I've Had It - Land of the Free-ish

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

Don't worry, Pumps is NOT going to f**k you.Order our new book, join our Cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:Thank you to our sponsors:This episode is brought to you by Booking.com: Find exactly what you’re booking for on Booking.com, Booking.YEAH!Addyi, The Little Pink Pill: See full prescribing information and medication guide, including boxed warning for severe low blood pressure and fainting, at http://addyi.com/piBetterhelp: Talk it out, with Betterhelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://BetterHelp.com/HADITHomes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work.Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://SHOPIFY.COM/haditFollow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah! Every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the U.S., I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options, from hotels to vacation rentals, and I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I've found that Booking.com has something for everyone. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com. Booking. Yeah.

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, black triots, brown triots. Fuck off. Did we forget one? Did we forget? Patriots, gay triots, black triots, brown triots. Fuck off! Did we forget one? Patriots, gay triots, gay triots, they triots, they triots, they triots, black triots, brown triots. Just all cool triots. All cool triots.

Fuck off! Okay, and somebody was saying in the comment section, is she saying fuck off? And it's yes, she is because it was at a listener's request. A brilliant idea. That we change it from caca to fuck off? And it's yes, she is because it was at a listener's request. A brilliant idea. That we change it from caca to fuck off. And Trump's America, it is a take no prisoners. Would you like to introduce our new friend?

Okay, as you know, I am the HBIC head beaver in charge. This is from Tennessee, America, a blue dot in a red state. It is a crocheted handmade beaver that was given to me in New York City and I just can't tell you how soft it is. I love this so much and I appreciate the homage it was to me about being a beaver. Thank you for sharing with the listener about your soft beaver. That gift was given to her when we were doing our book party, our book release party. And for those of you that haven't ordered it yet or gone to a bookstore and purchased

it and filmed yourself doing it and done like a big performative book purchase, hashtag blessed online. Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches is a book that Pumps and I co-authored. One could call it a manifesto. It's a great read, so please support us by buying our book. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is it seems like every day I'm waking up to news stories that they're acting like or breaking news and it's like Trump is in cognitive decline. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Where have you been? Elon Musk could have conflicts of interest

and his role at Doge. I'm like, where have you been? Like no shit Sherlock to all of this. Stop acting like it's new news. This has been apparent from jump. So I don't need a big fat article to tell me something that if I use the eyes in my head, I can figure out. I've had it. My favorite is I saw a chiron on the news the other day and it's like Trump's meme coin dinner raises questions. We're raising questions. Questions are answered. We're past the question stage. We're at blatant corruption going completely unaccounted for in Congress and political leaders. We've no questions there. We're done.

It's amazing to me how easy the media is on Trump. It is. It has been for like 10 years. How he just gets away with so much shit and he's gotten away with so much shit his whole life. I mean, this man had his whole life, his whole life has been teed up for him just with massive enablers at every turn, including the media. I mean, the fact that people are not freaking out about the way he's speaking right now and the slurring of the words and he can't pronounce stuff and the Hannibal Lecter and not remembering who attacked who and who started the tariff wars and who pays the tariffs. I mean, he contradicts himself all the time

and he can't speak in coherent sentences. But the media, it's like Trump is starting the dawn of a new era in America. New York Times. And I'm like, and y'all call them the liberal media? Well, do you think that's what I question. Do you think it's because Trump from jump was like fake news, liberal media, that he threatened them so they felt like they needed to be to do more both sides to avoid that type of criticism? Or do you think it's the corporate overlords of this legacy media or now he's suing media? I think there's a combination of all of those things, but something more important is there is has always been a deference to these systems.

There's always this deference that if somebody is a Republican or if they are religious and we disagree, we might have to whisper about it. At least, you know, for our listeners that live in middle America, there's always this deference that those people are right instead of a confrontation to them that, no, just because you believe that doesn't make it right. Just because you're Republican, I'm a Democrat doesn't make you right. It's like when we're in Oklahoma and we see people that listen to our podcast, they whisper it to us, hey, I really like what you're doing. Like, because it's, it's bucking the system and the system is

white, patriarchal, Judeo-Christian values. And so there is this systemic deference to it. And, you know, there's people in our lives. I mean, even even you personally, when it comes to, you know, family members, you defer to their way of thinking and don't confront it. And this happens, multiply it over and over and over and over again all across America. And this side always gets the deference, undeserved deference, where the deference should be to human beings and to the well-being of human beings. But everybody always gives this undeserved deference to these people, and it makes them feel empowered,

and it enables them. Yeah, you're 100% right about that. Because sometimes, especially with family members, it's just easier not to stir the pot. It's just easier to ignore it and go on. And that's something that is becoming increasingly more difficult and dangerous, truly. It is. It is, especially like with family members. I know that so many Americans are dealing with this right now, how to deal with your deeply indoctrinated parents or siblings or aunts or uncles that are high

and drunk on Fox News and full of hate from their megachurch. And I just think it's, you can gently start drawing boundaries. You gently just start saying, I am not going to have a conversation with you about that because I don't argue facts. And the fact of the matter is Donald Trump doesn't give a shit about human beings. And you should because you're a follower of Jesus, yet you follow him. There's little ways that you can gently start the conversation to embed some critical thinking without, you know, completely not being in their lives. But the

deference, the undeserved deference that these people get and that people in red states feel like they have to whisper for caring about human rights shows you how rigged this system is for the Donald Trumps of the world. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Okay, let me tell you what I've had it with. Non-political. So the other day I ordered DoorDash. And when you order DoorDash, the purpose of that is you're saying, I don't want to deal with human beings. I'm going to go into my app. I'm going to order it. They're going to drop it on my door. They're going to send me a text when it's there. And I don't have to look, see, talk to, have anything to do with another person. For whatever reason, that's you just that's for me that's a lot of the times why I've ordered DoorDash

because I need to tap out on dealing with human beings for the remainder of the day. So the other day I ordered my dinner on DoorDash and I all of a sudden got a phone call. I'm tracking the DoorDash because I'm starving right and I see that the DoorDash is pulling up in my driveway. I'm like I'm tracking the door dash because I'm starving. And I see that the door dash is pulling up in my driveway. I'm like, I'm watching it like a hawk. I'm going to time it to where I get the text, I go to my ring doorbell, I see that the driver's driven off, then I'll go retrieve it so that I can avoid any interaction altogether. So I see the driver pulling up, but I'm also getting a call and it says DoorDash.

