It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 90: The Gang Slaps a Baby

Episode Date: January 18, 2023

No baby is safe, these "Would You Rathers" lead to wayyyy too much baby smacking talk. We get a MILF manor update, Sierra Mist has died, and we invent a new dimension of math. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. R.I.P. Sierra Mist. You guys hear the news? No. No. Yeah. They canceled Sierra Mist. So Pepsi, like to compete with Sprite now, released a new soda called Starry.

S-T-A-R-R-Y. And just doesn't make Sierra Mist anymore. But like, they definitely just put what was in Sierra Mist in a new can and just called it a different name. There's no way it's that much different, right? I mean, 7up and Sierra Mist aren't that much different to start, so I feel like, yeah.

I don't know. They're not my go-to. I'll say that, so I might not be the biggest pro here. So Sierra Mist is more Sprite than it is 7-Up. I feel like 7-Up is its own thing. Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, sure. Because it's like ginger flavor, right?

7-Up and Ginger Ale are similar. Now you're losing me. I think for me, I grew up a Sierra Miss Sprite kid. But I think 7-Up is more lemony than it is lemon-lime, I guess, in my opinion. There's not as much balance as the other two have. The other two have a really good balance in the forest, where 7-Up, who knows? We need to make a scale. a really good balance in the forest where like seven up like who knows i was gonna say i just looked it up if you want to know apparently starry will have a more prominent lemon lime flavoring god damn it what was the flavor before just i'm pretty sure it was

lemon lime but this is gonna be more prominent that was less lemon lime now it's this one's lime lemon before it was lemon lime yeah i'm getting you know i'm getting lemon on the front it's very lemon forward um and then lime backwards you know the lemon is just like a trojan horse for the lime you know just like leads it in bam lime yeah you're like oh what is this lemon drink oh my god it's a lime jesus uh okay you guys seem to be uh the experts i feel like we need a scale of lemon on one side and lime on the other and we can place every single soda in order of lemon to lime flavor with like every sound do like like lime flavored no mountain do mountain do has it's like its own little branch

off like it's like it's a normal like little like number line for those two and then there's like a little zigzag line that goes off of it just some random fucking point a third dimension just goes into the screen mountain do just tastes like the flavor green like that's what it is it's not

lemon it's not lime it's just green It's not lime. It's just green. It's not wrong. No, but it's a little yellow, though. Just green is like green apple. Mountain Dew definitely... It's like neon green. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. If you, like, opened a glow stick and, like, poured it in your mouth. I mean, honestly, that's kind of how i feel like mountain dew is so yeah uh-huh cool all right i got a couple updates from last week too not just rips sierra mist um so the first episode of milf manor is out wait was that an update of last week did we talk about sierra mist last week no but no but you know it's an update on things going on it was on everybody's

mind i think is what he's saying. Exactly. People knew that Sierra Mist was on its deathbed. Like if you look to the Deadpool, it was up there. The odds are pretty even. I'm not going to lie. When you started saying Sierra, I thought you were just going to say like the singer Sierra like died.

Oh, dude. That would have been, no, we would have heard about that, dude. Oh my God. I don't think we have a lot of opinions on Sierra the singer, though. What do you mean? She's the best. She's the best. Isn't she married to...

Yeah, okay. So she was super, like, she was super, I guess, on the lemon-lime scale. She was super lime, and then she dated the most, like, boring person ever. So now she's just in the middle of the scale. Because Russell Wilson is literally just, a walking boner like that guy is just the worst I got it So you know how do you sorry? How do you make the beautiful fun amazing song that is my goodies? Where you're just like talking about like all of your goodies, and then you marry

Russell Wilson you want you marry Russell Wilson. You marry a literal NPC. How does that happen? You've got to balance yourself out. You'd only talk about your goodies for so long. On the Lemon to Lime to Mountain Dew scale, she goes opposite of Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew's into the screen. She's

out of the screen. Our very scientific Lemon Lime Sierra versus Mountain axis. Mm-hmm. No, don't. Our very scientific lemon lime Sierra versus Mountain Dew. Versus Sierra, yeah. No, Sierra Mist would be a lot of Sierra and a little bit of lime. I'm going to need some references. Yeah, I'm going to need a full fucking 3D model of this, please.

Okay, I'll have to figure out how to make that. Check out our new merch. We have 3D model of this please okay i'll have to figure out how to make that check out our new merch we have 3d uh model posters it's like a triangle like like a third dimension freaking shirt like coming at you the food pyramid of sodas i could do that we give little like 3d glasses and then like it starts like expanding out like three like pop it out of your wall that'd be hard if you had if you had 3d merch where like you it comes with 3d glasses where you wear it and like the person like you're looking at the shirt i don't know so you we give you a t-shirt and then like 55 pairs of glasses because you have to give it to everybody can you just do me a massive favor really quick can you just like put these on and stare at my

