I've Had It - Girl, Please!

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Welcome to Girl, Please! Today Jennifer has a lot in store for you, most of it at the expense of our shining star, Pumps. The girls discuss their recent trip to California and all of the embarrassing moments that ensued. Jen and Kiley also reveal a very alarming text they received from Pumps this week.... Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women? If so, please go to I've had it podcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour, right? Pumps. Tell them it's so fun. We hope to see you So are we supposed to start the podcast? I love this so much. Okay. All right.

All right. All right. Listen up, listener. We are coming to you from our studio here in Oklahoma City, aka Action City. And there are several things going down. First and foremost, I want to address that a listener brought Pumps a gavel. A gavel. And on the bottom it says, WWJJDD. What would Judge Judy Diana do?

And I fucking love it. Yes. But you are now the podcaster formerly known as Judge Judy Diana until Judge Judy corrects her presidential endorsement. Endorsing Nikki Haley was a bad faux pas in my mind. Yeah, but you're still a legend. You're still a judge. You're still magnificent. You're still the star of the show. All right. That's right out of the are people that wear medical scrubs that do not work

in the medical industrial complex in any way, shape, or form. After we aired this grievance, we also said we thought maybe they were kind of onto something because they're comfortable. It looks like you're busy. You look like a professional. And we said we wanted to get scrubs and we wanted to perpetrate scrub fraud. Right. Thankfully for us, our listeners are so locked in and ambitious and industrious. We have a listener that we met at our live show in Los Angeles named Matt Sass that had custom scrubs made for all of us. Mine says on the pocket, Jessica Nadal. Which is perfect.

And for those of you that don't understand why I get called Jessica sometimes, you'll have to go back and listen to our back catalog and quit being a lackluster listener. Pumps says, what does yours say? Princess Pumps. Princess Pumps on the front, on the pocket. And then Kylie's says, K-Y-L-E-I-G-H. Kylie. Kylie. I love it. I love it. So Matt says, thank you for our scrubs. I'm going to go about my day today. And if people ask what I do, I'm just going to say I work in the medical field. Right. I did see scrub fraud just Tuesday night of this very week. Someone at the game wearing scrubs that is not medical. And we all pointed it out

to one another. When's your son's next basketball game? Friday. Oh, I should wear my scrubs. Will you please wear them and post on your story, you and your scrubs? Sure. Why not? All right. There we go. Pumps. All right. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay. What I've had it with are stop start cars. And those are the cars now. They're all the new cars that when you're sitting in an intersection, they stop and then they start up again. It drives me fucking crazy. And I've had it. I feel like I'm constantly on a roller coaster, just up, down, stop, start, stop, start. Bugs the shit out of me. I hate it. The contrarian point of view to that would be that some people have had it with carbon emissions warming the Earth.

But I don't think our listeners want to dive into a debate regarding global warming, but that is the purpose of that. But you've already established a couple of episodes ago that you don't give a rat's ass about the planet. Here's the deal. I get the carbon emissions thing, but if we can put somebody on the moon, we can make that a more seamless transition to the stop-start car. It's very abrupt, in my opinion. I think we can smooth it out. I have one. It doesn't bother me because I'm an advocate for the planet.

It doesn't have anything to do with abdicating the planet. I want to leave the planet in better shape than when I arrived. And quite frankly, it's in worse shape because of attitudes like this. I didn't say I'm against the stopping. I just said we should do a stop-start car that is not so abrupt. And I think we'll get there in a couple of years. But right now, that's what I've had it with. Sitting in the back seat, you can really notice it. Okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. You know, these Australians are on me like a tick on a dog.

Right. So, you know, I pissed them all off with the brekkie thing, right? Right. Apology to her next episode. I messed up. I rectified, right? Well, then I walked in it again. I was telling everybody how I got up early at like 3am to watch Rafa Nadal play earlier this year in a place in Australia. And I mispronounced the city and everybody's in my dms light me up like an intercontinental ballistic

missile these australians are wound up like cheap clocks and i just keep messing it up the city is called brisbane uh-huh being the american that i am particularly from the south i called it bris. I've always called it Brisbane. So it's Brisbane. The Australian apology tour continues. I'm trying. I'm an American. I was educated in America. I'm doing the best I can. Right. I hope you don't get us banned from Australia before we even go. I'm doing the best I can. Right.

I hope you don't get us banned from Australia before we even go. Interestingly, I looked at our like top cities. The Australian cities are surging. Well, they love to hate someone, I guess. Touche. But in that same vein, let me tell you what I've had it with. And you are an offender of this. Okay.

