It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 71: Planktons Tingly Buttcheeks

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Zak is the focus of the week with every topic being focused on his hot takes, mistakes, and outlandish opinions. We tackle the controversial topic of whether girls actually like grinding on dudes, with help from the females in the field. Zak tier lists fruit..... and we end with filling out Zaks application for the bachelor. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. Yeah, okay, great pod last week, boys. Excellent job. Sorry I couldn't be there. Mama Kirshner was in visiting, had to keep her company. She cleaned my apartment for me, which was top tier mom move, so I appreciate her. But anyway, heard you talk about concerts, favorite concerts.

Rook, I take partial credit for the Post Malone, so shout out. That was agreed. Banger. I'd also say all of our concerts at firefly were great too shout out quinn um who performed there i saw quinn by myself because none of my other friends wanted to go see it with me let's not go with you but anyway so just vibing by myself felt kind of like brian i feel like brian's a big solo concert guy so kind of it's actually not that bad i kind of enjoyed myself um it it's weird until the music

starts and then whatever once the music starts yeah um so anyway minorly hot take that your boy might have uh i think that i want to phrase this carefully paying a lot of money to go to a concert is overrated and like the way i'll phrase it that way is because i think i don't think live music is overrated like if you're at a bar and there's like a band playing in the background totally cool if you go to a jazz club great if you how many times have you been to a jazz club there's one shout out kingston mines on lincoln avenue in chicago the goat um if you go to a festival i think that's worth it because you get to see multiple acts you can kind of pick and choose it's also edme vibe which i feel like is different than

a concert if i go to soldier field let's say and i pay 300 to sit in the rafters to see coldplay terrible awful the worst i don't understand how people pay money for those types of concerts when i can hear them on my ipad apple music on my iphone in crystal clear audio oh i fully agree though like i don't like amphitheater shows at all because you're so far away you're just kind of hanging out with your friends with music on the background you're not like actually watching the show most of the time like you're hanging out which is fun but like you said it's like all right you need to pay like 20 bucks for lawn tickets be a mile away or pay 300 and be like actually in a good spot but it's 300 it's not worth it yeah i thought you just said live music in general because i feel like it just kind of i feel like it depends

like i feel like there's gray area to this I do agree like I don't think I'm trying to think about what the most Expensive concert I've been to I think I paid around a hundred Dollars before for like one show But I don't even yeah Like that's not crazy but like I know like fucking uh like

Bad Bunny came here I know tickets that shit was Like two thousand dollars yeah No thanks in our in our uh in dc's basketball arena and it was like two thousand dollars across the board not like for front row or like the pit like everything was over a thousand dollars or some shit like that it was they're not like maybe not that much but like if i agree with zach if i'm sitting up in the fucking rafters and i paid 500 for those seats like i'm not going to be a happy camper yeah i'm i'll even take it maybe not one step further i don't think even like live music even like festivals and stuff like that like that's

not even my favorite thing like if some i would never probably go to a concert like i would never initiate going to a concert i don't have a have an artist that I like enough to basically say like, Hey, like let's go see them live perform. Like that's not my idea of fun or like that's if I'm going with my friends to a festival, obviously that's different cause we're all hanging out, but I would never go and initiate that type of friend activity.

So in terms of going to a concert, have you been to a concert that's not at like a NBA NFL arena or like a festival. Uh, yeah, I've been to like smaller shows and like smaller, like, like mini or mini amphitheaters and like amphitheaters sounds like a big term, but like,

like mini like ballroom, we have a thing called Aragon ballroom, which is like concert. Yeah. Like somewhere where they have concerts. Yeah. I've been to venues like that like it's not even like it's not even like i won't go it's just i won't i would never suggest hey let's go to a concert like that would never be my you just always make playlists and stuff for it you always want to have the aux cord you always you talk yeah there's a thing on your like wall in your fridge or your

kitchen right now that's like everyone's favorite song and anyone who comes into your place puts down a song like you talk about music a lot how do you not like live music i don't know i mean i'm i'm the best dj around so like i understand yeah that's it's actually like i do it better than everybody anyway like i don't want to hear any other one anybody's bullshit performance i'm i think it's i think it's honestly because i don't love any one single singular artist like that much yeah like if there was like because like someone like going to play through their whole to stop like i know i think i'm more like with a breath than depth in terms of artists like i like a lot of song like individual songs from a lot of artists than opposed to like yo you gotta listen to this album front to back it's an art piece you gotta listen i'm like nah i'm gonna pick up the bangers and i'm gonna leave uh yeah you play only the hits which yeah so i mean i think that's where

the difference is too is that it's very rare that i'll okay for i like an artist like everything they do i don't know my feet get tired sometimes if i'm not moving around so i don't like to stand there well if you're at a concert and your feet are tired because you're not doing anything then it's just a bad concert you need to at least be like dancing or swaying or anything i will say though but the only downfall about me not liking concerts is i miss out on a lot of cool merch like i love concert teas a goat purchase item i don't care if it's 40 50 the one thing i do really wish i could get was the concert you said you started this out with the reason you don't like most concert is because they're just too expensive but then you're gonna go there and

spend a hundred dollars on a t-shirt yeah that's fashion brother that i can wear multiple times hey you can put out the ticket and staple it to your skin and wear it hey i don't stop i wear that shirt four times it paid for the ticket pretty much like i don't know that's not how that math works at all but yeah i was like what the fuck did you just say uh all right that's not too much of a hot take though i'm surprised i do agree too and i like i'm big time like y'all know me i like a concert where you can move and groove and have a good time like i agree like i'm not gonna go see fucking like i don't know i'm not gonna go see somebody where the music isn't like super dancey and like this packed fucking like amphitheater or stadium where like everyone's just kind of hanging out listening to it like

cool play it's just i mean well everyone's like listening to it like coldplay it's just i mean well everyone's like screaming and crying to coldplay and shit and i like i'm just not a fan of coldplay per se yeah but no i if you're not in the crowd it's not fun because it's like you're just watching yeah i always i always think it's not part of it i always think it's mad weird like sitting in the seats around a stadium and like dancing at the individual seat yeah i just i everybody looks like the awkward everyone looks like they're like not supposed to be in those spots like yeah when you're all slightly spaced out it makes it look weird but if everyone's in a giant pile of people you can't really tell what's going on and like everyone's everyone's dancing like you can see too much of it and like pick out like that guy's dancing weird that everybody looks it

looks just really unnatural it looks like a fucking it looks like when you play madden and they do the cuts the crowd where people look like almost human like they almost look like real people but they're not there's just like five different animations and you can pick out they're kind of repeated over the entire thing but like that's the thing it's different animations, and you can pick out. They're kind of repeated over the entire thing. But, like, that's the thing. But it's spread out slightly enough you can't really. You can see it all perfectly. Like, it's just, I just think it's funky. There's this one concert I went to, and I was, like, sort of in the back because I got there kind of late.

