I've Had It - It’s Not Imposter Syndrome, You Actually Suck

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

Jen and Pumps have a treat in store for you listeners - the creator of our favorite Instagram account, @disappointingaffirmations, joins us today to do some dramatic readings. But before Dave comes on the girls have some sh*t to get off their chest. Pumps has absolutely had with corporate grifters and Jennifer recently noticed some sexism at a local high school basketball game that she's not going to slide. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets are available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: BetterHelp: Learn to make time for what makes you happy, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/HADIT today to get 10% off your first month. Lume: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code Hadit at https://LumeDeodorant.com! #lumepod OSEA: Glow from the inside out with clean, vegan skin and body care from OSEA. Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code HADIT at OSEAMalibu.com. You’ll get free samples with every order, and free shipping on orders over $60. Quince: Indulge in affordable luxury! Go to Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. StitchFix: Style that makes you feel as good as you look—get started today at StitchFix.com slash/HADIT Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/hadit now to grow your business – no matter what stage you’re in. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspump Special Guest: Dave Tarnowski: @disappointingaffirmations

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. There you go, girl, please. Girl, please. Girl, please with that clap. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is when you buy a package off the internet and you pay for shipping.

Correct. And it says says do you want your tracking number and you're like yes and then it says do you want to ensure this package in case it's lost or damaged and I'm like bitch I just paid for tracking so if it's lost or damaged that's on you you track it you fix the damage you caused in transit so I fucking had it with all these extra grift fees on shipping. There's too many. Yeah, it's getting out of control. It's like, you can't just there be the cost of something. And then the shipping, you know, in Europe,

they're bewildered when they come over here with sales tax. Right? Because in Europe, all of that is just included. What the price is, that's what you pay. But when you get to the United States, you have the item. And let's say you're shopping on the internet. You have the item. And then you have the sales tax. And then you have the shipping. And then I have seen a request, would you

like to tip the warehouse workers? So there's an extra grift. And then there is an additional now with this racket with the shipping, where to ensure the shipping, well, all of that is inclusive in the shipping fee. Right, that's one fee. That's the shipping, the tracking, all of that one fee.

Stop with the grift. You know what I think it is? I really believe this. I think that with all the Donald Trump grifting, we've just exposed how many grifts there are on people and how easy it is to grift people. And now they're just grifting everybody. Everybody's like, oh, look how easy it is

to grift these people. I love blaming Donald Trump for a lot of things. I'm blaming for everything. And I like where your head's at on that, but I'm going to disagree. And what it is is we have not raised the minimum wage in this country for entirely too long, and it is impossible for people to live off of that.

And corporates are all about their stockholders and the CEO earning hundreds of millions of dollars. And then the employees that run it are making minimum wage. And then they have to live off benefits. So basically, what the United States of America has become is we are like socializing corporations. We allow them to not pay their employees enough so that they can make tons and tons and tons of money. Our taxpayer dollars subsidize where they do not pay the employees enough. Like if you look at all of the places,

minimum wage that are on the New York Stock Exchange, Starbucks, Walmart, Apple, all of these places, and they pay the workers minimum wage. But then the stockholders are getting these big fat checks. Well, who subsidizes all of that? The taxpayers. But what do we as a country do? We berate the workers that make a low wage, and then we worship the fat cats that make all this money.

Well, I bet you $1,000 that you're extra shipping. If you pay extra shipping, the worker doesn't get it. All goes to the corporation. Well, of course they don't. Yeah. Of course they don't get it. It's just a big fat grift. Yeah.

It's a big fat grift and I've had it. I agree. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay, in general, I've had it with sexism. Right. But I am going to target that. I'm going to pinpoint it to something even more specific than generalized sexism, which is teenage sexism. Okay. Let me give you an example. Last night, my son was playing in a basketball game at a small town outside of Oklahoma City, like a rural area, a rural high school. My son goes to a private school, and I understand what the optics of that are.

The rural town was beat, my son's school, and the student section at the end of it. And I like all the smack talk and sports. I'm not against smack talk. I think it's fun. That's a part of it. They start shouting daddy's money, daddy's money. And I was sitting there and the more they did it, the matter I got, cause you know who pays for my son's private school?

