It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 74: Butt Exorcist

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

Bryan has evil black ooze in his apartment, Cory is eating whole blocks of ground beef, and Zak is dying from constipation after 3 days max. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. All right, quick poll. What toothpaste flavor do you guys use? I think Crest. Well, like, that's a brand. I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. What's the, like, black one? Charcoal?

Yeah, thank you. It's mint. That's, like, old-timey. Well, so it's mint flavor then hold on i'll tell you how have you i don't know how he's given two wrong answers already it's pretty simple what flavor tooth i think mine without getting into specific i don't know know what type of mint, but it's minty. It's got the green gel and then the white cream. It's classic. So it seems to be working. But, you know, although I wouldn't mind adult flavored toothpaste that's other flavors.

Mint just feels like it does the best. Even if it's not, even if it doesn't do anything. I can't have a sugar flavored toothpaste and feel like I'm like actually doing the right thing with myself. Corey, what's your toothpaste flavor? Uh, like cool mint, but it was Crest, but that was different than my usual. So I thought I had my old one. I just like grab whatever's there.

That's Crest. I'm like, sometimes it's the, I'm looking up the charcoal one or sometimes it's like just mint. Like, but you never go cinnamon. No, I'm not a fucking murderer i hate that zach not toothpaste no say a cinnamon in general like no really you don't like cinnamon at all uh i mean you like cinnamon toast crunch that's fair but that's also like sugar that's more sugar than cinnamon fair enough well what if we combined the two so cinnamon toast crunch

has a give it a second cinnamon toast crunch has a snack version of their cereal that's a cinna fuego toast crunch so it's spicy cinnamon toast crunch which is just toothpaste flavor but as a snack are they just mixing it with like Flamin' Hot Cheetos? I don't think so. It's like their own thing. But like, I feel like that toothpaste flavor is always notoriously the worst one, and no one likes it. So why is this a good idea?

Why ruin a good thing? So I will say, Chef Wendell in the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Factory, my trusted little mascot who's cooking up the CT Crunch. Never knew the mascot so yeah jeff wendell he uh he is very rarely wrong the as the cereal boy and the many iterations of cinnamon toast crunch i've had he he's bad and at about a 750 clip right now in terms of success which is more i can say for little debbie because she is batting at a zero her she is a negative war

if we're talking baseball terms. You don't like any little Debbie? No, they're all bad. They're cosmic brownie, bad oatmeal, cream pie, bad. Cereal specifically. Yeah, he's talking cereal.

Okay, okay, okay. I was like, we've talked about this before. She's got to stick to the cakes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those big juicy cakes. And so yeah, so I think i'm gonna give the um

what's i'm gonna give wendell like reason what was a reasonable doubt whatever the the baby not reasonable doubt we're not putting him on beyond a reasonable doubt we're not putting chef wendell on trial um i'm gonna give him the uh you know i don't think it'll go together i mean i did just try flaming hot cheetos for the first time in my life like a couple months ago so that was i mean they're pretty good how it just never never never was a big cheetos guy so never wanted to venture out into the flaming hot section so okay are you not a spicy guy you're such a snack guy though i feel like you like just try everything yeah i just don't know i think you just don't like cheetos and then you don't try other variations

you know how do you not like cheetos though too do you like cheesy snacks like cheese it's cheese nips cheese it's and nips are terrible both bad snacks okay this is interesting because i feel like this is like a very tame snack that a lot of people like, and you would eat anything, I feel like. Correct. Goldfish. Goldfish, good. Flavored plastic. Yes, of course.

Okay. Yes. Okay. The pizza, flavored plastic. So the line is goldfish A tier, Cheetos C tier, Cheez-Its F tier. Correct. And nips. Nips are F minus tier. What about Doritos? Doritos are good. Doritos C tier. Cheez-Its F tier. Correct. And nips. Nips are F minus tier.

What about Doritos? Like the nacho Doritos. Doritos are good. Although I do think there are better, very, the, I feel like we should start calling Doritos by the color bag they have, similar to Gatorade. Yeah. The purple bag. Yeah, purple.

The purple bag, delicious. I would say Cool Ranch overrated. Cool Ranch is probably like a C tier for me. I feel like with Doritos, I've just had them so many times that I go to purple now because I've had red and blue just over and over and over again. And they just don't change. Green's not bad. I don't mind green. What's green?

I think it's like a salsa verde type of deal. Green salsa sucks. No, green salsa's the goat. If you ever want to ruin salsa verde type of deal. Yeah. Green salsa sucks. No, green salsa's the goat. If you ever want to ruin salsa, make it green. Have they made a non-flavored Dorito? Like, has Dorito. I know it's a tortilla chip, I swear to God, Brian. I'm just saying, has Doritos made just tortilla chips without flavoring?

Before I get a sarcastic answer. Why would that? I don't know. Why honestly, why would cinnamon toast crunch made their thing hot? People do weird things. Honestly, look at all of the cereals that gets,

it doesn't make any sense. What is that? Is that toasted corn? Reddit thread. There's a toasted corn flavor of Dorito. What was that posted? That's, that's just

regular unflavored um six years ago on our i'm actually surprised they don't do that because if you have the brand loyalty of doritos and i feel like their their chips have enough structural integrity to hold salsa and other dips you could do yeah so why wouldn't they just kind of add that and try to take some of the tortilla chip market share? If they made salsa too, I mean, they'd be selling cool ranch salsa. Boom. Boom. I don't think there's like real vegetables and stuff in cool ranch flavor though.

