I've Had It - AustinShow Tops Off

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Hit it: Selfish tops, white-hat Karens, and men sitting down to pee. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store  Subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts by visiting linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: Addyi: If you feel like you’ve lost your desire, and you want to get it back - ask your doctor about Addyi today or go to https://Addyi.com This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp: Find your social sweet spot, with BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/HADIT today to get 10% off your first month. Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work. Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/hadit now to grow your business – no matter what stage you’re in. To watch our post-show for this episode and much more - subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: AustinShow @Austinshow

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready 123. Welcome, welcome to I've had it podcast. It is a big day. It is a big day because we brought in a big friend. We flown him to Oklahoma City aka action city. And we would like to welcome to I've had it Austin show. Yes. Thank you for having me. You flew me first class. I want to mention. We're not fucking around.

First class. Yeah, no. First class red carpet pick up with a brand new puppy. Amazing. First class. The only five star hotel in Oklahoma. Yes. Nice hotel in Oklahoma. Sushi for dinner. Yes. Private driver. the whole nine yards. I mean, I don't want to leave. Yeah, we knew that you were our little shiny penny.

That's right. We had to bring in and just spit, shine and polish and roll out all the stops. Well, you treat me much better than Hassan does. Well, that's a low bar. That's a low bar. I'm going to say I'm going to leave the Fear Anne podcast and join I've had it after this treatment. Oh my gosh, you should.

You should. Yeah, I should. Maybe I'll move to Oklahoma City and start a new life. And, you know, well, I was gonna say I'd become a Baptist or something, but that's, you don't need to do that because you're evidence of that. Right, you don't have to be Baptist.

You don't have to be a Baptist to live here. No. And also in fear, we knew that you're Karen like me, like you would notice if it was a shitty hotel. You would notice if it was shitty playing. Yes. So we didn't wanna spark that in you. No, and which I appreciate, but I would have never,

we were talking about this last night. I'm a Karen, a white hat Karen, which is a Karen for the good. Right. But before I'm a Karen, I'm polite and a statesman. We were talking about last night, if I got put in a hotel that I didn't like, you would never know.

You would never know. But honestly, this one is amazing. This is phenomenal. We are not, we can't say the same. When we were on a Bravo show, they put us in a hotel. I mean, it was in LA. It was dump truck. Fleabag. I mean, it was in LA. It was dump truck. I mean, we walked in, there's like food

from other customers on the floor. No fucking AC. How long were we there? 15 minutes? 15 minutes. And this is where having a friend that is a white hat Karen is beneficial because I am probably the more assertive

out of the two of us with the exception of confronting service, the service industry. I tend to be a little bit more beta and this is where pump shines and she is a little bit more alpha and this is where I get to be a Karen Cotell writer. Okay. You're a Karen Cotell writer. I'm a Karen Cotell writer. And so, you know, there are Karen's,, white hat Karens, and then there are

the people who can play both sides. So Pamps will send our queso back. We have an ongoing battle with many restaurants serving queso that is not hot enough to eat. Does she have a reputation in this town? Yes. No, I'm a statesman first though. I'm nice.

Okay. See, that's me too. We're nice. She sends the queso back, and I really want it to be hotter as well. But then I can look at the waitress and kind of go, you know, so I can kind of play both sides. But before we go further, I want to let our listener know,

our listener needs to know that, as you all know, we have a very sordid history with a fellow named Hassan Piker. He discovered us in, like,, hip, leftist world, heaped all this praise on us. I love these ladies. I'm flying them out. They're going to be on our podcast.

We were so excited. We're like, oh my god, somebody young and cool and hot likes us. This is amazing. So we start emailing, and then we were ghosted. And then our feelings were hurt. And so we banned Hassan Piker from the I've Had It podcast. We broke white girl break-up, total white girl breakup. And then he, um, then we announced that we were going to be back in LA

and they were like, Hey, come by. So we lifted the ban temporarily. We show up at the studio and we meet Hassan who pumps immediately looks at him and goes, Oh my God, you're hot. He is hot. He is too mighty a defense. We meet Will and we meet Austin and it's this fantastic trio of very hot men. Yes. And we decided when we came back, number one, we believe in affirmative action, and Austin is homosexual. Thank you, thank you, that's right. This is a way for us to promote the gay agenda. Thank you. That's right.

And number two, it is a little bit of a jab at Hassan. Yep, absolutely. Which I know that you like, and we're petty, and we're still a little bit butthurt about the ghost. Even though he's tried to rectify, we're white women, and we're gonna have a grudge. We're grudge holders. Yeah, no, absolutely. No, I love what you've done here, rectify, we're white women and we're going to, you know, have a grudge. We're grudge holders. Yeah.

No, absolutely. No, I love what you've done here because you went, we went into his home, filmed in the studio, and then now I'm the shining golden child that has now come back to my home. How does it feel to be the chosen one? Oh, I mean, it feels amazing. And I know Hassan so badly wanted to be here,

but I told him, you can't come. They didn't want you here. You weren't invited. No, exactly. How is the victory lap gonna be when you get back? When I go back, well, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna tell them on the, I'm a little bit, I'm gonna say now, I'm gonna probably rub it in their face.

Yeah. But when I get there, I'm probably gonna recoil. Because I can't be mean, it's hard for me to be mean. No, and the- It's hard for me to rub their nose in it. And they're the sweetest. Yeah. Will and Hassan were nothing short of gracious coil. I can't be mean. It's hard for me to rub their nose in it. And they're the sweetest. Yeah. Will and Hassan were nothing short of gracious and wonderful. And of course, it's fun

to have a little bit of a fake internet beef. Yeah, exactly. He can take it. But you know, we like to get to these petty grievances. I love it. And so I'll start mine first. And let me tell you guys what I've had it with. I'm ready. So recently we were bitching about women that speak about labor and delivery stories nonstop. And most importantly, they do this at baby showers. You're trying to eat a cookie.