And there's a girl, like, standing out, like, by herself dancing. And she was doing, like, the Macarena or, like, a front swim motion. Nice. And I don't know what dance move it was, but she did it for every song. And it just, I was so like, no one was around her. So like it was the core of my eye and I just was so distracted by it the entire

time. I hated it. Big time beach. She's definitely a big fan of the Beach Boys, dude. That's the movie. Yo, Beach Boys fire. Beach Boys underrated, man. They got banger after banger. A name more than one song from the Beach Boys fire though Beach Boys underrated man They got banger after banger Name more than one song from the Beach Boys Kokomo

And Kokomo part 2 You know one song by every artist But that's it I proved my point I get it no man i uh i was really worried that was gonna be like a super hot take but it wasn't it wasn't that bad you're ready before before we got on you're like oh yeah i got a little bit of a hot take i don't like live music and then we were like okay let's start the episode and it's

like super like back yeah i was like well because that, okay. You reeled it back really far. Well, because I think that's how I normally start that take, and then people are like, you're crazy, and then I have to basically throw a bunch of caveats in there for my actual take. And I'm like, okay, that's a little more reasonable. Now, if you want to get to hot takes, wait until we start talking about fruit,

because let me tell you, there are some trash fruit out there. I agree. I feel like we talked about this, so we all kind of agree on it yeah i forget did we talk about watermelon bad fruit i would like to i would like to i would like to battle on this a little bit but like okay let's battle uh burn hit that uh that oh we don't we're not gonna battle on wed they being good? I'll take it My nipples are hard now Number one

Remove your bra I like nuts Fist in my butt I'm ready to go Golf is a sexy thing My dick will go like And just flip inside out And it'll turn into a vagina

And you'll take me Hi boys Intercourse Pennsylvania You leave the butter in the crack Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I wanna kiss you on the mouth baby God damn he's so good Yeah he calls me big time intercourse pennsylvania leave the butter in the crack why is my spaghetti fizzy i want to kiss you on the mouth baby god damn he's so good yeah it calls me big time of course makes me dookie if you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back and

then i swallow i want to die raw dog and lower kid turkey baster nipples just got slopped rock's dick has anchor arms i think i gotta get out of here i don't fucking great question who has vertical butt cheeks to the death welcome back to another episode it's wednesday my dudes episode 71 pube lice is out. But Zach's back. It's going to be a very Zach-focused episode. We've been out for a little bit sometimes.

We've got a lot of bones to pick in Zach topics. Everything we're going to talk about is very Zach-focused. It'll be a good one. We just lost all of our viewers. Yeah, if you don't know what that means, whatever. Just keep listening. It'll be good. So back to Fruit. Oh, whatever. Just keep listening. It'll be good. So back to fruit.

Whoa, no. No introduction? Dude. Oh, Rooks is here. Yeah, thank you. Okay, so back to fruit. Yeah, no. I mean, we could battle fruit right now, but I feel like we're just throwing the whole...

Do we have structure anymore? Jesus. I don't know. All right. How was your week? Zach, you've been gone for a while. I have been. So I gave a little preview before the intro there.

The past couple of weeks, it's been very apartment hunting focused. So mom stayed with me, saw some bad apartments, and then saw a good apartment, and we got an apartment. So I'm not going to gonna be homeless which is great um uh then also went up to um the michigan ocean right off the coast of it uh my buddy has a lake house on it um that was a joke because people i feel like yeah i've had people tell me before like oh you live right by an ocean it's like no no big old lake though a great lake some would say um say that's the wrong thing where's the where's the you're just giving points man does that make me the board does that extra point make me the winner of the uh of the

hell of the sex health uh quiz now there you go yo can you play me the uh can you play me the intro one more time the song just like yeah okay welcome to zach's week hosted by zach um thank you brian um yes we went up there we had dude we played so his house is amazing it's like a recently renovated house there's a like a pool overlooking the lake with um you know pool volleyball we played beard eye on the beach um got very drunk watched a lot of it's always sunny went out into town mingled with the local clientele try not to pick up too many moms it was a whole deal um we did have shout out to the one bartender we went to um speaking of live music there it was a wild bar.

It was a very divey, towny bar. There was a guy there who was just playing the bass. So all he was doing, it was just the guy playing the bass. Are we talking upright bass or like a bass guitar? We're talking a bass guitar. Upright bass would have been diabolical. Did you walk in and just like boom, boom, boom? So he literally had his computer and he would just play the tracks and then we just play the bass over it. So he played like Uptown Funk with the bass line over it.

Dude, it was kind of nice. I'm not going to lie. It was kind of nice. Was it instrumental? Like just no lyrics? So you just only heard bass? No, no. He had the lyrics.

He basically played the full song straight off of Spotify or Apple Music and then just added his own bass line riff with it. That dude was not paid to be there. He just showed up and just started playing. And they're like, well, it's not bad. He could stay. Yeah. So while we were there, we were kind of like we were trying to rally a little bit because we want to have a night out.

But this is a smaller town. So we were unsure of the vibes going into the night. So went to the bartender, younger, younger waitress. And we just looked at her like ordered her drinks and i looked at her and be like surprise us with shots and i've never seen someone's face light up so much and she came back and i don't know if you've heard of this shot before it's called like the mind eraser um which is so it was it was vodka kalua kalua and and like soda or something and it's not a shot. It's a

drink. So you're drinking it. And so we all slam that down. And we're drinking. She comes back a second time. She's like, how were they? We're like, uh, like we faked it and they were good. And then my buddy next to me was like, do you want to get us another round of surprise shots? And again, her face lit up like the sun.

And she comes back with a Jesus bomb. Have you ever heard of that what the fuck is it jesus it was like it was what was it was like wine vodka i'm out and like red and like red bull and then so what the fuck so that got needless to say that got the night kicked off going well and we found this uh actually pretty fun, like dancey bar that we were kind of just got very drunk in. And I have pictures of all my friends I can use for blackmail forever now. Nice.

