I've Had It - Jesus Christ Super Capitalist

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots, black triots. Listen up, people of the United States and international listeners. We're still here on Asshole Island and we will not cede one inch, not one inch to these fascist MFers. We are going to stand together for everyone all the time. Sometimes we're going to have petty grievances, sometimes we're

going to have big grievances, but we're going to do it together as an asshole island family. Pumps, what have you had it with? What I've had it with are two things. Number one, I've had it with this bang that I can't get to stand down. It just sticks up all the time. I've had it with that. I've also had it with lies coming from the press secretary at the White House. I've had it with the questions that they have plants in the press briefing that ask them xenophobic questions. I've had it with all that. I'm tired of lying, especially from the White House. And I know that's a big ask, but I would just like a tiny bit of truth and not so much propaganda.

I just think that's, you know, I just think you're asking too much. I know. You have 40 something percent of the population that voted for a man that is a convicted felon. So they're okay with crimes. They're okay with crimes, they're okay with lies, and a percentage of the American public, the triple Trumpers, are okay with immoral behavior because these people are morally flawed. I saw on Instagram, I think, that somebody wrote, maybe triple Trumpers, maybe they're nice to their pets, maybe they're nice to their families. But these are deeply flawed, toxic people. And that's the truth.

We cannot make excuses for these people. All of us have trumpers in our lives. I think all of us would say these are the most toxic people in our lives. The most, the lowest emotional intelligence, the lowest intellectual intelligence are these people. They're broken and they're damaged and they are 100% fine with the lies coming from the White House press secretary because she hates the same people they hate. It's really sickening. And you know what I was thinking when you were talking? I agree with you.

All of these people, they're OK with lies. They're OK with criminals. But I have family members that are triple trumpers. If I brought home a boyfriend slash fiance and said, here's my fiance, he's got 34 felony convictions, they would immediately tell me this was a bad idea. So how do you reconcile that you're okay with the most powerful office in the land being a criminal, but yet you wouldn't want your daughter to be engaged to somebody that had 34 felony counts? And

I 100% know that. Let me tell you this. Say the guy, the hypothetical guy you're bringing home to your mom and dad, was a billionaire and he said he was a Christian and he had learned his lesson and he hated the same types of people that they hated. I think you'd find a caveat carve out. You do? Well, fuck yes, you do. If he was a billionaire and did a little praise Jesus, read a little white, Did a little praise Jesus, read a little white, maybe said a couple of off-colored remarks about minorities. There'd be hook, line, sink, or all in on it.

And that's the thing. That's the big lie of Trump. And that's the exposure of Trump to these people. If you're rich and you're white, you can be a piece of shit. But if this was a poor guy or a black guy that you brought home, you're white, you can be a piece of shit. But if this was a poor guy or a black guy that you brought home, you're goddamn right, your family would take issue with it. But if you brought home some born again billionaire

who was a bullshit artist, he'd tap dance all over them and win them over hook line sinker just the way Trump has. I'm afraid to say you might be right. Yeah, it's a burden being right all the time. It really is. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with Jesus Christ advertising on television. There are so many. I saw this ad keeps popping gets us. And I'm like, okay, stop. Stop. This is the most famous person of my lifetime. You cannot go a block in the state of Oklahoma without seeing Christ, Christian, or Jesus, or something. Now we're running ads? Jesus Christ is advertising? Like what stage of capitalism meets religion are we at right now? Where Jesus Christ has to advertise on

television to promote his brand. Is it me or is that just the weirdest, most American, late stage capitalism, late stage democracy, pre-Christian nationalist, handmade tale arrival you have ever seen in your life? Completely agree with all that. I'll tell you what I found interesting because I don't usually watch TV that has commercials, but during the Super Bowl, which those ads are exponentially more expensive than normal, I saw three or four different, like Jesus loves you, Jesus gets you, at the highest rate of the entire year

to pay for those ads, and that's what I was struck by. So they're paying triple plus premium for these ads. Well, that they're paying for that doesn't surprise me one bit because these people don't pay taxes. So of course they can afford. Right. You know, I mean look at Joe Olsteen lives in like a 50,000 square foot house has five or six private planes. My thing is the insecurity that you would feel like you need to advertise and when you dig deep into the people behind this

is the people that own, it's the people that own Hobby Lobby, the Green family, which is from Oklahoma. These are the people that famously opposed birth control being in the Affordable Care Act. Imagine that as a Christian, a billionaire Christian at that, that one of your number one platforms isn't to help people, isn't to give health care to people who can't afford it, maybe open up a hospital for free to poor members of the society. Nope, it's to make sure those damn sluts, if they're fucking around they're gonna get knocked up, we're not paying for their birth control. That's their number one cause and these are the same assholes that are