Mommy. Mommy. Yeah. It's mommy's money. It's mommy's money. private school mommy mommy. Yeah, it's mommy's money Mommy's money you little shitty rednecks. It's mommy's money you little sexist rednecks That's it really pissed me off. I thought you know this teenage sexism did ever occur to you that maybe mommy writes that big fat check Well, no because it's patriarchal America out there. Yeah, so specifically the sexism being passed down and I'm all for trolling in sports.

That's what sports is. You get to smack talk. That's a part of it as long as it's somewhat respectful. And I get the optics of browbeat in a private school. I understand that and I'm not against that. But it's not daddy's money, you little shits. It's mommy's money. Right. If they would have said mommy's money, I'd have been like, good for you. Way to troll these private school kids. Right. But the daddy's money thing just kind of got up and set in my crawl. I love it so much. I wish you would have gone over there and been like, listen to me, you little fuckers. Listen on daddy's money. Listen up. I know your mom probably has a side gig being a trad wife,

doing all this weird shit on tick tock. But listen up. When I wrote that check for that private school, it wasn't daddy's money, it was mommy's money, you little redneck. That's what I wanted to say to him. I just kinda, I didn't though, because I'm always up on the high road. Always, look up, there you are.

I didn't go pick a fight with high schoolers, okay? Very proud. The restraint is unmatched. All right, welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. All right, Kylie, what's going on? And Kylie is our illustrious producer.

Beautiful, talented, smart. Thank you. I've got a five-star review. OK. And it's titled Road Hard and Put Up Wet. They write, I'm a marine biologist from Texas and I've heard cleaner mouths on alcoholic folks who grew up in Marianas Trench. I've never believed in a love language until I heard these two beat a dead horse.

Oh, I like that. I really like that. Because we love to beat a dead horse. Also, I'm impressed that a marine biologist gave us five stars. No, me too. And you know what I wanted to be when I was little? What I thought I wanted to be when I grew up?

A marine biologist? A marine biologist. Yep. Oh, wow. That was like my middle school. I wanted to go. I wanted to work with all the sea animals, swim with whales, do the whole night, teach a dolphin to eat a fish out of my hand.

What happened? You know, I don't love fish. I don't love the ocean. Yeah, what happened? I certainly don't like sand. Yeah. So that just kind of, but that'd be cool. You like whales?

Do you like whales? Yeah, I like whales. I like whales. I'd like to be on a boat tracking whales. Yeah. So that just kind of... Would like whales? Do you like whales? Yeah, I like whales. I'd like to be on a boat tracking whales. But I also like indoor plumbing. Let me ask you this. Were you in your eighth grade Pumps self, were you envisioning like scuba diving down with the animals? No, I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this off the internet, but I was kind of more imagining myself at SeaWorld. Right. This was before Blackfish came out. Before Blackfish came out and before we realized the abusive nature of their captivity and all that. So I thought I'd get in my wetsuit every day. I'd dive in,

I'd come up on Shamu's nose. You have a whistle. Oh my gosh, I'd have a whistle. I'd be great. I'd be bonded with my dolphins. Cirque du Soleil with Shamu and Pumps. That's exactly what I was thinking. Oh, I'll tell you what, man. Yeah, that could have really been a sensation. It could have been. Poor Shamu, just kidnapped and tortured for capitalism.

Yeah. That's a tough deal. It is a tough deal. Yeah. And then your dreams of being a whale trainer, that's a tough deal. It is a tough deal. Yeah. And then, you know, your dreams of being a whale trainer, that's really ambitious. Yeah. But I mean, once all the... I didn't realize...

The height of my ambition. Yeah. You know, I've discovered a few things about you on this podcast that I didn't know for all of these years. And I think it was several months ago, I learned that you were a lifeguard. Right. Which goes into my marine biology. I could save anyone. Which I'm still incredulous at that, but we won't get into that. We've already covered

that. We can go out in the pool this summer and I'll save you in a drowning situation and you will just be so impressed. Okay. All right. We'll do that. And then this whole marine biology. Yeah. It's probably before I discovered I wasn't great at math too. Right, right. Yeah, that I needed to be in the lawyer side. Would the Southern Baptist upbringing, would that have caused a problem with the biology part, the evolution, the study of evolution?

