It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 83: trapdoor

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

The boyos are back in full force, Cory turns his penis inside out, Ruxx does nothing all month, Bryan listens to the Wii sports theme music, and Zak wants to drop anvils on everyone who stands when a flight lands. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. Corey, I have a question for you and you only, but the rest of us can be influencing on the answer. Wow. So how tall are you? Great podcast. Wow. Brother. Wait, is that the question or is there another question?

No, no, no. I need that to keep going. Okay. Okay. Okay. I am 5'7". 5'7". question no no it's i need that to like keep going okay okay okay uh i am uh five seven five seven last time i was measured at the doctor five six and three quarters but that's a mouthful so i say five seven the hair gets to the extra it's fine there you go if you hypothetically could

take an inch off your height and add it to your penis or take an inch off your penis and add it to your height, what would you do? And you could, you could do as many inches either way as you want. Uh, I, I can, so neither is not an option.

I take everyone. Everyone makes sure everyone makes sure you count how many inches he takes off his penis. We need to keep record. I have an inverted penis. Hey could go negative that's fine negatives yeah if you want to be a seven foot seven just monster of a man and you got does that mean i have a penis inside of me if i go negative or uh if you want comes comes out as a tail uh seven foot seven with a like one and a half foot long tail at the back that would be scary i would i so this is i mean there's no right answer one right because i feel like if i don't know that's true well because like i don't care i feel like just saying i want inches off my penis just

sounds like painful so i mean and hypothetically this genie is not like chopping you with a knife it's a little magic it just happens this isn't a surgery or anything no i'm not okay yeah we're not going through the u.s health care system that would be too hard um uh i don't care to be tall so you're gonna go shorter yeah and then i could be like a real life hobbit and then like okay that's like that's like a that's like a hung hobbit that's like i could actually be a tripod like depending if we like depending on how much i'm taking off how many inches are we taking off the height buddy i don't know like i i feel like if i so at some point i mean it's already weird but at some point it's like my mind immediately went to like okay if i take like a lot of inches off my height then comically i could be like hasbulla and like

he's famous and like he's not packing as much as you'd be packing exactly and then it's like you don't know that okay that's take it easy all right but then i don't know like i feel so i'm five seven i would take like i guess an inch because i don't care either way and i guess i have to go one way or the other but comically because for the comedy uh i could go low as like five three probably before it's like before it's like like too short i don't know. I'm thinking like how short is Kevin Hart? 5'5"? He's like 5'4". Well, the average Hobbit is 3'6". So you could add about two feet onto yourself.

Where are they getting these actual Hobbit statistics from? They're not actual Hobbits out there. Something tells me that it might be in one of the like 40 books that were written. Yeah, but the way Brian said it made it sound like there's actual hobbits living in New Zealand. It's like the fictional. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do you know that there's not? Yeah, have you been?

Hobbiton? I don't think that's a no. Kevin Hart is 5'2", just FYI. I was going to say, I don't think this is a very hard decision for Corey. Cause I feel like the necessary needs for height and as low and shallow as this might be is for attracting a partner. And so once that's done, you're kind of, he's engaged.

That's what I mean. I mean, he's done. So like, he can, I mean, ask, Hey,

Hey, ask Claire this question. Yeah. I kill me to call her. Uh, no, she, she's out.

So Claire, how big precisely is Corey's dick and how much can we shave off? Maybe like off air? I was not planning on bringing that up because I figured you wouldn't. But since you brought it up, I had to ask. I am curious. I do want you to ask her because if she answers quickly, I'd be interested. Hypothetically, we could make a Corey bigger. Yes.

Yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Across the board. Just leave it there. Got a great personality. Man, I thought, I mean, I think that's kind of what I want to go. Now I want to hear everyone's answer. What's y'all's answer?

So the reason why I had to only ask cory is if if you're shorter it's a harder answer yeah you know so that's why oh no i'm going six two to six one or six foot oh my life yeah okay yeah zach's okay we got zach being perfect burn what are you i mean i could i could go down to six foot tall that wouldn't be bad i'm six two you know it's true i don't do it you guys really need a big penis like i feel like it's fine i don't feel like as long as it's oh for sure i haven't gotten to me yet man i got nothing to give away in the department i don't have an option i did ask admitting if the option quarter Asian, I did ask. I assume I have to pick one because I assume I can't just be like, yeah, neither because I'm happy the way I am.

So I mean, that's that's unfun. Yeah, we're all unhappy the way we are. Let's go with that. I can't get over the thought of like just losing inches like inch like that's not that's not like a like a little is that is that little do we have females in the field is that a lot or a little amount should we all just ask is it inch a lot and just a question like that i feel like it depends on where you stand right like if we're going in the kitchen we're going four to two, I feel like that's a big fucking change in your cock. You know what I mean?

That's half. That's true. But if we're going like... That's 100% ROI there. But if it's like... I don't know. I literally, in my head right now, it's like I have literally the cyberpunk sliders and it's like, I keep sliding up the dick size and then my height is like getting lower.

And I'm like, in my head, I'm like picturing just like moving the sliders around on my body. You only have so many stat points and you can either put them in height or penis length. You know, I, there's a question that hasn't been asked, which is in what way are we applying the inch to the penis because height is pretty obvious like height is make it super girthy because you can make it girthy you could apply it to the balls you could do well i guess penis would be penis i was thinking if you were to say general the region i guess the penis are not the boss that is correct

i actually i want to take three inches off my height and just add them all to the width of my gooch okay i want my gooch area to just be wider that's all i just want really oblong testicles just really tall and not circular anymore i want to look like i'm 75 years old by how much my balls are dangling off my body. Got the Twin Towers down there. Better watch out. God damn it, my brain. It is Wednesday, Mikey. My nipples are hard now. Number one, remove your bra.

