It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 94: The Oprah Winfrey of Farts

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

Burn is out playing with Vampire puppets in Hawaii so the boyos get lost doing a sode without him, Cory is depressed from the Eagles loss, Ruxx recounts one of his many misencounters with cheese, and Zak pitches a dating show centered around pooping. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. What was everyone's thoughts yesterday? Because I know mine from the game. I thought it was a really good game. It was a lot of fun. High scoring. We love that. We love to see it, especially with how boring the AFC and NFC championships kind of were.

I enjoyed it. Not happy that it ended the way it did um i thought it was a pretty soft call at the end of the game but still yeah i don't know yeah i mean like i i don't know i but i feel like i feel like that happens almost every play it's the same thing it's like offensive line holding like there's holding on every single play it's just like the like difference in level and shit but again James Bradbury said he did whatever fuck it

I don't have any like skin in this game so I don't really give a shit I was just disappointed that like that's how such a fun game ended yeah I have lots of thoughts okay I can give mine that's a main one let's get let's have zach go and then cory has has the floor to be sad yeah i mean great game i think the eagles defense

isn't that good i think there's like some stats on the teams that they played when they actually played good quarterbacks their defense was exposed so not surprised that they got kind of um torched for points. Although every team would do that with Patrick, like with the key chief. So they're not an exception to the rule. I just think that coming in, they thought their defense might've been able to stop them.

And that wasn't the case. I'm surprised that Eagles couldn't run the ball. Miles Sanders kind of bad and just didn't play. Kind of a nice surprise. But when you don't have Miles Sanders, it's only Jalen hurts who'd actually, who did a lot, but the rushing attack wasn't that great. And Patrick Mahomes, he didn't throw for 100 yards or tons of yards, but he was just super efficient.

He threw for 100. Every time he touched the ball, they basically scored. And that one turnover proved to be costly. No offense, Corey. You're my favorite my favorite philadelphia eagle or eagle fan everyone else i think is a bunch of scumbags in that city so i was actually kind of happy the chiefs won those fans don't deserve like happiness because they're just a bunch of sleazy slime balls except for you cory um so i was uh i don't really want the chiefs to win either

because they had one recently so it was kind of just like watching the Super Bowl for Rihanna, if I'm being honest. Which did you like? Oh, my God. What a performance. Yeah, I loved it. What a performance. I don't understand what people are like.

People just love to hate things, too. People are like, she didn't even do anything. It's like, what do you want her to do, man? She's pregnant. She's also pregnant. What do you want her fucking spinning on her head and shit? That'd be sick, though. The baby was already going through enough being on that fucking platform 50 yards above the field.

I was like, can you even dance when you're pregnant? Does that jostle the baby around too much? I don't know. We don't have the technology to call somebody, but I would love to call somebody about this one. We'll find out. All I was thinking during it is we'll find out if that baby's uh i hope that baby's healthy man because there's gonna be a lot of things of like should she have done the super bowl performance while she was uh preggers but i thought it was sick bangers what was the first

song she came out to it was i can't remember what was it yeah bitch better have my money oh yeah it was good it was good also i noticed about this Rihanna too. Her song, which I love, it's not a slight. This is a big positive. Her songs are either super horny or about getting money. Which we love both. And there's no difference. And we love that.

Yeah, we do love that. It is great. I kept joking. I kept saying she's going to play fucking that song that she uh was snm that she came out when we were like fucking middle school it was like i might be bad but i'm perfectly good at it it would be so funny at the super bowl just to have her belt out chains and whips excite me like that would get the crowd fucking going you know i mean that would have been tough i thought i thought kanye was gonna come out during all the lights i know he can't come out oh Oh my god, come on, man. Dude, I was kind of hyped for it.

I was hoping he was going to come out, and he was going to be wearing a Star of David and just be very apologetic, and then just offer a piece of offering. This is how he gets back into everyone's good graces. One of my buddies had, I forgot what the third prop was, but his two props that we were banking,

or that we were waiting to see, was one, he had a prop bet on if rihanna shows a nipple or not love that that was like a legit like bet in his book and then um the other one was uh jay-z appearance and we kept like there's like three songs or two or three songs she's saying that have jay-z features and we were like oh oh and jay-z was spotted at the arena earlier in the night too we were like oh and and jay-z was spotted at the arena earlier in the night too we were like oh and then he didn't come out it's disappointing yeah how'd you guys do uh betting betting wise i did it i took yeah i took a break i was ripping a lot of i'll get to my

weekend update i was ripping a lot of epl bets that didn't turn out for me so i just did squares and i won like eight you know threw in 15 16 bucks won like 25 won one of the quarters so i took that as a victory and i just kept out my merry way for the super bowl love that um i didn't do great so obviously i bet on the eagles because like why would i not um and they did not win so that was a loss i had hassan reddick as an mvp not a lot of money but like i felt like that was gonna be a good one if they're yeah yeah he played the whole defensive line wasn't wasn't they were non-existent so oh zach was being sarcastic i was yeah yeah he was yeah they might as well not been there uh so that one stunk and then i had

like a couple random ones the only ones i hit were uh the big hole guy and i they hosted us uh great spread uh great hosts but we always do the like drive results like player for a catch for on the next drive like because it's just like so quick you could just like rip them off and we hit a couple of those i think which was random and that saved me from like being in basically losing all the money that i had in my account when i went into it because i accrued a decent amount just to bet on this game and then it just went out the window um it was sad uh i did like giving the drink account and, uh, feeling update. That was actually like the game within the game for me.

