It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 93: Horny Mike, the Ball of Meat, and a Sweet Bitch

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

Nightmares are created this week as we dig into A.I. taking over Hollywood, Ruxx pitches an oddly sexual invention, Cory does some like B&E, and Zak reminiscences. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. Zach, you want to start with any comments from last week? Yeah, I can start. Thank you, guys. That was very nice. I think even the draft picks, I was pretty proud of. Like, I was pretty happy. I was smiling.

I was smiling. That's usually the goal. We don't really want to insult you. Not gonna lie, when Corey mentioned my funeral on the first pick, took a turn that I was not expecting. That's what I'm saying. Had to be mentioned, though. Yeah.

I do have a couple things that stood out. Rooks, you said quay instead of queue. Was that intentional? Yeah. Okay, cool. Just wanted to make sure it's it's a bit i promise i'm not an idiot okay i just wanted to make sure um i i mean i think most like i really have no general comments i do want to defend my love for non-con for for not going to concerts though it's not that i don't i need something to do at a concert that's why i like the festivals are good because you can move around you dance you have fun i've always said i don't like the concerts where you sit dance at concerts you can't

freely move if you're at a stadium concert a stadium show and you sit in the seats you sit for a football game you can't move around you're sitting down not every concert has seats like i'd say most don't well no and i've said if it's a smaller venue i don't mind it or if there's live music in the background i'm just not paying money to go see coldplay at soldier field i don't care how many glow sticks they give me to wave around all right so it's just cold play then that's just i can i can get behind that um yeah i mean what else um i'm all for the the t-shirt gun cannon food idea oh yeah we can do it kind of um i think what'd be fun is to improve our efficiency is thinking about the big logistics manager supply chain boy over here you know how in chick-fil-a they have the people outside taking your order we somehow like i think we either fill have those people but fill their pockets

or have they have like a utility belt with either samples or maybe like popular items so by the chance someone's like oh like give me the spaghetti carbonara and they're like all right coming up they load in the cannon and just bang it right in their car i think that we could uh we could do that be like a little drive-by type of thing to point like shotgun food to the mouth yeah yeah at what point does it just need to be a slide for food and not actually a gun um well i feel like you have to ask if they want to want an animal style or not okay yeah is the gun animal style yeah well it's like do we have hollandaise we have a template a blueprint if you will for this the great game donkey kong 64 they all had weapons

modeled after foods donkey kong had the coconut gun uh diddy kong had the peanut shooters lanky kong had the uh the grape um blow gun blow dart gun for some reason the girl had a feather thing which doesn't make any sense and then my boy chunky kong had the pineapple bazooka so i feel like it's pretty similar we could just model it after that. Easily could put a pineapple in the gun. I didn't even think about that at all. Every fruit sounds beautiful.

By the way, we talked about fruit, right? Watermelon, bad. I brought up that debate again, and I had to fight my battle with it this weekend with my friends that watermelon stinks. Anyway, so continuing. Thank you for recognizing my decor. Mostly my mom, but I'll take credit for it. Yeah. We drafted Zach's mom. Yeah, recognizing my decor. Mostly my mom, but I'll take credit for it. We drafted Zach's mom. Yeah, drafted my mom.

I appreciate the RBV love. It's sugar-free RBVs, though. Regardless, it's still a modern. Got to mention that. Yeah, you got to save your heart somehow. What else is on my list? Next thing, my food intake i appreciate you spinning it as like a superpower because i've never thought of it that way but i think it's uh

i think i might start calling it a superpower or it's gonna kill you faster yeah but like yeah could be we've always talked about this bummed my height didn't get drafted i appreciate it was an honorable mention but it is very much part of my personality. So I feel like it should have been at least considered. We vetoed it. Yeah, and I understand why. I think I've made too many short jokes at Corey's expense, so I understand why that had to be left off.

I thought we said something. Yeah, you said honorable mention. Yeah, I was my honorable mention. Which is just fair enough it's all i can ask for um yeah it was there also too this could go in my weekend i feel like i could apply everything that you guys drafted i can apply directly to something that happened during my weekend so that was fun making that connection uh or mentally making that connection this week. But yeah. I feel like you had a really busy weekend, if that's true. Yeah, I mean, I dropped about $30 in Touch Toons. I bought $30 of Taco Bell on Saturday through the kiosk,

which, let me tell you, is a heavy bag to carry home. Yeah, oh my god. That's a lot. How many items? It was about a six piece a little six pack and a cr mist what like a six piece like six like it let's see yeah it wasn't like a that's still like the average price of a taco bell items about i got a pop i got a pop too i got a large still. I'm still confused.

Yeah, it was a $25 soda pop. And the Chicago taxes are more too. Yeah, I got like the specialty burrito. Like I got like the grilled cheese burrito where they like grill the cheese on the outside. I got that. They shoot it at you out of the can? Yeah, that would have been great. They are very fat.

I was pretty impressed. I was there at like 1030, which I guess is when you want your highest proficiency Taco Bell workers to be working literally pump that baby into the kiosk out of my hands in about four minutes and 23 seconds unbelievable turnaround time really appreciate it um but yeah i had that um so that kind of wrecked my insides and then i uh let me tell you talk about great going in if you sleep on it though not not the gurgles you'll get the gurgles are terrible it's tough man um are we going to do we're just

letting it rip i am uh we're just letting it fly i had some crab rangoons on uh sunday night too i had six crab rangoons and an order of mongolian beef that was tough too. I didn't want to eat it. I shouldn't have ate it, but I did. I did. I sure did. You'd be impressed that we stopped for food the very first thing we did in Hawaii because we were starving. Wait, are you going into your weekend now? Why are you talking about your weekend?

