I've Had It - Duct Tape Dynasty

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

The only way to handle a douchebag is to duct tape their mouth shut mid-flight. Pre-order Jennifer’s new book Not Today, Fascists, join our Substack, shop our merch, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast. Thank you to our sponsor: Primal Queen: Our listeners get a FREE MONTH of Primal Queen plus FOUR FREE GIFTS at https://PrimalQueen.com/HADIT. #ad CashApp: Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/qww6k9m2 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Flamingo: Our listeners get the Flamingo Starter Set for just $7 at https://www.shopflamingo.com/HADIT Article: Thanks to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit https://www.article.com/discount/hadit and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @MizzWelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Josh Welch: @joshwelch_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll.

So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some? The future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion-dollar swings. The end of jobs?

Or the end of human struggle? We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise? We follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. Ready. One, two, three. Patriots, gay, it's, they treatets, black triots, brown triots, anybody we left off, we love you. If anybody actually still supports Mr. I just changed my hair color from orange to chestnut and psycho tweet.

If anybody really actually still supports him, what can they do, pups? Fuck off. Oh, my God. That is so good, pumps. I'm glad to see that. Lime. I mean, I'm bringing the energy today to tell Trump to fuck off. Josh Welch is here. Josh, what you got it with? Good morning. I'm trying dangerously to stay away from bathroom habits because I've used all of mine up.

But I've got one. And it's sort of an interesting one. So this weekend, I'm in town with our son and his girlfriend. And we go to a restaurant and I go to the bathroom. And I realize that inside the bathroom, they're blaring music like you would. Blair to a terrorist, you know, like Metallica. Like it's that loud. CIA Blackseye.

No, it is. It's like it's that loud. And then it dawned on me. And the bathroom was perfect. Like it was a one-seater. You locked the door. It had all the amenities. Like it was just perfect.

Like literally a guy like me could spend hours. But then I realized that this is kind of a trick. This is a trick because you get in there and you think that, okay, I can really. sort of take some time here and do what I need. And then you realize this music is so fucking loud. They turn it up really loud on purpose. It's intentional because they say, hey, we're going to give you this safe space, but we're not going to let you abuse it. You get, you know, three to five minutes in here, and you can't stand it any longer than that because it's a loud music. And I thought that's kind of brilliant. That's kind of genius that you would do that. So anyway, that was my take on. Well, we couldn't believe it. It came back from the

restroom so quickly. And I was like, what's going on here? Okay? And he goes, the bathroom was perfect, but they were just blaring the music. And I thought, oh, it's CIA Blackside stuff, which is good to note, listener. Like, if you want people to stay out of your restroom and your house, if you have a party, just like have the remote and just crank it up. Just blare it. I thought it was brilliant. And on top of all that, it was kind of one of these kind of liberal type, vegan-style restaurants that was healthy and proper and all that shit. And so I even had more respect for them that they would sort of torture me in the bathroom session.

I was like, okay, I like that. Let's go. That's dark woke. That's dark woke veganism. Loved it. All right, pups, what have you got it with? Okay. I've had this crud in my head for days on end.

I've had it with my breath being so bad. I could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. I am so self-conscious because it's just snot and I can't breathe through my nose. I am scraping. I am brushing. I'm gargling with mouthwash. And I went out one time over the weekend. And I was like hiding my mouth.

Somebody said hi to me. And like I knew him and I was talking. I was talking and I put my, I am so paranoid about how bad my breath is. And I just, I was driving home from the grocery store and I thought, this is your karma. You sit around and you bitch about people that get in your personal space with bad breath. And now your karma bitch has caught up with you because you are mowing down the world. And I'm to the point now. I'm never going to ever not be insecure about how bad my breath is.

I just, I'm obsessed with it. I think even my dogs are grossed out. It's so bad. How are you, it's difficult to get a sniff of one, one's own breath. I haven't. What's your tactic here? I haven't sniffed it. I don't even know if it's bad, but my mouth tastes so bad.

It's like you wake up in college and you smoked three packs of cigarettes and had 87 beers and your mouth is fuzzy. That's how my mouth has been for like six days. I can only assume that my breath is horrible. And so I'm just paranoid. Have you received any feedback from, are you close to people at all? Like when you go to the gym, you work out with a trainer, right? And you work out with other people.

Has anybody shared with you that this is a problem? No. Nobody shared with me. But it's just, I feel like the taste in my mouth is so bad. It has to be bad. So it's a self-diagnosis of chronic calatosis without confirmation. Correct. Correct. Okay. All right. It's being sick and having a head cold is terrible. I hope you feel better soon.