shirt and tell me i'm sick it is it's a sunglass sweatshirt or shirt combo where they only give you one glasses but now it's selling itself because if i have it and i'm walking around you're gonna be like what is that like what are those red and blue lines all over your shirt i'll be like man just get some 3d glasses here you go and then you're gonna go online and you're gonna be like what is that like what are those red and blue lines all over your shirt i'll be like man just get some 3d glasses here you go and then you're gonna go online and you're gonna buy them yourself easy easy money and then you're just gonna see a graph with sierra mist mountain dew sierra and then uh sprite on it you'd be like this was not worth it at all and then they're hooked i just like when you have all that like shit on your shirt the last response ever is going to be is that 3d do you know where i can get some glasses like

we should bring the 3d back just everything the blue red stuff though you know like the cool version yeah nothing crazy is like everything like every object in your life is 3d isn't that crazy not necessarily if you only have one eye you don't have any depth perception and then yeah you're really fucking other people with one eye is that really how that works so if you have one eye like you can't everything just looks like uh... Everything's just flat to you? It's not flat, no. You can't tell the distance. It doesn't turn into chalk zone. I don't know, man. Okay, from a scale of chalk zone to 3D, then where does One-Eye land?

Okay. Wednesday, my dear. I'm gonna fuck you, Brian. Yo, how do you get milk out of a crab? Give me milk now, mommy. Fat matches. Solve world hunger. Can I get this vagina animal style?

Bonnie is a wonderland. Be the way. I'm sweater. Ow! That came as an orgasm? Wah, wah, wahoo! That's like an orgy, my guy. What's up, sluts?

The Olympics are a fraud. Your word is Reichstrabatism. Ew, you're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through. Your bottom's off? Trying to low-key penetrate you. Hey, boo-boo. I shall not.

Yeah, I shall not. Talking around to shit himself all the time. He's trying to have sex with a lover. Gun to the penis is what you need, brother. White Jesus. Kirby's down there just blowing. Kneecaps are not organs. Fuck you, Ratatouille.

It is Wednesday, my dudes. Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode 90. We're at what? A hundred? No. What's 169 minus 90? 79?

79 episodes away from the fetish draft get excited now play in your tailgates uh but this week we're i have some would you rathers that uh friend of the show dylan sent in hey like six months ago that i've written down for a long time so uh we'll get into those uh last two more updates that I didn't get to milf manor. First episode. The twist was it is their sons that are the kids in the show. No shit.

Everybody would have guessed that. What's the last week? We were just like, it's their sons. Like, what's it? Everybody just said, that's great.

And then also Jewish delis kosher. You can't mix meat and cheese. So Jewish delis don't sell cheese. Which, to me, is a travesty. That's half of what a deli is. I mean, it's a big percentage of delis. I'd say it's a third. I'd say third.

But still a big percentage. Bread, meat, cheese. But I don't think delis... Shmeet. Like, lettuce, tomato? you got some veggies there the bread's not the biggest part of a deli though but like a deli will do fresh bro like that's like one of the things that like they can do you walk in i would argue that the bread is for bakeries thank you if you show up to a deli and they didn't have bread, you'd be like,

alright, it's a little weird, but cool. If you show up to a deli and they didn't have meat or cheese, you'd be very confused. I think importance, though, I'd say meat is like a 60%. Can we do a 60-40 here? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I'd say that. Alright, fair. On a scale of meat to cheese.

No. Alright, look, we're going. Get ready for some scales today, people. This is a scale of meat and cheese. No. All right, look, we're going. Get ready for some scales today, people. This is a scale episode. Ice ice, Elise. We got them all. All right, I got to add the meat and cheese four dimensions to this t-shirt. The back, it's going to have to move over time.

That's going to be tough. But no, dude, if you're a kosher jew and you've never had a cheese steak in your life oh that sucks you can't have a cheeseburger yeah yeah or like chicken alfredo chicken parmesan so question how long do you have to wait before you can like eat another like so if i have a hamburger and i have a slice of cheese one minute later, does that count as mixing? Like what is the, what's the cutoff? So someone needs to chew some meat. We gotta talk to our Jewish friends again.

Someone's gonna chew some meat and then you're gonna chew the cheese and then they're gonna baby bird you the meat. And that's okay? Yeah, that's cool. Okay. So that's, is it in the Torah? Yeah okay okay so that's is it in the torah yeah yeah yeah in the book three it's the baby bird book it's in the fine print you have to read between the lines all right so uh cory uh before we get into those are all my updates that that's all i got i'm gonna text our jewish though, and we'll see if we can get an answer on. Hopefully we get better answers than last week, which was like, I don't know.

No, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Those were the definitions of not answers, by the way. Sorry. Continue. That's true. Wait.

First, what's your emoji? Oh, it's a lobster. OK. It's a little lobster guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah uh so friday we went out big hole guy uh jill it was her birthday on monday but we had dinner plans for friday night so we went out friday to a really nice restaurant it was like la famiglia i think was the name of it sounds like la familia but there's a g thrown in there. I don't know, man. It was nine minutes away. So love that.

Very close. Bomb food, Italian place. The biggest piece coming out of that. Claire got the lobster, which is like the South African lobster. It was 16 ounces. It was ridiculous. It was a ridiculous size. It was like my laptop.