Lovely. So. So, yeah. And then I think, again, now we're kind of getting to the point now just figuring out my apartment stuff and looking forward to that, try to enjoy the rest of summer. So overall, pretty productive two weeks, I'll say. I'm going to give my past two weekends a rating of in the name of the father and the son and the jesus bomb incredible nice all right rooks beat jesus um first off jesus you a bitch

no i'm just kidding um so on friday what did i do oh yeah friday oh big big time day had performance review at 11 but i did it at my friend's place who has a pool so then after i was done just jumped straight in the pool booze in a little bit had golf at four so left my buddy's literally lived my like future life dream of being able to just be at a pool and then go golf and then come back to the pool like that's like retirement plan 101 for your boy um but had like two three beers at the pool over a few hours beforehand don't worry i'm not i'm not being an asshole um and then drove to golf drank a golf played really shitty oh my god played fucking it was just it was not a good look for your boy um it was it was in a good round i don't

want to talk too much about it i was just not happy um and then came back and just got back in the pool drank again and did the usual at our friend's place played some fucking smash bros fucking house some dominoes wings my boy mendy was like i'm gonna help you out get the 16 piece the food gets there this man passes out and i'm hammered i ate 16 dominoes wings by myself wanted to vomit the next morning my body felt fucking terrible. How many Domino's points do you have? Because you get Domino's every single day. Manny orders it every time.

Manny always orders it. Oh, so he's stealing all the money. Yeah, Manny's getting all the points. But, yeah, have some wings. Sorry, Sino, the Domino's app is too easy to use, bro. It is so easy. It's like click, click, boom, done. Well, and they message me about fucking deals constantly buddy it's like a text from dominoes more than my parents bro

yeah it's so brutal but um then saturday just chilled my uh buddy and his girl just moved in together over in arlington so they had a little house forwarming went there i have not played that much flip cup in fucking years oh my god man just flip cup for days have you ever played flip cup with seltzers it's just like you get late down the line and you're just like oh my god like i do not feel good like mr stark i don't feel so good like It was bad. I was not feeling too hot. But Rally brought it together. And then we went out. I've talked about this podcast. This place is like a maze.

And it's like Alice in Wonderland themed. But we went this time. And shit was fucking lit. Bar was completely packed in this front dance floor. And DJ was going ham. And then we were like, oh, there's another dance floor in thej was going ham and then uh we were like oh there's a bat there's another dance floor in the back let's go check that out we had two like djs just trying out for ultra it was sick um just playing all the heat shout out my boy milky mark i know this man

hates because he mark listens but big shout out to this guy uh the second we get to the bar this guy is like two minutes in this guy is dancing with this asian chick and they're just like going off and we were like hey good like mark's doing his thing as usual no surprise there um they walked away we didn't see mark for the rest of the night so we were like yo like mark what happened he texts us we text him the next day he goes what do you mean what happened we're like yo like you were like, yo, Mark, what happened? We text him the next day. He goes, what do you mean, what happened? We're like, yo, you were dancing. Did you hook up with that chick?

He was like, I was dancing with somebody. We're like, do you remember anything? I don't remember one thing about the bar last night. He said he came to, and he was just walking around DuPont Circle at 3.30 in the morning. He was like, I have no idea what happened. I was like, dude. When did you get to the bar? What time did you get to the bar? It wasn't

too... It was probably like 11-ish. Yeah. That's a lot of time missing. We had... I forgot. Sorry. We had... While we were at our bar in this little town in Michigan, they only had one

Uber there. He had his name... He had his number on the side of the so you didn't like he only has he had his number on the side of his minivan so we had to call him and you know like the memes like so he drove us there dropped us off and we're at the bar and you know like the the the memes or the tiktoks where it's like when you notice your dance like you're dancing you notice your your designated driver enter the bar and rip three tequila shots like our uber driver walks in and starts like drinking and we had to get home like we are nowhere near close enough to be walking home and um and it's not the best thing like we were pretty hammered we're i'm pretty sure our guy was drunk when he drove us home it was not very safe we made it home but it was just it was literally the embodiment of

that meme and i was like i'm like man this is not like we're not in a good spot right now but we made it home why'd you why'd you not be able to get a different uber driver there's only one uber in the entire town like there's only one guy you should have gotten a lift that's why they're more of a pink mustache on the car time town this is actually more of a lift area they're more populated here yeah oh and also when we're more open when rick was mentioning like flip cup we played a ton of drinking games we played civil war i forgot how much fun civil war is we played full contact civil war so i'm like hip checking my friends tackling them into the pool like lifting up we were all bruised up and scratched up from playing civil war. It was a great time.

It's a good, it's a good fellows trip. It was a great time with the fellows. It sounded fun. It's a big, big time dudes weekend over there. Exactly. Oh yeah.

But yeah. And then just, uh, but yeah, shout out Milky Mark. What a fucking idiot. Um, and then,

um, yeah. So your boy towards the end, don't leaving us a little bit hazy next thing i know we're on the walk home and i'm hunched over in a bush trying to yak and your boy your boy went over two on the yaks on the walk home i didn't hit either of them i was so disappointed but i tried and that's all that matters um really good weekend though big time fun. Got to see a lot of my favorite peeps, which is always good. I'm going to give it 0 for 2 with the Yak bat.

I don't know if 0 for 2 for yakking is bad or good. It's good. Interpret it how you will. This week, I'm still in Indianapolis, the greatest playoff on earth i guess uh rode around downtown went to some parks saw some nature trivia night 2000 trivia we got third place uh i contributed zero answers to our team literally never said a correct answer out of the 30 questions you go to roy's is that where you're welcome no it was at like a rock climbing gym oh okay i have so many questions yeah i was gonna say

go ahead how does why how what i don't know so it's like it's a massive place it's like a rock climb you walk in it's like rock climbing to the left on the right it's like a full regular gym and then above it there's like a restaurant and like a lounge and they had trivia up there it's a massive place. What the fuck? It was dope, though. People were really into it for some reason. They were yelling at the people giving answers.

It was fun. Third place, though. Didn't win anything. Sucks. Do you guys know the members of the band... Dang it. S737... Dang it.

I don't know the name of it. There's the final question. What? No idea what that band is. S737? S737... Dang it. I don't know the name of it. There's the final question. What? No idea what that band is. S737? S737S? What's this band? What the fuck?

Sorry, I got it. SClub7. No. What the fuck is that? Have you ever heard of that band? No. What the fuck is that? Exactly.

That was the final question. So we wagered all of our points on it because we were in third place. We're like, we have to win. And we got nothing. So I don't know. It's apparently like a 2000s boy band. It's like a big time rush type of deal? It's like a British big time rush.

One Direction? But yeah. There's girls in this band too. There's like seven of them. Can you give me a song? Can you sing me a song from them? No, I have no like seven of you give me a song can you sing me a song from them no i i have no idea can you make up a song that you think they would sing yeah it sounds a little bit like this boy it's me 707 how are name of this band? What's the name of the band? S Club 7.

