I've Had It - American Grift Story

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

We watched Melania the Documentary so that you don't have to...Order our book, join our Substack, shop our merch, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:StitchFix: Stop shopping and get styled today at https://StitchFix.com/hadit to get $20 off your first order.Shopify: Sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at https://SHOPIFY.COM/hadit.Homeserve: Help protect your home systems and your wallet with HomeServe against covered repairs. Plans start at just $4.99 a month. Go to https://HomeServe.com to find the plan that’s right for you.The Freedom From Religion Foundation: Visit https://FFRF.US/FIGHT or text the word, “FIGHT” to five eleven five eleven and help protect a country that belongs to all of us. Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsKiley Josey @kileyjoseySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three. Patriots, gay, triots, they triots, black triots, brown triots. I want to call out specifically white women that voted for Trump can do what pumps? Fuck! Let's tell us what you've had it with, pumps. Okay, what I've had it with, and this is primarily directed at myself, but what I've had it with is when you're,

you're laying in bed at night and you have an idea or you have some like, oh, I need to pick this up. Instead of writing it down, I just assume I'm going to remember it the next day. And I never remember it. And so this morning, I was like, I've had it. I've done with that because I had like two ideas last night going to bed that I was like, oh my gosh, that's a great idea. Can't remember them this morning. So after 40 years, because I'm a quick learner, I'm going to start putting it in the notes on my phone. That's my new pledge. Are you suggesting that you're 40 years old? No, but I only have conscious memories since about 40 and I know I've been doing for about 40 years and I know I've been doing this forever. Like laying in bed thinking, oh, I need to do this

and then I forget the next day and it drives me crazy. No, I do that too. The main thing that I do is I'll hide something from myself. Oh, I'm like, oh, I need to put this somewhere really special. So I'm putting it up somewhere in my closet and I'm like, oh, I'll totally remember where this is. There's no way I could forget this. And I make this mental note. A month later, I'm looking for whatever it is that I've hidden from myself. And in fact, I've completely hidden it from myself. Oh, I do that all the time. And I think when I put it away, this is a great spot to put this in. And then I never remember where the spot is. All right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with corporations.

that somehow have gotten my email address without me being consensual in this. And they email me. And then I've unsubscribed. And then they notify me like, hey, thanks for unsubscribing. I'm like, we broke up. Then now there's a new component to this. I got an email yesterday from somebody I've unsubscribed to like twice. And it was an email saying, just to let you know, we've updated our privacy.

rules. I'm like, I have a great idea. How about don't invade my privacy by mosing into my e-bell box telling me about your updated privacy bullshit when you clearly don't have it, don't believe in it. This is a gaslighting terroristic email that you have the audacity to think you can stand on the moral high ground and preach to me about privacy when you're mosing into my email box when I've asked twice for you not to email me anymore. Like, It's the new privacy rules updated. Let me see if I can find it. It just makes me insane.

The sounds of New York. It makes me insane these emails. And I'm always, I feel like I'm always fighting, fighting these people in my email box. It's like trench warfare at all times. No, the worst part is if I've unsubscribed, why do you think I'd give a shit about your private? privacy policies.

Exactly. Oh, I can't, oh, here it is. Here it is. I've unsubscribe. The subject is we've updated our terms and privacy policy. I'd like for you to take it over the finish line and update your privacy policy to respect my privacy policy. And I think, you know, sadly, and here's the thing about these email terrorists, you can't reply to them. No.

They have it set up to where it's a one-sided relationship. And so they're invading your privacy. And I'd like to respond to that email and say, please add, do not email Jennifer Welch to your privacy policy because you continue. But it's like, sorry, this is a mass email. You can't respond to this. So it's just the email terrorism that goes unaddressed at all times. And everybody's trying to rack it.

You know, just running some racket via email. and targeting you. And then out of all of the things in the world, like, do you think I give a fuck in the surveillance state that we're living in about your privacy policy? Really? Like, I have an idea. How about it be a corporation that stands up to Trump

and his invasion of all of our privacy and Peter Thiel? How about email that out? We're a corporation that's going to stand up against MAGA and Palantir. Do that. Now that I'd be like, okay, I'll resubscribe. I'm in.

I'll even buy some merch from you. Let's roll. Game on. No, I completely agree with that. And you know, whenever you talk about privacy policies, it always clicks my head. Like anytime somebody talks about their privacy policy, it always immediately comes into my mind that every time you go to the doctor, you have to sign the updated HIPAA, which is their privacy rules. So they make you aware of their privacy rules. And then I think to myself, but when they're not,

But women in abortion ban America, you're so proud of our privacy and how you offer privacy. But you are sending someone's private, confidential patient information to the fucking government because you want to control women and what's going on in their uterus. And it just enrages me all over again. Yeah. And that makes me think about Kevin Stitt, the governor of Oklahoma. Governor Limp Dick. This guy who is just a big, big Bible thumper. And it seems like one of his number one agendas is to help the less than 1% accumulate wealth and to punish women. These abortion

laws are punitive towards women, specifically poor women, which disproportionately affects women of color. And so the whole Christian bullshit that these Republicans politicians throw around is a total racket. But speaking of doctors and HIPAA in privacy, I'm going to pivot here for a second. So I'm FaceTiming Josh last night, right? And so he has like, he's always got problems with his teeth. I mean, he's always got some dental crisis, right? He's always like, I've got a crown, I've got to get a new crown, I have a temporary crown,

but now we've graduated to dental implants somewhere in the back of his mouth. So he goes to the oral surgeon yesterday and the nurse that's like saying, okay, well, this is your pre-surgery prep, blah, blah, blah. She leans down while he's on the exam table and whispers, by the way, I know you can't take opiates. Like it's a secret? Well, but I mean, from Josh's perspective, Angie, he's just going to the dentist. She knows this information because of the podcast. because she's a listener of the podcast.

