I've Had It - A Match Made in MAGA Hell

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

It's time to bring back the wedding objection... and the syphilis shot?Pre-order Jennifer’s new book Not Today, Fascists, join our Substack, shop our merch, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:Jones Road Beauty: Use code Hadit at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a Free Gift with your first purchase! #JonesRoadBeauty #adASPCA: To explore coverage, visit https://ASPCApetinsurance.com/HADIT. *The ASPCA® is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.Nutrafol: For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit https://Nutrafol.com and enter promo code HADITRoBody: Go to https://RO.CO/HADIT to see if you qualify.Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsKiley Josey: @kileyjoseySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready, one, two, three. Patriots, Gay, it's Thetriots, Black, Trots, Brown, Triots, Pride Month. We love you. Everybody that still supports Trump can do what? So come! Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with.

And I've had it because I never, ever, ever watch just regular TV. So what I've had it with is all the political commercials, especially in Oklahoma. I've just, I've just had it. It's unbelievable. I mean, Jennifer, you probably left because you wanted to get away from this, but we want to take America back. Are you fucking kidding? From you? I have it.

I have it. Stop. It's just, I can't take it. They're pointing out who doesn't like Trump. Like, that's a bad thing. It's just, I can't take it. I'm ready. for the Republican primary to be over,

just so I can have peace when watching a sporting event. You know, I saw on your Instagram stories one day and on my husband's Instagram stories one day. You both re-storied or re-grand on your story, this statistics about Oklahoma, which it's, you know, 50th in education, 49th in this, 48th in this, 46th and this, 47th in that. It's just, you know, a bottom,

10 state. And for 20 years, it's been a Republican supermajority. And so it cracks me up when people in Oklahoma say, you know, we've got the radical left. I'm like, there are no radical left policies anywhere in Oklahoma. None. None. Nowhere. And I had to go down to, I just recently had to go down to the county election board because when I went to vote for mayor, it had me under my married name, which I had filled out all the paperwork when I did the name change. And even though, you know, the SAVE Act hasn't passed, I thought they're fucking with people. And I'm a Democrat. So I drove my fat ass down there and I re-signed it.

And she's like, well, this is going to keep you from voting in the primary. I go, I'm a Democrat. There's nobody for me to vote for in the primary. Like we've got one in each race. I mean, they're recruiting Kylie and I to run. That's how desperate they are. So, yeah, I would just PSA. go ahead before the midterms and check out your voter registration because crazy shit's happening.

I wonder what would happen if a well-funded Democrat were able to go into an Oklahoma and run on just over and over and over the failed policies of the Oklahoma Republican Party. The last time we had Brad Henry and listener, Brad Henry was the last time we had a Democratic governor. We ranked 14th or 17th in education, depending on which data you look at. So I mean, top 20 in education. Since then, it's been a Republican super majority first via Mary Fallon, this governor who allegedly, big Christian female governor, who allegedly had an affair with one of the troopers, state troopers assigned to protect her. So of course, slap and tickle city with the Bible thumping Republican women. Then it gets

passed to Governor Kevin Stitt, who dedicated every square inch of Oklahoma to Jesus Christ. And despite the dedication, I think we're probably around 43 in education, every metric Oklahoma has collapsed further and further. And I wonder if there were a Democratic Party presence. We might not win. But the last, the last gubernatorial race, the Democrat ran as Magalese. light. She didn't really run as a attack dog against Republican policies. It was, yeah, I'm pretty much Republican. I'm just not as crazy as they are. And I just don't think that works. Here's the thing. After, you know, because I had to go to the dentist yesterday. It was like two hours of watching, you know, whatever. It was like NBC, round the clock news or whatever. And I saw all these

ads and I could read them because they had the closed captioning. And I just sat there and I thought, I think they're too stupid. I really, if you are that worried about the radical left, I mean, so many about trans, I'm like, there are more cases of measles in Texas than trans athletes in the whole United States. Like, if that's all you care about, you're not smart enough to take somebody saying, we are going to raise your wages. We are going to give you health care. This is what we're going to do. But we are part of the radical left lunatic. I don't think they're smart enough. Like if they're sitting there legitimately thinking, we've got to take back America, I just, I don't have a lot of hope. I don't. I just think this is just going to be.

Well, especially when you don't have a Democratic Party that is present in these states. So you have the Republicans that out crazy each other. And that's a real error of Rahm Emanuel, who thumbed his nose at the 50 state strategy. And you can see when the Democratic Party exited Bible Belt states like ours. You don't have a healthy electorate. You have a very toxic, crazy electorate. And these people fall prey to all this propaganda that. There's litter boxes and people dressing up as cats, which here's the deal.

