I've Had It - All Hat No Cattle

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps aren't holding back on todays episode. Pumps has had it with the a**holes that leave only one square of toilet paper on the roll and Jennifer has had it with the prick tease known as Hasan Piker. The girls also discuss adult-only flights, dingleberries at waxing appointments and ding-dongs that wear their Apple Watches during sex. Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: This episode is brought to you by SimpliSafe: Get a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. Visit SimpliSafe.com/HADIT - There’s no safe like SimpliSafe. JustThrive: Use promo code HADIT for 20% off A 90 day bottle of Just Thrive probiotic & A 90 day bottle of Just Calm at https://justthrivehealth.com/discount/HADIT HoneyLove: Get 20% OFF @honeylove by going to honeylove.com/HadIt #honeylovepod Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Casino app NOW, sign up with promo code HADIT, and new customers get a deposit match up to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in casino credits when you deposit $5 or more! Only on DraftKings Casino with promo code HADIT. OSEA: Right now we have a special discount just for our listeners. Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code HADIT at OSEAMalibu.com Microdose: To learn more about macrodosing THC go to micro dose.com and use code HADIT to get free shipping & 30% off your first order. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

This episode is sponsored by SimplySafe. I've had it listeners can get a special 20% off any SimplySafe system when you sign up for fast protect monitoring. There's no safe, like SimplySafe. So we're supposed to start the podcast. One, two, three. I mean, crush. Nation pops.

How are you today? I'm great. How are you? Excellent. You look like you're going to a tennis lesson or a pickleball lesson. You're a little white skirt. You're a little navy muscle tea. Yeah.

I'm going to teach a tennis lesson later. Because you know how good I am at hand coordination. Right, and maybe after that you could save somebody's life that's drowning in the local pool nearby. By putting a spoon up their ass and saving them. Yes, with all of your incredible swimming abilities that I just found out about recently. Yes, which despite having swam with you for 20 years.

Well, in the ocean it's different. I've swam with you and swam and pulls as well. I know, but I haven't tried to save your life and it's when we pull. Now I'm not sure I would. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. What have you had it with? Okay, this is petty, but that's why we're here.

Yeah. It drives me crazy when people leave like one sheet of toilet paper on the toilet paper world. Oh, that is the worst. It is the rudest. So I'm constantly and not just at my house. Right. But when I go into public places,

like I went to my Botox ladies office, there's a, you know, a powder bath for everybody to use. The last person in there had left zero toilet paper on. So I had to get around, find where the toilet paper was, and put it on the roll. I just think it's so rude. Okay, here's what we need to discuss. We need to unpackage this because this is a hot take. And this is something that is going on around the globe.

Okay, so first, let's talk about the toilets in your home. Right. Okay, so first let's talk about the toilets in your home. Right Sometimes we have lazy children. Yes, that don't take things over the finish line correct Which what can only be met with? Listen up MFR. I know that you were just in there and There is one sheet of toilet paper left, one square. One square. Undo it. Throw it away. Replace it. Take it over the finish line. I agree, but see, I never know there's only one little piece of paper

in a totally sitting. You're in it. I'm fucked. You're in it. That's the problem. Yes. So then let's take it to a public place. I can't even believe it. I often, now if it's a big like airport bathroom, who do you tell?

Right. You can't. But if it's a doctor's office, a restaurant, a place where you can use the restroom and then you realize there's no toilet paper, listener, you gotta go report it. I always do. You gotta say, hey, stall number two,

there's no toilet paper. Yes, I do. Because I believe that the people that, stall number two, there's no toilet paper. Yes, I do. Because I believe that the people that work there want to have toilet paper in the toilet. Right. Everybody does. And they don't know because they're never in there. That's correct. But yeah, I just think it's so rude.

And the place I was at where it was a business, I mean, it's a little boutique thing. It's not like a restaurant or something. The person knew they had left zero toilet paper. Oh, they knew. Why didn't they tell anybody? They knew. I would even say, if you get down to three or four squares. Yes, you always tell.

Take it over the finish line. Absolutely. I could not agree more. It over the finish line. You cannot people are leaving the restrooms in a manner that they don't want to receive them. I know. It's just unbelievable.

It is restroom etiquette, dickover that is going on all around the globe. Nobody's addressing it. There's no oversight. There's no reporting system. There's no yell reviews. Nobody's even fucking talking about this. The media, have you read one article about this?

About horrible bathroom guess., people not replacing a reporting no toilet paper. And so, Kylie, have you read anything in the news about this? I have it. Yeah. See, it's under reported. It's under reported. Yeah. It's not monitored. No, there's no regulations. There's no oversight. It is chaos with the toilet paper and the restrooms. I agree. There's so much bad restroom etiquette that I can't even, I mean, since we've started this podcast, it just strikes me every time.