Oh, not from his file. Right. She knows this information because she listens. And then she said, yeah, I don't want Jennifer Welch after me. So we'll be prescribing like, I be profan. And I thought, oh my God, this is like one of the greatest things ever. Like, I don't have to worry about that at all anymore. Because if you, you know, like for me for, you know, 25 years,

know, 25 years, it's real stressful for, and a lot of listeners can relate and understand this. It's incredibly stressful when you love somebody that is addicted and trying to navigate the healthcare system when you have a pre-existing condition such as addiction, which means you have an allergy. You have a, you are when they ask, are you allergic to medications? An addict is 100% allergic to benzodiazepines, opiates, etc. A lot of doctors I have found through my great love, grand love story with one Josh Welch, don't understand addiction.

It's really troubling. And they're so quick to prescribe meds in our hyped up capitalist and capitalistic medical system. And they can prescribe relapse. And it's just, it's always been such a worry of mine. So it was absolutely music to my ears that this oral surgeon. the nurse of the oral surgeon in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, if you're listening right now, a shout out to you. Sobriety takes a village and accountability makes a village.

And I just appreciate the all hands on deck nature of us managing, number one, Josh's hypochondria, and number two, relapse management. And so this is just like in all of the Trump fuckery that some patriot, gay, triot, they treat it, black, triot, brown triot, listener in Oklahoma, has my back and and more than anything has Josh's back right because it's it's such a dangerous thing and so I you know he just he goes yeah so you know I got I got these dental implants and I'm like another night we're talking about Josh's you know many elements and procedures that he's going to have and so I'm kind of like hunkering down and then he tells me that story and I'm like

kind of perk up and I'm like what is she a listener he goes well yes she's a listener that's so funny Shout out to you. I love you. I have worried about that because they told me like at 55 I would need a knee replacement. And luckily, I've been really working on trying to avoid that because I have the concern about going to the doctor and I cannot take opioids. And it's like I would just rather have intermittent pain than have to do that because I think doctors are too quick to prescribe it. And it worries me like would I say no. all of those things. So I just want to avoid it altogether. Yeah. You know, I realized Pumps and I have a friend who will remain anonymous as per the codes of sobriety. And she had an incident where she was on a dock and she's like 20 plus years sober, this friend of ours, mutual friend of mine and Pumns. 20 plus years sober. She's on a boat dock, boats coming up. Anyway, her foot gets between the dock and the boat and her toe almost gets completely amputated. She's screaming.

Toes about to fall a big toe. And family gets her in a car, races her to the hospital. She's screaming, like horrific pain because all the nerve endings down in the toe. And they were like, we're going to give you some morphine or we're going to give you this. And throughout all of that, this woman who's 20 plus years sober, this is like such a and courage seriously. She screams, do not give me any of that. Do not inject me with any narcotics. And our family is like, come on, quit trying to be a hero. Take the drugs. And she's like, she grabs the doctor's hand. She told me that she grabbed the doctor's hand.

And she said, if you inject that into me, the pain from that is going to be a million times worse than the pain from this toe. Give me what you can. sew it up. And I just thought, you know, that is really such an important story that people have to guard their sobriety with that type of tenacity because it's so sad. You know, it's been so sad for me personally when Josh and I, everything's great and then there's a relapse. It's just, it's really devastating and the cascading effect of it is, is massive. So I really appreciate the, it takes a village to contain Joshua Lach's hypothermia, a hypothermia, hypochondria. Now I've put that out in the world.

Now he's going to start saying, you know what? I think I have hypothermia. It would a really cold winter. I better go get an MRI. I might have hypothermia. He's had the MRI. Remember the doctor said, finally, I don't know what you want me to do. You're healthy.

You need to leave my office. But somehow he's talked us away into a couple of dental implants. So I would think that would be kind of hard. fake. But I will say he's had a lot of dental issues. I will say it's a lot. It's just all he has a lot of issues. Well, it's hard. It's you know what? It's hard work. He's older than you. He's a year older than me. And they always say the number one thing in your health you need to take care of is your teeth as you get older. Yeah. All right. Let's welcome. I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie, HBIC, B for Beaver?

We are America's top DEI podcast. We are trying to ignite women, gay, patriots, patriots, they treat its, black, trots, brown, treats to fight for this country to start up a brand of fuck you politics where we're compassionate and to the people that aren't compassionate, we're hateful. And we say, fuck you. We're going to take our country back. All right, let's check in with the lesies, Kylie. Hi.

