It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 69: Set Your Tampons to Stun Ft. Jeff Goworthy

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

Back from Summer break, the boyos remind everyone that the American sex education program is underfunded as we waffle our way through a high school sex ed quiz. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. You are one inch inside of your mom. No, and your dad is one inch. No, no, we don't have to answer it, but listen,

I read this online. I was like, who the fuck? You're one inch inside your mom and your dad's one inch inside of you. Which way do you wiggle to get out of it? Wow. Wiggle. No, I'm not wiggling. First of you, which way do you wiggle to get out of it? How? I'm not wiggling, first of all. I'm forcefully exiting.

Wiggling implies I'm taking my time. How terrible is that? It's like the worst thing I've ever heard. So bad. Do I have a machete on hand that I can just chop some things off? Wrong kid, dad. Yeah, okay, yeah. We're not going to open with that. I figured it was a risky play.

Let's just see what happens. High risk, zero reward. I think Rooks has to answer at least. I have to answer. I mean, like, oh, man. Rooks is gonna say both. Rooks is gonna say back and forth several times. No, this is awful. Live in the moment, man.

What are the chances that happens again? As someone here who, I don't know if this is the case for anybody else, both of my parents have listened to this podcast. I am not answering this fucking question. Just from that standpoint alone, I'm not answering this fucking question. Like, just from that standpoint alone, I'm not answering this question. I have very little shame as a person not doing that. Follow-up question to that point. Are they proud of you?

I mean, are we going to open this can of worms right now? Episode 69 is the Are Your your parents proud of you episode well i didn't like that opener that opener just was i'm sad now i'm gonna go guys so do you want me to keep that or no oh i don't fucking care i like i don't know no one actually answered it so it's not like the worst, you know? Solid. I'll change our topic real quick if you want a different one. Sure.

All right. Saw this on Facebook. I don't even know if this is Reddit. I don't want to know your Zodiac sign. I want to know what your song you'd pick to fist fight the Supreme Court in a White Castle parking lot would be. Rapid Fire. Go. Hire by Creed.

Okay. It's like a blitz thing though like i feel like you wouldn't want to like throw hands to that it's like yeah but you're like the good guy in the situation you're coming to save the day you like uppercut him at the same time as he's singing take me higher you it's pretty good a little slow-mo slow-mo hey you said rapid fire i went yeah yeah i'm going fucking uh this the month off really just threw you off yeah i know it's bad enrique iglesias i can be your hero, baby. That'd be tough. Great answer. No one's going to like angry, angry song. I'll go with Peppas. I feel like that'd be kind of fire.

What? Peppas? It's like. Okay. No one knows the name of that song. I do not know the name of it. What do you say? It's like, Deca, ya, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,

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what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, I feel like you can go like classic. Why are you here? I mean. You asked me for my services. You should be used to it. You went through like three hot seats. All right. I know. You could go classic like any like theme, like Rocky theme song. You could do like Eye of the Tiger.

You could do like classic. I feel like. Solid. Yeah. Or National Anthem anthem really patriotic that'd be the new like intro to every america video before every time the president comes on to speak they have to play the video of you beating up the supreme court to the national anthem that'd be pretty tight c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-s-l-a-n-g song since we're like talking about like uh good old america and stuff like so yesterday

fourth of july right can we stop cheering for fucking fireworks in the middle of the fireworks like look if the fireworks are done like yeah we can give a clap you can say like hey that was that was a cool show but when the second one goes off and you just fucking yell out woo like and then every other firework and then also like you're yelling out woo to the same firework that was just set off like what the fuck are we doing man like i it's one of my biggest person though they had to they had to have been like college age or something like that like they were in like the balcony under like a seven-year-old just having the time of their life seen fireworks obviously it's a kid old curmudgeon just a kid i'm not gonna fucking kirk on him it's like these adults they're just

yelling and screaming and shit it's like dude you've absolutely seen a firework before like don't fuck don't fucking lie to me you've seen one before fireworks might be the most overrated dude they stink holiday yeah event. Fireworks stink. Because everyone has to get out there six hours early. It's the hottest holiday of the year. You're in the middle of a parking lot somewhere because everywhere else is taken. And then you just sit there for six hours and you're stuck in traffic for another two hours to go home

because everyone drove to the exact same parking lot. Not a good holiday. Didn't see one firework yesterday. Don't regret it true patriot i thought about getting the uh red white and blue like rocket pop the popsicle that would have been the closest thing and i didn't even do that so like i'm an awful person but hey whatever throw some pop rocks in your mouth get the full experience oh my god was that just hype was that a reference to that thing we talked about on the other episode or was that just like a actual like you do like pop rocks with the popsicle like is that a thing oh no i don't listen to the episodes i'm not on so okay fair

big fan i actually only listened i actually only listened to my parts of the episodes i am on so i just skip it that much of a narcissist that's a little 15 second button fireworks are the one thing that i think are as good as on like a youtube video like that any type of architect like grand canyon boom i see a picture of it don't really need to see it in person it's not architecture also it's it's god's architecture bro you hate non-hating on the lord he didn't go to school he doesn't have a degree he's not he had to force that river through it somehow i don't know how architects don't do rivers you You have to get aqueducts. True. Or dams.

Beavers. Beavers also architects, by the way. Beavers, 69. 69 episode. There we go. I've heard nothing but facts. It is Wednesday, Mikey. My nipples are hard now.

Number one, remove your bra. I like nuts. Sis, in my butt, I'm ready to go. Golf is a sexy thing. My dick will go like, boop, and just flip inside out, and it'll turn into a vagina. And you take me. Hi, boys. And of course, Pennsylvania.

You leave the butter in the crack. Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby. God damn, he's so good. Yeah, he calls me big time. Ah, ah, ah, ah. La, la, la, booty. God damn, he's so good. Yeah, he calls me big time. Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah. Booty. Of course, it makes me dookie.

If you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back out. And then I swallow. I want to die. Raw dog and lower. Kid's turkey. Base or nipples. He's got slop. Rock's dick has anchor arms.

I think I got to get out of here. I'm going to get the paintbrush. I don't fucking... Great question. Who has vertical butt cheeks? To the death. No, Bob, look at that. I'm fucking with this fucking guy, man.

It is Wednesday, my dudes. Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, my dudes. Back from summer break with the long-anticipated episode 69, which is also the return of the one Jeff Goatworthy for a high school health quiz. She's back by popular demand. You said he and she. What are you going with?

Both. So we get you correct at the same time? Mm-hmm. Okay. So you have to say he, she every single time? Yep. Exactly. The other's choice.

Awesome. Glad to have you here. We got Corey. Hey, how's it going, everybody? We got Rooks. I missed all of you sloppy Joes and sloppy Janes. And we got Zach.

Hello, everybody. And I guess we have me. And I'm Brian, and welcome to my podcast. Hey, everyone. I always forget about myself, to be be honest we apologize for these little rhythm issues we got going on here we'll figure it out as the episode goes yeah yeah we really should not have taken any time off because we fall off very fast not not in in the group at all um but we had a full month off so maybe people have a good story

we'll find out uh Who wants to go first? Tell us about your month. No takers. I'll go because we're going off rhythm, and it's really throwing me off. I don't like it. What? What, Rooks? No, I was just going to say how many key lime pies were made over this month.

