I've Had It - If That's Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Billy Eichner wages war against the moon. Pre-order our new book, join our Patreon Cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast. Thank you to our sponsors: Quince: Get cozy in Quince's high-quality wardrobe essentials. Go to https://Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your next gift, visit https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/HADIT. Don’t miss out on this limited-time offer! Uncommon Goods. We’re all out of the ordinary. ZocDoc: Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/IVEHADIT to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Follow Us:  I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Billy Eichner @billyeichner

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Welcome America. What is it? The blue, the blue wing talk, blue wing talk, blue wing talk. Yes, the blue wing talk pumps. What have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is high expectations. I've decided, you know, the saying, the cliche is

comparison is the thief of joy. I think high expectations are the thief of joy. And I look back at my life, anybody I had really high expectations for, disappointed, 10 out of 10. So my new, I'm gonna start my New Year's resolution right now, before the new year, and it's going to be, expect the worst from all people in every situation, always. So I can't be disappointed.

So I'm done with high expectations. It will soften my disappointment in the human race. And I really think I'm going to be good at it because I borderline and super cynical. That's just the next step. I need to take it over to a complete cynical bitch. So I'm close. So this is a goal I think I can absolutely handle. You know what mystifies me so much about this? What?

Is that you just now figured this out. Jennifer, I am slow to the party in a lot of things. You would have thought after my marriage, high expectations would have been a thing in the past. That it wouldn't even be something that I even considered ever. But during COVID, I watched Hallmark movies because I wanted a happy ending. Something is wrong with me.

I'm the problem. I stopped having expectations a long, long time ago, and it's completely liberating. It's just, I just now, I just assume when I start the day that nobody is going to exceed my expectations. The only person who ever did was Javi, who used to work for us. I mean he exceeded expectations. He was like a smartphone. He was intuitive. He figured out what needed to be done. He absolutely did. You say exceed expectations. I'm taking it another notch. Whatever my expectations are, they're not even going to be met. They're going to be so low. That's where I've been for quite some time. So you're saying start

at the bottom of the barrel. After the rehab stints that Josh went through, five listener. I just removed expectations and I realized this is the way to go, to just have zero expectations because human beings are breathtakingly disappointing. They will disappoint you. Every time. Just look at the most recent election results, the most disappointing group of human beings on the planet. They saw the same shit that we saw and then they went and voted for it. Tripled down.

Breathtaking. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my new thing. We'll see if I can do it. It's going to be my end of year resolution instead of my new year resolution. I like it. All right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with people that don't know how to spell chick. Like, hey, chick, what's going on? You're a cool chick. Because I see this often on the internet and people have confused it and they spell it

C-H-I-C, chic, which is chic. Right. And I see it all the time. And I'm like, you're saying, Hey, chic, chic girl. And I mean, and they're, Hey, thanks, chick. You're a hot chick. And they're saying you're a hot chic. And I just want to go in and just put a little asterisk and spell it for them correctly. But this has been going on for a long time. The misspelling of chick. Yes, it has.

But I was going to say, do you think it is related to Chick-fil-A? Do I think what is related to Chick-fil-A? The misspelling of chick because isn't chick-fil-A C-H-I-C? Because every time I spell it, like what I'm like, if I'm texting my kids, what do you want from Chick-fil-A? I always have to, it always auto corrects me. All right, listen, first and foremost, Gaytriots, Pumps, you cannot eat hate chicken. Number two, it is spelled C-H-I-C-K.

Is it? Short for chicken. Okay, well. It's a popular Mandela effect that people think it's spelled differently than C-H-I-C-K, but you're correct. It's C-H-I-C-K. But you're correct. It's C-H-I-C-K short for chicken. I think, see, I'm wrong this whole time. Another disappointment.

I have not even met my own expectations. And I've fallen under your expectations that I would know how to spell chick as in chick fillet because I always thought it was C-H-I-C. I am so sorry, Gaye Triis, that you have to hear this hate speech regarding hate chicken on this LGBTQIA plus friendly conversation podcast in Trump's America. I apologize for me, ma.

I apologize for it all. She's old. She's old. But I don't think she's a homophobe. No, and I haven't eaten hate chicken in a long time. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Meemaw Meat Curtains. Slash not eating at hate chicken. Just for the record. Kylie, what do you have going on today? I've been digging into some of our reviews.

Excellent. And I've got a one-star review. Oh, good. It's titled Silly. And NoThanks19 writes, privileged women who think they're smarter than you and need to save you. Okay. First of all, I am going to argue that we might be smarter than you because we're not on podcast reviews trolling people.

OK, I'm just going to say that right out of the gates. It's a possibility for sure. I'm not over on like Jesse Waters giving him reviews. So I'm going to say we are smarter. What was the second part? That they think they need to save you. OK, I'm going to push back on that, too, because if we could save people, we would have Madame. have Madame President right now.

Right. So we failed. We failed miserably. We can't save anybody. You're on your own. You're fucked, listener. Right. We can't even save ourselves.