There's cool. Oh, were you guys big, you know, like the Tostitos queso dip that's along the aisle the chip aisle oh yeah so my move was to take tortilla chips uh ladle a bunch of that stuff on the chips microwave it for about 30 or 45 seconds dollop sour cream on it and add jalapenos and eat about like as much of the the the jar of sauce as i could i love you because in college everyone would get like that please everyone will get the little bag of shredded cheese and put like a tiny little bit on top of a full bag of chips and be like it's nachos i'm like no and it's like four things of cheese on an

entire bag you need melted cheese we need some queso like actual dip cover all of it throw some more toppings on top then it's actually nachos. Not this piss-poor, microwaved, sort of greasy, just like 50-cent Walmart cheese. End of rant. Corey, I've seen you do that before, so I'm looking at you. Also, Kristen. Yeah, I've done that. A lot of people have done it.

I'm pretty sure all of our friends have done it. Oh, I know. You're going to call out everybody in the world? We've done it. Also, mind you, have done it because we had shredded cheese in the fridge so it wasn't a difference of having that and having shredded cheese and we picked the shredded cheese we only had shredded trees you also definitely choose that kristen had a recipe in her recipe book on how to do that so her recipe book was not recipes it was like makeshift random

things in college that you could do sorry kristen like you know it's true which like respect it's great but like no like no i refuse this is my question kind of pivoting off the shredded cheese because i agree i like the liquid cheese better for nachos but your boy has chugged the shredded cheese from the bag at a late late night before what's your favorite shredded cheese either brand i'm gonna probably type unless you have a brand to chug right from the bag um uh i don't know what type it is but you gotta go like the extra thick but you're a bold cut guy you're a bold cut cut and then just just go for cheese i don't need i need a little bit of mix i

can't just go just cheddar that's too much for cheese i i like when they like also i noticed there is eight different varieties for cheese to put on like mexican food there's taco taco taco seasoned cheese there's mexican cheese there's like monterey jack queso oaxacan cheese like those just make one kind of spicy cheese but i i'm a big proponent of that to try that out the back is get a little kick to it sometimes pepper jack is also goaded nothing like just kind of slamming back some pepper jack when you're when you're feeling blue is pepper jack shredded i feel like that slices you can get yeah you know you can get it shredded. Another problem is sliced cheese. Another problem is sliced cheese.

I just eat the whole package of sliced cheese. You might as well not even slice it. Do you just eat pieces of sliced cheese? That's so aggressive. At least shredded, it's like little tinier bits. I mean, cheese is cheese, my guy. Who cares what form it comes in? I'm just picturing a slice of American

and just throwing it across Lance's mouth. That'd be like me saying like four factor matters cheese stick versus a block of cheese very different don't eat ground beef and only eat hamburgers it's the same exact thing so you're agreeing with me

if someone just ate a block of ground beef it would be very different than if you had a hamburger. I'm saying ground beef and hamburger is the same exact thing. It's just ground beef, just the way you're forming it. But if you ate a hamburger by itself, it's different than eating a block of beef right out of the package. Meatloaf. No. No?

No. That's not different what so you're saying the shape of the cheese matters from what you're eating you can shred a block of cheese that's fine like i can just it's different but i could just eat it hence why like me putting it on top of chips if it's shredded versus the liquid one like it doesn't matter to me that's like because it's cheese it matters so much you're so picky yet you claim that you're not picky i just want that on record sorry i don't want to eat from a block of ground beef 80 20 fat just throw it right on the grill five seconds each not five seconds five minutes each side and then eat chunks out of it how is it not psychopathic to do?

I'm saying you could do it. If all you had was like, well, ground beef's a bad example because you could just form it if you wanted. You can do whatever you want, of course. I'm not saying you can't do it. I'm saying you're crazy if you did. Now, with a cheese stick, do you peel it

or do you just kind of bite it at the tip and keep going down? I mean, it depends on the day. Sometimes I don't have time to peel it. Which day does which thing? Oh, sorry. I thought you were going to actually answer. No, I was.

There you go. My nipples are hard now. Number one, remove your bra. I like nuts. This is my butt. I'm ready to go. Golf is a sexy thing. My dick will go like, boop, and just flip inside out, and it'll turn into a vagina.

And you take me. Hi, boys. And of course, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack. Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby. God damn, he's so good. Yeah, he calls me big time.

Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah. Of course, it makes me dookieie if you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back and then i swallow i want to die raw dog and lower kid turkey baster nipples he's got slop rocks dick has anchor arms i think i gotta get out of here i don't fucking great question who has vertical butt cheeks to the death welcome back to another episode of it's wednesday my dudes episode 74 uh this week uh we're gonna make cory choose all the topics because he said he has nothing prepared so it's gonna to be a short episode, boys. Rooks is out painting lines in the practice field, but we got Zach.

What's up? We have Corey. Wah, wah, wah, hoo. There's slightly less enthusiasm. Well, I got yelled at for yelling last time, so I want to keep it quiet. And I'm Brian.rian as always how's your guys week well i mean you guys have the same weekend i'm gonna guess right yeah yeah i'll go first uh so katrina came to visit shout out katrina campbell dick sporting good represent

um we did a lot of activities uh we went to the cubs game on friday started day drinking at 11 um got a bunch of free drinks from the bartenders i don't know why must have really liked us were they guys or girls were the guys uh they were guys it was the owner actually well there was a guy the guy was the owner the girl was a bartender the owner of the cubs is this the riggly bill the owner of the bar um shout out of the bar. Shout out Country Club. We went there. And yeah, so we got it. We pre-in a little bit.

It was really hot. So we were only in the stadium for about five innings. Corey, question. Did you go to the batting cages? No, I wanted to. Oh, so lame. I know. I should have.