Zero, but man, it would have been good. How long were we actually off? A full month, or was it like it's right on a month i think yeah good god i don't even remember so i think the first week was claire's birthday had like dinner out so hbd claire um but then the week following that we went to chicago on our way to uh ireland had two day layover in Chicago. Stayed with Zaddy over there. I'll just give two quick highlights. Batting cages, obviously, while drinking.

Might have honestly beat all of Ireland. Might have. I'm not going to say it did, but it was up there. Definitely beat the second half of Ireland. Sure, yeah. Yeah. I'll let you get to that one. Okay.

And then this man tried to murder us with hot dogs on a flight and it was indirectly it was uncalled for um to be fair i don't know what he gave us the choice of what was it italian beef sandwiches or hot dogs before a 10-hour flight or not not 10 hours sorry that was on the way back. Nine. Nine. And for some reason, I thought hot dogs was better. But after doing that, I realized that maybe there was not a right choice, actually. The answer was none of the above. Yeah, okay. Okay.

But we did it. I regret all of it. I won't be doing that again. We might not do another layover in Chicago ever again in my life. Also, I have in my notes here, Rangers suck at Denise. It's fitting that you're here. We watched the Rangers get knocked out when we were with Zach. So, ha, ha, ha.

Ireland was a dope. Tiny roads. Brian, great job driving on the left-hand side of the road. We didn't die. Almost. Yeah. I'll let you do the Ireland stuff to keep it short but kiss kiss the barney stone drank lots of guinness did a hike other sites there you go uh and then on the third weekend

uh jesse's wedding shout out jesse's wedding respectfully shout out shout out respectfully uh obviously fantastic seeing everybody um one big thing which i loved and i think it's not my first time at a wedding with a band but it was the first time i was heavily heavily drinking with a band man they were good uh they were fire i feel like every time i looked at the band which wasn't many times because i was pretty distracted by friendship and alcohol um i feel like they gained five more band members every time i woke up um so pretty impressive and then this last week uh brian's been my roommate for the last last ride i'm calling it uh And we sat and played video games this weekend, had my dog run away on the 3rd of July

while we were at Claire's family party. So that was stressful. So PSA, buy your dogs an Apple tag and track them around the world, wherever they run to. That was stressful. but i will give my month 15 000 respectfully it's a lot that's a lot of hell of a rating right there from your boy almost as many as we said respectfully i was saying pretty close to the wedding

incredible all right rooks how was your week month sorry my week month was pretty good uh your boy international traveler man of the people now um started out by going to the lovely ocean city maryland shout out to the bad hombres we had a lot of booze allens it was great um then after that quick little turnaround go to cyprus i don't know if anyone here has ever heard of cyprus um it's actually a country it's an island out of the mediterranean yeah whoops that's not gonna sound good that's gonna sound bad in post but it's fine that one forever oh god yeah i was trying to be an asshole and explain cyprus to everybody and then i ended up just accidentally saying the c word you know rhythm is great We're doing fine today.

But yeah, I went to Cyprus for a wedding, hung out on the beach for a few days, had a ball, got to fucking just dance my ass off. Cypriot weddings go until 4 a.m. I was hurting at the end of that wedding. Almost brought a cat home from Cyprus too. I was walking home,

this little cat comes out, it has half an ear and it comes up to me and just rubs his head against my legs which i was sitting on a i was sitting on a street in cyprus just petting a cat it was lovely um inches away from taking a rabies cat home um would have loved to yes which half of the year uh bottom half anyway um yeah the top top was hanging on by a thread, you know. But just floating there. Yeah, went to Cyprus.

Got to stop in Germany too, both ways. That was fascinating. I got to say, like, if you don't smoke cigarettes, you're not European. Like, I don't care what you say. Like, you're just european like i don't care what you say like you're just not from europe like they have in the airports in germany every six steps they have these smoking rooms where everyone's just ripping heaters my flight to munich was 7 30 in the morning there are 30 people in there just ripping heaters just not giving a fuck i was like this is the most european shit ever um

but went to cyprus had a great old time there. Then went to Jersey for the wedding. Shout out to James. James got married. Ate a lot of, way too much fucking food. Oh my God. Just fucking gorged myself. And then, yeah, now we're here.

And we're in the United States. You know? I was Mr. Worldwide Dalai but like now i'm mr united states um i love you started out with oh so international this month and you're like so i went to ocean city that was that was on purpose that was part of the story okay that was part of the delivery i know what i'm doing here i got some i got some of my rhythm left okay um you did say the c word right after that yeah i don't trust you it went right down the shitter strong i'd say it's right it went right down the shitter um but yeah overall great time

um i'm gonna give it i'm gonna give it because i was in the airport so much and like i was in the same fit for a while like multiple days i'm gonna give it one international juicy gucci nice all right moving on oh also hold on hold on time out time out one more thing i'm so sorry zach one more thing for the people back home your boy did not rip his pants at the wedding let's fucking go check that off the bingo board, baby, because your boys pants are still intact. Exact same pants, boys. They looked way too good. I'm not I'm not eating them out.

What? That was the clip. The clip. And eating them out. That's what I said. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

The exact same pants, boys. They looked way too good. I'm not i'm not eating them out yeah what oh i say ye i said yeeting them out yeah yeah oh my god what are these words doesn't even understand himself sometimes these slip-ups are so detrimental to how i sound i'm saying the c word i'm fucking saying i'm going to eat my pants out. Like, what the fuck is this? You could be beating people off with Tims, though. You could.

That's true. That's a bad slip-up. Like, if you need to beat someone off with it. There we go. All right. So, Zach, how was your month, man? It was good. I'll be short and quick.

First of all, Corey mentioned, I give compliments to Corey. One of the most athletic feats I've ever seen. Kit might be the most athletic short person I've ever seen in my life. He was just cranking taters in the batting cages. Like unbelievable. We were, it was 50 miles an hour, balls gone. 60, gone. 70, no problem.

See ya. I was by far the least athletic. You can watch, we have the videos to prove it. I looked, I was doing a golf swing while I was trying to hit a baseball it was terrible i think the order probably go cory claire brian me um in terms of athleticism but it was good uh to have the the fearsome threesome visit sorry for overstuffing you with food um now we stuff me anytime yeah stuff yeah there you go um but no we had a good time um and yeah i think i think only other thing only couple other things one visited my buddy's lake house in

michigan last week i was always a good time um puked i won the puke trophy puked the first night we were there drank a little too much um while we were on the boat so got the inaugural inaugural puke trophy uh and then we also played pokemon stadium because my buddy has an n64 so we played the mini game they got way too aggressive at it and the i'm so jealous the scyther cut the log game we almost came to blows several times um but uh yeah and then the last thing um decided i'm gonna move so that's so i have uh two months to find a place so zach will zach be homeless countdown is officially on so we will see if uh i'm months to find a place. So Zach, will Zach be homeless? Countdown is officially on. So we will see if I'm able to find an apartment in the next two months. You're moving like in Chicago.

