It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 86: Whiskey Dick and the Nicene Creed (Cory Draft)

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

The boyos are missing Cory this week so of course we have to do a Cory draft to talk all things quirky that Cory does. We also talk subway cheese, whiskey dick, and ranking exs. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. Another cut video I watched. So I'll ask you how much money you have to be paid to actually go on and have this video taped. They had this guy and they had eight of his exes show up. They all stood in the line. Oh, and he had to rank all of them. Yeah, I saw that one. Like one through eight.

That's brutal. And I was also, I was like, dude, like, this guy, he was, like, really obnoxious, and I was like, why is everyone dating this guy? Like, fuck this guy. It was bad, because at the end, they rated him as well, and all of them trashed him really hard. So it was pretty karma, because, like...

No shit, like, you get you get every like everyone in a room who you are not dating anymore and they all talk about dating you like hive mind is just gonna take over and like everyone's gonna shit on you regardless of how like it went like for the most part like i feel like it's gonna be a pretty pretty negative audience some of those could have ended amicably though where they're like yeah he's fine yeah but every one of them was like yeah no he needs to work on a lot and he was just in the corner like oh eight x halfway through he was all smug eight x's is a lot was it actual girlfriends and hookups or was it it was it was a mix of both yeah it was like some he dated for like a year, some it was like a couple months,

some it was like he hooked up with a couple times type of deal. So how much money would you have to be paid for me to get all your exes in a room? All of them? Wait, hold on. Also define exes because I don't have that many. I don't have any real ex-girlfriends. I have a lot of ex-hookups.

Hooked up more than once. Oh, Jesus, man. That's still a lot. That doesn't cut it down by much. Oh, God. What about five times or more? Does that get you down to a reasonable number? Five times or more is better. And then five times or more does that get you down to a reasonable number more it's better and then

five times so and i'm just like i have to come in do the whole spiel where i rank them all oh yeah put them in line and tell them why god jesus and then they all have to rank you too and it's on national like not national tv but like youtube just everyone sees it just talking about this and like having this discussion it's like my like i can feel like my heart rate going up a little bit um it's gonna take a lot of money for me to do this like a lot a substantial sum like i need to be set for at least like two years off of this oh more than that this has this has future job implications you know when they search your name you're not getting you know you're that you know search your name, you're not getting that corporate finance manager job. You're not getting

that because you had to rate your exes on YouTube. You should be nice about rating them. I need a smooth milli. I need $1 million in the pocket. The thing is, too, even though I'd probably be getting poo-pooed on a lot,

I would try to be nice because like in reality in reality like in reality this situation like you can only look bad you know what i mean like i don't think there's any way like necessarily i don't think there's any way you come out of this look no like again it's like i said like hive mind like they're all gonna like bring up like oh yeah and i didn't like this about how he treated me and they're gonna be oh that happened to me too and then all of a sudden you have eight people that are like you treated me like shit like well i just called your personality i feel like if you're getting offended by that that's just your personality but i'm just i'm just no i'm not

getting offended i'm just saying like i don't think you're gonna like the evidence is gonna eventually stack up and i feel like you're not gonna look great like there's always a reason why like you're not with somebody you know what i mean like there I feel like you're not going to look great. There's always a reason why you're not with somebody. You know what I mean? There's reasons why you're not with these people anymore and they're not going to talk about the great times you guys had. They're going to talk about, yeah, I didn't really

like this. Yeah, but some of them could just be hookups that lasted a little while. Hookups is going to be worse. Define rating. Am I just literally ranking them yeah say pros cons and then you put them you're putting all of them in an order do i have to like can i just say the number do i have to give any explanation no you have to explain because if i could just give the number i would my number would be my dollar amount would be way lower if i could just give the number i would my number would be my dollar amount would be way lower if i could just give the number because you would just say oh like you have the same no no i would literally just go just go 10 9 8 7 6 5 whatever it would be down to one and just wouldn't

say anything and then just like that's not brutal like that's not that's what i'm trying to find loopholes here brother i'm trying to try to indiana jones this right now escape the temple without the boulder falling on me how low of a dollar amount would you do if you just had to give him a number without saying anything else just a list we'll post on instagram oh listen do i have to tag a minute yeah okay so yeah that changes yeah i don't know then we're back to rooks's number like a million that's almost worse. Yeah, honestly. Actually, but if I could unfollow them, that might work.

That might be another loophole. I don't know. I feel like this is, I haven't seen this video. I'd probably have to be up there with the a million and two million and be able to invest it strategically because, again, if this is on YouTube with my name on it,

it's going to be looked up on every job search I get. I'm probably going to plummet to the bottom of the employee rankings if I want to get promoted for anything. I'm thinking about the future. I don't really care about... I mean, this is not my son sensitive. They know what they signed up for. They're not coming in there surprised.

