I've Had It - Death is a Total Racket with Trixie Mattel

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

Pull out the permanent record because Jennifer and Pumps are *officially* hot shit. Trixie Mattel joins the girls and she has had it with her niece, the fake mall cops that we call the TSA and open casket funerals. Pumps wants everyone to stop trying to find their *purpose* in life and Jennifer has had it with all the faux philosophers plaguing social media. The Hot Sh*t Tour is heading to Atlanta, Philly and D.C in August! more info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: This episode is brought to you by SimpliSafe: Listeners get a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. This huge offer is for a limited time. So visit SimpliSafe.com/HADIT. JustThrive: Use promo code HADIT for 20% your first 90 day bottle of JustThrive probiotic or JustCalm at JustThriveHealth.com Jenni Kayne: Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code HADIT at jennikayne.com #jennikaynepartner Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Trixie Mattel @trixiemattel

This episode is brought to you by SimplySafe. So we're supposed to start the podcast. One, two, three. Oh, again. One, two, three. It's better. One more time. Okay.

Third time's the charm. One, two, three. Better. It's better. But I'm just going gonna say you will compensate for those lackluster clap-ons with that darling little orange sherbert. Thank you.

Number you have on with your gorgeous skin. YouTube viewers, look at the skin on pops. And look at this little scoop of orange sherbert sitting right next to me just as pretty as a peach. I'm just a dream sickle. You are just a vision of summer. Well, thank you so much. Okay, let's not get too sweet. What have you had with?

Okay, I mean, this just makes me insane. Grines my gears to the nth degree. When you're talking to young adults college graduates and you say, well, what are you going to do? I mean, do you have a job? Well, I'm trying to find a job that what I'm really looking for is my purpose in life. And I'm just like, shut the fuck up. Nobody has a purpose in life. Everybody matches their aptitude to what they're good at. Right. I mean, it is not like my purpose is world peace. How am I going to support myself and my children? Right.

Championing world peace is the purpose. Like, I just like, yeah, if you're LeBron James, you do have a purpose. You're an incredible athlete. Or like the little Greta girl that the little climate activist. The climate activist. That's my purpose. Right.

Not getting a job because it doesn't fulfill your purpose in life. Just mean you're a lazy motherfucker. It just means bullshit, titty baby, want mom and daddy to continue to support you. I mean, that's just motherfucker. It just means bullshit. Titi baby want mom and daddy to continue to support you. I mean, that's just I've had it with that. So what you're saying is people instead of starting to hustle. Right. Use this excuse that I'm trying to find my purpose. Right. They're trying to find their purpose as a reason as a reason to be a lazy unemployed titty baby sucking off mommy and daddy.

Correct. Yeah, I know what you're saying. I think that probably I mean with the exception of you and your purpose of podcasting right to the globe. Very few people have like a purpose. Some people think they have a purpose, like maybe that Joel Olstein. Right. And he thinks his purpose is, you know, spreading the gospel or whatever. But smart people like you and me know that his purpose is to break in billions of dollars tax-free. So there's a lot of...

So there's a lot of... There's a lot of purpose fraud going on as well. I agree 100%. And there's just a lot of purpose fraud going on as well. I agree 100%. And there's just a lot of bullshit that you have to have a purpose to be able to perform up to your potential. If you're so dying for a purpose, go volunteer to homeless shelter.

Or whatever you think your purpose is, do it on a volunteer basis outside of your job. Yeah, sometimes life is just literally about getting together enough shit and money to go from one day to the next. Right. And keeping everybody afloat. Right. So then to jump on that,

you're gonna have this life changing purpose. It's just ridiculous. As an excuse to not get employed is total bullshit. It's just ridiculous on every level. And here's the deal. The people that I've heard say this, do it with an absolute straight face. I mean, there is no embarrassment or like, he he he.

It is straight up like, I just need to find my purpose. And I'm like, okay, well until then get your ass up and get it all right. And then when you find it, swing for the fences. It's the main character energy where it's like, I have to find my purpose and their purpose, even though they might be helping other people, the purpose of that is to be able to brag and say,

look at all the help I've done. Right. All my purpose instead of just doing it and shutting the fuck up about it. Right. And like 100% if you want to help people in life, yet you brag about it all the time, that's kind of fraud. Of course, it's total fraud. Or people that give a lot of money to different philanthropies and then have to have their names on buildings and, you know, foundations in their names. Like, it's, they're doing that for some sense of, look at all the great shit we do,

where I think maybe a lot of these people just need to be anonymous. Right. And they also get a tax write off. I mean, it's not completely altruistic, altruistic. Right. Right. Well, I think you're onto something, Pumps, but I will note for the permanent record, I do believe your purpose in life is podcasting. And I do think that our listener will 1000% agree with me on this. And I'm not the one that named you Princess Diana, but I'm sure saying it sticks. Okay. Okay. So let me tell you what I've had it with.

