It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 73: Vibe Checking a Funeral

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

What would you rather munch on, a Patriot, a Commander, or a Jet? The boyos answer these hard hitting questions and tier list all 32 NFL teams based on ediblity. Zak reads funeral home Yelp reviews. And Ruxx gives us his best Waluigi impersonation. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. Yeah, if you shard yourself, absolutely would keep that clip for the rest of your life. I'd play that at your wedding, your funeral, graduation, your kid's wedding, your kid's funeral, just everything. Reincarnation. My kid's funeral, dude. You're going to show up to my kid's funeral

with audio of their dad their deceased father i'm assuming at this point shitting himself that's really nice guys kind like i got such a good message from your father i think it's gonna trigger a lot of good memories for you it's gonna bring the mood of this funeral back up a bit we're at like a five we get back up to a ten and just burns over here vibe checking a funeral dude like what you guys it's kind of down in here we need to turn this shit up a little bit like dude i feel like it might need to be the opposite direction like we're too happy let's bring it back down who wants to watch like a car crash video we need to be back down on a two because i heard some laughs over in the corner vibe checking

a funeral is one of the craziest things you said on this podcast and you've said some wild shit yelping a funeral oh yo this funeral was mad trash bro no hors d'oeuvres the guy in the casket not makeup terrible do you think they have do you think they have reviews for funeral homes on Google? They have to. There's reviews for every building that exists. We should invent a thing where you get invited to a fake funeral. No one really died, but you just go for the fun of it. A funeral party.

Is that a thing? Dude, what I've noticed, I feel like all funeral homes look the exact same. I've never seen a bad funeral home. I've never seen a really nice-looking funeral home. They're always just really average. They just kind of smell the same. They're really dimly lit. They have old curtains.

Oh, this was sad. I shouldn't have done this. I was meaning to change the topic. This was really sad. Dude, wait, why? The first review was like i was recommended this home when my brother passed and it was just a beautiful like it's just like they go really into detail and just that just made me really sad my fucking okay i'm in this sort of

things sort by one star reviews and then we'll get back to it that sounds even worse i don't even i don't i can't i don't have the mental right now. I'm too tired. All right. Zach will look it up after while we're talking about the interior decorating of funeral homes because Zach apparently has opinions on it. I mean, what else do you need? It's just, it's a, it's a room. No, it's going to smell bad because there's dead bodies in it. So they all probably smell the same because they all get the same like dead body eraser scent. No, I'm just saying that there's no variation.

Like there's, there's, you know, bad, good, and best of a lot of things, restaurants, hotels,

um, like I've never been to, I feel like I've, you know, I haven't been a lot of funerals, knock on wood, but I've been to enough to probably seen a spectrum of funeral homes. And every funeral home I've gone to has been the exact same.

I feel like there might be a market for kind of like a drippy funeral home or maybe you've just gone to a lot of poor people funerals ever thought about that that's i guess that's you kind of indirectly roasting my family there but that's fine i guess burns out here just coming for blood right now jesus man i feel like the kardashians are gonna a crazy funeral. They're not going to, like, Ted's Funeral Home down on 5th Street that got three reviews. Like, they're going to be buried in, like, a glass chapel. Look, man, Ted's Funeral Home is doing fine, okay? Don't look up reviews for funeral homes, okay? I'm in, like, a really sentimental mood right now, and I don't like it.

So when Rooks was looking up uh reviews for funeral homes i decided to look up reviews for other things specifically mount everest um and they have a lot of questions and answers for it and i just want to read you some of them right here first question is there a del taco close to the summit and someone said yes but they don't allow flip-flops no shoes no shirt in our service. Someone else said, can a small boy climb the Mount Everest? And someone said, yes, I took my son that is nine months old,

truly the best and only experience in his very short life. Oh my God, man. And then the last one, is it cold up there? And someone said, no, quite warm because you're more near the near to the sun jesus fucking christ man i feel like that'd be an underrated maybe thing for us to do is just

to look up uh like you know uh landmarks or geographic uh you know wonders of the world and then see the questions and reviews i feel like these are these are pretty funny give me a good chuckle i feel like there's only like i feel like there will only ever be dumb questions which makes this a great idea like there's never i don't feel like there's ever going to be anything that's like common sense like it's all going to be stupid shit can you freeze in under two minutes at the top with a short sleeve t-shirt and shorts said only if you're cooler than a cucumber uh so vibe checking this conversation i'm gonna bring us back down again found a one-star review Only if you're cooler than a cucumber. So if I'm checking this conversation, I'm going to bring us back down again.

Found a one-star review on a funeral home. This lady was not happy because they asked her to help carry the body out of the van. So there are bad funeral homes. That can't be true. Washburn, McGreevy, Northeast. You put on blast. You got a bad review. Don't have your funeral there. What did you say? Washburn, McG casket? Washburn McGreevy Northeast? You put on blast. You got a bad review. Don't have your funeral there. What did you say?

Washburn McGreevy? What? Washburn McGreevy Northeast. Washburn McGreevy sounds like an old soldier from, like, the Civil War that you hear about in class. Or when you're at, like, a reenactment, it's like, yeah, I'm Spawn of Washburn McGreevy. He was in the 105 infantry like it's just like so it's such a random specific old name i love it though it's your ancestor shout out my boy washburn shout out put the shout out brian put the shout out music

oh uh i got i got a couple options do we have have shout-out music? Yeah. Zach requested a shout-out noise last week, so I have three. Noise or music? Yeah, go ahead. Let's run through them. It's not music. Well, so give us a shout-out, and I'll play all three. He did. He just shout-out Washburn.

Shout-out Washburn. That was too quick. Too quick. I didn't know what that was. Way too quick. No. It's shout-from-the-side shout-out. I don't like what that was. Way too quick. Shout. No. It's shout from the sound. I don't like, but I don't like just like one shout.

If you're playing shout from that, you got to do like the whole fucking spiel. Give me the verse of shout then. I mean, I kept them short and I didn't think we're going to like them, but we'll workshop it. Give me another shout out. All right. Shout out. Shout out. The number one sports podcast or whatever you.

What was that? Shout out Ryan Hickey, Worldwide Sports Radio Network. Yeah. Shout out. Let me shout out. Shout out. Shout out. Shout out.

I know what song that is. That's kind of hard. That was kind of tough. That was kind of tough. Shout out on YouTube. That was the first thing that popped up. Wasn't bad. All right.

I got a third one. Zach, give us a shout out. Shout out Mother Teresa, even though she was a bad person. No, no. Was that just, did you just YouTube screaming? Like, is that just what you searched, just screaming?

I just YouTube shout, and those are the first three things, and I thought they were perfect. I choose number two. Yeah, give me the second i choose number two yeah give me the second one more time give me the second one more time it's a real song though so i don't know if we can actually get copyrighted uh shout out all those bad funeral homes, though. I don't like that you have that queued up. Like, I don't like that that's accessible to you. Oh, I'm so happy I have that now.

