I've Had It - Burning Man

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

What's worse? Hot yoga or a hot week in the desert at Burning Man? As if Jennifer isn't appalled enough, the reality of cuddle puddles and peeing in a bucket sends her through the roof. Pumps, however, stays grounded so she can flirt with this week's guest.  Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcastFollow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you.

I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I can't ever come back because it's too hot. It was 85 degrees. Right. So I cannot tell our names, like take me off your list. Like I will never voluntarily go anywhere

that's 85 degrees. And they text me all the time and I've texted back. I'm never coming. It's too hot. It's not personal to you or yoga. Right. But I just, I can't imagine. You would do like 50 degree yoga. I could do you or yoga. Right, but I just, I can't imagine. You would do like 50 degree yoga.

I could do 50 degree yoga. Right, but not 85 degree yoga and they always try to sell me on, well, it's good for your joints and you're, I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck what it does. I don't care if it makes me look like J-Lo. Right, I'm not going anywhere for 85 degree yoga.

No hot yoga. No hot yoga. I'm hot enough. And they're harassing you. Arassing. Had it. Had it. Had it.

All right, pumps. So before, Jen and Neely came to Oklahoma City, a FaceTime them to see what they were up to. And this is no surprise where they were. They were at REI. What is that, Sample? REI, it's like a camping store. I've never heard of it. You never heard of REI? It's like they have sell like tents.

And shit. So I said, well, what are y'all buying at REI? And I had to have them bring it because I've got to show you this. Attent. So this is a bucket. Yes, it looks like a bucket right. It's got a rope. Do you have to go get your own water at the well or something? So there's a bucket. I'm taking the lid off of the bucket. Audience, wait, hang on here.

Oh, it's a bucket toilet. It's toilet potty in a on top of a bucket. Did you put that? Did you pee in that? Oh my gosh. What do you do for fun poop in a bucket? So you can imagine my horror. And so I said, why on earth would you buy that? This is 2022.

We have modernized plumbing, waste, sewage. It's been modernized for decades, actually. And they announced to me, well, oh, we're getting this for Burning Man. And I was like, so wait, so like, is Burning Man like, do you sleep there? And they're like, yes. And so then I said, what is Burning Man?

It's like an outdoor concert, right? I thought it was just a concert. That's what I thought. Like a day trip to a music festival, right? Where people dress like hipsters and run around playing dress up like their unicorns. And I'm all for it. That's what swing for the fences. Knock yourselves out. They're going for eight nights in a hundred and ten degree weather.

And there are tinted neighborhoods. There's like, we're in such and such and exactly. There's lined up rows of tents for people to sleep in. Yeah, it's a full on infrastructure out in Nevada. With no plumbing. There are reported parties. I'd rather pee outside than on a party. In the middle of the night, especially Jen.

She's not gonna wanna climb out of her tent and walk over to the pool. That was the porta potty in the tent. This will be in the tent. The bucket is in the tent. Okay, but your portalugue or lego log. The porta potty's in the neighborhoods of the infrastructure that all these fucking people go to and how many people are there?

Are they? Of 70,000. It's for that week. They pay money to go. They pay. Do they have like a shower? No, no. I mean, I went in 2018 and I showed maybe once.

Like you bring your own portable, you know, you fill up the water and you just, that's not a shower. That's not a shower. That's pouring water over your head. Yeah, but I still had shampoo and everything. That's not even a hooker bag. Yeah, no. That's not even tits and bits. No, no, no. That is not a shower. And there's no way does that resemble hygiene. When do people start smelling? You have to think people smell 70,000 people 110 degrees degrees. The porta-potty in their living area. You're out in the desert.

The alkaline is really good for you. You don't really smell that much. You're good. I mean, you still have the horse shit. You still have the horse bath. You take care of yourself, everybody. Do you shave your own pits? Yeah, I bring a razor.

