I've Had It - Low and Loose

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps take on more listener submissions, ranging from insane wedding registry requests to almost throat-punching a person that won't let you escape a conversation. Jennifer also leads an on-air Kegel exercise class for all to partake in - free of charge.  Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Well, I would like to welcome everybody to I've had it podcast. And today is a very special Thursday where we get to hear from our listeners, which is always the most fun because there is so much shit out there that pumps and I have just forgotten about it. And it is such a service to us to remind us what else we need to be annoyed with. Right. And that we are people.

We found our people that we have a tribe. We have a tribe. And they are our tribe. Yep. And together we brow beat this shit. And then we feel better. And when we feel better, we're nicer. Right. Yeah.

So these are very important therapeutic sessions that I think people should be able to get off work for in order to listen to. Like have a holiday. I've had it podcast holiday. Every Tuesday and Thursday. Right. They don't have to go to work till noon.

Right. They just have to listen to the podcast before name. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Kylie, who was our first contestant today? Our first one is Christine W. Okay. Absolutely fucking had it with dumbass over the top completely unqualified wedding registries. Where the couple asks for contributions to their honeymoon fund and contributions to their airline ticket and contributions to their house fund and then a bunch of dumbass specific unnecessary things that they're never gonna fucking use like a $5,000 wood-fired pizza oven or a two person sleeping bag where they're going on a hikes like a bunch of

cavemen. Oh my god. I have just, I fucking had it and I'm not going to buy you a wedding gift if you have all those things. You know what I like about that? She's had it and it's followed up with a boundary in an action. Right. I love it.

I mean, that is what we need to start doing. That's what we, boundaries, you know, they're not my best suit. Oh, you're the worst at that. I could get better. I do think back in the day, the wedding registry was like China that nobody ever fucking uses, but we all had to register for it. I have cabinets full of that shit. And my kids were like, you need to sell this on like Craigslist or whatever and I was like

It's your problem like it's in this cabinet when I die you fuck with it I'm done with it never used half of it, but let me let me ask you about that like Your kids don't want it. No, and by that time it's probably pretty dated Right, Jack was trying to. I would be sure. This is something that kind of cracks me up, how people will be like with plates. Those were my mother's plates or those are my grandmother's plates, but neither the mother nor the grandmother ever fucking used them.

Right. And what it is is they burdened past me down. Yes, that's what I'm saying. It's my kids' problems. Let them figure it out. But you're burdening them with that. Why don't you, they already have already said they don't want them. Why don't you just get rid of them? I told if they wanted to get rid of them, I'm saying it's my kids' problems. Let them figure it out. But you're burdening them with that. They already have already said they don't want them. Why don't you just get rid of them?

I told if they wanted to get rid of them on Craigslist right now, they could. Oh. Yeah, I mean, I'm just like, whatever you want to do with it, it's fine. Free up my shelves. Great. So have you ever served on your China?

You know, I don't think so. I have, I have my grandmother gave me passed down this old Christmas China. Right. It's beautiful, really nice, blah, blah. And every year, my mom and I are like, okay, we're going to get that out. We are going to use that, going to do it the whole thing. We'd have to hand wash it and everything.

Never happens. By two days before, we're like, let's just do paper plates. I mean, it's just easier. So I don't even think I've used that Christmas China that my grandmother gave me. Not one time. Not one time. What do you think about this trend that Christine's talking about

where the gifts are nail many, which I'm kind of for, I would rather give like whatever your budget is for the gift, like, let's say that you're planning on spending 150 bucks for the bride and groom or 100 bucks, then you could put that in. But I do think it's obnoxious to start specifying, like, all of the things, like, it's our honeymoon fund or, I don't know, how do you feel about that? You know, my initial thought is it's in poor taste.

Right. But then when you think about it, you're right. Using the money or the gift that you give, they're actually using it. Right. For a good purpose, it's not gonna just be a water-ford crystal that sits in the cabinet. Right.

But I don't know, I guess it's just my age. Like contribute to our honeymoon, contribute to our airline. But I don't know, I guess it's just my age, like contribute to our honeymoon, contribute to our airline. I'm iffy. I agree with her about the obnoxious, like $5,000 pizza oven. I think that is way over the top.

But I am kind of, I'm kind of like over the China thing. Yeah. Because I never used mine. Never. I'm kind of like over the China thing. Yeah, because I never used mine. Never. I have all this gorgeous Versace China that I maybe used five times when I had gay friends over because I knew they would love it. Right. And like, I don't think I've ever seen your Versace.

It's such a... It's fabulous. I mean, it is absolutely 10 out of 10 fabulous. And I would have a couple of gay couples over and have a fabulous dinner party. But now I'm like, okay, it's there. My boys are not gonna want it. Heavens know they're not gonna want it.