I like nuts. I'm ready to go. Golf is a sexy thing. My dick will go like, and just flip inside out, and it'll turn into a vagina. Hi, boys. And you take me. Hi, boys.

And of course, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack. Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby. God damn, he's so good. Yeah, he calls me big time. Ah, ah, ah. Wow, wow, wow.

Booty. Of course, it makes me dookie. If you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back out. And then I swallow. I want to die. Raw dog and lower. Kid turkey, basterd nipples. I just got slopped. Rock's dick has anchor arms.

I think I gotta get out of here. Where did you get the paint from? I don't fucking... Great question! Who has vertical butt cheeks? To the death. No, Bob! Look it down!

I'm fucking with this fucking guy, man! It is Wednesday, my dudes. Welcome back to another episode of It's wednesday my dudes episode 83 everyone's finally back everyone recovered from their crab milk gonorrhea we have a little pp drafts today uh courtesy of zach uh but first uh rooks is a monologue, so you have the floor. Hey, everybody. It's great to be back. I missed you all. You know, I just like to say, like, I went through something crazy.

Like, your boy, he's a COVID survivor now, okay? So, everyone, throw your Livestrong bracelets on. Let's support the cause, okay? Livestrong. We made it. We out here. Corey, how you doing? Oh, doing great.

Bryce Harper just knocked a home run. Mmm. Easy money, baby. Did you put some money on him? Oh, hell yeah. $15 for him to hit a home run? What am I, dumb? Straight to the bank.

To the citizens bank. And that's my bank. So there you go. How much do you want off 15? It was plus 400. I think I won. I don't know. Let me.

All right, Zach, how are you doing? I'm doing great. Thanks for asking. Another day above the ground. So excited for that. Yeah. Is that your threshold oh yeah how many inches would you take off your height and add to your life or add to your oh height above you could take a you could take an inch off your dick to add another year to your

life oh i don't want to know one no one in five years what if I don't have that many years to fucking shave off and add to my life, man? $75, Brian. Okay, that's not bad. We said you could go negative if you want to grow a tail and have just like a vagina. Okay, you know, we talked about this tail thing

and I don't mean to interrupt the intro here. So tail thing, right? I'm walking around and I have a dick hanging off my back, right? Because it is an inverted penis. It's going to be a dick that's just... It's inside out hanging off of my ass.

Okay. Just wanted to clear that up. Thank you. Yeah. Would you still get boners? Is it coming out of my asshole or is it somewhere else? They'd be called backers it wouldn't be coming out of your butthole because then you wouldn't be able to

poop it would have to be like above it like a or blow it or out the gooch do you still have balls on the front i've are they internal now do you just have a vagina at this point that i mean that's kind of the question i want to know from the beginning but i feel like we talked about this a lot so we can maybe move on yeah i mean wait so it's for the next 40 minutes it seems like a conversation we're gonna be talking about for the entire day if it inverts out of my out of my back right does that mean in the front there's like a fucking index of where my penis was? Yeah. Now I got this fucking...

You still got to pee out of it somehow. What's that game? That old school game, like Dig Dug, you know what I'm saying? I got just like that whole fucking crevice just down into my ass. Dig Dug. So you know like the... Operation. The waving implodable arm too man

so like if you got a boner slash backer would it inflate back towards the front or would it go further back your dick is now hanging backwards out of the back of your body so when it inflates like it's not gonna push out through the front it's gonna have to

it's inflated it's like through the back now you just have a little like actual kickstand to sit back on dude you're having sex with someone doggy silent and you got to just bump in your ass it's together sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry what a picture oh sorry sorry sorry welcome to the podcast everyone it's good to be back i guess everyone's weeks went well if we're just gonna stay on this go phillies yeah Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Welcome to the podcast, everyone. It's good to be back. I guess everyone's weeks went well if we're just going to stay on this the whole time. Go Phillies. Yeah. Go Birds. Man, I've been here like a month.

Yeah, Rooks, you haven't been here forever. Go first. How's your month been? Man, I haven't been doing shit. Just coaching. I had a lot of work shit these last couple weeks right to go to dinners with um people i work with which i hate which is not fun um shout out your lips just get fucking chapped from smooching all that ass you know what i'm saying we're just constantly and then like the end of the night got a bomb up um but no it was uh it's been a good month uh got covid so that was great um really just getting the system going, you know? Again, Survivor, by the way.

Going or stopping? Huh? Going or stopping? Getting the system going? Yeah, it really just gets you jacked up and ready to go. Yeah, I heard that was a side effect. Big time side effect. And then, yeah, no, done that. And then just haven't, I haven't really been doing much. Went over Halloween. yeah I heard that was a side effect big time side effect and then yeah no

done that and then just haven't I haven't really been doing much went over Halloween last weekend and that's that's about all I got did done that and I've been fucking your boys been vibing that's all I got man personality season that

and you're just staying inside just you know warming up we're still fucking hitting the gym all right now um but but no it's been very very mellow this last month cool tight zach how's the chicagoland going oh it's good justin field is actually good again i'm confused by it dude he's great he's uh i was so i've never been more happy after a loss this weekend in my life. We got smoked by the Cowboys, but we scored 29 points, and I was so happy. The Cowboys have the best defense in the league, too. I can't remember the last time we scored 29 points.