Okay, we'll end it on a five star, and it's titled, I Give You All My Stars. And Dolan writes, Gold Star Gay here, and I love this podcast. I almost dreaded listening to this podcast the day after the election, after being extremely disappointed and worried for the safety of me and my husband and our son's future in the Bible Belt in Trump's America. But this podcast truly is a shining light for me. Blue heart. That makes me happy. Sounded a little bit saved. I'm sorry, I'm just supposing me happy. Sounded a little bit saved. I'm sorry, I'm just supposing that

with the other one star reviewer, sounds like had a terrible day and the day was saved. That's all I'm saying. Sounds like we met expectations. That is a case where expectations were met and in fact, saved the day. I'm just saying that looks like some anecdotal evidence to the contrary of the one star reviewer.

Right. And you know what my favorite thing is the gold star gay. I love that term. Yes, it's fantastic. OK, now I'd like to review some things from the news. This is something that I think is probably one of the smartest things I've ever read. And I think that they might have gotten inspiration from us since we're going down a narcissistic wind tunnel today in Trump's America.

American Airlines is testing boarding technology that audibly shames people who cut the line. The technology alerts gate agents with an audible sound for everyone to hear if a passenger tries to scan a ticket ahead of their assigned group. And what I have to say to you, American Airlines, is you deserve a profile in courage. Yes. I mean, where has this been for the last 20 years? This is so necessary. It's so needed. And I believe the only way to stop the, I mean, just

lawlessness with boarding groups is shaming them. I'm for it. I think American Airlines is going to be a trailblazer in airport management and airport behavior correction initiatives. And I think that these are things that need to be implemented worldwide, not just nationwide, but worldwide. Okay, here's what I was thinking. How about I'm the voice on the American Airlines thing.

So if you board wrong, if you try to skirt the system and you're in group eight and you're trying to go in group two, I would love to volunteer my voice to say, it's not your boarding group, sit your ass down. What do you think about that? Very selfless. Thank you. Very selfless.

I like it. All right, the next story is, this is hilarious. A pizzeria was raided by police after being tipped off that the restaurant was selling cocaine as a side item. Customers were served the drug when ordering item number 40 on the menu. It is reported that it was one of their biggest selling pizzas. So just, I'll just have a number 40. Yeah, so you got a little pizza and a little eight ball. Well, I wonder how long that went on. I don't know, but I mean, I wonder if Don Jr. is their top customer.

Okay, here's what I wonder. You think we're gonna get thrown in jail for saying that in Trump's America? Can't rule it out. I know. So I wonder, like, obviously they made a fortune, right? I don't know what their profit loss is. I would say in general, unless you're like the drug cartel, if you're schlepping this with pizza, I'm sure they did okay. Yeah.

I would imagine the lawless nature of this probably means that they might not be good money managers. So I would imagine they probably did well, but I don't know if it was managed well. Okay. All right. Next up, we have a guest and we are so excited to have him on. You may know him And we are so excited to have him on. You may know him from Billy on the Street. Billy Eichner. He is an Emmy nominated actor, comedian, writer and producer. Let's welcome to I've Had It, Billy Eichner. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been

this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up, wouldn't you say, Pumps? I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes

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quince.com slash ihi. All right, let's welcome to I've Had It, Billy Eichner. Billy, what the fuck happened? Last thing I saw on the internet, you and Will Ferrell were in the streets trying to do some stuff, and I don't know if it helped or hurt. What do you have to say about this?

Wow. What's your fault, Billy? I'm not taking the blame, okay? Will Ferrell and I went out, shot, we brought back Billy on the street, which I haven't done a new one in a few years, and we had a great time. You know, the reason we did that is because I mean, I'm a gay man, obviously, but will is very much not. And we just wanted to show people that there were

still decent men out there and decent white men out there who were very loudly and proudly supporting the more intelligent, competent, decent, empathetic, compassionate, qualified candidate who was of course Kamala Harris. And we were just, you know, I was doing my best, you know, trying to galvanize people. And it kind of gave me a false sense of hope because people got really excited about that video. Yeah. I mean, it got like, you know, I don't know, it's like 20 million views or something. And Billy on the street has always been very popular, I'm happy to say. But I don't know, people really reacted in a very positive way when that came out. And people were actually sending me messages, even friends of mine who, you

know, they're very much over me and Billy on the street after all these years. But, you know, the last thing they want to hear about is my success and popularity. But all of my jealous friends. But I'm just kidding. But but they were texting me, especially the women in my life. And I'm a gay man. I have a lot of girlfriends. I'm just kidding. But they were texting me, especially the women in my life. And I'm a gay man. I have a lot of girlfriends I'm very close to. They were saying, oh my God, like, this gave me hope.

This allowed me to feel a little bit of joy and excitement and not just the panic that they were feeling and rightfully so to feel that panic. And so in a weird way, it gave me a false sense of hope right before the election, but I'm proud of it. I think I had a lot of hope going in, but I also had the reality of 2016. Plus, I went and deep dived on you before the election because I started watching the collab with you and Will Ferrell. And I heard you say in one of your videos to the camera, I've been out on the street and I'm not liking what I'm hearing.