They might be mad at my rankings, but I'm hoping they have some sense of self-awareness. If you put me in a line with all super super hot dudes like channing tatum and fucking jake gyllenhaal and uh uh i don't know fucking brooks carmine brooks yeah i'm i'm i'm last on that list automatically i have to have to use my eyeballs and just to have some common sense and self-awareness so that's really sweet guys thanks yeah no problem um so yeah man i don't know like it'd have to be in the it had to be like life like life generational wealth basically because i have to operate there's something that's going to plummet my future earnings like forever why do you think getting hired they're going to search you on youtube

i feel like that's a that's something they do youtube it would make it would make it's rounds it'd make it generally gonna just google them right yeah but usually like in this hypothetical like and this is so dumb because like i didn't think about this situation at all and like fucking five years down the line how could this video affect me like but like for this situation i guess hypothetically would like if you just searched my name would like this video come up i guess i don't think so in a lot of the cut videos they have like it's always random people and they never give like their full name and their name is never like in the title of it it might be like just say zach

in like the description of like zach rates his exes or something but that's all that would kind of be out there so i don't think it would be that easy to find not off like a job search you know well for my i'm i want a million strictly for my pain and suffering that i'm gonna go through with filming this video that's you're in the mill, Zach's at two. That's what my million's for. Would it change your answer if we could blur your name and face and voice? So you still have to go in a

room and rate them all and rank it all, but then... And they still know who the fuck it is! Wait, are you saying I don't have to be face-to-face with them? No, I mean, they know that this is going on, but the world won't. So it solves Zach's future issue. Oh, 100 bucks.

So you still have a... All right, I'm going to call up. We're going to do our parlay for the Christmas party again. We're each going to pay $20. And we're going to get a list of names. Fly them out to Chicago. I don't know, man. Apparently there's these secret Facebook groups where girls do this this already i got sent i remember this yeah this is last year

christmas party i got sent by a girl apparently she's a part of this chicago based uh like facebook group that they take screenshots of your dating profile your hint profile to post them to this and then they just talk shit about you and are like has this kid done anything douchebaggery worth and well and like she said to me and i was like i was like this is kind of terrifying honestly like i don't like this at all wasn't the isn't the whole point of that though is to make sure that like they're not getting involved with someone who has like like isn't it called something like isn't it for like you post people that like you think might be like fucking around and you try to see if like anybody is like dating them or something i think it's i think it's preemptive so i think that's the goal at the end

but there's i think there's no there's no like plausible evidence for you to be put on trial you're just always on you're immediately on trial when your picture gets posted how many so yours got posted on that yeah and it was it was the oh i don't know what pictures they found like it was probably deep and when i use like tinder back in like high school or early college they were pulling deep pictures i'm like that's me in like junior year of high school like i don't know where you're finding these pictures i think we infiltrate this group can't post your photo again well yeah you gotta ask for permission to join see if i can find it we make it what's called

we make a bunch of fake profiles join post your photo and then just gas you up and be like this guy's the best uh i guess that wouldn't be good if we said we all dated you. Do you know how quickly that would get sniffed out? Do you know what the fucking tone of every post on this shit is? Like the tone of this fucking thing is just like, girls, it's time to fucking murder these people metaphorically. And if anybody came in there and was like, oh, this is a pretty good guy, everyone would be like, shut the fuck up, get Bethany out of here. nobody would be behind that energy there has to be something positive there

all right zach what's the title of it it's called are we sharing boyfriends line chicago which i imagine means there's there's probably one in every city brian's probably only able to escape this because he doesn't stay anywhere long enough he's like uh strategic did you say line chicago well there's there's a line that no it's a line it's a bar oh it's a bar it's a bar it's a bar bar brex bar and then i got she sent me the thing and it's my post was how do you sexy little possums flavor the day goes by the name of zach do your work gals and i have no idea what like the point like what does this even mean like is it like what a weird line to say ahead of that also what does do your what does do your work mean like what does that mean

i think that my social security number i mean it's like everybody yeah everybody look into their like insta see if they're friend with this person and like see if my man's got a like if he's got a boyfriend or a girlfriend already i guess but it's also weird like it's weird it being labeled are we sharing boyfriends and like you're talking about someone who's not your boyfriend yeah or like is on like a hinge like i guess i guess to your point it's to find out if uh current boyfriend but that's another thing i get cheating's a thing like if like the amount of work you have to put in to get into a relationship that you enjoy being in

for an extended period of time, why in the hell would you want to run that back and have a second one on the side? Like, what a crazy idea. You're likely having to take that girl out for dinner. I'm spending twice as much money to get, like, just to get caught and get in trouble and just have this all blow up in my face.

Like, I get men are stupid, but, but like what an ultimately dumb thing to do i can kind of see it from a girl's perspective like i get two free meals like i get to go out and dinner monday and thursday like i don't kind of like shout out women girl power but like from a guy's perspective you're just paying more you're paying more for like like what an extra 30 seconds in the bedroom because we all know you're not lasting longer than that. Sorry, like no one here is Johnny Sins. We're just, you know, we're lucky. I'm counting baseball stats in my head.

I'm like Troy Gloss, third baseman for the Angels. I'm trying to remember everyone who's on backyard baseball. You know, Albert Pujols, first base, Cardinals. And then it's done. If I can make it past 35 seconds we're good I just you were listing baseball players like what the fuck is he talking about

I was like oh while you're while you're in the mist I was like what in the fuck what does that have to do with any dude I make eye contact I'm done that's I'm looking up at the ceiling I'm looking up I'd like to my blood I've never studied my walls more in my life i'm like oh it's kind of dusty up there and then you need to hit that light bulbs out had no idea like that's what i look at look at everything sometimes i'll put a pillow over my face just accidentally smother myself just so i

don't have any just only sensation just no visual cues i think you need to see a doctor at this point have you ever have you ever done that shit like you know when people talk about like oh like what do you think about to last longer people like my naked grandma like taking a shit like do you any any shit like that any tips for the viewers it's just baseball um it's it's it involves usually like i'll do the lord's prayer once in a while like just kind of run through that um then the apostles creed and then the 19th if i make it to the 19th creed we know we're having a good time like we're no we're no we're cooking with gas and god and then uh then i get to the 10 commandments and that's usually when uh when i my night's over um i shall not i shall not yeah i shall not that's why people like i never understood like the term when you're you know you're coming up as a