You're trying to have a piece of cake. And somebody's talking about a mucus plug. I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna know about it. I delivered my children plug. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know about it. I delivered my children twice. I don't want to revisit it. And I sure as fuck don't want to hear your war story. So we speak about it on the podcast

and this mommy blogger site attempts a take down of us on the internet. And here's what pissed me off about it. Look, we're fair game. Take us down. We could give two shits. But the headline of their post is two mom podcasters bitch about baby showers. Here's what pisses me off about it. You don't say two dad podcasters, right? And in the article, they accused us of having internalized misogyny. And the lack of self-awareness when you labeled our podcast, two mom podcasters, fucking infuriates me. Yes, we are mothers.

Our podcast isn't about that because nobody gives a fuck about our kids except for us. And we have self-awareness. Nobody gives a fuck about our mucus plugs because we have self-awareness. You don't want to know. I advise not going to a baby shower and I specifically advise not getting on some mommy blog outlet. I've had it with that blog site. Had it up to my eyeballs. Mom podcasters, go fuck yourselves. Yeah, that's bullshit. I'm an interior designer. I'm a businesswoman. I'm a podcaster, a wife, a mother. I'm a lot of different things.

But don't just define me only as a mother. That is peak internalized misogyny. You know what always amazes me is you hear about couples that are both famous. And the dad will walk by, and they they're like who are you wearing? Whatever. Then the mom walks by and they say oh who's got the kids tonight? How'd you get away from the kids tonight? That is incredible. I find that so offensive. Like why isn't he in charge of the babysitter? And it happens all the time.

Happens all the time. My ex-husband used to say do you want me to babysit the kids? Like no that's impossible because you're their fucking father. You cannot babysit your own children. That's so crazy. That's his own kids. And he said that? It's very common. Oh my.

You want me to babysit the kids? Josh has said that to me before. As if he's a stand-in. Right. What did you do to him when he said that? I said, it's not babysitting. It's called living your life in your house with the people that you live with. It's not a job.

This is where you live and they live here, too. And this is just your fucking life. This is a day in the life. It's not babysitting. And so he learned real quick, very quickly. OK. Has he said it recently? Well, now, well, now they're older. Yeah, they're older. They can watch themselves.

Yeah. But I will say in Josh's defense, he was, because I have two sons and sons tend to gravitate at a certain age to like same gender parent. So they would go out and do all this, you know, shit. I was a mama's boy a little bit. Well, my parents have different roles. So when I'm ready, when I'm feeling sick, my mom was a nurse. So anything related to me being sick, or I want to talk about boys, or I want to talk about going out and everything, I call mom. If I want to talk about business or real estate or the market or something in politics or you know, I'll call my dad.

So but as a young, younger I was kind of, mom was the one that did the, you know, she was the, she was the authority growing up. So I think I am. Josh is more like the good time dad. Right. That you can go out and do fun stuff with and he's totally fun. And I'm more like, yes, when shit is going wrong and they need stability or like nurturing. I'm that person. All right. Peps, what have you had it with? What do you had it? Yeah. I've had it with and this has been happening because it's springtime.

I hate all small talk. I've had it with all small talk in general. But what I've had it with right now the most is the small talk about everybody's planting. Are you planting a perennial, an annual? the most is the small talk about everybody's planting. Are you planting a perennial, an annual? Are you planting a this bush, a this bush? And I'm like, I can't get this time back. I'm dead. Like, I don't want to hear about your lawn.

Rather hear about your mucus plug than your boring, stupid ass flowers. Are you gonna scalp your yard? What kind of grass do you have? about your mucus plug, then you're boring, stupid ass flowers. Are you going to scalp your yard? What kind of grass do you have? I'm like, I don't fucking know. I would be embarrassed if I knew. Who are you talking to?

This is, is this a suburban thing? It's a suburban thing. This has got to be a very suburban thing. This is suburbs. Yes. I was going to say, I don't even know if my lawn's been treated in the last several weeks. I don't know what's going on with my lawn. I have no idea. You know how I know what's going on with my lawn's been treated in the last several weeks. I don't know what's going on with my lawn. I have no idea.

You know how I know what's going on with my lawn is because I pay the bill every month. Okay. That's it. That's what I know about it. Yeah. Okay. Well, so it's getting taken care of. Right.

So it comes and does it. I need to turn my sprinklers on actually. Thanks for reminding me. Can you do that from your phone? No, I should be able to, but I'm going to tell somebody they got to turn my sprinklers on. I forgot. I left my sprinklers on through the winter on accident and somebody and I had to turn them off

because the water froze over in my front lawn. I almost killed my cousin because he slipped and almost hit his head. The first freeze that we had and I'm very bad about that kind of stuff. Yeah, I don't give a shit about that stuff. No. And I don't even like people that want to tell me

about that stuff. No, but I know, because if you and I are a lot like people that want to tell me about that stuff. But I know, because if you and I are a lot alike, you nod your head and you ask questions. I do. I ask questions. She feeds straight cats. That's what I do. I do the same thing. This is the problem. You two people that feed the straight cats, because you know what happens when you feed a straight cat? They keep coming back. And you're enabling these yak mouth, boring conversationalists where they think, God, Austin and Pumps thought I was a great conversationalist.

So they go out and torture other people. You are doing no service. And it's amazing that two Karens such as yourselves can go and be so alpha in some instances. And then you go feed these terrible conversationalists have had it. And we do it. We do it all the time. I did it yesterday on the plane. I talked to somebody for an hour. Oh, Austin. I could it was it was the whole flight.

He started the conversation the moment I sat down. He was right there and I was like, oh, Ricky. I was like, I looked at they were they were in when he started talking to me. They were in and he just kept talking and. And then I kept asking follow-up questions because I couldn't deal with the silence. That's what my thing is. I can't deal with the silence.

And he was sweet. But I was kind of, sometimes I like to see what I can get out of people. Sometimes it's like, well, I'm sitting here, I'm stuck here. What is this person gonna tell me about their life? And I learn all about them. And sometimes, you know, sometimes you learn interesting. Most of the time it's not very interesting.

