It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 82: You Can't Wear Placenta After Labor Day

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

The boyos give a disappointing lootbox update, justify killing a baby......, mistake Yogi Bear for Smokey the Bear, and debate freezing bodies. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. If you could, hypothetical, you are able to get rid of one crime in the world, but in order to do that, you have to commit that crime. Which one are you doing? Do I get to get rid of all the crimes I end up doing,

or is it only just the one single crime so it's like it's just the one like so if you if you rob if you rob a bank i'll just say like robbery do you get away with it no no other robberies happen after you rob that bank sure sure sure sure but do you get away with it like you still have to deal with the consequence no no because then you would just do the and then you would just kill somebody and then you'd be like, oh, look at it. I mean, but then you'll have to live with a murder on your hands. You just kill a bad person. Yeah, I kind of don't. Like baby Hitler.

Yeah, right, exactly. First you invent a time machine. I commit a war crime. I mean, you could just kill a baby and then just cross your fingers that it was a bad baby at some point in life. You could find a bad baby just kill a baby and then just cross our fingers that it was a bad baby, you know, at some point in life. You could find a bad baby to kill a baby. Boss baby?

I want to kill an animated baby so that no more animated babies can be killed again. I mean, I hate this question because, like, to get rid of a good bad crime like the ones you would actually want to get rid of you would have to do that and it sucks i got it i got i got it oh no i don't i don't like that smile tax evasion yeah there's no one could activate i mean that's it really economically it could actually be pretty beneficial for that not to be around there anymore. But they already but we already get taxed too much. And it's not a political thing. But then so we're just saying, all right.

So you're saying illegally evading taxes. Are you? Yes. Not legally like big corporations who put all that. I wouldn't. I was saying like illegally. That's not a crime. Yeah, because it's not a crime if I'm legally doing it.

That would avoid the whole question in total. Very true. The answer on TikTok the guy gave, and I'll try to think of my own, was he said he would purge, perjury in court, commit perjury, lie in court. Oh. Oh. Yeah. That's dumb. That's a smart answer because you

could actually because you could then no one else could ever lie in court ever again and you would like so like you would you would trust the court system basically sure but also like so then does everybody know that the crime is gone no or like our people are like wow like murders are statistically dropping at a rapid pace it's just like the movie liar liar and like they're in the courtroom and they like are shocked at themselves that they're telling the truth constantly yeah that'd be fun to watch but like if no yeah i mean i yeah i guess if you tell the truth they'd be like hey did you do this and be like yeah i'll be like okay well the only bad thing about that one is that you're really not preventing.

Like, I mean, it's a crime, right? But like, you're not preventing the, the, the pre,

you could guarantee that crime before crime gets caught though. Like no matter what crime it is. So it's actually true. Exactly. Pretty decent. Actually, I don't know if you can guarantee it. You can guarantee that everybody would admit to a crime being, have to ask them you'd have to ask them you have to

ask the right person yeah automated text message to everyone in the world yeah did you do a crime today and then you should get an answer every time i jaywalked i was gonna say i have two answers uh one the pittsburgh left I can do that without any repercussions but it would solve a lot of problems in the world so well I'll take one for the team okay so you would do it okay that makes sense okay and then yeah I've done it Pittsburgh left but I hate that everyone else does it too uh and then a more thought out answer I would attempt murder I wouldn't actually do it but i would attempt it because then that means no one could attempt to murder anybody that is still i don't know if that

that is true i don't know if that i don't know if that means you could get away with murder and you just can't fail at it maybe that makes every murder successful and that would be yeah it would be all successful all right ryan backed himself into the wrong answer shockingly enough or that's what's going for all these criminals are failing i want them to succeed ah okay yeah that's that's the opposite effect i'm gonna kill baby hitler yeah every time i think of a good one i'm like can't like i'm like all right dog fighting and i'm like i like then i have to fight dogs and like i couldn't ever do that you don't have to fight dogs they have to fight each other though that's good i just do the one like the is it a crime for yourself to fight a dog

what if what if you did uh i mean what if you could be bad at getting them to fight each other? You could put two puppies in there that have never fought against each other. Would that count? Or do you have to starve the dogs for months and then do it? How in-depth do you have to get with your attempt at this crime? I would assume it'd have to be the max level. Because I feel like then everything underneath it would go away. Like if they didn't put, what's's the song in the arms of the angel they didn't put that song to

it then it doesn't count also a cop is not arresting you for like having puppies just kind of nip at each other no yeah mcgruff the crime dog will though true shout out mcgruff yogi bear is right behind him telling you to stop forest fires i don't know if that's a yoke i think that's smoky the bear but oh yogi bears like he's picnic hey boo boo uh two facts about dog fighting um one fights average one to two hours that's insane they're sad that's a long game how much it's a long long match. You know how Brian has like, I have fun facts for you. These are the opposite of those. So I was trying to look up like what constitutes dogfighting. And that was just the first thing Google has up top.

And it shocked me. But to the penal code five nine seven point five PC California dogfighting logs. It's a crime to own, possess, keep or train a dog for the purposes of having it engage in dog fighting. So you don't have to have a dog fight. You just have to train a dog to become a dog fighter. So, you know, just give your dog Zach's hoodie. Just, like, hit him in the stomach a couple times. Put, like, a stake on his eye for the black eye.

And then you solve it. Corey, you have a question? Yeah, what does it say about if I'm teaching my dog how to fight but in self-defense? It's legal. Yeah, you know, stand your ground laws. if I'm teaching my dog how to fight but in self-defense? It's legal. Yeah, you know, stand your ground laws. That's just a police dog. You're just a police dog. McGruff the police dog.