You gave me a lot of Zabubu Foo vibes off that. S Club 7. I'll continue while you look it up. Oh, we went kayaking in a lake. Who are these perverts? Love the water. They're like little bridge kids. I will say, bro, this is the most fucking early 2000s looking group I've ever seen in my life. Dude, this is the most diverse band i've ever seen in my life this is the most diverse

band i've ever seen oh my god who is this 50 year old on the right they all look like kids and then one of them literally it's fuck she looks so old all right sorry go ahead uh i went and saw the black keys they're cool i was very whelmed they were just like super normal like they sound exactly like they're doing the radio and did nothing else on stage so it was all right um but do you guys know the show nathan for you oh yeah so he has a new show out now that i need to watch but dude nathan for you the one episode from like forever ago that I always remember is, like, the most insane one was he put on a magic show in a park in front of kids. And if he didn't get out of the handcuffs in time, it would pull his pants down. And there's a police officer sitting there waiting to arrest him for, like, being a pedophile.

And that was his whole bit that he had to, like, get people to approve. And then they had it at the end. I don't remember if – I don't know if they actually showed him like I didn't actually watch it getting I don't know Just such an insane thing to you like he actually did it. I don't know crazy person So super excited for that show also they put another Season of married at first sight on Netflix So if you want to watch some trash TV where everything falls apart really fast because they get married to a stranger so obviously it doesn't work watch that

and lastly I lost the lottery this week so you know I was pretty sad about that didn't win my 400 million dollars question about the Married at First Sight is there like a matchmaker or anything that sets them up I thought it was literally just like two fucking people just walk up and they're like, congratulations, you guys are fucking married.

You can kiss the bride. Like, I was like, this is such a dumb— No shit none of this shit works out. It's at least, like, done decently well, because there's, like, four people. One's, like, a pastor. One's, like, a therapist. One's, like, people one's like a pastor one's like a therapist one's like a life coach like they have a whole gamut of stuff but like they still pick really douchey people to like be together the one dude on the season that i'm watching now like they did a

little bachelor party beforehand he was like blacked out drunk hit on every girl that was there it was like they're like you we know you're getting married tomorrow like that's what the cameras are for like what are you doing so it could be a train wreck um but you know rating for the week zero dollars in lottery winnings it'll happen one of these days guys it's a 50 50 chance you think i would win by now you don't have to pay taxes i know so you're zero dollars in taxes paid so there you go that's true i'll take that as a win all right back to the zach topics um i have a female in the field ready and waiting for us for this one topic so zach it was like a month ago at this point but you had a question about whether or not girls actually enjoy grinding on dudes correct give us your thoughts i mean that's the question i mean like i you think though because i needed

your opinion and then we'll get kristen and then we'll also debate okay so let's oh did she call in are we gonna call her we have our own speed oh i'm calling we're calling her live oh love that okay we're doing it live again i know we took the the the health quiz or the sex quiz a couple weeks ago and so my performance on the male anatomy, not, not great. However, based on normal physics and just angles, my assumption is that when a girl is grinding on a dude, it is,

it is their butt going back and forth over the male appendage, like a speed bump, in which case feels great for the male, for the female. My guess is like, you're not getting to the sensitive lady part, is not getting to the point where we make it feel good. You're just going butt to dick.

So my assumption is, are they just doing it for the love of the game? Do you think that's the only way we know how to dance? I don't really understand. I mean, I'm happy they're doing it. Like, don't get me wrong. This is not a cry for them to stop. It's just more of a question. So I just don't know why that's the natural dancing position, I feel like.

I get it. I love it. Oh, hell yeah. Hello? Kristen, hello. This is is zach how are you hello i'm good how are you doing i'm fantastic i have a question for you as one of our females in the field yeah hit me okay do women enjoy grinding as a as the as the grinder i guess on a male and if so why um wait okay do we like getting grinded on you're saying like there's there's a male behind me no you are yes correct you are the grinder and the male is the grindy aka the one being grinded on

i'm the one being grinded on i feel like you're wording it the opposite okay i'm the wait okay we're not we're not disbanding we're not disbanding social norms or anything like that this is typical how you would dance at a club you see a hot what did you say i said this is we're not dismantling social norms right now this is typical grinding oh no hello please answer please you're in a tunnel sorry wait you broke up for like a hot sex okay i think okay i think i know i think i'm picking up what you're putting down though and i would say the answer is it really does depend on the man do I know this man am I interested in this man because then yeah I I mean I personally not speaking for all

grindies grinders we never really sorted that out um I think like yeah I do I was literally just in a conversation the other day with somebody, which is so weird, saying, like, damn, I miss the grinding days. You know, like, that's how you could tell if someone was interested in you, if they were trying to low key penetrate you with fanfare. OK. But, yeah, if it's like a creepy ass man who, like, just enters the chat by trying to rub his crotch up on you then no like i don't want that okay that makes sense that makes sense i feel like it's the difference of so you're doing it as a hope as like an investment for a future payoff in the end in hopes that this man is nice and hangs out with you in the future and or gives you a little smooch a guy does it because

it's instant gratification i feel like is the difference is that correct wait a guy does like wait what do you mean gratification like damn yeah like i'm like instant well okay no so the reason is again i'm a novice when it comes to the female anatomy you are a female and i would assume an expert when it comes to the female anatomy. So my thought was, as a guy, as someone who, if a lady decides to graciously grind on me, I am enjoying it because it is on one of my most sensitive parts of my body, and I am enjoying it. For you, I assume you are using your butt, which, Greg, don't get me wrong, I love a butt. Not many nerve endings in a butt. I feel like you're not getting that much enjoyment out of going the speed bump style back and over with your butt, which, Greg, don't get me wrong, love a butt. Not many nerve endings in a butt.

I feel like you're not getting that much enjoyment out of going, like, the speed bump style back and over with your butt. So, like, my, because, like, that physics doesn't work, right? Okay, I'll say, like, you don't, like, I'm not, like, my cheeks aren't, like, tingling, you know? But I don't know, there is something like there's something very satisfying. Like, this is so weird. Oh, my God. I'm trying to think of the word. I'm like, I don't know.