No, I say we just do it. I kind of, here's the deal, Christine. I've had it with half of your had it. But I kind of think the contribution just a cash deal and then let the people let them figure out if they want to go blow it on their honeymoon, blow it, whatever it is. But I think some of those, and I know so many people that have gotten married, that they have so many loads and loads and loads of gifts.

A lot of them never even come out of the box. Oh no, and then you regift them. I did that for years. You regifted your wedding gifts? Yes. Really? Yes. That is balsy.

Yeah. I mean, I didn't do it to the same. Like I was very good about like if I'm going to a show, a wedding shower for a person, it's not in the friend group of the person that gave me the gift. So you were kind of diabolical about it. Yeah, well, I would sit there, how it all started, it wasn't like diabolical, it was, I'm gonna have to be there in an hour,

I don't have a gift. Oh, I've got a whole room full of gifts. So that's what started it. Then I became diabolical, but I kind of just fell into the regifting. And then it became kind of an addiction. I don't think it was an addiction, it was just so convenient. Right, how many gifts do

you think you regifted? Oh gosh, during the time when I was getting married, everybody else I knew you're getting married. I mean, I would say at least 10. Wow. Yeah. No, why not? Because you get all that serving pieces that are like, I get it. So stuff that's generic. No, I get that, but I think it's really ballsy. And I think it was kind of a sign that maybe your marriage might end poorly. Well, considering every time you and I drive by the church that I got married in, you say, where is the crime scene tape? Every time we pass it, she points it out and gets, where's the crime scene tape? I do every single time.

So, there were a lot of signs before that. Yeah, why don't you tell the listener when you got to the aisle and you look to 500 people deep. 500 people deep, had an enormous amount of bridesmaids which Jennifer loves to beat me up about. And I remember like, I took the first step and through my head it got, I'm thinking this could go either way.

And it went that way. This could go either way. This could go either way as I'm marching down. Kylie, who is our next contestant? Up next we've got Dana L. Dana L. I don't know where this podcast has been all my life. But since I discovered it, I have been binge listening. And I've had it with my bladder.

I have laughed and laughed and laughed. And every time I laugh, I pee a little bit. So, some 50, that means I have to change my underwear at least two or three times a day. I've had it with my bladder. Had it. Had it. Had it had it. A bladder took, y'all. Dana, that first of all, that was fantastic. And thank you so

much. Thank you, Dana, for binge listening. Love that. And pissing your pants for the I've had it podcast. That is so good. And we hope that we it podcast, that is so good. And we hope that we can keep, we hope that you can continue pissing your pants. Maybe we should contribute, maybe we should make I've had it panties. Pin liners, some depends.

Some depends. No, let's do liners. Liners, no depends. Well, I will tell you though, when you do get a certain age, like after having children, if I'm walking and I have to sneeze, I have to stop,

I can't, I used to be able to walk in sneeze at the same time. Now I have to stop, cagle, then sneeze. So I won't pee a little bit. See, this is one of the advantages of a C section. I don't have that. I don't, like I don't sneeze or cough or anything. Pete doesn't come out. I'm sorry you saying you just have this fucking high-end type vagina?

Well, it happens now. I would never say that. I think pumps is saying. No, I'm not. I'm just saying like, I never have so many of my friends have that problem, but I've never had it because I was C-section girl. Look at Pumps, listener. Look at Pumps with the high and tight vision. I mean Pumps is vision is high and tight. Antite. Listener. It's like a safe. Dana, I am so sorry.

I can, I, I care what you're saying because sometimes my bladder fails me during a sneeze or maybe a heart giggle. So I can relate with you. Pumps finds this entirely unrelatable because her vagine is so high and so tight. I think you're putting words in my mouth. I think you said, you know, like I don't have this problem. I have other bladder related problems. What are those?

Are they going to pee nonstop for all the god damn No, no, no, zip it. No. When I have to pee, it sometimes takes me a while. Oh my god. Listen, or like when I sit down, it takes this is torture. So pumps and I are so well, let me just say it. We're so fucked up that when she comes to the office to see me, she'd be like, I've got a peak, I'm with me. So I just go with her. And so she sits down on the toilet. And I mean, it is like at first I'm thinking, is it stage fright?

Well, no, we've been friends for over 20 years. And then she's like like squinting and she's focusing. Yeah. And then finally a little trail starts in. And then it stops. I'm like, what happened? She's like, hang on, I got to focus. I got to focus.

She wants me to go to the bathroom with her because she wants to talk to me. But now, you know what, your vagina is so goddamn high in tight. That piss isn't coming out. I don't think that's it. This is high in tight, Vigine problems. I'm going to make it a hashtag, hashtag, Daffy Pumps, hashtag, Pumps has a high-end type Vigine. This is the worst thing.