I mean, we're just flying. So, you know, Friday, I wasn't really doing anything. Oh my god, hot potato weekends. We'll go day by So Friday, I wasn't really doing anything. Oh my God, hot potato weekends. We'll go day by day for everybody. Yeah.

But I'll wrap it up. In summary. Wait, let me finish my... Okay, hold on. And then Saturday, I went out to brunch at like 1130 ish. All right. I just want to say that's all I really talk about. Really appreciate the draft fellas gassing your boy up

was great to listen to on the walk from work. I won't get a lot. I was a little bit narcissistic. Listen to it a couple times just to hear you guys talk about me. So I did listen

to the Corey draft as well when I drafted his name and got a good chuckle out of that. did listen to the cory draft as well when i drafted his name um and got a good chuckle out of that so i appreciate you drafting my name as well um shout out my own dad for giving me the name but um but yeah so thank you guys really appreciate it i feel like you're the only one of us that listens back to all of our episodes i do i like listen it's a chuckle if you listen to those things where I thought it would be weird, I would never do it because I hate hearing this out of my own voice, but doing this has gotten over my disgust of my own voice.

And I think we're pretty funny. Turn. Turns out you love this. Turns out, turns out I'm even more of a narcissist. Next week, we draft Zach into the army. Actually,

I would get sniped so fast in the dome bro i'm a walking tree out there you put me out there bang bang you know why you go to the uh gulag though right because he's six three guys he had to mention i'm just dead i'd be a terrible soldier man's peeking man's peeking every two seconds he gets i'd be i'd be so dead we don't got we don't cover big enough for you. I am the cover. I just get shot and then you lay my body parallel and then you just hide behind me as like a

bunker. I'll just like hop on Zach's back as like his backpack. I'll just carry all the items. You get shot. It'd be like double dash or banjo kazooie. Oh, yo, that's good. Classic. Whatever happened to that banjo yeah beat jack they were lovers or just friends him and him yeah the bird what's the bird's name i imagine it's pretty lonely i collect those puzzle pieces i think they were just I think they were just, I think they were just, like,

homies. I don't know. It's been a while since I played. You know, maybe I'll go back and dabble. See, analyze the relationship, you know? So, I was kidding when I thought the bird's name was Kazooie. It actually is. What'd you think of it?

I thought his full name was Banjo-Kazooie, and then the bird was gonna be, like, Steve. And you just, like just don't actually... Steve the pirate. Steve the whole game. Who's pirate on our team? All right. Do you want something a little bit more focused,

or are we going to just say random words at each other? Duranus and a little bit bra guy. All right, Rooks. Do you want to pitch your invention you created in L.A. that Kristen kind of gave us the idea for? Do you remember what I'm talking about? I'm going to need a refresher. Depends on what day we talked about it, to be honest.

I'll give you just the title of it, okay? Okay. The Snuggie Uggy. Was it a Snuggie for you to strictly get Suggie in? Right? Yeah. Oh, my God. Great. Yeah, okay. Now I remember. Yeah. So the Snuggie for you to strictly get Suggie in? Right? Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, okay, now I remember.

So the Snuggie Uggie, it's a perfect Snuggie, and then there's just a little hole for your cat, so then you put it through there, you can get a little blowy action while you're snugged up. I think it's a great idea. The cleanup factor

has got to be terrible. It just turns. Throw it in the wash, man. I would just like to say, okay, you have immediate, Zach has immediate pushback, and he's the one who came up with the tummy bib way back when. But that's what it's for. I'm taking the tummy bib off as soon as I'm done.

This is just a larger, cozier tummy bib, dude. Okay? So just before you poo-poo on it, let's remember what you've said. Okay? The outside of it could be like a vinyl and then the inside's fleece. So then the outside you just wipe down really easily. I like that. It's just describing like a poncho glory hole scenario.

I mean, what? It's pretty much what a Snuggie is. But it's marketed with a good name, Corey. That's all we really need. It's like the ShamWow. The Snuggie Uggy is the coolest name of any product that's ever existed. That is just fantastic. Picture the Sl slap chop guy giving

like a commercial for the snuggie uggie it would be oh my god incredible in that commercial would we have to show him physically getting head to market the product because in the slap shop they always do like samples of him just slapping the fucking shit do we need him to get head in it yeah yeah that it's the late night commercial where it's like it's a full 45 minute infomercial yeah yeah so we can slow it down a bit okay as long as it's yeah okay hey i mean we can we can talk to the hub as well the hub might fucking accept the hub might do some marketing for us might 100 might be dude it might be the only place i would no no those late no some of those late night tv ads man you can get away with whatever like i mean yeah it's just like girls

gone wild as a tv ad like if they can do that we can use the snug they just like they literally just have like the girl lifts her shirt up you could see like all of their titties except for the nips and it just says grow going wild like all we need to do is just cover up someone's face with a snuggie huggy logo while they're giving some suck like that's it that's all that's all we're asking for oh yeah and i guess i guess it's dick too yeah i meant just like the whole the whole process down there the other person's face. It's just the person who's blowing them's face is

blurred out, but you see the dick and everything. That's why I was really confused. Yeah, I didn't specify that enough. It's poor marketing on my part. It just says real people, not actors.