Yeah, daily. I don't know if I would do it daily. I don't care about your hair. It's not like I shave your vagina. A burning man. I'll try to be clean before I go. Yeah, I would do it daily. I don't know. It's not like a... We shave your vizgene at Burning Man. I'll try to be clean before I go. Yeah, where would you do your vizgene at Burning Man in a portable tent?

In my tent. That's where you do all your stuff. Just have a vizgene cleaning in the tent. Now, who all sleeps in the tent? You just the two of you? Yes. We have assigned it to a neighborhood within the 70,000. Yeah, you have your you have a camp

So this year will be 22 people in one camp. I remember you talking about some sort of like meal plan and casserole Burning man where you'll take turns cooking 110 degree heat like over a fire We use propane give us an example of something. What are you preparing? I'm Turkish, so I will be bringing some Biryakas, which is like puff pastry with cheese and spinach. And it's a really nice meal. We have a pizza oven, so I'll just pop it in the pizza oven. At Burning Man, you have a pizza oven?

So, okay, let me ask you this. So, are you gonna take a shit in this bucket, yes or no? If I have to, if I absolutely have to, I will. But then I will get rid of it. Where do you take the shit that you're done? The portos. And do it in there. We have a shit ton of carcass wipe, all kinds of anti-bacterial.

We have a blow-up mattress, or do you just sleep on the ground? We have the whole setup, it's really nice. We have a comfor mattress or do you just sleep on the ground? We have we have the whole setup It's really nice. We have a comforter It's a lot of pillows. Okay, it's not always 110 super nice Super nice in the evenings it gets down to 4550 it gets cold Which is another reason you don't want to leave your tent and you just peen the bucket Okay, what if you're in the middle of the night when you get up to pee and it turns out it's a poop So you're in a tent taking a dump in the middle of the night while someone's

asleep. I will kill you, Jen, if you poop by accident. I mean, it happens. I make no promises. It happens. It happens. It's a lot of species. It has relationship can survive eight nights in a tent with a bucket to shit in. I think it's golden. I do too. I mean, how could you not? What drugs is everybody on all kinds of drugs? I would think that would be the only thing you want to make it even remotely. So what's the age group? Gotta be young. I'm telling you, it's from age three to people take their kids. People take their kids. They bring their nannies so that they they can party in the evenings. Well, the nanny watches the kids. I would suggest if you just leave your child at home with the nanny. Yeah, that's that would be optimal. As much as I've had it with everything that's been said so far, the people pay money in the back of the. It had one more question. Is there a concert? Or is it just people in dance shitting about there?

No, it's a whole thing. It's an experience. What Burning Man is, is there art structures all over the playa? Everyone comes in and is gifting something to the 70,000. So there's the man and there's also the temple. The temple is this structure that's your secret place, where people go each year and they like drop something off there

where they want to just let go of it. And then on that Sunday, after the burning of the man, that burns down to us who are letting go of. So I get like drop pumps off there. You totally can. Like I think they're more talking like a picture of your ex has been right. Exactly. I mean, I saw a wedding dress last time that was hanging in the temple ready to be burned. If this isn't alarming enough, I can't get out of the first time.

That's child's play compared to what they told me happens next. And you're going to lose your fucking mind because I'm still not over it. They have these tints and this activity called the cuddle puddle. And people bring life-size stuffed animals. And all the people go into these tints and cuddle each other and the stuffed animals in the cuddle pedal. And I want to remind you and the audience at large, these are adults paying money to go to a 110 degree heat and a tent, shitting a bucket, and cuddle. God damn stuff, Danimal. Pumps, wouldn't you cuddle with me? I would cuddle with you, but not in a cuddle puddle and not outside and not wear a distant in a box. I think.

Let's, we're not shitting in a box. For shitting in the box. I can't forget about that. That's a big deal. Right. But what about the cuddle puddle? Do they have like a restaurant like if you didn't bring food, you could go buy food, like a concession stand. There's no monetary. The only thing you could buy on the playa is ice. There's no legal tender. Do people fuck each other for stuff?

