I've Had It - Beautiful, Systemic and Seamless Trolling

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

It's a freeballin' kind of day, Listener. Jennifer and Pumps catch up after a two week separation and they have A LOT to discuss. From their appearance on the Today Show to some top-notch, inject it straight into our veins Internet Trolling from single mom uber driver, Yolanda Fister - the girls leave no stone unturned. Pumps expresses the utter shock she felt from an unsettling speedo sighting, Jennifer recalls a disturbing story regarding the Saggin' Dragons and Kiley plays some A+ listener submissions for the girls. The Hot Sh*t Tour is heading to Atlanta, Philly and D.C in August! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcastThank you to our sponsors:SimpliSafe: Listeners get a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. This huge offer is for a limited time. So visit SimpliSafe.com/HADIT.SKIMS: SKIMS Fits Everybody and more best-selling essentials are available now at SKIMS.com Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75! After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order when you use promo code HADIT at bollandbranch.com. Exclusions apply. See site for details. Healthy Cell: Go to healthy cell.com/hadit and use promo code HADIT to get 20% off your first order. Apartments.com: The place to buy a place, visit apartments.com today. Match.com: If you know who you are and what you want in a relationship, Match is the place for you. Adults Wanted. Download the Match App today. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So we're supposed to start the podcast. One, two, three. I'm just full of it today. What do you look up at the ceiling? Well, because I'm looking at my hands. Oh, you know, to unite them. To unite them. You unite them.

Make sure I'm seeing it correctly. Yes. I hand coordination. You would you crush? I'm horrible at I hand coordination. You would you crush? I'm horrible at I hand coordination. Well, I mean, you just can't be so talented that it would overwhelm the world. That's right. It has to have some flaws.

Well, I mean, here's the deal. I'm just going to go ahead and welcome everybody to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is the star of our show. We recently were on the Today Show. I know, I still can't believe it. Listener, and I would argue that pumps

was the star of the Today Show. Oh, please, bitch. I think a lot of our listeners will agree with me. I don't. Everybody should know right off the bat that there's a reason that Haudenosa and I are the Today Show hosts. I think you gave them a big run for their money.

I appreciate your humility. No, I appreciate it. You're driving me crazy with that. I'm serious. I am too. Whatever. No, I mean, they were just immediately felt comfortable, chatty, so sweet as

darling as you would want them to be. You know how some people you meet and you think, what assholes, not them. They were awesome. They were 10 out of 10. Incredible experience. So real, so fun. Pamson, I couldn't believe it.

Cannot believe it. Shout out to Sean, our sweet, sweet helper, the producer there. He was amazing. He was amazing. We had so much fun. It really was so fun. It was so fun. So a lot of stuff, fun stuff happened. So we fly to New York, Pumps and Me. And then the very next morning, we get up and we have our hair and makeup done, right? Our

publicist comes to our hotel room, Mira. Yeah. And we have a car that's going to drive us to the today show, right? You know, because we need a car because we can't schlep in a hundred degree heat, Right. Get our makeup ruined, et cetera. So there is this Instagram account called Yolanda Fister. Okay. Okay. And Yolanda Fister is like a parody satire account.

And Yolanda Fister tweeted a picture of us that Mara, our publicist took of us when we were in the car on the way. And she tweeted it, like taking my girls to the today show or whatever. Well, Yolanda finds this image and then she pops up a tweet and it says, I'm an Uber driver, and I was telling my passengers about how much I can't afford to feed my five children. These women then tipped me $2,500 each for their journey, which will buy my family groceries for an entire week.

I'm so grateful to these kind souls. The neighbor response, she responds to her own tweet and says, people are saying they have a podcast called, I've had it. So I have left a five-star review on the podcast with my thank you note. Thank you fellow Tweetbees for helping me find them. So I see this. I instantly note satire and I screen shot it listener and I send it to Kylie and pumps, which pumps immediately responds, that's not true. But I was like, did I have a stroke? I mean, what happened? Pumps wasn't the only person that fell prey to this. I want to read to you all some of the responses that Yolanda Fister got on this tweet because they are absolute

gold. So somebody responds to this, you know, generous photo of us tipping $5,000, which didn't happen, listener. In case you haven't caught on yet. So somebody tweets Yolanda and says, where do you live where a week's worth of groceries cost $5,000. I think it's a good question. I live in one of the most expensive countries in Europe

and that math makes no sense. You'll under response, I live in the US and my children get a rotisserie chicken each for dinner because I'm a loving parent. I'm sorry you can't relate. That's funny. because I'm a loving parent. I'm sorry you can't relate. That's funny. So she's just trolling him back, right?

Somebody else, where do you shop? Yolanda responds, I shop at Whole Foods because I am anti-GMO. My kids are picky eaters, so I have to throw away 60% of what I buy. I keep a variety and stock because I love them. I mean, she's doubling day on. And then somebody's like, that's Jennifer Welch and Pumps. And she's like, do you know them? I would love to give them a thank you for their kind gesture. A lot of her followers know, but some people don't. And somebody's like, this is not adding up. That's a thousand dollars a week for each. No one should be eating that much food. It can't be healthy. She says, wow, my family's eating habits are none of your concern. We are big-bound by genetics and we can't help that. So it's just this fucking beautiful systemic seamless troll that this young

investor account is just completely somebody says $2,500 a week for groceries. What are you feeding your children? Caviar. She says not all the time. I only use caviar in their school lunches. For dinner, they like to have a rotisserie chicken each. Okay, so if this isn't beautiful enough, it goes viral on gay Twitter. It gets like a million views. A lot of people know and can immediately size up Yolanda Fister. Yeah. And they did the math immediately that $5,000 a week was insane.