It would have been a great Sunday had it not puked for me to eat too much food. Give us a rundown. Were you hungover, or was it strictly just like overeating oh my god i feel terrible so i was hung over but it was the hungoverness where i don't know if you ever experienced this i think there's two different types of being hung over when relation to your appetite one you're just starving and you need food immediately and the other one where you just have a weirdly full stomach the entire time and you don't know why so i had the second one.

But I was like, I need to eat. And it's Sunday. It's my one kind of cheat meal day of the week. So I'm not going to not eat food. So I proceeded to order a large sausage, onion, and mushroom pizza with 16 buffalo wings and a couple propels and just to confirm you said couple your hung your hungover or your hangover was i'm full right now like i'm not hungry for anything correct so you got it you kept it light yeah yeah yeah i didn't want to didn't want to overdo it too much but the propel was yeah i grazed throughout the day so i like had like don So I had some wings and some pizza, put it in the fridge, pulled it out again.

And then I realized I'm like halfway through. It was probably the afternoon game, the 49ers Rams game. I told myself, I'm like, this has got to come out. I can't. You know how you feel it kind of crawling up your throat and there's just like a little thing of sausage just stuck in the back right on your epiglottis there? Yeah, I did the whole kind of going to the bathroom and just finger down the throat and just let her fly. I bet you'll get it done. Oh, buddy, I lost – I looked great.

I looked in the mirror. I could see the abs after that, buddy. It's amazing what throwing up will make you look good. I can see why some people do it. Try, guys. Try bulimia next episode. Hey, try it. Don't stick with it. Let's see.

Exactly. But yeah, that was probably the big event of the weekend. I played flag football again. Got two more sacks, not to brag. We're just a defensive juggernaut like our offense stinks but we've won multiple games like six nothing so it's uh jesus it's it's electric i uh yeah uh the the my the team we were playing got pissed at me again they compared me to jj watt

which was nice so i appreciated that compliment but then they had three guys lined up against me and one of them kind of lasso horse collared me around the head and whipped me down. I didn't appreciate that too much. So I proceeded then to just kind of knock him over several times. So yeah, that's kind of my life now is intramural sports

and eating a lot of food on Sundays. But dude, it's so weird now because I get to get a promotion at work and I'm in charge of like five people now. Manage that. Yeah, so it's like i don't know if i can i do i need to improve my lifestyle to reflect my work responsibilities now no you dig yourself deeper hole gotcha yeah yeah there's worse people the higher up you go is there yeah have you seen jeff bezos i i can't argue with that logic elon musk scumbag true um i'm gonna give uh my ranking for the week um 11 chase clay pools because I think that's his number. It is. Have fun with the TikToks.

I'm sad. Steelers don't have a third receiver. I can't name their third receiver. We lost three in the offseason and didn't pick up any more and then we just got rid of another one. I'm not welcome about it. Corey, bad team land.

It's not fun. Could have been. Yeah yeah how's philly you're winning and everything ah it's great uh yeah so my week my parents came all last week to look at rehearsal dinner locations and hotels which was fun because they stayed over basically played with cooper all day while i worked and then cleaned and did housework for me and then went to dinner and took us out to dinner like each night because we were going to these places so we're like we might as well you might as well eat there so we did that um so that was dope a lot of leftovers uh also my mom had like so we came from the whiteout game because they came in between the whiteout game and the ohio state game and so there was

like leftover cake uh it was great um we found a place so that's tight so one thing off the list uh and then what the hell did I do? Friday and Thursday? I don't remember. Friday, watched the Phillies. Go Phillies. They won. Saturday, went to the brewery, like a Penn State bar for the game. And watched us play great and then suck. Classic. And then went golfing Sunday.

Watched the Eagles tear up the Stillers. Stillers. Which was great. I would say tear up. We hung in there the first half. For how bad we are. And how good you guys are. I just remember three touchdowns from A.J. Brown in the first half. That's true.

But it was like at the beginning of the second quarter, it was like 10-10 or 10-7. So hung in there for one quarter. It was close for one quarter. That's all I could ask for. Close game. Both teams tried hard. I don't know if that's true.

I don't know if that's true I don't know if that's true either but it was good and then yesterday classic got two bags of candy had zero trick-or-treaters so I am you have one trick-or-treater you can count yourself

walk around the back door walk to the front bring the doorbell walk back around to the inside, open the door. I'm like, hey, put your candy into a bag on the floor. It's just me ringing my doorbell, waiting for Cooper to answer it. I have candy. Hypothetically, if you did have like one trick or treat at the very end of the night, were you going to give them the whole bag of candy? Because they have to walk up those hills to get there. Yeah.

The calves on those kids must have been ginormous to get up there. I feel like your neighborhood is not the place to trick or treat like that shit even as like a kid i feel like you go one block and they're just like fuck this shit i'm out i'm done this isn't my vibe like it's a lot of work we're not i mean i would assume that yeah the kids at the bottom of the hill aren't going to be coming up but i am at the bottom of the hill aren't going to be coming up but i am at the top of the hill where like there's a full two streets like they could walk at least for those houses and i had one trick-or-treater like three years ago but then uh he's still in the basement ever again yeah i'm just saying look at our stat line here we got

one trick-or-treater in three years. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but I'm not going to not buy candy. I'm not going to be that guy. And so you just hand him leftovers in a Tupperware, and she'll be like, yeah, that's what I got. Good luck. Just confuse the parents. Sloppy Joe, kid.

