I've Had It - Birthdays Are Narcissistic with Nick Viall

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps are joined by host of the 'Viall Files' and king of the shirtless selfie, Nick Viall. The three discuss the narcissists who celebrate birthday months and Jennifer and Nick disagree on dating advice. Pumps owns up to an embarrassing dust up at a strip club and Jennifer tells us about the time pretended to be the "Granola Joan of Ark" for a man. The Hot Sh*t Tour is heading to Atlanta, Philly and D.C in August! more info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: This episode is brought to you by JustThrive - Use promo code: HADIT for 20% your first 90 day bottle of Just Thrive probiotic or Just Calm at JustThriveHealth.com Jenni Kayne: Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code HADIT at jennikayne.com! #jennikaynepartner SimpliSafe: Listeners get a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. This huge offer is for a limited time. So visit SimpliSafe.com/HADIT. Hint Water: New customers can get Hint for just $1 a bottle with free shipping, when they order 3 cases. That's 36 bottles for $36 and free shipping. Visit https://hintwater.com and use the code HADIT at checkout. Betterhelp: Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/hadit today to get 10% off your first month. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast  Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Nick Viall @nickviall @viallfiles

This episode of I've had it is brought to you by Just Thrive. Right now, you can save 20% off a 90 day bottle of Just Thrive probiotic or just calm at just thrivehealth.com with promo code had it. So we're supposed to start the podcast. One, two, three. Oh my god, that might be my best one yet ever. I'm so proud. I mean, this is gonna be a great episode. We'll clap off.

I mean, it's so... I'm just getting better and better and better. Okay, listen up, listener. You do know I wake up at the crack of dawn, right? And a couple of weeks ago, a few weeks ago, was the coronation. Right. And I watched the BBC because I've sworn off American news. Right. So the coronation. Right. And I watched the BBC because I've sworn off American news. Right.

So the coronation comes on. This thing is snooze fest, beyond all snooze fest. And it made me have an appreciation for America. Because when we have a ceremony for a really old person, like look at Joe Biden's inauguration, you've got Katie Perry singing, right, and fireworks going off, and John Legend, and they trotted out, and it's like we're really fucking good at entertainment. Right. We are so good at entertainment. This coronation was a circle jerk. That was where all circle jerks.

Steffi, all in the Anglican church. And I'm like, you guys have hairy styles. He's British. Trought him out in his little Gucci outfit. Yes. And have him shake in the church for King Charles. I mean, make it entertaining. And granted, we are very small-minded, ADD. Yes, you know, attention span of a net style Americans, but we do entertainment very, very well. Absolutely. And I too, I was out of town that weekend for the coronation and I was the first one up in my group.

And so I turned it on. I'm like two hours in and nothing has happened. I mean, it was, and then my girlfriend started like coming in and getting in bed with me and we were watching it, I was like, they're like, how's it going? I was like, it's so boring that I can't even talk about it. Like nothing has happened.

Could you imagine being there? No. No. No. Sitting on that wooden pew. No, and oh my, no, that's a nightmare. I mean, that is like one of those things that I would never have phomo about ever. I would rather paint the interior of Westminster Abbey with a fucking Q tip. Right. Two coats because at least it's active. You're doing something. I felt sorry for the little kids. That is passive border.

Oh, I didn't feel sorry for kids in general, but I felt sorry for anybody that had to sit through that. I started watching and then the BBC, the anchors are reaching at this point. Right, you know. And I'm just like this, if this would have been going on in America, it would have been cut.

Right. It would have been about a five minute deal. And we would have trotted out a dance routine. Right. You know, so there's a lot of things you'll do great in the UK. But I would say on the coronation events, you've got Harry Styles, you've got Mick Jagger, you have the fucking spice girls. Right.

Trauma carton. Trauma carton. Traut out your stars and have them do cool shit. Right, because that just was very like it lacking in modernity, lacking in excitement. And I'm just like, okay, before I was like, okay, yeah, the monarchy, whatever, it's tradition. I'm like snooze fest, hit the bricks,

trot out somebody entertaining. Right. No, and I loved, loved, loved Princess Diana. Well, I mean, I can only imagine considering you're the Princess Diana of broadcasting. I totally forgot about that. I mean, I can only imagine that parallel you must feel with your life in hers. Look, you know, it's class not ass over here. But, you know, I mean, uh, Elton John sang it her funeral.

Right. Bring Elton in the same location, the same venue. Right. I've got to, I got to be more entertained. I have to be more entertained. I mean, at least I'm in a politician I didn't like very much with Trump, but at least he had sex with a porn star. And I found that rather entertain.