You want to know what's so fucked up about this whole thing? What? Is Kylie could clip everything that we just said and put it on the worldwide web. And we will get people that defend the one square. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha is not sufficient for anything. Okay, let me give you another one. Okay. I got called into the bathroom yesterday by Anna in our home and she just pointed, looked at me and pointed at a whole toilet paper roll that I had gotten out a new one and I put it on the counter instead of on the roll. You're not finishing, you're not taking it over the finish line. You know what Josh Welch does?

Drives me fucking insane. He, if we're in a hotel room that only has one bathroom, he likes to take the toilet paper off of the holder. So that when he's getting the toilet paper for a wipe, he's like, you know, he, it's like a, he's got the finger and he's wrapping it around the hand. And then he just sets it on the floor. So weird. So then I go in to pee and I look at the toilet paper holder.

And there's then, much to my surprise, it's gone. So then I look around the floor, and dipshit Welch, has it sitting on the floor, and then I have to, I'm just like, okay, so then there's like some germs on the downside of that. I'm not a huge germaphoed, but come on. Put it back where you found it. And what about the people that do the toilet paper?

I think the toilet paper always has to go over. Not under. I was just gonna ask you, are you an over under? Over. I'm an over and anywhere you are. Strickly over. Strickly over, like even if I'm in a public place, using it and it comes from down, I will flip it over.

Same. I correct, that's fucked up. We correct the error. Kylie over under. I didn't know there was a difference. Same. I correct. That's fucked up. We correct the error. Kylie over under. I didn't know there was a difference. I had never cared. I tell just now I was told in my adult age that it's over. Yeah, it's over.

I don't care either way. It's over. You got to go over. You need to care. I know. I better know. And put the fucking toilet paper on the roll. Don't leave it next to the kitchen, the bathroom.

That's like when my kids leave their dishes in the sink, it's like the dishwasher is less than five inches. I'm team Anna on that. I am too. You deserve the call out. Yeah, I agree. It was not taking things over the finish line. It was a bad girlfriend, a bad roommate, bad person.

I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. You're a, bad person. Yeah. I don't know if I got that. Kylie, you're a really good person. So you can't have some little like, you know, whenever you reach the pearly gates, the fictional pearly gates, I want, you know, I don't want everybody to go, okay, you did a really good job here. You're a good girlfriend.

What the fuck's going on with the toilet paper? That's my downfall. Yeah. Jennifer, what have you had it with? I'll tell you what I've had it with. Okay. I've had it with. Okay. I've had it with a fellow named Hassan Piker. Oh no.

We love Hassan. No, we don't. Not anymore. Hassan Piker posts us on his YouTube and says he's gonna have us on his podcast. And we say we're gonna have him on our podcast. Yes. And all these people are excited about it.

And we email with him. Yes. And there's some movement. And then it's just a flat out ghost. Crickets. Then I still, like, I get on Twitter, like maybe three or four times a week because I forget about it.

Or another social media app. And it's like, when is Hassan gonna be on your show? When are you gonna be on Hassan show? And so then I tweeted, like they ghost us, we've tried, we give up. So then a guy that works with Hassan named Will is like on Twitter. And like in the tweet, I mean his people are rabid, like when is this going to happen? Bob, Bob, Bob. So then Will tweets me, hey, listen, I'm the brains behind this. Here's my DM me and we'll get this going whatever on your schedule. So I get his email address, give it to

Kylie. Kylie, how many emails have you sent to Will? I think it too ghosted. Two ghosted emails. So So Hassan Piker is a prick tease. He is a prick tease. Hassan Piker is all hat, no cattle, not even a fucking cow hair. My kids thought I was so cool. For the first time ever, yes. Yes, my kids, my kids friends thought I was so cool. So we just, you know, he like dangles the carrot. Look at how cool you old white women can be. And we're going to get together and we're going to bitch about stuff together.

And this is going to be so great. Total pricties, dentist, had it. It's a goaster. And he's in the permanent record band. Shut up. It's a goaster and he's in the permanent record band. Shut up. Yes, the only way he can get out of the band is to get his ass on an airplane to Oklahoma City to come sit in the hot seat.

So only way. Desperate times require desperate measures. This has been a stiff arm, prick tease. And with the Heisman. We can't stand for it, pumps. The rejection is hard. It is. It's a stiff arm. Brick T's. And with the Heisman, we can't stand for it, pumps. The rejection is hard. It is. It's a break out.

It is. Like you thought you were like going to go out with the really cool boyfriend at school, like a lot, totally, jock, frat boy, that you were like, oh my gosh, there's no way he'd like me. Yeah. And then he likes you.

