I've Had It - Asked and Answered with Jonathan Van Ness

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps are officially hot sh*t because THE Jonathan Van Ness has stopped by to talk about all the things they've had it with. Judge Judy Diana teaches JVN some hot legal terms that lead to a round of role play and Jennifer stumps Jonathan in an incredibly difficult game of had it or hit it. Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: I've Had It is brought to you by Cologuard®. Are you 45 or older? Start screening for colon cancer with Cologuard, an effective and noninvasive screening option for adults 45 and older at average risk for colon cancer. Rx only. Learn more at Cologuard.com/hadit INKEY List: Right now, The Inkey List is offering our listeners 20% off their purchase with promo code HADIT. Go to theinkeylist.com and use promo code HADIT for 20% off your order. Shopify: Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/hadit and take your business to the next level today. Just Thrive: Get 20% off your first 90-day bottle of Just Calm and Just Thrive Probiotic today – Visit JustThriveHealth.com and use promo code: HADIT Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Jonathan Van Ness @jvn

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready, one, two, three. On my outstanding clapboard that I love. Yeah, it's opened you up to not have to battle with your boobs anymore. I know, I just feel so professional. You are nothing short of a professional, that's for sure. That's right. Yes, always professional. Always. Always 100. 100 emoji. Always 100. I try. I like it. Pums, what have you had it with?

What I've had it with is when they update your phone, but it's not authorized. So this happened to me just the other day. I used to be, if you put your phone on the charger, it would update at night. Well, the other day, I was working on my other job and I needed my calculator and I was at the courthouse, so I needed it right then. And it was in the middle of an update, in the middle of the afternoon, unauthorized. I never said yes, I want the update. It just started updating my phone. And I mean, it's at that point you realize

how dependent you are on your phone, that everything revolved around it took like seven minutes, but it felt like 500 hours. So I've just had it, they should only do it at night, when you're asleep, when you're do not just terps on. I think that's an easy fix, but I've had it with not being able to use my phone. I think you had to have hit something.

Well, I mean, I can't roll that out. I just, I think you had to have hit it. It sure is always at night. Yeah, I think you hit something. Because it's the only time it's ever happened. I think it was authorized. You think I did it right then? Yep, I think you authorized it.

I probably did. I'm not great with my phone. Listener, you know those people, those older women that you know, and then you look at their texts and the letters are like one inch large each letter like a day is an inch large. Pumps is one of those people with her phone. She has like the magnified text stream that distorts the scale of everything on the screen. And there's just no question in my mind that this grievance of hers was authorized by her. And I know that if Tim Cook and I were friends,

and I could call him and say, would you please investigate was this authorized or unauthorized that probably have a satellite image if you're going approved? Yeah, I mean, I certainly cannot deny it because that could easily happen to me. But yeah, my texts are, I mean, my letters are the largest they'll do. Well, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay.

And this is probably going to get a lot of blowback. Oh, no. But I've had it with this. What is it? The phrase, I love me some, like I love me some queso. Or I love me some pumps. I love me some sweet tea.

I've had it. I mean, I have had it. And I think it's mainly people our age. It's like a genetics thing because I don't hear like it's mainly people our age. It's like a Gen X thing because I don't hear like younger, cool people using this. It's always like, you know, somebody around our age and you see it on social media, I love me some pumps. I love me some Kylie. I mean, I have had it with that. Yeah, I, I have to say I would like chime in because it's obnoxious. But I, I would hate to with that. Yeah, I have to say, I would like chime in

because it's obnoxious, but I would hate to say that I've never done it because I probably have. I don't recall you ever saying it. I don't, I mean, you don't use that phrase. I love me some, and it might be a southern thing too. See, I'm trying to, I mean, I'm racking my brain to see if I've seen it. I mean, if I've heard it in real time.

Oh, you have. Have I? And the suburbs, I think racking my brain to see if I've seen it. I mean, if I've heard it in real time. Oh, you have. Have I? And the suburbs, I think it's probably everywhere. Yeah, I don't, I can't put my finger on a time that I've heard it. I've heard it, and I don't like it. And grinds your gears. I don't like grinds.

I've had it with grinds my gears. I really love grinds my gears. I've faking it in my head. That's like so, like, I don't know, like middle aged woman, that just really grinds my gears. Well, if you haven't know, like, middle-aged woman. That just really grants my gears. Well, if you haven't noticed, I am a middle-aged woman. I know.

That's our you. I know. I don't like the grind my gear saying very much. Well, now I'm gonna say it more and more and more. You should. You're gonna start trying to do it every podcast just to RT you. Okay.

Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is Judge Judy Diana. Kylie, what's going on? Well, I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is Judge Judy Diana. Kylie, what's going on? Well, I've got a really good one-star review. Okay. Let's hear it. Excellent. And I love me some one-star reviews. It's titled Angry Aging Narcissist. Okay. So you got to buckle up. I was hopeful because the premise here is good,

but it didn't take long to figure out these hosts are angry, aging, narcissists, trying their best to maintain relevance by giving the leftist echo chamber cult more material to get off to. A few good, quippy-one liners here and there, but at the end of the day, a podcast for sad, solace, and lost individuals caught up in worldly pursuits. Lisa didn't call you a centrist. You know, I mean, that's like, how do you tell us your Bible temper without telling us your Bible temper, worldly pursuits, worldly pursuits leftist echo chamber?