Cause it really, really made me, uh, in touch with my emotions. Um, and I reread them today. Cause I think my account was 11. So I was like 11 deep by the end of the night and it got dark quick.

Um, you could kind of tell when, uh, when the second half started based on the text uh was not happy uh agree with rooks on the ref on the call at the end of the game my other comment is i don't understand how they overturned that catch for davante smith at the end of the half the first half because they called it a catch on the field and then that bothered me a lot no one knows what a catch is dude the dallas gotter catch also true the dallas gotter catch shouldn't have

been a catch probably and then davante smith one should have been a catch but they called it a catch on the field that's the thing like that's the only reason i don't know man dallas gotter it's catch as a catch and the other one should also have been a catch because they called it a catch like that's where the rule makes sense to me i'm completely on zach's side here where i don't even think i don't think anybody knows what a catch is anymore every time every time they bring in the one five i forgot the fucking analyst but every time they bring in perera perera peralta every time they bring him in he's like i'm thinking this is gonna be a catch it looks like good possession. He drags his feet, blah, blah, blah. And then the ref immediately comes out.

He's like, yeah, overturn, incompletion, get fucked. The dude is wrong 85% of the time. And he's the one that actually analyzes this shit. What they should do is they should have a group of high schoolers who play pickup football outside. Because I feel like if we're playing high school football and someone makes that catch Devante or, you know,

backyard football, whatever someone makes that catch the same exact one Devante Smith made, you know, we're saying, Holy fuck, sick catch man. And we're moving the ball up and we're going like, that's what your football should be.

It shouldn't be this. Did he have control or possession all the way to the ground? And he's out of bounds anyway. So when his knee hits out of bounds, I feel like it's the place should be dead like it should be over so the play would be dead or over if his knee hit the ground inbounds so because the ground can't cause a fumble or anything like that so it's like it would have been ruled a complete pass in inbounds so i'm a big proponent of that of the schoolyard rules if you and your buddies agree it's a catch then i think that should apply it over to the nfl yes rooks i respect it um did my research is dancing safe

while you are pregnant yes not only is dancing a safe form of exercise while you are pregnant there's also a very fun way to exercise and then don't have to tell me twice the next next link is an article that says, so you're pregnant. Here's how to keep dancing safely. And I kind of want to dive into this if y'all want to talk because I just want to see what this is about. Does it tell you what specific moves you can do? Like two thrusts is good?

No throwing it back for a real one. No jersey turnpike in. Hitting the woes okay yeah the woes woes always great all right oh this is like actual this is like this is like ballet dancing it's like yeah because that's what she was overstretching in big jumps big jumps yeah it's like it was a list of some dancers some dancers may want to consider avoiding and that's the list and the first one said big jumps and in my head was like when the fuck has ever anyone ever like done a big jump when we're at the club like what the fuck and i was like oh this is probably for like ballet like actual professional dancers. Which she is.

Yeah. I'm not. Well, you're close. Well, I'm not as close as he can. Corey, sorry. I'd rather have the number one overall pick than be the runner up in the Super Bowl, though. So sorry for your loss. Do you have the Bears have the number one overall?

It's for sale, too. If you want to buy it, let me know what you're offering. I don't think I want it. I'll relay that to Hal. First overall pick in the draft this year. Penn State's own Sean Clifford. Burn, hit the music. It is Wednesday, my dude.

I'm going to fuck you, Brian. Yo. How do you get milk out of a crab? Give me milk now, mommy. Fat matches. Solve world hunger tonight. Can I get this vagina animal style? Bonnie is a wonderland. Either way.

I'm sweater. Ow! That came as an orgasm? Wah, wah, wahoo! That's like an orgy, my guy. What's up, sluts? The Olympics are a fraud. Your word is Reichstrabatist.

Ew, you're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through it. Your bottom self trying to low-key penetrate you. Hey, boo-boo. I shall not. I shall not. Talking around to shit himself all the time. He's trying to have sex with a lover. Gun to the peen is what you need, brother. White Jesus.

Kirby's down there just blowing. Kneecaps are not organs. Fuck you, Ratatouille. It is Wednesday, my dude. I'm going to fuck you. I don't even remember what the first one is. Did we talk over it or does he just splice it? I forget how this works.

I think he puts it in. I don't know. I like that we're just talking about it and i want him to leave all of this in just like yeah i like this um so yeah for the viewers um just letting you in behind the curtain a little bit welcome back so i what episode is this i think 94 man it's not 94 just put less than 100 yeah episode less than 100. Episode less than 100. The Bride Guy is out reliving the entire movie of Forgetting Sarah Marshall out in Hawaii currently.