running commercials for Jesus Christ on the television. I think this is pure grifting, charlatan, propagandizing bullshit and it is why, among many other reasons, I detest with every molecule in my fiber, in my being. Evangelical Christianity. I think it is a cancer. I think it is a dumb factory that breeds dumb people that don't critically think, that elect dumb, corrupt leaders that worship money and like to bully gay people and belittle black people. And I think it is an absolute cancer. White evangelical mega church Christianity cannot stand it. I have had it and Jesus Christ quit

running ads. For fuck's sake, you've had the best-selling book for like 2,000 years. Had it. I'm telling you I'm still not over the dumb factory. It is. Evangelical Christian is a dumb factory. They go to these dumb schools. They go to dumb Christian camps. And then their number one thing is that what they want kids to do is not fuck. I'm like, that's going to work. Works so well. Abstinence is such a great plan. Bravo. Yeah. Tell a bunch of hormonal teenagers that they have sex, they're bad, and their devil's going to torture them forever. That's good.

That's healthy. That seems like a rock-solid idea. It's just stupid. It's a stupid idea on top of other stupid ideas that then materializes in them running an advertisement for Jesus Christ. That's just weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's

completely strange. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie, the HBIC head beaver in charge because beavers fuck with you when you're not watching and it's the mascot of Canada. And I do think beavers have premarital sex and I think it's shame-free. They do. They have absolute shame free and they mate for life. They mate for life. Yeah, they're soul mates. Beavers are. And you know what? They don't have to run commercials. No, they're not running commercials that beavers love each other forever. They don't have to grandstand like, hey, I get you. I'm a beaver. I get you. And running like

multi-million dollar advertisements. I think it's pathetic. I think it's thirst trapping. I am not a Christian. But if I were one, I would be like, why is Jesus advertising? This is beneath his messaging. I think it is the trashiest American, white, evangelical, dump truck, dipshit, magashit. I hate it. Kylie, have you seen those ads? I have. They're everywhere. I don't know if it's just Oklahoma or hate it. Kylie, have you seen those ads? I have. They're everywhere. I don't know if it's just Oklahoma or if it's international, but everywhere.

It's not international. I can assure you. National. Right now. I would say national. Yeah. I think that probably our European listeners are like, wait a minute. So y'all advertise for medication, which they think is really weird.

And you're Jesus Christ is running ads on television. It's weird. And here's the thing is running ads on television. It's weird. And here's the thing, all of these religious groups do all this shit with impunity and nobody ever calls it out. Like I have an idea, the Jesus commercial people, why don't you take all that money for your advertisement, put your money where your mouth is and go help the homeless situation?

Because I don't know about you, but most of the evangelical Christians that I know, when homelessness comes up, they act so disgusted. They'll say, ugh, I don't want to go out to California. It's just so many homeless people. I'm like, oh yeah, like they're living so well. Right. Like have some fucking compassion

with your little Christ cross on. So maybe instead of spending billions of dollars on an advertising campaign, coordinate with state and local governments and say, hey, we were about to do this huge multi-hundred million dollar advertising campaign for Jesus, but then we realized, oh yeah, he's already famous and he has a best-selling book for like 2,000 years. So what we thought we'd do instead of being assholes trying to impose our views on everybody else is we would just partner with you all and figure out what kind of homes and communities we could build to tackle this homelessness crisis that you have.

Are they doing that? No. And guess what? When they do do it, they go to foreign countries and they have to do all this mission stuff and manipulate people into believing their religion to give them clean water. It's bullshit, whistleblowing on the whole thing. I've had it. Well, you know, that's a really, really good idea you just had, but you know where you wouldn't find an idea like that? A white evangelical mega church or dumb factory. No, because they're dumb factories. They are dumb factories. That's

like my favorite thing you've said in a long time. Kylie, what did you think when you saw the Jesus commercials? Honestly, I think I'm pretty desensitized to it. Because like you said, every billboard when we drive around, it's just everywhere. It doesn't even phase me anymore. It's like background noise. Yeah, it doesn't phase me either.