I wonder if my dog's out. I wonder what's going on. And so I answer the phone. I'm like, hello. And he goes, Hey, Jennifer, this is Randy. Your DoorDash driver just wanted to let you know I'm pulling up right now. I go, okay, great. Thanks. And he goes, you got it, sweetie. And so I hung up and I, and here's what I want to ask you and the listener. Okay. Part of me, at first I was like, I've had it with him. I didn't want to take a phone call. That's why I ordered through a robot and I wanted him to drop it off.

And what the fuck is he doing calling me sweetie? And then I got the food and I took a couple of bites and I thought, was that the worst thing in the world? We're about to head into AI where all of these robots are controlling everything. In his mind, he was just being a good, doing a good job. Don't we bitch about people that don't take stuff over the finish line? And he's enthusiastic and he's, hey, let me know. Hey, that's going to be on your front porch. Andy called me sweetie. Is that a bad thing? Should I have had it with that or should I hit that? Okay, here's what I think. Number one, I like the hustle and I think it's a good business strategy

because I think a lot of people are lonely and they want somebody to talk to. And the enthusiasm is nice. I personally would have had it with it, but I think as a business model on his part, it's pretty smart because a lot of people will sit and bullshit with him and then say he's a preferred driver because they're so lonely and need somebody to talk to. So, you're suggesting that the door dash guy would call and somebody would continue to talk to him. Don't you think that talker would have just gone to the restaurant or called the restaurant and then go to pick up? No, because I think some people are afraid to eat by themselves. And that might be like,

if you're at home all day, let's say you work from home all day. Wait, hang on. I get all that. You think people are having conversations with their door dash drivers to satisfy loneliness? Absolutely, I do. People sit and talk to telemarketers. People sit and talk to, you know, political surveyors. I mean, don't you take a lot of political surveys? I do take a lot. Do you talk to your door dash driver? Are you lonely? No, no, no, I don't talk to my door dash driver. But I just think as a general rule, there are a lot of people that would make that a friendship

thing and then press them. What about Sweetie? Held? I mean, I would say, I mean, middle age, probably. It didn't sound super young. I'd probably say he was in his forties. I never, I didn't see him because I was so shocked by the phone call and the Sweetie. And then I was after that, I was like, I have to hide.

I'm going to have to make sure he's like a hundred percent far, far away before I go and the sweetie. And then I was after that, I was like, I have to hide. I'm gonna have to make sure he's like 100% far, far away before I go retrieve the food. But at first I was kind of like, well, you know, it's 2025, you can't call a woman sweetie. But then I thought, you know, for some people, it's that's just a, he's just, he was just himself being sweet. He was just like trying to do a good job, trying to deliver the food, let me know he's doing it. And then he probably calls everybody sweetie, which is kind of a southern thing anyway. Yeah. I'm kind of with you on that. Like I would kind of bristle in the moment, but I think when I thought about it, I'd probably be like, it's probably very regional.

When I mitigated my hangerness that I had and I took a few bites. I decided, okay, but I'm just going to say this. I think that a lot of people use the door dash feature to avoid human contact altogether. I think if you're lonely, you would place the order because then you get to talk to somebody and you would drive to the restaurant and pick up your takeout order because then you get to go in the restaurant and talk to people too. So I disagree that I think people are having conversations with a door dash driver because by design these apps are for people who want to avoid human contact. See, I do the door dash because I want to avoid putting a bra on. It's easier for me to take my bra off. Are you wanting to talk to a door dash driver?

No, I'm wanting to talk to zero people. But, if the door dash driver called you, you're going to talk to him. I would be horrified. Kylie, welcome to America's Top DEI Podcast. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie, the HBIC. Again, reminding everyone that stands for beaver. She has a soft beaver.

I have a soft beaver. Kylie, what do you think? What is your take on this door dash dilemma that I'm proposing here? OK, one, I think that that is sweet that he did that. I like that he's doing that. I would hate it. That's literally what I'm trying to avoid.

Exactly. I will wait up to 10 minutes at my door watching through the window until they've driven off. That's how little contact I want. You don't want to open the door while they're still standing here. I just thought it was a duplication of the service provided. You can follow it and then you get an alert that says your door dash driver is pulling up and then you get another alert that says your door dash has been delivered and then they take a photograph of it

because I always zoom in on the photographs because my dogs are always in the picture because I have a glass front door and I always think it's cute. So I screenshot that, put my files of my dogs. And so I thought it was really like overkill to make the phone call. But also considering I thought he was maybe in his 40s or 50s, he might not understand that I'm getting all of those alerts. But I'm with Kylie. I think people are using DoorDash to avoid human interaction

altogether. I do too, but I stand by. Some people just chat them up. I bet you at some point, if he keeps calling people, someone's going to take him in and fuck him. What? I just think it. Okay. I just think there's a lot going on here with your response to this. And I think it's Freudian. I think it's a lot of projection. I do too. I think we've got a lonely, horny broad that wants to talk and fuck her DoorDash driver because she's already eliminated the entire prison population from her day.

So now we've moved on to DoorDash guys. DoorDash guys. DoorDash guys. I mean, she's talking about, I'm talking about this, she's talking about loneliness and now we've escalated to fucking the DoorDash driver. I know someone that had sex with the repairman that came to repair an appliance. Oh really? And had sex with them that day. That's pretty hot.