He's currently paddle boarding and having sex with a dolphin. Yeah. I don't remember that in the movie, but extended cut. gotcha gotcha we have the c word big sad guy big sad guy today i'll try to bring some energy but wildly sad guy and we got zaddy better hawaii movie lilo and stitch or forgetting sarah marshall

oh forgetting sarah marshall come on man get out i think grow up has a better soundtrack though i mean although inside of you is pretty fucking good you can't you can't just gloss over all the songs that aldous snow sings in that movie yeah i can excuse me when you're comparing it to the soundtrack of lilo and stitch i definitely can't no i'm a holly lilo whatever that song is everything't i couldn't name one song no hame halle lilo whatever that song is everything elvis presley in that in that um that is also included because there's all a bunch of elvis tracks in there he was featured on it did he release an album just for that is that what it is it's part of the soundtrack though it's not an official score but you can't just you

can't just pick like elvis so like those exist. That's not special to the movie. I would argue for getting Sarah Marshall inside of you. They made that for the movie. That's sick. They made songs for Lilo and Stitch. Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride was made for that movie. Trash. Corey, you didn't see the part in Elvis' documentary where he's working on Lilo and Stitch?

He's in the studio for it? Man, I watched that fucking Elvis movie. Claire and I turned it off halfway through. Talk about dog shit. Like, that was awful. Anyway. More like Austin Suckler. Yeah, more like that. Yeah, because he sucks.

Well, he was actually good, but like Tom Hanks was weird. Anyway. Tam Hanks. Anyways. And then, yeah. It's your boy, Korean Beef. What's good? What's good? I guess we can start with the sad. Let's get the sad boy out.

Oh, wait. Oh, shit. We didn't do emojis. Oh, yeah. My emoji, I'll just go through mine because I feel like we're going that way. You go with a gun next to it. I was actually, Zach, I was actually going to say that. I'm mad.

You just took it. Um, and yeah, so my weekend just had like a chill Friday. I didn't do much, you know, mentally preparing, I guess.

Um, and then Claire texted me and she's like, we haven't had like, uh, like gone out and like done like a different date night thing. So she found a comedian over there's like a pretty decent like comedy club down in pittsburgh which i didn't know um i forget his name is like jay williamson or something um but we went saturday so we went out to dinner

saturday night then went to the comedian which was bomb great hey we were talking about valentine's day things to do uh look up to see if there's comedians in your area that's pretty fun had a bunch of um whiskey gingers you know it's like a like old school like feel too because it's like you just have like a cocktail and you're sitting like at a two-person table with a comedian in front of you um pretty funny good stuff really set me up to uh have a good saturday night followed by that's still a fun still a fun sunday but like uh could have been room for improvement i guess like could have been better um and then yeah i had a bunch of drinks big hole guys hosted it was a good time let the dogs play um watched what three and a half hours of what is it like one and a half

hours of fun football and then the rest was like um nerve-wracking and sad uh and then woke up like wildly hungover this morning it was and then the worst part because like i knew this was gonna happen going like going to work meetings when you're the only eagles fan in like the office and you're on a fucking call and you know what like you know people are gonna say shit and i was like mentally prepared for it but they're like the closet oh like we were expecting you to call off like shocked to see you here it's like guys like i still have to work i'm a regular fucking citizen and then a couple of them brought up immediately that was a hold i was like fuck off like i'm not doing anything today now get the fuck out of here

so uh yeah eagle with a gun next to it um we've talked about it too much i'm gonna stop now rooks how was your weekend uh it was pretty chill uh my emoji is the wine glass so uh friday night had a little vino night dude i don't know what it is a little wine drunk just hits so hard like it just hits so differently like it's it's just like a different like i've had beer and liquor drunks that both like match up more like they're both similar but like they don't ever match up like a wine drunk like a wine drunk just slaps um i learned how to fold a shirt when you guys fold a shirt how do you fold a shirt i fold it in half and then you put the like the sleeves

fold them are we talking hot dog or hamburger in half hot dog so lengthwise you fold it in half yeah right that's what i do too i've done i've started um to roll up my shirts like i will fold i'll fold them i fold i'll fold the the sleeves in so it's kind of like a rectangle and then i'll just roll it up and then they sit nicely in my drawer what the fuck i don't know apparently i learned how to fold the shirt i don't know shit was crazy um but yeah i drank a lot of vino i had a grand old time um and then yes saturday woke up a little sluggish a little tired a little out of it um saturday was big time r&r um we were having people i had a bunch of people come over yesterday for the super bowl so i wanted to be fresh um and then yesterday got fucking after it. Boozed a little bit.

This is, but, like, had a great old time. All the boys and a few gals came over. It was a great time. But this is a big day because it was the first Monday after the Super Bowl that I didn't call off since I've been working. So, big milestone for your boy. Didn't really, like, do much, but, like, I didn't physically call off, and that's the first time I've ever done that. So't really do much, but I did it physically call off, and that's the first time I've ever done that. So just hitting milestones, you know,

growing up a little bit over here, I guess. Good for you. We love that progress. Thanks, guys. Zaddy, how was the weekend or week? It was a doozy. So I'm giving my emoji the flag of Hungary. As it should be.

