It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 65: Elephant Dick, Hitler Staches, and Butthole Pressure (Mom Draft) ft. Jessie

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

The boyos get another female in the field to come guest spot on this weeks episode as the kookiest toon squad member makes her first IWMD apperance. Jessie gets the hot seat and gets asked the pressing questions about buttholes, cleaning dishes, and the worst smells shes even experienced as a nurse. We draft moms this week in celebration of mothers day. And we get our bingo card started for Jessies wedding. Rate us 5 stars and leave a review on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. So this is from Corey. He says, I won't be on this week, but please discuss this thought. Do you think elephants get self-conscious about the length of their trunk? I mean, I want to say I don't think so, because females have the trunks too, you know what I'm saying? But you can still be self-conscious about it. Also, yo, I went to the zoo not too long ago um elephants are swinging i don't even care if the thing is small for an elephant

like that thing is still huge like why were you like we we walked in okay we walked in the elephant exhibit right it's like this like it's like this like closed in building. You walk in, the door opens and then 10 feet to your right is just a fucking elephant like right in your face. First off, I would like to say elephants, one of the ugliest animals I've ever seen in my life. Like they all have like they have this like patchy hair on top of their head. They chew and like smack their lips like they're just goofy looking but we walked in and we like they're just right there and then when the it's like a horse you know i mean when the shit's that size and it's that close to you like you just catching your peripheral like you're not looking for anything it's just there that's fair that's fair to your list uh animal penis size from the zoo trip real quick and go you want me to tier list them

or do you want me to like rank them in order no tier list um okay so um i think the only dick i really saw was the elephant like oh and i guess the monkeys too um like elephants definitely s tier i mean that thing is fucking actually i'm going to say A tier for the elephant is way too long like I don't like it just seems like I have a question though is that actually their dick or

isn't that just their nose no I'm not I'm referring to their dick though I'm not talking about the trunk I'm actually talking about their penis Just as far behind She's back I was confused for a second

I would say Elephant dick A tier it's too big But it's got some size to it The monkey dicks Are like Those aren't big enough for me to notice But I'm assuming they um the monkey dicks are like i mean i'm not those aren't like big enough for me to notice but i'm assuming they're like human dicks so i'm gonna give them like a like a b tier

or maybe an uh actually we're gonna give them s tier you know what i mean shout out to the humans um they're one step behind you know um and then i think i mean like those are really the only two dicks like you see like i mean i don't know so you went to the zoo and only saw elephants and monkeys and then you left elephant and monkey dicks yes okay specification on the dick aspect appreciate the clarity uh jesse do you think elephants get self-conscious of their trunk size i think for sure because it's like you like blow stuff out of it right like blow darts i think it i think they blow and suck with them and i'm not trying to sound like a pervert i'm saying like i think they actually do yeah so like if you have the bigger one you're gonna be like cooler because you're gonna blow things farther you know you're

more you're more functional right but if it's too long it just like drags in the ground and then just like that's not good then you can just like trip people with it but like if it's maybe i don't know is that like do elephants have like do they ever have long enough uh trunks to just be like dragging on the ground like that like i don't think that's i mean they're big animals and also like what level of cognitive thought do elephants have you know what i'm saying like elephants are like crazy smart yeah that's my thought if they're smart then like maybe they do get some kind of like trunk envy out here but like i just you know i don't know uh i found a thing on reddit that said baby elephants suck on their trunks just like baby humans suck on their thumbs uh so based on that

fact i'm gonna go with they do not care about the size of them because I do not want them to be compared to dicks. Cause they're sucking. Like you're, you know, you're the one making, you're the one connecting those dots. Like there's nothing to do with like the mindset of the elephant. That's you just being like, I read one thing that said elephants suck their thumb. And like, I don't want them to think it's their dicks like it's just like you're making it weird i think the premise of the question was trunk relates to human penis yes yes see i think so that's how i

understand jesse's on my side i appreciate you thank you for being here elephants are ugly as fuck though they're really fucking ugly like big majestic beasts that would like just step on me and kill me but like you look at their face up close and they are some goofy looking fucking animals like I feel like every animal is there's like

very few that are actually like adorable looking oh man just look like. They're so cute, dude. Koala bear. Otters. If they don't have fur, they're going to be ugly. I find monkeys really cute.

All of them. Yeah, monkeys are cute. Even the ugly cute ones. Yeah. What are the ones like the red butts? I love it. The baboons. Yeah.

Even the orangutans. The orangutans. Even the ones that have like faces that literally look like thomas the train i think are really cute like 100 the shit where it looks like their face is literally just like a serving bowl you know what i'm saying like yeah i still think they're cute it's ugly cute the best kind of cute so elephants aren't ugly cute? No, elephants are just fucking ugly. Now you show me like a baby elephant, that might be tiny cute.

Ugly cute, you know what I'm saying? But once it's like a thousand plus pounds, it can kill me and it looks like fucking like decrepit Albert Einstein. Like, fuck that. These things are disgusting. I didn't know you hated elephants so much man I don't hate them I think they're dope animals but they're just fucking ugly

man you can be ugly and be liked you know what I'm saying that's how I got through my life we've all been there it's called middle school man I had braces for five years five years yeah dude that's a long i had braces in third grade and fourth grade and then i had a retainer for a year and i had braces

again for another three years and then i had a retainer for another year that's awful yeah it was stupid yeah not good middle school was tough because i was like you start getting like little like fuzz on your upper lip as a guy or like i guess everybody actually but like guys like look in the mirror and they're like man i look fucking 30 with this thing i look fucking hot and then like my mom literally got me a razor for christmas one year like you need to get this shit off your face like she's you look ridiculous and i was like what do you mean and then someone a girl at school said that it looked bad and i was like oh fuck like my mom's right jesse did you like the uh middle school boy mustache look no i can vividly remember someone who had literally like it was so little it

honestly looked like a hitler stash all through middle school what's looking back like poor guy you know it's a tough look shave it though no one can pull off the hitler stash no one i don't know about that have they tried oh charlie i will my one argument will be char Chaplin. Okay. He looked good. That's fair. I guess not many people have tried. Exactly. I think we should bring him back.

