I've Had It - Fox and Friends with Benefits

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

Floridians are fighting for the right to marry their cousin and Pumps is spearheading a new kind of dental drill.Order our book, join our Substack, shop our merch, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:Ro Body: Go to https://RO.CO/HADIT to see if you’re eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on Ro.Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/qww6k9m2 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Direct deposit and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.iRestore: Unlock your best hair & skin with @iRestorelaser and HUGE savings on iRESTORE with code HADIT at https://irestore.com/HADIT! #irestorepodVanMan: Give your eyes the care they actually deserve. Go to http://vanman.shop/hadit and use code HADIT for 15% off your first order. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp: When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/HADIT. Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready, one, two, three. Patriots, gay, traits, they treatets, black triots, brown triots, we love you, and all of the triple trumpers and fascist collaborators can do what, Pumps? Fuck off! All right, Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is that in 50 years, there has been no progress to make dental tools more silent, to take away the sound. I hate. I've had it. I've had it.

With the tools at the dentist, they make the same sounds they did when I was a kid. I hate it. So you've had it with the lack of sound evolution. That's exactly what I've had it with. Exactly. Have you had a lot of dental work done lately? I went yesterday and it was like scrape, scrape, scrape. And I was just like, oh my God. I don't think there's a way around that. Okay, but surely, if somebody can go to the moon, they can make these dental tools. But there are just certain absolutes like sound, light. You know, this takes us back to, I agree with you. Those sounds are terrible, but I don't know that it can be mitigated.

Maybe it can't, but I just, I hate it. As we all know, I'm traumatized from a child to dentist, so it's even particularly. I forgot. What did he do? He. Did he grab your boobs or something? something? No. No. He was just a bad dentist. I went in and he was going to give me a filling and he said it was numb and I kept saying it's not numb. It's not numb. And he just went in there. And ever since then,

I've been a fucking freak about the dentist. Yesterday being no exception. Do you like your current dentist? I do like my current dentist a lot. And she's super nice and great and gentle and all that. But you know, that inner childhood. Did you ask the, did you ask the dentist why we have not evolved sound wise? I have because everything else has evolved. And she said, hmm, I don't know. I'll see if I can find out for you for next time, which means shut the fuck up. You're 56 years old. Put your big girl panties on. That's what I took it ass. Well, one of you ask, Claude, why dental tools are not silent while I go through my grievance and then we'll circle back because I think we need to get to bottom of this. I appreciate it. Yeah. And if there is something that we can mitigate this by,

we'll copyright it right here live. You as an attorney can say, I give it my copyright magic. Yeah. Pat and then that copyright will be our ticket out of all of this shit. We can move to some island somewhere. Yes, because we will be so rich because everybody hates the fact sounds at the dentist. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. We recently did two live shows in Atlanta, and the Atlanta airport is just, for lack of better phrasing, just a piece of work.

And it's not a fun experience, the airport, needless to say, but Atlanta has, like all airports do, a tram that takes you from one terminal to another. And then they have this prick that narrates the tram ride and he's like incredibly happy and he keeps calling it a plane train. Welcome to the Hartsfield Plain Train. This plane train is going to stop here and there and I'm like, no. It is not a plane train. Right. And I know with everything in me, plane train was born out of a.

Circle jerks, scrambling the Jets meet. Yes. They said, let's call it something fun. Let's call it something cute. Let's call it something neat. And they said, oh, I've got it. It's the plane train. You're exactly right.

Because it takes you from the plane on the train. And it's at the airport. We'll call it the plane train. It's not a plane train. It's not. And it just irritated me to no end. And being around, I don't know, just being, being at the airport, and this always happened, especially like during the political election,

the last one that we lost with Kamala and Trump, I would be in our little like liberal bubble. And I think, oh, she's going to win. This is great. And I would go to the airport. And then you see all the MAGA-coated merch. And I'm like, oh, my God, this shit's real. Like, he could win. So while I was on the plane train, there's a guy standing across from me, of course, with this oversized backpack.

And then he had on one of those big boy shirts that I talk about with the eagle and the eagle had a grenade and then it has the American flag with like a black line through it. And I just, the combination of this triple trumper trying to wear coated MAGA merch at the same time with the narrator, welcome to Atlanta's plane train. I just thought, I hope this plane crashes, head-on collision, and we all go down. I felt just it just enraged me. The entire thing enraged me. And that's not very good testament to my mental well-being. Do we have an update on the... We do.

