I've Had It - Do You Think They'll Cancel?
Episode Date: July 9, 2024Jen, Pumps and Gary Janetti become a very petty throuple. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store and Subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts by visiting linktr.ee/ivehadi...tpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work. LolaVie: Get 15% off LolaVie with the code Hadit15 at https://www.lolavie.com/Hadit15 #lolaviepod Chewy: Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to http://Chewy.com/hadit. Minimum purchase required. New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details. Addyi, The Little Pink Pill: See full prescribing information and medication guide, including boxed warning for severe low blood pressure and fainting, at http://addyi.com/pi eHarmony: Try eharmony and get started today for free. eharmony: Get who gets you. Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Gary Janetti @garyjanetti
Transcript
Discussion (0)
So are we supposed to start the podcast?
Ready?
One, two, three.
There you go.
Pumps, what have you had it with?
What I've had it with, and I know we're three or four months out of the election, but I've
had it with these local political commercials.
I had one last night.
I was just nodding off to sleep and there's
this dickwad up there saying let's bring Oklahoma back to American values. I mean
I sat up in my bed I was like back to American values? We've lived in abortion
fucking banned America, institutionalized homophobia, institutionalized racism,
like so you're talking women are chattel,
gay people get arrested, and black people are slaves.
You fucking asshole, go fuck yourself.
Get yourself off my TV.
Like, I was livid.
I wanted to take a baseball bat to my TV
and just start pounding it.
I was so mad.
It just, it was an insult to the intelligence
of every person watching.
Although I know some people liked it. I just was like, you have some fucking balls motherfucker.
You know, they just use this, the far right wing uses this like low hanging fruit buzzword
catchphrase bullshit to a dumb down public where if they say American values,
people are like, yeah. And it's like, you know, American values are about equality and everybody
having the same separation of church and state. Yeah. No, I mean, it just, it infuriated me because he said, let's bring Oklahoma back.
And I'm just like, where do you live?
Because we're so far back
that we're damn near up our own asses.
So I don't need you on TV telling me
you wanna take us back.
Because what I wanna do is take a baseball bat
and knock you over the head with it. I mean, I was just mad. I mean, got my heart rate up. It was ridiculous.
I mean, I was mad at myself afterwards because I just let it go all through me. And we have
like four or five more months of this. Local politicians, particularly in these red states that are far right are so crazy.
These are maniacal lunatics that are members of a cult
that say the craziest shit.
And sadly, it's going to get worse.
It's really, really sad.
I hope that you don't beat your TV up
with a baseball bat.
I know, I hope I don't stroke
out because I get so mad. So let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. I've had it when I'm going
to get gasoline. Okay. And I pull up and it's kind of like a 7-Eleven. So there are two little
areas where you can get gas. And some guy and some Ford F-150 with 95 tires on it,
jacked up to Jesus, is taking up like 40% of his spot
where he can get gas.
And then his nose is over in your area.
And so you can't even pull in because he's taking up
the two gas station slots.
So I'm at 7-Eleven the other day and I see this guy and he's standing next to his big
jacked up truck, you know, got a toothpick in his mouth, right.
Acting like a redneck.
Proudly.
I have to like go around him and then I have to reverse back in because he's taking up two spots and it's like,
where's the self-awareness that you have your area and you need to make do with
that area so that if somebody else needs to get gas, they can fit into their area.
And I've just had it with that.
And it happens all the time at the gas stations.
It happens all the time, like the gas hogs and they, or they like
whoppy jot where even if they gave you enough room,
you can't get your car in it. So you're having to wait for their slow ass to get it. I cannot
stand that when people do that when I have to like back in to get gas. There's no oversight
of the gas stations. They you know, everybody's just parking, taking up more space than they're allotted.
And there are just unspoken rules in society that this is your pump.
This is your area.
This is my pump.
And this is my area.
You don't get to do what's best for you when there's a whole other pump that's empty that
somebody else can slide into.
These are pump violators.
These are gas hogs.
And I guarantee you that guy
in that truck had a Stanley cap in it. I just, there's no question about it. I knew he did.
I guarantee you he was probably on his way to a Mac and Raleigh. Probably. But I don't
know about the Stanley cap. I don't see a lot of men with Stanley caps. Which, you know
what? I think they probably keep it in their cars. Yeah, I'm trying to think if I've ever seen a guy with a Stanley cap.
I'll have to keep my eyes peeled on that.
Yeah, but the situation at the gas stations is total chaos.
It is.
There's no oversight. It's just eat what you kill.
And it's just the overwhelming lack of self-awareness of people to not take the mindfulness to realize this
is my allotted space.
I'm going to allow for somebody else to pull into this space and be able to get gas without
me intruding onto their space.
It's just such a basic thing, but everything just seems to have gone haywire.
You know what I was imagining when you were saying that?
