It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 89: DILF Manor

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Daddy Zaddy is auditioning for DILF manor so we take an are you a MILF Quiz and talk about our favorite meats...... Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. I thought the tier list was fine. Hey. Wow. Okay. Who would have thought? Do we not want to talk about fried calamari for an hour? Fried calamari slaps, brother.

If you can't get behind fried calamari, like, you're out of your mind. I could talk about it for an hour. I could also just deep fry rubber bands and call it a day, right? Exactly. No, there's actual days. Who wants to just take a little baby circumcision, throw it in the deep fryer, and call it a day? Why would you want to do that? That is so not what Calamari is.

It definitely is. Yeah, it is. Look it up. Your lack of culture is showing. All right, boys. So there's a new TV show that we all need to watch and because zach's gonna be on it so new show for you to try out for zach it's on tlc have you guys uh seen this from like yes have they zach interested no i'm too old now have you seen the trailer for yeah obviously too too old has it started yet

i don't know yet dude you know what's fucked up you know what's really fun okay i got you cory so in the trailer they have all these milfs that are like oh i'm coming to this island i'm looking for love blah blah blah blah and it's gonna be blah. And it's going to be, they're like, oh, it's going to be with younger dudes. They show the lineup of dudes, right? And they're like, but there's a twist. And like, you don't know what the twist is. 150% all of these dudes are their children. Like, these are all their kids.

Dude, you know how much mental fuckery that would put me in if i was in a house where people were trying to fuck my mother like but you're also trying to do the same to them dude i wouldn't be able to focus on anything i'd be like stay the fuck away from my mom dude so zach i will say that hold on hold on sheila and rooks on that would be a wild group. That'd be a great cast. They pump you full of alcohol on every one of these reality TV shows. You're never going to be sober.

You're going to be way more distracted anyways. I think you're going to have a good time. The first episode is on the 15th of January. We're still ahead of the game. There's still some time for some changes to happen. They can do some edits, put Zach back in.

Or season two. Season two. Okay. I went to their website to find the date. There's also a, are you a MILF quiz? Do you want to take it? Yes, 100%. I want to take that test. Are you joking?

I hope it just says, like, are you... It's just a yes or no? Yeah. Like, I don't know what else... Okay. Zach, do you... Do younger people often flirt with you? Your answers are, it happens sometimes, nope, and yes.

I mean, it happens sometimes. Like, if we're just going strictly, what is it that happens sometimes? What a shitty, like, option in there. Yeah, sometimes. Like, yes or no? Like, what is this fucking halfway Tito-y bullshit? It's called milk manor. What's the difference between yes and it happens sometimes?

Like, yes is I'm constantly being hit on by people you're gonna i can't walk outside my house without being harassed by people you're gonna be well then also if you do sometimes it happens for each answer are you sometimes a milf is that what i'm getting out of this like i don't think the question was are you sometimes a milf is it's like a werewolf situation it's like cookies being a sometimes food i'm just a sometimes milf question two i'm a minotaur but milf version top half's milf bottom half minotaur minotaur young all right second question zach when you're out and about with a young woman your daughter niece etc do strangers ever refer to to you as her sister i don't want to i don't want to answer

this question what are we doing uh it's a sometimes but they might be trying to sell me something all the time or not very often why you know you already know my gripes i'm not i'd like to answer for zach i think it's a sometimes but they might be selling him something i'd like to answer for him a lot of pyramid schemes weird personally when i walk around with like like i don't know children i'm trying to think you better want you better fucking watch it my guy well i was about to say i was about like i was trying to think of like the youngest like person that i had i guess emma my old cousin like who's in high school they call me your sister all the time like that happens constantly so i want i guess emma my old cousin like who's in high school they call me her sister all the time like that happens constantly so i want i'm trying to get us to mark the first answer

frequently are they trying to sell you things though no okay they typically walk up they go are you her sister i go no and they walk away it's weird conversation it's happened a lot though cool man that's a it's a fun problem to have you might be more of a milf than zach we'll find out zach describe your personal style i dress to impress and hop on the latest trends i dress for comfort first and fashion second or classic chic and timeless i say classic chic timeless for this guy can i insert an option for this one i saw i sometimes dress to impress sometimes i think that's the i dress for comfort first no because that'll be i think it's i think the third one is the sometimes one

classic chic and timeless is not the sometimes but like the first one dressed and pressed like that means like my milf titties are always out the comfort one means i'm always in like a matching set from like lulu or something and then the last one is like but like the comfort one is gonna be like that's just like you're in sweats and shit all the time right yeah but you could be fashionable and comfy zach goes for that when he's in the airport i pay attention joggers what's your answer yeah whatever the the middle is comfort first fashion second all right next question would you call yourself can we pause how many questions are there before we get really down this road it seems like a lot it does not tell me no we have to see where this train goes so dangerous uh would you call yourself a cougar the answers are definitely not i wear my cougar

badge proudly and sort of i'm open to dating sort of sort of sort of 100% wear that cougar badge proudly we are we are we answering this for zach because i've been answering this for zach not like for myself yeah okay okay we're trying to get zach on the show that's people that actually like sat down and like took this quiz and we're like oh i need to know 100 every 55 year old white lady in chicago has taken this quiz why does this exist because milf manor season two is gonna be dilf manor and zach's gonna be on it all right zach what do you cherish the most about motherhood nurturing them and making sure they feel secure being there to support them and watch them grow or hanging out with my kids and being their best

friend i'd say the last one for zach option d was hopefully mooching off their eventual earnings that have been d what's the growth one because maybe that's the one that most suits it i no i don't think being there to support them and watch them grow oh yeah no never mind dude he's being their best friend do you know how bad a show called dilf manor would pan out do you know how horrible yeah would be? Double standards. There would be. Yeah, fuck yeah, there's a double standard. Who gives a shit? But like, that would be horrible.