It's a long winding road to how we got there um i had some friends come up one came up from india a couple came up from the suburbs i kind of just accidentally planned like a guy's sleepover like a little slumber party um so friday night we went out to a simulator 7 to 11 nice little four-hour casual round um responsibly smoked some marijuana in our courtyard and then got Taco Bell, which was delicious. We walked back. What'd you get? I got a Crunchwrap and just like three soft tacos and a sear mist.

Try to keep it on the lighter side. We watched... Then we brought the Taco Bell back and we watched Revenge of the Sith. Oh, buddy. So we put that on. Solid. Me and three of my other friends, we went went to bed we had to get up in the morning at 5 30 a.m the next morning the reason is because we were going to a bar to watch epl games and it opened at 6 30 so we got

there at 6 started drinking at 6 i had taken an adderall which suppressed my appetite for the entire day. We went to this one bar, AJ Hudson, stayed there from about 6.30 to about 11.30. Then went to another bar for another hour and a half, played some pool, went back home, played some Call of Duty with my buddy and drank a little bit more. Then went out again for the IU Michigan game, IU won. Deposited lots of money into Touch Toons. I just forgot to eat. It was a tough experience. Woke up the next morning, though, starving. And I was like, I'm going to carry this hunger all the way to my Super Bowl party and just eat there.

So I demolished a bunch of those little pinwheel roll-up things. I had about no less than probably 30 mini hot dogs wrapped in bacon and glazed with hot honey. I was just demolishing jalapeno chips. Buffalo chicken dip was gone. Cookie cake that I brought gone. Fruit snacks, gushers, fruit roll-ups gone. I brought a 12-pack of Fresca, and I think I had 10 Frescas. What the fuck?

Yeah. I was sucking those bad boys down. That's too much. So it was a great time. I just, I mean, I ate, you know, my weekend's worth of calories. I just did it all on Sunday and not on Saturday. So I just had to make up some ground. So flag of Hungary because your boy was hungry during Saturday.

Got it. That makes sense. Respect it. Oh, my goodness. Can't believe you didn't eat for an entire fucking day and a half and then proceed to have ten fucking frescas. What the fuck's wrong with you? I like fresco, man.

Zero calcium. It's got a little citrusy flavor. It's delicious. Is that why I had so much fucking fresca in my fridge after the holiday party? Did you buy that? Yeah, probably. I had like two packs of them who's fucking buying all of this fresca it me it's just like leaving like trail of gummies and frescas like oh yeah zach was here he must have broken it trash oh all right so we got a bunch of random

topics right from from b guy yeah shout out to b guy not being here and still just uh carrying the load for us people must think like what do we do like do we do anything and the answer is no no absolutely not but i like again i don't know if you can tell from like the morale here on a monday we're recording on monday again like morale is not high right now like i'm fucking exhausted yeah it could be higher could be higher the show must freaking go on we got to get to um greater than or equal to 100 you know so but that took me a second what the fuck are you talking about oh good guy yeah so uh my my topic thanks bright guy um for not giving me like a super weird one he said etiquette shoes off on a plain question mark thoughts uh like that's a first of all really good question brian because

i feel like this could be polarizing i don't i don't care like i know people some people are probably like that's gross like i think i've taken my shoes off like because i don't know i think if you know that you have smelly feet then you can't you are not allowed to do that but i don't i feel like go for it i feel like there's two important um informational questions that we need to know before i can accurately answer this question and i'm probably going to answer it the same way no matter what but so they don't there's more leniency if you answer these questions is are we going barefoot or socks and how long is this flight yeah those are the two questions that i need answered because go ahead cory well i was gonna say i i would apply my answer to yes if

you're wearing socks and if it's like a longer flight if it's like we're talking like an hour to two hours keep your shoes on sorry go ahead If it's like we're talking like an hour to two hours, keep your shoes on. Sorry, go ahead, Zach. I think too, if you're in like first class where there's more room for you to kind of spread out and there's a little more barriers, if you're whipping your dogs out out of the shoes and you're putting them like you're wearing Southwest,

like I was B17 and you were B35 and you come right behind me and you stick your foot in the crevice between the wall of the airplane and my armrest, you know how they like wedge it up there. B-17 and you were B-35 and you come right behind me and you stick your foot in the crevice between the wall of the airplane and my armrest, you know how they like wedge it up there? Like we're throwing hands. Like I have to beat the shit out of you. Whether man, woman, child, baby, like we're going to have to do it because I get limited personal space as it is. And you need to put your foot down. So like nine times out of ten i'm probably saying

uh shoes on that it doesn't matter i don't even care how long the flight is or or what i will say i've had had that thing where like my feet get sore and i just untie my shoes which usually helps that's fair i mean so i have i have variables as well. Yes, I think big time, barefoot on a plane, like, I don't want to see your little fucking toe dicks. Like, keep your fucking socks on. Have some decorum. We're on a fucking, like, we're going to be in the sky, okay? Like, let's not be a dumbass here.