Here is what... Dental drills are not silent because they rely on compressed air to spin at extreme speeds to efficiently cut through the enamel, the hardest substance in the human body. the high-speed rotation generates immense friction heat and turbulent airflow. And then we've got one more here that says, while technology is improving with quieter electric handpieces and experimental anti-noise devices, the immense power requirements make complete silence difficult to achieve. So you should ask about these experimental devices.

Right. I should see if I can get into a trial, a drill trial for my cavity, said June. A drill trial I can get in. see how that works. Right. I'll eat a lot of extra candy. Yeah, you could be, I love this idea for you. Yeah. I love this. And you love a survey. So at the end of this voluntary dental work that you're doing for the good of humanity, you can take your survey at the end. That's incredible. I can give it all the stars. Okay. One thing I thought of when you're talking about the plane train, I remember that very excited voice. And he would say, this is terminate. A. A is in Atlanta. And I was just like, shut the fuck up. Stop. That guy. That guy. Do you think he's a real guy or do you think it's a robot? No, I think it's AI. That guy. He was too happy. It was. And it was B is for Big Boy. And then I saw the big boy across from me. Yeah.

And welcome to the plane train. I've had it with plane train. I've had it. Airports, university, if I was ever a politician, I would ban the word plane train just for spite. because it's not a plane train it is a tram isn't that a tram yes it's a train it's always been a tram tram right a TREM tram and you know what you painted the picture so beautifully because I could see everybody around at the table going clipboards highlighters paper clips and then everybody when they say plane train's like oh my gosh you got it a plane train that's what we need and they all went out and got all licked up afterwards and they felt even better about it and then they launched Welcome to Atlanta's plane train. It's just put a sock in it. No, it's not a plane train. Don't make up shit. Don't throw this at us when we're in the throes of traveling with triple trumpers trying to keep it together. And you're rolling out plane train when it is a tram. Yeah. It is an airport tram. There's nothing plainish, airplaneish about the tram other than it is near airplanes. That's it. It's just the lipstick on the pig situation.

Nobody's happy at the airport. Stop trying to over-enthusiast a guest at the airport. I told this story at our live show in Atlanta, but I want to share it. I don't think Brian's heard it. So when I moved to New York, I started going to this nail salon right around the corner from my apartment. And I get the gel nails. And I, you have to put your hand under the UV for the polish to dry. And so I have this little UV dryer.

And it's like, I got a screen on top of it. with a camera and I can see my fingernails through it and it's like, you're saving your skin by using this AI UV machine. And it's only because of the AI technology, your skin is not getting any UV light or carcinogens. Like basically, you're not going to get hand cancer because you chose to come to this salon and this salon exclusively uses this AI dry machine. So it's like three different times and I'm just like smug A.F. Like, I've got the AI UV gel drawing machine and I'm not getting hand cancer fuckers. And I just thought, God, I feel so great about the salon. I was never worried about hand cancer. And now I never have to worry about it again because this salon uses

the AI things. So I go back the fourth time and they roll out just this normal UV thing. And I'm sitting there going, wait, you guys told me, I didn't even know about this. I never worried about this until you rolled out the AI dryer for my gel now. I learned about this from you. I felt, felt good about myself because of you. And now they pulled them all. They're all gone. And now I'm sitting there just exposing myself to hand cancer, sometimes two at a time. I don't know what happened to the AI AI machines, but I'm sitting there going, well, I guess, you know, you're the ones that got me all wound up about this. And then I don't, I don't understand why they're doing this to me. Now I'm worried about hand cancer. Right, because here's the deal. You would have never thought about the hand cancer. Not a million years. Had they not told you about it. And then they take it. So I'm wondering, of course, my thought is, was the AI thing doing something worse than hand cancer? I don't know. I think the AI thing.

machines are still there. I just think it's intellectually dishonest for this particular nail salon to rope me in to this illusion of safety and carcinogen-free nail drying only to pull the rug out from under me and then expose me to all of these carcinogens, none of which I ever cared about my entire fucking life until they put the AI thing and I thought, oh, look at me. I'm an AI nail dryer now. Great. And so, I mean, I've had it with that.

I mean, I've just completely had it. All right, welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. All right, Kylie, what's going on on the World Wide Web? Okay, I've actually got a review for you, Angie. Okay. And it's titled Dentist Drills, Four Stars.