So what have you had it with? I've had it up to my fucking eyeballs with people that post something on Instagram, with people that post something on Instagram, like a picture of an ocean or better yet a profile shot of them looking at the ocean or looking at the mountain, okay? And then below it they pretend and or fain to be a poet and or a philosopher. Like as I'm standing here looking at the vast ocean, I'm filled with gratitude to my surroundings and the universe and Mother Earth. And I'm like, shit, fuck up. So that's number one. Number two, I've noticed that a lot of people that do this jet stream a bullshit in the comment section of their Instagram post, take it a step further

and then put their initials to sign their comment. Which is a complete, I've had it from long ago. Why do you, we know it's your account. Like if your pumps, pumps, pumps on Instagram, and you're standing in front of the ocean, and you take this thoughtful, utterly stage, fraudulent photograph, that you're having this fucking moment of zen and serenity,

but oops, I'm gonna post it on my Instagram page. And that's a ring. in serenity, but oops, I'm going to post it on my Instagram page. And that's a ring. And then I'm also going to attach all of this depth to it about this moment that I'm having yet. I'm putting it on the fucking internet on something as vapid as Instagram. And you're, it's just like this total fraud. Look at how deep and outdoorsy I am. And then you put signed PPP. Pumps, pumps, pumps. Triple P. I'd be like, bitch, first of all, we know it's you. It's your count.

Right. Secondly, shut the fuck up about acting like you're some fucking guru out there having this is in moment because we're really having those moments Like you're probably not going to post it on the internet like well, you're probably not gonna be able to take a picture That you've put that you've posed for and looked at your camera and repost 50 times. I mean how serene is that? I've had these incredible moments with my children or with dogs, or with Josh Welch for that matter, or with you. I don't in the middle of feeling this connection, or something that's really intense, go,

pump the brakes a second. Let me get my phone out, and let's do a little click. And then say, I'm sitting here with pumps filming this podcast, and I feel immense gratitude that our two souls have connected on this earth and that we are able to produce this utter jet stream of bullshit to our listener, signed J. Deppie. If I ever do that, go ahead and drive on over to fucking Walmart because it's you can get a gun I'm in a three-year-old could get again. Just go ahead and put me out of my misery right me down

Right, if you're feigning depth next to your serene picture I'll know it's time. I've had it had it with that. I mean Stop it stop acting like somebody you're not on the internet Right, that'd be like if I posted myself, you know, just loved up next to a Gucci bag. Right. It's like, that is not me. Right. It's never going to be me.

Right. I'm the shallow one that would do something. Yeah, but with you, it'd be who you are. It's on brand. Right. Right. But if I start spouting philosophical moments on on Instagram, take me to the emergency room. Here I am on my $15,000 to $20,000 vacation, glancing at the ocean, feeling so much gratitude,

fucking shut up, take the picture, smile and have a great time by the ocean. How about I am in so much gratitude that after 47 tries to get the perfect picture of myself, I finally did an eloquot. That I can get behind totally, totally. People need to be a little bit more clever. It's summer season. So it's vacation season. clever. It's summer season, so it's vacation season. And everybody is a God damn poet slash philosopher slash deep thinker on vacation. And I have had it. Shut the fuck up. We all want to see the vacation photos. I actually enjoy those. I can do without the mindless rhetoric

of this person acting like they have all this goddamn depth. And can you imagine how long it took one to take the photo? Right. And number two, to write the comment and the edits on the comment. I mean, we're talking this could be a three to four hour situation. So your vacation's been taken over by your Instagram post. So this moment of Zen you're having with the outdoors is total fucking bullshit. We're calling it right here. On I've had it permanent record will state we've had it with your bullshit comments about your vacations. Perfect. I think put it down. I did this once. In 2014, Josh and I went to South Africa. Okay. We went on a safari and it was great. And like, I guess maybe I'd been on

Instagram for two or three years and was not very good at it, but thought I was. Right. And this is when people hashtagged a lot, right? Oh, no. So I would hashtag because it's amazing to be in Africa. Right. It's amazing. It's amazing to be on Safari and I actually would put like Hashtag changed forever. Oh Please kindly we have to find that hashtag change forever I believe you just do one hashtag. I think I think I could have done two to three and our friend Betsy called me out on it Good and I I have to think her because it was a ridiculous, be bullshit. It was an incredible experience.