Well, I went to public school, so no. Okay. But yeah, no, I mean, it could have been an impediment. Yes, yes. But no, not in my case, it was not. Yeah. Just think of me, braces, zits, diving in with the whales. That's what I thought. And I also thought I wanted to be married to someone named Randy. Why? I don't know. Randy? Randy. And not because it's like Randy sexually, but I just always thought, gosh. Angie and Randy. Angie and Randy. Wouldn't that be so cute? Sitting in a tree. Yeah. And I've never even met a Randy that I know of. Really? I don't know why I

liked it. Randy. Randy. Angela Dawn, the marine biologist, and her husband Randy. What would Randy's job have been? Good dreams. I don't think I got that far, but I just really liked the name Randy when I was like middle school. So there's a lot of Randy's out there. Aren't you just full of surprises? All good.

Yeah. All good. Yeah. All right. All right. I've got one from Jessica and she writes, unfollowing. You're just unkind, dried up, and unfeminine at this point. Dried up 100%. Mommy's money. Mommy's money. I'm not feminine. I can take that. I was watching softball the other night and it wasn't even a team I knew, but I just liked it.

For fun. For fun. But you're very feminine, I feel like. I feel like Kylie's very feminine. I'm feminine but I think it's a I also am I own a business. I'm completely financially independent. You know, I can cuss. I can do what I want to do when I want to do and I think her definition of feminine is trad wife being submissive, not having strong opinions about politicians or the world at large, maybe running a business, having your own bank account, telling your husband to go fuck himself, stuff like that. Probably doesn't fit into her definition. I don't think we are overtly feminine, either one of us. But I mean, I don't think we're like butch.

I think you're both feminine. But yeah by her definition not at all, right? That's what I write your big dick energy, you know Yeah, our dick is way bigger than anyone that she knows. Yeah in the male world any of her alpha male friends Yeah, you might be dried up. You got a big dick. Well, what was that? It was that on Apple that was on Facebook. No, I totally forget that we have a Facebook. Oh, Facebook. I totally forget that we have a Facebook. I didn't even know we had a Facebook.

Yeah, we do. I'd never even get on there. What the hell goes on on Facebook? A lot of that. Yeah, I was going to say that. Just Butthurt Boomers. A lot of Boomers. Butthurt Boomer Parade.

Oh, yeah. Butthurt Boomer Parade. The Butthurt Boomer Parade on the I've Had It podcast Facebook page. That would be a great episode to just do dramatic readings of that shit. I always forget about Facebook. It's a goldmine. A goldmine of unhinged content. All right, I'm gonna do one last one. Okay. This is on YouTube and she writes, I love Jen so so deeply, but I think I've had it with pickleball. The hag needs to shut it. You see, this is what fuels me. Yeah. This is love.

I drink this hater aid. And what this motivates me to do is train harder and talk about it more. But I'm gonna tell you, I recently, since you brought up pickleball, I'm gonna be self-deprecating for a moment. Kylie, why? I'll tell you what.

Your favorite pickleballer and I, my favorite partner and I got skunk the other day, 11-0. Really? Total skunk city. Couldn't score a point. So you know what we did the very next day? What? We showed back up there. We played three games in a row together and we won all three with a rock solid exclamation point. And we walked out of Chicken and Pickle with a little pep

in our step and even did a follow-up text after we walked each other to our cars. Another victory lap via text message. You just cannot keep a good woman down. You cannot. You cannot. And I will say, I've said it before and I'll say it again and I mean it. You're a very gracious loser. There's no question I've got my shit together athletically, but mentally and physically. Thank you for pointing that out, painting that picture for the listener. Okay, I don't know that I was going there, but okay. Yeah. If that was for you.

That's what I deduced from that. Okay, okay. That's what your takeaway was. That's a really healthy takeaway. Not narcissistic at all. Absolutely not. You never are. No, never.

I've never heard you. I have never in my life even considered that description of you. No, never. What do you think of me? You just think humility, grace. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women?

If so, please go to ivehaditpodcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio. And come see us at the Hot Shit Tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the Hot Shit Tour. Right pumps, tell them. It's so fun. We hope to see you there. This episode of I've Had It is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, Pumps, we always feel

like we're running out of time. We don't have time. But actually, when you think about all of the time you waste not doing something productive, it really adds up. So I've tried to be very cognizant of this. And right now, at least once or twice a month, I am carving out some time for me to get online with my therapist at BetterHelp. It centers me, it grounds me, it makes me feel more connected to the world around me by carving out this

space and time for myself with my BetterHelp therapist. BetterHelp is so great because it's convenient and flexible and you can do it from your own home on your own schedule. Listener, all you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and you can get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Learn how to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash had it. Pumps, I have found that being consistent with my physical body maintenance actually impacts my mental health, and I absolutely am obsessed with Osea. It's a consistent body care routine that doesn't just promote healthy glowing skin, it boosts

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Head to oseamalibu.com and be sure to use the code HADDIT for 10% off. Okay, so I have some articles from The Mirror. Love The Mirror. This one is titled, I proposed to my dead husband's mistress after meeting her at the funeral. What the fuck? So his secret girlfriend, he had a secret girlfriend and she came to the funeral because the, his family knew about her and knew that he loved her. So they invited her to the funeral. Okay.