Hi, Kyle. How are the lesbians doing? They're good. I've actually been promoted since the podcast won a Glad Award. I got a couple texts being like, do you feel like a superior gay? Like, I'm now more gay than some other gays because I have a glad award under that. I love that. So shout out to Glad.

So you're positioning. in the gay community and lesbian community is elevated. Excellent news. I'm now a top gay. I want an award for gayness. Yeah. Excellent. I've got a review for you guys.

It's titled Therapists for the Psychotherapist and Hazel, the Therapy Dog. And Jenny, the therapist gives you five stars. She writes, Jennifer and Pumps, you two are literally therapists for this psychotherapist. I'm a psychotherapist in the D.C. area and every morning on my drive to a full day of clients, I start my day with I've had it. I spend my days helping people process anxiety, anger, and heartbreak about the state of the world right now, and some warnings it can feel overwhelming before the day even begins. Then you two start talking, and suddenly I'm laughing in my car like a lunatic. You somehow managed to say exactly what so many of us are thinking while also bringing

humor, humanity, and sanity back into the combo. Truly, you're a therapist for the psychotherapist. Also, Jennifer, as a fellow Jennifer and proud 70s baby, I'm right there with you in that generation where every classroom had five of us with the same name. My therapy dog, Hazel, who comes to work with me every day, listens on the drive to and loves you both as much as I do. Honestly, I think she considers herself part of the I've had at fan club. You keep me grounded, make me laugh, and have become the best part of my morning ritual along with my coffee. Thank you for helping so many of us feel a little less alone out there. I mean, Jenny the therapist, that's so nice. Number one, I would say I have contributed a lot of money to your profession.

I agree. To try to unravel my own psychosis issues, personality disorders, et cetera. But number two, Jenny, the therapist brings up something incredibly important, an untapped portion of the captureable audience, which are the canines. And we haven't really ever talked about this before. but my dogs, for those of you watching on YouTube, are right down here. You can kind of see over my shoulders.

There's Chah, Chah. Tubby's a little bit closer to me right now because as we all know, he's a Jennifer sexual. And then Hazel, you know, I want to give a shout out to the Doctriots, listeners that get in their cars with their owners and ride to wherever you have to go in this country of ours, this dictatorship

that we all live in now. And this is been, been hard on you as well. I mean, the president calls people he doesn't like a dog. Like he is, he has taken your name and made it a slur. And the dog bigotry coming out of this administration has not talked about. Our dog listeners are not talked about. And so I just want to say, Jenny, thank you so much for including Hazel in that. That type of inclusivity is going to be an integral part of our opposition party and our future. recovery from all of this, being more inclusive to canines. And we need to rectify and atone

for the fact that a man was voted for three times, elected twice by people who say their dog lovers. And clearly they're not by their vote for Trump. Yeah. He said a lot of really bad things about dogs, really bad. And he didn't have a dog. Like he's never had a pet. Thank God. Thank you, fucking God. He doesn't have a dog. Can you imagine the treatment? You make a good point, too, is there are dog mares. There are dogs that ride the subways in cities.

Like, they're being left out of politics a little bit. Yeah. I mean, completely. That navigated the New York subway, like, went every day. I think that was the Moscow subway. Oh, was. Okay. Sorry, I thought it was New York.

Like, that's pretty impressive. Well, it's a network of dogs. that in moscow street dogs that that that's right that that know how to go get their needs met in the city of moscow by navigating the subways and i'll just say this you know i lived in a red state all of my life up until this past fall and i now live in new york city and the dog culture here is far more inclusive far more um a part of everyday life than any place i've ever ever lived in my entire life. So I think there is a link between people who are faux dog lovers, which I think are abundant, and then the people who are outright bigoted towards canines like

kanks. And so I just think there's a lot, you know, we've made a strong case for quite some time. Steenly Cubs, Gender Reveal parties, you keep going down all of the things that are a slippery slope to MAGA. And dog exclusivity, dog bigotry is, I think, definitely a contributing factor to MAGA-ism and those that are all about dog inclusivity and bringing together the canines and the human beings are clearly anti-fascist, anti-Maga. Pretty soon we're going to see a study about it. Always. Okay. Speaking of studies. There's a new one that's going around that we need to talk about, which we kind of already knew,

but it solidifies it. It says watching short form content harms the brain five times worse than alcohol. And it dives in saying emerging neuroscience warns that binging on short form videos like reels, TikTok, shorts can damage brain function more than alcohol. These bite-sized clips over-stimulate the brain's reward pathways, reducing attention span, weakening memory retention and increasing impulsive behavior. They also say that it really affects critical areas like the prefrontal cortex. I agree with this because I think I can feel when I do this, when I binge on shorts or reels,

I feel myself getting dumber. I feel it. So I don't do it that often. Like I have really made a concentrated effort to spend a lot less time on social media. consuming stuff like this because I feel I feel like not only do I feel brain rot I feel like spiritual rot in it it there's just whenever I'm just like hunkered down on my phone I'm like oh my god stop it put it down go live your life live with the humans live with the things that are tangible live with the things that are real like I'm so over all of this shit and I have also

read some studies that gen Z is starting to wean off of social media They're seeing a decline in Gen Z drinking alcohol, Gen Z's use of social media. So I'm hopeful that they get off of it because I think it's really bad. And then people, when they're on it, like you could be talking to somebody, you're like, hello, hello, hello. And they're just like, and I think we all know who I'm talking about when I say that. Yeah, my attention span and my ability to focus is in the shitter. And I know it's probably part of it's my age, but a lot of it I attribute to social media. You consume a lot.