It was a spiritual kind of moment with the earth and the beings on it. I was 1,000% a fucking moron to use that hashtag. And thank God I have friends that called me out on it You weren't on Instagram at the time, but thank God she did because that's embarrassing. Right. Oh my god That's so embarrassing hashtag. I did changed forever. Yeah, yeah, so I was an offender, but I am evolved Right and I evolved and reformed Reformed. Welcome to I've had it where we are an exercise in growth, development, and evolution, and public service, public service.

It's our purpose. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. The purpose of this podcast is for pumps to have a purpose. That's right. And the purpose of her today is to be the hottest little scoop of orange sherbert. This summer has ever seen. Well, thank you. Kylie and Richard, what is going on with you two? Kylie, what's going on a social media? I've got a couple reviews. I want to read you to you. Okay, okay. Okay, this one is by Foxy15. I like the name.

Titled Best Podcast Ever. Oh, that's true. She wrote, I look forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays every week. These girlies make me laugh out loud. One star. Why one star? Do you think it was a mistake? That has to be an error.

Yeah, Foxy, come on now. Foxy, redo it. Foxy15, you gotta go update that. We need five stars or get the fuck out. And if you do a one-star, I want my ass chewed. Right, I want complete vitriol. Yeah, I want just total haterade. Right.

If we're gonna go one-star, fucking rip it. Yeah. All right, who's next? Okay, this person is named Wee Joe and it's titled, Pottymouth. Don't talk about Oklahoma with your dirty mouth. I know you're trying to be cool and with it. But surely your vocabulary allows you to speak

in such a way that we, who live in Oklahoma, can respect and be proud that you represent us. First of all, we don't represent all of Oklahoma. Thank you very much. So by her logic, anybody from the state of Oklahoma is not allowed to cast. And we all must be homogenous and behave the same way. And by her logic, podcasters are elected representatives.

I mean, what an idiot. Yeah, I just, that's our Oklahoma. And he has her thing. I mean, people that sit around Yeah, I just, that's our Oklahoma. And he has everything. I mean, people that sit around and get butt hurt about casting. I don't believe it. Get over it. It's just such bullshit by the Bible thumpers that act like, oh, they use the word fuck or they use the word shit.

But all of these egregious human rights violations, they don't give a shit about. So they can all fuck off. At first, I thought it was going to, my mother had, I thought my mother might be her with the casting, because no one hates the casting more than it's just a such. Well, and also the studies have shown. And this, you can Google this, listen, or this is true. Studies have shown that casting is a sign of intelligence. Google it, put it in the permanent record, take it to the bank.

Richard, what's going on? I think you guys represent Oklahoma very well. Thank you, Richard. Richard, you're so sweet. So keep rockin' ladies. Wee joe, I bet she is just, I mean, I bet missionary sex two to three times in a life. You know, I mean, this is a person that is just wound up

like a cheater. I don't know, you know, they say the more wound up you are the notier you are who says that. I don't know if I've always heard that. I think that's bullshit. Well, I don't I don't know how many personal I mean, maybe, but I mean, I think that whoever wrote that, I doubt she's doing all sorts of tricks and maneuvers and I'm just gonna take a wild stab and say she's not some wonderful lay. Okay.

Pumps, you know, you are an absolute national treasure. The star of our show, therefore your safety and security is paramount. And thank goodness we have discovered simply safe. It's called 24 hour live guard protection and it's made possible only by simply safe new smart alarm wireless indoor camera. What's so great about simply safe is it's advanced motion detection and vision AI

that's artificial intelligence can sense the difference between potential intruders and pets. So listener, we have got to keep pump safe and simply safe is doing this. If you would like to keep you and your family safe, right now listeners get a special 20% off any simply safe system when you sign up for fast protect monitoring. This huge offer

is for a limited time only for I've had it listeners. So visit simplysafe.com slash had it. That's simply safe.com slash had it. There's no safe like simply safe. Support for today's episode comes from Jenny Kane. Pumps, I am freezing when I go over to your house because you keep it at like Arctic temperatures. Mark, it's a total morgue, but I am so grateful to have found Jenny Kane and they're darling lightweight cashmere cardigans. You can wear them year round. So when I drive out to the suburbs, I look adorable in my Jenny Kane, but

listener, that's not all Jenny Kane has. You can get onto their website and their fashion really embodies the California dream. Every single piece they have is classic, minimalist, timeless. I absolutely love Jenny Kane and I've been able to integrate all of their pieces into my entire wardrobe and I can wear them all year round. Find your forever pieces at jennicane.com. Our listeners get 15% off your first order when you use code hadit at checkout. That's 15% off your first order. J-E-N-N-I-K-A-Y-N-E.com and use the promo code hadit.