And they instantly cracked the case that this was satire. Well, listener, there's this little blogger in Oklahoma city. And I would probably call him a hobby blogger. So he decides that he's going to write a hit piece on Pants and Me, on the foothills of Art Today show appearance, right? And apparently he doesn't listen to the podcast because he would, if he did, he would know we would welcome. Right. Such a piece but his piece was so bad so he hook line sinker buys into the Yolanda Fister Tweet thinks that we and our publicists have colluded with this account to post it to promote our

pod on you for Yolanda Fister. Yes, I appreciate that he thinks that we're that diabolical, right? And talented. Yeah, really impressive. To network the internet in those ways. But anyway, so I tweeting back and I'm like, Yolanda Fister is a satire account. So then Yolanda Fister is like, I hit the fucking gold mine because this person fucking bought into it. So then she screenshots and she's like having the time of her life. Oh, so she saw the ball. Because I tagged her in. Oh, okay. So here's what he writes after the tweet that you'll on to Fisterde, the satirical tweet

about us tipping a Noberdriver $5,000 to feed her kids, caviar and rotisserie chicken. Right. This motherfucker is so lazy. If you just want to click the tweet, within reading the very first comment, you see that she's like talking about caviar and rotisserie checkers, right? Didn't even wrote this essay, but didn't even bother to like click the tweet. So he writes, he does the tweet and he's like, yep, what a coincidence, huh? The same week they're doing a big national publicity tour, some single mom Uber driver named

Yolanda Fister gives them a lift. They tip her $5,000 and then tweet about it and it goes viral. Either I'm a cynical asshole or that seems totally staged. And here's what I have to say to the little hobby blogger in Oklahoma City. You're neither. You're fucking lazy idiot, is what you are. I mean, Yolanda Fister. Right, I mean, I didn't read the name. I just read the comment and I was like, that's not true. But I didn't have to type Yolanda Fister.

I think he typed it out. Right, like once you type it, you know, Fister. To type it out, accuses us of like colluding with Yolanda Fister, this parody account to stage this bogus story, which we'd nothing to do with, and here's the deal. Like when I saw it on Twitter, I was like, that's fucking hilarious. I know that there's gonna be a lot of dumbasses

that walk into this. And then now he's taught a master class on how to be a dumb fuck on the internet because you'll on to fester then screenshots a story and then puts in quotes about it. Some single mom Uber driver named you long. So then I follow you long to fester on instagram. And I'm like hey listen I want to cover your tweet. It's fucking hilarious. Can you give me the demo on you?

He responds, I'm a 26 year old gay man that lives in Scotland. Troling the fuck out of the internet. Yolanda Fister is fucking undefeated. Five stars. Undefeated on the worldwide web. I mean, it is so funny. I can't even take it. So anyway, I absolutely love Yolanda Fister, who we now know is a 26 year old gay man that lives in Scotland.

Excellent work. So anyway, Kylie, did you see all that? I want you, Landa, to know that I love them and I have for a long time. Oh, really? Yeah, you've been following you Landa for a while. So were you behind this collusion? Yeah, I'm Yolanda. I mean, it was so good, but so many people fell for that. But I think it's so hilarious that he puts that up.

And there were people that are like, oh my God, I'm so glad to know. Pumps and Jen are this nice out in nature. And he's like, he's like, that's great. Can you help connect me with them? Anyway, Yalanda Fister, aka the 26 year old Scottish gay man, we love you. Absolutely. Pops, now that you have your simply safe hooked up in your home, do you feel safer? I actually do, and I didn't think I felt unsafe before, but I really do feel safer.

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Here at I've had it because she has a national treasure. And the star of our shows, those simply safe is an integral part of security at I've had it. Right now, I've had it listeners get 20% off any simply safe system when you sign up for fast protect monitoring. This huge offer is for a limited time only, so visit simplysafe.com slash had it. That simplysafe.com slash had it. There is no safe it that simply safe dot com slash had it. There is no safe like simply safe. Pumps, did you know that most betting is made with harsh chemicals like

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That is amazing. They're the only sheets that get softer with every wash. They're so luxurious. They're loved by four US presidents. If it's good enough for the president of the United States, it's good enough for pumps. Sleep better at night with Bullen Branch sheets. Get 15% off your first order when you use promo code had it at bull and branch.com. That's bull and branch B-O-L-L-A-N-D branch.com promo code had it. Exclusion supply see site for details. Match believes dating as an adult should feel exciting, thrilling even. Hey, rip the clothes off of someone who actually knows how to put them away. When that be nice, Pops?