I want nothing to do with organized fun, group activities, cuddle puddles. I'm all about pickleball. So it's like I now went somebody that went and took like a motor home. Do people take motor homes there? Uh, RVs, yeah, they take RVs. That's more like glamping.

That's really glamorous. Yeah. For me, 70,000 people is enough now. It's an immediate now. 110 degrees is where you. Immediate now. I didn't even have to get into the plumbing issue. Stuffed animals, cuddling with other human beings.

I didn't even know where you'd get a lifestyle stuff. They bring it. You should set fair. Shit, she sent me an image. They have these crates and all this shit packed up that they're taking to Burning Man. Like literally like, they're moving out of their house. All this shit in Jen and Nilly's dining room.

Are you gonna get like, get a little u-hole? How do you get it all down there? Uh, we have a team that's working on all of that. So that's all our, our campmates. But look at you, you're right there. It's the oil painting of pumps with her smoking glove. Ready as a picture. So, oh, you take your bicycles too? We take our bicycles. We bring our own water like every

every all the blue things are water. The biggest thing is radical self-reliance. So we rely on ourselves. I support that. I support that too. In a four season. Flutters with brins. 100 percent. 100 percent. The best guy to help out the Butler and the concierge. All of it. We have a guest who is someone of a burning man, a fishy anato. This guy has such a heart on for burning man that he has, he's by continental burning man boy. Wow. Let's connect it.

I guess it takes all kinds. Hi, Bobbitt. Hi, how's it going? Hi, Bobbitt. Any relation to Lorraine? There is none. No. We're probably the last generation that will remember that.

Nobody younger than us since we ever got out of this. Right. Given my marriage, I think it was a missed opportunity on my part. I should have followed her lead. Would have saved me lots of time and energy. Right. I mean, what I like about what she did is like, you know, women have thought that. She's like, and then you get over it, rational thought resumes.

You realize you can't do that. It's homicidal, somewhat sociopathic. She committed. She committed through it out the car window. Yeah, and then she took it, drove off with it, and through that penis out of the window. Yeah. She actually morally did the correct thing. Yet he was able to prop it off it and do it like weird Cornell and all the kind of stuff

that's on the money. And he was clearly a piece of crap. Totally. She was a bad person. So Bob, we just found out about, I mean, I'd heard a burning man, pumps it, heard a burning man. I'm Jennifer and this is pumps, by the way. I thought it was like a music festival, a one day event, and I'm like an overnight cacilla kind of thing.

Yeah, I thought. Yeah, I had no idea that what goes on, because these ladies, I face time, I'm in their REI, I, buying a toilet bucket, just alarming revelation after alarming revelation that leads to the cuddle puddles, which I cannot wrap my head around. All right, how many burns? I've been to four burns at BlackRock City,

and then my wife and I have also been to Burning Man, what's called the Africa Burners, South Africa. So do you sleep outside, or do you take like a mobile camper? So I've done a couple different ways. I've done 10 twice and I've rented an RV once and I had a camper van one time. The RV was nice because it has like,

not a generator, it's an air conditioning, I had a microwave, I was like, there you go. There you go. There you go. Yeah, I did it up. I had my little bathroom and everything. Yeah, you're not, you're not shitting a bucket in a tent in front of your spouse. But that was special because that was the second year anniversary of my wife and I meeting

and following the little birdie man. So we wanted to go back and do it up with style. That is sweet. But since it is just nothing but tents. And I will say, like, I use the portas, but I'm still a little boozy. Like, I have a portable bederry. You know, I I'm still a little boozy. I have a portable bidet, you know, I'm gonna say a little clean. Right, right.

That's the other piece of way more, a much better burner than you two are. Listen, he doesn't need a bucket. He can use a bottle if he needed. That is true, that's the only way to do it. So he needs a bottle, that's all he needs. But the bidet, I have to check the key. I do, it's like a gallon jug with a funnel in a hose.

