I've Had It - Butthole of the Bible Belt

Episode Date: June 19, 2025

Jonathan Van Ness is here, queer, and worried about JD Vance not getting it in the rear.Order our new book, join our cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://SHOPIFY.COM/haditHoneyLove: Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/Hadit! #honeylovepodAddyi, The Little Pink Pill: See full prescribing information and medication guide, including boxed warning for severe low blood pressure and fainting, at http://addyi.com/piBilt: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to https://joinbilt.com/HADIT.Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work.Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSpecial Guest: Jonathan Van Ness  @jvn ​See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots, black triots, brown triots. Live in studio today is the hottest threeple you have ever seen. And it is Jonathan Van Ness with I've Had It, Collab, OKC, Let's Fucking Go. Oh my god, I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for having me, you guys. Oh my gosh, we're so excited. You came to Oklahoma City.

I'm in Oklahoma City. I haven't been here since I was 17 for my cousin's wedding. Really? Yeah. I had to run away from a police officer because I got caught trying to buy alcohol in a gas station and I had to lay in a cornfield for 25 minutes. But I did so successfully and I did not get like a criminal record when I was 17. So I'm really proud of that. Do you have a cousin that's an Okie? They were originally from Enid, Oklahoma, but she got married here.

OK, Enid, man. I love when she watches that. She's going to be like, you silly girl. Like we got married in Tulsa or like some totally other city, but I'm pretty sure it was here. OK, Jonathan, what have you had it with? I've had it with these algorithms, you guys. They are just stressing me out. On my pod, I did an episode on gay Republicans in 2023.

And my TikTok algorithm has never recovered. So now I keep seeing like, remember that one thing on TikTok that was like, da-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na. I keep getting these like Trump people being like, with very Trumpy like six syllable phrases. So I've had it with right wing algorithms. Yeah, no, no, no. I keep getting these like Trump people being like, with very Trumpy like six syllable phrases. So I've had it with right wing algorithms. Yeah, no, it's bad. I've had the same.

And you know what happens is, I don't like Christian talk, but I also can't stop watching it because they're so freaky. And so Kylie and Seth and some of our gay triates that are listeners of this pod send them to me So I open it and then I'm watching it and it's like tongue-talking Bible thumping all the stuff and it's so Psychotic I'm like I need to get out of this. I'm fucking my algorithm, but I keep watching it

And then it feeds me another one. So sometimes like my algorithm is so schizophrenic. It goes from like atheist to Trump shit to woke ass, everything, it's bananas. To like pickleball. Exactly. It's fun but it's also unfun. It's both. Here's my problem with all the Trump algorithm.

I think half of it is satire. I'm like, this cannot be real. This is not what people are really saying. And then I ask like Jennifer or Kylie or my daughter and they're like, oh no, that's real. I'm like, how can that be real? Yeah, that that maha algorithm, like where they're eating like the raw, like fermented like organs and stuff and they think that the trails in the sky are like, I don't know what they, I don't know what they think those like trails are. They really think that's something.

It's really crazy when you get the maha all pulled together. Like the one thing that has been a luxury as an adult is to know that I'm not a scientist. Science class was difficult for me. I was much better at history, English, other things. And so it's like, I'm not a scientist, but I can go to a physician who went to 20 years of medical school and they will know and then the medical licensure board has made sure that they're up to speed on any changes and I can defer knowing this stuff to an expert. But in the maha world, they're conducting their own research.

What a way to bear. That's such a burden. Right. I'm so unburdened by that. And they are so burdened by that. They are. Yeah. Now, I've been doing pretty good, I feel like, on trusting the medical field. Right.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. And it's all this bullshit that I'm just like, no one would believe that. But then when you get sick, you raise to the doctor. And I'm like, I think there should be a prohibition. You wanted to get diagnosed by Facebook and WebMD. Let them treat you.

Pumps, I have a question. OK. What is the slip color? It's everything. Oh my gosh. You know, it's like a color state from like Walmart or Walgreens or something. It is from Walgreens.

It's like a red. I put it on the morning. Don't have to put it on all day. It's giving me luxury. I had to name it or I wasn't going to be able to focus on it. Oh my god. To have Jonathan Van Ness, yeah, I have good lipstick, is just making me the happiest.

It's like such a great color. What have you had it with, Pumps? Okay, what I've had it with kind of in the same vein is everything has to be geared to the dumbest person on the planet. You see these advertisements for pharmaceuticals, which I hate anyway, but they say, well, if you're allergic to this medication, don't take it. Fucking really? If I am so dumb that I am taking something that I'm allergic to, don't I kind of deserve it? Like if coffee spills on me and it's hot,

that's kind of on me. You don't have to tell me it's hot. Like I'm just, everything has to be dumbed down for the dumbest person. I feel like it's torture. I just, I align. I agree. But also like everything's, this is why everything's political. You know, we've got that, that McMahon lady is our Department of Education lady. The WWE lady.

The WWE lady. You know? I mean, fuck. Fuck. It's really bad. It's, it's stupidity is being mainstreamed and elevated and encouraged and normalized. You know what? I have a theory on that I say about this sometimes, but I want to get to it, but I won't take that long. Should I tell you? Yes. Okay.

I feel like the right does this thing where they like to manufacture rage and blame, so it's all to blame, which to me is like, and I hate to use Taco Bell in this analogy because I actually really love Taco Bell. So I'm sorry, Taco Bell. But it's like, it's kind of like fast food versus like having to make something at home. Like it's easier to blame someone just like go pick up the food at like Taco Bell

or wherever you're gonna go and then just blame them and it's easy to put away. The nuance is like having to like go home and like make the food and like sit with yourself and it like takes a little longer, but then afterwards you're like, oh, I feel better, I get it. You know, I took the time.

So does that make sense? Does that resonate? Like the password is the blame and that is just what it, it just takes a little bit more thinking, but we're not, I think we've really accepted that everyone, it's like, well, no one has an attention span so they're not gonna pay attention.

I think we need to start demanding more than an eight second attention span. I agree. And we've cultivated a culture of instant gratification and individualism. American society has cultivated, we need it immediately, who can get it, who can get it done faster. Don't sit in discomfort, fix the problem, you know, immediately. Where sometimes you have to sit in discomfort or you have to do hard things or you have to be uncomfortable.

And then the other thing is just this rampant individualism. America is like all about the individual, specifically the billionaire individual, but then it trickles down from there to where the non-billionaire individual votes against their own rights for the billionaire's individuality, which is bananas-nanas. I know that you just said you'd had it with having to dumb everything down for everybody, but you know what really freaks me out about this whole billion thing? Do you guys know how many millions that is? Like off the top of your head?

999 million. It's a thousand. Yeah, it's a thousand million. Is a billion. Okay. Girl, I was running my whole life thinking that a hundred It's a thousand. Yeah, it's a thousand million. Right. Is a billion. OK. Girl, I was running my whole life thinking that 100 million was a billion. Like, I just thought like 100 million is a billion.

So I was like, oh. I thought that too. I just answered it that way. But that's what I thought. But that's it. So when someone says that they've got a billion dollars, that's 1,000 millions. Elon Musk has over, I think, 450 billion.

