I've Had It - Modest is Hottest

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Critical thinking is in, homeschooling is out. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets are available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/hadit now to grow your business – no matter what stage you’re in. Bombas: Get comfy this spring and give back with Bombas. Head over to https://Bombas.com/hadit and use code hadit for twenty percent off your first purchase. Addyi: If you feel like you’ve lost your desire, and you want to get it back - ask your doctor about Addyi today or go to https://Addyi.com. To watch our post-show for this episode and much more - subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Caroline Baniewicz @carolinebaniewicz

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. That was good. Did you notice that I went right after you? Did you? Yeah. Did you not even notice?

Well, I was concentrating so hard. I just, I was so focused. You know how they say a superior athlete so focused. I was in my Tom Brady clap mode. There you go. Yeah. All right. All right.

Meemaw, what have you had it with today, Meemaw? Had the worst experience and I've had it. When you're on a retail site and they say, do you want to chat? Normally I say no, I don't want to chat. In this particular situation, I needed to chat because I needed to know what size I was. So I say, what size am I if I wear this size jean? Person comes back, to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?

And I immediately think, why do you fucking care? We don't know each other. This isn't friendly. So I text back Angie, if I'm this this size gene, what size belt am I? To which the response is, hi, Angie, how's your day going? And I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me? We're not friends. We're not dating. This is not Tinder. This is, this is my gene size. What's my belt size? So we have, I counted it up, four different texts about me and my day before I even get a response. And I'm assuming it's a computer.

It's a robot. Yeah, it's a robot. So I know for a fact the robot doesn't give a flying frog's fat ass how my day is or what my name is. The icing on the cake of this conversation that took entirely too long fat ass, how my day is or what my name is. The icing on the cake of this conversation that took entirely too long was that I got sent the wrong belt size, which I ordered. I just ordered what the computer told me. Right. And we just had to take it up and had to have an extra hole put in it because it was too small.

But what I so my habit is I've had it with these retail chats that want to be best friends and make it a match.com Tinder situation when it's just, here's my question. I just need an answer. Full stop. We're not friends. I think that this goes to the larger point that I just miss talking to people. Just, just how can I help you today? I'm a size this, what size belt do you think I should get?

Right. I think it's this or anything else. But we go through, now the robots are going through these extra pleasantries and the robots are incapable of landing the plane as well. Here's my thing. I am not pleasant. I am particularly not pleasant when I'm shopping. So the last thing I want to do is be pleasant with the robot online. I've had it. I mean, it's just too much to ask to be best friends with a robot when you're just

trying to buy something. Were you mean to the robot? Did you care on the robot? Well, I just kept saying, what's my belt size? But it just irritates the shit out of me. Because now I'm like, number one, I should have just, for all the time it took me to exchange pleasantries with the robot, I could have just gotten a tape measure out

and done the math. But I didn't, because I thought it'd be quicker. So are you mad at you, or are you mad at the robot? I'm mad at the robot, but as I talk about it, I'm getting mad at me. You're getting Karen yourself. I'm getting mad at me. You're gonna Karen yourself? I'm gonna Karen myself. Get your fat ass up, Angie.

Get the tape measure. I think it would be more effective if you said, get your fat ass up, meemaw. Meemaw? Listen up, you old hag. You old bitch. Get up. Get your tape measure out.

And just do it. Yeah, all right, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. I'm probably going to get a lot of blowback from this, but I'm just, it's been, it's been sitting in my craw for a while and I've just decided to come out with it. Okay. Oh yeah. That's my happy place. I haven't heard that in a while, but you're so right. I have had it. I haven't heard that in a while, but you're so right. I have had it.

I have had it up to my eyeballs with people identifying a specific geographical location as their happy place. Because I've started to notice something. What? There's a common denominator among all of the happy placers. They're miserable and they're not in their happy place miserable and they're not in their happy place. And they're miserable in their happy places. They're insufferable any way you look at it.

Happy place, no happy place. Have you heard of people, I've heard of people say like, ice cream is my happy place. Have you heard that? Or is it just geographical? I've heard like things are their happy place. That's just another layer of this that I wasn't aware of. That gives me an extra new thing to be

mad about. So thank you for bringing that to my attention. Because if I heard somebody say ice cream is my happy place, I've heard it. I just I don't know that there's a bottle of sedatives big enough. You know, that's interesting. The happy place that's been a long overlooked. I mean, we've been doing this podcast over a year and we're just now getting to the happy place. And here's the deal. It's ubiquitous.