Exactly, yeah. Hey, boo-boo. Hey, boo-boo. I'm McGruff. Hey, boo-boo. All right. It is Wednesday, Mikey. nipples are hard now number one remove your bra i like nuts this in my butt i'm ready to go golf is a sexy thing my dick will go like and just flip inside out and it'll turn into a vagina

hi boys intercourse pennsylvania you leave the butter in the crack why is my spaghetti Hi, boys. nipples. You just got slobbed. Rock's dick has anchor arms. I think I gotta get out of here. Where did you get the paint from? I don't fucking great question. Who has vertical butt cheeks? To the death. No, Paul, look it down on me like fucking with this fucking guy, man. It is Wednesday, my dudes. Ah! Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, my dudes.

Rooks is still out due to a crab-related STD. Thoughts and prayers are for his urethra as he's going through these troubling times right now. But we got Corey. Hello. Hey, boo-boo. Dang it, you took mine. We got Zach. Boo-boo-hey.

And I'm Brian. What are we talking about this week? I don't know. Apparently solving crimes and then also making all murders successful while also solving all forest fires. Mostly trying to get away with crimes. As usual. Quick update.

Corey, tell the people what we got our uh mystery box that we did off off air we got a charger block so maybe today so maybe today's episode is how do we waste that other 40 or we can raffle that off based on something whoever you know what one person responds i got it yeah we'll so i'll put it in the mail um and we'll slap a it's wednesday my dude's uh sticker on it and it's it's a free fan giveaway i do want to i do want to be specific though i am 99 sure it is just the block. So please supply your own cord. I mean, the block's the most important part, right? That's the actual, like, expensive part. I mean, it's at least $40.

Fun fact, I got an email from, what's it, Demon Box? For, like, a free $40 gift card. So I put it through and it it worked I did so I put the code in and I cut the spin and I also got a power block so to give away man I wish you I wish you would. I wish you would have a cord. I wish you would have a cord. Yeah. If I gave you the thing, they might have put two and two together and figured that out. But yeah.

So lesson to everybody. Don't do that. Don't. Loot boxes aren't worth it. As we all have found out again. I'm just glad Brooks was not a part of any of that oh he would have hated it he would have been so mad i feel like we were all in good spirits and he would have been bringing us down so we'll hear about it next week or the week after whenever his urethra

heals from the crab milk he should have to do a solo episode. Oh, a Denise-style... Yeah. Crap, what's the name of hers? No one knows anything? Or he just, like, thoughts about life in a monologue for like an hour? We could call the episode Rooks Knows Everything. I mean, I'm in.

We could force him to do it. we could just be his audience and just snap and clap for him the whole time yeah just a hour-long monologue be great all right think of ideas for monologue things for him for next week and we'll force him to do it but cory how was your week i had a good week i drank a lot um fucking sick like like a lot well because usually i just stay at home and do housework which i did do but um we went out thursday night we did our classic thursday night reds uh reds good news although they rebranded for the uh for halloween they have a little banner right above it that's hanging over the good part and it's red bad news for october so look at that big festive pretty fun spooky um watch the watch the thursday night game game which was what awful um like every thursday night game because they all are

and then uh but one question that like or thought that I had, that was a good idea because they have touch tunes there. And I want to get your guys opinion. Love touch. If touch tunes. I'll say if they added. No, I know Zach's already like pro touch tunes. We all knew that. But and he's going to love this idea.

You're going to love it. If you could, if you say you like pick a song and you had like a voting like i'm in the bar and i can vote like this is a good song if you get enough of those you should be able to get free plays so that way it's like if i picked a good song and like 20 people in the bar liked it then you would get another free you would get a free play so you could play another song. And like you could like, I don't know. It would just be like make me feel good if I'm picking good music. And then also if you're a patron there, you'd be like, wow, this is really good. Maybe they're going to put on something else that's good and not a shit song.

And then they do. And then you just get good vibes all around the whole night. I thought it was a good idea. I feel like the number of likes you need needs to be like either change a lot or be like really high. Otherwise, if you're like there with a group, you just get to steal. You just get free. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind the idea. I don't mind the idea like a social media touch tunes like, oh, Zach spits hot fire when he walks into the bar. Like I walk into a bar and then like the NBA jam music comes on. He's like, he's heating up. And you're like're like oh i'll get this guy in the touch tunes real quick i mean we'll workshop it i think i mean keep it in your mind think about it i'll go through the

rest of my week but think about it i'm convinced i like it i like it too i'm convinced there's no greater compliment or a top three compliment is do you're a great dude or dudette you're a great dj yeah like like you'd like you know you're fine i love it that honestly when you get the aux cord in the car and people are like hell yeah like bopping oh it's a top especially people when you go out with people that you don't know like friends of friends and they're like whose music is this when somebody somebody says that in a positive tone oh razzles you up nothing's worse than the more um the the individual who and we all i feel like know this person or know a person like this the unaware ox person whose music stinks and they're just like yo i got this heater and it's just

yeah it's probably brian um it's probably Brian. It's me. And like, it's just only either like hardcore, like B-side rap or screamo metal. And like, they don't mix in. Like, I'm not like, obviously, you know, mix in what you like and try to, but you know, we throw in some wedding music once in a while, like some wedding songs just to kind of mix it up and get everyone singing along.

Like, can't just be all like, let me play this album front to back of this random artist I saw it at a dirty bar in raleigh north carolina whoa whoa whoa whoa i was literally trying to have any other city brian hasn't been to but he's been to fucking all of them look you don't want to listen to all of hot mulligan songs from front to back that's your problem okay this this is also coming from the guy who made us listen to, what is it, Ratlinbog two times straight. That was it. You prepped for your trip to Ireland. That had a theme to it.