All right. Let me tell you all what I've had it with. We've talked a lot about these PR companies that come up with stupid shit, right? Yeah. So I'm walking to the studio the other day and I walked past a, it's like a little bus stop and it had like an ad on the side of the bus stop. And it said it was either Chase or Citibanked one of these. it says, we're not writers, but we help our clients shape their financial stories. What I have to say about that is, here's number one, that's stupid. I'm never going to walk by there and go, oh my God, Chase Bank doesn't write, but they shape stories. They're not writers, they're shapers. And what I want to know is like when the brain trust that came up with this, We're not writers, but we help our clients shape their financial stories.

I want, in a real sick, fucked up way, I want a reality show where there are hidden cameras when they're doing this. I would be entertained forever if it was like, yeah, that's right. We're shapers, not writers. And we do shape stories. We don't write stories. It's stupid. Nobody is going to say, I'm banking there because they don't write, they shape.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say. How many people have come in off the street and said, you know what? I'm closing my bank account with X bank, and I'm coming to you because I realize you're, you're shapers. And I want to be shaped. I want my financial story shaped, not written. And I saw on a bus stop that you all do that. And so I am leaving Wells Fargo.

And I am 100% on board with this jet stream of bullshit you were selling. It's just that we're trying to make something. banking into something like that should be in the literary world. I've had it with this. This is, there's nothing like, I don't know. I just, I want to know what went behind it. I want to know the conversations that were had. I want to know what was thrown in the trash to favor this one over other. If that's their best foot forward, what were the others? How bad was it? Yeah. And most people, if I were living in New York, humping it, going to work, and I came across- What do you mean, humpin-it? Well, just like early at 7 a.m.

Dry humping it. No, you know, get on the subway. You know, I got a backpack. You're just going. You're working. Like, you got a bottle of water, you're humping it. Humping. So if I was, and I came across some slogan like that, I'm afraid I'd just get fucking mad. It's kind of what happened to me. You motherfuckers, right? in this philosophical bullshit, and here we are out humping it, trying to make a living.

Chase doesn't give a fuck about that. Chase just wants a bunch of money. That's what they want. Weren't they part of the huge mortgage scandal that happened? I think they're in the Epstein file, too. It's just one big bend over fuck after another. Let's make it about some kind of family journey, and then we can fuck you even harder. That's what I think about that.

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Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. All right. Let's talk about some new stories that happened. Pop this up, Kylie. a passenger was duct taped to his seat after allegedly making racist and anti-gay remarks on an American Airlines flight. According to DMZ, TMZ, the man allegedly used the N-word toward a black flight attendant and became violent, hitting another passenger and pushing a woman who tried to help. Passengers helped restrain him with the duct tape and zip ties before the flight was diverted to Baltimore where he was taken into. custody. And I think this is a situation. TMZ got the video of the incident. Pop this up. Let's look at this.

Lock it off. Relax. Relax. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. You're not going in any of you. Yeah. All right. So, as you can see, there's TMZ showing all of that. I, what I think is what's happening is a lot of these. people that live like in true social are getting outside of that bubble. And they, they are so clueless as to like, this shit doesn't work. Like, this shit is not going to work and you're going to get your ass deck taped. This guy, 100 percent, one million trillion percent. I don't know this for a fact, but I would bet everybody I loves life on it, triple trumped. Yeah. I've got another addition to this. And this gentleman that was,

duct tape to a seat. Down where I grew up in Hugo, we would tell people like this that he's lucky. He's lucky by saying those kind of things to people like that, that he didn't just get his fucking ass whip, that he didn't get hurt. Really, really bad. Being duct tape is a gift

for this guy. You say this kind of shit, and I think you're right. You get outside of the bubble, and Trump has made all this stuff normal. These young kids that we see, these young white kids that are in college and they normalize a lot of this stuff too. It's just like, and then you get around people and you realize that our country is diverse. There's so many different types of people everywhere when

you get on a plane, when you land at an airport, and it's unacceptable. And we're going to see more and more of this kind of stuff, unfortunately. But where I said, like anything short of just being pretty much just ass-wept is a gift for this guy. He deserved a lot more. No, I completely agree. And I loved it so much that they deck taped him. It reminded me during COVID when they duct tape people like passengers that got out of line. And I was like one of the most, I mean, teacher the most underappreciated, but one of the most underappreciated occupations is a flight attendant. They have to put up with so much shit from so many people. And there are so many rude fuckers. And so I loved when they were duct taping during COVID. And this guy, nobody was a better candidate for being duct tape.