young lad going through puberty and everyone's like oh whiskey dick the worst thing in the world i'm like yo whiskey dick's kind of lit like we're like like what are we talking about here like you mean it just it just like i could have more fun like foreplay at lat like it's like nature's gift it's a pet it's a pet like it's because like i because i there's i think there's two different avenues of whiskey dick there's like the can't bust and then there's the can't can't get it moving whiskey dick it's like hey no shame here your boy is absolutely the latter man i i never get this magic dick it's just my thing is just a wet noodle we're just we're trying to figure this fucking thing out but like yeah i like i can't the first one sounds great but like i don't know i don't

know what that is man it's not that ain't my hashtag not my whiskey dick brian That ain't my hashtag not my whiskey dig Brian Nipples are hard now I like not system. I bought I'm ready to go off as a sexy thing My dick will go like and just flip inside out and it'll turn into a vagina Boys and just flip inside out and it'll turn into a vagina. And you take me. Hi, boys. Intercourse, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack.

Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby. God damn, he's so good. Dad calls me big time. Ah, ah, ah. Wow, wow, wow. Booty. Of course, makes me dookie.

If you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back out. And then I swallow. I want to die. Raw dog and lower. Kid turkey based on nipples. Just got slopped. Rock's dick has anchor arms. I think I got to get out and lower. Kid turkey, basterd nipples. Just got slopped. Rock's dick has anchor arms. I think I gotta get out of here.

Where did you get the paint from? I don't fucking... Great question! Who has vertical butt cheeks? To the death. No, Bob! Look it down! I'm fucking with this fucking guy, man!

It is Wednesday, my dudes. Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode 86, uh, episode 85, if you're trying to find it, does not exist. Uh, lost to the ether. For, uh, just a little, little insight for the viewers, um, 84 times we've done this leading into last week. 84 times. 84 times we've started it. into last week. 84 times.

84 times we've started it. We've pressed record. We've brought some giggles into your life. I fucking didn't record any of my audio in the 85th attempt of making the show. And it's just an embarrassing thing. We talked for like 50 minutes. I was like, oh what what's our timestamp right now and i pulled it up and i was like oh shit guys it was like what and i was just

like guys and they were like what it's like oh my god i'm not fucking recording this is this is an abomination so uh if you want to hear a conversation where there's every third sentence is rooks not speaking i could put that out it's just me and zach talking to like someone that doesn't respond uh but yeah i'll save that one for a future but episode 85 cory is out our it boyo is out for it reasons so uh we're gonna do a core draft we uh we did a rooks one and a brian one so eventually zach's gonna be out too and we'll uh we'll have to pick things about you so be excited about that but core draft this week so we have rooks hi we have zach and i'm brian do you guys want to do your weeks or do you have anything we are we are all hung

out this weekend so i don't think we have anything different to say i mean just yeah we we once i guess this is like a group effort here and we can all right. Yes, we can all rank it differently Sure Boys boys got together a holiday party out in Klitzburg dude vibed out kind of absolute don't like that What yeah since when is that did i say something wrong what did i say it's your it's your maryland accent it sounded it sounded like a c you know kittsburg i wouldn't say that um but yeah the boys the boys all popped out in the windy city and got after it, man. Oh, yeah. Played some scary games.

Zach did not chicken out. Nope. The boys fucking parlay, man. These fucking absolute clowns. Last year, the boys did a parlay, college football. Four of us picked games. We all picked our own game. Last year, we went a smooth 0 for 4 thanks to Corey.

Corey jinxed the first game. And then the gambling gods were off our side. They wanted no part of our shit anymore. So then this year, we said we're going to give it another shot. We added another person. We added Timmy Soggins in. First three all hit. Absolutely electric.

I mean, the first one was the best one. The second two were both like easy hits. TCU, Kansas State. Come on easy hits TCU Kansas State Come on TCU Kansas State your boy picked the under You're fucking welcome Went to overtime Absolute mockery it shouldn't have hit I said it a thousand times on Saturday

It shouldn't have hit but it did And then we get to the night games And our two The two people I'm with right now Who picked the last two games just lost us a million dollars. So that was great. That was a super fun way to start the night, start the holiday party. Zach's game ended first, so it was already over by the time my pick came up.

Oh, fuck off. And also, who picked the TCU-Kansas State game? I did. Yeah, so I'm blaming you. Because if you just lost initially, we wouldn't have had any hope. So that's all your fault. You're the reason ours even mattered. You sound like an absolute buffoon right now.

Okay. Well, thank you. So what are you going to rate this weekend? Oh, that's tough because i want to i want to do something food related but like like i'm not gonna do what is it what were they sweet and sweet and something meatballs those are really good we gotta have meatballs sweet and sour meatballs either one We gotta have more fucking food at this thing Zaddy over here ordered Like four pizzas

Six Six pizzas Dude I grabbed three slices Walked away I came back for more Your boy was pretty hungry I came back for more all gone Like literally in like six minutes All fucking gone

Some people like the shit with. Did you guys hear about what happened with Corey's fucking banister? No. Yeah, the whole thing fell off. I know. But do you know how? Cody said he saw people fucking like sliding down it like over and over again. And then someone just like pulled it off like he didn't know who they were or anything.

We had some absolute randoms that kind of like kind of threw at the party this year like eating all the pizza asshole breaking cory's banister even bigger asshole like we got started getting a fucking bouncer at these things i'm surprised none of us saw that at all i think i heard it happen there's a big noise and i like looked around and no one knew what's going on as i know i, oh, I should continue watching football. I think I was in the basement for a combined 40 seconds during the party. Actually, no. Oh, no, me and Zach got bent over in beer pong.