It's kind of petty. Is it always? But I've had it with people calling espresso, expresso. Oh, I always do. Always. It's espresso. I know what it is. We need to, we need to advocate for saying things properly. Go ahead. Advocate. I'm going to say exp espresso. It just goes faster. That drives me nuts as well. It's like a pet peeve. And especially goes right through my spine.

I don't do especially. I do especially. I like espresso. Espresso. Espresso. That's how I pronounce it. You want me to start ordering that? Espresso. Yeah, I do. Maybe you could do a little, start studying Italian. I think you'd crush it. I think I'd crush it. Think how loud I'd talk if I talked Italian. Whenever I talk.

If you talked Italian, if you spoke Italian. Spoke Italian. But whenever I try to talk to somebody in a foreign language, my volume goes up by like 800 degrees. I don't know why. Decibels. language, my volume goes up by like 800 degrees. I don't know why. Decibels. Yeah, it does. I've noticed that. Also, when we're in hallways of hotels, you scream at the top of your lungs. But you're kind of a hall monitor in the hotel hallway. I just, I've been woken up multiple times in dead asleep from people screaming in the hallway. But I don't think I'm screaming. I think I'm just loud. I think the wrap on the intro to this is she doesn't give a shit about the hallway. But I don't think I'm screaming. I think I'm just loud. I think the rap on the intro to this is, she doesn't give a shit about the planet.

That's not what I said. You're twisting my words. Espresso is espresso. I know. I pronounce a lot of words incorrectly. A lot. So that's just one of many. I'm bad at pronouncing Australian-isms. People in Australia hate you. And cities. They do. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm bad at pronouncing Australian-isms. People in Australia hate you. And cities, they do. Welcome to I've Had It.

I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. We call her Pumps. And for those of you that ask at least 75,000 times a week, her nickname was Angelina Pumpkin Tina. We changed it to Tina Full of Pumps. And now it's just Pumps. We changed it to Tina Full of Pumps, and now it's just pumps.

For the rest of you to ask how she's gotten so skinny, she said multiple times on the permanent record, she takes Mongero. We're answering all of this again because we believe in transparency here at I've Had It. Okay. Kylie, do we have any comments on the World Wide Web regarding I've Had It? I have some good reviews today. Oh, good. This one's five stars. And they write, finally, a couple of hicks that are actually intelligent. Thanks for calling us smart. Right. I kind of like, I mean, hicks, I can't deny it. I mean,

I'm the one over here saying Brisbane. I'm saying Expresso. I mean, clearly, yeah. That's why I'm picking on you for the Expresso, because I wanted to dodge. Misery loves company. Yeah. Yeah. It's incredible we managed to have Neil deGrasse Tyson on. It really is. It is. All right.

This one is titled Hot Busty Blondes, Five Stars. And they write, this podcast has two of the most beautiful, funny, young, and talented women of any podcast I've ever listened to. Kylie and Jen are an image of youth while their elderly lesbian friend, I think her name is Judy Diana, is amazing as well. I love that. I love that, Kylie. I'm the elder lesbian friend. That was so good. God.

Beautifully written. Beautifully written. It's perfect. I mean, that, God, that puts me in a great mood. I've got one last one for you. Okay. Five stars.

Loving this Golden Girls reboot. That's good. That's good, Kylie. People are really clever. Okay. All right. I mean, there's just some stuff that I've got to talk about here, and I keep wanting to bury the hatchet on a lot of this stuff, but it just keeps coming up and coming up. People DM me this shit. So there's a woman that is criming for Stanley Cups. Our listeners thought maybe you were in detention. They were asking me to do wellness checks on you.

If I was going to steal, it'd probably be Stanley Caps. She was arrested in California for stealing over 65 Stanley Caps, and they were hidden in the trunk of her car. And here is the official quote from the city of Roseville Police Department. While Stanley Quenchers are all the rage, we strongly advise against turning to crime to fulfill your hydration habits. This is a couple of times crime and Stanley Cups have come up, right, on this very podcast, because I believe, Kylie, and correct me if I'm wrong, it was two to three episodes ago, that Pumps said that she would wake up and choose violence over a Stanley Cup, that she would, quote unquote, beat somebody up for a Stanley Cup. One caveat, if it was on sale. Right.