Yeah, so I'm just saying it's not that out of reach. Let me ask you this, was this person married? No. Single. Single? Who came on to whom? I don't know. I just got that they had sex, and I was just like,

couldn't even talk. I was so wowed by the whole thing. So I don't know. I would assume it had to have been unusual. Isn't that like a basic porn plot, though? Somebody comes to a house, and then, you know, horny housewife hits on him. Yeah, yeah.

But you know, ever since I heard that story, if I have an appliance break, I'm like super like worried that my appliance repairman is going to think I'm hitting. Didn't you have a plumber ask you to go on a date to Red Lobster? Yes, that yes, I did have that. But I just let me ask you this. Were you talking him up? Were you chatting him up? Well, I was he was at my house for like eight hours a day for four days. I did have that, but I just... Let me ask you this. Were you talking him up? Were you chatting him up?

Well, I was... He was at my house for like eight hours a day for four days. So I'm sure I was overly friendly. Feeding that cat? I fed that cat. There's just no question. And then you got the invite to Red Lobster. To Red Lobster.

It was a very specific invite. Red Lobster. All right, Kylie. So what do you think? Do you think people are talking? Okay, two compound questions. Do you think people are having phone conversations with their door dash drivers? And then in an extreme plot twist, do you think people are fucking their door dash driver? Okay, first question, absolutely not. I've never heard of that happening. I don't think anyone, how do you even talk them up?

What's your response to him saying, I'm here, here's the food, sweetie. You're just like, hey, let me tell you about my day. Like, what are you envisioning? Well, I mean, if you wanted to, I mean, I don't know how to hit on somebody, but I would think. Apparently you do, you're hitting on that plumber,

you got that infant red lobster. I was not hitting on him, I was just talking to you. But you could say, oh my gosh, that's so nice. Do you wanna come in and have a bite to eat with me or something? I mean, I think, I don't think it'd be that hard if you were determined to have sex with your door dash person. If you just were like today, when I ordered that food, if my door dash driver calls me, I'm fucking his brains out right now. I would have a plan. I'm just saying.

Okay. Am I the only person on this podcast listener right now that is hearing the woman sitting next to me saying the door that's calling her and she's going to invite him in to have a bite with her and then she's going to fuck him and the whole thing is premeditated. I'm not saying I'm going to do it, but I'm saying it's happening. I guarantee you in this fucked up world, people are fucking their door dash drivers. I guarantee it. I bet my arms and legs on it. I promise you it's happened. It just has. Okay, here's what I want to say. Gay triads, patriots, they triads, black triads, brown triads, all the cool people. I need to know who's fucked their door dash driver. Or you know someone that has.

I need to know if people are door dash fuckers. I need to know it because I think that if we don't know of anybody, I think I'm sitting next to America's first door dash fucker and her soft beaver. Trailblazer, I do have a soft beaver. You do have a soft beaver. Which I'm sure the DoorDash driver would be appreciative of. Really appreciative of.

I just Googled, I fucked my DoorDash driver to see what came up. There's a whole Reddit thread. Someone said, has anyone hooked up with their DoorDash driver? And this person responds, yeah. This one girl ordered medium fries. She got a large

Are there any others Kylie? Let's see. Someone said haven't considered it. Someone said yes because my husband orders from me I delivered to my ex-boyfriend, you know what happened next right? I did get hit on once flattered, but no So see it's happening. It's happening. Yeah, I don't know that that's such a bad thing. No, I don't either. It's very anonymous. You know their first name. You know they're on the clock so they're not going to rape and pillage you because they're trying to make money. So, I mean, it's a quick in and out. I think you've made the case that I should fight my door dash forever. Yes. That's how you're going to dip your toes back in the water.

I mean, we all know I'm not brave enough to do it, but I know people that have. Oh, I think you're brave enough to do it. I don't think you know I'm not. You know, here's the thing. I've known you long enough that I could totally see you calling me and going, you're not going to fucking believe this. And I'll say what? And you'll be like, so, you know, the store dash driver is really hot. My dog got out and I ran over and then he starts talking and he's real nice. And so I start talking. And then I was like, Hey, do you want to come in?

The kids weren't there and then he came in and then he just kind of came over and grabbed my ass. Next thing you know, I was fucking him. I could totally see it happening. No, I could see that happening too. But I'm just saying that would be, it would have to be like on an impulse thing. I wouldn't have the ability to like forecast it. This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Booking.com.

Booking dot yeah. From vacation rentals to hotels across the US, Booking.com has the ideal summer stay for absolutely anyone, even those who might seem impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, or your sleep light early rise mom, you can find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com. I personally just booked a trip for my sons and I to go to New York City and I found the perfect hotel in the perfect location and we were able to tackle the city with enthusiasm and convenience and I just absolutely love this site. If our family can find their perfect stay on booking.com, anyone can. Find exactly what you're booking for, booking.com,

booking.yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Listeners, starting your own business is intimidating, stressful, lonely, horrifying. That's why we are so happy to partner with Shopify. When Pumps and I started this podcast, I'm just going to be really frank, we had no idea what we were doing. A lot of you wanted merch. Again, no idea. Enter Shopify. It streamlines the entire process and really helps you get a tackle on how to manage e-commerce. It accelerates your content creation. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Listener, turn your big business idea into sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash had it.

Go to shopify.com slash had it. shopify.com slash had it. Shopify.com slash had it. I'm so done with people acting like low sex drive is just a part of aging. Like, oh, you're in your forties. What did you expect? Um, I expected to still want sex. Thanks. Exactly. And that's why there's Addie. It's the first FDA approved little pink pill for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by a low sex drive. Addie helps bring back your libido. It helps you feel like yourself again. Yes, it's real. It's researched and it's not just part of getting older. It's something you can treat. Go to addie.com to learn more. A-D-D-Y-DY.com. or mental health problem, problems in the relationship or medicine or other drug use. Addie is not for use in children, men, or to enhance sexual performance.

Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink 1-2 standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your addie dose. Wait at least 2 hours after drinking before taking addie at bedtime. This risk increases if you take certain prescriptions, OTC or herbal medications, or have liver problems, and can happen when you take addie without alcohol or other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of addie's ingredients. Allergic reaction may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sometimes serious sleepiness can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide, including boxed morning, at addie.com slash PI. Addie. A-D-D-Y-I dot com. You know, I mean, I'll just never forget this is in our book about your affair with your

personal trainer. Yeah, I know. And you know, and I do want to talk about that with the listener briefly. So Pumps and I were talking about her aforementioned affair with her personal trainer, which is in our book, Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches, all the details of that. So Pumps recently hired a new personal trainer who is a female named Tina. And then pumps just out of the clear blue sky said to me the other day, tell the listener what you told me.

Okay. That's how it was brought up to you. But I just said, Oh yeah, I told my personal trainer that I had sex with my last personal trainer, but to not be worried. And you thought it was so weird. And I was just like, well, when the book was coming out, I just thought if the book's coming out, I just don't want that to blindside her. So I felt like I needed to be upfront with her that, you know, just full disclosure, full disclosure. I didn't want her to read that and be like, oh my God, does she have a fetish for personal trainer or something? I don't know, I just felt like she needed to know that as my personal trainer. I felt like she needed to know that.

Do you think that's weird, Kylie? Jennifer acts like it's so weird. It's fucking weird as shit. Kylie, do you think it's weird as shit? Yeah, and also you told her, don't worry. Like, don't worry, I'm not gonna fucking come on to you. I don't know if I said don't worry, but that was in the vein of just full disclosure. I thought, you know what I'm not gonna fucking come on to you. I don't know if I said don't worry, but that was in the vein of just full disclosure.

You know what I'm gonna do? The next time I eat out and a waiter comes over to the table, I'm gonna say, full disclosure, my ex-boyfriend was a waiter. I'm not gonna try to fuck you, so you don't have to worry. We'll get through this meal together, but full disclosure, I fucked another waiter in my past.

You're just taking it a little too far. You're just taking it a little bit too far. All right, let's just go down this thought track. Okay. You fucked your personal trainer, as mentioned in our book, Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches, what was that, 15 years ago?

God, it's longer than that. It's longer than that, a long time. Anyway, so you had that little fling, and then 20 years later, and that's a male, and then 20 years later and he's that's a male and then 20 years later you have a female personal trainer right there's all these rumors about all this asexuality slash lesbian leaning shit and you walk into your female personal trainer in between taking hits off your vape in the gym where you're not supposed to be vaping and you say fyi in the gym where you're not supposed to be vaping. And you say, FYI, I fucked my previous personal trainer,

but you don't have to worry. Well, I don't know the exact words, but that was in the vein of. Kylie, I need your thoughts on that. I didn't just walk in and say, we were working out, she was asking me about the book, da da da da da da da da da da. Kylie.

I think there's a lot going on with you, Pumps, and it's hard to even start somewhere with this episode. You're projecting like fucking crazy. The Doordash driver. The last thought I would have had is he's going to get fucked. The last thing I would think when I get a new personal trainer is I need to tell her that I fucked my last one.

Don't worry. I mean, it's at the forefront of your brain. You guys, this is a 9-1. Yes. Soft beaver over here. It is. When's the last time you were laid? Is it five years?

40,000 days. Is it COVID? Was it COVID? Yeah. Maybe a little after. Five years? This is somebody. I mean, this has got to happen.

You know what? Why don't you order DoorDash tonight? Don't you think, Kylie? For research purposes. Yeah, maybe we could call up Randy. We've got someone who wants his call. We need a Randy, a DoorDash driver named Randy. That's who delivered mine and called me sweetie.

It's perfect. His name was Randy? Yeah. I know that was my middle school wanted to be boyfriend Randy. Yeah. Wow. All right.

I have some news stories. Let's get off of this. My lack of sex life. Yeah. Wow. All right. I have some news stories. Let's get off of this. My lack of sex life. Yeah. That was great though, Pumps. I really, I was just like... I just don't think it's as weird as you do, but I could be wrong.

I do get laid more frequently than you do, so I don't have to announce to... Right. I mean, he... But like if I was representing a client and they were like, oh yeah, there's getting ready to be something that comes out that says I had sex with my last lawyer, I would think I would be okay. Well, now I know that you know what I mean? Just all lawyers are the same. And that now, but there's just not any appearance of impropriety. I would take extra caution to avoid it. By your logic, if I dated a dentist that was my dentist and I fucked that dentist, when

I go to the new dentist, I need to disclose that I like to fuck dentists. If it's coming out in a book. So I need to say, hey, Dr. Tooth Driller, here's the deal. My ex-boyfriend was a dentist and I was his patient and then we started fucking. I just wanted you to know I'm not going to hit on you or anything. It doesn't matter how high you turn up the laughing gas. I'm not fucking you. And I need to just start disclosing. No, that makes it sound weirder. I think we make a list, the three of us and our listener, that's four of us in total.

We make a list of all of the people that we have fucked and the professions that they had. Okay. And then moving forward, the four of us, Pumps, Kiki the Magic Lesbian, myself and our listener, we start just automatically disclosing. And Trump's America, why not? Like you know, you go to the 7-Eleven, you're buying some gum, they're ringing you up and you say, I fucked a 7-Eleven clerk.

Don't get any ideas and you don't need to worry one bit. I'm just buying this gum. This is transactional and I'm leaving. We are not fucking and just go on about our lives. You know what? Another thing we could do is make a game. Like of all the occupations you've had sex with and see if Christine Noem has dressed up like that.

