I've Had It - President Taco Tits

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

What do you call an event that's part sorority house, part church, and part suburban Tupperware party? Our worst nightmare.Order our new book, join our cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:Earth Breeze: Right now, you can get 40% off with your subscription at https://earthbreeze.com/hadit.Ro Body: Go to https://RO.CO/HADIT for your free insurance check.Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work.Join this channel to get access to perks:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ5cvDR2HhVUcdVoTvvQKLw/joinFollow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots, black triots, brown triots. Welcome to America's Top DEI Podcast, the fantastic daughter-mother duo. Of course I'm the daughter. I hate her so fucking much. It's unbelievable.

Tell them. Okay. We're going to the dog food store today and she says something and I say, ma'am or whatever. And then I, anyway, we're calling out to each other over the aisles like a bunch of nuts. And the girl ringing us up originally told the manager that she thought I was Jennifer's daughter. That's originally what she told us. And then Callie said no. The manager came up to me and said, are you guys mother daughter?

I said, hold up. Who do you think the mother is and who do you think the daughter is? And the manager's dying laughing. I go, do you think that she's the daughter and pointed to you? And then we point to Callie and I go, Callie, which was the person at the register, who is the mother and who is the daughter? Because the manager said that at first that you were the daughter because remember I was happy in the beginning.

You were. And then we asked- As Callie, who Callie fucking sucks. No, I love her. She was real sweet. So she said, I was the mother. And so the manager thinks it's just hilarious. And I'm like, Callie, I want to talk to your manager. I need to make a complaint in your personnel file.

Of course, who ended up being the asshole? Who was the older one? As it turns out, the manager got it wrong and Kelly thought Jennifer was my daughter. And I'm fucking mad about it. Madder than a wet hen. Have you had it? I've had it. I've had it with Jennifer acting like she's a decade younger and I've had it even more with store clerks that think I'm her mother. And that feed my narcissism. An insatiable appetite for ego.

Yeah, I agree. If I were in your position, I would have been pretty pissed off and I would have had it too. However, considering that I'm the daughter in this scenario, I'm tickled pink. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've really had itumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've really had it with, I've just had it with the overall lack of accountability in the United States of America in 2020, 25. I'm so sick of people that make excuses

for their bad behavior, double down on it, and instead of just saying, I'm sorry, I have an unmitigated apology for you. I did something wrong. I messed up. My bad. That is severely lacking. And obviously the Trump administration is where it starts, but it trickles down into

every area of life. I feel like people are emboldened now to act like they're not wrong when they are. And it's obvious to everyone they aren't, because we've just given up as a society on accountability. And I've had it, because accountability is important. I have fucked up a lot. I've made a lot of mistakes. And I try to get to, I'm sorry.

This is not about you. This is about my screw up. This is about me needing to grow. This is about me needing to examine my perspective and do better. And when we lack that, which we do right now, I feel like that contributes to the silo. Nobody can ever say that's on me. And it's a real problem for me. I couldn't agree with you more. I think there's just a lot of blaming,

deflecting, trying to rearrange the deck chair, scapegoating people, instead of just taking accountability. This is on me. That's my screw up. I'm sorry. My bad. I'll fix it. Yeah. Recently, we had booked a podcast guest and she is a younger mother and she totally spaced it. And I got a text from her. I am so sorry. I want to get in the fetal position and scream and cry and die. I've been in the weeds and I completely spaced it. And I just responded.

I got you. I get it. We're good. Because that's all it takes to get over something like that, is just honesty. We all fuck up, but you gotta rectify. You screw up, you rectify. And it's therapeutic for the screw-upper to atone. That's right. Verbally atone.

Right, and I really do, I think through that process, you realize where you can do better and how you can get better. And if you never own it, then you can never get better. And you're just stuck. And I just feel like, as a nation, we're just stuck. Yeah. I agree, Pumps.