Yeah. And then he doesn't like you. And then he dumps you. He dumps you at the park. And pretends like you don't even exist Yeah, and we were dumped by how old is he like 30? Yeah, much younger than you guys much younger Much more popular. Yes way more popular much cooler. I mean dropped us and I've had it Maybe that's why I dropped us well, these way cooler. I mean, maybe, but I'll

tell you what, I mean, there was a moment where he was just, you know, we had a moment. We did have a moment. There's no deny it was his idea to have us on his pod. And then we were like, okay, we'll have you on our pod. And then it's just crickets. I mean, it is cricket city. It's a heartbreak with hisan. And I believe in redemption, Hassan. I'm sure. I believe in redemption. I believe that you can write this wrong, but it's gonna require you getting your ass

to Oklahoma City and come sit in the hot seat. You gotta come to abortion, ban America. You bring your breed of democratic socialism to the front lines and we'll fight it with you. It's easy to spout all these things that you spout in Los Angeles. That's as easy as breathing air. You get your ass over here to enemy territory and bring your brand of democratic socialism. We're allies of all of that, but you get your ass here.

Otherwise it's a ban. The only way we lift the band is you have to come to OKC. Right, Kylie? Yeah, Hassan, we've got blue balls over here. Oh, we do have blue balls. The biggest blue balls. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, we'll see you in Oklahoma City. It was time for the call out. Yeah, I'm tired of getting on. When's Hassan going to be on? When are you going to be on Hassan's? And I'm like, we have done our part. We send emails. We return emails.

It's not my fault that Hassan Piker is irresponsible, pricte's, all hat, no cattle, that's his problem. And I don't know why they keep asking us about it because we've done everything we can do. Yeah, go bother Hassan. Yeah, go light his asset. Do you think maybe we sound like children lovers a little bit? Oh, 100% were just

in lovers. There's no question. No question. No question. I'm not trying to feign that we're not bothered by this. We are all hot, all bothered, all but hurt. Snowflake city over here about the rejection. I mean, let's not even get that twisted for a millisecond. Okay. Good. Just so we're all owning our part. Oh, 100%. This is you liked us. You broke up with us. And now we're getting mean. That's exactly what this is. This is we're back to junior high school

here with this grievance. Okay. I don't want to try to trot it up that we're the elder statesman here that are taking the high road because he went low and we're going lower. That's right. Welcome to I've had it. Everybody except for Hassan Piker. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And she's the star of the show. That's such a star. And a tennis pro. And a world champion lifeguard. So many accomplishments. So many. And you're only at midlife. Only at midlife. I mean, can you imagine the next 50? I mean, God, I mean, just crushing it totally, totally. Kylie, how are you? I'm good. I want to read you guys an article that our listeners will not stop sending us. Okay.

I heard you have to show this to Jen and Pumps. Please show this to Jen and Pumps. So I'm doing it. So Forbes reported an article that a Turkish Dutch airline is launching an adult's only section on their flights. Yes. And I'll read this to you. Okay. So they're going to strategically position

at the front of the aircraft, a new oasis of calm. And it will have 93 seats reserved exclusively for anyone aged 16 plus. Walls and curtains will help maintain its exclusive silence. I love it. Yeah.

Okay. This is a Dutch Turkish fusion airline. It's called Corinden Airlines. Okay. It's Turkish Dutch. Turkish Dutch. I love it. Yeah. I love everything about it. I just am I'm trying to is it an airline that services between Turkey and the Netherlands? Is that I don't know.

I didn't know you would focus on the airline. Right, I didn't know the airline would be the focus. So I just, you know, I know geographically where the Netherlands is and I know geographically where Turkey is and Turkey, it didn't matter. It's one of those countries. I know I was just curious about the fusion of those two countries. I'm curious. I dig I was just curious about the fusion of those two countries. Be curious.

I digress. Okay, quick. All right, listen, it's brilliant. It's fucking brilliant. I'm sorry I had a brain like I couldn't wrap my head around the merger of those two countries. It's fucking brilliant. If I lived in Turkey or the Netherlands,

I would fly them exclusively. Yes. And I hope that all other airlines adopt the same program because this is what the world needs. I absolutely agree. This is what adults deserve. Absolutely. We deserve this. We deserve it because we're paying for it. We deserve it because we're paying for it, and we deserve it because we don't like children, and we don't have to. We don't have to be cooped up with crying babies for five hours on a plane in the air. Put all the babies together.

Put them all together. Get them their own plane. That would be great if there were band, like children under 16, well, let's say 12, 11, 10-ish. Okay. You had to take your own plane with all the babies and the two year olds and all that.

Like a flying nursery, a flying nursery. Oh my gosh, that's so smart. A flying mother's day out. That's so great. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's I, listen, I thank you so much for bringing that to my attention.