Yeah, I'll do that next year. I'll Sloppy Joe, kid. I will rate my weekend up two bags of candy nice and uh starting some pre-diabetes as well i like it and 10 inches off my penis oh all right six foot seven gory now we know we're working with okay i mean we did agree we can invert our penis right hey man you don't have to you don't have to be humble okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah all right thanks um well before in seattle like the last like the last week there the first half it was covered in smoke it was the worst like air quality in the entire world for a couple days and then it rained for the last four

days so i did like nothing except for i went and saw black adam what an average movie where the main character is the worst part of it like if you took out the rock from that entire movie it would be so much better he says like two lines and just does his one eyebrow thing at the camera the entire time and does nothing else he just goes back dude this guy literally this guy played someone in three different safari based movies he played the same character like this guy does not have range guess what this is not a safari based movie i thought he was gonna exactly it's outside of his fucking range my boy okay all right so he needs to be a safari based superhero i i don't know my marvel or dc very well but i bet there is one we could

try to find him one for it oh also just just while we're talking about uh the rock um your boy uh the rock hot sorry yeah just to throw it back. Yeah. That was a wild. We're balanced. We're balanced now. I haven't been on a month. I was saying. Honestly. Yeah. Good to be back, guys. Thanks for.

Thanks for hanging out. So I went to this restaurant. The last thing I did in Seattle. There's a place that all it does is sell lava cakes. You know, like the crappy dessert you'd get. I like Applebee's where it's like they just like microwave it. Chili's. And Applebee's. Like it like they just like microwave it. Chilies. And Applebee's.

It's every white... You want me to fact check this right now? I'm going to fact check it. Just as a Domino's advocate here, have you ever had the Domino's lava cake? That shit be squirting, dude. That thing is so good.

Oh my god. applebee's triple chocolate meltdown it's a lava cake every white person middle of the midwest chain restaurant has a lava cake but these are bougie ones so we showed up it's all the restaurant sells it's just lava cake we show up at 10 p.m and it's packed for some reason i don't understand it also the music they're playing i don't know the music they're playing is just the wii sports theme song just like but just like way too loud like i just don't know what they're going for for like fancy food but in the middle of the night but also there's children's music just blasting as loud as it possibly can.

So that was a weird final impression for Seattle. So that was interesting. But you know, Portland now, it's rained for seven days straight, and there's supposed to be rain for the next 10 days. So really getting the Pacific Northwest vibes going. But yeah, I also didn't realize this is the dumb cousin state of New Jersey because Oregon also doesn't let you pump your own gas. So that's something I still don't get that. But also the last thing.

Siphoning other people's gas. That's what the guy did. They had a barrel of gas in it and he just put a hose in it. They actually don't sell gas. They have to siphon it. That's why they have the professionals do it. And you can't do it yourself. They actually don't sell gas. They have to siphon it. That's why they have the professionals do it. And you can't do it yourself. Exactly.

You really just put his lips all over my gas can. Yeah. Random question. Like when you're siphoning gas, like you use like a hose, right? And then your mouse at one end and you like, how do you not your butthole?

How do you not slurpy up some gas? Like how do you not kind of do? Supposedly you just do. Yeah. Ew yeah ew dude people are gross sorry continue people who siphon gas off of random cars yeah they're gross i think that's not people eating lava cake hey you bite your tongue that venn diagram is a circle brother the uh i'm washed of the week is this airbnb is like concrete floors with like vinyl over it and it hurts my feet so i wear slippers now so i feel like i'm 75 years old that is a wash up statement holy yeah I was like ooh my feet are just sore I was like man

the amount of times I've heard my mom say that and I'm like wow you're old so it's not good not good guys does someone hit a home run no that thing's not staying in the park I'll tell you that what kind of

tater variety is that, Corey? Would you say that's of the mashed variety? I would say it's a jacked tater. Oh, man. I'll tell you what. It's hilarious to watch your parents. Sorry, Brian. Off topic.

I'm done. I'm done talking. It's fine. You just gotta talk about jacking off these taters, okay? Man, I think it's hilarious when your parents, or I guess I'll say my dad, or your dad, hear of a very common catchphrase or slang, but it's the first time he hears it now. So we were watching the game the other day, and JT RealMudo is a player. So somebody had a sign that said, Jack and Taters for JT.

My man, every time now I say I'm watching the Phillies game, he just says Jack and Taters. I'm like, man, you gotta relax. He just wants to be Gen Z, man. Gotta give him a full makeover. Like, put him in, like, them in some uh cargo shorts and uh i think your dad's definitely rocking some cargo shorts already oh hell do we uh you want to get into this pp draft pp baby i think we dropped some pps zach okay get the order hold on i actually didn't prepare

for it we want to do it based on a fun fact Or do you want to do it based on the generator A fun fact Put me last already and get it over with I wanted to say The fun fact is Rooks is last Penis size I'm still going last man this is bullshit

Penis size reverse order Oh now we're cooking with gas Now we're cooking with gas. Now we're siphoning some gas, baby. Penis size but girth only. Yeah. Okay. Oh, man.

Come on, draft guys. This is your idea. Jesus Christ guys give us a host everyone get your measuring tapes out Brian give me a sounder yeah so uh all the clips broke because my computer I did some things so I can figure it out but it's gonna take me

a minute okay I can figure it out, but it's going to take me a minute. Okay. All right. That's it. What the fuck is this? 70s cop fucking music. What the fuck is this shit? Okay. I got it. We're good. Thank you.