But what fazed me is when I saw so many during the Super Bowl. And I thought, god, they're paying a premium for that. I think it's somewhat pathetic. I think it's just, if your product is so good and if I were to meet white evangelical Christians in the city that I live in where they're abundant here. And they were so good and compassionate to where I said, God, I just think you're a really great person. You always are in a great mood. You show so much kindness to the marginalized. What is that about? And they're like, oh, it's my faith. Well, what religion are you? They're like, well, I'm a follower of Jesus, but I don't want to push

it on you. Now that would be attractive. attractive. There's nothing that these people do that's attractive. They're out there talking in tongues, holding up rattlesnakes, taking VIMO, building new churches, growing, growing, growing, ripping off the public just like the MAGA Republicans do. Yeah, it's kind of crazy when you think about the correlations between MAGA and evangelical religion, straight down to the leader being between MAGA and evangelical religion.

Straight down to the leader being, what I'm told is charismatic in Donald Trump, but like the real hell fire damnation, it really is when you step back from it, it's chilling. Well, and then look at how he's decorated the Oval Office. It's full blown Christian, you know, nouveau riche vibes. You know, it is. That's like, there's a, remember that house where I grew up an evangelical preacher who, you know, got all those millions of dollars. He built this gaudy tacky nouveau riche mansion. Look at Joel Ulstein's mansion. Trashy. Look at the Oval Office. Trashy. Look at Mar-a-Lago. Trashy. Look at Trump's

tower penthouse. Utter gutter snipe. I mean it's just, it's just trashy and I just, I think that Jesus running ads is just a bridge too far for me. Live by example Jesus. Live by example. You don't need to be buying ads. It's just too far. It's just too far. I mean, if there was, if I was like 99.9999999% never going to be a Christian, Jesus running the ad, put the nail in the crucifix. I mean, it's never happening. That's never gonna fucking happen. It's the most unattractive, braggadocious, pick me, thirst trap bullshit I've ever seen. And here I thought you were so close. At this point after those ads, I think I have a better chance of like Scientology. Yeah. I haven't seen any Scientology ads. I have, but maybe

on streaming. Oh, really? Because I Google stuff about it all the yet. I have. But maybe on streaming. Oh really? Because I Google stuff about it all the time. All right, Kylie, what's going on on the internet? I've got some hate comments for you today. Oh good. Oh good. This one is one star review titled Nails on a Chalkboard and they write, if you like the sound of two aggressive pigs bullying their guests and showcasing really uninformed opinions as rudely and unhinged as possible,

then this is your show. I'm a woman and I had to turn this show off because it's cringy and embarrassing. This is a good example of just because you can doesn't mean you should. You have been warned. Been warned? By what?

Like what's she gonna do? By her. Oh, she's warning other people. She's warning future listeners. I think she must have heard my conversation with Rahm Emanuel. Probably. I mean, I think that's what that is.

Yeah, but- Pulling guests. I mean, that's the only, that's the closest it gets to. Yeah, but it says two pigs. I don't think she'd call Josh a pig, do you? Was she probably only, this is a person who has never listened to a full podcast. This is a person who's seen the clip online, or better yet, saw the clip on Fox News.

I forget you're a Fox News star. When they did their take down of me, and like two or three different shows did like a Fox News take down. And every time we're featured on Fox News, you guys, my DMs, my email box, my business phone line ring. The depths of evil spit that comes out of the Maga cult, it's unbelievable how deranged

these people are. I mean, I just know for sure when I'm on Fox, it's coming. It is coming. The fucking hate parade, this dumb factory is on its way to my inbox. And you know what's so amazing about that? 95% of them are evangelical Christians that have God, Jesus, pray, whatever in their bias. Always. But that doesn't surprise me at all because the meanest people I know are evangelical Christians. White evangelical Christians are the cruelest, most toxic people I've personally ever met in my life. Well, it shows itself off on Fox News, for sure. Kylie, what's next?

This one is another one-star review. It's titled TDS, which we know stands for Trump Derangement Syndrome. And they write, please get help. You're off the rails. Here's the thing. I, I, I, the only part I disagree with that is the Trump Derangement Syndrome, but the get help. You're off the rails. I totally agree with that. Right. Yeah. Off the rails. Yes. And the one star, we're not for everybody. But I take issue. I think the Trump derangement syndrome is just classic projection. Well, yeah. They're the ones that are deranged by him and they're projecting that other people aren't because we critically think and don't believe the lies. When we hear a man say, why don't you just stick bleach, inject bleach into the veins and just

clean it all out? I'm able to deduce that that is a bad idea. Right. When I hear a presidential candidate talking about Hannibal Lecter and sharks being electrocuted in windmills, I immediately know that's not somebody I want to put my faith and trust in, but not these people. Did we get a bunch? I never look at that.