There is something really satisfying, like pretending like you're a stripper for a hot sex, something about that, you know? Gotcha. It makes you feel good because you know that they're enjoying it too if that makes sense like i said though it really does depend on who you're grinding on though like i said i've had a couple different situations where it's like you're in a creepy bar or even just a regular old bar. And like some creepy ass man comes up to you, doesn't even say hello, doesn't even answer your name, just grabs your hip and just like insert. And you're like, excuse me. So like definitely not in that situation. That's not satisfying for anybody. But yeah, if you like if you're interested in this person and they go for it yeah i'm i'm into that awesome i'm like sweating okay well was this was this helpful am i this was great email

on the field no yeah this was this was helpful i. I think... Okay, Preston, darling. Hello. Yeah, no, I think this was helpful. I think the fact that it seems like, again, you're not doing it for the physical feeling of it. You're doing it for your mental thottiness once in a while, whereas the guy

is doing it for his male thottiness, but it's more of a physical sensation for him yeah i would say there's definitely there's definitely some physical elements for a female as well like if it's like you're wow i'm really feeling this and then you know like when you get like the whole spin around move and then you're face to face like that there's the physical element zach just you literally just said in the most roundabout way like just say okay like a guy gets like some kind of sexual physical pleasure out of it and a girl gets like some kind of you're asking if a girl gets the same

level of sexual physical pleasure like that's you just kept saying in the most roundabout ass way yeah i guess my my yeah my thing was like i don't think the vagina reached that back that far to get of sexual physical pleasure. Like, that's, you just kept saying it in the most roundabout-ass way. Just say it. I guess my, my, yeah, my thing was, like, I don't think the vagina reached back that far to get that satisfaction, which is why,

which is what I probably should have said in the first place. The thing's not reaching back there gripping. As a female, as a female, you don't only get

physically, like, turned on if something's touching your vagina. Oh. You can say that. Oh, really? That's interesting.

Zach did fail. That's not really how a female body works. Like there's other areas, you know, back of the knee, back of the knee. Yeah, definitely. Like definitely reach down there when you're trying to grind. Well, thank you so much i uh we got a lot to discuss now we have a lot to unpack yeah my next my next question for next time like i was gonna say my next question for next time was gonna be uh was it gonna be about the boobs and if the boobs are as sensitive as as the as the downstairs like my boobs aren't that sensitive but I don't have male lady boobs. Oh, I have a lot to say on that topic.

Okay, great. We'll save that for next time. I like that topic. That's what you need to remember. I guess I should probably start listening to this podcast again, huh? Boo. Boo. JK, JK, JK, LOL.

No, I'm happy to help. Whenever you need me, call me. We'll call you next week. Alright, sounds good. Thank you. Bye. Oh my god. Okay, first, so much to unpack. A lot to unpack.

So first off, Zach, I'm gonna just fucking, the way you kept working it, I was like like I'm gonna fucking kill you So all over the place But So yeah like I mean like I don't think I don't think it's like

Yeah it's definitely different for guys Because it's like obviously are Like pleasure zones In the fun zone like at all times During this obviously but like for a girl like i don't know like so your boy like and y'all have seen it your boy likes breaking it down here and there okay your boy likes bending over throwing that thing back on people like i like it's a good time i enjoy it but. But I will say there's something about

feeling like a bad bitch. I had girls smacking my ass and shit. It's kind of fire. And I'm not saying to go out and smack someone's ass when they're grinding on you. I only bend over on people that

I want to bend over on and that I enjoy. But over on people that uh i want to bend over on and that i enjoy um but like it's it's a nice feeling man it makes me feel like a bad bitch like i feel like i'm in like a cardi b music video it's a good feeling i don't know i just picture rooks on the like patrick from spongebob where he's wearing like the big black boots and like fishnets i don't know why, but that's the image that came to my head when you were describing yourself. I don't know. You've got a Patrick Star-shaped personality.

I guess, yeah. But I feel like a lot of... I do think from the... Granted, not a female here. But from the female side, a lot of it is just probably like the energy of like grinding you know like yeah it's a lot of like a social thing too hey what's good are you doing a lot mama let me whisper in your ear no don't do that don't ever do that all

the asmr it's like our version of the mating dance it's like honestly like an like an animal planet they'll be like like dave and adam bro be narrating he'd be like let's look at a a wild club and has a as a female who goes up to do her dance with a with a with a male acceptor and would be incredible to narrate an entire video of just a club i mean at the end of the day like it just sounds like the like half again we probably should i probably should ask chris in this but like so half the time the male is just there for like a support beam like if i was just literally like a wooden beam enough for the girl to grind on like would that be enough or no because she said it matters who the guy is

the point is like she's into you yeah and so she knows that when she's grinding on you, you're into her. So it's like the mutual. Yeah, it's that mutual energy. You know what I'm saying? You feel it. Now the question is, would you rather have ugly guy grinding on you or grinding on just like a wooden beam or a pole? I'm going to answer as Kristen. I'm going to answer from like reverse wise. Like, I mean, I like the tango. You know what I'm going to answer as Kristen. I'm going to answer from reverse-wise.

I mean, I like the tango. You know what I'm saying? It takes two to tango. What kind of wood are we talking about? Are we talking maple? Are we talking oak? I would much rather dance with a person rather than just be rubbing my dick

against a wood post in the middle of a club. I know it's a hot take. I'm all right well this is good i think this was good to know i didn't realize the butt was that sensitive either shout out to the butt i she said it's not she's she said her butt's not all tingly yeah her butt's not tingly it's just like the it's the whole act it's the whole dance you know what i mean it's the whole action of it that like the mating ritual yeah it's a whole ritual okay it is literally a social norm though like everyone does that sort of dance because everyone already does that sort of dance i don't think if you've like erased everyone's memory and you put them in a room and said dance that's the default that we're gonna go to yeah like i think it's just kind of ingrained and

that's what you do yo this makes me think this is so fucking random but just core memory unlocked here um there was one time i was at i was at saloon at penn state and um i don't remember who the fuck i was with anyway it was it was sometime my first senior year um but i was like at saloon and i was dancing with this girl and she like i thought she was gonna like like i thought we were just gonna like twerk it out you know what i'm saying she turned and looked at me and she put one hand on my hip and then put her other hand out and like i was standing there in the middle in this bar is packed there's a live band playing do you know how quickly this girl walked away from me after fucking dancing like that for like I had I had no business even doing that shit in the first place so I had no idea how to dance

like that but she was like doing all this I thought I was in the fucking 50s or some shit I thought we were about to do the twist she just kept taking all these steps around my feet and I like twirled her once and she just like looked at me i'm just like no and then walked away i was like bitch what do you expect like i was pissed yeah in saloon of all places it's a very grungy bar and the music that's playing is not yeah it's like swing dance this shit man we're in greece right now fuck off stacy's mom is it in the background You cannot dance like that to that song. Yeah. Anyway.

Incredible though. Glad we got that solved. Do you have the answers you needed? Yeah, I think so. Shout out to the women. Thank you for doing the grinding. We appreciate it. We'll do a new Zach's question about the female anatomy next week. About boobs apparently.