Do you want to watch fucking like eight fucking 50-year-old dudes hit on literally 20-year-old chicks? That sounds horrible. And it's all their daughters. Someone would get murdered. Someone would die. An absolute PR nightmare. That last question, what is that proving to the MILF Manor executive producers? What are they getting out of that that's juicy information that they're going to be like, yeah, now we need people to answer A instead of C?

They've got to throw in couple like easy questions for him. This could be like a choose your adventure type of questionnaire where it's like the next question is based on your previous answer and then we could get like a wacky one and then. I also don't think this is like a like recruiting form. Like I don't think this is like

I don't think it's not like this. We're going to get a star rating. I think this is good. This is literally just like a fun little TLC quirky quiz. The application should be like, I hate my kids and I love and support them and that way you can ditch everyone who says I hate my kids or accept them.

Or accept them. Probably accept them. So it's like those three answers gave exactly, like they're all positive things about motherhood. They don't tell me anything different. Again, this is an application. is our buzzfeed quiz pretty much oh it's not an application i can i thought no it's just a stupid little quiz on tlc's website this is dumb you thought this was the app it didn't start with what your name is it started with like what do you wear okay this is all right we're gonna move on we're gonna go quick what's your biggest strength kindness charm confidence confidence yes yeah charm that was pretty confident so i'd say yes yeah i'd say all right

oh which ice cream flavor describes you the best coffee strong energetic and grounded birthday cake batter lively bold full of surprises chocolate chip sweet well-liked traditional birthday cake birthday cake that's a good one full of surprises oh see your results oh hey real happy they gave us are we sometimes a milf i swear to god if we are sometimes a milf i'm gonna be fucking living your milf meter is at a hundred percent milf hello ultimate milf you radiateF energy. Check all the boxes without a second thought. So go out there and wear the title proud and loud. Good job, Zach. Oh, my God.

Let's go. It is Wednesday, my dear. I'm going to fuck you, Brian. Yo-ho. Yo, how do you get milk out of a crab? Give me milk now, mommy. Fat matches. Solve world hunger. Can I get this vagina animal style?

Bonnie is a wonderland. Be the way. I'm sweater. Ow! That came as an orgasm? What? What? Woohoo!

That's like an orgy, my guy. What's up, sluts? The Olympics are a fraud. Your word is Reichstrabatism. Ew, you're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through. Your bottom self? Trying to low-key penetrate you.

Hey, boo-boo. I shall not. Yeah. I shall not. Yeah, I shall not. Talking around to shit himself all the time. Trying to have sex with a lover. Gun to the peen is what you need, brother. White Jesus. Kirby's down there just blowing.

Hey, say hi. Kneecaps are not organs. Fuck you, Ratatouille. It is Wednesday, my dudes. Ah! Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode 89. Due to popular demand, it's the Deli Meat Spectacular episode. So, you know, people highly requested it.

You couldn't get away from it. So we're giving the people what they want. We're going to talk about your favorite cold cuts. Rooks is back this week hi cory's here hello and uh zach it's deli meat january the milf himself the episode nobody wanted but they got yeah uh rooks if you did listen you listened last week so for our weeks we give an emoji as our rating now yeah oh which i love that was fantastic that was one of my favorite things on the podcast they need to make a milf emoji and add it to the keyboard uh cory how was your week um hold on now i'm frantically searching because i had one um all right zach how was your week

uh weekend was good um i ordered a puzzle today i'm pretty excited about that i know that's technically probably part of next week's episode review but i'm gonna call it out anyway ordered a puzzle i love puzzle 25 pieces well we talked about this last week big puzzle guy and i got the puzzle itch so it's a 500 pieces. It's a Pokemon. Like, you know, little pixel icons that they had in the old school Pokemon games? Yeah. One through 150 or 55 or 51. Dude, it's so sick.

I'll send you guys. That's tight. It's only like 13, 12 bucks. Did you buy it off Amazon? Can you send me a link? I just might buy it. I'll drop the link, bro. Dude, it's sick.

And I feel like it's one of those ones. Put's get us some let's get some money for ourselves it's one percent it's one of those ones where i might consider you can put like the puzzle glue or epoxy on it yeah it looks sweet um but anyway my weekend uh my general uh not today week review um yeah it was fine it was good friday didn't do anything saturday hung out with the fellas had the fellas over to watch a little college football we went to um some local dive bars um shout out fryer tucks and monsignor murphy's although we stayed at monsignor murphy's only for a hot second because my buddy walked in saw a girl that ended uh things he edited badly with on hinge and immediately sprinted out of the bar. So we had a pivot real quick. I respect it.