Did we get a bunch of one stars? We have an influx recently due to the aforementioned Fox. Hey, reviews are review. I don't want them to tank our rating. Has it tanked our rating? No, but I thought I would end on a high note. Here's a five star. True allyship. And Jade writes, my wife and I never miss an episode. The head beaver in charge and her younger partner are the true definition of what it means to be an ally. Even when we want to cry, they give us something to laugh about.

Thanks for being our favorite DEI podcast. These lesbians truly love you both. Yay. Yay. I forgot to say, welcome to America's top DEI podcast. We're DEI podcast. Yeah. And actually at this podcast, Seth, our other editor, is a heterosexual white male and I call him our DEI hire. Right. He's our DEI hire because we like female lesbians. That's correct. Because as we all know, as you've said, lesbians should rule the world. Okay, listen up. I've had it ladies have, have the biggest, best hack for nailing. I mean, stick the landing Mother's Day gift,

race immediately to Aura and buy this frame for your mother for Mother's Day. I have this frame and I love it. What's so great about it is you can upload pictures constantly. They're changing all the time and you get to recap your memories every time you see it. Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter and featured in 495 gift guides last year. The next time you need to call your mom,

you can also send her a new pic of you from that trip you were telling her about right from your phone. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best selling Carver Mat Frame. That's AuraFrames.com. Be sure to use our promo code HAD IT. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Attention renters, if you haven't heard of BILT, you're about to thank me. Earn your favorite airline miles and hotel points through BILT just by paying your rent on time. Now let me explain. There's no cost to join and just by paying rent, you unlock flexible points that can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next

lift ride and so much more. BILT's neighborhood benefits are things like extra points on dining out, complimentary post-workout shakes, free mats or towels at your favorite fitness studio, and unique experiences that only BILT members can access. So if you're not earning points on rent, my question is, what are you waiting for? Start paying rent through BILT and take advantage of your neighborhood benefits by going to joinbilt.com slash had it. That's j-o-i-n-b-i-l-t dot com slash had it. Make sure to use our url so they know we sent you joinbilt.com slash had it to sign up for BILT today. Okay, I have some news stories I would like to review with the class today.

A study has found that one in five corporate executives are psychopaths, the same rate among prisoners. I'm surprised it's not higher. I'll tell you what, I would have been surprised about this 10 years ago. Now I'm not at all surprised. I can't believe it's not higher after what we've seen, you know, just in the last, and maybe it's just because I've started paying attention as I've gotten older, you know, in my twenties.

I didn't give a fuck. Are you saying that you were in your twenties 10 years ago? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is lies. I want to go give us a one star review and say the older Beaver is lying about her age. No, I didn't mean that, but I'm just saying, as you go through your life,

like you're not interested in what's going on with executives or whatever until you start being consumer and an adult. You know what I mean? So in the last 10 years, I've really noticed how, well, probably longer than that. All right, next up we have deleting your long paragraph and texting back, okay, is a different level of self control. It's a sign of emotional regulation, the ability to manage intense feelings without reacting impulsively. When're healing you begin to realize that not every trigger

deserves a full emotional response Sometimes you write the paragraph to process your feelings, but delete it to protect your peace that simple. Okay It's not about shutting down. It's a conscience boundary. It's the moment you choose self-respect over emotional chaos. It's the shift from needing to be heard to being okay with not being understood by everyone. That's not cold. That's clarity. That's healing. I found this and I thought, okay, this is so true because I used to just fucking go hot. Like if something triggered me, I would just blast back. I mean, I would just be like, and I'm sure that comes as a huge surprise to our listeners. But I would say probably like the last five years, I've really like,

there are just certain things that happen where I'm just like, I just, I don't care enough. I don't care enough. I don't care enough to respond. And I do agree with what this, this is Mr. Underscore psychologist on Instagram says that you can write your ass chewing text and then you can go up and delete it and replace it with an okay. Because sometimes it's just cathartic to get it out of you, but not deal with the aftermath and then having to manage that person's emotions anymore

when you send them how you really feel. Sometimes how I feel about somebody is just my business and I don't really need that person to know that I think they're a piece of shit. Sometimes you do though. We've always had these fantasy chew outs and fantasy letters like hate mail that we'd write to people and chew out conversations that we'd role play.

And so this to me is the same thing. I'll tell you why I don't text it. I'm so worried they're gonna see the bubbles. So I do all the imaginary role play in my head, but I'm just- Why do you care if they see the bubbles or not? I don't know. I mean, at 55 years old, like why do you give a shit if somebody sees your bubbles?