Yeah. The minute we like there's a break filming, Kylie and I are like talking, Pumps's head is like down hunched over like totally in the algorithm or like we'll just, we'll be out with people to dinners and meals and stuff and Ponce is just, she's just in her algorithm. And I'm just kind of like, yeah. And I'm so, so, so guilty of the dopamine hit of hating Trump. Like, I'm in that cycle. Like, I want and it's fucked up.

I mean, I know it's fucked up, but it's like you just want to like, oh my God, what did you do? You know what I mean? Like I have become addicted to that, no question. Yeah, it's not good for you, pumps. No, it's not good. You're going to have to wane off of these. these social media. You can't be a 57-year-old compulsive vapor and social media addict. It's going to be easier. Maybe this is why you're single. Among many other batteries.

We got to get you got to give up one, either the vaping or the short. It's the social media. I mean, come on. Okay. I have had it. I have had it with people using religion as a hall pass to control everyone else's lives. I've had it with politicians pretending the Constitution is optional when it comes to church and state. The First Amendment is actually very clear. The government does not get to pick a religion or force one on the rest of us, period.

But right now, Christian nationalists are trying to shove their beliefs into public schools, into laws, into courts, and we are not doing this. The Freedom from Religion Foundation is one of the few groups actually fighting back. They take these cases on, they enforce the Constitution, and they protect everyone's freedom of conscience,

not just one groups. This isn't anti-religion, it's anti-forced religion. If you're also done with this nonsense, join them. Visit. FFRF.U.S. slash fight or text the word fight to learn more and join. Text fight to 511, 511, and help protect a country that belongs to all of us.

Because honestly, enough is enough. Go to ffrf.us slash fight or text fight to 511-511. message and data rates may apply. All right, listener, when we started this podcast, there was like a million what ifs, like what if we botched this? What if it tanks? What if we fail? What if no one listens?

What if nobody buys anything? And it was just overwhelming and there was no like book or guide or manual. And that's when a friend suggested Shopify. Shopify helps you get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you and you can easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. And the best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything

from managing inventory to international shipping to process. processing returns and beyond. And what if you get stuck? Here's the best thing about it. Shopify's always around to share advice with their award-winning 24-7 customer support. Listener, it's time to turn those what-ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash had it. Go to Shopify.com slash had it. That's Shopify.com.com. slash had it. Okay, speaking of brain rot, I guess this is like episode two of my series of I watched something so that nobody else had to.

Last night, I watched the Melania movie. Oh my gosh, you did? Were you able to pirate it so you didn't give her numbers? Well, allegedly. So it's out on streaming now, which I've been waiting for because I knew I could watch it without helping give her numbers in different ways. So I did that. So she didn't get any of my metrics. But I, so last week I did Candace, right?

Yeah. I got sucked into that. She's entertaining. This was probably the most difficult hour and 44 minutes of my life to get through. It is genuinely, and this is a bipartisan opinion. It's genuinely so fucking boring. So I watched it. I started it.

I'm just going to run through a couple of things I noted. Oh, I'm so excited. One, it's not a documentary. It's completely scripted. It opens with like eight to nine minutes of music playing and her just walking. This is about the whole movie. Is her sitting in cars driving, trying on outfits and photo shoots, right? Not a lot of talking.

And so it opens with the song, Give Me Shelter by the Rolling Stones. And this stood out to me because it was. one point I was listening to the lyrics and it's about like death and destruction in the Vietnam War. Yeah. And I look at the captions that are playing the lyrics and it's her, there's a bafflehead of Trump, rape, murder, yeah. And I just... Ironing is so lost on these people. So lost. That couldn't have been such an easy fix that has to be on purpose. The opening song to your documentary is this.

Rape murder, it's just a shot away. Rape murder, yeah. So I thought that was a choice. For sure. And then the other thing I noticed, there's no plot at all. It covers about three days that they stretch into an hour 44

like leading up to the inauguration. The whole thing's fake. It's three days and it's so drug out. I mean, it's hard to watch. It's super fake and you have to watch her hold Donald Trump's hand quite a bit. And you know she hates holding his hand. We've seen her. The one thing they could not fake is they make it known that they sleep in separate beds.

Like he says good night. He goes into this bedroom. She goes into that. So I thought through all the fakeness, they couldn't just fake that for the documentary. That was her line. Right. She did not let me just say. Let me just add something here. If there was a documentary about Michelle Obama or Barack Obama and they didn't sleep in the same bed. Fox News would go fucking life support ICU mental institution quote unquote insane asylum Hannibal Lecter shit to quote their leader they would lose their fecum oh so their marriage is a sham so traditional marriage I mean they would go fucking bananas and this is just such a minor point like I don't give a fuck if they sleep in the same, but I don't care if the president goes golfing. I don't care if the president

goes on vacations. Both sides take care, participate in all of that. I'm not wound up about the East Wing that much. I don't really give a fuck about the ballroom. I care about the shit that impacts people's lives. But Fox, they care about all that shit, all of it. And if a Democrat tore down the East Wing goes golfing, does all the shit that the Trumps do, they lose their mind. But But they're so bias and they're such cultists, they can't call it out. They can't call balls and strikes. They can only call it on one side. And I don't really give a shit about that stuff.