I agree. If his ass was kicked. What infuriated me was the post article that now he's suing the airlines. Fuck you. They should sue you. This is what bullies do. They, he was a bully. He was a racist.

He was a homophobic. He got outside of his, you know, we wear the bald eagle shirt with grenades and we, you know, all this shit. And then he gets called out. He gets duct taped. And then now he's a victim. And this is, but this is Trump. This is exactly Trump. Trump does all of this and he's a victim. And I think what's so fascinating about this whole thing, y'all know I was on Pierce Morgan last week.

You did a great job. Thank you. And I was talking about how Walmart doesn't pay their employees enough and then the government has to subsidize Walmart workers. And so basically we're picking up the taxpayer where Walmart should be paying more. So I was looking in the comment section of that episode, because we're picking up. And so basically, we're picking up the taxpayer where Walmart should be paying more. So I was looking in the comment section of that episode. because I was just curious, like, okay, this is way outside the left wing ecosystem. I was so shocked at how many people in the comment section are sitting there defending Walmart. And then it's just, it's wild that the Republican Party has so brilliantly gotten so many people to defend things that absolutely harm them directly. Yeah, they support these policies. go entirely against their interest, whether it's financial interest or, and I remember, Jennifer, years ago we talked about this where I would go to court in some small town in rural Oklahoma. And I remember on one particular occasion, I saw this old beat-up run-down car.

It was like on its last leg, and it was a four-door. And there was a lady driving it and about six kids in it. and I'm sure they were poor or struggling. I mean, it's obvious. But they had a George Bush bumper sticker on the fucking car. I remember looking at that, just thinking, that right there, that hits the nail on the head right there. That's what this is all about.

They have somehow masterfully grabbed a hold of a few issues that are so important to people that they vote in favor of those issues and, pose the issues that are most important to their day-to-day lives. And they've done that. They've masterfully done that. And it happens today. When you go anywhere in small-town America and you're thinking that Donald Trump and this group of billionaires gives two shits about you, but somehow they've convinced them that they do. It's amazing. It's simply amazing. Yeah. The strategy is long-term and it's, you know, I think back to, the election that we just had. Roe versus Wade had been overturned. Women were dying. We had,

you know, medical examiner reports this woman died because she couldn't get the medical care she wants. And having had a college-aged daughter at that point, I thought this will be a galvanizing issue for, if not the girls, for their mothers, taking rights away from your daughter. Right. And the fact that she could die in a hospital because she cannot get care for, you know, a pregnancy that's gone tragically wrong. And the fact that it just, they roll out to vote against their own interests. And it's the same with finance, you know, we support the military, but fuck the troops when they get home. We support, you know, we want women.

You know, we love women, but we're going to fuck women over. I mean, just, it's so stunning. the bait and switch, it's like nobody picked up on that. No. Yeah, but the white women pumps that you're talking about that go and vote against, that vote for rapists over potentially their daughter, they have been deeply indoctrinated into this misogynist patriarchal culture where they are, they have been told that abortion is murder, abortion is murder, abortion is murder.

Mind you, we talked about this on the last episode. I know more white evangelical Christian women that got abortions because they wanted their parents to believe they were virgins. Yes. Then I do women that were progressive Democrats whose parents allowed them to go get birth control, et cetera. The problem is the Republican Party has captured this notion that your vote kind of set you right with the world. The same way that a lot of evangelicals think, if I go to church this Sunday or the Sunday, or the vote, you know, this Wednesday night. Mind you, I've done all of these horrible things all week long. Then that sets me right with the world. And I think the Democratic Party's failure to call out the hypocrites

in the far-right Christian world has cost us because this group is up for grabs. Donald Trump grabbed the religious nuts. That's how vulnerable and easily manipulated these people are. They believe in fucking nothing. They go and they're like, what are we supposed to believe in today? Oh, Tithe, okay, here you go. I mean, it's just, it's like the dumbest fucking group of people, but they vote like slot machines. Yeah. And he's trying to keep them dumb. Oh, yeah. Working hard on it. Like they're doing everything they can to keep people stupid because that's the only way they're going to vote for the Republican Party. Like you try to strip science away from our day-to-day discussions or curriculum,

you strip away any sort of logic, you strip away any incentive to want to go to college and be smarter. You want to make people fucking stupid. So they support these policies. That's exactly what they're doing. They're doing it in Oklahoma, and they're succeeding. Yeah. They have taken Oklahoma.