That'd be a miracle, is what that would be. Putting their clothes away. And you know that while flowers are nice, what is really nice is someone who will run out and buy you tampons. Now, that's a keeper. Am I right, Pops? So right. A mature person is what you're talking about. Okay, here's how you'll is what you're talking about. Okay. Here's how you'll know that you're dating an adult. They remember to bring you your coffee every morning.

Maybe they're cool if you're out on a date and you can say, hey, could we swing by the dry cleaners and they don't get all but hurt? Wouldn't that be nice, Pops? Nice change. I think it's just nice to date an adult that's got their shit figured out. I didn't know they were any out there. Well, I'll tell you while they all are, they are on match. If you know who you are and what you want in a relationship, guys, match is the place

for you. Adults wanted. Download the match app today. Okay. Moving along, this is just going to kind of be a free-balling episode. There's a little comment that I believe I screenshot on YouTube that I thought was so good. And I'm going to read this. This is Kevin McDougall. And he says, and this is regarding our episode with Trixi Mattel, the drag queen. Okay. This was an incredible episode. Two

worlds colliding. Jennifer and Pumps, I want you to know that even though you live in a red state, you're continued vocal support for drag artists, trans people, and queer people, and your effective dismissal of stupendously ignorant and downright tomfoolery, right wing talking points against our communities will positively impact so many youth and red states across your country.

Youth who have abusive and unsupportive parents and guardians can look to you and find validation, hope, and confidence in themselves to know that they're worth being alive. Thank you. Oh my gosh, I'm kind of tear-knuck. That's really sweet. It's incredibly sweet. And you know, we take a lot of shit sometimes for taking such a firm stance on progressive issues. And I want to clarify again, for the permanent record.

For the permanent record. This is a moral issue for us. Right. For a lot of you, this might be political and this might be low-hanging fruit. But for us, it is a moral issue to support all people, particularly those who are marginalized by, you know, these cruel and hypocritical Bible-thumping right-wingers. I've had it.

I've had it. So, speaking of the right-wingers, I want to point out to them that we've had two drag queens on our show, right? Delta work. Love. And Trixie Mattel. Love. Both of their appearances on I've had it can only be compared to a Colombian cocaine bump.

Because it's called a Pablo Escobar. Pablo Escobar cocaine bump when you have a drag queen on your show. These people are fucking, they make it rain. I mean, our numbers, when we have a drag queen on, skyrocket. Right. So I will argue for those of you that are like,

well, I'm fiscally conservative, but socially liberal. Your fiscal conservatism and supporting and not supporting drag queens is actually anti-capitalist because these bitches make it rain. They do. They do. Don't they Kyle? They sure do. Yeah, so anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there because any opportunity I have to browbeat religious hypocrisy, I like to jump on it and ride it all the way over the finish line.

Okay, can I tell one story of when you were talking about the car I didn't know what you were going to say. So we get in the car. I didn't know what you were going to say. So we get in the car. Kylie will appreciate this. We get in the car on the way that today show from the hotel to the today show. Okay. Mira, the publicist is in the front with a driver. And Jennifer starts telling the driver how to get to the today.

And I'm like, he's got it. it and she's like well, I don't know I think we're going the wrong way. He's like we're going in the back way and I was just like the sheriff has arrived in Why see it's true? She's trying to boss him. I did I'm so bossy. It is a character defect man I mean it I did and then he pulled us up right there. Right there, and I just felt like a miserable, humiliated idiot, but I didn't. I didn't. I didn't.

I just sociopathically got out of the car, thanked him, pretended like it never happened, walked right into the tip the Uber driver $5,000 and then walked right into the direction. Yes. She's got that credit card and went big. Yeah. Go bigger, go home.

Yeah. So, obviously, I came back from Italy and then the very next morning we went to the Today Show. Right. And I have purposely not shared details about my Italian trip with you, because I wanted to save it to share with you and our team and our one listener. You know who you are, Yolanda. Together.

Okay, good, let's hear it. I have some good updates. Okay, first and foremost, I have some good news for America. What? The Italians love American tourists. Are they do? Yep, not like the French that hate them.

I think American tourists in general are spending money. They're tipping the Americans that go abroad that are brave enough to go to a quote unquote socialist country that doesn't wave an American flag seem to be a little bit more open-minded and they like America. Oh good. That's good to hear. So Secondly, the first we go to Sicily, right? And then from Sicily, we're gonna fly to Naples to then get on a boat to go to Capri, which is my favorite. So

After spending like five days in Sicily, we do cool shit. Like I'm in a helicopter looking at a volcano. I saw that. Fucking out Dorsey. I mean, fucking, loving nature. All the fuck over it, right? I ride a ATV. Boy, mom, out the wazoo, fucking mother of the year, whipping through on an ATV. Right. Crushed it, loved Sicily. It was awesome. So we go to this airport in this town called Katania. And we're supposed to fly from there to Naples. It's like a 30, 45 minute flight, right?

So they're like, planes delayed an hour. They're going to stay two hours. They're going to stay four hours. And it's delayed like eight hours. Finally the flight just gets flat out canceled. So I'm like, fuck. So I go to the front desk of the hotel because we thought we might stay the night in Katania

and I tell the guy, I'm like, hey, can you help me? I need to get to Villa San Giovanni and then take a train. And the guy's like, no, no, no, and I'm like, what is he just, no, Villa San Giovanni. And that was like correct's like correct me. I'm like, okay, can you help me get through?