We were having such a good time at this one bar. And then we went to the game. And then I figured I was, I didn't know ifrina would be up for the batting cages or not and i didn't want to embarrass myself uh again especially in front of uh more more females um so hey you know how to change the height setting now though i don't i don't think i do actually um okay you just bend your knees there you go it's your own height setting that you change. Yeah. So we went to the Cubs game, went back to the same bar, and drank for a long time, and got back at like 7 or 8. And we went to Mariano's and got alcohol and blue cheese because we ordered pizza, and

for some reason, Katrina wanted to put blue cheese on her pizza. Apparently, it's a Rochester, New York thing, I guess. It was like, sure. So we did that, and shout out to us. We went to bed. I think we ate the pizza, and then we went to bed at like 9. And so then we woke up the next morning at 9, so we had like a full 12 hours of sleep with absolutely no hangover.

It was great. Then we started the process. That's where we do it. Yeah. Then we started the process all over again, and we went to Windy City Smokeout, which is a country concert on the the parking lot of the united center uh where it was also hot it was like 100 degrees outside and they saw we were just sitting under the tent i had every form of drink i had apparel spritz mai tai uh vodka water vodka tea um beer tequila sodas um and just to make up for all the sleep you got

yeah gotta really bring yourself back down again and some ribs and um so we saw um we saw sam hunt uh that was fun uh he was good we left kind of halfway through because we just wanted to get out there we were tired and and sweaty got back home went to bed by like 10 did the same thing stuff for another 12 hours dropped Katrina off at the airport my dinner I had a euro sandwich and fries with a side of a hot dog and then a and then an orange pop fry hold on fries Fries with a side of a hot dog? Wouldn't it be the other way around? No, no, no, because the gyro sandwich comes with fries. And then I ordered a side hot dog.

Okay. Thank you for clarifying. No problem. Yeah. So, yeah, so I did that. So, yeah, I mean, overall, it was a good weekend. We did a lot. It was an action-packed weekend.

It continues this weekend. I'm off to Nashville, Nash, Vegas, to celebrate my mom's birthday. Shout out Mama Kirshner. So I'll provide an update when I hopefully am alive next week. But as far as this weekend goes,

I'm going to give it... See, I gave it bear... I remember I gave it like 60 bears, yes, last time. And I feel like that was an uninspired ranking. So I'm really trying to

relate it to something and now I'm just trying to stall for time to think of what i actually want to rate this it's your mom's half birthday you're going to nashville for right no no full birthday full full birthday she made it around made it around the sun um or the moon i guess depending on whatever you believe um however the earth rotates um so yeah you know i'm gonna i'm gonna time to unpack that one yeah i'm gonna give um my weekend uh one full slab of baby back baby back baby back ribs that's pretty good i mean they weren't from applebee's so it doesn't count they're just regular ribs they're just big that's that's chili's reference brian so nice chili's ah dude i always say applebee's, so it doesn't count. They're just regular ribs. They're just big back ribs. That's a Chili's reference, Brian, so nice job. Chili's?

Dude, I always say Applebee's instead. Fake family. I'm sorry. Applebee's, baby back ribs. Applebee's, when you're here, you're family. Close enough. All right, Corey, how was your weekend? Tell me something I don't know. Man, hold on on let me check

my notes check my notes check my notes how hot were you guys honestly not that bad i mean looking or temperature well both obviously well i know i answered the first one because you guys are always hot but give me the second one uh actually not not bad at all which you know outdoor wedding and in the well okay, okay, hold on. I didn't get to the wedding yet. So I spent the whole week – Well, I wasn't on last week's episode. I forgot about that.

Another beach week, Ocean City. Shout out Jeff and Elena for making around – I think they did 50 national parks. So we got to meet them, and they told a lot of their national park stories. I don't know. There was a lot. They went to a lot of them national park stories. I don't know. There's a lot. They went to a lot of them. But just kind of chilled, hung out. Actually got a book and read on the beach, which Brian's going to boo, but it was great.

Boo. I never do that. How many pictures were in the book? Zero. I'm preparing for the new Game of Thrones show. Oh, nice. So it's good. But chilled.

I mean, it was a lot more low-key than Claire's family's beach trip. There was less drinking. Thank God. Shockingly, if Jeff's there. Yeah, seriously. He must have been tired from traveling. From traveling for 180 days. Yeah, but, like, I don't know.

Sometimes alcohol hits you harder because of that. So, like like you need less so why not drink still anyway um we got our buffalo chicken pizza ocean city on the boardwalk have to do or not pizza quesadillas jesus blacked out made pizza cooked for them it was all good then i picked up brian on friday from philly to go to Steph's. Shout out, Steph. You're not doing any of the shout out noises, which I also forgot to comment on. I told Brian in person how much I loved one of them.

Brian, can you please play the one I love? Well, you give me another shout out real quick. Shout out Dylan, Alyssa for getting married. No, no. Corey's been outvoted it's by far it's bar by far the best one because it's hilarious when brian was saying like oh yeah like looked up like shout out videos i was like 100 one of these is just gonna be somebody screaming and it was great i can really feel the pain so oh yeah picked up brian went to staffs we had like a little impromptu beach day went to the boardwalk there and just like caught up which was awesome uh you can drink on that boardwalk so like plus one to seaside heights boardwalk over

ocean city um we saw the jersey shore house that was the first for me yeah we did weirdly enough like that town does not scream jersey shore like no it's such a family town i don't understand how they went there to like hook up with people it's weird like if ocean city jersey had drinking it would have been more likely that they were their party and because there's like a lot more going on i feel like or just like go to atlantic city or something like it's not that far away i don't know that too burst the bubble for me uh dylan wedding on saturday brian i'll let you cover most of that but the topics i had or any of that i don't know the wasn't that hot we got little fans for the wedding though just in case big hit somebody i think offered to pay