Somebody wears cat ears, like you're wound up about that. You're doing it at Mar-a-Lago. Yeah, they're doing that Mar-a-Lago. And the president has some nipple obsession and teenagers left and right in the Epstein files are accusing him of R-A-P-E. But some kid wore cat-ears, was a furry, and you're that triggered? Like, these people are so emotionally fragile. Yeah. Like, it's crazy.

Okay, you mentioned the dentist. So I went to the dentist yesterday for a cleanup. And it's my new dentist in New York. So I had to find a like neighborhood dentist. So I had to fill out all of these forms. So number one, I've had it with 10 page forms that you have to fill out where it's like, I mean, literally is asking me like if I had STDs. Well, I guess your mouth could have us. We got that deep into it, right?

But then there was one question that I kind of paused on. because I was like, nope, no, no, no, no. And then it was like, are you emotionally unstable? And I was like, did somebody call them and tell them to put this in there? Like, how do they know? Did they watch some footage of our podcast? He did. And then they typed it in.

Yeah. So then I'm like paused on that. And I have my mouse like over it. I'm like, how do I answer it? Do I go yes, which is the truth? Or do I go, no, and lie. So I went kind of back and forth. and I went on to a few more questions and I went back up to it.

And I was like, no. Crossman. Maybe you'll find out. No, I always have those questions. She's like, are you having emotional, you know, never at the dentist though, but like at the. This was straight up. Are you emotionally unstable? That's all.

No, I've never had that. Question mark. And I was just like, what do they know? That's how they know. That's what I thought. Jesse Waters called and told them. But then I also think, how are people supposed to answer that? Because aren't we all situationally, emotionally unstable throughout the day?

Like some days I really like for two hours, I'm like, I got my shit together. Thick skin. Killing it. I mean, it can get through anything. And then on a dime, something can happen. And I completely lose my shit. And so are we all a little emotionally unstable? Yes, absolutely.

Speaking for myself, I am. I lied to the dentist and said I wasn't. Well, hopefully they want to take it out on you. I'm cosplaying an emotionally stable person for today's podcast. Hey, if Donald Trump can do it, so can you. Maybe you can be president. I don't think he's doing it very well. No, you're doing it way better.

Okay. All right. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie. Hi. Hi, Kyle.

Hi, Kyle. I've got a two reviews. Okay. And they're good ones. This one's five stars titled, Can't Wait Till My Wife Can't Listen. I thought I left one before, but must have never submitted. Anyway, love you ladies, how you ladies stick it to MAGA.

Love how you hold the status quo dims to the flame just as much. Can't wait till my wife can hear you guys. She's in prison on an insanely excessive sentence that I'm fighting to change. She's got a gay son and will love your support for the LGBTQ community. Love you ladies, keep it up. I actually read something really. recently that there's like a program where they're trying to get a certain amount of podcasts that prisoners can listen to, they have access to, and I think we need to get on this list.

Oh, I do too. I think that our emotional instability. Right. That's what I was just thinking. Like we might get denied because of the emotional instability. No, but I think this whole notion of how punitive we are, like we incarcerate more people than any other first world country. and it's a for profit. Yeah, I think Oklahoma is like number one in incarcerating women. It's the worst state in the country for women to live in as Oklahoma.

It's ranked 50th, dead last, despite the aforementioned dedication to Jesus, H. Christ, our Lord and Personal Savior. Despite that, women, well-being is plummeted. But I think this whole notion of being so punitive with people and incarcerating and these long, drawn-out sentences where the, you know, there's all of these for-profit aspects to prison.

If the prison itself isn't for-profit, there's a lot of, like, food services, laundry services, there's a lot of services in there that are for-profit. And we value the profit over rehabilitation. And my husband being a criminal defense attorney, you find out, like, so many people that are incarcerated are, number one, the first thing. is they're black. Like that there's a huge disparity there. And then it goes to money and having access to attorneys.

And then there's this notion like in the whole right wing, like comes to the world you're talking about with your commercials, this appetite for cruelty in punishing people or hating homeless people. Yeah. There's no compassion. It's like, well, they're just a criminal. And it's all fun in games until somebody's daughter, or wife, you know, have some sort of accent.