No. Take back the stash. No. Hashtag. No. We're not doing that. We're not going down that route. No.

That should be like loser of the fantasy football league next year. Has to do that. Has to look like they're fucking anti-semitic no no i mean jesse you are jewish i think you get the recall on this one so it's up to you i say we do it jesse says we do it everyone but me obviously because i can't grow the mustache well i can draw it on you can chop some hair off and glue it on that's fair this is this is a no-go from your boy this is this is a no-go jesse's just making jesse did you win the lead this year no i think i came in second i was gonna say i thought you were up there i was like jesse's just making this punishment because she wasn't

anywhere close to last place last year exactly Exactly. And next year is my year. So, you know. She's been on a steady incline, you know. She's climbing to the top. It's the truth. I love it. Isn't that the name of our league? Don't Let Jessie Win or something like that? Yeah. It is.

2K22. Yeah. Coming up. Mm-hmm. So props to you for, you you for fighting the good fight because the whole league's pulling against you. I'm really excited for this punishment, though. It's going to be great. I think we'll get more people on board. No!

I'm trying to think. Just don't be last. Who came in last last year? Honestly, I did pretty bad. think i'm pretty sure it was i think it was amanda because amanda stopped setting our lineups at one point and she picked all that state people yeah it's just a tough look it was not a good year it was not a good year for that she was pregnant she was busy she had things going on you know fair so uh she had ted when you know we can't we can't blame her you

know happy first mother's day amanda yeah big shout out cutest baby ever literally the baby's been on this podcast too that's that's the biggest thing what a get on our part getting tedwin on this podcast like oh oh i thought i had the clip i don't i'm sorry took literal weeks of negotiation you know so cute i'm jealous all right somebody say the word wednesday um we started negotiations with tedwin on like a friday and then it was sunday after oh no i skipped saturday holy shit um you know what just fucking hit it whatever it is wednesday my nipples are hard now number one remove your bra i like nuts this in my butt i'm

ready to go off as a sexy thing my dick will go like and just flip inside out and it'll turn into a vagina and you take me hi boys, boys. And of course, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack. Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby. God damn, he's so good. Yeah, I've called me big time. Ah, ah, ah.

Wow, wow, wow. Booty. Of course, it makes me dookie. If you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back out. And then I swallow. I want to die. Raw dog and lower. Fucking turkey baster nipples.

I just got slopped. Rock's dick has anchor arms i think i gotta get out of here i don't fucking great question who has vertical butt cheeks to the death welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, my dudes. Episode 65. Finally, we've got a special guest on the show. Jessie, welcome.

Thank you. I know. I was like, why have these... I won't say the word. Not ask me to be on their podcast yet. I was like, what is she about to say? I was like, I gotta keep it family friendly. No, you don't.

We talked about elephant dicks and Hitler for 10 minutes. That's fair. But yeah, very excited. I've been waiting for this moment for quite a while. We needed you on. We needed some mayhem. Some people are too calm sometimes.

So we needed you to bring us more off the edge. always happy to spread chaos but jesse jesse's like controlled chaos though like jesse's like she's chaotic she's chaotic like well it's just like she doesn't jesse doesn't try to be chaotic she just is chaotic you know what i'm saying so it's like it just it just happens she would just latch on to anything so if we do anything crazy she'll agree with it like the hitler mustache so it's perfect i'm all in stop bringing it up people don't forget rooks uh so happy mother's day this week whatever it was sunday monday one of those things everyone called their mom sure uh

so we're gonna draft moms this week uh got a quick draft then jesse's gonna have a hot seat because you haven't been a guest yet so we gotta grill you and afterwards jesse's getting married soon so we're not gonna do a whole bingo card for you but we're gonna let you pick a couple to put on there and then closer to the wedding we'll fill out the rest that you won't know about can't let you pull the strings too much but we want to let you throw out some ideas for it okay sounds good wait we don't want to we don't want to hot seat first so people get to know her yeah we yeah i the order was wrong it's fine i'm sorry you're freaking me out man that's not how we do things here do we want to do our weeks first we just go to hot seat that's y'all dude i had nothing this week so i don't have much to say fuck it let's go to hot seat all right

hold on time out time out time out time out the one thing i want to share from this weekend went to the big apple have you guys ever had a chicken parmesan piece of pizza uh yeah oh my fuck it dude she's from jersey i know i know i know that you're the wrong person to ask but before you even say anything isn't a chicken parmesan piece of pizza just pizza with chicken on it it's pizza with like it's pizza with like a chicken cutlet like so like fried chicken none of the ingredients are different except we added chicken doesn't matter doesn't matter it was dude i had a chicken farm slice of pizza changed my fucking life that was gonna be my rating for the weekend was a chicky chicky parm parm slice that's all i got but more importantly

do you remember where you got it from? Basil's in Hoboken. Okay, that place is top notch. Chef's Kiss. Yeah. All right. Sorry, bright guy. Hit the music. Oh, sorry.

Okay, we're back. Any other interruptions before we start? No. Jesse. Yes. We had this brought up a week or two back, and I thought you'd be a good person to ask. They didn't agree, so we'll see. You're a nurse.

It's a medical question. Okay. How deep in water do you have to go before the water goes up your butt from the water pressure. I feel like not that deep. You just have to take your bottoms off? What? What do you mean?