Like, he's on it. And a trillion is 1,000 billions. Like, I a trillion is a thousand billions. I just don't think people understand. I also just got my eyes open to this, which I really didn't get, but this is actually really interesting. We don't have to say you're this long, but you know how the top tax bracket is 37%? Anyone who makes over 600 a year, that's the top tax bracket. So that means that someone making 600,000 is paying the same rate as Elon Musk,

who's making 450 billion. And not only that, or is worth 450 billion, but not only that, a lot of these really crazy billionaires, like your Bezos's, your Musk's, and just like your investment hench fund people that like get their money through capital gains through selling assets, their tax rate's only 20%. So a lot of these people that are getting their money

through selling stocks, they're only paying 20%. If you have a full-time job or many full-time jobs like I do, it's just insane to me that I would be paying the same as an Elon Musk or that someone who's making $600 would pay the same as me. Right. And Jonathan, that's the big lie right there. It's not the 2020 election. That is the big lie that has been told to working-class Americans, that you can't have nice things because of somebody like Jonathan Van Ness. He needs to trigger you, and you need to be scared of him, because he's the reason that you can't have nice things. All of the rainbow waivers, they're the reason you can't have nice things.

The reason, middle America, that you can't have nice things is exactly what Jonathan just described. The system is rigged for the rich to get richer and it never trickles down, which is another big lie, which is trickle down economics, which is bullshit. It is trickle down incompetence and trickle down suffering. Yes. Let's go. Let's whip this fucking table. No, because it's your firm and it's really pretty and we can't mess this table up. It's a really bad case. Okay, let me tell y'all what I've had.

Yeah, we have to tell you or tell us what it is. Okay, I've had it. Pumps and I are Gen Xers. I mean, she's kind of on the cusp of being a boomer. Shut the fuck up, I'm not, I'm not. She's older than me, but that's neither here nor there. But significantly older. But I've had it with Gen X getting off the hook.

It's unbelievable because the boomers, I mean, I've browbeat the boomers a lot. And then the millennials, I used to browbeat quite a bit. And now Gen Z, my sons are browbeating millennials. And then they're also browbeating boomers. But when you look at the data of who voted the most Trumpy, it's Generation X. It's our generation. And this is what's so fucking scary about this. We were raised during a Reagan era. Okay?

So it was all this souped up patriotism where it's like we love America and family values. Meanwhile, they are completely abandoning the gay community. Many of my friends in college died of AIDS, and they are demonizing the poor, glamorizing the rich. And so this generation that was born with Ronald Reagan as their hero is now voting. And guess who they're voting for? Is Donald Trump. So let's play the tape through.

Holy shit, we're fucked. This generation that has Trump in their lives when he's done with this, if he makes it, he's not a spring chicken. But if he makes it 15 years of him being in a leadership position. Yeah. And I fear that Gen Z. So what about that kid generation? I feel like they want the like we always expected politics to be boring. And this generation is going to find it entertaining because Trump is such a net. So now do we look to politics at Gen Z and think, we want incompetent people that are outrageous and brash. That's what worries me.

I just had an intrusive thought about the fact that when I was in sixth grade, I was so obsessed with the Bill Clinton sex scandal, I wrote a report about it. And it wasn't even a school assignment. I just literally wrote a book about it. And then when I wrote over the Bill Clinton sex scandal, I wrote a report about it, and it wasn't even a school assignment. I just literally wrote a book about it, and then when I wrote Over the Top, my first book, I was like, oh my God,

this is how I'm gonna get that thing published. It's been sitting in my back pocket my whole life, so I just have this random chapter in the middle of Over the Top that is my 11-year-old thoughts on the Bill Clinton sex scandal, where I think I say something to the effect of, Ken Starr, you may think that the American people are stupid,

but we are not. Like. Little did I know Ken Starr was right. I just always thought it was fun. I just always thought politics was like kind of interest. My mother is, she's a huge lifelong Democrat, really liberal, but she loves a political sex scandal, particularly gay Republican sex scandals.

Ooh, they have so many. So many. Let me, welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And I'm Jonathan. Yay! All right, let's check in with the lesbian production

leader, Kylie. Kylie, what's going on on the internet? And how are the lesbians? Well, first, I have great news. Your coffee has just arrived. Oh, yay. I'm going to send it in. OK.

All right, Jonathan Van Ness ordered a coffee. That was so pride. And my son is, we have a special guest. That's for Mark. We have hope for the young straight man of America. Here he is. Here he is. This little lonely angel. Yes. Roman, say hi. Straw for Mark. Hello, everyone. Go Roman. and say hi, straw for Mark. Hello everyone. Go Roman. Straw for Mark, here you go. Okay. Excellent, the coffee is here.

Thank you, Roman. I hate to be a capitalistic pig, but Starbucks, I mean, a Pike's place just, it fucking hits. It's like a diet coke. I just had Pavlov's like dog reaction. Right, and I don't even drink coffee after my mouth watered a slight bit.

Do you need some? No, because I'm gonna play tennis a little bit later today and I don't want my heart rate too elevated because I want to be able to rip four hands. But let's check in with the lesbians. Kylie. Yes. How are the lesbians? The lesbians are doing great.

Okay, good. And I've got some reviews for you. Okay. This one is five stars and they write, during this Pride month, MAGA should stand for Make Anal Great Again. That is perfect. We have the best listener. We do.

Or we just do. Our listener is so clever and funny. It's so funny. Right to it. Okay. Who's next, Kylie? Okay. This one is five stars titled I Need Clarification. And they write, Jessica, when you talk about the location where you are, are you saying buckle or butthole of the Bible belt? Okay, so let me explain to Jonathan. A long time ago, somebody did a Sin and a Voice memo and she referred to me as Jessica.

Of course, Kylie immediately played it and of course now it's stuck because it's a basic Gen X, Jennifer, Jessica, you know, so she calls me Jessica. But put that back up, Kylie. My location, the buckle of the Bible Belt or butthole, you know, I think we should start going with buttholes. I think they're interchangeable. Millie in Colorado, I think that we change it officially in the permanent record. We need to update the permanent record, which we just gave Jonathan his own copy of. It's so cute. The permanent record, we're going to change it from the buckle of the Bible Belt to the butthole of the Bible Belt.

All vote in favor, say aye. Aye. All opposed say nay. Fuck you. Okay. All right. What? Oh, I have news stories to share.

Oh, yes, please. To feed him. I love these. Okay. Put this up. Okay. A boyfriend who dated 35 women and told each one he had a different birthday, so he regularly received gifts, is arrested for fraud in Japan. In 2021, a Japanese man was arrested for fraud after allegedly dating 35 women simultaneously

and deceiving them about his birthday to receive gifts. He reportedly told each woman a different birthday, leading them to give him birthday presents totaling approximately 100,000 yen. Wow. See, I just don't think that's fraud. He sucks and I can't stand him, But I mean, it's kind of like, I don't think you should be arrested for that. If he would have done it to five people, then I would have been like outraged, maybe even 10 or 12.

100, what's coming up for me is like, don't hate the player, hate the game. Like that is like, he was giving you full time job. Right. Like it wasn't even personal for him at that point. No. Like that's outrageous. No, it's outrageous, but- I'm kind of impressed, I hate it. I know, I kind of hate it wasn't even personal for him at that point. No. Like that's outrageous. No, it's outrageous.

But you know what? I'm kind of impressed. I hate it. I know. I kind of hate it too. I'm kind of in on it. Here's what I have to say about it. Think about how lonely people are.