There was this case in Oklahoma. I've been dying to talk to the two of you about. Yeah, I know everything you're going to say. Okay, so there's this lady. She's like a wine mom, but not a not the good wine mom, the white racist kind of wine mom, right? Well, she gets all liquored up. She gets in her car and she's driving down a suburban street and she runs a stop sign, three sheets to the wind, drunk driving, and she rams into this car.

and the person in the car was a perfectly normal, I think early 20s, healthy, living, sober, human being gets hit. And now she's like in a wheelchair doing physical therapy, like a really bad brain back injury, right? And so she obviously is sentenced to time in prison for vehicular. I don't know if it's, I don't know what the charge is. She's a killer manslaughter, I think. But they're not, she's not dead. Oh, no, you're right. I can't remember.

God. Come on, pumps. I know. God. America's greatest legal. Anyway, obviously for drunk driving. Yeah. With, you know, nefarious intent or whatever or injuring another human being.

So apparently, she and her husband are big Kevin Stitt thumpers, the governor of Oklahoma right now, who's, I want to fight crime. I'm for law and order. I'm for personal accountability. And I dedicate every square inch of this state to Jesus Christ while I go to my megachurch and send my kids not to Oklahoma public schools because they suck. But I send my kids, if you're Kevin Stitt, to the hate academies, the Christian schools. So they donated some money to Kevin Stitt.

And he basically got her out of prison. So this corruption from Trump, the Republicans are just so. much more brazen about this. And so this woman is now out of prison. And I just want to say this, despite her politics, she clearly is an alcoholic or has some sort of drinking issue. It is my preference, whether somebody's MAGA or progressive or completely apolitical, that we treat addicts, we treat their addiction. I don't know that incarceration for long periods of time help. This woman had children, et cetera. And again, she's everything I hate, Maga Thumper, triple Trump, or all of those things. Despite my disliking her points of view, I don't know how

beneficial it is for her to be locked up. But I think it's further damaging than for her to serve her sentence that was legal and the way the rules are in the state for her to be able to pay to play, where poor people and black people that, make mistakes, never get this type of privilege. This woman, okay, from my understanding, and I had a bunch of friends in Norman, talk about it, and I've read the decision by the court because she blind pled because she would not accept any time. Tell the listener what a blind plea is.

Okay, so she, first of all, there's no evidence in the court record that she sought treatment, like inpatient treatment. She was hammered on the way to carpool, stopped at a liquor store, kept going to carpool, was going so fast. Like the ring camera that caught it, they equated.

It was bad. I mean, this is bad, bad, bad. By all accounts, there has been absolutely zero. I mean, zero. Like graciousness. humility, taking accountability. Sorry. This was just one of those things. I should have to do community service. Then she's on the jail call with her husband after she's in prison. I mean,

and just so offended because in county court, what she did is she said, I will not take a deal, but I won't go to a jury. So I want the judge to decide my sentence. So she got. That's a blind plea. That's a blind plea. So you go in front of the judge without. to deal with, okay. Yeah, so she goes in a blind plea. So the judge gave her 15 years in prison with eight suspended. So that means she only had seven years to do. And in state court and like federal court, they locked your ass up in handcuffs right then and there. And so they locked her up in handcuffs. And it was like, everybody was melting down. Like how could you do this? She is a mother. How you almost killed somebody and they're never going to be the fucking

same again. No, no remorse by all accounts. She was about to go pick up her kids, it sounds like, too. Yes, she was, it was carpool time. She was headed to carpal with a brief stop at the liquor store on the way. And then she is on the jail call with her husband talking about basically, do you have people working on this? Like, does he know how much we've done for this, him and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And talking about him being Kevin Stitt, the Kevin's debt saying when it's and basically magically without any parole or anything, she's just released. Bye bye.

Wasn't a pardon. Wasn't a computation. She just got out. So I don't know. Is that at the core of MAGA is white privilege and impunity? Don't you think it isn't in that in that Venn diagram? There's like whiteness, wealth, privilege, impunity, racism, elitism. And that seems to be like the through line.

Like, do you remember there was a couple that took like some bullets to the Dominican Republic or some country? You're not supposed to take a bullet to them. And they were from Oklahoma, Turks and Caicos. And they found them in the guy's suitcase. And they're like, these are illegal. We're putting you in jail. Those are our rules. This is our country.

these are our rules. And all of the role following personal accountability law and order, MAGA Christians in Oklahoma had a stage five melting on how could they treat him this way? Governor, where if a black person came in to the United States and broke a law, they would be like, well, these are our laws and don't come into our country. It's just this hypocrisy on display. And again, I understand it in solitude. I know white women like her that think that their shit doesn't stink, that think the rules don't apply to them and all of the friends they hang out with. I'm very familiar with this type of woman.

It's the group think of it where nobody talks anybody off the ledge and makes the other person a better person that says, imagine if it was your daughter that was hit. Imagine if this were a black woman. that did this, how everybody would unravel. Kind of like with January 6th, we always have to remind people, imagine if all of the people that bombed, that not bombed, like with their personal space, but that attacked the Capitol were black people.

