I've Had It - Love Yourself Less with Jared Freid

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps missed this guest so much they had to bring him back a second time. Jared Freid joins the girls for a full on sh*t-talking session, from long-winded Instagram captions to CYA photo sessions on bachelor parties. Jennifer does a dramatic reading of a fantastic one star review and Pumps claims that while she *is* receiving mail from AARP (because she's much much older than Jennifer) she is standing strong and refusing to give in to it. Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Thank you to our sponsors: BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/HADIT today and get 10% off your first month. Jenni Kayne: Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code HADIT at jennikayne.com! #jennikaynepartner HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/50ivehadit and use code 50ivehadit for 50% off plus free shipping! Lume: New customers get $5 OFF a Lume Starter Pack with code HADIT at lumedeodorant.com. That equates to over 40% off your Starter Pack. Apartments.com: The place to find a place - www.apartments.com Article: Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit ARTICLE.COM/HADIT and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. CareOf: This episode is sponsored by CareOf, visit takecareof.com and use code 'hadit50' for 50% off your first order. Babbel: Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners - Get 55% off your Babbel subscription at Babbel.com/IVEHADIT today! Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Casino app NOW, sign up with promo code HADIT, and new customers get a deposit match up to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in casino credits when you deposit $5 or more! Only on DraftKings Casino with promo code HADIT. Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest Jared Freid: @jaredfreid

So we're supposed to start the podcast. One, two, three. I mean, the clap on is underway. Welcome to I've had it. I'm so what have you had it with? I've had it with snail mail. I get so much junk snail mail. It's ridiculous. Like, I only get to the box like once a week because nothing I ever need is in there.

And it's like all these volumes of flyers and credit card applications and all this shit that I'm like, I don't want any of this. I just when I wonder when we're not going to have snail mail anymore. This goes back to, um, there's no oversight. Right. Like they're just sending this out in bulk. And it's been going on for a very long, very long time. Same thing with this spam calls, we talked about a couple of episodes ago. You've got there's no oversight and I just want to opt out of all of it. Inesolicitation. I do not want. Agreed. If I want something I will figure out how to get it on my smartphone. Absolutely. I don't want the catalogs. No. I don't want the coupons. No. I don't want all the offers credit card offers. I don't want the your pre-approved for this loan. Right. And you're like, I don't want it. Rack it. And then some of them, they even send you like,

you think, did I order a new credit card or something? Because it's like a fake credit card. Right. Yes. I got that yesterday. Let me ask you this, since you are so much older than I am, do you get AARP male? I have. I have in the past, not recently, but I did, I mean, I was just like, am I fucking old enough for AARP? How do you have to be to be in?

I think I Google it. I think it's like 52-ish. Like people are retiring at 52 in this fucking world. I know, I don't know why it is. I mean, with the way our capitalism on speed is, you're just hitting your stride by them. No kidding. I just made off your credit card debt.

Finally, no, I did not apply for it though because I was like, I'd rather pay full price than a movie. Listener, the store of our show has a sore throat, but being dedicated to this podcast and do you all to her large loyal fan base? She's here because our show must go on. That's go on sexy pumps. Yes, sexy lady die with a raspy voice. Pops, yes, sexy lady die with a raspy voice is in the house. I've had it with snail mail. I've had it with snail mail.

I've had it. I've had it with mail. Yeah, I mean, most email too, thank goodness I have the fake account email account for spam emails. So typically the only emails I get at my real account, I've instructed people to send it. So I'm not emails I get at my real account, I've instructed people to send it. So I'm not getting superveless stuff.

I only have one email box. I can't leave you of all people didn't think I don't want one more thing to manage. It's like when threads came out, I was super excited about it. Yeah. Because I don't like Elon Musk. And then I just realized this is just one more fucking thing I have to check. Every time I get on Twitter, I feel guilty that I'm not on threads. Same. And I go to threads and sometimes it's like nothing will load. That's my problem with it. It's glitching. Have you experienced that Kylie?

Yeah, threads is already dead pretty much. I like to hear that. It glitches out. And I was really excited about it. But then I'm just like, it's just one more thing that I have to check on my device. And I personally am trying to make my life smaller. Right. Friends, smaller, smaller circle,

smaller things to check, smaller things to observe. I wanna be a small and petty as a person as I possibly can be. Make your world just smaller and pettier. That's right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I want to be a small and petty as a person as I possibly can be. Make your world just smaller and pettier. That's right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. And it involves my husband. I've got one too.

Okay. So we've been traveling, you know, recently we took our son up to Syracuse to move him back. And we went as a couple with our first born and we like it up there. It's a cool college town and he was moving into this duplex and we wanted to get him all set up. And so I enjoy Josh. I have a lot of fun with Josh. He's the love of my life. But when we travel together, he asks just a multitude of stupid questions, almost an interrogation. Yes. Stupid questions one could say, but starts at the house, what airline are we?