Yeah. Do we got a story for that? No, he didn't give us that much detail. He just, I literally turned around with my other friend and then I looked back over and they were already halfway. He was already halfway out the bar. I'm like, well, it looks like we're not staying here. So yeah.

Man, that must have been really bad. Yeah, I think so. But anyway um i didn't eat at all that day i for whatever reason i would just it was like a very liquid diet a lot of uh vodka red bulls um so that was kind of just mixing around in my stomach uh i don't really remember anything from saturday night which is probably not a good thing, but I made it home. Cause he had no food at all. Yeah, it was bad.

I do. I think that might be unrelated. Yeah. Okay. I do remember taking a shower though at 2 AM, which I think helped or hurt me. I have no idea, but yeah.

And then Sunday I kind of ordered a full medium pizza, had some wings, ate about four popsicles. So that was pretty standard. So my New Year's resolution of not binge eating on Sundays is out the window. We lasted one week, folks. That was your resolution? Yeah.

That's such a good one. I know. It would have been a good one. I think it still counts because you didn't eat Saturday. That's true. It balances out. So my average is divided in two. Yeah.

I like that. I just can't eat on saturdays at all it's my that's my that's my plan definitely still not healthy but you know at least the calorie counts like halved yeah i agree um and yeah i'm just kind of enjoying january man like i'm not traveling too much january or february so just kind of living life enjoying being in chicago even though it's going to be a little cold so um i am going to with that being said i'm going to write my week the uh the burr uh ice face emoji where he's uh nice so that's what i'm gonna write my weekend frozen and blue yeah perfect corey did you find your notes i got it i sent it does that count that counts as an emoji right we're not just like keeping it limited to like the the is it dude smiley faces did you click the emojis and then select one and then put it in i did i assumed but with this group i never

want to assume so i just want to make sure i'm staying within the realm i got it it's fine anyway are you gonna say about your week are you just gonna shut send the emoji and just let's call it a day no i mean nobody gave me a response so i assume it's good then so i'm gonna keep going i like the idea of us all just posting our emoji without prefacing like our weekend and then we all take a guess at how everyone like what everyone did this weekend i like that all right cory sent a fox emoji so either he uh had sex with a fox or killed a fox. Stop there. You nailed it.

No. The first one. You got sex with a fox? You're good. Yeah. You nailed it. Cool. All right.

Way to fucking go, man. Oh my God. Ring-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding. Was that what is a fox? Yeah. There it is. Nailed it. Okay.

Corey. Quist. Go. You just, I thought you were skipping over me all right fine um so the reason i'm giving it a fox rating this week uh played five hours of pokemon on friday night and got nine tails your boy's sick i'm stupid yeah you are dumb um went registry wedding shopping with claire on saturday that was fun that's fun because it's like you're shopping but you're not buying anything did you put a bunch of dumb stuff on it like in a fun way no i mean i still can we're not done yeah put put like pokemon

like stamped condoms on there or something like that. Put something strange. Wait, you're getting married. All right. I'll put something on. That's strange for you, Brian. Yes.

Zach. I have a, I have a wedding preference question. Would you prefer everyone? If you had to pick everyone to give you cash or everyone has to give you something off the registry, what would you do? Uh,

I guess something off the registry what would you do uh i guess something off the registry cool thanks right like that informative i don't have a preference either way but like i would probably end up using cash to buy the things off the registry anyway so like saves me a trip cut up the middleman yeah yeah exactly uh and then we went to like we had to go to this is the busiest fucking weekend of my life because we were at the mall obviously doing the registry stuff and fucking everyone their mother in pittsburgh was out because i assume it's like everybody's returning gifts and shit so we had to go to four different restaurants saturday night because every single one we went to there was an hour long wait so we ended up making it into a long no not i was about to say a long john slip oh no no no no uh long

horn steakhouse long john no we went to a longhorn steakhouse first time like ever that i can remember being there i'm sure i went there once before but like whatever it was good decent whatever had alcohol we could drink didn't have to wait for an hour. You know, two long horns out of two. Great job. Um, and then, uh, Sunday we had like a little, uh, Claire family day. Her parents hadn't seen the church that we're going to have the ceremony yet. So they came over and we went to mass there, had brunch, had drinks at the local bar, red, shout out red, shout you out all the time. Watch the Steelers game. Um, and then, yeah, that's about it by one okay so the one idea i have coming out of this weekend um that dawned on me and you guys are gonna rip

on me because it's a dad thing but i think it's a brilliant idea manner i mean it would fit in manner for sure so you know how you know how targets have starbucks and I assume it's because, you know, Starbucks and Targets' demographic is mostly women. And so, like, therefore, they grab coffee and then go shop at Target. Ingenious idea. Yeah, they should also have, like, a Home Depot. Home Depot should pair up with Dunkin', and then, like, because I want a cup of coffee when I'm at Home Depot should have pair up with Dunkin and then like because I want a cup of coffee when I'm at Home Depot and both orange and America

runs on Dunkin blue collar very blue collar I'm just saying it's a great idea do your guys Home Depot have the hot dog places outside of it like the little car never even heard of that mine does they're busting though

dude the goat of all Home Depots when I lived in Florida way back in the day they had a fucking churro stand outside of Home Depot bro you bet your ass every time my dad's like I need to go ah man like

I need this fucking buzz saw I need to go get it fucking I don't know what you fucking do, Corey. Give me, like, a fucking Home Depot trip. Why don't you just get lumber, my guy? Why don't you go straight to buzzsaw? All right, my boy needs fucking, he needs some lumber. Little Royce fucking comes out, fucking head-peering out the door. You go Home Depot?