At certain gas pumps, they'll talk to you while you're pumping gas.
Like if your card is messed up or they have to reset it or something, you'll be out there
and they'll start talking to you.
I wish those people would be like TSA agents, like come over the loudspeaker and like, move
your car up, you stupid fuck. Yeah, that would be like TSA agents like come over the loudspeaker like move your car up
you stupid fuck. Yeah, that would be fantastic. That's the kind of oversight I think people
need. I mean, that's what I was imagining happening in my mind. And it really gave me
a lot of peace. I think it would be effective. I think if there were people in parking lots
and gas stations, particularly like a 7-Eleven monitoring activities. And they could have on like a neon vest, you know, that kind of glowed in the dark.
Right.
And if somebody's parking on the white line, they just have a huge like megaphone,
you know, white tourist, you need to back out.
You need to move your car over six inches.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ford F-150.
What the fuck are you doing?
Taking up two spots at the pump.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
To the back of the line.
This is-
Social monitors.
Yes, that's what we need.
We need it.
We need it desperately because it is just,
every time I have to go get gas,
because there's a 7-Eleven right by my house,
I just dread going because I know
that somebody is pulling their car
up to where it's the pump is equal to where their hole is. But this particular gas station
that the pumps are very close together. So you have to center your car on the pump. And
then the hose is long enough for you to take it over an extra four to five feet. But if you try to take that Ford F-150 or some, you know, massive SUV, you're nose in on
somebody else's area. And then there's no way that they can get the hose to their
car. And I'm always the one that gets hosed over.
I hate it. And that's a problem. And every single person has to deal with it.
You know, remember back in the day, some of our young listeners won't know this,
but you would go to a gas pump.
You could get full service or self-service.
And the full service was a guy or gal that was standing there.
And they would pump your gas for you.
And while they were pumping it, they did a little window wash.
Yes, they did that little squeegee thing on your.
It was so satisfying to watch the
squeegee. It was so nice. They even checked the air in your tires. Check the oil. Oh God,
I did love a full service. Yeah. Because then I also think about when you go to pump gas,
I know that a lot of these people are not washing their hands and I know that those nozzles are just petri dishes of COVID-19, monkeypox, the clap.
Bird flu.
All of it.
I'm not a germaphobe, but I particularly am grossed out at the gas pump.
I know that this isn't going to surprise you, but I feel like I get gas on some part of
me every time I get gas, whether it be
my shoes or my hands or my clothes.
I mean, I'm just a little sloppy with it.
Like when I take it out, I like, I drip and I don't, I just always feel like I smell like
gas after I give gas.
I'm surprised back when you were smoking three packs of six a day, you never caught yourself
on fire.
Do you know that I have thought about that a million times?
Like it didn't stop me from lighting up a smoke, but I would get gas and I would be like,
I know I have gas on me. I'm going to burst into flames.
But I wanted to pussy about it. I did it.
Well, you had to push through because you didn't want to become not addicted to sex.
I mean, it was like you might blow up this whole car and yourself in it, but.
All right. Welcome to I've had it. Pumps is still with us despite risking her life
for six, for decades. Decade 20 on and off for 18 years.
I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie.
And Kylie, what do you have on on board for us today?
I actually have some hate comments.
Oh, good.
We need good hate comments.
It's from our most loyal and consistent YouTube fan.
Marsha.
Is it Marsha?
Marsha Turner.
I love that lady.
Yeah, she just gets into it.
God, I love that lady.
All right, the first one I'm gonna read you.
Marsha Turner. She comments, Angie, she
sits you down and does all the talking. You are clearly a beta female.
Yeah, I've learned. It's hard to get a word in edgewise.
She's a beta female.
I am.
True words have never been spoken.
That's right. All right, Marsha Turner, she comments,
you both love getting the bird, all caps, so here I go.
Fuck this show.
What I love about her, what I love about this woman,
is she watches every episode and you
can tell because she'll leave like four to five comments per episode, whether it's this
podcast or the I have news that we do on YouTube and she'll comment throughout the episode.
And I think she hates it so much.
She's probably not going to be back next week.
And then there she is the next week to tell us exactly how much she hates us
and how stupid we are.
And I appreciate her.
I like the vehemence.
But what's so funny is she does.
It's like she's taking notes during the episode.
You know what I mean?
Her comments are equivalent to what I used to do in college, like taking notes.
She's like, I hate this part.
I hate you.
And I remember a couple, it was probably a couple months ago, because we would sit around and
laugh at her comments. And it was like, where's Marsha?
She missed a couple episodes. I thought something happened.
I thought she broke up with us and I was so heartbroken.
I thought we were going to have to send the Patriots out on a search and rescue mission for America. Oh Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. The Patriots, all of our listeners know
Marcia. Yeah, of course they do. They wait for her to comment just like we do and
they always respond. So on this one she put a time code and
everything. She's taking notes. She comments, half all caps, half not very
chaotically. There was no insurrection on your beloved January 6th."