That's a hot topic apparently. Kristen was locked and loaded on that one. She brought that shit up herself. I feel like you've said that to her before, but she didn't have enough time to explain it to you, so she has that in the back of her head that she's mad that she hasn't been able

to correct you. Possibly. This is a sex ed podcast now. It's a Zach sex ed podcast because gotta catch him up okay more zach stuff so i wanted to do this a while ago it's been like now it might be too far away for it to be uh kosher but um there's a controversy on episode 66 during the spongebob song draft uh i thought you said platon like six times instead of plankton okay so uh after that episode i went back to check the tape oh no and uh uh plain ads and on playing gets too much plain and they were a little plain not once not twice not three times four times man

let me hear one more time play it again play it again all right all right listen hard playing that's an odd playing gets too much playing and they were a little plain origin story four times man it's a soft k it's oh god you put an extra t burn went back and let's do a whole fucking episode to pull four sentences no the thing that's the biggest issue those were right next to each other i cut out the words in between but you said it four times in a row and that's why i called you i was like are you saying plain or plankton you're like plankton and i was like oh my god that's so fucking funny so uh how do you spell his name you know i know there's a k in there it's plank and then time i

know i know how to spell it sorry you aren't as close to plankton as i am oh my gosh that's so funny i just so sorry it took so long to call you out but i didn't that's okay i had that stored up for a while it was worthy it was worthy okay yo can i just also like we've totally skipped over this can i go to bat for watermelon right now like why do you not why do you think watermelon sucks the worst fruit it tastes like nothing so we've talked about we've talked about the fruits in the in the in the group chat before i agree with everyone's take that fruits are either s tier or f tier there's no in between teams there's not you either like fuck with them or you fucking hate them i'm there with you but why why is water like what are your reasoning what's your reasoning for

watermelon being f tier instead of s okay uh one i shouldn't have to like not guess if my fruit's gonna be good or not i should be able to look at the outside and understand or get or at least like feel it and be understand if my fruit's gonna taste good watermelon you do all this weird science you have to knock it you have to look at the veins of the watermelon if it's cracked it's good it's like let me just i want to know i want to buy a watermelon i want it to taste good second off half the time when you cut into it tastes terrible uh it doesn't taste like anything it's it's just it's hard to cut into it's terrible to eat it's not good um like it's it's good for maybe like a week in august and that maybe it's good then um it provides no extra value or flavor it's it's comparable to like in a fruit salad it's like the styrofoam it's like the packing peanuts

of the fruit salad like you just need to throw it in there to keep it kind of elevated and lifted um along with along with cantaloupe and and um and uh yeah honeydew although i will go to bat for cantaloupe if we want to have that conversation no how dare you cantaloupe again how do you like cantaloupe i think cantaloupe is better um because i think you can do a little better job of telling if it's ripe or not plus i like the fact you can cut a cantaloupe in open half and just eat it with a spoon, like a bowl. You can do that with a watermelon. Yeah, you need a big old spoon, though, brother. And it's very cumbersome.

But yeah, watermelon, it's also too, like, it's mealy. Like, if you get a watermelon and it's like, you bite into it, it's almost sandy. It's like wet sand. It's gross. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Watermelon is just a bad fruit all the way around. No me gusta watermelon. I don't think I've ever heard someone describe watermelon as wet sand,

but I'm going to start using that from now on. It's not too far off. I don't know. I'm a big, I love the taste of watermelon. It's sweet. What taste? It's sweet. Yeah.

It doesn't taste like anything. It tastes sweet, and it's all g i don't know it's sweet yeah like it doesn't taste like anything tastes sweet and it's like all like gushy when you bite into oh god that's a sound clip um but uh but no i like i've just never heard so much hate for fucking watermelon i think it's a really i think it's really good um yeah it doesn't like i agree it doesn't last too long but like if i have watermelon in my fucking fridge like i house that shit like it's because like it's good it's banging and i and i do feel a little disrespected that it's like you have it you have that an f and then you have uh cantaloupe and s like i don't know i don't necessarily think they're backwards i don't necessarily put cantaloupe

and s i'm saying if i had to pick one if you, like, Zach, you get one for the rest of your life, I'm picking cantaloupe over watermelon and honeydew. Like, out of my F-tier fruits, I'm picking that. Also, this might be a hot take. Orange is also an F-tier. Too much risk. Too much gambling. No.

No. What are you gambling with? Dude, a bad orange will ruin your day, bro. A bad orange ruins your day. Jesus Christ. How? I feel like that's a fruit that when it's not good is still pretty average. Orange is always slab, dude.

Orange is always slab. Clementine and mandarin oranges are the superior versions of the orange. A regular orange, if you get a bad one it does it tastes it's like bitter it's not even sweet or it's just like this weird like cleaning solution flavor i know what you're talking about but it's i'm just saying like my my ratio of good to bad oranges is probably like a thousand to one you know what i mean i have that one and i'm like ew but then the next one i have is perfect but you have to peel the orange to find out if it's good or bad like an apple i've never had like i've never willingly bitten into a bad apple because you

can tell on the outside it's mushy it's bruised it's gross like i can tell when an apple is bad i've been into so many bad apples and i like apples then you must be blind then are you just not are you just are you just bobbing for apples and not using your hands are like the ones you used to get in fucking school and shit or like like dark ass red and you get it and you wouldn't know like you can't tell every time with an apple i'll defend that too of like there's a million types of apples so you don't really know what kind it is sometimes and and you bite into it and it tastes horrible because it's a weird type. Oranges, it's just orange. There's one, you know?

But I have a better chance, like an orange has a better chance of hiding its badness than an apple does. If you get a bad apple and it's perfectly pristine on the outside, you won the lottery, basically. A bad orange, you hit 50-50 shot, you're getting a bad orange. There's not a popular cartoon of a worm sticking out of an orange, but there's always a worm sticking out of an apple. Use your eyeballs. If you see an insect crawling out of your fruit, PSA, Brian, don't eat it.

There's a shock. Don't eat that fruit. I'm just saying. Apples go bad quick. Oranges don't. Oranges got like five inches thick of like football skin on the outside of them they're gonna be all right you ever heard of an orange apple orange pie nope apple pie delicious case closed i mean orange sherbert that's the thing

there's no apple sherbert bro i'll always case closed i'll always go to bat for oranges because fucking in the middle of like sports games when you're a kid. Like I you're this little tubby ass boy did not eat any fruit. OK, I was eating fucking Oreos and mac and cheese for four meals a day. But in between like a halftime of a game when they bring out the oranges, dude, I was slurping them things down, dude. I looked like fucking Kobayashi, dude. I was like, I was just fucking going ham on those things. And they hit so hard.

Dude, not to hate on seven-year-old rooks, but I feel like they could have given you like a rag soaked in pine soul and you were to try to eat it and slurp it down. Probably not. Ouch. Probably not. Yeah, I mean. It smelled like oranges, though. Orange pine soul. All right, man. Now you I mean... But an orange. Orange Pine Sol.

All right, man. Now you're speaking my language. Yes. Anyway, watermelon, bad. Oranges, also bad. Clementines and mandarin oranges, great. Delicious. Give me those puppies all day.