In my opinion, if they keep getting what they want, which crazy people keep, it's going to be uninhabitable for women, Oklahoma. It's already ranked 50th in the country, 50th for places for women to live. And their plans, the guy who's potentially going to be the next governor is nuttier than Kevin Stitt. We won't get off into local politics. But you can look into the way they incubate all of these bad ideas in Republican red states and the culture. They have really tacked on to the culture.

And it's a difficult, I mean, I had to live there my whole life, super progressive, and you too. And it's unbelievable how judgmental, these hypocrites, these hypocritical Republicans, who you know their husbands are pieces of shit or the wife's banging, you know, all these people. And then they have the audacity to judge people who are Democrats. All right, listen, our teenagers and money and teaching them how to use money is, quite the challenge. Imagine if you got an alert for every time your teen use their cash app card, what alert do you think you'd get most often? For me and my boys, it would always be some sort of video game add-on. And I want to know because, God, that can be a total racket. With the

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I thought this was really interesting. Y'all know Ashley Sinclair, the, yes, baby mama of Elon Musk, who's now, like, deprogram from the cult. She said that she would go to all these Republican parties and everybody was just degenerates. They were fucking, everybody's fucking everybody doing drugs, doing all this shit, right? And then she gets deprogrammed as she goes to Democratic parties and people are like, we got to go, we have to run home to the relieve the babysitter, whether it's a gay couple or straight couple, like painfully boring traditional functioning people. And I'm not saying all people

on the left or, you know, bang up functioning, but the most dysfunctional people I have ever known in my life, the most religious and the most Republican, it never fails. Well, I'll just tell you that when my ex-husband and I had our asses in the seat, every, Sunday that what was going on behind the scenes was, if you saw a movie with how vile and craven and horrible, every single facet of our lives was. And yet sitting in judgment of other people, like the ability to do that, it's fucking grosser than how my breath fills right now. It is so gross. and just the hypocrisy. My ex-husband is fucking hookers on a regular basis,

and he's sitting in church telling me who is having an affair with their wives. He's pointing to these people. I should you not. I remember. You and I became friends, and you were my first. I had a bunch of religious friends in high school because I had, otherwise I wouldn't have had any friends. College just was like, I don't want to hang out with any of these people.

You were my most religious adult friend, period. You were the most judgmental of me for not going to church. And you and Kirk were the most fucked up people I knew. By a mile. By a mile! And I remember you'd be like, you need to come to Bible study and we're just going to keep inviting you until you come. And I remember thinking, what are you offering what you've got since? Well, Pumps, to your defense, like, I'm going to include myself in this debauchery a little bit.

Like, we're all somewhat dysfunctional. And we can have a sense of humor and own it and admit it now. But we all lived back in that life when we were trying to figure things out, making mistakes, navigating. Like, it was a shit show. Like, I was a complete disaster. I agree with that, Josh. And also, Pumps, I think that obviously that's the most stark example you and Kurt. Right.

But my God, for anybody's listening right now that's in their 30s and life hits you fast and you've got these kids and you've got a mortgage and you have all of this shit and this whole happily ever after thing doesn't manifest. It's like grinding ever after. And I don't know if I like this person the way they breathe bugs me. And so whether if it's if it's as overt as what you all had, but man, Josh and I, we have some nephews that are in the 30 grind with the young kids. Josh will always say, man, they're living that grind right there. It's tough. Young family time. There's a lot of joy in moments, but the day in, day out of that shit is so hard.

Yeah. And the parenting part of it is the joy. But I remember you sort of look back and you think, okay, now I'm making, you know, a decent amount of money. But I've got private school or pub or whatever. I've got mortgages. I've got, you know, all. these things, and then you kind of think, is this it? Yes.

Is there something better coming at the end of this rainbow? Or is this the whole thing? Because it's hard. And then you're fighting for time to just be able to go to the gym. And you're still struggling financially. Like, you know, you got to get insurance for health insurance and all this stuff you've got to do. And it's a hustle.

It's so hard. Yeah. Yeah. It's Groundhog Day, too. I mean, it's just the same shit happens over and over. I remember thinking that too, like, so this. is it for the next 20 years. Okay. All right. All right, let's shift gears here. 32 things people learned about their partner only after moving in together. And I'm sorry, but so many of these made

me shriek with laughter. I think this is from BuzzFeed. Okay. Here's one. Here's the first one. He takes off a single sock a couple of hours before going to bed. In those hours, in between, he will walk around the house wearing a single sock like a psycho. That's bizarre. Why? The only thing I would say to that is at least his fucked up tendency to do this doesn't have any direct impact on me. Like, it's not being forced on me. Like, if you want to prance around the house in one sock, just do it in another room.