I just don't like people to know when I'm responding. I like to let it ride. But I like to just say, OK, or just not respond. I always, for the most, there is one lady recently. She started the conversation with me. And she'd been listening to Tucker Carlson's podcast and started all this crazy, like, pro-Putin conversation. And she sent me a couple of texts, and I just have completely ghosted her because I'm just like life's short and I don't want to

hang out with somebody who gets their news from the dumb factory. I just don't. Like I don't want to have a conversation with you about Tucker Carlson's theory about Vladimir Putin because it's a waste of time. It's a complete waste of time. I'm thinking this woman, it's a waste of time. It's a complete waste of time. I'm thinking this woman, she's a wealthy white woman. She knows better and she chooses to spend her time trafficking in Tucker Carlson's podcast. You know, like, that's just,

you're just not a candidate to be my friend. You're not a candidate to be my text buddy You're not a candidate to be my text buddy. Sure as fuck never playing pickleball with you ever again. I don't hate you. I don't like you. You're just simply not worthy of any response from me because life is too short to spend it with the dipshits from the dumb factory, from the dumb factory. From the dumb factory. All right. My last one is people who use profanity tend to be more honest and show higher levels of integrity.

Studies show that people who curse more often tend to be more honest. Those who use profanity more frequently may be less likely to deceive or lie in social interactions. And I want to say to that, you're goddamn right. Fuck yes is what I have to say. Yeah. And I want to say this. I notice sometimes that people in our comment section will say, I love this show, but these ladies shouldn't cuss that much. And these are from liberal viewers, liberal listeners. And if you get on the internet long enough, you see that like Pod Save America, Joe Rogan,

any other podcaster, they can throw an f-bomb if they're male. And it's never a thing. But even within the progressive movement or the centrist movement or leftist movement, there's this expectation that women shouldn't cuss, but everybody else, all the men get to cuss all they want to. And I've had it with that. I think it's such bullshit. Furthermore, I think it was William Shakespeare

that said in Romeo and Juliet, a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, talking about the last name of the Montagues and the Capulets and just how stupid it was to put so much emphasis on that. And haven't we evolved past like the word fuck and it being that big of a deal. We have a convicted felon in charge of the United States of America that's intentionally face planning the economy and deporting people to a concentration camp. But Jennifer and

Angie, the DEI podcasters, say, fuck, and we got our panties in a wad and we're going to clutch our pearls. Stop listening. Go find another podcast. I can't deal with it. Yeah, no, I agree. I think it's a lot of sexism and the ladylike. And I think that as we're evolving, you know, the gender stereotypes are incrementally, hopefully getting a little better. I feel like there's a backlash right now with all the tradwife stuff, but that's just sexism. Pure and simple. It totally is. And there's this expectation that women, you know, oh, they're supposed to be ladies and little girls and blah, blah. And it's just this infantilizing of women

is something that I think is such a dangerous thing. And you see like little girls and their parents just completely infantilize them even when they're up to 25 or 30 years old. And it just, it doesn't help your daughters. It doesn't help the movement. Societies are much better, much, much better when women and men can equally say fuck with either the same amount of judgment or the same amount of acceptance.

Right. Well said. Thank you. You didn't go to the dumb factory. I didn't go to the dumb factory. I refused to go to the dumb factory. My whole life I fought off against it. Being an atheist in the buckle of the Bible belt, constantly recruited, told how I was going to hell Here's something else. I think it's fucking nuts. I Think it's fucking nuts to tell people you're born a sinner. You're born a fuck-up I don't think that's a very healthy thing to say to people. Yeah, I think people are inherently good. I Don't think people are inherently good. I don't think people are inherently bad.

I think people are inherently good. I think a religion that goes around telling people you're inherently bad, I think that's kind of abusive to children because you know what an advocate for children I am. Right. I mean, we are children advocates around here. I would say that's how I was always taught my whole life. It is a burden that you carry without even realizing you carry it, that you're a sinner, that you might go to hell, all that.

I mean, it's just, when you're indoctrinated with it from a young age, you do carry it. Or I do, I did, less so now. You don't carry it, you don't think you're bad anymore? I mean, I think I can be a real dick sometimes, but I think that's completely irrelevant to who I am as a person. But you don't have this feeling like I was born bad of sin and shed every ounce of that.