Pumps, I feel like we're just beacons, not only of mental health, but of physical health. Yes. These probiotics from just thrive have got my gut in check, but most importantly, your gut in check. I know it's been a game changer. Spoon free up the dairy air. Am I right? You are correct. And the dogs are on the probiotics, and the Frenchies' gas is getting so much better. But I also love these psychobiotics from Just Thrive because I contend to be a little crazy.

Have you noticed me being nicer around the podcast set? Yes. Do I need to double my dose? Nice. You should take it. Yeah. Listener, if you're ready to take control of constipation as pumps has tackled, bloat, stress,

and live your healthiest life yet, you can get 20% off your first 90-day bottle of just calm and just thrive probiotic today. Visit justthrivehealth.com and use promo code hadit. Okay, listener today is a big day at I've had it. And you all have asked and we here have listened and you have asked that we have the skinny legend, Trixi Mattel on our show and today is the day

that the world's collide. So let's welcome to I've had it, Trixi Mattel. Trixi, how are you? Ooh, I'm so happy. I'm so happy to be here. This show you guys have gotten so big and everyone's always tagging Katini because they say that you guys are the,

like the parallel version of us. Oh my gosh, what a compliment. Huge compliment. Okay, good, because not every woman would take being compared to a man in a wakeer. It's a compliment, so I'm glad y'all are on board. No, I totally am on board. I love you guys together.

Trixi, what we like to do here is we like to talk about what we've had it with. And we have had it with so many things we're never gonna run out of subjects. And so we wanna tap into you and find out what you've had it with. Honey, can I just go go. TSA is the biggest drag show going on right now. They're not police. They're not really,

I mean, they're not international. So they're just that girl that you saw yesterday at Apple Bees. She now has a top uniform on. She now has a copy to Farron, she's taking your water bottle. Like, it's all so fake. I don't know how much drugs they're finding, how many guns they pull off people a day. It just, I never flew before 9-11,

so I don't have like a really understanding of what that was like, but it's a fucking racket. I mean, I have pre-check and clear and like everything and it's still a racket. TZ is a racket. It is a racket. And what I hate is like, you come out of the thing where you hold your hands up and they do this wipe and they're like, Oh, well, we need to test your fingers and then they do it like a pat down.

And I'm just like, if I were gonna make a bomb, don't you think I'd wash my fucking hands? Do I look that stupid? No kidding. They're always like, oh, we're just checking for, like, what is that explosive? Right. Yeah, I would just make a bomb before I do this.

What about? What about, what are you gonna do about it? What about when they check for explosives on like a five year old? Right. You know, I see these kids and they're like holding their hands out in the mom's like, it's okay, it's okay, and I'm like, okay, here's the deal.

We have all this technology. I mean, literally, we live in the technological era. Can't we just walk through something and you scan the brain, intentions, everything that we wanna do and sniff out of something the various is going on. Or do we have to go through all of these steps? And recently, I was full blown, frisked, and it was a very lesbian-style frisk.

I mean, titties were grabbed, crotch was grabbed, inner thighs, I mean, it was a super frisky, kind of a surprise. She poured you a glass of red wine. Yeah. You're not on the line. Totally, it was a total, it's like a fluffer.. Yeah, she turned on the lights. Totally, it was a total, it's like a fluffer. I mean, she was, and I was just like, oh my God,

I mean, she's totally fluffing me. And then I guess you can't pick certain people to do it, it's all randomized, but like, I'm like you. I have TSA pre, I have global entry, I have clear, I have all the stuff. I've never been arrested, I pay my taxes. My shit is fucking on the straight and narrow. I mean, I'm a complete lunatic, but I'm a rule follower.

So why am I getting my titties grabbed by the TSA? Maybe they like the titties. That's what I'm saying. It's all a big pageant. It's so make believe like these, these literally like Hollywood Boulevard, Halloween Express, cop outfits they have. They look like extras in like, I don't know, some like mall security movie. Right. And they, they just, and I, I mean, have you seen the

face of the person who's watching the X-ray machine? Do you think that that person is our gateway to security? No, I don't know. That person watches that machine. Right. Right. I mean, it would have to be flashing neon sign, weapon, weapon, weapon for them to even catch it. So tell us about your whole drag career. And I think you have some habits about, you know, drag in general. Yeah. So I guess I started drag about 15 years ago.