And there was this, this underbelly of Trumpism that had kind of emerged during the Biden presidency that I think we all were kind of in touch with, but it's too, it's too much to take your brain there to think that tens of millions of people are seeing what we're seeing and they're going to go triple down. They're tripling down on that motherfucker. And it's painful as a fellow human being to face that reality that people are able to do that. Yes, that's the reality. And I remember going out in 2016, the summer before the election when it was Hillary versus Trump, and shooting a similar type of video or trying to shoot a similar type of video. And this is 2016. So at this point, it's completely unfathomable to any rational person

that Donald Trump could actually win the election. And we're still in that headspace, which if you were in that headspace in 2024, then you're kind of delusional. Right. Right. Right. Had to know the polls. He was it was always very close. He was up in the polls even towards the end, depending on which poll looking at. So I don't know people who say they were as shocked this time. That that to me is a little confusing. But when we went out to the streets of New York City, by the way, and we shoot in Chelsea downtown, which is a very diverse area,

even in 2016, a few months before the election, there were I mean, most people were pro Hillary, but there were a surprising amount of people saying they were going to vote for Trump or that they simply couldn't vote for Hillary. And, you know, there is just an enormous amount of misogyny in this country. Yeah. Sadly, even among women. And we're seeing that play out again and again. And I'm not saying that's the full explanation for Trump winning, because it's not. It's complicated. 70 million plus people aren't all voting for the same reason. But we have to acknowledge it. It's not just a Hillary Clinton issue. And that's something that's just becoming more and more evident.

But yeah, even in 2016 on the streets of New York, there were a couple more Trump supporters than I thought there would be, to be honest. It's so depressing. Okay, but we have to get onto our brand. We're kind of talking about what we've had it with, but like just right out of the gates on the top of your head, what have you had it with today? One thing I will say about the election,

and we can also talk about other things obviously, but this feeling now I'm hearing even among Democrats and liberals that it's either we care about the working class or we care about civil rights for vulnerable people in our country. We cannot be convinced that it's one or the other. We can and must do both of those things. I agree.

Clearly, we've lost the thread a little bit in terms of how to communicate our ideas to working class people, that is clearly true, but that doesn't mean we can throw trans people and LGBTQ people and women of color under the bus because both of those things can and must coexist. They are not mutually exclusive. Caring about the economic needs of people

and protecting trans people. Guess what? Trans people want eggs to be cheaper too. Okay? We're all living in this economy. So I've had it with thinking it's one or the other and it's either has to be one or the other in order to win a national election.

That hasn't been true in the past. And yes, you have to frame everything correctly and thread that needle correctly and communicate things correctly, but from an emotional standpoint, it is our job to protect the most vulnerable people in this country, and that cannot change. I think these things are connected.

I don't think we can separate them. Working-class people have gay kids. It's not like gay people are just born from billionaires. Working-class people are black. Working-class people that live in red states that thought they were Republican and evangelical Christians give birth to trans children and then their preachers start bullying them and now their government starts bullying them. These things are connected. Also, I think it's safe to say when we see such an income disparity growing in this country, the working class is marginalized.

So all of these rights are linked together because we have marginalized the working class. We cannot separate them. And when Democrats run to the center, we lose. We need to stay and make the moral case for being progressive and fighting for marginalized people. And the working class has been marginalized by the Republican party and lied to election after election by the Republicans.

They have marginalized them. They are our people. We fight for them. We're the ones who fight for the minimum wage to be raised, unions. And guess what? All these gay people running around, the LGBT, the alphabet mafias, the right wing likes to call them, I guarantee you just from a statistical standpoint, and I'm no mathematician, the majority of them were born from working class parents.

Yes, absolutely. I was born to middle-class parents. You know, I wasn't born rich. My family wasn't, has nothing to do with entertainment. I mean, I worked my way up and I'm very lucky, but you know, I wasn't always this way. So I remember my father like constantly worried about money and paying the bills and yelling at me that I was spending too much money.

You know, all of these things are still very present in my head. And you're absolutely right. It's all linked. The thing that we need to do is and I thought Kamala ran a great campaign under nearly impossible circumstances. And I am happy to see that more or less people are agreed on that, even though she lost. But, you know, we have to find the right communicator. That's it. So much of this is about being able to sound authentic and really hit people in a visceral place.

You know, that's what Bill Clinton was able to do in the 90s. That's what Obama was able to do in 2008. So much of it is about, it's not just about being on the right side of history, unfortunately. It's not just about being the most intelligent, competent, qualified person. It is about knowing how to viscerally connect with people. Performance is part of the game, for better or worse, it just is, right? And so whoever that person's gonna be next time,

they need to feel new, they need to feel fresh, and they need to be able to communicate in a way that doesn't feel like the messaging has been crafted in the halls of some lobbyist's office somewhere, it needs to feel raw and real and passionate and authentic. That's what we need. That's why Trump, as demented as he is,

connects with his people, right? I'm not saying anything we don't know, but it's worth reiterating having had such a crushing defeat. No, and they, I mean, for the last 10 years, every time he's up on a ballot, he wins and he runs resoundingly and he has built a base. But I mean, we can talk around it or we can go right at it. This is the white supremacist Klingon and the patriarchal Klingon because now you see women with their own podcasts and microphones and CEOs and you know fashion designers business leaders

Prime ministers of other countries you see successful gay comedians on the street you they see these things and it's very threatening to that world order and You know James Carville famously said when he campaigned for Bill Clinton, it's the economy's stupid. And I think for all of us, it is the racism's stupid. That's what it is. You have to like that level of recreational cruelty to hear what he said about human beings and calling them animals and saying they're vermin.