I will, I will say to what was this person's name? This is AJSSD. AJSSD, I was recently accused of being a centrist. So I don't know how left echo chamber you can call me because apparently I have a lot of work to do. Right, you're not near left and at. The listeners think I'm a centrist which really still just sits in my crawl or it as Pumpsman say, really grinds my gears. I mean, that's like, that is such, like,

that embodies everything that's wrong with America. And he thinks we embody everything that's wrong with America. But here's what I'm going to say. That guy thinks that two kangaroos hopped from Australia to the Middle East and got on a boat with a 900-year-old man and floated around. And that's all you have to say. That guy believes that and he believes it and he'll take it to the grave believing that. And I just don't really, I'm not interested in having conversations with people that believe that that literally happened. You know, my take on it is different. I don't feel like we're angry at all.

That's my only takeaway. Like I don't feel like I'm, we're angry people. I don't think we're angry people in our everyday lives. We're not. We don't sit around and bitch all the time, but we are cartoon character versions of our self in this room where we've taken this one slice of our life where we like to bitch about petty grievances. And that's what's been magnified and put out there.

Most of the time we're really duds. I mean, total, total, total. And so I think it's like you become this caricature of yourself. If you're a politician and actor, you know, D-list podcaster like ourselves, you become a caricature of yourself. And so I can see in all honesty that they can see that I think, oh, those women are bitter and they're angry all the time because we are sitting here bitching in like world class

hating. So I can see that jump. What with that Yahoo, it's just like, it's impossible to like talk to somebody who thinks the earth is five to six thousand years old. Like they have no business listening to our podcast. They need to go back, get deprogrammed, and then start school back over at preschool and just go back, get D program and then start

school back over at preschool and just go run it all up again. Even if he's 60, I think you start right back over at preschool. And you just pre-K? Yeah, you got to go back through the entire thing again after he's D programed. I mean, this is a guy who probably thinks Jonah lived in a whale. But we're the assholes. I mean, you know, I mean, that's like, it's just like, listen, you probably catch out all the time.

I get, I'm a very frustrated, agnostic atheist in the Bible belt. And these Bible Tempers drive me fucking crazy. See, I didn't make the leap that he was a Bible Temper. Cut a worldly pursuits. I didn't know that was like a biblical temper. Caught a worldly pursuits. I didn't know that was like a biblical phrase. A bullshit. Yes, you're all up in that shit. I haven't heard the worldly pursuit.

That's the whole thing. You know, it's like the, you're stuck up and worldly pursuits. I mean, that's just such, yeah, he's a total Bible temper. So that's a red hearing. Yes. Okay. I didn't know that.

He's caught up in unworldly pursuits. He's going to work down here. He's with JC making a podcast I like this. JC, yeah. I like it. I learn something new every day. We're down here grinding our gears. Levin us some I've had it. That's your I love me.

Levin me some I've had it. Levin me some I've had it. Grinding gears. I love me some K-so and chips. I love me some K-so. I love me some text max. Why can't you just fucking say I love text max and shut the fuck up. I love K-so, I love me some text, Max. Why can't you just fucking say I love text, Max, and shut the fuck up. I love K-so, I love K-so.

I love me some. Yeah. I'm gonna have to pay attention to that now. Now it's gonna really beg me. You know how you, when someone points something out to you that you don't notice? It's ubiquitous. Then you get, you find it everywhere. Like when somebody says like,

something's wrong with her, you know, like her tooth is weird or something like or they blink a lot Then that's all you can see One I hear a lot is I love me some Jesus. Do you hear that a lot? Yeah, no Is that in real life or on the internet real life? I love me some Jesus. I love me some Jesus. What about God is my co-pilot? Bumpers, stickers. Yeah, or like, you know, like, that's the one where it's like, I was walking on the beach and they're the footprint thing. Oh, yeah. It's just me, but then there was a second set of footprints. Jesus fuck me with me. And I'm like, God damn, all that walk and y'all did and you're still a

fucking asshole. Oh my God, these poor Christian listeners. Here's my deal about Christianity. If it's something you, you go to and it's something that was a part of the fabric of your upbringing and you go to it for a prayer or I don't know meditation, that's your business. But if you start using it to weaponize and oppress other people, I take issue with it. I also just take issue if you think the world is 6,000 years old and two kangaroos, hot farm Australia, to the Middle East, and got on a boat with a 900 year old man and you want me to take anything you say seriously. I just am incapable of it. To me, that's such like conversation, Ender. You're like, okay, we're done. Yeah, we're just done. Like, you're like back, you know, you're living, like I'm living in 2023 in the modern world and you're back there, you know,

you've got two penguins swimming for Manartica to the Middle East, hopping on a boat just never fucking happened. So you just can't have rational conversations with people like that. Yeah. All right, well, today we have a fantastic guest. And I think he's going to have a lot to say about a lot of this stuff.