Vila San Giovanni. And so ultimately, we get in an Uber, okay? And we're trying to get off this island. So I asked the Uber driver. I'm like, so how do we get to the mainland of Italy? And he's like, we take a ferry. I thought that we would get out of the Uber and like hop on a boat.

Right. We get on this ferry that is like fucking gigantic in the car. The car drives onto the ferry. And there's like semi-trucks, there's buses, all sorts of people. And everybody just drives onto this ferry, it immediately steps out.

Everybody lights up a sig. That was for the day. So we get out and then you go up this escalator and I mean, we're talking 10 hours of travel misery. Get on this escalator, we go to the top and we order a hot dog. So we're on the top of this fucking ferry in a glizzy, right? We're up there eating this awful glizzy.

Finally make it. Nonetheless, the whole family was just, I mean, Josh Welch was just besiding himself. I saw that. I mean, poor little thing. He just doesn't have any capacity not to be pampered. So we finally make it. Everything's great.

So Wimbledon comes on, right? So we decide we go eat lunch and we're going to watch Wembleden because we're huge tennis fans. One of the worst things that's probably going to happen to me this entire calendar year is Brad Pitt showed up to Wembleden. Josh Welch has now screen-shotted his hair. Every photo of Brad Pitt, it's been added to the hair file. Oh, God. He immediately Googled the outfit,

which he found out the shirt was sold out in all colors globally. Of course. He noticed that Brad was wearing some chains. Don't say he did that. He didn't buy any chains, but he was thinking about it when we were there. Right.

And I would look over at him multiple times and he had the photo Brad Pitt out. And here's what's fascinating about Josh. When he sees Brad Pitt, he thinks they're contemporaries completely. He doesn't think like that'll never be me. It doesn't even hit him that it's a false equivalency. No. For him to compare himself to him.

That is the amazing part. The delusions of grandeur should be put in a petri dish and studied. I mean, they're really shit. Like, I've even asked him like, so when you pull out a 22 year old hair cut and they're hot and you look in the mirror and you think, I've got that.

Does it ever occur to you that maybe it's too young for you? That maybe that's a haircut for younger people? No. The answer was unequivocally unabashed in O. Doesn't even take a breath. And never, I mean, that'd be like if I said, I look at Jazeel's wearing, I should probably buy that too. Like what? Yeah.

I mean, never thinking that you can't even compare the two. No, so he, I mean, he just, every time I looked at him, and then of course there were all these Brad Pitt memes, and then it was kind of like, you know, Brad, and he, I mean, he just, every time I looked over, and then of course, there were all these Brad Pitt memes, and then it was kind of like, you know, Brad, and he started styling his hair a little different, like they have a similar haircut, but Brad's was a little bit more over to the side. And Josh literally one day got the photo out.

I've put it on the vanity, yeah. Oh, that's just sad. I mean, so happy, it should be a happy thing that Brad Pitt went to Wembleden, right? Brad didn't think about how this impacts Wembleden like me who live with complete delusions of grandeur narcissistic maniacs. Josh would be the only one. I mean, he's got it bad.

Yeah. I've never known anyone with it worse than him. No, it's really bad. As he would say, when I say this stuff to him, he just looks at me and he goes, I had early childhood trauma Jennifer. Yeah, well, it's time to get out. Because you're not Brad Pitt, you're never gonna be. I like to think that somewhere Brad Pitt has a screenshot of Josh Welch

in a folder in his phone. You're making it worse. Kylie. Shut up. You have to edit that out because he will listen to this and be like, I mean, he, that's what he thinks. No, he does. Yeah, it's bad.

No, he does. He thinks they're contemporaries. Okay. And finally, before we move on to our voice memos, something rather alarming happened. If it's what I think it is, it was nothing short of alarming. So Josh gets this idea because in Italy, people wear whatever they want. Nobody gives a fact. So he decides that he and my nephew, Joey, he's very attractive. Joey's the hottest person I've ever seen in real life, like guy wise. Right. And it was breathtaking for him.

I mean, Josh, he decides that they need to buy speedos. See, I was surprised. I wouldn't have all surprised Joey would do it. I mean, Josh would do it. I was surprised Joey would do it. Well, I mean, this is what you talk about just a domino effect of bad decisions and peer pressure, you know. So Josh is like, Hey, let's go buy speedos.

So we're on our way down to this beach club called like, hey, let's go buy speedos. So we're on our way down to this beach club called Fontelina. And there's this swimsuit shop. We go in and they try them on and like, oh, they're, they're doing this. So they get their speedos on, we get on a boat the next day. And they decide that's going to be the speedo day. We're going to this island called Iskia. So they have on their little speedos. Of course, the boat driver thinks nothing of it.

He's Italian. It's not weird to him. Right. So we do a photo shoot, right? Well, Joey's wife Madison is an expert in like iPhone photoshopping. Right. So she has to Photoshop the photo.