First off, kind of a dick over to the wife. So she was angry. She was rude to her. The girlfriend tried to come up and say, I'm so sorry, kind of felt bad that she was there and she ignored her. Then like a week later, the girlfriend turned up at the widow's door to explain herself. For love of God. They ended up kind of hitting it off.

One night after a few drinks, I told her how I felt and surprisingly she returned the feelings and she kissed me. One thing led to another, which led to us making love, and we ended up dating for the next few years. Recently we got engaged, and she posted it to social media, which somehow led to my ex-in-laws hearing about it. They began to call and harass me, saying how disrespectful it was to marry the

love of my husband's life and that I'm disrespecting him, especially now that he's dead and that I need to get over the past. I need the in-laws to shut the fuck up. I'm totally into this. Same. I think this is fantastic. Now obviously the guy having the affair, the husband having the affair is bullshit. But the fact that the wife and the mistress would be compatible and get along tracks. It makes sense. It tracks. And so then they fall in love, they get married. It's a little, I mean, the late in life lesbian thing is all the rage. Right. Good for these gals. I'm into it.

I like it. I feel like everybody walks away a winner. Yeah. I mean, everybody gets something good out of it. I will say just as one point, the rarity, I just, I don't love the mistress going to the wife's house a week later, you just have to let that go. In this situation, we had a happy ending,

but normally, I think that would be her fault. Don't you? Yeah, probably, but I'm such an ally of the LGBTQ community that I even support her before she was a lesbian. I pre-support. Pre-support? No, that's probably right. I mean, that's, but we don't know the, did they text

or did she just show up? I don't know if it was just to show up at the door. I don't know how that feels. But again, we have a happy ending. We do. We do have a happy ending. How about the in-laws? It's none of your business. Back off. Y'all move on. Y'all move on. Marrying the, telling the wife anyway that it's rude to marry the love of your husband's life. That's shitty.

Yeah, they're the ones being rude. And they invited her to the funeral. Yeah. They sound like dicks. Get over it. Okay, all right. I have one here from the Daily Mail, and it says,

Mom sparks fierce parenting debate after revealing she'll only be throwing her children parties for their first and 16th birthdays. She detailed her quote, hot mom take and shared that she decided against parties because she never liked attending her friends' children's celebrations when she didn't have kids and wouldn't be subjecting her pals to the same events.

And so obviously everybody's got an opinion about this. and wouldn't be subjecting her pals to the same events. And so obviously everybody's got an opinion about this. Right, I've got mine. For my kids, they had a birthday party every year one. One birthday party, invited their friends. I'm not a huge like, let's have 95,000 birthday parties. I oppose fundamentally birthday weeks. I think a birthday month is ridiculous. The most self-absorbed narcissistic, like, let's celebrate. I'm so great. Let's celebrate me for a month. Read the room. I'm so special. Read the room. I've

had it with all of that. Here's my thing. If this mom wants to do first and 16th and then on the other days, it'd be no big deal. Good for her. Yeah, I have zero issue with it. I would even, my recommendation would be they're not going to remember their first birthday party. Just cut that out, go straight to 16. Just write it out to 16. Yeah. Yeah. I think the over-partying, like, I think the reason we have birthday weeks and birthday months at this point with, like, young adults is because we had... Personality disorders? You think it's the personality disorders, NPD? No, I think it's we had 47 birthday parties when they were little. Because at the end of the day, fundamentally, nobody gives a shit if

it's your birthday, except for you and maybe your parents. Nobody gives a fuck. Everybody has one. Everybody has one. That's the thing. Every year, they're not that special. That's the thing. So when you put all of this in, you know, like, oh my gosh, it's your birthday. It's like, everybody has one. It's like an asshole. Everybody has one. Yeah gosh, it's your birthday. It's like, everybody has one. It's like an asshole. Everybody has one. Yeah. So it's just like-

We're not having asshole parties. We're not having asshole parties. That's your day, 365. Which might be kind of interesting. I think I'd like that more. But yeah, all these birthday parties for kids and making it seem like, oh my gosh, your birthday is the biggest day on the planet.