Never mind. I was down there for a little longer. No, it was 40 seconds. It was probably about the time we were down there. We lost so quickly. Five losses in 40 seconds. That's a record. I had no idea that that actually happened because

i thought cory was just joking like oh like we trashed the house blah blah so he said i think he fixed tile too he had to fix tile too yeah there's like a full tile in the bathroom that was fucking like there was like 30 people everyone just kind of like standing around talking drinking doing whatever and then like I looked back up and like you couldn't walk through the

kitchen there were like 8 different games going on in the basement and then people playing outside too I was like what the fuck just happened Katrina's group usually goes like 15 people deep and then people playing outside too. I was like, what the fuck just happened? Katrina's group usually goes like 15 people deep and then the Connells, there's eight siblings plus... 97 siblings.

There's 800 Connells. Yeah. And they all brought friends and their mom and significant others. So that's another like 20 people that showed up at once. Goddamn Connells. Outrate the party uh three grinches because we had three people show up in a full grinch costume and i thought that was great oh okay i'll give it one grinch gritty because towards the end i had the grinch hands on and i started gritting and fucking uh i think it was dax i was like yo

and i was just like this is the best moment of my life right now like it doesn't get any better than this i'll give it one gritch gritty zach what you got oh man i feel like i've rated my weekends in terms of quantity of red bull vodkas before so i don't know if i want to do that again but i drank do you remember the number oh my god he drank so many fucking red bull i think i drank i definitely you remember the number? Oh my god, he drank so many fucking Red Bull hot dogs. I think I drank... I definitely drank over the span of both nights. It was well past double digits. Like, easily.

But I don't know if I want to give it that. Just because... I'm going to give it four giant J. Michael subs. That thing hit, though. That. Michael's subs. Oh. That thing hit, though. That thing was so good. Yeah. Did you eat four full subs that weekend?

No, no, no. Just like we ordered. I was basically the food boy. I ordered $100 worth of Jersey Mike's and $55 worth of Domino's. The Jersey Mike's, I actually got to eat my sandwich. Shout out to Big Hole Boy or Big Hole Guy. Big Hole Boy. I don't know if that Hole Boy or Big Hole Guy. Big Hole Boy. I don't know if that sounds weird. Big Hole Guy.

Big Hole Boy is not. It just doesn't sound good. Big Hole Guy. He got me a slice because he saw I was like very far away from the, I dropped the pizza off at the oven because I know where to put it around the top of the stove or whatever. And then I walked away and then he fought his way through and got me one slice of sausage. And that was my $50 worth of pizza. It's the ones like I was happy buying for it.

Like I would have bought more. I would just rip the $6.99 deal or the $5.99 deal, whatever it was. You know, because for six pizzas for like $55, that's not a bad deal. So I would have kept on ripping it. But they just they were in a blink of an eye. They were gone. Live and we learn until next year 362 days till we do again all right zach uh you have one duty on the show and that is to pick the draft order so either pull up your little website or make it up in your head three two one go uh let's go by um

who is physically closest to cory's eye level the order i think that'd be okay that'd be rooks yes is that a day go fuck you man but hey i'm super happy that i get the first pick you should be thanking me because and i don't know if anybody would have picked this but you know this this past weekend we were with cory we were uh we were with the c word and there's one feature that cory has that's just like on like you literally you can't stop looking at it okay penis and i've talked about it on the podcast before. This man's got an absolute dumper. Oh, my God. The booty on this man is absurd. It's way too much.

And it's like a car crash. You just can't stop looking at it. So first overall pick in this draft, I had to go with Corey's ass. Because, like, respectfully, Corey, if you're listening, like, that thing be thangin'. Okay. Incredible. We just gonna objectify and sexualize him the entire draft? That would be confusing.

I only have one that's like that. I had to get it first. I had to protect my number one. He needs a CDL to carry that thing around. Honestly. That thing be thangin wagon g wagon 52 inch foot trailer dumper that's just too big at that point i'm going to pick the last three quarters of an inch

of height on top of his head because if you ever ask this man how tall he is he will always specify and i forget the exact number but it's like five seven and three quarters every single time if there's any inch of him that's the most important yes any inch of him it's the last three quarters of an inch because that's the one he will never forget or never not say. And it's just incredible. It's such a... Every time. Every time. So, the top three quarters of an inch on his head.

Which I guess is just the spiky hair sometimes. Yeah, he cheats a little bit. But hey, gotta respect it. If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. Top three quarters of an inch on his head. You know, it's... We interpret it in two ways. Nope. One know, it's, we interpreted it two ways. Nope.

I'm one way only. And we're going to stick with it. Zach, you're up back to back picks his height and his butts off the board. Yeah. I'm going to go, I'm going to go with just the, his,

his name, Corey, very solid fits him. Well, uh, four letters. I respect that. He removes the E.

I think the E is unnecessary in the word cory as some people as a as a fellow name haver who people tend to add unnecessary letters to i respect uh him not having the e in there um i think cory saw i think it's not it's it's a semi-popular name but i you know i don't think it's too popular. If we looked up most popular names in 1994, that was when he was born. I don't want to give away picks if someone's going to pick his birthday. No, he's not. Is he 94?

Yeah, 93. Let's look up. 1993 popular boy's name. This could be like Michael. I don't think Corey's up there. Michael was the number one in Illinois. Brian's going to be on there.