But let me tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. Are you ready? And I may, I don't know, this may be too, a very common one, I'm gonna say it anyway. I've had it with grown ass men pissing on the toilet seat and not wiping it because I go into the damn bathroom

and I gotta take care of it because if I don't, the person that comes in after is gonna think that I peed all over the toilet seat. Yeah, exactly. I've had it, you're a grown ass man, you're not a fucking animal, clean your piss off your seat. I agree. Clean it off. And here's the thing too, if it's a gender neutral bathroom or an airplane bathroom,

oftentimes a lady's coming in after you. Exactly. You have to completely clean that seat. Please. Put the lid down before you flush. Yes. Make sure that shit is ready for the next user. And men with these penises,

spraying like it's a goddamn water hose. All over the place. It is a massive problem. It's a huge problem. In fact, I think that we need to mandate that men sit when they pee if they can't handle it. That's a great idea. Because I do, I do.

I sit when I pee because it's number one, it's more comfortable. And it depends, it depends on the restroom. Wait, let's dive into this. Okay, let's go ahead. How many times, okay, how many times a day do you pee? Oh, I pee so much. I pee like a pregnant woman. Okay, and the percentage?

I'm an obsessive pee-er because I pee because I can't have the feeling of going pee. It just, it drives me nuts. And the percentage of times you sit per day versus stand? Like at home versus away? If I'm away, if I'm in a public restroom, like a mall bathroom, those are some of the worst bathrooms I stand. If the bathroom's gross, the grosser the bathroom, the more likely I'm going to stand, I'm not

going to touch anything, I'm going to use my foot to lift the toilet seat. That's what I do. I don't touch anything. Limit the points of contact. So it depends on, if the bathroom's really nice, like your bathroom, I just sat. I sat in your bathroom. I like that. You peed like a girl. I just sat. I like that. Yeah, it was paid like a girl. I did. I did. And at nighttime in my hotel room at

home, I'm sitting you're paying like a girl at home. I'm being like a girl. My male French Bulldog, Tubby, he pees like a girl. Okay. And I appreciate how in touch he is with his own masculinity. Yep. To pee like a girl. He doesn't have to hike a leg. Yep. He squats. Yeah. And I appreciate that you're that in touch with your masculinity to just sit. Let me ask you this. Do you have to kind of push the penis down a little bit? Yeah, you do. Right at the pelvic bone?

Yeah, because if you lose, if you lose, if you get distracted, you could end up in a situation where you're peeing out the toilet seat. It's happened to me many times. Right. Right. It's not it's not. And then you get wet and then it's like, oh, shit. You know, as a guy, you got to get used to sometimes you's like, oh shit, you know. As a guy, you gotta, sometimes you're gonna pee on yourself. It happens.

And sometimes you just gotta learn to wipe it off and move on with your life. And, you know, and it's, yeah. How do you feel about dribble? Like when you pull your, like old man dribble. Dribble, I mean, it happens to all of us and that's annoying. It's annoying, you gotta shake it quite a bit.

I hate it, I hate it. So I usually will take a little tissue paper. That's what I'm saying shake it quite a bit. I hate it. I hate it. So I usually will take a little tissue paper. That's what I'm saying. Why don't you just dab at the end? Because it's gay, evidently. Because men think that anything that is related to... To hygiene?

Yeah, literally. Have you heard of Dude Wipes? No. Oh my God. I don't want to shit on a brand because I'm sure it's great. But Dude Wipes, this is so funny to me, they've invented a baby wipe that men feel that they can use without feeling gay or effeminate. So they've taken baby wipes and they've branded them as Dude Wipes.

And so there are these wipes that literally are baby wipes, but they just branded as Dude Wipes so men feel comfortable using them. Okay, let's talk about, we talked about this a little bit last night at dinner. So Austin went to dinner last night with my husband, Josh Welch and me, and the listener knows who Josh is, and his storied history with metrosexuality

and products and manscaping and whatnot. And Austin said to Josh, I think it's great that you just embrace, you know, hair serums, creams for your face, all of these things. Because now, like, there's that whole alpha male movement where you're perceived as being gay or a pussy if you take care of yourself. Yeah, basically, basic take care of yourself.

Yeah. It's at some point, this happened in society, and men that took care of yourself. Yeah, basically, basic take care of yourself. Yeah. At some point, this happened in society, and men that took care of themselves, we had to invent a term for it. Metro was invented so that we could define a straight man that took care of himself in the most basic ways. I'm a firm believer that anybody who has to tell you they're an alpha male is a beta male. Oh, yeah

Has deep insecurities because there is nothing less attractive than a man going on and on about they're an alpha male Yeah, I'm an alpha male. Do you see a lot of this out here in Oklahoma? We see it lived out. Yeah So like when we go to our son's basketball games, you see this kind of a man that would be perceived as an alpha male. And let me describe what I think they look like. So there's a gut. And when they stand up, there's this big effort to kind of like that kind of hiking a leg and raising up the pants over the gut. They usually have a toothpick and they do it kind of as they're doing it like they think they're hot. Right. And they're probably wearing,

you know, some sort of horrible aftershave that should have never been on the market that has been branded like Alpha Musk, you know, something like that. That's the scent that they're going after. Right, right. And I just, I do not find anything about what Fox News would deem alpha male. Right. I don't find any of that sexy or attractive. That's what they, that's their alpha male. Right. Demeaning to women. Demeaning to women. Treats women like a subhuman species. Clinically obese. Clinically obese. Right? I mean, that's- There's nothing wrong with being obese, for the record. But when you're-

Right. But he acts like he's got your body. It's like you're well far from that. Or just the slights to women, like, can you get me a coffee? Or, hey, run to the concession stand and get me something to his wife. I'm always just like- Or grabbing him by the pussy is what he said famously.