And I hate to belabor this point, but if somebody could please explain to me The link between the Dutch and the Turkish. I just want to know Okay, I want to know what what's going on there and I know nobody else cares And I know everybody else thinks I'm a nut for it But there's going to be one mother fucker out there that gets my curiosity and you're the person I need to tweet me. Yeah, I can't believe you're asking me. I'm like the worst person to have. I have a question.

What do you call a tweet now that it's changed to X? I think people still call it a tweet. But like, I X to you? I'm gonna X you. Or I kiss to you because isn't the XO of XO? Isn't it a kiss? Yeah, kisses and hugs. Yeah. Is what that is.

I kissed you. I haven't heard it called anything else. I also don't think people are calling it that. It's just an eagot. It was just in the popular culture already. I retweeted. I retweeted. They tweeted me back.

And I just, I don't, I don't, there was no oversight on that. I just think Elon Musk has to go down as probably the biggest little dick energy of anybody on the planet besides Donald Trump. I mean, he is clearly trying to make up for his shortcomings on every level. I like, I like that theory and it would be fun, a really fun episode on I've had it to get somebody who's fucked Elon Musk here in the hot seat and just review his dick size,

the dick size and girth and link the performance and just get that, go ahead and get that submitted into the permanent record here on I've had it. I guarantee you, he's a quick shot and doesn't care if the female. And a gyrator. Oh, gyrate city. He's a quick shot gyrator. Oh, gyrate city. He's a quick shot gyrator.

Oh, yeah, awful. Yep. All right. Well, that was hot. Damn. Okay. Carly, what else do you have in store for us today? I've got some voice in those. Oh, let's go. This episode is sponsored by Simply Safe. I'm telling you, Pops, the security level at your house is finally where it needs to be, because you were way too laxed asical with security prior to finding simply safe. I absolutely feel more secure with my simply safe system. There's no doubt about it. The 24-7 live guard protection is made possible by the new Smart Alarm wireless indoor camera and is available with fast protect monitoring plan.

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All right up first we have Bev who's the drag queen that opened up for us in Philly. She's amazing. She submitted a voicemail. Oh I love that. Hello my gorgeous Jennifer and the fabulous pumps. It's Bev coming to you from Philadelphia where I was your designated cross dresser at your live show and now I'm here to tell you what I've had it with. Before I became a full-time drag queen, my day job was the office manager of a dental practice. And I have had it with grown-ass adults

who do not have any idea of their own insurance or their personal information for that matter. You call an doctor's office, they say, oh great, yeah, do you have any idea what your insurance is? Oh no, I don't have a card. Yeah, do you have any idea what your insurance is? Oh, no. I don't have a card. Can you look it up? Where? How? Do you think there's some magical database in the sky that has all of your fucking personal information? Do you want me to just reach my hand up my asshole and pull out your personal information? No, you're an adult. No, you're shit. I've had it. Love you, ladies. I love Bev. Love Bev.

I love Bev. And I think that there is a huge problem with adult preparedness out in the natural world. You can see it from the airport to the dental office. That's right. That's right. And I do think that when where is he supposed to get it? I mean, do you have my insurance, do you have your insurance card? No, can you get it? Where the fuck, I loved it when he said he'd have to, stick his hand up his ass and get it out of his house. The burden falls on. They insured.

Yes, but I would be remiss if I didn't say. The healthcare dental situation in the United States of America is so fucked up. Yeah, it's awful. It enrages me that people that maybe work minimum wage might have a root canal and then can't afford to have dental work done, or can't get pap smears, or can't get it just, it's disgusting in a country that is one of the richest countries in the world that so many people suffer and don't have access to proper healthcare and dental care.

And it just, if we had, you know, if we all paid in and had a system where everybody could access, then it wouldn't fucking matter. Right. Then there would be a database. Yeah, but instead it's a racket. The whole thing is a racket. These insurance companies' racket, it's all a racket. A little racket.

Had it. Beb, we love you. You were amazing on the hot shit tour. You crushed it. Philly was such a fun city. It was so fun. Beb just started us off right. Beb started us off and then we came in

and just fucking drove that thing home. The best part of the Philly show. I roll goddamn city. There's no question. Michelle in the flesh. That's right. I roll goddamn city was front row. Lover.

Front row. All right, Kylie, who's next? All right, up next, we've got Amy. I've had it with my dang dong of a husband wearing his Apple watch during sex. I'm sorry. I look over and I see this light shining in my fit. Like what? There's, you don't need that. This is an invasion of privacy.

I don't need Apple in the bedroom when we're doing that. Like that is no. I've had enough. Amy, I'm going to defend the ding dong husband. And here's why the calories, the calories, there could have been a ring that needed to be closed. You could account gone back and looked at his heart rate. I mean, there's a lot of data in that sexual performance.