It was nuts. In Pittsburghsburgh in pittsburgh yeah but yeah and we were some hormones of that things well so that the guy was like he didn't say it was from south africa like we kept saying it was a south african lobster like that's the name of like what it was called and we kept on saying like there's no way this size lobster like there's no way it came from south africa like is it was called and we kept on saying like there's no way this size lobster like there's no way it came from south africa like is it a south african lobster that they are breeding like in pittsburgh we're like trying to wrap our minds around it anyway massive thing so i'm gonna skip ahead we made lobster bisque on sunday because we had about 13 ounces of lobster

guess what i had for dinner tonight, boys? Tomato piss. You better believe it. Poop soup. But it was bomb. Dinner was great. We went bowling afterwards. Found out that I completely changed up my bowling style. I'm no longer the three-hole guy.

Yeah, I know. I'm no longer the three-hole guy. It's the two holes spinning it. Yeah. That's the way to go. Can I interrupt you real quick? We have a an important phone call to make. Let's go.

Oh, yeah. Jesse Wolfson. I'm going to be on the line. Let's see. Let's see if she picks up first. Hello. Jesse. let's see if she picks up first hello jesse what's up so we learned last week from you you can't have meat and cheese if you're kosher but cory is a question like how long do you have to wait hi bernie how long do you have to wait between eating meat or cheese for it to be like cool like you can't like have a steak and then go eat a cheese stick right

i thought this was gonna be an easier question that's an easy question i am not a very good jew let me ask jordan okay get him if you're if you're kosher Jewish, how long do you have to wait to eat between meat and cheese? He said a few hours, but he has no clue. It's not in the book. Wow, way to throw him under the bus, Jesse. Okay. So sorry, guys. Appreciate it.

We need another little rabbi because we have so many Jewish questions, apparently. Okay, well, if you have more, I'm here and I hope I can answer them. I think that was a softball, so I don't know if we could give you any easier ones. Try Dylan, he might know. Okay. Thank you, Jesse.

Thanks, Jesse. Bye. Man. Alright. No. All right. No one knows anything. What the fuck, man? I love it. I love it so much.

We'll find out next week. Tell the good people to listen again. I feel like Jesse just completely tossed Jordan out of the bus. He's like, he has no idea. I don't know, a few hours uh it was great uh i'm telling you cliff if you baby bird it it wipes the slate clean that's all i'm gonna say i don't know about you man but i'm not seeing a lot of people spitting food into other people's mouths like out to eat at restaurants have you been to temple yeah are you did they have that much food are you kosher how do you know you know what there's a lot of good

points coming out wait was there there okay do we have another question well they're not kosher so at their wedding they had meat and cheese and i was gonna be like wait they had meat and cheese at their wedding it's like a whole thing at And I was going to be like, wait, they had meat and cheese at their wedding. It's like a whole thing. At weddings, they don't want to like, if they have other guests that don't understand the tradition, then they do like sneaky baby birds. You know what I mean? Like little sneak guys. I mean, what are your thoughts on baby birding food that when birds aren't real in the first

place? He makes a really good point. The birds work for the bourgeoisie. They work for the what? The bourgeoisie. I don't know what that is. Next question. Back to that lobster, man.

Bomb, yeah. I'm going to be having it for the next month. Saturday, went out to Shooters, which is like Topgolf here. Got to try the clubs. Shooter. Barely know her. Shooters, which is like Topgolf here. Got to try the clubs. Shooter. Barely know her. Shooter, barely know her.

And then had a little football cooking action on Sunday. So not that much. It was an R&R weekend for your boy. That seems like a lot of food and sports, which is always fun. Mm-hmm. Rooks, you sent your emoji and I hate it i know the story but i hate it so yeah so um my emojis no no no no they all they all go together it's like a person it's one person so i did the emoji with the guy's face he looks like he's coming he has like the one squinty eye

his cheeks are flush and then his mouth is curved and then i have the baby bottle and then i have the water like droplets emoji shout out milky mark i know you listen uh big time stole this from milky mark this is his go-to when he's trying to uh send emojis um but so your boy went to los angeles um i went to los angeles and had a grand old time. It gets confusing. I'm bilingual. But yeah, so Friday night or Thursday, we got in super late Wednesday.

Thursday, we what did we do? Thursday we went to Griffith Park. We went to Griffith Observatory, got to fucking see the Hollywood sign, looked like a tourist. It was lovely. Ran into some coyotes on the path. Denise thought she was about to get fucking

eaten. Literally, we were walking up. There was nobody else with us. These two coyotes just come jogging down. I was like, oh shit, I think those are coyotes. She was like, they're coyotes! Turn and fucking ran. I was like, do you think I'm going to let two coyotes and she was like they're coyotes and like turned and fucking like ran and i was like i was like do you think i'm gonna let two coyotes get after me like you're out of your mind because i'm gonna fuck these things up but what and one of them had three legs like you're done bud you're

a tripod you can't deal with this anyway um shouldn't mention that once i feel like that's a detail you need to you know one of the kind easily take out one of them that was missing a leg one of the coyotes only had three legs. But anyway, got to see the Hollywood sign. That was cool to see all that shit. Then Thursday night, we went to Din Din, and then Bri guy met up with us. We had some tasty foods. We had some drinks.

