I've Had It - Make Working Out Gay Again

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

Monét X Change teaches the girls about DL men. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store and Subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts by visiting linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: Express VPN: Secure your online data TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/HADIT and you can get an extra three months FREE. Lumen: Head to go.lumen.me/hadit for $100 off at checkout. Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/hadit now to grow your business – no matter what stage you’re in. Viator: Download the VIATOR app NOW and use code VIATOR10 for 10 PERCENT off your first booking in the app! Find the perfect travel experiences for you! Do more with VIATOR. Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special guest: Monét X Change @monetxchangeofficial

Ready? One, two, three. I have to say that was a great clap. I'm really proud of myself. You know, I have to say to the listener, a couple weeks ago, we decided to do YouTube live for the very first time for IHIP News. We were kind of nervous and Pumps claps and we both just looked at each other because it was probably the worst clap. The worst. In the history of everything that you've ever done with clapping. Yeah. And we just skimmed right over it. Well, we knew, I mean, it was just like, we're live. We just have to push through. We were

live. We were live. The show must go on. The show must go on. Pam, what have you had it with? Okay, what I fucking had it with is drive-through bank windows. I like the drive-through bank window. What I fucking hate is the people that cannot get their shit together in the drive-through bank window. They don't have their deposit slip ready. They don't have their checkout. They don't have it endorsed. So I'm sitting behind them and I'm realizing what a colossal failure they are. And then they start chit chatting with the bank teller like they're friends. I think the worst thing that's ever happened to bank tellers is when they put their face on the screen now because people think that means let's small talk about bullshit you

don't care about, but you have to be nice because I'm the customer. I always pick the longest line. I always pick the dumbest person to be behind. I fucking had it with drive-through bank windows. You know, these are just congesters, the people that congest the flow of traffic and the flow of business. It happens all the time. And it really happens in drive-throughs a lot, not just bank windows, but also food windows. And again, these yak mouths are stepping in, belaboring things that don't need to be belabored. They just don't.

They don't. And here's the thing, like when you drive up to a bank window, you know that you're either A, getting money, which is going to require ID, or B, depositing, which means you're going to have to have your check endorsed. Like these are, it's not like you're caught by surprise by what's going to happen when you go in through the bank window. So how these people are not ready to go, it's the same thing with TSA.

When you go through the scanner, you have to have your pockets empty. It's not a new rule. It's not this morning's rule. It's not today's rule. It's every fucking day of your whole life. Every time you go to the bank, you have to be ready. And these people act like it's the first time and it drives me fucking crazy. Well let me tell you what I found on the internet recently. So you know we've always known that we were completely unhinged and off our rockers. Right that's not news. Fortunately for us, I found some evidence to back up our insanity on the internet. First one was an Instagram post I saw and it says, study says people who walk fast tend

to be less happy. This may come as a shock to everybody that listens to this podcast, but Pumps and I walk like the wind. We walk as though our lives depend upon it. Our heart rates are up, our arms are pumping. We walk with reckless abandon. We are very unhappy as evidenced by the title of this podcast. See, I've had it and now we have evidence and the study suggests that fast walkers may be less happy due to their goal-oriented nature and introverted tendencies. And I would say, check, I'm goal-oriented. Yeah. Check, I have introverted tendencies. Yeah. Check, I think I'm less happy. introverted tendencies. Check. I think I'm less happy. Here's the deal. I don't think I'm less happy. I think I'm happier because I'm getting to my destination quickly and efficiently.

There's no lollygagging. There's no hem highing. There's zero fucks to give. I'm walking. I'm getting there. I'm accomplishing my task. Happy. Here's the situation. Where some people are less happy, which is walking quickly, less happy happens to be my happy place. Where most people are less happy, that's where I thrive. That's where I shine. I'll out walk anybody. And where all of those fast walkers are unhappy, unhappiness is my

happy place. So put that in your pipe and smoke it internet. I found another article that proves how psychotic we are. And this one is a psychologist. Her name is Dr. Thelma Bryant. She was on another podcast recently. And she says watching true crime before bed is a massive red flag. And I have to say, I find it incredibly relaxing to watch a little homicide before REM.

I do too. I mean, like literally, I start the show knowing I've got about 15 minutes in me. As soon as they find the body, they start investigating the murder and they're leaning towards a suspect, I'm out like a light. It's like a lullaby. And you know what? Here is evidence from a licensed psychologist that this is a massive red flag. And again, I'm just gonna say where some people are in red flag in Shark City on Asshole Island, that's hashtag my happy place.

Absolutely. I like a little homicide before bed. I love a little homicide before bed. I would even say that I would walk really quickly to get to my bed to watch homicide before I go to bed. So then I'll double down on all of the unhappiness and all of the red flags and I will thrive and shine in these venues. Absolutely.

Like I don't sleep as well if I'm not watching murder before bed. I don't. So I just thought it was interesting. We've always known this about us, but now we have evidence that backs it up that we are completely unhinged assholes. Right. I mean, I think there's enough anecdotal evidence out there for that, but now we have actual psychologists saying it.

Yeah, we have scientific studies. Yeah, that's great. I agree. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie, you can tell the listener about how quickly pumps and I walk. You guys got me in a fight with my girlfriend

because we traveled together. And I've traveled with you guys now for like a year and a half. The way that I was walking in that airport to our next destination every time she eventually had to grab me and be like, fucking slow down. I know you travel with Jen and pumps and I see it. You need to stop. Because I just kept leaving her in the dust because I'm on y'all's weird pace.