So that I can be lazy if I'm too drunk and I don't have to go to the port. Let me ask you this. Do you go to the cuddle pedal? I do not go to the big one. No, it's kind of scary. Like it's literally terrifying me. Dark room and there's like a hundred people and they're just touching you. And I don't want to touch me. I don't know them. That's pretty weird. Does it smell?

I don't know. I just opened the door for me last time and like showed me what it was and I made the chair and I was like, no thank you. I don't need any of that. But like I'm down to cuddle with people. I'm friends with and I've made friends with it.

You know, that's fine. I just don't want to be in a dark room with people I've ever met. Right. So do you cuddle at burning man with other people in a small, like in your neighborhood? Yeah. Like our whole camp will end up doing like a cuddle at some point. I've cuddleed with the day before my evening sub.

Yeah. Is it like a row of spoons and a silverware drawers? I think that's kind of like a nice for us. Okay. It just kind of happens actually. Bodies just start like kind of forming and you're like, oh, I'm cozy-ness with your fur coats on. Yeah. My question would be, are the body, I mean like, are these people attractive at all?

I mean, we know they smell. So they'd have to be pretty attractive, but I would always fear that I'd get stuck with the unattractive people. I would not want to just strut around naked in front of 70,000 people. Yeah, I don't know. I can't do the naked walk around for everybody, but I would say there's some really beautiful people out there. So like burning man for you, is it like kind of the climax of your year, like everything kind of,

like for me, I go to the Amoffing Coast every summer and I love it. And when I'm not there, I can visualize in my brain the sun hitting the water and the water kind of sparkles. Is that what burning man is for you? Yeah, absolutely. We have a gigantic 50 by 30 foot room that all it is right now is burning bankrupt. It's nonstop. Yeah, we just touch in and nail it. Some friends. Is anybody just such in a nilly's and we were like, are you all moving or what? Yeah, it's like, it's the fun. It's a huge process. I get to bring all my tools. I like to I like to build stuff and I always do find out new little

things like when it comes to engineering, you know, we're building our own I like to bring all my tools. I like to build stuff and I always do find out new little things like when it comes to engineering. You know, we're building our own things. We build our own showers. You just learn things all the time. This year I've been learning about how to splice LED wires. So you can light your tent, your little neighborhood with your...

We don't light the tent, we have a lot of bikes, they like the backpack, and all of those things we gotta do. I appreciate how industrious you are, because like me, you said you like learning all this new stuff. I really, I don't wanna learn anything new. I really am completely content,

like going to a hotel and saying, y'all know how the inner workings of this hotel, you know how to change the sheets, you know how to wash the towels, you know how to refill the shampoo, I'm gonna let y'all have it. Bernie Man is a way for me to learn cool things and new things.

Right. And, but in the same vein, I am also a very posh traveler. I don't like Airbnb's. They're always asking you to like fold towels for them and you're digitally. Yeah, I'm out. I'm out there for that.

I just give you money. I want to go to a nice and tall. Right. Like the first thing we do when we're leaving Bernie Man is we're going to a very fancy resort. I like it. It's a nice hot bath. I'm gonna get the hot tub. I'm gonna get very fancy resort. I like it. It's a nice hot bath. I'm going to get the hot tub. I'm going to get in the

size. I like it. I'm going to go for it. I like it. What I would do, as I would go, burning, burning man and do all 10 days at the fancy hotel. I mean, and I would just be tickling me. But I have a couple of questions. Number one, is anybody worried about monkeypox or COVID at Burning Man? I'm sure some people are. It sounds like the perfect petri dish. With that cuddle puddle, I mean, there's going to be monkeypox, COVID, maybe even a new hybrid. We're talking about the same exact kind of hippies that thought drinking urine could cure COVID. Exactly. Exactly.

