It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 87: George Michael is the Original Black Mamba

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Ruxx gives a gorilla a hoop earring, Cory sets the record straight about his dads middle name, Bryan is pushing misinformation, and Zak wants a mamba to choke him. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. First off, I knew Rooks would pick my butt as the first pick that he would have. Happy was the first overall. Okay, I'm just rattling these off. So Brian's draft, he drafted the three quarters I specify on my height, which is nice. Good pick. I'm bringing information to this. So I don't give myself three extra.

It's like three quarters extra. I preface it because I don't want people. I don't like lying about my height when I say I'm 5'7". So I say I'm 5'6 and three quarters. I'm not saying I'm 3 quarters taller. Okay, there's that. Got it. Thank you.

Great pick. We got you. I said wild that Zach used two picks for my name. Absolutely wild. Not wild. Did you expect the pick after that to happen? Your pick? Yeah, no. I did, I guess. not wild did you expect the the pick after that to happen your pick yeah no i did i guess okay i didn't before like listening to the draft i did after zach's first pick of my first name

i thought he might have picked my my middle name but he went last name and completely skipped the only name i would have drafted that i have which is my middle name yeah uh and then correction my dad does have a middle name i don't like how do you fuck that up burn my dad my dad was the one who my dad was the one who gave me my middle name and maybe that's what you were thinking of but he definitely does have a middle name do you so i still stand by this very strongly and i don't know why because like it's in my head so concretely that like you must have another relative that doesn't have a middle name no uh i have uh the only thing i could think of is the explanation my dad would give me about only having a letter for my middle name was that har S. Truman, the S stands for nothing.

It's just S. And I was like, that literally means nothing to me because we're not related to Harry S. Truman. But history guy, he loves history. Maybe you're getting confused the fact that like Corey doesn't actually have a middle name himself. Like he just has a middle. Can we just call it what it is? Like it's a middle letter. It's have a middle name himself like he just has a middle can we just call what it is like it's a middle letter it's not a middle name it's a middle initial yeah like i still think out of all the letters you could have picked that's kind of the best one because it is a name i don't think any other letter is a name in itself you know

yeah the other thing i was gonna say was that i think zach said oh we could have been calling him cj this whole time that's why my dad picked j out of all the letters i think was like oh if he wants to go by cj but like i'm more in touch with cory's dad than you are brian how's that fucking feel i stand by your dad didn't want to give you a middle name and then your mom was like you gotta give a little name and he's like all right well i'll pick a letter so i'm half right i mean i can see that being true i'll give it i need to find so i have to know somebody without a middle name i don't know where it came from i said it so confidently i apologize uh you know can't spread all that misinformation out here i was definitely confused but interested when hearing that i got rooks on the hook man rooks is rooks is digging

it i was freaking out i was like what the it's like this fucking kid first off i did not know that your middle name was just a letter j so that was a lot to take in and then you follow that up with oh yeah cory said doesn't have a middle name either it was too much it was way too much for my brain to handle at that time you know logically i understand that um so you know i don't blame you i guess uh i i would like to say i won't get into it brian on our food digs but i would like to thank you for calling out that i would have the exact opposite tastes and you would only oh yeah yeah uh that i was not there to defend myself so thank you um zach i'll be putting a batting cage on my wedding registry so do with that what you will like just the machine or like the the land well so i assume

that what zach means and i could be assuming wrong but i assume you know like the toys for dogs where it's like an automatic like thrower like you put the ball in there and it like it's just the machine yeah that pitches that you yeah i would assume that's what he means by like like batting cage guys two hundred dollars ebay heater base hit baseball pitching machine we could pitch in the basement baseball pitching okay okay well you said the basement was it throws a basement at you yeah cinder blocks and all that's pretty cheap i thought it'd be like 10k they have like um they have like simulators similar to golf simulators they have batting simulators too that probably cost 20 grand

that if you hit it against the screen it like projects where it would go like i mean they probably have a vr like mlb the show or something right like maybe it's called we sports yeah but it's there you go it's not the same as being kind of in the batting cages where it kind of smells like cigarette smoke a little bit you know you've chosen a very old bat that the grip is worn off the helmet barely fits the helmet's shaking off your head yeah exactly can't change the height of the pitch and you're six foot three you're golfing um cory they sell them at dick's sporting goods so you would think i would discount buy it for yourself and we'll reimburse you what we'll go in your basement to be fair they sell batting cages at dick's sporting goods

baseball pitching machines okay okay okay okay i was like very confused i got you no it's it's all good uh yeah not the not the land in the building yes um so that brian's brian's next pick was my loyalty to dominoes i would also like to point out i love most pizza places the reason that i was loyal to dominoes was because we lived above it for two years so i would religiously just get pizza every sunday and i'm not gonna pay for delivery when i could just walk down the stairs in college what pizza did you get i feel like you weren't a canyon john's kid did you got papa john's well you changed well even though when we like weren't on that corner though i feel like we talked about pizza and you just always say domino's right away we're like maybe i don't

this man burn maybe all my picks are wrong and I just can't remember a single thing. Half of Burns draft is just misinformation. Corey is imaginary. He does not exist. I am making up half of his personality. I apologize again. I, I think that was my last one.