Okay. Here's the order, so everyone can see. It's me, Rooks, Corey, Brian. Oh, shit. Oh, so we did go by PNSS. Which direction? me rooks cory brian oh shit oh so we did go by penis size which direction i don't think it matters x y and z that's the last all right all right so this is the pet peeve draft yeah that, that's what peeves stand for. Pet peeves. Did we not know that when you said we were doing a peeve draft?

Everyone calls it a peeve draft. The context of this episode would have steered me in another direction of what we talked about. I mean, we started out talking a lot about peeves anyways, so I think it fits. I agree. I don't know why I came up with this. I just maybe had a... We're all back together. Maybe it blew off a little steam,

kind of express our frustration with, uh, it's supposed to be pet peeves about each other. Yeah, sure. Just the top five things that we hate about each other for each of these. Okay, good.

All right. I'm gonna kick us off five rounds, all experiences. Cause they're all pet peeves. Um, uh, general sales. Wait, no main courses?

Yeah. Did you have Christmas? I listened to that episode, by the way, because I was bored, and I was like, what was a good episode? The Thanksgiving food draft episode, where Brian just hits us with the Texas Roadhouse and then doubles back around, and then takes another form of roll. I think he took cornbread, and then- Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Texas Roadhouse rolls. He took pumpkin cheesecake, and then he wrapped form of roll. I think he took like cornbread and then Oh yeah, absolutely.

Texas Roadhouse rolls. He took like pumpkin cheesecake and then he wrapped it up with Christmas. I was flabbergasted. It's such a good draft. All you want for Thanksgiving dinner is carbs. My family literally asked me like what's the one thing you want? I said cornbread. And they're like yeah. All you want for Thanksgiving

dinner is carbs and Christmas. They say it. and christmas that's what thanksgiving does just an irresponsible draft i'll say it all right uh i'm gonna take my obviously my first overall pick i think it's a pretty universal and it's standing up in the aisle when an airplane lands uh i don't know i don't know what we have to do to just like tell people that this is not going to let you deboard any fast if anything is going to deboard the plane slower because then you're in the middle to squeeze out it's already tight enough to squeeze out of your row and then to squeeze out with someone both behind you and like you're trying to grab your bag. And I just don't like we're not moving for another 15 minutes. Like, why are you standing?

I get like, oh, stretch my legs. Like, you'll be fine for another 10, 15 minutes. I think just the plane deboarding etiquette. I could probably draft all airport things on here if I really wanted to. Oh, it's the airport. It's so bad. But this is the one that really makes... They hear that ding

and then immediately they shoot up from their seats. I want to just throw something at every single one. I don't care if they're old lady, old man, older man. Slightly older man than that older man. I just want to throw my uh my packing peanuts at them

um do you think we should invent packing plates placking pain penis packing plain peanuts i don't know anyway see it's gonna give me all frazzled right now i'm getting i'm getting angry just thinking about them standing up so do you think we should invent like a you know the moving aisles in the airport just put that in the aisle on the plane but it only goes backwards so everyone that stands up they turn it on it just launches them out the back of the plane love it then everyone else can just get up i'll talk to the faa but like how would you would you have to stop it for everyone that's getting off the plane like the right way right it's real quick turn on turbo turning into like a fucking episode of what's that fucking old show

mxc dude it's like that shit where people are just like i think there'd be a way we could do some sort of trapdoor system so when they like press their feet with enough weight in the bottom it immediately plunges them down into a pen of sorts and they have to stay down there for an hour you know i mean i think that's i think that's a fucking great idea right no i got it they have to actually go back through as because they would right they would go in as they were like a carry yeah to the luggage so then they have to get back into the airport via like a normal luggage system they have to go onto that like cart then they have to go all the way back somebody actually has to claim them at the luggage pickup.

They get a little sticker tag on them. The baggage guys grab them full force from the plane and throw them onto a cart. Just chuck them. They just sit in the carousel for hours on end. The really fat guys go to the oversized

luggage area and they're just out in the corner by themselves. We're actually going to draft and solve pet peeves today. Let's do it. I kind of like that. That's so many pet peeves to solve. I don't think we could solve 25, but we could get there. Math is hard.

It's 25 in Portland. We teach math different over here. I don't know how that works but number two second overall and there's another just universal one i never knew how much this pissed me off until we live with quimbo but if you chew and smack your hips i'm gonna fuck like it is the if it sounds like you're just fucking like like a porn star eating pussy or something and you're chewing your fucking dinner i'm gonna lose my shit give me a little msr it was loud like bro shut the why why does your mouth do that like just chew like a normal fucking person oh my god

it's you know why i do that oh it drives me fucking it drives me absolutely fucking insane that's the first one off the board for me i i had to get that one because it's i think that genuinely is my biggest like just like universal like oh my god please shut the fuck up like please stop doing that as soon as you say quimbo's name i thought you're going in a very different direction and you're like yeah i didn't know i didn't know my biggest peeves my roommate beats off when i'm in the room with him i thought i'd be all right with it but man it just really uh the noise just i thought i was gonna be okay with it you know and then it happened and i was, I don't like this.

I think that's definitely a parent problem, because you don't just start smacking. Jerking off in a room? No, smacking your lips. If you're smacking your lips together, your parents just didn't tell you to stop doing it. They just let you do that. It's much on the parents as the kids. In terms of fixing,

like, lip-schmacking while you're uh all the parents correct only way you said kill the parents yeah okay yeah we can we can what via a trapdoor system everything just turns into a trapdoor not i'll say I'll say this. Not enough trap doors in the world. I said it. Trap doors and quicksand. Stuff I thought was going to be a way bigger problem in my adult life turns out to not be an issue. We could make them a bigger problem. We could be a mess to society.