And he is one of the stars of queer eye and the host of getting curious with Jonathan Van Ness. Let's welcome to I've had it. Jonathan Van Ness. You know, Pumps've had it, Jonathan Van Ness. You know, pumps, there's so many talented people across the globe that have a side hustle. Maybe they make a cool organic candle, maybe they make cool scented soaps,

maybe they make really cool socks or they crochet scarves, and they sell these to their friends and family, and the friends and families like, hey, you should do this, you should sell these to everyone. How on earth does the layman make that jump? For example, with us, everybody when we started the podcast was like, you've got to have merch, you've got to have merch. How did we do it? We did it with Shopify. They are so helpful and we absolutely could not have done it without them. Exactly. And that's what I love so much about Shopify, whether you're small or you intend to be large, Shopify helps you grow every step of the way because businesses that

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promo code had it. That's justthrivehealth.com and be sure to use the promo code had it. Welcome to my closet, you guys. Can you see how cute it isn't here? Thanks for having me you guys. Thank you for coming on And I hate that you're back in the closet. I know it's like it's such a place to you know come back to to record the pod It's what it's what I'm working with in New York, so that's okay. I'm not mad at it. It's comfortable I got one of those chairs that people sit on it like picnics. Oh yeah. Well Jonathan, can you tell us what you've had it with? What have I had it with Leely? Fear mongering against like queer people. I've had it with like I've had it with angry commenters. I've had it with I don't know. We've had it with so many things you guys,

it's really a time. I know, it is a label. I wanna talk to you about what you said about the fear-mongering against queer people. And I think that a lot of mainstream people, that I'm saying people that kind of live their lives down the fairway, I'm not talking about their Google search history,

I'm talking about their outward veneer that they put out. Is this quick to judge? This quick, everybody has to be categorized in a binary choice. There are boys and there are girls. And one thing that I want to do on this podcast is open up people's minds and hearts and eyes

that not everybody fits into those boxes. And so you openly have talked about being gender fluid. And so can you tell us what that has been like for you and how you discovered that yourself? My whole life I kind of, you know, boys never really accepted me or were super cool. Like it was the rarity. Girls more did more often than what boys did, but I also was like clearly not, you know, welcoming those spaces, like, you know, my best girlfriends would have like sleepovers. And, you know, like, if I always did like a foreign language and an instrument so that I wouldn't have to do gym class, so that I wouldn't have to do like a locker room one, because I knew that that wouldn't be a safe space for me with the guys.

So I was like, I just need to not be in there at all. And so, you know, then is an adult. And I talk a lot about this in my second book, Love That Story, kind of my experience to gender expression and like my relationship to my gender expression. Because it really, I think, I didn't know that there was an option other than being a gay man and also a lot of my gender fluidity and my femininity I really stifled not only for the acceptance of my cisgender you know straight counterparts it's like you know they could tolerate

you being like a fun gay but like address address, you know, maybe thinking that you're a woman or not quite sure like that was not going to be as, you know, readily accepted. So I really stifled that, especially, you know, also for acceptance from my own community, like sexually, you know, like there's a lot of like transphobia and shaming within the gay community as well. So I kind of, you know, tried to budget up as best as I could. And then I talk about how like, you know, once I got a lot of sexual partners and really became a, you know, I don't say hot slut every Monday for like I really became comfortable with my

with my sexuality. But then once I realized that if I ever hooked up with someone again, it would be too soon. Like I really wanted like connection and I wanted someone to like see me and I wanted someone to see the fullness of who I was and then once I kind of learn more about that I was like, oh actually I want to like express myself for who I am and not for the approval of like men. And then I started meeting like a lot of other things and that I just felt my whole life. And then also I think through queer, I like, so people were like, what are your pronouns? Like, are you like what are you? And then I was like, that it was so it's kind of like in real time and fun of everyone. Like, there's another choice. And it's like, I kind of learned everything all, you know, kind of in those last few years. But that's a really long answer. I'm so sorry. But. No, it's informative. Okay. Another thing that when we were emailing with you prior to having you on that you mentioned that you had had it with

are unhinged people on social media. And this is a minefield really that we could dive into of shit that we've had it with because there are certain people that are unhinged on social media where I'm like, oh, that's terrible. I've had it with them. But sometimes I've had it with a person on social media, but I can't stop reading it. And I'm also like hitting it at the same time. Like, I've had it. They're so psycho, but I keep scrolling and reading every single thing. The worst is when you see them in your comments and then you get really crazy, and you're like, oh, I'm going into their DMs now. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go in there. I'm gonna be like, you're a fucking mess.

You're a nightmare. You're a no good to time and fake in a phony. And I wish I never met you. And then when, and then like when it says seen, then you block them. Like you gotta wait there and sit and look until it says seen. And then you block them. No, it really, it really sit and look until it's a scene. And then you block them.

No, it really is frustrating. I just think that people forget that there's like another person on the other side. Yeah. And also, I just think it's interesting that people feel so comfortable to call you names, like full names, and then expect you to be like nice about it, or like understanding about it,

or something. Yeah, and just ever since my armchair expert episode, there's just been a lot of like, you know, turfy anti-trans people in my social and then obviously with everything that we're going through. Now it's like, there is, you can say that you can dem anti-semitism, which I do, you can say that you can dem anti-Semitism which I do you can say that you can dem Islamophobia which I do unequivocally both doesn't

matter what you say when you say it or how you say it you're either being to one way or to the other or you're being too quiet or you're being too loud the amount of people who have told me in the last week that if I were to go to Gaza, I get my head cut off, is astounding to me, mostly because that really, I think misunderstands my level of safety anywhere in the world right now, including Palestine.