I'll tell you what gets me about this, and I think I've said it before, is when somebody wants to take off work on their birthday. So fucking what, it's your birthday. Like everybody else has a job, everybody else goes to work on their birthday. If everybody didn't work on their birthday, guess what? No one would be at work.

That's right. So, I mean, just enough already. Yeah, everybody is freaking out about this, but I I'm going to be in the camp that we're celebrating normalcy too much. Much celebrating mediocrity. We are. And it's it's really over the top. I remember speaking of over the top parties. I got I knew the minute you said speaking of over the top party,

I thought here it comes. Let's just go ahead and talk about Emily, your daughters. Was it third? It was third. It would have been her third birthday, because Luke was born two weeks before her third birthday. Actually, I had a blast at it. I really did.

I'm going to tell you what she did, listener. She had some ponies. And there was like a post, and it was like a real live carousel where the ponies walked in circles in her front yard. She had a pony carousel, but they were real ponies, not the fake ponies like the ones in Central Park. And then we had a clown that was the creepiest motherfucker you've ever seen in your life. His name was Chester. Easily you could have called him Chester the Molester. And I think we did. I think we did call him that. And he made balloon art for all the children. I think you had some princess characters. Some princess

characters. Some balloon animal maker guy. Do you have a goat? Was there a goat? Yeah, there were goats. Here's what happened. In my own defense, my own defense, which I know it's fucking ridiculous, but in my defense, for some reason- You're a biologist. Well, I'm a biologist. And obviously I had to do some experimentation on these animals.

No, every time I would have a baby, like right before I'd have a baby, I'd feel guilty like- For the other one. For the other one, like you're gonna get less attention. You're not gonna have, you know, you're not gonna be the special only child or Emily. You're not gonna be the only girl.

Like you're gonna have a sibling. Instead of thinking I'm giving you the greatest gift you'll ever have, which is the sibling, I felt super guilty. So my youngest was born two weeks before my middle child's third birthday. And so I, mom guilted it to the tune of you look like an asshole. You stupid fuck.

It was ridiculous. I remember the cake was like three tears. The whole thing. I had a blast. I like animals. I thought the clown was wildly entertaining and creepy. The magician. The cake was delicious. It was a five star party. Oh yeah, the magician. The princesses. I had a blast at the party. I kind of like a kids party more than an adult party except for the kids. Right, the kids being their sex. The kids were entertaining,

but I remember the goats and the ponies. I really quite enjoyed them. I mean, what an asshole. What an asshole I was. I mean, still am, but just in different ways. I wouldn't pull that off again. But you know, I mean, you're tapping into something I think is so important to talk about.

And it is, our parents did not feel this need to over celebrate us. No! And this need to feel like when you said, instead of giving her a gift for her birthday, the sibling is a big gift. Well, what if the sibling is a fucking asshole that bullies you? That everything on the planet has to be done for this child. And I fell prey to a lot of that in raising my kids, that everything has to be a certain way when life isn't a certain way. Life is the way that it's

dealt each and every day. And sometimes you have a great series of events that happens. Sometimes you have an average mundane series of events that happen. Sometimes some really crappy shit happens. And so, I don't know, I think all of that stuff is rather, it's fun in the moment, but anxiety inducing at a later date because you don't understand why everybody's not as excited about you or your birthday as your mom that threw the petting zoo, Chester the molester clown birthday party for you. And listen, I had some humsinger birthday parties for my kids too. I don't think I had a petting zoo, although hashtag goals. Maybe for my birthday, upcoming birthday, I could have a petting zoo.

My gosh, the big, Jenny's a big five-o, come ride the donkey. Yeah, we still, here she is with the, here she is with the, it always slips in. Pumps needs to get laid. She's always talking about writing stuff or cramming stuff in holes. That's just the thesis of the podcast. Lately, yeah. Ride the donkey. It's a sad state of affairs.