Problem or solution. That's true. I kind of like that. Good pick, though. Hey, Rooks. Thank you. I forgot who was third. I think it's me. I think Brian's last. Yeah, I'm small penis. I mostly know that because of penis size. Good pick, Brooks. Thank you. I forgot who was third. I think it's me.

I think Brian's last. Yeah, I'm small penis. I mostly know that because of penis size. Yeah. I am going to draft, and this seems like I'm targeting, I think, old people and good. I'm going to draft people who ask you how you got to places, like the specific directions. Like, I fucking can't stand that i understand why it's a problem because like that that's like the weather to them like that's how

they would probably start a conversation anytime somebody came to like happy hour or something but it's like i don't know how many times i could tell the same people who ask me the same question every time i meet them anywhere like guess how i got here fucking put in my phone and drove here that's the exact way i got here the little magic box told me yeah it i hate it i'm like because i'm not i'm not out here studying roads i'm sorry i got i got better things to do with my time i don't care that just reminds me of like working an office job again and how much i hate people oh man you are gonna love to hate my draft or hate my draft because you hate people you're supposed to solve them all though so how do we how do we solve people asking what directions you took? Take a helicopter instead? They say it, trapdoor.

No, no, I got it. You just carry around a trapdoor. No, no, you take the trapdoor to the location. So you just pop up out of the trapdoor. They're like, what road did you take? The trapdoor. And they're like, what? So we build the trapdoor and then we type in the directions on our map so we can show them, oh, this is actually how we got here.

I typed in the directions here and then show them so then they can follow it and then they fall into the trap door at that location. Okay. And then you never see them again? And then you have to pick them up at baggage claim. What's the purpose of asking that question? I feel like when you ask them a question, it's true. weather it's like true it's like we all got here somehow and you know you know roads you took roads to get here i assume so like i could have also taken that road to get here but the weather and guess what you probably did but the weather i could see you know oh it's

raining out or oh got a little chill i could i could oh i'll be i'll go outside and i'll experience that or that's good to know the roads like you're not coming back home with me or you know oh it's raining out or oh got a little chill I could I could oh I'll be I'll go outside and I'll experience that or that's good to know the roads like you're not coming back home with me or you know like why would you care how I got here like what's the I don't get what the point is seems like kind of like a know-it-all question because I feel like you're gonna ask that oh you took that way oh like

I would have gone this way and then it's definitely a big it's definitely a big time adult question where it's like, you're going to say something and they're like, no, no, no, you should have taken this and done this. It's a very old person question. Once you see the trap door, you've gone too far.

Good pick, Corey. I'm excited to see the next four from Corey that just hate on old people because I'm going to vote for your draft as the best um so i was in like a good mood today so it's hard for me to think of pet peeves so mine are strange um hey good for you brian right it was it was a good day i was like what do i hate i was like today not much uh but people that don't have venmo just like walk into a trap door and never come out old people yeah fuck you this is the most bright one but also like a great one too dude if i'm asking someone to fucking like if i'm asking for someone to pay and they go you

have cash app it's like no no do you have venmo and they're like oh do you have zelle no bitch why do you not why do you have everythingmo and they're like oh do you have zelle no bitch why do you not why do you have everything except the one that everyone uses like i'm not gonna wire you money oh it's send you it's the cashier's check it's just like it's been out for like 15 years everyone does it and it's so simple if you ever ate at a restaurant with more than one person like yeah just put it on one bill we'll venmo each other and there's one person on the corner who's like but like I don't want to give my bank information to an app

because it's China and it's like dude who the fuck are you going to dinner with Jesus that's the exact person I'd expect that was really good I will say Zelle is convenient if you have Chase but the problem is everyone doesn't have Chase so get Venmo

because it's quicker Zelle chase. So get Venmo. Because it's quicker. Zell is good. It's instant. Get Venmo. Zach's trying to get trapped or'd. Right. Zach doesn't have Venmo.

You stop inviting that person out anywhere that involves. I may know why they're not invited because they're trapped. Correct. For all of these, though, you could just say don't be around those people. So I don't think that's actually fixing it. Do we just like steal their bank information? No, you don't. I got it. I got it.

You make them pay for every bill. That's actually that's. But how do I pay them? To have them download demo though if you don't download them i can't pay you that's a good point and you just force them to pay it bully them to get the only way i'll pay you back get out of here with your actual solutions where's the trap nowhere and then if and then if they say no we open up the trap door

the trap door. The trap door is as soon as they sign up, China's going to steal all their money. So, all right. Next one. We're going snake, right? I'm assuming so. Have we ever gone any different? No, we start back with me and Zach again. Well, I saw one on Instagram or whatever, and they didn't snake it, and it irked me.

Maybe that's my next pet peeve is people that don't snake trap. Yeah. If you don't snake trap. Traptor. You don't chew big red. No. Southern hospitality. Just like, it's too much.