I don't have to see it. I have to feel it. but it could be a kind of a check on yourself too as to who the fuck am I with again? Why am I with this person? I would take the single sock problem. I would take that. I would be like, I can deal with this. Like that is one that I'm like, he's kind of a freak.

He likes to parade around in one sock. I don't really ask what it's about, but I'm fine with it. All right, here's the next one. We were about to watch a movie and he wanted popcorn. He said, too bad we don't have any lettuce. I asked if he wanted a salad. He said, no, I want popcorn and lettuce. He said he never said anything at the movie theater because he knows they'll never have lettuce.

The man eats bites of lettuce and popcorn together. His whole family does. I thought it was the weirdest thing. And his whole family said, yeah, we all eat lettuce with popcorn. I felt like I was on Mars. Okay, here's the thing. that's weird. But I have weird popcorn rules.

So I'm not going to get. But here's my thing. The popcorn and lettuce, like, is it a crick? I mean, I would, I just, I would have to know. And here's what I would have done if I was young. I would have dated this guy. And I would have found out he did popcorn and lettuce. And I would have thought, he's just so eccentric and cute.

Isn't he? That's just such a little quirk. You know, 10 years later, I'd be like, you fucking weirdo eating nuts with popcorn you fucking freak i mean that's how those kind of things turn even the sock you're so right even the sock i'm like oh it's cute yeah no no and i'm like what kind of what kind of fetishes what you're saying is when you get to the day-to-day nuts and bolts of life you're going to bring these fetishes out and punish him with it and say listen to your mother fucker walking around in that sock or eating that lettuce you'd get that extra sock and you go what kind of

fucking yeah i would have It's full-blown Joan Cropper. If they could convince me that eating lettuce with popcorn somehow added something to the meal, I might be inclined to go in on it. But I just can't fathom the fact that you add lettuce to popcorn, that it adds any utility to that. And I do want to say this. There are plenty of theaters that make hamburgers that would have lettuce.

So I kind of call bullshit on that. Like if you really wanted to let us at the theater, you could ferret that out. So don't just not order it because you're... Because he knows it's weird. Right. Here's the next one. The snot shirt. When he gets any kind of respiratory sickness, he takes a shirt out, puts it on his nightstand,

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No, that's too far. I agree. You got to have a clean X. That's right. Straight to jail. Yeah. No. I've got a small confession that I'm not a mate.

Yeah. But in my car, sometimes I would leave a gym like a workout towel. And it would be in the back seat. And if I had to blow my nose, if I didn't have a tissue of any sort, I would use that towel. and dare to say I may have used it two or three times, but then I would just discard it. I don't think I would wash it. I would discard it.

But I don't have a shirt that I designate for that, but I've done the same thing with a towel in the backseat of my car. Is the towel in the back seat of your car right now? It's not towel. No, it's not. I know about this towel because you think, oh, you just build something, you think, oh, I'm going to grab a towel. And then you go back there, and it's like, it's a snot towel.

I think you should go straight to jail for this. I know. I took a big risk in telling the group this, but I figured with all the other bullshit I've disclosed on the show, I needed to just throw that snot rag right in. Okay, but I don't think that's that bad. Like, you have snot. You're trying to blow your nose.

You have nothing. You use the towel. I use the towel. And sometimes I'll leave it in there a few days extra and then use it again. But then I always take it out and either throw it away or wash it. I think that's different. I'm going to give you a complete pass on that. But, you know, sometimes the kids will get in the back seat and that's kind of where it's... It's getting dicey.

Yeah, that's where it gets, like, other people in the car. That's where it gets dicey. Yeah. But when you need a towel, when you need to blow your nose or if you spill something, you need that towel, you know how valuable that towel is, how handy it comes in. I have a workout towel in my car that I keep, not for snot, because I have other stuff for that. but I do a lot of clean up with that workout towel. That's it. All right. The next one. She eats corn on the cob vertically, holding it as one would hold a banana, eating a layer around the cob, and then moving down.

What? This is, I mean, I am intrigued beyond all intrigue, how this happens. Is this the roommate? So, no, this is people, their partner. We're talking about things people learned about their partner. only after moving in together. So these are all bait and switch situations. And she's holding the corn cob up like this kind of.