And he probably love bombed. Oh, for sure. And did all of the things. And when you feel like you've been conned, especially when you have an affection for the conner, the person that conned, especially when you have an affection for the conner, the person that conned you, it's devastating. So I'm kind of for an arrest. I'm not talking about full-time incarceration, but I am for a little bit of an arrest, a slap on the wrist, and public outing that this man is a con artist that messes with lonely people's hearts. So I

support the arrest. But wouldn't that mean catfishers have to go? I mean, like, if that logic, I mean, I think the catfishers, but I'm not players hate the game, but like, if you have a three year relationship with somebody you've never seen in person and you're sending them money, like, I kind of feel like that can't be on the person that's lying. I have two clarifying statements. Okay, let's hear it. One thing is, I do align with you, but it was the five to 12, like you know, small, it just feels like worse. The 100 feels like a little impersonal,

but then I realized that I had a distractor part in my little personality come out, because I didn't want to feel that pain of all those 100 people, that's devastating. So my therapist says whenever I'm insensitive like that, that's really just this like distractor part that comes up, because I don't want to feel those people's pain, but you're so right, fuck that guy.

He needs to pay the restitution, pay those girls back, give them their stuff back, and maybe there were some gays and nays that he deceived and conned as well in Japan and he needs to pay them back. I completely agree. I think that when you prey on lonely people and you love bomb them, the damage that does to the person that receives that, that trusted them, and he went out, he or she or they went out and bought a gift, was excited about celebrating their birthday. Right, probably was excited.

And I just, I think a little public shaming there. I like the public shaming. It's an order. I do like the public shaming. Which is an arrest, drag them into court, put it in the Daily Mail, talk about it on I've Had It podcast. Yes. Criminal record. Pay them back.

That's right. I think retribution. Sound the sirens. Sound the sirens. Sound the sirens. Pumps, have I told you about my new Silhouette bra and power thong from Honey Love? You have not told me about the thong, but I also have the Silhouette bra and I love it. I have the super power bottoms. I have the power thong and I'm telling you, these bras and these panties are A++, absolutely no notes.

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Shopify.com slash had it. Okay, next up. People are tipping less because they are fed up with the tipping culture. The average restaurant tip has dropped to 19.3%, the lowest it's been in six years, according to new data. Researchers say the decline reflects growing consumer frustration with what many now call tipping fatigue. And I think this is 100% true. And the first thing I want to say is I 1 million percent blame corporations and Congress

for allowing consumer exploitation so that the corporations don't pay people a livable wage. So you're exploiting the consumer and the worker. And I do feel tip fatigue, but at the same time, I waited tables and calls. I was a hostess at restaurants. I remember being dead-ass broke. And those tips are everything because waiters only make $2 an hour. Which has been since we were waiters.

Yeah. Yeah. I always, here's my thing. I feel the tip fatigue, but I know other people do. And so my codependency, I'm tipping more now. I am too. Oh, to make up for it? Yeah, I do. That is so thoughtful.

Because they're probably not getting tipped more. People that stand up to order, and I hear people bitch about the tip, I always go full tilt on that because they're working their asses off just like everybody else. And they're making, in this state, especially they won't raise the minimum wage, they demonize the poor, but claim they're big, magggot Christians, and everybody knows they're hypocrites. But even the workers who are making minimum wage with the registers now, I'm with Pumps, and I'm tipping the 25% option.

However, we can afford to do this. Right. We can't. A lot of people, the majority of Americans, and why there's so much anger and polarization is because inflation has gone up, but wages haven't. So people may want to tip, they simply can't. See, I think that's what's happening. I feel like it's not even necessarily that people are probably like, oh, I'm sick of tipping these people. I feel like they probably

want to have their experience, but they just don't have, like they want to go out to dinner, but they don't have, and a 19% average is still better than like less. But I think you're really hitting on a huge point there, which even in the states where they've made it illegal to pay below minimum wage for service industry people, a waiter has to get at least minimum wage and tips. Minimum wage is $7.25. It's not enough. You cannot live on it.

You cannot live on that. And in any, I feel like, top 100 city, top 100 population city, that's not going to be enough to like live on. You can't even live like on minimum wage in Oklahoma. But I feel like Oklahoma City probably is one of the top 100 biggest cities in the country. It is. I think it's in like top 25.

But I don't think it's even in the world. I think it's a top 25. When I moved to Austin, I didn't know this, but I like Googled it. I remember it's like 2020 and I was like, what am I going to do? And then I was like, let me Google to see how big Austin is. It was the 11th. It's like 11th biggest in the country. I was like, wow am I going to do? And then I was like, let me Google to see how big Austin is. It was the 11th. It's like the 11th biggest in the country. I was like, wow, who knew?

Which kind of makes me feel like maybe our country doesn't have that much population because Austin really doesn't feel that big when you live there. Well, I think that what it is is there literally are two Americas. There's big city America, where people live around diversity, and you learn how to compromise diversity and you learn how to compromise and you learn how to accept and it makes you better and it makes you more accepting.

And then you have rural America where they've really been forgotten. The only culture they have are their Bible studies. And then they all, a politician has to do, I call this Christian signaling what Caroline KKK, Levitt and Christy Noem, the cosplayer, they wear the big cross and lie, lie, lie. They accuse liberals of virtue signaling. They are Christian signaling and they just signal out to rural America to where these church goers say, oh, well, she's got a cross on, she wouldn't lie. She loves Jesus. She's a good Christian girl, Jonathan. She would never, ever tell a lie. Wait, did you guys see that thing on,

those TikTok things that are going viral this week where the people are singing that one Christian song where it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, my God would not fail. And they're like praising God as like, ICE is like ripping kids away from, like, yeah, like, so that is true. And that was like, it was like a funny meme,

even though it's like a tragic situation. But here's the thing about Christian music that pisses me off. Sometimes it's like really catchy. Like sometimes I'll be like, what is this song? I'm like, that's like, should be something I've had. I was like, my, that's my follow-up. I, I've had it with this Christian music.

You're like, damn, this is like, what is this song? And then they're like, Jesus. They're like, oh, okay. It's a bait and switch. It is. It is a bait and switch. We is. It is a bait and switch. We've been doing it since Sister Act too. Yeah.

And you know, that's such a component of Christianity, the recruitment. You know, it's like the multi-level marketing religion. The aspect of the recruitment is wild. It is so wild. Well, cause when you're six, I grew up in the church, like very religious. And I mean, I was a little kid and I remember like being told

like if you don't go and convert people, like they're gonna burn in hell. So I mean, I remember like I met this one, like really nice Canadian at this pool at this like, when I was like seven and I was like, are you Christian? And she was like, the hell? Like it's a little seven year old gay kid talking to me about faith.

And I was like, and then I remember just to be like, you would like, I don't, but they tell you when you're a really small child that if you don't go get everybody to accept Jesus in their heart, then they're going to burn in hell. And you're meeting all these people and you're like, oh, my God, you're so nice. I don't want you to burn in hell. Which is abuse. It is abuse to do that to children. And then when you realize you're gay and then you're in this space, like that's like extra like super.

Yeah, I feel like it was really. Did you deconstruct your faith? What does that mean? So like there's this whole, cause we are in the butthole of the Bible. Right. Pumps was raised like Southern Baptist, Hellfire damnation.

A lot of people that we know were kind of indoctrinated into religion and now there's this movement called the Exvangelical where people actually deconstruct their faith and what's identified that these evangelical churches do is really a form of child abuse. They emotionally blackmail these kids to tell them, if you're not good, or if you think this, or if you question anything, you will burn in hell forever. That's abusive to tell a child that if they think about kissing another, a boy or something,

If they think about kissing another, a boy or something, it's crazy. So a lot of people have suffered religious trauma and have had to deconstruct their faith to find serenity because the parameters of evangelical Christianity are so hypocritical and cruel. For a thinking person, it's a difficult place to live. Absolutely. I think that's also like, when I try to talk to this, it's not like my mom who goes to a church that's not like this. I mean, I mean, they're like doing soup kitchens. They're reaching out. They're not like promoting this like Trumpy sort of thing. But I think that a lot of

those churches, what they do need to work on is that when we have these types of conversations, they get kind of defensive and they're like, well, that's not what we're doing. And they're really as opposed to meeting the like, what their cohort, what other cohorts of Christians are doing, they're trying to fight us on being like, well, we're not doing that. And that's okay. I'm not saying that Christians are bad. Christianity is a beautiful faith. It's a beautiful spirituality.