The difference between all those orange types are so small, I don't understand. Exactly. You got to have a nuanced palate, Brian. I understand. You'll get there eventually. I appreciate it. Thank you for giving me the time to develop as a human being.

Quick record before we move on from fruit. Top three fruits. Let's go around the room. Rooks. Second. Strawberries. And then third. What the fuck did you just say?

Did you say rooks first? You're my favorite fruit. I hate you. I was like, what the fuck did you just say you say rooks first you're my favorite fruit i hate you that's like what the fuck um oh i say shit this is can you go first sack yeah um i'll go apples uh clementines and then i will go with oh man this is tough because i have a lot i have a lot to the three through three through six spot can all be kind of interchangeable no one's mentioned grapes yet dude i do like grapes but i can't like a green grape is way better than the red grape first of all throw those puppies in the freezer you got a good little dessert boy with that being

said i am gonna go with i'm gonna go with kiwi go a little surprise kiwi boy oh i like a kiwi wait we're not like drafting we're like you can repeat yeah you just confused the shit out of me um i and i will okay i will agree with zach on this clementines are definitely the most superior version of an orange um i'm gonna go i'm gonna go strawberry clementine and then my favorite apple is golden delicious those are my that's my favorite yeah if we're picking that's like the basic one that like sucks no dude i mean i agree you know i i appreciate you picking a type of apple I would be gonna go basic too ride or die honey crisp man they're the most expensive for a reason

because they taste the best fair alright it's on the board alright you want your last Zach topic for the week no yeah let's do it yes okay did you say anything

the first time or did you just hold your mic up to your face? I said brr-brr-brr. Ow. It didn't come through at all so it looked like you just literally on this end it was like and then you just moved away. I was like, alright dick. No. Let's do it. So when we were

in Chicago before Ireland we were talking about signing up Zach for The Bachelor, and you said if they called you, you would go. We just have to actually sign you up. Correct. The application for it is literally bare bones. There's like one question. It's like, do you have kids?

Are you married? What's your TikTok? Are you married? What's your Instagram? And then, yeah, I think that would disqualify you. Dude, no, are you fucking kidding me? People put yes, they're like, get get them on the show they're getting an interview the main question though is why would you want to be on the show and we have to pick a photo

and then we need to plan your intro obviously of how you're going to walk out the limo so yo i know the photo for sure i'm about i'm about to soggy zach really quick the shit where is him walking in the fucking rain post football that is a thirst trap ass picture that's the picture done i can do that you're welcome that was quick um okay so why do you want to be on the show we got to really ham it up i mean like the honest the honest answer answer was nothing's worked so far, so this can't hurt. I don't think that's going to get you very far.

You've got to say you're going to make that real. I've been wheeling and dealing way too much in the city of Chi-Town. No, see, I think my play here, because everyone has a shtick on that show, right? Everyone's like, oh, I'm the guy who does this. My parents died, or my blah, blah, blah like i've got a twin or something like everyone's got a shtick my shtick would be never really had a long-term serious girlfriend let's pick let's let's let's do the first one on the bachelor let's do that one yeah throw that on there there's

there's typically somebody like there's it i will say with that shtick, you're going home probably night one. Unless you throw that tongue down the throat. That's the game. That's the deal. Wheelin' dealin'. Limousine ridin'. I just fucked it all up. That's right.

Shawn Michaels. I'm a sexy boy. Sexy. But honestly, I watched the first episode of this Bachelorette. Season? Yeah. yeah dude these girls i didn't know like maybe just these two girls on there dude they wanted their faces sucked the first not the first episode they're like yeah i'm surprised they're like i'm surprised like he didn't kiss me like every other guy they're like yeah i'm really shocked he didn't kiss me i'm like i'm like

jeez like i like i'm like sure if that's what i mean that's the precedent we're setting and i end up on this show for whatever reason i guess that's what i'm gonna do but like chivalry's dead i guess in terms of like not wanting to suck face on the within the first 30 like they literally meet each other for 10 minutes i'm assuming those dates are it'll be the equivalent of me having a date and in the first 10 minutes of us having like the sip of our first drink going in and being like all right time to kiss now like it's like it's it's yeah i it's even less than that like you have like the entrance and then i don't i don't remember what the actual time that like typically the first talks are but all of them are way less than 10 minutes like the first like

rounds are like nothing yeah and a lot of them don't even talk to them the first day too yeah so it's like there's really not yeah that could be a fun role you could be the person that sits in the back the whole time and it's just like i haven't gotten any time yet that's always a fun person those are those people are the best i do like if i made it would come in there'd be one short guy that says that and zach would be like yeah it's a short guy attitude right there and then he'd walk up and start talking to her immediately i would um i i've always wanted to do the one thing i have planned out is like uh because you i feel like everyone does like if i was ever on the batch like this is what i would do i would always my my other shtick if i if i needed one would be just the

constant gym from the office and just look at the camera like every time and they have to keep telling me not to look at the camera like every time Like two guys are fighting and arguing and you just see me in the background just staring at the camera Just ruin every shot of like anytime you see the Bachelorette going for a kiss walk behind every time and just like Take a sip your drink and just look at the stars. Hey, I've never I've never seen that stick That would be a really good shtick, actually. It would be really entertaining. You would not stay long, but that would be really entertaining. I want Zach to either win

or come in and just cause mayhem day one and then make it to paradise. It's one or two. It depends on if the girl's like, if you're into her or not, right? If you're like, eh, we're causing mayhem. If you're into her, we're going for it. Yeah.

Honestly, long con, like paradise is the vibe. Like paradise, paradise, you meet like 20 times the amount of people. If you're not like a dog shit person and they send you home, because you don't even have to have a connection. If you're just nice to people, they're like, oh yeah, no, I'm going to keep him just to like, he deserves to find it. Like, yeah. And you get like a vacation, like in a beautiful Island.

Like that's a vibe. That's definitely the right move. Look, we have to work the Midwestern milk, man, into your shtick, your bio and your entrance. That's going to be the little tagline. When you pop up on the screen, it's going to set of Zach. It's going to say Midwestern milk, man, 23 or 28. However, I don't know.

So when you walk out the limo either, I have two ideas. One Milkman outfit. You have your case of milk poured on yourself. I need to take the shirt off right away. Or you come in a giant bowl of cereal and they just wheel you in. Oh my God. No, don't be. I hate the person that has to get wheeled around the whole first episode.

I hate it every time. The problem with an outfit, like a costume, is you're stuck in that costume the entire night. And I don't necessarily want to be the guy in the milkman costume. Because if I even unbutton a couple buttons, I immediately look like a stripper. It's like I almost look like a stripper walking out with just the full-on costume. And then if one button gets unbuttoned, just like, boom, stripper. Yeah. I mean, but it's such a good nickname.