Just so crazy now. I remember being a young drag queen and being like 30 year olds and drag yikes, give it up. But I'm in that mystical middle age where everybody in drag is either, you know, 21 and 90 pounds in drunk, right? Or they're like a 50 year old lifer who like hosts the drag shows. Right. Everybody my age in drag has had the good sense to, you know, become a realtor or go missing or something. I mean,

I'm in a weird middle zone. But I've been doing drag 15 years. I started in Milwaukee and, you know, I had local shows around like Chicago Madison kind of running around doing tricksy and when I kind of unlocked the concept of like this kind of doll character, it all kind of just clicked for me and then. And then of course skip ahead too. I auditioned, I got fired for my job at the mall and I had all this extra time. So I auditioned for RuPaul's Drag Race and that's when I luckily kind of got a big break there.

And it all just snowmalled. And then I started working with Katia doing, oh, our YouTube series and all the beautiful podcasts and our show on Netflix. And I have the job you guys have. You just sit and talk crazy to your friend. I know, it's so fun. You know, back in the early 90s,

and let me say mid 90s, when I really went to drag shows frequently, the host was Ginger Lamar at Angles in Oklahoma City. I believe she's dead now, RIP Ginger. But it was on Sunday nights, and the whole club was full of, I would say half gay people and the other half straight people, men and women. And so I'm wondering with all of this like hysteria over the killer drag queens or whatever that the right wing is just going Fox news is fucking hyperventilating about. Has the attendance of heterosexuals decreased at all? Increased? I haven't been to a drag show

in a while. Pumps are not going to go to a drag branch soon, but have you seen a change in that? Because back in the day, nobody gave a shit about drag queens and everybody straight men included loved it. Well, everybody that goes to a drag show, fucking loves it. Yes. We're all just gonna have fun. And you know what's heartbreaking about all this is, this art form that I've dedicated my life to,

is being used as like a scapegoat, right? It's the same thing with like women's bodies, or a portion. Right, right. It's not that these people care. It's that they look at a big rubric of topics and they go, which one will actually get these people to vote?'s that they look at a big rubric of topics and they go, which one will actually get these people to vote? Which one is very...

Right, it's exactly. Which one can be inflated and distorted the most extreme way. And there's nothing underhanded about drag. We don't, all the drag queens don't get together over like a map and talk about how we're gonna, you know, abduct children like... Right.'s all so made up. In fact, I'm just gonna say it. I got into drag, not because I wanted to frattenize

with fucking children. Right. So for somebody like me, and like, you know, when you Google drag queen, guess whose picture comes up? And they use my picture, put on like Fox News and stuff. Oh, shit. I don't know. And like, it's really crazy. And the only place where, put on like Fox News and stuff, and put it in like, it's really crazy. And the only place where men put on dresses

and fuck children is church. You're exactly right, Trixi. I love drag. I'm gonna say it, y'all can record it forever and it's a tell everyone. Drag is not that cool. What's the point? Drag is not worth the air time of the news of politicians, of taxpayer money because

drag is not as thought out. I work with drag queens. These are unintelligent hordes. They're not masterminds. There's nothing behind the curtain. It's just some guy or, you know, whoever, women, whoever in an outfit, singing a little song so that you have something to drink wine and watch. Like it's, it's that elevated and that is it.

It's so fun. Let's like you said everything about it's fun. It's not political at all. The attacking of drag queens is the biggest low hanging fruit that they could grab on to. And it's also like right now, the number one killer of The hacking of drag queens is the biggest low hanging fruit that they could grab on to. And it's also like right now the number one killer of children in the United States are guns. The number one, the lesser of children are these religious institutions.

And so by all means, let's talk about men that really probably the majority are not huge lovers of children, pumps and I both fucking hate kids. And so we have five between us. So I mean, it's not like you know, shout out to the listening. Shout out to the kids. Shout out to the kids. Okay, Trixie, we want to play a game with you called Hadit or Hit It.

And so you can tell us if you've had it with this item or if you would hit it, if you love it. Oh my god. Welcome to Hadit or Hit it. And so you can tell us if you've had it with this item or if you would hit it if you love it. Oh my God, welcome to Had it or Hit it. I would hit it. I would have had it. I hit it every day sometimes twice a day. Okay. Great. Had it or hit it, Suburbia. Oh, I hit it actually. I think it's sweet. I like the idea of roads and streets that are all like symmetrical. Every five houses is the same. I like that type of shit. See, I like Suburbia too, but she hates that I live in Suburbia. I hate it. I've absolutely... I grew up in a deep, deep, deep country and to me, very developed areas like that felt rich.

So, you know, I mean, I lived in a trailer on a dirt road. So to me, like, wow, everything's so manicured. The law is all the same. To me, that was like, so cool. See, I think a lot of bad ideas get a lot of white people with a lot of bad ideas, drum up a lot of shit. And I think it's all going down in the suburbs. This is my personal theory. 100% and it's never the podcasters.

