It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 95: Poop Mate

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

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And here we go. One, it wasn't a hold. Just like that happens every play. It's fine. There's except I had this thought until like a day ago, like two weeks of like, it's not a whole, it's not a whole, not a whole Super Bowl. If you don't have context for what I'm saying. And there's one camera angle that they never showed during the game that they showed like a week and a half later. And you see he pulls his jersey a little bit, but like not a whole Rihanna's performance subpar.

I don't care if you're pregnant. You can still move like you're in the she was in the center of the stage for like 95% of the thing. And I understand when you're in the air. Cool, whatever. You're fine. But she came to the other ground and like walk two steps forward and like sang and then like walked down the side for a song and then went back to the center and it was over this man burns sounds like a real misogynist right now uh the girls i was watching the super bowl with gave me a lot of crap for saying that so

yeah but one of them is like a delivery nurse so like, so she has too much sympathy for her. Oh my god, you're just pregnant. Why are you dancing around the fucking arena, you idiot? You could move if you're pregnant. I'm not saying do backflips, but walk a little bit more. Go to the other side of the stage. You have twice as much energy.

There's two people inside of you. Fucking idiot. much energy there's two people inside of you also i hate that she said she had a special guest and her special guest was her child if you have a special guest they have to sing or dance and i did not see the baby sing or dance so uh minus five stars um cory said that since i was in hawaii i was going to be having sex with the dolphins since i was reliving the movie forgetting sarah marshall when does that happen in the movie that's what i said i think it's pretty sure i don't remember that i think it's implied when's when is it implied with aldis yeah no i think you just go down to the Hawaii and you just kind of like, you know. Okay.

All right. Moving on. Zach was correct on like a million things last week. So thumbs up. Shoes off on the plane. Thumbs down. No socks, though. Like you got to keep the socks on.

That's where you cross the line. And if there's any chance your feet are going to touch me, I'm just going to yell bomb. And we're just going to get this plane turned around. Like, just keep them in front of you under your seat. Everyone have a good time on the way back from Hawaii though. I had to wear my shoes. Like when we would go on like hikes and like through the water and stuff, cause it's like rocks. And so when your shoes are soaked and then like they sit for days, they smell really bad. And I was on the plane, just like popped them off. Cause like, that's the routine. Then like an hour, I was like, man, somebody around here smells.

I was like, oh, man, that's me. Oh, no. So I stank of that plane. Sorry to everybody around me. Also, Zach, just me and the Zach conversation right now. When you said your feet smell like popcorn, fully understood that. Thank you, brother. I don't know why.

Thank you. Rooks and Corey have never heard that. It's very vivid that that's what smell smelly feet smells like sometimes smells like what popcorn oh yeah no that's not it's still not like i'm like after the podcast i like so i have really stanky moccasins in my room which at one one episode i have asked claire i think i asked claire how to clean moccasins but i was wearing i like after the podcast i purposely put them on to get some stank on my feet and then like an hour later i smiled at you i was like this is not popcorn like a popcorn tastes like this i wouldn't eat popcorn or smelled like this i wouldn't eat

popcorn it's not tasty popcorn it's like it smells off but also smells like it's all connected though and then for like as i said on this podcast a gazillion times i have to be able to deal with the smell of something for me to eat it that's fair i agree um my fourth thing for zach uh you did say bug assault by name during the podcast and so i tagged them in it that's why they like commented on the post did i so yeah all right all right uh and then fifth thing your idea of a first date poop encounter where you both have to sit on the toilet and face each other and just like go number two and then talk as the date genius idea don't know why you guys didn't talk about that for an hour straight i knew brian would like that one it's just that's a lot that's really intense and

then for me like i'm never making it past the first date like i don't care how i don't care how we can have the deepest conversation in the history of the world they listen to me shit for two minutes whilst making eye contact it's over man it's done you don't you can't like prep and just like drink some pep dough so like things are together for you uh dude i don't know man i i don't it's not a surprise date like you know you're going on the show oh like i'm just not on the quiet side when it comes to taking dookies you know what i'm saying so it's like first off we're gonna have to be yelling at each other we're gonna need to be super loud talking about shit and then it's just it's just not gonna be good like it's like, first off, we're going to have to be yelling at each other. We're going to need to be super loud talking about shit. And then it's just not going to be good.

It's just not going to pan out. I will say, you're not like, your misses are going to be more. Like, you're not going to get as many dates. But the ones you hit on, like soulmate for life. You know how the divorce rate is? Yeah, the divorce rate is 50% or whatever for normal married couples. If you do the poop date, I don't know what this show is called. Poop date works.

Yeah, poop date. I'm going to think it's something with like number two, like number two, like twos. I don't know. But anyway, that divorce rate is 85% if you leave that show together. Or like non-divorce. 15%. 15%. There you go.