Full price, no criming. No criming. Sale, for sure. Pumps chooses violence. Yeah. I do love a Stanley cup. I don't think I'd steal 65 Stanley cups, but I wouldn't mind opening up my cabinet and seeing like five or six, seven, eight rows of colors of them. I would sure love that. It's interesting. Okay. All right. And then they posted photos of this lady's car that crammed all these Stanley cups. One of your peers. Okay.

That crammed all these Stanley cups in her car that she stole. Hanging from the woman's rear view mirror was a cross. was a cross, which I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, is a symbol for the faith of Christianity. Thou shall not steal. She skipped that one. Right. So I believe, Kylie and I did a little research on this, and it looks like the people that follow this faith follow these things called the Ten Commandments. Number eight was the one that

you just said, thou shall not steal. Right. Well, here's what I was thinking when you were saying the rear view mirror. I thought you were going to say that she was like stealing him in her rear compartment like prisoners do. Are you sure you weren't thinking about that rear entry? I was. I was thinking, oh my God, she shoved it up her ass and stole it out. I mean, that's a tough way to go. It goes back to the ass. Always. All right. All right. Another alarming story regarding these goddamn cups. Okay. There's a gal on Etsy. Okay. And she gets a Stanley cup and a hot glue gun and she puts rhinestones all over it. And she makes a bedazzled Stanley cup, a bejeweled bedazzled a piece. And she sold hundreds of them, hundreds of these bedazzled Stanley cups. And I just want it noted for the permanent record for all records. If you ever

walk in this studio with a bejeweled and bedazzled Stanley cup. I'm changing the locks and I'm canceling the podcast. It is a boundary. I will not draw a line in the sand and take a step backwards. You can bedazzle your vagine because I know you like to do that. Yeah. But do not bedazzle your Stanley cup. I'm not a bedazzler.

I had the opportunity. Except for your vagine. I've never bedazzle your Stanley Cup. I'm not a bedazzler. Except for your vagine. I've never bedazzled my vagine. I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm just poking the bear. Yes, with my bedazzler, I go down on my vagine. You get your gorilla hot glue gun. Right. I do a little on the rear entry too, just in case.

Just a little circle. Because you just love it from behind. I just love it from behind so much. Okay. And then there's yet another story. Everybody's sending me this too when it's not Australians browbeating me about how I'm butchering their version of English. It's the Stanley Cup reporters that report all this stuff

to me. There is a photograph circulating on the World Wide Web. The photograph is of an infant that's all bundled up in a little burrito blanket like you do an infant. She's got one of those horrible, awful, oversized bows on her head. But that's the least egregious problem with the photograph this infant has a baby size stanley cup next to her and the people took the picture and put it out like you know what we're to continue. This is going to be generational thirst trapping. And when I saw that image to myself, I just thought, man, that's child abuse. It's indoctrination. Indoctrination. Yeah. Total indoctrination.

And how big? It was a little bitty baby with a Stanley. A little bitty baby with a little bitty Stanley cup. Maybe because we always go here. Maybe the father has a little teeny weenie. Like little Stanley cups, little baby, little weenie. All right there. Yeah. There's really a lot of fuckery around these Stanley cups. Even though I'm a believer, I notice it. There is. It is fuckery nation. The end of the United States of America. Everybody thought it was going to be Trump. I think it's these caps. It's at least a close second. Okay. Next up is I want to talk about the Delta shitter. Okay.

Okay. And, Kyla, I need you to hop in on this conversation. So I believe that you, you are mystified by the fact that the Delta shitter didn't make it to the bathroom. Mystified. Yes. Okay. I want to read for the listener, uh, a text that Kylie and I received two days ago in our group text, our I've had it podcast group text, and it says 9.09 a.m. Pumps. I just shit my pants, went down my whole leg. Jennifer Welch responds, seriously? Pumps responds, yes, just got out of second shower what time are we filming today okay in my defense okay i was turning into my neighborhood yep when i figured out what's

gonna happen had i been on an airplane i could have gotten to the bathroom in time but i had to go i had to wait for the gate to open then i had to wait for my garage door to open and then it was just off to the races. Okay. Let's, let's play the tape through on some stuff. Okay. Let's say you're on the plane and you're maybe mid, your seat's mid plane or to the back of plane and you're trapped. You've got about 20 people in front of you and about 15 people behind you in the aisle. People are putting up suitcases. You've got a lot of lollygaggers. You've got a lot of grandstanders. You have just a profound amount of inefficient travelers on the airplane. Easy to imagine. It hits. Okay. Here's what I would do. I would say,

y'all please move. I'm about to shit my pants. And I would just be like, I got to shit. I got to go to the bathroom. Move, move, move. I'm going to poop. I'm going to poop. And then let's say how long from the time that it hit when you were turning into your neighborhood to you actually shit your pants. Let me check my notes. Let's see. Shit my pants went down whole leg. How much time passed from the feeling that you needed to brace for impact to impact? Okay, I was going through the bank, then I drove home. So I'm going to say a couple minutes. I had a couple minute lead time. And I thought I could push it. And I couldn't push it. Apparently it pushed itself.