No, no, no. But don't you think that's kind of, I mean, having been told that, don't you think that's pretty screwed up to tell little kids? Yeah, it's way too harsh and way, it sucks with people. You know, you're putting your kid in a situation that they shouldn't be in at such a young age. Yeah. I think that's just, I think it's better to be like, I know deep down you're a good boy or you're a good girl or you're a good person. If the person, you know, whatever, I know deep down that you want to do the right thing. I think that's a better starting point than saying you're an absolute sinner and Satan has a stronghold in your heart,

but this is the only thing you have to do to be a better person. I also think it's kind of skirting the system. There's so much skirting, so much skirting in evangelical Christianity. You fucked this up, you fucked 50 women, you did all this, but you're saved again. So all's forgiven, you're good. So much skirting, no personal growth required. Kylie, what do you think about all that? You know, I agree 100%.

I think we always say some of the worst people are the Christians we know. And it's because they know that they can get away with it. There's a loophole. They're told to confess to a priest, all religions, just get baptized, you're good to go. Yeah, I always picture, because we hear from our gay friends,

they're on Grindr, right? And there's all these guys that are married to women and go to churches and all this stuff. And then they're going over, doing gay stuff with gay men on Grindr. And then I wonder like after they get their rocks off, you know, like when they get home, do they have like a prayer like, God, I'm so sorry. I'm not going to go chase that cock anymore.

I know I'm bad. I know I shouldn't do it. You know, like what is the process through that? Because then they think God forgives you. You've been saved. You've been born again. So all you have to do is just say sorry. And here's the thing. I don't really care that somebody goes and has gay sex. What I care about is that that person will attend and be a part of an organization that marginalizes and demeans gay people.

That's where I have, there's no oxygen with me and my allyship to the gay community. I will give no space, no oxygen to any church, institution, politician that even suggests that gay people are wrong. There's no space for that. It is the biggest deal breaker for me on the planet, the biggest. Well, and that's the thing about the hypocrisy and why it's so easy to point out the hypocrisy of evangelicals because they're running around on Grindr and then they're minimizing people that do the exact same thing they do and they think they're better than them. They think that they are inherently better.

Now that there's all this, you know, like tech stuff, I think that we need to have like hackers for good. And we need all of these evangelical preachers and like the people that work in the youth group, all the people that are in the like offices of these mega churches that just completely rip off the public. And we need to hack into their Google search histories, porn hubs, social media accounts, DMs, and then just release it all. Oh, well, that would be fantastic. But here's the deal.

I guarantee you those like the Joel Olsteen and the Scientology, those leader guys, their security is so much better than Pete Hegseth's. Like we can get on a Signal app and do war plans before we'd be able to get these motherfuckers to our districts. I promise you. It's so guarded. But a lot of this leads to, like it starts when you have shame about doing something. Like a lot of these evangelical preachers are probably gay and or bicurious. In my world and in your world, there's no shame in that. But in their world, there's horrific shame. I mean, one of the singular motivations of all of evangelical Christianity

is to protect all of these wonderful marriages with the straights. Right. Right. Like that's their big, big movement. And so I think when you have something that you feel shame about and you do it on the DL all the time, it can turn into an addiction and all addictions escalate each time. Like you have that, there was this guy, he was a mega church guy in Colorado. I can't remember his name, but he was all this anti-gay from the pulpit. And then he ends up doing poppers with some gay escort. They're doing butt stuff and poppers. And then it's all over the news.

And then you got that Senator Larry Craig that was trying to get laid at the Minneapolis airport. And so yes, they probably have some security, but I do think when you are doing something that's normal for you, that should be normal for you, but the societal and religious constructs tell you it's naughty and terrible and it's a sin and there has to be a human sacrifice in order for it to be atoned and all this crazy shit, then I think it can turn into higher risk, higher risk, higher risk behaviors, and it gets demented within that prism.

And I think they're so jealous of all of these gay people and the gay parades and they get so triggered by the pride parade because deep down, they envy that kind of honesty and that type of authenticity, but they're incapable of living it because of all of the religious and societal constraints that they don't have enough conviction to stand up to. I completely agree with all that, but I just think the level of security they've built in to keep their secrets, you know, like the Jerry Falwell thing, not eventually, or Junior fell apart because the wife's banging the pole boy and he's watching and all that. At some point they crack, but I just feel like these super high mega church with all of the money, they protect the money at all costs.

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Hello, old hag, second favorite lesbian in Kylie. This is Tavi here, huge fan of the podcast. I'm going to quickly share, and I've had it because I'm fresh out of the fucking situation that made me think about it. And that is I have fucking had it with full body mirrors across from the toilet in public restrooms. This is the third or fourth time in the last month I've seen this in New York City.