Sorry. I just like that. it just says real people not actors sorry no dude it's like we talked about last week when it's like a like crime reenactor like someone's snitching like it's just like a silhouette of someone kidding head and then we just deepen their voices and it's perfect

but they're not speaking it's just the noises and it's perfect but they're not speaking it's just the noises this one from bad to so much worse i'm gonna fuck you brian yo how do you get milk out of a crab give me milk now mommy fat matchesve world hunger tonight. I get this vagina animal style. Bonnie is Wonderland. Be the way. I'm sweater.

Ow! That came as an orgasm? Wah, wah, wahoo! That's like an orgy, my guy. What's up, sluts? The Olympics are a fraud. Your word is Reichstrabatism. Ew, you're gross.

Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through. Your bottom self trying to low-key penetrate you. Hey, boo-boo. I shall not. Yeah, I're gross. Oregon! Fuck you, Ratatouille. It is Wednesday, my dudes. Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode 93. Birth year episode. Shout out 1993, babies. But as we've shown at the very beginning of this episode, we have no idea what we're talking about. So, we don't have a topic.

So, this will be interesting. But we got cory what is up my guys we got rogues thank you for bringing the energy back what is up my gals oh what are we calling sloppy james sloppy james yeah we got valentine's day coming up next week we do hell no brother amateur hour your buddy's staying in i mean you gotta go out there and clean up the scraps people oh yeah i mean you gotta head to your local dive bar and just kind of just kind of hang out there for a little bit just find someone who's into yours. That sounds a little take advantage of me. I'm just, you know, I'll be just playing touch tunes and just playing the hits.

You could pitch the Snuggie Uggy while you're out. No, no. Field test. I love that the, not going to lie, I watched, like there would be other programming on, and I would just stick to watching infomercials I would be in captured by the new wave oven or like a knife infomercial they're just chopping food and then like running it over with a car and then chopping the food again like

look how strong it is I'm like it's so strong yeah you didn't have a lot of TV stations no there's like daytime TV like your home home's sick. Price is Right's over. What else am I watching? Soap operas? That's a really good point. I mean, Zabuma Fu. We've had a 45-minute long episode about watching Zabuma Fu. Zabuma Fu is on specific time, man. It's on like three to four.

I got two or three hours to kill in the middle of that. I'm not going outside. Scrubs at two o'clock? Fair, fair, fair. All right. Well, do you want to give us the rest of your weekend you've given it half yeah sure um what's your emoji pill did we do that yet it's the pill um because true life true life i'm addicted to gummy melatonin ladies and gentlemen of the jury

i take too much of it but it is so good. It is – go ahead. Are you sure it's not to counteract your sugar-free – Oh, no, it is. The concoction in my stomach of so much – many stimulants versus me trying to then like overpower that with – I don't know if it's a depressant or just a sleepy drug. I don't know if it's the same thing. But either way, like – That is a category of yeah sleepy drug like sleepy drug scientific term yeah i mean you know the standard thing happens saturday night rolls around iu beats

indiana go hoosiers never a doubt and i am just ripping red bull vacas friends are buying them for me i am having a grand old time and then i get home have taco bell my system yes rogues you said iu beats indiana i say purdue whatever we beat ourselves all we beat ourselves all the Then I get home, have Taco Bell in my system. Yes, Rooks. You said IU beats Indiana? I say Purdue, whatever. We beat ourselves all the time, so it's honestly not too far away from a true statement. You just said it, and my brain was processing. I was like, what the fuck did he just say?

Sorry, continue. No, I appreciate you catching me on that, because the comments would have been furious had we let that go unc uh uncorrected um twitch chat so yeah i mean you get home you eat taco bell you think that's gonna do enough right like i ate enough taco bell to kill a horse and i'm like this will put me to sleep turns out or not the nicotine pouch and the red bull vacas consistently was just putting me over the edge and i couldn't my heart rate was racing so i was like all right we're gonna pop some two melatonin slowly got me to got me back to even and then i

popped two more melatonin turns out that pushed me over the edge and i i slept to about noon on sunday if you were if you were at even with two and then you had two more no no but i got that got me to even so i was like this will then get me to a normal sleeping state. But I think doubling down had the exponential factor. Like the half-life of melatonin was more than I expected. And it decomposed quicker in my body and then coursed through my veins. But like my question is why do they make them taste so good? Like they're cherry gummies.

Like make them taste worse and I won't take as many. I think it's their fault. Definitely the worst though. I'm going to take more tonight because I got them, but I just want to put it out there that this might be my cry for help. I'm not going to do anything to fix it. Okay. Well, if we go to jail for letting you die die they'll play this audio clip in the court and

we'll have to sit here and listen to the whole first 15 minutes about the snuggie then i really want them to play the episode prior where we talked about checking in on zach's death so oh yeah oh topical super quick okay yeah i mean i just love taking nighttime medicine i've done the ny quill and then dropped a couple melatonin gummies in the little cup with the night quill on it and it's delicious yes cory solution uh just take a little more day quill while you take the night quill and then that'll help you that's true i feel like i can make a cool color too because you got the orange orange um day quill and then like a purple night quill like what color i think it's brown i think

those are we're medical those are opposite colors on the color wheel so i think opposite colors make brown but i would like to see so i might give that a shot not a color if you mix white if zach died due to too much melatonin and they had us in court like and we

were like getting ridiculed at all i'd be like he fucking died because of melatonin, man. Like, why am I getting questioned right now? Are you, how happy would you be if Walters teamed up with the melatonin gummy people? Dude, I wouldn't. That's the clap you really need. Yeah, I'm not going to lie.