I understand it did have a time and a place, and you did keep it in those confines. But, buddy, that was stuck in my head for an eight hour flight which was not fun we were force-fed hot dogs and fries and then listened to ratlin bog for 15 minutes straight right before getting on an international flight you doomed us that was the beginning of the downfall of that trip that was really what you guys get for leaving me all right i should have bought the happy camper shirt. You should have. Yeah, you should have.

That would have been the good omen we needed. But, all right, my week. Yeah, so, what, Friday works, I guess, and then watch the Phils win. And, yes, Brian? Did you find her wallet yet? Slash the people who stole her wallet? No, nothing's gone forever. All right.

Like a certain tight end for the Patriots. Oh, yeah. Hepatitis. See you later. It was funny because Saturday we went out to go watch, went out to like a brewery. It's a Penn State owned bar. So we do have the game on and have like a good group, Grist House and like, you know, alumni bar.

And not like it's not the university that owns the bar. I know. But like I was confused by. Yeah. The thought. The alumnus. There's a pair of alumnus that own it. Got it. We're on board thank you but yeah so she went to go order a drink and had to show her passport and like the bartender just like looked

at her and i was like she had her wallet stolen last saturday she's like i'm so sorry it's like it's like we're all not happy about this right now but what was really funny because i don't like she was just like searching on like what to look for at a passport because like if you don't get it often it's just like enough of a change up to be like okay what am i looking at right now for a second like she was like really it's pretty funny um saw penn state get their booty clapped in uh unfortunate uh but drew drew what is it alligator what is it yeah the alligator the the alligator yeah okay there we go the alligator stepped in so maybe that's a pro i hope he starts this week that'll just make the loss a lot better but who knows with the fan with the phantom injury that sean clippard has um after that went to uh shout out uh dave connell

came back home so all the connells are now music brian play it play the shot play it play the shout out music it's been a while and if you can't play it you have to make the noise i'm in a basement i need to not have the owner be mad at me so that's fair that's fair well it was a grade a effort um but he's back so we so we had like an impromptu like party I guess at uh her brother's uh place where like he was moving into so all of her siblings were there and then I was there and Cooper came obviously and then her one sister's boyfriend was there it was like everybody that's like part of that immediate

family right now and pseudo was hanging out and we were just hammering bets like all the guys were just hammering fan duel bets for all these games I woke up Saturday morning I texted my one group text that I have with big hole guy and our other

buddy from back home kev is that another shout out it is i forgot how gruesome it sounds is that rooks don't play it again don't play it again i don't want to i was going to where was the where was the rap one where was the one that was like kind of cool that one's good next week when rooks will monologue we'll make him have to recreate every one of our sound clips and then we can copy those and use those for the future. Is that good? That's a fair punishment.

Okay. But yeah, so I woke up Saturday. I said, it is absolutely disgusting how much I love Tennessee Moneyline today. So boom, your boy hit one big. And so that was a nice little little topper to saturday night and then sunday i went to the steelers tailgate like a a group of uh people from work put one on like one big tailgate a year so i went down to that which is cool because i got to see people i haven't seen in like it feels like a year because i only see people during the holiday party so that was cool went

down there drank went to mcfadden's came back had indian food and passed the fuck out and missed all of the eagles game but i already placed my bets on the eagles game so also woke up a winner how come you're like hitting bets finally dude i might go back college football is back buddy and apparently that's the only thing I know how to bet on because what happens is I make a lot of money on Saturday and then it just

all goes away on Sunday because I just lose every NFL bet it's awful it's horrendous college prodigy I'll give it one college prodigy right here and you're looking at it love it peak in college not high school all right zach are you okay what was that face just me i don't know i'm like half watching the

morning football game uh no still probably like just like in ruins from the shout out that just happened yeah that was yeah uh ptsd i mean we get it going again no no no just just shout out that just happened yeah that was yeah uh ptsd we get it going again no no no just just shout out somebody during your week i'm just thinking to not shout anybody out um yeah okay all right uh so my weekend uh pretty on a pretty uneventful uh So I'll just talk about two big events specifically. Thursday, flag football game. Fantastic. It was during the Thursday night football game, which is honestly a godsend

because to watch my favorite team, the Chicago Bears, I can't do it anymore. I'm still going to do it. I'm going to New England this Monday night to watch them play the Patriots with my dad. So spending money on them to go see them play. Oh, yeah. Actually.

Oh, yeah. No, 100 percent. Why? Me and my dad go to different football stadium every year. So. OK. All right. So this is why specifically that.

Yeah. So we're checking off the list. So if anyone of the listeners have any recommendations for stuff to do in Boston, me and my dad will be there for a couple of days with time to kill. Eat some beans. Beans. I've heard beans and... Beets.

And crostas. Yeah. So yeah, so Thursday was fun. Our football team won. It was fantastic. Got three sacks. No big deal. I will say, this other team we were playing against,

the one guy I went against was probably about like 5'7", maybe like a buck 25 soaking wet playing the line. And the first snap of the game, you're allowed to block and use your hands. The first snap of the game, I'm rushing. This man stands up and puts his arms behind his back like he's taking and like like he's taking the charge and i just push the shit out of him and he goes from vertical to horizontal so quickly and i sacked the quarterback and i have never felt more like i

committed a crime in my life i'm like i dude i'm sorry man but i literally told him like use your hands i'm like please use your hands to block me or do something because I'm going to feel terrible. Now that you committed that crime, though, it can never happen again, though. I can never rush again and no more sacks for me. I can never commit a crime on the quarterback.

But yeah, I got a good spin. Yeah, quarterback crime. Just do pass interference. That's true. Or. Yeah. Quarterback crime. Just do pass interference. That's true. Or target. All right. I'm sure to target someone in the street.