Then we went to the comedy store, and we caught some comedy in our hands. Just caught it. It was great. Saw some funny people saw the saw the mom from sabrina teenage witch just talked about like menopause the whole time it's fascinating um 15 minutes yeah she was she was one of the people in the lineup no yeah she walked up to us to start talking about menopause i guess that's fair i should have specified um and then so that was thursday friday your boy woke up not feeling too great um i drank a lot bra guy doomed me into drinking at the comedy at the comedy store which is great um he can elaborate on that when it's his turn

um but then we post-gamed after i had more drinks. I woke up the next morning not feeling too hot. And we had a 12-minute ride to breakfast. Three minutes into it, I asked Kristen to pull over on the highway in Los Angeles so I could puke all over the fucking side of the road. Really disgusting, but like, hey, leaving my mark, okay? And then after that, we had breakfast. It was good. We got to go to Warner Bros.

We got to see some fucking we got to see how the sausage is made in the movie theater okay or not in the movie theater in the movies i don't know i'm rambling um we got to check out all these sets yo tons of stuff from gilmore girls shadow stars hollow all that shit was there um i got to fucking i got to play as harry potter too at one point which is great there's like a little thing where you go in and record a voice a voiceover absolutely murdered my harry potter role daniel radcliffe was not me not you no we didn't have a choice it was it was one scene yeah it was only i don't care you don't have fucking seven movies scripted up ready for you to fucking go through you ad lib

that i don't care what it says in the script i guess that's fair that would have been good um yeah i got to see all that shit um and then we went to we went to dinner that night ate fucking 75 pizzas that were delicious and then we went out after where did we go friday night friday night was clifton's friday night we went out yeah this bar had a fucking tree in a tree in the middle of it it was like four floors there's like a big ass fucking uh buffalo on display it's uh it was it was an interesting place um it was really fun great time though. Had some booze. Fantastic. Next morning, we went to brunch. Another great place. Our fucking Uber driver, I felt perfectly fine Saturday morning.

Our Uber driver was like, I'm going to put you guys through 45 minutes of fucking hell. Like, literally, he's just pumping the brakes. Speed. Pump the brakes. Speed. Pump the brakes. Like, my head was rocking, dude. I was looking like I was in the middle of a fucking Skrillex concert or some shit, like, back in the brakes. Speed. Pump the brakes. Speed. Pump the brakes. Like, my head was rocking, dude. I was looking like I was

in the middle of a fucking Skrillex concert or some shit back in the day. Like, Scary Monsters Night Sprites playing. I'm fucking going crazy. It was too much. Got out of the Uber. Felt really sick, but didn't throw up. Thank God. Brunch was good. Then we just hung out in Santa Monica a little bit, and then we went to Chris'

friend's place. It was a packed fucking weekend, man man it was fucking go go go pitter patter let's get at her and we got after it um but yeah my uh ranking is the emojis stacking together the dude coming um for the record i did not come in los angeles like but like i like i had a great time i left my mark there you know what i mean i just felt like you know it was just like i like metaphorically came you know like yeah we get that you you you puked on it so that counts i came just out of the wrong end there we go there you go beautiful easy collapse uh you didn't talk about you having a breakfast burrito at a different restaurant

every single morning and then also three breakfast burritos delicious you doomed doomed yourself with alcohol because you drank half a bottle of gin one of the comedy stories not what do you know there were three more beers well i was so it's a two drink minimum so i have to order two drinks anyways and one of them was water And so there's two extra beers. Because I didn't understand what the lady was asking. But then also I wasn't. Also the two beers that I had though. You did it for both of us.

Because she brought me two more beers. To replace my two beers that were on the table already. So then I was like oh I look like a fucking schmuck. Because I have 65 beers on this fucking table. So then I downed the second one I had. then like had her take it it's your fault i will never take responsibility for my actions it's your fault okay i appreciate it um yeah uh my uh emoji for the week is the little uh angle carpenter thing i was trying to find a protractor for you know the city of angles it's what city of angles baby so it's called the speed square speed square uh because you have to say it fast but yeah uh he said everything so i'm not gonna talk about that i'm gonna talk about a movie i

watched i talked about it last week it was on reddit they're like there's if there's a documentary where it changes halfway through like what are the best ones and there's one called tickled and like look so the whole prompt for that like response was what's a movie where it like changes halfway through and it goes crazy it's not something you'd expect right what do you think's gonna happen when the doc is called tickled and it's about them investigating a like competitive tickling league i'll give you a wild guess pedophilia ped ahead. Pedophilia. Pedophilia. All right. Rooks? I agree with Corey.

Okay. So they didn't really go that route, but you think like, yeah, there's probably some weird sexual thing going on. It's not going to end well. Yeah, of course. That's what happened. There wasn't... I don't know. That's not a shock.