I mean it is like we're going to die if we don't get there right now. That's exactly how I feel. Some people say that's unhappy, but that brings me great joy. The risk of fatality at all times is my hashtag happy place. It's not some beach. It's not me sipping some, you know, fruity cocktail with an umbrella in it. It is the risk of homicide and or watching homicide. That's where we shine and that's where we thrive. Right. You do. Even if we go on like a nice stroll in some city, you're like, let's go

enjoy the gardens in Boston. It is 900 miles per hour. I don't even get to see the gardens. We have to walk so fast. Yeah. You're kind of slow walker though. Not according to Ana. Right. I mean, I'm glad to know the training is working. You know what? Here's the deal. Just in the short time that we've had this podcast, in the 30 cities that we've visited, I think that we've probably added with each stop a year to Kylie's life. Agree. Because this is a person who maybe, and I'm not, I am not exaggerating here, listener.

She maybe gets a thousand steps per day. This is also a person who intentionally dehydrates. This is also a person who shuns exercise as though it was a mega church. I cannot tell you what we are bringing to the youth, specifically the lesbian youth in this country, because Kylie, I think you're going to live a lot longer because of this job. You're saving gay lives. Right. Particularly yours. Exactly. We are saving lessee lives.

That's as ally as you can get. It doesn't get any more ally than this. No, it doesn't. Adding years to your life, wisdom pockets every day. Yeah. That's incredible. What about you, Kylie? Do you watch Homicide Before Bed? I actually had to stop watching Homicide Before Bed.

Why? Because I was paranoid every night. I slept with a knife. I had a pillow knife. What? Wait, what kind of knife? Hold on. Like I would just go get it from the kitchen and I would just, in my home that's perfectly

safe in a nice neighborhood, I'm like paranoid. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, like, I? Wait, what kind of knife? Hold on. Like I would just go get it from the kitchen and I would just, in my home that's perfectly safe in a nice neighborhood, I'm like paralyzed with fear. And I realized once I stopped watching like Criminal Minds before bed, listening to my true crime podcasts, I'm completely changed.

I have a lot of questions about this knife. I did too. Was it? You call it a pillow knife. Where was the knife located under my pillow? That's psychotic Yeah, right and how like is this a big knife? It depends sometimes like if I would hear a noise I would walk off with that knife until the next I'd have to get The next knife so sometimes it's bigger. Sometimes it was smaller like a knife that would cut your finger easily It's like my old kitchen knives.

I don't know how effective they would have been, but... Because what if you put your hand under your pillow when you went onto your side? It never cut me. Kylie, I'm very concerned about this. I don't sleep with it anymore because I stopped watching True Crime Before Bed. What if Judy would have gotten that knife under the pillow? She would have been fine. So it's really, it was like in your brain, it made you feel safer because if it won't

cut your hand and it won't cut Judy, it's probably not going to cut an intruder. I also would, I don't think I would rise to the occasion like I hope I would. No, I think I'd try in the corner. It's very concerning, Kylie. All right, what's going on on the World Wide Web? So recently, you guys went off on Disney Adults. Oh, yes. You may recall.

Yes. It blew up on TikTok. Okay. And the Disney Adults are very mad. Oh, good. I didn't even know you posted that over there. Tell us what they're saying. So some of them, I'll read you a couple of the best I could find, but because they're Disney

adults, a lot of them were really lackluster hate comments. They were like, you're a total maleficent. You would be the evil stepmother. Just embarrassing. But I'll read you the best I could find. Okay. Jay writes, please slip to the other side of the veil sooner than later because I can see the old under the facelifts, grim reapers. That's the best they've got on Disney adult. Here's the thing, if your argument against somebody is to attack their appearance, that's an ad hominem attack. It doesn't, you're not defending the Disney adult. No, you're not saying you're being a Disney adult. It doesn't,

it doesn't hurt my feelings that you attack my appearance. Like that doesn't hurt my parents. I don't know who the fuck Jay is. I don't care. I'm never going to have any interaction with Jay again. Right. There's nothing I can do. This is the way I look, but I'd like some meat on the bone. Like give us a good argument. Try to convince me that I'm a crazy person. You really wouldn't take that much to convince as evidence to the first 10 minutes of this podcast where I laid out a scientific case as to how nutty we are. Right. All right. Who's next? All right. Mount Papa writes, I'm not a Disney person, but I'd honestly hang out with the weird ones over YouTube bundles of joy. Janilsa writes,

speaking for all of Disney adults, I would like to say, go fuck yourselves. I like that. That's a little more spirited than that. All caps. Yeah, I like that. I can, that's better than the maleficent and all that. It's like, that's why you're a Disney adult.

Embarrassing because you're talking in Disney characters. But that but I like that. That Disney adult is savage. All caps. Go fuck yourself. I like it. Spoke on behalf of the entire Disney adult community. I respect the hell out of that. Go fuck yourself. I like it.

OK, something I found in the comments that people were commenting that I don't know if we've talked about, maybe you know, but Ron DeSantis got married at Disney. You knew that? What? I did not know that. His wedding was at Disney. Yeah. Okay. Just the fact that he got married. First of all, he's a Disney adult, which fucking gags me. He wears kitten heels. He wears kitten heels. Which is why we call him Governor Kitten Heels. But then he attacks Disney. You know why? Because Disney broke his heart. Disney

broke his heart? With their gay woke agenda. Yeah. What a fucking dick. What a pussy. What a pussy with a teeny tiny teeny weenie. There she goes. Dick talk again. Well, but Ron DeSantis, I mean, he has the little dick energy just oozing out of every pore. You can see it on a still photo. How bad it is.