Just head to head hits on a baby. Also on a baby. So then you can knock out two at the one time. Then no one can target in NFL or college anymore. And you can't kill babies. I don't think it's like you commit a lot of crimes to get them all done. I don't think that that was what he was saying. I don't think the's like you commit a lot of crimes to get a yeah, I don't think that that was It's but they're the same

Action, I mean if you just want to hit a baby hit a baby, dude Yeah, dude, but like do you get to not get in trouble low man wins drive through get your pad level down head across Oklahoma baby girls Oklahoma baby, it would be hard to get low on a baby my head's taller than them you know that's a good head depends on the baby it depends on how big your head is i could spear baby you could put a baby on a chair and then hit them. Brian could stone cold stun a baby. It's like teeing up

a football and you kick it through the uprights. All right. Is this all one crime or are these separate days and events? How many babies

do you dislike? Dude, most of them are the same. We've talked about how all babies are ugly, right? I think so. Not all babies are ugly. Yeah. I don't think all babies are ugly.

Like 50%. More than that. 99. Fresh out the womb. 99. Still wet. 99. If you got placenta on your face, no one's going to look good.

I don't know, dude. I feel like, nah. There's some people who can make placenta look good on their face. Prove me wrong. Get a placenta and go do a photo shoot. I'm not saying I would look good with placenta on on their face prove me wrong get a placenta and go do a photo shoot well i'm not saying i would love the street rating it i'm not saying i look good with placenta on my face i'm just saying babies can't pull it off i think they'd be better you know they've lived in it for nine months can't pull it off i'll take placenta not in

come on it is yeah can't wear placenta not in. It's after Labor Day. Come on. It is, yeah. Can't wear placenta after Labor Day. Yeah. So yeah, Thursday was fun. Saturday didn't do anything. Watched college football. And then Sunday, the one story I want to tell from Sunday

is that I walked, I was like, all right, like fat boy Sunday, let's go get some food. So I was going to go get some hot dogs. And I found out that this hot dog place by me also has wings. I'm like, i'm kind of feeling some wings as well so i i proceed to walk in to this place and i go i see where this is headed and i go up to the lady

and i'm like hi i'd like you know like the the two hot dog special which is like two hot dog two chicago dogs with fries and then i'd also i'm like i was like 10 wing 10 buffalo wings with blue cheese she's like okay she's like she's like do you want that to to go or for here and she i'm like oh no to go she's like oh okay yeah that's good you know i i didn't assume you were gonna eat that all yourself and i was like oh lady she's like she's like you should change my order to here yeah she's like she's like you should see your watch she's like you should change my order to here yeah she's like she's like you should see your watch she's like you should see the amount of food some people order to eat by themselves i'm like oh like it me what did you say i would have i'm shocked if you didn't say oh no i'm going home and it's just me eating no i like laughed i was like ha ha yeah and then i was

like just waiting for my food but then ha ha ha yeah it's just my feelings don't worry about them dude it honestly worked out because i ordered 10 wings and they gave me they gave me eight normal sized wings and i just they must either not have had any wings left or made a very valuable mistake for me there were like two full-sized chicken legs in there that they fried and like doused in buffalo sauce so it was like it was like eight regular wings and then two chicken legs and i'm like well this just turned out to be my lucky day um she saw that you're gonna eat it by yourself she's like ah yeah he needs something to pick his day up yeah i know for sure um she's like we we confirmed that there's other people eating this

so let's give them some more meanwhile he's like i'm actually just sitting at home exactly yeah it was just it was just me um so i'm gonna go uh it was like the extra onion rings at the bottom of your bag like when you go to mcdonald's or something like that um so i'm gonna give my rating wait oh does mcdonald's have onion rings no that's a that's a burger reference i think okay okay we should all Actually, you know what? Onion rings stink. I'm here to say. Not stink, but they're way overrated. They're not. How do you feel about blooming onions?

I love the artistry of it. Practicality, not so much. It's not a good practical food. Practicality doesn't matter. I feel like it's pretty practical. You just rip it off and eat it. It's tasty. Yeah, but the breading falls off, though.

It does. So then just eat the bread breading dog. It's the best part. Well. No, I want to eat it. It's the no It's a one thing I'm not ordering a fried I'm wearing a fight. That's a new thing. I would order a fried. What was the last time you had a side of the fried? Okay, so then I knew the last time you had a side of the fried? Okay. So then I immediately think when's the last time I went to a fair because or an Outback. Okay. Yeah.

I've gone out back maybe like once in my life. What place? How? Yeah. You're white. Come on. I'll bet. Yeah.

I've been to Applebee's and Denny's and I hopOP, my guy. TGI Fridays and Olive Garden and Chili's. I've been to it. I don't frequent them. I don't know what to tell you. Dude, if there was a Chili's by me in the city of Chicago, I would go to that restaurant so much. I fucking love Chili's, dude. I find it hard to believe there's not a chilies near you in like a big city no you have your chilies in pittsburgh

yeah like in downtown pittsburgh oh no not downtown yeah brian you have a chilies wherever the fuck you are in seattle probably in that basement but But in Seattle proper? I'm talking about... There are four Chili's grills and bars in Chicago within about five miles of the city. They're not downtown. Exactly. Five miles in the city might as well be 35 miles. One's by Chicago Ridge. One's by Blue Island.