I am not safe. I live in fucking Texas. Right. So, and I just, especially with what's going on with Israel and the Middle East, the amount of people who have really sent me the most virulent DMs calling me either Islamophobic or anti-Semitic, saying that I'm too loud, too quiet, whatever it is, and then saying, you know, all you do is scream and cry for justice, for women and queer people, but then when it's X or X silence,

or I'm so disappointed in you because I looked up to you and I'm so disappointed because you are being such a coward, or like you hypocrite, or like you don't care about queer children, you only care about yourself, or just so much really intense comments. Um, and but then I'll go look on their page because I'm like, well, maybe this is like a massive activist, like what are they doing on their page? What are they saying for? And it's like a feed full of fucking cats or just selfies or and I love cats.

So I'm not anti-cat. Like I love a cat. Like I understand wanting to have an Instagram full of cats, but the point is that these people that are pointing all these fingers telling me that I'm not using my platform right in this and that, what do you use your fucking platform for? I don't see one flag. I don't see one nothing anything about,

like in just the expectation of like, I don't think, I don't know, it's just really been interesting, but it's also, I'm trying to hold space for those people because like, I shudder, like I once called out Nicki Minaj on Twitter, actually not once but twice, I called her out twice in 2018 and 19. She was like my favorite rap or she was like my favorite entertainer, I always loved her so much.

And then she did this cover of like Vogue Russia or Vanity Fair Russia or something and I was like on Twitter like Did you get to talk to the journalist about like how their kidnapping queers and there's like an anti-propaganda law in Russia like And then like her fans came and that but like I look back on that nice shudder because I'm like girl like Let people do what they're gonna do. Yeah, you can have like you do not need to shit And like here's like this fierce artist who got a cover and boge or behavior wherever it is.

Like, show your fucking mouth, JBN. And I had to cut my mouth, but I had to cut my teeth on that in public, you know? And really have all the barbs come for me and be like, sit the fuck down. And they said it in a lot more mean ways than that. But still, it's like, and so I get being on the other side where you look up to someone and you're disappointed in them. But it's like, I feel get being on the other side where you look up to someone and you're disappointed in them Right, but it's like I feel like I learned that lesson so long ago. I don't understand how people are so repeatedly like just being so and also I don't know like

These people really are just like kind of fucking unhinged. No, they're too unhinged I also just have like a light I have like a light Had it was something that just came up for me because it's happened in three times. Okay, you guys, I love Taco Bell so much. It's like one of my biggest vices. Like I love it more than anything. I just, it's like really comforting to me.

I just love it. And I just just covered out Uber Eats because like it also is like a cross town for me, but like I can get on Uber Eats in like 10 to 25 minutes. So it become, it's not not a problem because I'll eat Taco Bell like at least once a day, if given the choice, like it always sounds good. But three times I've ordered in the last fucking two weeks,

and I literally even leave notes to the driver and like, please don't not get the salsa. Like on Uber Eats on Taco Bell, you literally have to add the packet of salsa. Like it's like, it's own order. So who orders seven hot sauces if they aren't serious? Like seven, like what a number. Like I literally had to press press like one because I'm in my mind. I'm like, I need three for the Mexican pizza. I need two for the fucking soft tacos. Right. I know what

I need. Have not brought it. And I am that type of grown Uber Eats like I tip so hard. I be leaving nice reviews and stuff. I had to leave like a horrific I was like zero stars. I took the tip back. And then not the first and second time, the first and second time I was like, you know what, I get it. But if you don't not get the sauce packets from Taco Bell, that's what I've had it with outside of all the other stuff. I couldn't agree more. What's going on with the takeout and delivery food service and them not adding the detail that we request is horrible.

Nobody's addressing it. Nobody's monitoring this. Nobody's doing a fucking thing about it. And there you go, your mouth, it's like Pavlov's dog. It starts watering. You're imagining the salsa packet. You're imagining the hot sauce. So many of you are giving me the chills.

And then they fucking short you. They fucking short. Or even let them. You're imagining the hot sauce. I'm not gonna give me the chills. And then they fucking short you. They fucking short you. Or even left. They're even short. They don't even bring it. Right then. Yeah. And then what's left?

What can you do? All your only option left is to go full Karen. And I imagine you oppose Karen is them. I do. I do. And then you. Except for that third time, the third time you're pushing too far. And then you're going full Karen

You know what I have to say Pumps here flirts with Karen ism and I've been working with her on it, but we recently went to Europe and Sometimes having Karen and you not being in the Karen you kind of being able to look at the waitress and be like But like we were at a restaurant and we were 20 minutes and they wouldn't bring us water. And I'm like, God, I really want some water. She gets a phrase over. She looks in the waitress, comes and kind of looks at me and I'm kind of like, not me.