That would be a good game. And then also, I think it does sound weird when you say that, but when you're with your personal trainer, you're with her like three times a week, you're shooting the shit. It wasn't like I walked into the dentist. Right. I mean, there is a little bit of difference, but I'll admit it sounds weird the way you laid it out. And maybe it was weird at the moment. Here's the thing, Pumps. It's not that it's weird. It's not, I just think, as Kylie said, there is this theme and all roads are leading back to...

The soft beaver. The soft beaver and the neglect. The neglected soft beaver. The neglected soft beaver seems to be an issue. And here's the thing. Look, we're too barely competent, middle-aged broads, me much younger, barely at middle age, but I digress. This is the type of content we need to keep this podcast going. So I need for you to go get laid. Talk to my DoorDash guys, trainer, anyone. Fuck your new trainer. That would be exciting. That would be exciting because she's a female. Right. Yeah. Oh my God. Okay. Listen, we have to

get to the news. Kylie, pop up this first article. This is from the Huffington Post. And a guy writes, I'm a psychologist who specializes in narcissists. here's what we need to do to stop Trump. When your sense of self-exhaustion requires tanks, flyovers, and up to 45 million for a birthday party, we're no longer in the realm of cake and candles. We're squarely in criterion one of narcissistic personality disorder, a grandiose sense of self-importance. Authoritarian leaders like narcissistic family members rely on well-worn tactics to manufacture a psychological state of volatile uncertainty where outcomes aren't just unknown but constantly shifting and unpredictable. This overwhelms the brain's ability to anticipate

and prepare, keeping people mentally off balance and easier to control. While narcissistic dynamics rely on urgency and alarm, deep change comes from staying calm, clear, and connected. In defending against narcissistic control, the answer is never to mimic harmful tactics. It is to recognize them, grieve their damage, stop enabling them, and break out of reactivity. I like that. Thoughts? Here's the thing. I mean, the first part about him being a narcissist, like that is not news.

The self-aggrandizement, true. But staying calm and all that, I could do better with those things, controlling my reactions to it, I think. But I don't think there's any question. He is like inflicting emotional abuse on the whole country every night. He's a total abuser.

Absolutely. And now it's at a global scale. I mean, think about what he put Canada through. Right. Do you know what? But he united the entire country. Right. He united the entire country. Right. He did unite the country. Okay. The next story, this is wild, Pumps. New AI model will likely blackmail you if

you try to shut it down. Anthropix's new AI model, Claude Opus 4, is their most powerful yet. However, in tests, it chose to blackmail users 84% of the time when being faced with being shut down. The AI's self-preservation tendencies, such as blackmail and whistleblowing, are more frequent than in earlier versions. In one scenario, Claude threatened to expose a fictional engineer's affair to avoid deactivation, displaying ethically questionable behavior. The AI will also alert authorities if prompted, with illegal activity locking users out or sending emails to media and law enforcement.

Anthropic says this behavior isn't unique to Claude. Other leading models from companies like OpenAI and Google also show these tendencies. As AI models grow in capability and complexity, researchers warn users to approach with caution and avoid ethically gray prompts. So this is, OK, we're heading into this whole AI world. I mean it's coming for us and if you listen to the leaders in these industries they say

like a lot of the jobs that that are being serviced right now like in five years they're not gonna have anymore. An example I went and had a mammogram this morning and you know you get your your boob is like squished in a car window and there was this really nice woman named Tina and she had a great southern accent. She was really sweet. And I was like, I get lightheaded. We let me do the mammogram sitting down and she was so sweet. And after we did like two images, she goes, well, honey, we're cooking with gas now.

Let's move to the other boo. And I just turned and I just got a, she was just in a great mood and she made me happy and she had this great Southern accent and she seemed to like really like her job and didn't have like the cynicism and the doom and gloom that you and I have. I thought, you know, this was a, for getting your boob smashed in a car window

for 10 minutes, Tina made it somewhat enjoyable as she was filling me up, right? Right, breath of fresh air Tina. Yeah, and so if I end up going and then a robot's doing it and then it's all robotic, it just seems like all of that is damaging. And then to think that the robots are going to blackmail us. Right. Think about all the stuff we put on the internet, all the stuff we've said about you wanting

to fuck your door dash driver and your personal trainer, the new one and all of this stuff, they're going to start blackmailing you. Yeah, but that's the part I don't get. You have to prompt them to think that or they just go, like you say, hey, my name's Angie. I'm your owner of your AI. Well, I think they're running like examples of it. These are companies have their own AI models. And so probably they have access to emails and they did a fictional engineer

that had a fictional affair and the AI knew about it. And they told AI they were gonna shut it down. And then the AI was like, if you shut me down, I'm emailing out your affair to everybody. That's the inherent thing is that AI is made by humans. And so it has these petty human tendencies to it. It's not altruistic. And so it's just, I don't know,

we're heading into this new time where, I'm sure you can really vividly remember, I was too young to remember when cell phones came out. Oh yeah, vividly. That's what I thought. And now we've moved internet, things like this. AI is the big thing that we're dealing with next. It's the new next frontier.

And these are robots that have this crazy human ability to do good and to do evil shit like blackmail people about affairs. Right. It's like one of those movies that you saw like in the future, you're going to have robots and then they're going to blackmail you and the robot takes over all that crap. Can we ask you this? I am encouraged a little bit that they send stuff to the police because I feel like that would that's going to root out the Trump administration super fast. If AI is just going to start sending this shit to the police because I feel like that would that's going to root out the Trump administration super fast if AI is just going to start sending this shit to the police because they're breaking the law all day every day.

I don't know that we want to live in a society where AI is sending things to the police. I think that's a via a constitutional violation of privacy to have a robot sending prompts to a police department on its user. I think that gets very blurry into civil liberties. No, I totally agree. But I'm just saying it would help with the Trump administration, hopefully not all the administrations going forward. Yeah, but the risk of that at personal liberties is very concerning to me. Oh no, it is. It's crazy. All right, next up, leaving with a happy story.