It pushed itself. I mean, and those were one of my favorite pair of joggers that I had on. I had to throw them away. Let me ask you this. Do you have any, considering this just happened to you a couple days ago, you wrote it out and texted it to people that you know have microphones and you put yourself in that Delta shitters because a plane, there's a lot of obstacles that could keep you from reaching that bathroom. Yeah, no, but I think I reaching that bathroom. Yeah, I know. But I think I'd be carrying on steroids.

I would just be like, you have got to move or I'm going to crap my pants. I would just say it loud and proud. And I think people would appreciate that. They would rather me get by them in a hurry than crap my pants and have to turn the plane around. I want to talk about the two showers. Did you get in the shower once, scrub, exfoliate, get out, and then it wasn't sufficient? Oh, no, no, no, no. I'd already taken a shower, gotten ready that morning. And then this happened. I had to throw my pants away. I had to take

Clorox cleanup all over myself. Then I got in the shower again. Where were you? With the cleanup? No. Where were you physically? Where was your person when, let me check the notes again, shit, my pants went down whole leg. Where were you standing when that happened? It was in the garage. I shut the door in my garage and then I just knew it was coming and I raced to the bathroom. It was a hashtag almost. It was a hashtag almost. Hashtag so close. It was a hashtag almost if I've ever heard one. I have a question.

Okay. Did any get in your car and was there a trail? Did you sprint? No, no, no, no, no, no. You just stood still and let it happen in one spot? No, no, no. I was running as it was happening. That's why I went down the jogger, the jogger pan.

That's why I lost those pair of joggers. All right. Yeah. It was not good. How did your shaved homosexual Siberian husky relate to all this? I don't think he ever even, I don't think his pulse went up one bit. I think he just, there she goes again. There's mom being mom. All right. Well, thank you for sharing that, Pat. I'm so glad you shared it.

I'm so glad I texted y'all. I thought you would find it funny. Oh, we did. But I didn't know we'd have it on the podcast. We did. Now all of Australia thinks it's hilarious as well. Since they're locked in and watching me like a hawk. Right.

Seeing what else I mispronounce. And hopefully I just looped Italy in on that espresso, expresso thing. And now the entire country of Italy will know that you, let me check the notes again. Shit, my pants went down my whole leg. It's great stuff. Okay. We love you pumps. Okay. All right. Listeners, we were just in California. We took the hot shit tour there. We went to Los Angeles, San Francisco, and then San Diego. First of all, we love it there. Love it. Oh, it's so great. Got a hot ass governor. Hot ass governor. Hot people there. Yeah. Yeah. He's fine. Fine as wine.

All right. So I want to tell you some stuff that we did in California. So when we were in Los Angeles, we recorded with the actor, Jerry O'Connell. And then a couple of days later, we recorded with Hassan Piker and his fellow podcasters, with Hassan Piker and his fellow podcasters, Will and Austin on Fear And. And there was a consistent theme when we saw each of these people. Oh my gosh. So when Jerry O'Connell walked up, pumps, hops up, runs over to him, because she's real friendly and real nice, gives him a hug and says, God, you're hot.

He is. He is in fact hot. I don't, sometimes I talk before my brain kicks in. Two times I did that because Kylie told me I did it twice. I don't think there's anything wrong with this. I think people like hearing it. I know, but I think it's weird. The first thing you don't say, hi, Angie. Yeah, it was, it's bad. I didn't know I did it until Kylie pointed it out. So then we arrive at Hasan Piker's house. He's like a big streamer. We just had him on the pod. Y'all probably heard that episode.

He's a super cool guy. And he does his podcast. His podcast studio is in his house. And he has a little gate at the front of his house. And so he's right there to meet us. And he opens up the gate. And Pumps goes, God, you're hot. I know.

I know. God, it's just going to get worse as I get older. I didn't know I did it. And when Kylie said that, I was kind of embarrassed. You know, I don't get embarrassed. I looked over to Jen at one point. I was like, Pumps is horny on this trip. Yeah.