I get to sit there and play possum, you know, and I'm just like, oh, and then she gets to take all the heat for being the Karen. So here's what I can advise to the listeners. Get you a friend that's kind of a moderate to good Karen and go dine with them because they will go do all the ass hole shit. And then you can sit there and then you can leave the big tip like, I'm sorry, she was such an asshole. And you can just be totally passive and she can be totally aggressive and it

really works out well. So maybe you know, you could get you a partner in this situation with the hot sauce thing. I have two more really fast ones. I know who talks so much about trans rights, but I just have two more like alt because maybe you guys will like it. Maybe you'll like it. Just think the other day I was flying from La Guardia to Austin. And we sat at the gate for like an hour. And I was like, okay, no, her no father, like it's a little antenna thing. But then they were like, La Guardia to Austin. And we sat at the gate for like an hour. And I was like, okay, no, no, no, they're like, it's a little antenna thing. But then they were like, it's not an antenna thing,

it's fixed mistake, we're pushing off. Then the second we push off the gate, they were like, there's 12 planes in front of us who some of which have been waiting for three hours were gonna be out here for a while. And when they said three hours, I was with my assistant. This fear just jolted through my body. I was like three hours out in this chart.

Like I'm gonna be one of those people. And so I literally, I went to stand up. Like I went to stand up. I was like, give me a, and then my assistant like pulled me down. She's like, you're gonna end up on fucking TMZ. Like get down. And so I was like, I was like, oh my God. And like I realized that like I had this like

unvarnished almost Karen come out that I've never even been aware of. This Karen almost crept out of my fucking seven-shock run was like, fuck you, you night it. I just was like, who's fault is this? Who's the fuck? Was it the fucking you? Who?

Was it the traffic control union? Was it you not in? I want to know three hours. I was I was going to have a meltdown. But that's happening a few times. And now every time I like get him on, I'm literally just like, please God, we please God, I want to sit here for three hours.

Like there's like three hours that you're like, oh, so that I've had it when I don't know what that's about. Like if we could please just get that together. Yeah, I'd love. And then the other thing back to your friend who's a Karen story, I have a moderate to good friend who's a Karen at restaurants or who flirt with Karen is a restaurant.

I can't do it with her anymore because I'm too embarrassed and it all came to a head in 2009, we're still friends, but we went to this restaurant in LA and they were not bringing the check. The check was not happening. Like the food just like took forever. So then the waiter came over and was like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry that it took like four hours or like for this whole deal. Like we're going to give you free dessert, right? At that point, I was moving to LA. So I was the landlord that was trying to get that apartment

called. So I was like, I got to leave you guys. I'm going to go outside and take this call. So I got to take this call just landlord. When I got on the phone, I turned around to go back inside and all my friends come out in a single file line with their heads, like all their heads are down and they're all like, just looking naughty. And I'm like, you guys, what happened? And like, well, I'll just say the restaurant.

It was real food daily. And it was 2009 and I loved real food daily. I was vegan. This was like a huge loss for me. Like, well, we can never go back. Well, I was like, well, what happened? When my friend who was the care and was like, well, you can never go back. Well, I was like, well, what happened when my friend who was the care was like, well, you remember, they were going to give us those free desserts for it taken so fucking long. And I was like, yes. And they're like, well, she fucking,

they charged him on the bill. So when I was on the bill, and then there's where they said, what the fuck are these desserts on here for? And so then they brought the bill back. And it was clear. And it said zero. And then the manager said, don't ever fucking come back. And I was like, well, Jesus Christ. And then, but here's, and this is zero and the managers said, don't ever fucking come back. And I was like, well, Jesus Christ. And then, but here's, and this is how bad their memories were. My roommate, who was at that same dinner, became a waitress there like three weeks later. And I either be good nachos every day for years.

And no one was ever the wise. So we all ended up okay. I think it's building, Jonathan. I think that we are gonna build to that level of climax with Pomp Soon. And I'm so grateful to live in a world with a smartphone because I will document this. I will go IG live. I want to watch the entire thing go down. And I will just be sitting there tapping my vein, going, yes, get into it. Go full

care. And just kind of idly watching, because she definitely flirts with Karen as I'm, and I kid her about it, and I know it's wrong. But when her Karen as I'm benefits me personally, I can just play this role like, yeah, now she's out of control, and I'm the com cold collected one here. Yeah. I've had it with also when my TikTok

doesn't show me enough Karen videos. Like I really like when my TikTok shows me like, so like I love like people falling in Karen videos. Like I love them. Yeah. And I hate it when they're not resolved. I like you. You know what it is.

You know, it's like watching, I love like a true crime stuff. And then I get invested in this whole true crime thing. And then I'm like, you know, nine podcast episodes in or a documentary five episodes deep. And I'm like, we still don't know who I can kill this person.

Are you actually hitting me? It's so funny that we're having this conversation. This is, I'm not even kidding you guys. This is the second time I've had this exact conversation today. My makeup artist was like, I can't, because I love morbid. That's my favorite murder to crime podcast. And she's like't, because I love morbid, that's my favorite murder to crime podcast.

And she was like, well, I love morbid too, but they do a lot of unsolved mysteries. So she listens to this other one that are all solved. And I was like, but I loved unsolved ones as well, because I like to talk to like a you about it, to see like who you think did it. And then I can say who I think did it because of like whatever it's like giving clue,

you know, like I like for us like compare our notes on like who the murderer was. Right. So I do kind of like I like the conversation around an unsolved one because I just get very convicted in my heart of like who I know the murderer is. Yes. See, I'm fine. I like to have somebody I want to know who did it at the end. Because I do.