American Airlines, flight leaves at 9 a.m. board at 830. Astony answered at the house. Right. We get in the 8.30. Aston answered at the house. Right. We get in the car. What airline is it? He's a repeater. American Airlines. What time does it board?

8.30. What time does it take off? 9. How long's the flight? And then we go through all of these things. And then it just continues all day. In airports, connecting flights, what boarding group are we, what time is it boarding, and it just goes on and on and on.

I have a new thing that I've started to do. What is it? Instead of just answering his questions, I just hold my hand up and look at him and go, shh, I'm shushing. I've just started just to just blanket, just a blanket, shush. And you know what? You think somebody would get mad about that? No, he doesn't.

He doesn't even get mad at all. He just kind of chuckles and then just resumes the interrogation. Like you never even said it. Another, this is, these are compound had, compound complex had it so that I'm getting into. Okay, but what I will say is if I ask you a question, twice, you bite my head off. So he just gets a sh.

No, he gets, this is the shush is after. He's asked a question once, probably a mild head bite off and then a full head bite off and then the shush and then it still continues because listen to what you'll find out about me. The venerous tough and sassy on the inside. I mean, the biggest was on the planet. I mean, it's all show, all this tough character syndrome that I have. It's all show and no go. But anyway, so the other component of Josh that's driving me crazy is he narrates

everything I do. Let me just give you an example. Everything I do, he narrates like I'm gonna be crazy. Is he narrates everything I do? Let me just give you an example. Everything I do, he narrates. Like I'm living my life with a narrator. So he's like, oh, my mom is just putting on this cute white jeans. Oh, look at her, she's looking good. Oh, my mom is just putting on her mascara. You see that boy's looking how good does my mom's like,

ooh, my mom's is going in for some lemon drops. I would strangle him with my bare hands. And then I get up to go get some, what's my mom's doing? Ooh, she got some water in a protein bar. My mom's is going to play pickleball. Look at my mom's and it just goes on and on and on. And here's the thing.

There was a time in my relationship where I wanted these problems and I would tell my therapist, I just want normal people problems. I don't want, I don't know where he is, he's strung on on drugs, this is so gut-wrenching, I can't breathe. I don't want these problems,

I want normal people problems. So what I'm saying to you out loud right now, is I have gratitude for these problems. And this is the era of therapy where you fake it till you make it. Right. I have gratitude, Pumps, that he's not in a debt. That he narrates every single thing that I do

and asks me no less than 2,500 questions a day. Do you ever just say, shut the fuck up? I think the kids have said that to him because this also is not just personal to me. The kids get wrapped up into Josh's observations and his narration, the narration in the series of stupid questions. But I will say this, he, it's very, there is a component to it where he's very loving. Right, just annoying as fuck. Yeah, it's an annoying love.

It's an annoying love. Anyway, welcome. Wait, hold on, I have to tell my hat. Oh, okay, go on. Okay, so the other day I'm scrolling through Instagram. Oh, no, I know where this is going. And on his story, Josh has a picture of him doing pull-ups. Yep, I've saw it. And I was just like, as if the speedo was not bad enough. Now we're doing pull-ups on our Instagram. So,

yesterday when I saw him, there were a bunch of people around and everybody was talking and I was kind of leaned over and I just said, hey, saw your pull-ups on Instagram. He didn't say anything. I was like, well, you know, I have to watch everybody else's and I was just like, all right, so we got a lunch. On the way back, you can tell he's just but, heard about it and starts going, well, you know, the only reason I do that is because I have to watch everybody else's and like, you really don't have to watch everybody else's.

Yeah, that's what he told me. He goes, I have to watch everybody else's workout videos and everybody else's outfits of the day and everybody else gets to do this stuff. I've got a lot of my thought outfit of the day I die. And I am just like, oh, okay, all right. Everybody else gets to do crystal mess. So I'm going to go do crystal mess. I mean, that's where we are emotionally and psychologically. But I haven't asked because I don't want to belabor the conversations. Right. Who took the video?

That's a great question. Did he set it up? Did the trainer take it? And then what was this? How much planning went into it? Was it a day before? Knowing Josh, yes. How much romanticizing with this idea of putting this up on the worldwide web went on before it went up? Because I'll tell you this much,

I know how much effort in romanticizing, he puts into each outfit. And it long predates the time that the outfit gets on his body. And he put the black and white filter. Do you notice that to make it edgy? Oh, I didn't notice. Oh, yeah, he put a little black and white filter and made it kind of edgy.

Josh, I love you. I'm so sorry. I love you too. You give us good material. Right. You're just too sorry. You see, target as much as we love you. Put me through a lot, motherfucker.

This is payback. Sorry, honey, but I do love you put me through a lot motherfucker this payback Sorry, honey, but I do love you. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's the star She is star and she is here. I have Something that I received in the mail speaking of snail mail. Okay I received this at my office address and it's a little card with butterflies glitter on it. Okay. And it's from a man named Brian that was at our Washington DC show and he lives in DC.