What? Perfect. Okay. And E. Munch writes pumps, while I, too, can't stand the sound of the dentist drill. Parentheses, because I believe Jennifer is right on this one. Tisk. My new dentist offers nitrous oxide. Of course, the insurance doesn't pay for that. Before you even get the Novocaine, highly recommend. You still hear the drill, but you just don't care. So they say you need to get high during your... Okay, here's the deal. And I mean, when I got my teeth clean yesterday, they did the nitrous, and I still didn't like it. So I'm a freak. I don't think. I think it's It's universal. I think that nobody likes the drill. I don't, I don't, I've never met one person. It's like, oh yeah, baby. That says, oh my God, I cannot wait to get to the dentist to have all the tartar scraped off my teeth.

And then I hope they go in for just a banger of a root canal. I hope I'm there four hours of nonstop drilling. I don't, I'm sure there is such a person that exists, particularly in the United States of America, because we are a country of freaks as. evidenced by our fucking president in the dipshits that surround him and the dipshits you see at the airport where their big boy eagle grenade teeny weenie shirts so we know that such a freak probably exists but I uh will you put that review back up please um because I believe Jennifer is right on this one I just wanted to of course we had to go back to that just wanted to double dip on that just to be just to be just to be a little cunty Just to be a little cutty.

Okay, Kylie, what's next? I have to tell you I like going to the dentist because I have a really hot dentist who I love. Her name is Dr. Lori Levett. She's a listener on this show. And she's just like... Does she know that you think she's hot? No, I haven't told her.

Dr. Lori. Oh, my God. So how awkward is it going to be when you go back? I mean, I'm thinking of just now I've moved. I'm thinking of flying back for my dental appointment. because that's how hot Dr. Lori LeVette is. Yeah, she just is like, she owns her own practice. She's probably like 40-50.

I just, I like a strong woman. Straight? Let her get in there. She's straight? I think she's married to a man. Uh-huh. Yeah. But you kind of like a Mrs. Robinson, don't you?

Yeah. Let me tell you something I'm doing now. Okay. So I found out she listens to the podcast and I wanted that extra clout. So now when I, like, do my stuff online for them, I've started using my, I've had it podcast email. so that they know like it's it is me from I've had it really because you want to curry favor with your hot dentist yeah how hot is she she's hot as pumps no I haven't met anyone as hot as

mom well obviously all right I've got another review okay this one is five stars titled omg the best and easy money access rights I just started listening about a month ago and I've been binging the backlog. Love the cause and the laughs. Middle-aged white women, get your asses up and take a stand against fascism. Hashtag fuck Donald Trump. Hashtag unbless. I love that. Just want to add that I think the quote, maga Jesus is a dick is merch. It's true. Number one, great, two great things there to I'm immediately going to start using hashtag unbless. And then I think it's it's objectively true that Maga Jesus is a total dick. Yeah.

Here's the thing. I always find myself, okay, so we have this live show and we have this clip that comes, that Kylie put together before we come out. And it's like Jennifer's top hits, the things that she says. And every time I see a clip of Jennifer like unsolicited, like even though I'm sitting right there when it happens, every time it comes across my feet, like I bust out laughing. Like I forget how funny it is. And then so I just best out laughing, but I had completely forgotten about how funny the

Cracker Barrel Rant was. And so it's just like, you really are funny is what I'm coming down to. Thank you, Pam. They just resurrected the Cracker Barrel rant, which is months, months, months old. They just resurrected it again. Fox did recently. And Ryan, our new producer here. in New York told me that he was watching Fox the other night.

It's horrible. And my dear friend Greg Gutfeld did a little take down of me. Of course, he goes to, you know, she's ugly, she's mean, she's insane. And then he escalated and he called me a cunt. What? The C word. He said, well, he said the C word. He said, she's the C word.

So Kylie and I found it. And it was based on, I think, that they resurrected the Cracker Barrel Rant, which really occupies a lot of real estate in their brain because I think they identified with it. Like, oh, shit, I am the person. I do love Mexican food. I do love sports. I do love, you know, X, Y, Z. And so this always prompts Greg Gutfield, which I do think, this is just an aside. I do think it's quite interesting that his name is Greg Gutfield.