I'm going to keep that one forever. Just play the intro, man. I'm sad now. What day are you going to go to a funeral home? It is Wednesday. Nipples are hard now. Number one, remove your bra. I like nuts.

This is my butt. I'm ready to go. Golf is a sexy thing. My dick will go like, boop, and just flip inside out, and it'll turn into a vagina. And you take me. Hi, boys. Intercourse, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack. Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on? Hi, boys. Intercourse, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack.

Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby. God damn, he's so good. Yeah, he calls me big time. Ah, ah, ah. Wow, wow, wow. Booty. Of course, it makes me dookie. If you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back out.

And then I swallow. I want to die. Raw dog and lower. A kid's turkey based on nipples. I just got slopped. The rock's dick has anchor arms. I think I got to get out of here. How do you get the paint from. Only 96 more episodes till our fet's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode 73. Only 96 more episodes until our fetish draft, Rooks.

Thank you for the idea. Really appreciate that. All the credit to you. Corey's out at the beach this week in graham cracker gold. But we got Rooks. Hi! Oh, that was loud. We got Zach.

I mean, comparison. I should be a voice actor. What voice is that? I guess dry bones. It's dry bones. Rooks, who's your go-to character in Mario Kart? We talked about it. Oh, yeah.

In turn, make their sound. Okay, well, so big time Waluigi guy. I love Waluigi. Hit us with the waluigi bro like every single time like anytime anything happens happy sad frustrated like that's what you get he is what he is like a pokemon got a little noises going and i'm brian uh this week we got uh something we'll figure it out so yeah how was your week zach we got something. We'll figure it out. So, yeah. How was your week, Zach? We got to have something. We got to have something. My week, I mean, it's only been two days for the week.

But if you want to ask about my weekend, I can tell you that. Would you like me to know about my weekend? How was the past previous seven days on the calendar? Oh, it was great. Thanks for asking. We're getting into the busy time of the summer, man. Sun's still out, but your boy's getting tired. Traveling a lot uh went to crown point indiana which is just over the border uh to see some friends that i haven't seen from college it was good catching up we played a little golf

at the lost marsh course shout out it was right it was right in the middle of industry aka factories uh you could see gary, Indiana from the course. It was a little shocking driving up. I feel like golf courses sometimes are in the middle of the most randomest places, and you get on the course, you're like, oh, this is actually kind of nice. This was one of those cases. Then we went to the Sox game, which was fun. Shout out Big Tim Kirshner for getting us the tickets, the hookup on the ticks.

It was great. I was on TV. No big deal. How did TA7 play? Bad. Bad. Damn it. Yeah, not great.

They ended up winning the game, I think, but Gavin Sheets provided the only offense. Anyway. Gross. What else did I do? Yeah, then Sunday kind of came back home, had only a 12-inch pizza and 12 wings so it was a light light work for your boy um cut season yeah cutting season um guys i'm trying to still

keep those abs as if i'm gonna take my shirt off anymore this summer but we're we're getting we're flying towards personality season boys oh yeah and it is coming up quick breaking out the sweaters the hoodies the uh you know the the the fishermen sweaters the inverse crop top it's just like a sheet of cloth that covers your stomach area yeah cummerbunds the the the the joggers uh the sweatpants the gray sweatpants for the ladies. We're getting close. I'm going to try to enjoy as much of summer as I can, but I'm also aggressively looking forward towards the fall and football season. So we'll be honest before we know it.

Yeah, it was a pretty quiet weekend. This weekend will be a little more lively, going to Windy City Smokeout. Katrina's coming to visit, going to a Cubs game. It'll be fun. It'll be fun. So I'm going to give this past weekend, though, because coming to visit. Going to a Cubs game. It'll be fun. It'll be fun. So I'm going to give this past weekend, though, because that's what we're doing. We're reading the past weekend.

We're looking at the future in this podcast. Treat the past like the present. Can we do that next week? Rate our next week? No, treat the past like the present, because you got it around Christmas. That's the saying, right? What?

Yeah, exactly. I'm going to give... What am I going to give? I'm going to give my rating... 60... Bears. Just bears? Just bears.

Okay. It can be any bears you want. 60 bears. Hey, no rules out here. That's right. We're going back to when we rated it with water buffaloes and animals so so i'm assuming not that many i'm assuming it's my turn now um what are we ranking next weekend or what are we i'm so lost i could not understand anything from zach's explanation tell us about your next week coming up oh this is fucking the curveball predict the future um no tell us what your week it's fine so i was i was

not here last week uh your boy was in the dirty florida visiting uh nites and elena and they're in fort lauderdale so we were in fort lauderdale we hit the beach a little we went out fort lauderdale fort lauderdale goodness gracious i just had a stroke um downtown fort lauderdale was fucking dope like it was such a cool little area and then like all the bars were just such different vibes across the board like it was a great time also got to stop by a taco belt cantina which was sick like it was the middle of the day after the beach so like it was like quiet in there but like i don't think they had a dj but they had someone just spinning straight like popular hip-hop right now like if you told me i was gonna walk into a

fucking taco bell and money bag yo i'm gonna do what i'm saying like if that shit comes on like i would be like fuck no that's never gonna play in a taco bell but this place was lit it was so fucking lit um i will say it looked like you send the snaps and it looked like you guys were the only ones in the cantina did it fill up after no i mean it was fucking it was like three o'clock in the afternoon on okay this was this was a friday this was a friday i think oh so like happy hour so you're just getting the happy hour we were about to um our two friends were working. So we were just at the beach and then like they were like, once they're back, then we like all got together at the Airbnb and like went out and shit.

But, but yeah, we were just like chilling during the day and they were like, oh, there's a Taco Bell cantina here. If you guys just want to go to it, to go to it. I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah, we're going to go. Really disappointed though. Like big time. I will like throw some shade at Taco Bell cantina um how dare you i can't believe you can't just get a baja blast with liquor poured into it like why can't so all they had the only alcoholic beverages

they had was they had like a case of or they had like a um a cooler of beers and then they had like frozen drinks that were pre-mixed which I we both got this like party punch there was no alcohol in it I don't care what you fucking tell me there was negative five alcohol in it I got way more sober anyway but the only options for it

were those so I feel like the one we went to in Vegas had just baja blast frozen whatever drink i mean i had a whole row of it in the back i don't know but we had these options like uh mendy went up to the fucking we we had like a little buzz from the beach and i was just like just go ask like we could see a handle of rum so he was like could i just go baja blast and you you just pour rum into it? And she was like, no.