Grabbing him right by the pussy. Right by the pussy is what he said famously grabbing him right by the crab And yeah, right by the right by the but for me a bigger turn on that's not a thing No, nobody grabbed by the pissy this section even in a consensual situation. Nobody wants to be grabbed by the pussy Exactly, right? That's not even like a move in a kid. That's what I'm trying to say like even in a consensual Which he wasn't talking about it right now. He was just going in he was just going for he was just going in. He was just going for it. It's not a base. No, it's not first base. It's not a this is not a move. Right. This is not like, you know, like, like, for example, you have,

you know, it wouldn't be like a consensual grab would not be a good thing. No, and you certainly wouldn't just walk up and grab the pussy. There would have to be some type of foreplay. Yes. Effort put into it before you grab. I don't even know if you'd ever get to a point where you're grabbing or cuffing it. I don't even know. I don't know what you do with a pussy. You wouldn't be cupping.

You don't. Right. It's not a grab. No. It's more like a breast you can grab. Okay. You can grab it. You can grab a tit.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. I'm pecks are breast adjacent. Grab a cheek. Right. Yeah. Cheeks are great. Yes. Love that. Okay. I'm familiar with those.

Yeah. That's good. But I don't think the alpha male thing is even remotely attractive. I'm far more attractive to a man that has no problem going to dinner with you or hanging out with you and your boyfriend or whomever you're dating and is completely comfortable in his own sexuality and not even remotely threatened by it. Because I cannot imagine, like Kylie, our producer, is a lesbian. I can't imagine that you and I would be all in a tit about being around Kylie. And these men, these alpha males, are so worried about being around gay men, which I think Freud would probably read something into that. Yeah, there may be something there.

There might be something there. They feel like if you really think that being around a gay man is gonna make you gay, maybe there's already something there. Absolutely. Right. Maybe a bicurious at minimum. Maybe.

I wish we just didn't have the societal construct because I think so many more people, we would see the spectrum of sexuality would reveal itself and people wouldn't be trying to put themselves in one corner or the other. I agree. It wouldn't be boxed in. I wish that was the case, but here we are. Everything is so binary and black and white. You know, boy, girl, gay, straight. And then the people that we live around are so, I mean, triggered the alphabet mafia.

And I'm just like, why do you give a shit? Why do you give a shit? I know, I know. That's what I was thinking. Like, I don't even, if I went to dinner with you and your person you're dating, Kylene on it, it would never, sex would never come into my mind.

You know what I mean? I would never, same with Jennifer and Josh. I mean, I just don't sit around thinking about what other people do in their bedroom ever. Yeah. I just don't. Yeah, that's a them problem. Addy.

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these imaginary conversations in your head because you're so irritated at a person or a situation and you just cannot quit talking to the imaginary person in your head. I do that all the time and I have imaginary conversations with myself because I'm so angry at myself. What has helped me so much is the convenient better help therapist. What I love about my better help therapist is it's entirely online. By doing it online, it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to my schedule. All I had to do was fill out a brief questionnaire and I got matched with a licensed

therapist and I was able to switch therapists one time that I didn't like very much at no additional charge. Listener, Pumps and I both benefited so much from therapy, but we find it very difficult to fit in in-person therapy sessions with our very busy schedules. So if you have something you'd like to get off your chest, get it off with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. HLP.com slash had it. Okay, you had texted me on your flight into Oklahoma. Yes, about something to do with children. Yes. How did you knew it happened on that flight to Oh, yeah. I've had it with parents. This is not the kids fault.

I agree. Parents that don't know how to control their children. I understand babies cry. Yeah, they're obnoxious. These are all things that as a traveler, I understand. I saw a comment on about this topic where it's like, you can choose to have a kid free life. You can't choose to have a kid-free life. You can't choose to have a kid-free world. I believe that.

But you can't hijack that theory and do things like what happened on my flight yesterday. This, there was a younger mom and her younger mother, the mom's younger mother, who was, I guess, the grandmother of this younger child. And they were both, mom and the grandmother were drinking, drank, and I'm all about it, have fun. Right, right.

Cut loose, I don't care. Right. The problem was, is as this flight progressed, this child was screaming uncontrollably, running back and forth between the aisle. They befriended some random guy that was also going back and forth and switching places as the child wanted to go from one place to another. The child was in their diaper, running around, pulling on people's seats.

No. I'm not even kidding. And the woman next to me was about to have a mental breakdown. But I've had it with people that don't teach their kids manners. They run in, they're running around in public places and making a ruckus, and I don't blame the kids. I would never get mad at the kids. The parents need to, come on.

Were the parents acting like, look at how cute our kid is? That's the fucking problem. That is my pet peeve of the world. She's been up since five, oh she's cranky, oh it's been a long day. Right, like that's fine. There is a lack of self-awareness in motherhood, where it is the most special thing

that happens to the mother. You have this baby, you raise it, you do all of these things, you love it, it's this intense love, but it's unique to you and that child only. When you take that child out into the world, nobody else thinks your fucking kid is as great as you do, period.

But the amount of projection that young parents have to project that look at how great this child is, and this is wildly entertaining to me. So everybody that is a hostage right now on this domestic flight in the United States of America, look at how wonderful my little darling is. I've had it up to my eyeballs for the worst. And you know what?

That kid's, the kid is innocent now, but that kid's gonna grow up to be a monster and a pussy. Absolutely, there's no question. Because the parent will always be like, oh my gosh, you're so great. And the first time somebody says you're not great, guess what the kid's gonna be like, Oh my gosh, you're so great. And the first time somebody says you're not great, guess what? The kid's going to be a pussy. Yeah, a total pussy.

Yeah, because they haven't been able to take any criticism or anything through their entire life. I felt I feel bad. I feel bad for the this particular daughter. I it was it was a nightmare situation. I chosen to not let it bother me, though. I've gotten better about that. Not getting upset. I just put in my headphones and turned my music up loud,

but I could hear the chaos just all around me. And this woman next to me was about to lose her mind. Did the flight attendant ever intervene? No, that's the other thing. I was like, why isn't it at a certain point the flight attendant? Because they're bossy. Yeah, no, they are.