I think that was it. Great. I think that was it. Great overall. Great job, guys. Which one was your favorite? Who drafted the best? I probably have to go with the Rooks considering Zach picked two names for two picks and Brian kind of lied about a lot of it, it seems.

This is the biggest gimme of my life, boys. I appreciate you guys. Oh, I don't think I didn't write it down. I didn't write it down, but't write it down but i'm pretty sure the make love under the starfish i'm pretty sure that's from friends the friends episode when they're in the like aquarium where ross and rachel like lay down in the aquarium just fyi if i if my drunken mind can remember the ross and rachel go to like a planetarium like there's actual stars okay well drunkenly i probably thought it was an aquarium i mean i'm even making that up too no i swear that's a real

aquarium and then it's like the good luck chuck is like that the aquarium one that rooks is talking about i think i was spot on but hey if you want to remember it you remember it however you want i just remember the words cory i was told to do a good impression of your laugh i i mean i don't know who listens to their own laugh so that didn't resonate as well with me but i believe that i do it so it wasn't spot on got it i mean i'll have to listen back to the podcast episodes and let you wait for class what about my what about my impression of your laugh we had two in there i don't i don't exactly do your impression again right now live no i don't like sounds like quagmire yeah you did say that that rings a bell that rings a bell i don't think i like that one i don't want to hear brian's but i i'll pick brian because

you want to hear mine no yours is your one hot no oh oh the hot yeah no that one the one hot yeah you walk in a room you see something go and you just leave okay we like don't have enough time to laugh about something but yeah that one i do that one i definitely know i do all right uh what's your favorite day of the week friday it is wednesday my nipples are hard now number one remove your bra i like nuts this in my butt i'm ready to go all this is a sexy thing my dick will go like just flip inside out, and it'll turn into a vagina. And you take me.

Hi, boys. And of course, Pennsylvania. You leave the butter in the crack. Why is my spaghetti fizzy? I want to kiss you on the mouth, baby. God damn, he's so good. Yeah, he calls me big time. Ah, ah, ah.

Wow, wow, wow. Booty. Of course, it makes me dookie. If you just wanted to slurp something and then spit it back out. And then I swallow. I want to die. Raw dog and lower. A kid's turkey based on nipples. Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode 87, I think. CJ's back. Back from some technical difficulties. Man, that took me a second.

It's the Crosby episode. Did you mention a nickname? What? 87. Oh. it's the crosby episode nickname uh what 87 oh i was like crosby's name is middle initials jay all right zach's here what's up shout out to my nfo quarterback not tearing their acl and sad sad sad rooks here fuck you bitch're going to start the fucking episode like that? Go fuck yourself. Go be a fucking Bears fan, you fucking loser. T-Mobile probably played better with big old big dick Colton there.

I know it's not a good nickname, but I just, you know, big old play better. Suck a dick. Colt 45, and he's going to throw the ball better than Kyler Murray. See? Move on. I feel you just jinxed yourself horribly for Justin Fields

with tears. Nah, he's too fast. No one can catch him. Ugh, man. Now I really don't want to play him this week. You tear ACL when no one hits you. That's right. We play the Eagles. Yeah, it'll be fine. Eagles already clinched a playoff spot. Doesn't even matter. Anyways, my computer, my internet wasn't working cory's computer like

barely worked and now it's finally here so we don't really have too much planned but i kind of have things planned but not really um so maybe someone has a good story from their week zach how's your week oh good um i don't believe you yeah i didn't really do anything um nice yeah let's go to someone else Corey how was your week this is gonna be the shortest episode of my life uh cue up Rasputin right now well so I guess I spent most of last week attempting to recover from the holiday party because your boy was not feeling good had no voice on monday so it's probably good that i didn't have a computer for tuesday to record because it would have

not worked um we had a bunch of like holiday parties for the office so we had a happy hour on wednesday and then we had another happy hour on thursday which was like going out to an arcade which is dope go arcades we love them um and then we had a like tech wide dsg one at um heinz field or acrasure stadium which was pretty dope yeah yeah yeah it's pretty cool um do they have insurance just laying around in the red zone to like spice up the place a little bit i don't know like that name is so dumb i hate it i miss heinz field already i didn't realize the ketchup was insurance so you lost me for a sec it's an insurance company like in ohio i mean it's stupid people just still call it heinz field because heinz because ketchup um so that was dope but i felt awful like

thursday and friday so we had like people come in from out of town and we were like oh we should go like show them around pittsburgh so i like attempted to go to primanti brothers for dinner and i was like this isn't working so i was like do you guys want to get dropped off in south side because they were like 23 year old guys and they're like i don't know what that is but sure i was like okay i was like stay between 12th street and this street here you go here's a good bunch of bars um so they had a good time we were supposed to go out with the big hole guys on saturday night but your boy was not feeling well claire was not feeling well so we had a little r and r day saturday got got the house finally in order i think my floor is no longer sticky um for reasons unknown um and then sunday just like

chill so i guess i'll rate it uh two sticky floors and three holiday parties four holiday parties four holiday parties jesus in a week yeah i mean i'm looping in happy hour as a holiday party so like still that's a lot count it i'm tired for you all right rooks uh beat zach's week somehow well so i was i was in the same boat as cory i felt fucking horrid on monday and tuesday i felt absolutely um abysmal did not feel great but good thing was my birthday was last was it thursday so yeah guess what guess what buddy uh no slowing down this fucking train for you um friday night went to goddamn griffin unbelievable show absolutely unbelievable never seen him before 10 out of fucking 10 all the vibes vibes, all the feels, beautiful production.