And what she does is she can go to like the package and she put a circle like their turtle at and large the beef area there and I watched her do it. So I of course have all these pictures I've taken of them dancing in their speedos, posing in their speedos, and then Joey decides, he goes, hey, before anything's posted, you need to talk to me. I'm like, I don't have an approval process for my phone, for my iPhone, for my social media, you're fucked. Like, you're totally fucked. So I've had a couple. They're both so bad hurt with the whimpering and whining. I did take I never delete but I they're on my story But I did take them down, but these two

Moreons they wanted you to enlarge the package before you pass today. Well, I wanted Madison to they knew not to ask me such as But I'm just saying they were requesting a package enlargement. Yes See see pumps the ocean was quite cold. Record eaten, Italy, but it was freezing. Ocean was a little chilly. Yeah, I was just like, the very first thought I had, when I, after I was able to recoup a little bit, I was like, my first thought was, does Joey know this was, that she put this on the internet?

I knew Josh would think it probably, he would probably look like feckin' Michael Phelps. You know, he just thinks he's Brad Pitt. You know, he's Brad Pitt, so fine. But I was just like, oh my God, I wonder if Joey knows. She posted this and I will thought, well of course he knows. I mean, I was, I'm very rarely just feckin' mind blown, but when that story opened up, I didn't even know what to say.

Let me tell you something. I think I have really matured emotionally and psychologically, because I wasn't shocked at all. Five years ago, I would have been shocked. So shocked, but I have grown so much on my mental health journey that I have manifested such great on my mental health journey that I have manifested such great rocks on your expectations. Or your expectations are so low. That too. That too. But no, I wasn't shocked.

It looked like a great trip. It was a great trip and here's the deal. Like I, when you're in Italy and everybody just kind of wears what they want and is how they want. Nobody cares. I'm just like, what are I care? They want to wear speedos. I can wear speedos. Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, I'd forgot. The speedo is pretty great. It's good stuff. I didn't see pumps. Maybe more than one time while you were on your trip. Maybe one word, one phone call. Yeah. She comes in the office.

She trots upstairs. She sits down, lays back in a chair, she goes, did you see that photo? I was like, she'd just gone to war. But I was just like, I mean, it really did kind of, I was just taking my breath away a little bit. I was just like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Do they know? Do they know it's on the internet? It's what my first thought was. They did. Yeah. Well, I mean, they, there's the deal. You're not going to see me running around topless for a reason. It would not look pretty.

OK, I have to interject. I have to interject because that's 1,000% false. Listener, one time, we were in Mexico on a girls' trip. And we were at dinner and we may or may not have been a little stoned on marijuana. We were also outside. We were outside at a restaurant. Possibly stoned on marijuana can either confirm nor deny that. And they come around with a cool refreshing talent. It was refreshing. So they hand everybody the table a cool refreshing talent. Pops proceeds to she wipes her face down, she wipes her neck,

she does one pit, she does the other pit, then she just pulls down the top of her dress, plops the sagging dragons right on the table and just does an inner tits scrub, under tits, under tits. Right there, the waiter's waiting for her to pass the tellback. So this moral high ground of hers. No, no, no, no, I'm saying like, I would not put a picture of my boobs topless on the internet because it doesn't look good.

I'm not scared to like flop them out. When I started to flop a tit out. No, I mean, no, half the people on the planet in Oklahoma City have seen my hangar drink. I mean, it's like a party's getting boring. I'm like, well, I got a trick. I'm not defending Josh. Okay, it was a war.

It's into baseball. It was equally, I'm just saying in both fronts, that mine was not captured. Josh wearing a speedo, which Europeans do, very popular in the gay community, right, and now apparently popular in the Metro Sexual community. And you going full blown hooker bath titty scrub

at a table, the hooker bath titty scrub was more alarming to me. It was alarming, but I stand committed to the titty hooker bath scrubbing. But that was in Mexico. And our private villa. This was five people on our boat. But the internet, that's what I'm saying, it's on the internet, everyone on the planet earth, it's for the permanent record ever. What if I would screenshot it? I would have it forever. I hate when mom and dad fight. if I would screenshot it, I would have it forever. I hate when mom and dad fight. Hahaha.

Hahaha. Alright, I think it's enough about my trip. We need to hear from our listener. That's right. Let's hear it. Alright, up first, we've got Reese and Sebastian. Hey Jen, or as we like to call you, the pickleball princess pumps our pumps are favorite big, titty, honorary lesbian, and Kylie. Oh!

It's Reeves. And Sebastian. And oh boy, have we fucking had it? We have fucking had it with this goddamn Florida heat. You know, it's bad enough we have to do with this Rhonda Santa's Don't Say Gay bullshit. We have been forced to buy handhelds fans and walk around in public looking like fucking idiot

who look like an old 1960 Chevy engine overheating Every time I step outside I feel like I'm a men-apausal woman with these fucking hot flashes Literally feels like Satan is blowing my back out from the depths of hell Anyway, welcome to Florida By the way, we love you guys so much your guys's' podcast is better than therapy. And God knows we both fucking need that. I mean, they're about the cutest thing ever. Ever!