All right. I'm going to shift gears a little bit with my grievance. And I've aired this grievance before, but now I'm going to hyper-focus it onto something. I've had it with surveys, like you go and you receive a service and then you get terrorized after the service to take a survey about the service. Most of the time, the service you received

is not something you want to remember. And y'all may recall a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month ago, I shared with our listener about my pap smear. Well, since the pap smear, I have received about 10 emails asking me to take a survey about my appointment. And what I have to say to gynecologists, and I love my gynecologists, but what I have to say to gynecologists and physicians in general all across the United States of America, nobody wants to remember their pap

smear. Every year when it pops up on my calendar, I think, my God, has it already been a year. I so don't want to do this. And the joy that I used to have between the ending of the pap smear before the beginning date that I got the next one is I never thought about the pap smear for about 364 days. Right. It never entered my brain. I didn't think about it. I was able to just remove it entirely from my consciousness. And now this survey is following me around in my email box terrorizing me, reminding me of climbing up on the table, stripping down naked, putting my legs in stirrups, spreading

them wide open. The room is about 40 degrees Fahrenheit and I am dying and I don't know why they are so hell-bent on this cruel and unusual post-papsmere follow-up email, torture. I don't want to take the survey. I'm going to tell you the pap smear was not great. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to attach a memory of great job team.

You did a great job digging in my vagina today. Great job scraping my vaginal wall. I don't want to make comments like that. Why is this a thing? Why are we emailing women who are responsible to get their pap smear and asking them to give a survey about the service of receiving a pap smear? What the fuck is going on? I don't know. And I don't know that if that's not on some kind of software, because I get that with when I go to the doctor.

Like before I'm even out of the exam room, I'm getting a survey. But a couple things about the doctor and the Pap smear. Number one, they're not all that different. I mean, they're the same. I mean, how are they going to improve your Pap smear experience? It's the same thing. It has been forever and ever. Number two, I wonder if they ever get a survey that said,

I loved my pap smear. I want to come back for another pap smear. Can I do three a year? Can I get like once a quarter, once a week? Is that what they're expecting? Because that never happens. I mean, probably maybe once it's happened because people are sick and twisted.

But I just don't know what the expectation is. Like, okay, I'm giving you a survey about your pap smear, about your doctor's permit. They're really not going to be all that different under any circumstances. And what's the appropriate response? I mean, you know, stupid, stupid. I mean, I think if I really, if I opened up the email instead of just deleting it immediately, which is what I always do. And despite deleting it and subscribing, they still find me. I'm battling for my life in my email box at all times. But nonetheless, if I were to really go in and open up, say, okay, let's go. Yeah,

let's go. Let's pony up. Let's talk about it. And I started writing details. It's, this is a product of medicine for profit. Yeah. You know, this is an extension of capitalism onto the healthcare industry, where you have the survey industry piggybacking onto the healthcare industry, saying, I'll tell you what we're gonna do now. We're gonna pull this out of the parking lot.

What we're gonna do is we're gonna start surveying your patients. Right. Feedback. And then we're going to loop everybody in on these miserable Zooms that could have been an email and we're going to talk about everybody's feedback on these goddamn surveys. I just wish that we could avoid unnecessary conversations because talking about the pap smear, the team of hospitals and doctors and the survey takers talking about the pap smear, all of that is unnecessary. That is going to occupy a lot of minutes and time of people's lives that they're never ever going to get back. And now I'm talking about this pap smear. I mean, we're 30 days post-pap smear.

And I think that they're probably going to keep terrorizing me. They did the same thing with the mammogram. And that's just miserable. You know, they literally, it's like having your tit rolled up in a window. Right. They smash it. Yeah. And so I'm just like, what is this?

What kind of sadistic, twisted follow-up is this? A survey about it? Well, I think they've sold these doctors and healthcare organizations. You have to have a survey. You have to get feedback. So now they think, so they're paying these people to do these surveys that are completely unnecessary. I will tell you this. I did have an issue with a flight the other day and I did the whole AI thing and I knew it was AI because Kylie told me the chat thing was AI. So I'm going back and forth and they kept saying, was this helpful? Did we answer your

question? And I wrote back, not only was this not helpful, it was unhelpful. I feel less helped than if I would have never gotten this on this at all. And guess what happened? An agent called me immediately. Are you serious? Yes, I Karened the chat box thing and an agent called me immediately, fixed my problem. That is really good, Pumps. Yeah. That's actually helpful information.

Yes. That is actually helpful right there. That is a helpful situation. And so did the agent help you? Yeah, I didn't have my TSA pre-check on my boarding pass. Let me ask you this, did they know what you had written to the AI bot? They had to have, because they kept saying, is this information helpful? No, you're not helpful.

