It’s Wednesday My Dudes - Ep. 98: O, O, O, O'Reilly's Auto Pasta

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

Ruxx doubts Bryans restaurant idea, Ruxx also gets his gooch pinched, and Ruxx also gags at the latest ice cream trend.... Ruxx-centric sode we got here. Rate us 5 stars on Spotify! and leave a review and rate on Apple Podcasts! Links here to follow on social media! and find other places to listen!

And here we go. So boys, did you know it was National Ranch Day last week? Did you guys celebrate? What day was it last week? So I can mark my calendar for next year. That is a great question. I'm assuming last Thursday, because last Thursday, Hidden Valley Ranch announced a new product. Do you want to guess what it is?

Well, you said a link. Oh, get the fuck out of here. That is disgusting. Why would they do such a thing? People just being like, fuck it, let's turn it into food. Butt plugs, food. Well, I guess ranch is still food. Well, ranch is still food. you know what i'm saying like

man i just don't like that it has like edible it has it has like a hint maybe it's the picture but it has like a hint of green to it yeah it's very and like i don't like that either i'll tell you that much no one has said it yet it's hidden valley ranch ice cream and it looks disgusting very slight tinge of green it looks really fucking gross um i just i can't i can't look at that and be even remotely excited like food wise but also like my brain now when it like i don't have ranch very often it's not an aspect of my diet um but every time i see ranch all i think about now is the fucking tub at canyon pizza that i used to see little fucking 90 pound sorority girls scoop their fucking hand into the tub and then just slap it on their fucking slices of pizza and

like ranch just it like doesn't do it for me anymore like I'm already a little queasy with ranch in general and then you make it ice cream form and it's even worse I'm not queasy with ranch but this is a little much I thought you were gonna say the only time you have ranch is hot wings and now you're picturing putting

ice cream on hot wings no never never no that wouldn't work for you oh i feel like if i'm gonna eat ranch ice cream that would be the way i would do it yeah okay so i would try this because i feel like you if you give me the hot ones, like Da Bomb Wings covered, and then you put a scoop of this on my plate, if it truly tastes like ranch, I'm picturing it's like cold ranch. Yeah. So then that's the only way I have this. The only way.

Did you read the, or like browse through the article quick and see some of the quotes they said a couple of the go for it the first one made me really laugh said it's very garlic powder forward which like yeah like uh it tastes like sweet ranch somebody said i only wish i had french fries to pair it with uh to no it's a flavor that to know actually the quote was just no i kept reading but that was the end of the quote there's a period after that yeah there was i mean you do you do fries in ranch and you can do fries and ice cream so maybe that is the way to do it i guess i just it's a lot i don't want anything to do with this product i just don't want it to be like a milky taste like i want it to be more ranch i know i know i want it to be like only

ranch though it just tastes like cold ranch but i know it won't it's gonna taste like ice cream ice cream as well yeah which what if it's like a ranch icy then you remove the creamy flavor from it and that's just like ice ew ranch icy it's worse in my opinion i'm just picturing you go to fucking like have you ever seen this shit where it's like you get the ice in it first and then it dispenses like in like a snow cone and shit you just have a cup of, you're just fucking jamming ranch into that bitch? Oh my god. We could make a very not profitable frozen shaved ice company. And you just have condiments as the flavors. They're just like ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauce, hot sauce.

And you just hand them a bowl of ice. And here you go. People would be so confused. I'm just i wasn't expecting to start this podcast just so so just uneasy and man that's on you i expect it every week now at this point that's like it's like bound to happen that's my goal is to just get you confused from second one it's like always food to mostly it's not always it's like mostly food and it's always the same thing it's always here's this company that's doing this product that we all agree and everybody in the universe is gonna be like that's fucking disgusting

and you just write it down and you're like um thoughts it's like yeah we hate it in that article too they talked that the company that's making this with hidden valley recently did a gray poupon mustard ice cream too which is this that honestly probably is worse is this like is this on nathan for you? Is this him doing this shit to some fucking poor ice cream company? He's like, we need crazy new flavors. Let's do ranch flavor. It's sponsored by Hidden Valley. If it was just a random one-off shop doing it, I would be more excited, to be honest, because that's creative.

Having a corporate entity try to make their stuff into an ice cream as a chance to like become a meme i hate it even more i'm just pain i can't i can't get my mind off of putting ranch in a cup of ice and just being like it's icy like i can't i can't get past it. I'm not going to lie. What if they, what if they made it like the freeze pop version where you get like, you got to press it through the like plastic tube. Like. Right. Worse. That's worse.

Right. Significantly. Yeah. Because it's just ranch that's frozen at that point. At least this is like ice cream with other flavors. They need to combine it with Flintstones push pop. That'd be pretty good. It's just like also so much ranch.