No, they were both hot. I mean, hotter than firecrackers. Yeah, he's hot. And then like that Jerry O'Connell. Oh, my God. I got to tell you, you know, her boyfriend before Jerry O'Connell was Ben Mycelis. Yeah. And now who's your boyfriend?

Who's your daddy? God, I've got several to choose from. I mean, obviously, Jerry and Hassan are my number one because I've met them. But we didn't meet Ben when we were in LA, which was a huge miss on our part. But he's still my number one algorithm boyfriend. Okay. I know what you would have said if you had met him. You're hot. Yeah. I've got to quit doing that. I like it. Well, I don't. And I don't get embarrassed. And then after I found out I did that, I was like, God, that's kind of embarrassing because I'm older. I don't think that –

It's like dirty old woman kind of thing. I don't think that you should be ageist towards yourself. I don't think that's – Well, but walking up to people, especially the son who's 20 years younger to say that, it's kind of gross. Oh, he is 20 years younger than me. He's 20 years younger. So that's kind of gross a little bit. But he is hot just for the record.

Yeah, he's nice. He's nice looking. There's no question. He's a big Turkish, good looking, great body, the whole nine. We really sound like cougars now, don't we? At least Jerry is the same kind of age. Yeah. As pumps would always point out when we were in L.A., she'd go, I kind of think Jerry might

be my boyfriend. The only problem is he's married to a supermodel. Right. Just a tiny bit of problem there. A full on supermodel. Oh, okay. So while we were in LA, we had some meetings with like people in the entertainment industry. And I'm not going to name the company, but we were invited to go to this meeting. And in Los Angeles and Burbank in particular, there are these entertainment entities and they kind of have like campuses, right? It's like a college campus. So Pumps and I take our meeting seriously. We get up, we have our espresso, we get dressed, we look sharp.

Full doll. We look like we are totally dressed for business. Right. Yeah. I mean, we have on power suits, we have on heels. Heels. We look like a million goddamn bucks. So we get in an Uber and we go out and the Uber drops us off at the gate to where the address where the meeting was. So we walk up to the gate and the security guard gives us these

passes and we go in and we're looking for the building and there's about 500 buildings in this complex. So we're schlepping through this campus. We were like a mile away. In our high heels and our power suits. And then we finally get to the destination. We're meeting with these three lovely people. Darling. Who are in jeans and tennis shoes. Right. And we looked ridiculous. You were even walking through the hall taking off your shoes. Yeah. Like you take a few steps off, put your pumps back on. I mean, that's how Oklahoma we were. So they're California casual. And we look like fucking rednecks that just arrived in the big city. Tell them what I said when we walked out of there. So the door shuts. I mean, I'm sure they could hear you. The door

shuts on the office and you look at me go, we look fucking ridiculous. And we did. We 100% did. And then we had to do the walk of shame out of there. The walk of shame. The walk of shame through the campus. Oh, it was embarrassing. We were the only people. To the street. On the whole campus. Yeah. We announced ourselves from Oklahoma. Yeah. Fucking morons. God, we were morons. Why did people invite us to do anything? Because we're embarrassing and they like to make fun of us, I'm sure. I'm sure they walked out. We walked out and they go, they're fucking ridiculous.

Another thing we noticed about Los Angeles is they're total pussies about the weather. Yeah, they're freezing. It's unbelievable. So when we leave Oklahoma City to go to L.A., it's like Arctic blast, icy, snowy, four degrees. Four. We get to L.A., it's 60, 65 degrees, sunny, maybe a little cloud here or there. They act like they are freezing their ass off turning on space heaters we had heat lamps outside at a lunch yeah and they're like god we're so sorry the weather's bad for you guys it's so cold and i thought what a bunch of pussies you wouldn't make it in the great

plains not when it's minus four degrees if you're cold at 65 with overcast you can freeze your tits off yeah at four degrees with a windchill of 20. Yep. We're just tougher stuff out here, aren't we, Kylie? We sure are in our power suits. In our power suits. God, it's so embarrassing. I did a lot of embarrassing things on that trip.

I mean, we just started off 10 minutes in the podcast talking about you. Let me check those notes again. Oh, yeah. Let's see here. I just shit my pants, went down my whole leg. Patreon, I'll post that screenshot for you so you can just see it for yourself. Patreon, we'll post it. Okay. One of my favorite highlights is that Lacey Mosley, the host of The Scam Goddess, came to our live show in San Francisco. She's been a guest on our pod.