We have to wear it. It'll get you remembered. At least. I feel like you got to do something like cereal. You got to come out and have them do power moves. In a bowl of cereal. You blindfold them and have them taste the cereals. And then you just go for the smooch.

In the intro. That has never been done before. That'd be sick. That could be. I was thinking, I like that. Or, like, bring out the little mini boxes of cereal and just say, like, hi, just a little snack for the rest of your night. Don't be the snack one.

I hate the snack people. The other one I was going to do was either, because I've tried to think about this, too. All of them stink. We had this so thought out. They do all stink. They all stink. And even the ones that are just like, hi, I'm really pumped to meet you.

I'm here looking for my wife. You're beautiful, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, those ones are ass. The only other one I could think of was bringing in shooters of alcohol. Just be like, hey, let's do a shot. That's a good one. And then being like being like all right i'll see you in there like let's get the we all i'll see you in there to keep get like keep the party going or something

like that like the only thing i can think of that's like kind of not weird but still sort of rememberable because i don't bring in like the one guy this season brought out like an eight foot meatball sub and of course he was from chicago And I'm like, buddy, you are not giving us a good name right now. And his name in the show is meatball. Yeah. They don't have a name for him. He's just a meatball. Yeah.

It's not great. It's great. No, it's great. Um, if you do a cereal type entrance, easy spooning pun right off the bat, that's what you can.

That's good call. Good call. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Um, or, or, or here's an idea.

I come up with a regular-sized bowl of cereal, and then she's like, oh, I brought this out. Cereal is one of my favorite foods, and then I have a giant spoon behind me. I pull out it. I also like to be the big spoon. There it is. You got a fucking sheath on your back.

You're just taking a spoon out of it. It's fucking Lord of the Rings. I'm all about the giant spoon. Because you could be in a nice suit, but then you just have a giant spoon. So you kind of stand out, but you still look good. I will say also, they're definitely going to make you walk around with a fucking spoon the rest of the night. I know, and that's why I don't want to do it. You will 100% be walking around with a staff on your,

in your right hand the entire night. I need to outsmart the producers, which is why I'm thinking something small that I can put in my pocket if it doesn't work out or make it flammable, light it on fire afterwards. Then you don't have to care too close to magician, too close to magician. We don't want to do that.

That's fair. There was a magician on the first episode. He was gone right around. Too close to magician. Too close to magician. We don't want to do that. That's fair. There was magician on the first episode. He was gone right away. Right away. So bad. All right. Once you get pyrotechnics involved, I feel like it's just a dangerous game. Also, I feel like just my...

There's always a pool. I just feel like my height will give me a solid advantage off the bat. I don't think I need to do too much beyond being tall. As shallow as that sounds, for the show as The Bachelor, I don't think it's going to matter. As annoying as that answer is, it's like he's going to make... Zach on his height alone will make it through night one. Like, Zach could fuck up. Zach could say he's married the first night.

And especially if there's two girls, one will be like, oh, but he's like 6'3", you know? I'd be like a second-round NBA draft pick and just be like, eh, he's 6'8", he's long and athletic, can shoot threes and guard the perimeter. We'll take a chance on him. That's just me. He's tall. Hopefully he's not a total douchebag. We'll bring him on in round two.

He does love cereal. That's so relatable. That's making it his next round. It's true. I'm a pretty simple guy. All right, well, like I said, if you guys fill this out and send it out. Oh, I'm filling it out.

And send the application. 100%. And there's like a casting in Chicago. I will go. And then we'll see it from there. And then I'll debate on quitting my job to go on The Fucking Bachelor. We'll pay for you to work a couple days

unpaid off of your job we're you're only there for the first weekend remember that's true therefore i just sabotage myself be like listen i gotta get back to work like i gotta get back soon they just always show you in the back just like working from your laptop just like trying to hide that you're at the bachelor mansion i did uh i did want i did ask like my boss i'm like if i ever got on this show could i just wear like my company sponsored gear and that way i'm just like a marketing campaign and i just stay on there for as long as possible get the free marketing we talked about him looking at the camera and not him seeing a desk he's literally gonna be jim from the fucking office i want you to have you know like circular green screen that a lot of

like people have jokes on for tiktok of like working from home from weird places you need to be on a date with the bachelorette like in a helicopter with that behind you like sending emails and in a meeting because isn't it only like a that would be like a month isn't that how long it is like if you make it if you make it to the end? Yeah. It's a fucking month and people are always like, I want so much to be here. It's like, bitch. Because some people do quit their jobs.

I know. I mean, some of them are dumb. Some of them are waiting to get that fucking tea sponsorship on Instagram. I wonder how that conversation would go. Hey, maybe we'll get there and I'll have that conversation with my boss and say, if if i take all my pto i still need two weeks of unpaid vacation can i do it i mean if your boss is cool enough and they're like i want to see you fail on national tv they'll let you do it it'll be good hey it could happen i'm so excited about the app brother i'm i 100 will do this and i'm gonna spend a lot of time making this bio really flourishy and lovey-dovey.

Is it just a picture? I thought last time it was a video. You needed a video, too. Or is it just a picture now? Not just a picture for the first one. And then I think the next round, you'll have to do a submission video, I think. Can't wait for Brian to fake that as well.

That'll be electric. I'm going to find a deep fake website and I'm just going to go around town as myself and I'm going to paste your face on my body. But I'm going to be on my tippy toes because you're slightly taller than me. So then the height will be real. We'll have to then, again, remember,

we have to nuke this podcast if I do make it. Yeah, if he makes it, this has to go. So that they don't know we planned this all out ahead of time oh and and probably i was talking about the spunk tank i don't think that'll go over well on the bachelor if that goes on this entire podcast is done okay i mean speaking of intros that is pretty creative on a way to get in there for day one honestly oh that's actually so not not of the spunk variety but if if i came in with a suit and just said like i like they somehow wheeled in a dunk tank and i said i like to have fun and you got to stand really close and throw the ball and the problem is i'd be soggy for the rest of

the night you would look at mess but like that would actually be kind of fire that'd be pretty good just saran wrap your head so your hair is fine the rest of you soaking away that's fine whatever you can you can deal with that just have an extra change of clothes that's not a bad idea i don't hate that idea either all right we got options we got out we'll workshop it i like this i like this all right zach episode complete give us a follow give us a like give us a review spotify and apple keep on grinding ladies rooks

rooks what's the horoscope an apple. Keep on grinding, ladies. Rooks. Rooks, what's the horoscope? Nipples are sensitive. Play magic. Play magic. Play magic. Play magic. Play magic. I'm gonna fuck you, Brian. Yo. my plain origin story. I'm going to fuck you, Brian.