And I like it. Yeah, no, me too. They got to keep the order. And again, I want to be clear. I'm not inco... Babies cry. Kids get grumpy. Babies are innocent. People do things. I'm okay with clear. I'm not inco... Babies cry. Kids get brain freeze.

Babies are innocent. I've had a screamer on them. People do things. I'm okay with that. Of course. I mean, I have to be. I get it. You travel.

It's what, you know, you can't leave your kids at home. Sometimes you gotta travel with them. I'm not talking about that. The problem is, is, you know, I've had it with people that don't know how to discipline their children or they have to give them the phone. Or at least make an effort. Or just make an effort.

Make an effort. If you see that the mom is like really trying and then looks to the other passengers and is like, I'm sorry. Yeah. Then there's empathy. Exactly. There is an empathy connection

because she's trying to control an uncontrollable toddler. But when it's like, look at how great this free show is and how fantastic our DNA is and our little darling, I have had it up to my eyeballs with that. Yeah, I've had it. It was, I mean, I've had worse, it was totally fine. I was totally, but I was just like, oh my gosh.

I was in a good head space, so I wasn't letting it bother me, but there are times I'm just like, when kids like don't hold the door or something, I'm like, little shit. Right, no, I'm you know, especially like in a restaurant or when you're trying on clothing Yeah, or if you're an athletic event and it's like you're an adult you're there you brought your kids. That's fine I'm glad you brought your kids good for you. But when they're like, you know throwing popcorn or Bumping into you repeatedly or I've even had this one like kid, kid playing peek-a-boo with me in a dressing room. Oh my gosh, it's so inappropriate.

And the mom is just like, are you playing peek-a-boo? Yeah, it's like. And I'm just like, hello? You fucking c***, grab your kid. Yeah, literally. Like, this is not you. No, it's inappropriate. That's the thing, I don't have a problem,

if the kid goes peek-a-boo, that's not the issue, it's what the parent does after that. Right, exactly. That's it. We're not gonna do that. We don't know them. Because then it's cute and silly, right? Because then it's like, oh, then it's just a kid being a kid.

But as soon as the parent enabled the behavior going, oh, look at you, you know? And that's what was happening yesterday, is like this child was being a demon and everybody was like, oh, she's making excuses, saying she's tired, she's cranky. But you can tell it's a consistent, there's a reason why she's acting like that,

because she knows she can get away with it. And kids are smart, right? They will get away with it. They will run the show if you let them, right? I mean, I'm not a parent, I have no idea, but that's why. That's how it works. That's what my mom told me. Another thing you messaged us about,

and this is a long grievance of ours, and it's something that we are definitely trying to bring attention to. It is the people that are going through TSA that are completely unprepared. It's unbelievable. One thing I want to do when I go through TSA is I want to be the marvel of TSA. I want them to say, oh, guess who's here today? It's our A-plus student, Jennifer. She has all her shit together. She is ready to go through. She

takes her little box on the other side of the x-ray machine, moves it down. You know what I even do when people don't pick up their little boxes? I go ahead, there could be seven there. I go ahead and stack them all up to set an example to these heathens running around TSA to say look at me. I'm not above anything. I'll pick up your tray as well because we're all in this together. Yes, no, going through the line and it's like these people showed up not expecting to go through security. I'm like what are you doing? Why did you dress like that?

Because you have to take off their earrings, and their necklaces, and their watches, and they're so unprepared for it. And then they leave their bag. They don't guide it all the way through to the... Right, you've got to guide it. You've got to stay with it. You've got to stay on top of it.

You've got to stay with the bag until it starts to get on the belt. Yes, no. We don't ever talk about that one enough. There's people that are going in line, and then TSA's like, you got to go back and get with your back Yeah screws up the order of everything It does tell about your idea about if the star rating like uber and then you have to go back to the back of the line

Okay, here's my idea. So TSA we have a little app as we go through and The TSA agents give us a rating like uber We rate the TSA and the TSA agents give us a rating like Uber. We rate the TSA and the TSA can rate us back. If you have a five-star TSA rating, you have your own line to go through. I like that. Okay? I like that.

If you start getting diminished, then you have to go over to the shitty, unprepared loser TSA line. Yes, yes. I think this could fix so many things. I think one thing about Uber that I like is the fact that they rate you as a customer, right? I'm, I oppose this. Customers always right. Sometimes the customer is a fucking asshole. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Present

company somewhat excluded in that. But I, I just think that we need, TSA needs to strike back and start raiding us. And if you're a great traveler and you have your cell phone out of your pocket, you're not wearing a bunch of crazy shit. You don't have, you know, all sorts of things that shouldn't be going through. Your liquids are separated. You get five stars and you get preferential treatment. Preferential treatment for being prepared.

Yeah, no, it's doing it all wrong. You have this TSA pre and you have clear and you have global entry because you filled out some forms. That's not far enough for me. I need to know when I'm going through clear and I'm going through TSA pre that those motherfuckers are as prepared and take the care and time and attention and have the self-awareness that I have when I go through it because just because somebody's TSA pre doesn't mean that they're x-ray ready. I am always x-ray ready.

You take pride in it too. I want everybody TSA to say she fucking crushed it. I don't want to miss a step when I'm getting up to that scanner. I'm taking out my wallet, my phone, my headphones in the bag. I've got a system. Zip it up. Anything in your pockets. No, don't even ask.

I already know there's nothing in my pocket. I'm ready for the x-ray machine. I'm x-ray. Hashtag x-ray ready. I'm so confident that I know when I go through it, if it goes off, it's a random. That's exactly right. That's how confident I am. If it is a random, if it is a random, I'm so confident I immediately walk up to them

with my hands out because I know they're going to dust it. Exactly. I already know, I'm so confident I immediately walk up to them with my hands out because I know they're going to dust it. Exactly. I already know. I'm already prepared. Because you know what? I'm random ready. Yeah.