I think that, I think that would have been killed. I think it would have been assault rifles and it would have been completely resolved. And I think it would have been an absolute massacre. And I just think that it's always important to, kind of point this out. So to our the person that reviewed, in all sincerity, my heart and mind go out to your wife. And I hope that you all can listen to the podcast together soon. And to her gay son, it's Pride Month. And there's so many people are proud of you because every gay person tells the world who they are at great risk of bullying and judgment. And that continues

on now. So thank you for writing that. That's really touching. And now for a quick message from today's sponsor the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. Do you ever find yourself awake at 2 a.m. Your phone in your hand, Googling things like, is it normal that my dog is dry heaving? Should you race to the emergency vet? That's why you need to enroll in ASPCA, pet, pet, health insurance plan and you can get a $25 Amazon gift card. It's a little treat for you while you're doing something really great for your pet. The program offers customizable accident and illness plans making it easier to get your pet the care that they may need. It's been around for almost 20 years and has covered nearly one million pets in that time. You can tailor your plan to fit your budget,

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at the gym, I'm not a fitness gay or a bro. I'm just doing my thing and going through the motions. You all almost killed me talking about the free prints and Mr. Softie, literally trying not to die while doing a barbell bench. I survived. You all make it worth fighting here in a red state of Florida. That's really like I feel like the backbone of this podcast is blue dots and red states. Yeah. I really do. I think it's the most overlooked portion of the American electorate. And I think those are the toughest fighters. There's no purity test in this. It is a breed of fuck you politics. It is a breed of Democrats. Stop with the focus

testing. Stop with the focus groups. We want you to get up every single day and stand up to these bozos. And number one, what it was it? Perhaps called it free print, but what was it really called? catching print. She called it free press. Like free rice. Well, and you know, I've had to really rain that because it's become such a problem. Are you still clutch looking? No, I'm like eyeballs only because my son walked in with some golf people. And I was just like, nope, not going to do it.

Like they came, a bunch of golf, I've just gotten in such the habit. And I was like, uh-uh. Okay. Let's dissect that just a little bit. Okay. your older son or your younger son? My younger son with his college friends. There we go.

That was the answer I was looking for. So your younger son walked into your home with other college boys and your crotch gazing. Immediately. And I just, that was it. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not here. That was rock bottom. That was what bottom.

And I can't, it is not okay for me. I can't do it ever because I can't stop. It just becomes something so I do it all. You don't discriminate. I do not discriminate. I do not have proper boundaries. You'll have age appropriate days in. No, but I mean, like my heart stopped.

No crotch is safe. Nobody's safe. No crotch is safe. Not even your son's friends. Yeah. Now they are because I mean, I just was like, oh. And I do want to say this is so funny. I was, it was yesterday the day before.

I was doing something and I was concentrating really hard and I picked up my phone from Kylie and it was a picture of a Mr. Softie truck from New York and I best felt like, yep. There is. See those I think of you. I'm seeing them everywhere now too. They're everywhere because it's summer and every time I see one, I think of pumps because when she was married, she called her husband soft serve. That was his nickname.

behind us back. And so when I see Mr. Softie, I'm always think about your failed marriage and ice cream. There's so many things to think about when you think about my failed marriage, but that is probably- Oh, my God. Before we get to the stories, I have to tell the two of you something. Okay. So insane. So I went to this party last night in New York and started early before the basketball game and all

of that. and this woman comes up to me and she's with this man. And there may be around my age, maybe slightly younger. And she's like, I really love your podcast. I thank you so much. Really appreciate that. And she says, I really liked your book. And I said the one I wrote with Pump.

And she said, yeah. And I did a thing at 92nd Streetwide. That's where we did our thing. I'm like, oh, that's awesome. I said, I have another book coming out. And she said, oh, when? And I said in October. And she said, what's the name of it?

And I said, not today, fascist. And you know how loud places are? So we're all super close. So the guy she's with is literally like three inches from my face. And this woman is about six to eight inches from my face right across from me. And we're all having to huddle in. And I'm with a couple of people in there there. And so she said, oh, I like that title, Not Today Fascist.

And the guy, white guy standing next to me, her friend starts going, not today what? Not today what? And I said, not today fascist. Like not today's Satan. And he goes, like there's fascism here. And I go, yeah, there's fascism here.

And he keeps making these faces. And I said, I'd had it. I go, help about instead of sitting there making those faces, why don't you just look me right in the face and say, fuck off. And we can end this conversation instead of you passively doing that. He goes, well, I mean, I just, you know, there's just absolutely no fascism in the United States.