We've been a guest on her pod. My favorite thing about my friend Lacey is she comes back and she's like, I told you girls, I was going to pull up for you. Yeah. And she's just fun and beautiful, drop dead. And then all of a sudden I look over and she's got these leather pants on and she just plopped straight down in the split. I could not believe my eyeballs. Full splits. Like down and up. Like girl had it. It was amazing.

No, she had it all going on. Oh, that reminds me, listener. This is just an aside. But we one day, we started on our YouTube channel, a little news podcast called IHIP News. IHIP, of course, meaning I've had it podcast news. And we're all sitting out brainstorming Seth, Kylie, me and Pumps about what to name it. And Kylie, tell the listener what Pumps' favorite suggestion was. Pumps' favorite suggestion, and this was dead serious i can't remember was girl please

she wanted to name our new segment girl please i was spitballing it was supposed to be interactive an interactive exchange of ideas girl please it's kind of funny. It's so funny. I still love it so much. I'm so glad you said it. Because Kylie is real dry listener. Like she can just sit there and say stuff that's really funny and not change her facial expressions. So I'll go upstairs. And I'll say, Hey, we need to film. Let's go ahead and schedule out the week. And I'll say we need to do the YouTube. She goes, you mean, girl, please? I'd also love to read a couple of the other options pumps throughout.

Are these pumps and suggestions? Yeah. Spicy stances. I thought that might be funny. Rock hard cock at it. It's... I don't know why I said it. What? I don't know why I said that.

Rock hard cock at it. The theme is, I need to get laid. I think that's the consensus. Cock chats. Serve it up. Serve it up with legitimate and then girl please god she worth a gift that keeps on giving what was it called rock hard oh my god rock hard i don't remember saying that but i can't deny it order rock hard cock chats oh my god you guys that shit's so funny i actually have real tears

welcome to rock hard i'm j. Welcome. I'm Jennifer. And I'm Angie. And here today we're going to talk about rock hard cocks. Okay. God, we are. People need to take these microphones away. They do. They do.

All right. Let me see what else I have on our list. Oh, yeah. I know exactly what we're going to talk about. So in San Francisco at the live show, there were some people, listeners, that came through our VIP line that we met. And I believe they were from Philly. And they said, I'm so sorry we didn't make the Philly show. and they said, I'm so sorry we didn't make the Philly show. But we had to go to our friend's party because she and her boyfriend or husband or partner, I can't remember which, had broken up and she was having a party to rename the dog. You were so, so poor at that.

She just drops this on me. Yeah. And I'm processing the entire thing. And I'm like, how old's the dog? Then you did the human math. And she says, the dog is two. And I'm like, well, that's 14 years old. You can't change a 14-year-old's name.

And I said, what was the dog's name? And what did they change it to? The original name was something like Tatiana or something like this. And well, they were drinking a bunch of vodka, getting all liquored up. No, it was Trent. The original name was Trent. Okay. And they were getting all liquored up, drinking all this vodka. So they changed the dog's name to Tito. I immediately have several follow-up questions. How's the dog handling this? Does the dog seem to be okay? And they were just kind of like, yeah. Kylie and I, the portion of the people that work at I've Had It podcast that care about pets, were really alarmed by this. And Kylie did some deep Googling.

were really alarmed by this. And Kylie did some deep Googling. She looked into this idea of changing a dog's name. And she found some studies that claim that anyone can change their dog's name at any age, and the dog won't mind. And it even claims that your dog doesn't actually even know what their name is and just knows that it's an audio cue for them. And I just want to say that this is junk science. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. It is. This is probably some sort of Facebook study from a bunch of anti-vaxxers. Yeah. Fox News watchers. Blasphemous. What do you think? Would you change your dog's name?

No, I would not change my dog's name, but probably not for the reason that I would not be able to remember the dog's name change. So it would never occur to me to change a dog because I'd still keep calling. I mean, I call my kids Blaze half the time. So I don't think I'd be really good with the name change. But I thought like, because the couple had the dog together jointly. Right. So now you're taking the co-parent. Their parent. Down a co-parent and you change the name.