And then Tabitha responds, what a damn relief, Marcia.
I have been thinking all this time it really happened. And then she comments, you are such
a cunt bag. Marcia? Tabitha. To Marcia. Oh, Tabitha called Marcia a cunt bag. Marsha? Marsha? Tabitha.
To Marsha.
Oh, Tabitha called Marsha a cunt bag.
Cunt bag.
That's a good one.
I wonder if Tabitha is British.
She just threw that cunt bag out there really well.
Yeah.
Almost seemed British.
It does sound British.
They do it better.
I like it.
I like that.
What'd she say?
There was no insurrection?
Yeah, there was no insurrection on our beloved January 6th.
See, that is. That's wild. That's so wild. We saw it. It was on TV, Marcia. Yeah. There was shit in the Capitol, Marcia.
Yeah. People died, Marcia. Yeah, people beat up cops, Marcia. Right. Almost 2,000 people are in jail for violating the law on that day, Marcia.
Yeah. Your dear leader, convicted felon Donald Trump, is about to face more charges.
Because of it. The cognitive dissonance that that takes is pretty astounding.
All right, pups. Well, we have a guest today and his name is Gary Gionetti. He's the bestselling
author of Start Without Me and Do You Mind If I Cancel? He's a writer and producer,
family guy, Will and Grace, vicious, and the prince, and he has a new book coming out July
9th. We are experiencing a slight delay and this is about tips for travel. So let's welcome
to I've Had It Gary Janetti.
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All right.
Let's welcome to I've Had It, the hilarious Gary Janetti.
Gary, how are you today?
I'm good. how are you?
Fantastic, we've just been bitching
for a solid 25 minutes before you joined
and we're wild up and ready to go.
Oh, fantastic, I'm gonna have to catch up then.
Yes, yes.
When I was going through your book,
I was like, he could like be a co-host on this podcast.
I'm confident.
Yeah.
Oh, well that's high flattery.
All right, Gary, what have you had it with?
Okay. So I don't know if you've been flying a lot, if you've been traveling a lot lately.
One thing that always drives me crazy is when the plane lands after, you know,
it's been a long flight and you're ready to, you know, everybody just wants to get off the plane.
You know, there's always we're waiting for the gate agent to open the door,
like, so you can get off the plane. There's never a gate agent there. And I'm thinking,
can't they contact? They know we're coming with the plane landed. And there's always some guy
who's on a break or off somewhere, you know, it's like, I feel like he's not looking at his
texts that like the plane's there, you have to open the gate, you wait. So we're waiting like 15 minutes for somebody to just
kind of like, amble over and open the gate, there's got to be
a better system. Why is the gate agent never there?
It's the jet bridge operators. And these jet bridge operators
are not locked, loaded and ready. And I have been so pissed
off about this for years. We've not just me. No, she's been saying years. We fly. We
fly into Oklahoma City. They don't get that many flights per
day. All right. And everybody knows when they're going to
land because we have the FAA and air traffic controllers and it's
all computerized and radar. And then all of a sudden you land at
an airport that might max receive three or four
airplanes at a time. And it's like they're surprised we're there. Yeah. And the pilots like
we're waiting on the jet bridge operator. And I'm like, what the fuck's going on with the jet bridge
operators? Yeah, I know. Where are they? I feel like I always picture a break room that's really
far. And then they're like, oh, shit, I have to make it to gate 34.
It's a 15 minute walk. And they're walking and checking their phone. Meanwhile, we're all,
you know, like looking out that little porthole to see like, is that, is it moving? Is anybody
there yet? Yeah, it feels, it always feels like it's kind of, you know, screwing with you a little
after the flight. It almost feels like the people are doing it on purpose. Like they know.
Kind of, it's intentional.
You have no option but to wait on them.
They're the star of the show.
It's their time to shine.
And you know what?
Yeah.
And if I was the gate agent, I might be the same.
I might do the same thing.
It's like, you know what?
I'll get there when I get there.
Like, I don't know what to tell you,
but my coffee's not ready at Starbucks.
I mobile ordered it, so I don't know what to tell you, but my coffee is not ready at Starbucks. I mobile ordered it.
So I'm not, I'm already passing it. So I'm not going to go open
the gate, then come back and get my coffee when the ice will
melt. So they can wait another five minutes. Like I feel like
that that's what I would do. So
yeah, it's a power. I think it's a power struggle. I really do.
Yeah. No, it has it drives me insane. And then sometimes the JetBridge operator makes it.
And if I'm sitting on the side that they're bringing
the JetBridge up to connect it to the plane,
then it's like a little joystick.
You know, like they're playing a video game.
And it's like they're missing it.