I mean, do what you want to do. Swing for the fences. But God, I mean, talk about, you know, merging two things that are a lot. A wedding is a lot. Going to Disney is a lot. And then you put them together. It's just a lot. I just don't get it. I'm never going to get it. I guess I'm doubling down. I just I don't understand it. Here's an article. DeSantis says he insisted on no Disney characters at his Disney World wedding. Then why fucking bother?

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, Republican, says he issued an ultimatum when he got married at Walt Disney World Resort in 2009. No Mickey Mouse wedding photos. I'll tell you what, that is an alpha male move if I've ever seen one Patriots. He released a book last year and it's called The Courage to Be Free. And he talks about his fairy tale wedding to journalist Casey Black DeSantis. And he says, Casey's family was what one might call a family of Disney enthusiasts. They loved going to Disney World. He wrote in a chapter titled, The Magic Kingdom of Woke Corporatism.

Being the dutiful groom, aka Pussy Kitten Hills, I deferred to her. He is a true patriot, isn't he? It's just a profile and courage against Disney for years. My question, do you think he wore the white boots? I don't know. That's a big day. I don't know, but that would be great. For this episode of I've Had It, we have proudly partnered with eHarmony.

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That's L-U-M-E-N dot M-E and use the code HADDOT at checkout for $100 off. We'd like to thank Lumen for sponsoring this episode. All right. Speaking of woke agendas and things that Governor Kittenhills hates, but we actually love, we love drag queens so much. And today we have listened to our listeners and our listeners have been begging in the comment section, Please, please have Monet Exchange on I've Had It. So because we care about our listeners, and we care about the gay agenda, and we care about supporting drag queens, let's welcome to I've Had It, Monet Exchange. She's a comedian, an opera singer, RuPaul's drag race winner, host of the podcast,

sibling rivalry and budding pop star, a total overachiever, the sensation, Monet X Change. Monet, what is up? You know what? I am good. I am so happy to be here. You know, most queens at 9 a.m., if they work together on a call at 9 a.m.,

they will look like the Crip Keeper, okay? But I am giving you glamour, and I'm very happy that you guys are having me on the podcast, thank you so much. We are so happy to have you, and you know, we like to just kind of talk about petty grievances. The pettier, the better.

We find it therapeutic. My fave. Yeah, so tell us better. We find it therapeutic. My fave. Yeah. So tell us what you've had it with. Girl, I've had it with so many things. I mean, where does the list, the list goes on and on and on. One of the things that really pisses me off is late people.

And if either of you are the late girly, I'm sorry, but I'm just over late people. I am not missing my thing because you cannot get your shit. Oh, can I curse on here? No, probably. Yes, it's mandatory. We prefer it.

Because you can't get your shit together. Like we said, the event starts at eight and you want to leave at 7.50. Girl, it's LA traffic. It's gonna take 20 minutes to get there. And we know people do not think about it's parking. Like people think that once you just get in your car, you leave and you arrive at the place and that's it. No girl, parking. Yes, LA has a lot of valet. I'm a valet working girl, but sometimes there's a

valet line. And even if it's just for dinner, I want to get to the dinner at a nice time so I can enjoy all the good appetizers and have all the cocktails, you know what I mean? So, late people really, really, really irritate the fuck out of me. And I am trying my best to be sweet when someone is late, but I'm in my 34 years of life, I'm just over being late and waiting for late people. Well, I'm 49 and I can tell you that the sweetness over tardiness will erode because I am not so sweet when people are tardy.

I despise tardiness. I think it is the ultimate sign of disrespect. Now, if you're running late and things happen and you send a text to the person with whom you're meeting and you say, hey, I'm 15 minutes late. That 15 minutes is a very valuable 15 minutes that you can return an email. You could masturbate. There's all kinds of things that you could be doing in that 15 minutes. But when people show up late and act like nothing happened, it senses me. I think it is so disrespectful and rude. If she's not 10 minutes early, she thinks she's late. I mean, she starts panicking to get out

somewhere. I'm doing better on lateness, I think. You're better. I just value my time immensely. And so I project that onto other people to say, hey, this is my most precious commodity is my time. So if I'm running late, I let somebody know, but if I'm not five minutes early to something, I feel like I'm late. Well, I'm more of like a two minutes earlier or like right on time because, but people like you,

I'm trying to be more like you I'm trying to be the girl that's there 10 minutes early I really am but I'm more like a I'm like if if we supposed to be at nine I'll get there like nine at eight fifty eight and um or right at right at nine o'clock but I I agree the late and also I used to date someone who was cool that we would like set a thing to be like like we're going to a show at seven. And so I'm like, he's like, so what time are we leaving? I'm like, well, you know, the train takes us 20 minutes to get there.

And we get to like think about walking. So we should probably leave at 6.30. He was more of a, well, let's leave at like 6.45. I'm like, and it was like a routine. Every time we would try to go somewhere, he would always be late. And that's the reason why we're no longer together. Fuck you, Ryan.