What a crazy twist. You don't show up to... I was expecting it to be like, no, it's actually a black market for clowns and they sell feet or something i don't know like wait is this tickling league is this like in like a stadium uh no it's like in a room okay so i was gonna say that makes sense imagine you're in like a high school gym and this is happening just picture the fucking stands and what kind of people would go to that kind of thing like jesus christ they would have to like mic you up while you're being tickled too and like make that laughter go out through the entire arena too that would be the weirdest part i hate i hate this already like i don't know anything about this and i hate it well that's not true we're making

this up at this point no but like of course it was like ran by some dude who like was like exploiting people and like blackmailing them cool all right what i thought crazy yeah crazy i don't know so that's my not recommended movie of the week all right thank you i appreciate it yes tickled okay oh and the guy who like was in charge of all of it died like three years ago and like all the responses were like this dude's like a con artist he's definitely alive and the people who made the movie were like no we investigated yeah the dude's dead so like get over it i thought that was funny follow up um but yeah i know i saw rooks this weekend it was cool all right you want some would you rathers yeah hit me let's do it hit me

all right we've sort of talked about these once but like it was over text and we gave like one answer and we moved on but i think i think we can dig into these and i don't think we talked about the second one so the first one would you rather fight a gorilla once a week but you can't die or have every thought you ever think of come true and can we can we die by thought i i think so okay then i'm taking the fuck i'm taking on the fucking gorilla dude yeah oh no my no no that's not the right answer really would you rather live in hell and get beat up by a gorilla all the time or just you know just die i mean i think it's gonna like i'm gonna throw on a wait can we die from the gorilla

because i assume we can right no no you can't die from the gorilla that's an established but you can't die or have every thought you ever think of become true hypothetically like am i so am i squaring up with the gorilla the first time right full strength obviously beats the shit out of me the next time are they just like wheeling my body out there and i'm in like a full fucking cast and it just beats the shit out of me again like is that how this works or am i getting like am i getting surgery weekly as well to get my body back out a shape to fight the fucking gorilla? Or is it just like a rejuvenation thing that doesn't exist? Like, are you back to normal like an hour after the fight or a day after the fight?

Like, what does that look like? I think you have to recover somehow. Because otherwise, like three weeks in, you are just a pile of goo that just keeps getting mushed over and over. I was like, fuck it. I'll just... I'll be this... You're now applesauce. I'll literally be a pile of fucking applesauce For the rest of my life like fuck it

I count a vegetable you're just fruit I think I would go gorilla route Because hopefully Maybe at some point You gotta think practice You're gonna be fighting a gorilla every week At some point maybe you'll actually be able to Beat the shit out of a gorilla

That's pretty fucking nuts You could literally turn into like khabib like khabib wrestles bears and shit like i'm wrestling gorillas like get me in the fucking octagon and i'm gonna i'm not gonna be able to fight once a week there's gonna be one day where oh i got something on the calendar but like outside of that like send me to mandalay bay let's get this shit going yeah honestly you would end up going to be like a show and okay so again hypothetically all of this uh i'm on america's got talent and i get the shit beat out of me by a gorilla like who's not going to show up to that if that's an act like and then you make a shit ton of money out of it i don don't know. I think, alright, so the caveat for that one is you'll recover after you fight somehow. Right?

I think the second caveat is it's not there's a 9pm showing of you versus the gorilla every week on a Wednesday. It's, you know, Family Guy, the chicken that just kind of randomly shows up and then they just throw hands on site. It's that. It's just one time a week, there will be a gorilla.

All I'm going to say is if i'm fighting this gorilla through the city because like if you are going hypothetical family guy shit where they fight they go through like buildings they like tackle each other they're fighting in the street you don't think my ass is gonna be on tiktok fucking fighting a gorilla that's a million views the next week someone else posts a video of me fighting the gorilla that's true all of a sudden they're like all the comments are like who the fuck is this guy and then it's gonna be like hey you go on it's your boy talk show because like they're obviously gonna interview you because they're gonna be like this guy's blowing up on tiktok and then the gorilla comes in while you're there special guests extremely famous you could just do it like a 24

hour live stream i guess however many hours are in a week just live stream your whole life and people would tune in just to be like catch the moment the gorilla shows up the anticipation would kill a movie the anticipation would kill it like online alone man like it would be great i i'm on board so you're gonna get rich that way but if it is the chicken fight where they like go on planes and destroy buildings every single week you're gonna make money but how are you gonna pay for like destroying a city every single week i'm getting attacked by a gorilla man how's that my fault you just got where's insurance where's my where's my liability in this situation where this gorilla is appearing

out of nowhere and attacking me where did i fuck up who else's fault is it you're no you're the guy that gets attacked by gorillas they know what's gonna happen to you god i don't know whoever's spawning this fucking metaphorical gorilla or hypothetical gorilla do we have any uh insurance hey you're the insurance guy right i know i have no i have no liability in this situation like the buildings that's not my fault would this fall under act of god for all the buildings insurance policies i don't know man everybody needs gorilla i don't know anything i don't know anything about insurance let's just call it what it is all right so you're taking the gorilla i still

dude if everything that i ever thought like would happen happens like do you know how sad of a life i'm gonna live oh no i've i've talked this out like don't like the gorilla thing you get beat up every week into a pile of pulp or every thought ever comes true you're just dead within like i don't know yeah depends how depressed you are a week a couple hours maybe 30 seconds i don't know it's gonna happen at some point yeah at some point you're gonna be driving and like look over the side of the bridge just like oh no splash and then it's over you know but maybe like a week you live it up yeah get like a million a million dollars, live rich for a bit, and then you're just like, no, that's it. Yeah.