Sorry, I did the reciprocal math oh big word reciprocal um no yeah we need to we need to workshop that idea man like you said it's just bonded for life rooks do we need to invent a silent toilet for you or is the the sound coming from your face no it's i'm not sitting there shitting just like like no dude you're like we're gonna talk over no like you're not pooping like constantly i'm just like it comes and goes right i'm just saying like it's gonna like it's just not gonna be quiet restaurant background noise you know what i mean there's going to be a lot more going on there's going to be a lot of distractions and on top of that

if it's like a rough one so like in my bathroom my shower is next to my toilet so sometimes I have to like grip the bath like while I'm doing it if it's one of those man like it's over dude my face is going to be beet red I'm going to have like a vein on my forehead I'm going to look psychotic

veins are going to be popping girls think that's hot bro veins popping your forearms my fucking forehead when i'm shitting absolutely not i mean just hold her hand and then squeeze her hand during it then it's cute dude if they're both if they're both messy poops and this and there's a shower right there might you might be able to spin zone it into taking a shower together because you've both got dirty buttholes and then the thing continues. That would be the spin zone of the century. How do we even get down that path? Date one, toilet.

Date two, shower. Date three, funeral? What other weird situation would you put everybody in? What? toilet day two shower date three funeral what else what other weird situation we put everybody in I don't know man I don't I don't know how this progression works man I don't know never experienced this I don't know all right

and then very the last note from last week very sad you guys hashed out the thousand dollars a day pooping in public toilets and didn't come up with any wacky ideas. Because, like, come on. Obviously, it's a lot of money. But, like, bring the number down at some point. And then no one talked about, like, peeing will be a lot harder for sure. Because you have to do it more often.

And you would have to, like, leave and come back constantly. But poops come on quick, man. Peeing will be a lot harder for sure because you do it more often and you'd have to like leave and come back on constantly But poops come on Quick man, so unless you are across the street from a gas station bathroom where 50% of the time you're gonna get stabbed by a random Person you're gonna be running down the street trying to hold it in for the rest of your life I'm trying to think where I'm at now where I could Where I could shit Get the gym like two blocks away from me. I feel where I could shit I got the gym like two blocks away from me I feel like I could do that

is it open 24-7 yes oh okay I'm getting fucked that's good that's good I don't know just hey Chicago winners though that's gonna suck it's gonna be 2 a.m. all that food from Sunday night's gonna hit you honestly there's like hella like

homeless people around here I think I'm pretty sure there's like hella like homeless people around here there i think i'm pretty sure there's like a little homeless people gathering like down the block for me where they have porta potties i'm pretty sure there are porta potties out there for them okay so for a thousand dollars a day you would poop with homeless people every day i'm getting a thousand bucks you know what i'm gonna start i'm gonna give them some change to let me do it. Now they're on the come up. I'm taking them all with me, baby. Okay. We're going to the moon.

Yeah, you would just rent a port-a-potty. You just buy a port-a-potty. You would hold... A port-a-potty can't be more than a couple grand. And the service to defill it or whatever. How much is buying a port-a-potty? My dad works for Waste Management. I could probably call and ask how much a port-a-potty is. I'm Googling. I'll talk for a second. I'm Googling. I'll is buying a port? My dad works for waste management. I could probably call and ask.

I'm Googling. I'll talk for a second. I'm Googling. I'll talk for a second. I mean, we have the ability to call somebody if you really want to, but we'll see what Google gives us first. Mr. Kirshner's first podcast appearance.

You can purchase a porta potty for around $700 to $3,000 per unit, depending on features and amenities. I was going to say, the three grand one's probably nicer than my bathroom here. I was going to say, I want to look up what's a three grand porta potty. What are these amenities? We got heated floors, heated seats. Just the toilet paper comes with it.

Is that for like, it's purchasing it, not renting one? Because that seems too cheap well the problem is you fucking google that man i don't know you have to pay for the service to to to defill the port-a-potty to empty the port-a-potty i keep saying defill but that's not the right word um you gotta pay for the guy to come with the giant hose that sticks it in the uh sticks it in the toilet and then adds back in whatever that blue stuff is that they add into the actual toilet. And probably give it a good wipe down once in a while.

The problem is if you share it with the homeless people, that's turning into a soup kitchen real fast. Oh, yeah. But I mean, if it's a $3,000 porta potty, maybe it's actually just like fancy. Dude, they're going to be... There are ones you could... Literally, the homeless people are going to be on my payroll dude we're gonna be boys this

is gonna turn into an experience for all of us okay what's the lowest amount you'd go brooks because you see more on board way more than p i don't give a shit about like peeing like i can i don't know you can't you can't pee in public it has to be in a i have to use i have to use a bathroom to piss yeah it's not just pee outside because yeah obviously that's easy well that wasn't part of the deal last time um yeah because i'm trying to think i don't i mean if i'm doing if I'm going to the porta potties as well like fuck it I don't know I'd probably is it wait is it that it's that much money a day

yeah thousand dollars a day is what 365 thousand a year so you go down to like 300 a day that's like 100 grand i could probably half see it i could probably 500 500 a day i'll probably still be still be trying around zach what's your number lowest i'll probably do it a thousand but i wanted to ask if i could do this can i you're not gonna you wouldn't go any lower. No. Because, no. Okay.