And I'm not going to read the whole card, but I'm going to read one paragraph that I think is really important. We joke around on here a lot, but this is really important to me. He says, furthermore, thank you for your warmth and generosity during the meet and greet. So many people in that audience, ourselves included, yearn for their own family members to treat them with even half as much love and acceptance as you showed us during the time we got to spend with you. You made us feel so special and that really meant so much.

Got it here now. And he sent us a little picture that he printed of us on stage. That is so sweet. Sweet. He actually wrote a card. He wrote a card. And mailed this to my office. I love that. And his name is Brian in Washington, D.C. and heiled this to my office. I love that.

And his name is Brian in Washington, DC, and he came to our live show. And I just want everyone to know all the shit that we talk about. Don't take it seriously. But when it comes to standing up for marginalized groups and supporting them and loving them and lifting them up, more middle aged white women need to help us do the lifting. I agree. And men. And men.

But anyway, Brian, we love you. It meant so much to get the snail mail. It really did. Now that I've ragged on snail mail, but a hard, is back to our character. Brian, I want to tell you that I apologize for Pumps has had it, because I really appreciate your snail mail that you sent.

Well, that's special. It's incredibly special. Right. Incredibly special snail mail that I love and I love the butterflies too. I do too. That's sweet. And I love Brian. I do too.

So nice. Okay. I got a, we got a one-star review on Apple recently. And it was, it's really good. We haven't done a hate review in quite some time. So it's a one-star review on Apple recently. And it's really good. We haven't done a hate review in quite some time. So it's a one-star. The subject of it is literally not funny and mostly nonsense.

Hahaha. Unfortunately, I really wanted to like this podcast, but they are just flat out rodent vulgar. Hahaha. And I think they say it's interesting or funny. Unfollowing as soon as I finish my review. But he got it out there. You're the one I did. I was going to read that one.

Oh, so good. So good. Oftentimes I see stuff and I think, oh, Kylie, we'll get it. Then you read it different one and I make sure and I regret not screen-shotting it. And I'm like, oh, it was such a good one. Oh my God. That's a good one. vulgargar. I've been called vulgar in a minute. Here's the deal. We can psych psychologically analyze this person in 2.5 seconds. Who you think she voted for in 2016 and 2020? I don't think there's any question. I mean, it's just those are the most but hurt listeners of this podcast and of anything in life.

I mean, it is but hurt, party of one, your table's now available, but hurt party of one. As soon as you get through one following us, you can go get seated at your but hurt table. I mean, hysterical. Okay, today we're gonna have one of our favorite guests of all time. Amazing.

Join us back here again on this hit, shit show of ours. People are unfollowing left and right. Once we vulgarity and cats. Oh, I mean, we are just getting sliced and diced, but that will not stop one of our favorite guests of all time Jared Fried from joining us again on I've had it. Pumps, when we have an in-studio guest and we roll out our curvy white buclet sofa from article, I just feel like this

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I've been learning how to speak Italian. Oh, that's so impressive. You know, I love to go to Italy. And I love the idea of speaking a different language. And so I thought I'd like behind your back learn how to speak Italian. You want me to try some? I do. T. P. O. Che, El Mio podcast. What does that mean? Do you like my podcast? Oh, very impressive. Because it's a Grazie, say it. Grazie. Grazie. Grazie. Grazie. You need to get Babel because that's what I've been doing. And listener, I'm going to tell you what, one in five Americans have had on their bucket list learning foreign language. And I'm making my bucket list a reality and you can too. Here is a special limited time

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There he is, our little shining star. We've been waiting for you, Big Bull. I mean, are you kidding me? The two most famous women in America right now? That's fucking right, Jared. Don't you forget to have had it podcast. Women, this is, I can't believe I'm allowed back on. You're shot to start them.

If you weren't such an asshole. I chose. If you weren't such an asshole, If you weren't such an asshole, we wouldn't even consider letting you back off. You are 24 karat gold asshole material and you are always welcome in this safe space. Always. I am so happy I bought in low.

And now I'm selling high. I got to cash in on your audience. You guys, I'm a congratulations. Since I've been on, this is a, I have friends that reach out to me. They're like, are you when, you know, you know, you know, helps. See, and that's, that's what we need to get at. Because you and I are merely writing on Pumpsist Co-Tales.