Not the answer I was expecting, but I will be going to a public pool near me, taking the bottoms off, and just seeing what happens. I think it would work, right? Yeah. Not public, actually. That's a fucking terrible idea of going

to my boy's Dex Bowl. Jesus. I love the answer. Thank you so much. You make me so proud. Thank you. Alright, Jessie. I don't know if you've heard my hot seat questions, but I only ask the hard hitters, okay? Okay. I'm ready. I had a pan that was

like in the in the sink the other day and like you know how like you put dish like if it gets really bad like stains on it you put like dish soap with the water and you let it like soak you let it just like sit there and then the next time you like clean it it should be easy to clean it wasn't easy for me to clean like is that shit like a myth or is that shit, like, a myth, or is that, like, real life? Well, I think you may have burnt your food or messed it up really badly. No, that's not true. But, yes, I did get some. I cooked some peppers in it. Peppers got a little toasty.

It's fine. Because mine always washes easily. Maybe you need a new pan. I got this. I've had this Ikea pan for years. You could be right. But thank you. All right but thank you alright Jessie what is the worst

smell you've smelled being a nurse oh my god that's the easiest one you could have ever asked me a GI bleed yeah that makes sense you will never forget the smell in your life once you smell it. I can't even describe it.

That's how bad it is. Oh, my God. I've never heard some. Like, I was expecting gross. I actually, I had the same question written down. Me and Bird did not talk about this. I had the same question written down. I was expecting bad.

I was not expecting something that would make me audibly gag on this podcast. And just saying that, not even going into detail Like you can't really imagine but Just not like yeah What's the what's the con like how did it happen to the do get like shot in the stomach and now it's like there's an open Wound to his like intestines. No, but just your basic gastrointestinal ulcer You know but the smell is like nothing else does the patient know it smells or are they used to it at that point i feel like you're

used to also gagging you're used to but i feel like their roommate is wait so slowly dying okay let my turper hot seat okay so hold on so when this shit so it's a it's something it's on the inside right right is he just like oozing this smell no well no like is he walking around like is he walking around like spongebob squarepants where it's like the like shit coming out of his holes on the side of his body and it's just like filling up the room? Probably. Just the one hole, but pretty much. Oh, God. Yeah. I'm so mad.

I'm so mad I asked for more details, but thank you. Incredible. Was that your turn, Rux or my up? Oh, yeah. A total normal transition here. Like, I don't know if you eat oatmeal, but, like, how do you make your oatmeal? I do not eat oatmeal. Oh, ew.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm going to yuck someone's yum, but oatmeal is disgusting. I hate oatmeal. I hate oatmeal. It's your hot seat, though. It's your answer. Mm-mm. Ugh.

Big oatmeal podcast here, though. Yeah, not me. You get some hate for that Jesse Yes Two part question Okay One Uh huh

How's Rodrigo? Do you know I was thinking about Rodrigo recently And I couldn't remember his name What? I know and I was really sad Oh Haven't had contact contact a while have you no he's good still in my closet up at penn state but oh i was gonna ask uh follow-up is he invited to

the wedding of course he is jordan just doesn't know they're gonna meet the day of nice is he gonna stand up when they say does anyone have any like opposition to this and he's gonna in the back a seat's gonna move but no one's gonna be in it well he's not gonna be able to stand up when they say, does anyone have any opposition to this? And he's going to, in the back, a seat's going to move, but no one's going to be in it. Well, he's not going to be able to stand up. He still wears the handcuffs on his legs, too. You can stand up in handcuffs. Everyone listening here doesn't know what's going on. It's like, what the fuck are they talking about?

They don't need context. It's fine. We can move on. Brooks, you're up all right so deep question do you believe in aliens absolutely there is something there is something else out there i don't know what but there is something follow-up yes have you had an encounter no i've never had an encounter i don't want to have an encounter because i feel like if you have an encounter with like a ufo or something the government like kills you either that either that or you're a fucking crazy person forever like either like either you do i've thought about this so many times not to like take over your hot seat here but like the idea like hypothetically right let's say i i get slurped up into the fucking ufo i'm up there they're

fucking just examining me and they're like this one's trash they fucking yeet me out the exit or whatever and i land back down and i'm just like yo i have to tell everybody i'm like i got abducted by aliens like literally i was up in their ship everyone's gonna be like shut the fuck up man like everyone's they're gonna look at me just like you're an idiot like shut your mouth you're a crazy person now well fun fact there's actually a documentary about a town this happened in and they all claim they were sucked up by ufos i think i've seen it where was this oh god i, God. I don't remember. It's like New York. It's like the Northeast, I think. Yeah, I think it is.

No, I was absolutely going to say it has to be somewhere hot. Like it has to be like in Arizona or Florida where everyone's just crazy when it's 100 degrees out. No, there's definitely a gas leak in the ground and they're all like kind of crazy. All their stories line up. I swear we've seen the same exact thing. And it's so weird because i really want to believe them but also like they're crazy right they're crazy but like but like the one person's like i got sucked up by the ufo and the other person's like i legit saw it happen and then they came back

and i'm like objection here's the whole town who are you johnny it's your own witness yeah i've been watching way too much of that goddamn trial. Well, it's too good not to. All right, guys. Yeah, sorry, sorry. Jesse. Yes. Do you know what a Q looks like now? That took me a second.

No, that kind of took me too long to answer I'm not gonna fall for that one so the answer is yes yes or no okay good I was gonna say Jesus Christ all right Jesse

you know what if you ever listen to this podcast you know what's coming here you're in a gladiator arena you got 10 10 year olds flooding the gates trying to kill you their whole goal in life is to kill you no weapons nothing you kill all 10 of them and then 10 more flood in uh-huh and try to kill you how many waves of 10 year olds of 10 10 year olds do you think you could kill before you die oh god'm, like, super out of shape right now,

probably just the one. One kid or one wave? One wave. And I may be able to get, like, two or three kids in the next wave. I like that. That's a realistic answer. They don't have weapons, and I also don't have weapons? Yeah, no weapons, nothing.