Unless he's just a one-pumped chomp, he's got to keep that watch on. Because there's just once you're connected to it, and I know it's fucked up. I know. I can't defend it, but once you're in, and it gets its claws in you, the Apple Watch, it makes you nut. And then it starts bossing you around and then giving you rewards and then also telling you how lazy you were. You get this really fucked up co-dependent relationship with the Apple Watch. And I too wear my Apple Watch during sex, because those are critical calories and potentially stand credits

that I don't want subtracted from my permanent record in my Apple Watch. I'm defending the ding dong. I'm defending the ding dong. I hear you and I wanna be on your side. I understand the logic of it, but my heart is with the watch. And so, actually, I get it. I get it. My heart is, I'm in love with the watch. Yeah, that's the thing about the watch. It's, it becomes kind of a, an obsession. It's a marriage.

It's a dysfunctional relationship. It's a total dysfunctional relationship. I was at dinner the other night and I stood up and they're like, what are you doing? It's like, oh my, my watch's on my just standing and I gotta get this ring closed. They're like, what happens if you don't? Your watch is disappointed in you. That's what happens. Like, fucking nothing happens.

But I got him to stand here for one minute but everybody just piped down. Remember a few episodes ago where I was braille beaten on people that twitch, that like do the nervous bouncing? Yeah. Here's what I do. If I'm on an airplane and it says, steam, it says stand,

I just start doing my hand like this, which looks like I'm jacking somebody off and I'm just going, and I get the stand credit. So I do exactly what the nervous bouncing is. I do it with my watch to keep my watch happy. So it doesn't tell me what a loser I am at the end of the day because I've got to close all the rings. I'm with the ding dong husband. Yeah, no, it's it's bad. What's horrible to do to you

is bad stuff. It's horrible, but I'm in. I'm in. I can't. I'm in. I'm not breaking up with it. I'm doubling down, tripling down. If it said I had to start doing other things, I would blindly do it with pleasure. Said jump off a cliff. You'll meet your calorie count for the whole day. Here I go. If I was standing in line at Whole Foods to check out and it said, you need to pop out 10 push-ups right now. I would drop and I would do them right there

in the middle of Whole Foods and get up. And people would like me to go, oh, you know, the watch, I don't want to disappoint it. Right. But it's funny because people that don't have the watch, they don't get it. They think you're a net. We are not. No, 100%.

Yeah. But seeing it, because these people I were with didn't have Apple Watch. Yeah. So I stuck out like a sore thumb as the crazy person, even more than I normally would. Right. But yeah, if you don't have the watch, you think that Apple Watch people are not. Listen, we wear the Apple Watch on stage on tour because we have, I mean, there's like,

we were about to shit our pants. Right, our pants. Our pants. Our first night, and I needed to record that adrenaline, the heart rate. We needed that in the permanent record of our watch. Yeah, yeah. It's Amy, I hear you intellectually.

She's 100% right. 100% right, 100% right. But I stand with the ding dong husband because I know exactly what he's thinking is, I'm going to get laid and I'm going to close a ring. I like two birds, one stone, and the efficiency of the ding dong. I commend. Yeah.

Kudos to you. Mid sex. Watch tells you to stand up. What are you doing? I don't know that you would know. It's like a little like, it kind of pops up. And I mean, unless you were just completely like prone, like not moving at all during sex, you would know that it told you to stand up

if you were participating in the activity. So it could be good if there are some people that are like pillow princesses, it could get them moving. Exactly. It could give them a little joke. A little joke. A little joke like how you need to do your part here. Yeah, you bring some calories. Yeah. Yeah, this is a one-sided sexual experience. You need a nut-up cis. Get your ass up there. Get that ass move it. Yep. All right, up next we've got Angela.

Jennifer, Poms Kylie, and Richard, good morning. OK, here's what I've had it with. I've been in Esthetician for 15 years. And I've seen every pain in the gene you can see. But what I've had it with are those of people who come in after the gym or just showered the night before and they don't use the restroom to make sure I have a clean and tidy neat clean and tidy neat. Can I say it again? Workspace because let me tell you I clean up

things that I'd rather not see. I'm not a guy, no. I'm not a panel. Whatever that is. Anyway, please, just give yourself a wipe. Take that moment to go in and make sure there's nothing extra there. But hair, because that's all we want to remove. Is your hair? Front to back everywhere in between. Please, please, please, keep it clean. is your hair. Front to back everywhere in between. Please, please, please, keep it clean. She's so glad she brought this to everybody's attention. This had gone under the radar in my life

until just this very moment. Now I fucking had it with this. I've had it. But also, what's her name? Angela. Angela needs to respond about the asshole bleaching. Yeah. We need to get Angela on who bleaches the asshole?

Right. Does it turn white, Angela? We want to hear from you. Back to, oh my God. I mean, when I've ever gone sugar, I am like, wipe city USA. I mean, like toilet paper, toilet paper, baby white, baby white, baby white.