And he has a big muffin top gut. I think that that is just gorgeous. Sometimes the universe works in such a way where it's like, oh, that's gorgeous. But what I particularly like about Greg Gutfeld is he never really critiques any of my critiques about the Republican Party or about his hyper feminine, toxic feminine co-host, Jesse Waters. No disrespect to women in that. But, you know, Greg referred to him the other day as, well, you know, you're a toxic, you're a toxic. people refer to you, Jesse, that you're a toxic masculine person. I'm like, are you kidding me that Queen Jesse Waters masculine? My God. Since when? Yeah. So, you know, I mean,

the Fox, they have a lot of fun with us. And honestly, I have a lot of fun with them. It's a tit for tat back and forth. I was going to say, the only thing that would be better is if Greg Gettfield was name Greg Saggy Man Boops? You know, we did a story in this. Trump's merch store has been shut down due to economic problems. But I do think in light of Big Titty Brian and muffin top gut filled. And I haven't seen Jesse Waters without a shirt on, but I think he keeps it pretty high and tied. I mean, I remember when we saw him at the D.C, he was pretty lean. I think that that spanks for men and male bras would be a banger on whenever Trump relaunches his merch store. Trump man boobs.

I do. I think they would be, I think it would be a big, a big market for them. Do you remember Don Jr's tits in that photo? Yeah. I mean, they're huge. Elon Musk. Have you seen Elon Musk? Oh, Elon Musk.

Yeah. All of them. And here's the thing. I don't care if men have boobs. I don't care if Jesse Waters is a toxic Karen, and he exudes toxic Karen energy. I don't care about that. What I care about is that these people are just such breathtaking hypocrites. And it also just is an absolute insult to my intelligence that somebody could look at

Pris Pants hyper Karen, Jesse Waters. and refer to him as being as having toxic masculinity. I just, it's just like that just, that doesn't work with Pris Pants Waters. I think that's like his dream label. I think he's, yeah, he's the one that said, hey, can you call me toxic masculinity tonight? Yeah. 100%. Yeah, he's like, hey, Greg, do me a solid.

Say I'm a, I exude toxic masculinity. And he just exudes toxic Karen entity. Yeah. Like he is a Karen of the highest order. Insecurity. Out, like coming out of this. Do you guys think he dyes his own hair at home or do you think he goes to the salon? Or do you think he has somebody come to his house and do it?

I think somebody comes. He goes to his house at the station. Yeah, like a Fox News producer has to put on some. Yeah. He's not going to a salon because he's way too masculine. to walk into a salon and get his hair dyed, even though it's so obvious it's dyed. Especially in person, y'all, it is a bad dye. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember when we saw him. We saw Sean Hannity walk by first. This was the DNC. And Sean Hannity was like, I was like, oh, my God. It was like, like, I just saw a demon. And Sean Hannity was like, hey, everybody, how's it going? He was like, he tried to be like a glad hander, super friendly.

And then comes Pris Pants Waters. And he comes walking down this hallway at the DNC. And I mean, the only thing I can relate it to, and this is, it causes me great pain to say this because I think drag queens have the best walk on the planet. Yeah. But the song immediately came into my head when I saw him, sashet, shantay, shantay, shanty, shanty, shanty. At RuPaul. I mean, it was just, I mean, it was tits out, ass up, and it was just a, mm, mm, mm, mm, it was just a toxic Karenism out the wazoo.

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Listener, give your hair and skin the upgrade they deserve so you can feel confident and and refreshed. All right, let's move on to the news while Zoran Mamdani is tackling affordability in New York City and trying to get Kathy Hockel to raise taxes on the city's richest citizens to make up for a deficit. And while Donald Trump is waging a war in Iran and all of this crazy shit's happening, right? Ice, blah, blah, blah. You know, You know, we haven't spoken that much lately about Governor Kittenhills. And for those of you that are new, Governor Kittenhills is Governor Ron DeSantis. And the reason he's called Governor Kittenhills is because he often wears a kitten hill to elevate him to higher heights.

And in Florida, they are dealing with the very pressing issue while all of these geopolitical things are going on oligarchs, dismantling a democracy. in Florida they're tackling. Very pressing issue of cousin fucking. All right. And so Sean Hannity dives into this with Ron DeSantis. It's a pop up this headline. Hannity awkwardly tells DeSantis, I didn't know that it was legal to marry a first cousin in Florida.