Yeah, correct. Just within the city. I'm going to move closer, closer to downtown, hopefully. So, yeah, we'll see. But this is the countdown begins. Cloudgate, you mean? No, no, no, no. The Bean.

Oh, OK. OK. Yeah, I think I mean, that was pretty much it i golfed a lot um yeah it's been uh it's been nice i'm gonna give my rating just because i'm staring at and i got a refreshed uh costco load today i'm gonna give it 160 sheets per roll of kirkland premium towels which you can either make a single or a double size. You can choose whatever you'd like. Man, I fully thought you were going to say 160, like, Gushers or things of mac and cheese.

I did buy a 90-count of Mott's Fruit Snacks for the lake, though, which was deleted. At least that's for a group, you know? Or did you only eat those yourself? I mean, who really is... I mean, everyone else takes one, and then I take five at a time. I so i saw this tiktok it reminded me of zach where this guy had his multivitamins that all melted in the jar and so every day he wakes up and he takes like a bite

out of this giant gummy because he's like i feel like some days i get more of my dosage some days i get less it all evens out in the end. I was like, this is Zach. This is exactly Zach. Dude, if I could take all my nutrition in terms of gummy form, gummy water, gummy alcohol, gummy vitamins or a thing, gummy melatonin I take, just regular gummies, I would sign me up. The more mush, the better in my case. I just didn't like gummy water. Gummy water was my one bugaboo out of that list gummy water just did not sound right i gotta try it the more mush the better should have been

your rating but either way denise how's the month wow thanks for asking um so i started off the month i was in charleston had a bachelorette party shout out alissa uh big shout out weddings next month shout out dylan also um did that then i'm gonna give a big shout out to the rangers uh fuck cory uh shout out kid line no you know what i didn't need them to win they did the job this season i did it i didn't all right i'm not gonna get into a debate because you're all gonna gang up on me but i want it recorded that you know what the kids pulled through um then what happened i'll go quick um i quit my job so that was fun nice then i got big shout out quitting jobs um Then I got a new job.

That's way less exciting than quitting your job. Yeah, it is. But I'm unemployed for a few weeks, so that's nice. Jesse got married. I mean, it's pretty much been covered. And I'm also on a homeless countdown because I'm moving um in like three weeks and i have not signed a lease yet so we have to figure that out but it'll all work out towards some apartments there's space under the bean in chicago i was gonna say two people memorial homeless gang denise

is your my mom i think is more concerned about me being homeless than I am. Cause she is, she is freaking out. She is texting me every day and be like, you're not gonna be homeless. Are you? You're not gonna be homeless. Are you? I'm like, I'm sure I'll figure it out. Yeah, no, she's very concerned. I called her today.

I looked at some apartments and she was like, well, do you have pictures? And I was like, no, but I'm going to like submit an application. She's like, don't you need like pictures of like where you're going to live? I'm like, it's going to work out. If this one doesn't come through, like we'll find a place that's what current denise is saying tomorrow denise will probably be like full-blown panic attack but like it ebbs and flows like yin and yang it all balances out but we'll figure it out it's like the vitamin gummies exactly full circle exactly full circle Full circle. Exactly. Full circle. So I'm going to give my month one quit job because that was really the highlight of my job, of my month, quitting that.

One lifetime achievement award is what you should have done. Check. You're selling yourself short. You quit two jobs. I did. You're right. I did quit two jobs. Even better.

I know. Incredible. It was great. All right. Half the crap I did, I jobs. Even better. I know. Incredible. All right. Half the crap I did, I also did with all of you guys. So quickly, Ireland. We all caught COVID. Or not all of us.

Half of us caught COVID halfway through. Not great. First half was great, though. Moving on. Chicago. We talked about Bachelor a ton at the beginning of this podcast. We saw Kelly Flanagan in Chicago. She walked by. And me and Claire were like, we looked at each other like didn't say anything they're like was that

you're like yeah so saw sort of a bachelor celebrity so that was strange um also deep dish pizza i don't understand what the hype is it's pretty much the same deepness as a normal pizza the cheese is just flipped that's very much That's very much wrong. It's very similar. I don't understand it. It's very just like... I told you it wasn't... Regular dude. I said...

You thought it was... I said it's... You're like, it's like lasagna. I said there are absolutely no noodles in deep deep pizza. I didn't say there's noodles. I said it's like lasagna.

Yeah, but okay. That's different. I didn't hype it up. I said you have to try it just to check it off your list. There is better pizza, but I figured you had to try it to check it off it was good just overhyped it's just it's just pizza i don't know don't people talk about how like say don't threaten me with any food things i'll i'll stuff your face full of more food next time

you come visit me yeah brian shut your mouth want that ever again We're eating more hot dogs before the flight I was fine Dude I slept for a solid 8 hours on that flight Right after we had that hot dog And they fed us as soon as we got on the flight too I was feeling good Corey had 2 dogs I only had 1 That's your problem Corey

Anyways Went to Jesse's wedding everyone talked about it already But the thing we didn't talk about It was a ceremony then we had cocktail hour Which is a lot of food then we went and danced and then we sat down had a appetizer and then we stood up and danced again and then we sat down and had our entree and then we stood up and danced and then we sat down and had dessert and then we stood up and danced and then we sat down and we had snacks and then we stood up and danced again incredible yeah some i will say some rugs were cut. Sorry. No, I just had, I've been, uh,

pulling, uh, people who have gone to weddings, including myself over the past year. Cause I'm convinced of one thing that the food is never great. So I just want to hear from your opinion. How was, and not like, not like the hors d'oeuvres or the appetizer. Cause those are always banging and the desserts all kind of banging too. If you have it, mine is the entree. I feel like the entree is never good. It was always like the crusty potatoes on top like you get that weird filmy layer so i'd like to little rundown of the entree please the options for this wedding the options for this wedding were chicken and waffles oh short rib or ahi tuna okay and it was top notch and then for dessert there's like that your classic like sunday bar but they had a skillet of melted chocolate chip cookies like it was like they

baked the cookies and then melted them back down into cookie dough that you could put on top of your ice cream where was and it was it was at the end of the thing cory i it's the least shocking thing that you didn't see the ice cream sunday bar i did not see that shit either what the fuck dessert wise all i saw all i remember is the one dude like like going around with fucking zebra cakes and i was like that's a wild fucking thing to be walking around with you know what he wasn't walking around with nutty buddies because he knew those were trash hey whoa hey hey God, look at me all fucking worked up. But yeah, the food was top notch. That sounds good.

Okay. See, because I feel like where you go wrong is just would you like steak or chicken? And then like, but that, all right, that sounds good. The short rib was fire. Yeah, the short rib was ribbing respectfully. Like that thing was like that. It was bustling. They spent a lot of money on food, so thanks for the invite, Jesse.

Shout out. We all wore a yarmulke for the first time. That was tight. Oh, I hated it. Not because I had to wear a yarmulke, because it was fucking up my hair. Like, no shade to like... I was like, no, we all wore a yarmulke. I hated it.