But Christian nationalism and evangelical Christianity is not all of Christianity. There's a lot of queer Christians. It's a really big amount of people. So I do think that middle American Christians, like, I always- I call it Christian light. Oh. You've got Christian light people. But here's my argument to that.

We talk about this a lot on the show, and a lot of times commenters will say, they're not real Christians. Well, it's the same thing that MAGA says about all of us. You're not real Americans. Well, the fact of the matter is we are real Americans. And the fact of the matter is these evangelicals and hardcore fundamentalists, they believe that they are Christians. So, the most credible messenger to approach these cult-like Christians isn't me, the atheist. That's a layup. It's the Christian light piece that are inside the Death Star to say you have completely

contorted and hijacked a religion that's about compassion, social justice, forgiveness. Jesus spoke out against the accumulation of wealth, yet you worship and vote for a party that worships accumulating wealth. Make it make sense. Incredible messengers coming from within the Christian movement would be much better to attack because now that the Republicans for decades now have brought Christianity to the epicenter

of American politics, we gotta call it every fucking one of them, Moses Mike Johnson, that little queen. J.D. Vance, that little queen. All every, Josh Hawley, did you see his little gay end zone? With the kicker for the chief. I can't stand it, but I will say, I did a very shameful bit about this in my last set. I hate to say it.

If I saw Josh Hawley in a steam room, Did you hit it? Not hit it, like I don't wanna hit it, but I am intrigued by the size of his Adam's apple. I feel I find it very large. I find it like well placed. And yeah, I hate to say it. And you know, and this is another bit that I said, I was like, I was like, they always

want to talk about biology. Let's talk about biology. I'm biologically attracted to Josh Hawley. OK, I didn't mean to. Like, I didn't wake up and say like, hey, I want to find Mitt Romney hot. And I think Josh Hawley's got a great fucking face and a real cute Adam's apple. But you know what's interesting about that? They both do have gay faces.

If you put them in like a different little outfit, they could totally, I just feel like they could. Yeah. All right. I've been hanging out with gay men since I was 18 years old. Okay. Used to get my scissors out, cut a rug at the gay bars every Thursday, Friday, Saturday nights.

Had a blast. I have world-class gaydar. I get gaydar pings big time. When Josh Hawley is on, it's just like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It's a solid beep. Will Doth protest too much or whatever? That's what we always say. The people that are protesting so much, it's because they are. Will Doth protest too much or whatever? That's what we always say.

The people that are protesting so much, it's because they are on Grindr at the Republican National Convention. Yes. I mean, wow. What a time to be alive. Yeah. And then think about, we call the speaker of the House

Mike Johnson, we call him Moses Mike Johnson, because he said on tape, God woke him up in the middle of night and said, hey, you're Moses. He said this out loud. He's on video. On video. No. Yes.

And this is, you have dipshit Trump, smoky-eye sociopath, JD Vance, and then Moses Mike. That's the order of succession. He's like a full on like, like a fucking Paula White, like raging net. Yes. Yeah. But you know what his life's work has been? These Pray the Gay Away, which are absolute emotional torture chambers for the LGBTQ plus community,

his life work and his wife's life work has been to set up these Pray the Gay Away torture camps for members of the LGBTQ plus community. And I just have to say this as a straight person, I rarely think about gay sex. Never, ever. I don't even think sitting around, I sit and think about gay people that much unless they come. I have a lot of gay people in my life and then I'm like, oh yeah.

But it's amazing to me how much the Republican Party projects onto us. You guys talk about gender, you guys talk about pronouns, you guys talk about woke stuff. No, the only aspect we talk about that is they get the same rights as we do. We're not leaving them behind. They're the ones who are so hyperfixated on pronouns, genitals, rainbow flags, and they're so triggered by all of it. They are. Wait, I don't know if this is like too much

of a subject change, but it's kind of on the same thing, but this is, it just came to me last night. Let's hear it. Let's workshop it. Okay, so I was thinking about like Megan Kelly, who sidebar my ADHD is gonna win right now. She's changed her bronzer in the last three to six months. And I need to stop saying this like in public,

cause like I don't want to give her a compliment, especially after saying that I like Josh Hawley's like fucking Adam's apple, so what's going on over here? But I feel like she changed her bronzer and it for the first time in her whole adult life is like pretty. Like she has like pretty bronzer for the first time.

And I just, whatever gay betrayed us or person and taught her about that, Jesus probably sees you, okay? Or like, or karma or something, okay? So that's not good. But the thing I was thinking is like, she has been her and like Riley Gaines have just been in like the whole Simone

like thing that happened. And so they claim this whole thing about like, they are the purveyors of protecting women's spaces. I cannot tell you how many times, cause I talk about abortion access a lot and reproductive healthcare a lot. I'm really passionate about Planned Parenthood. That's where I found out that I have HIV.

I also just did this episode of my pod about menopause and found out that they also treat for like perimenopause. Menopause. Like Planned Parenthood is doing the Lord's fucking work. Helping so many people that don't have access to healthcare. So, but they're hating themselves like the protector of women. So many people like them say,

well, it's just states rights. Like abortion getting overturned wasn't that big of a deal. It's just states rights. There are women that are in abusive relationships or getting stuck in abusive marriages, relationships being forced into birth. This is like lifelong economic. I don't have to tell you guys about it. Like it's a huge issue. And so just for people to position themselves as so upset about trans inclusion and sports, when we're talking about protecting women's spaces, but we live in a country that's forcing millions of women into birth. Georgia keeps women on life support. Women have died already, and we're not even being hyperbolic when we say this. There is not clear

guidance on this. And so I just think another thing that we... But it doesn't really do good for me, a raging queer to scream about it because it's already true. And I find this true, I think other people do. But what you were saying earlier about like, we need this message coming from Christians. If you are a Christian and you think that this is accurate, if you're a woman and you think that it's really hypocritical of someone like J.K. Rowling or Megyn Kelly to speak and rage about women's only spaces, call that out in the comments.

Like, I just see too many times like online where like these pylons happen against queers and against trans people or against people who are speaking out for them, get in there. Like, I agree. Like, I think people getting in there and being like, no, put a stop to this. Like, this is outrageous. I agree. Yeah.

I think you're 100% right. And it's amazing to me that Megyn Kelly, who has been treated so pitifully over at Fox News, like sexism, misogyny. Donald Trump said horrible things to her and now she's fucking radicalized. And Jennifer and I talked about it and I was like, do you think she's radicalized or you think she's just saying this because she knows she can make money? And you thought she's radicalized, right? I kind of feel like she is because the hatred that she has towards the trans community is so vitriolic and so horrific and knowing that she has children and knowing my experience of growing up that

everybody when they went to school or run a playground at places, you always saw the boy that didn't quite fit the stereotypical definition of a boy that might have seemed a little bit effeminate. And then you remember, I remember playing on the playground with the girl who seemed like a tomboy. So this is not a new thing that people don't fit into this binary choice. We've all experienced it. So it brings you to this moment where you have a choice. You can be a dick

or you can be cool. And I want to choose to be cool. I want to say you get to have the same rights that I have. And the more the trans community gets bullied and the more centrist Democrats try to align to bully trans people, the matter I fucking get because either freedom is for everybody or it's not. And so as a progressive person it's a hill I will die on. The most marginalized people right now in this country are trans people. Then you get to a black trans woman and the marginalization is off the chart. So why, why do you want to be a dick to these people? Why?