steph like a hundred bucks for it during the wedding which is hilarious yeah she said i don't know if she said that like saturday night yeah that's what i said i was like you take that you take that 10 times out of 10 but it was great it was a great hit they just open up the wedding card they had for dylan alissa take the money out and just hand it to Steph instead lick the envelope again and close it would have been great um I guess like highlights of the wedding lifting Dylan up in the chair that was sick oh the horror oh I finally got to do it full-on Jewish thing well it was great because like Brian Rooks Tommy and I like were there but like we didn't I didn't know I told Dylan this I didn't know if like

it's like the uncles like there's people in the family that should be doing it yeah but somebody like the girls like were saying you guys need to go up and like help them and so we went up and like helped and like we tossed them up like 15 times or something it was great oh yeah dropped them down and then they did it like kind of again they like lifted other people up but they started to like run in a circle and one of my favorite parts was like some uncle or somebody looking at brian like we were waiting for the the end of the like circle of people like holding hands to like latch on to those guys so that way we didn't try to latch onto the front or like in the middle and we're like standing there waiting for it to come fast and one of the

like family members or something just turns looks at brian and yells do something and like we just like ran around it was hilarious it was such an aggressive yell though it wasn't like do something it was like you need to do something it was like yeah it was like the boat is going down sinking and we're looking for we're looking for ships to get off the the yeah it was great i never saw that guy again honestly if you told me he was a random person i wouldn't have been surprised at all it was hilarious um they had an awesome band i feel like we danced the whole entire night and then dylan had not one but two sips of alcohol um so wasty pants kid was trashed and then what was the food situation like

or was Brian going to talk about that I'll let Brian talk about the food stuff I don't want to steal his thunder and then that was most of what I had just quickly jotted down is the chair thing like the chair of cheer from the Grinch like put him in the chair of cheer

I mean yeah in the sense that like you lift him up in the chair up and down but like we don? Put him in the chair of cheer? Yeah, in the sense that you lift him up in the chair up and down, but we don't dance him around the room. Gotcha. And probably not as much Christmas emphasis because it's a Jewish wedding. Yeah, probably not. Typically not. Could you imagine

a Santa come out at their wedding? What if this is a clash of cultures right now? It should mix every holiday up together we should just pull all the holidays and celebrate like one full week festivus with the rest of us um and then sunday i drove back uh i wrote down a ranking and then forgot to mention one of the things so i will also say when we were picking out like cards for dylan's wedding we thought about getting pokemon cards so we went to a separate cvs just to find them because the original like shopping grocery store didn't have it um came up empty so i will be ranking my weekend

zero pokemon cards out of one jewish wedding i will say i don't know if i've talked about this before there needs to be a better market or um company or card card companies to do a better job of creating cards for single men who go to weddings cards because the the offering is very limited in terms of what i can buy for when i go to i mean you need to use your imagination creative yeah so the three cards we got well what this hold Disclaimer Dylan and Alyssa, in case you didn't open them yet. Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't open them. Give us five minutes, Dylan and Alyssa.

The first card was a congratulations to the bride and the bride. No. One was congratulations to the bride and the bride card. Great. Hold on. Hold on. I'll give you the exact verbiage. The second one.

For two amazing brides. Continue. There it is. The second one was a thank you, grandma, happy birthday card. But it was four pages worth of card full of text. Very heartfelt. That's the one Tommy chose. And he just crossed out happy birthday, grandma, and wrote wedding at the very end.

Incredible. And then what was the one i got i stole yours cory it wasn't the two brides ones but i'm talking i'm talking for like and i get they were funny i love the shtick you know oh happy birthday and it's not really your birthday or you get a kid card for someone who's turned 26 like it's a good shtick classic comedy classic comedy what if i'm going to a wedding of like a second cousin who I can't do that shtick for? They need to give a somewhat sappy card, but not too sappy because it's coming from now. It's like, may your love flourish from the dirt of loneliness.

And I'm just, you know, I can't don't really want to send that. I don't know if the card is still in production. But what I can say is I did get Claire and i still got we got the same card last year for three different weddings because it was kind of like that it was like claire's cousin and it was like two wine glasses one was red one was white and they had like a bow and a whatever and on the inside it literally just said like congratulations on your wedding it was ideal nice and i like didn't go looking for that exact one every time, but anytime we went to go look,

it was there. I think it was at Giant Eagle, I think is where it was at. So they probably have a select amount of cards. Gotcha. Buy those in bulk,

keep them in the closet, and hand them out every time. Problem solved. I'm not above the Venmo. I might start doing the Venmo. I mean, you could do the honeymoon.

They didn't have a registry at all. See, that's smart. I'd rather't have a registry at all see that's smart i'd rather not have a registry just give me cash i know how to spend it better than everyone else i want to buy a toaster yeah brian loves his gifts you tell me i want one of these 10 things and i get to pick and i could be like wow nine of these are really stupid but that 10th one hell yeah buy you a star wars shaped spatula coming from a guy who has a batman toaster so probably somebody you want getting you a toaster i mean i didn't ask for the batman toaster but oh i thought it chose me did jeremy

jeremy got me that yeah i mean case in point great gift exactly you're gonna buy them something they wouldn't buy themselves if they have a registry still don't use it buy something that's similar to what they want but exactly the opposite of it because they didn't even know they wanted it you could sign them up on a sex offenders list they probably don't want that or like a dead dog of a month club. It's something that they never thought that they would get for themselves. And I mean that exactly how I said it. Yes. All right. How was your week?