Right. And he says crazy shit So it's entertaining. It's somewhat entertaining right and I admit listener that this makes us sound incredibly vapid and shallow and you would be a hundred percent correct in that assessment right because we are Speaking of the listeners, okay, I'm tell you what I've had it with I'm gonna do a little dramatic reading You know, that's one of my favorites. We received a one-star review on Apple. Okay, let me tell you what I've had it with. I'm gonna do a little dramatic reading. You know, that's one of my favorites. We received a one-star review on Apple. Oh, no.

Loved this, but starting to get political, don't alienate your audience. Look what happened to CNN. Ha-ha-ha. Get rid of your young woke producers. They are ruining your podcast. They are cap-lock boring. Every single show seems to have a drag queen or something.

I am so sick of it being shoved in my face. I'll just have to watch the little snippets on TikTok that are funny. Sorry to have to unfollow, but I'm done. So much anger. She's mad. There's a lot to unpack. So much. Let me start at the top. Okay. First and foremost, this person's user identity is just a series of numbers, which number one is chicken shit. Right. Anonymous.

It is chicken shit coward. Tell us your name. Fucking own your shit. Okay. Number two, we get to be political if we want to be politically. Right. Because it is our podcast. And I bet you that this is a not once, but twice voting Trump. If you're just gonna guess. If I just had to take a wild stab at it, who's a little but hurt because the optics of us on social media when you see us before anything comes out of our mouth. Middle-aged blonde women people are thinking Kelly and Conway, Karen's, Megan Kelly and then they start hearing what we have to say.

We are allies of the LGBTQ plus community. We are allies of the black and brown community. Absolutely. We are allies with marginalized groups for moral reasons. This isn't just to be cute and fun. We morally feel an obligation to support marginalized people. That's just right off the top. Let me dive into this.

Anonymous chicken shit coward user. Our producers, Kylie is gay and Richard is black. And they're not fucking going anywhere. They are going nowhere. They will continue to produce this show. They have great ideas and they are their own ideas. And we have our ideas and they are our own ideas. And if you just want to continue watching

the little snippets on TikTok, guess who makes those free here? A lesbian. A lesbian makes those. Because God knows pumps and I aren't making them because we don't fucking know how to do that. Right. So it's fine, give us a one star, we don't give a shit.

But what I do care about is people that are so intolerant of open mindedness, of accepting marginalized people, of loving people without judgment. The name of this podcast is, I've had it. And sometimes that segues into us having it with homophobia and having it with racism, which we have had it. And the permanent record will always reflect that. And you can give one star after one star, after one star, but we're not fucking changing. That's right. All right. Preach. That's right. Very well said. Kylie. Now, here's the deal. Kylie and Richard, here's the deal.

If y'all start showing a play, you're not doing a shit. You just went on the permanent record that we are not going to be here. I'm about to start slacking. Jot the Michael, that one. I know this will be recorded, so you can always trot it out. But now, we love you guys, and you are not ruining Jack's shit. You are contributors, and a part of our you guys and you're not ruining Jack shit. You were contributors and a part of our team and you are incredibly valued. And I think I don't know what this

podcast would be without the two of you. That's right. I mean, just be basically pumps and I sitting on the phone making asses of ourself. And now we have misery loves company in the form of you two super humans who put up with so, so much. With all of that, I would like to welcome everybody to, I've had it. This is a place. This is therapy because don't get it twisted. Listener, do not get it twisted. When you go out in the world, be kind to people.

Right. But there are things that are so annoying. Finger nails on a chalkboard, like that fucker in that one star review. You have to have friends that you can get this shit off of your chest. You have to release it. Get it out.

Get it out. Release it. That's what this podcast is for. The releasing of petty grievances in an effort to prevent homicide. That's right. We are crime fighters. We are crime fighters. Crime preventers. Welcome to I've had it. I am Jennifer.

I'm Angie. We call her pumps and she is Princess Diana. You know, pumps, I worry about you living out by yourself with all of your kids away at college and your youngest one always spend the night out with friends. And that's why I'm so excited to tell you about the latest innovation from Simply Safe Home Security. It's called the 24-7 Live Guard Protection and it's made possible only by Simply Safe's New Smart Alarm Wireless Indoor Camera. They monitor your house.

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episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know, Palm Sys therapeutic as our friendship is I have found my work with therapists. The one thing that has really helped me get better deal with vulnerabilities, deal with insecurities, deal with marital problems, etc cetera. Therapy really is invaluable. If you're thinking about starting therapy, you should give better help a try. What I love about this service so much is it's entirely online.