It was an absolute juicer of a concert. Probably a top five concert. Question, how are the doors there? Really? Huh? How are the doors there? Is that a Gryffindor? Yeah.

Yeah, it is. Wow. I'm glad you just got that. That was way over my head. We're just going to bypass that. Where're just gonna bypass that play the screaming soundtrack the scream? I don't even know

the screaming makes me so sad okay so went to Griffin Friday it was absolutely great and then Saturday had the boys over had a bunch of people over here for a pregame. Then we went out to Decades. Shout out Decades. Love that fucking place.

And then at like one, we had been drinking since like five at like 1.30. My brain was just like, I want to eat tacos. So then I left and got Surfside Taco and then walked home. And it was lovely. Hell yeah. so then i left and got surfside taco and then walked home and it was lovely hell yeah um and then sunday i was in one of the deepest hole i woke up sunday morning feeling like i had just like taken adderall and drank 35 beers like i was feeling money i was feeling fantastic right around noon on or like two ish on sund. I just went straight into the deepest pit I've ever been in my life. And then I ate like Zach on Sunday, which is crazy.

My buddy brought over pizza and some wings and I house some of that shit. It definitely didn't help me feel better. But like at the moment, it felt great. But yeah, so it's great weekend. Great birthday weekend. Just I'm still I'm still fucking tired. I don't know if you hear my birthday weekend I'm still fucking tired I don't know if you can hear my voice I'm still very much out of it but

I'm gonna give it I'm gonna give it one all gas no brakes because like that's that's what this last week was it was just non-stop it's your birthday month man you got one more yeah fuck absolutely not It's her birthday month, man. You got one more... Yeah, fuck. That's a fucking Lutely Not.

30's gonna hit you like a ton of bricks. You got one more year to live it up, and then you'll figure it out. It's gonna hurt like a motherfucker. I ate a whole bag of egg noodles on Friday night. Bag? Yeah. Like, you know, like the big bags

that are meant for the family? Oh, yeah. Do you cook it or just eat the raw noodles? I think that's what they make the churros out of or the little cinnamon twist is you fry those and then you add sugar. Okay now you lost me. Now you lost me. I'm so lost.

I had you at egg noodles. I went on a date on Friday and she told me to eat beforehand because she said the bar we were going to could get a little rowdy, and we could kind of lose track of time. So I took that seriously. So I ate a whole bag of egg noodles and two chicken breasts with butter and salt. And so I was ready. It took a lot of vodka waters for me to start feeling something. I'm picturing you sitting in the corner of the bar in the fetal position because of the egg noodles and chicken.

Just like, what? I mean, she told me to eat, so I ate. I'm picturing you sitting in the corner of the bar in the fetal position because of the egg noodles and chicken. What? She told me to eat, so I ate. She didn't say eat for six. He'll only eat for six. Come on. The bag part is what's throwing me the most. I'm picturing a Walmart grocery bag with a bunch of egg noodles in it

for some reason. It comes in a bag. It's not normal pasta that comes in a box. The plastic see-through bag with red writing. Yep. It's a fancier pasta. You're thinking of

Barilla. You get it in the bag. It's fancier and classier. Is it pasta if you don't have to cook it to eat it? No, I have to cook it. He does have to cook it. eat it no i have to he does he does have to cook it oh you said i asked earlier if you cooked it and you said you just no you said you know i said well no i do cook it but i think i think that's also how they make the cinnamon twist i think don't quote me on that i don't understand what you're saying about cinnamon asian you fry that dessert food but you fry them i think they puff up i think

no they're churros. It's just a different name for it. Hold on. I'll do the research. You guys keep talking. I just don't think he knows what a cinnamon churro is. I think that's the problem here. No, cinnamon twist.

Taco Bell is not Asian food. Oh, you're talking about Taco Bell. Oh, good God. Now I got it. I thought you were talking about a traditional churro. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about what do i look like a jamo is what you look like they don't have asian food or mexican food in chicago apparently yeah that's not yeah i mean it was fine it was good i had a good base took up me a lot of vodka

waters to get to the point of feeling something. To cook the noodles in your stomach. Sorry to interrupt. I think I talked about this when we were in Pittsburgh. You know what I fucking hate more than anything? When you look up a recipe for something, it's like it was a cold winter night. And I just needed something to bring my heart back to when I was a child. It's like, bitch, just tell me how you make this shit.

Like, I don't care about your fucking backstory. Sorry, I'm on a cinnamon twist. You just look up how to make churros. Trying to figure out how to make fucking cinnamon twists. This bitch is just fucking telling me about her life. I don't care. How's her life going? I didn't read it.

Yeah, how's her weekend? Yeah. On a scale of something. Fucking zero out of ten. I hope she got hit by a bus yeah that's not great that's not great how was your weekend Brian? I went to a taco

I'll vamp for time while Rook gets us a recipe on food I went to a taco bell drive through and realized I was wearing a taco bell long sleeve yeah get fucked everybody y'. You get fucked, everybody. Y'all can get fucked. Zach is correct. What?