Most popular name. Here we go. Zachary's on there. How's it spelled though? It's Z-A-C-H-A-R-Y. Corey's not even on there. Shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Myers. He goes home and down,

give him a unique name for the year and the time. I think he's aged into it well. So I'm going to shout out his first name. And then like at the risk of doxing him, we can bleep this out. I'm going to choose Myers, his last name, as his second pick. I think it's a great last name, as his second pick. What the fuck?

I think it's a great last name. There's a lot of famous Myers. There's the store Meyer. I don't think they have that around you, but there's a Meyer, or Miger. That's with a J, which is kind of sexy, so I feel like if he ever wants to change it up, he can do the M-E-I-J-E-R. Maybe indirectly inherit the

Meyer fortune. Oscar Meyer makes great wieners uh and baloney so i mean and and ring baloney too if you ever have some ring baloney for breakfast delicious um uh briars not the same word as meyers but they rhyme and i feel like ice cream is is also delicious christ so just throw one more letter on yeah so um uh yeah i'm gonna go uh his last name, Myers. It's also plural, too, so it's very inclusive. It's not just Meyer, right?

It's not single anybody. Exactly. You're including everyone in the family, everyone who has the last name Myers. You know, it feels really included. If you would have told me that us doing a Corey draft, his first and last name would both be chosen separately. I tell you,

you're out of your fucking mind. I don't, I don't have any words for those two back to back picks. I got nothing. Hey man, if they were on your board though, you got all the picks in the world right now. They were not

do better than what do you got that's actually back to you brian good try you idiot oh well then this is perfect i'm gonna take his middle name it was actually on my list are you his middle name his middle name is the letter j he doesn't have a middle name he has an initial wait what yeah his middle name is j it's just the letter not j- doesn't have a middle name. He has an initial. Wait, what? Yeah. His middle name is J. It's just the letter? Not J-A-Y. It's just the letter J. And he hates it. But I think it's sick. Yeah. I don't know.

It's so sick. Hold on. I need to talk to his fucking parents. What in the fuck? Are you joking? You couldn't do J-A-Y? If you wanted it to be J, just make it an actual fucking what i need to talk to these fucking people oh my god there's no way it's just a letter there's no fucking way it's just a letter on his license it's just a letter hates it yeah what the fuck what does he make loving what the fuck is going on well so his dad doesn't have a

middle name at all so i think his dad was like well i barely have one so yeah you don't really need one i mean i agree but like what we could have been calling cj this entire time can i draft cj no one draft cj i'm graphing drafting CJ with my third pick. No one draft that. We called him PJ or Peej in college. Yeah, but that's not... His first name's Corey. As I've already discussed. There's a J in there, though. No, it's... Okay, we need to stop

doxing him on everything. I won't continue this one. I can't wait until Brian has to leap out every time I said his last name. It's going to make no out every time I said his last name. It's going to make no sense. All right, Rooks. Draft his address, his home address. Ready?

Let's go. Oh, my God. What in the fuck? I'm sorry. I'm just processing his entire name being drafted separately on top of his middle name being one letter on top of his dad not having a middle name it's too much for my brain to handle currently oh my fucking god okay um with my second pick um it's going to be his ability to fall asleep immediately um so when back when we were in school me and cory roomed together and we'd be back after like a night out we'd be like all jacked up like post post game and we'd be like he'd be like oh i'm gonna put something on like for us to like watch them go

to sleep i was like all right but and like at this time too i was not sleeping early anything like that i was gonna be up for like at least two hours every time this fucking asshole would put the disc in and then you'd get like the opening title screen like you get like the chick with pegasus wings or whatever where she's standing on the stairs and then cory's just like and i was like dude like what the you just like got me all jacked up to watch the fourth transformers we've been been taught, like, let's do this shit. And you're out cold. Like, what the fuck, man?

I got to watch fucking Mark Wahlberg run around like an asshole by myself. Like, what the fuck, man? It's just, it's an uncanny ability. Like, when we were watching one of the games, when we were in the basement this weekend, like, he was just like, oh, yeah, he's on the floor. He's like, yeah, I think i'm just gonna i'm gonna like take a little nap i was like okay eight seconds later i'm like yo how the fuck do you do that like i just it makes no sense to me and it's something i'm extremely jealous of to be completely

honest i'm so jealous but uh yeah that's my second pick i love that because i can he's done that to me a million times too because we'll like put on like scrubs to watch and it's always like there's a one scene and then there's the title credits and he'll be asleep by the titles already and he snores 100 of the time so you know when he's asleep it's fucking ridiculous but so oh it's mine again right i'm on the turn yeah um all right so on right, so on the turn, my third pick, and this is kind of a little throwback to early college Corey, but his ability to balance a hat on his head when he's not wearing it at all.

So back in the day, Corey used to wear these fucking fitteds or snapbacks, and they'd be literally just resting on the top of his head backwards, and it wouldn't budge and like the kids walking around the kids like we're fucking like playing dodgeball in the hallway in the dorms getting all jacked up running around and shit and that thing would just nuzzle in settle in like it's like you look it's like you took a picture of it man like the thing was going nowhere it was an absolute beaut um but yeah his his ability to do

that is just uncanny and i need that on my team you know it's that last three quarters of an inch of his height's just holding that down man just holding the hat on it's the strongest part of his body i think you're talking about his other head uh no uh so my third pick. So no matter what, any day, any year, any month, any time, any location, any country, no matter what I say about food, he will think the opposite. Just incredibly bad food takes across the board. No matter what I like, he will not agree. And he'll say it's the other way around that no matter what he likes i won't agree but since he's not here to defend himself i'll say it my way uh horrible food takes just the