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You know, Pams virtually, every doctor will tell you that if you want to get healthy, you've got to quit the sugary drinks. Yes, I'm aware because you tell me that all the time. Because I want you to the time because I want you to be healthy because I love you. But thankfully, we've discovered hemp water and we cannot get enough of it because water is so tasteless and boring, but not hemp water. They've got watermelon. They've got blueberry. And it's just this tiny little hint with

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Maybe 5.1. Yeah.1. Yeah. Yeah, it's really, despite that one star review, I think we are exceeding expectations and the permanent record, which by the way, listener, let me let you in on a little something. I ordered recently a leather binder that is embossed that says the permanent record. And if there are any ambitious listeners, I'm thinking YouTube might be the best candidate for this. Any ambitious YouTube listeners, if you want to go through all the episodes, and anytime we refer

to the permanent record, and you make a note for us, right, is our little administrative assistant. I will give you full credit and we will make all of these entries. Here's the caveat about the permanent record. We control the permanent record. So I might go on the permanent record and say something like pumps is the princess Diana of podcasting. The very next episode I can grab the permanent record and amend it. Right. Pumps pissed me off today. She is no longer. She's just a bet. She is the Camilla Parker bowls of podcasting. And I can change it. Right. And we should also put a section for great trolls. Oh, yeah, we do. We need to keep. Yes, we do need to keep. We just need a record. Right. And I know

that as if the video and the public gets itself on that. I think our young listeners, which the majority of our listeners are way younger than us, are probably gonna say you do have a record, it's digital. And that would be true, but we like antiques, such as a leather-mount notebook. Right, we like to write things.

Okay, listen up, listener. This is a big day. Big day, big dick energy. Big dick energy. We have as our guest today. He was a bachelor, and then he was like a contestant on the bachelor's at, and he was in bachelor in paradise.

He has a podcast. He was on Dancing with the Stars. It's like Hot Guy Summer. Right. It's total Hot Guy Summer vibes. Let's welcome to I've had it. Host of the Vile Vile's Nick Vile. Thanks for having me, ladies. Yes, Nick. How are you? So good. You're great to be with. You congratulations on your show. You guys are crushing it. Totally. Totally. Just absolutely slaying the podcast world. And it's a total fucking layup for us. Yeah.

I mean, I mean, the ability. Absolutely. What between the two of us, I think we're just dominating the entire, I don't think there's any other podcast that you do. Right. Agreed. Totally great. And now this greatness has collided.

That's right. And by the way, I like your backdrop. See, we have this nice cow hide wallpaper. You have a nicely decorated set, which I'm an interior designer. So I really appreciate the aesthetic you've got there. Well, thank you so much. Yeah. It was just me and Etsy. Let's, I don't want us to get too friendly yet because this is a podcast where we oppose toxic positivity in all of its forms. And this is a place where we come to dump petty grievances that I really, I love that so

much. I'm such a fan of your guys this show. I love hating on things totally. And we are world class haters. I mean, world fucking class. You should have heard what we were ripping before you came on things. Totally. And we are world class haters. I mean, world fucking class. You should have heard what we were ripping before you came on here. But anyway, Nick, I just want to jump right into it.

Tell us what you've had it with. Uh, birthday weekends. Friends birthday weekends. Have you ever been invited? It's like, it's my birthday weekend. And then they double, they double down and go, it's my birthday week, you know, and the friend that has like, they invite you

to the weekend. And then it double down and go, it's my birthday week, you know, and the friend that has like, they invite you to the, the weekend. And then it sounds fun and theory, but it just ends up being a bunch of responsibility and then you're sleeping in an air mattress. And then, you know, you have to hang out with a bunch of people like you've never met. And I'm just here to tell you, it's not cool. I don't, I don't care if it's your birthday generally at all. I really, that's the thing. That's the thing. I agree with you on this. And there is something far more sinister at play

than just the birthday weekend neck. And it is the birthday month. And these are the most egregious offenders of all. And you know what I'm talking about? They announce it like, oh, July's my birthday month. And the person's like 31. It's not even a fucking significant age. They barely fucking done anything with their lives. They barely scratched the surface.

And they're trotting out a goddamn birthday month. Are you fucking kidding me? No, it's all full. Yeah, as if there are the only one that month that has a birthday. Yes, it's like so you're completely have full control over July because it's your birthday month. We don't even hardly wish each other happy birthday. Here's what I feel about this. A lot of people make a big deal about breastfeeding, right? And it's like all mammals breastfeed. This is something that is not original.

It's not new. You didn't invent a new trick. All mammals do it. Baby bears do it. Baby koalas do it, or maybe they're marsupials. But nonetheless, I don't want to, I want to be factually correct here. And then the birth animal, everybody has a birthday. Everybody has one in these people that think they're so universally unique in such a gift to this world, that they're going to celebrate an entire month.