You get online, somebody goes to the lake and they do a picture and they post it. And they put, I'm at my happy place. And then you'll be in conversation with somebody and then something comes up like, oh yeah, we go to Mexico. Oh, Mexico's my happy place. And it's like, really? I think you're kind of a cunt when you're not in a happy place.

So probably don't wanna go to your happy place with you. And here's the situation. Like happy place, like I just, I think it's dumb. I've had it with it. I don't like the phrase. I don't like the use of it. And I've noticed the people that use this word are miserable to be around. I think that anytime you have to identify your happy place,

you're probably miserable, even at your happy place. It's just a guess. But that would seem to make a lot of sense to me. Do you have a happy place? No. I have some favorite places that I liked to frequent. And I like places like I like my bed. That's one of my happy places, as it were.

That's a great happy place. I mean, just snuggling in. Often overlooked happy place. Yes, I mean. The bed away from the happy place offenders. I'll tell you where my happy place is. My happy place is not being around people that use the phrase happy place. That's where

I'm happiest. I'm happiest in the spaces online where I don't see this is my happy place post. That's my happy place and that's my happy space. I've had it. Do you know what I would love so much is the next time you saw that you said that. I think it's like one of these catchphrases. One of the catchphrases that's really big right now is everybody's, well, it really grinds my gears. I'm just like, I can't even get, I can't even get past because I'm like, okay, that's the new catchphrase now, the grind the

gears. And so it's like this white woman phrase where it's like, oh yeah, I was at the restaurant the other day. And I mean, what really grinds my gears is when the waiter did it, did it, did it. And I just, I've had it with grind my gear. I've had it with Happy Place, it's one of these little buzz catch phrases. You know who I guarantee you uses these phrases? Who? Stanley Kep Drinkers. I guarantee you, is Direct Link. I for sure, I just hate to tell you, maybe it's my age that everything comes back,

but I've heard Grind My Gear, like I think my mom said it when I was growing up, so it's recycled. So now it's back in pop culture. I've had it, I've just, I've heard grind my gears. Like, I think my mom said it when I was growing up. So it's recycled. So now it's back in pop culture. I've had it. I've just, I've had it. I think the happy place thing is stupid. I think that it's like this,

I'm gonna go to this place and I'm gonna be really happy all the time. There's no geographic cure for how miserable certain people are. No, there's no geographic solution to emotional problems. That's right, Pums, because if there were, our podcast wouldn't exist. We would go to the happy place. We would leave and go and be happy.

We would go produce, I'd hit it podcast from our happy place. Oh my gosh, that would be great. That's a good, are you hitting today? Well, I'm hitting everything today because I'm in my happy place. I got up this morning, I fucked my husband, I ran 10 miles, I just did hot yoga and then I just ate an asahi bowl and meditated because I'm in my happy place. Right, nothing but happy thoughts. And I had a coffee with coffee art on top of it. And I posted that

from my happy place Instagram account, drinking my happy coffee from my happy place. How about and I took 27 solo pictures of myself with 47 filters to tell you how happy I am at my happy place. You know what? I have a great idea. Let's start making, posting, this is my unhappy place. Oh my gosh, that's a great idea. Yes. Like you're at your desk at work at my unhappy place. Oh my gosh. That would blow up the internet. I feel like dinner with your husband, post a picture of him sitting across from you at dinner at my unhappy place. Just had sex at my unhappy place. I'm telling you that's, that's a winner. You know what, you know what?

I've been doing these social media breaks where I document my social media break online. I'm going to do an unhappy place series on my social media. I'm at my unhappy place. I think that's brilliant. I think that's great. Kylie, what do you think? I love it. I think it's viral. Welcome to I've Had It podcast. We host this podcast from our Unhappy Place, the I've Had It podcast studios. I'm an unhappy host. My name is Jennifer. I'm Angie also with an unhappy host. My name is Jennifer. I'm Angie also with an unhappy heart, unhappy place. She is an unhappy meemaw. She is America's unhappiest meemaw.