And I go, okay, I've interviewed experts, the leading premier experts in the United States on this. And they've all come back with a unanimous, yes, that it is fascism. But, you know, tell me your maggot without telling me your maggot. Because I just, these white men that are so triggered, well, it turns out this woman is a matchmaker. That's her job. he is a client of hers who she has failed to match. I wonder why. And instantly, and she had introduced him as she goes, can I tell them who you are?

This is before he started making all the faces. And, you know, we didn't know each other. I didn't even have his name. And she was like, he's C-O-O and it was some, you know, big swing and dick hedge fund company or whatever, you know, a dime a dozen up in New York. And I'm just like, I'm not impressed with that. I mean, you know, like, whatever. I didn't say that.

I was polite until he, his faces were like this, you guys, when she was like, she was like, oh, so it's like about fascism and he's going, he's never. And finally, I was just like, this guy thinks that his shit doesn't stink. Yeah. And he can't just be polite or say, I'm going to run the restroom if he's offended by the title of my book. If he's that big of a snowflake and he's that big of a pussy, he's like, hey, I'm going to go grab a drink and exit. you know so so then he he wants to have these conversations with me about it he's like well i'm you know i'm just all about capitalism i'm like well clearly and it tells me he's some libertarian and i'm just like okay whatever but i realized in this moment these white men these privileged

white men their whole identity becomes capitalism yep and they see women with opinions as an incredible threat. You know, it wasn't like he said, that's interesting. Do you really, well, then what did the experts say? Because I don't see it as fascism. It was a very hostile confrontation, which, I mean, his facial expressions were so, I was just like, you know what, fuck this guy. I'm out of fucks to give. I'm not in Oklahoma anymore. And I was like, why don't you just look at me and say, fuck you instead of making those faces. I mean, he was just like, what's the matchmaker doing? God, I wish you would have been there. So then she says at some point, despite how this conversation's gone, he's really hilarious. And I was like,

he's like your make a wish bring to this party because you can't match him with anybody because he's so unlikable. But then I also did do a little crotch gander as he back to. Yeah. This would have been the micropine situation. So pumps, this is what it all, you're right, your theory that it all boils down to. But it was just, It's just you meet a lot of people in New York. And if somebody, she was the one talking to me. He was just with her. And I just was like, why even do this?

Like if somebody brings up something that I don't like and I don't know, the people, I'm like, hey, I've got to run it in the restroom. Right. Here's the thing. The demeaning way the looks were, like he, you know, his arrogance makes him better than. That's so classic. Like, I have a tip for the matchmaker. Send him right on down to Mar-a-Lago. He could be matched within moments, I bet.

I mean, he's in the wrong thing. I don't even know. He was so unlikable. He had, like... Stephen Miller is married. Right, but he had this, like, affect. Like, clearly he's the CEO of some hedge fund and probably has a bank account that can choke a bowl. Right? That's still not fixing.

And so then he's had to hire a high-end matchmaker. She still can't match him that. And then she takes him out to this party and he's stepping in it left and right. And I was with two other women. And when they finally walked away, because then a person I was with, he asked where she'd gone to college. And she's a very attractive young woman. And she said, oh, I went to USC.

And he goes, that's my understanding. That's in a terrible neighborhood. He was just like a little. Yeah. Just a little, just poo, poo, Debbie Dunner. I'm like, this guy clearly hates women. And I'm not one of those people that, like, thinks, oh, they're women haters. Because I think most people probably hate women on a case-to-case basis.

Like, I don't hate men. I judge them on a case-to-case basis, you know? But I think he genuinely is one. But here's what I think in segueing from this guy, the CEO, C-O, out with his matchmaker that can't hold him up with anybody. I was just like, so I finally goes, so she matched you with anyone at the end? And he goes, no. and I was like, oh, you're kidding. I'm shocked.

Color me surprised. Prick. All right. I'm a libertarian. That's code for... Shut the fuck up. Yeah, Ted Cruz is saying he's a libertarian. What?

Yes. He said, I'm mostly a libertarian on a TMZ video last week. I wish he would just say, I'm mostly an asshole. I'm mostly a fat, ugly fuck that doesn't give a shit about anything, but my podcast. Then I'd be like, Todd, Ted Cruz said something I finally respect. You know, Trump says he's going to make him a Supreme Court justice. There is no reason to get term limits faster than the thought of that. I mean, obviously, what we have now is the worst. That has to be a priority in my mind. I think he's doing it

because everybody hates him and everybody hates the court. And so he's like, you know what, everybody in the Senate hates him. Everybody hates the court. Just let's just wrap fuck the whole. thing because Trump's really good at rat fucking. Yeah. Double down. This episode is sponsored by Roe. A lot of people assume GLP ones cost a fortune. And that assumption keeps them from even looking into treatment.