I think if you want to do it, fucking swing for the fences. But it absolutely exhausts me. And I immediately see a red flag and think I cannot participate in life with this person. This person is not enough. This is the same person who calls everyone else a narcissist. Which is another, this is another thing I can stand. The word narcissist is turned into a word you just use for people you don't like anymore. Right.

In my practice. And if everyone's a narcissist, everyone's a narcissist but you. It's just like, oh, yeah. Maybe you know, spot it, got it. I'm a divorce attorney and every single client without fail has diagnosed they are soon to be expoused as a narcissist. Every single one. I had one client that went through like a psychology textbook,

she ordered it off Amazon and she highlighted all of the things that were similar. So it was just pages and pages of yellow highlight on this psychology book and she's like, do you need to keep this? I'm like, I got it. Thanks. yellow highlight on this psychology book and she's like, do you need to keep this? I'm like, I got it, thanks. Don't need the psychology book highlight. Let me tell you something I really rather enjoy though. And it is like people that are having a meltdown

on social media and like the relationship is falling apart and then they start posting like quotes about narcissists on their social media. You immediately know the husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife is fucked around. And I'm totally like tapping the vein. What are they gonna post next? Who all like this?

And I'm just way down deep dive in in this total online meltdown. But there is this new trend that's coming around. Social personality disorders are very real. Mental illness is very real. All of these psychological buzzwords are real, but there is a movement of faking fakers that are hijacking all of these words

and adopting them into everyday vocabulary. They're self-diagnosing, they're diagnosing. Yes, lighting, yes. Yes. Yes, no, it's wild. I've been fighting with the internet for like the past two years about this. I've finally, I feel like I've just given up.

It's just, yeah, no, yeah. Everyone's self-diagnosing. Everyone's a gaslighting narcissist and covert this or that. And to your point, you're right. These are real words and they're real diagnosis and there's, and and and real people suffer from these real terrible things. But like everyone's an expert now. And like the places is the

internet. This is a place for people going to just, you know, validate like their misfortunes. And you know, if everyone else is selfish, then maybe you're the selfish one. Like, you know, it's like, you're people are just like, I can't possibly understand why no one understands what I'm going through. There are narcissism. Because they're not thinking about me all the time. Exactly. All the time.

Constantly. Again. Okay. So I did a deep dive on your Instagram. Okay. And so I'm sorry. That's embarrassing. I know. You have like total hot boy, summer vibes, okay? And so- I'm sorry, that's embarrassing. No, no. You have like total hot boy summer vibes, right?

And then I see your fiance who's like total babe. And I'm going through everything last night, like totally researching as a guest. So then I Google you. And so I thought you were probably like early 30s and you're 42. Yeah. Really? Because I did the same thing. I had no idea.

He is 42. Okay. And let's just discuss this fiance of yours and I read first of all she's a total babe I mean so pretty she's so hot so cute. I was to you on that and I understand that she slid into your DMs and that you fucking carted her true I had carted her to make sure she was real because Pete cat fishing is a real thing. Right. So cat fishing is a real thing. I know friends who have been personally catfished. I know acquaintances who are like deep in a cat fishing situation.

I mean, I've unfortunately, if I've experienced people who thought they were being catfished by me. She is. She's a beautiful person. When she DMed me on my Instagram, I was just like, she's so beautiful. There's a good chance she's not real. Your big niche is dating advice. And so we're going to go through your top five here. We're either going to comment on them or give you an alternate one. So the first one is don't try to get somebody to like you before you know

if you like them. And I'll give you an example of this. And my very first boyfriend in high school, his name was Sean. He was super into like hiking in Colorado in mountains and like repelling, like hiking and repelling. And then he was into archery. So I became into hiking, repelling, and archery. Obviously.

I'm meeting him. Obviously. He bought me like a bow and arrow and we would go shoot the bow and arrow and then I got these hiking boots and we would go to a sister's house in Colorado and we would hike and I was granola, fucking Joan of Arc.

I mean, it was unbelievable. We dated for like three years. The minute we broke up, I have never shot a bow and arrow since then. I mean, it was unbelievable. We dated for like three years. The minute we broke up, I have never shot a bow in arrows since I was gonna say. Nor do I, nor am I super out dorsi at all. And so I think a lot of people do this where they completely, they meet somebody and then they completely, they pop their representative out to represent them in the beginning parts of dating. Yeah, no, I couldn't agree more. Yeah, I mean, I talk about this all the time on my show where a lot of, they'll do this thing people when they're dating someone.