I'm not going to Blue Island. One's by Des Plaines. That's not Blue Island. I'm not going to Blue Island. One's by Des Plaines. That's not the city. Des Plaines is like a high school I played in football in high school. Look, you take the red line and you go about an hour south. Yeah, I'm not going to the south side of Chicago to eat at Chili's. Dude, that food would be good though i don't know man i think they just i think the appeal of chili's is that everyone is kind of it's kind of

the same it's the consistency like that's why i love chili's get the buffalo chicken good in the neighborhood yeah get the baby back ribs um i'm gonna get my week four popsicles because i also powered for those puppies down uh on sund Popsicles are underrated dessert because they're low calorie and they're delicious. Yeah, you told us your food you ate this weekend like a couple days ago

and you're like, and I finished it off with like four popsicles as if that's like an impressive thing to add to that where like a popsicle is like 10 calories. But see, I've gotten better.

So like that meal that I said was the only meal I ate for the entire day. Normally I would have topped that. I was thinking about it about i have boxed mac and cheese in my apartment i was like do i eat like two boxes of mac and cheese at about 8 p.m and i didn't i held off did you did you list the chilies in river north brian that's this there's no there's no chilies in river north i'm looking at what i don't know man i'm looking at one on the map. All right. Next video for our YouTube channel.

Zach's going to visit every Chili's in the tri-state area of Chicago. It's a six hour and 50 minute drive for me to go to that Chili's. We can make that trip. Probably about 35 hours for me. It's permanently closed, you dum-dum. Just click on the Google thing. It doesn't mean it wasn't there. You can still show up. I bet they have some frozen food in there.

No, they definitely don't. God, I want Chili's. Could we go to Chili's? Yeah, correct. If I tried at all, I'd let all I had to do is scroll and just see it permanently closed. Can we go to Chili's for the holiday party at some point? What do you mean at some point? We only have like two days to do it.

I know. Can we go? Can we make it a point to go to Chili's? I'll try to figure it out. They open up at 11. I need a quesadilla at 11. I could go. That would be the morning after move. We'll workshop it.

Okay, Brian. How is the land of the rain? Apparently, it's rained half an inch in the past four months here. So, you know, global warming, climate change, not good. No, yeah, it's like real. There's a lot of forest fires right now. And it's like, I look on like the weather. I'm like, you know, you know, you know who hates forest fires?

Yogi Bear. I mean, he probably does. He does live in the forest. Probably. And only you can prevent forest fires, Brian. So what? What the hell? A pick and nick a basket. I could go pee on it.

No. So if I ever look at the weather it just says like smoky or like uh respiratory warnings and it's not like rain or anything that so uh land of fire i haven't had i guess what would it runs out here wait what would what would the respiratory warning be if it was raining out no it's it's not raining no but the way you said it you're like you're like yeah it's a respiratory warning but it's not raining which which implies that there could be a respiratory warning if it was raining out acid rain that's the thing i don't know i was saying it's not raining because you're expecting it to rain but it's not it's just the weather is smoke

gotcha how's the needle is it still there uh it's there i saw it i didn't go in it apparently it's not it's just the weather is smoke gotcha how's the needle is it still there uh it's there i saw it i didn't go in it apparently it's like 30 bucks to go to the top that's too much money i'm not i don't know how much money what would your break-even point be they have to pay you to go up in the house that'd be i'd say i have to pay you to look at the needle sure million dollars i'll go up there now i saw a day to remember this week so i went to the concert there's a girl there you know when you go to the doctor you need like a brain scan and they put all those like little sticky pads all over your head and they give you a little box or whatever and they'll like scan your head and sometimes they like send you home for the day to like scan it

for the whole weekend to like get like a baseline or something no there's a girl there it's a it's in movies i don't know i haven't had it done but like you've seen it right you guys don't watch the house md come on anyways so that's the thing right and like you'll go home for a day or two and they'll like continually monitor you to like see what your brain's doing there's a girl there with those all over her head at this concert like in the middle of the mosh pit like what this is your reading is gonna be horrible you're gonna go to the doctor they're like yeah you're dying in a multitude of ways because these readings are abnormal they were um actually just monitoring her for the week to figure out what crime she was going to commit so that way they could make it not legal make that crime never happened again i was about to

say make that crime legal which is not the outcome that's a different it's a different spin it's a really different outcome get away with it once like ah i mean why even try anymore yeah sounds like a minority report though if they're tracking to predict the future on what crime she's gonna commit no people there are weird dude i walked in the door the first girl i saw had horns i was just like i don't was i supposed to come in costume um it was weird uh but a day to remember they threw about five different things to the audience there was streamers all right that's pretty normal then they had these giant like beach balls cool that's fun that's a concert thing then mario came out with a t-shirt cannon and like it's not a huge place like you need a t-shirt cannon in like a stadium small place so he was pegging people in the face with that then they started throwing

toilet paper just whole rolls into the audience got hit not like unraveled no just like this trade shots at people donald trump special when he was down in puerto rico yeah just three points three it was sorry i hit in the face the toilet paper roll and then they had like more confetti streamers at the end so there's just like crap everywhere there's a girl getting a brain scan there's a lady with horns it was a lot there's people watching they're always so entertaining um also the used and they came out after their first song the lead singer was like i don't want you guys to cheer for me i want you to boo every song and it was incredible because the song would end and you'd hear like five people start to cheer and then everyone's go and he'll take him a couple seconds to like realize he told us to do this again and

then he'd just be like ah feed me the moose and it was great because he's like he said on stage like when's the last time you got to boo somebody without like i guess you can do it as sports but like you know rooks is uh yeah he wants to throw a tomato at somebody it would have been the perfect opportunity just go to a year concert dude he needs to go that lead singer would love it he would stand there and just take like 30 tomatoes to the chest it's gonna be good um but mistake made number one i was like i'll just drive down there instead of taking like the train and parked in a random parking garage there's a sign that said seven dollars for like the night perfect left the concert to go back to parking garage definitely not seven dollars for the night one it was locked so i was like well tight but it was like under like an office building so like