I think I know what Megyn Kelly's deal is. Okay. So she got her, when she got her Today Show, Fourth Hour, and then when she got Let Go From It, she got like a huge amount of money. And as someone who went from having like not that much money to like a lot more money quick, let me tell you something, there's this little thing called overhead.

So I think what she did is she spent so much fucking money and got her lifestyle to such an expensive point that she's like, what the fuck am I gonna do now? I either gotta keep, I gotta find some way to keep this going. Cause she was making like 10, 20 million a year, like huge, huge money. How can you get yourself really rich in the last few years?

Being net. And make a podcast where you are rage baiting women into thinking that their rights are being strained, and to the trans people are attacking you, and to the gay people are ruining the fabric of this nation. She's attaching herself to all of this, what does Leah Lippman call it? Republican grievance mindset.

She's tapping into that so well. So I think that part of it is probably that she is radicalized, but I feel like anotherman call it, like Republican grievance like mindset. She's tapping into that so well. So I think that part of it is probably that she is radicalized, but I feel like another part of it, she's very astute business woman. Right. Yeah. She just, she sees an opportunity. She's not getting hired by NBC ever again. She's not getting hired by Fox News ever again.

So once you get canceled, like truly canceled the way that she was, no mainstream person is going to work with her again. So that's why she's had to like, you know, just completely bend the knee to Donald Trump who literally mercilessly attached her. But she had to bend the knee to MAGA because that was the only people that she could align herself with to pay her bills

and make her continue her richness. That's smart. Megan, that's what it is. Sorry, I clocked you, but I did say that you have good bronzer, but your extensions have not caught up to your bronzer yet. No, I agree. There's nothing that screams extensions more than a woman my age with hair past her boobs. Like, I know you. I'm 55. I do have extensions. I keep them right here

because my hair was falling out. It's just for the bowl. I'm a lot younger. I don't have extensions. You have perfect fucking hair. I don't want to hear about it. It's possible. I don't want to hear about it. Here's what is so rich about Megyn Kelly and Riley Gaines and others, you know, Caroline Levitt. Acting like they care about women is so fucking rich. It pisses me the fuck off. You wouldn't even have these jobs without progressive women fighting for your fucking right.

The year I was born, 1974, much later than the year she was born. Let me just tell you, that was the first year that women could get a credit card in their own name. In their own name. And these women, forget about that. Your dad's had to sign board, didn't he? Yes. You couldn't own a home in your own name? And that is, it's just insane. You're aligning. Here's the problem that all of these people, when they play patty cake with fascists, Scott Besson, that queen that's secretary of treasury

over there, you join parties with the anti-gay party before you know it, those daggers are going to be aimed right at you. You will be the first on the chopping block. Elon Musk just found out. Steve Bannon said, let's deport him. So, when you are an immigrant and you align yourself with the anti-immigration administration, you think you're going to be safe and you think you're going to be the exception. You're going to fuck around and find out. Megyn Kelly and all these fucking women that are aligning themselves with the anti-woman party, they will come for you too. And that's why you don't give an inch. You don't cede one person's civil liberties. You

don't cede the trans. You don't cede it because they will come for you too. Yes. Okay, wait, you know what else? The things you think of just speaking of Elon Musk because you brought him up. Okay, you know how we're talking about that a billions a thousand million. Yeah, so he paid 274 million and even said so himself on I can't call it X. I still like to call it Twitter I can't get mad. Yeah, so he said that he spent 274 and without him Kamala would be in the Democrats would have a 51 to 49 Senate and the Democrats are probably control the house So he was basically saying like, I did buy the election. Like I just am fully admitting and owning

that I fully bought this election for you. Well, I can't believe, and not to sound like super crazy, like richer, like elitist, but it was only two 700, or it wasn't even a billion, like an American president. Like you can just do it for 274. Like that doesn't seem like a bargain. Donald Trump is the cheapest motherfucker on the planet. Cause he's got 450 billion, right? Let's talk about this. What would the cost be in gaming the algorithm?

There's a lot of earned money in there So Elon bought Twitter for how much how many 44 and then he gained the algorithm and I believe with everything in me Jonathan and pumps I believe with everything in me the support of MAGA is exaggerated via these rigged algorithms from Elon Musk. I've been neutered Mark Zuckerberg and Putin. I think that they have these troll farms and I think a lot of the stuff that you see, the anti-trans stuff, it feigns a lot of support. Are there bigots in America? A hundred percent.

Are there tens of millions of bigots in America? 100%. But I think when you see these marches and you see people come out, you always see more people marching against him than for him. That is so true. Always. That is so true. Okay, I have another news story. Tell us. Okay, one more.

All right. Put this up. Dogs develop similar personalities to their owners, new study finds. A new study from Michigan State University found that dogs often develop personalities that closely match their humans from being outgoing and curious to anxious and sensitive. Thoughts, Jonathan? I think that's very not true because my dog is a little barky and a little anxious for the first three minutes. He's a little standoffish and I'm nothing like that. So I think that's fake news. But it's probably true.

What about your husband? Is he that way for the first three minutes? No, he's really good. Yeah, he's friendly. Okay, what about the post three minutes? Then he's so lovely. If you just ignore Elton for like three minutes, he like wants to be your best friend.

But if you like, and my other theory on Elton iston is he's tiny like he's like a little boy. So I just feel like everyone looks huge to him because he's small. Right. Because our big dogs are we have two big dogs and they love everybody. They're very licky cute like not standoffish. So we're cool. Yeah, I think I think the world does look but when you're that low, I bet it does look big. Look crazy. OK, here's the thing. I'm afraid that's right. Because I have a girlfriend from college.

She got a dog the same time I did. She's super laid back, go with the flow, never causes a problem. Her dog is the easiest motherfucking dog on the planet. My dog is a nut. We've been through three trainers. And I know it's me. So I'm afraid that that's right.

I think it is too. And I am too. Yeah, it's me. So I'm afraid that that's right. I think it is too. And I am too. Yeah, it's my fault. Yeah. Yeah, Pumps' dog, his name is Oliver Glizzard. Here's the problem for Oliver Glizzard. Dogs need a pack leader. And so when Pumps abandoned Oliver Glizzard

over Christmas break and took her kids to Europe, she was going to be boarded and not on my watch. So I took in all of her glizzard and I took him to my house and he was a perfect angel. I had him trained, we had him using the doggy door, everything was up and up. And then my dearest friend Pumps comes back into town and all hell breaks loose yet again with all of her glizzard and we're upping the private training lessons. She's talked about sending him to boarding school. But if Oliver Glizzard marched in this office right now, he'd be running around.

He would do it. You said. If I said, Oliver, sit, he would do it immediately because dogs. I'm a soft touch. Maybe instead of paying for Oliver Glizzard to have training, we could send you to pack leader school. Maybe we could send you to pack leader school. Maybe we could training dogs. Pops, it's your, it's the, it's, you have to like, did you know your voice went a little,

you have to like get a little lower in your voice. It really is a thing. And I talked to him like he's a baby. Oh my God. And you know what our trainer told us, Allegra? She told us that like, cause like dogs, they don't speak English, right? So they only hear like tones and pitches. So if you take away the English

and you're talking to high voice, what does it sound like? Arrgh, arrgh, arrgh, arrgh. They think you're injured. So they're really stressed because they think that they have to take care of you. Like they think that there's something wrong. Whereas the reason that the dog trusts you

is because you're like this, that, dude. So that is brilliant. So you just, because that's more assertive. So you can't be up here. And that's a thing with Elton, because people do the thing that you should never do to a dog We just put your head in their face and go They're literally think they're like a gigantic injured dog like freaking out at their it there at them You know, that's a game change information truly

It really is. This is one of the more enlightening conversations we've had. Yes podcast Because pumps does have a tendency, sometimes I have to tell her like when she gets wound up, she really starts talking like this. Yeah, I do. Pumps, think about the listener with their little pods and she's like, oh, you're right, you're right, I do that. But with Oliver Glizzard, I mean, it's really bad. So he thinks you're injured. Right. I need to, and he does get, one time I get mad, like I get stern with him is when he goes and tries to get the toilet paper off the toilet paper roll.