most boring strange i just don't get it so yeah his taste is bad taste in food i guess is what i'm drafting i knew you were taking that i knew at some point you were gonna mention his fucking food takes i knew that shit was coming. I mean, you have to agree. They're strange. Alright, Zach, let's draft another part of his fucking name or something. Yeah, I ran out of names. Let's see if there's any surnames I don't know about. I don't know his ancestral history,

so I don't know if I can go back that far. His sister's name. Yeah, just his whole family. No, I'm gonna take uh batting cages because i've never seen uh cory when he came to visit was just in love with the batting cages i've never i gave him my extra tokens and he was like a kid on christmas i think we could have left him there the entire day when he visited um and he would have been happy it was it was truly a sight to see he also did the patented every time he swung he would have been happy. It was truly a sight to see. He also did the patented. Every time he swung, he would take his hand and then rub it up against his right butt cheek and then re-grip the bat.

It was on clockwork. It was his pre-swing routine. It was so funny. But yeah, I think it was. I will give Corey credit. He is pretty sneaky athletic. Obviously, he plays hockey and stuff. But I honestly didn't expect him to be as good at hitting baseballs in a batting cage as he was and he was clearly

the best one i was the worst one by far um but he was uh he was uh he was pretty good so i think coupled with the batting cages is a sneaky athleticism so as a potential wedding gift i might just be installing a batting cage in his backyard for him to take hacks he would love that um he's got that hockey swing he's got that happy gilmore playing a weird sport but still using his hockey swing and somehow it works that was that was actually in my honorable mentions was his golf slash baseball slash hockey swing because it's all based off the hockey swing yep but it works in multiple sports so he's got such a like a really wide stance he's already like pretty low to the ground so it's even lower to

the ground it works can't eat it though all right all right you got uh this is my last your last one all right i'm gonna draft i'm gonna draft his like his like middle of the road laugh like where he's not like full-on cracking up and it's not a snicker it's like that it's like middle of the road laugh like where he's not like full-on cracking up and it's not a snicker it's like that it's like it's the laugh where he tells a joke and he's like it's like the it's almost like a cartoon laugh quagmire yeah it's like it's it doesn't sound as quagmire i did a bad job but it's like the where he his just like it's a little quagmire i can't not do because it's that but it has you know what i'm talking about right i in my head i picture him going and then just that's it it's just a one hot oh see i i like the one that's like a machine gun it's like a tommy

gun that goes like it's like that type of one um oh i know which one you're talking about yeah i think he has he has a unique laugh for every situation, which I also appreciate. So it could just be his spectrum of laughter. Laugh noises. All right. You're drafting that he's on the spectrum. Got it. Jesus. Spectrum of laughs.

Yeah. I appreciate it. I was going to go get a good. He's always a good one to get to test out jokes on. I feel like he'll be very honest with the jokes too, whether he'll laugh or not. So I appreciate that. No pity laughs from him. No pity laughs.

That's fair. No, yeah, I appreciate that. Except when you like show someone a funny video and they just are stone face. You're like, Oh yeah,

that's true. Well, that hurts. That's true. I would rather have a pity laugh because I know what the pity laughs going to be. And at least I can sense that and then move on with my day and feel slightly better all right there it is so my last pick is his absolute undying loyalty to dominoes

because i don't think i've seen anyone else more brand loyal to a pizza place than this kid every single sunday that i lived with him like two full years in south side of pittsburgh there's a domino's on the corner of where we lived every single sunday he would go get a pizza in the morning give him some pepperoni not pepperoni some peppers and sausage on a cheese pizza give him that he's gonna fall asleep for about five hours in the middle of the day it's just routine like clockwork like the amount of pizza this guy has he should have a black card of dominoes and like the brand logo wrapped around his car just because of he needs to he needs to get paid for how much dominoes he eats so what was no one else my life ever sorry i was gonna say what was everyone's what was your go-to like the fast food place you went

to the most at for you guys at penn state and i'll give mine for you like like let's do like not like local. I mean, if it is a local chain that or local chain or just popular fast food chain, like nationwide chain. Um, I mean, probably Chipotle. Chipotle was always on my walk.

It was always on my walk home from class and shit. Like it was on the same road as like the two places we lived at, at the end of the college. Like I just always stopped in. The Penn State Chipotle, the line would be absolutely absurd. It would be down the road at noon on a Tuesday, and I'd still just be like, Penn State,

long lines. We're just going to do it. In college, I had a lot, but I also didn't order out food as much as other people. Rooks probably had Chipotle about 250 times. I probably had aough a lot, but I also didn't order out food as much as other people. So Rooks probably had Chipotle about 250 times. I probably had Deep Dough like 10 times, but that's still like my most frequented place. I mean, Deep Dough is up there.

Oh, Wings Over. Wings Over is fucking... I don't know what they do to that chicken. I've never eaten larger chicken wings in my life. Those things are literally like the mr olympia like top steroid using like chickens on this fucking earth i swear to god like like a wing was like the size like a turkey leg like they were fucking massive and i don't know where the fuck they were getting them but those things were hitting every time

mine was uh i'm sure to say mine was uh subway aka scrubway aka the footlong festival it was it was uh it was a problem it was one right across from where i lived and i lived in the same apartment after my dorm year freshman year i lived in the same on-campus apartments all three years and so i just became i made friends with people at the subway and there was one time i walked in i'll never never forget, burned in my brain. My order was Italian BMT every time, Italian herbs and cheeses, lettuce, tomato, onion, oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, oregano, banana peppers once in a while. Never toasted. Fuck toasting your subs, by the way.