You have to like that in order to vote for it. Because for us on this podcast right now, that is a deal breaker. That is a moral, we're not crossing over that. We see them as human beings. Should there be rules for the border and for immigration and all of those things? Nobody's arguing that. But to call them animals and wanting to separate toddlers from their parents is just a line I'm not willing to cross. So you have to like that. There is an appetite for this recreational cruelty in this country and it is a cancer.

What shocks the shit out of me the most, actually it doesn't shock me, we live in the buckle of the Bible belt and it's all of these evangelical Christians that like the recreational cruelty the most. They like it the most and they vote for him in the strongest numbers and it fucking pisses me off. I hear you and I didn't have to grow up around it. I grew up in New York City, I'm a native New Yorker and that gave me a very kind of skewed perception of the world.

I had the opposite experience that most people have. You know, a lot of artists grew up in a small town and then run off to the city to find their people and experience the world. You know, and I had the opposite where I grew up in New York City with very liberal parents. You know, and it was pretty clear from the time. I mean, I didn't come out until I was 20 because this was before the days of Drag Race and Heart Stopper. And we still stayed in the closet. We weren't coming out at 12 years old, you know?

But it was still pretty evident to my parents that I was a gay kid begging them to take me to see Barbra Streisand concerts when I was literally 13 years old. And bless them, they did, you know, like They were so, so supportive. So I just assumed every place was like New York City. And then I got out into the world and realized, oh, I wasn't in the real world. I was maybe in an ideal world, at least one

that I think of as an ideal world. But I wasn't in the world most people occupy. So it's always a wakeup call to me. I'm like, wow, this is still happening. We're still here. It's kind of shocking. And yet we're here. But the one hopeful thing I'll say is the pendulum swings back and forth. You know, no one thought, you know, when George Bush was running, when George Bush beat John Kerry in 04, no one thought the person to come and save the Democratic Party would be a young black man

from Chicago politics, right? It was, you know, and no one, and on the flip side, if you had asked Republicans in 2012, when Obama beat Romney, you know, if Donald Trump was the person who was going to come along and save their party, they would have they would have been shocked to a full disclosure. I'm quoting Ezra Klein here. I'm not that smart. But but but it's true.

And I'm only quoting it because it gives you a little bit of hope in what feels like a hopeless time. I'm not the biggest Joe Rogan fan, but there was a time when Joe Rogan supported Bernie Sanders not too long. And so and that's why. Why did he support Bernie Sanders? Why did we have all those Bernie Bros? And you could you know, you could be annoyed at the Bernie bros, but they were there.

And I'd rather have Bernie bros than Trump bros any day of the week. And you know why? It's because, say what you will, Bernie speaks in a very unfiltered, raw, authentic way that touches people viscerally the way that Trump does. And I'm not saying Bernie's the answer to all of our questions and I don't think it's Bernie himself. I think his time is, you know, probably past us in terms of being president, you know, but I think there are lessons to be drawn there, you know, and just in terms of being a communicator, you know, and speaking again, it's about being visceral.

I think Bernie does what we were talking about earlier. He connects the working class with civil rights issues. He connects them all together. And that's what we have to do as progressives. We have to take the moral case to rural America, to suburban America, and say we morally feel like we need to help sick people and we need to help lift up people out of poverty. And it's my understanding that your Lord and personal savior, Jesus Christ, wants to do that. Now, I'm not a religious person, even though I'm trapped here in the Bible belt, but I have found that the most religious people that I know are the most cruel and most anti-Jesus than anybody

that lives around me. And the louder they are about it, the meaner they are. There is just this inherent cruelty to it. And I think if we can make the case and use their religion and say, your Lord and personal savior has taught you that you need to help the poor, not be judgmental, not value capitalism over human beings. And that's the problem too. And that's a good moral case that Bernie Sanders took to everybody. He said, I value human beings over profit. The Republican Party values profit over human beings. And at the end of the day, what's going to KO America is going to be that we value individualism

and not collectivism. And so we've got to start making this case podcast by podcast. But you brought up Joe Rogan, and I've been thinking a lot about him. And, you know, it's amazing to me how quickly kind of semi enlightened men that had some gay friends that were fine with their, you know, women, you know, doing whatever they want to do, have been so radicalized back into misogyny. The regressive misogyny is one note that's come out of this election that I haven't heard anybody talk about. But as two female podcasters, we get thrown into the Manosphere form of Twitter.