And I wanna know who was sitting on the fucking shitter thinking, you know what, we need a full body mirror in here. We need a shot of me in my most vulnerable position What the fuck are you thinking? You just want a straight shot up your fucking cooter or looking at your cock and balls hanging in the bowl What the fuck is going on? the only connection I can think here aside from Trump ism and Stanley cups is These are the same designers who look at a strip mall and think, you know what?

This seems to be a church. What the fuck do you mean you're having church and an old Sears? I grew up going to church. I'm not kidding you in Amarillo, Texas, that wasn't Albertsons before. What the fuck is going on? These mega church designers? I mean, I have seriously fucking had it with that shit. I just want to look one of them in the eyes and say, Hey, quick question.

Are you fucking kidding me? Don't piss me off. I love him. I feel like that's like a soulmate potential for me. That's an A plus plus. That's just like, that's my love language. Just browbeating the insanity and the horrible taste of evangelical churches. Probably people on the coast or international listeners don't get it.

You don't get what a toxic, poison evangelical Christianity is in places like Oklahoma. And then look at all those red states in the South. I mean, it's like large percentage white evangelical Christians. And all of these churches, every single one of them, not only is it about architecture, one of their number one platforms, go to all their websites. We believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.

Yeah. No, absolutely. And you know what else runs through the common of all that? Lowest education, highest gun ownership, murder, like all the bad things, lowest education. And like teen pregnancy rates. That's the amazing part about it. That's the, abstinence doesn't work

because if you look through the buckle of the Bible belt, highest teen pregnancy rate, also abortion-based. My favorite was Sarah Palin. So, John McCain's running against Obama in 2008, right? And so, Steve Schmidt was his campaign manager. Now he's a part of the, he's like a Never Trumper, Lincoln Project type guy. But he realizes like, oh fuck, John McCain's an incredible candidate. He's a moderate Republican, Vietnam vet, the whole nine, but he's up against this

once in a generation, good looking, smart, sharp as a tack, well spoken as fuck, Barack Obama. And there's this movement building. So he has to have a game change candidate. So he picked Sarah Palin, who she and she and George W. Bush to me, like they set the groundwork to they set the psychological soil for the American public to accept dumb people in charge of stuff. George W. Bush and Sarah Palin. So she's dumber than a box of hot rocks, right? And she has all these kids. It's like twig, leaf, branch, root. It's like all these whisper, willow, chrysanthemum. Those are her kids. And she's got like 10, right? And so she's all about like, I believe in traditional family values and I believe in abstinence only. And she's a huge, you know what, white evangelical

mega church hand waving Christian. Well, Chrysanthemum or one of her kids gets knocked up during the campaign, right? I can't remember if it was during the campaign or right after, and as a teenager. And then, you know, now our other son, I think, is like roughed up a girl and been in, possibly arrested. I think she and Todd Palin are her husband at the time, you know, and they were supposed to be America's family

that looked like all Americans. They're divorced. Right. You know, it's just a total hypocritical shit show. And I think the government has no bloody business telling people how to be families. Especially those families. Right. Do not exalt those families. Especially, I mean, you named your kid after a bunch of tree parts. Well, you have to start with that. From the giant.

I mean, like too many kids is a huge red flag, in my opinion. I just think it's a huge red flag. I do too. Case in point, Elon Musk. Okay, up next we've got Matt. Hi, Kylie. Hi, Head Beaver in Charge.

Hi, Jenny W. It's Matt. I haven't submitted anything for the pod in a little while, so I'm back. Riddle me fucking this. I pulled over to send this voice number to you guys because it's not even 5 p.m. I'm driving to work and I've seen two. I do live in a beach city. I want to preface that now to make sure that you know I understand that people want to be enjoying the sun. It's a sunny day. But explain to me why I've seen two men in their 70s

without a shirt on, letting their boobs fucking collect dust on the public sidewalk, taxpayer concrete, with a MAGA hat on, with their fucking, ugly fucking red MAGA hat on, give me a fucking break. Like, seriously? Seriously, babe? when you get to that age, like you have to come to terms, I need you to sit down and I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this, it is time to

put a shirt on because you cannot be subjecting the community to your fucking not so pleasant body and your Trump hat. And the best part to me, the most amusing part is that they can't seem to put a shirt on, but that fucking Trump hat is snug as a damn bug on their damn head. On their fat ass fucking head. Their big ass forehead. So anyways, if you see another man in their Trump hat, no shirt on, in your town, Oklahoma, wherever you live in Oklahoma, I want you to run in the window and say, put a fucking shirt on.