That is so not true. She is the star. She is the Princess Diana podcasting. She's what America wants and needs. And we're just co-tail writers, you and me. That's right. I mean, listen, I follow both of you in such a, I'm proud of you guys, even though who might be proud of you guys. I'm just saying, you know, now it is unbelievable. Your videos come up everywhere. I feel a part of it in a small way. I feel like, and I'm so happy for the

success of the show. You guys are all over New York. You don't even call me. I don't even get like a lunch. But the little people you said, you know, you guys move on pretty quick, but I'm not. You know, listen between going to Italy, we have European vacations that go on. I get, you know, that's we have European vacations to go on. I get it. You know, that's right. I mean, my studio apartment, I'm living in a shoe box just watching Jen and pumps, Galafant across this great world of cars. That's right. Get used to it, Jared, because there's going to be a lot more of that thirst trap and material. We have just barely scratched the fucking surface. If you're annoyed now,

just wait. Pumps is about to do, Pumps is about to line up and eight ball of cocaine and we're really going to start this party. I, I will fly to Oklahoma for that party. I want to see Pumps running around telling people new app ideas. Yeah. Can you imagine how bad that would be? Jared, seriously, thank you so much. I think the three of us are very simpatico and we all have the same kind of just petty asshole grievances. So I think we should just get after it. What have you had at what, Jared?

I have had it with, and I'll bring it to pumps because I think I have had it with Instagram Capture. Oh, because I just did all three of my kids birthdays, but you did a good job. I love the way you did it. I'm actually using you as you are, you are beacon of hope. You are life. You did a mom post. I love you.

I you're a great part of my life, couple of heart emojis, and we're out. Would you be- Would you be- Would you be longer? No. The captions that I see, babies first birthdays. The captions on a baby's first birthday,

you would think that these babies are retiring from GE after a year period. They're like, I would think that these babies are retiring from GE after a year period. They're like, you're a distinguished member of this family and your personality shines through on every occasion. You're so funny and sweet. It's like, it's a baby, it's a blob, okay? It doesn't even say its first word.

It's you sat and watched it in the crib. That's all it's a baby, it's a blob, okay? It doesn't even say its first word. It's you sat and watched it in the crib, that's all it's done for you. Let's get away from, oh, the baby, no one year on earth is a better year for all of us. It's just the sonnets and saliliquies and Instagram caption sucks. The people who leave New York City, have you seen an Instagram caption from a woman moving

out of a major city? You would think we were all waving at the dock while they took off on the Titanic. You would think, oh, I spent my years here in New York City, Dala Vanting and and Rob scotching and adventuring through New York City and now I must go Off to the suburbs I go You didn't have this romcom life in New York City you went to the same bars as me You took the same ubers as me you hooked up with a guy who was five eight and didn't get you off I helped up with a guy who was five eight and didn't get you off. He's over.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yours pumps was clean. It was, I love you kid. You're my baby girl, heart emoji, and I'm out. And I appreciate that. That's right. Because you know what she used to do when that baby girl was about three or four pumps

would call me on the phone. And I would answer it and I'd say hello and I should go, Emily is the biggest fucking bitch on the plane. I mean, she drives me fucking crazy. There is not a bottle of vodka big enough that can get me through this day. At the time, Emily was three. Right. And let me tell you what I appreciated about that, Jared.

That's fucking real. That's the friend I want. I want somebody who can call a toddler a fucking asshole. I like that rigorous honesty. I like the brow-beating of a toddler because let's face it, what have they ever done with their lives? Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. They've made us no money. Nothing. They've accomplished. They've made us no money. Nothing. They've only sucked the life out of you. That's the truth. And you know what, that's the problem with Instagram captions. Everyone goes too hard, too big. And we know that's not the reality.

That's right. Like when people post every boyfriend caption, every caption that someone posts of their significant other, it's too big. Too much. And you can tell how bad the relationship is by when they like a boy calling them their boyfriend a girl from their like, this guy. This guy.

Just having a good Valentine's with you guys. I don't call it my boyfriend because maybe you'll realize that we're in a serious relationship because we haven't had to talk yet. It's guy. So we had it. We do these episodes where we have listeners send us voice memos. And this one gals European and she sends us a voice memo about Instagram mom culture in the United States, about when a mom posts like a two year old, like, I'm so glad this baby girl chose me. And the collar was like, let's face it.

You were feckin' raw dogging on vacation and Florida. So maybe we need to just start, you know, you talked about your social referee. Maybe we can transfer that to Instagram and we can say, this child is a result of your most raw dog moment you've ever had. That was a Daytona Beach yard of beer baby, okay? That ain't even a shardin', baby. That is a swill Southern comfort baby.

Jacob, your master shot. Yeah, this wasn't Pinot Grigio and Dreams. This was Tequila and nightmares, okay? And now you're stuck and you know what, you chock. She chose you to suck on your tit so that it can live another day. That's what she says. That's what the baby chose. Yeah, it is, it's the glorification of life where we all know life is hard for everybody. Everyone's going through it. You know, everyone hard for everybody. Everyone's going through it.

You know, everyone's got their own version of going through it. And when you sit here and you sit, that's why I always give them this voice singing this song of, oh, you know, it's just like, it's like no one's living that way. And also we're past the point of knowing that there's Instagram versus reality. I don't need, I also don't need the person that's like, who look at how hard it is. No, no, no, I want just give me just normal. I don't need the horrific tale.