Like, keep socks on, right? Mm-hmm. First things first, keep fucking socks on. I don't, if you're wearing sandals, like, you shouldn't have to take your shit off. Like, if you're wearing sandals like you shouldn't have to take your shit off like if you're wearing sandals and you're exposed they're already not shoes yeah you're like so settle the fuck down keep them in the fucking keep them in your slides they'll stay there um i don't really care about length of flight for me it's just like how you

how you conduct yourself at your seat so if you're one of the people that... I've been on a plane where I'm literally playing footsie with the person next to me the entire time just because we're both kind of fidgety in the same way. I'm a fidgety flyer. I move around a decent amount, which is unfortunate. But if we're rubbing feet and your foot's out, like you're not wearing shoes

i'm gonna get along comfy i'm not i'm about that like i don't like when feet touch me i don't like touching feet i don't like people touching my feet it's three strikes you're out like i'm i can't be doing this shit right now um but like if you do if you take your shoes off and you keep your feet like past like inside of your dividing line, like, on your half of the border and I'm on my half of the border, no harm, no foul. Just keep your shit away from me. If you take your shoes off, socks, yes, always. You got to keep that thing wrapped always. And then keep them on your half of the border.

That's my stance. There is a smell factor, though, too. I agree 100%. And if that applies, but I feel like nine times out of ten, you're in the airport for a long period of time. You've been in there for two hours. You're kind of anxious. You're sweating.

And then you want to take your shoes off in the plane. They just smell like popcorn and not the good type of popcorn. You like that smell? What? I feel like everyone's BO or like stinky feet has like a food smell like what yeah this is interesting i could go on about this no no no i want you to keep going because i am so lost so i think it smells like food no yeah i think so my feet this is personal i've had people can like conglomerate this or confirm this whatever that word is conglomerate i don't think makes sense there

but yeah probably not um my feet smell when they smell they smell like popcorn but like not not really good popcorn but and then when i sweat it smells like chicken noodle soup what the fuck people did did you think this and ask people or did they say if you're gonna but i feel like if you frame it they'll probably exactly just be like oh yeah kind of if you said what do i smell like right now and they said without the choice like chicken noodle soup sure i think that's them confirming it but if you're like do i smell like chicken noodle soup, sure. I think that's them confirming it. But if you're like, do I smell like chicken noodle soup? You're really setting them up on a T, I think. Yeah, but I feel like it's not like, hey, what is this? Does this soup smell like chicken noodle soup?

It's so different that they would be able to be like, no, you don't smell like chicken noodle soup. You're not asking about soup. That's what I mean. You smell your feet, man. That's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. It's stinky chicken noodle soup. it's it's stinky chicken noodle soup

it's not like nice chicken noodle soup um but then popcorn are we talking salted buttered definitely buttered not salted boy scout popcorn yeah definitely buttered like the caramel popcorn is that what you're talking about um but yeah i mean going back, we talked about plane etiquette. I just hate everyone on a plane. That's not me. And the pilot. I shot in the pilot. I love you because you get me to point out.

Stewardesses are nice, too. Sometimes they have shitty snacks, though, which I assume is not their fault. But I feel like they might have some control over that. So yeah, just keep your shoes on. Or get more comfortable shoes. If you have to let your feet out because your shoes hurt get more fucking comfortable shoes then what about like so like slippers yeah like if you walk in flops and socks totally fine because your feet aren't smelling because they're not constrained by the shoe you're not sweating your

feet more than welcome slide those puppies off keep them in your barrier whatever but like if you're if you're walking around with like tims in the plane, you're like, oh, man. Tied these babies too tight. Got to let these breathe. They've been soaking in my sweaty Timberland leather juice. Suede leather juice. Get that shit out of here. I'd like to know Brian's thoughts on this.

I feel like he would have a very heavy stance on one of these sides. I feel like he's a shoes off guy. I feel like he's a shoes off guy. I think he's a shoes off guy i feel like i think he's which is tough which is tough for the brand why i'm a shoes off guy if it's a long if it's like if it's a long flight i don't care because i'm gonna take my shoes off and abide by the rules that you guys set in front of me i have socks on and i keep them underneath the seat in front of me i don't put them up on anything there you wouldn't even know that i had my shoes off that's you bring like poopery or something to spray on the on your shoes or on your socks when you know my feet are okay yeah i don't know his feet might smell like shit i don't know i don't know i've just like i and maybe i've just lucked out but like i don't think i've ever

had like bad smell experience on a plane. I don't know what it is about the air up there. Dude, I just flew to LA last month. I was ripping ass on that plane. I farted. It was a five-hour flight. I was letting them fly, dude. Just fucking...

You get a fart, you get a fart, you get a fart. The Oprah Winfrey of farts i didn't i literally didn't smell like i didn't smell any like i got no smells and then i asked denise about it too she's like no i didn't notice and she was like awake the whole time and like i don't know i i thought i was fucking i was like there were a lot of they were like babies near me and shit there were cats behind this i was like oh this is what the babies to do with the babies to turn over to you and be like yo man you'd be farting hold on before you cut me off you said cats yeah there were there were two cats behind me and then there were babies around

us what i'm saying is if there was stink easiest deniability in the world hey your cats are fucking farting because they're on drugs right now like boom congratulations you have stinky cats like i don't think i've ever heard anyone i mean i i'm sure they do it but i don't i've never seen a cat on a plane it was really dope they had one of them was in like a little like carrier and the other one was in like one of those like astronaut backpacks you know where it's like they could see everything see it all oh my god i always sit there just staring at this fucking cat at the gate it was sick that's a pretty baller move. I don't know. Maybe I'm just weird. It's something about the air up there, but I've

never gotten any bad smells. Except for there was two flights where I was near the bathroom, and people do be pooping on planes. That is confirmed after I was there. People do be pooping on planes. Because they have a full cake from Cinnabon beforehand.