They're going up and they're going down.
And I'm looking out the window
and I'm full blown crotch sweat, flop sweat.
I know, yeah, yeah.
Over two more inches.
And I just think, listen,
shout out to the JetBridge operators. God bless. Totally. Working in an airport would be
horrific. We're all at our worst in an airport. No question about it. If I was a JetBridge operator,
I would want to be the fastest, best JetBridge operator in all of the airports. Absolutely.
Let me tell you what they used to do in Oklahoma City.
And this just really bothered me.
So they'd get the jet bridge operator,
would get everything connected.
And you're standing up, you're ready to go,
because you've been waiting for the jet bridge operator
to show up, waiting for them to open the door.
The door opens up.
And then the jet bridge operator goes ahead
and gets on the airplane and picks up the phone, the intercom phone,
and says, welcome to Oklahoma City.
Your bags will be in baggage claim number two.
We'd like to thank you for coming to our city,
blah, blah, blah.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Grandstanding on the airplane is a complete overreach
of the JetBridge operator.
This is, we do not need this welcome committee.
Furthermore, there's like five baggage claim slots
in Oklahoma City.
It's not hard.
You'd have to be a moron to not be able to find it.
Well, everybody wants their moment.
Yeah, no, but it is.
It's so funny because they do.
And I always am like, it's like, welcome to Oklahoma City.
I'm like, it's really not that great.
It's really not that-
It's like, wrap it up. We just want to get off the plane. We don't want any not that great. It's really not that special. It's like wrap it up.
We just want to get off the plane.
We don't want any of that shit.
All right, so we did some emailing.
We've covered that.
Yes, we beat that horse.
So we did some emailing with you prior.
And there seems to be a theme in a lot of your grievances.
And I'm gonna read off the first one.
Kids screaming in a hotel swimming pool
and parents not disciplining them.
Yeah, it's, you know what I think?
First of all, I will start this by saying I like kids.
So it's not like, oh, I can't stand
or I hate if I see a kid around.
I don't, I like kids.
It's like people, I like some kids
and I don't like some kids.
They're just shrunken people.
But it's the thing, it's the entitlement
when an entire family will take over like a huge section
of the hotel swimming pool
and they'll act like they're in their own backyard,
screaming to each other,
when are we gonna get me that?
And you're screaming in the pool.
That would have been, if we had done that when I was a kid,
first of all, just to be in a hotel swimming pool
was like, you know, oh my God,
where like it would be such an extraordinarily
special occasion, but my mother would have yanked us
out of that swimming pool by our arm,
like holding us over the pool
and bringing us right back to the room, you know?
Like it's crazy, like that people just let the kids
kind of scream for the entire day.
Yeah, it's insane making.
I hate...
First of all, it makes you want to drown the parents.
It's not the kids' fault.
No.
But we get to this same place every year for Thanksgiving.
We have been around a kid, a family, that they're just letting their kids have popsicles
in the pool, you know they've peed five times in the pool.
Oh, a hundred percent.
You know, you can't let yourself go there,
but then the kid's so out of control,
and so instead of taking the child to the room
and separating it from the situation,
they sit it on one of the chairs.
Oh yeah, I've seen that. To have a meltdown. I've seen this, yes, the melt it on one of the chairs
to have a meltdown.
I've seen this, yes, the meltdown on the lounge chair.
Yeah, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
They have to go through it to get it out of the system.
We're not all in this together.
You brought this motherfucker to the pool,
take the child away.
It's unbelievable to me.
Okay, so Gary, here's the theme that we're picking up on. We have kids
screaming in hotels. And the next one we have are loud talkers on planes or
restaurants. And then you have tables of screaming people.
Yeah, that's all kind of part of the same one. That's like an ABC.
I love all that. So let's dive in to the loud talkers on planes or in restaurants.
I don't understand like if I'm having a conversation with the
person next to me on an airplane. The people in front
of me will not be able to hear it agree like they won't know
what I'm saying I know how to modulate my voice to be
appropriate to my surroundings
because I am a human being who is aware
that there are other human beings sharing
the same space that I'm sharing.
Most people are not aware of that.
You know, it's like most people,
the volume that they have is like for, you know,
a heavy metal concert, you know,
it's like you don't have to scream above anything.
Hey, where are you from? All right,
well, this plane looks nice. It's so happy. What do you do?
Like, I don't care what they do. I barely know what Brad does. I
don't want to know what some stranger does. Certainly not at
full volume. And they and nobody ever then catches themselves
and is like, Oh, I've been talking loud. Let me you know,
you know, that's what you're in for.
I'm like, that's what this is.
That's gonna be 12 hours of this.
But that's why I'm always like,
stick that person next to me.
I will shut them up.
They will not get a thing.
Like I won't say a word.