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this next news article i'm going to bring up and it is that escorts are charging as much as $6,000 per hour, thanks to Silicon Valley's AI boom. So as we know, Melania made her first public appearance in more than three weeks at an artificial intelligence event at the White House last week. And the writer writes, has this been her strategy all along? Let's pop up this video. Yeah. So here's Melania with the Roe.

robot. All right. And then here is some reporting from this article. Pop this up. Silicon Valley's AI millionaires are paying eye popping rates of up to $6,000 an hour and $23,000 a day for escorts who can discuss GPU's artificial intelligence in the future of humanity before heading to the bedroom. A small but lucrative class of so-called nerd-first escorts is cashing in on the tech industry's wealth explosion by marketing themselves as intellectually curious companions who can match clients' obsession with AI, cryptocurrency, longevity, and other futurist pursuits. I just, God, $6,000 sounds low to fuck any one of those guys. I mean, it does.

Even if you really, I mean, that's just a big ask. So here's my thing. Amanda Ungaro, the former friend, very close friend of Melania Trump, has come out and said she was a hooker. Melania was a hooker. And Jeffrey Epstein introduced her to Donald Trump. And so does Melania have the intelligence at this stage in fascism to qualify as a nerd first escort pumps? My first question, before I could answer that question, I would have to say it has been raved about that you speak seven languages. So I would just like a paragraph of each and then we'll do the IQ test because I think that's bullshit.

I think everything she, her what's the smart person visa that she alleged? allegedly got Einstein. Einstein. Like all that is bullshit on bullshit sandwiches. I mean, just enough. Sucking enough. So my guess is, I'm going to guess, no, she cannot qualify. That's just, that's my opinion.

What do you think her, let's say that Trump drops dead. Okay. New regime comes in, confiscates all of the Trump's wealth, all of it. and Melania has to return to her alleged original profession. And so since she does these White House press conferences with robots and talking about AI, I can act out what a date with a potential AI, C-O, like the guy I met the other night, would be like. And she could say, I think AI is great for humanity.

I also give good blowjob. Donald not like so much, but I can suck chrome off tellpipe because I'm an unifier for humanity. This is where we are. This is where we are as a country. That is where we are.

And here's the thing. It's not that far-fetched that at some point, the Democrats grow up here. and she is left because she's going to outlive Trump, clearly. And she could be completely wiped out financially. And so then what do you do? What does she do?

What profession does she return to? The only one she ever had, allegedly. She's not going to be an interpreter, is my guess. Okay. And then another news story, this is hilarious. Kylie pop this up. The New York Times is saying no longer supporting cast, grooms now want glam squads to. The wedding industry is seeing an emerging ecosystem of services for grooms from day of hair and makeup to concierges and even therapists. The wedding industry is seeing all of this stuff

bloom and even grooms are booking day of spray tans, airbrushing, brow and brow and and beer trams, full body waxing. So do you think, what do you think about this? And do you think grooms should have their own glam squads too, pumps? You know what? I don't have a problem with the grooms having their own glam squad. I don't have a problem with the brides having a glam squad. What I have just fucking, I am so tired of,

this wedding and engagement and bachelor at party, it's just all on steroids because the public service announcement, I want to give again. If nobody gives a shit if you're getting married, they don't. Do you have booze at your wedding? Is the food good? Is the band good? Am I going to have to stand in line for a drink?

These are what people care about. They do not give a shit. And all of, you know, I'm going to have 25 bridesmates. And every bridesmaid has to spend $10,000. And I'm going to have this staged where everybody comes out. It's a surprise engagement. Yet we have 45 photographers and three videographers. Just the whole thing.

I've just had it with the whole thing. But if the groom wants a glam squad, I'm in. Go for it. I agree. If the groom wants a glam squad, do it. Do it. No problem there. Here's my fundamental problem with weddings.

It's just such tired, old, predictable content. You go, there's people standing up there. People walk down the aisle. They say I do. They kiss. they leave, they cut the cake, there's a toast. And it's just to me like a tired old plot. I wish that they could get a little bit more creative about them.

If you've seen one, you can go to a wedding where the people have a gazillion bridesmaids, groomsmen, have spent well into six figures, or you could go to something smaller. I want something more dramatic. It's this tired old, boring, predictable night out. And I don't know what they can do to make them better, but I want a little bit, I want something more interesting. You know what I've missed? I've been to a lot of weddings. And the best wedding I've ever been to, you and I went together.