You're a fool. You're missing out on all of this. Every time we would try to go somewhere, we would always be late. And that's the reason why we're no longer together. Fuck you, Ryan. You're a fool. You're missing out on all of this. So how did that work out? You fucked yourself. You fucked yourself with the tardiness, Brian. Yeah, but you know, it creates a lot of anxiety because you value time.

And here's the thing. I think if you've reached a level of success, you've learned how to manage value time. And here's the thing. I think if you've reached a level of success, you've learned how to manage your time. Time management and success to me go hand in hand. And people that disrespect my time, I just have no tolerance for it, which is why I hate doctors. Yeah. They think their time is so much more valuable

than anybody else's. They really do. And it's like, just tell me, have them text me. I mean, they're texting me 47 times to make sure I'm coming to the appointment. Text me and say, you know, the doctor's running 30 minutes late, so we're going to push your time back. Great. I can do errands for 30 minutes.

Yes. But trapping me in your office with HGTV on is just not going to cut it. By the time I go back, I'm fucking mad. Completely. Oh my God. We live in Oklahoma and I'll tell you what, I took my kids once to this pediatric dentist and my kids are back there getting their teeth cleaned.

I have two sons and this is when they were really little. And they had Fox News playing in the lobby. I paid my bill, snatched my kids up, got in the car, Googled a new dentist, and I never went back, ever. And my kids went to school with the children of the dentist, and he asked me at some ice cream social, hey, Jennifer, why aren't your kids coming to see me anymore? And I said, I'll tell you exactly why. That Fox News, I will not pay you money to sit there and listen to that jet stream of bullshit. I'm not doing it. And he was like, Whoa, I told him.

Oh, my God. I love that. Honestly, I want kids just so I can do that one day. Like everything about kids, I don't think I'm a kid girlie, but I would love to have kids just so I can do fucking fair shit like that. I love that. I just see you walking up there, you paying your money, you snatching the change back and you never look back. I just I love that. I did. I told the kids I was like, I don't care who his son is. We're not going back. Fox News is poison kids. And they were like, Okay, mom.

Okay, but I agree on on the doctor thing. Like there was this fucking great dermatologist here in LA, everyone was talking about this, and I had been recommended by so many people. And then so I make an appointment, like you said, I had to press C to confirm 19 times. I said yes 14 times. I had to send a pigeon. I was saying I was gonna come.

I did all the things. And then when, like my point was like 11 o'clock or something, and when I did not see him until like 12, 15, I sat in that chair in that with no wifi, no subject and they have like lead paint on the wall so no cell phone reception can come in. So you just stuck with your thoughts for an hour. This is insane that I waiting this long. And I mean, I did have like the best facial. It was incredible, but I never went back because I was like, this is crazy. I'm not waiting an hour for you, doctor. It was incredible, but I never went back. Cause I was like,

this is crazy. I'm not waiting an hour for you, doctor. Yeah. I start getting there and I start getting on that loop of what all I could be doing. And I usually like to schedule like in my mind, like, okay, I've got this doctor's appointment. I'll be done by one 30 then by two. I want to be doing X, Y, and Z. So then by four 30, I can turn on MSNBC I'll be done with my day. And then it's like, it just spirals like, okay, I'm not going to get this work done because I'm sitting here waiting for this jack off when, and then what really bothers me is when you go into a doctor's office and they, they don't say, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I had an emergency. A lot of times you can tell that's just how it rolls. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, 100%.

Not to mention the fuckery with you call you tell him what's wrong with you over the phone. Then you go into the way into the exam room and you tell the nurse what's wrong with you. It's been any written it down in the documents. You've told this story three times. And then the doctor walks in and he's the most clueless motherfucker on the planet. You're like, why are we doing all this circle jerk? If you don't even know what the hell's wrong with me. If you haven't read my chart or heard

any of the feedback that I've given, I mean, stand up. You're already an hour late. Stand outside, review the notes if nothing else before you walk in. Yeah, for the first thing, so what's what's what's going on there? I'm like, I don't tell Rebecca, Cindy and Rachel was wrong with me. Ask them. Okay, when we emailed with your team prior to you coming on, you sent us your list of grievances. And I don't know what this is.

And you're gonna have to explain it to us. But it's something you've had it with and it's DL men. What is that? Oh, girl, let me tell you, DL men. Okay, so DL men is shorthand for down low men, which are men who I have engaged in sexual activities with, but they're in the closet or they're straight or, um, or they normally don't do this. This is like the first time, but like all literally all throughout like my 20s.

That's like, all I did was fuck around with deal guys. And I've just had, it's bad for my mental. And in my new, um, in my new album coming out, I'm Gray Rambo on May 17th, a lot of the songs that I am singing about are the results of DL Men. DL Men that I have hooked up with, DL Men that I've been in love with, DL Men that I've let fuck me raw.

They are all up in Peru with this album. And I am letting it go because as I have entered my 30s, no longer Nerea DL man will I interact with. Only men who are open and gay and honest with themselves. Like the amount of married men I have, again, given blow jobs to the back of a bathroom. It is insane. And I just, I've just had it.