I'll do a polite nod to just to imply
that I recognize they are a fellow human being
and that's it. There will be no conversation. I recognize they are a fellow human being and that's it.
You know, there will be no conversation. I will never answer a question. I
certainly won't ask a question and then they won't have anybody to talk to. But
no, they usually sit two of them next to each other that can really keep each
other totally entertained. Like who cares what a stranger does? I've never
understood that. I mean, I want to be invisible on a plane.
I want everybody else to pretend they're invisible.
Bullshit. You're a liar.
You're a hypocrite.
Why am I a liar? Who do I talk to?
Just the other day, we were on a flight back from Chicago.
You were screaming at the top of your lines.
I was sitting four rows behind you,
and you were yak mouthing with that flight attendant all the way back row 30 could have warned you.
Okay, but that was different because we were talking about an episode.
It's not different.
Okay, that's not true.
You were loud.
Were you loud on a plane?
Yes or no?
You said I was loud.
I didn't notice I was loud, but usually she'll tell me when I'm loud.
I'll tell you the other passengers were looking.
The other passengers were looking.
She tends to embellish, but that's a whole different thing.
It's not even remotely.
That's a whole different thing.
But here's what I don't get is like all this small talk. I just why does anybody give a flying fuck?
Yeah, but I've been flying for like 40 years. I've never heard one interesting job. Oh, my god. Yeah, don't, yeah, like I don't wanna know about why you're going to wherever we're going,
what your business is there.
Like why would I care?
What are some tips that you have?
Like tell us, let's role play.
We sit down on an airplane and Angie sits down next to you
and she's like, oh, hi, what do you do for a living?
How would you address that?
That would not happen, by the way.
It would. No, it wouldn't. It would. It does. Oh, hi, what do you do for a living? How would you address that? That would not happen, by the way. No, it wouldn't.
It would.
It does.
Oh, hi, what do you do for a living?
Hi, what do you do for a living?
I would say hi.
Hi, I was like, I might, I would be very vague.
I say, oh, I just, I do a lot of different things.
I'm like, there's nothing,
I don't give anything that you can go, but I'm not rude.
I wouldn't be rude, because we're trapped together, right? Why do I want if the if the plane crashes I don't want to be like
and I'm gonna fight with this woman oh god now Angie and I there's weirdness between us and she's
gonna be the last person in my life so I have to like make it right and then die. Right. So no I
never want there to be tension because also I hate tension because then that's almost as bad as talking.
You know, so I would be polite, but I would really let her know that,
you know, this isn't going to happen.
I love that.
Like, I don't want any tension because if we crash,
I mean, you might have to like reach out, Gary, and hold my hand as we're crashing.
And by the way, Angie, I would believe me.
I've thought of that.
I always am like, am I gonna hold this person's hand
when we, if something happens and the plane goes down?
And I'm like, but I've sat next to people
and I'm like, I'm not holding their hand.
Like we're going, I'm still not looking for the last second.
Like I'm happy knowing I'm gonna die like that.
Like I cannot, I'm not interacting with this person
to the last second.
Like that's how much we're not vibing.
Let's move on to loud talkers in restaurants.
Yeah, yeah, that's another one.
It's similar, look, they're adjacent things.
But this is, I'm so, I'm very sensitive to it.
And it could be, by the way, just two people, right?
Because you know how sometimes when you're on a two-top,
so what I like to do is always make a reservation for three because if you're in a reservation for three or four, it gives it away too much.
Because then you show up and there's, you know, two of you are missing there.
They know the jig is up a little.
So but three people very easily, a third could just drop out at the last minute.
And then you don't get those two tops that are like two inches apart from each other.
Every restaurant has, you know, like four in a row and they're all like two tops.
And you're like,
oh, if we get there, I don't want to be next to somebody
on a date or I don't want to be next to like, yeah.
I'm like, I know we're going to hear what they're saying.
Like I know how to sit in one of those tables
and just keep the conversation talking like this.
But the person next to us inevitably doesn't.
But nothing's worse than a table of like eight people
like celebrating kind of something, you know,
because it's like they're all protected by numbers.
Usually with two people, they're aware like,
ooh, we should, these people are right next to us.
But a table for eight, this is like, this is our restaurant.
It's like the old west, you know, they're screaming.
There's always somebody, sorry, it's usually a woman or a gay man.
It's usually, it's one or the other that are laughing too loud at
something that I'm sure was not funny right there laughing at
things that I know are funny I don't have to have heard it
because most people aren't funny by the way and if you
tell me somebody's funny I for sure know they're not like I
make my living as a comedy writer and I don't think I'm
funny so I mean what are the chances that anybody else is saying something so hilarious?
Not good.
You know, it's just this performative aspect of kind of like, you know, I'm out having
a good time and you know, it's like, we get it.
Like, you could have a good time and take it down like a few notches.