And it was just like, dude, when are you guys trying to make responsible decisions for the people? You're fucking Taco Bell, my guy. Just pour the goddamn shit into the Baja anyway. It's so weird they didn't. I think a bar should do it. I don't know if it's legal. I don't know if because Baja Blast is only sold in Taco Bell taco bell but you can still buy it at store or can you buy it at stores now yeah yeah there's there's some stores that have it like canned like it's like so yeah if i'm

a bar and it's probably not fiscally responsible because you want to get it in bulk but why wouldn't you go to like a store and buy a bunch of cans of baja blast and then just serve that and make your own drink at a random bar i feel like like that'd be a hot, hot item. You could make it as a special. That'd be a big-time fucking play right there. I'll tell you what. It's a great mixer, great chaser across the board. Had both. Works every time.

Any Hoosers. But yeah, it was chill. Had a great time in Fort Lauderdale. And then Saturday was Miami Day. had a great time in uh fort lottery and then saturday was miami day we we were we were we coasted during the day we just went to the beach a little got went to a pool had a nice dinner then we went to fucking miami we went to this latin bar at first like i was far and away the only white person there like there was not like and like only quarter korean person yeah i was dead oh i was guaranteed the only quarter korean person there

i i'm covering the other half of the of the world for everybody i put millions of dollars on that but like we walked in and then there's these like like they kept like um because everyone i was with too is latino so benitez was like how's it feel being like the only white person here i was like And then there's these, like, they kept, like, because everyone I was with, too, is Latino. So Benitez was like, how does it feel being, like, the only white person here? I was like, dude, those two guys are white. Fuck off. And it's like these two guys in, like, polos and khakis, they're dressed so white. And I'm like, dude, like, look at these guys.

Like, these guys look like they're fucking in the Polo Ralph Lauren catalog. Like, these guys are fucking white and he's like just go listen to them talk to these girls for a sec they're like both like 60 i walk up and it's just the most beautiful spanish i've ever heard in my life like not like there's no way it's like oh we learned it like they are not like primary spanish speakers and I was just like this is insane you got checked I did it's Miami you're at a Latin bar I would fully expect to be the only white person walking

fair so we went there then we went to club space which was fucking insane Miami time is just different we got to this bar at we had to get there before 1. Our ticket was entry before 1. So we got there right before 1 o'clock in the morning.

We were there until a little after 2-ish. The DJ we wanted to see apparently wasn't coming on until 5. So we were like, eh. And Benitez and Elena, shout out to them. I don't know if they're listening. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't.

But they love taking people to 11, which miami's huge strip club for the first time they took me and mendy we waited in line at that shit for two hours we got to the line at two o'clock in the morning we waited in line until four o'clock in the morning like we walked up we walked we knew so travis scott was performing so we were like oh like it's probably gonna be tough to get in but once he's out like we'll be good travis yeah we we caught the tail end of travis scott at four o'clock in the morning we walked in that shit and he's fucking just jumping and going crazy like it was it was sick it was worth the wait but i won't do it again i will not wait two hours again. It was a cool last night in Miami experience,

but it was fine. But yeah, 11, fucking unbelievable. And then, yeah, left the bar at six o'clock in the morning, like you do. We had to leave for our flight. It was an hour to get back to our Airbnb, and then me and mendy had to leave for our flight at eight so we laid down at seven woke up at eight ubered to the fucking airport

and then flew home i was i don't think i've ever felt shittier in an airport in my life like i'm impressed you woke up after only an hour it was like that's hard it was fucking terrible like i yeah dude just taking out my fucking id i got like the fucking craziest hangover shakes this person the guy's like parkinson's my hands just like looks like i'm fucking jerking someone off like it was crazy um but made it back made it home recouped this whole week and then this weekend pretty pretty mellow had some drinks with the boyos played some fall guys saturday and just kind of coasted through the weekend um but yeah miami was the big the big last who robbed my summer pretty much so i want to talk i want to give it a little bit of air time i got you but we need to get a uh and it's wednesday my dude's fall guys stream

going all four of us can play in the same team. Come on, dude. We'd fucking we'd wreck house. We would be. We would fuck up some people. I'll tell you that. But yeah, overall, great two weeks. Sorry for rambling. Big shout out Miami.

I'm going to give it one pit bull dolly because like we were in the home of the pit bull. I thought you were giving a Mr. I think you've got a 305. I want to give it a dolly. That's OK home of the Pitbull. I thought you were going to give it a Mr. I thought you were going to give it a 305. I want to give it a Dale. That's okay. It was your rankings, not mine. He's a Dale guy. How was the week?

Oh, great. I don't know. I was going to say, how many Powerball tickets did you guys buy? Or Mega Millions? Zero. Three. Okay, good. I'm happy Zach, you at least.

Because the winner was in Illinois. And I was like, I mean, maybe. Maybe Zach went to a random gas station and bought his ticket there. In Des Blondes? I had a little bit of hope. In Des Blondes? How close are you to that? I'm fairly close. Probably, like, I can look it up right now, but it's like 30 minutes, I think.

You need to go drive 30 minutes the opposite direction. The next time it's at a billion dollars, you'll win. This might be a really fucking stupid question, like how big is illinois like end to end like how long would it take to drive the state like top to bottom or are we talking girth or length eat direct give me both length would be a solid like five or probably like six hours five or six hours i'm gonna guess uh with would be only probably about like two and a half or three okay sorry a little geography lesson for your boy sorry take pennsylvania turn it 90 degrees illinois easy um in minnesota this week right

got some lobster already got some cheese curds went saw some lakes went to the mall wait you got some you got some lobster oh yeah in minnesota yeah there's water around here that's not that's what that's more of like a main thing right ah it's close enough it was good i'll buy some water i needed some seafood man bro you're halfway across the United States. They're the eastmost point. Well, there's water here, though. They could be wherever. Are lots of these like saltwater only? Brian definitely went to a Long John Silver's and was like, I needed some seafood.

It was good. I mean, maybe the cheese curds are better because that makes sense, but it was still good. All right. I don't know. I don't know animals, I guess. Dude, so I'm in this neighborhood, though, right? It's just a very normal, whatever, Minneapolis neighborhood, like, suburban area. I was on a run, around a corner, see some, like, animal in front of me.