I mean, even I was like, I wasn't as upset as you guys were. But I was just like, that's fucked up. That would be like when you and your ex-husband divorced. And I renamed my kids. If you renamed your kids. Right. It's exactly like that. And I'm so glad that we see eye to eye on this because I thought that you would be over on Asshole Island on this. No. But you're a part of the team here. Yeah. No. This is, this is, that's bullshit. This is a step in the right direction with pet ownership pumps. One could even argue we've turned a corner. And then the Tito's name seems like

real easy. That was not a lot of thought. Naming that dog after a bottle of vodka. Well, I mean, if you like the name Tito's, but if you're drunk and name it Tito's, it feels like not a very hard try. We're trying too hard for Tito's. I think that would be child abuse if it was a human child, right? I think it is child abuse. That is a child. Tito is a child. Tito has feelings. There's no question. Tito is probably having an identity crisis.

Yeah. And, you know, dogs want to please their owners. I mean, more than anything on the planet, you know, as evidenced by Blaze smiling nonstop at Pumps when he sees her because he just wants her to be happy. That's right. You know? He is a little smiler. He just wants you to be happy. Yeah.

And he'll take the shavings. He'll take it all. All of it. Okay. So Kylie was looking into this. All right. And of course, she finds some information on Reddit, which is rather alarming. And so this is the screenshot of some texts that I'm going to read to you. Okay. Okay. Did I send them? Please say no. No, no. We already covered that one. Would you like for me to read it again? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. All right. These are people that we don't know, but these are real texts.

So the first one is, Hi, Janae. It's blank. I'm blank blank's wife. We met at Colby and Blake's christening. Hi. Yeah, I remember. It's been a while ago now. How are you and your family? And she says, good, thanks. I'm pregnant again. And that's why I'm messaging you. We want to name her Tilly, but it's come to my attention. You have a dog named Tilly and I'd appreciate you changing the dog's name. LOL. Obviously she can't have the same name as a dog and we're bound to bump into each What the fuck? Tilly's owner responds, Pregnant woman responds, I don't think you'll ever see her and I don't think anyone will notice they've got the same name anyway. The pregnant woman responds, I can't express how I feel right now.

I'm so disappointed and let down in you, Janae. People say you're a nice person, but I can see you have them tricked. You don't have children, so you'll never understand how a mother can love and just want the best for this perfect little person. I hate her. I'm honestly shocked you're being so heartless and unreasonable. You didn't even consider changing the animal's name for my daughter's future. This is going to impact her life and potentially ruin her confidence and her life. Can you imagine growing up having the same name as a mutt? You callously have put me in a terrible position. You are a piece of work and don't deserve your

good family. You are ruining a baby's life. Think of what you're doing, Janae. Your inaction has huge consequences, which she misspells the word consequences. And then Janae responds, I'm not going to change Tilly's name, mate. Have a good one and congrats again. I love Janae. I think that either A is a joke or that woman, she should have called a psychiatric ward. I mean, that's fucking bananas. That's like your husband or partner needs to have you committed before that baby's born so you can get yourself straight.

I think Tilly's going to have a lot more problems in life. One million percent. Her name being Tilly is the least of her problems. And what about just the audacity and entitlement to call somebody up and say, change your dog's name. This, Janae was super nice. Janae was great.

Go fuck yourself. Right. My dogs are my children as well. And I'm not changing the dog's name. Don't lecture me on the love of a child, A. Like she was like, well, you'll never understand because you don't have kids. Go fuck yourself on that. Agree. But what the fuck? She had to introduce herself. Like, do you remember me from the wedding? Oh, yeah, I remember you. So this is not like a close, close, close, close friend. No, what this is is a psycho. This is a psycho. Like stalker.

We're going to have a VPO on our hands before long. This is a mess right there. She says, I just want what's best for this perfect little person. For this perfect little person. And if you approach parenting that your child is perfect and that their lives are going to be perfect, you're going to be in for a rather rude awakening. Take it from me. I never thought my kids were perfect, but I thought, oh, we're going to have the perfect life for the kids. That was a fucking disaster.

Yeah. And that just doesn't exist. It just doesn't exist. It doesn't happen. Perfection in life does the kids. That was a fucking disaster. Yeah. And that just doesn't exist. It just doesn't exist. Perfection in life does not exist. And if it did, I don't know that that's a good thing. Hardships are a part of the human experience. Succeeding and failing and learning and evolving and finding enlightenment are a part of the human experience. And for anybody to have the narcissism to think that they deserve a perfect life is so jaw dropping. And this gal here, this kid, Tilly the kid, is going to be a pussy. Oh, I feel sorry for Tilly the kid. Entitled.