Every time I'm thinking about it, it's like, that's just a lot of ranch to just have. Like if you had that normal ranch, like what's the word? Just how ranch comes. Serving size. Just ranch in general. Like, yeah, serving size. It's like, that's a lot. That's way too much. Like a scoop, an size it's like that's a lot that's way too much

that like a scoop an ice cream scoop or two is a lot i'm just picturing someone serving a salad like you go to like a friend's place for like dinner and they're like parents make dinner and like they serve a salad like you want a ranch like sure they should get the ice cream scoop plop a scoop of ice cream on till some like lettuce and you're just like uh thank you mentioning the push pop now now my stupid fucking brain has gone to the push pop but it's like not frozen so every time you're pushing it up ranch is just like gooping out the top of it and it's like my brain's in a weird place right now we we need to move on from this that's just like an extra large packet of ranch like they already make those they're just tiny

way worse like it does not do its job in the slightest i mean are we in gogurt territory at that point oh gogurts are great well i mean technically like gogurt is you can look at gogurt just as like an extended packet of ranch right like it's like well it was totally i'm saying it's yogurt but i'm saying like the container itself right yeah yeah that's what i'm that's what i'm thinking yeah god ranch go oh god i hate this oh i hate this so much. But Rooks, it's when you want ranch, but you're on the go. I don't think you get it, you know? Go ranch. This is just too

big of an idea for me. My little brain can't handle it. What if we keep going further? Instead of big ranch, we go small go-gurt. So you'd have little ketchup packet-sized things of go-gurt that you just keep in your pocket. So wildly inefficient? Like, what is that for quick energy man because you got to give your baby some yogurt or some ranch what did we what

were you saying ranch is it yeah no no no we're all going opposite to yogurt now and doing super tiny little yogurts yeah which is like so when you got to give your baby some yogurt real quick i don't think that's a bad idea i don't know compared to ranch ice cream i think it's a better idea than ranch ice cream but that doesn't mean a thing that's like yeah that's a real low bar things that doesn't mean a thing my whole life i try to lower the bar as far as i can so funny and i offer a slightly better solution and I just ride that into the sunset. Can you just imagine Go-Gurt just releasing, like, guys, this new product, but it's just smaller? Well, my thing is, what is the whole point of Go-Gurt in the first place, right? Is yogurt on the go.

You can take it anywhere with you. What's the point of it just being smaller? Like, what's their selling point? What's the new mission statement? If you're really on the go. The fuck? And you don't have pockets? Like, big enough pockets?

Yeah. I mean, what's the point of fun-sized candy? But also, okay, so here's another thing it's like yogurt needs so if you're if you're saying you can store it in your pockets yogurt also needs to be refrigerated so it's like well oh i have this yogurt i can stick in my pocket now got it i got it i got it gonna be bad and fucking like a guess what's gonna come guess what's gonna come with the mini yogurt mini Mini gogurts. A mini ice pack.

Refrigerator pocket inserts. There you go. Insulated pockets. Oh my god. Now I gotta buy pants? Special pants to wear when I eat my tiny yogurts? Do you think anybody It's what cargo pants are for. They should have

Guys, this is becoming one of the ones where like we talk enough about stupid ideas that maybe we stumble on a good one until you guys shoot it down completely right now do they have like pockets for pants that are just like insulated so you can just carry cold things like can you just have pants that are like cargo shorts that like you brooks you're at a tailgate and you just have like i'm saying give me a second i'm googling this like you have like okay car well put your beer in it yeah exactly and then you have like a cozy for your but yeah but it's like you can stuff like five i assume like four comfortably right you two on each side maybe so you make sure you balance

you don't want to have two beers on one right leg and then your left legs you know you're gonna tip over um so you just stuff and then you go and then you go like you go to the tailgate you have a nice cold beer so when i search insult like like pants with insulated pockets yeah that seems fair the big thing they keep showing is just insulated like pants and shit but on food and wine makes sense food and wine.com there is an article that says get your own cheese cargo pants with insulated cheese pockets for national cheddar day so someone made pants with insulated pockets that you can store cheese in all right this is order them is this full circle that's the that's the same exact link that has it's the same website oh my god we we got back to where we started play the music should we

change the name of our podcast to food and wine my dudes it is wednesday my dude i'm gonna fuck you brian yo how do you get milk out of a crab? Give me milk now, mommy. Fat matches. Solve world hunger tonight. Can I get this vagina animal style? Bonnie is a wonderland. Be the way. I'm sweater.

Ow! That came as an orgasm? What? What? Woohoo! That's like an orgy, my guy. What's up, sluts? The Olympics are a fraud.

Your word is Reichstrabatism. Ew, you're gross. Anywhere close to my butthole, he is just eating right through. Your bottom self trying to low-key penetrate you. Hey boo boo. I shall not. Yeah, I shall not. Talking around to shit himself all the time. Trying to have sex with a lover.

Gun to the peen is what you need, brother. White Jesus. Kirby's down there just blowing. Kneecaps are not organs. Fuck you, Ratatouille. It is Wednesday, my dudes. Welcome back to another episode of It's Wednesday, My Dudes, episode 98. Zach is out annexing the Congo, but we got Rooks. What is he doing?