It, like, turns, puts its wings out. There's a freaking full turkey in front of me. It, like, tries to buck at me. So I, like, cross the street. There's three more turkeys on the other side of the street that like look at me i'm like surrounded by all four of them i'm like i don't know if i kick a turkey in the face you wandered in the wrong neighborhood boy they're all wearing uh never mind um but like is that a thing are turkeys just like in minnesota wild in neighborhoods or is it just this one area i saw them again today and i took a photo i think there's four

of them just hanging out by my car i think they like um i've seen pictures of them when they're in like neighborhoods i'm pretty sure they do kind of like pack up like i think they run like they don't really go solo i think they're like always like squatted up like deep with the boys ready for anything um but like no like i don't fucking i never see in-person turkeys so we got turkeys in illinois really oh yeah in the city uh not that's how much there are no city turkeys but the suburbs just roaming the streets of chicago riding the l i don't i'm not like out in the sticks like it's there's like a there's a train like right on the road right here like it's like the tram into downtown i don't know it was weird i don't know if like turkeys are endangered or if i'm gonna have to beat one up

and like get me a thanksgiving dinner earlier or what but this man burns got ops out in minneapolis man he's got fucking four turkeys that are just it's not good man FBI got some cameras on their heads that this chasing me around not great um also went to a concert saw Dashboard Conventional and Andrew McMahon um did not know like any Andrew McMahon songs because apparently he was in the band um Jack's Mannequin right but that band was just him I didn't realize it wasn't like actual band and then before that he was also in a band so they played four songs from his first band and four songs from jack's mannequin and then played like only four songs from the band he's currently in

that you paid to see i was like well all right so i don't know any of these i didn't know i did like do a research paper on this dude's whole history to understand what he's going to play but they're great though he wrote on like an inflatable like giraffe throughout the crowd face planted that was great to see yeah the dashboard confessional do they play uh vindicated oh yeah oh yeah that's like the final songs they're so good well and so i know like a couple songs i'm not like a biggest fan so they played some old stuff and i was completely lost but they played all their hits. And like,

this dude's been singing for like 30 years. So like, I don't know why in my head, I was like, I don't know if they're gonna be good or not. He's been touring for that long. He has to be really good. It was also the first show on their tour.

So this dude belted out like 30 second long notes, every single song. I was like, this is not going to last in your tour, dude. You're going to burn out your voice. But since we're the first show He was going crazy. It was awesome

So that good to see they play like all I feel like both of them play festivals constantly But like I haven't gone to a festival so like I haven't seen them yet So it was cool to see him here in like a small venue But yeah also yesterday freaking driving back from groceries i was sitting on like a red light just like 10 cars back from the light just 30 seconds into the light on my phone car behind me just like slams in the back of me i was like i put my phone down like did that excuse me like i like looked in the mirror and the dude's just like i like rolled out my window and like pulled to the next lane he pulls up beside me

i was like what he's like it's not that bad and he just drives away and i was like what so i wrote down his license plate was there damage um no it was it wasn't that bad but like i didn't know about it i wanted just your fucking bumper to be dang on by a thread, dude. No. Well, so License Plate 927 UVL, Minnesota Plates. Shout out. I'm watching you. Hit the music, Vern. Shout out.

All right. Where's the music at? Here it is. No. Oh. No. I hate this. I hate.

That's the shout out he deserves. That guy sucks though. Because he pulled up and I was like, yeah, you want to go over? And he was like, alright. And he just dipped out. So the first five minute drive, I had to find a spot to pull over. I was like, my bumper is going to be dragging on the floor. But I get out, literally you can't tell at all.

So, I guess no harm, no foul. Whatever. I don't know. I'm not going to call the cops harm no foul whatever i don't know i'm not gonna like call the cops on the guy i don't know nothing dude you gotta just fucking you broke your neck you have a sore back now you've been walking funny no this dude was in a beat or two so like i'm not gonna like it's fine there's zero chance he had insurance like whatever i have some good karma coming my way hopefully uh but uh yeah so almost got into a car wreck almost got attacked by turkeys and lost the lottery so this week's 0 for 3 nice that's not bad so yeah it's still a zero hey it could be

worse it could be over for it could be it will be next week when i also lose the lottery again rooks last week we did a 2000s draft you have yeah i just i just want to share my pick or my picks um and i also i want to say so and brag on like i hate i hate to knock you down here braggart's talking about his heelys like he was in fucking rocket power like fucking wall riding and shit like he's tony hawks he's fucking pressing right trigger and doing what's that revert to keep his combo going fuck no man burn you were going you'd go like in between like two classroom doors and then walk again oh yeah and i'd fall constantly all the time it's just the way you talked about the way you talked about it it sounded like you were just

fucking shredding on healy's dude did not mean to come across that way because yeah i'll fully admit i said like if you try to walk in them, you have wheels on your heels. So it's really hard. You have to step on your toes or you just slide. The best part is Burn would put the wheels in and he's just walking. And he's like, it's like when someone wears heels for the first time and you know they have no business doing it. Like, his legs are just wobbling and shit. And he keeps stumbling every two feet. Oh, it's so good oh all right i'm glad i was i was ready to go to war with you here because i was like burn oh no i like i love you

but you're not getting away with that i've seen you eat shit on those things way too many times like you're not getting away with that oh yeah okay that's my only only critique oh all like also your fucking experience is burned jesus oh that's the only critique. Oh, also, your fucking experience is burned. Jesus Christ. Oh, that's the only critique? Oh, sweet. I got away with it. Okay.

Anyway. Okay, so my picks for a TV show, and mine are a little... You'll see. TV show, movies, I'm just going with Nickelodeon as a channel. Like, I'm going... That's a Brian draft pick when he drafts the appetizers. Hey, it's way too late to establish rules in these fucking drafts okay it's way too fucking late but like

fucking you go to all the cartoons like all the cartoons were slappers we got spongebob we get the class like hey arnold we got the king of the shmeet timmy turner if you don't know why he's king of the shmeet dude like read a book or something um jimmy neutron then we go to the teen shows we got like all the pervert dan schneider shows i'm like sorry that dan schneider such a like foot fetish pervert like no shout out like no shout out you can give him the scream shout out i guess don't don't press it i don't want to hear it anymore okay fuck dan schneider but like he made good tv shows that's all i'm trying to say um but yeah like drake and josh we got fucking zoe 101 are you ready like that shit was a slapper everybody wanted to go to pca even though

it's just pepperdine um and then then we got nick at night too waking up in a cold sweat to george lopez waking up fucking in the most intense scenes of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, watching the Carlton. There's just a lot. Nickelodeon was a slapper. Nick at Night sucked. Dude, come on. It was like the Cosby show and nothing else. Yeah, the Cosby show.

No, dude, Fresh Prince. No, pre-Cosby being a bad guy, Cosby's show was not good. Yeah, it was pretty bad. It wasn't great. But like, Full House? Wait, is it a good show now that he's a bad guy? Because the way you phrased that, it was like... I mean, now you watch it with a different lens.