I want a couple of dates and yes, they, they're, let's say you meet in a dating app. All right, they think they're hot. And then immediately in their brain think, I like this person. They'll, they'll, they'll, they'll bullshit to themselves and their friends. We're like, no, I really have to get to know them

and find a fairly like them. But they're basically this like are there six, two and they tell a joke, oh, I'm in love. And and so they had and then they meet them in person and if they live up to those expectations, right? Let's say they're as hot as they represent themselves on social media, then they're really telling themselves,

I'm in love and that they tell it, if they make them laugh at all on the day They're just like I had the most amazing date Everything that's going on in their brain is I need this person to love me and then if they're lucky enough to do that Right, no, so you're like on five or six dates and the person's like, I like you too Let's let's be boyfriend and girlfriend People people stop literally stop getting to know each other. All they're trying to do at that point is just like maintain the illusion of the fantasy that we,

we're meant to be each other, although that line of people say things like, I feel like I've known you forever. I'm like, should we talk about our wedding now? But I think too many people are actively trying not to get to know the people they're dating for fear that it not, it might not live up to the expectations they have in their head when they matched with them on a dating app, find out they were stewing to the couple jokes. Right.

Most fun ever. You know, did you ever do this, Pumps? So when I was younger, the same boyfriend that was in the hiking and the archery, I would practice writing my name, my first name with his last name. A million times. Of course I will. And fucking crazy.

And I would write it over and over and over, practicing. And now, 48-year-old Jennifer, I'm so mad at myself for taking Josh's last name. Right. I wish I would have kept my maiden name. Like, it's amazing how we set ourselves up and how society has just kind of thrust upon us

that you have to find this relationship. And this is going to fix all of your problems in adulthood. And in fact, I would even go as far to say it exacerbates your problems in adulthood. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We spend most of our time, especially people in their 20s. And I don't know, people in their 20s try to live up to expectations they set for themselves

when they were 16. It's like, how dumb were we when we were 16? Totally, totally. When I was 25, I was just like, I had a meltdown on my 25th birthday because like 25 year old Nick didn't have the BMW that 18 year old Nick told himself. You know?

And I'm like, how fucking stupid is that? You know, but we do that, right? We do. Okay, your second dating tip, which I completely disagree with is. I love that. Lack of communication. And I'm gonna tell you, this sounds good in the early days.

Right. That people need to communicate a lot. But I've been with Josh for 22, 23 years. I've been defeccing rehab with him five times, five family weeks, Nick. I have talked, I've talked about everything. I've talked about little Josh. I've talked about little Josh's interchild issues.

I've talked about mine. We've had 15 different therapists. We have talked and talked and talked our guts out. And I want to advise our listeners and yours, if you marry a Yak Mouth in the beginning of this relationship, that motherfucker's still gonna be yakking 20 something years into it. And in this stage in my life, I want a fucking talk less.

I want a smaller life, less people in it, more efficient communication. Everybody needs to shut the fuck right up. That's hard to disagree with. But you said efficient communication. Efficient. Right. I love that.

Be purposeful. I just think back to the other thing, I just think we have to be able to ask questions that we're often afraid of asking, you know, like just don't keep up the fantasy, so to speak. I agree. That's true. And so it's just more communication doesn't mean like, you know, not shutting the fuck up

or I know I can be obnoxious with my, you know, fiance. Like I'll go on some tangent and I'll look at her face but like I need to shut the fuck up. Like, and no way interested like, I need to shut the fuck up. Like, and no way interested in what I have to say and that is totally fine. She spends, like, I just talked to myself in my head most of the time,

but I do think in terms of relationships early on in dating communication is like, actually finding out, you know, that your person might not like archery and that's okay. Right, right. I do think I appreciate the couples who can sit in silence and become comfortable with each other

and not get anxious is because the couples are like, we have nothing to talk about. So it's like, it's okay, it's fine. Totally, it's a gift. It's a gift. We've spent all fucking day together. Like, what else do you wanna, let's just, let's just,

Joey, each other's presence. It's fine. It's a total gift. Back to the people that feigned like I did. I feigned liking, camping and archery. What this is, I was a bait and switch. And thank God I didn't marry Portion because it would have been, I baited him in,

like I was Miss Granola. I was fucking Joan of Arc. I had that bow and arrow and I fucking hit the bulls eye. I would have switched on that motherfucker so fast. And then I'm off to the Gucci store doing incredibly shallow and pretentious and high-end style things. And he would have hated my guts. And I would have hated his hiking boot, you know, archery.