And we got Corey. No, actually, though, what is he doing? we got cory uh no actually though what is he doing and i'm brian uh so we're gonna talk about oh we got film from last week oh good god the reoccurring segment that's keep happening keep happening i got a real estate question for you and we'll probably just talk about food because that's kind of 90 of the things we talk about anyways so cory how was your week uh i had a good weekend i feel like it was pretty uh pretty low-key i want i can't remember what i did friday other than went to uh played men's league hockey at 10 40 at night the best time for men's league hockey um but your boy we actually had the good turnout so when we don't have a good turnout it's like you only have like

two lines and i have to play defense your boy played offense like you used to goal and an assist uh all to lose eight to three classic classic um there's nothing like what was the plus minus honestly i think i was like minus one which when you're when you lose eight to three like pretty good it's pretty good um i so one of the funniest parts is like when you're in men's league we all paid for it so it's like we were down early it's like at least it's exercise so we're all just playing and i like we were just getting so frustrated because they're a good team like these are like former like d1 players it's upsetting though and i dumped i dumped the puck in when i crossed the red line and i i heard the guy who was

defending me say out loud did they just dump the puck in and it's like it was bad it was just like we want to get out of here but uh but it's like entertaining i guess um yeah so that was friday night uh hopefully we bounce back this week we probably won't though but hey tune in next week um saturday you know just hung house stuff, as you would imagine. Watched a certain game, though, on Saturday. Yeah. What game was that? It was the Kitty Cats versus the people of Indiana.

And Kitty Cats, I mean, they showed up to play. Like, they showed up. Yeah, one team did. Yeah, one team did. Yeah, one team was there. And, you know, I got into the headspace of March Madness, going to go back home this week and gamble my brain off. Off? That doesn't make any sense.

That'll be on tape next week. Whatever direction you want to go. Gamble my brain off? I think you're mixing heads off and something. I don't know i think you're mixing i don't my brain's already so fucked up i don't know man it's already i'm already i'm already fucked up in the head but uh i'm in the headspace for gambling and uh all because of that game and so i will rate my week uh with the emojis of lion basketball picket sign and a dagger because nittany lions basketball kenny not kenny pickett

jesus jalen pickett dagger two sport athlete kenny pickett suck exactly nfl pro quarterback and in college um yeah i'm a college basketball player yeah yeah half his body is like an adult the other half you know still does he still have four years eligibility in basketball can you play other sports i have no idea what the rules are my guy okay we won't we won't dabble into that i mean while rooks is spinning the tail i'll look it up right well i'm what how was your weekend rooks i think that's what i'm going you go next i'm going brian how was your weekend? I'll look it up. Thanks, guys. Well, then, yeah, why don't you look it up?

I had a hundred grand candy bar this week. Candy got me one because apparently she loves those. They're not that great. I appreciate that she got it for me. So, it's just a full thing of caramel covered in chocolate, and then it's like a crunch bar on the bottom. So, the crunch bar part's cool, but it's like such a giant mouthful of caramel it's just like you know it's like old person candy that's why it's made in the 1900s and those are the only people who usually like them um

obviously penn state beat iu and went on a hike went to a cat bar uh discovered that ned's declassified school survival guide has a podcast now so yeah i've been seeing i've been seeing clips of it on tiktok is it good i mean if you're really like nostalgic for it it's entertaining but like you have to be really into it um i didn't realize that the main dude and the main girl like dated in real life for like a good amount of years so like they talk about that for a good amount of it i'm like it's like blowing my mind a little bit um but yeah so that was entertaining i didn't do like anything else this week so rooks you better uh vamp for time because we got about first off 41 minutes while you uh bring up netzy classified suzy crabgrass if you're listening. Oh, so, um, so anyway, uh, yeah,

this weekend didn't do shit. Uh, my emoji is, um, hold on. I gotta make sure I get the order right. Cause the emojis can only point in one direction. I didn't do mine either.

So I'll give you some time. Um, mine is the lion, a foot, the flag of India, and then some school books for penn state stopped indiana university it was the best i could do close enough pretty good it was really i have a basketball player wearing a red uniform then the the squirt gun pointing at that person and then some basketball

player behind the gun with a blue uniform on because the team in blue squirted on the team in red. And killed them. And murdered them too. Double homicide. Double jeopardy. Whatever you want to call it. But so I didn't do shit

this weekend. I watched that. But alright boys. We're going to get a little i'm gonna share some deets on this podcast right now um your boy so i had a doctor's appointment this past week my doctor is the nicest shout out dr v i hope to god you don't listen to this um but he's just like the nicest dude this guy literally is like he's like oh let me like check your heart and i breathe and he's like my man and like high fives like he's just a super animated like sweet old dude he's so funny that it was so but it's like so fucking funny like he was like oh do you like

because the last the last time i was in there i told him that like i occasionally had smoked and this time i hadn't smoked in like ages i was like, oh no, I don't really do too much anymore at all. He's like, that's great, man. And he fist bumps me and shit. The nicest guy. But I'll save the details on how we got to this point. But he wants to check out my back door. Front or back? Your yogurt packet.