We're all geniuses. Oh, I'll have to explain. Oh, great. Great. Totally. Okay. Had it or hit it, children? Had it. Girl, please.

It has nothing to do with me. I have no interest. You know, my niece and I, I have one child in my life. We have a very adversarial relationship. I think because I'm bald, she cries every time I see her. But am I putting together a big fat lump of money for her when I die? Yes.

So I'll give you money to leave me alone. I can't leave me alone, I like. That's what we say, I'll tell you. Yeah, exactly. Okay, had it or hit it, spray tans. Oh, you know what, you gotta hit it. I, it's healthier than real sun, I think. I think.

Especially since I'm bald and like, like there's only so many things I can really do to change my appearance, you know, right, right. So I can't exactly get bangs. Pops is going to get bangs when she turns 60. She told me I thought that was kind of a rule. Like old ladies shouldn't go around with like one length hair that I just got roasted. So I'm going to keep it till they lay me in the ground, I guess. You can always do a clip in for the open casket. Are you all doing open casket? But no.

Creamation. Creamation all day long. Open casket traumatized. Traumatized. Totally traumatized. Open caskets are so traumatizing. I remember when my grandmother died, I was 16 years old, and I went to the funeral, and there she is, like, dead in the casket. We're all looking at her, and I touched her,

because I felt really close to her, and I touched her hand, and it's like, our body temperature is 98 degrees, which is really hot, and I touched her, and she was so cold, and I'll like, you know, our body temperature is 98 degrees, which is really hot and I touched her and she was so cold I'll just never forget it and I don't understand the whole Yeah, I don't like it. I think we got to burn it You know spread the ashes Everybody's to move on down the road, but dressing up a dead person like a doll and putting them in a box and opening it It's fucking weird and I'm so glad you brought this to our attention because I fucking had it with that I've had it with the open casket funerals.

It's traumatizing. It actually, I think is, if you want to respect the memory of someone and you want to preserve the memories you have of someone, avoid that casket. Do not look at it. I agree. Do not look at it. Yeah, if I get a few rules and they start doing the whole line to the casket, I just get in my line and get the other way.

I think it's corpse abuse. Why aren't the Republicans onto that? I think we fucking drag coins alone and get onto these people that are dressing up dead people and putting them in boxes. Fucking weird. No, so weird. It expensive. A total racket.

A total racket. A total racket. A total racket. It is. Girl, it's the impulse aisle at like, Trader Joe's. You know, they have to take five with them. Right. And they're like, you're about to leave the store.

Well, how about these last few items? Yes, exactly. And you're about to leave the store of life. How about this? Right. Exactly. Don't you want mother in the best? Yeah.

And I don't know, even the makeup, like someone makeup, I don't. It's weird. When a dead person has makeup on my mind goes to someone put that on Yes, exactly. I don't think that my mother-in-law woke up put a little foundation on my back to sleep like My mother-in-law is not dead. I don't know why I said that live Okay, had it or hit it mega churches. Oh girl, had it. Come on. He's basically big box, like super stores, masquerading as nonprofits.

Like give me a break, the level of tax break, et cetera, if it like give me a break. I mean, Jan Kraut used to fly her dogs private. Yeah. She wasn't even on the She wasn't even on the plane. She fly the dogs private. Lots of private jets in the mega churches. Lots. Lots. And they love it. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it, lip injections. In Salt Lake City, there's a place called Beauty Lab in laser that's like a clinic. And they have a billboard there that says, life is short, get the lips.

I was like, I was not that was kind of a funny billboard. I think it's fine. I think I'll hit it. I would never get in. I've never changed my body in any way permanently. So I wouldn't probably, oh wait, I have veneers. I'm a liar. But that doesn't count.

Yeah, I wouldn't do it, but I'm happy for those who do, but it is a slippery slope. I don't know a single person who's gotten one, like every time you go back, it's bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. Pretty soon you have that friend who enters the room, like lip gloss first, they just have those big, and people with lips, they want you to know that they bought lips. Yes. It's a little bit like they walk in with like a big brand name on a bag. It's a little bit that, right? It's this life raft on their face, and they usually wearing like, It's a little bit like they walk in with like a big brand name on a bag. It's a little bit that right. It's these it's this life raft on their face and they usually wearing like it's

Vaseline big big wet lips and they're like oh see I don't think mine looked that bad. No you're like good right after you had yours done it you were total daffy you were total daffy duck. Yeah but it kind of calm down. But I have to, I mean, I have horrible smoker lines. You know, I become nose blind to your own bio. Yes. I think you become like I blind to how big your lips get. I agree. And so you are the last one to realize when you've actually thrown your face out of proportion. Like at first, I think you're trying to bring proportion. And then suddenly, you have this completely out of proportion thing.