walked around to the other side and there's a security guard like leaving and i'm like hey i like my car's down there can i get up he's like ah i'm i'm clocking out and i was like please and he's like yeah so like so he like let me in and i like get down there and we're like small talking on the way he's like where where are you coming from i was like oh there's a concert he's like oh yeah i saw some people dressed like they're going to like an orgy or something and i like get down there and we're like small talking on the way he's like where where are you coming from i was like oh there's a concert he's like oh yeah i saw some people dressed like they're going to like an orgy or something and i was like oh yeah there's some weird people out there and then i walked down it was 30 to get out which one not that hurt me so so deep down no so if you look at the sign it's like seven dollars i know i could one of the see the city it's like the seven bucks was for like from like 5 p.m to 7 p.m it's like what small little dinky

hour time range are people actually going there for that it was stupid i also drove by so many other parking garages that were cheaper than that but like this one had a sign that's cheaper than seven dollars or cheaper than 37 cheaper than 30 hurt down hurt me so deep down inside um then i went to the university of washington football game on saturday again i'm an idiot and i was like yeah how busy is gonna be i don't want to take the train i'll just drive there there's plenty of parking i don't know it's like near neighborhood i like drive to this neighborhood nearby obviously there's signs like you can't park here on game day i was like all right tight so like drive to a parking garage nearby that's full drive to another one it's like 30 i'm not gonna do that so i'm like all right there's a train station like another five

i'm trying to learn it's not sticking but there's a train station that's like another five minutes away i was like i'll drive there park take the one stop in get to that train station there's just not parking like it just doesn't exist at that one shock all right well tight so i'm like all right i'll go another train station away but then it's like another two is like back where i like would start anyway so i drive back to home to those train station that's like a mile away from me go to that train station but it's also full because that train station's at like a mall and it's like oh shocking the mall is also full and then you don't have parking for this and then also it was still 30 to park there and i was like i'm not doing that i was like it's

been an hour and a half i'm like it's like the second quarter already of this game call it i'm not giving in no well i was like i'm very close to about to but like behind that was like another part like set of like apartment buildings and then behind that was another little smaller shopping mall thing and there's a sign it's like you can only park here for three hours or whatever so you just go in that garage and it was like free so cool but i got to the game like the end of the second quarter it's also still smoky out so like my eyes are stinging and like everything smells like a campfire it's a lot also i didn't realize that uh penis jr is the quarterback of washington i forgot about that yeah shout out indiana yeah he's good now didn't he have a

gosh it's so painful didn't he have a bad game or didn't he do something that was like oh no he was on the uh he was on the come on man thing he did something stupid like last week oh yeah like monday night football they say like come on man yeah i believe it yeah he did a bad thing again he had a bad game against ucla i think but brian you Brian, you probably wasted like $30 on gas. You know how expensive gas is now? Oh, 100%. Absolutely. You know how expensive it is out here? It's like $5.50 is like the cheapest you can find.

Yeah. It's not good. How much was your ticket to the game? Yeah. Oh, like $40, maybe. That's why I wasn't going to spend like $30 on parking. That's like the price of the ticket. So. that's why i wasn't gonna spend like 30 bucks on parking that's like the price of the ticket so uh but then figured it out went to the seahawks game on sunday was like all right i know where to park for the train now and i'm not stupid enough to think i could go to the nfl

game and park around there so i took the train nice and easy uh that game sucked though if you go to an nfl game by yourself and the game's bad you're gonna have a bad time like you can't just like buddy up with your pals and like talk and like just have a good time because like the only thing you can do is either talk to a stranger which I don't want to do or like actually watch the game there was one touchdown

scored on offense the entire game and I think it ended like 17 to 9 or something oh so bad the only funny thing they like tried to hike the ball before like the refs are ready and so the ref ran in between the quarterback in the center and just like picked off the snap as they hiked it like he was doing a jet sweep and just like kept running and everyone's like what and then they're like went on the little intercom like yeah the ball wasn't we weren't ready for them to hike the

ball yet and they just gave it back to him i was like man you got like, went on the little intercom. Like, yeah, the ball wasn't, we weren't ready for them to hike the ball yet. And then they just gave it back to him. I was like, man, you got like 50 yards on that. It was tight though. No, it wasn't tight. That was the only cool part. I hate the Seahawks. I had Gino on my team too. He got me like four points.

I hate the Seahawks. I'll rate my week. Three toilet paper rolls to the face. How many more weeks you got there uh we can have let's ask the most important question what's the next b&b look like for you oh this one doesn't look too bad this one doesn't look too bad this one's good this one's good this one the ceiling is just really short so i hit my head if I walk into the bathroom at all. The next one looks like it's built in the 70s. It's got a lot of wood and a Swedish vibe. No, it's like a nice 70s.

Not like a cigarette smoke 70s, just like the vibe of it. Like carpeted walls 70s? Yeah, something like that. All right. Well, let it be known I'm skeptical. We'll see how it goes. Okay. And this is in where?

This is where again? Portland. Oh, sick. Yeah, so. You go to Trailblazers game? Weird people, weird Airbnb. You go to Trailblazers game? Sure.

Yeah. I don't think I've ever been to an nba game so yeah i'll be very confused they're not that what do you do same time would you yell three or two every time yes please make sure you do that yell ball shot when do you yell ball just all the time every time you see the ball that's actually how how it got its name basketball yeah not gonna lie in football whenever there's a fumble i love yelling ball oh it's the best that's what i was thinking i was like in football if you fumble it everyone yells ball in basketball the ball is always in the air at some point you can't just yell ball whenever

no one's actively touching it hey go to a game and you'll find out. Maybe you'll be surprised. Alright, I'll be there. Alright, you guys didn't want to talk about a science article last week, so I'm going to ask you again. You want to talk about a science article? Is it the same one? One of them is, but I have others. Oh, God.