Okay. Yeah, I have Yeah, no weapons, nothing. Okay. Yeah, I have terrible upper body strength, so. You just go all lower body, just kicks only, man. So one and a half waves, got it, at current physical condition. What if you went like Rocky montage for like a year got bodybuilder jacked how many 10 year olds you killing peak physical condition i think i could get through like five waves five waves jesse yeah yeah i could do it i once i set my mind to something you know jesse i love you to death and i look i i played soccer with you i've seen the

kicks okay i break i've seen the power behind the legs she would break every one of those kids ankles but five waves of 10 year olds 50 10 year olds because once i break their ankles it's kind of easy you know you don't got a soccer ball well they're not playing defense man they're biting your ankles they're biting your fucking head and shit man they're not jockeying you and trying to keep you away from the box i don't know i could still do my moves without the ball exactly i mean i guess that's fair i just really want to see what the rocky montage would be on how you would train to do this like you have a fake dummy of a kid you're just like hitting it against a brick wall it was like one of them that would be one of them then there would be on how you would train to do this. Like you have a fake dummy of a kid and you're just like hitting it against a brick wall. That's like one of them.

That would be one of them. Then there would be Bernie like blowing his whistle and I'd be running up the bleachers. But like punching kids at the same time. Literally. All right, Jesse. Congratulations. I think you passed. That's a great hot seat yeah that was solid thanks guys

impressed we had a couple of the same questions so i cannot believe we both had the smell question i cannot it's my second question because i was so curious it's my second question but whole pressure question number one two worst smell i can't i'm so happy you answered that and like had an answer because i said to everybody jesse's gonna be really interested in this one like she's not gonna care and i was like she absolutely is gonna have absolutely oh my god it's important it's important to know yeah oh hold on oh one more hot i had one more hot seat oh okay sorry so jesse um i've been fighting a little illness can you hear this over the mic that's me just breathing out am i gonna die you might fuck all right hot seat over thank you

well that was aggressive all right quick transition to uh happy mother's day big time yo shout out to all the moms out there okay this past weekend was mother's day um we figured we'd do a draft here we we do a little four round draft just a little a little something small to give a little ode to all the mommies out there um i said when i say mommies i promise i promise this draft is not going to get horny this is not a horny draft i mean i mean mommies i promise i promise this draft is not going to get horny this is not a horny draft i mean i mean keep that promise to yourself i mean my draft's not horny but we'll see what uh jesse and bernie have in store for us mine's definitely not brens for all the viewers brens is staring at the camera smiling right now so i'm fucking terrified

yeah but yeah we're to get into this draft. Does anybody have an order randomizer? Yeah, fuck. Does anybody have the order randomizer up? Fuck. Let's go by height. All right. Jesse, me, Burn. Tallest first or shortest first?

Jesse, you're first and then me and then Burn. This is a lot of pressure. Who's number one overall in the mom draft? Oh, it's number one overall? Yeah. Number one overall number one overall okay this may be like a little outlandish this pick you just gotta think abstractly okay okay it's mom's golden griddle in Marlboro, New Jersey on Route 9. Ooh, I like it. Okay.

Hell yeah. Is this a restaurant? Yes. Yes. But. First of all, Vic is a restaurant. Let's fucking go. Listen.

Listen. It's like. Women supporting women on this podcast. It's like a hometown diner they got the french fries with the good gravy they got the mom's melt it's fab ask denise and kristen they'll back me up hey i'm i'm not against you picking uh picking a restaurant overall i was just not expecting it at all. Sorry, Mom. Sorry. But hey,

picking your own mom is boring, right? Right, exactly. Is she on your list? She might get honorable mention. If Amy's on your list after how much you shit-talked her on this broadcast, I'm going to kill you.

You've got to even it out. Oh, my God. You know, good roast to compliment ratio. I can't believe Jessie picked a restaurant first overall. That's so good. You guys got mad at me for picking appetizers. She didn't even pick a cumin.

It was too perfect. It's so good. I'm all on board. I don't think we're going to have a better pick after that. Thank you. I got two heaters in my locker but i i will say it's tough to be you're up all right my first pick second overall so as the viewers know as anyone who knows me knows your boy loves the housewife so i had to pick the top housewife like my favorite

off the show and it was down to two and i'm not gonna say the other one because like in case i need the other one like she's in she's she's on my big board um but my first pick is gonna be coming out of salt lake city utah meredith marks um fashion sense unbelievable she wore this diamond mask to this event she looked fucking ridiculous you don't you guys just don't get it um who doesn't get it i get it i love so excited she looked fuck it but like meredith just literally if you just search meredith marks like diamond mask like oh my god like what the fuck are you wearing lady but anyway but actually a decent mother to her kids in the show which i feel like is miles ahead of every other housewife on the show um and yeah she's just she brit meredith brings a nice level head she gets every she's like she disengages a

lot she's really good at disengaging uh yeah that's the one like what the fuck is she wearing it covers her entire face i thought it was like just be the bottom half of her no it's literally her entire it's a fucking net with diamonds all the like across your face it's really creepy honestly oh it's fucking terrifying um but uh but yeah meredith marks great mother uh to her kids defends her kids and she's one of the few level-headed housewives as well which is very very hard to come by so i find that hard to believe that mask meredith marks first pick for your boy that was a good pick i i appreciate that thank you i got the first actual human like i'll take it it might be the only actual human in the

draft so let's keep this going i got who we got i got two picks that i really want to choose but i think there's zero chance you guys pick them so i'm gonna put those off okay um but there's one that's on everybody's mind she's the best she's animated so whatever she's not real but like when you think of moms when you think of cartoons you think of moms, when you think of cartoons, you think of Pixar moms. Who's the best Pixar mom? You're getting horny. You're getting fucking horny, aren't you? No, man! I can't. I know who you're going to pick. Helen Parr,

Elastigirl, Mrs. Incredible, come on. So horny. The horniest person. Come on, man. This is for Mother's Day. Not where I thought you were going when you said Pixar, but good choice. I thought you were about to for Mother's Day. Not where I thought you were going when you said Pixar, but good choice. I thought you were about to say Andy's mom.

You don't see the top above her knees. That's true. I think you do in the third or fourth one. Whatever. She's replaced with a clone from the aliens at that point. Nah, man. Mrs. Incredible. Come on.