That's right. I am hashtag unhappiest meemaw. That's right. That's right. Kylie's here with us today. Kylie, is this your unhappy place? Where we're at right now? Yeah.

Yeah. How could it not be? Can you imagine a job worse than Kylie's? No. I mean, I was thinking about it this weekend. I was telling a friend, like, I get so tired of my voice. I get so tired of your voice. How on fucking earth does Kylie sit in here and listen? I'll tell you what she does. And then she sit in here and edit. I mean, it would be the worst job on the planet.

I'll tell you what she does. Subconsciously, she's able to like put hammer dog shit filters as kind of a fuck you ladies. That's right, that's the revenge. You gotta do little coping mechanisms, you know? Yeah. To get through it. Make us look like hammer dog shit. Right. So coping mechanisms, you know, to get through it. Make us look like hammer dog shit.

So then, but you know, I will say it is kind of a gift. I was at a basketball game the other day and this, one of my son's basketball games, this lady comes up to me and she's like, Oh my God, I'm a huge fan of the pod. I love it so much. I was like, Oh, thank you for listening. She goes, God, you're, you look really great in person. And I was just like, God damn it, Kylie, but it's kind of a gift. I told you.

Yeah. The expectation is so low. It's so low because I have people tell me that too. Like have no idea that I'm not ugly as a mud fence. Not saying I'm not, but they're surprised that I'm not as ugly as they thought I would be. And every time I think that fucking Kylie. Listen up, I hipsters, that's your new name.

Because if, Meemaw, what are you? I'm the hippest grandma on the planet. Hipster, she's a hipster. So what I want you to do is start taking images of you in your unhappy place and tagging at I've Had it podcast share with us. And I want to completely take down. We are at war with I'm at my happy place and I want to roll out the unhappy place to defeat the happy places.

We're going to normalize an unhappy place. We're detoxing from Happy Place. That's right. We're detoxing. I like it. Kylie, what do you have in store for us today with this episode? So I think I'm going to switch it up a little bit. Okay. We got sent from a listener. She wrote some muck very... Don't delete... Do not edit that out.

She wrote some fuck, marry, kills for you guys. Okay. She wrote some fuck Mary Kills for you guys. Okay. So Memaw, we'll go with you first. Okay. Fuck Mary Kill, Ben Shapiro, Tucker Carlson, Clarence Thomas. Oh, like I really, like my skin just crawled. Oh, that's an excellent one. That's a great one.

If you're going to play fuck Mary Kill, you have to torture the person with it. It's got to be tortures. Okay. My immediate gut reaction is you have to kill Tucker Carlson. But then you have Clarence Thomas and Ben Shapiro left. So, this is such a layup. I can't believe you're this tortured by it. Who's the oldest one in that group? Clarence Thomas? is such a layup. I can't believe you're this tortured by it. Who's the oldest one in that group? Clarence Thomas? Clarence Thomas, duh. Okay. So marry him. I hate that. I hate the thought of it.

Just going on record. I hate it, but he will die the soonest. I think, I think I'm going to fuck Ben Shapiro and just kill Tucker Carlson. I mean, they should all be dead. I mean, they should all not be on the list to have sex with in any capacity. Here's what I would do in that situation. Okay. I'm killing Clarence immediately because, but he's all to save the world, to save the world.

Biden would immediately get a pick. I'm killing Clarence. I am fucking Ben and I'm marrying Tucker. See, I just can't. They're all bad choices. There's no good. But Clarence gets killed immediately. Here's the thing.

He's obviously browbeat by his wife, I think. I mean, she's a nut, nut, nut, nut, nut, and he buys into it. So maybe I could browbeat him and bring him to sanity, maybe? I think it's just an opportunity to help save so many more people. I just hate Tucker Carlson. Well, who doesn't? No, I know. That doesn't put me in a small group.

Everybody hates Tucker Carlson. Yeah, I mean, I hate Ben Shapiro, too. Everybody hates Ben Shapiro, too. Everybody hates him. They're the most unlikable, unfuckable, unmarriable people on the planet. But for America, you got to take out Clarence. I mean, it's just a, it's a layup.

I was shocked it took you that long. If you're a patriot. Patriots. Patriot. Take out Clarence immediately. All right, Kylie, who's mine? I got three that are, that are runner-ups for least fuckable people in the world. Jen, Jerry Falwell Jr., okay?