She eats it vertically. It sounds like she eats around. The problem with the vertical eating is just simply that it's how, what do you do at your nose? You know, when you're doing it like this and it's built this way, the nose is protected from just going straight into the cob. With the vertical eating, it just, anatomically doesn't work.

Another factor, the plate is going to have to be lower down because you're holding this the plate. Normally when you're eating corn in the cob, you've got the plate and you're eating like that. You're over. But the movement of her mouth and stuff like that is probably not new for the spouse. Like if she's doing this type of thing with the corn on the cob, he's probably accustomed to some of the same mouth movements, maybe, in their relationship, in their intimate time. And so, I don't know, maybe it's a turn-on. Maybe she does this thing and then they...

But I think he's saying here that I think the whole premise of this is they learn these things after moving in, and it was a deficit to the relationship. I agree. But if she's doing that, then she clearly has some fixation on doing this sort of oral thing. I just think some people are just quirky A-F, and they just do quirky shit, and they think it's cute and neat. And in this situation, they kept the quirk from the person until they moved in together, and then they rolled out the quirk. I'm not opposed to it. I don't even want to think I'm against it. Like, I think it's fantastic how she eats corn.

She should continue it. I think it's weird. Yeah. I think it's kind of weird, but I'd love to see it. Okay, the next one. In the middle of the night, I will wake up to him having both of his arms straight in the air like a damn zombie. If I lie too close to him when he does this, I get a surprise mammogram when he inevitably drops his arm down in the night. What do you think that's about?

You know, I think some people have like this sleep. What's it? I'm not like sleepwalking type situations. Like sometimes he's doing it in his sleep. like he's responding to something in his sleep. Maybe. I think that's going to call for sleeping in a different bed if it persist each night. I agree with that.

That's a complete. And sometimes that's not a bad thing, but it is what it is. Like you can't be getting your boob chopped off every night when you're going to sleep. Can't live in fever. I agree. I agree. That's straight to the other bed. Yeah.

Okay. And then the last one. my significant other sits on the toilet for an hour until he has a bowel movement. I, on the other hand, wait until my body tells me it's time to go to the bathroom before actually attempting it. I thought that was normal. He literally made fun of me yesterday for kicking him off the toilet. You made me get up only to go in and take 30 seconds. Dude, you've been in there for 45 minutes and clearly nothing has happened if you could just let me in like that. Josh Welch, I know, was guilty of this.

I have long been fascinated by the fascination with sitting in the bathroom for a long time. Like, I don't, that's not the place I want to spend an hour. Like, looking on my phone, I'm not saying, you know, when you have to go in there and you do your business, but I don't understand. the attraction for being on the pot that long. Can I intervene first? Okay, please do. To me, it just represents a safe space that I can be in.

It's safe. I know that I'm not out walking the city. I'm not in my car, traveling to court. I'm in this safe place that if something happens, it's going to be taken care of. Because you do such a terrible job advocating for yourself out in the world. Creating safe spaces. and your needs. So I can only imagine, yeah.

Doesn't he, doesn't he, perhaps you've known him longer than I have, actually. Don't you think Josh does just just, just, that's such a terrible job. Self care, he can't do it. For his needs in the public space. Yeah. And I don't just advocate a safe space for me. I advocate a safe space for everyone to be able to have what they need. But when I'm in the restroom, I feel safe.

I feel loved. And that's special to me. You're so full of me. No, but we've talked about this. I like to get out in front of using the restroom. I like to be prepared. I like to think ahead. That's all.

You know what? This is interesting. Let's dissect this. So health care, what do you like to do? Get out in front of the problem. I do. Shitting. In front of it.

In front of it. All of it. Like I'm preemptive by now. Preemptive. In the bathroom, you're preempting the bathroom? I'm preemptive by nature. How's your body fat? Oh, great question.

It depends on the scales that you use because at the gym that we go to, I'm at 5%. My Amazon scale at home that I have to hold these things up and put my arms at a 45-degree angle and do all this stuff. I'm at about 9.2%. So it just depends. There's a big difference there. What about your ear? The ear is good. The ear's fantastic.

I haven't asked in every year because I was really scared of the response. But I think a lot of our listeners were wondering. The ears fine. The ear's great. For a long time, it created a lot of heartache in our relationship. You would say things. I couldn't hear you. You thought I was intentionally trying to ignore you.

But it works great. It's my left ear. And I can hear it just fine out of it, which is good. It's good to be able to hear. Just a real quick follow up. How many times are we testing the body fat? at home? Once a day. Just once. Once a day. Yeah, and it's in the morning.