There is a lot of potential. Thankfully, I had COVID recently. I'm not that worried, so I was gonna get through it. How much does it cost to get a 10th spot at Burning Man? All your deers get it, take it. And the tickets are like 600. For person? Yeah, and then you bring everything else on your own.

You can buy ice out there, but that's it. So it, it can be as cheap as you want or as expensive as you want. So I want to reveal something to pumps that you probably know that Jen and Nilly told me. And this is, I mean, this gets worse. When you leave, when you're ready to get the fuck out of there. And you've got the vision of this nice hotel, right, the bath, clean your ass, cold, refrigerated air. It takes six hours to drive out or more, right? Facility or more.

I actually have sat there 25 hours once. What? I'm not an kidding. It was a year of my wife was 25 hours. There was a 17'm not an kidding. It was a year I met my wife who was 25 hours. There was a 17 year old girl who had come there, moved gone with their parents and they couldn't find her. She went out by her own little adventure, but they released an amber alert.

And so they shut down all of that to it. They shut down everything so no one can go in or out until they found this girl. And this girl just got out partying with some friends that she made. I'd fucking kill her. Oh, it was all over my bare hand. Yes. Yeah.

OK, let me ask you this. Why don't they have more than one road out of Burning Man? Sounds like the infrastructure could use an update. I'm not. I'm just going to come out there. I'm just going to say, you're on. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there.

I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there.

I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there.

I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there. I'm going to have to come out there.burger, you're in my hotel. Right. Bob, what's your meal that you're gonna do for the group? I'm here to build everything. I bring my tools and I get to work. You're a man. Okay, so you said you built a shower. Thanks tools. How do you do that, man?

Do you bring this stuff to make the shower? Like the plumbing in. So we have, it's like a wooden structure that's built off of a pallet. And then it's on top of like a heavy, thick black plastic that's also wrapped around a gigantic rectangle that's about 20 feet by 20 feet. So the excess water goes down onto this thing

and it evaporates out so we don't have to take any extra water out. You kind of black out when he described all that because I was just thinking if I ever have to go like on surface by the time I went out. He knows so much. No, for sure. I want him for sure.

I mean, if if like apocalypse comes, I'm going to be like, Hey, Jen, Morton, remember that Bob it dude? Give me a address. And I going out your wife would be like, get these fucking women out of here. I hate. Yeah. I hate it that you're married that handy. My dad's like, you need to marry a handyman.

How do you get on married men on our podcast. No, I'm just, in general. Really interview the guy the other day. And she said she's basically opening up herself to butt play. Now we're hitting on married men. She had got to contain yourself. God says I apologize, Bob. He man is hard to find. Exactly.

And you can't find him because he's married to a nice lady from Belgium, who is a chef. All she wants to do is cook food for her man, and all he wants to do is build shit for his woman. And you can throw a grenade right in their fucking relationship. I am so sorry, Bobbi. I apologize for the bottom of my heart.

I didn't realize it was sexual harassment. I'm sorry, that didn't take because I'm used to harassment. I'm actually impressed that you hit on Bob it, even though I disapprove. You clearly did. I was just making it clearly did. It was obvious. You did. It was.

I have to apologize to Sana later. What's her name? Sana. Sana. Tell Sana, I didn't mean to. It was accidental. I'm just so averted. I didn't mean to it was accidental. I'm just so a very crazy. So Bob, let me just tell you one thing that I could get down with cuddle puddling with.

It's not human beings. It's not oversized stuffed animals. But I can cuddle puddle with my dogs. I could for days on end. with my dogs. I could for days on end. On and I love my dogs so much. My kids come into my office and I have framed picture of Larry David on my desk. Picture of me and my dogs. And my son says, Mom, why do you not have any pictures of me in your office? And I mean, honestly, it never occurred to me until he said it. Like, I love humanity. I really don't like human beings.