I don't need this sprucing up of the reality. I just want happy birth into my daughter like Pumps did. See Pumps look at you. I mean, this trend set her on Instagram. Totally. Be like Pumps did. See Pumps look at you. I mean, this trend said her on Instagram totally be like Pumps. Listener. That's right. I want norm norm culture, normal culture. I just want that.

Yeah. And you even see it with it's like, we don't have to post about everything. I saw one for someone, someone I follow, they, they posted. It's the seven and a half year anniversary of my grandmother's death. And it's like, let her go, let her go, it's over. Let me tell you.

It's been seven years. Let me tell you one of the worst things that pops. Your Instagram hero has ever done to me in my entire life. Okay. So she's married at the time. it was before her divorce, okay? And her, her father-in-law died. She called me on the phone, I'll never forget it. I was in a fucking bookstore,

because that's how old we are. I was in a bookstore. And I answered. My answer was a no, but she'll win. I was buying a travel book. I answered the phone, hello. And Pemps says, he's dead. And I go, I'm sorry. She goes, I'm not click. That was the end. Okay. Wow. That should have been the caption. So fast forward one year later, I take my kids over to her

house because we were so miserable with toddlers, we had to have each other's company, we just throw them all in a bathtub or put them in front of a TV so we could go outside and change my cigarettes. Absolutely. So she calls me into her island and she has, she's, I need for you to do a favor for me. And I was like, okay, sure, what is it? And she was like, here is a card for my husband's one year anniversary of his father's death. And she, I'll never forget it. She hands me a ink pen with red ink. And she says, please sign this and give this to him.

And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Who are you? Why am I signing a, sorry about that your dad died a year ago, card? I could. Why, what's the reason it? Yeah, Pumps. I think the reasoning was he was so wrecked about it and I couldn't cry about it.

Someone's got to give him sympathy and he's going to be me. Maybe Jennifer can do it. Yeah, I couldn't work at the tear. Because when people think of me, they think of outpourings of empathy and sympathy every minute. Okay, here's a great suggestion that I have. So whenever you are not sick, 37 and single anymore, and you have a woman instead of saying this gal in your comment section, you can just look seriously at the camera, have your arm around your gal and say, before you can love someone else, you have to learn how to love yourself. So there's no chance of that happening.

I hate love yourself people. I hate cannot stand it. It's about loving yourself. Nobody loves themselves. If someone loved themselves, they'd be an unbearable piece of garbage. You wouldn't be able to be around that person. Good people hate themselves. 20%. Every good person has a 20% level of hatred for themselves. That's why we can talk about things we've had it with. That's why we talk about this petty bullshit because we are talking about someone we know and usually as you said before, it's ourself. We've done all these things. We have the capacity to be the piece of shit

that we talk about. And if you love yourself too much, then everyone around you is talking about how big of a piece of shit you are. So no, my message everyone is, love yourself less. Look in the mirror. You're awful. You got weight to lose.

You have a personality problem. You're not good in public. That's my motivational speech to everyone. Love yourself less. I support this because I agree because there are certain things I know about me. I'm bossy. I can be reactive. And I know these, I know like, okay Jennifer, these are your negative character defects. And you know, they can come out. They can spring out, you know, with no warning. But you have to embrace and be self-deprecating and know like, it's not like an excuse to be an asshole, but if you know yourself better and you think,

God, I have these really shitty corners of my brain sometimes. Yeah. Embrace it. Loving yourself 100% has another name. What is it? It's called delusion. Delusions of furniture. Delusion. You're delusional. That's right. Okay. Here's another comment that you could put on a post with a gal.

Maybe a first date, second date. Okay. Here's another comment that you could put on a post with a gal. Maybe a first date, second date. Dating is a fun way of finding a new person to destroy emotionally. Every, every girl I've ever dated is just nodding and agreement. Yeah. That's us. Yeah, it is, my favorite comment on a post is to ignore what they wanted you to comment on and then comment on something else. Like, that's the best kind of way to get at someone if they posted like they're tripping Italy, you write back, hey, where did you get those shoes? Not even about Italy. You just ignore Italy. So like you have to ignore the thing.

Right. I'm moving from the big city. Hey, uh, did you go out last Saturday? Just like make your random and eight because they're going to get in range. But they can't say back to you like, what, what about my trip to Italy? You know, that's so true. That's pretty smart. So when I'm not a podcast or I'm an interior designer, and a lot of these designers will post like a fantastic room, I mean a really well-designed room.

And then it is just like this jet stream of poetry bullshit in the description. of poetry bullshit in the description. I find the yen and yang in the function way in balance as I miss textures of the moon and our mother earth and bring them outdoors inside. I'm like, I wish that you would just write, I think this room looks fucking great. Right, yeah, move on. It's the pop thing.