Ew. They're meant to be served cold. I'll never forget. Hot food is better than cold food. Wrong. Not with subs. Not with subs. Every time. um i'll never forget hot food is better than cold wrong not with subs not with subs um every time uh but anyway i walked in a typical college student like i really wasn't caring about my

appearance or clothes i was wearing at that point and i just put on it was like cold out i just put on you know what i thought was and i realized i walked into the subway and i had under armor sweats on an under armor like one of those like charged cotton under armor workout shirts an under armor jacket an Under Armour backpack and I kid you not the college person working probably my age or younger than me was like oh are you sponsored by Under Armour and I was like

I was like just give me a fucking sandwich and let me get out of here I thought this was going where like someone was gonna like mistake you for an athlete or something. It's so funny. They're just like, oh, you got a fucking sponsorship, man? I was like, no, just give me my sandwich.

By the way, Subway, the best job marketing is a healthy food. That Italian BMT I had for lunch and sometimes also dinner, at least 1,800 calories. It's disgusting it's not they had a whole like when they first i used to work at subway a former sandwich artist here but literally like when they when they released like the flatbread like flatbread was supposed to be like their like healthier option the flatbread is like significantly more dense than the actual bread and the calories on it were higher than all the other kinds of fucking bread like it's an absolute it's not a healthy fucking place to eat like yes there's vegetables on it but like most of the options aren't like oh yeah like i'm gonna eat

this every day and then i'm gonna drop weight like that uh pedophile correct who didn't definitely didn't go to indiana Strike it from the record. The subway he lost all his weight at is still there. Allegedly at Indiana University. Yeah, they should rebrand. Rename it something. Bring back Quiznos. Yeah.

Quick, Rooks, how many slices of meat go on a spicy Italian? For a six inch. For a six inch? It is spicy Italian is three of each. Nice. And then for a foot long, for a six inch it's uh it is spicy italian is three of each nice and then for a foot long it's six of each love that i've heard my fucking ratios did you ever give extra meat to any any ladies who walked in that you found no no i worked i worked it the most it's in state college there's like i think there's like 12 subways or something i worked at the highest grossing subway in state college it was literally like it was the worst work environment

for a fucking subway we had like our manager would stand behind us and if it's like it's like every fucking movie interpretation of a busy kitchen like it's like do you got that shit working let's go pick it up let's go like he's just like behind me screen he's like every fucking movie interpretation of a busy kitchen. Like, it's like, do you got that shit working? Let's go pick it up. Let's go. Like, he's just like behind me screen. He's like, Gordon Ramsey,

can you back the fuck off? Like I'm making a fucking meatball marinara man to some kid who is so stoned right now. He definitely doesn't know where he is. Like, can you just calm the fuck down? But like, it was hell working there.

Like it was so fucking, it was just way too busy terrible work environment two thumbs down shout out cory got some cheese under your fingernails sustained injuries i did that shit i literally i was trying to scrape cheese off the fucking line and it was frozen it got under my fingernail that shit was that I absorbed that cheese It was under my nail for like two months, and then it was just gone. It got like moldy and shit I was like I am literally part cheese now. That's sick. That's what turns you lactose intolerant It just like this I came only infected your body. Yeah Your smell villain man origin story came home smelling like sweet onion teriyaki sauce

now I always smell like the fucking bread dude all your clothes your backpack it all starts smelling like bread it's the worst where the fuck are we in this quarry draft hold on what the fuck just happened Brian took his last pick of dominoes and then I got us up on a tangent it's a final pick

see I was like I think we're still doing this right so my last pick is just gonna be a quote that um cory said to me one night when he was very very um under the influence um cory came back from uh i think it was an it bar tour like right before he graduated and he was he was on another planet but me and him were watching tv and i forgot what was on but somebody was on where they had they were like an aquarium maybe good luck chuck but they're like in an aquarium and there's like starfish like going around in the exhibit and shit and cory just out of nowhere just goes rookooks I want to make love to you under the starfish and I was like what did you just I was like

and I'm dead sober I am stone cold sober Corey what did you just say to me I was like I'll do it for sure but like I need some context here bud like what the fuck but that's it's a it went in the quote book too like that's a

absolute classic. But I had to draft it like I had to get on my board. I love it. You know, that bar tour, he got kicked out like two bars in a row and then came back just like more drunk than I've ever seen him in his life. So I don't think I don't think I've ever seen him that drunk in my life in my entire life. I don't think I've ever like he threw his phone at the wall and I was like, who are you? Like, who the fuck are you? Are we doing honorables? Oh, yeah.

Get it going. I got to. I have four. Number one, his dad like nature. He's slowly on the transition. It's bad. It's just it's just the amount of chores and housework he can do. This dude does housework and just goes, oh, me and the old ball and chain went to the movies the last two nights.

He's just on his fucking way. I love the trajectory. Can we buy him some of those white Nike sneakers? The Nike Monarchs. He needs to have a kid. He needs to have a kid first. You got to get a kid first. The Monarchs, you can't just throw in there. He needs to have a kid. He needs to have a kid first. You gotta get a kid first. The Monarchs you can't just throw in there.

You have to have a child. You have to show your child birth certificate when you buy them at Kohl's or something. They check as a second form of ID. And when we buy him some of those when he has a kid, can we also get his kid a pair so we have a little baby pair of Monarchs? No, kids not a dad yet.