Is our choice just science article or science article? I have three different science articles i have two would you rathers i have a debate topic i have a food news i have a product i have a movie and i have oh i forgot to tell you, Brian. We watched the... On Friday night, we watched a movie with Daniel Radcliffe and Adam Driver where he's... No, where he says,

I just had sex. I just had sex and now I'm having nudges. Yeah. Really good movie. It was really funny. It's so fucking nonsensical, but it's hilarious.

It's a good movie and that scene steals the entire thing. If anyone's listening What was it called? I don't know. I saw it like four years ago. Just YouTube Adam Driver sex nachos.

And you'll find the clip and probably some really weird stuff on top of that. It's called What If. Nice. That's what I thought it was. It's literally just called what if yeah all right good movie suggestion for the week all right so science article okay cool so me and cory each have a veto for what what how far if we don't like this article we get to veto we each get one i like it so there's a facility out in arizona where they do cryogenic freezing where they currently have

199 humans that aren't necessarily dead but they're like on ice and because they're in tanks filled with liquid nitrogen um there's currently a couple like celebrities signed up for it too so paris hilton apparently has paid for this to happen to her when she dies and they have ted williams baseball player who died in 2002 is currently in one of their tanks like frozen solid waiting for the next step so apparently like you freeze your body or just your brain hoping that for like in the future science catches up to then be able to unfreeze you where you could like they could download your your mind onto somebody else or something else or something like that. Maybe, but they literally froze them, but they know that they can't unfreeze you or they'll destroy your tissue.

So they're literally just hoping in the future they somehow figure it out. But it costs $200,000 to freeze a body or $80,000 just to freeze your brain. So, are you guys interested? Investors? What percent of your body? I would be investors. It already exists.

Could you guarantee me that if I came back, I would see Penn State win a national championship? Because, yeah. That's what you're basing it off of? 100%. Ugh. You can only freeze your brain.

The only way I'd do this is if I died, like, right now. Like, because... But you don't die. You said you don't die. Like, having a full life. You said you didn't die. Because... So, was it Ted Williams?

Was he just, like, alive and they did, like, an assisted suey on him and they just sort of throw you in the freezer? Do not shorten suicide to suey on them and they just were to throw you in the freezer. Do not shorten suicide. You lost me. Yeah. I had no clue what you were talking about. One, we did rename it to murdering yourself.

So it's an assistant. I like murdering yourself. I like suey or unaliving yourself is my other favorite one. Unaliving yourself is like verylr, and I'm against that. But wait, so you said they didn't die. So Ted Williams had to have been alive when they rolled him into this freezer. Yeah, it seems like that would make sense. So I'm going to try to look it up.

Otherwise, this whole thing is a fraud. And then they're just putting your dead body on ice, which is what they normally do until they're ready to put you in the ground. But if they're going to, but then maybe you're just paying for long-term storage. Because like, if they're going to, okay, so if the options are your body, your whole body, or just your brain, I've got to assume that if you're picking the brain option, you're dead. Because that's going to be tough mean they don't do it to people when they're like very healthy this is a like you're at least going to die type of deal brian just broke news though paris hilton did it so she's actually dead now no she has a clone

the real paris hilton right now not real she's actually frozen in a tube not so simple life i was on doom the overly complicated life i don't know i mean so the first i kind of want to okay go ahead and then i'll then i'll tell you why this is dumb the first article i found the first sentence was was, Ted Williams was decapitated by surgeons at the Cryonics company where his body is suspended in liquid nitrogen. It's like, dude, okay, so why did they have to separate his head to put him in the tube? I don't know.

Maybe they just built it too small. They didn't want to pay the extra $80,000. Oh, crap. I guess. No, but so after Williams died on July 5th, 2002, his body was taken by private jet to that company. So he died first and then went there it wasn't like he was going to and they did this prior to it but you have to

do it like quickly thereafter but yeah it says his body was separated from his head in a procedure called neuro separation i still don't understand why you need to that's like do that that's like i mean they just basically stuck his head in a guillotine. Imagine you go to like 12th century France and we're like, all right, Marie Antoinette, we're gonna perform a neuro separation on you right now. Be like, oh, you're gonna stick my head in this slice machine?

This is due with a slop shop in a facility in Arizona. Dude, I just, why would you want to be alive in the future? Like, I don't even want to be alive. Like, I lived a good, if I live a good eight years, like, I'm good. would you want to be alive in the future? I don't even want to be alive. If I live a good 80 years, I'm good. The only thing I want that I kind of respect that they used to do in the old times was give you the old buckshot shotgun

to the chest to make sure you were actually dead because I think they were worried sometimes in the olden days. People were just unconscious and they weren't actually dead and they would bury people alive and then they would exhume them and find scratch marks on the underside of their coffins because they'd wake up.

So like as long as you can guarantee me I'm dead, like don't waste the money. Don't waste the two grand or 80 grand on me. So you're saying that that was better than this? Yeah, because if they're like, if they get decapitated,

they're getting decapitated? Yes. But you're dead. in your situation you're saying i might be unconscious and i get a shotgun to the chest your situation you had one extra box of mac and cheese too much took a real long nap instead of them just like shaking you they said let's ensure you're dead shoot you in the chest and then bury you no i'm just saying this is what they used to do i would rather in olden times modern medicine is further advanced where they can check my pulse or not i'm saying like i'm saying like there's no difference you're saying you're saying that a shotgun but they don't know how to check your pulse what time frame is this they didn't know how to check your pulse. What time frame is this? They didn't know how to check. They know what pulse was back in the 1800s.