Reese and Sebastian, how cute are they? Reese and Sebastian were so enthusiastic. So enthusiastic. Despite, I mean, living in Florida, some of the living like Lomach's trench warfare. It is. I mean, all of you liberals that live in places like Massachusetts or New York, right, or California, or Toronto. It's just easy. Toronto is not the United States. No, I know

but it's liberal. It's a liberal city. I think the country is. I don't know if that's the like it was, but nonetheless, you liberals that live in these places, it's like it's so quick to like judge a state, just go, oh, people from Florida are crazy or oh, people from Oklahoma are crazy. And there are the large majority of the people in our state are, large majority in Florida are, but those of us that aren't,

it's like fucking trench warfare. We're in the trenches fucking taking grenades daily, right? I mean, we have to, you have to work hard. I mean, around all this stupidity and fuckery, the fuckery in Florida. I mean, I'm not saying long haul, like it's always been worse than Oklahoma, but right now it's worse than Oklahoma. I think. Oh, I think that DeSantis is such a fascist. I totally. And it's like, what is what is he offer? He's like anti economy because he's like trying to pick in a fight with their Biggest employer Disney right who the fuck picks a fight with Disney? What a dumbass idiot and then anti gay

That's anti-continue everything anti-books. That's anti-conemy. It's just a fucking gross Bible temper You know what's gross about him? What is it? Just one. Well, his why if you've seen her little club called mom is for desantis, yes, the word. She's like, mom is for desantis. And it's like they act like they're such advocates for children. But you know, advocate for fucking gay kids. No, you don't advocate for trans kids. Black and brown.

No, kids black brown. They're not advocating for you. That's it's just it's so performative. And it's such a fucking grift to the Bible numbers have had it. I heard she's worse than him on this podcast that I listed to, but I don't know if that's right. You know what, I hope I never know.

Yeah, they're awful. I can't, but I will say I've thoroughly enjoyed his face plant of a presidential campaign. No, it has been fun. It really has. Pumps, you know what I've had it with? What? Giant pill vitamins. The worst. They always, you know what I've had it with? What? Giant pill vitamins.

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Next, we've got Trey. Trey. What I've had it with today is Jennifer making me feel stupid. I am just a little boozy, prissy gay boy from Monroe, Georgia, and based on the demographic of people I grew up around. I felt pretty fucking smart. And then I tap into the I've had a podcast and I've got Jennifer and her fucking Gucci shoes fabulous by the way, using some huge vocabulary and such an articulate way that I'm over here going

what the fuck have I done with my life? I feel like if I have eliminated some of the y'all in my vocabulary that I'm a superior human being out here. I've had it. I've had it with the fact that I love you. And pumps, I love your laugh, but I've had it girl. Be a lesbian. We're out here waiting on you. We've got your fucking LGBT welcome packet on standby.

Come through with it. I've had it with how much I love I've had it. Y'all are wonderful. Trey, Trey was spot on with me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Humility is not. It's not my strong suit. No, it's strong suit.

No, he was so sweet. The really sweet and darling. Thought y'all, I do, there was a time in my life that I tried to get y'all out because I thought y'all made me sound down. But now it's part of who I am. So maybe I do sound down, probably. I don't think you're down.

But I know, but y'all, I just used to try not to say it, but now I don't care. Yeah, I don't care about that. It's you plus all, y'all, it makes sense. I know, but it's pretty country, I think. I don't, I don't care. He's precious. How about my gay welcome packet, Kylie? I didn't know there was a welcome packet.

Yeah, I've had it ready. It's an drawer. The welcome packet. The welcome packet. Yeah, I love that. That's so cute. That's so cute. He was precious.

Totally. All right, who's next, Kylie? Next, we've got Allison. I'm from London, England, the UK, Great Britain, whatever. It doesn't make a difference to you Americans. I am a bartender and I have had it with Americans who don't say please. What is it in your cool aid, in your water, in your watered down alcohol that you don't know how to say please? You go, well I'll have this. No, you won't. May I have this please? I don't understand it. I've had it. I've had it. Also, I really love your podcast. And although I love my mom, I want you to adopt me.

Thanks. Oh, that's so sweet. Now, I mean, I didn't realize, I really had not noticed that Americans don't say please. We're big pleas and thank you people. Yeah, I do. I know what she's talking about. It's like Americans will say when they come to the table,

I'll have a vodka soda and that's just it. And they might say it in a smiling friendly way. The British are a little bit more buttoned up, or it's like, may I please have? Yeah, I don't do that. I would do that at the bar tent, like at it. If I was seated at the bar, I would always say please. But you're right, like if I were ordering, it's just like,

and she's right, like I think that we probably could be a little bit more mindful of that. And sometimes when I'm in short tip or mode, I don't say please, sometimes to Kylie, I'm like, fix my hair. And I don't say, I need to get better. I'm glad she brought that to my attention. I'm glad you brought that to my attention, because there's something I kind of want to talk about with you and get Kylie involved in this. I think you flirt with Kieranism. I don't, I don't think that's ever been disputed. I don't think that's I that's just I kind of am a little I've been made to talk to you about. I just kind of let it go in the episode, but you were just like, you know, when I'm at Walmart, I get the manager to open up a new line. Yeah, just it's kind of stuck with me a little bit. Yeah. No, I'll double

down that. Kylie, how do you feel about? I little bit. Yeah, no, I'll double down that. Kylie, how do you feel about that? I think it's Karen. I've already said I can be a Karen. Kylie, how do you feel about that? You you are a full-on Karen. Yeah, which was kind of a shock. It was a slow review. Yeah, we the podcast and just different context clues. It'll add it up. It's alarming. We were on a flight to New York, my job jet lag,

and our plane gets delayed, and this woman comes on, the plane to say, hey, they have to do a repair on the plane. Everybody's been there. Everybody knows the airlines know how to handle everything. All I'm wanting this woman to do is to shut the fuck up and leave the plane so that I could go back to listening to my podcast.