It's more like Breaking Bad now. There's secret agendas behind it. Like, yes, Nickelodeon, yeah, there were some problematic characters. I'm taking out my big pervert stamp and just stamping their profiles with it but like great like great great television yeah oh man there's a lot of perverts this is not good but anyway yeah television was great um for my sounds like a bad pick number one overall so it's not number one overall i'm just going through my list um number two for um artist musician fucking usher dude usher usher in the early 2000s like that is from boy to man like i literally listen to confession in my room as like a sixth grader and i'm sitting

there like hold on and i'm like it's like i'm doing the shit where he's on the phone in the beginning of the song it's like i'm going through right now dude i fucking failed my algebra one test earlier fuck like i'm just like i'm getting to my feels man and then you fucking like there was not a bigger turning point in my life well okay like that might be an exaggeration but like being in a middle school dance and hearing yeah by a fucking usher like dude like i'm not fucking with you sixth grade the sixth grade dance we were all just running around playing tag and doing dumb shit like we were just like oh we're at the dance but like we're too cool for this and then yeah i came on by usher and it was like i want to talk to some honeys like it was

like all of a sudden like i have i have hormones now like it was crazy what usher did to like us as a society at that age it's just it's unbelievable um also like if you want to fight with me let it burn as usher's best song and I will go to fucking war over that anyway wow do we need to draft usher songs or tier list them hey only time will tell anyway

then so the clothing clothing I'm gonna go and again this is another outside the box one i'm going ax body spray because that shit that's not that shit burn do you remember how much we used to put on it's clothing that shit was a shirt that shit was a literal shirt of ax body spray and i don't care what you say old spice to the day i die i never had axe we literally again there's another like coming of

age moment you see the commercials where the dude sprays axe and then all of a sudden he's got biddies on him we were literally chesty man double piss of chesty dude i was quadruple pits to 15 chesties like i was just sitting here just lathering myself in that shit did you need a high shower yeah it was our fucking middle school locker room was you walk in that shit the junior high shower yeah it was our fucking middle school locker room was you walk in that shit you needed like a full fucking like hazmat suit on because you were very susceptible to passing out thank god no one smoked or at least back then because if you would have gone over gone over flames in that locker room we're all dead like other locker room fucking classrooms above us everyone's fucking the capitol building

twin towers shut up man okay um again i just want to say like 9-11 got way too much air time last week and that's something i thought i would i don't think that's anything i should have ever had to say anyway um hey never forget but yeah axe body spray is my clothing because it was pretty much another shirt like it was your undershirt pretty much um that's my pick burn again you cannot criticize anyone's draft picks ever because yours are always just absurd you just had two very loose answers in a row so i'm excited for the next couple i hope they're weirder okay so for my experiences the first one taking pictures on digital cameras and like never ever getting anything developed and just like having them saved in the camera the amount like when we were in early

middle school every girl had a digital camera do you know how many like dumb kissy faces i made on those things but like i was with like it's like my first pictures that has like a female in them with me so like i'd have my arm around them dude i would grab that camera and i just stare at it be like holy so that's when the rooks's faces started yeah that's when the cameras in your face yeah the worst faces that have ever been made in the history of the world you dig some of those up no please god no um but like those pictures like it was just a good fun activity for anybody and they never went anywhere like nobody ever developed them no one ever did anything with them like we had we had the technology we had myspace too where we could have put them like nobody posted like that

many pictures on myspace it took so much effort to actually post them though it's not like you could like press one button on your phone you have to plug in the usb to the camera then you have to download the fucking software on your computer and then like uploading one picture took so long we sound old as shit right now anyway um but yeah those are those were always classic like it was just a good time good family fun there um and then my last experience in this one's just like near and dear to my heart it's just like renting a game from blockbuster and like keeping it keeping it until i beat it like my mom would come upstairs and be like rooks like you've had this game for like three weeks like it's gonna be like we're gonna be so

late on the blockbuster like you're gonna keep making us pay i was like sounds like you suck at games it's like i got two levels left sheila get the fuck out of my room no i didn't actually say that i'm sorry sheila um but no i was just like come on please let me keep it please and then like it was fine but i mean yeah you know i was a fucking i was a fifth grader trying to play fucking video games like what fifth graders i hear cracked at like shitty graphic playstation 2 games my guy like i love that your two experiences were blockbuster and then like analog digital cameras you pick like the oldest things you possibly could i wanted i wanted to pick old shit that like you can't like really do anymore you know what i mean

yeah you go in 2000 2001 not 2009 2010 i just said early i did early 2000s um early 2000s hey you picked fucking god no i'm not even gonna say it i'm not, Rooks. No, I'm not going to say it. Say it. We need more air time. Those are my picks. I think that's a really good draft. I loved it. I enjoyed it.

Did you do five? Yeah. Show, movie. Oh, yeah. Usher, Nickelodeon, Axe Body Spray. I'm forgetting the Axe Body Spray. Digital camera and blockbuster video games. Ridiculous.

All right. Now that we got that over with. All right. We're going to rank NFL teams by theiriculous. All right. Now that we got that over with. All right. We're going to rank NFL teams by their edibility. All right, Zach. You're going to go with the Jets. Are we talking players? Are we talking like...

Up to debate. Is this like sussy? Or are we doing like just like the actual like mascot itself? You said New York Jets, Zach. Do you define edibility like like eating them to your list we're going s a b c d or e edibility i need i'm having a brain fart and i think i know what edibility means but can you define it how edible it's something okay edible okay yes you said edibility i don't think it's a word you just say how edible they are. Eh, I made it up. It's fine. Jets? I don't think I'd have...

Um... They have to be F. That's, yeah, that's... A lot of metal. That's a tough start right there. You're at F. Alright, Rooks. Dolphins. Oh, fucking S tier, dude. No, A.

I feel like you can eat a dolphin. It's a little problematic in Japan. They kind of hurt it. Have you ever seen the cove? Not great. Yeah, not great. It's a little tough of a look. Okay, we're not fucking...

There's no ethics here. You just talked about eating a plane, man. Like, there's no fucking... What's ethically wrong about eating a plane, Rooks? You can chew a hole in it, man. People are going to get sucked out of the plane. I don't know. That's how 9-11 was called.

I mean, okay, I guess for ethical reasons, I'll put it at b i'm just saying i'm thinking like how edible something is like if you can actually eat it is like the ranking so i feel like you can eat a dolphin is it wrong yes when i was going can you it's gonna be a very either s or f tier like i don't know if this is uh all right well i Well, I want him to keep listing them, though, because I want to see if there's any, like, in-betweens. We can... I'll start. I'm going to alphabetical order now,

because I can't off the top of my head do them all. Arizona Cardinals. Like, solid C. It's like chicken. It's middle ground. Not great, not bad. But you also... It goes unseasoned.

You have to think about, like, catching one, too, because they're, like, smaller birds smaller birds that can like fly around. Like that's not going to be that's going to be a tough ask. Don't worry that the shotgun birdshot. I'll say these cardinals luckily have to have to study for at least four hours every week. Otherwise, they don't get to be cardinals anymore. Yeah. Just wait eight weeks and then they'll have like broken ankles and I'll be fine.