Yeah, he wants to just Your hidden valley ranch. All he says is, hey, like, because we talked about me possibly going to a gastroenterologist. I was like, and he's like, and that's all I said. I was like, oh, like, if you could just refer me one. He's like, well, let me look just so we're

like, sure, nothing serious is going on. oh, like, if you could just refer me one. He's like, well, let me look just so we're, like, sure. Nothing serious is going on. I was like, okay. And I was like, I don't know what this means, but all right. He goes, okay. First thing he asked, which, like, they have to ask, he goes, do you want a chaperone in here? I was like, what? And he's like, yeah, like, so so i have to ask but just in case like

ask anybody in the lobby bring them in to make sure to make sure that like i'm doing what i'm supposed to do i was like bro i don't want two people seeing my asshole absolutely not i was like bro like no no you should have phoned us all in to be the chaperone if you ask your doctor can I facetime my friends by chaperone you mean just anybody to watch right because you're on instagram live but so he asked

if I want a chaperone I was like no dude let's just do this he goes okay here's what you're gonna do alright you're gonna pull here's what you're going to do. You're going to pull your pants down. You're going to turn on your left side on the bed, and you're going to bring your knees to your chest. Do you know how vulnerable you feel in that fucking position, man?

Like, oh my. Pulling the pants out, whatever. Doctors always always to grab your balls and shit whatever i don't care about that turning over away from him i can't see him anymore knees to the fucking chest i am sitting there so i'm starting to sweat man i'm so fucking freaked out and just like oh my god oh my god and so he's like oh well like he's like okay i'm gonna start i was like okay that motherfucker yams his finger in my shit and i'm not talking like i'm not talking like just like a little like we're gonna feel right he is i didn't know you can like grab an asshole okay i didn't he has he has one finger in my ass and then his thumb is pressing on like the outside so he literally has yeah like a vice grip on my asshole on your gooch no it's not my gooch it's my ass which direction's the thumb he did up your back

he did three pinches i counted them he did three like little like pressures so maybe the gooch got involved but he did three of them and it was just like and uh i just thought we should talk about it you know it was just this was on a sunday was this on a sunday no absolutely not you think i'm spending a sunday with a finger in my asshole i mean hey for some weird reason would have made it a lot worse i don't know why this was a weekday it was business usual um lunch break but yeah it was just in okay so he does it it's like super quick whatever but like i i didn't understand like what was gonna be happening really like i just didn't like i thought he was gonna look at my ass like i didn't think it was gonna be like no when you assume that position you know

i just i mean that's the only way to do it without, like, what is he going to say? Lay down, fucking bend over the bed and spread your ass cheeks for me? Like, no. It's like, I just thought it was very like. Don't call it a bed. I don't know why. I never thought of it as a bed. Don't call it a bed. That is weird.

What do you want to call it then? I don't know. But my hand was up and it was because, can you rate that experience with an emoji? Oh, this, the circle finger the finger to the side is there a vice grip in here anywhere because god did he also high five you while he was pinching your no no but like he's the nicest dude after he's like no you look it looks all fine man Don't worry about it If you want to go see somebody it's cool Our relationship is so much different now man Did you get a lollipop?

The worst The worst part about it Is he They lube their fucking Finger and shit He gives me a paper towel And it's like oh You can clean yourself up like you

can clean yourself up dude and here's some cab fare being in that position with him behind me i got my pants fucking around my ankles my knees up and i have to now wipe my ass after like it was just it was such a fucking experience every doctor needs to end it with your uber's here yeah and they take out a cigarette oh my god dude it was it was just a lot like i was i was not prepared for that experience when i went in there like we were talking things were the conversation was great man it was It was flowing. Next thing I know, I'm just on my side with my pants down. But yeah, it was... Holy fuck, man.

It was just a lot. I needed to get it off my chest. I needed to share it with the Sloppy Joes and Janes because, man, holy fuck. If this has happened to you, please call in. It was... That's crazy. I feel like it's pretty standard, though.

That's always the story like knees to the chest on your side so i would be like oh no oh no oh no i know i'm not like i know i'm not some like one-off situation here like this like this this is a thing you'll find out when everybody calls in is like yeah that's not what happens you're gonna be like uh should have had a chaperone the pinching part is weird it's just like it's like i'm assuming it's like you put pressure and that's how you see if there's any like damage i guess cancer or yeah i guess pressure on it or something it's not like he was like actually pinching but he's just putting pressure yeah and like it was just i i'm like fucking around and shit i was like oh my god this is so fucking weird like uh did you regret not shaving down there beforehand

i ain't shaving my asshole for nobody man that's a fucking that's a lost cause all right also i feel like it'd be weird for his doctor yeah dude i, my hairy ass, all of a sudden I'm like, hey, so we need to talk about something, okay? And then I lay down and my ass is just like perfectly shaved clean. I mean, I feel like based on what you said, your doctor would act like he would be so proud of you and happy. Like, wow, you prepared for this. Good job.

High five. Love that guy. He's so cool. But, you know, we definitely have a different relationship now. Yeah. Yeah. Wild that you still had to rate. Now, after hearing that story, you rated your weekend after the Lions game is incredible to me.