In what way? So at least, I don't know, I can't find the actual legit, like, the... Hold on. Okay, so he's not right. No, I can't find the actual... Taco Bell obviously doesn't say, oh, we make this out of egg noodles. Every recipe, though, for copycat recipes,

is some kind of pasta. Yeah, it's bread-based. But it's all pasta. It's all pasta. It's not like, oh, they make a dough for churros. It's all pasta. I liked Rook's

taco bell voice. I don't want to agree with this, Burn, okay? I don't want to agree with this either. It's just like, I've opened five different recipes now, and that's what they're all saying. So you fry pasta? Taco bell? Yeah. Just a Chinese food restaurant. Yeah, you deep fry it. Just another common

Zach W. We've had several of this episode already. Super uncommon. I think I'm 0 for 4 already, so we can keep that going. I just don't think Taco Bell actually fries it in the back. Yes, they do. The real version?

No. The real version of it, I bet they actually fry pasta. But Taco Bell, it's all plastic bits smushed together does anyone know anybody that's worked at taco bell like ever in their life i feel like nope no all right so we got a summer job some recipes and we answer this question yeah the pasta the main pasta they use is they're called uh duros which is like it's like a mexican pasta but it's just like okay yeah so it's not egg noodles sounds like you're trying to say churro it's closer than you buddy you said it wasn't i'm seeing every single thing in here refers to it as

pasta you're taking we were arguing about the pasta part first and now you're bringing the egg part into it what's the spanish translation for pasta is it pasta i think it's la pasta i'll look it up i was arguing the egg noodle part of it not that it was just pasta i don't know brian i don't know if that's true play it back this is recorded yeah i don't know if i'm buying it okay so my week uh i went to a taco bell wearing a long sleeve shirt that said Taco Bell on it and never felt like more of a loser in my life. So that was a moment. I was like, he like handed me my stuff and I was like grabbed it and like went to put it down next to me.

So my like view went down like words and I saw the logo and I was like, oh no. Probably thought you were like corporate from like undercover boss. Probably like, oh God, he's the CEOo of taco bell walking in super not undercover you walk up the guy's just like am i a fucking joke to you big fan huh it's like an undercover cop trying to buy drugs and he has like a weed plant on his shirt like hello fellow kids see i'm cool i'd like a weed yeah it was bad but you know crunchwrap supreme is great so that was a good day uh i also had my first big mac in ever what i've only had one one i've only had one as well and it was just a random experience see it's fine it's a very fine burger. It's solid. Good sauce. Too much bread. I'm not a huge Big Mac person, but I had it a few times in my life.

Yeah, but the bread is increased by 50% more than any other burger. There's two patties, though. Yeah, the double quarter pounder's got two patties, too, brother. Yeah, that's too much meat. This has got a good ratio.

Dude, I was eating DQPs when I was in fucking fifth grade. Dave's double. I will say. I do like the ratio on the DQP more than the Big Mac. I'm agreeing with Zach a lot on this podcast. There's another comment Zach's telling you.

Put the tally on the board, Brian. Give me a ding. Is that another 0 for 5 for me? Every time Zach's right, play the shout. Nope. No. There we go. Please don't play the shout.

They are not saved on my board right now, so you will not get a shout this episode. Oh, thank God. I feel like we need to do another game show episode soon. I don't know why. That ding just made me think of it. Let's do it right now. Coming down the aisle for the dating game show. If we could do the supermarket

sweep, that would be fucking great. I love this. Everybody go home, get egg noodles, and try to make your own churro. Have you guys ever seen the old school supermarket sweep in the early 90s? No. I don't watch old videos of supermarket sweeps. Have you seen the old school supermarket sweep in the early 90s? No, Zach. Were they running? No, I don't watch old videos of supermarket sweeps. You answer trivia questions.

Old Food Network. You answer trivia questions, and you get more time to shop in the store. This is Guy's Grocery Game. No, no, no. It's the original. Yeah. Your assignment, everyone, I'll send you a link to watch an old school episode of supermarket sweep. They always go for the honey baked hams.

They put the hams and the wheels of cheese in their carts first because that's worth the most. She's going for the honey baked hams. What is this? What is the show? What's up? I'm so confused. It's Supermarket Sweep. You have three teams of two.

They're wearing these awesome color-coded sweater vests. I think it's red, green, and yellow. They answer questions usually about food or name brands, and they get time added to their time they can shop at the store. Then at the end of the show, it's called the supermarket suite. Then you go and you run around the store and you try to put as many items in your cart that cost the most as possible. So people put like – hams are like –

everyone loves throwing hams in their cart. So they just like pile on the hams and then they have specials and red light specials and you go in, you can buy these big inflatable things. Dude, it's electric. The most electric game. It's like the Amazing Race but in 30 minutes. What do you win? I don't know. I think it's like a gift most electric game. It's like the Amazing Race, but in 30 minutes. What do you win?

Yeah. I don't know. I think it's like a gift card to the store or you just keep everything you bought. It's $25 in food stamps. Do you just get the money for the food you put in your cart?