But do we ever know, you know, it's like, yeah, it's like, I should have been a lawyer. I would have been such a good lawyer. I probably could have saved trans rights if I was just like, you know, in fact, I object. I'm going back to law school. I'm pulling a legally blonde. These homes better watch out. If these, if I become a lawyer,

these Republicans better watch out. Because I object. I have, I have some alarming news for you, Jonathan. Pumps is an attorney. I am an attorney, but I just do divorce work She doesn't she doesn't go is like he wants you to go see and this is what the people want we want you to be Judge fucking Judy Diana and go out there and be like go give a mall cluny with a little bit of Karen and go do human rights shit Don't you agree Jonathan? Oh? I think she's been- Not where I thought you were going.

I only heard Judge Judy and I was like, yes. Absolutely. I was at the worst court on TV. I was at the worst court. I could know that. Absolutely. I'll do human rights. You do that.

Although it's going to take me like 18 years to pass the bar. So maybe you'll have to parallel path. You're going to have human rights, have divorce, court, lie. Like, as I told you, I have one word to say to that idea. You ready? Yeah. The stained. What about this one?

Aston answered. Oh, is that like a rebuttal that we say at the bench? Aston answered. Like if they can ask the question again and again in different ways, you can Oh, is that like a rebuttal that we say at the bench? That's an answer. Like if they can ask the question again and again in different ways, you can objection because it asked and answered. Oh my god, I'm going to start seeing that to journalists. Can you roll play that? Can you roll play that?

Yeah, just let's roll play it. Okay. Yeah, okay. Jonathan, can you tell us on the new season of Queer Eye, do you feel like your performance has been transformational? You know, I object. If you don't know about now, about season this season, I don't know which tell you judge, judge, judge.

I don't know why I turn into such a southerner when I become a lawyer. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, I love that. I love this interesting, yeah. Yeah, what other, is there any other like great legal retorts that we are just missing in our everyday vernacular? But like just gives us a little bit more sustenance like past, object and sustained.

Judge Judy, what else? Okay, so we have, I object, sustained, asked me to say like if you're saying, though, here say is a fucking great one. I am going to start saying objection here say, okay, yes, what else? And assumes facts, not in evidence. That's that's really good.

If I haven't testified about it and now they're acting like it's true, then you could say that is an objection, that assumes facts, not That's really good. So if they haven't testified about it, and now they're acting like it's true, then you could say that a sin, objection, that a sin's facts, not evidence. Jonathan, you have to promise me that in the next 30 days, I open up an article about you in the news, and that all every answer is objection, a sin's facts.

Yes, objection. Objection. Per say. You know, somebody's talking about one of your castmates, and I heard you said this about Bobbi or whatever, objection here say you know something's talking about one of your castmates And I heard you said this about mobbier whatever objection here say objection here say objection here saying Passing answered I never saw you answer it. Well, you should have saw harder

The idea Okay, I did it's out there just find it. What else is there any other ones like is that there has to be a couple woman That's a lot to work with objection I did it's out there just find it. I know what else is there any other ones? Like is that there has to be a couple more minutes? What do you know? You guys are a lot to work with. Objection. Argumentative. Oh, argumentative.

Oh, we're a great way. Argumentative. Objection, you're being argumentative. So I that's your husband. I want to do some role playing with you right now. Okay, you ready, John? I will have a great one now. Hold on real quick.

Okay, what is it? You have to have before you get a date to have to go to court You have to file a motion to enter Like it could be like so that could be a fun way like if you're walking into a room like you could be like motion to enter Like that could be kind of like a fun way to like, say hello to like a group of people. Or, hey, I've got a motion in a range for you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was a girl.

Judge Sheep is my husband. It's always in the gutter. Yeah. Yes. Okay, so let's do real playing. Um, Jonathan, so you are on the cast of Queer Eyes, that correct? like, Jonathan, so you are on the cast of Queer Eyes. That correct? Objection, ask an answer. And we hear that you are constantly fighting with your cast mates. Is this true?

Objection argumentative. Jonathan, we hear that you think that you are the most popular member of Quirai. Objection assumes facts without knowing. Was that the right term? Not evidence close. Oh, yeah. Objection assumes facts, not an evidence. Although I think it's evidence. I think you're the most popular.

Oh, no, I think I think it varies by state. Oh, it's a regional thing. Yeah, I think it's like regional. Since we're close to Texas and I was born in Texas You're gonna be my favorite regional Regional we all have our own we all have our strings like We all have our strengths. Yes, and I'm I am the most of the five of us I'm the one that if you hung out with me for like and I'm sure you can feel this from the last 90 minutes or however long

You need a break after you hung out with me for like, and I'm sure you can feel this from the last 90 minutes or however long you need a break. After you hung out with me for a minute, you need a fucking break. And whereas like Antony Tan and Bobby Cromwell, you could like have a weekend, you could like, you know, kind of slubbing around you. It's just so like fulfilling. You're not feeling, you're gonna feel tired

after you hung out with me. You know what I mean? Like he talks a lot. So yeah. Pumps, I feel like finding the perfect skincare regimen after you have me. You know what I mean? Like he talks a lot. So yeah. Yeah. Pumps, I feel like finding the perfect skincare regimen is such a minefield. It is.