Go PSU, baby. But yeah, hey, that was my week. Nice, man. The thing is, though, it's going to happen to all of us. Yeah. Maybe a little bit older. I just didn't expect it, I guess. That's why I'm laughing.

Yeah. And good for you, man. Thanks, guys. We're all good. Yeah. Hey, high five like your doctor would give. High five. Stay away from cheese.

I feel like we figured that part out already. Yeah. He's good. So, like, keep eating cheese. You're fine. Or I good so like keep eating cheese you're fine yeah or i'm gonna keep eating it yeah i mean depends how much like dr v switch true switch to switch to switch it to ranch ice cream every time i go in there hey do you mind taking a look for me no no no no how the fuck do we follow this up you wanna do film

yeah sure yeah alright so context when we said we like introduced Corey last week he made a noise and none of us could hear it so I'm gonna play it back and you'll let me know if you can hear what's up

cory yeah so it was there see when it was like live though it was you just open your mouth hey i've got it right also two for two on freaking checking tape and it's me so right but like yeah it was you both times but the first time you were wrong because you did first no no i'm saying first yeah first time i was wrong i'm saying two for two in the topic is me checking tape each time yeah yeah yeah so just like speak better next time i mean i was right that time do better i was really hoping it wasn't gonna show up though so i could play the clip and it was just going to be silence and that's what we heard

come on you're the editor you can make that yourself I mean okay here's the clip way to go dumbass Cory you fucking idiot I'll edit and post don't worry alright another update I forgot to tell us from like three weeks ago

we have a new female in the field i talked with jamie she said we could call her at any time and out of all of our jewish friends she's the one who knows the most about jewish stuff she talked about we watched what was the show marvelous miss mazel i don't know it's like so jewish every single scene there's like some hebrew word i have no idea what it is. She explained so many things to me. So if we have any more questions about like kosher stuff that like never get answered because none of our friends know anything about it,

we should actually call her because she would absolutely give us an answer to it. So yeah, add her to the list. That's good. Beautiful. Yeah. All right. You want to do food or real estate? We do real estate. We already did food. Let's go straight to food from our real estate we do real estate we already did food let's go straight to food from our last conversation do real estate please we definitely

definitely can i mean 50 of my topics are food so we'll have to go back and forth that's fine all right i sent you guys a link um this was sent to us by denise it is a i don't know if you call it a ranch or a plot of land or like a full amusement park, a little cowboy town out in like Colorado. It's only like $1.5 million, I think. No, it's like $4.7 million. There you go. $4.7 million. But it's like a full town.

It's like an actual town. Yeah. So it's like, there's like a saloon and like a hotel and like a bunch of houses and like a general store and like 4.7 million is a lot. But if you get a hundred of us to pay a hundred K, like that's nothing. Just what? So where is this? Are you guys in Colorado? i think it's colorado i mean i'm

splitsies it depends on how close civilization is i feel like you buying like you getting this scenario is like the start of a horror movie you know what i mean where it's like this is such a great idea and you get in there and all of a sudden you're in the middle of fucking nowhere. And then fucking some guy comes on a screen is like, do you want to play a game? And it's just like, what's going on here? My second note on this was this is the start of a horror movie because I fully like there's be 47 of you and like a week in there's gonna be 46. And then the next week there's be 45.

Also, yeah year he's missing ones left oh jesus fuck yeah it looks great i need to know how close civilization is to this fucking town that's up for sale also like it's is it is there like electricity like do we have all the amenities that you would want with the town a doctor who can look at the it looks check you out. It looks like the lights are all on in the places, but that could be just for display. It's just candles.

I mean, we got Dr. V in the back, so we can invite him out. He could be one of the 47. We're going to need a doctor out there. It is in Sogwache County, which is southwest of denver by not that far let's see denver colorado google maps you should you should just buy it for the that guy in the wheelchair that you met in denver oh just him by himself he's the guy's gonna kill us all probably my or that piece of paper that

piece of paper had like one sentence on it that was just like so watch a question mark call this number and then he's like hoping that you follow the breadcrumbs i mean that would be sick he also knows aliens so like if we just bought a town that was full of aliens secretly probably lived there and was abducted this is it's just too convenient all the things are way too convenient you know what i mean i'm skeptical uh it's four hours from denver so it's very not close it looked so much closer on a map because i zoomed out really far yeah um i don't i don't 320 acres two ponds two creeks three wells so we got some water um got a whole hotel

to ourselves it does almost look like sagooch colorado which makes me more intrigued i'll say that a general store a saloon they put the cowboy emoji so i know rooks is in love with it. I'm in.

There's a three-bed, three-bath luxury lodge. You know? Damn. This thing is like a legit town. That's what I'm saying. It's a full town for sale. Who? This could be dumb.

Who is selling it? Like, who owns the town? The state? I'm trying to think of an old Scooby-Doo reference of like, Yeah, this old man used to live here. He's selling the town. He died. Show up.

There's werewolves. Take the hat off. It's the old man again. Mr. Saguache. I mean, I'm in. Yeah? Okay. Sure.