I wouldn't care if the president had a girlfriend. I don't care about that shit. I care about their policy and their leadership more than I do all of the superficial shit. But that's something Fox would lose their minds about. And a lot of people when they get super old like him, I mean, like I remember my grandparents towards the end. They didn't share us the same bedroom. I didn't think anything about it. But I mean, we have to remember he's 80 years old and they say he poops in a diaper. That's so fucking gross. Can you imagine. And like you've pointed out, Jennifer, he eats in bed. I mean,

can't imagine. Okay. I went to the internet to see what some other people thought after they watched the movie. And so I've got a couple reviews of the movie that people left. This one is five stars. I watched this as a form of self-harm. This person wrote, this isn't mine, but they saw a review that said, so bad, Governor Abbott walked out. Five stars, this person reviews, I honestly didn't watch this, but I don't want to be deported, which I saw a lot of those. McLeaven writes, one of the best depictions of prostitution in cinema. which it was. Yeah.

And the last one, someone wrote, if I was on an airplane flight and Melania was the in-flight movie, I would walk out of the theater. That's funny sometimes. Here's what's so gross about this whole thing is this is Jeff Bezos, who spiked the endorsement of Kamala Harris in the Washington Post. There was a concerted effort by these oligarchs to rally around this man who was dismantling the American economy.

dismantling the court system, dismantling any form of democracy that we have because they want to be wealthier, because he wants to have, you know, blue origins or whatever the fuck beyond Amazon. Like, can you not just say, okay, I'm pretty successful. I have the world's largest retailer and I don't own a retail store. Right. And call it a day. Go bang Lauren Sanchez as much as you want to. Have fun.

Go crush. to be to not have any. And then you, you have to give him a $40 million documentary for his talentless lying wife. And I just want somebody to talk about the fact that everybody knows she doesn't speak seven languages. I have something on that. Okay. There's a scene where she's talking to Bridget McCrone. And they're discussing Be Best.

Be Best was kind of a big part of this. The be best. The be best. and Melania's talking English on the Zoom. Then Bridget responds in all French. And Melania is nodding like she understands. And then she responds in English. And I thought, you would respond in French.

I knew it. I knew it. Is Candice Owens on that yet? I'll check. Because that to me is great content for her. Melania talking to Bridget McRone in some sort of coded one speech. in French, the other speaking in English,

Melania's supposed to speak seven languages. Did Israel unteach her how to speak French? What's going on here? Did Charlie Kirk have something to do with this? What about the French legionnaires? Or is the trans community attacking Melania's brain where she's unable to speak French any longer? I mean, this is an episode for Candace.

We need Bright of Trump series. Oh, for sure. Kylie question. Were they telling you, like, were they putting subtitles on what Bridget McCrone was saying? Yeah, for us. I had subtitles on. What Anna, my girlfriend and I think is that there was a producer off camera telling her what Bridget said and translating it. Of course. Yeah.

So she, did you ever hear her speak any other language besides English? Not. That's this has been their big pitch. Melania is this international woman of mystery. She speaks seven languages. The truth of the matter, as we found out it sounds like she was an Eastern European child that Jeffrey Epstein turned into a call girl. And then that she was passed around Epstein's inner circle until Trump finally landed on her and then decided he would keep her. And then they had to build up this Einstein visa bullshit. And she's this whole seven language stuff has been a lie, a compulsive lie forever.

And again, I'm not the one that cares about this shit that much, but if the claim was made, an extraordinary claim, somebody speaks seven languages. And I know that the people in smaller European countries do, and I'm envious, and I'm real proud of you guys. Yeah. But because I only speak one. But if it was claimed that Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris, Michelle Obama spoke seven languages. And then you never heard them speak the other language. They would lose their mind. Likewise, I will never forget this as long as I live.

when John Kerry was running for president against George W. Bush, he speaks fluent French. So he is at some event speaking to French people in fluent, gorgeous French, because I think French is just such an audibly gorgeous language. Fox News lost their fucking mind because he was bilingual. And so these people believe in fucking nothing and their compulsive liars and they hate dogs. On top of the murder, the war crimes and all of the horrible things. that are incredibly depressing to talk about, that we talk about on I-HIP news all the time. I'm trying to keep this one a little bit lighter.

Trying to keep this podcast a wee bit lighter. But on top of all the fuckery and war crimes, they're just pathological liars, provable pathological liars. And allegedly, Marco Rubio was speaking recently and you could hear him turn to Trump and ask permission to speak Spanish. What?

I haven't seen that clip myself, but someone, a listener, DM'd us that. I'll go look into that. But because they brag about Malani having seven languages, they hate people that can speak different languages. Right. She's also an immigrant. Well, that's stupid. I think it's Hexeth who just said he got up on stage with Trump and he said, I speak American, which is not a language.