Can I get $1,000 a day, but can I pay $2,000 to use my indoor plumbing normal bathroom? So if I use it, can I pay too great? No. Why not? Because then that's just saying, all right, every third day you have to use a public bathroom. And it's like, well, okay. That's not that hard it's okay though i'm currently on uh port-a-potty dogs.com it's just like a port-a-potty group in dc i guess that's what it's called port-a-potty dogs it's like some dogs man i don't know But so the amenities, all the amenities I can see is one has like a port-a-potty has

like a flush and then a sink inside the port-a-potty. Or they have like, Zach, I don't know if you remember Kristen's port-a-potty trailer at Firefly, like the fancy one that she paid and wasted money for. They have those, like the ones where it's like a little trailer that has like multiple bathrooms in it. I feel like this is those three grant i i didn't they're all uh that's like you have to reach out for estimates as much as i would as much as i would love to reach out to porta potty dogs and get an estimate on a vip porta trailer i'm gonna i'm not gonna

reach out you can give them the podcast email man dude i think i think this is one of the other females in the field question like we all know what guys port-a-potties looks like it is absolute like a terror zone in there sometimes but do female port-a-potties do they look any better or are they worse because there's like the lady products and all that stuff that might have to know to go through there but like i i don't there's not a such thing as a female porta potty it's just a poor oh that's true that's true how sexist is me we're sounding like real fucking misogynist man this is bad maybe i'm just thinking because they have to sit down and i just i have i know rooks is a big fan of the port-a-potties but i'm a big just stander and uh see if my head can touch the the ceiling because normally they're not built for tall people oh don't worry boy i'm in there setting up camp man

you know how we do it all right who's our most poop shy friend to call to give look get a number off of them for a price i mean mean, yeah, I'd probably say Kristen because she spent money at Firefly to literally go to a better port-a-potty. All right, give me a second. I'll call her. Double food she takes pictures of. Oh, she might not be...

Sorry. Oh, we gave her no warning. She hung up on us. She's in... I just looked at her insta story she's in scottsdale it's good we can talk to her parents well she's like with her family and shit i clogged her toilet it is wednesday my day i'm gonna fuck you brian yo how do you get milk out of a crab give me milk now mommy fat matches solve world hunger tonight get this vagina animal style How do you get milk out of a crab? Give me milk now, mommy. Fat matches.

Solve world hunger tonight. Can I get this vagina animal style? Funny as Wonderland. Be the way. I'm sweater. Ow! That came as an orgasm? Wah, wah, wahoo! That's like an orgy, my guy.

What's up, sluts? The Olympics are a fraud. Your word is Reichstrabatist. Ew, you're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through. Your bottom's off? Trying to low-key penetrate you. Hey, boo're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through. Your bottom's off? Trying to low-key penetrate you.

Hey, boo-boo. I shall not. I shall not. Talking around to shit himself all the time. He's trying to have sex with a lover.

The gun to the penis is what you need, brother. White Jesus. Kirby's down there just blowing. Knee caps are not organs. Fuck you, Ratatouille. It is Wednesday, my dudes.

Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes. Episode less than 100 plus 1. 95. I tried to make that the title of last week, like the less than sign, and apparently that like breaks everything. So sorry, I couldn't do anything fun. Corey's out training for the NFL Combine to try to bring the eagles championship next year uh but we got zach yo yo and rooks so peeps glad you got to get some insight into my uh poopy life there for a little

bit i mean happens kind of every week uh but uh i'm gonna throw some questions at you guys later and we'll see where it goes i can keep the topic on hygiene or something and we'll uh we'll do a whole poop episode uh but first what are our emojis of the week should we say that first to like make people guess we got a italian flag a person raising their hand and then just an eyeball apparently or three weeks so italian flag go for it it's me sorry um i was trying to get the suspense up for the viewer um but uh yeah so this weekend weird energy went down to the dirty jurors okay took a trip down the turn up the turnpike i always say down even when the places are north anyway went to New Jersey hung out with Denise's

fam shout out Chris and Lynn got to hang out vibe there shout out Lacey their dog is fucking psycho but yeah hung out there Friday we went we went and saw Jessie and Jordan as well I got to see Jessie's house and hang out with her

um bernie man god that dog goodness gracious my man was does it work as much as we think it does yeah it was like 9 30 in the morning i was like bro you're about to catch some hands if you don't shut up like i'm i'm gonna kill you it's like but he was really cute like but man yeah he's gotta settle down but hung out with them got to see their house had breakfast almost nice then um went out to dinner and then went to the golf simulator with uh her family and i was shitting bricks a little bit her dad is like a scratch golfer and like you want i walk he's like like and chris if you hear this, like, I'm not calling you small, but he's like five, like five, eight, five, nine.