I'm x-ray ready. I'm random ready. And a lot of the TSA pre-ears and a lot of the clearers and a lot of the global interiors are not. Okay, so. So they need to take it a step further. I will say I'm a little bit of a hypocrite here because I got sassy one time with the TSA and I got angryassy one time with the TSA

and I got angry because I was in the pre-check line but they closed pre-check and they made me go through the regular line and they made me go through the body scanner. Well, I said, I've heard that you could opt out of the body scanner. So I was like, I'm going to be a pain in the ass and I opted out of the body scanner

and I made them pat me down like the old fashioned way because I refused to go through the body scanner. Just an act of rebellion. It was an act of rebellion. Yeah. Because I was thinking I was in this, I'm a little bit of a hypochondriac and I was like, oh my God, all this X-ray, radiation.

So I use that to justify the little bit of a incovenience. Total Karen. But the real, you totally Karen. And you thought I'm going to totally Karen. I'm gonna show them I'm gonna show them a little bit hungover a little bit tired. Yes a little bit of a combination of everything But most a little bit of a Karen. I'm a perfect angel most of the time. I'm going through I'm keeping to myself I think a lot of people have this perception that I'm a monster like I'm just like in airport Headphones in don't talk to anybody, just going through security.

Nice to, you know, I like friendly conversation with random people, you know, but yeah, just keeping to myself, going through security. Yeah, POMS is pretty good about 98% of the time, but sometimes, you know, like if there's a flight delay or something, the Karenism takes hold. And at one point we're like stuck on the runway and the flight attendant comes and she's announcing

and then she asks if anybody has questions. Nobody fucking raises their hand because we're all stuck on the plane. There's nothing anybody can do. Fucking Karen here, hand is up in the air. Good question. I think I asked like, is it a mechanical failure? Is it a mechanical failure? Are they going to fix it? See that's a really important question.

Are we going to switch planes? That's an important question. Nobody asked this. Quit enabling her, Austin. Quit enabling. Hold on. You need to know the nature of the failure because if you don't know the nature of the failure, you don't know how long this is going to spiral. Right. Right. If it's, if it's, is it crew? Yeah, because perhaps it's all about era, era. I know if like the bringing a maintenance person over versus a new crew, are we going to change planes? Like I'm trying to what's the nature of the emergency? This is Karen shit. How long are we going to be here? I need to like start

getting into is it gonna be three hours? Yeah, gonna be five hours. So what often often the most frequent because I'm an aviation nerd. So I'll pull up my app and I'll be tracking. Okay, the key is to find the tail number of the plane so you can actually figure out exactly the flight number because they change the flight numbers could apply to any airplane. Yeah, like the flight for example, every every time you get on a plane, usually the plane is

arriving from another place. Right. But that when it's arriving from that other place, it has a different flight number. So searching different flight number. So searching the flight number's not gonna find you where that plane is. So you gotta find the tail number, the registration. Every plane has unique registration. So when you see a delay, my first thing to do,

first thing you should do is find the tail number of that particular flight. It's easy to do on one of these apps. And then figure out where that plane's coming from. I'd say most of the time, I'd say 70 to 80% of the time, a delay is due to a late arriving plane or something like that. The second most common delay is a crew situation.

And those tend to be a little unpredictable. That's when you ask the question, what's the nature of the delay? Is it mechanical? Oh, it's crew. Okay, where's the crew coming from? Then you figure out where that plane is, and then you can kind of figure out— So happy.

Because the airlines won't tell you the full story. They'll delay it slowly. You'll find out this information later. So if you can get ahead of the game and figure out how long this delay is going to last, because sometimes they'll be like, oh, this flight's departing in 40 minutes. And you look and you're like, the plane that we're getting on isn't gonna be here for another 50 minutes. How are we departing in 40?

But the airlines won't tell you. You'll find that out later when the airlines will choose to tell you later. But if you figure it out early, you're like, well, I'm not gonna make this. I'm gonna miss my connection. I'm gonna get ahead of it. I'm gonna change my booking now.

Right. To get ahead of everything. So it's like, it's like Karenism, but it's also, it's good doing the proper research and figuring out these are good questions. It's a nuance. It's a nuance of Karenism. It's called investigative Karenism.

Investigative Karenism. That's right. Because I just want to know, like, is it going to be five hours? If it's five hours, then let me just plan accordingly. But don't five minutes me to death. Yeah, exactly. And I'm not going to, and I'm not going going to be I'm not upset when things go wrong. I don't care.

It's out of my control. It's out of my control. I don't get upset. I'm just like, how can I figure out how to get home quickly? If I can't get home quicker, fine. I'll take it. I'll accept. Right.

This is my destiny. That's the that's the thing that I have also had it with is people that get fucking upset at like when there's a weather delay or something like that. Right. What are we going to do about it? What are you going to do? Why are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Why are you stressed?

What are you gonna do? Or also second to that, I've had it with people that don't, they think they're in more of a rush than they need to be. Because they're so busy. Because they're reading the boarding time instead of the departure time. Or what about the people that are rushing

to get on the plane ahead of like three people ahead of you that cut the line and it's like that actually didn't accomplish anything. We all have to get on this thing through the same entire entrance. Okay, I've got a question for you guys because you guys fly priority a lot. If you're boarding the plane late, there's usually a priority lane

and then there's just a normal boarding lane. Will you jump the other people in the general boarding lane and get in your priority lane and Get on the plane before Absolutely, okay, it's not even a question I have I struggle with that if I get to defined line, right? If it's to if there's like a little rope and this is the group one through three or whatever it and it's defined Yeah, I'm for sure going over if I'm running late. If it seems like there's only one place,

I'm not gonna go walk and cut in front of all those people. I could never do that. Only when there's a defined line. Defined line. I've done it before, but a lot of people don't understand the situation, so they think that you're cut in line.