Like, no shade to like clipping that. I was like, no, y'all wore yarmulke. I hated it. Not like no shade to being in temple. But yeah, your boy who has a fresh hairdo for a wedding, like me just putting something on the hair. Like, what the fuck? Like, why would I do that? You know what? Also, shout out. I wanted to say shout out live on the air to Jesse for I said this to her. She had candles and a long veil.

And if we all know Jessie, that was probably the bravest thing I could have ever seen that woman do ever. Life complete. Comes such a long way in life, I think. There were no tumbles. It was remarkable. Yeah.

She had a body double. There's no way. She was in the back controlling a robot. They switched them out when she got up to the altar lifted the veil just up high she ran in underneath and like brought it back down it's like the quick change at like an nba halftime game they like shake the towel above her and then she pops out yeah actually they did it so quick they draped over the uh the words are not going to be correct but the blanket word yeah yeah yeah obviously not a blanket but the blanket you know you know what i

mean yeah all right uh and then my unrecommendation of the month uh if you watch a tv show where one of the characters has to speak in sign language don't watch it on an illegal streaming website because they don't have subtitles and it's really hard to understand what's going on so the boys like most of season three how do you not have amazon prime saying how do you not have amazon prime why am i spending money on amazon prime you get free shipping if you buy 25 or more on anything just buy 25 stuff oh my god i don't feel bad so i don't feel bad yeah you just stressed me out hold on hold on this also coming for the man who's watched seasons backwards multiple times which is my favorite

thing and it was in the boys but in my defense we got tommy to start watching the boys the first episode he watched was episode one of season three and he's like man yeah i don't know what's going on but it's crazy and then he's like oh that was season, I don't know what's going on, but it's crazy. And then he's like, oh, that was season three. So then he started back at season one. So it's not just me. End of statement. I'm not having Tommy defend me, but either way. My rating for the month is not New York City because I'm not in New York City. You know?

Great rating. Who would have thought? I know I needed to explain that for you guys, but like I thought you would have got it. I saw a lot of blank stares. Cool. Summer's over. All right. Health class.

School's in session. Jeff. She's back. Go ahead. Mr. And Mrs. Go worthy. Jeff.

Go. Exactly. You got it right. To you. Doctor. Go. Worthy. I got my doctorate in our time off. no but welcome to it's when semi-dudes

does sex ed yeah i'm so scared i've been like moses wandering in the desert okay i'll be happy if I get one right. Turn this shit off. Jeff hit you with the cut off. Cut that music. So, we have 20 questions. Bring the music back, Brian. Sound guy is fucking fired.

I hate this place. I don't know why I keep agreeing to come back. I don't know why I keep agreeing to come back. But there's 20 questions. They're going to start out pretty tame. And then as things go, we'll get a little bit more into the nitty gritty of it. It's just like your, it's just your basic sex ed. And you're all going to look so incredibly dumb.

So it's only sex ed, right? Yes. I was looking up some questions. It was like, oh, like nutrition. I'm like, no one cares about the food pyramid. That's not the content people want. I care about Zach's food pyramid, to be honest, a little bit. My food pyramid is like a food it's like a food rhombus also none of this you said basic none of this is gonna be basic just so we know anything if i get one right it should be basic but i hope i hope i at least get like the male

anatomy part right you're basic to who i'll say you're also talking to the guy who wanted to invent the condom gun so if there's any condom gun related questions, I think I'm going to do great. I think we did invent it. It's on a list. We're on a short list. Just be ready. It's in Atlanta.

We'll fly you out. Let's ask Jeff. How many condom gun related questions are there? Let me look. Zero. What the fuck? This isn't even real crowd doesn't like you sorry okay so we're gonna get started there every every question's worth one point i don't have that stupid scoring system like

fucking gary globe only thing he's known for calculus to figure out my score at the end of that one. What's the derivative of your score? This is health. So everything's worth one point. There are some things that have bonuses, but it'll be nice and clear. I will let you know. So you just lied to us.

You said everything's worth one point. Plus some bonus. It's like the hidden menu at the fast food place there's some extra things that nobody knows exactly can i get this vagina question animal style oh god no but like please clip that but like no oh it's the worst thing i've ever heard in my life also i don't know what i don't know what the winner gets, but I feel like the loser has to get an STD. I feel like that's just the natural progression. What do you mean?

Do you mean generally, or do they get a signed one? How does this work? Yeah, it's going to be a curable one. It's not going to be like Hiv or anything. We'll give him a curable one. Just a little bit of schlamydia. So hey, don't lose.

Yeah, don't lose. Okay, the loser, whoever's the loser, the other three get to pick an STD that that person has to be called for the next two episodes. Oh, fuck. I got it.

The loser has to sign up as a registered sex offender. What? Excuse me. We're getting started. That escalated so quick. The stakes of this went from- Brian, play the music again. All right, we're back with Gary Globe. Nope, not Gary Globe.

Fuck that guy. All right. All right. All right. All right. If you ever need a wheel at some point, just let me know. Nope. All right. All right. All right. If you ever need a wheel at some point, just let me know. Nope. No wheels. I got a bunch of them.

If you ever need a draft order, let me know. No draft orders. No nothing. This sound guy is fucking out, guys. This is the last time. I quit. Hold on. Wait for it.

What did we get? We laid it on sex ed question. Go ahead. Perfect. Okay. We're going to start off nice and simple. Oh, God. How many states require sex ed in public school curriculum?

Write it down. Require? How many states are there? How many states are teaching sex ed? How many states do you consider the south because you know i'm just gonna do like 50 minus just divide by two and then that's probably the starting point i have my answer i have my answer i don't think i have it let's see it oh it's backwards no you're right cory like you're dang it oh wait what okay the answer is 30 cory said 35 zach said 29 burn said all of them which

is wrong and rook said 40 so it's only 30 states so there's 20 states where kids are not learning this and that explains so much um yeah but scores after one question are 0, 0, 0, 0. Great job, team. We're not going to point for college. Goddamn. Yeah, spin the wheel. Get something else. I don't want to do sex ed.

Spin something else. Come on, no whammies, no whammies. Jackpot? I think it's another sex ed question. Wonderful. Okay. Sorry. What is the most common sexually transmitted disease? Ah.

Rooks, what did you rate your week? Ryan. All right. Corey said herpes. Rooks said herpes. Zach said gonorrhea. Or his peas. Rooks said herpes. Zach said gonorrhea. Or his peas. Rooks, what did you rate your month?

Juicy Gucci. An international Juicy Gucci. My answer is an international Juicy Gucci. No, you're all wrong again. What? It's HPV. Oh. I don't even know what that is.

Low key. It's too close to HIV. Is HPV not as bad? It's a throat cancer one. Oh. It's too close to HIV. Is HPV not as bad? It's a throat cancer one. Oh. There's too many abbreviations. My thing is like, you know. It's the one that had that commercial where it's like, I want to be one.

Last one. You know, what they were like jumping rope. Did anyone else see that? No. Fuck no. Does it sound like this? God damn it. Okay.

But like, it's like, so they have HIV. It's like so, like, and we heard that's, like, the dangerous one. Like, that's the scary one. That's the one that leads to death. And then, so, I guess I just, like, just blocked out HPV. Because I literally, I don't even know what that is. You can get a vaccine for it. Is it a dual gender one?