No more, no more, no more, never, never, never, never again. So Monet, I'm an interior designer when I'm not a podcaster and I have always found gay men to be my best friends from age 18 on. So I've always been around a gaggle of gays. And I have always been so fascinated and shocked at the amount of quote unquote straight men that traffic in gay stuff. Right. Here's the thing. I support gay stuff. I'm a huge ally, but so many of my gay friends would fall in love with some married man who really, I mean, the guy was totally closeted, but he had a wife, maybe he was like in the church or whatever, and they just got their hearts broken. And it was so

sad to me the amount of men that are having to be so duplicitous because society tells you, you've got to be straight and all of this stuff. Really, they want to be gay. That's what they want to do. So they're stuck in this, but the people who have the courage and the support group to come out of the closet pay the price to this. But we just were talking about on our Patreon the other day about these alpha males, and they do these alpha male boot camps. Crazy shit. Our producer, Seth, showed us this video of this alpha male boot camp. And these guys were wrestling with each other and they're basically, they're dry humping

and they're kind of giggling and talking. And I said, you know, these guys just want to do gay stuff. That's what they want to do. They're wanting to do gay stuff, but society's told them they can't do gay stuff. That's what they want to do. They're wanting to do gay stuff. But societies told them they can't do gay stuff. So they're going to the alpha male boot camp to roll around and feel hard cock. Right? Because that's what it looks like. This video was crazy. But one of my male book, should I go to an alpha male boot camp?

It is the biggest group of little dick energy. For sure. Just absolute wannabes. I mean, they run around screaming in each other's face, going backwards, screaming, I am a man. I think the alpha male boot camps are DL men, which are also LD men, little dick, DL. Do these men have small penises?

Ooh, yes. They do? The DL men have teeny weenies? You know what? I will say, not always, but most times, if not, especially in New York, honey, these Dominican men, but you know what? But they are still toxic and they're poisonous.

Anyone, the fact, it's just so meretricious, right? Because they'll, they'll, they're like so like shiny and cute on the outside. And you're like, Oh, look at this nice guy. And he's like into me and he's coming into this because, okay, so I used to work at a hardware bar in New York city, which is on 10th Avenue and around the corner was a bar called Fairytale Lounge. Fairytale Lounge was a T-girl bar where there were lots of them trans women and their admirers and they would all hang out there. Anytime that guys wouldn't get lucky at this bar,

they would come around the corner to Hardware and they would see Big Drag Queen me. And again, this is me, I am not a trans woman and they know that, but they try to pretend like, oh, I thought this. I'm like, no, that's not what you thought. You know exactly what this was. I just finished a show for two hours

on I've been standing on stage. I've been telling jokes. I've been dancing. I've been singing at the end of the show. I look like a melted chocolate chip cookie. I look like the wig is melted. My lashes are falling off. You know exactly what this is.

And we would go over to my apartment and we would do the do and do whatever. And then you never hear from them ever again. And then, well, sometimes in the interaction, they're like, wait, what's that? I'm like. Oh, for God's sake. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, pump the brakes,

pump the brakes. So you're making out with somebody and then your penis comes out and they find surprise. Yeah, they're like, oh my God. I didn't know. But you were so prepared already. And actually you're doing a great job, Rick. Oh my God.

It's always it was that all the time. They're like, wait, I had no idea that was down there. Okay, let me ask you this. Okay, so you have the ones that are just sexually charged in a homosexual way. Are there any DL men that you've had like emotional intimacy with, like pillow talk, and kind of where you they're they're really

seeking like that kind of homosexual companionship outside of sex. Oh my god yes and that those would be the ones that would really get me. The fact that I have a song called Streetlight that I wrote in this album this is like ballad like really like about this topic about DMM like like really through and through and it's because of that like having this like we would we would, we would have sex and then we will like be chilling in the bed afterwards and then talking about everything talking about, yeah, well, you know, I'm going to go to Portugal this summer and I love doing this and I have, um, I do car shows and like, what do you do?

Yeah. And drag. Oh my God. You perform every weekend. That's nice. I definitely want to come to more of your shows. Like, I just love your vibe. You're so dope. You're so cool. And like having this, this pillow talk

you're talking about, right? Just talking and feeling like you're making this real connection with this dude. Like, and in the back of your mind, you're thinking like, wow, like, this was just a hookup. But like, this is, this seems really sweet and this seems so kind. And, you know, like, and then we,

and then you exchange numbers. And then like for a day or two,'re talking on the phone like a regular like date you went on right and you're thinking wow this could this really become something and then specifically this dude come to find out like he we we hook up we ended up hooking up like regularly for like i would say about three weeks so he would come over like twice a week and we'd hang out, we'd hook up. We would never go out. We would like order food to the house and we would like eat in the house, whatever,

and hook up and fuck and talk, whatever. And then he disappears after like four weeks. So I'm like, well, that was just like a whatever. Come to find out I stalk him on Facebook, it was back on Facebook, I stalk him on Facebook. Come to find out he is married to a woman and he has two kids. And I'm like, how are you finding the time to come to my apartment and spend all this time with me and having like a full wife and two kids?

Like, how are you managing all of this? And how did she not know? And like, how are you doing this? Like, this is so insidious that you were having this whole kind of budding relationship thing and you have a whole separate, it used to really fuck me up. And that's not just one, that's like one story of like 50 times that has happened to me.

It's crazy. But how could it not? I mean, the betrayal of that and the expectation that you are authentically yourself and you are 100% showing this person who you are and available and there's no lies and you're not being duplicitous and you feel that this person is giving you the same thing.

Only to find out you're like maybe like a line of cocaine to them, something that snorted and then moved on to the next buzz and that would be leveling and devastating. Oh yeah, it's definitely amounted to a result of lots of therapy. But I've come out on the other side and realized that it's not about me, it's about these dudes.