That man walks into the first drive, hits that bitch like 270 carry. And I was like, oh fuck. I was like, this is going to be bad. And then my fucking, my first swing goes out to the right slicer out in the fucking shit. I was like, oh, rooks, get it together, get together. And then I went back, like, are you allowed to bring booze in so i was like okay we need a few fucking swigs of this really quick because we need to get our shit together um but it didn't make too much of an ass myself uh played played all right and it's on a simulator too so like you have a thousand you

have a million excuses like oh like i'm wearing literally just like shoes like i'm wearing just like blazers like dude these are my golf shoes and then Saturday after we saw Jesse like I met the entire Italian family dude it was like seeing from the Sopranos how you doing like came shook everyone's hand so that was great got to meet all the Italians

had some dank ass fucking pizza oh my god unbelievable pizza I don't know why, but I never... Is Denise Italian? Yes. Columbo? Her last name's Columbo, dumbass. It's a Columbo crime

family. I don't really think about her last name very often, to be honest. She doesn't look Italian in any way, though. She's Italian and Irish. She's white. Yeah. She has heritage of the two most

violent gangs of people in her blood. Irish gangs and the Italian mafia. But yeah. Yes, Bird. She is Italian. I can't. We're just going to bypass this. This is throwing me off. But yeah. So met her whole family.

Got to hang out with them all day. It was great. Still another nerve-wracking situation. Not trying to make an ass of myself, but we were chilling. We had a great time. Oh my God, dude. I had a fucking apple pie donut. One of the best things I've ever fucking eaten in my life.

And I thought it was going to be shit. You know what I mean? Because it's like cold. It's like... No. It's not cold, but it's just not like... I like a hot piece of apple pie. You know what I mean? I like's just not like i like a hot piece of apple pie you know what i mean like i like a nice piece of ass i like like lick my finger touch it goes

you know i'm saying like that's how i like my apple pie and then so i saw in the donut i was like i'll give it a shot i took a bite and i was like holy fuck it was game-changing it was delicious um you know you can just pop that bad boy in the microwave for like 10 seconds i mean dude like everyone's picking off this like pastry plate i'm not gonna sit here and be like excuse me miss globo can i put this in the microwave for 25 seconds like no dude i'm just gonna fucking eat it yeah yeah or just do it yourself you don't need to ask permission to use the microwave do it yourself it's my weekend bitch um and then um but yeah then just hung out there uh vibed out

and then on Sunday we left but yeah I gave it the Italian flag because I met all the Italians and I had some Italian food and they got back go you know what I'm saying like when the moon hits your eye when the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie that's amore

that was my weekend she's lying to you she's definitely She's Italian. When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie, that's amore. That was my weekend. She's lying to you. She's definitely just like Swedish. Her last name's Columbo. Yeah, you can change that. All right, Zach, how was your week? Yo, it was an all-timer of a weekend.

Thursday night, saw Ant-Man. Great. Bought myself a nice medium popcorn. Oh, don't. Large. No spoilers. I'm not going to spoil it. It is an okay. Bought myself a nice medium popcorn. Large. No spoilers. I'm not going to spoil it. It is an okay movie. It's a meh movie. Got a Pepsi Max Zero Sugar. It's not a Coke movie theater

which I was kind of disappointed in but hey we made it work. Got a little bag of Life's Hero gummies. Everything but the soda but the pop was gone before the movie started. Got out of the movie theater. So's friday worked from home then i promised myself because the past few weekends i've been going a little too crazy i was going to lock myself in my apartment and besides trips to mariano's and the gym i went

to the gym friday morning saturday morning and sunday morning just like a very it's like a rare pokemon like never never happens um so i did that i played lots of harry potter lots of call of duty i watched the full swing netflix documentary i did my taxes good full swing good banging dude you gotta it's it's great it's every episode is like a different focuses on different golfers so it's not even it's it's pretty good um uh what else did i do i ate well my cheat meal wasn't actually super crazy it was like eight wings and like a super like a personal like a small pizza like a small pizza like not a like a 12 incher um instead of an extra large yeah instead of an extra large i was very proud of an extra large, I was very proud of myself. I had a lot of popsicles.

Yeah, man, it was nice. I got just great sleep. It was a fantastic recharge weekend. It was great saying no to plans. People were like, you want to do this? I was like, no, absolutely not. Said no to a cover Eminem guy who was just like a cover solo artist just doing Eminem songs.

I was like, that does not sound appealing. I will pass. What the fuck? What was the event? Is he putting on a concert? I think he's just running through the Marshall Mathers LPs and he's just ripping it out of state. It's a nice venue. It's actually a country venue where really pretty

well-known country artists go to, but there was just a cover guy. Not even a band. It's like a cover guy singing just Eminem songs. What the fuck? Do you have to pay yeah i think tickets were like 15 bucks it's not even m&m why would i go just just to lose yourself man i guess sorry unless you get to personally rap battle him i'm out you get to reenact reenact every scene from eight mile yeah um so yeah man it was just a great weekend to recharge uh the reason i have the eye emoji it's not the