Be nice. I don't like them. No, because it's- I want you to walk up to me and spin my fucking face and then just walk away don't say a word to me maybe these are too many money things in a row but like i had too many friends and like parents of friends when i was in like high school where like they would like pay for dinner or something i'm like let me just give you like five bucks and like now that's fine let me just give you five bucks like no it's fine i'm like i'm gonna leave five dollars here and they'll pick it up and hand

it back to me and i'll be like i'm gonna leave five dollars here because my mom said i have to give you this money or i'm in trouble and they wouldn't take the money and it's like it's fine you understand i'm gonna get in trouble if i don't do this stop trying to be nice you're actually being mean by trying to be nice i hate people cory you have a question do you try uh venmoing them uh they're old and from the south so they don't trust technology that's fair you know although you could venmo them and then they well they would have to have the venmo yeah they have to have an account stuck in the trap door it's like a get out situation. One trapdoor on each leg.

Alright, Corey, you're up. Alright. I'm gonna go with... Wait, how do we fix southern hospitality? Nukem? No, the Civil War. Oh. Yeah?

But this time we let them win? More trapdoors. Okay. I'm sure there would be a trap door if there was a civil war somewhere we do like a big bear trap type of scenario it's kind of like a nature trap door where you dig a big hole and then you put a net over it and you cover that net with leaves and then you bait the southern people who give southern hospitality over the net and then they fall in we agree that's not a bear trap right i think it's a bear trap the thing that clamps on your leg yeah no bear trap is definitely the metal thing on the ground yeah i think it's just strictly for humans like i think it's like yeah yeah bear hole is different definitely different uh can we

just dig an entire moat along the masonDixon line and then fill that with bear traps? Yes. Uh-huh. Okay. Corey, you're up. Fixed. I'm going to draft people who ask questions during movies. Oh, I took mine.

Such a good one. It is fucking annoying. I don't care about a little comment. Damn, Claire. Shut the fuck up during the movie bitch no she's good this is uh this is stop barking this is at karina at karina damn he's adding her shout out she knows it play the music i tell her to her face this is my least favorite thing that you do so she knows thanks for the shout out uh yeah i hate it because

every time guess guess what my answer is gonna be watch the movie no what's your answer gonna be shout what's your answer gonna be shout no this is a great pick i think i'm gonna lump in because i also talking during the movies too from in a movie theater i really respect the people because i don't like confrontation when you have a group of high schoolers or eighth graders in the movies and you'll have just one random guy or girl in the back and then they they'll be talking, and the guy will just be like, shut the fuck up, in the middle of a quiet movie.

I'm like, thanks, brother. I appreciate you. But yeah, people will have... I don't understand the plot of the movie. My hope is I will understand it by the end. If I don't, there probably was a reason, and I'm going to watch the movie again, or I'm going to go on Wikipedia and look up the plot.

Simple solution. I don't know more than you know right now now assuming we both are watching this movie for the first time the thing is too dealing with that is like easy trap doors you just gotta have trap doors under the seats correct and then we just got buttons that now we have like a grid that we just press a button oh see ya you get one does the seat just fold up on them? No, I like the idea of the floor. That would be more like a bear trap. I like the idea of the floor just fully dropping under them and the seat goes too. We get more seats. They're not expensive.

I like the idea of everyone has... I like the grid idea. And it's a panel out in front. So you see the seat layout. You see where you're sitting. There's a decibel rating on each thing. You have a lot of decibel ratings for eating popcorn and candy and snacks if it reaches a decibel 11 that's over hot like higher than a normal eating everyone in the theater who's not that person gets an

opportunity to to nuke that person through the floor and they all can vote and then you get nuked through the floor i'm not gonna lie because lie because they've got to be trying to figure out how to get people into the theater. That would actually be – I think a lot of people would go to the movies a lot more often. Do you know how little I would pay attention to a movie if I had just a fucking button I could push that could just send someone through the floor for talking? I would be just staring at everybody like say one fucking word bitch you're going through the floor you almost have to like gamble on it though right cause other people are gonna be able to do it right

so you have to like look before you go into the movies and be like who do I think is gonna be the talker cause you gotta keep your finger right above their seat on the grid ready to go cause right once they go they're gone cause somebody's gonna beat you to it big solutions over here and then you get plus one trapdoor point if you send somebody

through the trapdoor and eventually you want a gift card to go to the movies or here's where you can't be trapdoored correct or here's an idea we could also do a so no one abuses the trapdoor power that if you accidentally try to nuke someone through the floor that didn't supersede the decibel level, you get trapdoored. That's tough. That's a game cat and mouse, man. The old suicide door trick. The old suicide door.

The old assassination yourself door. We're all saying different words for killing yourself that's too funny somebody this guy question on where the mics are placed in for each individual seat because if they're in the bottom of the seat of yourself like itself i have a issue with if i fart too loud if i get trapped doored and that might be could i go hypothetically into someone's little bubble and just be like ah and then just press the button i think so you're seeing like a little kid crawl around a movie theater

uh we're gonna wait to it we have so many more pics left but i yeah the way you do this is like before the movie starts you have like a voice modulation you talk in you know like where you we're gonna wait we have so many more pics left but I the way you do this is like before the movie starts you have like a voice modulation you talk in you know like where you have