And I've ordered the same scale for Jennifer's apartment here in New York. So that's coming today. So you'll have a steady. Right. And if I record later on this week, I'll update. It was at 9.2%. According to the home scale, it's 5% at the gym. If there's any update on that, I'll make sure and let pass along. Please do. Because I do think about- You know what's a real indictment. Sorry, you go pumps. No, I just sometimes I'll be driving in my car and I'll think, we wonder how Josh's body fat's going today. Well, I want to, before the week's up, I want to record a session with no shirt on.

If I can't. In that way, people can actually see the growth. Perfect. Let's do that. Let's do it. We can see it up close. Yeah. We'll get the dragon's out. Everyone should be topless.

You know what's such an indictment on me, you guys. This is really, so all of this stuff of these. buzzfeed stuff. It was they learned these things about their partner after moving in together. I went in eyes wide open. The prevention, the hypochondria, everything. There was no bait and switch with Josh. He was unapologetically preemptive in himself and I said, I see your flags and I'm going to dry hump them. Just the same way MAGA dry humps the American flag. That's me. They weren't even hidden. They were not hidden.

They were just flying like this. And I'm like, yes. I can't get enough. Yeah. Full blown, drag addict, 100 pounds overweight, a mess full of problems, and she picked me. How sweet is that? But charming as all get out always has been, to be fair. I'm the same way.

Like, I could sit here and lie to you and say, I got bait and switched on. I went in, Dumber than a box of hot rocks. No. No. I chased that fucker down the aisle. I don't even think he wanted to marry me, to be fair. I chased that motherfucker.

I think he did. I think he did. I think he liked you a lot more than you liked him. Huh? I think he liked you a lot more than you liked him. Yeah, that's fair. But I don't think he was dying to get married. And I was just like, fuck, fuck, fuck, we're doing it.

I knew every, I just, the level. of red flags that I stuck up my ass and pulled through my nose on a daily basis to keep that thing going. All right. I know we all like to do a little refresh, closet refresh, what kind of products you're using on your skin refresh, but what about furniture? And I have to tell you, I have the best go-to. It's called Article. For all of my years of interior design, an article was always a go-to because the service, the quality, the selection, unmatched. I personally just got two Julie swivel chairs in ivory bouclea. They are chic as all get out. I absolutely love them.

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So, pumps. So I owe you an apology. So I always am like, sometimes you should date, you should date, you should date. So this last weekend, when Josh is in New York, he uses the guest bathroom and I use the master bathroom. We do not share bathrooms and we haven't for quite some time. Well, our oldest son and his girlfriend came for Labor Day weekend, and they were in the guest bedroom and the guest bathroom, which means Josh and I had to share a bathroom.

And I'm just going to tell you something. You're on to something. I'm not sharing, living alone thing. I take back everything I ever said about you need to take. Now that the kids have left and Josh is now back in the guest room, but it was hard on both of us. It was hard on both of us because he used to have a space. Totally. You're on to something, Pumps. Yeah, it's so funny because my friend that's been divorced like five years longer than me, she was like, if you don't immediately start dating someone that

you have in your home and around you, like, you will get to where it will, you will never think about doing it again. And that's exactly what happened. Like, I waited too long. If I would have gone right in, I probably would have been able to do it. So I had a friend that got divorced like four years ago, same girl and I told her that if you don't want to be alone forever, then you need to get out there right now and like find somebody, start bringing them around the house, keep sharing your space. She's four years in and she's like, there's no fucking way. I would ever share like my space with somebody like she's like, yeah, I'd like to have somebody to have sex with or whatever, but not like sleepovers and share closet space. You get so spoiled to it. Totally.

No, totally. It's a whole thing where it's like, because I think, you know, we, that's a hard part about being in the 30s. It's all the sharing. Yes. Your kids are, you never have a moment. You're sharing all the shit with your husband. You're sharing debt. You're sharing the good stuff, the bad stuff, everything. Yeah. And then your kids, you know, can kind of start taking care of themselves either in high school or now, in all of our case, empty nesters. And then you get a real independence again. And it's like, yes, me time. So sometimes I, I, I I mean, I'm going to stand down. I think we should move into you dating to just hiring sex workers. That's going to be my position here at I've had it. And you know, here's the thing. I could probably use a couple brushups with a sex worker before I even thought about dating. I don't think it would do me any, I don't think it would do me any harm to go in there and just kind of, this. Here's what's happening in 2006, this.