Oh, we're not having it. And I will say, oh, stop it. And he stops it immediately. It's the tone of voice. That was a more grounded tone. Okay, oh my gosh, this could be a game change, which is a good thing because every, I've convinced myself that it's because he's an only child

and I've ruined him. So I'm giving him a sister in July. Oh. To make him a sibling. Well that always works. I did it three times. Yeah. Yeah. It's been really low stress. Oh, I know. Jennifer's like, you're going to have to get a full time assistant. You're going to have to drop it a couple octaves. You got to get it down there. She's got to. Yeah. No, that's great information.

Before we play How Did Her Hit It, I want to talk about the vice president of the United States because I believe we are about the Vice President of the United States because I believe we are about a new cycle away from him popping a smokey eye. And I wanted your take on this. Yeah, what do you think? This is my long, I've thought about this a lot, you guys. What is happening with these lashes? Is it a little mascara wand?

Is it an eyeliner? Extensions. You know what I think it is? I think it's a good old fashioned lash tint from like 2004. Just like in beauty school when we would just like tint each other's lashes and brows with this like kind of like non super chemical-y one. It lasts like four to six weeks. It's just like a classic lash tint.

That's what I think he's doing. I think it's a lash tint. Have you seen the liner? I don't think that's liner. I think it's fucking lash tint you guys. Cause when you first do it, it kind of like dribble drabbles like on the base a little bit. So it does look a little bit like smudgy. I just, I can't picture him doing a daily liner, but I can picture him having Usha

tint his lashes. Let me ask you this. When he gets home from work, from, you know, dicking around with all the beta males, teeny weeny parade, titty baby parade that goes on at the White House, right? He gets home to the Naval Academy or whatever. What is it called? The Naval whatever. Observatory. Observatory. And Usha's there and the kids are there. Do we think that maybe he might go in the bathroom, put a feather bow or something around his neck? I get that vibe from him. I get that he wants to go home and like JV in it. I get that he's dying to express himself the way you do without shame, without fear, with utter pride.

I get that vibe from him. I don't, but I do get this vibe. I think that honestly a lot of the toxic masculinity and anger that comes from the religious right conservatives is because they can't really express that they do want to have their buttholes explored. Right. By their wives, by their girlfriends,

and if they do, then they're gay, and they're into gay stuff. So I do feel like we have, that really is what I think is going on. I think that he probably just wants Usha to toss his salad, give him a little, probably just wants her to go fucking spelunk, give him a little, probably just wants her to go fucking spelunking in his butthole,

but he doesn't know how to ask, so he's angry, so he's mad at the gays who do freely say to their partner, will you eat my ass? Like, you know what I mean? Like when I first met my husband, and like that's like a really important conversation, cause like if you're not gonna eat my ass, I don't want this.

Like, there's nothing more offensive to me than like not eating my ass. And so I- It's personal. Yes, and so I just think for like, fuck these poor men, they've been married to these women, they've been dating these women and we're not even eating each other's butt holes,

it's a one way thing, like we're just like the girls get their butt holes and vaginas eaten and sometimes not even. I think we have to normalize oral, butt and vagina and penis sex, just oral, oral, oral. And it's fine if you want your butthole eaten and you're straight, you can be straight and get your ass eaten. You don't have to ruin everybody's lives. Oh my God, I think you're spot on on that.

I really do. I do. You guys, I'm doing a whole bit about it. I really, I really, because I just think, I would be so upset if I hadn't, like you should have saw the look on my face the first, okay, can I say it? Okay, the first time that my husband and I ever like finally did have sex, cause it took us like two weeks.

Like Mark would not like do it right away. Cause he like, he really, like two whole weeks. I mean, in gay time, that's like a long time. And then the first time we did it, he did not eat my butt. And I was trying to hold it together. I almost cried. Like I was like, oh my God, he's like just going straight there.

He's like not doing it. Like this is just devastating. And so then afterwards I was like, so what was up with that? Like, are you just like one of those people that does it? And then he was like, oh no, no, no, I do. I just like didn't know if you liked it. So I like wasn't, I just like, you know,

and I was like, oh no, I love it. It's like a prerequisite, it's like a requirement, you know, okay, but the anger and disappointment and sadness I would feel in my life if my butt had just been unexplored like that. I think I could be a mega Republican, like I bet I could just be so well, probably not. But I could sense the rage, the rage would be boiling. I believe in all of that too. But I also think that sometimes when men, mega men watch porn, they might get more

excited about the penis than they do the boobies or the vagina. And there's like an actor that maybe is well endowed and he's really working it well. And that's the thing that causes, you know, the rocket to blast off. And then the minute they stop the porn, they're like, oh shit, that was gay because their eyes were on the penis when rubber was hitting the road. Not that they're gay, but sometimes something else might turn you on other than what you've been pitched as the only thing that can turn you on with is the vagin boobies. And so maybe they saw the penis and it turned them on and then after they're a little bi curious, maybe. Yes, which is fine. Who gives a shit? I do think we live in a society that doesn't welcome bi curiosity in men the way that it

does in women. I think that's true. Like it's the one area in all of our culture that like women may have like an easier navigable course. It's like not, you're not like, I just like women can be like, oh yeah, I've like been curious or like I've like looked at another girl or another like woman's like breasts in the locker room and like That doesn't like that. Remember that episode sex in the city when yes

Yeah, it's like and that's not seen as like an overtly gay thing or it's like not that big of a lifestyle thing If you like data because it turns on the patriarchy Everything is centered around what's acceptable to the patriarchy and lesbianism turns on the Patriot Whereas if you're a white man being into a guy, you're betraying the patriarchy. So they don't like it. Doing a little circle jerk with Josh Hawley in the sauna at the Y. It can be so life-affirming.

It could be. For him. It really could be. Yeah, it's like, don't be mad. Yeah. Just jerk off with those. Be flattered. Yeah, with those Republicans in Congress,

if there's a sauna on Capitol Hill, they should. They should just start jerking off in there. I bet you they do. I bet you that the naughtiest ones in Congress are the biggest Bible thumpers. That's my thought. Attention renters, if you haven't heard of BILT, you're about to think your old gals here pumps in me because you can earn your favorite airline miles and hotel points through built just by paying your rent on time. Now let me explain. There's no cost to

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Make sure to use our URL so they know that we sent you. Joinbuilt.com slash had it to sign up for built today. I'm so done with people acting like low sex drive is just a part of aging. Like, oh, you're in your 40s. What did you expect? I expected to still want sex. Thanks. Exactly. And that's why there's Addie. It's the first FDA approved little pink pill for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by a low sex drive.

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See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning, at addy.com. Addy. A-D-D-Y-I.com. Okay, are you ready to play Hat in the Head? Yeah, I never want this to be over. I wish that you could get adopted after 18. And I know you guys aren't gay and you guys have your own things. You can adopt you together.