I'd be fucking dead. I would die from melatonin. I think every. Oh, and then they make them into Scooby-Doo shapes. The fact that every pill isn't in gummy form is just a crime. Like I would – people would be so much more pumped to take their meds. Oxycontin. Yeah, imagine how lit that would be.

Maybe they're doing that on purpose because everybody would just be zonked out. They do it for melatonin. Everywhere. Because it's harmless. It's not heroin. Can you die from melatonin? Is that possible?

This might be like a weed thing. No one's ever died of weed. They've just died of stupid things. It's a gateway stupid things it's a i'm injecting gushers straight into my veins so there's uh if you go on reddit on the subreddit suicide watch about eight years ago someone posted i overdosed on melatonin they took 400 milligrams will i die uh for the so for the context i take i take 10 at night for context um they also posted five years ago so they survived so you can do 400 so let's get your numbers up, man.

Everybody's all Googling melatonin facts right now. Yeah, I was looking. What a pause. It is Wednesday. Oh, we're starting over. Again. Wait, what the fuck? Am I a dream? Did I just take melatonin?

We cannot be. We cannot be. For the viewers, we're recording on a Monday, which we never do. And obviously, it's just throwing off the fucking juju of all of this. Like, we cannot record on a Monday again. All right, Zach, your week's over. All right, Rooks, you're up. Go.

We need to get this thing moving. So my emoji I used was a star. So Friday, big coolin', take it easy. Saturday, went to brunch with some of the boys um and saw some stars no the stars stars the end of the night um i went to hollywood um no but went to brunch had a great time there i had some brewskis then went to this place played pool i had the for the first time and like that like history of me drinking and playing pool i was actually like halfway decent like didn't wasn't embarrassing myself too much so that was lovely uh to win i won a few times okay

i was looking like a big meech in that place uh but no play pool had a great time there then just met up with some people for dinner, had a little shrimp po-boy action, dude, god damn, that shit was bussin' and then after that, we went we just went to our other friend's place, and we were playing

Mario Party for like three fuckin' hours and I forgot, like Mario Party is like the pen hours and I forgot like Mario Party is like the pent ultimate like Mario franchise like if you pick 100% like there's no other game better than Mario Party like it's just absolutely the best one it gets everyone involved like the mini games are all super exciting like it's a great time um But yeah, I played some Mario Party. I didn't get any dubs, though, which is kind of disappointing. But we had a great time doing it.

And yeah, so that's why it was a star, because we had to get some stars. But you didn't get any, because you lost every time. No, I just didn't get enough stars. I got some stars. I just didn't get enough. But I used the star emoji, because at the end of the day, it's all about the stars. Or a skull. Did you get any bonus stars at the end end or is there any fights thrown with any of the bonus stars so no so our uh our uh my buddy's girlfriend carol she's so like she's so nice so cool we sat down to play mario party and you could just see like the intensity click on with her

and we sat down. And she was like, so can I just establish this right now? Like, no bonus stars? Like, fuck bonus stars. Before we even started playing. And we were all like, yeah, okay. We don't have to play with bonus stars, Carol. And she's like, I just don't really like them at all.

And we were like, holy fuck. And then, like, throughout the game, like, bonus stars were brought up by her multiple times and her hatred for them and i was like what the fuck happened with you and bonus stars but so we played with no bonus scored before i know big time she knows her stuff i i appreciate that move just get it out of the way it makes no sense i liked it a lot i mean it it evens the playing field a lot more which uh we appreciate but But then, yeah, after that, woke up yesterday feeling like absolute bun buns because I drank from 1130 a.m. until probably like 2 a.m. So that took a little toll on the body.

I ended up getting some crab rangoon, though, as well. I had a sushi calamari crab rangoon and some soup. It was a little little spread for me let's go that was my weekend I did wonton I like that that is the question that Zach needs to say

alright Corey what's your emoji so I did the window with the hammer, which I will get to. So you locked yourself out of your house or something? I wonder what this could be about. Yeah. Friday, had hockey. Claire came to see me play hockey for the first time.

First shift, went top corner. We immediately lost 9-6. But I did have two goals. And your boy was a stud. It's because men's league, we only have two subs on the bench, so we literally play the entire time. It's exhausting and tiring at the same time, which is the same thing. But it is.

Saturday, woke up, tried to play some fetch with Coop Dog. And my man, apparently three is old for him because he pulled a muscle i can only assume because he like pulled up like we were playing fetch for like 15 minutes or so and all of a sudden he like pulls up and then he starts like hobbling i was like okay that's not good and then he started like walking normal it's like okay and then he laid down and then didn't move i was like that's not good then he laid down and then didn't move. I was like, that's not good. And then he got up and ran in a circle. I was like, make a decision, man. And then he came back.

I threw the ball a little bit more because he was like, fine. And then I went in, and then he started limping again. I was like, this is not ideal. Waited 24 hours. He's fine. So he definitely pulled something because the man went into full sprint mode from the couch. So warm up, man. Come on. Can't keep a dog off the field, man. He's not going to play. because a man went into like full sprint mode from the couch so like warm up man come on can't

keep a dog off the field man he's not gonna play with he's got a broken leg to not play no whimpering though he ain't no bitch uh there's then claire and i went out to uh the strip district we went to like the fish market because we were making homemade sushi saturday night uh turned out pretty good for homemade sushi we were like mentally preparing for like a nightmare because we've made homemade pasta and like, like it was messy. It didn't go as well. So we were like, sushi is going to be worse. Actually went really well. And we'll do it again. We had dumplings, no Rangoon. Sorry, boys. It's okay. And then Sunday. So we went to go get up and be productive like go you know to church go grab coffee have a nice little brunch uh i close the door i get in the car and the car says uh you don't have a key in close enough range when i go to press the car on i was like oh fuck so i left my keys inside the

house locked ourselves out you nailed it ryan um yeah and then wait so did you literally talked about you talked with like window sales people like four days ago right yeah so this actually helped because i was like hmm so i don't know if i should put it out there but anyway i had to go in through my back window, which I had to break open with like a crowbar. I didn't shatter it, but I pried it open with my crowbar. And we were stuck outside for 30 minutes. And if you guys have seen my bedroom window, so it's that thin one really high up. I had to climb through that.