Because your dermatologist is going to tell you this, the person that does your Botox is going to tell you that, your best friends going to tell you something different. And they all seem to be good skincare regiments, but by God, they are so expensive. Yes. It's cost per pivotive a lot of times. It is, but thankfully we have found the Inky List,

which is an award-winning science-backed skincare brand. What I love about it is you can get a whole skincare regimen for around $30. Such a great price. And their products are excellent. I already have noticed my fine lines decreasing using the Inky List products. They have retinal vitamin C, and I absolutely love their lip plumber. Within four weeks you can have 40% more fullness in your lips. It's

an amazing product. Right now the Inky List is offering our listeners 20% off their purchases with promo code HADDIT. Go to the Inky List dot com spelled I in K e y and use the promo code had it for 20% off your order. That's the in key list dot com and be sure to use the promo code had it. Okay, now let's play our game. Okay. Oh, man, I'm so excited. Oh my god. Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it. I had it. I hit it every day sometimes twice a day. Had it or hit it, bangs. Oh my god, it's so complicated for Bruce one. Um, okay, honestly, this is like a semantics question for me, this is like semantics, okay.

Okay, okay. Bangs, what's the options again? Just had it or hit it. Yeah, had it with bangs, hit it with fringe. I just don't like it when we call them bangs. To me, it's like, I like fringe. It's a little more like European. It's a little like sheikr, like fringe.

Like, what do you think about a fringe? Like rather than a bang. Do you think women as they get older should get bangs? Or do you think it's totally optional? I gave one of my clients the best fringe of all time. Like, she was like in her, probably like in a 40-shoon marry for a long time. I gave her an amazing fringe, very fringe of all time. Like she was like in her, probably like in a 40-shoe, married for a long time. I gave her an amazing fringe,

very fashionable, very chic, very sexy. It was like fringe, but then with like length. I also did her husband's hair. Her husband came in to me three days later for a haircut and got in my face and was like, you gave my wife the boner killer. You gave her like any couldn't fuck her. Like with a fringe, she reminds me of like get it reminds you of like a little girl hair style

And so like she had to like put her hair and like a little pony for her husband to effort And I was like God you suck and they end up they end up getting divorced Yeah, she oh my god, which rightfully so but ever since then I just been like Talk to I mean not that we do anything for do anything for the partner, but I just like, friends is a very divisive thing. It's like, you meet someone with a friend, or not a friend, they always think, if you like that, so it's just like a thing.

Like, if you do one, it's like, be ready. But I love fringes. Okay, had it or hit it, no show socks. Ugh. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. lately, I've been feeling the creepings of an ankle.

Like I've been feeling the like early urgings of wanting to fuck with an ankle again. And I haven't felt this for a long time. So not to, I think for a non-binary person, this game is almost too hard. Like we, it's just so hard. I know, but I'm obsessed. But you've got this.

Okay, let's go on. Okay, had it or hit it, forced small talk. Hit it. I like talking. I'm into it. It's not forced from me. I like, I like, what do you do today? Like I like it.

You like it? You like to listen to the answers? Yeah, because then we'll get in a fight and it's fine. Like I will talk. Okay, had it or hit it, talking on the phone. Hit it hard. We love love. Love talking on the phone.

Can't not get enough. What about how great like the drunken dial is? I love a drunk title too, but like I'm even just sober. Love or well, I just a little weed. I smoke a little joint, call, talk to you for three hours on a Saturday morning. Love it. I don't even know your name.

Yeah. I like a little phone call with certain people. I do. I'd still like the, the, the camaraderie of a phone call over texting and hearing the person's voice and you're kind of petting around your house. I enjoy, like I enjoy talking on the phone with you, but we're efficient with our talk. Sometimes we're on the phone like a lady's for like two hours.

I know, but I feel like we're not, I mean, we're not. We're not busy. Bullshit, we drag out dead horses that we've been talking about for 20 years. We drag these horses out and we beat these motherfuckers 20 years later, as though the issue happened that very day with enthusiasm with accuracy. Like it's the first time we ever had the conversation and I enjoy our dead horse sessions so much and I like that they're not efficient and I like that we have so much vigor and enthusiasm for each motherfucking dead horse that we beat the shit out of.

enthusiasm for each mother-fucking dead horse that we beat the shit out of. I love that so much I can't stand it. Okay. Had it or hit it regrets. Had it. It's hard to grab. I'm going to I have a contrarian opinion here. Hit it.

I needed regret. I needed for me to grow. I needed to regret things. No, I totally agree, but you can't beat yourself up for years on end over something that's passed. And that's why I said, that's why I said had it because I do I beat myself up too much naturally about it. And so I'm I've had it with with that. I'm gonna forgive. No, but I absolutely agree you have to have regrets to cry 100%. That's how you grow. I had to have some, but I agree. I think we all agree that you can't sit and stew in them and forgiving yourself is one of the most important parts

of growing, but I do think I needed some regrets. I needed to regret some behavior that I did in order to get to the other side of it. Well, yes, I agree. Okay. Had it or hit it, personal questions from strangers. Let me give you an example. You go to check into a hotel and the receptionist says, are you here for work or pleasure?

And you say work. And then they say, well, what do you do? And then you have to explain and you just start down this line of a lot of questions. All you want to do is get your room key and go to your room. Had it. Look at his face, he's not gonna, you're not gonna enter prison. Yeah, no, I'm not.