I mean, there's a timeline that's going to end on that one. At least the gorilla, we did specify that you will recover every week. So like, I don't know. So, okay. Keep it on the gorilla. If we're recovering every week, that means we're healing fully every week.

Does that mean we don't ever grow old? And then also, does the gorilla grow old? Do we just have to outlive the gorilla? How long does a gorilla live? Now I'm going to look up the silverback. I assume we mean silverback, right?

Of course. The ones that have the big titties. I thought you were about to say the one with the silver stripe on its back. I was about to lose it. All right. The average lifespan of a gorilla is 35 years in the wild, but they could also live up to 50 years in captivity, I guess. So are we talking? Is that like a street gorilla? Like, in the wild, 35 years, but like, on the streets. Street is definitely in the wild.

How many gorillas you see walking around in the street, man? Dude, how many people, don't ask questions like that. How many people do you see fighting fucking gorillas weekly, man? It doesn't happen, okay? Okay, so you got to outlive a gorilla. We're going to go with 40 years. Follow up to that, though. If they're only fighting you once a week, do they only age one day a week?

And then their lifespan is actually like 200 years. Are you talking about like the man's like literally spawning and then disappearing? I mean, what? Is he going gonna beat you up and then just like stop and follow you around for the rest of the week he floats down on the little thing jumps out he's in cloud he's invincible for a few seconds i mean i assume that like it's just a real gorilla although i can't assume anything because we are just automatically healing but like why would

the gorilla like keep on beating the fuck out of you if you're already like basically dead like why wouldn't he move on and do something else and then come back in a week it's not the point Corey you're going to fight the gorilla weekly he's not going to get bored he's not going to find something else to do

gorilla's coming down from the sky right now. Every time he drops down, he has a new, like, color. Oh. Yeah. Freestyle rules. Freestyle. Now. Fuck now. Do you think you get a different ai difficulty level each week so one week it's a one and just kind of walks into the walls what's the what's the fucking like silhouette guy one one week they just like mr game and watch that's suck dude hit you with

a hammer you turn into an ice cube you just sitting there sizzling bacon left and right i mean if we're talking back to our scale from before mr gaben watch fully on the 2d side of it silverback gorilla full on the 3d side i think silverback gorilla is he more lemon or he more lime uh probably a full full mountain dew as well all right he's lemon cool i'd say he's more sierra no no no that's mountain dew dog come on all right turn it stop yeah i can't stop i can't focus on this hypothetical bullshit just the next smash bros character is just a gorilla it's not a character from anything i don't know it's just you it's like just you as a cartoon you get dropped oh so so once a week we get transported to super smash brothers and we fight donkey kong all right well we saw are we just mario in this situation

is that all this is no because like mario can beat we we are never gonna stack up against this fucking gorilla the gorilla's gonna beat the shit out of us 20 times out of 20 like we're just gonna keep getting up after the fight you're gonna learn its moves you know if we could learn fireballs from our hands like mario or pills we got it just take a lot of painkillers he'll beat you up and then it's over i mean i don't think dr mario's prescribing himself medication but that's a hot take that's why dr mario became a doctor it's just self-prescribed just addicted the pills it was all the shrooms he took before just under the table writing prescriptions for all of his buddies.

That's why Luigi's always hanging around. That's why Luigi can see ghosts. That's what Wario is. He's what happened after Dr. Mario started taking too many pills. Boom. Call him a street Mario. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. All right, you want to go to the second Would You Rather? Yeah, please. But I don't have music for this one. All right, Would You Rather? treat mario all right you want to go to the second would you rather yeah beautiful oh but i don't have music for this one all right would you rather slap a baby once a year yep or be all right we can yeah i don't need the second option no i'm just kidding that's the second option baby comes down from the sky in a cloud slap a baby once a year or be forced to eat a plant-based diet

like forever once a year okay how hard are we talking a smack here my thing is with this it has to be like a random baby it's not like a baby comes down on a cloud and you hit the baby because like of course whatever who cares it's a cloud baby and it's like you have to seek out a baby okay and now i think does the baby little little slap whatever it's does the baby recover no like that's the thing am i slapping am i slapping a soft skull baby and then my hand print it's just on the side of their head forever? Well, like, go for the face. Don't go for the soft spot.

Dude, do you know how small a baby's fucking head is? Like, there's not, like, tiny little targets you can hit. Like, if I put my... The soft spot's on the top of the head. It can be, like, on the side, too. It's their whole skull, dude. It's their whole skull. It's the top.

It's the top part. I'm pretty sure it's the whole thing. It's their whole skull, dude. It's their whole skull. It's the top part. I'm pretty sure it's the whole thing. It's the whole skull, dude. All right, Jesse's a nurse. Should we call her again? Yeah. I'm going to cold call her. Let's just see if she picks up.