Yeah, that's right. They're very small, too. They're so they're so tiny you can barely even see them for a tiny bird like you're not gonna get that much meat and now you're getting shrapnel involved like i just oh yeah i'm putting them pretty low i'm c tier i think yeah i think they gotta be a low it's gotta be that's not a good i'm going cd like anywhere in there all right i'm putting them c all right zach you're up uh atlanta falcons also called the dirty birds you might want to factor that in yeah also also c probably like they can't be d because i mean there's still a bird so i'm

gonna go to c and c okay falcons you get a little bit more meat though like falcons you can get maybe dirty bird is like dirty seasoning lots of pepper on it no all right cool all right rooks do the carolina panthers oh dude fucking panther that's hell of meat for the boys like that's like just because they have a lot of meat doesn't mean they're edible but it's like it's like i'm thinking like hunter gatherer right now right like if i catch this you said it's hard to catch a cardinal but it's not hard to catch a panther it's a bigger target And then if you fucking shrapnel like part of it There's gonna be a hell of more meat to it Is it easier to catch a hummingbird

Or a lion Um I feel like it'd be harder To shoot a fucking hummingbird lowkey That's not Alright man I'll put you in an arena with one hummingbird And one lion And we'll see what

i'm not saying i'm fucking fighting to the death i'm saying like a full hunting scenario i'm saying a hunting scenario all right i don't know where do you want them um panthers okay but yeah panthers will put up they'll put up a fight. I'm going to say C. I'm going to put them right smack dab in the middle. All right, Panthers, C tier along with the Cards and Falcons. All right, I'm up. Chicago Bears. Look, it's a lot of meat like Rooks would say.

It's a lot of meat. I mean, maybe I want to defer this pick to Zach. Do you got opinions? No, I mean, like, maybe i just don't know like like edible like like would i because we're all the way down to chicago bears exactly i still don't understand what the premise i don't understand what we're doing like again because if it's strictly an edible question it's it's a one zero it's very binary if it's i don't really understand what we're doing either if it's what i would like this out riding this out. If it's what I would want to eat, I don't think there would be any team or mascot that I would want to eat.

Oh, bears? Bears are pretty good. I would put bears lower than S, though, because if you're going to eat it, you have to skin it. That's a lot of work. I'm not processing these animals. I'm not sending it to the bear factory to get me all my bear meat dude like i don't want a bear brisket like i like i'm talking like hunter gatherer dude i'm in the woods i gathered this thing well then i'm dead so if we're doing that then i'm hunting these leaves and i'm gathering the bears i totally just

fucking backwards the hunter gatherer like the gatherers did not it's fine i'm gonna put it beach here because it's going with the dolphins it's more meat than a dolphin but like and be for bear but the ethical decisions not not a problem there but uh it might be hard to catch i like b i like putting it in b for bears like i think i agree with that yeah b for bears for that for the acronym all right we're gonna go c tier next for this one rooks the dallas cowboys uh c tier no i'm just kidding um oh that's tough i mean like you mean like how much you eating out a cowboy um oh god that doesn't sound great at all let's say like like let's say johnny sins is a cowboy you have to eat his ass i mean if it's it's Johnny Sins cowboy, we're chilling.

But I'm thinking like nitty gritty, like back in the day, Western cowboy. Like those dudes. That's true. Those guys, dick cheese must have been insane. Like they must have. They're fucking. That's just a side dish on the meal, man. Like they fucking.

Oh, God. No, that's F tier. That's big time f tier all right two hardest things to eat in the world jets and a cowboy it's similar hey i agree toughness all right zach detroit lions um i i don't think our lines even edible like that's a lot of meat it's a lot of meat. That's a lot of meat. I'm going to go with D tier, I think. Okay.

I feel bad for killing a lion. The whole Mufasa thing I think is still pretty fresh. If I got caught for killing a lion, I think it would look pretty bad. That's fair. More ethical reasons. Alright, I'm up. Green Bay Packers. I'm going to assume this is a person from Green Bay stuffed with cheese. And if that's the case, since it's fresh cheese, it might be great.

If it's old cheese, it might be a cool cowboy situation. Are they the Packers because they pack cheese? Is that what it is? They pack meat, I think, is the origin of it. Okay, so you're eating like a factory Burns. You're eating like a factory worker dude who just has like 12 hours on the clock in like a factory, dude. Oh, that grundle, man.

You're going to smell that from a mile away. The cheese on the top of his head will distract me from the cheese. Yeah, you see what I'm saying? It's bad. It's not good. He's down there with the cowboy. All right, Rooks.

L.A. Rams. Not St. Louis Rams. L.A. Rams. They moved to the West Coast. They got a good Instagram account going, a little tan. They got a nice hat collection. You know, that type of Ram. I think a Ram would be a little hard to wrangle, but, like, I mean, thing is, they're just going to run straight at you and try to hit you with the horns.

Like you get like you get a little like right between the eyeballs for chilling. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go beats here. I don't think it would be like too hard to take them down. And it's like rams get pretty big. You get some meat out of there i'm assuming they're pretty like derivative to like a lamb type cut of meat too which i love some lamb actually throw them eights here fuck yeah you can make a shirt

out of them i'm gonna make a i'm gonna make a rack of a rack of ram oh that sounds kind of hard oh well r and r maybe hey all right. A plus tier. All right, Zach. Minnesota Vikings. Ugh. Yeah, F tier. No, they're in the water all the time. They get washed off. They're nice and clean.

Dude, I don't... It's a person. F tier. It's a person with big time swamp ass, dude. No. Yeah. They wear like pelts, too. Now. Yeah. They were in like pelts too. Like pelts don't just dry out.

Like they wear like this fucking leather outfit in the water. Yeah, you take the pelt off. Oh no. Look, they got all those muscles. That's all meat to eat. Again, we're just, we're going to like for the human ones. I still don't understand this. I don't understand this premise of this, of what we're doing right now.

I'm going to be 100% honest. The human mascots are always the stinkiest ones on the list like no i'm surprised they're not all s i think i thought that's where we were i genuinely think a panther would be cleaner than like a back in the day cowboy like that's true like i don't think cowboys are sticking their legs in the air and like licking themselves clean so yeah exactly i'm on your side cowboys like don't shower they just like i don't know my whole basis of cowboys is literally like old western movies and red dead redemption so like i might be a little biased i mean is that just seasoning though all the salt and sweat too much salt too much okay man all right i'm back up uh the new orleans saints

um this is a weird i'm gonna go with a it's like you're a saint you're kind of an angel you're kind of ethereal you don't really exist it's kind of like a mist are you eating the idea like what is this it's kind of like it's kind of like eating con candy it's like there but like it disappears really fast i'm gonna go d tier because it's just like it's not gonna fill you up it's kind of. You're going to wrangle a saint to eat it. Do a bunch of good deeds. They'll show up and then stab them with it. Yeah.

All right, Rooks, you're back up. The New York Giants. That's a lot of meat right there, baby. I'll tell you right there. I'm going to climb that tree and get some meat. That being said, giants um there's just no showers big enough for that and that's the grunt the ocean there's no showers for that okay what are they we gotta borrow soap for this fucking guy like you just go in the water no no no it's not gonna happen okay you're such a stickler for hygiene today i'm surprised big stinky giant and i don't also dude the stinkiest things like like i didn't you just said eating them

i can't wrangle a giant to get to eat it and you take it you take your jet you just drive it straight into the head of the giant you're done, that dude's grundle is literally going to be in the length of a football field. How many more of these do we have? I don't want no part of that shit. Well, there's 32 teams in the NFL, Zach. I know. I wouldn't know where we are. Giants F-tier.