Mike Lindell, okay? Joel Olsteen, okay. These are great, by the way. I'm killing Joel because at least maybe some of these old people that give their money to him can keep onto it a little bit and they can quit getting grifted. And I oppose the expansion of evangelical Christianity with everything in me. I think it does nothing but

harm the country and its followers. So Joel is dead. I'm going to fuck Mike Lindell on my pillow. I'm going to use a pillow over my head. I'm fucking Mike Lindell and I'm marrying Falwell Jr. because I kind of think he's gay. I don't think I'd have to fuck him. He'd let you fuck the pool boy. You could fuck Jerry Falwell Jr. I can do whatever I want to. As long as he gets to watch.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like yours is easier than mine. I wasn't that tortured by yours. I mean, it was an immediate no-brainer Clarence is gone, get a new appointee in there, as they speak. I'm clearly a lot more patriotic than you are, but that's neither here nor there, Memaw. Just a selfish Karen over there fighting with robots in your unhappy place. That's right. All right.

All right. Speaking of evangelicals, we got sent a very alarming story. So I'm going to read this article to you. It's titled, How Evangelicals Use Digital Surveillance to Target the Unconverted. So there's an app called Bless Every Home, which has been backed by some of the biggest names in evangelical circles. And it's mapping the personal information of immigrants and non-Christians in a bid to conduct door-to-door religious conversions and prayer-walking rituals through their neighborhoods. Oh my God.

It puts a lot of features at the fingertips of the faithful, including the ability to filter whole neighborhoods by religion, ethnicity, Hispanic country of origin, assimilation, and whether there are children living in the household or not. How did they get this information I want to know? That's creepy. Here's the problem with evangelical Christianity is it is incredibly toxic. It goes against everything if you're trying to get your life in order and find serenity

and stay in your lane and mind your own business. It goes against everything your therapist would tell you to do. It tells you to get up in people's business, that it is your business. It tells you to get up in what they're doing with their kids. It advises overt toxic behavior. And here's the thing about it too. They don't really care about how the person behaves. They just want the person to say, I accept Jesus. That's the bar. That's it. There's no plan beyond

that to make people better people. It's just this conversion rate. It's a racket. It's a total racket. I remember one time my nephew was over at my house. He's a federal agent and not religious. Nobody in my family is really religious. Great guy. And these guys come to our door. It looks like probably like a, I don't know, maybe a 60 year old, maybe a 40 year old. And I have a kind of a glass door.

They come to the door and I look and I said to my nephew, I go, well, you go get it. It's two weird guys at my door. He goes, yeah, I'll go get it. And all I hear is my nephew going, look, buddy, you came to the wrong house. I love that. Which then I think per this article, they're just mining more information about the person at this address.

We need to hit her twice a week. Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, it's really nobody's business, but they believe that it's divinely their business. So they act with this invisible power that they believe has been given to them, that they are allowed to be toxic and they are allowed to get into other people's business. Like I'll tell you another example of this kind of crap. So my son plays basketball and there's this group me with all these parents and some of the

parents, you know, we live in Oklahoma, they're super, super religious. So it's like, Hey, parents, let's get together and pray over the team and lift the team up in prayer before the games and blah, blah, blah. Of course, I just ignore it. And I'm just kind of mad that that's even in there because I'm like, if you want to do that, do it. But why is this a deal? So anyway, basketball season starts, parents, religious parents are meeting,

lifting the kids up in prayer. They go on this losing streak, right? So Josh Welch would always say, God, you know, I know the parents were doing the lift the lift the players up in prayer. You think maybe they need to start doing two a day. Clearly they're not doing enough. All right, listen, Patriots, we have a guest today. And her name is Caroline Banowitz. She is a comedian, a singer, a writer, and an actress. And she's performing stand-up all around New York City. She's apparently hilarious. We met her once in New York and so we thought it'd be fun to have her on

the show to hear what she's had it with. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women? If so, please go to ivehaditpodcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the Hot Shit Tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the Hot Shit Tour. Right, Pumps? Tell them. It's so fun. We hope to see you there. Pumps, how's your sock drawer looking? Scary! Well, let me tell you, I think it might be time for a spring cleaning and refresh. Great news for you, Bombas, your favorite sock brand, has just dropped a bunch of absurdly soft new socks, tees, and underwear to help you get that drawer in a little good. What I like about Bombas is one purchase equals one donation.