And so when I write this song, these songs and this album, because you know what, it's always, the through line was we would never meet up in public, we would never hang out in the light, you know what I mean? It was always like after 11 o'clock or only on this weekend. That's the through line for all these things. So that's how I would start to get to tell like, okay, I know exactly what this is. And again, I have some part in it, right? Cause I was like knowing in the back of my mind what this was, but still hoping it would be something else

knowing that it would never be was also through line for me. So. You know what I hate about this so much is the society puts so much shame about homosexuality or drag queens or anything to do with LGBTQIA plus community and then you have the bravery to come out be an inspiration to people and to be in situations like this that might re-trigger shame or something about that would not make you feel good. It would be a very unhealthy space for you to be in.

Oh yeah, it 1000% is, but you know, that's why God invented BetterHelp. And so, it's let me figure a lot of those feelings out. So thank God I'm not wallowing in that anymore. I've shucked it all to Jesus and my life is better.

Good for you. Good for you. Good for you. Even though I'm an atheist. Same girl. Same, same. Well, I'm, I'm more agnostic. Like I know there is some fucking alien crater out there that made all of this, but I don't know where it at, where it's at. I don't know what galaxy it is, but organized religion, bullshit. Yeah, totally. I've had it with that. That's a lot of the problem. A lot of these DL men, that's where they get all this idea to be DL because it's rooted in all of this religious shame.

But that's another podcast and another therapy session entirely Monet. Let's get petty again. Pops, we started this podcast. It kind of blew up. And all the people were like, we want merch. We want coffee cups. We want hoodies. We want t-shirts.

You and I, I mean, it's a miracle we're even able to walk up here and sit down at these microphones. But the prospect and the potential of making merch and sending it to all of these listeners just was so daunting. It's overwhelming to think how are we going to get the merch to the people that paid for it. Thank goodness we found Shopify. Listener, Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the Internet's best converting checkout. It's 36% better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms.

And sell more with less effort thanks to Shopify magic. It is your AI-powered all-star. Sign up for $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash had it all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash had it now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. That's shopify.com slash had it. Listener recently pumps said she wanted to take her kids to New York City. Pumps is terrible at booking travel. She always enters in the wrong dates, the wrong birth dates. It ends up being a nightmare. So she comes to me and fortunately I just logged on to Viator. Viator is a tool you can use to plan

and book travel experiences around the world. The Viator app and website make it so easy to explore 300,000 plus travel experiences so you can discover what's out there no matter where you're traveling or what you're interested in. Enjoy real traveler reviews to get insider information from people who've already been on the experiences you're considering. And most importantly, free cancellation helps you plan for the unexpected. Plus, Viator offers 24-7 customer service so you know you'll get support at any hour if things aren't going as planned. Be like Pumps and use Viator. You can download the Viator app now and use the code VIATOR10 for 10% off your first booking in the app. Find the perfect travel experiences for you. Do more with Viator. Monet, what is a moth lash install? Explain to two GenXers what the

fuck is this? I don't even know what that means. Okay. I recognize the contributions that drag has given to the world and people see the high glam, the beauty, how fierce drag is. But one of the things I think women out there doing sometimes, and I see it oftentimes, you know, here in L.A. and New York, are these like moth lash installs. So it's not just you know, everyone wears fake lashes. And normally you go like a little a little Ardell lash or something really subtle. Nowadays, I see girls with the full on they are like the

lashes on their eyes. I'm like, girls, girls, girls, no, no, no. Like I, everyone, please, you have the freedom to express yourself, but please stop wearing those crazy lash installs. They're like as thick on the inside as they are outside. And they are like the long 301 lashes. And they're like a good like two inches off of your eye. And I'm trying to talk to you,

checking out at the Rite Aid, but I can't focus because I'm talking to you, my papers are just blowing in the wind. I'm like, I can't even hold my paper because the breeze that your eyelash, the tornado you're creating in front of me at the checkout line is crazy. So I have had it with those.

They were time for two years. Please stop wearing these crazy lash installs to your, not even to go out to the club. Maybe if you're doing a Broadway show, I would say they're okay. They're not okay for any other season. Not even drag queens are wearing lashes as big. It's crazy. Here's the problem. Okay. Now I know, I know exactly what you're talking about. I just didn't know it was called that. But I see these girls that are 21, 22, they have on not an ounce of makeup. They're in their Lululemon athleisure

and they've got these fucking tarantulas out there. And they're like, I love my lashes because I can just take off all my makeup and I don't have to wear any. And I'm like, actually it looks like you forgot one step in your makeup removal process. You forgot to take off the drag lash. And I want to remind you that you are not a drag queen. Drag queens, this looks great on. It works. But fucking Suzy running up to yoga class with no makeup on, with drag lashes. I've had it.

It looks ridiculous. It was crazy. And you're right, like not a stitch of makeup on and you just have these insane lashes on. It just, it looks so quiet. So I just, I've had it with those. I've had it, I've had it. Stop, please stop with those lashes.

Yeah, they're bad. And I have fake lashes. I mean, I've had them for like six years, but I don't think mine look, I mean, they're not super long. No, yours are normal. You don't have tarantula lash. It's tarantula drag lash that only drag queens can wear when they're performing. Notice Monet right now does not have on a drag lash. Why? Because Monet's not in drag and she's drop dead gorgeous. Right. Let's see that cheekbone again. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, Monet, we're going to play a game with you called Had It or Hit It.

Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Alright. Had it or hit it fren I would hit it. I hit it every day. Sometimes. All right. Had it or hit it. Frenemies. Okay. Oh, no. Hit it. I love a frenemy. Bob the drag queen. We do a podcast together called sibling rivalry and we are frenemies for sure. So and we we've made a very successful career off of being frenemies.

So hit it. Yes. Like it. I kind of like a frenemy. We were with a friend this weekend that has a frenemy. And I mean, we delighted in their conversations because they're like, you can tell they love each other, but it's just, it's kind of enjoyable. One of the, the girl that we were with, she went to, went out of town one weekend with another friend. And her frenemy was like,

I can't believe you didn't ask me. And our friend responded, this wasn't about you. And the friend of me responds, exactly. You didn't even think about me. That's exactly my point. It wasn't about me. And we were reading the text exchange, crying. Friend of me energy is fucking gold. It is so good. Good. It gives it adds a little spice to life. You know what I mean? What's life without a little spice? Absolutely agree. Okay. Had it or hit it flats. Oh, had it. No, no, no, no flats.

If you are out in public, honey, you need to stunt on these holes. You need to be giving, giving, giving, I flats. If you are out in public, honey, you need to stunt on these hoes. You need to be giving, you need to be giving glam. I mean, look at this wall of heels they have here. That's not even half of my collection. I love a high heel, and I'm not into like the little conservative, if you're wearing the little Hillary Clintons, get out of here too.

You need to be having at least a four-incher on, honey. Yes, glamour, sexy, stilettos. I think I'm past my prime because I cannot wear super high heels. Really? They hurt my feet. They hurt my feet. But when we're on tour, I put on my heels and then we have a VIP meet and greet and I keep those heels on and I serve it to every individual that has paid money to have their photograph taken with us because I care about our listener. She puts on her

fucking ugly ass Walmart slippers for the VIP meet and greet. I think it's disrespect. It's not disrespect, it's just comfort. Like I want to be, I want to not have to be worrying about, oh my god my feet hurt so if I keep that I can't be nice. So I have to have my flats on. But here's the thing. This is how I know karma is real. When I was a young lawyer, I would go to the courthouse and women that are my age now would wear flats with their seats. And I thought, who the fuck are they? I mean, they look stupid. I can't believe they're wearing that. When I get that age where I have to wear flats to the courthouse, I mean, that's it. It's over. I've now become

The lawyer that wears flats to the courthouse like it's bad. Karma is a bitch. Yeah I'll tell you what it hurts like the the pain as you get older gravity Yeah, it in so many ways it just rains it just rains, it rains down Monet. It rains down. So I always recommend the platform heel where there's a little bit of platform under the toe. To me is a lot more therapeutic than, and one of my favorite shoes of all time is just a pointed, hateful, evil,

go fuck yourself stiletto. You know, pointy, flat on the bottom, then a spiky heel. I mean, just evil. I mean, the most hateful thing you've ever seen in your life. I fucking love this. It's almost orgasmic for me. I can only wear them briefly. I'll have to like take them off walk and then put them on

where I want people to see them because gravity is not good to the old. Well, you just described that heel and I literally climaxed. I just found it. It's so fucking fierce. I mean, but also, but I'm also a fan of like, I only wear it like people backstage know this. My assistant, I have slippers that I wear to the stage.

As soon as I'm getting on stage, going to heels, do the little, do my stand up. As soon as I come off the stage, put the flats back on. Cause I agree. There are so many queens, let me tell you this. And I know a lot of them that have to get double hip replacement because the heels like fuck up your hips and your knees. So I they're really, I'm one day going to have a double hip replacement. I know this. Um, but for the time I'm living my best life. That's right. You got to do it while you're young

had it or hit it. Unitards. Ooh, like in what context? Okay, I'm talking 1980s Jane Fonda, a unitard where you put that thing on and it is spandex up over your pee pee up all the way on maybe a leg warmer, maybe a heel with it, but a unitard. Oh, you hit it. Let me tell you something. I work out. I work out in those like in the gym. Oh, I work out in full spandex Jane Fonda of wardrobe because here's the thing. I want to make working out gay again. And here's why at my gym, there are too many straight fucking dudes wearing crop tops and short shorts at the gym. Now I don't know who's gay. dudes wearing crop tops and short shorts. Now I don't know who's gay. I don't know who's gay.

So I want to, so I have started the initiative to reinstate people wearing unitards. And straight guys, they are too in their head. They would never wear the unitards. But the gays and the girls, we'll wear them. So I'm all about the gays and the gays and girls and days wearing unitards to work out. And I actually have a line of them coming out this summer. Oh, good for you.

Perfect. And I'm a Sandy Awesome. Please do, because we will wear them. And here's the thing. I don't think I'll wear it. Any chance that we have to promote the gay agenda, we are 100% on board with it. Anything that we can do to promote anything gay, gay stuff, gay people, gay unitards, gay exercise,

we are at the top of the list advocating to do it. That's right. Okay, fab ladies. I love that. Wilson, y'all some, and please, yes, promote the gay agenda. I will do it for the gay agenda, but I have a real problem with camel toe.