Wait, you know what that was? Leading the witness. Yeah, objection leading witness. Yes, I think I have had it with that, but like, yeah, like. I don't wanna explain, I just wanna be able to go, hi, how many nights are you here for?

You tell him how many keys do you need and then move on? I don't want to talk about why I'm in town. I could be a prostitute that's turning a bunch of tricks doing it. In fact, I am a prostitute and I am turning tricks in this hotel. You know, I just don't like that question. And then also like when I get my hair done. I push back on this, I push back on this though, because the hairdresser has to know honey.

If you're a fucking, if you're going outside all fucking day, I need to put a flat iron on your hair because I want to freeze up. And if you were and if you were touchy with me on that or I could tell that you were not trying to respond, I would purposely take the nozzle off and I would give you a puffy, shitty, so dry. And she hates your hair, Peffi. Yeah, like I'm like, ohivvy, and a chodry.

And she hates her hair, Puffy. Yeah, like I'm like, oh, okay, you don't want to answer. You don't want to answer? You don't want to answer? No, well, before you don't want to talk, before you don't want to tell me what you did, and now you're particular on your blow dry, well, tough luck.

Honey, that'll be $85. I will see you. And you know, I love more than anything. I love a sassy hairdresser. I had this hairdresser for the longest time, and he would blow my hair out, and if I acted up, or I'd be like, more than anything. I love a sassy hairdresser. I had this hairdresser for the longest time. And he would, he would blow my hair out. And if I acted up or I'd be like, Hey, that kind of hurts. He would take the round brush and go, you straighten up right this second.

You miss him. And he would just slap the shit on me with the round brush. But he gave these fucking dine-in-my blowouts. Dale Brock, if you're listening, he lives in Miami, Oklahoma, but he used to come to Oklahoma city. I remember Dale. Oh my God. And he was just such a hateful bitch. And I loved him. I'm only like that. I am like that with high high maintenance clients. I can be like that. Like if you really need it smooth, but then every time I go to smooth it out, like it's too hot. And like, how do you think we get the curls out if I can't get it? I kind of like hairdresser abuse. I like it. I like to know that you're charged and you're

willing to fight for my hair. Even if that includes fighting me to do my hair. I like that kind of. I like that. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it, save the date cards. Had it or hit it, save the date cards. Personally, I've had it, but because I have an assistant, we can hit it. I can accommodate. Okay. Last one. Had it or hit it, cheerleaders. Well, obviously, hit it, because I was a cheerleader, and I loved cheerleading.

And I was a tree leader and like I love tree leading and like I was like a literal competitive tree leader like in high school at college like love cheer forever like obsessed. We were both tree leaders too. Love did you ever go to an NCAA camp? Yeah, we were actually I think we were a UCA. Yeah, that would do the NCA. He's younger. Oh, the way.

Did you do that? Oh, there's NCA too in my like in like they're like they're kind do the NC. Hey, all the way. Did you do that? There's NCA too in my like, and like, they're kind of the competitors. You know, you're like, you don't want to be out there. Right. You did one or the other. Yeah. Yeah. I'm old enough that that was all they have was NCA. Pumps one and her cheerleading camp.

She was much older than me. So we weren't at camp at the same time. But that's neither here nor there. But she won all American cheerleader and had a dynamic toe touch and standing back tuck. I did. You had a standing tuck? I did, back in the day. And what year? 1974.

No, like 86, 780. I'm sorry, but a standing tuck in 1987 was like pretty badass. Like that was like ahead of its time. And a hyper extended toe touch. Yeah, I did have a hyper extended toe touch. Can we see it on social? No, the last time I did it, a was like ahead of his time. And a hyper extended tote. Yeah, I did have a hyper extended tote. Can we see it on social? No, the last time I did it, I graduated from law school, I did a herky,

blew my knee out, had to have knee surgery. I loved you, me asking, so much fun. Well, Jonathan, this has been such a treat. You're an adult. I love you. I had so much fun with you guys. I can't, I'm like, I literally had so much fun with you guys. Like, no wonder your podcast is so,

you guys are the most fun people and thanks guys. Jonathan, thank you so, so much fun with you guys. Like, no wonder your podcast is so, you guys are the most fun people. And thanks guys. Jonathan, thank you so so much. Your dear Thanksgiving on. Bye. Bye. I love Jonathan. He's delightful.

I love how with each had it or hit it. He was gorgeous. So much thought. And he even called the game hard. Which I really appreciated. Because I like that we challenge our guests. And I thought that we really knocked it out of the ballpark with all of those haddardor-hit at selections. So that's something we can really keep fine-tuning. Try to stump the guests with the haddardor-hit. Yeah. To where they're not so obvious, right? The answer could go either way. Very thoughtful answers. Yes.

Listener, please give us a five star review, subscribe to our podcast, go check out the hot shit tour, follow us on Patreon for our documentary club and send a voice memo to Instagram and pumps tell them. We will see you next Tuesday with your state or voice. [♪ music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music Oh, that's just me, Perez Hilton. Drinking all the tea that goes on in this world, and with the way social media is, I just can't get enough. I'm obsessed.

It's like every day something new and scandalous comes out and I want it all. I'm the OG of entertainment gossip and if you are like me and have an unrelenting thirst draw the drama that's flying around, you should listen to my podcast. The Perez Hilton podcast available wherever you get your podcasts. you get your podcasts.