He's like, yeah. My ass sprints down to the car, bro. I'm getting me four churros before we get back. Yeah. Dude, churros are the best food. We should do a churro draft just so we can put churro first. Just keep drafting churros? Nothing.

I'll go second. All right. I think we're on board, but you also have to have churros at the Dunkin'. I mean, it's weird that they don't, but yeah, I mean, cinnamon donut in. Great. Boom. Cool. All right, Rooks.

Give us your emoji first. My emoji is the, here, I'll send it to the group, but it's the chick who holds her hand like this. Oh, the one hand. Your boy? Your boy? Kind of had a girl's weekend this weekend. who holds her hand like this? The one hand with the... Your boy? Your boy? Con had a girl's weekend this weekend.

Okay, so first off, I'm going to do something that no one does on this podcast and recommend a movie that I actually enjoyed. Uh-oh. Go onto Netflix and watch Stutz, the documentary with Jonah Hill.

It's really good. It's fantastic. What's it about? He does... He's doing like a... It's's like a documentary he's just talking to his therapist and like they do a lot of like uh like mental health tools and stuff like that it's really good um but hey you'll give a watch uh where's i go with this oh yeah so friday saturday i watched that friday saturday so i went to denise's holiday party all like literally like her work her work is like 30 chicks and then one dude so like all the like boyfriends and husbands were just like chilling the whole time but just like hot goss left and right you

know like and like also on top of that like there's people that i'm supposed to like and there's people i'm not supposed to like so like in my head like i got a whole flow chart of like do i like this person yes have a conversation and then it's like it's not like do you like this person no it's like say oh it was nice to meet you and you need to go to the bathroom or something like there's just like all these like all these There's just all these rules. Did you have notes in your phone and you had to check them before you went to talk to anybody? That would have been smart, honestly. There were too many heads.

A photo of each of them. Just fucking mug shots. What's the game? Guess who? Every time in a movie, every time they pull up the people in Fast and the Furious, it's like criminal record.

It's like that fucking folder. They open it up, and it's like a picture paper clipped onto the top with their whole fucking description. I just got a whole file folder going around with me. What's the board game

with all the faces, and you have to guess who's who? Guess who? That's what I'm picturing you have like a plastic thing you have a conversation with one of them flick it down and move on to the next one what's the board game where you have to guess who they are oh shit um but yeah i wonder why that shows the name went to this uh went to this party. Great time. Cool people. But it was just funny.

There's tension. There's little jabs here and there. It was really cool. I felt like I was live on set of a Bravo show or something. It was sick. It wasn't that dramatic. I'm exaggerating. But it was so cool.

And then Sunday. So your boy's about to go to Los Angeles to visit our female in the field, Krista Capitellos, and I needed some drip, dude. I needed to up my game a little bit, so I went to the mall and I went shopping, and I got some tops, dude.

I was looking mad cute, bro. I'm hype. I'm going to be fitted in Cali this week. I'll tell you what. I hate this. Are you going to buy a hat out here? Like one of the really round ones that all the girls wear? And you're going to wear like a fall sweater?

Nah, you know what fucking hat I want? Have you seen in the NFL the super big hats everyone's wearing, bro? Those dudes standing in the locker room and a reporter has a mic up to his face and he's just I can't even talk about it it reminds me of NFL Blitz

you put on like big head mode and everything just is insane it's so funny. I would love one of those fucking hats. But yeah, it was a good weekend. I went shopping and went to a party. Jesus.

Freaking Doug Dimmodome of baseball caps. He's not good. I want giant versions of every kind of headwear now. Give me a beret that's 10 times the size. Oh, God. You all right? Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay.

Beret. Oh, shit. All right. You done with your week? Yeah, that was my week. Okay. Rooks is not all right. I watched another? Yeah, that was my week. Okay. Rooks is not alright. I watched another movie I don't recommend this week.

I got my notes out. Add it, Corey. There's a movie called The Menu. If you watch the trailer, it's like, oh, they go to a dinner and then they end up dying because they end up eating them for dinner. Cool. And then you watch the movie, nothing else happens. That whole premise is the entire movie. There no twists there's no turns the the whole trailer is just like 20 seconds from every like 30 minutes of the movie and you know exactly what happens the whole way through and then it ends the one of the main characters just kind of like gets away there's no twist the rest of them just die it's like okay why why did we watch this you gave me

nothing so uh don't recommend it but i rated my week the little uh the meat emoji where it's like a bone with like ham in the center of it because you know speaking of ham hit the music speaking of ham uh like dude, look at this guy. This podcast is going exactly how I thought it was going to go. Rooks has got the meat sweats. Oh, my God, dude. Just like, look at Scott's fucking hat. Ruxus is gone. And he's the only sandwich artist we have here.