I think this room looks fucking great, but it is like, and then I get irritated and then I end up not liking the room because the comment is so fucking ridiculous. Right, you're, that's actually the worst type of person that you have to read the caption of because it's the person who's both an artist but has engaged in capitalism.

That's exactly right. So there are a liar no matter what. You know, like because if you're in the home design is I give to the beast that is the American capitalism, whatever, which I am not against, but you can't be in a young person and also go, I've spent person and also go, I've spent $10,000 at pottery bar. You can't be both of those people. You know, Jared, I've always said about my career. I sell overpriced furniture to rich people. That's what being an interior designer is. I'm good at it. I'm creative, but it is the mother load of 1% capitalism. And it's fun and it's been a great industry and I've lived well off of it.

But I've never been diluted into thinking that it is like this groundbreaking, you know, Nobel Peace Prize candidate type work. And some of the descriptions that these designers use, I'm just like put a fucking sock in it. The room looks fantastic. You fucking nailed it. Put fucking nailed it in a hammer emoji and move on.

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What's going on with all this Hello, fresh meal prep at your house? Oh my gosh, I love it. I feel like I'm such a great cook now. All of my ingredients are fresh. My kids absolutely love it. I feel like I'm such a great cook now. All of my ingredients are fresh. My kids absolutely love it. The variety, I would never imagine the variety of different foods. I absolutely love HelloFresh.

I mean, every time I talk to you, it's like you think you're Martha Stewart. You're in the kitchen prepping all this stuff. And it's like you're way too busy to talk to me because you're in the throes of all this HelloFresh stuff. It's like completely revamped you. I know. I'm just quite the little chef now. So domestic.

It's unbelievable. Listen to her. If you want to be like pumps and be the star of your home, as pumps is go to hello fresh. com slash five zero. I've had it in use code five zero. I've had it for 50% off plus 15% off the next two months. Again, go to HelloFresh.com slash 5-0. I've had it in use code 5-0.

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Hey, Jared, I love, love, love your Netflix special. 37 and a think it's great. My question that I want to ask you is, explain the difference between an ik and an uf. Okay, so I think an ik, the way the ik was explained to me was that, and it was a female friend of mine, she was like, I went on a date, the guy did one thing, and I never wanted to fuck him.

Yeah. This is fake. This is fake. One, that's the, is the frivolous, like this thing happened, and it's ridiculous, but it's reasonable at the same time.

And I've gone across the country asking people to announce their ex. It shows. I put up the clips of my Instagram, and when I first started doing the bit, it was because a friend of mine, she was like, I went out with a guy and he wore khakis and I couldn't fuck him.

And I was like, khakis. I was like, all it took was khakis. A woman could be dressed as a, like, you know, she was going on safari and I would still fuck her. You know, like, and the best ex were like, when the woman just had on her face, she was like, I know this is crazy. This is stupid.

But I love that because when you come to find out, as one woman's ex is another woman's husband, that's the reality is like, because I, you know, a good if is like flip flops with jeans. That's one I would hear in thought weather places more than cool weather places. And flip flops and jeans, you'd see a bunch of women in the room like, yes, they'd be all on all in. And then there'd be one woman rubbing the leg of a man wearing flip flops and jeans. And she'd be like, it looks good on you, Robert. You know, like you would see it. So those are my favorite

X because it offers redemption. It offers. Now the ooth is what I get and what I think a lot of men get in this part isn't as fun. It's a little bit more mean, but it's like you fucking girl and you go, oh, if I shouldn't have done that. Okay, we're going to play had it or hit it. You remember that, right? Oh my God, welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it. I had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. I had it or hit it. Somebody putting that they're spiritual on a dating app to describe themselves. I had it. I don't know what that means.

I don't think I spiritual it could be anything. Like what like right now, right now on the internet, everyone's put it. There's there's women. It's it's the divide. It's that bothers me because right now there's women, it's the divide, that bothers me. Because right now there's women posting about blue moon and how it's affecting their menstrual cycle and I'm happy. And then there's women that have no connection to the moon whatsoever. And there's no in between. What is it? Does the moon matter or not? Am I getting blown on a blue moon night or not? I just need to know.

I don't know. It's just so, spiritual seems to be something people say when they hate their parents' religion, but they still want to be able to say they're religious. Yes, probably a good thing. I think it's that, or I think it could be a hardcore Bible temper trying to masquerade as not being such a hardcore temper. I think that you can hear people like some of the most

religious people I know, they know that now being called religious is starting to have a negative connotation in the world of modern science. So it's like, oh, I'm very spiritual. And I think it's the, I love the regional aspect of this, how it changes, because where you guys are like, now I know to be on the lookout, spiritual- Red flag.

Stay away. You're gonna get down Jesus road pretty quickly. Oklahoma-sized American flag picture it all red. If you hear that, I'm telling you, we're going to be dunked in a dunk take with a rock band and cheerleading squad and an evangelical preacher with fake eyelashes before you know what Jared is the slippery of slippery slopes. I'm telling you around here to be very cautious about the Bible numbers. Next thing you know, I'm dancing with a poisonous snake.