I didn't want anybody to belabor this announcement. I wanted it to end. Much to my surprise, the person sitting in the seat right next to me also sits right next to me on this podcast studio. This woman is mid-sentence, the airplane worker. Pumps hand goes up in the air as though she's in a fucking junior high school class. She races her hand and the woman has to look her her and say go just a minute because she's mid-synets. Because she said if you have questions,

I was like I do have a question. So then the lady comes over and she pumps like well what if they end up canceling the flight? You're going to make sure you're rebeckas. I didn't say that. I said, are you going to put us on another plane? Because I knew if we didn't get on another plane, we'd have to go through different airports and we were supposed to be direct. That's what I want to know. Are we going to be there direct? I might mind you, you're sitting in the chair going, what if we don't make it to New York City? And I wasn't as can the people that have that but you were saying that to me, but no, I thought that was a good question. Are you just going to put us on a different plane?

Or we can have to be re-booked? I stand by it. I would double down. Correct. All I'm saying is I think that there could be, we need to start some Karen prevention training that I've had. I think it's probably too late. There's no, there's time.

No, this is a slippery fucking slope, man. Colin Managers at Walmart raising your hand on airplanes, getting managers in restaurants. I mean, this is a slippery fucking slope. People love you. You're the star of the show. I'm trying to help you. This is a fucking intervention. Yeah, I just, I think that's just it.

I've always been that way. I did have to say, I've traveled with you before. and it's kind of nice to have a Karen on your team Like she gets those places. Yeah. Well, thank you Kylie for trying to be nice. No, I'd you know, I don't care. I kind of get Karen all on it. Is it permanent record? Pumps is a Karen pumps is a Karen. I don't know if I can permanent record pumps is a Karen pumps is a Karen. I don't know if I can that would mean that I host a podcast with Karen. I'm not ready for that. I think I'm ready for pumps is flirting with with Karen ism. I'm ready for that. That's as far as she can go into the permanent record pumps is flirting with Karen ism kind of like a warning. It is, it's a warning.

It's a warning. And then we can note in the permanent record about the situation with the hand on the airplane, I just, I just, I'm just trying to help. You're just such a helper. I am a helper. How about you bossing around the driver on the way to the today show

when he's the driver to the today show? You're trying to tell him where to go? I tip team $5,000. So that he could pay and call to me a lot and call to me a lot so that he could put caviar in his kids school. That's right. School lunches. So can you imagine a lunch box with caviar in it? Gag.

Okay. Who's next? Okay. Next we've got Maddie and Sarah. Hey, Chen. Hey, Pums. This is Maddie and her sister Sarah and let's see what we've had it with. I fucking had it with tracking culture. One day someone woke up and decided that everybody needs to know each other's locations.

And now if you turn off your location or untrack somebody, it's considered rude. It's literally ruining friendships. Like, sorry, if I don't want you to know that I'm sitting on the talker bell, drop through a midnight on a Tuesday, we fucking had it. Great point. That's a good point. The tracking generation has just gone overboard. Here's I have that life 360 with my kids with my kids. So I always get on life 360. And I like to know where they are. But other than them, there's nobody I really want to track.

Ever. That's hurtful because Jennifer, you and I share location. We do, but I never get on that app. Do you look at her location every day? I get on, find my friends and I just kind of look at all my friends like their sims and just see what they're up to. If you were on live 360, I'd be all over your ass, but I don't get on the find my friend deal.

Do you fall? My life is right. You're at through one of three places. Pickleball. Yeah, it's very unexciting. My house or the office. In the beginning, he used to track me, but again, I was only going to the drive thru-sick or a place.

The kids' school or my house. Yeah. Wouldn't hold a lot of interest. I think if you're younger, like, if you're Kylie's age or younger, it could be a minefield, because you might not be able to. No, I think it's horrible. Like, if you and I tracked each other,

it's boring, Kylie tracking me, she just confessed it's boring. I could track Kylie, but I don't get on that particular app. I use the other one, but if you're younger and you're trying to, because there's a lot of white line in your social circles But if you're younger and you're trying to, because there's a lot of white line in your social circles about what you're doing and not wanting to have feelings.

Right. Feelings and like, oh no, we're staying in tonight because maybe that person's a Yak Mouth and you don't wanna go out with it. Right, and then you heard their feelings because they find you, yeah, I think it's too much. Like, I don't think everybody has to check everybody all the time.