But, I don't know. I don't know, man. Something about the air up there, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think it makes sense. My random ones... He gave me two, and I feel like one is just a comment where he said, He did not get the Baja Blast hot sauce sauce my body is your communion eat from me um so that's an update uh sorry you didn't get the baja blessed hot sauce brian um but his other one was the bug assault commented on our uh instagram post which is like what's like the assault gun guns that

yeah that kill flies yeah for yeah and sponsor us yeah and he said zach we need to find zach a sponsor was yes zach's got a brand deal you're gonna be branded by the bug assault people i think they just said i think they just said like hey thanks for the shout out or something did i shop did they listen to what we talked did i shop them out no way they definitely just like saw that brian tagged them i'm sure because i was gonna say because i like from what i remember we talked about that with the restaurant shit and then i moved it to oh and then we're gonna use the condom gun and we're gonna get that all confused if we have them all in the kitchen yeah and then we're gonna be wrapping chicken breasts and condoms and shit oh my god and i just noticed

the name of the title of the episode was the girthwood fab and yeah their comment was thanks for the shout which is also really funny too to me because now i'm just picturing that like they had i know this didn't happen like there's no fucking shot that they listened or even looked at the episode yeah no fucking way i like i think it's really funny just picture like the um what the pr person from the bug assault thing like listening to the shout out noise of the guy screaming hey shout out shout out bug assault brian hit the shout out and then the guy's comment oh hey thanks for the shout man like he's literally just thank you like not even for like us shouting them out just playing the shout itself like it does thank you for playing that shout it does say thanks for the shout it doesn't. Just playing the shout itself. Like. It does say. Thank you for playing that shout.

It does say. Thanks for the shout. It doesn't say. Thanks for the shout out. It says. Thanks for the shout. Which is funny. What the fuck.

Ugh. That's so wild. Dude. We got some traction. We're pretty famous. I think we reach out. I think we reach out to them. Shark tank style.

And present the condom gun. Like they have the technology. We might be at this rate. With the way. Sponsors seem to be. Pouring into the comments. tank style and present the condom gun like they have the technology we might be at this rate with the way sponsors seem to be pouring into the comments we might be able to have a live show at next year's super bowl that's all i'm thinking i also commented speaking of like public uh social medias the uh the brentford fc the brentford bees they're in the epl they're my epl team i saw this comment you yeah they were like it's like a general post and they were like the the bees are playing at anfield today or the

emirates today which is where arsenal plays like where are you watching the game from and everyone was commenting like all their fucking english pubs or whatever and then i said chicago with the bee emoji and then they responded with thank you very much for your support, Zach. B emoji. I was like, oh my gosh. It was so nice. The boys. I just remember seeing it. Like, was it Saturday morning? Or was it Sunday?

Yeah, Saturday morning. I was just, like, scrolling through Twitter. And, like, honestly, it was the laugh that, like, you got a really good laugh and you had no idea. Because I just saw it. And I was like, what in the actual fuck is this guy? I was like, what is this team? Like,

is Zach a big fan of this team? Like, I don't know if I never heard this. The bees, they're buzzing. They had a big draw. Good God. Keep it up.

I just, I would love to just see more random mentions and comments to random Twitter accounts from Zach. I think their hashtag is be together which i love oh nice and then their like hashtag is c-o-y-b it's come on you bees and so i'll i just was uh no oh well which i also don't like because that's what i think uh yeah it's come on you like i feel like it's c-o-y come on you spurs it's like coys or gunners as well yeah i mean i think it's just like a traditional like i know i understand it and for our british listeners like i'm sorry but like y'all need to come up with a different acronym like just read like come on you bees like it can be misinterpreted that That's all I'm saying. There's a hidden message.

Like. And you know what it is. I'm picking up what you're putting down. Like, but. Hey, appropriate for Valentine's Day coming up. Also the feet talk. Good segue. Coming on bees.

Yeah. And for those interested in feet, we're really hitting the Valentine's Day theme today, I think. I was going to say, for Valentine's Day, we can take a little detour. And this will come out after Valentine's Day, so it won't bring any surprises. So it won't matter at all. What are your boys planned for Valentine's Day as someone who has to do stuff as opposed to someone like me who doesn't have to do stuff?

And I'd be interested to hear from your significant other as someone who has to do stuff and as opposed to someone like me who doesn't have to do stuff. I'd be interested to hear from your significant other if they do the thing where it's like, oh, we don't want to do anything Valentine's Day. We don't want to get anything. And then what is your response to doing that? What do you do? So,

neither of us is... I feel like some people are fucking crazy about Valentine's Day. Some people is like, like, so I feel like some people are fucking crazy about Valentine's Day. Like some people are like, if you love me, it's all about Valentine's Day. And like, I am not like that. And Denise is not like that either. We're just like, we're going to do like small gifts. It's just like cards, like candy, like all that kind of shit.