Thanks. I was supposed to go to a Minnesota Twins game on Wednesday this week, bought tickets, finished work, started looking at the schedule, realized it was at noon, and it was 5 p.m. Didn't go to the game.

So Wednesday was great. Then ditched the TV series Severance. Highly recommend. Five out of five stars. Incredible. Very Black Mirror-esque. Everybody should watch it. Only one season, so super easy to catch up so far.

And then booked my Hawaii Airbnb for February. So pumped about that. How are you getting to Hawaii? Cause I know you're not flying there and paying the flight. So how would train to boat paddleboard are you taking? What train? So between, I have like six months in between then and now,

so I can start training and I could swim straight through just, you know, got to drink a couple of monsters beforehand, throw some Red Bull in the water a couple days before so they like swim, the Red Bull swim, swim out in front of me

so then I can drink them on the way so they're just ahead of me. You know? Just got to plan ahead. Or, question. You use, not question, idea. You use your vacation time. How long of a cruise would it be

from San Diego to Hawaii? And you could take a cruise there. That'd be cool. Probably a couple days. They have Wi-Fi there, actually. You could just work from there. There you go. I mean, I might look that up. Write it down. There you go. You're welcome. Not a bad idea, Corey. Keep them

coming. I'm pretty good. It's probably gonna be expensive. I probably won't do that. Flights from San Diego to Hawaii are like $200 so immediately shut that down no i mean i'm gonna look it up but like i feel like cruises to hawaii are probably really expensive true because it's like people who have three weeks worth of time to be able to go there and it's hawaii so um oh no i closed out my notes for the week i don't remember what what I did. Top of the dome. Top of the dome. Top of the dome. Oh. Next, my shower started leaking evil-looking ooze this week.

So that's been fun. Brownish black. Evil-looking. It's not good. I got a couple guesses. Yeah. I was going to say. So I threw my soap and stuff into the shower.

As soon as I dumped out my bag of things, then I came home, went to the gym. Like right when I got back a day or two ago and it was like normal looking and then I came back and then like all the crap I threw into the shower just like covered and like it's just like sort of dirt that like came up from inside of the shower I was like that's not good because like if I moved the thing that I put in the shower there's nothing under it so it happened right when I was gone and I was like looking around, I was like, look, it's like nothing fell from the ceiling.

Nothing's leaking out. The sides is literally just from the like terrain from the shower. And then it happened again today. So I don't know what evil is coming after me, but you know, I might need to get exorcism at some point. Or like a plumber, but probably an exorcism at some point or like a plumber but probably an exorcism or both or get the exorcism new movie idea see if there's a group on a butthole exorcist

band-aid okay um dylan's wedding though food situation you asked on the appetizer the cocktail hour incredible you just walked right there was it looked like there was like one line of food in two bars there's like eight different lines of food they're just all hidden in the back i like walked around one time and came back with like five different plates also they had crab cake sandwiches they had little mini burgers they little mini chicken thingies they had there's a guy walking around with burritos quotation marks they're about an inch and a half long. I was like, I don't think you could call this a burrito.

Well, it's all little food. That's what they are. Little meaty burrito. But like at that point, call it a taquito or something. Like burritos got to like, it's like a, it fills your fist. You know, it's got to stick out from their fingers a little bit. I think it would be pretty aggressive to have a full burrito as an appetizer, but hey, man.

I'm not saying have them. I'm saying just call them a different name. I actually don't hate that because it would establish the base for the rest of the night of drinking, and it probably would extend the night a little longer. I think that's the problem with weddings sometimes is you don't eat enough food so late in the day, and you're already six to seven to 12 beers deep.

They did this right, though. There's so much food in the day and you're already, you know, six to seven to 12 beers deep. They did this right, though. There's so much food at the appetizer. Then we got a like a little salad appetizer up top. And then we got our entrees up top. And then we got dessert up top. And then on the way out, chose one incredible best dessert and breakfast sandwiches for the morning after. What a good idea. Where was that again?

As soon as you walk down the stairs right in front of you it's ringing a bell but it was towards the end of the wait this was at the hotel the yes the whole whole thing was all one the like little ceremony is right next to the building you walked in the building you go upstairs or downstairs with cocktail hour upstairs was the reception coming back down the stairs churros at the door come on what a great idea shout out dylan and alissa here's your okay no give me the other one oh better one there no i like that it's got to be short otherwise we're gonna get a copyright thing yeah it's gonna be a very long one but also for their wedding we uh since we at the shore, we went to the arcade beforehand because we're adults using our money wisely.

We got a bunch of fake tattoos and we're putting those on during the wedding. So that was a lot of fun. You really just like hilarious. Take the classiness level of it and just bring it down a couple of notches to meet us halfway. So that was fun. So I had a heart tattoo on my neck for the whole time. I showed Dylan it and he was very close to believing it was real you could see in his eyes it was bad um but yeah the next day tried to drive home try to go to philly tom was giving me a ride

as soon as we got in the car his flight got canceled tight hey only flight he could find was two days later uh but he was he works remote and was staying with his brother so he just took that because he don't want to spend another couple hundred dollars on a better flight then i get to the airport flights delayed an hour whatever it's fine but i'm supposed to be getting home at like midnight and this is my second flight i already flew to chicago so i'm in like midway we get on the plane everyone boards the flight attendants say like the door is closed ready for like takeoff or whatever the hell they say and then like two seconds later they come back on it's like oh unfortunately the flight's been canceled please get off and everybody freaks out everybody stands