So I was really relying on his opinion. Oh, I'm so sorry. Need the expertise. All right, Zach. Welcoming our four cold-cut experts of the Mid-Atlantic. Stop! We got Pepperoni Ripples, Nipples Rooks. Yo, Pepperoni Ripples is actually pretty tough.

Pepperoni Ripples. That's like an ice cream flavor. My nips aren't pebs, dog. They're pointy. They're not round. They're pointy. There's a difference. Pepperoni nubs, the little squares. You like French bread pizza and they have little square bits of it?

Move on. Zach, how's this going to work? What are we doing? Do we just want to talk about deli meat do we want to do anything with it like tiered or drafted why do i why do i let you guys take control of anything i just wanted to talk about deli me man i think sandwiches sandwiches are such an underrated lunch for me it's a perfect vehicle for lunch. It's a perfect lunch food. It's undefeated. I just want to say one thing.

Last week, they were talking about doing this when I wasn't going to be here. Zach was like, I want Rooks to be on for this. I was like, why? Oh, yeah. I respect his take on meats. What? You literally worked in a subway. If there's anyone

who can rattle off the most cold cuts off the top of their head it is you oh i mean i guess i guess that's fair but like subway cold cuts like like if you're getting a cold cut at subway like go somewhere better like go anywhere else i agree i don't have a lot to say about cold cuts. All right. Yeah. Oh, that's wrong. All right. We're going to turn this into family feud. We interviewed 100 people on the board. All right,

Zach. Oh man, you are yelling. You are. I like it though. Italian BMT, Italian BMT. All right. You like it though. Italian BMT. Alright, you got three seconds. Cold cut combo.

That's not on the board. If you get a cold cut from Subway, you are patient zero. You are a sociopath. That is disgusting. That shit. You mean like 90 percent of the men no i mean i just get a sandwich from subway the actual cold cut sandwich which is like oh the actual sandwich is called a cold cut yeah yeah rattle off the ingredients 30 seconds ago

i was labeled as the sandwich artiste here and i said one thing sandwich artiste like and got absolutely crucified for it i think it's like bologna and something else i don't know it's really gross it's mystery meat all right cory what's your guess top five deli meats on the board go uh turkey ham one guest oh sorry i thought you said top. I thought I was supposed to go five. Both Rooks and Zach gave a combination sandwich as a meat. So you're doing great. All right. One point to Corey.

Zach, you're on the board. Ah, dang it. I was so. Are we drafting this? What are we doing? Zach wanted to talk about it and I said sure. I didn't plan anything because

Zach wanted to talk about it. Zach, the floor is yours. I got a hot take. Ham. Why it be slimy? Why it be so wet? Why it be wet and gross? What are they it be so wet why it be wet and gross what are they putting in there they're all wet and gross wrong ham the most wet and gross no ham is far and away the grossest

out of the package i don't disagree with brian though they are the most of them are wet wet and gross but not no ham is like fucking like Ham's the S tier of wet and gross. Correct. Damp. The W tier. Very damp. Rooks, isn't ham your favorite Thanksgiving food, though? I mean, a honey baked ham, yeah, but like, not like that fucking ham that's sitting in

the little package. That shit is really wet. You can get like honey baked sliced, though. Have you ever seen that commercial where the little meme where Billy Mays is slapping the tape on the huge leaf coming out of the thing? That's how much water is in a container of ham or slime.

I don't even know what to fucking call it. Shit's gross though. It should be gross. Have you ever had a toasted ham sandwich? Because I feel like that's how ham should be normally made now that we're talking about how yucky and slimy it is. I feel like you toast it up. It makes it less wet.

Do you want information from MyConsciousEating.com on how to prevent slimy ham and everything you need to know about it? I'd prefer it from DILF.com or whatever the fuck the website was before but we'll take it from this one yeah oh it uh it's possible that bacteria has started to spread on the meat causing the slime on top yeah why do we eat ham at all can we it's gross i googled uh i googled what are the ham secretions exactly and i didn't get anything related to ham from that google search for some reason but this is okay so ham be wet deli meat ham be wet but why why is sliced turkey so much more moist than regular ass turkey like it's two different meats in my opinion i feel like it's probably because it's like cooked as like a the

whole turkey's cooked right and then they have to slice it whereas like otherwise I mean I guess the Thanksgiving turkey's kirked as a whole all right rooks sandwich artist I need I need a phone a friend you're saying kirked as a whole I can't speak today we're all off our name well right yeah we're all worked out um maybe it's like hey maybe it's like a maybe it's like a storage thing like maybe the stuff comes from like it being like a preservative not enough gigabytes yeah i don't know maybe that needs more oh man i fucking i barely worked at subway okay like you worked there for a year i did not no i didn't i worked there for i worked there for a few months but in like fast food years that's like three years i mean yeah i guess that's fair but like i because it see it seemed a lot longer because it

was like the last couple months of one year and then like the first month or two of another year yeah so like two semesters so like a year no you bitch god damn it that's not maths bro all right we got uh zach's hot take on uh deli meat rooks what's your hot take um man for real like if you get like just like a plain turkey sandwich like go fuck yourself like if you go somewhere and you're like i want just a turkey sandwich with like lettuce and cheese. But like home food too. I don't think we're only talking about Subway. Yeah, I don't think we are only talking about Subway. Like making a sub at home.