I mean, this is unbelievable. I can't, I remember the house that I lived in before this. And Pumps has, like, like uncontrollable toddler-like bowel situations that come on. And I mean, it's bad. So I'm just sitting in my living room. My housekeeper was at the house cleaning my master bathroom. And I have a baby and a toddler at the time. I hear pups come barreling in the house.

And I'm like, oh my God, high pumps and she goes and plops down on the toilet. My poor housekeeper's in there and it is a Nagasaki Hiroshima style explosion. Berda comes barreling out of the bathroom and I was like, what the fuck are you doing? I know that was bad, but it was a 911. Yeah, yeah, it was bad but poor bird. I Know it was bad, but we yes, and we do we go to the bathroom a lot together. We pee together

I think a lot of friends pee together. Would you pee with your girlfriends? Yeah, yeah my actual girlfriend We're like very codependent. I'll sit on her lap while she's being We'll go friend. We're like very co-dependent. I'll sit on her lap while she's being. I can totally see lesbians peeing together, but pumps and I are non-practicing lesbians. Right. The only thing that's not lesbian about our relationship is that we don't sexually act upon it. Rather than that, we're total lesies.

Yes. Totally. Kylie keeps telling me there's time for me still. There is time for you to prime. You're not. Still high in tight. I think. I think that high in tight Vigine could be really marketable on the post 50 lesbian market.

I'll hit it. Okay, yeah. Let's do it. Okay, yeah. Let's do it. Okay, who's next, Kylie? Up next, and on theme is Derek B. I have fucking had it with automated everything in public bathrooms. The fucking sinks, the fucking soap, the fucking hand dryers, even if you want paper towels. They're fucking automated. And I have to put my hands in and out 15 times like I'm fisting somebody

in order to get the fucking water out of the sink to wash my goddamn hands. I fucking had it. He's not wrong. He's not wrong. I mean, where's the lie? There is none. Here's the problem. That shit doesn't work. No, half the time it does not wrong. I mean, where's the lie? There is none. Here's the problem. That shit doesn't work.

No, half the time it does not work. So at this particular place that I go to every single day to engage in a sport, the bathrooms have these, you can roll your eyes all you want to, but I'm not going to say it today. Because I don't want the fucking backlash from you and Kylie and Richard. So anyway, the toilets are supposed to be automated flushers and they don't work. So every time I go in to pee before I partake in this sporting activity, I look at the

toilet. They're all full. And so then I have to put my foot up because I don't like to touch things. And so the touch thing works great, but he's right. They don't work. They don't work. I mean, the touch thing doesn't work great, but ideas good because you don't get germs, but it's better just get the toilet paper right. And then flush the toilet with that in your hand. I also find that when you're trying to wash your hands, like you have to do 47 dances to figure out where the motion sensor is.

Yes. You can never just like put your hands under there and the water comes out. Right. It's like, where is it? Is it this way? Is it that way? And then it'll spurt and then it'll stop. Yeah.

No, I'm a big. I don't like that. I don't like the automated. It doesn't work. The soap usually, it's, you know, doesn't shoot out where it's supposed to. Agreed. Yeah. Paper towels are disaster.

Disaster. Disaster. I think Derek is 100% right. I think in general, public restrooms need to up their game. I think if you're a business and you have a public restroom, that shit needs to be really well maintained. For sure. I just, I think they need every lot of the places I go to, I think they need to maintain their public restroom integrity better. Soaps need to be refilled, toilets need to be clean,

shit off the ground, paper towels refilled, and I just don't think, I don't think this is being addressed enough. I think it's worse. I think it's being ignored. The worst part of it though is the nasty public toilet paper, like the field, the toilet paper in the public bathrooms. Oh, it's like sandpaper. Yes. I know.

I know that that really hurts on your high-end type version of a gene that's never squeezed a baby out of it. Don't you think that would probably hurt more? Kelly, you've never had a vaginal baby yet. So, does that public restroom toilet paper hurt your vision? It does hurt. I don't know how bad it hurts you. You know, it doesn't... Is it untight and unhigh?

LAUGHTER It's gonna be low and loose. Quasi high, quasi tight. I mean, I have to do some kagels, you know, to keep it. Do you have to do any kegels? I don't. What about you, Kylie? I don't have to. But you do. Yeah, I feel like just subconsciously sometimes. I'm doing some right now.

Yeah. Okay, now I am too. I'm gonna bust out an egg count. I wonder if the Michael pick it up. Who's kegeling? I'm gonna bust out an egg count. I wonder if the Michael pick it up. Who's kegeling?