I'll come visit once we have it established I'll be a shareholder I'll throw down for it but I'm not gonna live there okay so it's kind of a timeshare for you exactly okay that was

easy to convince you well we got our first three people we just need 44 more. So now if you guys all get four more people to invest in. The Ponzi scheme of selling a town. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's real estate, Corey. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

An inverted triangle scheme. Exactly. All right. Back to food? Yeah, yeah. Get us back to food i like how you phrase that real estate question like i guess yeah but not what i was oh i have like a i have a topic name for all my dumb questions that i try to make them sound better than they are um so why is chipotle have such a stranglehold on fast casual and is so good, but like there's

not that for anything else other than like Mexican food? Like why isn't there like a pasta place where it's like, all right, do you want whole wheat noodles, regular noodles? Next stage. Pots like red sauce, white sauce, vodka sauce. Next stage. Do you want meatballs? No meatballs. Mini meatballs. I don't know what other meat you put a shrimp next stage how much parmesan cheese you want and then you

wrap it up and you go shrimp balls we can make shrimp balls doesn't noodles and company kind of do that i guess they don't have that exact talking about like this but it's talking about the experience of like going down the line and having them like yeah well and just like chipotle it's really good and relatively cheap where it's like it's fast food's really cheap and not good for it's like you go to a restaurant i mean like there's not that middle level for subway's not like a subway type of subway is fast food my guy yeah i was sticking with the going down the line and like yeah i mean maybe if they rebranded you could do it would be the same thing if but i'm thinking like so we have a mexican place so like i feel like italian's an easy second

there's i mean like you have like and pizza and like blaze exists that's blaze pizza yeah but like that pizza is like not that's fine like i'd rather have dominoes and pizza fucks settled down okay and pizza wait the place is called and pizza yeah it's literally the and symbol with pizza after it i thought you're just saying there's blaze you know for and pizza and you just like corey did you get and pizza you can't forget about and pizza as well i was like i know it's pizza yeah also pizza place you know it's called tip of my tongue it's like pizza or something you know i? I honestly thought you were saying, like, Ann.

Like, not... A-N? Yeah. Like, Ann's Pizza? I have great grammar, boys. And I was like, what? Like, sure, also that. Are we doing film next week?

No, there's a place that's literally Ann Signed Pizza is the name of. It's the same kind of general concept as Blaze. Isn't it... Isn't an Ann sign called an ampersand? Yeah. So it's the same kind of general concept as blaze isn't it isn't an and sign called an ampersand yeah so it's amber sand pizza man i don't know yeah that's not so you're saying it wrong it's ampersand pizza okay i'll start saying it correctly my man no but like these do exist though like there's one for uh not good. Have you ever been to Cava? Like, Cava's good.

I haven't. Cava's like... It's like Mediterranean. Are you sure these places exist, or are you just making them up on the spot? Yeah. I'm not. No. What about, like, also seafood?

You ever been to a... It's called also seafood. Cardboard box? Ever? I wish. It's called... What do theyboard box? Ever? I wish. It's called... What do they sell there? Shrimp balls.

But no, I... Like, these do exist. Like, I don't know. You're stuck on the pasta one, but like... Yeah. People love kava. What do you get at kava? Because you're going to tell me,

I'm going to tell you why it's not what I'm thinking. You get a finger up the butt. Yeah. Dr. V works at kava i guess you're gonna tell me i'm gonna tell you why it's not what i'm thinking you get a finger up the butt yeah dr v works at kava now um you get i get like chicken bowl you can get a pita too but i get like a chicken bowl rice like the little tomato cucumber mix uh and there's like a few different okay mediterranean type i'm on board shit you throw in there but it's really good yeah it's solid so like let's let's do that for every food type though like what okay like what else what besides pasta pasta you're really stuck on the pasta option uh fried rice place easy you pick your rice you pick your veggies you pick your sauce you pick your meat they put it in a thing cook it for like three minutes a day. It's called...

Do not say Panda. It's called Panda Express, my guy. No, because they're already made. That's just buffet. I want them to make it. That's like a timing thing now. I mean, the food's cooked when it's on the line, yes. That's how it is at Chipotle.

No, but you build it together at panda you're not saying what you want in your fried rice you just say give me this fried rice and they put it in a bowl okay okay you're so you're okay you're looking for more customizable okay that makes more sense but like so chipotle has like two things you get a burrito or a bowl so it's gonna be really simple no one gets the tacos no one's got the kiss to use or anything so it's like two things then there's all your things they put it together for you bada bing bada boom really freaking good tasty not like horrible for you cheap that's what we're looking for every ethnicity of food starting with pasta it's the easiest one yes man this you just want a pasta one but i'm saying okay so outside of pasta what are we looking at here fried rice come on stop it was your backtracking you need to remember what i'm

saying fried rice i mean yeah like those are different places they're not the same place pasta fried rice place would be kind of great um it's just little bits of pasta chopped up i'm like convinced there's got to be like a one somewhere, but my research has failed me. Yeah, I mean, it might exist, but we need to make it a thing. Sell it to Chipotle, and then there's a KFC Taco Bell. It'll be a Chipotle and pizza. It's our ampersand pizza. Sell it to Domino's.