Okay, yeah, you make a sandwich at home, fine, sure. But like I'm just saying, like don't go out and order a turkey and cheese, you pervert. What's your go-to home sub, then? Go-to home sub? I mean, I don't really make sandwiches here like that, but when I go... I left my sandwich artistes in the past. I retired from the game. I got too old, you know what I mean?

But no, at home, I'll make a turkey or ham sandwich. Like, sure. I'm just saying like, if you go, if you go to fucking like, shout out to my boy, uh, Jay Michaels over here. Like if you go there and you want to get like, I want a turkey sub, like dude, they're with, they have a whole fucking stovetop over there for fucking cheese steaks. And you're going to get a fucking turkey sub? Pervert! Since I don't know another good

forum for this, I'd like to bring it up. Thoughts on bologna? Across the board? Anybody? I don't think I've had bologna ever. It's been a while. I've heard fried bologna's good, though. I bet if you fried it up, it'd probably be some type of way. Man, I'm gonna tell you

just regular bologna's good. What is it don't even know but it's good in the in in the old like you know in lunchables how it's like the cracker and cheese one is that ham or is that bologna turkey that's either or there's either really i feel like there's a bologna one too the one that's more like recognizable in the lunch meat game is definitely ham from the from the lunch bowls no it's always turkey not gonna lie i don't like bologna i don't like bologna just because the way it's spelled low-key do you guys want to ask him i saw a fair bologna is my first name it's o-s-e-a-r my bone yeah yeah oh yeah bologna is a sausage there you go that makes sense i mean uh now i know why i loved it my go-to sandwich when i was uh growing up in the mean streets of

woodridge illinois uh would be white bread a metric ton of salami two slices of provolone cheese and then you know that submarine dressing that you can buy in the little end caps that was i would drench that shit on there and ate two of them for like a snack it's got like the little red cap to it yes correct yeah i know i know you out of this out of this meats list that zach sent us do we all just want to go around and say our fave like i'm down turkey first of all shout out i feel like we kind of hate on the italians a lot on this podcast shout out to the italians and their deli meats they be slanging those things like i know all over disrespectfully i might add maybe combining them too don't don't leave out jewish delis i feel like no italians got them i've never heard italians got them beat when you say deli it's either deli or it's a jewish deli there's never a italian deli that people specify

this might be like the bodega or like the corner stores this might be a really like ignorant question but what's a jew like jewish deli like what like what does that entail this sounds like another question i feel like we have very very we have italians we have too many resources yeah we have way too many resources we have so many italians oh no we have a lot of jewish yeah we have jewish friends so we have plenty we're about to create a turf war you guys keep talking i'll get a jew on the phone and we'll uh figure it out i would like to fucking throw the star of david signal up man we'll come yeah i'd like to my my one comment at my one comment on the list that zach sent is that prosciutto is the uh alpha of the charcuterie

board meats and cheeses like i'd agree list like you have to have that if you're gonna make a charcuterie board and you don't have prosciutto it's not it's just a board of cheese and meat it's not a charcuterie board isn't prosciutto like thin though and not like good yeah now everything needs to be in a circle shape so you can just stack them immediately if it's not it's too much because it's super uh it's super thin so it's easy to like fold it takes half a second for you to just pinch it literally have a second there's too much work too much work it's easy to like fold. It takes half a second for you to just pinch it. Literally have a second. Just too much work. Too much work. It's not a circle shape. I'm there for circles and squares.

Also, after last week's call, can we please not call Tommy again for something? Yeah, we're not. Zero qualification for love you, Tommy. But like, why did you get a call last week? I expected him to say something really dumb. He was just like, no, I don't know anything about pregnancy. Maybe I was like, why was that sincere? He was just like, no, I don't know anything about pregnancy, baby. I was like, why was that sincere?

You knew what the question was, man. Okay, can we talk about bacon? Because I feel like bacon, while it might not be a deli meat, great sandwich topper. BLT, oh, dude, I love a good BLT, bro. Toast some bread, get some juicy tomatoes on there. That's not a topper, though. That's the main protein in that sandwich. I agree, BLTs are great, but I don't like adding bacon on things. I don't know why.

It's just like, doesn't do anything for me. Really? Okay. You know what? I respect the man who stands by his teeth. Like a bacon cheeseburger, I like bacon, but it doesn't add anything extra to me. I feel like it's just there in a sandwich it's better than in a burger because in a burger like the meat can be so

much you don't really notice it but in a sandwich it's crunchy and it's like a little bit salty and like some of those deli meats can be pretty plain i'm a turkey guy so it's like it's there's not much to it so you gotta throw some cheese and bacon on it so it has something else to it. So how dare you? But I get it. It's overplayed. You could also just not get turkey and get other things that have more flavor

and not have to add bacon to it. Or you get one without flavor and throw a little bit on top. It's perfect. Bada boom, bada bing. Zach sent us a list of like 20 meats and I didn't know about 17 of them and i didn't like two of them what did you at the top which one of these did you not know about

tell me which ones you didn't know what they were okay well he did put gabagool like at the end so um i mean i guess I know them all, but I don't know the last time I've had pastrami, corned beef, bologna, prosciutto, salami. Really, dude? Oh, man. We were a PB&J family growing up.