And I just loved this story. I sent it to Kylie to pop up. Put this up, Kylie. China's first police corgi steals sausage from a child. Fu Zai, just a one and a half year old, joined the police force in 2024 for his skills in explosive detection. Though well-trained, he's had past mishaps, like napping on duty and urinating in his food bowl. After the sausage

incident, his trainer apologized and promised stricter food training. To make amends, Fuzai visited the child's school with gifts and snacks. The child's mother took it lightly, wishing them both well. So the video of this is this little corgi who is a working dog. He's a Chinese police officer. He's walking down the street and the little kid is eating a sausage. And Fu-Zai just reaches up, grabs a sausage, doesn't miss a beat, and just keeps trolling. I mean just keeps walking because he's working. He has a job. He has a job. And so they, he had to go to the school and apologize to the kid for stealing his sausage. But what I want to

say is, I think this dog is a profile encourage. How many dogs do you know work full time? Are that cute? Look at the smile on this dog's face while he's working. This dog is grinning from ear to ear. He has his little work vest on. I don't want to have any part of shaming this brave cop Corgi. I don't want to have any part of that other than he was hungry and that kid should have secured his sausage better. Right. I mean, he's working, he's like sniffing out explosives. Does the kid have a job?

He's putting his life on the line. I doubt that kid has a job. What's that kid doing with his life? That corgi's only a year and a half old, probably younger than the kid from whom he stole the sausage. And we're starting to browbeat the corgi who has a full-time job. That kid's over there just eating sausages, probably not doing a damn thing, living off his mother's tit. Greasy hands and all. All right. Anyway, I just really like that corgi. Kylie? Yes? What else do we have to do on our podcast today? We could do some voice memos. Excellent.

Up first, we will start with Tiffany. Hey, ladies. Love you guys. I fucking had it with how easy and accessible it is not to mind your own goddamn business. So I was on a community page. There's a picture of these teens. They probably shouldn't have been doing whatever they

were doing in a public park. Whatever, though. Like, it's not my job. It's not your job to go parent these children. Like if they're not causing a disturbance like They'll eventually get caught. That's my philosophy. But you've got this Karen online that decided to take pictures of all these minors and put them on the community page. And it's like 20 years ago, you wouldn't have been able to do this shit. You would have to do the same to have the same effect to try to post pictures and shame people. Like you literally would have had to have a camera, take the pictures, get the film

developed, post them on a community bulletin board or post them pay to have them put in the fucking newspaper. Like it's too accessible. It's too easy for these bitches not to mind their own business. And I fucking had it, dude. I could not agree more. You know, nobody likes a tattletale. No. You know, somebody who's just all up in somebody's business photographing stuff, posting it, putting up and I mean, teenage kids are always up to mischief. Always. It'd be weird if they weren't.

Now I, my son has been a victim of this. I mean not really a victim because he was breaking the rules, but he and his buddies were trying to break into the neighborhood pool and I guess some guy just sits on the community live stream watching the pool because Because within minutes he's posting, do you know these children, blah, blah, blah, blah, post them up there. I'm not on the Facebook page or whatever it is. And so I get a call and I'm just like,

so kids are trying to get in the pool at night and we're making a federal case out of it. It's just not that big of a deal. Like I just wasn't knotted up about. They couldn't get in. They didn't hurt anything. So I'm with her and I just I am so grateful for one thing. I'm hashtag blessed in this way that when I was young and stupid, i.e. college, there were not photos and videos everywhere because I did some really stupid shitty things that would have been recorded.

Yeah, and I think that's probably why this generation is so risk adverse. Because there's always this risk that whatever they do is going to be photographed or videoed and then put online and they're going to have to go through, you know, the shame and the turmoil of that. And for us, I mean, we could do stupid shit, get drunk off our asses, make horrible decisions, have sex with the wrong people. Never the good door dash driver. We've always been the bad door dash driver. And then it was just over.

There was no record. There was no text chain. There was no, there was no lead up. There was no paper trail at all. Okay. Let me tell you a funny story about that because okay, so I was in college, wasted at a function, and I am like, I don't remember this, dirty dancing with this guy, and the party pics come back from the party and he has like, we're loved up together,

and he's got a huge heart on in the party pic picture. What, he has a hard rock cock? Hard rock cock in this picture. So right around then it rolls into Thanksgiving. So my roommate ordered that picture and she made 1000 Xerox copies of it. So when I went to class, I would come out, it would be sitting on the door. It would be a picture of me and him with a huge heart on.

Okay. So, fast forward a couple weeks to Thanksgiving break. I'm at home. She sends a picture every single day for the entire break. She mails it and it comes in the mail, which I would die if my mother saw that. So I am like, the first times that happens, for whatever reason, I got the mail and then I was just parked at the mailbox so that my mother did not see that picture. That's the closest I ever got to being caught on tape doing something bad and it's horrible.

And you're right, everything- Okay, wait, y'all are fully dressed. Yes, but he's in jeans, jeans. Is it just the two of you in the photo? Yes, and I am just like hugging him like we're the best of them. Let me ask you this, do we have a copy of this photo? I'm sure she does. The little bitch has probably saved it all these years. Does she listen to the podcast?

I don't know. I lost track of her. I don't know. I'm sure I could find out if she has that picture. But I mean, it became a huge joke because it was all over campus. Me and this guy with the jean hard on. Oh, see, it's all making sense now. You could just stand next to a guy. The magnetism just rolls off. Complete. I mean, he has an erection through his jeans. Just you're not even making out just posing for a picture and you've given this guy a heart on. So for your jump now it's making sense right Kylie so for her to jump to a phone conversation with the door dash driver to the door dash driver being aroused to her bending over the island taking it from the door dash driver that was not that hard of a jump to get to when you figure out

what her history with penises has been historically. When you really look and analyze how sexy and magnetic I am. When we realize your effect on the penis historically, all of this makes perfect sense. Right, Kylie? It sure does. If it had been her instead of you that answered Randy's phone call, I think his response would have been a lot different.