What's your favorite part about her burn what's your favorite part her heart it can expand to love everybody yeah i still never understand in cartoons why they try to like i mean i understand but like the people that animate some of these cartoons like bro like how bricked up were you when you made this cartoon like why the fuck did you give her these dimensions like this was i mean this was in your power like you decided there's one character i think you can get away with it it's the one lady that can stretch because like maybe she's doing that herself yo that'd be fucking wild if she was just making herself like that that's all a ruse she's just like tiny and she's just constantly putting effort into

giving yourself a fat ass oh my god that's crazy yeah james that's right that's deep you know that's actually a commentary on society currently no i'm just all right i got back-to-back pics uh so i'll get get that one out of the way it's fine we had to it's important um next up though one i don't think you guys would pick also animated we're going bulma from dragon ball z one uh only person who could beat a vegeta on site never stood a chance undefeated uh gave birth to trunks uh one of the strongest fighters easily coolest hair coolest character jesse uh you look like you have a question i'm a little just confused by all dragon ball z but i love the passion so keep going thank you uh great mom uh strong shows

girls like you don't need to just be a housewife go beat some people up, you know? And gave birth to a kid with purple hair. So she got some cool jeans in there somehow. That's pretty cool. That's fair. Yeah, right? Yeah. And I like that she beat someone named Fajita. Vegeta, but yeah.

Close enough. Close enough. Jesse, you're the best. All right. I think Jesse would love love dragon ball z to be honest i probably would like it's probably something that would be up my alley one of the main characters named fajita jesse's in oh yeah love it all right rooks all right second round pick my second pick and this isn't this is more than one person and i have another pick that's like this but my second pick is all of this all of the dance moms shout out to one of my favorite shows if you can't tell this boy loves reality television wait to my next fucking pick as well tlc but oh my god dance moms was such a

ridiculous show first off these moms you know not the best moms like really just not the best moms at all their kids their kids their six-year-olds are going into this dance class and just getting screamed at by this woman who is just a terror and And then on top of that, these moms, okay, their kids are coming in. They're getting screamed at. These kids are like six to ten years old. Maybe some of them were like 13 or whatever. They're coming in and getting screamed at by this woman every day. The kids are coming home crying.

And they're like, she pulled my dance. And the parents are like, they show up to class. And they say, like, my kid's not coming to this event. Like, you're treating them like shit. And then, then you know the bus is leaving for the event saturday you know who's there the kid that was fucking crying and they're like why didn't i like why did i get a part and i'm crying and the mom is just like you're gonna get on this bus okay you're on television like we have a contract like they're just terrible people um yeah but overall like and then the moms would have drama with each other like and then they would try to show some of the mom's lies like i don't give a shit about this like just get yelled

at by abby lee please um but overall dance mom was one of my favorites i could i couldn't i couldn't shy away from not picking all of them Sorry they're all off the table I hope you have just Only reality TV picks My next one is and then My last one if it doesn't get taken Should not be a reality Television pick should not Be oh in case

Someone takes it I'm really sad I didn't Think of the dance moms ladies because I love That show oh my god it's a classic Absolute eater Oh I might have what i have a pick but that's clever and along the lines of those but like i also don't want to pick it because i hate it so hopefully one of you have thought of it already jesse you have two picks in a row okay so my first one kind of reality television celebrity chris jenner and here's why that's a good one here's why girlfriend will make you money like if you are her kid and like she might sell you out a little

bit but yeah be hustling she hustles she is like momager, like, to the extreme. I love it. She would get me like 80 Chanel bags. And that's actually all I want these days, a Chanel bag. And I can't get one, so I need Kris Jenner. I think, I forgot what the saying is. I think it's like, the only person that works harder than the devil is Kris Jenner or some shit like that. Literally.

Fucking crazy. I don't know. Girlfriend lives the life, and I think she's great. jenner or some shit like that literally fucking crazy i don't know she girlfriend lives life and i think she's great i know they get a lot of flack but i'm a fan hey you like what you like what do you what do you got on the back to back okay here another like random one stifler's mom oh yeah good choice okay that's solid here's why if you are that age and people are still pining after you like that's pretty good i don't know and jennifer coolidge is sick she was she was in the best one of my least favorite people are you serious she was in the best one of my no least favorite people in the world are you serious she's in like

one of the best episodes of friends she's in um Legally Blonde she literally originated the Bend and Snap yeah she's

very annoying the way she talks I don't know man she's the worst I don't know dude what's the White Lotus she's like a main

character in it that TV show I've never heard of her terrible so annoying she's just like drunk and sad the entire time and does her little voice thing and that well i think she's great she like speaks really specifically although like if i was her in

american pie i would want a hotter guy pining after me like the guy who goes after her what's his name he's the dude with the eyebrows yeah he's a little dweeby but otherwise i don't know she's great that's all i hate it i like that you're going downhill hey what do you mean my last one's really good all right rooks like like jesse i'm sure we're not gonna pick your last one but like if it's really good like you probably should have drafted it earlier. I know. I know.

I wasn't thinking. It's cool, though. It's cool. All right. Okay. My next pick. Another. This was a staple that I watched all the time growing up.

Did I enjoy it? Not really, but it was a car crash that your boy could not stop looking at. I am drafting all of the moms on teen mom and 16 and pregnant i'm drafting all of them across the board that's what i was thinking of next that i didn't want to draft i hate that show so much i've seen it was so many episodes it was such a mess the whole premise and the foot it's like they went years down the line it's like they're 18 and it's like oh man like my partner who i had this baby with when i was 16 and now we're 18 like it's not working out we can't set our differences aside for this kid you're a fucking child man no shit you're an algebra yeah like you're worrying about sats and your fucking license and shit my guy like you can't be worrying about a baby but absolute ridiculous show um it really kind of fell off once we got like later into

our lives and then what's the one chick uh farrah went and did like porn and shit like oh yeah she's gross she's she looks crazy now like she looks insane um have you heard the one quote from her about her like kid because she like gave her kid to somebody else for a couple months she's like yeah we just need like to do our own thing for a little bit oh my god it's like your kid's seven doesn't need to do its own thing and i mean granted granted look like these moms you know being 16 on television being a shitty mom like because you're 16 obviously like probably it's not gonna help the development um but you live and you learn i guess but yeah oh just just it's just a couple of like ogs you know i feel like i it's i gotta get these i gotta get these people on my team you

know they're the originals your team is just gonna kill each other man oh 100 so. Your team is just going to kill each other, man. Oh, 100%. It's going to be so bad. My team is a fucking mess. Incredible. All right. So we're going back to Dragon Ball Z on my pick. So there's another mom in Dragon Ball Z. You can't.