Brian's a picky eater. Dude, cold food's not good. Wrong. It could also heat it up still. He's a picky eater. That's true. food's not good wrong yeah could not be could also heat it up he's a picky eater that's true he's a picky i'm not picky i'm smart cold food is just not good so yeah you can heat them up but they're called cold cuts they're supposed to be cold you don't heat up ice cream it's called ice cream you eat it when it's cold and if you're supposed to eat it cold cut it's bad if i have to do something extra and's cold. And if you're supposed to eat it cold cut, it's bad.

If I have to do something extra and it's in your name, you're doing your – you're wrong from the beginning. Put it on a t-shirt. I'm not picky. I'm smart. Sell it. Can I get – is your like your deli counter experience? Are you guys grabbing a number? What's your favorite number to grab when you hit it?

Like are you asking for a slice before? Do you care if they go over they go over you ask for half pound you care if it's 0.6 like like do you get any side salads with it because i'm gonna suck i'll get a little potato salad sometimes i'm feeling a little a little spicy i walk by it corey you're up yeah um i like i feel like you're overlooking the pre-sliced package deli meat that they already did don't hate that you don't hate that like that's what i do if i got too much time in my day to sit at a fucking deli counter i don't know about you really sounds like you make sounds like you make a whole day of it so for a guy like for a guy who loves the home depot i am shut because that's like the the grocery store's version of Home Depot is the deli counter.

You're like looking at the wood at Home Depot. Like I'm looking at the meats. I'm seeing what's on special. What do they got specially ordered in? Like that's what I'm sitting in front of. That's the Home Depot of the grocery store. I don't go and expect to take my whole day out on Home Depot. I go and I have a list.

I go, I get them, and I come home. I'm not looking at the grains in the wood. I don't know who you think I am. I'm not going to lie I get them I come home I'm not looking at the grains in the wood I don't know who you think I am I'm not gonna lie I don't know if I'm buying that okay I don't know if I'm buying that you're just grabbing the things you from you get from Home Depot and then you just leave like I do not buy that for a second if you stay in there you're gonna end up spending thousands and thousands of dollars this is you're the man who wanted physically you can't do that you wanted a Dunkin Donuts in there you don't grab a Dunkin Donuts because I go to Home Depot early in the morning so it saves me one more

stop I'm just being an efficient dad about it it saves me stuff I'm going early in the morning I want my coffee I want to go on my errands I want to get the stuff then I want to come home and I want to build the shit that I just bought you got to build the things you can't just go there spend the whole day there and looking at grains of wood what do you got to build a deck

what are you doing you got to grab it. You gotta come home. I gotta build a sandwich too. I gotta build a sandwich, but I like the idea of picking out the ingredients. Brother. Corey, you go to Home Depot early in the morning? You're 65.

You're 65 years old. That is the most old people shit I've ever heard in my life. I got a dog who's sniffing my face at seven in the morning what do you want me to do fucking kick him out i don't know man be an adult you build him a porch with the lumber that you randomly picked up from home depot you kick him out onto it but because you built your porch out there there's also going to be a dunk and donuts out there that you attach to that porch so then he can hang out at that dunkin donuts get a dunkin and get a donut and then work that dunkin donuts for everyone in the neighborhood in the morning selling coffee you get your money back for the

porch then you get some passive revenue income coming in and you spend that all on safe moon everyone now damn it man i thought you were gonna go right i was gonna i was this close to going to going along with it if you were gonna bring it back to spend it on the deli and then we were gonna bring it back in and we were gonna get other people's opinions walking by the deli because i am not a fan but replace your dunkin donuts with the deli going on what zach said it makes perfect sense men love meat in wood and sometimes it's the same thing so put them in the same store call

it a day put that on a t-shirt that's kind of bars right there oh my god you gotta end the episode you gotta end it on that bars alright bars all right i'm out of breath. You good? Anyone have any other meat?

I'm not going to lie. That song gets me going. I kind of hated that. I hated that just a little bit. Yeah, I don't have my headphones where I can hear myself for a reason. I really don't want to hear my voice. All right. So, any more deli hot takes our jewish friends have not responded so i don't have a a lifeline for us to do you all like okay

so you said that there was a like you said there were specific differences what are the differences to you i to me i don't know i could tell you that that I'm sure the Jewish deli has bagels and lox and cream cheese. I can assure that that's definitely on the menu and would be different than Italian one. The meat is probably kosher. Burn was just like the big advocate earlier for fucking Jewish delis.

Yeah. I just have heard it. When you hear of a deli and people are talking about it, they either say it's a deli or they say it's a Jewish del deli they don't ever say like oh hey do you want to go to this irish scottish deli that doesn't exist it probably doesn't they don't say it or scotland probably a polish deli called a deli i'm sure a polish deli exists but that's not just all wieners hanging around like it's they don't do anything else. My kind of deli. Book your flights, boys.