Every time you buy their socks, tees, or underwear, you also donate essential clothing to someone facing homelessness. To date, Bombas has donated over 100 million clothing items and counting. Not to mention, these socks are so incredibly comfortable. I love their socks. They are so cozy. It's like walking on a cloud. I love, love, love them. Listener, get comfy this spring and get back with Bombas. Head over to bombas.com slash had it and use the code had it for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S dotcom slash had it and use the code had it at checkout. All right, Caroline Banowitz, how are you today? Welcome to I've had it. Thank you for having me. How are you guys? We are great. We wanted to, we were just reviewing

some information about you. Okay. And we are very intrigued by homeschooling and homeschooling culture and you're from Texas. So tell us about being homeschooled. What grades was that your whole life? My whole life until college. So I did go to, I went to, I went to Oklahoma city university. Oh, that's right. Freshman.

Yes. Right over there. So, that's where we live. Yes, right over there. Which was great. I went there for my college years. But yeah, no, every grade, whole thing, homeschool prom, homeschool homecoming, homeschool Christian basketball team. So did you co-op classes or was it just you in your house and did you have siblings? I have four siblings. So you like and we were like, you know, maybe even like one of the smaller families, like most people had way more siblings. We kind of did it all. So there are there's like online curriculums that you'll buy. When I say online, it's like

you bought like the VHSs or the DVDs. Was this the IBLP curriculum? No, it's not. But I am familiar with it. And I do know people whose parents like, were part of it or trying to be a part of it. They had such intense rules. Like you, you actually couldn't apply unless you had a certain amount of kids. But I will remember when I watch shiny happy people, the diagram where it's like the umbrella and it's like God, the father as in the man in the family, and then the mom and then the kids like that umbrella,

I had seen that before. I'd seen that and I'd seen things about the modesty. Like I had seen that before. I'd seen that and I'd seen things about the modesty. I had recognized those things. So I have seen those. So what I say, if you've seen that documentary, Shiny Happy People, I'm the light version of that. I'm the diet version. Did you learn evolution in your homeschooling? No. So were you homeschooled for religious reasons? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, in my home, homeschooling became legal, like, when my oldest sister was starting pre-K. So like, we're like the first generation of homeschool, or became legal in Texas, where I'm from. We're like the first generation of homeschooled kids from Texas. Well, so that was that weird going to college and you're around all these other people and you're living on your own. That had to be a huge shock. It was such a shock. And like, I, I like I went to a smaller school and like, I, I almost like, can't believe that I was unleashed on like my school. Like, I don't like, I'm not like,

like I'm not super close with anyone I went to college. Well, I am close with people I went to college with, but I'm not super close with like a bunch. I also went to a smaller school, but I am like, wait, you guys, was I, like I need to know, like, did you guys know I was crazy and I hadn't unpacked everything yet? Or were you guys just like dealing with this kid?

But also everyone's kind of crazy. Like, but no, I was in the car with my boyfriend. My boyfriend has a car. I just, not to flex. So I was like, so my boyfriend does have a car. I was in the car with my boyfriend who has a car. And he said something about like, it's so crazy that at the Creationism museum, that

they believe that like dinosaurs and human beings were alive at the same time. Right. And I, now I am 27 years old and it never crossed my mind that they wouldn't have been alive at the same time. That's wild. It never crossed my mind because I was never taught evolution. Right. It was by design you didn't crush your mind. Nor were you taught a timeline wherein the earth is billions of years old and not five to 6,000 years old. You know,

like that's the thing is like there's not like like that kind of thinking is an end. It's like not the critical thinking that we learned. So we live in Oklahoma City. So we live around like a lot of evangelical Christianity and I think it's nuts. But what goes even further is this homeschooled, like you only get one worldview. So you get that worldview and then you go to college to this exotic place, Oklahoma City, as I can only imagine that it felt like at the time on Northwest 23rd Street. I know exactly where you went to

school. Did you go fucking wild? Um, okay, so I feel like, I feel like I didn't even scratch the surface of like, my worldview beliefs wrong. In college, it's more things like, oh, it's okay to be gay. Oh, my friend is having sex. It was more of those core things that were like, oh, it's okay to drink, can you drink? Things like that.