Okay, had it or hit it, posting pictures on bachelor party trips. I hit it. I think you have to post a picture from a batch of party trip to ward off questions about the bachelor party. off questions about the bachelor party. I think it's like a magician. Right, like a magician. You need one guy on the trip who's so married that he knows how to take a picture. And you need, and it's like a magician, doing it with their right wall, we're doing stuff with our left.

So he has to get you in front of every landmark that you go to on a bachelor party. And I'm not saying I'm not going on bachelor parties with people are cheating. That's not what I'm saying. But you just don't want the questions. You just don't want. Well, what did you do here? Tell me about 759 P.M.

What's going on there? You need to put out just enough from a bachelor party to not get in the weeds about the bachelor party. So a little CYA, right, just cover your ass, a little CYA posting. I love that. I'm going to use that from now on. I think the CYA posting, especially for men, is very important. You've got to do listener. If you're going on a bachelor or bachelor at party, don't forget to CYA post, which is cover your ass post. I love that. That's going to be, that's going to be a, I've had it, you know, register that trade market. That's, that's a, that's a move. The CYA post, okay. CYA post.

Had it or hit it, be labored breakups. I've had it. It sucks. It sucks. Every, and I talk about the special, every break I've ever had goes way longer than it should. Like I just, I just wish you could go to someone and be like, it's oh, and they go, why? And you go, I don't know, but I don't have a good answer for you. So you just go that way and say whatever the fuck you want, and I'll go my way and say the nicest thing ever. You ever notice that a guy, unless he's divorced, divorced men are kind of a different breed. But like a guy who's been in like a 10 month relationship

has nothing bad to say about any woman they've ever dated. They're just a queen who needs better, who's going to find the ones of them, and she's beautiful, smart, everything's good. And then every woman that's ever out of a 10 month relationship has nothing but bad things, and say, by the way, he had nothing going on. He doesn't want to commit, he's got a fear. He's a self-sabotage. You know, it's like you go say whatever you want.

I'll go talk about how wonderful you are and your pussy smelled like lilac and everything. But I don't have a good reason for you. Let me tell you what happens on the female side of that. So let's say that we're friends with a girl that you just broke up with, okay? And it's, I mean, it's like cocaine and poppers for 10 months. You can't get enough of it. It's high times, right?

You break up with her, then she'd come over to me and pups and be like, he's such a son of a bitch, and it starts telling you all these terrible things that you did. And then we can, you know, I saw a red flag too, and I thought he was a dick. And I predicted that he was gonna be a gyrator in the sack. I knew he was gonna be a pink arm soft serve

from the jump. I know you've faked your orgasms, and we go there, right? And we go all the fucking right way. I mean, it is the evisceration to end all eviscerations. It's the societal truth because you know, they're back together. Oh, I heard the word. We're left holding the fucking bag.

Yes, that's happened to me so many times. Like they've gotten married. Afterward. Yeah, married. And then you're just like, oh shit. Because they open Pandora's box such a way of all the things you've been thinking and you jump in and y'all have this big T-bone steak

and you're cutting in and you're chomping in. I mean, it's done. And then there's the reconciliation. And then she tells him everything you said. Right. They all hate you. They think you are a lymph dip loser. And I don't know where, I don't know where they came up with such a thing.

That's what she says. You know, it is like not to get too serious on this, but that's like a societal thing. Like it's not fair to women. Like, you know, for a lot of women, if they're out of a relationship, they fail. You know, like, when I, you know, and that's why they have to come with these hard reasons of like he's a piece of shit, limb dick, you want to lose her. And now the whole table, the brunch table goes, okay, at least there was a reason you're still worthy.

When breakups happen for no reason at all, you're still worthy after a breakup. And the thing is for a lot of guys, we don't deal with that because when I get out of a relationship, I get like, oh, get the high fives ready back on the J.A. But which I was you. And you're like, it's not that both are not true. It's not high fives for the guy. And it's also not that that woman didn't try her best and it just didn't work out. It's somewhere in the middle as most things are and that's, you know, what you, you know, that's the, that's the tough part about all this stuff. Yes, I agree.

Okay, had it or hit it the morning after? I just wish that it like two a.m. Both of you unlatch from Cuddling and go, hey, we don't even know each other's middle names. It's ridiculous for us to sleep in the same bed tonight. Like, it is a weird thing. On, you know, the one night stand, like the person you've just met in a bar

and you go back with, it is like weird that like, you two are just hugging someone that you don't even know their last night. You're like, I just need someone to make me feel love for six hours, please. And then in the morning, you're like, hey, so what are you got going on today? Oh, you got a lot going on, right? Cause I got like a lot going on.