Or is it just a lady one? No, it's both. Thought I could skate through. Okay. Human papillomavirus. Hey. Add another one to be worried about. Great job, guys. Let's go.

0 for 8? 0 for 8. All right. Next question, number three. How long can sperm live outside of the body? Good God. Guys, come on. In minutes?

It's like... That's my answer. I wasn't with a surprisingly large amount of... One hour? You think these things are just fucking growing around? I said a day. Brian said a day. Rooks, what did you say?

I said zero seconds. One of you is right, and it's Brian. What did he say? 24 said zero seconds. One of you is right, and it's Brian. How much? What did he say? 24 hours. 24 hours. What? What?

No way. Yes. Chalk it up. My dry tissues would like to have a word. Yeah. It has to be specifically in a good environment for it. It's a great environment for it. What are you talking about?

A little middle school cum sock that thing thinks down there living for a day? What the fuck? Wait, Zach. Did the sock move? What did you rate your week again? I rated mine 160 sheets per roll of Kirkland paper towels. Oh, paper towels. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Those would be rough on the old shaft if I would use them. God damn it. Wait, someone got one right, though. Fuck. Yeah, so after three questions, one has been answered correctly by one person. Fuck. There's one point that's been scored. These have been hard.

Yeah. Also, like, still a guess. Brian wasn't like, oh, definitely 24 hours. Right. I thought it was surprisingly long i've heard it once somewhere you know maybe health class yeah could all right ready for number four no yes number four what is the process of an ovary releasing an egg called yeah the looks on your faces.

Oh, no. Yo, at first I thought Corey said masturbation. And I was like, bro, that's not what it is. No, Corey said menstruation, which is wrong. Rooks, what did you say? Ovulation. Ovulation is correct. Brian, you're correct.

Zach, what did you write? Cool. Ovulation's correct Brian you're correct Zach what did you write? Cool I said discharge Wrong Hold on Let me just pull up The sex offender website You did not write down discharge Holy shit

So you can get discharged From the army And then the eggs Get discharged from the Marines I'm just pulling up the sex offender website for me and Zach. This is my favorite episode.

Dial 9-1 just to have it ready. Oh, man. Okay, number five. No one's gonna get this either. Guys, I really thought you'd be a little bit better at this. Lock it in. What does IUD stand for got it um got it wow you're all concentrating so hard i'll say it afterwards i definitely didn't spell my middle word right but there you go

corey you're close corey said internal uterine device rooks said what does that say rooks internment internment no internment uterine device zach let me see yours improvised unbaby device no that works hey i think that's right brian stop moving your paper i can't see it what does it say is my backwards or is it no words for you intra uterine device brian got it although lock it up you all gave it a valiant effort yeah i i wrote down internment i was like that's definitely not the right word but maybe she'll just like misread it or something very far from the right word no that's world war ii if intrauterine is one word it should just be id i'm gonna say it well like i mean it's it's already kind of taglined right like yeah you

kind of have a wallet no that wouldn No. That wouldn't be great branding. No, no, no, no. Every single bar is actually asking for your intrauterine device when you go there. But nobody's correcting. Let me see your vagina to let you in. Well, that's a good list you're talking about. Brian might have to line up as the sex event. We are moving on back to STDs.

Yes. Which one is affectionately known as the clap oh crap oh fuck god i can't spell for shit oh shit oh cory zach and b Brian all got it right. Rooks, what are we writing down? Chlamydia. Rooks is wrong. The other three wrote gonorrhea. You're right.

What is it? You always got to double down on gonorrhea, boys and girls. Guys, always do. Get into the creek. Fuck. What a good movie. They have a whole song about the clap. They play it like six times.

This is Burns' fucking Slumdog Millionaire, where he has all these one-off things that he knows the answer to these questions this is ridiculous he's impressing me only gotten like two right three i have four out of six four right the rest of you have one though everyone's finally on the board four out of six on fire a three-point lead in a three-point lead in this game might as well be a 50 point lead like this is we're done that's true okay this one's less sex ed but i thought it was funny so i threw it in there more sexy ed i'm gonna give you four options so it's a multiple choice in which state is it illegal to sell sex toys alabama mississippi arkansas missouri i mean like come on man it's a toss-up um just because just because i like writing it mississippi brian likes arkansas

rook said mississippi That's what I meant And what did you write Corey? Arkansas You're all wrong it's Alabama I thought it was too easy of an answer Tuscaloosa Roll Tide Can't buy a sex toy

I'll use my sibling Are we ready? Oh man Come on Alabama viewers Don't yeah use your sibling either that sounds a little non-consensual it's not it's alabama it's not good oh okay if you're in alabama we apologize but like also how did you get here you're not though wait okay you ready wait should we spin the wheel one more time no this one's a spelling one so just

spell it out and then hey hold on it's a mystery box question oh what's in the box spelling oh cory you might you can sit this one out i'm not i want to hear the word before i just throw in the towel spell syphilis al capone died of syphilis oh i think i'm missing a letter. Got it. Don't. Don't show it. Okay, wait. We'll go by one by one. You'll spell it out, and I'll tell you. Corey, why don't you kick us off?

I know it's wrong. I just threw letters on just to get it over with. S-I-P-H-O-L-O-U-S. Close, but no. I'm so sorry. Rooks, spell it. S-Y-P-H-I-L-I-S. Close, but no. I'm so sorry. Rooks, spell it. S-Y-P-H-I-L-I-S. Right.

Correct. Let's go. Dang it. I had an extra L. Yeah. I had two L's. Only one L. I was scared.

I thought it was two L's. I was nervous. I thought you guys know how to spell that. You guys both had two L's, and I was like, fuck. Jesus Christ. Corey had O-U o us at the end i mean okay next question spells over here true or false true the uterus is the size of an almond? Oh. Oh. Well, I would like... Doesn't it change in size?

Hold on. If I can find an almond that's the size of it, would I get it right? I definitely know the clitoris is smaller than the uterus, which means the clitoris is impossible to find if this answer is true. I'm trying to like... Look at Rooks' hands.

I'm trying to put the little map out that goes out to the ovaries and then... The Dodge Ram? Oh, God. No, it's the Texas Longhorns. That's true. Hook them. This is where I confuse cervix with uterus.

I think cervix is the baby pushing part. I'll go true because why would you have the question if that's not true? You could have been like... It's the size of my fucking pinky toe. Yeah. Almost as a really big almond. All right.

Zach and Corey say true. Burn says false. Rook says true. I got swung by the crowd. The answer is false. Damn it, guys. It's the size of a fist. It's where the baby is.

Yes. It's the size of a fist. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. That's a massive almond. But, like, why is this a question? Like, I hate you. This doesn't make the clitoris any easier to find, by the way.

We're struggling out here. Fuck. The ovaries are the size of the almonds, boys. What about the underies, though? And all together, you call it the trail mix, right? Exactly. Yeah. All right.

We take them camping every single time. We're at number 10. Halfway through. Can we get a wheel spin? Yeah, can we get a wheel spin? Oh, my fucking God. We have a different wheel for this question. We're halfway through.