I think it's a cured versus a cooked conversation. Italian deli is more cured meats. Jewish deli is more cooked meats. Here. We're just going to Google this. don't let facts get in the way i think you're overestimating our knowledge of meat oh guys never mind i i gotta say guys what a ringer of a topic this week i i mean we're coming out hot this year, 2023. Zach put together a full list for drafts, and we're about to do this today?

He goes, well, I just want to give us the floor. We need to talk about deli meats and sandwiches. We just got to talk about it, bro. I feel like deli meat doesn't get enough respect. The fact that you guys don't appreciate deli meat, Rooks does, the fact that Brian and Corey don't appreciate deli meat is really bumming me out. I'm not going to lie.

I appreciate it. I didn't say I didn't appreciate it. You don't go to the deli counter. You just pick up the prepackaged. You're going to be a dad soon. Maybe. I don't know. But hypothetically, you're going to be a dad.

You already act like a dad. What information do you know that I do not? Are you going to give your new- You have said you're a dad a lot today. Are you going to give your one-month-old potential future baby pre-cut salami and wet ham, or are you going to go to the deli counter like a dad and pick out the best ham

for your baby? I'm not going to get anybody ham. Yeah, also that. Eat meat. The strong ones can't. You don't think my one-month-old is getting a full baguette sliced in half? Zach's first kid, he's going to drown in cereal every Friday.

And then slap some deli meats on top of their stupid little baby face. Do you think they make life-sized Cheerios? That you could like swim in a pool full of milk? Life-sized Cheerios? You know life-sized cheerios are just the normal cheerios those are the life-size ones nope no those are the cereal sized like a life size so it's like you could it's a pool floaty i don't think you know what life size means yeah it's like it's like a snickers you know they have their fun sized and then they also have life

size i think you just want a pool floaty that looks like that is a cheerio like you could just say yeah a life-size cheerio all right give me all right before we end this topic give me your quick quick power rankings of your sub your your fast food sub places in your top three if jay michaels isn't one like you're just wrong like i'm just gonna say that now like jersey mike's absolutely forks um i got it i got mine all right i'm gonna go go ahead jimmy johns one obviously wrong gotta go ew um disgusting you guys you guys saw how much i got jimmy johns Jimmy John's one, obviously. Wrong. Gotta go. Ew. Disgusting. You guys saw how much I got Jimmy John's in college. You would tell me I'm wrong for not picking it first. Talk about wet. Either way, I'm going to be wrong.

Talk about wet. Their mayonnaise, they mix half of it with water, and they just kind of spray it out with a super soaker. You know what they call that? They call that cum. Again, that's why it's number one. I feel like- Actually, yeah yeah i'd like to change my answer um two mr sub back home shout out and then three i'm gonna throw a little little wrinkle

because it's been maybe 10 years quiznos don't do it no oh that's gonna be number one quiznos kind of actually quiznos fucked. It's tough. Chicken carbonara sandwich from Quiznos. Do you remember that fucking commercial they used to have with the little gremlin looking thing that was like, You remember that little fucking guy? The sponge monkey?

They were creepy. Yeah, that's what they were. I mean, they looked like they had cancer, they probably died right you know what i'm gonna throw i'm gonna throw quiznos in mind too j michaels cory and then subway for subway for the for the kicks and the classics and then quiznos i thought i was gonna have a sleeper with quiznos as my number one is quiznos even a business? There's a couple. They're just very not around.

Does it exist anymore? There's that and a Blockbuster up in Alaska somewhere. Just hang out. We're giving Quiznos all this air time they don't even fucking exist. Call us, Quiznos. All right. The worst top three I could possibly think of. We're going to go Pizza Hut sandwiches think of we're gonna go pizza hut sandwiches

then we're gonna go chuck a cheese you take the pizza you just fold it into two that's a sandwich and then i'm gonna go subway but you break into it at night and you have to make it yourself all right you could have gone university tower subway like the lobby of the apartment boom uh i'm going j michaels one pot belly two so i like pop bell it's it's the um you pay a lot for not a lot of food but what you do pay for is good um so that's why i got respect for the quality of ingredients there's i don't know what it is about washington dc but these fucking people love pot bellies. There's a pot belly like every two blocks in D.C., and I don't know why. I don't see them flooded with people all the time, but there's pot bellies on every fucking corner of this place.

And I got to throw Subway at three because that shit got me through college. I was Italian BMT at least three times a week and it was bad. Six inch or foot long? I mean, what are you talking about, Brian? What are we? I'm surprised. The question should have been two foot longs or one foot long. That should have been the real question. I'm surprised you only got

one. All right, so two or one? Only one. I was still growing at that point. My stomach hadn't fully developed yet. Okay. Well, thanks for this rousing topic, Zach. It really went so smooth and we learned so much. Shout out to our Jewish friends for totally not responding.

Way to go, guys. That would have helped. I'm looking at you, Dylan. We also got to order we also got to order the goons for jess oh yeah no i have it on my list we're buying just doesn't listen though jess we're ordering you crab rangoon next week be ready Thank you.