Even better than Bulma? I forgot to mention, Bulma also runs a whole technology corporation. So shout out, like, CTO Bulma. We love women like cto balma we love women yeah women exactly come on now uh but chichi second best mom stay-at-home mom but man does she hound gohan to do his homework all the time that's the you got both ends of the spectrum you got balma doing all the smart stuff you got chichi doing all the like social things between the two. Got the Z-Fighters, whatever you call them. They saved the galaxy multiple times.

Come on. Those are the best moms out there. Also, Chi-Chi also beats people up constantly. She can beat up Goku. He's the strongest person in the show, so good for her. Yeah, so look at her looking out for homework and also beating people up.

Had to do it. Can you say her name one more time? Chi Chi. Oh, I thought you were saying Cheat Cheat. I was like, oh, that's a cool name. Interesting name for a character. Chi Chi and Fajita are the two main characters. It's close.

Okay, and then round out the draft i'll choose amy mayberry she's she's solid you got gotta give her gotta give her the pick um i don't think she could beat up chichi or boma or helen parr but you know you get what you get. She's she's solid. Cons generalized anxiety. That's bringing us down a bit. Don't we all have other than that? Just when you get passed down that through genetics of a pandemic, man. Come on.

Yeah. She had that 40 years ago. So I just saying um but yeah she's great uh cooked a meal for us like every dinner for like 40 years straight so like shout out that's cute she's not gonna listen to this though so i would like to say uh sheila carmines you're not even getting a fucking honorable mention my guy but like a special mention by me uh sheila carmines uh shout out sheila monster 08 on instagram no it's neither of those and i'm not gonna put her instagram on here because i'm not gonna do that but um but yeah mom if if you are listening like i was just kidding happy mother's day um i'm just putting on a facade you know for the podcast anyway um so my last sheila monster 19 hit us with that at hashtag

you absolute fucker okay so my last pick so okay my team's my team's my team's a little bit out there okay like meredith marks like she can reel us in and she but she's kind of like our top dog and then she also disengages a lot so like like the second she gets yelled at, she just goes, I'm disengaging. I'm disengaging. And she walks away from it. It's not going to do a great job of railing the team together. I mean, I got like 16 year old parents and I got the dance mom. So I really need somebody that can get through to these people and reel them all in.

Big shout out Friday Night Lights. We're getting Tammy Taylor in the mix. Oh, Cotty Brins character. Tammy Taylor, like just a great soul. out at friday night lights we're getting tammy taylor in the mix oh coddy brin's character tammy taylor like just a great soul like they try it later in the seasons to make her like a little messier but they're just trying to make drama like the show does but early season tammy taylor is just like salt of the earth like trying to make everyone's lives better she's a guidance counselor and she's trying to do right all the time and then she tells people to shove it when they need to hear it you know what i'm saying and tammy taylor great great mom great character she oh also like and like look like we don't

condone violence on this podcast but in the yeah we do this is a show when she slaps julie taylor when julie taylor is like the literal worst character on the show top five scene of i've ever watched like oh man she slapped julie taylor and i just was like like i was shyla buff in the crowd clapping i was so fucking happy um but yeah tammy taylor is my final pick and she's the one that's she's the glue that's going to keep us all together. You know what I'm saying? I think you need about five Tammy Taylors to wrangle in all those dance moms and teen moms, but like...

We'll see. We can clone her. Balma can come up with something. Jessie, what's your final pick? I have a good final pick, and I will literally show you my phone to show that this was actually on my list before you both mentioned her. Sheila Carmines. Are you fucking kidding me? I literally.

I made the first. Sheila. Yes. This is such bullshit, man. Sheila is. Brian's giving her at airtime fucking jesse strapped sheila is the life of the party the tailgate we went to with her at penn state iconic for many reasons one of them being the old bay seasoning overtaking the shrimp that your dad made but

shout out shout out but we love shayla we love that she posts biking pictures it's adorable your dogs she is always the most loyal like on instagram she follows like 15 people so she's just like her feed is just the same it's all recommended shit so then when she finally sees them when she knows it's a quick like no matter what you say she was loyal we love it she follows 296 people oh jesus christ she's gonna get her numbers up that's that's more than me so jesus i've never talked with her she's the best uh jesse's the best draft i'm so i'm so mad that sheila carmine's got drafted i was really excited about that one uh we should have drafted her multiple times i should have

drafted her then you should have also drafted her. But like, you know, like the 2012 version of Sheila, just so it's specific so we can pick different people. What the fuck? I hate you guys. Any honorable mentions across the board? I had one. Go for it. Okay. Fairy godmother.

She's not that exciting. She's just, you know, she's fine. Is that one human or is that like a career? No, like the fairy godmother from Cinderella. Okay. Well, you have to be specific. Oh, okay. I feel like there's fairy godmothers and like.

There's a lot. There's kind of scattered. Timmy Turner. Fairly odd parents. That's true. That's a good fairy godmother. But. There's kind of scattered. Timmy Turner, Fairly Oddparents. That's true. That's a good fairy godmother. I was going to go down a rabbit hole of just like hot Pixar moms because we've kind of talked about that before.