So I didn't go nuts. I think it was really hard on shame and guilt. Probably that's like the trauma I think that I struggled with in college. I like, that's why I'm kind of like, I don't even think kids I went to school with and maybe they did and they, maybe they were being really nice to me,

but like I would have thought I was such, I was so crazy, but I don't even think I realized how crazy I was. So I didn't go crazy. I feel like I was pretty tame, but I was still a fun hang. I was a fun hang. See, I had kind of the same experience. I went to college and I was like, oh, you can have sex? I wasn't rich.

I wasn't homeschooled, but it was a super religious purity culture the whole nine. So it was like, oh my god. Modest is hottest. Right. Modest is hottest. Right. I mean. I mean. Modest is hottest. So this is, we'll get to what you've had it with

in a little bit, but this is something that we're so interested in. So you go to college and you realize, oh my gosh, so people can have sex. Right. And what, did you take a biology class at college? When did, when did that kind of, cause that's what's so fascinating to me. Like somebody

can be raised without that idea, not the idea, the fact that we evolved and that the earth is old, and that your whole childhood was void of any of those facts is fascinating to me. Yeah, I think like, okay, I was a music major and I don't think I needed to take, I think my science credit was like a lab. Like it was like not like, it wasn't, it wasn't a biology class where I would have had to deal with like confronting that. But I will say like there was a friend who had, who had gotten chlamydia while I was at school.

And I thought like they were gonna die. Right. It's like, oh my god, not an STD, you're gonna die. Right, right. But biology No, I do remember I gave like a presentations in a world religions class where I talked about Noah's Ark. And I talked about it as if it was a historical event. And my teacher gave me like a lesser grade because she was saying like some of this is metaphorical.

And I was like, no, this is all literal. I was like, what are you talking about? But I was a musical theater major. So it was mostly just like, you know, singing and dancing. It was more of just. How did you get, how did you, how did this unravel that you had been raised in this kind of world where you were presented things that are facts that are not facts? Totally.

I think like a lot of it was like mental health stuff. Like I, I like really struggled with, not to be a downer, but I really struggled was like mental health stuff. Like I, so I like really struggled with, not to be a downer, but I really struggled with like depression and stuff. And when I would like go to my mom or like go, I had like a mentor here in the city when I'd go to them and like be like, I'm really struggling. They were like, you know, pray. Just pray. Let me ask you this. Do you think that your depression and stuff was a symptom of suffering from religious trauma? I do. I do feel that way because it's like, um, it is so much judgment. It's like everything

you do wrong. And I, I remember even like, I wanted to be a singer and an actor when I grew up. And I remember talking to my mom in the car and asking, like, is it sinful that Selena Gomez is a singer and a Christian, but she's not singing Christian music. And it's like, it's, I don't know. It's like everything has to be right. And you have to be doing, if that makes sense, like why a kid should just be able to listen to Selena Gomez and have fun. No problem. Right. Right. It's, I always say like, I don't always say like, I have a joke that's, uh, you know, I love God, but the Bible is God's word. And, you know, I'm 27, I stopped taking men at their word a long time ago. You know what I mean? Because

it's just not making sense. That's good, Caroline. That is great. I'm sorry, like, sometimes it's not making sense. I like that your comedy show, because I really feel like I like that your comedy show, because I really feel like something that's going to start really coming out is you have all these mega churches that popped up in the eighties when pumps and I were growing up and you saw them and now people are really starting to see what a grift these are and what a con show they are. And then you have the largest growing religious domination in the United States right now and it is none. People who identify as none. And I think coming out of this in the world of the nones that are coming out, not NUN

but NONES, that there's going to be a lot of therapy and a lot of conversations centered around people like you and Pumps that were raised in a very dogmatic black and white worldview where shame and emotional blackmail ruled. Because there's no way that you can do that to kids without their being damaged. We talk about emotional abuse with a husband, but we don't talk about emotional abuse with a church or a religion. And it really is abusive to tell people that they're dirty or if they masturbate that that's the devil and it's sin. Like I remember my high school boyfriend, his parents were real big Bible thumpers and of course we're having

sex and he had all this shame and his mom had caught him masturbating one time and she just shamed him, told him he was the devil. This is like a 16-year-old kid. Of course he's beaten off. Right. Yeah. Find me one that doesn't. Yeah, I completely agree. I think it's really corrupt.