And also we found out Cooper is a horrible guard dog because didn't bark once. He was stuck inside like with me trying to break in multiple ways into my house. And also we found out Cooper is a horrible guard dog because didn't bark once. He was stuck inside like with me trying to break in multiple ways into my house. Didn't make one noise. And then as I'm climbing through the window, which I have to like hold my whole body up and get my feet in so they can get under me. Or else I'm going to land on like my back because there's no like bed or anything I can like get on from the window. So I was doing that and he just comes over and is just looking at me again no no noise just looking hey dude's

on ir okay cut out some slack yeah well his vocal cords aren't broken uh so that sucked so then our productive sunday went to shit and we just once I got in like drenched in sweat I was like can we just go get pizza and beer and so we did that and then came home and watched tv and then I got Taco Bell on uh Saturday or Sunday night as well to cheer myself up after the beer and pizza uh personality season so yeah it's pretty uh up and down weekend had everything is the window just like cracked open still uh no i was able to like put it back on the track and close it so but like i'm gonna get replaced at some point so that's why i was like open so robbers don't try it got fixed it's yeah um yeah don't do it i have a guard dog brian how was your weekend

thanks man uh my emoji is some flower i don't i don't know something hawaii related you know you don't think about it too hard you're in hawaii um who'd have thought yeah it's really hot in this room right now i'm kind of miserable aloha you know mahalo Aloha. Mahalo. You know on flights, if people clap when you land, everyone hates it? Yeah. I found something worse. So they told everyone to close all the blinds or whatever. Windows, it's not blinds.

They're not curtains. The little slidey thingies. I was like, I don't know what that's about, but they do that every once in a while. And then they also said, everyone press your your call light so all the lights lit up and they said oh we have a birthday on the plane tonight so everyone starts oh no birthday no no was it for an adult or a child i think it was an adult i think it was a carol you said You said Carol? I would say Carol's an adult ass boy with no baby name. I am getting out of my seat and throwing hands with this person immediately.

Go fuck yourself. Literally, go fuck yourself. You're gonna fucking trap us in this fucking thing? You're gonna trap me in this happy birthday fucking sing-along? Absolutely not. Go fuck yourself. If you listen to this podcast and you're the one who made this fucking call to the pilots or to the stewardess and all them, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, I contemplated opening the emergency exit and just flying out of the plane on the slide. Might as well. I could have probably made it. Yeah. So that was gross. And then they said, blow out the candles and everyone turn your lights off at the same time. I'm leaving mine on.

I'm leaving mine on 100%. It was the worst. So I found a new low in life. I was hesitant when you said I found something worse than the clapping and you exceeded my expectations. So good job. Yeah, that's the worst thing I've ever fucking heard. That's awful.

Oh, trust me. As soon as it started and they said it, I just wrote it down because I had to talk about it. Because I wasn't going to participate. The only thing I could do was just write down my thoughts. But another new low for the week was i was watching the bachelor just like hate watching it uh guess what the bachelor's first concert was like specifically the oh i forgot what he said fuck i forgot what he said oh yeah nickelback that's right

yeah that was beautiful holy was that chad kroger in the studio he's here today live with the bachelor zach top crotch uh so yeah that he's very as a as a don't as a fellow zach we don't we don't claim him um and i said this is someone else this is gonna be very mean but i don't really care um you know the progression, those evolution progressions of like ape to Neanderthal? He looks like he's firmly in the middle of that progression map. Like the way his face looks.

Jesus Christ. That wasn't where I thought you were going to go and then what I'll say next is going to be mean because of what you said. I think he looks just like Cody. But I don't think he looks bad. Shots fired.

I don't think Cody looks... I don't think he's an ugly dude. I just think he's like... He's super harmless and nice, which is horribly boring television. He's very forehead and nice, which is horribly boring television. He's very forehead and jaw forward. Hi, everybody. I'm The Bachelor. I don't like the way he talks either.

You know, he played O-Line in college. Not for a year. There's photos of him. He used to be like 350. He was a huge dude. They talked about that last season. It was a whole storyline. I did not pay attention to that at all then but anyways that's my week you know hawaii uh beaches hikes i don't have stories slightly on topic i i feel like that is every

pillow in hawaii like i feel like that pillowcase is every single pillow in hawaii white green with little like leaves on it. That's exactly what I picture. Hawaii, fun fact, do you know what my Hawaiian name is? It's Kunu. What's that mean? It means Chuck. I just put my name into a translator.