Siri recognize your voice or whatever and you go like hi my name yeah exactly you go hi my name is Zach

ah and then be like alright voice recognized and then that way if Rooks comes over and goes ah into my thing

it'll then an attractor will appear in front of me and launch him down through it because he'll be comes down from the ceiling yeah like claw games him fix him back up we have trapdoors under and then we have anvils above just ready to drop on everyone's head we're in a wily coyote episode right now um who the hell is up right now this is going to be a two part episode

for this draft we're at 53 minutes we don't need to analyze every pick because our idea to fix it is always going to relate to a trapdoor I will say though that was a creative trapdoor solution X Y Z trapdoor

the shot take list is going to be huge by the end of this episode my uh my second pick is gonna be when people inappropriately like they don't use headphones so let's say like you're in line at chipotle and someone's just listening to music out loud on their phone yeah it's like bitch i don't want to listen to Bad Bunny right now. Please, please. So bad. I will give you $6 to go across the street to 7-Eleven to buy one of their little shitty pairs of headphones, and that

way you can just listen to it on your own. There's a guy that goes to my gym every day, and he plays his music out loud, and he sings to it as well. And it's like, dude, please, please, please shut the fuck's like dude like please please please shut the fuck up like oh my god please shut the fuck up it is the most like why like just own headphones why do we not own headphones it's 2022 own headphones or you're not allowed to play music

right i think that's a fair trade don't play anything out loud or else you know what trapdoor your ass you know how like uh they got um they finally decriminalized at least in most states or a lot of states like you know trapdoors yeah and trapdoors hopefully for our for our solution sake um but they they decriminalized like marijuana up to like a certain degree whatever they should swap that like that crime with listening to music without headphones like i like let's give the police a fair reign to to detain people for a long time for listening to music without headphones i'd be more than okay with that i hate it this guy's music paraphernalia in his system um so i'm happy you brought up the gym because

that might be the worst place to play music out loud if you're like on the street or at like the train or something at least it's like there's not other music trains bad too the train train's not good but at least there's not other music playing in a room with other people though and they're playing shit out loud it's like oh my fucking god like i agree all this bad but you're at the gym there's already music playing and then you oh my god it's not like off their phone they'll bring a speaker in so they have money to buy a good speaker and then they bring it it's the worst the fucking happens a lot the headaches this guy gives me when i'm listening to fucking hardcore dubstep and then over the loudspeaker they're playing fucking miley cyrus and then he's singing R&B all at the same time.

I am absolutely frazzled for an hour at a time. Like, I can't think straight. Yeah, you just can't handle that. Trap door! We already developed this for the movie theater. The grid is now just the entire Earth. Yeah. You said, like, we talk to our boy,

you have, like, a wrist panel with like everyone your room you walk in it lights up with the people in there you know ben 10 would just all have those little wrist things and so they'll track us and then you just like get our boy jeff bezos to get some drones have some anvils on them cover the skies all right my turn so are we going in those trap doors trap doors first trap doors on the trap doors on the ground anvils from above how do you drone people it's fucking trap doors how does that work is it just a door falling down and knocking them out you know in cartoons when they like have like just a black hole and they like throw it on the

wall and run in and They're like pop out somewhere else anyone. Yeah Just do that you just drop that from the from above you and then that's gotta like cover them They're probably like trap door from above. All right Back what are your two pegs? Dropping cartoon black holes on people. Only after we have the anvil thought. You want to just do one pick and wrap it at two rounds?

Leave them on a cliffhanger? Yeah. Wait, what? We're coming back next week, Rooks. We're coming back next week with this shit? It's been an hour. What are you... Why don't we just pick one more and then just toss out your uh your uh your best ones no no no i wanted to own a two-parter we're solving

all the world's problems oh jesus christ well we'll see we'll convince him not to do it anyway all right my second pick and last one of this round i guess is um is uh people who hog the sidewalk sidewalks meant for two people there's a pass there's a there's a right lane in the left lane stay in your lane uh several times i'm again too nice but there are several times again i don't care who's walking on their side frat boy little girl older lady slightly older lady um like i really want to shoulder check them into the next into the oncoming traffic because they just don't understand that you have to walk on your side of the light. It's always groups of people too. Like the fucking frat boys at college who just walking in,

in groups. They're all walking in one horizontal line. Like you might as well be holding hands and shit. Playing Red Rover. I'm like, are you gonna play Red Rover? Like, here we go.

Like I'm lowering my shoulder and breaking the bus and busting the wedge. But yeah, no, I, I can't stand those people and i i i'm a bigger guy a little broader shoulder boy oh i'm i try to make myself as skinny and as you know line line possible i try oh 100 because i get it like you hear about his day sunday he was thrown out that's true that's right you've been working on

it yeah so i'm i'm trying so but if you are clearly just walking straight in the middle, I think I have to just teach you a lesson and just lower shoulder into you and just be like, sorry, this is like a communist sidewalk meant for everybody. You're just not... Grass is too good for you. You're not going to walk around them. What's the point? What did they do to earn the sidewalk over me?

That's the thing. It's a principle thing. Now I'm just moving out of the way constantly for every person that walks like just know how to walk on the sidewalk yeah i don't think that's asking a lot be a human be like okay another person's coming i'm gonna imagine if you drove your car that way imagine if you're like yo fuck this two-way highway we'll drive right in the middle over the dotted lines and hope they just move around me. Sound argument. We're going to decriminalize marijuana fully everywhere, but criminalize walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk,

criminalize talking in a movie theater, and criminalize playing music out loud. Talking in the movie theater, you don't have to criminalize. That's going to be self-policing. We're going to handle that ourselves. The people will handle it. The people will. Okay.

Yeah. This is a democracy. Yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Okay. How many anvils and trapdoors do we think we can send to Ukraine to help with the war? Wednesday. Okay.

Rooks. That's pretty on point. Okay. Rooks. That's pretty on point. Man. Hey, don't go without a horse, Colt. Oh, don't get COVID. Yeah. Thank you.