I mean, it is fresh as a new born baby down there. I want to circle back to Wipe City, USA. Yeah. That sounds like a Miley Cyrus song. Oh, that party in the US. Oh, yeah. Wipe City, USA. I mean, you should market that shit.

You can have little wipes and they can have the star spangled banner on it. And you could just, you know, do a little tiny bath hooker scrub with American flag wipes, and you could say, fuck you, I am a patriot, you fucking right wingers, and then you could scrub your vagina with it. Right, they might stay for the vagina scrub, but that'd be it. Yeah, and you could get under this dragons and everything.

But I did not know that people were not cleaning their vision. I mean, it's never occurred to me that you would not go in their spit shine perfect. Prior to a wax, I mean, you've got to scrub your legs open a mile wide. That's disturbing this poor woman, Angela. Thank you for bringing this to our Angela. I think maybe we could implement some oversight and you could have a little questionnaire. Right. Have you cleaned your regime today? Right. If the answer is no, please go into the bathroom to the left of the reception desk and you will find what was it called? White clean USA. White clean USA. White city USA. White city USA. By pumps to scrub your

regime. Yes, I think it ought to be mandatory. Yes. Like, okay, your appointment. We're coming to get you next. Go in the think it ought to be mandatory. Yes. Like, okay, your appointment, we're coming to get you next. Go in the bathroom, do a big wipe down. Petitty bath hooker scrub. Do the whole thing. Vigene hooker scrub. Vigene, like get in there.

Yeah, get in the creases. Get in the creases. And that, but hole, you get right up in there, you make sure it's locked and loaded before you go in there. Yeah. That's fucking gross. It's disgusting. I'm glad we know about it.

So that we can start implementing and doing our part to help as statisticians globally. Yes. Have cleaner work spaces to work in. The asshole is her workspace. You would not want to walk in to your desk with the little dingle perry on it. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't want it. No. No, Angela, we're going to do our part. Yes. Joe Estrada permanent record. Get your vagina clean and your asshole clean before you go to the esthetician. Yes, that's gotta be a rule.

Yeah. All right, up next we've got Cara. Hi, Jen and Pumps, big fan. First want to say thank you for the civic duty that you perform every Tuesday and Thursday. It has brought so much joy to my life. With that being said, I have absolutely had it with people who treat social media as their personal search engine. Just this morning saw someone post, looking for recommendations

on where to buy postage stamps in a large quantity. Any suggestions? How about the post office? Hey, mamas, Jameson has a rash. Any recommendations call your peed, Sarah. That is my recommendation. Stop crowdsourcing medical advice via Facebook status. I agree. If you're really unsure, Google it first. In the age of information, people have never, ever been dumber. It's 100% true. It is 100% true. It's true. And this is what

mystifies me and where I can't relate with a lot of people. Because I want less interactions. So Google is great for me. Because I can't relate with a lot of people because I want less interactions. So Google is great for me because I don't have to interact with anybody except for my computer. Right. But to open my life up and say, Hey, I'm looking for an esthetician because I have a really hairy vision. I've already exfoliated it because I listened to Hi, I've had it podcast and got that note.

Can anybody help me who does a great Brazilian? Or maybe I like a little landing strip and you're putting all these details and then everybody starts chiming in before you know it's got 250 comments. And I'm like, these people like this interaction. Right. And here's the deal. I'm really open to the fact that I'm the problem with this. I don't like that idle chit chat. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to be a part of it.

I don't want to see it. But she says crowdsourcing on Facebook. That's 100% what they're doing. That's exactly what they're doing. And that's the perfect way to put it, which I hadn't thought about that. That's crowdsourcing. Full stop. Yeah. And I do not understand why someone would hey, my baby has a rash who wants to help me out with it. F**king call your pediatrician. It's not that big of a deal. It's not that hard. Google pictures of the rat of rashes on the internet. I mean, this is just mindless stupidity. So my child, Roman, my youngest child, he has eczema, right? And so he, and it comes and goes. It'll, he'll have it and then like three years nothing

and then it kind of pops back up. So when he's 17 now, but when he was around 15, he comes downstairs and he says, Mom, I have something dermatitis and he and I go, how do you know that? He goes, Oh, I took a picture of my rash, sent it into Google Images, and it came back and this is what I have.

At 15 year old, if I can figure out what he had, what he needed, what kind of cream he needed to have. So then I called the dermatologist, it's all fucking done. Nobody was posting on the internet images of the rash, and the last thing I want is advice from somebody who is not trained in such a thing. Exactly.

That's what I'm wondering. Right. It's like stupid questions and the responses are stupid answers. Right. Had it. Had it. That's a great had it. Yeah.