And then like, we're just cooking dinner together. That's all. We're just cooking dinner together that's all we're just gonna hang out i like i don't know i've that's what i say it's not my thing and i know that's what every like fuck boy shitty boyfriend says but like if the shoe is like i hate this fucking like oh my god like i gotta give you the fucking world for one day to prove my like shit it's like no man like let's hang out like we'll cook dinner and just that's it yeah i uh claire and i maybe like the first two years we did like got each other gifts and stuff but they were like smaller things like

they weren't anything like big um and then last year we were like you know i think i was like can we just like not do gifts and like let's just go we always go so i think one thing you should do is like always go out to a nice dinner or cook a nice dinner like that's a good thing to do so we always went to like the place where we had our first date like because it's a night well because it's like a nice restaurant and so we're like oh it'd be like good to go there have some good food but this year we haven't actually eaten at the venue that we're having the wedding so we got reservations to go have dinner there which i'm like pumped for um so we're gonna do that but yeah i don't know i'm not like a big not a big like valentine's day gift person because like realistically it's like i don't know i'm not like a big not a big like valentine's day gift person because

like realistically it's like i don't know what are we doing the my one of my favorite stories was uh for valentine's day was um like three years i don't know four years ago when brian jeremy and i lived with each other down the south side we brian got brian ultimate christmas gift Brian got Brian ultimate Christmas gift, you know, giver. He got Jeremy and I tickets to go see a comedian with him. And it was I think it was Mike Birbiglia or Tom Segura or someone. And it was on Valentine's Day. We opened up the gifts and like Megan was with us. I looked at the date. I was like, oh, this is on Valentine's Day.

Brian was like, oh, this is on Valentine's Day. Brian was like, oh, tough luck. So we went out. We went out with Jeremy on Valentine's Day that year. And then the next day he went out with Megan. And Jeremy was like, it was great. All the candy was like 50% off the next day. It was great, guys. I loved it.

Get a reservation at any restaurant he wanted to. You could go literally anywhere. We had like a boys day on Valentine's Day while Jeremy was dating Megan. It was really funny. Zach, your thoughts? What are your plans this year? Because I'm sure you have plans.

Probably nothing. And they usually are nothing every year. Although I have seen some flyers on bars where it's single karaoke. Something to come to the bar on Valentine's Day. I've seen some flyers on bars where it's single karaoke or something. Or come to the bar on Valentine's Day. I'm like, can you imagine the creatures and how down bad you have to be? Yeah.

Especially to go to a bar on a Tuesday and just start ripping karaoke. Because you know it's going to be all dudes, first of all. Nothing wrong with a sausage party. But when the objective is it's on Valentine's Day, it implies that you're looking to satisfy your love bug. And it's not what I want to be doing on a tuesday night so no uh that's not like it sounds like like the idea is there like it's it's good it's like well intentioned but yeah i i don't think that that's gonna be i don't think that's gonna be what it's chalked up to be yeah they might as well just say like are you sad come to this bar

like it's just gonna kind of be that vibe i feel like i am a little i'm a little worried though for future zach because i feel like i haven't had enough practice on valentine's day about what to do so i might my valentine's day like growth or execution might be a little stunted so i don't know what like man i didn't like that valentine's day girl there is nothing there is nothing to learn like just fucking go to dinner if your person's big on gifts buy gifts yeah like my my valentine's day trajectory since high school has been so all over the fucking place. You want to hear about the worst Valentine's Day I've ever had? This shit.

I was a junior in high school. I started talking to this girl from another school like four days before Valentine's Day. It's a mistake. Awful. But like, I was... Wrong. I was a high school boy, so I was like like boobies. I'll do whatever you want. So then we went out to we went to a fucking cheesecake factory.

I also have no money. Like I have no money to my fucking name at this point. I was like, oh, let's go to Cheesecake Factory. Like didn't make a reservation either. And like I didn't know the girl very well. Didn't make a reservation. We waited for like an hour and a half. And we're just fucking sitting there like the worst small talk you've ever heard in your life. Zero games being spit.

It's awful. I get the great fucking idea to order. At the time they had a mac and cheese burger where it's a burger with a piece of fried mac and cheese on it. And like a cheese sauce and shit. And if you've listened to this fucking podcast, you know how my body is with cheese in general dude i ate half of that thing and i was like i am in big big trouble for like we like a 30 minute ride for me to drop her off back home i was like this is gonna be bad but we get through the dinner it's great whatever we're like in the parking lot and little like smoochy smoochy like we're starting to do stuff your boy starts sweating dude and all of a sudden my stomach starts just twisting and i'm

sitting there like oh shit and i was like and it's a 30 minute ride back i was like can't like can't fucking hold it i was like i need to the cheesecake factory was in a mall i was like i need to just like run in the bathroom really quick before i take you back is that cool she's like uh yeah sure she's like no this chick this chick sat in this chick sat in the mall at like nine o'clock at night for like 30 minutes while i ripped one of the worst shits of my entire fucking life in that fucking mall bathroom i was in i was in physical pain after the fucking mac and cheeseburger And then obviously now She knows what I'm doing I've been talking to her for like 5 days