I'm gonna bust out an egg count. I wonder if the Michael pick it up. Who's kegeling? I wonder if the Michael pick it up. Who's an egg count. I wonder if the Michael pick it up. Who's cagling? Oh, audience, let's all do cagles together. Five, six, seven, eight, one, two, three. Okay, but I will say, Derek, I agree with you. Public restrooms are going to the shitter.

Yeah. No pun intended. Or pun intended. Pun intended? Either way. We're so clever. God damn it. Turn into it.

I've had it podcast for the cleverest cons around. Okay, Kylie, who is our last and final contestant? The last one is Juliana C. I've had it with people not honoring my exit. What is attempted to be a graceful exit, you know, the good ol' well, I don't wanna keep you. It looks like it's getting late. I gotta get some sleep.

That is far from an invitation to start a therapy session with me to talk about your dumb ass adult children, talk about your struggles at work, absolutely not. You let me leave. You release me from this captivity. I am not something that pro-church could buy right now. You are asking me to either throat punch you or cool aid me in my ass through the door. Please honor my exit. Release me. through the door. Please honor my exit. Release me. That is fantastic. Julie, on it, this is so unburied. It's so perfect. I have this problem when I will tell people on the phone, okay, I'm gonna let you go. And then they start gearing up. And it's so rude. You know, it is so rude. You know, does it to me a lot?

Josh, that doesn't surprise me. He's not done until he's done. It's just unbelievable. And then I have a couple of other friends I'm talking to on the phone. That's the best thing about you and me. We hang up on each other. Right, we're like, okay, gotta get a bye.

Like we could be in the middle of a huge conversation. And then it's just like, okay, bye. Oh, immediately. In the middle of college. But there's never any follow up. Or did you get mad at me? I heard your feelings. But Juliana's on to something. And this is that person is not reading her social cues.

Yes, she says she's tired. She says she needs to get home. And all of that is getting ignored. What I wonder about is why don't the people want her to leave? You know, if it's getting late, and it, about is why don't the people want her to leave? You know, if it's getting late, and why would they want to keep her there? Based on the content that she just gave us,

I imagine she's our kind of people and that we want to be around her. And based on these people that aren't releasing her, they probably want some of what Julian has got. And so then the divide, you divide, it just gets greater and greater in the more that one. So these needy people are heat seeking missiles to people like us and our listeners.

They seek us out. And I don't know if it's torture or they want to convert, but it is a problem where people cannot read a social queue that you are about to leave. I've gotten pretty bad about it. Like Josh and I were going to walk the dogs and he'll start, we see some people we know, I'm like, hey, how are you? And I just think we're going to keep on walking, right?

It's not even a stop. Josh stops and he starts some of this fucking dorky ass dad humor shit. And then I just I just go ahead and walk down about five yards like I'm not participating in this conversation. Well, and he's the worst offender. Like if you were stopped talking to someone, he would be five miles ahead of you. A hundred percent. He would never even remotely slow down. What about Juliana saying release me? Release me. That's a great one.

It's just I don't know what's worse, trying to get off the phone with somebody or trying to leave a party. The in person is a million times worse because on the phone, you can always like, oh my god, I gotta go. It's cutting out, it's cutting out really bad. You can hang up so you can fake the entire thing.

Right. And then send a text, sorry, my cell phone service is really bad right now. Right. And you can get up so you can fake the entire thing. Right. And then send a text, sorry, my cell phone service is really bad right now. Right. And you can get out of that. But the in person, and if the person isn't visibly seeing your social cues, which sounds like Juliana's are probably pretty palpable.

Right. You know, because I think when I'm kind of done with something, like it just starts... It's written all over me. Yes. Immediately. I just remembered, I've had somebody that I'm trying of done with something. Like it just starts everything all over me. Yes, immediately. I just remembered I've had somebody that I'm trying to leave. I get my car and they stand between the car door and the car while I'm sitting there.

So I can't shut my door and it's just Yak Mouth. Just non-stop. Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak. This, you know, what we're starting to identify is this podcast progresses, ladies, is a lot of this starts with Yak Mouths, 100%. Okay. And then it's followed up by people that are unable to take into account the feelings of the listener and people that cannot read the room. Yeah. And people that cannot land the plane. as Josh would say shotgun it right shot got it so

If we were to have in this podcast and enemy That all everybody in our tribe unites against it would be those people right I could not agree more Juliana, thank you for for helping us get the word out there about these abusive people. Release me. Release the best. And listener, we are going to release you. Pops has got to go take care of her high-end type of a gene. And I've got to go to a Kagle exercise class.

Send us more voice memos and we will see you next Tuesday. Follow us like us right as review us. see you next Tuesday. Follow us like us right as review us. See you next Thursday. Oh, yes, next Thursday. But either way, what does it spell, pumps? Can't. Bye. Was that too high? Yes. I'm gonna have to look here.