Is he went to fucking Harvard. It's intentional stupidity. It is, it is a stick that they play. It is a, I'm going to be, I'm going to play stupid MAGA for the day. Oh, gee, I speak American so I can speak to the Robs. It's just all such a fucking con from start to finish. Okay, do we want to in the episode on a couple voice memos? Yes.

Yes. Okay. Up first, I've got one from Jake. I have had it with Manosphere, babies, fitness bros, gym bros, co-opting the fitness space into some Republican little hate verse, which it is not. The gym is a very welcoming, inclusive place. There are plenty of us out here who vote blue, who love our families, who love our wives, and like to work out so we can look good for our lovely wives.

And I just think that the space has been perverted, and I have had it with that hateful bullshit that doesn't belong in the gym. Well, well, well, is that a heterosexual male listener? Did you hear that? Oh my gosh. You hear that? You hear that? I was going straight to the gym.

Mm-hmm. Do you hear that? Yes. Very heterosexual. Real men listen to I've had it. True. Secure true alpha males. Mm-hmm.

Interesting. Interesting. He brings up a very good point. That RFK Jr. Has taken over that space and And the whole maha thing is just so fucking weird. Like you're so into health, but you also are anti-science. Because everything that they are doing is because of the study of science,

working out, increasing your heart rate, interval training, weightlifting, to live, you know, for longevity. But I really appreciate that listener. Kylie, what was that man's name? That was Jake. Jake. I really appreciate Jake. And Jake, I will tell you this.

I've noticed on Instagram that my own husband has turned into quite a gym influencer. And here's what happens. So his trainer makes these videos of Josh working out. And it's like always to like really bad like white people rock music, right? And so Roman, my youngest son was on Instagram and the algorithm served up a, fitness video that Josh's trainer made of him exercising. It was cut. It was edited. It was put to music. Josh is doing like chinups and pushups and like burpees and all of this stuff. Our youngest son immediately sends it to the family. I immediately open it up and share it on my

Instagram story. My husband, the gym influencer. And so I appreciate this because my husband, My husband's a part of your movement. He loves the gym. It's a huge part of his life. It's a huge part of his recovery from drug addiction, like doing something good for your body. And he's a much happier person when he works out. And he has a wonderful experience at the gym. And so in the aftermath of all of the maga fuckery, this is something we can actively start reclaiming now.

But I just appreciate you, Jake. And I appreciate I want to have more visibility of. non-Maga straight men. I agree. They need to be more visible in calling out the other whites, just like pumps and I are trying to call out the white women. See, Kylie, you really don't have a problem with the lesys. They're pretty locked in to the cause.

There's a few, but yeah. There's, you know, here's the thing about lesbians. And I've said this a lot. There's a real fine line between cowgirls and lesbians. When you get out to rural Oklahoma, it's, it's. It's tricky. It's hard to tell. You grew up in rural Oklahoma.

Yeah. Was it? Cowgirl country. Literally. Literally. Literally. It's a weird, it's a weird thing. And I think in the Bible Belt, this is, I'm trying not to sound like an asshole.

I think, please do sound like an asshole. There's not a ton of gay culture, right? You're a little bit. deprived of it. And so style is not something you're surrounded by, you know, in gay style. And so I think there's quite a lack of it. And I think there's a really confusing thing for people that they go through. They don't know what to look like when they realize they're gay. And there's a lot of cowgirl culture. I just think there's a weird mix. And my girlfriend and I have really noticed out on the coast how attractive and well-dressed and not to cowgirl-like the gays are out here.

And that was... Okay. I want to jump back to something here that you just said, which I think it would be really interesting for the listener to dive into with you. And you said you don't know how to dress once you realize you're gay. Right. Explain that. I think, like me personally, and I think a lot of people,

like I was wearing Chevron. I was wearing chunky jewelry. I was wearing dresses because I was in a soror. You were conforming. You were conforming to what you thought. Yeah. You don't fear out your style yet because you haven't even figured out your sexuality. So once you have that epiphany, you're kind of like, well, I want people to know.

Like I want to, now I want to fit into that community. And so you start to try to dress. And sometimes it goes really bad until you figure it out. And hopefully you do figure it out. Some don't. Who was your first crush on a girl? What age and who was the person? like real life girl just whether it was somebody in a movie or real life like when was the first like

real like you felt like oh I really really like this person and it was kind of like how pumps feels about that one girl pumps who is it what's her name gabriel union yeah like yeah when was your first uh crush like pumps has on gabriel union okay in hindsight I was a very big Gaga fan and I just thought because I liked her artistry and her music it's a very gay thing you gravitate towards that so that was a super gay fandom I had and then celebrity wise like Cara de laveen do you guys know who that is yeah we saw her at the glad awards we saw her at the glad awards and I also follow her sister Poppy day Levine I think they're both fashion icons I love both Kara and Poppy and nobody ever

talks about Poppy, but she is not enough. It is gorgeous and her sense of style and is right up there with Carolyn Beset. Oh, yeah. Which I've got a hat it in New York. Everybody's obsessed with Carolyn Beset and now everybody's trying to dress like JFK and Carolyn Beset instead of having their own style. It's everywhere. It's like COVID spreading.