Right. I would have hated his ass. When you came out as a label whore, it would have been a real shock. Totally, totally. It would have not been successful. And you came out as a label who it would have been a real shock. Totally, totally. It would have not been a shock. And all the lectures he would have given you, he would like, sat you down and giving you

like a PowerPoint presentation of how you're like, you're just not good for this world and how like your morals are off because he like designer bags and things like that. You need to like, You know, it's 100% true. I ended up marrying somebody that's far more shallow and vain than I am

And so I kind of have the moral high ground in the relationship that I've been up for the last 22 to 23 years Because Josh is way more shallow and pretentious than I could ever dream of I would agree with that Yeah, he totally is so it works. You know, I flipped the script. Okay. No who you are Yeah, that's right. Okay. Next up is not trusting your gut. I'm gonna let pumps tell you because she's an expert in this. I'm the worst. But why don't you share with Nick about your gut and how you didn't trust it when you were dating your ex-husband? I like went swam through sharks to Red Flag Island. Couldn't get there quick enough. But one time, and this was kind of early on, he was out of town,

he said, and our plan was he was going to be back in time to meet my mother for dinner. So he calls and says, hey, I'm running late, I'm not going to make it. I'm like, okay, that's fine. So as I'm going down the elevator, somebody in my building is like, oh, hey, I just talked to you're at, you know, my boyfriend at the time, he wanted me to meet him, did it at him, I'm like, well, that's weird because he told me he was out of town or he wasn't going to be back in time. So of course, I immediately start stalking him and find him at this nasty ass strip bar in like a strip mall, like it's not even a nice one. And I go up to that place and the bouncer won't let me in.

Start being a complete fuckin' nut. It's on a video camera inside the strip club. So he like marches his ass out, starts with just a line of bullshit a mile long. We get this huge dust up at the strip bar in the strip mall on the camera. And do you think I still married in and tripled down three times? Three kids. I did. I just did not ever.

It never occurred to me. That was a bad sign. I, I, I bet it did occur to you. You just, yeah. I'm trying to give myself a pass. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it's, we don't like listening to our guts at all. You know, we're very, we're very convincing people to ourselves of how to bullshit ourselves. Exactly. Denial, a denial is huge.

And I think it's like it goes back to when we first started this conversation with you. There is a desperation, whether it's on the bachelor or bachelor at Orrin real life, this desperation that we feel when we're really young to race to find our partner, right? To start this family and we haven't done all of these steps that you're talking about here because we are so myopically focused on that's the next step

that we have to do in adulthood. We have to find our partner, best friend, the person who has been the rest of my life with. And here's the deal, kids. It's fucking hard. Yeah, it is. It is hard as shit to maintain a relationship. It's the rest of your life.

It's a really fucking long time. I don't think people fully relit. Another thing about the gut I was thinking about, the reason why I think also I were so bad at listening to our guts is because we have egos. And so when your gut saying, hey, this is fucked up, he's definitely doing some shady shit and you should be mindful of it. Your ego is like, that might be true, but you're special and you can get them to change and you can get them to, you know, turn around and if you do, you will be more special than all the other people he or she didn't do that for. And so we're just thinking, wait a second.

Yeah, I actually could be a hero here. Right. That's the big reason why it's like ding ding ding. It is true. Pumps is an ego maniac. I'm so glad that she pointed that out. That is very insightful. And thank you. I could sense it.

I think that. Add that to the permanent record. Pumps, well, I mean, it's unbelievable what we have to put up with this. She's the star of the show. So I mean, you peg that fucking applause. I you fuck off. You know, Pumps, now that we're in the throes of summer,

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Nick number four is not speaking up on where you want to go on a first date. Completely disagree with this. I think it's terrible advice. I'm going to take it while. I don't want to go on a first date, completely disagree with this. I think it's terrible advice. I'm gonna take you wide. I don't wanna make decisions. I make decisions all fucking day. And I think it's a great tell. If some guy asked me out and he said,

Jennifer, I wanna take you out and I said, great, I'd love to go. I wanna take you to Applebee's at 8 p.m. on a Friday night. I would immediately know he just violated two fucking rules. Number one, 8 p.m. on a Friday night. I would immediately know he just violated two fucking rules. Number one, 8 p.m. is way too late. It's dangerously close to my bedtime. 8 p.m. is. And number two, I'm not fucking eating an apple beast. So this is good information before we ever start this first date. So convince me why I'm wrong. I think you make a lot of good points. You can learn a lot by what they say, but you also can learn a lot by how they respond to your ideas, right?

And you can learn a lot about, you know, hey, I think we should do this. We should do that. You could see how willing they are to make you a priority and go out of their way and show an interest in things that you show an interest in. Right. You know, people don't pay enough attention to how people respond to the things they say. Right. That's so good. I want to play a game with you and it's called had it or hit it.