I hate this place. We have a caller wheel. What the fuck is this? Is someone ripping a caller wheel. What the fuck is this? Is someone ripping ass right now? What the fuck is that? Hannah, what do we got? Want to buy a bottle? Collect 200 when you pass go.

Wild. The letter E. For everybody guts to answer this question. Go ahead. Okay, ready? What are the male and female gonads?

Got it. Corey, why don't you just tell the class what you wrote wait what it's the grundle man oh yeah it's on everybody cory wrote grundle what did the rest of you write well i wrote the grundle it's like the ohio state the three of you are right wait is it testes or text testicles because rooks said testicles because testicles are like the like the gobble they're like then rooks you're wrong yeah it's the testes you snitch you fucking do not for blood i need as many points i need to make up i will say at last place you're gonna be a sex offender so yeah i get it like

i mean are we still questioning who's going to be that person signing up? I'm going to lose. I'm already going to pull the website up here. I'm ready to go. You can't sign up if you're already on the list. That's true. That's why I said the loser has to be a superstar. So, we're halfway through.

After ten questions, Brian has six. Zach has two. Zach has two. Corey has one. Rooks has two. Wow. You collectively are failing sex ed. Sounds about right. It is not looking good, boys.

Wouldn't happen in a little while. I'll bring the average up. We got it. All right. Ready for the next one? Number 11. Brian knows a lot about sex ed, you pervert. Pervert.

Unclean. My book on my back. Are we done? Not really. You got to stop pausing because he's going to hit the fucking wheel again. You have to just go. I know he is. I'm scared of the wheel.

Okay. Okay. I went to go back a couple of spaces. Okay. So we're going to move on to question 10. We're going to do a little bit of like birth and pregnancy. Oh, good. My specialty. Perfect. Full circle. Okay. like birth and pregnancy we're oh good my specialty perfect circle okay an ectopic pregnancy is one that develops where ectoplasm got it what do you want me to repeat the question i don't know that's that's gonna help you yes it's not gonna help me but So if someone has an ectopic pregnancy, where does the where is the baby in the body?

Mmm, got it. Can I say where it's not? No Zach said in the butt wrong In space also wrong I mean Space between space between spaces the space between In space. Also wrong. I mean. Space between spaces. The space between. All right. Ryan said fallopian tubes.

That's what I said. Fallopian tubes. Good job. Fallopian tubes. Freaking girl, boy. Shout out to the tubes. It's Philippine. Jesus.

Ride that into the city every day. There was a teacher in my high school in shop class would always talk to a freshman and be like, hey, for our project, we need some fallopian tube. Can you go down the hall and ask a teacher for it? Every year he got a kid. And they would always go to the biology teacher and she would laugh in their face. And the whole class would either, one, be confused

because it was North Carolina and they also didn't know what it was. Or two, be like, wow, I don't know how this kid fell for it. It was great, though. Did I tell you or did I tell you this is Burn Slumdog Millionaire? It really is. This guy just has all these one-off stories that just connect. Well, because the fallopian tube, where else would it be? In the butt.

I've got to imagine there is space in the fallopian tube for that to happen. So there's not space. Does that mean that the egg didn't do its part or the sperm just did extra work? Because I feel like the sperm has to go farther. No. No. The sperm stops short. Oh, does the sperm stop short?

Does that go all the way deeper? It's lazy. It's lazy sperm. Yeah. Oh, okay. Gotcha. They usually meet like halfway in the in the tube so something happens and then like it doesn't go to the uterus right

i was gonna say it's it's actually the the person with the vagina hadn't listened to meet me halfway while procreating so they didn't like the sperm and the sperm and egg just didn't know where to go you know like they needed fergie's guidance they just didn't get it that's the problem true sperm times up sperm didn't stop one didn't want to ask for directions typical man exactly okay we're going to number 12 we're going to move on to male anatomy i really hope that you get this correct i I've got those. The penis. I mean, still probably won't. Just look down. Just look down. It's the penis.

Okay. How do I look inside? Are you ready? Define vast deference. Oh, shit. That's like the, um... All of your faces. I know what they are, but, like, okay whatever we're just gonna write just define it what do they do what do you think they are

you have them i what did cory say cory what's your answer the deference of that what i couldn't get through it cory's really trying to be on this okay zach what did you write i wrote sperm shooters rooks what's your answer i said it pumps jizz from the testicles to the urethra. I don't know why I said jizz as like when the other things. It pumps a strong word. Okay.

And Brian? I said what Rooks said, but like less aggressive. Yeah. And you know what? I'm going to give Zach the point too for creativity. Shoot her. Shoot her. Because it transports the sperm let's fucking go boys

okay um just a little roundup of the points rooks has four zach has three brian has eight cory has one he was number one okay you might need to should the punishment be you have to go to a high school health class? Dude, that's so much commitment. The punishment is you have to go to Alabama and buy a sex toy. No. Keep going. Okay.

All right. Number 13. Name three out of five sizes of tampons oh no oh dear zach's got this on lock they don't have to be in order just three of the sizes do they all have the same size yes okay would you like just share with the class let's hear it uh soak mist jet cone shower god fucking damn it no but i will support you in changing the names to that because it's just it's better it's just better all around all right can i can i do mine cory let's hear it

small medium large heavy regular oh um you got one some of them hell yeah dang it i don't get regular because i have to name three right yes? Yes. Regular was one of them. Go ahead, Rux. Wait, so you get a point per one? No. Can you, out of request for the person that has one point, could you change that rule? Sure.

So Corey has a point. Fuck yeah. Okay, then I get a point too. Okay, Rux. Regular, heavy, and extra heavy. Super heavy. No, but you get one point and brian let's go uh regular strong extra large wombo and mcdouble oh my god jesus it's just it's just mcdonald's menu is big and tasty. No. But you get regular. So it's light, regular. Light, regular, super, super plus, and ultra.

Oh, super. Those are like Pokeballs. And McDouble. And McDouble. Those are like Pokeballs. It's just like Goku transformations and Dragon Ball Z. Digimon evolutions. Digimon. Kale Ken times 10. I can't believe this fucker said McDouble

Okay, we're going back to babies oh Back to babies ready. Yeah, how large good one? How large does the cervix stretch when a woman has a baby almonds an almond what what size tampon does this woman use it doesn't make a difference i think it matters cory said 30 centimeters a yard centimeters. A yard? A yard? How big is a grapefruit? I mean, they could have multiple babies. A yard? You don't push them all out at the same time.

13 centimeters, said Rooks. Can I do freedom units? Sure. Notical? Six inches. No, it's 10 centimeters. No, I was way off. It's about the size. It's like a Jersey bagel.

A grapefruit. Can you do that in football terms? A yard is 36 inches. I'll refer back to my previous question. If I ask a woman and she says that she was dilated by 30 centimeters, can I get a point? Sure. If I find a woman who actually was. Okay, cool.

What about me? Can I win the game? I know my question that I'm going to ask people at the bar now. I have a serious question. How dilated are you right now? I have a serious question. So you think like when people have twins, you think they all come out at the same time? I mean, that sounds like the most efficient way of doing it.