Come on. Zach is going to listen back to this and be like, man, I had like 20 in the bag. Who are your Pixar mommies? Let's just list them. Oh, I don't know. I didn't go down the list yet. I hate when you say Pixar mommies? Let's just list them. Oh, I don't know. I didn't go down the list yet. Oh, my God. I hate when you say Pixar mommies.

The lady from the Bee movie, speaking of what we're going to be talking about next, she's pretty hot. She got obese somehow, but like, I don't know. She's hot enough to get boned by an insect. Congratulations. Honorable mentions. Don't kink shame. I mean, I guess.

My honorable mentions um so the other housewife that was contending with meredith marks is karen huger from potomac oh my god karen karen huger is such a beast of a housewife like she's such good entertainment she's getting her own spin-off show if it hasn't already aired she's the ghost real housewife potomac if you haven't watched it watch it for karen huger that's all you need to know shout out to the grand dom um i threw snooki in my honorable mentions um oh i feel like i feel like we saw big growth with snooki you know what i mean like we saw like her getting arrested on the beach just being like i'm a good fucking person to like being a good mom which is like crazy you know it was before our eyes out of all the

jersey short kids like i feel like she actually is in the best spot yeah the rest have been like in jail or divorced um i think uh well i mean paul paulie d and vinny didn't have any problems but their show was fucking terrible right the show was oh no the show was great i know you love the show but it just completely defeats like it's just a it's a bad show jesse yeah have you ever watched double shot at love dj paul id and vinny oh i thought you were about to say with teal tequila um no it's like a spin off of that no i have not it's so good it's good and then also horrible i was like it's great i was never into like jersey shore because you're too close to it yeah yeah i feel like if you're close to it i remember when i first got to college every person i met from jersey was like oh

fucking you watch the shore gtl dude everyone's like please don't fucking talk to me like that and i was like oh yeah pretty much um but yeah honorable mentions karen huger snooki um shout out to all the like sports moms that like you know like bring like the orange slices and like pack you like little snacks and stuff like that and like get like she's ready to go like big shout out yeah i'm not gonna throw again i'm not throwing sheila in here and then oh my last honorable mention um moms in lifetime movies because they're just a fucking wild card man because it's either like, it's either. I was just about to say Trident.

Either like the only sane character and they save the day or they're just the worst person you've ever seen in your life. And it's just, I like the wild card aspect of not knowing like which extreme you're going to get. Absolutely. Can we talk about the trident story real quick okay so spring break we were at my house watching a movie yeah because we were like halfway to miami wasn't it the setup they were they locked one of them someone was kidnapped

they're locked in a sauna but they left the gun in the sauna with that person right i don't know why they leave the gun so there is so there is this i'm not gonna fucking tell the story of the fucking plot of the movie but you can literally search lifetime movie woman kills someone with a trident and the movie comes out so i'll find it basically this this one lady this like lady next door is like being big time predator energy uh to this lady's kid and then the kid and the predator are like battling it out and then they throw the predator lady in the sauna and like she has a literal gun in the sauna but they're like no she's just gonna like pass out in there she's gonna die it's fine and they're like setting up for like them to be happy.

And the movie's over like Predator in a sauna. Like it works every time. Turns out doesn't work out. She breaks out of the sauna because she has a fucking firearm in her hands. She breaks out. The the love interest of the mom, like the good mom, is this dude that works in an aquarium. And they always hang out with. And he in lifetime movies will do this they foreshadow but they just punch you in the face with it he talks about like the story of poseidon 30 times during the movie every time he's

like trying to show the kid this fucking trident this fucker comes into the backyard. The lady's pointing a gun at the good mom and the kid. This fucker from across the pool, like King Leonidas with a spear, throws the goddamn trident and just pierces this woman. This woman gets impaled with a fucking trident to end the movie. That's the end of the movie. I'm impressed. It's called lethal seduction. I'm impressed. It's called I'm sorry. Beautiful Seduction. I'm impressed by the amount of detail

you remembered. You think I'm going to forget a movie where a person gets stabbed with a trident at the end of it? I know. It was really good. I can't even lie. Ain't no way.

How many times have you seen this movie, Rux? Just the once. I swear. I don't believe that. You have a crazy memory, man. Such a crazy memory. when it comes to really ridiculous movies and shit like that i do i do have some storage um like i love i love i just i love a lifetime movie lifetime if you don't watch lifetime movies like i'll spoil all of them for

you um there's gonna be a good character that you're gonna follow who's gonna be conflicted because they're gonna be like around a really really really really shitty person like an overly shitty person and then it's just gonna like that's the generic that's the general concept of all of them it's great i've seen too many and i hate it so much so good they're so when you watch them back to back to back you just watch the same movie three times in a row. It's so great. All right, moving on. Third topic of the pod. So, Jessie.

Yes. Wedding very, very soon. Yes. We make bingo cards. Okay. I don't know what we're going to win or lose off of these, but we'll figure that out later. Usually we try to do some easy medium and hard so think of those but yes rooks um can i just like like let's just so jesse's close to her she's getting

close to the wedding date we're closing in what's the best and worst part of planning a wedding oh god pretty much everything about planning a wedding is the worst part seriously everyone should elope um no i'm kidding the best part is the best part is i get to marry jordan oh oh okay the worst part is people disagreeing and no more Rodrigo. Yeah. People disagreeing like you and your husband or other people? Other people. Being butted.

Got it. Yeah. Yeah. It's your day. Other people can shut up. Right. You know? Right.

Exactly. So it's been an experience. Sounds like it's been great. I'm like ready for it to be here it's been forever so i made you you could always go down to city hall at any point yeah it's too late no it's way too late i want the big wedding so i'm ready It's way too late for that. I want the big wedding. Fair, fair, fair. I'm ready. It's got to be a banger.

So, easy, medium, hard. Okay. We need some in each category because we can't make this bingo card everyone wins. Okay. So we need some crazy ideas, but we also need an easy one like Jesse takes a tumble because come on, free square. Fair. I have a free square I could think of.