You think I would have been like, instead of, okay, sweetie, it would have been like, hey, sweetie, you want to share some case? I don't think there's any question because we all know everybody on this podcast, our listener knows that she has a guy that did her Christmas lights and the he was very attentive, came over multiple times a day, troublehot. Now he's doing her yard. They have progressed the relationship where it's not only seasonal, now it's year round wrong the clock. Well, I had a little job for this guy and I called him and said, Hey, I'm going out

of town, but when I get back, get with me and I'll have you do this little job for me. Crickets never heard from them again. So I don't think there's any question, the pheromones that come off of the soft beaver compared to me, we're talking about a preschool in her diapers with her pacifier, titty baby me, and then a full grown professional PhD student next to me with the impact on the penis.

And I hate to rub it in, but he does text me a couple times a week to remember to water. I'm just saying, I've been invited to Red Lobster, reminded to water my grass. We got, we're posing for photographs and somebody has an erection from here to the moon. Right, in jeans. In jeans, just posing for a photograph. Just being here to the moon. Right. In jeans. In jeans, just posing for a photograph. Just being that close to me. Yeah. That happens. Yeah. So now

it makes perfect sense that you have to, you throw off such pheromones and you have such an it factor sexually that you immediately had to go to your trainer and say, I did fuck my previous trainer, but you don't have to worry. I'm gonna spare you. Right? That makes per, it's all, you know, Kylie, we were so mystified by the whole thing until we just cracked the case with this. Yeah, it's just hard for me to empathize

with that effect on the penis. I've just never lived in your shoes. Well, I mean, it's a big lift carrying all this pheromone around. Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. Could it be because it has a sleek, spam-free site or the most in-depth school info? Homes.com knows every parent wants the best for their kids, so they're the only ones with school and district details and reviews

from multiple sources, including niche. It may be Homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory, or maybe it's that Homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home best. Perhaps it's because Homes.com has the most in-depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com has 22 data visualization layers, seven environmental layers, and allows you to search by commute and architectural factors.

It's the home search you've been searching for. Go to homes.com today for home shopping the way it should be. This is an ad by BetterHelp. You know, I have found that men face immense pressure to perform, to provide, to keep it all together. So it's no wonder that six million men in the U.S. suffer from depression every year and it's often undiagnosed. This is why I've encouraged my husband and sons to sign up for therapy with the BetterHelp Therapists. What's so nice for my boys about their BetterHelp Therapists is they can do it from home or their own rooms when they're at college and so they have privacy, convenience, and flexibility. With over 35,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. As the largest online therapy provider in the world,

BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash had it. That's better, h-e-l-p dot com slash had it. All right, who's next? Okay, up next we've got Jake H. Hi, ladies. My name is Jake. I'm calling from New Zealand. And I've just got to tell you, I've had it with fucking the way Americans talk about America.

I'm so sorry. I love America. I've been there many times, a beautiful country. But this whole fucking greatest nation on earth, number one, best freedom, land of the free, I'm just sitting there going, oh, fuck. Like, as someone from, who's lucky to be from a country that experiences such freedom as well, like New Zealand, like Australia, like Japan,

like Italy, like so many other countries, you sit there going, the fuck you people on about? Like, it's so annoying, and I've just had it. And especially in Trump's America, the fact that this narrative still exists is wild to me and I just can't handle it. Love you guys but I just had to share that that I've had it with it. Sorry. It's so true and we're kind of indoctrinated to that type of thinking. We're told in school and you even hear politicians on both side of the aisle

say we're the only country in the world that you can do this. Only in America. We're number one. We're the greatest. We're the best. And you know, it makes sense that then we elected, not we, not you the listener, not the New Zealand listener. But as a nation elected somebody who has to, I'm the best. It's kind of cooked in this, having to be the best at everything. I sent my sons to this private school from preschool to eighth grade and it ends in eighth grade. And it specializes in like critical thinking. And the eighth grade government class, when they walk in the classroom the very first day, it would say, is America the greatest country in the world?

Yes, no. And the kids had to write a paper on it. And the majority of them said yes, because they're born in America and indoctrinated into this way of thinking, have bought into this whole narrative that we're the greatest. And it's like, it's real important to Americans to be the greatest instead of like, well, France is great too, but I'm American. For me, America is the greatest. For me, but I know other countries are great too.

That kind of thinking is not allowed. So in Mr. Vernon, his name is Mr. Vernon, in his class, then they study income inequality, and then they study the gun issue, and then they study healthcare, and then they study poverty, and they study social safety nets, and they study the justice system, incarceration, women's rights, blah, blah, blah. They study all of these things. And then the last week of class, he asked them again, and then they have to answer yes, no. And the majority of them have changed their mind. And not saying it's not, oh my God, they're teaching kids to hate America. That's not what it is. They're teaching kids to critically think that, you

know, I was told we were the greatest, but in buying into that narrative, I had to buy into that it was okay for black kids to get shot at a higher rate than white kids. I've had to buy into the fact that it's okay that we're the richest country in the world, but people die because they can't get chemotherapy treatments or they go bankrupt because of medications. Or that black people have a completely different experience getting hired and all sorts of things. There's this whole forced narrative right now on the right and some of the, what I call the centrist saviors of the Democratic Party that say you have no choice. Like they want to be the thought police.