I think you win like $5,000 or something like that. This was back before inflation was a thing. Yeah, that's like a million dollars. What I hate about this is it's not a cooking show. It's just a trivia show

about food yeah no it's about grocery shopping prices oh dude they got a full episode i'm sending it you're this way right now dude it's so fucking well it's it's going into the ether because i'm not watching that no come on everyone pause the episode go watch this whole video i'll post it on twitter and then come back do a that's cringe of watching supermarket sleep. Come on. 94 guys. I'm as old as a supermarket

sweep. I'm pretty sure they have. They brought this back. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we watched an episode at it. Way worse at your place. It's it's a who's a big black lady that's on

SNL. I don't know her name. Not a clue. Leslie Jones. That's correct. Yeah, that sounds right. It's her. She's the big black lady that's on SNL? I don't know her name. Not a clue. Leslie Jones? Yeah, that sounds right. It's her. She's the host of it. She's the host of it.

Is that the theme song? I will not be watching this. My internet barely works. I can't watch it. Do you guys think if you guys were stranded in a mall for 24 hours, do you think you could survive longer with one fully grown adult male silverback gorilla or seven black

mambas? Oh, I saw this earlier this week. An infinite wave of ten children. I guess. How fast is a silverback gorilla? Like how fast? Unus Very fast.

Unusually fast. Very speedy. Really? He uses four limbs to move. You only have two. Where do you start out in the mall? Like, is he on the opposite side? Well, yeah.

Let's assume you start at, like, a checkpoint of some sorts. Like, where he's not close, but he's not far. I'm assuming he's at Banana Republic. For'm assuming he's at Banana Republic for obvious reasons. Speeds up to 20 miles an hour? Yeah, buddy. 25. Your boy's moving. Oh my fucking God. Get his ears pierced.

Then you take him laser tagging. You woo him. Yeah, but like that's. You'd have a good time with the gorilla man. You have a bunch of distractions, dude. You woo him at the food court. And then you go to the movies. I assume it's a Friday night because you're at the mall. All you. What go to the movies i assume it's a friday night because

you're at the mall you um what are you seeing on christmas all you have to do is go you know the little play places like in the middle they're like the middle like little playgrounds like haven't you seen all the videos of gorillas that like like matching games and shit like that you just sit there and like play the matching game with it and then it was like now it's smart and now you trained it and now that's your homie and you and your homie just leave them all you like dap up everything's fine this i don't think you could play a matching game for 24 hours i think that's harder than running away from the gorilla i would just have to like i would sit him down while he does it and then i'm gonna go honestly i'm gonna go grab food you have to play with him no no because you'll get mad that you're gone

and then he'll come beat you. Not if I'm bringing him food. What food are you bringing him? What are you going to bring him? You bring him the takeout Chinese food? You bring him two plates of the fried rice and the lo mein? Yeah.

I'm going to fry some egg noodles, make some churros. Exactly. Bring him a bucket of Annie Ann's pretzels. Huh? They're all going to be shut down. You're not going to be able to get in. How many snakes are there? Seven. Okay, so hypothetically then, if I'm locked in a mall, huh all they're they're all gonna be shut down you're not gonna be able to get in how many

snakes are there okay so hypothetically then if i'm locked in a mall with this gorilla am i is am i just in the hallways the whole time like there's not like i can't go in stores yes well does this mall have a dick sporting goodsing Goods? Does he respect changing rooms? Dude, that would be a genderless bathroom. I would always want to be on the move. Could you imagine you're locked into a changing room and you see the shadow of the gorilla's four hooves? Paws?

I don't know. Hands? I don't know. Walking underneath? Definitely hooves. It has hooves. When you can see the little opening underneath the door and you can see the little opening underneath the door

and you can see it walking by and there's the weird light that just emanates dude I would be like the snakes would give me more anxiety but like if the gorilla sees you you're dead cause he's not gonna not see you gorilla's not a centaur what do you mean he can move he's run 20 miles an hour

y'all ever played that game where you throw the little metal thing at the like at the little stake in the ground one of the uh horseshoes uh gorilla shoes no no no it's a gorilla shoes what dude if gorillas had hooves and had gorilla shoes on, they're just like brass knuckles for their feet at that point. That's just brass knuckles for a fucking gorilla, dude. Black Mambos are 14 feet long. And how many of the Black Mambas are there?

Seven. Only nine. Dude, the mall is so big, though. I agree. I would choose the Black M, though. Dude, but I agree. I would choose the Black Mambos because I feel like I could. Because they're not actively hunting to kill you. A gorilla makes eye contact with you. If you piss it off the right way, it's chasing you down and has to move.

I can avoid the gorillas. Got it. I just got it. Gorilla, all you wear is a yellow raincoat and you befriend it. It'll be the best friend of your life. He would just tear you apart. He would try to peel you like a it i'll be the best friend of your life he would just tear you apart he would try to peel you like a banana i was gonna try to like so first of all uh before you look it up because i had to uh mambas uh climb very well um because i was

initially thinking there's got to be something with an escalator that would like fuck a snake up right like in my mind for some reason i feel like a snake wouldn't understand what an escalator is doing so it would like keep trying to go up the escalator and then it wouldn't get anywhere i think it would get caught in the stairs of it and get smushed or that you just need to go to the middle of the escalator and just walk for 24 hours in the center of it we're just like rotate very hard for each one because you got one going one way, one the other, and you can hop it back and forth if you wanted to. I assume they're on either end

and you've got to stay in the middle. You can't loop. Are we assuming the gorilla's not athletic enough to jump over the one escalator to the other escalator? No, we're on the snakes. We're talking snakes. I feel like the snakes...