I used to, my birthday's in the summer. And so all of my friends would be out of town in college. They would go back home. And so all of my friends would be out of town in college. They would go back home. Yeah. And so I changed my birthday. Yeah. To your half birthday? I changed it to April 12th, I think. Yeah. And I changed my Facebook. I changed everything. I would tell people it was April. And so for like two or three years in college, I celebrated my birthday in April so that everyone was in town. Birthday fraud. Birthday fraud. To this day, I just saw one of my best friends from college. She said something about my birthday.

She was like, I don't ever know when it is because you lied about it for a couple years. When is it? May 29th. Let me ask you this. Did your parents throw over the top birthday parties for you growing up? I don't even remember.

See, and Emily doesn't remember. That's the telltale right there. They don't even remember. They don't care. And a lot of it is, a lot of moms do this to impress other moms. Right. I did mine over the top. I know you did. I know you're-

But I mean to appease my own guilt. Guilt, yes. Emily didn't give a shit. I didn't give a shit what everybody else thought because everybody else thought I was ridiculous, but it made me feel less guilty. Yeah. But no, you get the one-uppers. I mean, you still get that with all kinds of things,

like adult parties, dinner parties. Well, you got moms that try to out-mom you at school, bringing lots of snacks, volunteering to do stuff that the students should be doing, helicoptering around the school. The one-upmanship with moms really exceeds the one-upmanship with teenagers. Jen, why don't you tell the class what you did yesterday?

You power mom. You power mom. Oh, okay. Let me tell you what I did. For this game that I went to when my son's school played the teenage sexist school, the coach had emailed, you know, we're playing in this tournament, regional tournament. Can anybody bring dinner for the kids for them to eat at the school before we board the bus to go to this small town?

I didn't have anything going on that evening. I was in town and I clicked reply and I said I would like to volunteer to bring the food. Good for you. Yeah. So I assume you were in your kitchen making sandwiches, casseroles. How did that work out? So I went to, this can be very embarrassing to admit, my mother will be incredibly mad at me for this.

But I went to Chick-fil-A, bought about $250 worth of hate chicken. And I drove it out to the school and dropped it off. And see, listen up, kids. Listen up, listener. A lot of parents are mad at their kids because maybe they don't go to Sunday school or maybe they missed a Bible study class. My mom gets mad at me if I go to Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-A, or Home Depot because as my mother will say in her darling Dallas Texan accent,

darlin they're terribly mean to the gays. I can't, I don't know how you support or eat that hate chicken. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry to the LGBTQ plus IA community. It was easy. All the homeschooled people that work there run it efficiently. They're so happy to be out of the house. Right. They're not homeschooling. And they just they're efficient. And I got it and I took it there. And it's a demerit on my card. I'm going to do better. But I was a good mom, great mom yesterday. You power mom. But you know what I did? I walked in, dropped it off. I asked where the team was. This gal

that was the palm coach was like, I don't know, but you can set it all on this table. I set it there. It turned around and left. I didn't grandstand. I didn't click reply all. I didn't get in the group me. I didn't take a victory lap. I save all of that for pickleball. Right? Channeling it all in a healthy spot. I'm incredibly humble when it comes to doing selfless things for my children. I don't even have to talk about it. Y'all are the ones that brought it up. Right. I was just going to let it go.

I was shocked when you told me that. Yeah. Look at you. Yeah, I did it. I did it. I took the boys' food. Granted, it was hate chicken. Bought with mommy's money.

Bought with hashtag mommy's money. That's right, baby. Mommy's money. All right. So, you know, Pumps, when we do these live shows and you and I both get a lot of DMs, personal emails to the podcast, letters sent to the podcasting studio,

we always are joking around in here and laughing and making fun of shit and having fun, trash talking, all this stuff. But some people that listen to this podcast have experienced something really painful in their lives. They're looking for a respite from that. They're looking for a time to laugh. And particularly in the VIP lines, you know, we've talked to people who are going through divorce, their spouse or significant other is addicted

to drugs or alcohol. There's been a death. Somebody's, you know, in chemo treatments. And they use this podcast to kind of giggle and get an escape. But I bring all of that up to say, number one, for all of our listeners who are out there going through shit, everybody fucking goes through dark days. Dark dark dark dark days. And Pumps and I certainly have done that. But I think the internet is a really hard place to navigate when you're going through darkness, sadness, anger, you know, just shit is not falling into place. In fact, shit's falling out of the sky and raining hellfire on you and you're just in a funk to end all funks. The internet can