Kids not a dad yet. Do they sell Monarchs for children like that's not i'm sure i'm sure the way a little dude did you know those i think i said this in a podcast before those things are like 80 bucks now they finally realized that they come back into yeah that dads are willing to they're not fucking 80 i'll look them up right now i was on nike i was on nike's website the other day looking up air monarchs yeah looking out uh just like i was just looking at shoes and shit and the monarchs were in there i think they were like 60 or 50 oh yeah you're right do they come pre-stained with grass though because that's key no you got to work that in that okay that comes along the way it's like all the shit on my tims it's the same thing you know it just gives them character so you're right well so they're 75 at dicks but for whatever on sale they're on sale

for 52 50 and they have the drippy all black ones which look like hospital shoes that we should probably also get them oh no you know what they have those shoes here's my theory they never fucking are 70 they're always just oh they're on sale from 70 down to 50 because they know dads can't skip out on a deal but that's always gonna be like that's what i call a deal ring them up i think like legally they have to for at least a certain amount of time have to put them at full price in order to otherwise because it's weird it's like you can't have an item permanently on sale there's some weird laws so that's why i imagine like we think it's a good day like mother's day they go back to full price and then they have mother's day and they go back to being for 50 bucks i think they've only

ever sold about like 10 000 of those and they just keep reselling them to each other because the say it's just the same pair being passed down from dad to dad because they're all just so beat up. I love me some monarchs. But yeah, so that's my first honorable mention. Next one. Claire, hey, shout out. You made the draft. Congratulations. Because we like Claire. Claire gets kudos.

Draft his name, first name, last name, middle name and his girlfriend slash fiance. Beyonce. And then another one is just his ability to ice skate. name and his girlfriend slash fiance fiance and then another one is just his ability to ice skate like I can't ice skate very well like just anybody that can ice skate like I'm always like

impressive and then my last one is and I haven't experienced this as much but like when we live together experience all the time if he's doing anything on his phone he's not listening to you no matter what you're telling him that kid can that kid cannot multitask on the phone to save his fucking life like he will literally be on his phone texting i remember in college they're like 90 times like oh so like do you want to go do this

like um they're having a pregame. This is like, yeah. And then like five minutes later, he's like, so what were you saying about something happening somewhere? I was like, Corey, I just literally gave you a full paragraph of deets and you didn't listen to one fucking ounce of it. But someone should have drafted is like 75 percent hearing because that's definitely on the board. And part of why he can't multitask and part of why he is also turning into a dad very quickly because he has mastered how to ignore his wife and kids. Yeah, those are all my honorables. All right. One, the little bit of red in his beard.

Being like four hairs on his body, it's gotten a lot of attention. The girls love it, slash talk about it, slash hate it a lot. So it has to be mentioned. Two, oh sorry go ahead i was i was gonna draft the beard but yeah i had i've always had red in my beard and the girls only ever talked about cory's and gave him shit for it and cory many times in college was like rooks has red in his beard too and i would just like fade in the background like I had Homer Simpson into the fucking bushes.

Like I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. So I felt like it would be disrespectful to him if I drafted that. Well, cool. I'll mention it then. Secondly though, the amount of sweat that comes out of his back only when he is at a club.

Because he's not like a sweaty dude normally. Like it's not like a thing he talks about or mentions or you see. But if you go to a club and when you leave said club, his shirt will be five shades darker because it will just be covered in sweat. There's so many photos of him post Indigo where they take the photo of you like on the way in and out. And it looks like he just put on a different shirt. And it's because I will mention the second part is a little bit more of a compliment because he dances so hard that he just all the water in his body just like that, like it leaves himself immediately. It's Zach. Have you seen that photo of him like post indigo?

I don't think college. I don't. It might have crossed my feet, but I'm not not i can't picture the one you're talking about i need to find it because there's one specific where it's impressive it is oh yeah that's right fuck yeah those are my honorable mentions sack you got any um i'm gonna go with i have a few one i'm gonna go with the uh quoting the movie goon. Oh, yeah. Me and Corey have just like, I forget where we watched that movie. We just watched it and then we would just text each other gifts of quotes of that movie.

I think his his appreciation for a good theme. I love he loves a good theme, which I also appreciate. And I appreciate that he usually puts a dad. Yeah. Puts in the effort to come up with said theme and usually goes above and beyond to execute that theme um and then i would say uh are both love for wanting to work at a sporting goods store our internship our internship are both don't talk some bro yeah come on well you know it's for general sporting goods store um dude are we just now not doxing people i've gotten docked a thousand times

on this fucking podcast literally a thousand times everyone knows where i coach my whole name has absolutely been said on this like 50 fucking times i mean look like your tat our instagram has your like instagram tagged on it it's not like it's gonna be impossible to find you but like we don't say where you work you know yeah i guess yeah or your first middle we don't say your middle my middle name is 190 percent been said on this fucking podcast that's fair that's fair that's all right so draft is over honorable mentionsorable mentions have been said. To recap, I have... Oh, where are my notes? The top three quarters inch of his height, his middle name, his bad food takes,

and his undying loyalty to dominoes. Rooks has his dumper, his ability to fall asleep immediately, and his backwards hat that barely stays on. And what was your fourth one? He wants to make love to me under the starfish. Make love to me under the starfish. Make love to me under the starfish. Love it. People don't forget.

And Zach has his first name, also his last name. His batting cage ability slash sneaky athleticism and his middle ground laugh slash him being on the spectrum of laughs. Also shout out Coop Dogory oh yeah shout out shout out

the like least husky husky i've ever met that man's fucking fur is everywhere bro that man's fur is like somehow in my asshole and shit after i left i was like bro what is this white hair on my ass i don't know man it's crazy nothing more needs to be said I got nothing Outro Music