I think organized, it's hard with churches, too, because I think so much of the organized religion is corrupt. And you see these documentaries about the churches. And the other one that really makes me sad is these really young marriages. And it's like, well, they're both, they're both Christians. So like, you know, he's a God honoring man, like she can't be in danger. He can't be abusive. Like, let's have, let's have five kids before 25. Right. I always think when people get married super young, I'm like, okay, so they wanted to get married to have sex.

Yes, of course. And then I think before they both even figure out who they are, they're going to have kids, and they're going to be stuck. It has the ability to put someone in a real. I mean, not saying it always does, but just I worry for people that get married so young with zero life experience and then you go through life experiences and you're like, maybe this wasn't

for me, but you're stuck. I mean, you're already in, it'd be, you know, a sin to get a divorce and all that. So, you know, it's sad. It's sad. Like there's so much of their life they're missing out on. Like, but I'm sure they look at us and they're like, how sad, but I don't know. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not hurting anyone. Right. I'm minding my own fucking business. I don't give a shit what you do. And I'm sorry, but like, where's, you came, normally we like to talk about stuff we've had it with, but Pumps and I are so wildly interested in homeschooling, bizarrely interested in it.

Anything you need. We read your bio and it's like homeschooled in Texas. This sounds like some fucked up Christian shit. Let's go. Pets, when we first started the podcast and discovered Shopify, we were such little small potatoes. Now the podcast is gaining steam. And the great thing about Shopify is it has grown as we've grown. It has helped us at every stage of our adventure into selling merch. AMT – Shopify makes selling your merch so easy. It's an overwhelming prospect to think how am I going to get listeners what they order. Shopify makes it easy. I agree. And that's because Shopify is the global commerce

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when you take addie even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in addie. Allergic reactions may include hives, Ask your doctor about ADDI today. That's ADDy.com. Okay, so let's play a game with you called Had It or Hit It. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. Had it.

I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay, you live in New York City now, right? Mm-hmm. From homeschool to the big city. No shit. All right, had it or hit it, the subway. Oh, I've had it. Really?

I've had it because, listen, delays, they're never on time, and they're dirty, but it's like a fixer-upper, it's like a boyfriend that I'm not gonna give up on. So I've had it with the subway, but I will always be on the subway. And until I make it really big and then you'll never see me again, I'll be in an Uber.

Okay, had it or hit it QR codes. Oh, had it. My phone's always dead. My phone's always dead. My phone's always dead. So I can't, I can't, I need a menu. I like, I can't, my phone is always, always dead. I hate the QR code menu. But here's my question.

Kylie, our producer, she's also your age, millennial. Why the fuck are you people not charging your phone at night when you're asleep? There's no excuse for it. So many times Kylie's like dead phone at 7 a.m. I'm like, how does this happen? You're the smart people. Yes. Well, that's why I think that like maybe we just need to get that chip, that Elon chip. Maybe then I'll remember to charge my phone. So yeah, I mean, I could plug in my phone or I could just get like a NeuroLink brain surgery. But yeah, I mean, I could plug in my phone or I could just get like a neuro link, a brain surgery. But yeah, I don't know why we don't charge our phone.

It just doesn't feel right. It's not, hey, it's not the vibe as the kids say. Okay, had it or hit it Beyonce? Oh, hit it. I'd hit it. I'd hit it every way. Every day. Every day.

I love her. I think it's so great too, that she has like the number one country day. Every day. I love her. I think it's so great too, that she has like the number one country song. Love it. I love that. Yeah, I love it too. I think Beyonce, you could never, she's amazing.

She really does it all. She does. Okay, had it or hit it, gold diggers. I'm gonna say hit it because I think, I think, I think, you know what? I think gold diggers is usually referred to as a woman and I think women have had enough. You know what I mean? Too much judgment. So hit it girl.