double eyes it's the one single eye um is because my eyes were so dry after staring at the tv for so long whether it was playing call of duty watching youtube watching netflix that i had to buy some eye drops and put some of those babies in my eyeballs to make it feel good. So overall, great weekend. Would recommend locking yourself in your own apartment for a weekend, especially while it's cold out still, if you live in a cold weather state. It's great. I feel great. I feel energized, ready to go. So there you go. I love it. I'm jealous of your weekend. That's what I do every weekend is say no to plans

play video games it's great but my eyes are also dry so i know i feel your pain uh my emojis the dude doing with like a hand in the air i'll explain later um but uh first random hawaii stories one the longest line i saw all month was at the Cheesecake Factory. Do with that what you will. I don't like America. Second, like the only people I ever talked to, I like walked by them in line. They like started talking to me for some reason. And then they're like, oh, how do you like Hawaii? I was like, oh, it's awesome.

Like, you know, I don't know. Beautiful. I was like, how do you like it? They're like, you know, we're from Florida. So like this place is pretty dirty compared to Florida. And like, we'd rather be there my god what it's like okay and i just walked like i didn't respond and just left because you're crazy like they literally called hawaii dirtier than florida that's some of the wildest shit i've ever heard in my life they're crazy and now they're not from

florida they like just moved there they're from like oklahoma or something so i mean they're not to be trusted but people are crazy uh third we were like chilling at the beach and there's like these kids like jumping into the water over kind of far away and we're like what's going on they brought a full step ladder put it in the ocean would climb it to then jump off back into the ocean like that makeshift diving board super smart never seen that before super white trash that's a lot of never seen something more white trash in my life which is like find a rock to jump off of like they exist you don't need to bring they if they didn't live there and they had to like somehow like go buy a ladder for vacation to go to a ladder you're talking to werner dude i don't know it's kind of far away your classic was it orange frame no no no like silver then ish gray was there uh was there a championship belt being suspended above it

money in the bank if that was the case and they were doing like rkos off the top of it i would be way more into it it was just weird i don't know um fourth you guys ever seen market price guacamole because that's a bs i bet i bet no no i haven't seen it here but i bet that's a thing in hawaii about a lot of things are market price because it's so expensive to get every like that stuff yeah i think the fish was but that always is or like normally kind of is you know but yeah i feel like it's like super like i feel like shipping to hawaii is probably a fucking nightmare so everything kind of has to be marketed out i don't know i don't know but like food was like a 20 more expensive and then you're not even giving me the price for guacamole psychopath i hated that um and then uh so

tommy visited and before he visited he was like i don't want to do any hikes it's like well that's too bad because we're in hawaii and there's like waterfalls and cool stuff to see So we did a bunch of hikes and he like loved all of them. He's like man. Maybe I like hikes I was like yeah, of course cuz they're fun. You're like you could just see stuff You actually go outside and you know go see an island. So he got real confident So then the last night we're trying to go like cliff jumping Like two nights before we're trying to go cliff jumping. Two nights before, we were trying to go cliff jumping. Spot we showed up, no one was jumping, so we didn't jump.

We're not going to be the first ones to jump and smack our head into a rock. But then the last night, we found another spot, showed up. There's like 60 people there. They're all in their 20s, just drinking, blasting music, just jumping in the water. Perfect. The water's like five feet from the rock, though. It's not a jump at all. But we're like, whatever.

It's the last night. Let's hop in the water at all but we're like whatever it's last night let's hop in the water go home just say we did it so we get there though and there's like a bunch of like girls doing it and we're like all right so if they can jump up and figure it out we can but we're like when i get back up like the like if a girl can figure it out, those dumb girls on athletic, I'm a guy can figure it out. So much shade to 50% of our audience, man. What are we doing? But if you're in a bikini and you're cliff jumping,

I'm going to expect it to be easier to do. If it's just dudes with surfboards who are big Samoans with a lot of tats doing it, I'm going to be a little bit intimidated. Well, because you probably stumbled on a Samoan time trial where they need to do it in order to be a part of their tribe or some bullshit. If you're a little itty-bitty girl with no muscles and you're jumping in and doing it, then me with my massive fucking pecs and delts can fucking do it. Yeah, if a girl can jump off a widow walk into the ocean, then I can do that too. A widow bitty walk. But so we thought we could do it, you know? All right, it's easy.

But we're like, how do we get back up? If you would have said a baby was doing that, that would have been a better comparison. Like, all right, that's fair. But you said like a full grown woman. You're like, ah, all right, if right they can do it i can definitely do it i mean we were with some girls too and they're like yeah that makes sense so i'm i stand by it either way so we didn't know how you get back up though and we just see people like kind of just climbing up the rock we're like whatever if they can do it we can do it

so we all hop in but it's like sunset because you know cool view and then we hop in but there's like a line to get back up there's only like one way to get back up with like a rope that's like a foot long like barely helps but we're sitting there like just treading water and then the waves start like picking up and then the waves start hitting like over the rocks and we're like oh okay we need to get out but there's like 10 people in front of us still and then tommy goes and he like like, misses the rope, like, five times, and just, like, keeps hitting the wall. I'm like, all right, let me take a turn. I go, and I get up after, like, a couple tries, and our friend Becca gets up after a couple tries. Tommy gets, like,