So that's why unitards hurt on me. I have been real problem with camel toe. So that's why you know she does. I have been telling her for years to be vigilant with camel toe prevention. She walks in this recording studio and I look down and there's a goddamn camel toe looking right back at me. And I've told her multiple times. How do you not feel that vigilant when you stand up, look at twat check the time when you sit down look at your twat build this into like breathing air looking at your making sure you don't have a camel toe. It's been going on for years. Yeah, I can't grow I have I walk around the gym with a damn

moose knuckle. I don't care. You welcome boys. Get a little shout the gym honey. Okay, had it or hit it inspirational quotes. Had it, I cannot with the inspirational quotes. Even like the inspirational Instagram story post after like a fight with your boyfriend.

I'm like, girl, we know what this is about. You see on the Instagram story, but like, you know what? Life goes on the more that you learn to let go. I'm like, oh, here we go again. They're broken up. They're getting back together. They're broken up. And you know what?

People are weaponizing inspirational quotes to send these coded messages on Instagram. It is, I have had it. I've had it with inspirational quotes, inspirational quote culture. However, Monet, I do love to watch a fucking meltdown on Instagram. Yeah, I fucking eat that shit up. I mean, I lap that up like it's nobody's business.

Yeah, it's like you're like, you're in the front seat of like a car pile up on the freeway. You're like, oh wow, like you don't have to drive by and like wonder what happened. Like you're seeing it happen in the palm of your hand. Like, oh, this is good. This is good. This is good stuff. It's good stuff.

I also have been one to go to Home Goods and get some inspirational pictures and put them on my wall. But this has been my 20s. I don't do that anymore. But I used to be that home goods girlie and get the glittery thing that said, live, laugh, love. You know what I mean? That was me for a while.

I'm so glad you outgrew that. I'm an interior designer and I can tell you nothing reeks of bad taste like word art. Word art is just tragic. I mean, I would write you a citation right here and now if I saw some word art behind you. The stilettos are far better. OK, last one.

Hat it or hit it, reality TV. Oh, hit it. I am obsessed with reality TV. I'm not ashamed to say it. I love reality TV. I love The Housewives. I love Traders, the new show on NBC. Traders is so good. I mean, I'm reality TV. I love the housewives. I love Traders, the new show on NBC. Traders is so good.

I mean, I'm a child. I'm a reality teller. I'm only here because I was on reality competition TV. So I love reality TV. We watch, we're big into politics, which is basically morphed into reality TV. Right. Pumps is constantly giving us updates

of the Donald Trump trial, which share with him what Stormy Daniels said on the stand. Okay, this is my favorite, because I fucking hate Trump. And it's, she says, or they said, did you have sex on the bed? And she said, yes, briefly. I love some subtle shade. I love it. subtle shade. That is so shady and so country. Oh, I love that. So good. Did briefly. I love that. Oh, that's so good. Well, Monet

exchange. This is been one of my favorite episodes. I want to have you back on. You are like, I feel like we're a throuple. I do too. I honestly do. Kindred spirit. I was going to move to OKC. I'm going to move to Oklahoma City. You know what?

We'll move to New York. That would be better. I wouldn't want to be better here. You wouldn't like it as much. We're really cool, but not a lot of other people here are. Yeah. Well, you know, I did stand up at a, cause it's called brick. That's brick city, right? Brick town.

Great. I'm at a club. So brick town. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I did. I did. I did at the comedy club.

They are nice. I sold out for two nights and it was, it was great. I love the people who came to the show. Well, the people that are going to come to that show are cool as shit. Here's the situation with being progressive in a red state. You're really progressive because you're on the front lines. You're in the trenches. You're taking grenades. So you're like, yes, I'm progressive. Yes, we stand for the gay community because you see the attacks on it firsthand and you see the government's bullying people in your community

where when you live in New York and LA, you can just walk outside and breathe liberal air and you don't have to think about these fucking things. We see it all the time. That's in your community, where when you live in New York and LA, you can just walk outside and breathe liberal air, and you don't have to think about these fucking things. We see it all the time. That's why we're Madderton Hornets and started a podcast called I've Had It, because we live with these fuckers all the time. So anyway, Monet, we love you.

Thank you so much for coming on our show. You're a treat. Thank you for having me. You all were, this is such a great way to start my Monday, my Tuesday morning. I love it. Bye, Monet. Bye, thank you. It had been a long time since we had had a drag queen on and I felt the void. I felt like our content was hammered dog shit. And so I would like to thank Monet Exchange for coming on and reviving

and resuscitating this fucking face plant hammered dog shit of a podcast that is ours. She is a breath of fresh air. Funny, insightful, honest. I love her. Love. Absolutely. I love her.

And I love the whole, you know, we should do a whole episode on Frenemies. It's a great, it's a great dynamic. It is. We get those texts from our girlfriend this weekend. We can get the texts from our girlfriend and do some dramatic readings. Listeners, you should send Kylie some frenemy text exchange. Ooh, that's a great idea. I think they would be great dramatic readings.

Maybe we can have a drag queen on to read some. I love that. Although you know I'm partial to your dramatic readings. Oh, pumps. You always have done dramatic readings and I love them so much. I love you, Pumps. Love you. All right, listen, to end it on just a sweet

inspirational note. Inspirational. Inspirational note. Let go, let off had it, do all of your petty grievances. Subscribe to us, our after show starts right now. What else do they have to do pubs? Five star review on Apple. You can find us on YouTube. You can subscribe there. We have Patreon documentary club girl please rock hard cock chats. We've got lots going on on Patreon. We'll see you

next Tuesday or Thursday or both.