The snakes are hiders, though. Was there three options? Was it snakes, gorilla, or something else? A gun with a single bullet. I don't like snakes at all. Snakes really fucking wake me out. And I think just... Yes, I know the gorilla is probably more like

hunter like gonna see like we make eye contact he's gonna try to fuck me up but like i don't think even if i didn't get attacked by the snakes like i'd probably die of like a heart attack like just being in there with seven fucking black mamba like i would mom bri is the what's the what's the plural here mabramos conjugate that? Conjugate that verb. I think the snakes would put me in the dirt. I'm taking the gorilla. I think gorilla

you could hide from. Snakes you couldn't. Just get into the ceiling. If it's a drop ceiling, you go to the tiles. We're under the assumption that the gorilla is not going to attack you until he sees you it feels threatened something with the snake so you hide from the gorilla snakes are also hiding so assuming you like kind of can flush out an area you're probably safe like is there a pool how big of a mall are we talking are we talking

like are we talking like the mall of america no it's more jacksonville north carolina yeah are we talking you're a mall which was literally a fucking hallway yeah so you what size are we talking i think you have two base stores so we have two anchor stores so you got like a sears and a jc pennies and i'll let you pick which anchor store only two only two anchor stores i feel like oh that's even smaller you give me a fucking se. Bro, you give me a fucking Sears, dude? I'm going to war, dude. Sears has fucking, like, tractors and shit in it. Off the first article that I've chosen to look at to see how many gorillas have killed people, it says that it's very rare,

and also they're more violent against other gorillas and rarely against humans. So unless you're going to say there's two gorillas there, give me the gorilla. We're hanging out. We're going to the play place. I mean, if Brooks is there. We're chilling. I'm going to think they're going to be pretty pissed if they're locked into a mall.

And this is from wildgorillasafari.com So it seems that way. It's a paid for website, so I appreciate that. I thought the com was for communism. Correct. Okay.

Bring back dot freedom. Zach, what's your answer? I feel like I got to pick the snakes. As much anxiety it would give me for 24 hours, I would just be a sleepless wreck. The gorilla, again, if it makes, I'm not taking the chance of it. Plus, ultimate scenario, you die. Let's just say the worst scenarios you die in this case i would rather die from getting bitten by a snake and and just kind of season up then getting like my head beat in by a gorilla and probably being alive for most of it i don't know i don't know

what's the core can you look up what the uh How long till you die from Mamba? Black Mamba Venom slash... I'm thinking that's gonna be painful. Then after that, Corey, can you look up what the typical Gorilla score on that arcade punch game is where the punching bag is down and you have to punch it? I'm definitely looking that up.

And I guess a Gorilla is average 40 time as well. 20 miles an hour, bro. He's cooking at a 4.6 easily, bro. Black Mamba can cause collapse in humans within 45 minutes without appropriate antivenom. That's 45 minutes of pain, man. I think gorilla, one swipe to your head, you're out. Give me the punching power of a gorilla.

Can it knock my head clean off? Guillotine style? Is it getting a 999 on that machine or not yeah you know i'm looking guys i'm looking it up hold on oh man um can you also look up the weight limit of a dance dance revolution machine because i want to know if we can play together it's not georgia the jungle it's not so let's just rooks is gonna play matching game with the gorilla. That's more simple than Dance Dance Revolution. No, it's not.

It's the same. Do we just want to say, for simplicity's sake, that the rating is based on pounds? Because I have the pounds that a gorilla can punch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, a gorilla can punch 1,300 to 2,700 pounds. Of course. That seems pretty high. That's what a human can punch 1300 to 2700 pounds that seems pretty high

human male 13 to 27 just so we have a placebo group human male 6 foot 3 from Chicago please 360 to 450 pounds you're telling me it's like

it's five times more at the small end? Bert might be right, dude. He might be crushing my head like a watermelon. You know what I'm saying? That thing's just gonna... But that's the better way to go. That's what I'm saying. Well, that's the thing.

I'm just the gorilla. I'm on your side. Yeah. I guess, like, what's the effects of the Black Mamba? Do I slowly die, or is it like, oh, it's gotta get through my bloodstream, and then I just put my phone down? Hold on. Is a Black Mamba a strangler or like your system i think

it's a venom it's a venom one oh that would make it leads to cardiovascular collapse and death so you're so heart failure oh yeah is that is that what the question was yeah you know what i do if i find one of those um of those sleep pods they have. If I get bit by a black mama, I open up those sleep pods they have at the mall. I put in $5 or $10, and then I just sit there, and that's how I die. Apologies. Sorry, I didn't keep reading the article. So you would collapse within 45 minutes, but then it would take 7 to 15 hours for your death.

Oh, no. No. Fuck that, dude. Oh, my God. minutes but then it would take 7 to 15 hours for your death oh no no so oh my god question question uh once the 24 hours is up do we have medical staff on a hand to give you anti-venom because that means you only have to hide from the snakes for about half that time you can also because then you can just have gorilla sees up on the ground it has a gorilla anti-vacuum well that's just a bazooka they're just gonna piece my head back together after it's smushed what are my chances of luring the snakes or gorilla into like the little hurricane booth machine and trapping them in there what are you wearing they just have like the wind blowing yeah what are what are you wearing? What am I wearing? Do you have a flute of some sort? Mm-hmm.