It is vile. And the regressive misogyny that I'm feeling right now is terrifying. It is, it's really scary. And again, the women in my life talk about this all the time. I have one of my dear friends since college, my friend Diane, who lives in Jersey right outside of New York City,

has three daughters under the age of 13, but is close enough to Pennsylvania where she went and canvassed, not once, not twice, not three times, but four times between September and October before the election. We can blame Diane for losing. And so, but she was knocking on doors in like, you know, suburban areas and more rural areas. And she said to me, like back in early October, September,

she said, you know, the women are, the women seem hopeful about Kamala winning, you know, they're easier to talk to. She said, Billy, the young men are not okay. They are not okay. And it is scary. I, I know a woman I went to high school with back in New York City many, many years ago, who now has a teenage son. This woman is like the epitome of like liberal New York Jewish, like Brooklyn, you

know, raising a teenage boy who's been raised in New York City. And even she said to a mutual friend of ours recently, she said, I don't understand. He's coming home and saying some weird shit, like some weird kind of all right stuff. It's not exactly pro Trump. He's not going that far, but it's strange. And he was like, he didn't grow up hearing this stuff in my liberal Brooklyn apartment, you know, or growing up going to high school in New York City. Like he's getting it from social media. He's getting it from these podcasts, you know, or growing up going to high school in New York City. Like, he's getting it from social media. He's getting it from these podcasts, you know?

And so, yeah, the young men are not OK. And I don't know. That's above my pay grade, how to, you know, Joe Rogan gets 90 million listeners. And so I don't know. But and it is strange because he was a Bernie supporter. He was an Obama supporter. Exactly.

So I don't know, that kind of gives me hope. Maybe it's a bit more malleable than we think it is. You know, maybe they're not lost for good. And we just kind of need to, everyone needs to take a deep breath and kind of like meet everyone where they are and try to be adults and have an adult conversation and hear everyone out about what they fear. We have to listen to each other and then decide later how we react, but if we just completely shut each other off,

how we react, but if we just completely shut each other off, we're not going to get anywhere. It's harder to do. It's easier said than done. And I live in a bubble and I love my bubble. Thank God for my bubble. But I don't know, you got to get out of the bubble. I don't think that I can be in the listening phase right now, because if I were to listen... Oh, I haven't heard you said this entire time. I feel like if I listened to a triple down tremper and they started the shit, I think I would just look at them and go, fuck you, and turn around and walk off. That's where I am right now. And you're probably right.

That's wrong. But if that's wrong, Billy, I don't want to be right. I'm fucking done. I don't want to talk to them. I want to play fuck you politics and quit playing integrity politics. I don't want to have a kumbaya with these people. I want to say fuck you for being a piece of shit. I know.

And I don't want a kumbaya. And that's, we're not having a kumbaya anytime soon. I don't. You're right. You're right. But this is why I can't run for public office. And I, you know, like this is why I need somebody who can do what you recommended. But I am so angry. I went to play pickleball last night with my friends and one of my friends is a lesbian She lives in kind of outside of Oklahoma City with her wife and she's terrified She is terrified. She's terrified because breeding grounds for MAGA are right here in this red state

They've already trotted out Bibles in public schools. They've trotted out ten commandments in classrooms and You know people are legally married here, minding their own business, paying taxes, doing all this boring shit that married people do, and all of a sudden they're the enemy. And to the people that voted against, my lesbian pickleball friends and our lesbian producer and you, I want to look at them in the face and say, fuck you, and turn around and walk off. And if that's wrong, then I don't think I want to be right. I hear you. I want to look at them in the face and say, fuck you and turn around and walk off. And if that's wrong, then I don't think I want to be right. I hear you. I'm I'm with you, too.

And my I'm a New Yorker. I'm gay. My instinct is always to say, fuck you. Oh, I even think you agrees with me. I mean, I made a career out of saying fuck you and storming up when someone didn't agree with me. And so I don't know. I think we need to take a deep breath and take it a day at a time, I guess. I don't know. I sound like some like two bit therapist. But like, yeah, it's a tricky one. We're in this country together, for better or worse. It's not changing, you know?

I don't know. We can either all choose to live in our little bubble. But what starts to panic me a little bit, or it's not even panic, it's really sadness, is that when you see Trump's numbers ticking up in New York City. Yes. Which happened this time. I don't want to see things moving in that direction. That I know. So at the very least, we need to keep our bubbles like secure because it's all I have. And I know you guys don't live in the bubble, which makes me admire you so much.

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If your kids have the same thing, which doctor do they go to? That's why I'm so relieved that we use ZocDoc. What I especially love about ZocDoc is it takes me to the correct specialist What I especially love about ZocDoc is it takes me to the correct specialist that takes my insurance, that's conveniently located, and I can see reviews from other patients. So I know I'm in the right place. Listener, ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care, and much more. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen fast, typically within 24-72 hours of booking.

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I would hit it. Had it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Had It or Hit it Christmas cards. I love Christmas. I I'll say hit it. I like to receive a Christmas card.

You're not getting one for me. That has nothing to do with religion. You're also not getting a Hanukkah card from me. I just am not a person who's going to think far enough in advance to send a card. We're in 2025. The fact that there are still envelopes and stamps is ridiculous. But I do love Christmas. I love the holidays. I was a Jewish kid in New York City. My parents let me, and we were not religious at all. They had to beg me to get bar mitzvah. I told them I didn't believe in God when I was 11 years old. But I only got bar mitzvah. You know, I didn't even I told them I didn't believe in God when I was 11 years old.