Oh my God. Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it. I would have had it. I hit it every day sometimes twice a day. Okay. Shirtless selfies. Had it.

I mean, I'm embarrassed. Like, I used to do it a lot more. Yeah lot more. One of the hardest things to do in life is to just scroll back six months on your social video. And then like your read a caption, you thought was clever and you're like, what the fuck was I saying? I'm going to say I had it. But also, I'm absolutely going to do that again in the future. 100%.

We love it. Yeah, you can totally twist. I love that you don't delete. I have like my whole Instagram page going from way back when. And I just, I will not delete it. I'm going to say I had it. I'm going 100%. We love it. Yeah, you can totally twist. I love that you don't delete. I have like my whole Instagram page going from way back when and I just I will not delete a post. I will stand by it no matter how embarrassed. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it, gold and doodles. Well, I love my dog Jeff and he's technically not a golden doodle. He's an Australian copper dog, but also he's a golden doodle.

So hit it for sure. Yeah, sorry. Poodles are getting laid all the time. We're talking about that. I mean, the poodles are having, I'm talking about hook up culture. Fucking poodles are right in that. Okay. Professional colors. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it, texting your ex happy birthday. Oh, had it for sure. That's a great way of making someone else's day about you. Like no, I just want to wish you a happy birthday. Also, do you still love me? Yeah, it totally is. Could that be a little narcissistic? A little, yeah, it's a little narcissistic. I think so too. Okay. Had it or hit it open relationships. I'm gonna say hit it, you know, really? Here's why I just like, it's not necessary for me, but like, I think it's for other people and I have friends who partake and said lifestyle and and they seem to have a

pretty healthy relationship because at least what they are is fucking honest with each other. They're really good at setting boundaries. They know what each other is like and what they don't like. And it's not for everyone. And most people aren't even capable of having that level of honesty, but like my friends who have done it, they are very connected couples.

So I think if you do it right, it can be great. But I think nowadays, you know, for the head of people, it's probably the people who are using all the conversations about open relationships and to like excuses of trying to get their partner have a threesome because what they really want to suck other people and not be labeled a cheater. Right. So there is that too.

Okay. Because I mean, the bachelor's for that, that's kind of an open relationship. But when I know it is not even kind of right right. So would you so I have to explain on this You're about to get married. Would you have an open relationship? Once you're married with the woman that you're engaged to no I have no intention and we have plans of doing it There's no way I could do it. I don't think I could do it. If somebody wants to do that, and that's, I mean, there's no way, no, just do it. I've grown emotionally and my emotional IQ is skyrocketing as well established on this episode. I don't think I will ever get there. Where I'd be like, yeah, sure. Yeah, go fuck her. That's fine. I just

don't think I could ever be okay with that. Okay. Had it or hit it, small talk in an elevator with strangers. I had it. No, I want nothing to do is it just to fuck up. Please. I don't want to want to get to know you. I'm not interested in getting to know you. If I like I hate, I mean, I have a pie. I love talking, but I hate talking to people. Say, um, especially in life, I let you know, I just, I, I am not interested in what you have to say. For most people, like, I find most people to be really boring and uninteresting. And so like, small talk in general, is this not my favorite? I do not care about your day. Or what you agree. I just don't care. We've had it. I have a, and I'm not really

good at spending. Yeah. A recurring theme on this podcast that like a thesis sentence is all roads lead to Yakmouse. When you've had it with something, it always leads directly to a Yak mouth that won't shut the fuck up, whether it's on the elevator, the hotel receptionist, you know, where all of the places that you can do Uber drivers. Uber drivers are the worst. The Yak mouthing is the worst. Too much. It's too much too like they only got the job because it's like they became Uber drivers because no they like their friends won't talk to them. I don't know. I think Uber drivers became Uber drivers because I don't the no one else would talk to them and they just insist I'm

Conversating with you. I my Uber score suffered because I would use I'm kind of conversating with you. My Uber score suffered because I would refuse to talk in the Uber pack. I had to start picking silent ride only for my Uber score to go up because I would just, I would get so, and then I'd be huffing and puffing in the back. Just like, I was like trying to like nonverbaly

tell them, shut the fuck up. But yeah, when you're here. They can't pick up on the cues. Yak mouse we've diagnosed, they can't pick up on the cues. Yak mouse, we've diagnosed they do not pick up on verbal cues and, or they don't care. And they just push through with the Yak mouth and torture everybody around them. Okay. Last one, had it or hit it couples that communicate with each other

in the comment section online. I mean, like, okay, here's the thing. Had it, but self awareness. I've definitely done it only because I mean, like, okay, here's the thing, had it, but self-awareness, I've definitely done it, only because I don't like how many fucking part emoji eyes can I comment on my fiance's page? And I'm just trying to support the cause. So like, I'll just, what the fuck do I say? And I'll just say things like,

what's for fucking dinner? Cause I'm being snorecy. I'm not really having a conversation. Like, we're not actually conversating. It's just the appearance of it, because I don't want to fuck the comment. How many times can I be like, I'll call you you the best.