But you know, all my favorite people have lip injections, so we love them. I have to know, how long does it take you full-tricksy doll? I mean, if I'm getting ready off camera, and I'm just like here in my studio, like getting ready, you guys are in a laugh. I can get from shower to stage ready in 90 minutes tops. That's impressive.

Okay, let me ask you this. Had it or hit it, a straight woman at 6am with not a drop of makeup on her face at a coffee shop with a full permanent drag queen eyelash. Ah! Ah! I am so happy you brought this up. I have conflicted feelings about lashes like that because my god doesn't make your face look naked.

Right. Naked, it makes your, it makes, it's like, it's like having a bow tie on and nothing else. Exactly. Exactly. It's alarming. It alarms me when I see it. And pumps his daughter who might adore. She's like a stepdaughter to me. I saw her and she had a no make. I'm going to go, wow, Emily, those are some lashes. And she says, oh, that's why I let my fake eye lashes because I can like not wear any makeup. And I still have eyelashes. And I'm like, says, oh, that's why I let my fake out eyelashes because I can like not wear any makeup. And I still have eyelashes. And I'm like, no, actually it looks like you went home, you

washed your face and you did everything except for one final step. And that's removing the false eyelashes. That's what it looks like. Yes. It's, you know, TikTok, the lash hole on TikTok is so deep. Like, oh, I had to get on that. The permanent lash application, you know, TikTok, the lash hole on TikTok is so deep. Like, if you want to look at it, you need to get on that. The permanent lash application, you know, I love like demy permanent lashes.

I especially love there's so many great at home. Like options for people to do. If you're, if you're clever and give yourself a little patience, you can give yourself really beautiful permanent. Like, a few bundles placed correctly look so beautiful in or out of makeup. They look so nice, but it's a slippery slope again. A green.

Yeah, for two brushes on your eyelids and you're like, what's going on? It's like tarantula eyes or I can, I mean, it's like a full, like Saturday night drag queen lash minus the queen. So it's just drag lashes on a straight woman at 6 a.m. at a Starbucks and it's alarming. I mean, this shit is alarming to see. I just need to tell you, I was getting my pedicure the other day. And this woman came up to me, because where do you get your lashes? I had no makeup on. She's like, I just was looking how great your lashes look. But she asked, where do you get them done? Right. She knew they weren't natural. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That was a read. She just flew right over. No, I've been knowing you.

She's a lashator. I love my lashes. I mean, it just flew right over. It wasn't. You have amazing eyelashes. It was who puts those fake eyelashes on her eyelids? Because they're so fabulous. Followed up by so so fabulous. Yours are not bad. Yours are not. But some people it is alarming and jarring. Now I know what I'm talking about. I know.

And your girl has toned yours down a little bit since we addressed it on that episode. So that's not true. She's been doing the same thing forever. Jennifer wants to take credit. Oh, well, I told her to tie them down. since we addressed it on that episode. So that's not true. She's been doing the same thing forever. Jennifer wants to take credit. Oh, well, I told her to tie them down. I'm like, that makes you want to go in there and say, fucking full out.

I want the longest. To hear the rebel in pumps. I'm just going to say with the rebel in pumps. She's not taking anymore. I think it's a little fat. You fast. It's a little bit like Spider-Man, like with great power, comes great responsibility.

I don't know. It's the same as if you get extensions. If you're getting hair extensions, you're now going, all right, I'm going to have to make sure the back of my head looks okay when we leave the house. I'm going to have to go get them taken out. So many things. So many things. Yeah.

And with lashes, I find that people want to commit to getting them installed. They don't want to commit to making sure they continue to look good. Right. Trixi, you would be so proud of me. I'm every two weeks on the dot. Okay. they continue to look good. Trixi, you would be so proud of me. I'm every two weeks on the dot. Okay, Trixi. Final one, had it or hit it, middle aged, smoke and hot, blonde women. I mean, hit it, obviously, right?

Done. Yeah, I mean, I've never been with a girl, but if I'm going to start, it's going to be middle aged. I think, I mean, do we give off milk energy or what? Yeah, I mean, what do I want? Some girl who doesn't know her way around the henhouse here, I want, you know, I want an old, haggard, you know, walking the beat in Vegas,

like, you know, a gal who knows how to do it in her sleep. You know, that's right. That's right. That's right. Yeah, that's like you just described pops. Oh my god. No, I actually, I do like older men. So I think if I was into women, I would also like older women. But you know, when I worked on the trick scene, Cauchy Sean by Sland, we did a segment where we looked at the most common porn searches by state, but also by generally. The two most common porn searches across the states, teen and milk, which means like difference

in age really comes into play in a lot of people's like sexual attraction. People want younger women or much older women. And milk, honestly, I, I, I remember correctly, I think Milf is definitely number one over two. Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't stumble upon pumps in those searches. Well, I did. I saw her come in her college sweater. Right.