Look. people have twins you think they all come out at the same time because they don't sounds like the most efficient way of doing it look you could only have twins if you have a mcdouble sized tampon you know there's no correlation i need it it's a it's a duel you need to give it to me in football terms we like 30 inches here where we first and ten Even if a baby came out completely, like, horizontal, our yard would still be way too fucking long. That shit would be fully fucking up. I would like to start a petition. The baby could walk out of the, like, walk out. Sounds like a great idea to me. Babies can't walk. I would like to start a petition that we change the measurements

of a football field to one average size baby length. So that way we could say he's about like one in like 30 babies. No, no, no. We're going cervix sizes. How dilated are you from the goal line? He's second in 30 dilated right now. Don't. Do not run with this.

Do not run with this. Your future wives. It's about a double from a first down right now your future wives partners whatever like god bless okay can i ask you a question like what was the answer 10 centimeters okay 13 centimeters is five inches and i said six inches i was at least in the ballpark. Just want to say. Rooks said 13 centimeters. You don't see him gloating. My man, you're in first place. Act like you've been there before, my guy. I'm just saying.

Come on. You just gave me metric. I was doing English. I don't know. Okay, we're moving on. Ready? Not a cool vagina. Sounds like there could be.

Hold on. Sounds like there could be a wheel fast approaching. Wait, is there something around the... I'm going to leave. Local wheels in your area. Whoever this lands on is kicked from the game. What letter is it? Oh, it's Cody.

Oh. See you. Denise is kicked from the game. Bye, gladly. Bye. Okay. Ready? Oh, I lost my. See you, Gary. Bye. Okay. Ready? Oh, I lost my list.

Okay, I'm back. What part of the body does a mammogram examine? The wombo's, man. Easy. You're all reading these out loud cory wrote the uterus cory which is not correct the booby one talk to claire brooks why'd you you write? I said titties. Zach? I said mommy milkers. Brian?

I said boobies, but B-E-W-B-E-E-S. Yep, all three of you are correct. Oh my god. Just looking up and seeing three different words. Oh god, that was so good. Oh man. Alright. Do we have double jeopardy in this? No.

Oh, darn. So sorry. all right we're on to number 16 honestly fuck this wheel if you're gonna spin the wheel i'm done with the wheel actually uh we're gonna we're gonna start a new game so uh here's her round quiz number two gary globe is here uh welcome to the podcast honestly i'll throw hands if gary globe pops on this right now we might as well erase all our fucking scores because it's about to go to shit exactly i already have the answer to the next one. Ooh. Close. Are you tiring? But no. Okay.

List three forms of contraception. Karate. This should be a gimme for all four of you. I'm going to put a funny one first, then I'm going to list my three real ones. Okay. I'll allow it. bing bang boom job brooks thanks all right zach what'd you write? My final one was being ugly.

My real ones were... Oh, there you go, Byrne. My real ones were condoms in gun form, perhaps. Birth control and chastity. All right. Yeah. That counts. I mean, it counts. Yeah.

Rooks, what did you write cory i wrote condoms birth control iut yes cory that's a cheesy gordita crunch is that what i just read on your fucking piece of paper are you fucking the taco bell again we told you to stop i have cheesy gordita crunch crunchwrap supreme and Doritos Locos Tacos. Your sperm can live on those for 24 hours. You should watch out. Sure. Ryan, what you got?

I said. Read them out, Mr. Goodworthy. Looking ugly. Talking about. What is that? Dragon Ball Z. Dragon Ball Z. And what is the last one?

Poop. Poop shooter. Poop shooter. Can't get pregnant that way. Okay. So, no. Soop shooter. Poop shooter. Can't get pregnant that way. Okay. So, no. So, Rooks and Zach. I think technically those are correct.

I mean, I could make the argument if you're spending time eating all of those things, you might be having sex. I learned sex ed in Common Core, and we just learned different. Carry the one. 17 okay we're moving on to number 17 how many sperm cells does an average healthy male produce daily what are we talking about here it's like a lot isn't it it's like a handful i don't know that's why i asked you the question got it about a yard cory said 15 million oh yeah go higher than that that boy rook said 20 i said a milli a milli young moah, baby. And Brian said 500 mil. It's 500,000 a day.

I was close. I was close. No way. Rooks, you wrote 20. What healthy mil are you measuring? I was this crazy specimen, because I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb.

I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb.

I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb.

I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb.

I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb.

I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb.

I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb.

I'm so dumb. replaces i was like oh isn't it a lot i know how much i'm producing rooks rooks was like i think it's a lot and then he wrote down 20 yeah like what do we uh i don't know like 21 how big do you think sperm are about half uh denise about a size of mcdouble yes what do you what was the correct answer 500 000 uh so if you google how many sperm produce in a day i know that's not a great sentence but it works uh you will make several million sperm per day you know what yeah i hate when you fact check me let's get our sources because who knows it's not mansplaining creation supreme and doritos logos tacos i need to people also ask how many sperm are produced in 24 hours. According to research, males produce

1,500 sperm in one single second. If we calculate, that is 90,000 sperms in one minute, 54 million in one hour, and 129,600,000 in 24 hours. Thanks, Google. Okay, we're sticking with mine and you're all wrong. Why'd you say sperms? I didn't like that you put an S at the end.

That's how it was on there. You know what? I'm going to deduct a point for fact checking. Makeup worthy. Yeah, fuck that guy. Minus one. Gary Globin a mustache. For Josh Groban over there.

Okay. Hashua. Number 18? 19 number 18 19 18 18 18 does penis size matter oh motion of the ocean baby that's the question guys we all on we have to all answer as one. And I wrote it as small as I could. Yes. Guys, we all have to stick together. We got to stick together.

No. And Rooks wrote in parentheses. Yes. All right, guys. I'll give you all point. Great job, guys. Guys, the average vagina depth is like 2.5 to 3.5 inches. We can make that.

Was the question about vagina depth? I don't think so. How many fathoms is that? I thought it was a yard. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh my God. The fucking... You'll have to fall back. You go spelunking down there.

Get your headlamps. What is the movie? 27 Hours? I chopped off my own arm to get down there. Okay, we're moving on. We're not releasing this one, right? This one's the secret episode? We have to pay for this one.

This is starting our Patreon. Yeah. Okay. I mean, then we have to do another episode 69 for the free people though so that's 69.5 you gotta gotta go lion king rules where you do the half movie okay what a business model hey you guys don't listen to our podcast for free but if you did want to listen and pay for it you can join our patreon i made extra episodes all right okay number 19 this is kind of a two-part so pay attention what kind of a doctor performs a pap smear and bonus point if you can tell me why they are done looking for pap baby

god i can't spell for shit. That's for sure. Why am I even trying to... Can I just do the abbreviated? Thank you. You'll probably still spell that wrong too, but yes. No. Good job, Brooks. It's fucking cool.

You're right. Share it with the class i said um gyrocollege now gynecologist and looking for cervical cancer yep you got it zach what'd you write i said ob gyn and then the find the bad goop slash stds will we accept that i'll'll give you a half point for that. I said gyno, and then I said, comma, smearing the pap. Like the bagels. You know pap is not a body part, right?