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What about when you check into a hotel
and they're like, are you here? So you get the room and everything a hotel and they're like, are you here?
So you get the room and everything.
And then they're like, so are you here for a business or pleasure?
Business.
I hate that.
I hate that too.
And then it, then they double down.
What kind of business are you in?
What are you in town for?
And I just, I don't know what it is, but I just find it feels invasive.
It really does to me too.
Yeah. It's like, you've been in your goddamn business
is what I'm here for.
It's a hotel.
It's always supposed to be a level of secretiveness
in a hotel, you know, there could be an assignation.
Yeah. Business or like, I'm like, you know,
a little bit of both.
I hope you get time to do blah, blah.
I know.
I know you have the best city for
blah blah. Alright, I got it. I'll make sure I see that.
We're going to play a game with you called Had It or Hit It.
Oh my god. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it.
Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day.
Had it or hit it, half birthdays.
Had it.
Half birthdays.
Whole birthdays.
Yeah, half birthdays.
You could have just said birthdays.
Had it.
The birthdays, that also could have been up there.
That birthdays are like national holidays now.
Who cares?
Everybody has one.
Instagram has really done us in with birthdays.
My birthday month, your birthday month, no.
Yeah, you're not Jesus.
It's like, Jesus doesn't even,
we don't even say December 1st,
we don't say it's Jesus' birthday month.
No, he didn't even get,
he gets the last week of the year. So yeah,'s Jesus's birthday mom. No, he didn't even get, he gets, you know, the last week of the year.
So yeah, you get a birthday month.
That lets you know you're gonna be tortured
for a month by this person.
Mute, yeah, had it.
Okay, had it or hid it, inspirational quotes.
Had it, inspirational quotes.
Had it. Are you kidding me, Jennifer?
It's insane.
That's like half my Instagram is my own version
of inspirational posts.
No, it's insane.
It's just the worst kind of performative spirituality.
I hate it.
There's nothing I hate more.
It's so ridiculous.
Cause it also means nothing.
It's like, it means nothing.
Just do the thing.
I'm a big fan of doing, not kind of talking
about doing the thing.
Because talking about doing the thing isn't the thing.
And it's usually like, especially with the body,
with the body influencers, the fitness influencers.
So it's usually somebody with an insanely good body
on the beach.
And then to excuse the photo is some kind of, you know,
like reaching for the stars means you're reaching
for your own inner peace that you can bring out
and then push through the world.
And if you can't see that, then I don't want to see you.
Like what?
Like what?
It's always this circular kind of nonsense
that always then ends up kind of making it seem
like you're a dick, like you're totally not tolerant
of anybody except doing what it is you want to do, you know?
Then I have no room for you in my space.
You know, like, okay.
You know, yeah.
And here I am almost naked with just what you can get away with on Instagram.
So yeah.
That is the biggest level of Insta-fraud.
I mean, it is just, I would appreciate it so much more if they posted the photograph
and thought my ass looks great here.
Yeah.
I would double tap it and then I would scroll along.
But trying to say, look at how great I look and then feign that you're
so deep spiritually.
Right.
Such a bullshit.
I mean, I have had it with that.
Furthermore, when Facebook first came out, you know, we all got on it.
We were all so ridiculous.
Had no idea what this thing was.
I've never been on Facebook either.
Never once.
I haven't even seen a Facebook page.
I envy.
I know. Isn't that weird? There's so much fuckery on Facebook. I know. So I must have joined in probably like 2009 maybe.
And I noticed that these people that I knew in my personal life to be the most fucked up people
ever, their whole Facebook feed was just inspirational quotes. And so I realized
Their whole Facebook feed was just inspirational quotes. And so I realized you use inspirational quotes
as literal red flags on the internet.
And if you see somebody who traffics
in a lot of inspirational quotes,
you immediately know they're fucked up.
Kind of the same with like, if somebody has like,
you know, Christ is Lord or like the Christian cross
in their profile, if they feel like they have to advertise overt religiosity, I know for sure that something's going on.
I know that there's a skunk at the garden party behind this Instagram page.
Well, you know, everybody has a fucked up life. Everybody has a fucked up family. Everybody
has fucked up moment. So it's like, that's the thing that interests me. That's certainly what connects us.
And so, yes, so the thing is when somebody is so,
you know, oblivious that they can't even embrace
that or recognize that,
but feel that they have to do that thing
where they project the idea of perfection
and everything is great.
It's so fake to me and inauthentic and creepy
that it's just like, yeah, I can't, I can't bear
it. It's like you're not just be real, like just be you be real. And then I think social
media has really allowed people to be like, I'm going to curate this. This is what we
want people to see. And we will never show a crack in this veneer, even though it's like
whatever is going on behind the scenes, I'm sure is, you know, horrible.