Like just. Okay. What about a caller, Kylie? Okay, we've got a voice channel from Claire. Hi, all, repeat offender here. Love you guys so much. I just want to say that red receipts are just not enough these days, because people clearly still aren't getting the message.

I want ignored receipts. Ignored, 807 a.m. Ignored, ignored, ignored. That's what I want because the red receipts just aren't getting through, apparently. So whatever platform can come up with this. I will, I'll even switch from Apple to Android. I'll even become a green text bubble just to be that petty and just to say I ignored you. I love that idea.

Yeah. This is, we've been missing. That's important. That's a very important voice memo. Yeah. Yeah, that's important messaging right there. Universally, that's a, that would be a game change. We just want to ignore.

Ignore. Yeah. I get so many texts and I just, oftentimes I look down and I think, why are you sending me this? I mean, lately, I feel like all the time I'm looking at a text message going, why are you sending me this? Like, what is the purpose of this? Why are we texting right now? It's just, I've gotten aware like text messages and DMs and emails are just all blurred together. And they're just so impersonal and tedious and meaningless. They're just meaningless. The use of emojis. And I'm the biggest offender of this. if somebody's texting me something and it's just really like effusive and over the top or something, I'll just go back because I just said like I can't match that what you've just done.

So I'm just going to match it with emojis. So I'll just go with a bunch of hearts. None of it. It's all fluffery. It's all superficial. It doesn't mean a goddamn thing. I think we run into that. We have this family Instagram where we'll send something, a link or a post or something to the family group, me and Jennifer and our two.

and she, if she checks it, she'll just do that. She'll just heart it. And then you'll talk to her about the post like a day or two later, and she'll have no idea what you're talking about because she didn't watch the post at all. She just hearted it. Well, that's what this lady's saying is. We need something that says, listen, I'm going to ignore this, even though you sent it. I'm not going to read it.

Instead, you're getting by with a little bit of fraud. You're giving the heart. And then we try to talk to you about it. It's right. It's right. Hey, that post I sent you, and you're like, what are you talking about? And I didn't do my homework. But you hearted it.

I did the bare minimum. So let me say this. If you're going to heart something, take some ownership in it. That's what it needs to say is that a heart means ownership. And you can't just heart it. I throw them out there. I throw them out there with reckless abandoned with absolutely not even meaning love, not meaning anything other than if I just do this, I can go on to the next thing.

Right. It clears. I've responded. And that's showing up in your day-to-day family conflict. It's not just a, it's not just a third-party interaction. I'm a terrible mother and a terrible wife. It's more of a family issue now. I just, I'm going to tell you that sometimes I get into these situations where people have sent me a bunch of things.

And if I were to watch all of the things, then I'm spending that much more time on social media, that much more time on my phone. And that much, and I just, I want to watch stuff. because it's my idea or because my algorithm curated it for me. Right. That's what I want. Not because of family members. Not because somebody thinks my mom would love this. Yeah.

Not for that reason. I didn't pick this. I'm not going to read it. My kid picked this for me and fuck him. I'm like, I love you and the kids. Sometimes I just, there's just,

it's an overwhelming amount of shit in text message and in DMs. And I just, sometimes I'm just like, I need one place where it's legitimate things. We're the collateral damage. We'll take the bullet. Okay. We've already talked about it, the boys and I, and we realize that your hearts don't mean anything. And so you have to fight to earn that back.

I know. Maybe change the color of your heart to show that, hey, this is a real heart. There are some that I've watched. There's some cute, like, dog stuff. that you've sent where the dogs are doing cute stuff. Dillon's sends most of those, the dog ones. Yeah. Yours are like 80s band.

Yeah. Music things, yeah. Yeah, there's like 1980s. The Cure does XYZ. And I mean, I like the cure and I like the 80s, but sometimes I just don't want to watch that in my spare time. And I don't blame you for that, but just don't give me the heart. I'm not trying to, like, this isn't transactional.

I'm not trying to. convince you of anything. I just don't want the fraud associated. No, I need to be better. There's the thesis sentence here and the thesis messages, Jennifer needs to be better. And I concede and I agree. And I'm going to do some things. That's fair. That's fair. All right. That's all we have. Please make sure you are subscribed to this channel, wherever you get your podcasts. If you are on YouTube in particular, make sure you're prescribed. Prescribed. Subscribed. And then pre-order my book. not today fascist, and I'm going on a little book tour. You can go check it out at, what is it, Kylie? I've had at podcast.com. And leave us a comment, and we'll be back later.

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