No, exactly. I love dogs. I love dogs. Do you take the dog to Burning Man? No, you can't take animals. It's actually a really harsh environment. And like, even people who have actual disabilities and serious animals, they're encouraged to not bring the dog. So what's the most, like it's pot the most, the drug that's used the most, I cannot believe

you just said pot. Or what do you call it? Weed, weed. What do the kids call marijuana these days? weed weed what do the kids call marijuana these days? What's the most prevalent drug like psychedelics? I don't I guess this runs with whatever's circling in but I'm gonna say is probably thinks like Either psychedelics, co-cormole is probably the thing you'll see most people have all there I guess. But I mean pot, marijuana, weed, whatever you want to call it, that is just a given. It's like a pretty single camp. Like there's like 800 people just smoking it in a two person corner. Right.

It just happens. Right. And it is what it is. But I mean obviously alcohol thing is the number one consumed thing. It should have to keep it close. Which is the worst. I guess you's you have to keep it close. Which is the worst. I guess you don't have to keep it cold. Well, we don't have to, but I would recommend it.

Right. You don't want to have beer. So this time that you go with Jen and Nilear, are you sleeping in the tent? Are you taking the... Well this year we got fancy. We got a 10% tent as two rooms and I went in about a food time. So we're even going to the ground and doing soul sheets, bedding, everything. I'm building like a swamp cooler to keep the tent room cool.

You are doing it right. How many nights are you sleeping here at Burning Man? I think it's going to be, it's eight or nine nights. Eight or nine nights. I think nine times a hundred thousand people. And then you have to wait same things to 25 hours six to 25 hours to GTA. I would leave two days early to avoid the rush. I really would like I can't We can't do that. We have to watch the burn

You gotta watch the burn That's see that's the deal. That's how they get their hooks in you the name at burning man They make a big fat they make a big fat man and then you think I'm gonna like See, that's the deal. That's how they get their hooks in you. The name at Burning Man. They make a big fat, they make a big fat man. And then you think, I'm gonna, like, come, I'm gonna get the fuck out of here two days early. I'm gonna beat the crowd, but then you're like, you know, I would leave and I would feel zero guilt

about icing the burn. Would you? Absolutely. Da. So, well, you and your wife, Kettle with Gin and Neely. Oh, 100%. We try to do that every time you see the game.

What a try. We don't need to be at Burning Man to do that. Just do a little cuddle. Well, I will cuddle with him on a Tuesday night. That's sweet. Well, I have one more question. So you're a die hard burning man fan. What do you think of the people

that bring their like toddlers? You know, actually my wife, I was once our kids get to some age. We haven't figured that age out yet, but we plan to take our kids to see. I would think that you would be like, why the fuck are you bringing your kids? There's definitely some people that bring their kids out that are not being appropriate and like maybe getting too higher on their kids. But I don't want to do that. Like I plan on showing my kids that they can be invented artistic and have fun and explore and Play throughout the rest of their lives, but I don't plan on being totally shit-based around my kid. I can't wait to see all

I want to see the pictures Yeah, I want to Recap after burning man recap and on videos Yes, so we can put him up here. Bob at the builder. I cannot thank you enough for coming on this. You're a treat, Bob. Stellar podcast here.

Start calling Bob. We're hitting on, we're hitting on Bob it. I've told her like 10,000 times, Bob. It's married. You're getting Bob it now. It's nice and red. Just a man with a bearded and with the

and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the

and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the

and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the and with the All right, thanks Bob. Thanks Bob. Have a great trip. Yeah, have fun. Feel the burn. Feel the burn. I can't believe how turned on you were my how industrious he was. I mean, a man with some power tools.

He's the tools. And you immediately are like, you know, you just can't find those kind of men anymore. And my dad always told me if you find a handyman grab him it's a shame you're married Bob. You said that you said that rewind the tape. Man she does a Bob was single. Bob and he lived in the area. Well that's not hard to do I'm so much anger. You're such a bitch. I am. Have you had it with me? I've had it! Had it! Bye everyone.

I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. I've had it. I've had it. Had it. Had it. All I can say about that is.

I've had it. Had it.