They deserve our business If you see Domino's whole new thing It's like we have tater tots I was like bro Your selling point now is you have fucking Tater tots They're good looking tater tots Man everything looks good in a fucking commercial man

It's not real food in the commercial That's a very good point it's all like glue and yeah it's all like gross shit no seems good to me okay you also got food your place of your pasta place your pasta palace if you will what's the last yeah what's the line look like what do we got you got all right so we're going like there's your type of noodle right portolini you got flat you got spaghetti you got you got flat noodle like you got flat is not a noodle like fettuccine okay yeah we're gonna our pasta palace is gonna look real shitty if people come in and the first noodle they see is fettuccine and we have it labeled as flat we got flat square circle trapezoid there's so many different ones i

like you know but like in my head there's a round version like a spaghetti of some type i don't know there's like angel hair if it's thin like that's what i'm trying to avoid with holes there's a there's a round one there's a flat one and there's like a zd easy cool moving on then it's i feel like you just gotta go sauce but you gotta do like red sauce spicy red sauce vodka sauce white sauce white sauce pesto okay okay easy mm-hmm cool so now we get a meat section protein yeah so then it's like you could go really weird but it's gotta be like it has to be like chicken seafood chicken

pork bacon yeah you could go bacon okay so we're going chicken shrimp bacon meatballs fair okay but we're going mini meatballs because it's gotta fit into like a thing I'm not giving you like one big fat one that's stupid you need little bits in every bite

human okay cool uh then veggies obviously like it's gonna be a weird mix of stuff because like the veggies is the hard part like the veggies it's like because the veggies are always cooked into the pasta so we got what like they could have like a saute station at the end or something just like give it the little little flick of the wrist you know like omelet station this is what i'm thinking you pick your noodles they toss them in the water behind you cool you pick your veggies and your meat they toss them in a pan they're making this just to like crisp them up no you said you gotta like crisp it up but i'm saying you said if you said noodles into the pot like that yeah this is so you know how long it took two three minutes you know how long maria

penne takes to fucking make in the pot and like a boiling pot of water that's like 12 minutes yeah but if you do like real pasta it takes like two or three oh we're making the pasta we're gonna have no margins here man they make everything at chipotle dude pasta is like egg flour water no i know it's cheap but it's laborious but i like going back to rooks's point that would be like if they had raw chicken and then had it maybe seasoned but then like cooked it up like behind you they don't do. Like it is cooked and then they put it in the bin. So I wasn't saying cook the chicken. If it's real pasta,

it takes like two or three minutes to cook. Let me finish. You're, you're interrupting. All right. You say what pasta you want. They toss in the water behind you. It's going to take two or three minutes to be done. So you have two or three minutes to pick out the rest of it and pay.

And then it'll be there. So then you pick your protein, your veggies, your sauce. They toss that in a pan, mix it together, get it all sort of chilling, cooked together. Then you pay,

go to the last bit, they toss it in a pot, a bowl, couldn't think of the word, and then they hand it to you. They pasta it in a pot. Throw some cheese on top. There's like a giant Parmesan cheese station at the end.

Like just a giant wheel of it. And there's like a crank. And you can just get as much cheese as you want. No, you got to do the cheese wheel where they just like toss it in the cheese. You know what I mean? Or that. If we're going to no margins, we can do that. I mean like you're making it as fancy as we can go.

Like, come on. on oh that's okay how about after you order 10 times instead of getting one free you get to do the the pasta cheese wheel thing no we give you a franchise you have to run in your town good luck uh good luck trying to make a profit i don't think it's i i think it's not that i i think the unreasonable to think of i think the big issue here is that you can't make like making the pasta fresh is not gonna happen like why not every day you have to have so much fucking pasta at the ready just ready to go in like they make all the rice and meat fresh at tripoli but that so that here's the thing though is like that shit gets made and that can like i feel like

will pasta sit well under a heat lamp or like in one of those little fucking like so you if you make pasta and it's dry you just make the dough that lasts for a while spit on it just no you put it in the water to cook it but like if it's dry you can leave it dry for a while do we know that have you ever gotten like yeah okay you talk about something i'll look i'm just like man we are deep down this fucking metaphorical restaurant here or hypothetical restaurant um but like i, I don't think pasta's gonna, like, do you remember when we used to get pasta at like, and granted this was

like in Finley Commons at school, but like the pasta never had the right consistency that was like sitting under, like, ready to be served. Yes. Because it was cooked and then it sat in water and stuff. I just don't think this is gonna pan out the way you think it

is and also making pasta it takes a long fucking time like not if you have like an industrial thing that makes 40 pounds of it at a time like you're gonna have one big thing that cranks out a giant sheet i think we just go to jersey and we hire a whole bunch of italian grandmas and they work in the back and then that solves the timing thing yeah all right so based on uh kitchenaid.com fresh pasta can be dried refrigerated or frozen for future use how long does that take to boil that's a great question hold on um freezing pasta refrigerating pasta how long does it last in the fridge? How to dry it? Someone play some music.