Yeah. And I think it's really like,
there's a whole underbelly to this whole toxic positivity
and curating an Instagram page where everything looks perfect,
whether it's like the mommy bloggers,
or you have the perfect relationship
or the perfect engagement.
There's a whole like reality based situation to that
where being a mother is messy and it's hard.
And sometimes it's great and you have a great moment.
Sometimes you're like, I fucking hate this kid.
Why did I breathe?
That's normal and that's relatable.
But if I think back to the young Jennifer that was trying to raise these kids, my husband's
in fucking drug rehab.
I mean, it was hard as shit.
If I would have had all of these mommies, we made heart pancakes today.
I just would have been like, fuck off.
Motherhood is tricky.
It's difficult.
There are precious moments and there are horrible moments.
And the same with dieting or skincare or whatever.
All of the perfection curated on Instagram,
I've had it with.
I want the messiness.
I'm more attracted to that.
It's more relatable.
Yeah, I completely agree. I want the messiness. I'm more attracted to that. It's more relatable. It's more funnier.
Yeah, I completely agree.
It's also funnier.
It's more interesting.
You can actually connect with a person
and just kind of like be somebody.
But that's also one of the pluses of social media
and Instagram and the internet and stuff.
Because while that all exists,
you can also find a community
kind of of like-minded people too, where people are like,
yeah, I feel the same way, Jennifer,
and this is what it's been like for me,
and this is my thing, and you can kind of laugh.
Like that exists too, you know what I mean?
So that is the half glass full of it.
Yeah, and for that area of the worldwide web follow at I've had it podcast
or at Gary Jannetty. All right. Last one. Had it or hit it Viagra. Oh, I would hit it. I mean,
I think it's fine. I haven't had it or like, I don't feel like it's, I don't feel like it's like
so ubiquitous that it's crazy annoying. You know, it's like, it feels like if somebody wants to get it, who cares?
I'll tell you who cares.
And that's pumps.
Okay.
Please, please tell me.
We, we, uh, we are really upset about all these erectile dysfunction
commercials that are constantly on television.
Okay.
Cause we live in abortion ban America.
that are constantly on television. Okay.
Because we live in abortion ban America.
And so the juxtaposition of that,
of having our rights taken for us.
And then these men trying to order Viagra
or whatever it's called,
discreetly online for their four hour erection.
Oh yeah.
Makes me mad.
When you totally frame it like that, I totally had it.
Oh yeah, I completely agree.
1,000% had it, you're 1,000% right.
I needed it framed, so that one, it just kinda came out.
Gary, tell us about your book that is released today.
Well, We Are Experiencing a Slight Delay
is a book that I wrote in the past like year or so, and it's
mostly travels that I've taken with Brad over the past year and also trips that I've taken,
you know, when I was younger and my thoughts, some of my thoughts, tips that I share about
a places that I like.
And it kind of came about because, you know, I love to travel.
I've been traveling since I was a little kid.
My dad worked for a cruise line in Sal's.
We used to get to go on a free cruise a year.
So I became, ever since that, obsessed with travel.
And so much of my Instagram is me kind of taking people
where I go.
So I was just like, I kind of want to write about this
because it feels like I have so much to say about it.
So I spent a year kind of chronicling all the trips
that I took and you know, and then I put it in,
look, I have it right next to me, this book that.
Yeah, it's out today.
It's like this, you know, also my dream,
also I wrote it to come out in July
because I wanna see people taking it on vacation.
Like I'm like, oh, whenever I'm on vacation by a pool
and I see somebody with a book, I'm like,
I wanna write a book that you take on vacation. So people will read it by the swimming pool on vacation. Like I'm like, Oh, whenever I'm on vacation by a pool and I see somebody with a book, I'm like, I want to write a book that that is that you take on vacation. So people will
read it by the swimming pool on vacation. So that's why I wrote
it.
It's really funny. So I have a question. I have a question.
Yes. Thank you. And you're on you're at the pool. And mother
and father have a screaming just obnoxious as fuck child, but you
look over at him. And they're reading your book.
Do you forgive them?
Love them, I love them.
I love the family.
I go over, the kid is the most beautiful kid I've ever seen.
I take a picture.
It's okay, all kids cry.
It's fine.
I didn't even notice.
Oh my God, this is so great.
I just say those things on Instagram.
And no, it's funny.
You guys are fabulous.
I was just saying how chic you are.
I take a picture.
Oh my God, post it, tag me.
That's what I do.
Okay, and when you talk about your husband, Brad,
Brad is the celebrity stylist
that we know from like the Rachel Zoe show, correct?
And then he had his own show.
Yes, years ago he started on that.
Yes, he had his own show at Bravo
and then he was on Fashion Police for years
and the red carpet at E, now he does RuPaul's Drag Race.
Does he style you?
Does he style me?
No, he does not style me actually.