We've made plenty. Oh, so we got into an Uber. I guess I have a story. We got into an Uber because we didn't know how we going to like go to a beach and this guy started giving us recommendations the best guy we've met so far and he gave us the location of the spot where they like jump off of the cliff into the water so it's on the list it's gonna be sweet apparently it's like 15 feet in the in the movie it makes it look oh my god yeah they make it look ridiculous yeah it's apparently not not high in the air at all um but so i'm hyped about that that'd be cool

that is dope and i need to learn how to surf at some point it's gone from like waves being like 10 foot tall to today there's just not waves so uh at some point i want to not die but also learn how to surf fine kuno so yeah i was gonna say. I will surf with Paul Rudd any day of the week. I will quit my job to surf with Paul Rudd. Hold me to that, please. So I have something for us. I was listening to a podcast slash radio show, whatever, and there's a commercial for it.

And I listened to it, and it sounded very questionable to me. So I'm going to play it for you guys, and I want to know if you're as confused as I am or if i'm just stupid so here you go when you think of your basement do you think or is it a safe haven for you and your family am i crazy i don't need i don't need to hear anymore um what the fuck was that What are you playing for us, Burn? That was on the regular radio. I was like, there's no way. I'm going to do it again.

When you think of your basement, do you think... That's got to be fake. That's got to be fake. It's not. I swear, it's not. What emotion are you trying... Where does this go? It's like, are you frustrated with your basement?

So that person does not sound like they're very frustrated with their basement. Not at all. That's all I'm going to say. Jesus Christ. What does the chime have to do like what emotion is that supposed to make me feel like i guess i can get my way to think like the uh is like oh i'm bummed out with my basement but like what does the chime give me to feel i didn't pay i'll pay attention to chiming let me third time let's go when you think of your basement, do you think, or is it a safe?

There's a sigh at the end there. Wait, what is the second one? What are you fucking teleporting somewhere or some shit? They just show you Rainbow Row? What the fuck was that sound? He's got a mystery block. Yeah, what the fuck was that? I didn't even notice that the first time because i was so busy listening to this

chick fucking come in her microphone jesus christ man what the fuck is it what is the podcast yeah oh it was early in the morning it was like that that's why i could like copy it off of the clip because i had the exact time stamp for it but so that's just on radio in like virginia just for everyone to hear in the middle of the morning so like i'm gonna i'm gonna tell you right now like you're gonna get people's attention with that ad it's just not gonna like it just doesn't correlate at all to what they're trying to talk about like yeah i don't know what you tried to sell me was it a was it. Yeah, I don't know what you're trying to sell me. Was it a basement company?

What are they doing? Yeah, I think they're trying to do floors or something. Like sex dungeons? Got it. Sex floors? Got it. Oh, this is a commercial from Elliot in the morning. I thought you said this was for a podcast. I was like, what the fuck is this podcast?

That makes more sense. I was listening to Elliot in the Morning, which is a radio show, but it was the podcast form of it, which still has all the commercials. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, okay. I'm happy I'm not crazy. That's just weird. When you think of your basement, do you think of that?

That had to have been one take. That was one take, right? They didn't try again. I think they just got the noise off the internet. I don't think they had anyone in the thing. They just clipped it or something. I'd like to think they're like, guys got it. Wrap up.

Let's go home. That's it. That's disgust right there. I feel like the basement would be a better place to hit the uh than the upstairs, though, just in general. It's cooler. What do you mean by the upstairs? Like just up. In a house.

Like in a house. Why does it matter? I think it's just the ambiance. It's cooler. I think you recover faster. Your body temperature recovers faster. It's more of a dungeon. You need a cryo you need a cryo chamber to recover yeah zach's having sex with like those air cast things on his legs to just get you know like the the spray and fifa that they bring out to like the mystery spray. Like I just take a can of that and just like... To be fair,

like, Corey, have you ever tried to fuck on like enough melatonin to put down a horse? Like, there probably needs to be a lot going on. Like... There's so much medicine you need to counteract

everything that you're taking at all times. It's just a constant balancing act, you know what I mean? One orange IV in one arm, one purple IV in the other. Perfectly balanced. I'm just saying. Do you also get the

little foam, so you plant your feet into a spot, put a ring around them so you know where you're standing? I have no idea what you're talking about right now. He's talking about the free kick line. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just keep it to my bed.

Sorry. Yeah, but you got to put a line around the outside of it, though. Yeah, it's like in SpongeBob. It's like you put the bear circle, so the bears can't get you. Exactly. So bears can't attack you during sex. All right. Unless you're into that, we're accepting it.

Yeah, sure. Oh, man. That'd be such a tough way to go. Can you imagine mid-sex, all of a sudden you're just getting lacerated by a fucking grizzly? That's horrible. It would be better than just a regular bear. No. Wrong.

I want to be clothed. I want to be clothed. Dude, I would be so sick if I, like, come on, bear. Help me out. Let me get my nut, all right? I got this snuggie-yuggie on for a reason. Like, let me finish, and then you can, like, go. Yeah, I would rather have me clothed because, like, I'm dead either way.

But then at least, like, the cops or whoever's finding my body aren't laughing at my average member. Dude, I'm not going to lie. Yeah, like, I've thought about this before. Like, do you know how, like how Do you know how embarrassing it would be To die naked And then everyone shows up And sees your dead body And you're fully fucking naked

Social suicide I'm a quarter Korean man I can't have that Absolutely not But if you died mid thrust would like rigor mortis but like

even if I'm hard when I die and it stays there like no one's gonna be impressed no one's gonna be like okay like everyone's gonna be like eh little probably a little like less than expected. I don't know.

But no one's going to be like, damn, that man's packing. I'm a quarter Korean. All right, so the only way Rooks can die is if he gets chopped in half of the waist and the lower half of him just falls into a pit of lava, so there's no evidence. Rooks is just never naked. He sleeps and he never changes. Well, that's why, like, part of why I thought about, like, oh, like, how embarrassing would it be if I died naked? It's because, like, I sleep naked. Really? Oh, I can't.