And it was, from the time the first person walked down the aisle to they had left the church with 22 minutes. that will ever be my favorite wedding. Is that Hillary's? Yeah, Hillary's. Yeah. Here's the thing. What I want to go to and what I desperately miss is I see this content online or you hear it, read it, used to read it in People magazine that they're at the altar and they say,

do you want to say I do? And she says, the bride says, I know you fuck my bridesmaids. Yes. You motherfucker. That's what I want. I've never been to that wedding. What about this? If they've stopped doing this question, but this is what I want.

If anybody here sees some reason that these people should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace. And I want arms raising up. And I want somebody. I tell you what, you shouldn't marry him because I sucked his dick last night. And somebody else stands up. And yeah, and he fucked me last week. And then another guy stands up. Yeah.

and she sucked my dick two weeks ago. I want that. That's the wedding I want to be invited to. Me too. Wouldn't that be fun? Why did they do away with that question? Or is that question only in movies? I've been to weddings.

I think it's real. I think it's real. Was it your wedding? I mean, you know, the only thing I was thinking about in my wedding is this could go either way, so I don't really know. With my 87 house attendance. Where did you go on your honeymoon, pump? Hawaii.

No, where did I get? Oh, St. Lucia, and he was sick the whole time. And so I was by myself on the whole honeymoon. I had a great time. I have something interesting. I just Google, do they still ask this question at weddings? Okay, okay. It says most modern weddings skip this tradition.

It's now widely considered outdated and is no longer required for a legal marriage. It goes on to say legal proof, legal requirements and background checks are handled long before. So was this a legal? You had to ask this question and get through it. I just thought it was like part of the ceremony. I don't think it was legal. I want to bring it back. I want to bring it back. I think so too. He's like me to go and give me scared before. Yeah. And then and then I think it's like, then I think it's sorted out. And it's like, okay, did you give him a blow job last night? And she's like, yeah, I did. But we weren't married then. And now we are and I'm never going to do it again. And he's like, okay, well, I fucked your, your, your, uh, maid of honor last night.

Can we both get past it? And then we all watch it all play out, dramatic, snot slinging. And then they end up deciding to get married or like rack in the nuts, throw the flowers. You know, just that's what I want, which also is all of me wanting all of this a symptom as to why Donald Trump is president. Am I, or we a part of the problem here? Yeah. I think it goes back to reality TV. We've just kind of all progressed into that.

Okay, but I do this is a real, this is true. When I got married in Oklahoma in 1996 or seven. Yeah. I mean, decades. You had to get a test for syphilis legally. You had to go. Did you have it? I didn't have it.

I mean, I was worried about him having it. It turns out I should have been. I should have been like sweating that like I was my STD. Did he have it? No, because they let us get married. So if you have it, you can't get married? I don't, that's what I thought. But I asked somebody that just got married the other day and they said, no, they don't make you do that.

But there was like, because you got married out of state, but I had to get, we had to go like a week before, get the marriage license. Then there was a little blood testing place in the court clerk's area of the courthouse. And you go and you got your syphilis test. I have a confession. I have no idea what my anniversary date is. I know it's in September. I know it's September as well. And I can't remember if it's 16th.

I see, I think 16th. And it always rolls around. Like the Saturday and it rolls around. And Josh, I don't think he knows either. And we both kind of fake it. I'm like, oh, our anniversary is coming up. And he's like, yeah. And I'm like 16th, right?

And he's like, yeah, 17th, 16th. and the kids always come and laugh. We don't really know. And then those dates kind of pass. And I'm so glad that both of either one of us are like. Yeah. And for people who celebrate your anniversary and market, no knock. I mean, it's hard to be married.

It's hard to be in a relationship. And if it's something special, y'all do great. Josh and I are both more like if we want to have an anniversary style date and we feel like at that day on a Saturday at noon, we'll do it that night. It's just like, hey, let's go have a great night out. but I really don't know when it is. I do, I will tell you when we did get married, Dylan, our oldest son was already born. And so he was like in the, he walked down the aisle with me and my dad.

And the lady, I said, I want a non-religious ceremony at all. Like no mention of God, no scripture, none of it. So we're in Santa Fe. So they have this old lady come out. She probably like 75. I thought she's kind of cool. But she's like gray and the whole night. So she's talking about.

I was like the universe. You know, it was a little fruity, but I was into it at the moment. And she made it very short. But Dylan was kind of like, he was standing next to me. He was kind of like, Mommy, and he was trying to talk to me. And she like immediately, I loved her for this. She immediately goes, shh. No, talking during the ceremony.