back into the end of the line, and is, like, battered from getting hit into the wall, like, 10 times. And now the sun's, like, fully set, and it's, like, dark outside, and the waves have doubled in size again, and they're, like, slamming into the wall. And's just tommy and then two dudes on a surfboard down there like trying to get him out and it took 45 minutes for us to get tommy out of the water because the waves got so bad man and so after we jumped in though no one else jumped in so like we were there like watching it for five minutes like all right everyone's hopping in the water let's go we jumped in everyone stopped we're like uh timing on this horrible so yeah tommy almost drowned so i was looking at for an emoji of someone like i thought there was like an emoji where someone's trying to just like swim but just the one arm out of the water that's close enough so after that well hold on are you

calling tommy a girl yeah no because you were like oh these little bitty girls they can't they can't get out of the water and then tommy couldn't get out like damn because they got out of the water rooks and then they stopped jumping a girl he's worse than a girl he's even lower that's so no they stopped jumping in once the waves start getting bad but we just couldn't get out until the waves were like ridiculous. No, but yeah, Tommy got out. He's like, well, I don't like adventure anymore. I was like, I'm sorry.

So kind of a damper on the end of the trip, but you know, we survived and got a fun story to tell. So, you know, don't jump into, don't jump off the China walls in the southeast of Oahu as a warning to everybody. But yeah, that was the week. All right, you guys want some dumb questions? Yes! Let's do it.

This isn't really a question. It's more of a confession. I don't wet my toothbrush when I brush my teeth. Like at all? Nope. So you just slive it? Yeah, you just put toothpaste on and you brush it that's like it's really weird but it's not like i'm not like disgusted

yeah i'm not i'm not disgusted i have well there's been times every time in my life where i've gone in raw dog um it literally don't say that that's what you're doing burning your raw dog in it no lubricant man um but um every time i've done it i've noticed because i'm like oh god this is like yeah it's kind of jarring when you when you do it because like subconsciously and you just do it you're like oh it kind of gives you like a tingle it's like why is this difficult right now yeah how thick is your toothpaste and how dry is your mouth if it's like oh i can't move this toothbrush around i mean i would like this i do wake up with a little bit of a dry mouth okay fuck you i'm very self-conscious about it i'm just kidding but um but no it's just

well no it's just one of those things where it's like you're so used to something that when like something is slightly different in it and then it's like whoa what the fuck's going on fair fair fair fair but okay i was expecting you guys to roast me a little bit so i'm happy i'm not too crazy i feel like people have very strong opinions on like you have to wet it for some reason or like you wet it then you put your toothpaste on then you wet it again and then you have to put in your mouth i'm like i don't think i have a fucking what's this rigor moral i think i have a fucking deep stance on brushing my teeth. I'm a fucking Chip Skylark, man.

Settle down. Should I call Chip Skylark? Shit, I would love to. Alright, that one was quick. That would be a gift for the pod. We get Chip Skylark on here? That'd be sick. Alright, I sent you an article.

I'll read you the title, but I want you to read into it. And we're to dig deep. The title is The Vegan Chocolatier Who Wants to Turn Edible Butt Plugs into a Business. Okay. I don't have this article yet, but I really want to read this article. So if your phone can just hurry up and process this. There we go. Hey, I sent it to the group message.

This is so many words. So how does that work? Like, you don't use them, right? Also. There's no way. Are you asking personally if we use butt plugs? No. I mean, if you want to answer, go for it.

This being on something or the website Grub Street 2 is hilarious. Yeah. It's so funny. I think it's hilarious that this is on like a more food related thing and not a more butt plug related thing wow this is really innovative and it's going to change the culinary game yeah this article should be on vice.com and not grub street but here we are what a name first off the first two words of this entire article is the name of the person. LaGusta Yearwood?

What the fuck? And the first sentence of this, LaGusta Yearwood has been having trouble with the butt plug chocolates. That's the first fucking sentence of this article. No context. No intro to a chocolate butt plug what the fuck is this is the trouble that they melt when you use them like how i don't they have to just be candy right there's no way it's anything else but But, LaGusta Yearwood, that's definitely a Hogwarts legacy name.

That might be what I name my character. Honestly, yo, I might name mine too. That would be fun. I'll be a dude. I'll be LaGusto. LaGusto. I'm just enamored by this right now. Hold on.

Yearwood has dabbled in side projects like vegan box mac and cheese in a cafe until... Damn, that's a big fucking variant off the timeline right there, dude. Holy shit. Now she's about to... I really got kind of crazy

with my recipes the other day. I was making some vegan mac and cheese and then I just had this thought. It's's like chocolate would be perfect in someone's asshole like what the fuck uh she also does thc edibles so maybe she combines all those together no she has mixed feelings of oh wait oh she's. Oh, she's about to. No, she's about to collaborate. But, Byrne, she doesn't. Read the sentences. She personally isn't a fan.