All right? This happened like two hours this interview with Hannity and Kitten Heels. two hours after the farce ceasefire was announced, which says something about Fox's coverage right now, you guys. It was the second to last segment of the hour right before a little gut filled. Little, little, Greg. A little bit of Greg Gutfield. It's a little. Little, little, little, little bit Greg Gutfield, where they called me a cut. So Fox News, to review. here. We have massive shit going on. They're guy, Trump, pedophile in the middle of this pedophile rings,

alleged pedophile, in the middle of an alleged pedophile ring. We've got Trump. And then war in Iran, bombing shit, Israel's bombing Lebanon. They are tackling cousin fucking and calling Jennifer Welchikint on Fox. All right. But local news does not disappoint. Let's play the clip of this local station. reporting on the cousin fucking going on in Kittenhill State. Marriages between first cousins will remain legal in Florida, at least for the time being. An amendment tagged on to a Department of Health bill. This session would have banned cousin marriages, but the bill failed to cross the finish line before time in session ran out Friday. Action News, Jack.

State and local government reporter Jake Stofan is live downtown. And Jake, one of our local state reps proposed the ban. Well, if you're like me, you're probably surprised to find out. that marriages between first cousins is totally legal here in the sunshine state. All right. So I have to point out that Ryan grabbed a screen grab of this local reporter. I mean, look at her. So for those of you listening, there's no, nobody can give side eye like a black woman.

It's just they are undefeated in this department period. And so this is her response right as her co-anchor mentions the cousin marriage. And so then we have some people, well, here we have a screen grab from the article. This is wild. Okay, according to legal match, cousin marriage is legal in Alabama, Alaska, California, Colorado, Connecticut, D.C., Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Massachusetts, it goes on and on. cousin marriage is not legal and it mentioned some states that kind of shocked me Mississippi, Oklahoma, and there's a bunch of other states.

So I was kind of West Virginia. I thought that would be cousin marriage out the wazoo. And so the article says laws also vary in other states. More to the issue, Governor DeSantis associated the problem with the rise of Islamic extremism under Sharia law. he had to inject Islamophobia into the redneck cousin fucking culture in Florida. That makes no sense. And I will just say from a personal experience, one time I was in the courtroom waiting

for my case, other cases came up. I think in Oklahoma, it's like a certain amount of cousins you can't get married. Like you have to be three cousins removed or whatever. So we had these two first cousins up there. It wasn't my case. And they were everything you think cousins being married would be. They were white. They were rednecky.

So this has nothing to do with Islam or Islamic religion because this was straight up white people getting divorced in Oklahoma. They got married. They had a kid. Then they wanted to say we were never married because we're first cousins. And I'm like, just shut the fuck up. Don't tell people that. Get a divorce. Move on.

Okay. Okay, so here are some clips about the locals in Florida responding to the cousin fucking issue that Governor DeSantis is tackling on Fox News in the throes of a war. Play the clip. I didn't, I wasn't aware that that was something we were just doing out here. I wasn't aware of that. Definitely. It's kind of like teeter tottering between the lines of like inbreeding, but not really. But at the same time, it's pretty close.

You're kind of playing with fire. And I think that's a lot. I mean, honestly, I can care less. I mean, it doesn't affect me. Does it? Does it not affect you? I mean, it's just wild that we're even like having these conversations. And of course, Sean Hannity, you know, this journalist.

And I say that in quotes, is talking to kitten heels in the throes of war crimes. taxpayer money being stolen from the cousin fuckers in Florida sent to bomb people in the Middle East. It's just wild. All right, Kylie, do we have phone calls? We do. Up first, we've got one from Kelly. Well, hello, Jennifer, Pumps and Kylie. This is Kelly, originally from Pendleton, Oregon.

But thank God, is adopted to a progressive family in Portland, Oregon, where I'm broadcasting to you live. I'm part of the LGBTQ community. And as a person of color, I'm a huge fan. you for fighting the good fight for universal human rights. I have had it with going online or going to my local grocery store or corner market and buying a bag of chips or a bag of candy and I open that sucker up and only 25 fucking percent of the product is in the goddamn bag. Do you know what that reminds me of? Online dating these days. People are curating their photos. Everything's Photoshop.