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go to microdose.com and be sure to use the code had it to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description, but again, that's microdose.com and be sure to use the code had it. All right, up next we've got Silas. Hi, Jenny, hi pumps. I'm just gonna go ahead and get into

what I've had it with today. So I got a college And at my university, there are a lot of people who do this thing and it drives me absolutely fucking crazy. And it is whenever I'm just having this conversation with them and all of a sudden, they talk about how busy they are, how hard their life is, how they are one of the most troubled people on the planet. And it just drives me crazy because they're not. You know, they're going to psych 100 and going home and taking a nap, and they're acting like that was an act of God that had even happened. And it's just, there's a lot of fake importance that happens in these people's minds.

And they act like they can't, you know, come to coffee or meet up with me because they're too busy, you know, with all that they have. I'm telling you, Silas, these are the faux, busy, braggers. The faux-bizzy braggers are the most obnoxious of all the faux bragging. Yes, and it's almost like when you bump into them, before you even ask what's going on, they're playing offense. Right, I'm so busy, like I've got all this shit going on

and it's always the people who have absolutely nothing going on. They tell you how busy they are. Yes, always. The people that have the least amount to do get the absolutely stunned. I have found in my life the people who tell me how busy they are all the time. When if you were to break it down, they don't have jack shit going on. Agreed. Yeah, I agreed. And maybe that's just like particularly in, because you don't really know what a full-time job is, like, nine to five working weekends, working late. Well, I think some of them do.

Some of them do, but I mean, a lot of college campus is, I mean, you have 15 hours a week, unless you have a job, you got a lot of downtime. Right, but this is for me, I know more adults than college-rich kids that do this. Agreed. I mean, truly, I mean, I know people that, college kids that do this. Agreed. I mean, truly, I know people that like, women whose husbands are the primary breadwinner, and they don't have to have a job. And like, I remember one friend of mine, I was like,

so you don't have to work, oh no, I work. That's why I'm like, okay, well then I work three jobs. Right. If we're gonna throw that in,, like sometimes women want to say, and it is being a mother is a job, but it's also like just living your life. You read and you know, we can't criticize men for saying, hey, I babysept my kid and then as women go, being a mother is a hard job. Well that's true, but a lot of mothers, the majority of mothers around the globe have a job and they have to raise their kids, like a real job.

So the ones that only do the mothering that say that's their full-time job, that is privilege. That is a gift. That is a absolute luxury that you can do that and do nothing but make gourmet lunches and gluten-free cookies and pick your outfit of the day for drop off. I mean, that is true privilege. So I sometimes take offense when people having,

I had to work all through my children's childhood when they're like, oh no, but it's a job. It's a full-time job. And I'm like, it's like off. I mean, it is a full-time job. It's hard work. There's no question. But it's not, I mean, it's full-time work,

but it's not a job under the employment and contract. Right. But it doesn't, it's a false equivalency to compare that with somebody who works 40 hours a week and does say. Oh, no, I'm not, I'm absolutely in agreement with you. But I mean, it's hard to do it, because I've done full-time and it's hard.

No, it is, it is very, very hard, but it is not. It is a luxury. It is a privilege. Totally. It is because the majority of women in our circles, we know a lot of stay at home moms. But when you get to working class families, which is the majority of the population, it's privilege city shit. Right.

It really is. To be able to say, my full-time job is staying at home and taking care of my children for people that are working a couple of jobs trying to get gas in their car and don't have health insurance because our country's so wack and the minimum wage is so low,

they're looking at that one, we're going bitch, you don't know what having a full-time job is. Absolutely. And so I just wanna put some, there's a lens in which you look at that, but those are the ones back to his grievance. Those are the ones that I have found in my life that I like, they're the busiest. Oh, I agree with that. And it's like when you get down to the deep dark bottom of it, it's like,

I'm going up to school, I'm going to go get a new outfit. I've got three lessons. You know, I mean, it's just like bullshit stuff. Right. It's not like really necessary life or death type stuff. It's fake busy shit. Fake busy shit. So busy. Yeah. All right, the last one, this is one just for me. This is from Talon. Jennifer, Poms, your majesty. I am tired of this lander. Okay, I'm tired of it. Kylie, I'm

going to stand up for you the other day. I went to dinner with my husband of almost three years and we sat next to each other in the booth and Kylie, I want to thank you for standing up for yourself and speaking your truth. You're so brave. I read this article the other day where it was talking about when you sit beside somebody Primarily in a car, but in any situation and you're looking one direction, but not looking ready to each other You're automatically more vulnerable with one another because you're not making eye contact So I just want to put that on the table We will no longer take this slander and it's sweet. Okay, let it happen

Okay, bye. I love you gave her life Tal and I love you. Gave her life. Talon, I love you. I really do. But that article is nothing short of a jet stream of bullshit that you are more vulnerable because you're not making eye contact. I want the source. Right. I want to know. She's going to fact check that talent.