I went to on Sunday. I went to the John F. Kennedy Jr. lookalike contest. Washington Square Park. Yes. So let me just tell you and the listener of this before we take the next caller because this is worthy. So Jonathan Van Ness of queer eye fame and his husband Mark, my son's girlfriend, Sydney, and liberal progressive YouTube influencer Jack Coachella. What happened is I made plans with three different people. I forgot Sydney was coming to New York. I forgot that J. Vann and I texted that we were going to have a Sunday fun day. And then I made plans with Jack Coacharella to go to brunch. So then I'm like, oh, fuck, Saturday night. So I just sent out

a text, hey, everybody, we're all going to go to this JFK Jr. lookalike contest together. Jack expand the brunch reservation. This and everybody just went along with it. It worked out perfectly. I love that. I had like a sundowner moment. Totally fixed it, right? Fixed the whole thing. So Jack Cottarella comes to my apartment first, and we start walking towards Washington Square Park. And we're walking down Fifth Avenue, and we can hear this rally, like a protest. I said, oh, I said, oh, my God, it's a protest. We've got to hop in it. He goes, what are they protesting?

I said, I don't know. And they're probably like four of the short blocks down Fifth Avenue. And as we get closer, I see Iranian flags, American flags, Israeli flags, and then big posters that say thank you President Trump. And I was like, well, I'm not, including myself into this protest at all. This looks like a really fucked up protest and I want no part of it. So we power walked past them and I looked at Jack and Sydney because we were going to meet JVN and his husband under the arch at Washington Square Park.

And so we power walk down and I said, I'm telling you these protesters are going to fuck up this JFK Jr thing. are going to ambush us, they are going to fuck it up. He's like, no, they'll probably break up by them, right? So we get to the contest. I see all the people, the JFK Jr. lookalike people. It's very exciting. There were some gay triots there. There was some, there was a black triate there. So people were coming up to me going, I didn't think I'd see you at the JFK junior lookalike contest. I was like, I'm totally, I love stupid shit like this. So meet up with JVN who like had done his hair. He fixed, this is just an aside. He'd fixed his hair like super

and he walks in because I'm sorry I look like Lionel Richie today. Okay, so we're in it and we're like trying to peek out and look at the at the JFK juniors and there's girls dressed like Carolyn. Just harmless. It's a gorgeous day like 65 degrees, no wind, gorgeous weather. And there's nothing more intoxicating than a gorgeous day in New York City. So just as I predicted, the freak show. we love Donald Trump, weird pro or pro war protests. And listen, to any Iranian listeners, I understand that your country is not a mull. I do not think Donald Trump is coming to save Iranians. All right. So anybody who says, thank you Donald Trump for anything. It's just a red flag in my book. This is not a foreign policy podcast. We're just not going to get into that. So if I heard anybody's feelings or whatever, just stick to the story.

So of course, these fuckers come down with their thank you President Trump and they've got whistles. And I looked at everybody, I fucking told you they were going to do it. I knew they were going to ambush this competition. So I'd never got to find out who won. So JV. Ann's like, oh my God. Oh, my God. These people are terrifying. So we go out around Washington Square Park and we finally get away from all of them.

So I have no idea who won. But I went to the contest before it was ambushed by the Iranian Maga movement. It's make a rom great again. I'm a surprised Lindsay fucking Graham wasn't there, that old queen. God. All right, let's do another caller. Sorry, that was it. But I thought that was really fun for the listener.

I think that's cool that you went there. Thank you. Were the guys hot and did they look like to ask? Yeah, they were all super cute. And then all the girls that were there watching it, there was way more girls there than there was guys, which I thought was really darling. And so probably like from early 20s to like early 30s and they were all dressed super cute and they all wanted to get a gander at the hot single guys. I don't know.

I just thought I thought the whole thing was just darling. I loved it. I wish I knew who won. But it was I was served this on my Instagram for you page. Like there's going to be this event. And so when I was making plans with everybody, not realizing I was, it all worked out. Everybody was 100% ongoing to the JFK Jr. Lookalike contest.

It was a great day. It was a great day for everybody except for the JFK Jr. Lookalike people that got ambushed by the Iranian MAGA protest. You just can't have anything. ... supporters, Iranian MAGA supporters. All right, everyone. Shopping for clothes is just sometimes not easy nor fun. We're supposed to think it is and you just want to feel confident in your clothes.

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Hey, Jennifer. Hey, Pumps. Hey, Kylie. This is Michael, a Gatriot here reporting for duty. I just first wanted to say that Jen and Pumps, I've been huge fans of yours since the Sweet Home Oklahoma days. I think it's time for a reboot for sure, cut short too soon. And, you know, they keep rebooting stupid shit that doesn't need to be rebooted or wasn't even good the first time. That's it. That's it had it for another day. But what I've had it with these days and today is unfortunately one of my favorite artists or former favorite artists, Nikki Minaj. She has absolutely jumped the shark, if you will, and is simping the real-looking party in Donald Trump allegedly to curry favor to gain a pardon for her husband's crimes, which I guess tracks to me. But now, every time she comes on my shuffle, I unfortunately have to skip. She's, yeah, I just can't support that anymore, seeing her on stage with Erica Kirk calling

Donald Trump, an assassin, as a, I guess, compliment. Just, yeah, broke my heart. And now I'm also sort of paranoid that, oh, my other girlies, my pop girlies, my rap girlies, I'm worried what their politics are. Is anyone safe these days who is confirmed, you know, safe or who might be lurking in the MAGA corners? I don't know. And now it's really sort of contributed to this paranoia that I have that I'm going to find out that one of my favorite artists tomorrow is going to come out and support MAGA.