Oh, what do I have? Like I have like, you know, a call, you know, you don't even know. And that's not even like, that's the problem with like casual relationships is like when you're in a real thing, you go, Hey, 8 a.m. I'm going to wake up and we're going to wake up by the sound of my fart. And then to get the fuck out, because I'm going to take a shit. So you're going to want to get out of here. Like you can be open to someone.

And it's the discomfort of like, no, you go first, no, you go first, no, you, you know, holding the door open while both people sit at the the opening, not doing anything. And because both people want to leave that bedroom. I do believe. Totally. Okay. Last one had it or hit it. Walking through drive through window. So maybe it would walk through a drive through window. So I tell the story of the podcast about going through, walking through a drive through and I've had it because I didn't know that now Uber Eats has like a deal with McDonald.

So when you see a drive through that's operating, it's not even like the people that are gonna eat it. Like it's all Uber eats drivers. I had no idea. And the reason I've had it with that is like, what happened to the old school way of walking up to a drive-through when you're hammered drunk, talking into a microphone and ordering 17 items.

Now, you have to go on Uber eats. It only allows you to choose like meals, certain meals. Like they're getting ahead of us. They're like, the, the, the, the McDonald's and the fast food places are now ahead of the drunk people. They're like, we need to keep these people in line. Like it used to be in the heyday of drunk ordering. You could be like, I'll have 17 McNugget orders.

And then one fry. Now I have to get six meals to get where I'm trying to go. And I wake up because when you nighttime eat, you just want to eat it, like you want to eat it in darkness. You want to get it all done in one, binge it all in one 20 minute period. Then you want to take the garbage, hide it in the hallway of your hotel room. You want to put it in front of another person's door. And then you want it to go away and you wake up and you go, oh, I think I might have had a walker.

And now because of Uber Eats, they make you order the meal. So now I wake up to me next to 17 fountain sodas because I have to get the soda. And it's like now I have to be put face to face with the reality that I have gotten combo meals because I couldn't just order ala cart. Bring back ala cart. I agree. I'm a huge ala cart order. That's orders everything. I order everything ala cart. I mean, if I go to a Mexican restaurant, I want because I want to have the chips. I want the salsa. I want the queso, but I don't need a huge plate of food after that. So order one cheese enchilada and one side of rice. They're like, that's a children's meal. And I'm like, well, then I'll take the child's meal.

Because I want to have all this stuff. Then you get that plate of food. I mean the food portions are just insane. It just and then I just eat feel miserable if you overeat. I love the hiding the food in front of the store. Oh, you know how many times someone has, you know how many times at a Hilton garden in someone has opened their door to just boxes of pizza and

what happened out here? Did a homeless man take up camp out here? What's going on? It's just me fooling myself doing it for my own right in security. Said to deny that it ever happened. Yeah, it's your it's the first step in your denial that that happened. That's right. I wake up. You know, many times I've woken up and been like, because I'm I I talk about the special day, I'm a I don't black and I brown out. So like I so then I wake up and I'm like, Oh, I think I might have in the and it starts as a cute morning. Oh, I think I might have had one slice. And then I realized I went to Epcot and ate it every country.

Well, Jared, we thank you so much for joining us. You are one of our favorites. And we can't thank you enough for coming on. I can't thank you to I mean, I'm so happy for you guys. I'm so happy the podcast is taking off. You're doing live shows. What a wonderful thing. I you know, and I want your audience go check out the special Netflix 37 single. It's excellent. Go watch it and share it with people and enjoy it. Make your Instagram story, all those things. And follow Jared. He's one of my favorite Instagram followers, all the mom bit, all of the petty shit that

all of our followers love Jared. It's just an, an extra dose of that. Yes. Absolutely. I love it. Thank you guys so much. Bye, Jared. Bye. Love Jared.

Love Jared, and I don't feel that great, but I mean, you cannot not have a ball with Jared Freight. He's funny. I can't stop laughing. He's like, I don't even know, like, because he's not laughing. And he just does, he just keeps going, and he just delivers. And I just, I love everything about that, man. He's going and he just delivers. And I just, I love everything about that.

Everything. He's so great. Well, listener, I want to call it here because we want to just leave you with, there's no way we can talk to you. Right, how do you talk to your show? Go to Patreon, documentary club, new episodes on that.

Every single Wednesday plus new content that pumps in me out in the wild, meaning Walmart, places like that. We're gonna film that and I don't want to do it at all. Golly was a five-star review. Check out the hot shit tour in pumps. Tell them. See you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. This is Blow Decks Captain Lee. Listen to my new podcast, Salty, with Captain Lee. Um, don't you mean our podcast? Uh, yeah, I guess I do. Anyhow, listen to Salty with Captain Lee co-hosted by my assistant Sam. And we will be talking about the latest pop culture news and all the

gossip every week. So does this mean we have to talk by ourselves about ourselves or can at least have some guests on? I don't know if I might sell pretty interesting but yeah we can have some guests on some of our reality TV friends and substars. Works for me. Listen to Salty now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.