up and like pissed and yelling at everybody get out there try to get in line there's it's a full flight of people and there's one dude at the desk trying to like check people out and give refunds or rebook you or whatever um takes about an hour and a half to like get through that but i get 300 voucher that's not bad the flight out ended up being at 5 a.m the next morning so i don't and they don't have hotels so they gave us a little bit extra more money but like i don't have anywhere to go i was in chicago at this point i was gonna call zach at 1 a.m and be like can i stay at your place for two and a half hours and then you drive me back to the airport again that was a bad idea um so i got the only food also at 2 a.m there is vending machines and the only vending machine that was there was like the

fancy like salad one and the salad thing doesn't give you a fork and since all the other places are closed you don't have did you eat with your hands so i ate a salad with my hands and then slept on the floor of the airport like a real chicagoan um so that was weird i don't know do not feel great the next morning get all the salad fingers it's it's this very strange feeling to be in an empty airport at 3 a.m just like plunging your hand into it like it was like a tube of salad and your hands just like covered in ranch i don't know kind of delirious play a lot of pokemon though to like build my spirits back up and then uh landed back in minneapolis and uh 300 love bucks richer so the week is 300 love bucks richer. So the week is 300 love bucks. Because that's apparently what the Southwest like redemption money is.

More like go fuck yourself, bucks. Dude, people were, it was so funny watching people be so mad. And then I'll get back up to like the gate agent. I'm like, hey, sorry about that. What's up, man? How you doing? And you can see they're just like miserable. I was like, just give sorry about that. What's up, man? How you doing? And you can see they're just miserable. I was like, just give me my refund.

It's fine. I'm not going to yell at you. But all right, Corey, you're the topic for the week. What you got? We're talking Corey? I've got, well, he threw me. Oh, well, he said Corey is the topic. So I was talking about Corey.

That could work too. It could be. I have an idea your name c-o-r-i-e q-u-o-r-y q-u-o-r-i-e-e-a-u-x i should tier list the ways to spell my name. Sure. Okay. No. So I'll give you, I'll give two, although one, I like, I just thought of,

and I don't know if I want to do it, but one was, so Claire and I booked our DJ for our wedding. Let's go DJ over band. Let's go. Yeah. And then, although I will say like Jesse and Dylan's wedding with the band is it i mean they were so good they're so good so like not knocking that at all i will knock it not

knocking them but knocking bands correct they can't play every song so like yeah there's like a very limited range of stuff and it's usually really good still but it is very limited so i do kind of like a dj um but i was gonna leave it like kind of open-ended i guess in terms of like things you like do's and don'ts of a dj or like things you guys would want from a dj either at like a i guess let's say like a wedding that you would go to doesn't necessarily need to be yours so you could really let the ideas fly because i will veto whatever um and then the other idea i had which we failed to mention brian was we did do wedding bingo naturally at this wedding of course so we could draft do not draft we could do the like good ideas for wedding bingo then we don't like have to fill up the whole board for our wedding

it is a full year and a month away so let's let's not do a wedding bingo a year ahead of time for you. It was the first thing I thought of. Or second, I guess. Can Zach will FaceTime someone still be on the, even though I'll most likely be at the wedding? I like the most likely me. I mean, sure.

I don't assume. Never assume I'm on the wedding invite list. Yeah, you should not. We got to fight our way into that list, man. We got to prove your worth. He'll send you an empty card and he'll say, tell me why I should invite you to this wedding. And then based on your response,

he'll send you an invite or not. I think I have some good blackmail of Corey. Send back a photo and an empty envelope. Yeah. That'd be incredible. We do have... I'll let R rooks take it away on the next episode if he's on but we do have a possible first winner of bingo in the three wedding history that we've done this in now um but it is controversial because we do not have proof of the card. There's no proof of it.

Even though I will give him the credit, he told us exactly what he showed me his board, and he showed me that he only needed one more, and I knew which one it was. And he ended up getting it by the next day, but he didn't have his board anymore. So I need to ask, though, because I did it when we were in the car on the way back. So now that I'm paying attention more, are we counting celebrity appearance for that random let's act aside well let's act aside okay just so you know i thought a celebrity when we did la palooza bingo was was maybe myers leonard's brother who was wearing his jersey so that's my bar for celebrity just so we know i mean that could be we're on either sides of it i feel like cory

wants it to happen so he's all on board do you want to explain who we saw or didn't see i vaguely it wasn't it somebody on like tlc's like i don't know you know no okay okay you know who it was the person that runs the nyc eats instagram was at the wedding but we never met them or saw them someone just told us they were there later. And it's also like, I don't know how much of a celebrity. Is it like a, let me look up there. Hold on, hold on. Before you look it up, how many followers do we need for it to be like that celebrity status?

A million. Okay. Oh, okay. That was way low. But even that, even that it's not not it wasn't like the account was there it's the person behind it it's not like that's why i think a million is fair that's fine the pr manager for the nets was at the wedding i don't think that person's famous yeah i know if it's just nyc eats it's it's barely 20k. Oh, counts. No, hell no.

The other response was, oh, the band was a celebrity, because they're so famous they've opened for somebody. I was like, no. No, no, no. That's the like, what the hell? What award do you give for participation

trophy? That doesn't count. Yeah, exactly. Okay, well then I didn't get it. I was one away then, and it was the celebrity one. You're out. Okay. Zach, what's one song request for Corey's wedding DJ to play? Ooh.