So yeah. Okay, I just want to have it, but like I've done it. It's like, it's right up there with the certain selfies. Right, yeah. So I just want to warn you because we've come to a lot of conclusions that we have identified relationships where people communicate online as a precursor to divorce. So I just want you to know that we have diagnosed that this could potentially be a problem. We've warned

you in advance and we have zero degrees or zero evidence to this whatsoever. We just wanted to know. I think that's good. I appreciate it. I think it's good to put out there. Also couples who try to oversell the relationship on social media. He's a red flat, which you could accuse Nally and I do.

But like we only do because we have, what else am I going to fucking post? You know, like, I'm not, like, here you go. I like to think that we have way more fun that we don't share, but if you look at my social media, it also looks like all I do is talk about my fiance. So, but yeah.

She's a total babe, she's hilarious. She's actually, it's annoying because she has a better personality than a body, which is amazing for me, but in her body, she's hilarious. She's actually, it's annoying because she has a better personality than a body, which is amazing for me. But in her body, she's amazing. I'm very lucky. Okay. Nick, we have a fuck Mary Kill for you. We have two. Okay. Michelle Obama, Rachel Bilsen or J. Low. I'm friends with Rachel.

That's why we picked her. Yeah. I'm going to kill Rachel because I think she'll forgive me. I'm going to marry Michelle. Yeah, totally. You got a five J. Low. Yeah. J. Low seems like in, I mean, her new movie, she, I, I just feel like I'm not

capable of making JLo happy. Right. She's super sexy. Yeah, she's super sexy. I mean, I think it could be a quick shot situation. Yeah, you don't look as good as she is at this point in her life without having great expectations. Right. And I don't know if she knows expectations.

Yeah. So yeah, I get that. I'm going to hit it's expectations. I get that. I'm going to hit it and put it with JLo. Okay. Chris Harrison, Timothy Shalame, or Colton Underwood. Can I kill two people here? No. No, we're not bending the rules for you.

I'm going to kill Colton. I don't like people who stalk other people. Dined in a. I'm going to marry. I'm going to marry Chris just because I, you know, it would be a loveless marriage. There are lots of those out there. And then I'll, and I'll talk Timothy and Shanaeleman because obviously total babe, and he's a superstar, you know, so, but I also don't think he's, he's not, he's not capable of, of giving a happy marriage. No, I mean, he's too busy being a movie star.

That's right. And remember then maybe where you fucked the peach. No, you didn't watch call me by your name. You didn't watch. I didn't see that call me by your name. Call me by't but you all didn't watch. I didn't see that call me by your name Call me by your name. I didn't see that. Yeah, so good. You know, fucks a peach spoiler alert Well, Nick this has been a real treat

I think we give you shit, but I think your Instagram feed is great your hot so you can go shirt Well, thank you. Fiancés a smoke show.. You have a lot of depth, a lot of tons of date. Right. Inside. I love the self-deprecation. I want to do this with you again. This has been so fun. Thank you for having me on.

I would absolutely love to do it again. When you two ladies are in LA, I hope that I can have you on this couch for our show if you would be so kind. So just get off the LA. We're coming soon. Have a little West Coast trip. Yeah.

Yeah, great. Let's have our people talk. I'd be so fun. That will be great. I love it. Nick, thanks so much. Thanks, Nick. Thank you so much, ladies.

All right. Congrats on all your success. Thank you. Bye-bye. He's fantastic. He's so cute. He's so cute. I really had some.

He had really good dating advice. Yeah. I've got to show you on his Instagram. Did you look? His fiancee, a hot shoe. Yes, I did. Total wage. So cute. They're both darling.

Listener, go give us five stars. Write a review. Subscribe on Patreon. Do all the stuff you're supposed to do. And we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday. Thank you, listener. Hey, all it's Savannah, Chrisley. And I've got a new podcast titled unlocked for creating a space for people to truly be vulnerable. You're used to seeing me having to have this picture

perfect bow on the life that I live. And frankly, that's not who I am. I'm a little wild, I'm a little crazy, and I love really, really hard. I really hope that you'll join me every Tuesday as I bring on friends, family, and some guests that I'm pretty sure you're going to recognize. Listen and follow Unlocked Now on Apple Podcast, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or your favorite podcast app.