This is going to be a power mom, helicopter, fucking nonstop in her business. She's going to be the cheerleading mom that if Tilly doesn't make cheer that she kills the cheerleading sponsor like they did in Texas. I mean, this woman is a five-star Looney Tune. Yeah. She is. Almost to the point where I can't even believe that's real. Like somebody really thought that you should change your dog name when you don't even know him that well.

Here's what I do to remind myself that stuff like this is real. Millions of people vote for Donald Trump. That's how you keep it real. Tens of millions. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's just like people are crazy full stop.

And then now we have all of these devices where the craziness is documented. Right. You don't have time to like... Text messages can be screenshotted. So it's documented. It's in the permanent record. All these photos that you're taking and posting people can... And then you might delete when you sober up. People have already screenshotted it and screen recorded it. You're fucked. You're fucked. All the crazies on parade. It is a nonstop crazy parade,

which if you are two very petty, cynical podcasters, bring it on. That's what keeps us going. Keeps us going. It gives us great content. Yeah. I want to point out that and toot my own horn. As you guys know, my dog's name is Judy. Right. And on her adoption papers, As you guys know, my dog's name is Judy. Right. And on her adoption papers, her full name is Judge Judy. And I have never once asked you to change your name, Pumps. I didn't know that about Judy.

It is true. Because you had Judy before me. Because I don't bring it up. Let me ask you a question. What was her name before you adopted her? Hazel. So you did change a dog's name? Her name was Hazel. How old was she? We found out she's

three. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to but at the adoption. I think that's different because it's a different family. She'd been in foster care. She was an orphan. Correct. I mean, I think that's different. She had gone to jail. If she'd been in jail, she'd been in custody. She had we got her out of custody. Hang on. I want to I just want to look back at something here. custody. Hang on. I want to, I just want to look back at something here. Here's Kylie's direct quote about changing the names. She's disgusted by it. That's a totally different situation. Apples and oranges. Girl, please. You see, remember a few episodes ago you guys where i told you pumps was really good at not seeing her friends flaws did you see how she just immediately made a loophole for kylie immediately

because she loves her so much yeah when we're all disgusted but when it comes to somebody you love this is the best at that it's totally different did you see her no it's completely different apples and oranges what about when i was sick last week and you came up and you're like, God, you look awful. And Pumps goes, Kyles, you look beautiful. Kylie's always beautiful. You're always beautiful, but I could tell that you felt awful. Pumps was lying too. It was almost worse in that moment.

Because that's what you said. You said it's worse. You'd rather hear the truth. I knew the truth. Thank you for being honest. It's hard for me to, uh, give, um, superficial flattery. I'm not very good at that. I'm very, I'm very much a pragmatist and a realist. I could tell you were sick. You didn't like yourself. How about the day she wasn't sick? You asked her if she was sick. I was getting sick and you sniffed it out. She was getting sick. I diagnosed it. I'm clairvoyant. Listener. One time she walked up. I was still sick. She walked right up in front of me on my desk and she just stared at me.

She's a starer. And I looked at her and I said, stop studying how bad my face looks right now. I knew exactly what you were thinking. Yeah. And you said, yeah, your pores, I can tell. Your pores? Yeah. She wasn't wrong. Listen, Kylie is drop dead gorgeous for those of you that don't watch who listen. She's a six foot tall, sexy lessee. And she looks good.

She's young, 28. So at that age, you pop up, you look hot, you go to sleep, you look hot, you can put on a full face of makeup, you look hot, you just kind of look hot throughout all of your 20s. She was, it was death. It was bad. Not that she still wasn't cute or pretty, but it was a noticeable change, difference. And I'm just not very good at superficial fluffery. It's not my strong suit, especially with people I love. I value honesty. It makes your compliments mean that much more. That's right. Your pores look huge. She hasn't said it to me since, so I know that I look better. No pore issues today, Kiles. All right. Well, this has just been our roundup of things that we've had it with, Well, this has just been our roundup of things that we've had it with, things that I thought needed to be addressed.

I want to tell everybody that I've still noticed a disparity in the number of downloads we have compared to the number of five-star reviews. The math is not mathing. I personally have had it. Pumps has had it up to her eyeballs. And we want you to come to our hot shit tour. Don't we, Pumps? Oh, join our cult. The cult is so much fun.

On Patreon, we're the cult of the titty mamas. Pumps and I are the titty mamas. The patrons are the titty babies. Subscribe to our podcast if somehow you haven't clicked that button yet. Watch our news channel, iHip News. Voice memos to Instagram. I've had a podcast on what you've had it with. I love her.

All right, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both.