Quote, unquote. I'm not working on the THC side because I fucking hate it. If it doesn't go on my butt, I don't want to build it. If it's not food going in my ass, I'm out. But, like, this is just absurd. What are we doing? She's 44? She's 44?

Making butt plugs out of chocolate? No, that makes the most sense. I feel like as you get older, you get kinkier. I thought she'd be older than that. That's a 75-year-old lady. You got nothing else to do with your life. She makes, wait. My favorite just, just as he's reading it, it just has a new revelation every time.

I mean, Zach, would you buy one? They're only $30. Nah, you got to separate food and pleasure. I can't, can't be mixing those two in there. Like $30. Nah, you got to separate food and pleasure. I can't be mixing those two in there. Like, it's just too... You got a food in the bedroom? Dude, if anything... I'm shocked.

No, dude, I can't. Because it's... All right. You're the food guy. I'm not going to sit here and read it. I'm not going to read all this, because I'm going to just be silent for the next 20 minutes, but I will be reading this after.

Zach, continue. No, I was going to say, for as much as I do love food, I'm also a weird clean freak. Like, I clean my sheets and do it, like, I do love food, I'm also a weird clean freak. I clean my sheets and do it every week. I clock work on Sunday. After the sexy time with a lady, I will wash my sheets immediately afterwards. I take a shower.

I'm just very clean and cleanly that way. So I just can't. You bring any sort of chocolate or food in there and get crumbs in my bed, no thanks. I'm just not about to do that. I'm not. It's a plastic sheet, man. Like, I'm not necessarily.

Like, over the couch and just. I'm not necessarily against food in the bedroom. Like, it's not. It's not something where I, like, I won't do it. First off, it has to be. There's, like, specific. There's, like like boundaries to that obviously But like a chocolate butt plug

Just seems more inconvenient Than like Like how solid of chocolate do you have to have To shove it in an asshole You know what I mean I feel like that has to be like a solid This shit can't be hollow You can't have like

Cadbury egg cream filling in that bitch. Like, it has to be, like, a solid hunk of chocolate. Peanut butter filled? I don't know, man. I don't think that... You might have come up with something. I mean, I don't... Dude, like...

And, like, I don't... The butthole is... There's not a lot of give to... It's an enigma. There's not a lot of give to it. So, like, you're gonna... It has to be something that can deal with some pressure. You know what I mean?

I mean, what if it's like a Kinder Egg where there's a prize inside and that's the point? You're supposed to... No, no, no, no. Zach hated that so fast. Well, then also, so then are you... I'm assuming the chocolate's not going to, like... Can we just get the next question? What's the next question?

Are you eating the chocolate? I have so many. I have a thousand questions about this. Are you eating the chocolate? Dude, should we get her on the phone? No, dude, it's melting as soon as you, because your butthole's warm. That's what I'm saying. It's going to be, like, it's going to be all melty and and fudgy and now we're getting into the fucking i can't determine what shit and what's chocolate

out of your asshole like there's two this is there's too many variables to this i mean there's too many fucking variables yeah what's the next i just next thing i have so many questions but i guess zach wants to move on. Let's just keep moving. Just nothing edible. Just no edible stuff in that area. Just too much... Yeah, no. Like... I just...

I have so many questions, but you can go to the next topic. I'll be sure to buy you all them for Christmas. I'll keep a list. Based on the article, it says they sell out immediately when she puts them on. So you have to be keeping your eye on that shit. What if some person is just buying them because he just doesn't use them, but he just really enjoys the quality of the chocolate and just buys them and just eats them, like packs them for lunch, for work,

and just kind of puts it in and just like, oh, it's Jim. I just really enjoy this. Yeah, just like doesn't even use them and just he's got like a turkey sandwich some ruffles a gatorade and then like and then like treats himself to a nice chocolate butt plug but just eats it like a like a hershey's kiss do you think he puts it all in his mouth all at one time i mean you have to eat it kind of sexually i feel like right you can't not do that right yeah you just put it in way for it to melt sitting at your desk at work yeah like are you using a chocolate butt plug to like eat it out of their ass are you like pulling the butt plug out and eating it after it has fucking some

seasoning on it like what are we doing these are questions i don't need the answer to i'm sorry it's just my brain is going a million miles an hour right now. I have so many questions. I need to reach out to LaGusta, man. We could turn her into a female in the field. You know, we always need more. All right. Rook seems very flustered

and Zach has shut down a little bit. So we can move on to something possibly worse how familiar are you with the show to catch a predator I mean I know what it's about okay uh have you heard of why I was cancelled and then like the subsequent like next show they made with it yeah because the host was like the host was a predator wasn't he no i thought i was gonna say no no way chris hansen was a predator dude i think he is dude hold on please put that bit all to the plot to us could you imagine it's like hiding in plain sight. Dude walks into a house that's supposed to be like a kiddies meeting.