But like I only got bar mitzvah for the party, which had a Madonna slash brought the theme. I love it. So because I couldn't decide, which I like more. That's a true story. But the one thing they wouldn't let me do because we were technically Jewish is have a Christmas tree and kind of do Christmas. And so I completely fetishize it now as an adult.

I I go to the Radio City Christmas Spectacle. I went by myself a few years ago. I mean, that's scary. I'm a grown man. Right. And so I love Christmas, but I'm not going to do cars just because logistically, it's too much work. OK, Billy, I have a question for you. How do you feel about Christmas decorations up before Thanksgiving?

I love a Christmas decoration. Because I'm doing so much press this year for Mufasa, I'm gonna be traveling around. I don't think I can have a Christmas tree because I won't be here, and I'm actually legitimately sad about it. I think this year especially, people are so exhausted and stressed and tired.

I think it's, I love looking at a Christmas tree sparkling at night, right? And I don't believe in anything that it represents religiously, but I like a tree with lights on it. And I like ornaments and presents. So if you wanna put it up because it makes you feel better, do it.

I mean, if people can celebrate Halloween in fucking September now. Yeah, that's the thing. Grown adults worrying about their Halloween costume on August 26th, grow up, grow up. Totally agree. Now people say, oh, it's spooky, September 1st, it's spooky season.

I'm like, not if you have a brain and an education, okay? Spooky season starts in September. So if spooky season can start in September, Christmas can start early November, especially this year. I'm totally with you on the Christmas stuff. I'm a total atheist, but I love to celebrate my favorite

fictional character birthday boy. I put up two big trees in my house. Outside of my house is lit up like an intercontinental ballistic missile. Oh, my God, I wish I could see it. I'll send you photos. I mean, I just I go all in. OK, next up. I love it.

Had it or hit it. Daylight savings. Had it had it. I fucking hate daylight savings time. OK, to the point where I recently did some research, I tried to Google why we have it. And I'll get into that in a second. But here's the thing.

It's beautiful and all, but a little goes a long way with me when it comes to seeing the moon. OK, I get a quick glimpse of it at nine thirty or ten p.m. That's fine. That's lovely. I don't need to see your fucking moon ass at 330 in the afternoon. It's it's depressing to me. OK, I'm and I'm someone who I'm not a morning person. My brain doesn't start to click on until like 1 p.m. And so if the sun goes down at 4, like it's so depressing to me.

It's like you have a day. You know, it's crazy. It makes me a little depressed, you know, and I like the twinkling lights at night. But again, I don't need it in the afternoon. The moon needs to stand down and down, OK, along with the proud boys. And so I'm so and by the way, now I will come to something because this is what I mean by listening.

But you for listening. No, I'm kidding. To our own biases. And by the way, I hope the moon is listening right now. The moon probably voted for like Jill Stein or some crazy shit, by the way. But but but I will say, I kind of had heard through the grapevine that the reason we had daylight savings Time was because farmers wanted it. So from the research that I did, that's not true. That's actually a myth.

And it was about kind of making things more, making more time in the morning to make things more productive for people. And it was about energy conservation and all different kinds of things. And it turns out farmers don't give a shit about daylight savings time. And I think they're just as inconvenienced by it as anyone else. So I do want to apologize to farmers, most of whom probably have always voted against my civil rights, for the assumptions

I made about daylight savings time. I always thought that too. I love daylight savings because I like to go to bed super early. So, I mean, I like to crawl in bed about 6 p.m. and it's dark out. I'm so happy. I'm with Pumps. I'm a total morning person, completely annoying. I launch my Wordle results, Connections results, New York Times crossword puzzle. I want that timestamp on there around 5 a.m.

so it's just a little mini flex to my friend group, my tennis and football group. We're different. I like when the sun is out. I love when the sun's out at like 8 p.m. I'm like, do we live in the Netherlands? Like, where are we right now? I like it when the sun's out at 8 p.m.

when I'm not in Oklahoma. When I'm in other places, I like to see the place for a very long time. But when you live in Oklahoma, when daylight saving happens, I can get home from work around 5.30 and put on my pajamas, cuddle up with my French bulldogs. And I just don't feel like that much of a loser as I would if it're not missing. Yeah, if it were like 6 p.m. and I was doing that. But when I'm traveling, I'm like, y'all have a late dinner. Yeah. Why is the sun going down so early? Yeah, we didn't eat dinner till eight o'clock in Italy.

We were late night. We burned the midnight oil. This is the thing. What I mean, like growing up in New York gave me a strange perspective because I'm such a night owl, you know, in New York on a Tuesday, you have dinner at 10 PM, you know, like it's just its own world. And so, and I, I, I love, I mean, I, I'm a night owl. I love nightlife. So it's not like I want more daylight for that reason,

but I just not have, I know the sun going down is so depressing to me. Like I just don't want it to be pitch black at four in the afternoon. But if it works for you guys, great. You know, everything I have to do is based around what people in Oklahoma want now. So sun should be too.