Also, they're usually gorgeous and beautiful. So hit it. But I will say like, there's nothing like having your own money. Yeah, agree. Yeah, there's nothing like having your own money. Yeah, agree. Yeah, there's nothing like having your own money. But if you're a gold digger, you're having to earn every penny. That's what I was just going to say. Yeah, that's so true. I think the bank account should be in your name. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it. Alpha males had it. I need to. I need a, no, I don't want an alpha. I don't. I'm the alpha. I really

am. I think I would rather have like a sweet, a sweet baby boy. Like I, yeah, no, I've had enough of them. I think, um, their podcast clips are truly painful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think they thrive in a male dominated place. So like America. For example. For example, America or anywhere else. But yeah, no, I'm done. I don't mind an alpha male. I mind a male telling me he's an alpha male. I think that's a red flag, like a huge red flag. If you're telling me you're an alpha male, I'm out. Run, run, run. I think I've had it with the, it would just have to do with the right wing

political spectrum where you have the Josh Hollys, the Ted Cruz's, you know, Don Jr., Don Fuckface Jr. And they're like, masculinity is under attack and blah, blah, blah. That breed of alpha males where they're not really alpha males, they're incredibly insecure men, I've had it with, but like a full blown, like, I don't think there's anything sexier than maybe like a guy that maybe is pretty masculine kind of cowboy, but he's totally like pro gay, liberal, and totally comfortable with himself. That to me is like

more alpha male than these guys that are like, what do you mean a trans? What do you mean I'm sharing the same bathroom? That just kind of like cowboy affect. I hate that. I think like someone said this to me one time and it's so true is like that like alpha male like complaining that masculinity is under attack. They're just pissed off that they're not getting laid. No man who has female attention feels that strongly that masculinity is being, you know what I mean? You're projecting. Yeah. Totally true. I agree. Okay. Last one. Had it or hit it. Donald Trump. Bro, I've had it.

Had it. Speaking of alpha males that aren't. Those shoes? Awful. The fashion police, the police and the fashion police. I've had it. I'm ready for some new blood. Yeah. He's so last like election, like he's so last season. Yeah, and a criminal and like a fascist and a lot of other things. We've actually had it. Yeah, we're out.

We've had it with Donald Trump. We're out. Yeah. Caroline it with Donald Trump. We're out. Yeah. Caroline, I cannot thank you enough. There's such a surprise that you were homeschooled and so willing to talk about it. And I've seen the light beyond that. And to share your, I hate this word,

but it really, in your instance, it kind of is a journey from the homeschool of Texas to New York City, independent female, you know, on stage comedy, it's really cool. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. And I really appreciate like how you guys, first of all, are interested and also like, you come to it with such empathy and like intelligence. And I am a big fan. Oh, thank you. Thank you. We're not called intelligent that often, so thank you so much.

Very rarely. No. It's just because we're girls. It's just because we're women. That's right. Caroline, thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. Enjoyed it.

Great to see you again. Thank you, guys. Bye. Okay. I thought Caroline was just, I thought that was really interesting. She was absolutely a delight. What about that she goes to college and she presents a speech on Noah's Ark as though it was a historical event.

You're laughing about that. I lived it. So that doesn't even remotely surprise me. It's just wild. When you are not raised around it and you see that people believe it literally, it's wild. It'd be the equivalent of like to anybody who's religious, still hanging on to this episode. If you saw somebody that believed in Greek mythology, right? That's how it feels to me. But you're just taught your whole life. That's what it is. And you don't question it. There's just no thing, you don't get to think about it

until you get out of it. I do think a larger conversation to be started and people can comment and send us your feedback on this. I do think that there is a mass group of people around the United States right now who have psychological, mental residue and damage from religious abuse. And it doesn't mean that their parents meant to intended to harm them, but by virtue of believing such a punitive belief system, I think a lot of people are suffering from the

aftermath of this or in it and don't feel good about themselves, don't feel good about their marriages, don't feel good about their friends because they live in this, you know, spiritual warfare, kind of like faux reality world and they know it's not something's off about it. And I just think there's going to be a whole need in the therapeutic realm to help treat these people and let them know that they're okay and that there's nothing wrong with them and there's not a you know gaggle of demons running around that are invisible trying to ruin their lives. I think anytime you have that much judgment and shame baked into one cake you're gonna have problems.

It's just you cannot escape it. It's unavoidable. So I don't know that you're wrong. All right, well, listeners, join us for the after show right now on Patreon. It is our unhappiest place on the planet. And join us for the hot shit tour, buy our merch and pumps. Tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. you you