I'll go. Thanks, have a good day. I tell you what, you guys, I, Pumps and I have seen two MAGA hats together in two years, two and a half years. That's it. One was we were leaving Walmart, which Pumps likes to shop at Walmart. I went with her and there's a woman that walked in with a MAGA hat. The other time was Inauguration Day and we were at this cafe that we eat breakfast at like two or three days a week.

It's like a greasy spoon American diner. On Inauguration Day, this woman is in there and she has American flags and she has on her MAGA hat. Pumps and I, I mean, I felt like I wanted to do violent things. Like I felt like I hate her and I stared at her accordingly so that she knew. Like I know, I know what's in your heart bitch. I fucking know. And you can go to your mega church and you can put live laugh love on your, with a Christian cross on your profile and you can free base

Fox News out of your goddamn Stanley Cup. But I know, I know you're a racist, I know you're a homophobe, I know you're a hypocrite, I know you were produced in the dumb factory and participate in the dumb factory every fucking day. But other than that, I have not seen any MAGA hats in Oklahoma City. No, I haven't either. Yeah, seems like that's it. Yeah. Yeah.

We saw that one in California, but we were in LA, which made it even more shocking. But I will say this. The wearing no shirt old man with the MAGA hat is less alarming to me, which there is nothing grosser, don't get me wrong. It is less alarming than you seeing an 18 year old with the MAGA hat on. That terrifies me more than the old man that I can picture watching Fox News. It's the

young kids wearing MAGA hats. That's what scares me. No, that's a great point. It's a really good point. That's far more terrifying. It really is. Yeah. It is far more terrifying. Okay, Kylie, last one. Kylie Suellentrop Okay, the last one is from Bridie. Bridie Reilly Hi, girlies. This is Bridie from England. And today I will be dragging out a dead horse and beating it to a pulp because my, I've had it, is like crunchy granola mums that are just a public menace, a complete nuisance.

This is inspired by the fact that two days in a row at my work, for context I work in a cafe, two mothers allowed their children to sit down on a potty in the middle of the cafe and just go about their business. And then when they were confronted about it by my manager they didn't see an issue with it they were confused as to why we were complaining that is disgusting it's unhygienic it's weird and you're putting your child in like a crazy unsafe situation also I thought the point of potty training was teaching them to go appropriately and run to the toilet. I don't know. Love you guys.

Bye bye. That sounds like something that would happen in America. I'm very disappointed in the UK. Yeah, I'm shocked. I'm very disappointed. I could see that happening here in Oklahoma City, but I'm shocked it's going on there. That is the most obnoxious, rude, most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. This is why I don't think children, for their benefit, for their safety, for

their safety, they don't need to be out in public as much as these parents are dragging them out. They that mother put that child in a very unsafe position because had somebody been a little liquored up, a little emotionally that somebody been a little liquored up, a little emotionally unhinged, a little bit woke up a little bit cunty that day. That kid could have gotten the brunt of something. Absolutely, and that's just offensive and gross. And how about the woman or the mother acting like

she's offended that you're offended? Like shut the fuck up, nobody wants to watch anybody else shit while they eat, regardless of age. I always, when my kids were really little, when somebody would roll their eyes or think they were loud, I always gave deference to that person and was like, I'm sorry.

Like, I'm in this position, I know it fucking sucks, I'm sorry, but this is the best I can do in this moment with these kids. Right. It's the parents that think, that project, that everybody is going to think their kids are as cute as they do or care about their kids. It takes me back to people putting the signs in the yard about their kids going to attending school.

Did I tell you I saw one for 2027? Yeah, we discussed it. Two years? I mean, shut the fuck up. It's Power Mom on a whole new level. Now we're shitting in public. I can't take it. Power Mom should be outlawed. Should be law. I know. I know. All right. That's all we have for today. Make sure you pre-order our book. The link is below. It's called Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. It drops May 27th, so make sure you already pre-ordered it so you can get all the tea on Pumps and Me. Buy our merch, subscribe to all of our stuff, leave us a five-star review

because that was two one-stars and I think yin-yang. Yin-yang. Although we admit to being unhinged. And Jesus quit running commercials, you're already famous enough. Your book's already a bestseller. Your book has been a bestseller forever. Buy Life as a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I'm at it with that.

Listen up, patriots, gaitriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps.

Pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw. That's it. That's, that's, Cacaw. That's the patriotism that this country means right there. Pluto TV has all the shows and movies you love streaming for free.

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