And she's right, they're both right. Like if Emily and her friends, that age group, they'll get mad if somebody turns off their track. And it's just like, it's none of your fucking business where I'm going. Tracking culture, it's a noisy shit. It's noisy shit, makes people never know. That's my to everybody let no's hear.

I'll tell you when I'm tracking, would have been great when I was married. Oh, fuck you. We spent hours and hours and hours and hours in the car. We would have we would have never had to like bar our babysitters cars. Do you imagine if we would have had GPS trackers back then. Oh my god. What are lives. I think they had them. We just weren't smart enough or technologically advanced to have them, but they weren't like part of the phone everybody had. Okay, Kylie, who's next? The last one is from Fatma.

Okay. Kylie, I am not lesbian or anything, but I think you have the sexiest voice ever. You should have your own podcast where you just talk about anything and I will listen to whatever you say. Oh, that is so sweet. Oh, that is so nice. You should read an audible.

I should. Like, you could read books on tape. Yes, you could do books on tape, although I don't think it's tape anymore. Yeah. I think it's audible, right? Yeah, or it could be on a podcast. Or you could be on a podcast. Yeah.

Don't give any ideas and go. Right, I was going to get that. No, no, no, no. Don't go start the Kylie show. I'm going to do a silver. The grass isn't greener Kylie. How sweet that she's like the time to do that and then made the point that she's not a lesbian. She is now. I mean I love that. So sweet. So sweet. Well listen her. It's been a great little catch up episode. It has been. I'm excited. We have to say that Richard's out vacationing, but we have the best pinch hitter Morgan is filling in for Richard.

So nice. Richard. Appreciate her pumps. I've missed you. I missed you too. I was so glad we got to get a new regret when you got back. It was so fun. It was so fun. It was a surreal experience totally. And all honesty listener, we still can't believe. Like, perhaps drove me back from the airport, dropped me at my house, and I looked over and I squeezed her, and I was like, we were on the gym. I think we still couldn't believe it. We couldn't believe it. It was awesome. It was awesome, awesome, awesome.

And we didn't cast. I was so nervous. Were you nervous? I watched that on the edge of my seat. Like, Pintanetal sweating. We are professionals. You are. We can say that now.

We are God damn fucking professionals Kylie. I did see we had a run star review for the kissing. Love the show, but I can't take the kissing. What a pissy again. I wonder if it's my mother. Oh my god, we have such a big announcement. What is it? I bet you're great idea that you had. Oh my god. we have such a big announcement. What is it? I've had your great idea that you had.

Oh my God. Okay, so listen. Listen up, listener. This is gonna be so fun. So you know, everybody has a book club and I've had it with book clubs. I love book club, but we have a new club now. There's a new club in town

and it's gonna be with us here at I've had it right and you the listener and it's going to be a documentary club. I thought that was a brilliant idea when you said it. I'm fucking chock full of cool ideas full of brilliant ideas. It's just a fucking jet stream of great ideas over here. Yes, nothing but try the collar even pointed that out on the permanent record. Yes. But anyway, Pumps and I recently watched our favorite one of the year is called shiny, happy people. Shiny happy people. And it's about the duggers.

So your assignment listener is to go to Amazon or Prime Video and watch shiny happy people. And it's, then it's like colon the duggers. And the duggers are those crazy ass people that had like 19, 19 kids, you know, which is total red flag. But yeah. But the red flags are just so intense. So what we're going to do is we're going to have a documentary reviews. We're going to have some quotes from these documentaries. And we really like fucked up documentaries that make us feel normal and functioning. Right. Adults. Spotlight are dysfunction. That's right.

That's right. And also recommendations of great documentaries that they've liked. And we have another announcement. We have unleashed three new cities for the hot shit tour. We are coming to New York, Toronto, Chicago, and Chicago. Yep. So that makes the hot shit tour because you know what we're doing?

We're crossing. Right. So now we're global indicate. Yes, international tour, international, we're on the international, international tour. Kylie, add that, the international international global sensation, international hot shit tour. That's right. We're coming for you, Toronto, and you better fucking come for us. Okay, so listen up, send us a voice memo, go to our link tree, buy tickets for the international hot shit tour. Please go to Apple, give us a five star review. Additionally, I need some tips on bringing pumps back from

caronism. They get too late. It's a slippery slope. That's not that, you know what, pumps? That's not that, that's not the attitude. I'm just saying you can't change who you are, even if you want to. Very much.

Yes, you can. I, I kind of have a caron. I hate it for you. Thank you so much for tuning in listener and we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday. Without the fans there is none of this Wednesday Augustth. I'm so honored to be here. Baby, you'll be rocks. America's biggest super fans meet their superstar idols. Yeah!

And compete for a once in a lifetime prize. That is correct! I'm gonna take them through my new records all by soul. You can pick a song and we can sing it together on stage. And the title of Ultimate Superfan. It is up to you, America! Superfan! Superfan premieres Wednesday, August 9th on CBS,

and streaming on Paramount Plus. and the title of Ultimate Superfan. It is up to you, America! Superfan! Superfan premieres Wednesday, August 9th on CBS, and streaming on Paramount Plus. Superfan!