I'm a bard. I have a stringed instrument and some tights. Can I, before I go to the mall, know that this happened? Oh, wow. Bye, Zach. Zach said, I don't give a fuck about you guys. He hated that outfit. The stringed instrument and the tights and

just was he was out i just love that he said he dipped the hell out this guy wanted no part of that shit man jesus but so what i was gonna ask if like could i get to the mall the day before and maybe install i don't know one or two trap doors no this is not home alone. This is not home alone. You're going to the mall because your wife was like, honey, you forgot this thing. You need to buy us a Christmas gift. And you're going to Yankee Candle and you're sniffing a candle and then an alarm goes off and then there's a gorilla

in front of you. I'm the only one that doesn't make it out of the mall. Yeah, trap doors. On a normal day at the mall? You have trap doors that pick specific people out to die yeah we did that before with people who would play their music i don't know about all that man i don't know about all that i have i have an update for people playing their music out loud also welcome back zach i was at the grocery store a dude who was working there

was playing music on a speaker out loud while like stocking the shelves like in the middle of like a Saturday middle of the day that was don't they have music at grocery stores great choice yeah I don't know was there a gorilla at the grocery store

no there's all the people the trapdoors didn't activate yet how much damage do you think I could do with the ear-piercing gun from Claire's? I think you'd make a gorilla pretty freaking sick. We should do that.

I'm not going to lie. A gorilla with fucking some studs would be kind of hard. No gauges, my guy. I would say, how much does it cost to get your ears piercing like Claire's? I'll ask. Hold on. I think it's free. I would say, how much does it cost to get your ears pierced at Claire's? I'll ask. Hold on. I think it's free.

Yeah. Oh, I do think it is free. Now, let's just assume it's free. It's free. You just have to buy the earrings. Can we, for next holiday party or the next time we're together, can we get our ears pierced for the weekend and then just take them out and they close back up? Fun fact, my ear is pierced.

Yeah, he's got one already. Can the three of us do it? I would get the MJ hoop. The hoop. I would need two. I need to do my nose and my ear, and then you get the chain that connects the two of them. Because what's the time? Is it like 36 hours you need to keep it in there?

Or what's the time before it? It's like a month. No, you have to keep it in much, much longer. Oh, is it? Oh, fuck yeah. Let's just do that then. I spent 50 bucks on way less like important shit literally it's like you have to wear it for i wore mine for like two months and then i didn't wear it for like a week and then it was like closing up and i had

to like jam that shit back yeah i feel like like Corey's not on board with this idea. I don't. I just don't know. He's got a wedding to prepare for, man. It's just fucking. I mean, to be fair, like, you have no idea that my ear is fucking pierced. Like, it's not like it's, like, a noticeable thing. And then y'alls will all close up. Unless you like the drip so much and you want to keep wearing the fucking earrings.

Oh, can I get the... Who's the dude from Wham that has the dangly ones? Oh, that one's George Michael. Yeah, I'm going George Michael. Dude, it'd be kind of hard if all four of us showed up to a holiday party next year with the little ornaments or a little tree hanging out of our ear. That'd be kind of tough. I'm on board with this.

I'm mainly on board because I don't have to do anything but like i'm on board i think i just need to have an earring that i care about to want to do that's not we can get the initials of the podcast or oh spunk tank please explain like a little image of a spunk tank and it's a dangle no i thought i was dangle i thought i was gonna go way grosser than that yeah i thought oh no no no not like like an actual bucket full yeah i was i was genuinely waiting for oh we get an earring that has like a little dangly cup and then you just fill it up and then you put it in your ear look you guys are gross okay i never bring that oh shut up i have to say i looked up rooks had sent me the clip of when we first invented that

it is rooks is not there for it it was very much an unequal parts of cory me and zach coming up with it i think i just like it the most and bring it up afterwards. But you two are both very much part of it. I don't disown it. It's definitely a team effort. Well, when it makes millions of dollars, I will be getting residuals. Just imagine Shark Tank and there's a giant bucket

of white liquid that they don't know what it is over in the corner. and the sharks are sitting there before you walk in they're like why does this room smell like that's what i'm saying dude like just like and like not that like cum is like super pungent or anything but like a bit but it is a bucket of it not even a bucket a tub filling up full of like full enough to submerge somebody in cum there would absolutely be a smell in the room

I'm just gonna say it it would smell so weird do you think you'd swim in it or you'd like sink to the bottom more like you wouldn't or you wouldn't say more like jello you know I'm saying where it's like it'd be like that if you ever seen Clyde with a chance at meatballs where

they're jumping in the pool and it's made of jello and he goes in and just gets stuck? That's what it would be like. It's a non-Newtonian fluid so you can run on top of it, but if you stop, it's like quicksand. Oh my fucking god. This seems like a good

spot. This seems... Good spot for what, dude? A good spot to expand on our ideas. When we're talking about the smell of it, I don't know that I could keep going that much further. It's too early for the outro music. It's too early. No, okay.