They're using AI. And once you get into the same room with these people, it's all. all smoking mirrors. People are hiding behind this shiny veneer. But once you strip all that away, get into bed, it's like, they can't kiss. They can't eat ass. They say weird fucking shit. They've heard in porn. They won't make eye contact. They talk about their mom. They cry after they come. It's fucking crazy. I have had it. Evolution of this grievance is just a master class. We started with a bag of candy and we ended up with eating ass and then people crying after they come. Yeah. And that is a fucking masterclass of a grievance right there. It's kind of a really good metaphor, actually. It really is. And it goes to my, my feeling about Stanley Cups and what a

slippery slope they are. You know, like to the average listener, they think, that sounds fucking crazy. But to me, it made perfect sense because you start with just something benign. Like, God, this pisses me off, this bag of candy. I bought these gummy bears and this bag's only, you know, 25% full. And the next thing you know, you're eating ass crying and talking about your mom after you watched a porn with somebody you met on Grindr. To me, that is beautiful. It is. That, like, he went from just, I was adopted in Portland and then, boom, love you. I love, I love that. That's like A plus, no notes on that. Loved it. Okay. Up next, we've got Amanda. Hello, good morning or maybe shit morning because every day is a hellscape in Trump's America.

This is Amanda and I'm an attorney, corporate attorney. I'm on a lot of Zoom calls, things like that. And a lot of the time, especially the attorneys, we're off camera. We don't care. But you know what? I really just cannot stand. The people who are always up your ass about being on the call, people who want to see your face on the call, are the people who are ugly themselves

is the old, crusty white man who has not done a lick to look attractive in this camera and he wants to put his face and make you stare at it. So sometimes I'm staring at like 10 plus crusty old men. And I myself, you know,

I don't really want to get on camera unless I look good, you know? I want to put a little hair together, whatever, whatever. But they don't have to do that. So every time they ask me to get on camera, I probably need to look, presentable, they themselves do not care. Do not care. So maybe don't ask me to get on camera if you

yourself cannot be attractive. Truly. And I mean, it's men in general, right? How much effort, especially a straight, white, old, crusty man puts into his appearance, probably not much. Anyway, so I've had that. Okay. Thanks. Bye. I just, every time I hear like white, old crusty man, because we, they're ubiquitous in, you know, in like flyover America. And I just always picture these men, and there's millions of them in this country running amok. And you've got a guy, and he's got on these britches, like these slacks, right? And he's got a belt, and he has a pretty big-sized pot belly over it.

And he stands up from a table, whether it's a meeting, a restaurant, or whatever. And you've seen it a million times. He puts the toothpick and holds it in the mouth and then stands up, hikes the pants up over, I go, all right, darling, y'all ready to go? And it's just like, how many of these motherfuckers are there in this country? How many toothpick holding pants hiking guys? And then they're always the ones too that are calling the waitress. Thanks, darling.

Darling, honey. Yeah. Honey. Okay, here's the thing. When she started talking, I don't know why, obviously, because it's been 70,000 days since I've had sex. but I remember during COVID when people were caught on their Zoom calls jacking off. And I'm like, you can't wait five minutes. You can't wait till the meeting's over.

You have to jack off during the meeting. And then when you were talking about the gut wrench over, how about when men stand up and they have the little TT stank, like the little spot where they've gone to the bathroom and they haven't dabbed the end and it's like bled through just like right there by the crotch? that all the time. This is very under discussed. This is something that is very under discussed. And I want to applaud you, pumps, for bringing this to the national conversation. A lot of men are not shaking and or dapping the top of the penis. And then they're putting it back in their britches and then pulling them up. And then we've got a little wet spot right at the end of the turtle head. And everybody sees it. A lot of men are wearing these athleisure-style thin britches these days, which the TT stain is very obvious on those. I particularly remember one day my husband went TT and he came back and he had on some very thin

tennis tennis because we had played tennis that were light colored. And I looked down and much to my surprise, there was a TT stain in his crotch. And I was like, Josh. And he was like, Josh. And he was like, God, I didn't, I just to pee all the time now. And, you know, and it's fine. And we've been together long enough. You know, I'll still fuck him. You know, we're past all that. It wasn't a turnoff or anything like that to me. I'm sure I probably fucked him that night. But I think this is a very under-discussed situation. There seems to be so much focus on women's hygiene. Yeah. So much focus on women. And we need to flip the script. Do you think Greg Gutweld and Jesse Waters have TT stains under that? There is absolutely not a doubt in my mind that Greg Gatfield

has a TT stain. And my guess is he's got skids in his panties after he poops. He just does not strike me as hygiene, you know, for thinking. Now, Jesse Waters, I think she's prissy enough. I bet she's a dabber. I mean, I bet her hygiene is spectacular. I kind of, I think I agree with this assessment. I agree. I think the asshole is very clean on this waters. Waxed? I think it's waxed. I think it's waxed. Waxed and bleached. For sure. Yeah. Let's remind the, you're going to say this. Listener. I don't know. This is probably a year and a half ago on the podcast. Pumps found out for the first time that when people bleached their assholes, they were bleaching skin. She thought they were going to the salon and getting the hair around the asshole.