This is a tough one because I have... I would hate to do a slow song and like it wouldn't really fit in the way and it's kind of sad it's kind of like go ahead go i've got i've got an idea as to like how to frame this and based on lapis last episode i feel like we do need some guidelines so the way the dj works is there's like three playlists you make and one is a have to play like here are the songs that must be played at some point in the night a if you get to like here's a list of songs that we would like to hear but like obviously you have to mix stuff all night long so got it if you can't do it and then it do not play and a secret so i guess oh i thought

you'd say like a secret menu like there's like a secret menu no i'm not it's not play. And a secret. Oh, I thought you were going to say like a secret menu. Like there's like a secret menu. No, I'm not. It's not like an if somebody requests. It's like that's what the middle one already is. It's if you watch the video of the wedding backwards, you actually hear this list of songs. He's really talented. So my request and the problem with this song is it's very much a um like it's like a sad like breakup song so i don't know if we fit the vibe of wedding but like perfect honestly f you by celo green if you just like ripped landslide by fleetwood mac like right in the

middle i would love you forever i so based on so to be fair that's the must playlist no that's that's the secret menu playlist i think that's the if you get sick so cory showed me a a mix of what the dj like plays and he does just actually mix songs during it like i do it i'll post it i don't know yeah but like i feel like someone needs to just play a list of songs they don't know. Yeah. But, like, I feel like some wanting DJs just play a list of songs. They don't actually mix stuff and actually DJ things. So you kind of need some weird stuff in between to, like, have a little weird drop or a transition. So I think that would be good. I like the pick. Yeah, he does do, like, little transitions in between or, like, merges them so they, like, kind of, like, glide into one another instead of just like next um

oh shit i lost my train of thought oh zach do you remember cavo in pittsburgh like the only like one of two clubs yeah yep okay he's like a club dj too like he doesn't just do weddings so like that's exciting that is we like that we love that we do love that so that's on the that's on the middle like if you get to playlistlists, Landslide is your pick? No, I don't want to lock it in. I don't want to final answer it yet or do the deal or no deal thing yet, but that is my go-to and favorite song. It's probably my favorite song.

We have 25 cases of song titles, deal or no deal. I mean, I also wouldn't hate just songs that are meaningful to us as like a friend group wouldn't hate uh we didn't start the fire um to just play hey boy do i have some news for you like cory just to get up with the mic and just just stand on the table and just start saying joe dimaggio hey man when you're that good at singing that song you got it um what's the uh what's the um the degree of range we're allowing for explicit content during this wedding uh i mean he's a good enough dj he could at least take that part out if it's like swearing i don't know if like you're talking innuendos or not because i'm fine

with it but also like i don't know we i expect there's going to be a turning point in the night like one of the reasons we liked him is he's like i'll go with like the flow of like how people are the old acting right so like yeah yeah so people and then the lead yeah and if they start going and it's like starting to be like more nightclubby type like he'll probably go that direction so i don't know there's also no children allowed so i feel like it should be yeah decently fine yeah no kids except i'll do one more and then brian you can go yours i feel like i'm dominating but uh brandy by the looking glass another banger already all right love it okay i'm good then like if we get landslide in there if we get landslide in there

for a hot minute and i can cry a little bit and and and you guys don't break up immediately after the wedding but what's the uh you didn't give me a do not playlist unless one of those is a do not play oh i know um do not play um so i have to a cheerleader no actually might already be on our Do Not Play. So I have two. A Cheerleader. No. Actually, it might already be on our Do Not Play list. Yeah, really? I hate that song. And then what's the song where he's like, it came out when we were in maybe like high school.

It's a song about the guy singing. It's kind of like a Caribbean vibe. He's like, I want to ask you to marry. Like, I have asked your dad to marry me. What's that song? Why You So Rude. Sean Kingston. Yeah, Why You So Rude. I feel like you would play that one, but I hate that song too.

So those two are my do not play. Fair. Okay. So my do not play list is going to be Landslide by Fleetwood Mac. And then, no, so me and Corey already talked about talked about this my pick it took me a minute um because i i requested a couple different ones he's like they're already on the list i was like well okay i'm not inventive uh pretty girl rock by carrie hilsen that was my request i'm very excited about is that it's not a wedding song but i'm pumped for it okay and then i don't care i mean if you were to only pick

like you have to pick wedding songs to play at the wedding it would be like a very short post i feel like are you talking like lovey-dovey songs yeah can i change mine both to my my sorry brian to uh they want to play uh runaways by the killers yes nice okay. Nice. Okay, sorry. Go ahead, Brian. Okay. You can play. Tell them to just play a full album by the Killers, just the entire wedding. You want a hard left on this conversation, and I'll take a topic? I mean, oh, different topic?

Okay. Yeah, sure. So, over our break from like a new topic. You don't think I'm going to clip that and start using it all the time? So, over the break, like a month ago, Timmy Sagan sent us a tweet. And it said that elves had died from being constipated for four months one i don't believe that two yeah okay i'm glad that was number one like two how long do you think you'd be constipated before you die i feel like it's a lot shorter than four months and like three like what's the math behind

how much poops in your system after four months man there like three like what's the math behind how much poop's in your system after four months man there's no way i think we might have i'll have to do it again but all right so what's your guess on how long he actually was constipated for there's no way four months come on four months is a really long time i would say so we're talking you said elvis i thought you said elsa like the princess and i was very confused never mind keep going no no her too it's happened to a lot of people um maybe like two weeks a month between there before you die i don't know i feel like four months is so long that i'm like i want to stay away from four months that's that's immediately in my mind

right and it's like different time ranges i go by right because it's like you're either talking weeks or you're talking a month so i'll say a month i'll say a month that still seems long though i feel like yeah how about a day how about a day the amount of food you eat yeah you can only last a day oh okay so i got some fun facts some fun facts to help you decide your numbers are they fun i think they're informative so okay we should start using that word instead. Yeah. Informative factor number one. For every foot of colon, the body can store between 7 and 10 pounds of feces.