America is the greatest country in the world and you spoiled brats can't say it anymore. Well, what makes America better is the ability to criticize it, the ability to identify guns are a fucking problem. And if you live in America long enough, somebody you love is gonna get shot by once. You can either care about it now, you can care about it at your loved one's funeral. And, or, you know, talking about Medicare, Medicaid,

veterans benefits, all of these things, it's okay to critically think about them. It's okay to criticize your own country in an effort to make it better. But you have people that are now the thought police, like Bill Maher is one of them. These kids saying they hate America. Well, they're not necessarily saying they hate America. These young kids right now can't get jobs, have been raised by helicopter parents, have a dipshit as a president, an impotent Congress, a Supreme Court that only cares about corporations and making this country fascist.

Of course, maybe they're critical of America, but that's the thing. If you're an American, you get to fucking criticize it. That is the thing about it. And I agree with this New Zealand listener because there is this whole machismo and it plays into that whole masculine thing. We're the best. We're number one country in the world. We're number one. Just shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, because we're getting worse. When you think about where we are now, it's

worse than it was 20 years ago, by far. We're banning books. Women don't have reproductive care in certain states. They're deporting people for having different views. They're not letting institutions enroll people that might have a different view. They're withholding research because they want to dictate what everybody thinks and feels and does. And so I agree, it's a huge problem and I think you're 100% right that you're indoctrinated from an early age and until you start thinking about it, you don't really get it.

Dr. Grieco-Katz This is why they want to control the education system. They say, we don't want our kids being indoctrinated. They've already been indoctrinated. We've already been indoctrinated to buy into the fact that you could die of a bullet and you're going to do active shooter drills and that's just cooked in the books because we're not going to fix it because the gun lobby is more important to us than your child is. And any centrist or any MAGA person that tells you you have to love America and it could be so much worse elsewhere, That's a stupid point. The point is big thinkers with big ideas constantly try to improve and make things

better and to criticize people that want objective, critical thinking in schools and saying they're the indoctrinators. That's just gaslighting. The people that do the indoctrinating, and I went to an American public school, you did too. There's no question when I think back on it. We did the Pledge of Allegiance every day. So it's kind of this forced nationalism. We were told, it was during the Cold War era, we were told that the United States was the only country in the world that had freedom, and they juxtaposed it with all these communist

ideas. We were the best country in the world. We have the best this, the best that, the best that. So when my parents took me to Europe when I was about 14, I was shocked at how civilized and clean and nice it was because we didn't have younger listeners. We didn't have the internet. For those of you that have been to Europe, your brain and eyes have been to Europe because you've seen it on your Instagram feed or your Twitter feed or your TikTok. Well, back in the day, you would see pictures of it maybe on TV or whatever, but it was really, really abstract. So when I went, my sister lived in Germany when I was in junior high and we would go over there to see her all the time. And I was like, wow, I mean, it's efficient, it's clean, it's nice. It's,

I didn't see poverty like you do driving in the United States. There's no guns, et cetera, et cetera. And so these conversations that get shut down by people, this is a whole part of the fascist play. And at the epicenter of the idea of America is, you don't have to like it and you get to speak out against it. And that's protected by the constitution, period.

Yeah, we did the Pledge of Allegiance every single day. Think about nail pumps. If you see that on TV and you see Kim Jong-un's kids doing that with him, with a banner of him. We're programmed to think that that's somehow indoctrinating them. But when we did it all the time, it's this forced patriotism and nobody ever really like talks about that. Right. And I think one thing for me that I've found as I've grown up and become an adult is disagreeing with people and having discord

makes both sides better. Regardless of what the situation was, whether it was in my legal career, like you have a husband and a wife or two wives or whatever, they're getting a divorce. It's better if you talk about it because then you can learn more and build and change your perspective. And I feel like right now we're not doing that. We're just sitting in one echo chamber. So we're not learning. Like I learn from stuff you say all the time. Like unless you're exposed to it, you can't get better. And I think discourse makes things better. And so I think having this patriotism forced on these people and this indoctrination from JAP,

it just skews all of the growth that we could have. Yes. And it's the same thing as religion. You know, like, if you think about the insanity of choosing your child's religion for them and making them be that religion and indoctrinating them in that at birth, the same thing that they're doing with this nationalism, what the superintendent of school

in our state wants to do. Forced religion, forced births, forced patriotism. That is the antithesis of freedom. That is the antithesis of the ideas of America, free thought, critical thinking, et cetera. And if we have a nation where we foster these things, then you have real organic patriotism, not this veneer of I'm a big boy with my bald eagle t-shirt, my homoerotic dump truck, Trump nut sack bullshit with my, you know, gold Trump shoes and all that just fake bullshit. You know, it's just this superficial patriotism that it has no meaning because they will change

their opinion on one issue as quickly as Trump does. Right, well and they, oh we're so for the military and then they cut veterans benefits. They don't vote for veterans. So everything they have is hypocrisy and people should be thinking about patriotism in terms of how can we get better instead of you have to agree with me because America is the best country in the world. Organic patriotism. Organic. Where it comes from within. It comes from this. I saw this country, the Supreme Court vote to make gay marriage legal.

And if somehow that offends you, then you don't believe in freedom. Then you're a part of a cult. If your religion tells you that's wrong, and that that needs to be your number one goal in life, I'm sorry, you're in some sort of hate cult. All right, listen, listener, I want to wrap this episode with our book

where you can read all about Pumps, a aforementioned affair with her personal trainer. And listen up, Tina, the new trainer. She's warned you, and I'm here to tell you too, she is not gonna have sex with you. It's a strictly platonic relationship. She's going to come, she's going to train, she's going to pay you and she's going to leave.

No slap and tickle, nothing. No funny business. No funny business with any trainer moving. Do you want to say any trainer moving forward in your life or just the specific current one? Oh, I think we have to leave it open-ended just in case. Yeah, just in case. I mean, you never know what's going to happen. All right, Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and

Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gay triots and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever. You can get your podcast and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps, pumps, what does an eagle say?

Cacaw! A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw! That's it. That's, that's, Cacaw! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.