I want you guys to be my moms. We're going to adopt you. It's official. Put it in the permanent record. As of this date right here, Jennifer and pumps have adopted Jonathan Van Ness as our child. Yeah, we have. I mean, it just felt so natural. I mean, literally, can we tell the BTS story? I got wait, because what's your kid's name again? Roman. Roman. We love Roman so much. So Roman picked us up this morning to come pick us up or for it to come here. And I unprovoked, I was like, Roman, I was like, so what's your deal? Where are you in school?

He's like, I just graduated high school. I'm like, I'm gonna go to college. And I was like, do not do cocaine, okay? They all tell you that like, it's just so easy to party and go to classes. It's not focused on school. That money doesn't grow on trees, honey. And you can just, I got a 1.7 GPA my first year in college.

I got all F's and one B. And the only reason I got a B is because I helped my English teacher source her marijuana. Okay? So do not do that, okay? Your mama's work so hard, she's gonna be so excited for you, but just focus on the school.

Okay, you got the rest of your 20s to go party. So I just felt like it was like, it just felt so dare. It felt so familial. I just immediately felt like part of the group. Yes, immediately. Yes, immediately. Immediately. Yes, I just don't want him to make the mistakes that I

made in college. Yeah, exactly. So I made sure to tell him. I know. I'm so glad you did. And even once they arrived, then he expanded it to fentanyl. Oh yeah. Well, yeah, I mean that, well, actually, I did say that in the car. I was like, and plus you never know if the cocaine has something else in it. And then you know what Romans said, I've provoked. He said that Fent is serious. And I was like, oh my God, he knew the abbreviation. I just said it. Oh, I've never, yeah, fent. I was like, I'm gonna say that now.

I'm not, no, cause like that's like what, like the people know. That's what the cool people say. Fent, you know like fent, it'll end your life. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay, are you ready? Yes.

Oh my God. Welcome to Pat It or Hit It. I would hit it. Pat it. Pat it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Pat it or hit it hair color names? I hate these hair color trends.

The cowboy copper, the old money blonde, I'm over it. I've been doing hair long enough that I was there for the invention of the money piece. It was circa 2010. I'm tired of these trends. OK, let's just look at pictures and agree on what you want. And why does everything have to be a stupid trend name? No, I agree.

And isn't color like one, two, three, like real? Yeah, okay, because that's my guy when he matches mine. He's like, It was like an eight, like stroke one, two or whatever. Right, I never hear the names. Okay, had it or hit it, the hand heart emoji. I'm kind of moved past this and now I'm really into this. What is that?

This is the South Korean one? This is the South Korean, it's this, it's about this story, it's like a little heart, I'm kind of moved past this and now I'm really into this. What is that? This is the South Korean. It's this, it's about this story. It's like a little heart. See that little heart right there? It's this. It's this. Oh, I see it.

Okay. Yeah. Oh yeah. I couldn't do that good. They do like this. I learned it from figure skating. Cause I like the South Korean skaters will be like. Okay, wait a second.

I follow you on Instagram. Everybody follow at JVN. He's a great follow. But you do gymnastics, you do skating, you're playing pickleball now. Have you started to play tennis yet? I grew up playing a little bit of tennis, but then I kind of, I just, it's so much harder than pickleball. And I just get so many more groundstrokes than pickleball. I just like play more, but I do love tennis. I'm a huge tennis fan.

I literally have the tennis channel on my phone. I watch every single tournament between the Grand Slams. Like I'm like really adored for it. Like I read like tennis 365. You same genetically inherited it from Jennifer. It's you got this from your younger mother. Who's your favorite? Who's your favorite like top, top two or top three tour players right now on the tour right now, right? This second, I'm going to go or should have been all time. Let's do all time. Okay. Yeah. All time. I am going to go number one. Rafael Nadal. Oh, yeah. So classic. I got to name drop. But I did see him play in 2019 at the U.S. Open in real life. Not did too. Yeah, my husband and I are tennis tourists.

Like we go to... Have you been to all of them? Everyone except for Australia. And we were even at my number two player of all time. We were even at his retirement in London at the Labor Cup, which is Roger Federer. Now my husband and I getting long drawn out conversations because my husband gay loves Roger Federer.

That's so normal. I mean, it just deeply loves Roger. And I'm splitting hairs here, but I give my love a little edge more to Rafa. Yeah, me too. Okay, so Rafa, then Roger. And then I would say that I'm going to throw in a next gen as my number three, and I'm going to throw in Carlos Alcaraz-Valmos. Oh, I think he's so cute. He's so cute.

Darling. Such a great ambassador for tennis. Agree. Oh, I think he's so cute. He's so cute. Darling, it's such a great ambassador for tennis. I agree. Okay, fuck, okay. What's your top three of all time? Serena's definitely number one on question for me. I thought we were just doing men. Oh, well. Oh, now I look like an asshole.

No, well, no, do you wanna go back? Do you wanna go back? Mine just are all, like, my top three are just like, definitely, I prefer women's tennis. I like watching it better. I don't have time for fucking five sets in the Grand Slam. I got shit to do. Anyway, okay.

Number one is definitely Serena. Love her. Number two, this is gonna be kind of like random, but I just always really loved her, Lindsay Davenport. I just think like, she was like really giving me like a, I feel like, cause these girls at the French Open were saying like, oh, well there was never power, like this Williams sisters really brought in power.

And I was like, kind of sleeping on Lindsay there. Cause Lindsay really did kind of, she was like hitting poor little Steffi Graf and Monica Sells all over the fucking place. Okay? Like major. So I really liked that Lindsay Davenport and I pray to God that she's liberal. I met her at the US Open.

She was not giving me Republican vibes. I just love a tall queen. My third favorite who I do think could end up being a num, this is, I'm sorry, I love a tall queen. My third favorite who I do think could end up being a numb, I'm sorry, I love a bronze tie. I'm going for a bronze tie. I'm officially doing a bronze tie. Danielle Collins, I'm just obsessed with her. I love Danielle Collins.

When she told off that when they were- You're too close. Get your ass down here. Get your fucking camera out of my fucking ass, okay? I'm getting some fucking water, okay? Lover. Get fucked, okay? And shut the fuck up while I'm serving. How about that, okay? Somebody was trolling her while she was serving and she goes why don't you get your ass down here and serve it?

Oh, I remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god I just find her so classy and I just think she's so stunning and then Coco. I just I love Coco I love Danielle. I have to say Coco is so amazing and I'm so happy that Serena has kind of an air now. Me too. Because Coco is just the way she composed herself during that French Open final was incredible. But I have to tell you, Sabalinka, sometimes when she goes crazy, there is this video of

her at the US Open. Oh, I know it very well. She gets back to the locker room. I watch it all the time. And she takes her tennis racket out and she beats the shit out of it. Then she just walks over to the trash can and she just throws it away. And there's something so psychotically satisfying about that. Yeah. Coco would never. She has been growing. Savalinka really had been growing on me.

I saw her play at the US Open when she was ahead of Keys and then came back from behind. But had a major racket sashing moment and I thought it was like interesting then. So I was like, OK, I kind of like her. I like that she's just fully like in charge of her emotions. I'm into it, but I have to say, and you can edit this out if you don't want this, that link is coming for us. But I was so grossed out at her French open press conference.

We're not editing now. She kind of lost it. It was gross. I think she kind of lost a fan out of me. Yeah, agree. I actually had followed, she was my first unfollow on TikTok. Really?