Like, Loki, like, and Mendy. I don't know if Mendy listens anymore. But if he does, like, when he's not here, like, sometimes I'll, like, if I know he's not coming back, I'll walk around, like, my apartment naked and shit. Like, I just, i don't know like that's just that's i'd be it'd be what it be like i am what i am although to be fair he like you i didn't know that you slept naked and i slept in the same room as you and like i didn't know until second semester which is wild don't say to be fair you need a warning i gotta you gotta i asked burn when i lived with you i asked you if you were cool with it and you said probably not and i was like okay that's fine i asked hicky hicky said he was cool with it

i asked cory cory was definitely like on his phone and doing that shit where he just doesn't listen when he's on his phone he was like yeah man sure and then like halfway through the year he was like oh like are you getting out of bed i was like well you need to get out you need to get clothes he's like what it's like i'm sleeping naked he's like you sleep naked it's like we talked about this at the beginning of the year like february it's like more than halfway through the year yeah it was like, yes, Corey, I sleep completely butt naked. He was like, wow. I didn't know that. I remember you saying that. I just didn't think you did because it's not like you were like walking around naked or like throwing your boxers like somewhere.

I don't know. I never just feel like it. I was like, oh, he asked and then he just doesn't do it. Corey's going to bed. I'm just throwing like my shorts and my shirt at his face and shit. Here you go, fucking nerd. It's like I have to sleep. I like like sleeping naked.

You have to. It's my shit. Yeah. Like it's like wearing pajamas for people. Right. Like some people like I need to be in like my like my comfiest clothes possible to go to sleep. Like my comfiest clothes are no clothes. Unless there's a set of bear loose in your bedroom.

Oh, man. That's not cool. But, yeah, I don't know. That's why I think about these things. I don't know. Just keep an emergency pair of tighty-whities on you at all times. Instead of bear mace. No, no, no. see a pair of tidy whiteys on you at all times he sleeps instead of bear sprays no no but it's

it's bear spray can but you just you screw the lid off and there's just tidy whiteys inside of it you get to put them on dude that would be mid-sex fighting off a bear attack and i'm just like trying to put on fucking underwear i mean they'd make a movie about it eventually so at least you got that yeah remnant it's not a cocaine bear i forgot that i saw a fucking commercial that today i was like wait wait hold on hold on hold on wait wait wait wait wait what is this fucking movie and isn't there like actually like decent people in it like they have a decent cast don't they yeah but it's like it's a full comedy i thought it was supposed to be just a drama at first i was like wow this could be a nightmare but it's supposed to just be really really stupid

so they have a good cast because it's just actually a comedy jesus christ so yeah yeah sorry for the naked tangent burn continue with i mean you're fine we're talking nightmares so i got another nightmare for you. This one's specifically for rooks. Have you heard of the AI-generated Seinfeld that goes for a 24-7 continuous loop? Oh, fucking Christ. I'd rather be on a plane where they sing happy birthday every single second. Yeah, oh my God.

I'd rather be on a continuous flight to Hawaii where they sing happy birthday the entire time and make me sing happy birthday than watch that fucking shit. I don't know who made it, but it's like the graphics are from like the 1980s, like an old computer game. And it's like just the little characters moving around, but like AI creates all the dialogue and like the plot for it. And it just goes infinitely but it's like it's really janky so like the characters kind of like float around in the frame and like don't really the line sort of makes sense but not really there's like also still a laugh track that happens randomly so that's just demonic um it also just got taken down though because you know he does little stand-up sets between scenes sometimes yeah the worst the the ai cut to that in his stand-up set was just like a bunch of

like transphobic jokes all back to back so even uh seinfeld's not safe from ai just shutting it down so um yeah if rooks was ever going to go to purgatory after death this would be what it would be oh that's that's that's like worst case scenario i'm not kidding i don't i can't picture something that's more more depressing and upsetting to me than an ai generated seineld that's 24 7 that's my personal hell i feel like the whole entire like track is just them saying what's the deal with insert thing here and then it's just like laugh track and then repeat like you're not wrong do you know how horrible that fucking would be if it's like for the transphobic shit? He's like, what's the deal with?

And then just transphobic shit. That's horrible. Yeah, so probably good. It's gotten taken down, but it's incredible. Is this just like a live stream somewhere? Like, what is this? I think it might have been on Twitch or it might be a website, but it's got taken down already. So I actually can't send it to us.

I watched for a good couple of minutes and it's just a nightmare because it's also like the voices aren't the characters. So it's like the crappy robot AI voice doing all the lines, too. So fantastic delivery. It fantastic delivery beautiful such a nightmare and i mean since it's ai like there's such weird pauses in between everything too and like random clips of like outside the building like doing transitions between scenes that don't make sense it's crazy why would anyone spend the time to build this hey this fucking prestigious podcast is talking about it they got the people talking exactly they know what's gonna happen they just wanted to hit all the headlines get tmz they knew what they could do to get some drama so if all the show they need to do next

keep up with the Kardashians. I'll get canceled fast. But as an AI-generated script, though, would be incredible. I don't know what else we could do for AI script for a continuous stream that could be better. I've been scrolling through my fucking Twitter likes because there's something in here where it's an AI watched

like 100 hours of Jersey Shore or something, and then they put a script together, and it's awful, and I just wanted to find it, but I can't find it. All right, we'll vamp for time while he's doing that. I'm sure I can just fucking watch this. Yo, they're coming out with cinnamon toast, crunch, stuffed, puffs, marshmallows. I just feel like you threw a bunch of words together. Yeah.