did it. Bleached, much like we bleach our hair. I did. I did. Yeah. I thought that. Yeah. I think, I think, yeah, I think water's rectum is pristine.

Waxed. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I get, I get, I get, I get that this man spends an incredible amount of time on his hygiene. Now, Gutfield, you know, he doesn't, he is the, he's the britches, stands up from the restaurant. and he has to hike up around the pot belly. So, yeah, I agree with that. He's got a skitter too.

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When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash had it. That's betterhelp, hlp.com slash had it. All right, who's next? Okay, up next we've got Brooke. Hey ladies, just sending a voice memo, which is my favorite thing to do. My thing is why is J.D. Vant so fucking annoying. J.D. Vance is the number one cause for vaginal dryness in the United States.

Like, just seeing a picture of his face pisses me off beyond belief. He's so vile and disgusting. And that's just his face. I'm not even talking yet about what comes out of his mouth, which is absolute hot garbage. I mean, J.D. Vance is just like, can't. king of the wet vegetables. I don't even know, but he's just so annoying his ugly ass eyeliner fat face. I mean, I can't even believe his wife got pregnant because I wouldn't touch that man with a 40-foot pole. Like I said, I think he's the number one cause of vaginal dryness in the United States of America. I mean, J.D. Vance is the thing about J.D. Vance is he's just a hooker. He's just a prostitute, and he has prostituted himself out his entire political career.

And it would be a much better service to the country if he were just a sex worker prostitute and not the form of prostitute that we see now. If he would just earn his money on his back or on his knees, the country would be a much better place. And the sex worker aspect of it would have a lot more dignity to it. It would be a lot tighter. Everybody would know this is what I do. This is what you do. This is the money exchange. But instead, he is like a gas lighter. But my favorite thing we have to talk about J.D. Vance all the time. He's the one that first called Trump Hitler. He did. One of the only politicians that have when they're talking about rhetoric and stuff and calling us Nazis and fascists, Jady Vance is the first one that publicly called him American Hitler. Wasn't a Democrat. All right. Who's next? Okay, up next we've got Jennifer. Hi, Jessica, Angelina, and Kyle's. This is a former Jessica, aka Jennifer.

You know what I've had it with? I've had it with this performative high school bitch bullshit where they kind of try to sidle up to you and act like your friends on social media so they can try to sell you something. And then they're out there getting all these fucking accolades and claps for like, their stupid grifting, multi-tier marketing bullshit or sorry to my friends who are realtors,

but like, I don't need a home. I don't need your closing cost bullshit. I don't need any of it. I don't like you. I never liked you. And honestly, I wish you'd just fuck off, but I can't block them because I like watching their shitty-ass lives and kind of hoping they're going to implode. Because when you're a dumb bitch for your whole fucking life, we see you.

You see through you. I know you're a triple tromper walking out on your balcony going, good morning America. I've had it. All right, poms. Okay, here's the thing. I cannot tell you how many times, not on social media because I don't really check it like that, but how many times that I have been like, oh, hey, how are you? How are the kids?

Blah, blah, blah, blah. parlayed into do you want to come to my multi-level marketing party that's one and number two there are very few things that I enjoy more than watching someone melt down on social media it is like I will go back to that well day after day several times a day like I get excited like oh my god I wonder if she's posted today and if I don't get a post then I start panicking like where is it so I the other people I know that are following this person, I'm like texting. Have you noticed anything? Do you know anything? So there is nothing that I love more than watching somebody implode on social media. Fucking love it. It's delicious. It is. I mean, we have a couple that you and I joint watch together. And it's just, it's so fascinating

that people have a significant amount of followers enough to where somebody could say, hey, you look kind of like a nut on social media. And nobody does that. Nobody talks them off the ledge. And then not only does nobody do that, this one person I'm thinking out of particular, she posts the craziest should I've ever seen. And then I go and look at the comments thinking people are going to say, you need to take this down.