And I just don't know what to do anymore. So fair. This has happened to me, not with Nikki Minaj, but like I have this, I watch a bunch of sports podcasts and this guy I really like. And he, he, he, I found out he's pro Trump and I had to unsubscribe. Like you just have, you. This movement has shown you just cannot be safe with people. The people you least expect are the most morally bankrupt, as it turns out. Yeah.

Yeah. It's pretty gross that after what everybody has seen this far, whether it's Nikki Minaj, and I think obviously the caller alluded to her wanting to get some sort of pardon for some pedophile or something, which is just, you know, it's perfect for MAGA. But the thing about sports, and we talk about this a lot, pumps, there's just no excuse. Like, people that are into sports need to be the biggest proponents on the first. front lines of civil rights and of speaking out and making sure they are good stewards for anti-black racism.

And I think that if we ever get past this, that black athletes should organize and just start canceling the shit out of commentators, podcasters that supported this regime, but then profit off of sports that are dominated by African Americans because it's gross and exploitation of black people is just so cooked into American culture. People think, oh, this guy can entertain me, but he can't have a political opinion. And I just think it's really super duper, duper, duper gross. So gross. Awful.

Okay. The last one today is going to be from Emily. Riley, my name's Emily. I'm from North Carolina. I wanted to call in just to share a nickname that I've come up with in the last couple weeks or so, listening to, I've had it in IHIP. I think that we should call this Trump regime, the United Cucks of America. And I say that because they're so happy to sit in the corner of the country in Washington, D.C., and watch their policies. Absolutely fuck the. American people. So yeah, I love that little nickname. I thought that y'all would like it. I think that I was channeling my inner Jennifer Welch when it came to me. But I love y'all, and I wish you the best. Thanks, Emily. Emily, I totally agree. They are cucks, all of them. Great word I forget about. And you know that, I mean, here's the thing. They're all cucks. And if we really had some sort of patriot in this country, this to me would be one of the most patriotic acts the tech industry could do to a tone for their capitulation to Donald Trump.

If, let's say, somebody that works at Palantir or Google or Apple were to hack into, and this is just hypothetical, so everybody calm down, all right? if they were to hack in to Lindsay Graham, Ted Cruz, J.D. Vance, Josh Hawley, Little Moses Mike Grinders' phone. Okay. And we had search history. We had burner account access. And they released all of this anonymously dumped it. And I also want Kankses. Yeah, but he can't really get on the file. I think it's, I don't think hers would be that juicy. I think it would be of herself. She's got a boyfriend out there. She's texting. I don't, I think she's such an ice bitch.

I don't even think she fucks, Pumps. I just don't think that's something that I don't even see her as like even wanting to do that. But I think that the biggest act of patriotism would be somebody. And I'm just saying this hypothetically in a hypothetical situation that works for one of these companies. Maybe not the CEO, but some Patriot underneath with access to get all of this shit and then just release it. Because here's the thing, you know, you know it is a gold mine.

We would pull, we would go live on I've had it and pull it all lighter with paper clips and highlighters and flow charts and just. fucking manic coverage, wall-to-wall, fucking, I would make Candace Owens go out of business. My mania surrounding the diagnosis and each little thing, each little spelling error would be so laser-focused on this. I would live for this sort of patriotism. I want this information. Well, you know, we just heard like in the last week that it is confirmed that one of the doge goons, like under 25, he took every single bit of information about Americans through Social Security and put it on a floppy disk or I don't know what they're called nowadays.

So you know that information is out there. And I would almost say it would fall under whistleblower protection. But go ahead and release it. You're covered because all of these people are committing crimes and they're fucked up. Because here's all you need to know about Lion Ted Cruz. all right on one of the anniversaries of 9-11 all right you know ted cruz is always like god bless donald trump god bless america support our troops you jizzing on the flag and shit right lion ted cruise liked a porn tweet here's the thing for lion ted cruz i don't give a shit if you

like porn i don't i genuinely don't care little grinder Moses, Mike, if Little Grinders out on Grindr, I genuinely don't care. What bugs the shit out of me is the fucking hypocrisy. And then browbeating during the day and bullying something during the day that you fetishize at night. And that shit to me would be the ultimate reckoning of exposing Little Grindr, Ted, and all the others. All the others. That would be, I think probably for me personally, One of the more healing things, one of the more spiritual things I could go through in my life

is to see all their fucking shit that they do because you know so juicy. I agree. Totally agree. That's all we have. Please, if you're watching us on YouTube, make sure you have subscribed to this channel and we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, Patriots, Gaitriots, and Natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped.

It's called IHIP News. Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and reviews so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaa! A little bit more. enthusiasm. Caca! That's it. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country means right there.