And now like I have this weird thing where I'm like oh yeah girls don't know Like I poop until they know You know what I mean And now I'm like oh we've already broken the shit barrier And now I have to drive her 30 minutes home We get back in the car and she's like Trying to kiss

me and shit again i was like i don't like i was just like i don't want to be touched right now it's like i need to shower i need to go to bed like what part of this message shit did you not understand i was like you just sat there for 30 minutes what do you think i'm fucking like i know i'm a high school boy but like we're going i'm taking you home like this is awful that'd be a great i feel feel like Brian would appreciate this. He loves all those dating shows. It'd be like a dating show where you meet people for the first time, but you have to

poop with the door open or just rip farts. And then if you still want to hang out with them, then you go on more dates. Do they know that that's a part of the show? Or are they just going on a date thinking it's a date? No, both parties have to do it because like i think i think you both go and you try to do like if you like if you find them

attractive enough after they've just like had a fried mac and cheese burger explosion then i feel like that's a pretty big hurdle to over that's why i got that's why claire and i are still together she doesn't actually know that i poop so dude i could be over after this in every like in every like dating relationship situation i've ever been in i've always like in my head i'm like they don't know that i shit until like that moment happens where like i'm in the bathroom for a super long time or like you know maybe they fucking hear it i don't know man but like i'm weird but yeah that was a fucking terrible valentine's day speaking of bathrooms

zach way uh zach segway yeah just keep going god damn it that's awful you are given a thousand dollars a day but you have to use public bathro bathrooms every time you poop i think that's a pretty easy question yeah i think that's the easiest thing i do that shit for free now borderline like if it was i feel like the harder question so everyone agrees yes right like this is super easy i feel like you just regulate your body after a while to go at work and then you just find the one time the twice one once on saturday once on sunday where you can go to a store a restaurant the best is going at work you're getting paid yeah right oh it just makes so much sense i mean that's a that's

a quick 365 grand geez i'm guessing it's not being taxed. We're getting under the table poop money? Yeah, I think so. Who's going to regulate it? Who's paying this poop money? I assume it's some back alley dealer. Not the government. That's the easiest scenario.

I think the harder one is peeing. That would be more inconvenient, but I would honestly just walk outside. I would go to my parking garage and piss in the parking garage. Imagine waking up, though.

We're going to get older, right? Imagine waking up at 4 a.m. and then you can't just walk to your bathroom. You have to walk outside. It's cold out. It's the middle of January. And you have to find a place to pee. I mean... What's the thing?

Is public urination... Is that on the table? That's another point, too. Can I risk it for the biscuit? I would say yes. For a chick, that would be way more difficult. But, like, I can and have pissed everywhere. It's not.

He's pissed everywhere. I peed in the middle. Do you remember? I was sick about this the other day, Corey. Oh, yeah. I remember this. I know exactly what you're going to say. I think the can part of that is funnier.

We're supposed to be impressed that you can just pee. I feel like anyone could do that. Yeah. I don man i'm just fucking saying shit but we were at a we were at a concert at penn state and we were like not in the front but we were in like the front half and to get out was a fucking nightmare and like getting back was gonna be borderline impossible and i was wasted i was like i have to pee so bad so I had Dylan, Corey, and Burn circle around me and face away from me and I pissed in a Gatorade bottle

in the middle of the fucking crowd of like thousands of people like shoulder to shoulder this man's just peeing like behind all of us it was actually pretty impressive oh it was great I'm not gonna lie like do you ever

have moments where you're like drinking and like you're fucked up and then you know you need to focus on something and you like zone in like and feel like sober for a second does that ever happen yeah well usually i'm staring at myself in the mirror in the bathroom that's typically when it happens when it's like you might not side of an Uber. When I realized you come face to face with yourself in the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. I like that one too, Zach. But yeah, I had to like, I was like, I cannot pee on any of my boys.

You know, I was like, I can't, I can't get pissed on any of the homies right now. Like sober the fuck up, like pay attention. And I had to fucking, I had to brain blast and fucking zone and get that shit done the best is oh no you capped it up and you just like tossed it on the ground for a second i was like did you throw it but i'm pretty sure you just tossed it on the ground yeah i kept the bottle open threw it over my shoulder it's like it was raining no one cared no that's yeah no i literally put it on the ground on my like old old phone that i had in college i had like a picture of it it's like i woke up the next day i was like why did i take a picture of my bottle of piss on the

ground mission accomplished but that was the same i mean that's the same show that nelly was there don't remember nelly set at all and i have like i had like 14 pictures of the stage super zoomed out nelly's and like the bottom right and it's super blurry and you can't see fucking anything about what's going on it's so many fucking pictures like this is the state that I was in you know like Pennsylvania

it is what it is but hey I guess like thanks for tuning in and shit like hit the smash that like button, chat. Hit subscribe. Like, comment. I hope everybody has sex tomorrow.

Or yesterday. When this comes out. Yeah. Not go back in time and figure it out. Hey, thanks for joining us. Have a good one. It's Wednesday, my dude. It's Wednesday, my dude. It's Wednesday, my dude. It's Wednesday, my dude.

It's Wednesday, my dude. It's Wednesday, my dude. It's Wednesday, my dude. Thank you.