And like just completely, I was like, okay, it takes a village. And then he's like clinging onto my leg because she just like me. She's scared to cry or talk. I look over at Josh, you know, Josh is so emotional. He's like snot slinging, crying when I walked on the eye. I mean, he's so sweet. And he's just like, I mean, just literally. I remember the pictures.

He was just like his eyes were swollen. They were just, he was, bawling. It's not slinging. So the gentleman looks up at Josh. And then he's kind of, so everybody's crying and getting in trouble except for me. Who looked fabulous. Thank you, pumps. Yeah, you couldn't go because you just had your baby.

I just had your last baby. I want to say it. with the 19th. We need to have Kylie, like, but we don't know what year. I can look it up. I do. I think it was 2008, 2007, much later than yours. No, because you, it was 2008. Oh, no, no, 2005. Yeah, because Roman. Roman was 2006. 2004. No, wait, I'm looking in 2005. So it was 2005. 2005. I mean, we are a record jacks on dates. September, I believe at 16th. possibly 17th, 2005, Santa Fein, Mexico. Around somewhere.

That's the gist, 2005, which would mean a lot of years. Two decades. All right. Well, I really want everybody's comments about what we can do as a country to make weddings more interesting. Yeah. I would just like the mystery of, I don't have my engagement on Instagram. I don't have my wedding on Instagram.

And we just have like, they're married? I think that would be in, like a great idea. Okay. This would be so great. Okay. Remember the movie wedding crashers? Oh my God. It's a comedy, right?

hilarious, right? Yeah. Okay. So we could quit podcasting. All right. And we'll have Kylie and Seth and Ryan. Follow us around the way that, you know, Hassan has the Twitch streamer people follow him and he's just out in the wild like streaming.

Okay. So we have people, we get a Twitch account. We go to weddings. We go to weddings, all right, that we don't know these people, but we're shopping for weddings, driving around, oh, there's a church, let's go. And we really go in like mega churches. We focus on MAGA communities, red state communities. We get some drag queens to put us in full-blown some sort of drag.

Either make us look younger, hotter, and or male like men. And we go and we sit down about 15 rows back. And as the wedding starts and everybody's getting into it, one of us stands up. And it's like, pardon me. I just, before we move forward in this, I just want everybody to know that he's on Grindr. And here's the account. And we just sabotage weddings of MAGA people. Is that fucked up?

That's fucked up. Are you in? And not standing at, like going into the reception, I would have a little bit of guilt if they were really happy. But going to the reception, be like, oh, my God, I don't know. the bridegroom forever. Like totally. So seeing how these people would treat me if I was dressed as a man or whatever. But no sabotaging the wedding. What if you knew they were all the people, then I'm all in. Okay. Yeah. Like if this is a Trump family member wedding, count me the fucking. Here's the thing. I would never do this because I avoid groups of people. Right. At all cost. Yeah. I avoid socializing

weddings and groups of people. So it's just, it's the, it's the fundamental flaw at the plan. It's like, remember when we were younger and we had an ongoing list of people that we were going to write letters to. Yeah. And we would write email or such a thing. And it would be like, we're going to write a letter to that manager at that ice cream shop because she was a total bitch.

And we're going to write a letter to this person because they were a total CUNT. And we had this ongoing list to people. That's kind of, it's just like a fantasy psycho thing, which brings me back to my grievance of when the dentist asked. Are you emotionally unstable? We both have a full circle. And I lied. And then I'm here on this episode talking about one is sabotaged perfectly strangers' weddings

where they can be completely happy and have this incredible relationships. Incredible, like incredible relationships. Well, I should probably call the dentist and revise my intake, don't you think? What would you think you called and said? Hi. They're like, hello, family dental. I was just in a Welsh. I had my teeth cleaned yesterday.

And I lied on question 474 in your intake form that took me an hour to fill out when you asked if I was emotionally unstable. I answered no. But if I'm going to go and send you a YouTube link to a podcast episode that I was published. And I'm clearly off my goddamn rocker, an absolute fucking nut. You have to dedicate it to the new fashion. Let me see if I have it. Oh, okay. I have it.

Ready? Okay, because I'm filming from home today. All right. My book is called Not Today Fascists. And the fascist that I'm going to dedicate this to today is the man that is paid a lot of money to get matched. And when I told him the title of the book, set there and turned into a snowflake pitching a facial expression fit, this goes out to you. And I hope that you read it. And I hope you make lots of faces.

And the links right below in the show notes. And we'll see you guys soon.