I just feel like if it's that easy, somebody would have done it. You know? I feel like there's definitely variables here that we're not looking at as well. Mm-hmm. I think... Sharks, that is why I'm asking for $1 million for 1% of my company for your insight and knowledge and expertise. It's like the veggies at the end.

What kind of veggies are we looking at? Just like... We'll get there. Okay, hold on. Based on Google. Fresh pasta, three to five minutes. Boom. But we'll go thin. We'll run it thin so it's quicker. Based on Google. Fresh pasta, three to five minutes. Boom. But we'll go thin.

We'll run it thin so it's quicker. We're on the three-minute mark. But here's another also, like, you have a fucking line of 20 people, right? 20 people isn't a crazy line that's not like a ton of people. It's 20 people. It's going to take you an hour to clear these 20 people. You're not only cooking one thing of pasta at a time okay it's gonna take you cut that out 30 minutes to clear 20 people okay we'll have five things of water running if it's like a single portion of water whipping up

pasta now man you think we got money to pay seven people to sit here and just whip noodles out? You don't think... Okay, I really don't think you understand how to dry pasta noodles. So you make the noodles, and you put them into a bundle, and then you leave it. And then that's a serving, and it's just sitting there. When they say they want those noodles, you just put it in water. I know. The person doing this just has to put...

Yeah. You don't have to just stare at the one. You don't have to stare at the one You don't have to stare at those noodles for three minutes. You can just plop seven of them in a row. So you want to tell our employees that are sitting here taking these people orders Hey, you have to keep track of seven different noodle orders and timings throughout

all seven of these pots. You have to know when this one's done, this one's done, this one's done, who it belongs to, which bowl it goes into. Alright, you're picking four things. The noodle, the sauce, the meat, the veggies. Put a timer under each thing.

You just write that down. What I'm saying is this is not efficient at all. Yeah, it is. This is gonna be an absolute fuck show, man. People at Subway can't fucking put on the sandwich what you ask them to put on the sandwich when you point at it sometimes do uh grandmas from new jersey we got five we got five chefs we're hiring we got michelin star guys doing this shit no look look we're paying a bunch New Jersey are going to be so excited

and so nice. They'll put whatever you want on it. And when they move slow, no one's going to yell at them. No, I would. They would hit you with a pan. Those grandmas do not. They'd get fired quick though.

No, they wouldn't. I'm the one who's hiring them. I'm encouraging it. And then I sue them because they hit me in the workplace and i make money boom guess who has all of the like little shady lawyers from new york on our side we do because all those grandmas mafia cory was on my side at one point before the grandma portion yeah let's go back to that spot now i'm just thinking you understand yeah no like i still think logistically it's gonna be a nightmare

but at least to the point of like managing six boiling things like that's manageable you just put a little timer underneath yeah they do that for like fries and stuff it just it goes in and out like that you lost me on that one rooks but like i do also i'm fully on your side of yeah i think it would fail because i just like i feel like somebody would do that already if you could do it easily but what i will say hypothetically we get a real worker and not these fucking italian hypothetical grandmas burn he's bringing up we get like an average chipotle like 20 year old sitting there taking six orders from six different people putting that in six different pots and getting like them all out and served in time what if three are within each other and like you have to wait like another that's another minute

of it being overcooked for something that takes three minutes to cook that's going to be very overcooked but like you could have like sections like you have a big like big pot right like think think like just like open vat right now we're changing the time now we're changing the subject now we're not going oh we have six pots this would be easy now we have one big communal pot what are we talking about here yeah one you ever yeah one big noodle pot with little dividers. You have five of them. Have you ever seen them make fries? It's totally different.

It's totally different. If you divide one pot into six pots, it's six pots. Making pasta is so much more delicate than making fries, is what I'm trying to say. Our noodles are not going to come out consistent. This is the issue yeah they are why does the back of the box give you an exact time then if it's not going to be the same every time everyone's definition of al dente is different

anyway than the box but anyway you could tell us if you want another 30 seconds or a minute longer we have a timer in the back you just press the button and it'll lower it and then I'll raise it back up when it's done. First franchise of and pasta coming to you in Saguch, Colorado. What is it? No, it's ampersand pasta. No, it's also pasta. In addition to pasta. I like in addition as well as pasta.

What about? Oh, also pasta. Like, oh, also comma. Also pasta what about oh oh also pasta like oh also comma also what about oh oh oh oh riley's pasta oh oh oh riley's auto pasta oh my god that's perfect now i'm in okay easy okay i'm back i gotta write that down oh oh oh wait what's an italian last name myself sharks welcome to the school and it's called auto pasta because the machines in the back automatically make the pasta solving all of our problems except for the grandmas who are there to supervise hit the music and and hit them in the leg it's gonna you know it's gonna go off next week we'll do uh a different ethnicity it's not gonna go off without a hitch what's the song of the week uh akuna matata from the Lion King. It means no worries. Outro Music