Because that's why they have the helmets that can shake the baby's head. The helmet isn't just a mohawk. It's their whole fucking head but thus the soft spot the one that like people talk about i swear is like the the top maybe it's like later in development hello jesse we have a baby question yeah okay okay the soft spot on baby's heads is it all over or is it like kind of just at the top i think it's just at the top thank you like she doesn't sound sure she said i think it's like has like a hole in it yeah because the plates fuse together at the top right it's not the whole head no yeah i don't believe i don't really not because i don't believe you then every baby's head would be like mush

but they are like that's like what they are i feel like it's like medium mush yeah exactly rooks is on the google we're gonna prove you wrong you guys know children have skulls right apparently no i know they have skulls, right? Apparently they do No, I know they have skulls When I'm specifying it, Burns pointing to the top of his head Like it's just like a little mohawk Like landing strip that's like fucked up And they get like a little like quarter pipe on the top of their head

I'm talking like Outside of like this little strip in the middle Like the side like cranium too That's still their skull Like can be soft probably right no man this is bullshit confident thank you jesse saying that so confidently and i'm only about 98 sure i just want to let you know that's a good confidence interval for that okay i hope i helped thank you jesse appreciate it you're welcome bye um i don't trust that at all

based on her probably you know probably i'll look at where the baby soft spot is what what were the options so slap a baby or you have a plant-based diet for a year okay so no no no hold on slap a baby once a have a plant-based diet for a year. Okay. No, no, no. Hold on. Slap a baby once a year or plant-based diet forever. Okay. Okay.

So plant-based diet. So I assume it's not vegan. You're literally like vegetarian. Can I have like chocolate? No, I think it's like you could only plant-based chocolate like it's a plant-based diet yeah right yeah yeah cocoa beans my guy sorry it's or eat plant-based protein always so you could eat junk food it's just every meat ever in your life is just the garbage tofu version of it.

Last question about the baby slapping. Do I get out of jail free card every time? Every time I slap in one and then the police are like, oh my gosh, but then it's like Grand Theft Auto where you enter lower wanted level cheats and then all of a sudden everyone just goes back to what they're doing. I think you gotta get away with it.

That sounds like a fun game. to what they're doing i think you gotta get away with it because otherwise like i don't know if that sounds like a fun game but you have to get away with it just the whole idea of the baby thing but um it is so seafood we're not classifying that in meat i assume right or is it plant-based protein so that's protein yes it's protein okay sorry yeah so um all that lobster yeah from this week gotta throw it out yeah so um all that lobster yeah from this week gotta throw it out yeah corey's got lobster on the brain man or just slap a lot of babies um i would i feel like the right answer is the plant-based diet because like i feel like just junk food like they have the like impossible burger and shit like you could be fine i would

just have a cheeseburger and just have that all the time and be like i'm fine like whatever but that's not fun so i'm gonna go slap a baby yeah i was gonna say i want to slap the shit out of somebody i think i think the obvious answer here is to plant-based diet like you can like you'll figure that out it's not gonna be that bad but like for the sake of this question i'm absolutely slapping a baby question can i slap more than one baby a year yeah now you can do that now i think it should i think it should be like yeah can you front load your baby slapping in the beginning part of your life like so let's assume you gotta slap 100 babies right like we're already 29 so like you gotta imagine you're not gonna be living to 129 maybe brian but let's say 100 babies you gotta slap in your lifetime, right?

So, like, what if I just get away with, like, 60 this year? Then I got 40 on the back half, and then I don't have to worry about slapping babies for, like, a little while. 60 baby slaps in a year is fucking absurd. It's easy. All you have to do is work at a daycare one year, my guy. You can get away. fucking absurd it's easy all you have to do is work at a daycare one year my guy you could get away did you hear about that one daycare where they're holding like a literal fight club in it with all the kids what the fuck so just go to that daycare do it one more time call it a day

um i tried to look up the guinness book of world records record for most baby slaps in a day surprisingly it's not there but the most full extension punches in a day. Surprisingly, it's not there. But the most full extension punches in three minutes is 209. Just, you know, 209 in three minutes, it's quick work, man. I don't know how you get away from it afterwards. Are you talking about,

is that specifically for babies? That's just punches in general. Also, rookie number. if you want some education on uh soft spot and baby skulls it's kind of like a t-shape so it is down the center it's soft but then there's also like a horizontal line that's what that's more what i was saying like i'm like when i kept pointing it's like right here on my head is what i was saying yeah but so that's like a line but the way they cross at the top is like a more of a opening where that's the soft spot so you know like whack-a-mole if you like whack-a-mole to baby that would be bad but I think if you smack them in the face I think they could handle they got a jaw still this just they're

early in their career they haven't been knocked out yet all right yo burn play that music man I gotta get out of here I got some work to do. Alright, let's go. Oh my god. God fucking damn it. God fucking damn it. I honestly thought that's the music you wanted. Um, no. That was not. Give us your baby slappings, uh, you know.

Horoscopes, Rooks. I don't do horoscopes anymore. Aim for the soft spot. We're not done. What music did you want? I mean, I wanted that, but like, we're not calling this. He wants to talk about slapping babies more. What the fuck?