Yeah, I kind of, but occasionally I might ask him something, but no, I have impeccable
style on my own.
I don't need him.
Gary, this has been amazing. We can't end talking about Brad.
No, OK.
Right, I agree.
I had it.
By the way, I had it.
Had it with that.
But you do have two other books, right?
Start Without Me and Do You Mind If I Cancel?
Yes, I do.
Which Do You Mind If I Cancel?
That is like my love language.
Because there's nothing that I love more
than trying to finagle out of plans,
which is why I'm so mad that my kids are aging out.
They're 21 and 17,
and this excuse that I've had for two decades
to get out of everything.
You don't need, literally,
whenever we make plans with somebody,
Brad and I always ask, do you think they'll cancel?
You know, I'm like, oh God, I hope so.
And then as the day gets closer, I'm like,
I have this sick feeling they're not gonna cancel.
We're gonna have to do this, you know,
or we're gonna have to cancel,
but it's always better when somebody else cancels.
Because when somebody else cancels, I'm like,
oh my God, no worries, don't worry about it.
And then I'm like, we're never rescheduling it.
But when you've canceled, you kind of feel like
maybe I need to reschedule.
Yeah, agree. Well, Gary, thank you so much for joining us. I
feel like we're a throuple.
I do too.
I do.
Thanks, Jennifer. Yeah, I do. Thanks, Angie. That was super
fun. Yeah, I was dreading it. Now I'm like, oh, that was fun.
It was super fun.
Oh, that was fun. It was super fun.
I love you, Gary. Thanks for having me, guys.
Go buy Gary's book. Bye, Gary.
Bye.
My favorite line I think I've heard in 2024 is,
I have this really sick feeling they're not going to cancel.
Sick feeling.
Because that's the thing, you're kind of like, especially if I have to get all dolled up.
Yeah.
I'm like, okay, because it's always a good idea.
Like, oh, yeah, that sounds great.
I want to do that.
Yeah.
Then as it comes closer, when you had kids, you just say, oh, my gosh. We've got 101 fever over here.
We've got flu.
We've got grain snot coming out of the nose.
Ear infection.
Explosive diarrhea.
Stuck throat.
I mean, the list goes on and on.
You know what I'm going to start doing?
Maybe I'll just start doing this.
I could be like, Poms, here's the deal.
I'm going to have to cancel.
Josh took a couple of Viagras, and he has an erection that I think is gonna last four to six hours and you know how
humiliating that would be to be out in public so we have to cancel because of
Josh's hard cock. I think that's what I'm gonna start using as my excuse. Here's
the deal someone that didn't know you very well. I mean you wouldn't ask
questions you just be like okay and you know they wouldn't reschedule.
We make plans with Kylie and Anna.
Kylie, here's the situation.
Josh popped a Viagra.
We're going all night.
We went in.
Everything happened within four to five minutes,
just like we both like it.
Efficient, in out.
And that thing's still hard.
And I just read the warning label,
and it looks like we're looking at four to six hours here.
So we're gonna have to cancel on dinner.
I apologize.
But Josh's dick is rock hard and we're unable to leave the house.
You know what I hate about that?
That's now two great excuses that me as a childless lesbian, I still have zero.
Right?
I still have zero.
You can't use the hard cock.
You can't use the hard cock.
And I don't have kids.
You can't use the kids. All You can't use the hard cock. And I don't have kids. You can't use the kids.
All right, Patriots, listen up.
What kind of excuses can we make up
for the lessees to get out of plans
they don't want to attend?
Go to Apple and leave us our reviews.
We're only communicating with people
via five-star Apple reviews moving forward.
And you can write something really shitty.
We want you to tell us what you've had it with in the reviews. We want to hear about how lesbians, childless, cockless lesbians... How do
they get out of shit? How do you get out of shit? That's a great question. I bet there are some great
responses. Here's the deal. I think gay men can lean into dogs. Like, oh my God, my dog did it.
I know you don't like cats,
but I think you have to lean into a cat.
I know that's the stereotype.
I just fucking hate them.
I think you've got to lean into like,
my cat has explosive diarrhea.
I'm just gonna start saying that.
That's what I mean.
Even though they know I don't have a cat,
what are they gonna do?
I don't know why a lesbian couldn't just say,
like you couldn't just say my dog's got an upset stomach.
Menstrual cramps, menstrual cramps.
We're both on our periods.
We're synced up.
We're synced up, which is exacerbating the cramps.
It's a nightmare.
It is a nightmare, we're both nauseous.
It is fucking-
We're at each other's throats.
Right, it is a slaughter over here.
That's a great one.
The syncing of menstrual cramps is a good one. It's Bloody a slaughter over here. That's a great one. The sinking of minstrel cramps is a good one.
It's Bloody Mary City over here.
This is awful.
We have to go.
It's going from bad to worse.
We will see you next I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that.