I can change our topics. I got a little throwback to one of our drafts. My brother was listening to a podcast. The dude, Brett Goldstein, he's on Ted Lasso. He plays... Who's the defender guy? Roy Kent? Roy Kent. Yeah? He's more of a

defensive midfielder, but yes. Okay. Fair, fair, fair. But he was on a podcast and they were asking him about his favorite food. So let me just... Favorite meal? Chinese? What will you order all the starters that's it all he said starters as appetizers and british speak okay if you don't understand but all he said all he said was appetizers i feel so validated that i'm not

the only one she didn't pester him and be like oh there's not an answer she said yeah that's a great idea he wasn't appetizers are the best part he wasn't doing a fucking chinese food draft you piece of shit the draft is what chinese food do you like the most and you chose an experience and that's what he did too he didn't get any flack and he's famous yeah and you're not famous first off especially right now let's not go with the oh this guy is famous so what do you any flack and he's famous yeah and you're not famous that's why i should give you a flack first off especially right now let's not go with the oh this guy is famous so what he says is a good thing to say it is the exact wrong time for that ask my yeezys in the closet okay but second off you could rename them now what i can rename your shoes what does that have to do with anything because then they aren't his anymore they're still gonna make them they're not gonna be called his shoe if i wear those shoes out

and i'm like someone's like oh my god like why are you wearing yeez i'm like no these are um um spunk tank these are spunk tanks they're not gonna be like oh no never mind you're right those aren't yeezys like no they're mind you're right those aren't yeezys like no they're still do you think everyone threw their yeezys out you think no one's ever gonna wear no i think people are still gonna wear them i'm just saying like just because i call i'm more mad at your argument not what you're like the idea that i'm bringing out i'm more mad that you're like oh but like if you just call them something else they're not that anymore like that's not how they're still gonna sell them they're still gonna sell them but they're gonna sell them under a different name so if you bought a new pair of them they're absolutely not

gonna sell any more easies i mean like people are people are gonna fucking like hold on cory's company literally sells them cory yes see they're not gonna be called easies i don't know if it's going to be the same exact shoe but they're he yeah he didn't own the design i'm i'm saying that there is i'm saying that there is like no one listens to this anyway you're good this is the safest place you could possibly say that a little insider trading how's your guys companies going i'm saying like that there's like probably an expiration date on those shoes. The shoes don't expire. Not being traded between people themselves or sold by someone that owns them already.

Those shoes are not going to keep getting produced. Yeah, they will. Who makes them? Adidas? Yeah. Reebok? Adidas? Yeah. Reebok? Adidas? Adidas owns the design.

And he just got residuals off of it. Every article that came out after that was like, yeah, he owns nothing of it. And that's why he fumbled the bag so hard. Because he can't just take that to another shoe company and sell them somewhere else. Because he's a poophead. That's the truth. I've been wrong six times today i i'm not wrong about that one whatever you say babes all right so chinese food though i feel validated um i just need to throw it back to that i won't uh take that as an argument unless i hear him in an interview talk about how he's drafting Texas Roadhouse rolls for Thanksgiving.

They were great. That's my argument. You think the Roadhouse rolls are worse than drafting appetizers? Yeah, because you only did it last year. That's not like a Thanksgiving thing if you did it. Just listen back to the episode. I signed with the Rooks on that one. But that wasn't your answer.

We drafted every other type of roll. We drafted biscuits. I picked brown and serve. I think Corey picked croissant. You doubled up. You think you picked croissants. Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin bread.

Oh, yeah. I think I did croissants and pumpkin bread that's like a dessert thing so what's wrong with picking a specific type of roll it just feels weird it feels weird that there's brown and serve not for every family it feels weird that thanksgiving is like you get stuff at the grocery store and you like cook it so to me it feels weird being like i went out to this restaurant to get it and bring it you know what i mean that's why i'm like the last like 10 years for my family we don't cook like the main meals we always like get them

from a restaurant that's a very key point of information that i didn't know about your thanksgivings yeah so why wasn't that why wasn't know about your Thanksgivings. Yeah. Why wasn't that brought up during the draft? Because you didn't bring up that. You just said, well, this is stupid. I said, you guys drafted roles, and you were like, well, this is stupid. But you said it stupid 50 times, and you didn't say one word about...

You didn't say why it was stupid. You just said you didn't like it. It was dumb. If we don't know the information... If we don't know the information, it was stupid. You just said you didn't like it. It was dumb. If we don't know the information, if we don't know the information, it's dumb. But you didn't give us any information. So yeah, we're still going to think it's dumb because you're not giving us any evidence.

But just saying it's dumb, not saying why I can't defend anything. Of a paragraph and not give me the three other pieces of the hamburger, my guy. You have to give me the other details that support it. Hell yeah, brother. Your rebuttal to that was just like, F.

You gave me no rubric. You just gave me a bad grade. Honestly, Brian, it feels like you did that pick for a cheap laugh. At this podcast, if I've been on it for long enough, we are way above cheap laughs. We think really hard about our jokes, and we plan them out, and then we execute on the highest level. We have really hard about our jokes and we plan them out and then we execute on the highest level.

We have a whole script. We do. That's true. Cue the lights and action. Line. Line. Line. We'll do it live. That's all I got. Fuck it.

Fuck it. Fuck it. I don't want to wait. My life's to be over. No record. Maybe. Woo! So. Outro Music Bye.