Okay. What you got? Well, no, don't you have more would you rathers or is that it? It was literally just those two. I thought you had some big ass list not dude i mean shout out dylan thanks for giving us them but it was only two if you could slap if you could slap what his answers are if you could slap a baby like every time you slap a baby it adds a year to your life but like there are consequences like you can get caught doing it would you do it yeah what's what's the punishment for slapping a baby it has to be like a full fucking slap dude that could be like that could literally be attempted murder

dude babies can't hold their head up on their own you full slap a fucking baby dude that thing it might rip off his fucking body dude those things are like what if it's like surgically replace your hand for a baby's hand and then it would be like a baby slapping a hand so that way on baby crime exactly and it's not as impactful to the baby and you could get full wind up on that you'd look like the guy from uh the the scary no no no okay so we're gonna do no surgery you can't you can't fix your hand you can't make your hand a baby hand it has to be full force like you slapping a baby and then however like however it plays out after like that's like there's no there's no set like

oh the baby heals the baby dies whatever like we let the sushi roll on this one and you can get in trouble and caught for it can i give them headgear it's a good saying i'm glad you said i'm glad you said it um no you cannot give them head care it has to be it has to be like a full natural slap what uh can it be a baby non-human oh i was gonna ask that actually it has to be a baby human could it be okay so everybody knows like the hitler scenario like if you went back and like in time would you murder baby hitler can we know if the baby has a terrible future ahead it's wild card across the board that's that's what makes it difficult it's like you could kill

the baby you get in like serious trouble but like You could kill the baby, you could get in serious trouble, but hypothetically, you get away with it, you get an extra year. Alright, my plan. Hear me out. We're on Gandhi, just fasting for about three years. I know you can't survive that long. Obviously, I'll eat some sugar and water

every fourth day. Get my body down to a clean 55 pounds. I'll be able to hit a baby as hard as i possibly can but it'll be like the wind is blowing on their cheek go hit 10 000 babies in a day i feel like in that case you're almost eating food again doing both you're almost going plant-based diet your entire life and then also choosing to still slap babies around but like you can lose a lot of weight in not that long of a amount of time if you just don't eat food i think i could be down to 55 pounds in like three months and i know we made up rules but did we all agree that

like you can slap so this is the slapping babies and adding years to your life scenario yes but how many years do you think you're gonna take off your life like fasting like that one also like i just slap an extra baby i don't like that i don't like that condition i like the i don't like that condition i'm nixing that condition from this you have you have to be your own rule you have to be like your i never fucking said that was a i never said you could turn into fucking gandhi What the fuck did I say that? Okay, I thought you were getting rid of the adding years onto your life rule. No, you can always, like, I'm saying every slap adds a year to your life.

But, like, you have to do, like, it has to be, like, organic. It has to be you. You just fucking, you're squishing the baby's head when you slap it. All right. How old does the baby have to be? A fucking baby, man. i don't know dude a fucking baby you know i'm saying like can i slap like a baby in a lady they get a little bit of extra cushion all right hold on so baby is not a very specific term.

We've got newborn, which is zero to two months. We've got infant, which is two months to one year. And then we've got toddler, which is one year to four years. When do they have a soft spot until? I'm cutting it off at one. One or less. Okay, so newborn and infant is your categories. Gotcha.

No toddlers. I mean, their memory hasn't kicked in so just slap them when nobody's looking and then like people are gonna be like what is going on with this baby and it'll be like it'll be like it never happened it's such an easy solution dude but like when the fuck okay like hypothetically in your in your life right when are you gonna see just like a wandering kid walking around like a wandering one-year-old that you're gonna just be like oh no one's looking like everyone has their eyes on a fucking zero to one-year-old at all times everybody has a story of losing their child at a mall. So you're just walking around

the mall looking for kids and you don't think someone's going to call somebody about that? They don't know you're looking for kids. You know the little fucking play area? When the cops see you posted up next to that shit in the mall, people are going to have questions.

You just run through the play area, smack every kid there. As many as you can. Fuck it, let's see how many you can add on. All right, this is dark, but, like, could it be your own baby? I was gonna go there. I was gonna go there.

Yeah, okay, yeah. Do we want to slowly back out of this one no okay fine you can slap your own baby but that means you have to live with slap slapping your own baby i feel like it's harder than slapping a random baby like that would be like trauma if you like the baby sucks yeah yeah that's true do you ever like worry about that it's like man what if my kid like sucks, sucks? Like, what if my kid comes out of the womb and I'm just like, you suck. This is our baby slapping baby. Like, you just have two. Like, you have one designated

for slaps. Oh my god. It's not good. Literally, it's like your girl just gives birth to a fucking punching bag. Oh my god. Hey, ho, ho. S slapping bag what if the baby though once it's older gets uh a magic genie goes all right i have an option for you what is happening

right now get beat up by a gorilla once a week or have every thought you ever think come true and then the baby one can't think at that point so no thoughts would come true so it takes the gorilla gets beat up by the gorilla one more time one it doesn't feel anything it's already beat up but after it gets beat up by the gorilla once it regenerates and then your baby's back to normal but then you have to deal with the gorilla i well i wouldn't have to deal with the gorilla that would be my child would have to deal with it and that sounds like a them problem because they were also the slapped baby so like doesn't sound like i care about them but that slap baby's still in your health insurance and now getting beat up by a gorilla every week and also running through the city destroying like we said we said we said we

like rejuvenate every week so like my kids not gonna need to go to the hospital like that's true get a ice pack yeah that must include cte so like he's good fucking rice dude you guys ever heard rice dude rest ice compression elevation i thought i thought you were gonna say just put the baby Oh my fucking god. Oh my god. Don't hit children. Outro Music