also like it's really funny just looking at the one above it that says making friends with the beer vendor after seeing the ditching work in noon that's pretty it's pretty good getting a really good picture of zach summers i think oh yeah these all these all track very very strongly oh they're great um and uh last pick cory uh moose knuckle unfortunately did not drop off the board sorry yeah unfortunately baseball butts are still there good point i'm gonna go are we gonna do honorable mentions i know know Brian doesn't have any. Yes. Okay, thank you. So this is an irrelevant pick then. I'm going to go with Pablo Sanchez, anything baseball related. Banger.

The last pick? I mean. Yeah, that's a steal. That's an absolute steal. Like self-explanatory, don't have to say anything. Pablo Sanchez, the GOAT, the MVP, the real one. What was, do we know what what did they have walk-up songs in um backyard baseball no uh probably not sometimes pay for true it was like it was like

really like it was just like kind of like goofy like cartoon music but not like a song yeah i don't know if it was like specific but like i remember there being some you know what all right if he was gonna have a nickname and he does, he would be the unit. I think. I'm pretty sure his was the secret weapon. He did have that nickname. I'm pretty sure his was the secret weapon. Yeah, the secret weapon, aka the unit. Yeah.

Alright. So, Corey drafted walk-up songs, sang good cut, bringing a glove to the game knowing full well you're never going to catch a ball. Such a good one. The foul ball freeze pop trade, the rigged race at the seventh inning, and Pablo Sanchez.

Zach drafted the squished hot dogs, spending a lot of money on the 50-50 raffle, knowing you're never going to win and that your money will eventually at least go to a charity. So like, okay. Singing goes, Cubs go. Kyle Schwarber making friends with the beer vendor and leaving work at 1 p.m to go to a game rooks drafted the stadium beverages calling strike the

umps calling strike crazily relief pitchers just in general randy johnson hitting live drives at players at batting practice and just saying kid at the end of everything boom and i drafted uh picking the grass striking out in t-ball doing nothing in the dugout doing nothing in the outfield quitting the sport of baseball and moose muckle and i have a point given to me from cory yeah so just make sure that's out there too honorable mentions anyone mentions? Anyone? I think I have all. I've said all I need to say. Brooks, you probably have better ones than me. I'll go through.

I just have a bunch of random things. Zach has one. It's having, quote, afties at one of the many Wrigleyville bars. I have saying can of corn for a pop-up. Yeah, go on. Helmet ice cream slash nachos and keeping the souvenir helmet and then uh steroids because shout out steroids steroids big shout out make the game of baseball pretty fucking interesting xlb bringing them back every Tuesday game we hand them out to each

fan that comes to the stands no no no no foul ball you return it free needle you get the wrong crowd man you're gonna get a bunch of poor ass body builders man but they're gonna

shag those balls so quick man they're also gonna punch children and shit gotta get fucking huge for instagram oh fuck i think we have to say no kids allowed at the xlb that's for everyone's safety probably fair yeah i think that makes sense um my honorables um do you guys know who Bartolo Colon is? Yeah, the guy that the Mets are still playing. No, no, no, that's Bobby Bonilla. Bobby Bonilla is the dude who just is living life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Bartolo Colon is just fat as fuck. Beautiful pitcher. I love him to death. Gotta love bat flips. This thing where it's like, hey, bat, bat, hey i don't know love it um i think people people getting hit by pitches when it's not on purpose so i hate like oh he hit a home run i'm gonna hit him now like fuck you like you're you're a bitch like pitch better but like when it's just an accident and a dude gets

like a hit in the fucking ass and shit it's just funny um and then um i like walk off home runs uh like come on like juicy uh show hey otani how do we not talk about show hey at all like a pitcher that is godly at pitching and hits homers like it's the only interesting thing about baseball right now no i'm just kidding but like half kidding kind of and um oh every every video that's like people at the game that are just like taking pictures of them doing shit at the game like every time when it's like them panning over the crowd it's like girls like or dudes like holding up like hot dogs or beers and they like pose for the camera and look goofy as shit and then they just like put the camera down and like they sit there and just look miserable at the game after it's great honestly i'm shocked brian didn't pick like not paying attention to the game of baseball when you're at a game of baseball because it is one of the pros of going to a baseball game is like

there's barely anything going on like you hear the crack of a bat and you're like okay there's a hit everybody look but you can actually have a conversation and like hang out and catch up with people i was trying to go with a theme and i stuck to it pretty hard i didn't want to do anything positive so like yeah ignoring baseball at a baseball game is kind of negative for baseball it's kind of negative if i left it at that sure but you brought in the like and enjoying it with your friends part that brought it it back. That part brings it back. But also you did draft Moose Knuckle, which is a really positive part of the game. So when I described it, I said it was a negative part of the game and you guys turned it around. So you said it was a negative part of the game, but then your description sounded so positive.