Pipe down George Michael. Okay, next up. Had it or hit it eating on a first date? Had it. I don't like eating on a first date. I'm single, I go on dates. I just think people, I know this is like a very traditional thing.

So the first thing is, oh, what are you gonna do on a first date? Let's go to eat. I don't wanna watch someone eating, like shoveling food in their mouth on a first date and having them watch me shovel food in my mouth and like them spitting and talking. It's so not sexy to me. Like, and I know that maybe people disagree with me, but I just don't, I don't

want to see it. Like I don't want people like shoveling food in their mouth. What's supposed to be like a sexy kind of like getting to know you vibe. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I like just going for a drink. You know, I don't want to be like cutting lettuce, like cutting like a slab of meat and like eating a salad and like there's like cheese and I don't know, like Italian dressing. I just don't want it like I want to keep it like simple and chic and sexy on a first date. And if we like each other and we we want to go out more, then we can watch each other be disgusting while eating. You know, that's how I feel about it.

I agree. I think we should build to eating together. I think it's kind of intimate. I think you should build to that. I think I would rather have sex with somebody on a first date than eat with them on a first date. I was just going to say, I will blow a stranger within five minutes, but I don't want to see you eating a Caesar salad

with anchovies in front of me, like shoveling that with that smell, okay? I will literally rim someone that I just met, okay? But I don't wanna see them pouring Parmesan cheese, extra Parmesan cheese on a salad on the first date. I think that's the evil pile. That's disgusting, but I will lick your asshole almost immediately upon upon entrance. But I don't want to see you eating sex on a first date. I will say this

because we're gay and I know I've listened to you guys. You talked about talked a lot of gay guys about Grindr. So I know you're all about it. But there is something about Grindr about having about hooking up first. And I don't know if it's, in a way, it's not ideal and I get that. You want to get to know the person. But it's nice to know that you have or don't have sexual compatibility and chemistry before you start to like each other as people. Because if you're on the, you know, if you get to really like someone

and you like their personality and then you finally jump into bed and it's not quite there, that's such a disappointment. But it's just not going to work. And now you've wasted everyone's time and your own time. So I rather go straight to a rim job and say, I completely agree with you. I dated this guy in college. I really liked him. We built up about two, three weeks before we did the deed.

We did the deed. He had this really bizarre, crooked dick. And that was the end of it for me. I couldn't get past the crooked penis. I could not get past it. And I really liked him. He was funny. He was liberal. He wasn't religious. It was like meeting an exotic person in this hellscape that is Oklahoma. He was fantastic. And he had this crooked dick. And I couldn't get past it so I had to break up with him. I totally got liberal with a crooked dick. He should have a show on crooked media. Called Crooked Dicks. That would be good. Like a liberal white guy in Oklahoma on Crooked Media.

Yeah. He could be the next Joe Rogan. By the way, I'll take what we can get. If it's a crooked dick is going to win the next election, I'll take it. Okay. Had it or hit it podcasts? Hit it. Hit it, I think I love a podcast. You know, they say we have no more movie stars left, but we have podcast stars. That's what we're talking to two of them right here. I sure I sure as fuck am.

So, you know, I think that, you know, I'm more I love a podcast. I listen to podcasts. I find it comforting and educational. And I think that's great. You know, I don't there really isn't a movie star. And there's very few movie stars left who can draw someone to the box office immediately, no matter what they're in. But I will listen to fucking anything that you guys do or Ezra Klein does. You know, literally. I mean, I am out there Googling, like other people are like,

oh, Jonathan Bailey's so hot, Paul Mascow's so hot. I am literally Googling shirtless photos of Ezra Klein. I love Ezra Klein. That's my dream, man. I was devastated to find out that he was straight. I assumed he was gay. He's straight and married and living with a wonderful woman and children in Brooklyn because of course he is.

But these are the new stars. These are our friends. We don't have late night. We have late night talk shows and I love those guys and I know all those guys and they're great but they don't take up the same relevance, sorry, within the cultural conversation that they did when I was growing up, when you had Johnny Carson and Letterman.

Right. They just don't, they're still there and they're great, but everything is so much more niche now. And I think podcast hosts have come and sort of taken up that space in a way, in terms of having control over the cultural conversation. And so I love a podcast. and sort of taken up that space in a way, in terms of having control over the cultural conversation. And so I love a podcast.

Okay, last one, had it or hit it lesbians? Oh, hit it, hit it every time. I mean, not literally, they don't want that and I don't want. But I love lesbians. We did a famous Billy on the street segment called Let's Go Lesbians, Let's Go, where I'm running around with lesbians. And I absolutely love lesbians.

And I think lesbians don't get the attention they deserve. You know what? They're not out there hungry for attention, like fucking gays like me on social media. Or even straight guys showing off their ripped bodies and all these like wellness folks like Lesbians just keep to themselves. They put their heads down. They do the fucking work. Okay and that's and they and it will and you know not to make this as depressing as humanly possible, but like when when when gay men could not fend for themselves as much because we were literally dying during the AIDS crisis it was lesbians who, if you don't know the history, gay men and lesbians were only kind

of sort of united before the AIDS crisis. I mean, they were in theory, but they were very separate in terms of how they lived their lives. It wasn't quite a united front and the AIDS crisis turned it into a much more united front. And that's because lesbians helped us survive. They took care of us. They fought our political battles. They helped fight our health battles. And so now there's a long history of of lesbians and gay men being united politically and socially. And I absolutely love a lesbian.