F-tier giant. F-tier? F-tier. Man, you guys do not like eating humans. I don't. I can say that with full confidence. I do not like eating humans. All right, Zach.

Unless you know who I am. Okay, I'll say R. Alright, Zach. Unless you know what I'm saying. Okay, I'll say. RIP to the girlfriend. Zach, Philadelphia Eagles. F tier. Or C tier, I guess. Whatever. America. I don't know. Zach's so fucking over this shit.

He's so rattled. They're a trash bird. They're a garbage bird. They're a garbage bird. They live in trash. Eagles? Yeah, they're a highly known trash bird. They love the trash. It's weird that they're not called the dirty birds and the falcons are, then.

That's true. For all those dirty scumbags in Philadelphia, we'll go E tier because fuck E tier and fuck Philly. Okay. Yo, if I eat an eagle, do I get 50 America points? I feel like you get, like, negative 50 America points. But, like, I'm ingesting the eagle. How dirty is the eagle? If I become an eagle, do I get 50 America points?

Yeah. We'll discuss this. We'll roundtable this later. Sorry, I didn't mean to distract. We'll debrief at the end. Yeah. I'm back up. San Francisco 49ers.

Since we talk a lot about sweat, these guys are... What is a 49er? Is it someone that digs for gold? Yeah, the gold rush. It was in 19... Oh, it's the same thing as a cowboy, except they do more manual labor. That's an L. But they're rich, so... No, they're not. It's kind of like a cowboy, except they do more manual labor. That's an L. But they're rich, so.

No, they're not. It's kind of like a sugar. Because they have all the gold. They were looking for it. That doesn't mean they're fucking finding it. You're going to tell me the dude with the metal detector on the beach is a billionaire because he has all this fucking treasure? Like, fuck no.

I guess I'll put him down there. You guys have got me thinking about sweat too much. I was thinking about money. You have to take it into account, man. It's a very important variable. 49ers are E-tier. That's fine. All right, Rooks.

Seattle Seahawks. Fuck the Seahawks. F-tier. Just out of principle. Cardinals fan. Fuck the Seahawks. F-tier. All right.

But wouldn't you want to eat a Seahawk if you're a Cardinals fan? No, I'd want to fucking just like. Kill them. Grab Mike's neck and just like. I don't know. Just ring its neck. No, I don't fucking. I'm not going to eat a fucking seabird.

All right. Seahawks E tier. All right, Zach. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. F tier is a human. And I don't want sc Bay Buccaneers. F tier is a human. And I don't want scurvy. You don't know it's a human. Scurvy's a factor here for sure.

Yeah, I don't want scurvy. Scurvy's not contagious. How do you know? Have you ever had scurvy? Have you ever ingested someone with scurvy? I could ask some people. Please pull up the research. Yeah.

I could ask around. Pull up the research pull up the theses I mean if you want to vamp for a little bit I could look up you said it wasn't a human what else could it be you ever see Pirates of the Caribbean Curse of the Black Pearl oh my god shut the fuck up shut the fuck up

so you see there's this curse and whenever the moonlight hits you turn into a skeleton so it's kind of like a rib situation so like Applebee's So you see there's this curse, and whenever the moonlight hits you, you turn into a skeleton. So it's kind of like a rib situation. So like Applebee's, baby back, baby back, baby back ribs. Hey, dummy, it's still a person. Ribs are still in a regular person. So either I'm eating a person with meat or just nothing.

So you know what? Those are both F tier still. F tier. Yeah. What if you just had a plate of ribs in front of you if i had a plate of ribs with nothing on them i'd be pissed no you call them ribs at the restaurant when there's meat on them you just had a plate of ribs in front of you ate them they're great they would say how was it you would say either good or bad you wouldn't know if they're human ribs you just assume they're

ribs from like but in this case i do know they're human ribs so f tier okay hold on a sec we went from like oh we have to wrangle this thing we have to kill it then we have to fucking pelt it and eat it burns over here like you're getting served human on a plate by a server in this five-star restaurant like that's not the fucking situation i we're making up situations at the beginning of this situation you had a gun it would be very easy to kill a pirate with a normal 2000s time gun versus like a little musket i don't have the time to scrub the scurvy out of his asshole man i'm just i just want to eat like i don't have time for this shit all right for uh those checking at home scurvy is not contagious based on google so what if you ingest someone who has scurvy? All right.

I'll Google. Can I ingest scurvy? Yes. And then we'll go with the first thing that comes up and then we can move on. That's a good fucking question. All it says is it could be fatal if left untreated. I'll put an F tier. That's fine.

Yeah, it's not. It's not a good one. It's not great. All right. Zach went. Am I up? Yeah yeah you're up uh washington commanders thinking george washington in this sense thing is he might be sweaty but they always have those powdered wigs that will absorb all the sweat so he's not sweaty anymore you can't trust the hygiene of people with wooden fucking teeth and powdered wigs you can't trust that hygiene but like with wooden fucking teeth and powdered wigs.

You can't trust that hygiene. But, like, what if you go to, like, the Boston Tea Party, you throw him in the harbor as well. He just marinates around a little bit. Didn't all those dudes have, like, hella STDs, too, because they all cheated on their wives and shit? And they were slave owners. Didn't Ben Franklin have, like, syphilis? Yeah, I'm going more on the fucking, again, I'm taking morals out of the equation i'm just saying like physically i don't want to ingest scurvy i don't want to ingest syphilis like i don't want to eat that i don't want to

ingest slavery but like you would want to kill a slave owner and then like the the icing on top is you get to eat them at the end again we're killing all of these things on this list in order to eat them. We are so deep in this fucking rabbit hole. This is so dumb. My head fucking hurts. I'm so... We can go E tier. The only S tier one should be the buffalo bills.

I ruined the pick. I thought about it. Bill's number one because you can eat a bison bill. Well, hopefully you don't get that pick and we can take it all right rooks uh baltimore ravens maybe these are the dirty birds what order wait have we not said the bills yet wait what order is this in it was nfc teams alphabetical now it's afc i was like bro what um what team sorry the ravens if you want to put them on par with the cardinals and the falcons you can go C tier.

No, Ravens are going D or E, because it's like a crow, dude. It's like a little trash bird. Like, I don't want that shit. All right, well, it could recite some Edgar Allan Poe to you, though. Eh, fuck that. It might be soothing.

Fuck Edgar Allan Poe, too. I don't want this shit. All right, Zach, the Buffalo Bills. A tier, S tier. Let's go. Okay. Way to predict the future, like one pick ahead of yourself. All right, I'm up.