I did not know where you were going with that. Cinnamon toast, crunch, stuffed, puffs, marshmallows. It's all fucking mouthfuls, dude. You didn't need three of those words it's like cinnamon toast crunch on the outside so it's not stuff with like the filling like a frosting type of filling I feel like puffed and stuffed can't be the same thing because puffed

to me is like hollowed and stuffed is not so it's like that's why you don't work at the puff factory, Corey, because you're a small brain. There's just one lever on one side. It says puffed on the other side. It says stuff.

And they're just flicking it back and forth. Are we not going to talk about dominoes? Just getting loaded tots on their menu. I, I to be honest. You sent that. I didn't know. I thought it was just you were ordering Domino's. I didn't realize there was a whole new addition to the menu.

My only thing is there better be a hell of a lot of toppings. Because the first one one it's just cheese on them it's like you're gonna charge me an extra like seven dollars to throw some cheese and some tater tots i'm gonna be sad about it i found the script if you guys would like me to do a dramatic reading oh that'd be great um do you want to send it to us and we can each get a part oh it sounds like a lot of work okay never mind go ahead ron the problem enters his abs are a mess Ron what the hell is a cab horny Mike walks in horny

Mike it's where you live Italian bitch horny Mark start horny Mike starts to get extra horny now Ron pulls out a gun Ron is gun same as pasta I am dieting like this shit is I am dieting. Like, this shit is... I am dieting.

Paul and Vinny are at the hospital. JWoww enters. JWoww, what are you doing at the hospital? Paulie, there's girls here. Vinny, hot girls. Paulie, yeah, he said it. Paulie starts doing laundry. He has a gun.

I don't know where it keeps getting... I don't know where the ai is getting the gun references from like i don't at what point do we just like not call it ai like i feel like they're just throwing shit together it's not i was gonna say the hospital scene very realistic i could absolutely picture paulieine Vinny just being in a hospital and they're like why are you here there's girls here yeah hot girls

the last one Sammy a sweet bitch and Snooki you can't change her name to that that's what it says it says Sammy I'm reading this word for word. I'm not improv-ing here at all.

Sammy, a sweet bitch and Snooki, the ball of meat, are at work at the shop. They're selling t-shirts and weapons. Snooki, shirts and weapons selling not as much today. Sammy,

yesterday Ron had a gun. Snooki, I am bored. I want to get arrested now. Snooki is drinking on the boardwalk. She falls over into a pile of t-shirts. Snooki, I'm glad we had these shirts from the shop. Danny, the owner of the store, walks up and sees Snooki. Danny says, bitch.

And that's just the end of it. Thank God she fell into the pile of shirts and not the pile of guns i don't know i don't know where it keeps getting the gun shit from though i don't know where it keeps pulling that do they talk about like muscles that's having guns that's like oh maybe yeah yeah which the switch is incredible because i would love if every episode they pull out a gun and shoot somebody. Changing her nickname from Meatball to the Ball of Meat. It's absurd. And then Sammy Sweetheart to Sammy a Sweet Bitch. Like, what the fuck?

And then don't forget about Horny Mike. Yeah, Horny Mike. That's a great nickname. It was Horny Mike and uh messy there's another one that's with i have one save that's with the batman and it's uh it's also very funny but we can spare it if is it new batman or like christian bale batman or no it's just a thousand hours of Batman movies is what it said. Alright, here we go. You gotta pull it up. It says Batman. They're in the traditional Batcave. Batman stands next

to his Batmobile and uses his Batcomputer. He's sometimes Bruce Wayne, sometimes Batman. All times orphan. Hey, guys over here taking shots. Like, calm the fuck down. batman this is now a safe city i have punched a penguin into prison alfred alfred batman's loyal battler carries a tray of goth ham alfred eat a dinner mattress wayne an explosion explodes the joker and two-face enter the cave joker is a clown but insane two-face is a man but attorney uh batman

batman no it is two-face and one face they hate me for being a bat batman throws alfred at two-face two-face flips alfred like a coin alfred lands heads up which means two-face goes home like there's so many aspects that are just so close to being actually batman it is just you and i the joker bat versus clown moral enemies uh the joker i am such a freak society is bad you drink water i drink anarchy batman i drink bats just like a bat would wow batman looks around for his parents but they are still dead this makes him have anger he fires a bat rocket the joker deflects it with his sick sense of humor a clownly power uh the joker i have never followed a rule that is my rule do you follow

i don't know i don't uh batman alfred gave birth alfred give birth to robin alfred begins to process since it is his job uh the joker now has a present in his hand he juggles it over to batman the joker happy bat day birth man batman opens a present since he's a good guy it contains a coupon for new parents but is is expired. This is a Joker joke. Oh my god. Yo, I'm not gonna lie. The Joker can't think Batman. A coupon for new parents and it's expired would be the hardest thing I've ever seen in my life. Heath Ledger Joker.

I'm still stuck on Alfred being bottle flipped and then landing correctly so then Two-Face just leaves. I gotta go, guys. Oh my god. That's so good. Is that the end of it?

Moral of the story, we need more AI digesting media and recreating. Honestly. at the end of it moral of the story we need more we need more AI digesting media and recreating like honestly oh my god we need to find

we need to find a link and do it ourselves because I want to do this for every show ever made full time orphans bye bye Ma! Ma! all right