And sometimes I can't handle that perception, and so I just get in line with everybody else. I would get in line. If there wasn't a defined line, I would even when there's a fine line. Sometimes I just because You know, I just can't handle it. Sometimes I don't want to get judged. All right these people let's play. I'm all for it Homes calm knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo It's about the home and what makes a home is more just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just the house or property. It's the location and neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby parks, and transportation options. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to

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Go to shopify.com slash had it now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. shopify.com slash had it. Let's play had it or hit it. Okay, had it or hit it. I'm ready. Okay. Oh my God. Welcome to had it or hit it. I, had it or hit it. I'm ready. Okay. Oh my God. Welcome to had it or hit it.

I would hit it. Had it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Now, Seth, our producer, wrote a lot of these because he follows you guys. Okay. Okay, had it or hit it, the iconic roof

where the Beatles performed for the last time. Oh my God. Had it or hit it, sorry. Okay, so this is a story. This is from, did you hear what, did you guys know about the famous Beatles rooftop concert? Yes.

In 1969. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we were filming a podcast in London and I wanted to film on a rooftop because I wanted a view and they wanted to film in, they were just like, let's film in a studio. I'm like, why would we follow the way to London with this backdrop being just this boring room? Right. So I convinced them to film in, they were just like, let's film in a studio. I'm like, why would we follow it away to London

with this backdrop being just this boring room? Right. So I convinced them to film on a roof and the reason I convinced them is I said, this is the place of the iconic Beatles 1969 concert. You told Hassan and Will this? I told Hassan, it was just Hassan because Hassan, Will wasn't with us.

It was just me and Hassan and then we had this other streamer named Ray on our podcast and I said, this is the spot of the iconic 1969 concert with the Beatles Hassan before the podcast telling his whole family about it bragging and I went the entire podcast doing the bit over and over again and then at the end I told him this isn't it wasn't the same rooftop. You couldn't tell because honestly it kind of looked yeah it was I think a mile away from the actual rooftop so yeah you know but I tricked him the whole time. Was he pissed?

I've I've I've I'll hit it. Hit it. OK, was he mad at you? He was upset, but like it was it was one of my it was a good one. It was a good clip, too. Yeah, it's a great clip. Had it or hit it game shows. Oh, gosh, this is a good one. I don't. I don't want to say I think I've kind of had it. I don't really like game shows that

much anymore. I do one name your price, but it's really other than what I have. Well, I feel about podcasts. It's like I have one. But I don't know if I hit them all the time. Yeah, I don't know. I kind of I've kind of had it. I mean, I love I love the price. But name your price isn't a serious game show. It's a joke. It's a jokey show. It's a tongue-in-cheek show where it's not meant to be taken seriously.

We're children of the 80s. And I fucking hit game shows growing up. Because here's the situation. When we would come home from school or if it was a weekend, you had to go to your television and you turned it on and whatever was on was what you watch so we watched soap operas Yeah, we watched game shows and then just what was ever on TV and so I loved the Price is Right Yep, loved it. I crushed it. I loved the Will of Fortune Jeopardy I was quite good at that. Yep. Did you like all those?

I liked Pyramid. But my favorite, which I would still watch today, Family Feud. Family Feud is fantastic. Love Family Feud. He was great. Now it's Steve Harvey, but somebody, I'm sure it's been a few hosts. Richard Dawson was our back in the day.

He's been dead 20 years. Did you watch All My Children? Yes, I watched All My Children, Days of Our Lives. Soap operas were so great. Yeah, I've kind of had, I don't know why. I just feel like it's so hard. We're so over saturated with entertainment. Totally.

I feel like I'm numb and it's so hard to entertain me these days. Cause we're so over saturated. It's so hard. Do you like start a show, like a new show and you get like two episodes in and if you're just not taking off your feet, you're so oversaturated. I'm so it's so hard. Do you like start a show like a new show and you get like two episodes in if you're just not taking off your feet? You're saying I get two minutes in to a show. Okay, I can get a little bit more than

that. I kind of I can't I can't do it. I can't do. I've had it with watching a series. Like I love a lot. I don't know why I just can't I might might I'm I can never because I know I'm never gonna finish it. I think that's why I just can't I might my I'm I can never because I know I'm never gonna finish it I think that's why because I'm always right and so I know I'm never gonna finish it and I think that's why I've kind of had it. I just don't I don't know. I don't know why maybe there's I need therapy Maybe I need to dig into why this is why I can't sit and watch something for consistency I don't know

I mean I have to but I'm the same like I'm not gonna sit there and watch it if it's just not killing me immediately because we have so many choices. Yeah, because the reason I say I may need therapy for this is because when I look back, like when I was a kid, I hated days where I would have to stay inside and watch TV because I really wanted to go outside. I don't think that, that's not trauma, but I don't know. Maybe that's why, like whenever I think about

like sitting in and watching a TV show, I just feel like I'm missing out on something in the outside world, I don't know. I have the joy of missing out. Yeah, I do too. I love missing out. But you're young, okay. I absolutely love more than anything

missing out on something. Like, peak life for me would be at home, in my bed, binge watching a series with my French Bulldogs. And I get on Instagram and a lot of my friends are at some wretched party with some wretched band playing cover songs. You like that, you're opposite of them. And they're drunk as shit, like posting on their Instagram.

And I'm like, I am so fucking glad I am not at that event. I couldn't be happier to sit in this bed with my French Bulldogs watching this TV show. I have the joy of missing out. See that Jomo. Jomo. Joy of missing out. Yeah. Jomo. Jomo. That's a new thing. It is. Embrace Jomo and be x-ray ready. Okay. X-ray way. Joe Mo, be X-Ray ready, be Carousel ready. Yep. Okay. Like that. Had it or hit it? Twinks. Hit it. Your produces seems oddly targeted. Hit it. I do like twinks. Although I think I have, I have like twinks, although I think, I have like, people think I only like twinks, which is, that typically is my type, but I also like twunks. What's a twunk?

A twunk is like a more muscular twink. I think actually that is more what I like, and I think people, I kind of mischaracterize, I kind of use it twink interchangeably, but I kind of like, twunks are like a little bit more muscular twinks, and I kind of like that better. This is going to be a had it or hit it, and we're going to need some explanation.