Rook says cheers to the fam. That one's been on there before. It's a classic. It's a free space. I mean, it's going to happen at any Toon Squad event. Fuck yeah, it's going to happen. Yeah. Give me two fucking beers and it's just going to happen.

Right. I think it took a while at the last wedding for you to actually say it though oh i didn't do a lot if you if you remember from the um like right like my brain remembering super random details again with a picture remember how we had got a picture of me like doing it yep like the wedding photographer got it it was like pitch black and i didn't have like or some people like didn't have their like jackets on which means it was like pitch black and i didn't have like or some people like didn't have their like jackets on which means it was like fucking late like we had been dancing forever and then that should happen yeah um medium i don't know if this would be considered medium

throw it out there taylor eats gluten oh that's a free space that's a free space that's a free space for people that don't know she's gluten intolerant so she shouldn't but she will she loves it it's not good and it's not gonna be her gluten either like it's like obviously she's not gonna like she has purchased like a wrap in the past which is why i say that but like it will be someone else's gluten that she's taking it'll be a lot it's not gonna be like a goldfish it's gonna be like half of a sandwich it's gonna be like one of the fucking costco size boxes of goldfish um okay so different medium one what about like a fire taking place okay i don't want that bad

juju around my that's the thing the thing. It's tough for her because the crazy ones, because she's not going to want to put that in the atmosphere. I know. I'm not saying these all are going to happen. It's just something that could. There's a wedding crasher.

You're going to have to point them out. I like that, though. Owen Wilson-esque. Wow. Yeah. Medium is kind of hard. Someone pukes at the wedding. I think that's a medium. That's not easy, but that's not hard. Unless Jessie says she's going to take care of that one herself. Oh God, no. Not on the wedding night. Can't get it on my dress.

You know? I mean, you just puke over the edge somewhere. You don't have to get it on your dress. Um, a Toon Squad member hooks up with a rando? Uh, do we have many single Toon Squad members anymore? Steph. Steph. Jess. You.

Just throw it on there. Fuck it. It's on there. It's gonna be tough. It's gonna be tough. We got it. We got it. We got it. If I have four squares

and I have to take one for the team. Burns kissing me. We're me we're there we go perfect do you have any like family members that usually do weird things like a creepy uncle or like a crazy aunt or like a little cousin that's gonna like hit somebody yeah did you invite all the creepy uncles to your wedding? I mean, I don't know. Can you let me know their names, please?

I don't have any. Maybe like someone tries to get my niece to take a shot of alcohol. She's like only, she's 12 though. That's like, that's too young. That's too young. Maybe like someone has them try to take a sip of wine or some shit like that's like uh i don't want to like root for that right well yeah and i also don't want to like have to like monitor that like i don't want to be sitting there like yeah every time every time

your niece is like walking around like grandparents i'm like you're like scoping them out like right you'd be the creepy uncle yeah uh i want can i put on there rooks asks a lot of questions about jewish tradition that he doesn't understand that's a great one why why what but no but okay i don't think that's a good one because like yeah i'm not gonna ask oh rooks is definitely gonna go guys, what is that? And it's going to be something super normal. I'm going to ask dumb questions, but not like religious related questions.

Jesse, go ahead. Someone falls during the horror. Have you guys ever seen the horror? Oh, we've done it at the holiday party multiple times. So whether it's someone falls off the chair or. Well, so explain it to me. I thought it's only you and Jordan that falls off the chair or well so explain it to me i thought it's only you and jordan that go in the chair yes it's just everybody no just me and jordan but we take turns or someone could someone could fall during all the spinning on the floor like you know when you dance around

and around in a circle people are spinning on the floor what are they fucking java walkies over here imagine i can't wait i need to learn there's the spinny thing then i've only done the chair no like you all grab arms and you go dancing in circles that that's what i meant by spinning yeah absolutely wwe absolutely put a puke on the bingo board just throw some motion sickness in there you know it's possible i think until i think until we're there that's pretty i think that's pretty decent yeah it's a it's a solid start we got free space for cheers fam jesse takes a tumble taylor eats gluten honestly we hit all three of those easy uh medium we got someone pukes that's a just an easy classic wedding one come on uh random hookup we've had on before that didn't happen i think

um rooks asked a lot of questions about jewish things which i think will happen and then the hard one is a wedding crasher love it i think it's a solid start i'm ready yeah that's good that's a we'll fill out the rest when jesse's not here so we can root for other things to happen that she might not be happy about we're not gonna make them happen we're just gonna be monitoring like maybe a fire starter or something like that let's let's go with something else maybe is there a lot of candles at a jewish wedding no okay i might have to change mine you're thinking of hanukkah yeah you're thinking of hanukkah i mean i don't know maybe all right

just combine them all you know can't all right jesse you're the best thank you for coming on thank you for coming on love you guys i'm so happy yeah we need you back when zach and cory are here and they'll be crazy rooks is too tame perfect he keeps

he keeps us in line too much i just you know i i i'm like i like looking at myself as like the risk management here it's like we start going on these like tracks that get a little too crazy and it's like if i don't say something we're gonna talk about it for hours like i already let us get way too far with the goddamn spunk tank that's been talked about for 30 fucking episodes i mean if you're gonna bring it up jesse what do you think about the spunk tank that's been talked about for 30 fucking episodes. I mean, if you're going to bring it up, Jesse, what do you think about the spunk tank? A plus? Sure.

Do you know what it is? No, but here's what I was going to say. Never thought I'd hear the day where Rooks was considered risk management. You know? A lot of growth out here. I know. I just love to see it. Trying my best to have us not get canceled.

You know, that'd be great. People have to listen to that canceled. So I think we're good. Yeah, that's as risky as we want. It's a good point. And then we make the apology video later. And then the apology video gets us clout, too. Right.

Exactly. See, there's the formula. It's already set up. All right. Fuck it. OK. Jesse, what's the horoscope this week yep you got two seconds don't die We'll be right back. Thank you.