Don't worry. 100% source. And at this episode is over. I'm googling she's going to fact check that talent. 100% of the story. Men at this episode is over. I'm googling that stuff for the record. I do think it's very sweet that you and your husband enjoy sitting on the same side of the booth. And I know that being gay in America right now is hard. And so I would never I'm going to say this.

I'm going to I'm going to revise the permanent record. Okay. Here we go. Joe, are you listening? Gays can sit on the same side of the booth, not the straights. Agree, I think that's a good rule. I'm revising the record. Yes. I'm revising the record.

If you're gay, trans. You've dealt with a Neff Bullshit. Yeah, if you're heterosexual, I'm out on that. Right. Only the Gays can sit on the same side of the booth. I think that's a good rule. Yeah, support it. Yeah, we can make up our own rules in our own record book. However we please. That's right. As long as, as long as Joe is strong to stay with us.

Joe is strong to Scott it down. He's got it down. I mean, that's the new rule. Yeah. So I hear you, I hear him. I see. I see. We're going to rectify. We're going to do better. We're going to amend the record. Still think you could personally do better, but I'm not going to trot that out because the gaze are under enough pressure right now from the right wing. And I'm an ally, even if you sit on the same side of the booth. Yeah, that's a tough one. And it was a tough, that was really hard for me to say talent. It was really hard. But I think that's a good exception. I do too. I do too. I feel good about it. So really, really good about that. Are we going to discuss how brave I am?

I know. Speaking my truth. Yes. You're so brave. I'm so brave. Someone finally said it. You are brave. Someone finally said it besides your mother. It's you know what? I will say it is a profile encouraged to come in here

and work with two bonafide fucking lunatics. Right. Each and every day, it really is. I think it takes three. I mean, we just have to, we did Kylie, Kylie is, she's our 28 year old mom. Right, she is, she is our mom. She's like, mother's death.

She mother to, mother's death. Like when we're, she's like, no, no, we can't do that. She is our 28 year old mom and we love Kylie. We do. And she's so brave. And she is so brave. I mean, we probably need to get like a medal of braveness for. Yeah, she's just gotta get that toilet paper shit

under control. Yes. I mean, that shit's unacceptable. So, I mean, the letter go on a lot of things, but not that. Anna, I have your back on that. I want that known, Anna, that she has been called out and drug on the podcast for that egregious oversight and the toilet paper on the holder. And Anna, I'm going to have you come over to my house and start doing that march and

then point down to Josh. That baby spitfire comes out. Yeah, we call Kylie's girlfriend on it. Little baby spitfire because she's this little teeny tiny smoking hot Latina like larger than life personality, but like one of those people that like she's like fiercely loyal personality, but like one of those people that like she's like fiercely loyal, like she'll fucking go psycho for you. If she loves you, she will fucking cut bitches on your behalf. Even though she's so tiny, she could beat all of us up in one sitting.

In one sitting. Yeah, Josh, if we all tried to attack her, even though how much is way 100? Yeah. One of five tops. She would want me to say about 95. You're going to be in trouble. Yeah, she weighs 90. Anyway, she would beat all of our asses at all of us. Yep. Yep. All right. Special shout out today. Our new Patreon manager, Madison, as we're running the sound for us today. Madison, can you say hi to the listener? Hello.

So all of you need to go over to Patreon. We have our documentary club. Madison is going to be bossing us around, filming us doing stuff in the wild. I think we're going to do a Walmart visit. Yep. I don't want to go. But this has been requested. And so I'm going to go. I'm going to go watch pumps, open up lines.

Madison's going to film all of it. All of this is on Patreon and go to the hot shit tour. Buy the FIKIN tickets for that five star review. Like us. Do all the stuff that you're supposed to do listener because we get on the worldwide web two times a week and publicly embarrass ourselves. At least you could do for us as give us the five star review and join Patreon, Goddamnit. We have no pride left anymore. Yep, that's all we can do is ask for the five star reviews. Yep, and you're many on Patreon. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha stay and Thursday or both or Thursday or both. It doesn't matter.

Well, what you're the star, you can say what the fuck you want. I can't. I'm telling you what I've had it with. I'm gonna add it with that. So, sing along. I'm Keelah Bristo, host of Off the Vine Podcast where I get real. Maybe a little too real sometimes, with my friends and Celeb guests from Bachelor Franchise and Beyond.

I'm talking guests like Jonathan Van Es. No, no, jacket, like I would love from tacos. Heidi Demilio, Big Brother's Taylor Hale. I have to bring it up because it happened and we're going to get through it. And so many more. So come hang out with us here ridiculous confessions and get a little vulnerable because you know what, we're all just floating on this weird little planet together. Follow rate and review off the vine podcast, wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.