Give me a lesbian to get the job done any day of the week. Totally agree. I completely agree. Okay, tell our listener about Mufasa. I'm super excited about this. Tell us about this. I can think of a better segue from the AIDS crisis to Mufasa. Hey, you know what?

That's why podcasters like us are the big stars now. You are? Those transitions are seamless. You just saw those transitions. You can't coach that. You can't coach that. You can't teach that. No, Tom Snyder is rolling over in his grave right now. But yes, I do the voice of Timon

in the new Disney holiday spectacular called Mufasa the Lion King. I did the voice of Timon with Seth Rogen as Pumbaa in the 2019 Lion King that John Favreau directed. And now this is really exciting because this is not a remake. It's an entirely new story and it tells the origin story of Mufasa. And I'm thrilled to be a part of it. I just saw the movie for the first time. I honestly had no idea what to expect. Now it is directed by Barry Jenkins, who won the Oscar for Moonlight and is obviously a brilliant filmmaker, but this is a very different

type of movie. The scale of this movie is very different than what he's done before. I didn't know what to expect. And with these movies, you record them so far in advance that I literally forget what the movie is by the time I see it because these animated films take such a long time to make. And I sat down in a screening room. They had me watch it with a security guard alone on the Disney lot, right? Because they don't want me to film any of it or whatever. And it is so good for real. And I was blown away away I had forgotten all my own lines and Seth Rogan and I we improvised a lot and so who even remembers what we did in the studio or and we certainly don't know what's gonna make it into the movie and

I was just talking with Seth a couple of days ago doing press for the movie and he was saying the same thing like yeah he had no idea what to expect and we were both blown away it is truly a great adventure. I think kids are gonna flip over it. There are so many amazing action adventure sequences that honestly I was on the edge of my seat. They're in waterfalls and they're in the snow and they're underwater.

It's amazing, truly. Oh, I'm excited. Yeah, I've been seeing that coming out and I was like, I definitely wanna see that because I loved The Lion King, I'm excited. Yeah, I've been seeing that coming out and I was like, I definitely want to see that because I loved The Lion King, I loved it on Broadway, I loved the movie, loved everything about it. So I'm excited. I can't wait to see it.

Billy, I feel like I want to be best friends. I know, I want to be best friends too. I feel like we went through a lot in this hour and I just, I feel like with the exception of my morning person and you being a night person, I feel like we could be a great throuple. Yeah, I would absolutely love that. I would love that.

You know, you guys can strap it on, do what you need to do. We'll figure it out. I love that. And again, I love you guys. You guys are fucking ballsy. And I mean that in the gender neutral way. And I so appreciate you. You know, it was, I'll be honest,

it was only like a few months ago when someone said, do you listen to these ladies on I've had it? And I'll, you know, there's so much out there. And I had it, right? And they said, oh, you would love them. And I said, oh, the last thing I need is another fucking podcast. Right. And so I started listening and I could not believe it.

And I was literally like, I'm like the step master at the gym listening to you guys. It's like instead of the usual like dance, you like Mariah Carey remixes. I usually listen to like pump me up and you guys were pumping me up. You were like, fuck all these Republican bitches in our comments who think we're going to be their friends. I was snapping my fingers on the step master like like the biggest cliche of like the wacky gay neighbor on a sitcom. You don't want to watch it.

It was I love it. Thank you so much for doing what you do. Oh thank you so much for coming on and we're going to keep fighting the good fight. And we want to have you on again for sure. Yes, for sure. Billy Eichner, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much. Okay. Thanks, Billy. Bye. He could not be a bigger doll. And he's a great podcast guest. I loved him, loved him, loved him, loved him. You know, it makes me feel better as we've done some episodes since Trump won. And we continue to build on the community that we've made.

And you see that there are these smart, talented, empathetic, yet tough as nails people out in this world, like Billy and others, that we have to keep fighting this fight. We have to be like, fuck you, we're going to keep fighting for people whether you like it or not. God damn it, you triple down Trump supporter, you piece of shit. I'm still going to fight for you even though you can't fight for yourself. Fuck you, you can thank me later. That's the kind of like, we're going to help you but fuck you for getting us in this position.

But we can't abandon our cause to want to fight for people. That's right. And fight for this country. And I think it sounds cliche, but I mean, coming together as a community is probably what's going to get us through, honestly. It's the only thing that'll get us through. And laughing and being able to be normal in a world that's not normal. That's right. And there's one thing that you did not mention that I think is the most important component to getting through this. What does our blue winged hawk say? After Billy, it says,

kakaa! That's what I'm saying, fucking patriots and gay triots, they triots. Let's go. We will see you when, pumps. We'll see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I'll tell you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of

America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, Pumps. P pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw.

That's it. That's, that's. Cacaw. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.