The Cincinnati Bengals, which is like a tiger or a lion, but pretty colors. Definitely a tiger. I'm saying it's similar in our conversation of how you're going to eat it. Oh. Yeah. So the Panthers are C tier. I think it's pretty much the same thing. We can go C tier.

It has a cooler pelt, though, so you get a cooler shirt out of it. I disagree. I disagree. I think Panthers are all black, murdered out. Coat is cooler. You can wear that with more things.

Oh, yeah. That's actually, that'd be really, that's really hard. That's tough. That's like, makes sense, though, because people actually actually wear it but if you ever saw someone in a club with like a full tiger around his shoulder douchebag you'd think it was no you'd be like that guy's a prince of some country you have to have like a dope fit you'd have to have like some orange dunks on or something with it like you'd have to go like just fucking all out and look ridiculous. Yeah. And you just become a goat. Yeah, I will say, a black fucking panther jacket with like that.

You could fucking rock some fire fits with that. That's true. Poo. You're not inventive at all. All right, rooks. So this is Cleveland Browns. What is, like, what is? Oh, shit.

You're eating a shit. Is it the dogs? Is it poop? What are we? Up to you, eating is it the dog is it poop what do we Up to you man The helmet it's just the orange helmet I'm gonna just the orange helmet. I'm gonna put an F tier with the jet. I just I don't think it's very feasible or practical Okay

You could have done like brownies and just done the dessert and just kind of put that on the desk. Do you know how much you would have to chew to get through a fucking helmet? Like, oh my god. Probably similar to a jet. No. It'd be more than a jet. Okay. For sure.

All right, Zach. The Denver Broncos. Oh, I think... B tier? I think. B for Broncos? B for Broncos. That's your logic for all of them now?

Yeah, B for Broncos. Okay. Love it. I'm up. Houston Texans. Is this another human situation, or are we going with the logo? It's definitely just a cow. It's definitely someone from Texas. Someone from Texas? I mean, we're saying there's logo which is like it's just like a cow it's definitely someone from texas

someone from texas i mean we're saying someone from texas you know what i'm saying howdy little mama like oh let me whisper in your ear they can take a shower i'm gonna i'm going to eight here it's up with a ramp they also got horns they probably have a cool hat you could steal after you kill them um Steal the cowboy boots afterwards too. They got a lot of Tex-Mex in the stomach so they're just nice and seasoned for you. We're going A tier, baby. Alright, Rooks.

Indianapolis Colts. Specifically. I'm going with the same thing as Zach here. Fucking C for Colts. C tier. Boo. Ones that are just derivative of other animals on the list aren't that fun you know that's but it's a it's okay zach jacksville jaguars what are the panthers how cool is that jacket to wear that jacket is very cool that's tough

i'm saying yeah where's panther pump it up panthers just seats here yeah let's go with jacket to wear. That jacket is very cool. That's tough. Where's Panthers? Panthers is C tier. Let's go with that. That sounds good. I'll have all the cats. Meow. Alright. Am I up? Yep.

Kansas City Chiefs. Tough look. Problematic. Yeah, pretty problematic. I'm just gonna bottom of the barrel. I'm not even gonna talk about it. We can just go E tier. We can just move on. F tier.

No, put it all the way down. I'm going S through E. I'm not doing F. E and F are pretty much the same. Fair. All right, Rooks. Las Vegas Raiders. Specifically a Las Vegas Raider, though.

Uh, F. Maybe they got some money off gambling. F, F, F. They don't have the Curse of the Black Pearl, though f maybe they got some money off gambling f they uh they don't have the curse of the black pearl though so they are human they aren't f f they also have this cool helmet and an eye patch you can say all these things but they're still a fucking pirate that definitely doesn't take care of themselves f what what if i said specifically John Gruden? F. Alright, what if I said specifically Derek Carr? Now we're speaking my language. No, you can't do this. No, we're the Raiders in general.

F tier. E tier. Alright, it's at the bottom. Zach, the Los Angeles Chargers. Ooh. How are you going to eat some lightning? Are we kind of tough? Well, if it happens right now,

someone would kill me and get me out of this conversation. And if I were to survive, I'd gain probably sweet superpowers. So I'm going to go with A tier. Hell yeah, Chargers. Chargers is definitely up there. Static Shock would be pretty sweet sick always a good superhero or back to miami dolphins because we went out of order because i did this

strange and then new england patriots pretty sure it's the same as the commanders we could toss that down on a u-tier all right jets and then rookooks, the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Pittsburgh Steelers! Is this just people working in a steel factory? Yeah, that's fucking F, buddy. It could just be an I-beam of steel. It could be the logo. The mascot's just Bill Cowher in a work uniform.

I'm going to tell you right now, it's all F. All of it's F-tier. What about if I just said Jerome Bettis? Again, you can't select specific people. It's all F tier. I mean, we make up our own rules. I can pick a specific person. If you want to, but it's my turn. Fair.

I know you don't want to see your team down in the E tier, but that's where they're going, buddy. All right, Zach. Last pick. The Tennessee Titans. T tier. All right, Zach. Last pick. The Tennessee Titans. T-tier. Can I get... Is there a Lady Titan?

Oh. Now... See, what about a Lady Pirate, a Lady Buccaneer, a Lady Raider, a Lady Commander, a Lady Patriot? Still crusty.

We could do Lady Titan. There's a Lady Titan. I'd like to eat her. Okay. S-tier? S-tier. S Lady Titan. I'd like to eat her. Okay. S tier? S tier. S tier. All right, Rooks.

What about a Lady Titan from Attack on Titan? Oh, hell no. I'd get eaten so quickly. Fuck no, dude. Yeah, you would. Yeah. I don't want to... My edibility...

I can't even say the word. Edibility would be S tier for her, but not reverse. Is it a two-way street? All right, real quick. Our S tier is the Bills and the Titans. Pretty much every human is an E tier. We got all the cats in C tier. B tier is a strange mix of dolphins, bears, and broncos.

A tier is the Rams, the Texans, and the Chargers. And D tier is lions, saints, and ravens. A-Tiers, the Rams, the Texans, and the Chargers. And D-Tiers, Lions, Saints, and Ravens. I think we mixed it up pretty well. E-Tier, there's a lot at the bottom, though. What the fuck did we just talk about for 20 minutes? I'm glad you guys

were really prepared for that. It really showed. Jesus Christ. I'm somehow less excited for football season now. You managed to do the impossible, Brian. You're welcome. Yep, that's a little preview of NFL coming up, I guess. No, I saw that on Reddit. They did. Edibility of

NHL team mascots. And I didn't read the list at all, and I just said, alright, we'll do NFL. And here we are. So I'll post it. Give us some critiques. You guys got any last-minute questions, additions, grab bags, anything?

My brain hurts. I need to go. It's going to be a three melatonin type of night. Pardon me, hopefully I don't wake up. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter give us a review on Spotify and Apple and rate us Brooks

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