I was following her on TikTok. And after that, I was like, girl, I can't. I just, I found it so my first unfollow on TikTok. Really? I was following her on TikTok and after that, I was like, girl, I can't. I just thought it was so disgusting. Such a poor loser. And also like, Coke, I have a big thing on like, don't go for younger people. Like don't pick on younger people. And Coke was like, I just find that extra gross.

Like be the older, like be the bigger person. Like that's so ick. Tell me the next thing. But then I have like a kind of related, but unrelated thought that I feel. Okay, you guys, I have to tell kind of related but unrelated thought that I feel. Okay. You guys, I have to tell you this because you know you're saying that you just watched

Sabalink. It's like your comfort watch. I have a really good weird comfort watch that you guys need to know about. Everyone needs to know about this before we end. Okay. Conor McGregor's sister had a dog walker and on YouTube there is this very famous leaked voicemail where Conor McGregor's sister, who's like an Irish socialite, she stands the dog walker up for getting her dog groomed.

So the voicemail starts off with the dog walker going, I just couldn't even be bothered with you like standing me up for a second time. I didn't want to take you back, but your boyfriend made me take you back. And I said, no, she stood me up the first time. I don't want to give her another chance because you'd be there on Instagram,

you're getting your skincare and you're going all over town and there could be a tornado. You'd be there broadcasting, getting your fucking skincare and your fucking facials and you messed up and you're going all over town and there could be a tornado, you'd be there broadcasting, getting your fucking skincare and your fucking facials and you messed up and you didn't come get your dog groomed. So I just couldn't even bother with just fuck off. And she's like, and so she's like, tells her to fuck off. Then there's a quick pause.

You can get this on YouTube, just YouTube, Conor McGregor's sister's dog walker. It'll come up. Then you hear Conor McGregor's sister come on the line. And these are battling voice mails and and someone leaked it, and she says, hey, who the fuck do you think you are talking to me like that, do you know who, do you what the fuck talking about me and my fucking Instagram

and me fucking hair, you know what, you have no idea about me and my life. I used to lip sync it at my old show, I used to lip sync for my life for it at a Magic Living Room Olympian. When I feel sad, when I to like lip sync for my life for it. It like, a magic living room Olympian. When I feel sad, when I feel like my career is over, when I feel like I don't know what to do, I listen to this voicemail battle, it is so assuaging.

You guys have to listen to it sometime. Oh my gosh. The accent you do is fantastic. I've listened to it so many times. I mean, like your Irish accent is good. No, there's something when, there's something relatable about that. Like, I think everything is so curated right now.

Right. And nobody ever shows a meltdown online. And sometimes inside we're melting down. Yes. And it's just, there's something like, 100%, I'm off the Sabalinka train after she belittled Coco's victory. That's bullshit.

And it really pisses me off because she was one of my favorite female tennis players, but she fucked with Coco. Coco earned it. She showed grace in everything. And it was six, two, six, four. It wasn't even close at all. Not even close.

Straight sets. I mean, there was three sets because she took her on the first set. Oh, yes, that's right. But the beating of the racket and throwing it in the trash can, there was something so relatable. Jeff is this instructor that I use all the time.

And the other day, he just kept hitting winners past me. And I was just so fucking mad. I took my racket and I just threw it across the net at Jeff. And it felt so good. It didn't hit Jeff. I wanted it to hit Jeff. I didn't for it to hit Jeff. Sadly, it didn't hit Jeff.

But sometimes there's just that explosion that you just, there's something satisfying because everything's so fucking curated and fake. Yes. Everybody has a knock down. All right, let's do two more. Okay, two more. Okay, how did her hit at cats? Oh, hit it.

I have five. Oh, I see them on your Instagram. Yeah, I love them so much. Five? Yeah, five. Larry, Liza, Meow, Nellie, Genevieve. Oh my God, I'm forgetting. Genevieve, Matilda God, I'm forgetting, Genevieve, Matilda, and Baggy.

Charlie, I wonder if his cat's name is Matilda. Do you call her Tilly? We call her Tilly Tutors. My new little girl is gonna be Matilda and call her Tilly. It's gonna be Matilda Denise after Jennifer. My middle name is Denise. Oh my God, my best friend's name is Denise. Isn't that crazy?

Yes. How much your best friend, she's gotta be her. Like you just don't. She's like my age, she's like 38. Really? That's young name is Denise. Isn't that crazy? Yes. How much your best friend, she's gotta be her. Like you just don't. She's like my age, she's like 38. Really? That's young for Denise. I've never really liked my middle name and my husband tattooed it Denise on his arm.

That's so sweet. Now Pimps is naming her dog Matilda Denise. And so it's just like Denise is just gonna live forever. Okay, last one, JVN, how did or hit it the United States of America? Okay, last one. JVN, had it or hit it, the United States of America? Well, loaded question. Because I'm non-binary, I think that I'm allowed to say I've both had it and I would hit it. And I think that's what makes America so amazing is that you can say that you have had it with these people, but I still think we have potential or something.

Because if I didn't think we have potential, like I have made it to a point in my life where like I just could leave if I wanted to. But I love America and I love the people here and I've met so many incredible people. So. Mostly would hit it. Yes, I like that answer. That's a great answer. And it's true because there's a part of the America that I'm so proud of. And then there's a part that I am just so upset by and disturbed by. And I feel like the worst

part of America, Donald Trump has empowered and brought out in people like otherwise, maybe pretty normal people have become radicalized for this man. So gross. And I think this is the fight for us. All of the generations before us fought for civil rights, the suffragettes, the end of slavery, all of these things. And this is our fight right now. And we could tuck and roll, but who would we leave behind? People we love, causes we cherish, causes we champion, civil rights and human rights for people in your community, for women, and all of these white women that are crazily aligning with the anti-women people. Because we're even fighting for them.

Right. And that's because they don't even know that we're fighting for them. We're fighting for Josh Hawley. Yes, and your wife. Poor thing. Poor thing. Okay, JVN, this is our favorite. I love you.

You're our new son. Thanks for coming. I love you guys so much. And you're gorgeous. I love your dress. You guys are so gorgeous. Thanks for having me. Okay. All right. We'll see you. Pums, tell them. Oh, we wanted to say about your new hairline. Oh my gosh. Yes. Well, my hairline, she's like, she's, well, really we just have our new dry shampoo.

Okay. I love the dry shampoo. My hairline is officially older than a quad, like an Olympic cycle. Like I measure everything in Olympics and like we've been around since 2021 and I'm just so proud of us because we've survived so much. Our company has been so resilient and I'm so proud of our team,

but we just launched our first dry shampoo and it's incredible. It took us three years to make. You know like micellar water that takes your makeup off? Yeah. Like on your, so we took the micelles for micellar water and that's what's powering our dry shampoo. So as opposed to just like packing a bunch of powder

to absorb the oil and then it makes it kind of like cakey crusty, it's literally cleansing the oil from your head. It's gorgeous, it's so lightweight and it just makes your blow dry lasts forever. Like this is day four hair. No. Yeah. See, I will go three days and I have to dry shampoo

the shit out of it. And Kyle and I were just talking yesterday about we need a good dry shampoo and then here you are. Yes, we put rosemary in it for to increase scalp health It's in this like meredith team. Oh, could I talk this Mediterranean sea algae? That helps like balance your scalp if it's overly oily, but if it's dry, it won't dry it out Oh Love it for holistic sluts over at JVN here

Love a good slut. All right. Okay. Thanks for coming. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I love you guys. We love you. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with them. Listen up, patriots, gay triots, and natriots.

We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever, if you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say?

Cacaw! A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw! That's it. That's, that's... Cacaw! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of Cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger, and Transformers Dark of the Moon.

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