You look like you need to go to the padded cell in a stray jacket. And everybody's like, oh my God, work it, girl, you look great, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, my God, they're feeding it. Yeah. They're feeding it. And then I wonder about the people feeding it. Are they doing it like in a diabolical way? Or do they genuinely think like this person is crushing it?

It's kind of fascinating the whole social media because you have this bird's eye view into people's caricatures that they want to nurture, like who they want to be online. Because you don't really ever get somebody's true identity online. You get who they want to be or some version of them that they want to be. Which is interesting because they curate this and it's just crazier than crazy, which makes me think, oh my God, they're crazier in real life. And I too, I look at the comments and I think, are these people like eggy? You know, unlike me, they come for the content or are they like that crazy too? I mean, I know we've got a lot of stupid people, a lot of crazy people, but yeah, it's fascinating.

to me. All right. Last one. Okay, the last one is from Talia. Hey, I've had a team. My name is Talia, and I just want to state for the permanent record that I play for the same team as Kylie and Pumps. Pumps on behalf of all lesbians just want to really welcome you to our community. We're so happy to have you. Anyways, so I've been traveling a lot more for work lately, and I know a lot of people get annoyed by the individuals that like stand up as soon as the airplane lands, whatever, whatever. I don't actually have a problem with that. Like, if you need to stretch your legs, that's totally cool. What I've really had it with are the people that are pressed up against the metal of the, like, luggage sushi track situation as we're all waiting for our luggage so that when my bag shows up,

I have to fight through a line of people who really need to make contact with the metal of this thing just to get my bag. Can we all take, like, five steps back, like civilized people and then just walk up when we see our bag? I've really had it. That's a great one. And it's every time people fight like it's the last bite of food on planet Earth. And it's like it's your bag. They're all going to come out. Just chill.

Yeah, I've been doing something I've really enjoyed doing at the airport. So when I get in line from my boarding group, right, there's always people that jockey from different angles. And so you never know, like, I know that I was there first. And they know that I was there first. But we're waiting there five or ten minutes enough and we're parallel to each other. And they kind of start inching towards the point position where they're in position number one to board first. And so I let them inch up. And then I'll start to move forward.

And they kind of look. And I always, now I just go, by all means, you go first. Like, I want to just like, I want to be smugfully gracious at the airport. like I want to like get them to where they're feeling like okay she going to go first am I going to go first these imaginary stupid fucking things we do at the airport because air travel is so miserable and then I want to be I want to be the gracious one like the other day when we were at on the plane train when I was when I was exiting the plane to get to the plane train this guy was I had an aisle seat he had an aisle seat and we got up and I am I felt like

I should go first because I was the lady. He had different plans for that. He was a little britchist guy, toothpicker. He was going to hike it up over. And so we're kind of looking at each other. And I just thought, I'm going to be the gentleman here. And I go, you go ahead. Doesn't say thank you, this little prick.

That thing. And he just goes right on. Yeah. I just hate it when I waste something like that on somebody. When in my mind I've built it up like, it's going to show. shame him that I'm saying by all means. See, I'm kind of enjoying, yeah, I'm kind of enjoying this toxic. It's not a pure high road that I'm on with this stuff.

It's toxic. Right. Like, I'm on the high road and I'm wanting to bust people being dicks. And I'm kind of being toxic about it. But I'm like, no, you go ahead. And, you know, just being gracious all the time. so as I walk down the, what's it called? The jet bridge.

The jet bridge to the plane train. I just kind of have something to ash chew in my mind. Right. Like that little fucker. What a piece of shit. And I'm so gracious. And I'm such a good citizen. I'm a true patriot.

All right. I think that's all we have for today. All right. So make sure if you want to send us a voice memo, to Instagram, go to the DM, click the microphone, send it. That's that. If you want to hear podcasts that are exclusively about politics, go to IHIP News on YouTube. It's all under the same umbrella. If not, if you listen to us, if you are our beloved listener, you need to subscribe to each of these wherever you get your podcast. Both I've had it and IHIP news and we will see

you guys on either Tuesday or Thursday or both. Listen up, Patriots, Gatriates and Natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe, and reviews so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, What does an eagle say? Cacaa!

A little bit more enthusiasm. Caca! That's it. That's... Cicca! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.