1920s. The pulse was invented in 1950. It's a confirmed fact. So I'm going to Google when the pulse was invented. I don't understand. It's definitely not going to be the pulse that we're saying it is.

So please tell me what that is. I just don't understand. Oh, hold on. We're going to be the pulse that we're saying it is so please tell me what that is i just don't understand oh hold on it's a we're gonna take some guesses because i got this real fast and i want to see how close you can get one uh zach take another shot on when you think uh the earliest pulse taking was happening 1949 yeah i was gonna say. I would have been... Corey, what's your guess? 49? Okay. No. No.

Zero. Way closer. 2,600 years BC when they first started taking pulses. Show me the Carfax. They froze a body and then that guy woke up later on he woke up with his he woke up with his fingers on his neck without his head though because he didn't pay for the extra head freezing i i don't what did you do with the body

why are they freezing they can't read you can't reattach it right you're looking at the wrong people you're the one who has the article buddy i don't understand because like if if we're saying freeze the body for future use which stupid but i get it like i understand what they're going for like i'm gonna it's like it's like collecting baseball cards it's like i'm gonna have this rookie card that i assume is not gonna be worth much later on but maybe it will be right like you're saving something for the future because it might have some value. There you go. Got it. But why are you removing the head?

That seems like a very important part to just keep frozen all together. Because like what if we do come up with some way to bring you back 200 years from now. But then they're like, ah, fuck. We need the head though. Or just like maybe we can like we can undead you alive you but we can't figure out how to like not resurrect but we haven't figured out how to like uh connect your spine anymore so all these people come back but they're all paraplegics now it's like well they don't want to be resurrected at that point right yeah just

freeze the paraplegic body until when they can solve that well imagine you get yeah that's the thing imagine you get resurrected and you're like sweet i'm back and then they have to kill you again like i have to die again at some point so you die twice i mean and at that point they're doing a shotgun to your dome you don't even got a chest to take the shotgun bullets anymore. That's right. No. So the next article I found was Ted Williams head abused at facility. What are they doing out there?

They're fucking the head. Throwing it. Well, I mean, that's that's immediately what everybody would think. I was thinking they're doing baseball pitches with it. They're just playing poker. It's holding the salsa in the mouth and they're just dipping chips in. It's a real life nutcracker. It's a bottle opener.

It's frozen solid. It'll keep your guac nice and cool they just put it like they have the body they just have a nice big thing of iced tea and then they just drop the head in there to get it cold it's like a whiskey ice they have the body with its hands out and that like holds the bowl of chips as well see this is why exactly why i don't want my body you're giving me the reasons why i don't want my body frozen. You're giving me the reasons why I don't want my body frozen is to turn it into some furniture. Could you imagine how embarrassing you'd be? You're up in heaven chilling, right? I'm assuming.

And you're like, oh, your family had a nice funeral for you, Zach, right? Yeah, totally. They definitely didn't freeze my body and turn it into a weird sculpture thing where they can serve Doritos out of at a party. And I look down and I see them just messing around with my torso and my hands. No you're i assume you're reading the article to find out a little bit more of what did that mean and i hope it's like oh it was october so they were decorating

for halloween and they just like sit the head out in the front door of the office no i went to the next article and it said workers at an ari Arizona cryonics facility mutilated the frozen head of baseball legend Ted Williams, even using it for a bizarre batting practice. So I was right. They literally pitched his head. That'd be like the equivalent of like if Corey did this and then they just put Corey's head by like by a bunch of computer and said like, do the Java or do the, do the, tap the keys with his face. Yeah,

dude, that's insane. I was kidding when I said they used it for batting practice or like pitching it. That's, I thought they literally just like dropped it and like his family was mad because like something went wrong. This isn't definitely,

this is not a government sanctioned facility, right right like this is some off the grid type of thing like is the fda approved this that's a good question i don't think it needs to be yeah i guess it's not food or workers batting average go up after batting practice with the head like confirmed bad way of practicing, or is it good? It was like the like Mike shoes. The ball's much bigger. It was like...

You put on Ted Williams' head, and you're now just... Haley Beth 300 for your career. You have to sneak the ball into the world, his head into the World Series. You have to shrink it down. You know they do like the voodoo heads in Louisiana and they like shrink heads, right?

So, freeze the head, then shrink it into the size of a baseball. Sneak it onto the field. Use that as the ball to pitch. Easy. That's how you win the game. What am I looking up? Is this FDA approved?

Yeah. I feel like that should have been the first question. We made it. We made it there, though. We're asking the good questions. The first sentence is, FDA officially says nope to cryotherapy. Cool. Oh, that's just cryotherapy.

I mean, this is also technically, it's the cryotherapy to the extreme degree. They didn't even want you to be cold, let alone frozen to death. Yeah. They just ban all northern cities and states and countries. Canada, not FDA approved. All right. So we're going to start a GoFundMe.

We're going to raise two hundred thousand dollars because we want to freeze zach's body and turn him into a chip bowl anybody check on rooks we sure he's not doing this right now the only the only uh request i have is like you know like the combination pizza hut and taco bell if we do this this needs to be our combination uh death freezer and sperm bank it's like from life to death like you can get the potato wedges from one side you can get the pizza from the other side okay so yeah so we have you frozen in your tube and it's like a museum and then under where you're frozen in tube there's the little vials of your sperm and it's like a museum. And then under where you're frozen in tube, there's the little vials of your sperm.

And so they can walk through. Play the outro music. So you walk by and the sperms underneath, and then they can see who the adult is. And they're like, Oh, that guy's great. Give me $5.

I'll take a sperm. I'll make a baby. Bada bing, bada boom. Problem solved Yeah? That was good Outro Music