Oh, God. Fun fact number two. One product claims that we have anywhere from 6 to 40 pounds of waste, feces, and undigested food stuck in our bodies. So, that's a lot more poop than I thought, to be honest. Wait, we have, do you say 40 pounds? 6 to 40 pounds of waste, feces, and undigested food. There's no way. Can we agree that 6 to 40 is way too big of a range? Also, 6 is too high of a minimum.

6 is way too high of a minimum. six is six is too high of a minimum six is way too high of a minimum i agree with that also yeah like i'm thinking of like small girl like you guys think of like the smallest girl like think of like any of the any of our you think of like kristin or denise or julie like with just six pounds of poop just hanging out in them as the minimum amount like that's still a lot proportionally do you know the fact that's like if you take your out and you spread it out it would fill an entire tennis court what what would fill an entire your small intestine if you take it out and you like oh yeah cut it open it should feel like an entire tennis court i'm pretty sure is the sure like bill nye

said that so i'm just picturing like that and then you put a little layer of stuff like an entire tennis court. I'm pretty sure it's the... Sure. Bill Nye said that. So I'm just picturing like that, and then you put a little layer of stuff over an entire tennis court. I feel like it could add up. I guess. I think it's weirder to say like, what, a fourth of your weight

could be just undigested food. That seems weird. Also, I feel like undigested food... that seems weird also i feel like 40 pounds is a dude who's like 350 pounds it's not 40 pounds of waste in 110 pound human but like when you give me only the 6 to 40 without the range of like who this study is on i don't know i don't assume that let's like i don't know my mind didn't go to like oh yeah that's for a 300 pound person because sure they probably got 40 pounds of poop in them that right so but like four months though so with that information okay what was the first part of this like what was the first uh informative Oh, that your colon for each foot can have between 7 and 10 pounds of feces.

And fun fact number three, your colon is about 5 feet long. So the math kind of adds up. Okay, yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know what you want me to say, bro. What do you want me to say? Now I'm trying to do poop math in my head, and it's not working out. All right.

All right, Zach. You said you didn't poop the entire week at Firefly, right? Correct. And I clogged Kristen's parents' downstairs toilet because of that. How much weight did you put on over there? Shout out that toilet. How much weight did you put on? Shout out that toilet. How much weight did you put on over the course of the five days that you didn't poop?

We could backtrack the math from there. I just feel like it wasn't a ton because the food situation wasn't great. I wasn't keeping up to speed with my food. You weren't weighing yourself at Firefly for a weekend? I didn't pack a scale. Firefly. Yeah. Sorry. An impact of scale.

My bad. All right, Zach, how long could you make an app for your phone? That's a scale that you could just stand on it. That way you always know. Maybe we'll break their phone. They 100% used to have that. They used to have that one. Like iPod touches came out because no one because it wasn't real, but no knew what they're doing so they're like oh this will work and they would stay on their phone

and they'll break it it was same as like the one app that would measure your elevation and it's called like send me to the moon or something so you'd throw your phone in the air as high as you could and the goal was to try to like get your phone as high as possible and like get on the leaderboard because i remember that one? No. I had some dumb friends. If it wasn't Flappy Wings or Flappy Bird or whatever the fuck it was called, I don't know what it was.

Or Temple Run. These are like five years previous to all this. This is like the second year the iPhone was out. Yeah. I didn't... I feel like I didn't even look at an iphone during those times all right we'll wrap it up uh so how long are you making it till you die zach till i die from constipation poopy death oh okay i thought you just went in general

no that would be a really dark turn towards the end it's just like all right yep how long to die zach yeah um oh man i uh i just want to go to that potato stage shout out to the original joke i had in this pod like what type of potato how would you do a potato which like you'd be uh you know unplugged um i don't want to be a uh i don't want to be a a motionless. So I think like 75 is a good age. Okay. Corey? Are we doing this? No, I want the poop answer, but we're good.

How long until you die from constipation? I told you. I said probably like a couple days. I think the amount I need, I need maximum space for the amount of food I have. All right. Three, four days. Got it. Corey?

Yeah. What is the – I need an actual question. How long am I living where I can't poop? Yeah, until you die. Okay. I'll say a week and a half. That's pretty short. I'll give myself at least two and a half weeks.

Did Zach say three days? Yeah, but Zach eats a lot different than you do. Okay. I just wanted it to be known that you said mine was short and Zach said way less than me. That's fair. I'm giving myself two and a half weeks of very painful and also like not eating food the last like week and a half. I think that's part of it too.

How can you – is it like do I know that that's happening so I can like plan out my eating or lack thereof? I mean you know it's happening after like a day or two. I guess that's true. But you don't know that you're never going to. You know what I mean yeah it's not like a hypothetical situation where a genie comes to you and like jokes on you we're not granting wishes we're killing you you're gonna die because you can't poop anymore and then it goes away it's not how it happens i'm thinking just okay i don't know elvis situation you eat too much peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Oh No, I think was the drugs I think yeah, no

Okay, Jerry you ship another answer I'm lost No, I'll stick with my we have all all right i could make that true to go really dark i could actually make that oh i guess dying of not being able to poop so i can't die and like plan it all out so i win the bet i'm you could still plan it all out and just not poop and then die what are we talking about? All right. So the suicide note that Corey's going to be putting out tomorrow is going to say, he died from not being able to poop. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at IWMD underscore pod. Raise five stars.

Leave us a review. Zach, what's Horace go for the week? It's looking blue. Don't go number two. Thank you.