be so problematic because of all the toxic positivity on it. The world of toxic positivity on the internet, I think is so dangerous because it teaches that you should never feel negative emotions. Right, that they're bad. And this is something that is being projected on this Gen Z generation about feeling negative emotions Z generation about feeling negative emotions. Because everything that's on the internet for them is, oh my God, look, it's Bama Rush and I'm doing this. And it doesn't show the other human side of it where people are hurting and crying and struggling and can't afford

to even go to college and all of these things. All of that being said, all that stuff is going to be out there. There's nothing anybody can do with it, but we have to have an opposition to it. We talk often about our favorite Instagram account. And I think that Dave, the person who runs our favorite Instagram account, disappointing affirmation, shares with us our frustration with the toxic positivity community. And let's package everything up with a beautiful bow on it, pick up the rug, sweep everything underneath it. I'm so special. I'm having a birthday month. The world was supposed to be arranged for my day. I think he gets it because I mean, nothing motivates me or makes my heart smile

that more than his disappointing affirmations. So we have actually, Kylie has contacted Dave and we are going to have him as a guest on and he is going to do a dramatic reading of some of his greatest hits of disappointing affirmations. So let's get Dave on here. Pumps, I've got to tell you this Lume whole body deodorant is a total game changer. I put it on my feet. I put it on my hands. I put it on my legs, I put it on my crotch before I play pickleball. I come off the court smelling fantastic. I love the whole body deodorant because I can put it under the Sagan Dragons and there's zero risk of smell. My favorite product from Lummi are the after exercise wipes. So you just do a little pit, all the areas and then you just go.

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all you have to do is just send it back. Shipping, returns, and exchanges are always free. Style that makes you feel as good as you look. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash had it. That's stitchfix.com slash had it. Stitchfix.com slash had it stitch fix.com slash had it. Okay, let's welcome to I've had it podcast, the author of the very best Instagram page that warms our cold black hearts so much. The author of disappointing affirmations, Dave Tarnowski.

Dave, how are you today? I'm doing great, thank you. How are you? How's everybody? We're good, congratulations on your book. Thank you so much. So is any of this like an opposition to the toxic positivity on Instagram,

which I think can make people feel very depleted and insufficient as human beings to read this ridiculous high bar level of Zen that we're supposed to have after viewing some inspirational quote. Yeah, it's because it's forced, it's sort of like at a corporate place where you're supposed, it's like enforced or mandatory fun. Right. That's, that's what a lot of positive affirmations are. And it's, it's just, it's, it's making people believe things and, you know, God bless them

again, if, if, if that's what they are into or whatever, but this whole, that you can never have a negative thought, that whole part of it just bothers me because it's so unhuman. Right. Absolutely. As a student of therapy, and Pumps and I have both had quite a bit of mental health health therapy. I find your quotes so much more helpful than all of the other bullshit that I see. Like seeing before you came on, like my biggest pet peeve is everything happens for a reason. I hate it. Or it's a god thing. That shit drives me crazy. So, OK, let's have you read some of your greatest hits and then we'll talk about them. Do you want another one? Yeah. OK. OK. OK. OK.

So let's see. So I'm starting out with and have this weird thought of reading them as Brian Cranston doing Walter White. Yes, love it. It's a great show. I'm going to see if I can do it. Okay. Right. No one is coming to save you.

You are the adult. I'm so sorry. Oh my gosh, Dave. You are everything I wanted you to be plus more. This is exceeding all of my toxic positivity defense dreams on the planet as Walter White. This is too good. This is too good.

All right, go on. The only person you can truly rely on is you. What a fucking nightmare. See, all of these, I tell Jennifer every time we read it, like we should tattoo this on my forehead. So I have that bone to pick with you. I feel like you personally sought me out for these affirmations because it's like you fucked it up. Guess what? Girlfriend, you got to fix it. Like you're fucked. You're going to need a much larger forehead.. You're gonna need a much larger forehead.

I'm gonna need a much larger forehead. That it can lengthen. Yes. Is that a thing? I don't know. Oh, there's all kinds of things, I'm sure. So this next one speaks very highly to how I felt preparing for this. Okay.