And in the front door, there's just a mirror. Please take a seat. My name is Chris Hansen. It's like, wait a second. That's so good. So while you're looking up whether he's a predator or not. Oh, no. the show was canceled he was just charged with larceny for a bounce check he's good okay

yeah loud accusation by zach put some respect on chris hansen's name okay jesus christ so the show was canceled in 2008 following the suicide of a rockwall county texas assistant district attorney as the police attempted to serve him a search warrant after he had been caught talking to and exchanging pictures he fatally shot himself as police and nbc film camera crew entered his home and was captured on film by the crew his estate then sued dateline for $105 million. Settled outside of court. And then Chris Hansen was just like, oh, the show ended because it just ran its course.

Totally wasn't related to that incident at all. What the fuck? Which is insane. But do you want to guess the name of the follow-up show that they made afterwards? That's still running? That's still what what network it's on crime watch daily a syndicated television news magazine hosted by hansen um predators gonna be caught okay close zach uh alien versus predator

so it's called hansen vs. Predator. Oh, let's go. That's actually fire. That's so fucking fire. How do you name it that and not? You have to know that's coming up. There has to be so many memes of just Alien vs. Predator vs. Hanson all just put together. That's so fucking fire. Oh my god.

So ridiculous though. That true that's a fire that's that's great fucking branding right there like that's great branding i mean it's hard to come back from why the show was canceled they had to do they had to pull something out of their butts and it wasn't a chocolate butt plug it was but i mean also like okay like the dude was being a predator and got caught and then offed himself like yeah dude like i don't i'm not like it's like the guy was a good person i don't know man i mean look i said some stuff about pregnant people you're gonna let's see how what far of a line you can cross today i mean i don't think i don't think anyone over here is defending child predators so there's no there's no child predator movement okay like fair but i mean like i it is tough like if you did a crime if it was a less ridiculous one

than that and like they came out with a film crew kind of pushes it over the edge a little bit like if you like got caught like stealing some like alcohol from somewhere or like you had a fake id in college and then they steal it and then they have a whole film crew just follow you back to your dorm the entire time like they have a whole film crew following me to pay a 300 fine i was saying That show would last about one episode. Fair. We did that shit for Ryan Hickey freshman year, dude. That actually would have been fire.

I would pay them to watch Hickey after his fake got taken away. It was a top 10 moment of my life. That was so fucking funny. Please tell his rendition of what he said he did this fucking idiot it's freshman year I don't know, neither of us is from

Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania is super strict with fake IDs and shit, apparently and Penn State as well, Penn State is a whole other level of strict me and Hickey both have fake IDs we're like, oh, let's just, like, Hickey let's go to the beer store, and he was like oh yeah, my fake is, like, it'll probably work we go to this beer store I'm sitting outside for 20 minutes

waiting for him to come back out he comes out with just his head looking straight down shaking his head it's like Hickey what the fuck happened he's like they took my fake and I was like oh fuck like are you good like what happened he was dude, I wasn't even being weird. I literally, I took the 30. I dropped it on the counter. I looked straight down and, like, turned away from him. And then, like, he didn't give me a second. And then he was like, I think this is a fake idea. I was like, Hickey, what the fuck did you do?

It's like, this is the least normal interaction in the history of purchasing alcohol. Like, The dude absolutely knew you were underage. You're fucking staring at the ground like a pervert. He was like, oh yeah, it was so bad. The dude fucked him over because he was like, oh, you can give me your fake and I won't call the cops or I'll call

the cops and you can keep your fake. He was like, obviously here is my fake ID, but Hickey had his real name on it so then shout out ryan hickey worldwide sports radio network um but then they uh they called the cops and he had like a like a 500 fine or some shit it's really bad did you have to do that class too i don't know i don't think he had i don't think he had to do basics i think he had just like a fine and shit because basics is like like the alcohol for like on campus, like shit like that.

Oh, okay. Zach, your school didn't have a course like that, right? Anyone who caught drinking underage had to literally go to another class for like a week? Oh, really? How long was it? I think it was like a two-week class, maybe. I don't think so. I mean, I never heard of one.

The only thing I remember was underage drinking was after little five which is our big party weekend the saturday after little five there would just be a line at the police station to pay your drinking tickets it'd be like the worst amusement park ride ever that's kind of awesome though i mean you should have tailgated that line and just drank in front of him. That would have been great. Yeah. That would have been a power. The whole day. Holy shit. Yeah. All right. Incredible.

We should set up our podcast outside front of that line. Just interview people as they walk by. That'd be great. I would. They'll have to have a story, right? Yeah, it's coming up. It's in April, I think. We'll put it on the calendar.

Fly everybody out. It's wednesday my dudes goes international internationally to indiana yeah okay love it it's a whole nother world down there it is a whole new world all right i don't have any more more poop topics do you guys got anything do you have any poop topics not anymore kind of ran through them man I could just ask a thousand questions about the butt plug but

I don't think Zach would enjoy that no alright well you want to do a real sad slow low energy outro okay yeah follow us on Instagram or something I don't know

Zach what's the song of the week oh man don't stop believing What's the song of the week? Oh, man. Don't stop believing. Thank you.