Yes, yes, brief porn career. Yeah. But it was before she got her breast up. So they were kind of straight out to the side pointing. Right. You know, and before the stroke. Yeah, totally. When you guys were, when you guys were like, do you find that you're attracted to men around the same age or has that changed through your life? Um, I think around the same age, like my husband six years older, but also I think when I was probably like in 20s, like, you know, there's something about a handsome like 45, 50 year old

man, like a George Clooney style with the whole, you know, daddy vibes with, so yeah, I mean, I mean, I think if a man's hot, now the one thing I'm probably not attracted to, for sure, would be somebody way younger than me. Right, way younger because I have sons. And so that feels weird. Especially since men develop slower, like mentally. Right, yes, that's true. I mean, when I was 20, like I was barely into 20 year olds,

like, but I've always been into around my age. Yeah, I think that's probably about right. Well, we're trying to, and I won't belabor this, but, you know, we believe here at I've had it, and our listener at I've had it, we all believe that there is going to be a sudden onset lesbian attack for pumps. She's not really dating men. She's only had one wet dream her entire life. Twenty years ago on Ambien, which was with a female basketball coach player, a female basketball player. The only time she's ever been aroused in a dream. Right. We talk about this often on the podcast. I think there's no reason why you,

your subconscious is out. I think you should go ahead and come out. I like that, you know, I'm with you. I think strong women are very attractive. Like athletes, bodybuilders, like I think this country's obsessed with women being thin, thin, thin, thin, thin. And I love women who look like they could fucking lift a car. Tell you what, Pamp's does too. I'll tell you where.

I'll tell you. I'll tell you. So, if you're being with one woman, doesn't make you a lesbian. If you're a vegetarian, you need one cheeseburger, it doesn't make you not a vegetarian, you know what I mean? Exactly. Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you lesbian. If you're a vegetarian, you need one cheeseburger, it doesn't make you not a vegetarian. You know what I mean? Exactly. Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't read the menu. That's right.

And eat the puts. Well, Trixi Matel, this has been a long time coming and I have loved every moment. Every second. And I want you to know that we, even though we live in a red state, we are not. And we are huge allies of your community. And we totally support your agenda of spreading love, peace, and happiness to adult-only shows across the United States. And we cannot thank you enough for joining us.

Thank you so much for having me. I really feel like you guys are me and Kati is like parallel, like, I don't know. Our tethers, your tethers. Biggest compliment ever. Totally. The biggest compliment. Well, thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you, you're a blast. I'll see y'all in Oklahoma. See ya. Bye. Bye. Oh my gosh, that was the biggest treat ever. I mean, Trixi. The best. I love Trixi. The best.

I love Trixi. Love. I love drag queens. Everything about them. I know, I wish we could have drag queens on like, like, one day. I know, they're so fun. It really is, like, even if you, if I came in and I was kinda like,

uh, tired, it's rainy outside, I feel energized, I'm ready to go. It's drag queen energy. It is drag queen energy is the best energy ever. It is the best energy ever and I love Trixi. Love. And I mean, fabulous in every way, my drop. I mean, it's kind of like we're getting to be hotter shit.

Ha ha ha ha. How about I'm comparing us to being caught? Yeah. Again, hot shit. I mean, that is like, I cannot wait for this podcast to end so I can go call my daughter and rub it in her face. Oh, that'll be great. Can't wait. Well, listen up, listener.

You need to go on to our socials and click the link tree because the hot shit tour is coming to a city near you. Get your tickets. Follow us on all the shit. Most importantly, go to Apple and give us a five star review and tell us how fantastic we are or give us a one star review and just rip the shit out of us. Right, make it vapid. Yeah, I mean one of the two. So anyway, Pumps really likes the five stars, but listen. Bye.

Bye. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Cheers. I'm adding with that. I'm Delta Work, legendary Emmy award-winning drag queen from RuPaul's Drag Race and the host of Very Delta, the world's premier luxury public access podcast and YouTube talk show where I look gorgeous, speak extemporaneously and invite fascinating guests to sit on the couch and get very Delta.

New episodes of very Delta come out every Monday and you can find them by searching very Delta wherever you get your podcast or watch it on the mom podcast YouTube channel. or watch it on the Mom Podcast YouTube channel.