Yeah, but they're smearing the pap on the body part. Nothing's being... Is it the upside down can i have the uh the chive patch mirror oh god wait wait shout out i'm adding it to the weekly recap uh at your bagel shop right next to you you have to ask for that but you also have to record their response okay denise can you get your pap toasted brian what's your answer uh i did the ob gone and i said looking for and i didn't know what i was gonna write and i wrote bacteria and then i crossed it out i just wrote disease because like i think that's generic enough it might might go no don't give it to him come on no no it's cervical cancer that's the

purpose you got enough points i love burn you like cut out there a little bit so you're like yeah the gynecologist and i just wrote looking for and that's like just like taking a peek around you know okay going into the last question it's a close game cory has four you have no shot in hell winning, so we'll just throw it out there. Zach has seven, also no chance of winning. However, Rooks has 10. Brian has 12, but Brian also has a minus one, so if Brian gets this wrong and Rooks gets it right, it's a tie.

Can I risk my points? Can I risk all of my points, and if I get it right, I give them to Rooks? Yes. I'll do the same, but for Brian. Okay. This is getting spicy. Shit. But actually, I want to make it even, so I'm going to personally deduct two points for

my potty mouth this episode, so we even have five. Also, Rooks, you know you don't want me on your team so i'm sorry yeah i was like sitting there i was like wait i got fucking like i get cory's points if he gets it right but it could be a dark horse my guy did you see the kentucky derby this year who knows you know it's true all right and it's like a little two-part so there's two answers to this question so as a team if you get both of them brian or Rooks get said points. What are the two most Googled sex questions? And Brian, if you fact-checked me, you will get zero points total and lose the entire game.

Oh, I mean... How did you find these? I can't reveal my secrets. I'm sorry. Okay. Oh, I think I can't reveal my secrets. I'm sorry. Okay. Oh, I think I know the answer, actually. All right, I got mine. We got to slow reveal this, though, because this is for the Marvels.

I think I've got an okay answer. I don't know that it's going to be the right one, but I tried. I really tried for you, and that's all I care about. Hey, this is all in good fun, you know? So how about we combine our four? And if any of the four are right, that's okay.

Cool. Yeah. All right. So Brian and Zach, go ahead. Go ahead, Brian. See what you got. What that baby do? No, I said, does size matter?

And where is the clitoris? Okay, Zach? I said, will I ever have sex sex and who will have sex with me i don't like my team so all right you did get one different answer you said sex related questions i thought they had the word sex in them that's so good brian got one wait we can do two we can ask two cory you have to say cory you say two i say two and then if we hit both of them i thought you were saying there are two answers you write one no you write two down so go ahead write another one down rooks go ahead too late because they already said i'm not can we answer all right fine so brian had where is the clitoris? That was the most Googled. Corey, go first.

What are these bumps on my privates? No, but that's a good one. I feel like people would Google that one. Yeah. All right. So I also, I had where is the clitoris? Okay. And my second one was what is the average dick size?

Yeah. Wrong. I was going to write that one. It was how do you make a woman orgasm was the second most googled question that's fake news there's no it's definitely did you find the answer to that one can you send me a link is there gonna be uh is there gonna be notes provided after this if you look at the back of the textbook, there's the answer. I tried to tap it.

I was like, sixth grade, Brooks? Absolutely Googled number two. I'll tell you that right now. I was like, we're going back to core memories here. I've definitely Googled my questions. Who's going to do it with you? What did Google say? It said no results found.

404. Yeah. The entire answer man i typed it in and i hit i'm feeling lucky and i was not lucky all right so at the end of it you should have spun the wheel at the end of it unfortunately brian is the winner. Fuck. I like to think my Mr. Turner and Miss Wu, fifth grade health class, taught me everything I know. All right, PMPs. Mr. Turner might be dead. I hope they're not dead. Well, never mind.

I'm not going to say anything. What would you do if one of them commented and was like hey man like really appreciate the show again it would be the same thing i asked earlier how did you get here take a photo with him put it on the podcast the caption just this guy taught me everything i know about vaginas nothing else on there that'd be great fucking christ congratulations he just got last place and just made a list thanks yeah so the loser was cory unfortunately all right so what so what are we calling cory next week um what is a good i like syphilis.

Syphilis rolls out the tongue. It's really nice. Syphilis. I want a weird one that people don't really know about. That it's an underground STD. Awful stomp. It's not sex-related. Someone call up Blair and ask him,

and he'll give us a good unknown answer. What? No. All right. Should I Google weird STD names? I mean, we can discuss among ourselves and reveal in the next pod. Yeah.

How about that? It'll be a little teaser. How about Corey has to wear... Shigella. No, how about Corey for the next pod recording, he has to put condoms on all his fingers. I mean, I like that. I don't know why that just works the entire workday tomorrow he has to so he has to type and just squishes everything um what about donanovanosis I want to be able to say the word

daddy nanofis and then mycoplasma Genitalium I want to be able to say the word Burn You could just call me Michael How about Lithogranolium Vernarium

I love the point when we move so quickly past condom fingers I feel like that was we got a good one there Condom fingers was great Honestly

That's a good one That's fucking great I have a better one Zach gets to actually design the gun condom and I'm the first one that uses it. There you go.

Or we could call Corey Pube Lice for the entire podcast. Oh, God. Yeah. I like that one. Let's put it to a vote between Pube Lice and Condom Fingers. I'm a fan of both. This is going to take some decision making. Calling me Condom Fingers?

Or like, no, you have to wear the condom. You have to put the condoms on your fingers no you have to wear the condom you have to earn the title I mean no I don't have to earn it me losing it is earning it that's but I did you were about to have someone sign up to be a sex offender if they lost

you can't put five condoms on your fingers for an hour you think I didn't say that knowing i was gonna be the one that lost he wanted to um i we can't change the punishment after he loses so i think we have to call him by playing by some sort of rules reveal it next wednesday at the beginning of the episode it's gonna be pubelice like what do you. It's going to be pubelice. You don't know that pubelice. It'll be fine. It might be like

PL, baby. Genitalium or whatever the hell that other one was. But hey, Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Go-Worthy, thanks for coming on. Hey, thanks for having me, guys. It's always a pleasure. I always have a great time. Once again, I'd like to just big unshout out to Gary Gloop.

That guy sucks. Unshoutout? It's like your un-recommendation of the week. Exactly. That's fair. I hate that guy. You know, everybody gives recommendations and shoutouts. We do the opposite.

I mean, that's kind of false, though, because I yell big shoutout to, like, every name that ever gets fucking mentioned on this podcast Start saying unshout out to everybody that you actually want to shout out and it'll be really easy to follow for our new viewers It'll be perfect unshout out, Alabama all of Jeez everyone in agreement does that agree shout out when my new rules that I just made up? A digit? No. Then shout. Rooks.

I was going to say hit the fucking. Shit. Hit us with. We can just give them a wine and dine them 69. Hit us with that horse. McDouble. McDouble. McDouble. One ball.

Wine them, dine them, 69 them. Fuck you, Ratatouille.