Just balls and pants. Oh, I have one more more i have a actual one phone that i thought of yelling lean in whenever there's a pitch anywhere close to the batter no so we went to remember we went to ashley's softball game and oh yeah yeah we like forever ago we yelled lean in so many times and it's like she was in like 11th grade it was like jv softball we're the only people in the stands we were screaming so and she ended up getting hit by a pitch and i was so hyped oh my this might be my favorite game i've been to one of my favorite like piece like pieces words of advice that i've heard is my friend kevin told his sister when we were we were in high school so she was in like middle school and she was just

starting to play softball and kevin goes melissa every single pitcher is not gonna pitch you strikes so just stand there he was like if i watch a game and i see you swing you gotta find another ride home i won't be driving you home and melissa was like the best player because she just got walked or hit by a pitch the whole entire year and it was the best advice i've ever seen he was like these girls are trash just stand there you're better than them it's fine good god so good he should have been the coach. I know. It was so good. If you could win a game without swinging, is that, we need a new name for it.

It's not a perfect game. It's like a. It's called a no swing, a no swinger. A no swinger? It's not very creative. I mean, it's called a no hitter when nobody gets a hit. Like, sorry the game of baseball also isn't creative. Fair.

It's not. They got a ball and they hit it that's they wear t-shirts and pants that's their uniform with a belt oh also how do we honorable mention how do we not mention uh people charging the mound that's always fucking great how do we not yeah oh fuck because it never had it barely happens they have a thousand they like 1500 different games in the year and that happens like once like i'm not it's so good every time it happens though it's so good oh my god all right xlb we start out each inning they have to charge the mound first batter every time it's it's got to be like it's gotta be like hockey where it's like before the face-off like people determine

they're gonna drop gloves it's gotta be just two randomly selected people by the coach to be like you're dropping your glove this round. And then they have to like fight each other in the field and then meet up. It's a wheel that we put on the Jumbotron, right? It's like says home and away. And there's two wheels and there's every position on each wheel, including manager. And you spin them both. And those two random players have to run into the middle, like, you know, middle of the field on the mound and just duke it out oh my

god picture freaking like okay old ass like dusty baker running out against fucking like six foot seven swole aaron judge just like well this is gonna be a problem it's gonna be a short fight everyone's gonna have to sign the waiver it'll be fine

but i mean they come on Tuesday nights, they catch a foul ball or two, they're going to be all right. We're pumping them full of drugs. It'll be okay. And then we have to make sure there's more games because everyone wants more than 162 games. I'm thinking 365.

I don't know. That's just a guesstimate. One for every day. Okay, you're done. You're done. You're done. Every game is a back-to-back, and they play the same amount of days in a regular season. Oh, I think we just do a marathon. You go, you play each other.

Whoever has the most points when a team quits wins. So you can play for as long as you want, but you you win you win what's the ticket structure on that do you have you just like have people pay for one ticket and then they can walk out at any point or like actually it's a it's a subscription service so you pay like 20 dollars at the start of every month and then depending on how long you're in the seat we're gonna have sensors it'll be five dollars for every hour that you're in the seat after that but you pay a 20 upfront free upfront fee every month unless you have a gold membership and that's you don't act like you can afford that are we gonna do like a yeah like a bring a friend like if you have a like subscription you once a month you got like a

guest pass we're still we're still we're still working on that hold on you have to think of the market right our demographic is people who are abusing steroids gym folk right and we got a model the same model at the gym you know you have free guest pass like once a month at the gym i think that makes sense that's true that's true i'm thinking can we do instead of a 50 50 raffle like a 20 80 raffle just like really take more of their money no no 100 100 zero let's see let's do a 98 or 2 to 98 raffle and the prizes are going to be worse than the 50 50 raffle you're really going to want to get in on this you get the hot dog that's wrapped and molded into the bun that's some drunk person dropped that we scooped up for this raffle perfect maybe

we do the the marathon game is just playoffs because then they'll really want to actually do it you know regular season 100 games oh we're getting rid of series in the playoffs as well it's one game yeah one game every time yeah but but it's you play until one team quits you play 365 games where you're doing you're doing double headers every day for the season and then we wipe the record at the start of playoffs because that doesn't matter and then you play

single game elimination boom yeah we draw out of a hat for the rankings for the playoffs the regular season doesn't matter this needs to be a separate podcast okay we have way too many ideas this needs to be a separate podcast. We have way too many ideas. This needs to be a separate podcast. We will be here another two fucking hours.

We do have a lot of good ideas. I'm not going to lie. These are all great ideas. We could put this together. We could start a YouTube channel. We could start broadcasting games. Where can people fund our XLB? Yeah, yeah. We're going gonna start a gofundme uh you can follow us on instagram and twitter at iwmd underscore pod we'll post the link just send us some money

we can start our 20 or 2 to 98 raffle right now if you want us to just let us know uh rate us five stars leave us a review and if you want to be part of the show there's a link in the description of every episode for a kotlin uh you can yell at us or tell us your idea for the xlb we'll put it in the show uh but thank you for listening brooks give us like give us a horoscope i got you guys so i'm taking some inspiration from something i heard in this podcast i wonder what it is um quit more things look at more balls Thank you.