It's not imposter syndrome. You really do suck at everything. I am the person who writes these, just so you know. It's like this is But you know, to me that really shows like such a, I'm drawn to people that are rooted in reality. Like that is so much more appealing to me and I feel like I mate with them intellectually so much more than I do. Like superficial flattery and superficial charm. I just start cringing on the inside when I'm around it. I just think it's so insincere and I gravitate towards real sincerity. Even if that sincerity is something that might not be pleasant, I have found after all of the emotional shit

that I've gone through in my adulthood life, that being around sincerity is so much more genuine and I find that so much more comforting because it's real. It is. It is. And it's not something I planned per se. It just started coming out. And people picked up on it in an incredibly major way almost immediately. And so it was validation because I felt seen. You know, that's sort of that's my biggest thing with this book and with the page is tell people who need to feel seen, you'll see, you know, and it's that's one thing that the toxic positivity does not do. Right. It puts pressure on people that your life has to be perfect. So if your life's not perfect, what's wrong with you?

And the reality is everybody's life has really, really low peaks and valleys. I mean, there's valleys, but there's a lot of low peaks and everybody goes through them. So to minimize what somebody's going through and it's bullshit. She makes stuff up. There's low peaks, low valleys. Sorry. Very low valleys. I mean, there's a lot of days that are fucking hard. I mean, it's bare minimum is an A plus plus for the day. So for to get on the internet and say, Oh, everything's so great. Then it makes

people think, well, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with my life? So what I like about your side, it's like, fucking it sucks. Sometimes it's hard to be alive. Sometimes it's really hard to be an adult. Okay, read us another one. All right. All right. So let's see. Just be yourself. But not your real self. No one wants to see that shit. No one wants to see that show. The Walter White voice is so good because I just picture the blue meth in the background.

This next one, this was the meme that made my page. It just exploded after this. And it's, have a panic attack. You've earned it. You know, at the end of the day, what I love about this book and your mantra is that it's basically saying feel your feelings and you're responsible for yourself. And throughout all of the other shit that goes on the internet and all of these toxic positivity quotes and all of this stuff. And again, like you said, maybe they help people. To me, they infuriate me when I see it, especially when I'm feeling really bad. It's just like a pile on when I read like an inspirational quote, I'm kind of like a fuck off with your positivity. But these, these I can wrap my head around and laugh because sometimes humor is so meditative to get through really hard times when you laugh for a second, it just, it breaks. It's a little respite from the seriousness of the intense feelings that you're feeling. And that's why I think your pages exploded so much, because

it's so relatable to stop, laugh at yourself, realize this is a part of the human experience, and then get back to feeling like shit again. It's still there. Yeah, no, I've always said negative affirmations need to be a thing as well, you know, and it's one of the things that I sort of, you know, I hoisted myself by my own petard was calling it disappointing affirmations because anytime it's not disappointing enough for folks, they let me know. It sucks because I could be having a good day and it's hard to write something that's really dark when you're just sort of like, la la la. But I'm not going to be writing a good day. I'm going could be having a good day and it's, it's hard to write something that's really dark when you're just sort of like, blah, blah, blah. But I'm here as a content producer. So I'm like, all right,

let me get this stuff out. And they're just like, this is too positive. And I'm like, no, is this positive? I think people are getting more jaded the longer I go on with this stuff. Well, your page has brought us immense joy. Yes, we love it. And we love to do dramatic readings from your book. One of our listeners even made a jingle. And everybody loves it.

And we love you. You're one of our favorite, favorite, favorite Instagram accounts. Everything you say speaks to our cold black hearts. Dave, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me and thank you for being such great supporters. I so appreciate it. Yes. And listener, you can find Dave at disappointing affirmations on Instagram and there you can

click his link to buy his book. And then he also has a book of postcards. That's a great idea. So if you want to do snail mail to Sydney, I thought that was such a clever gift idea because let's face it, it's very hard to find people gifts because everybody just gets what they want with the internet, you know, at their fingertips. So these are great. Dave, thanks again. Thanks, Dave.

Good luck with the book. Thank you so much. Bye. The Walter White. Chef's kiss. I like love Breaking Bad so much. I do too. The fact that he married the two of those things together for us is just fantastic. It's so great.

Yes. I love the disappointing affirmations. I can guarantee that I'll laugh out loud every day. Oh, they're so good. Because they're all applicable to me. Yes. All right, listener, please go to Apple or Spotify and give us five stars. Click the link in bio.

We have brand new merch that is absolutely fantastic. We have a tour called the Hot Shit Tour. We have Patreon where if you stay, if you're a member of Patreon, you can stay on and we're going to do our post show right now for Patreon users only and pumps tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that.