And this is an, this isn't a way for you to defend yourself against a lot of frivolous accusations. Had it or hit it, selfish tops. Oh, gosh. Had it or hit it, selfish tops. Selfish tops. Oh gosh. Had it or hit it selfish tops. Selfish tops. You know what? I've had it with the with people thinking I'm a selfish top. I have absolutely had it. And finally, I think I'm in company of two ladies that will understand that I'm telling the truth when I say, I am not a selfish top. I am so passionate when I meet somebody,

or I'm intimate with somebody, about making sure that their needs are met from the jump. Because I, when I talk about my pleasure, it is them being pleasured. If they're not enjoying it. Like, that's why I have such a difficulty understanding when you talk about these men in your in your past that you've slept with that think that they're the bomb,

you know, and they think that they're so good. And they didn't stop for a second to it. And they feel that way when you weren't enjoying the experience. I cannot understand how they're enjoying themselves. I've never been able to understand that. So yeah, like from the, whenever I meet somebody, it's a communication from the, what do you like? I communicate beforehand.

I'm all about foreplay. I love to eat ass. I love to do all of the things. And I make sure my partner, I always want my partner to finish. I prefer them to finish first. But that to me actually could be a little selfish because sometimes people want you to finish first.

But regardless, they're finishing regardless. I'll make sure that that happens. So yeah, I hate this insinuation. It's a happy ending for all involved. All involved, it's always happy. I work very hard. I take, it's a sense of pride. So you're an unselfish top. Selfless. I. Selfless. Selfless talk. I mean y'all have gotten just endless content.

I know. I know. I mean endless. I mean they've called me. There's probably gonna be merch about it. Selfish top. I mean I'm gonna sell it too. I mean I'm gonna sell it. I'll wear the selfish top merch. But it's more of a joke. Selfish top merch I think would be pretty. I like it, a big seller of the IK community. It's so frustrating, it's like how am I going to prove this? You know I can't prove it to anybody. Right. Who cares what they think. Who cares what they think. As long as it's not someone you sleep with. Exactly. You know what I bet it is, I bet there's a lot of projection because I bet the selfish top is Hassan. Yeah that's exactly. It's projection. We all know what it is. Thank you so much because I know, I've said this often, that Hassan is a selfish top.

Yeah. I've said this. And here's the situation that poor straight men don't understand. This is why they're fooled so easily often into thinking they're such great lovers. And I'll tell you what the situation is. You start having sex with a man. He could be a gyro. He could not be very

good at it. Gyro. Gyro is a jackrabbit. Yeah. And I think a lot of them start gyro rhythm. Yeah, they start gyro. They just do that immediately. They start. They start driving. And so then you immediately know, this is not going to be a good lay. I am not going to orgasm, right. But I need for him to as quickly as possible. So you pull out your Oscar. Okay. And you can immediately get his rocks off in 2.5 seconds. Women enable this, but it's self preservation. It is self preservation. You want it to end.

So then they leave the situation thinking, wow, she was screaming her head off. This woman came for her life. I am Rico Suave. I am a great fucking lover. So we have, we have enabled this much like you and pumps feed the stray cats, you know, that are Yak Mouthers. So that's, so Hassan could believe that he is a great lover, and maybe he is.

But maybe he has no idea. He has no idea because women are not transparent about this. Because we understand the male ego couldn't take it if I said, you were a gyro, you fucking sucked. I never want to fuck you again. If I'm being truthful, and it hurts me to give him praise, but women have been outspoken about how good he is. If I'm being truthful, and it hurts me to give him praise, but women have been outspoken about how good he is.

Good for him. Good for him. Good for him. I think he is actually a selfless, I think he knows how to eat, put your pussy. Sorry. I know, I think he knows how to eat.

Women have been outspoken. He dated a porn star for a period of time, and I think she's been outspoken. On the job training. I mean, he's definitely, I think he's a pro and like it pains me to say, he's probably a pretty good lover. And here's what I think he'd be a selfish top if he was gay.

Probably. And here's what I wanna say. Because I believe that men like Hassan who are like totally comfortable in their masculinity, I would think that they would probably be better lovers because they have more self-awareness. It is the faux alpha males, the Sean Hannity's, the Jesse Waters, the Tucker Carlson's that you know are gyraters. Oh yeah, the Ted Cruz's.

You know, he's the most unfuckable person on the planet. On the planet. I can't believe, yeah. The most unfuckable. I just cannot, oh yeah, he's gotta be a gyro. He's probably. Oh, he has to lift that belly up. He has to probably go in from the back door.

It's too pump chomp for that. Yeah, it's not, oh god. Awful. I just, what an insufferable person. I can't believe people went from the front door. Insufferable, I know. All right, listen up listener. This has been I Can sit here and talk to Austin

forever. We're going to on our Patreon post show, which will start now but you can go find Austin on Twitch. Yep. Austin show. Austin show on all the social medias. He is a tick tock sin. Sation I was on his tick tock last night. And the name of their podcast is fear. And here's the thing. Austin's the star of fear and I don't care what you see, what you read. That's why he's the chosen one. And we believe in affirmative action. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was a diversity hire. That's right. Exactly. That's right. Yeah. All right. Paid to say,

yeah, we you had to say I was the best one. Exactly. All right. Perhaps tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Cheers. I've had it with that. Do you like drag? Do you like fragrance? Do you like frying the small fish? I'm Delta Work, a regionally celebrated drag queen and the host of Very Delta,

a podcast for the woman whose social battery is on 10%, but her phone battery is fully charged. Each week I go off in my monologue about things that irk me before inviting my guests to chat on the couch with me. Past guests include Margaret Cho, Bob the Drag Queen, Orville Peck, Trixie Mattel, Katya and more. You can listen to Very Delta wherever you get your podcasts and watch full video episodes every Monday on the Mom Podcast YouTube channel.