No, did the rep know? Did she mention, I saw your chat in the... She knew my problem. She knew what my issue was when she called. So I assume she did, or they, you know, hey, we got Karen over here that needs to talk about her TSA pre-check. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is the head beaver in charge. We have Kiki the Magic, lesbian, who just right before we started this, my mother called her Katie.

Shut up. She did. I did. I did. I called her Katie. Did she or did she not Katie? She said, Katie from downstairs. And I just, that's me. Yeah. And everybody knew who I was talking about. She just called her Katie. Here's the deal. If I start getting dementia, how will we know? How will we know? I think we're getting signals. I think we're starting to get a slow drip of information coming in. Okay I've got some reviews for you. This one is five stars titled New Love Language and they say, If you're seeking some soothing background noise for your smoky eye dress up time, constantly

find yourself contemplating stealing your spouse's last bite, or just need a comforting escape from Trump's America, then inject this pod directly into your veins and breathe it all in like a giant hit off your vape. My vernacular has been forever changed from Blesika's expansive vocabulary, and whispered, oh, and the way she says dip shit could be whispered into my ear like sweet nothings until the end of time And let's not forget everyone's favorite size Queen princess me ma who continues to sacrifice After lockup to dedicate her top legal lines with listeners

So curl up with your Stanley Cup and one or two of your 20 bridesmaids and prepare to be forever changed and for your mama heart to be filled. Truly doing the Lord's work, ladies. I really like that. I like that post a lot. Clever. I do. I do think your sacrifice of not dating inmates. Right. Because it would be so time consuming. It would take away from this podcast and iHIP news. And just the fact that you just shared with everybody randomly one day, I will never date an inmate. At the time, I thought, well, that's a real fucked up thing to say. But now that they've written that out there like that, I think she doesn't have the time to date an inmate.

I don't have the time to date an inmate. I don't like to talk on the phone, so that would really hurt my call situation. And I have to spend a lot of time with my dog. Yeah, that's important. He requires a lot of attention. That's super important. What a clever email. Katie, that's not an email. That's a review. Or review, whatever.

Yeah. Everybody knew what I meant. Okay, I actually have a DM that I'm gonna read you. This person said, just finished your new book. Thank you ladies for being you and letting us see your true selves and your brutal honesty and sharing your ups and downs with the world. I love the book and will forever take away

what people are saying or thinking about me is none of my business so freeing for me. That is so lovely. And I just want to remind everybody that Great segue. Life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches. It's our manifesto is available in bookstores and online and you can click our link in bio to buy it right. Kylie, did you set that up? I sure did. Okay, good. That's good. Did you text that up? I texted it.

I wrote it up. Whatever you know on the internet. Mom, stop. Okay, but one thing I am going to say, I get so tired of everybody like, and not like listeners, but you know, CBS this morning when we were on there, they had to like put the duct tape over the shit part. And I'm like, Donald Trump is throwing people in concentration camps and you're worried about the word shit? Deliver me.

I completely agree. The hysterics over cussing is so ridiculous. It shows how prude and petty Americans can be. I see it in our comments. Like, I wish I wouldn't drop the F-bomb and boy they sure do drop the F-bomb a lot. And I'm like, you know what? Fuck off. As Pumps likes, what do you say? Suck my dick. Suck my dick. I have the best mom. Fuck you. Okay. Suck my dick.

Pumps and I need to share with everybody that we have written a book. It's called Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. And believe it or not, Pumps and I have not always been so rock solid. And we talk about all of our trials, tribulations, most of all our fuck ups. Yes, because fuck ups are relatable and a part of the human experience.

I have gotten so much feedback regarding the book that because of my situation with the religion and addiction and all that, that people relate to that. So I do think there's something to take away that's comforting about it because we've all been in very difficult situations. And listener, what we want you to do, this is the it book for summer reading. So please get your copy of Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches and take a picture of yourself with the book in really great places and tag at I've Had It podcast and we will share your images with our Summer It book. You can buy it in bookstores, you can buy it in the link in our bio, you can buy it at

Target, Walmart, Amazon, etc. All the retailers. Happy reading and happy summer. Lister, I know it is so hard to navigate the healthcare system, particularly when it comes to insurance, because insurance can be so confusing. And I know so many people that don't know what's covered and what's not, or where to even begin. Rose Insurance Checker lets you know if you're covered for GLP-1s for free.

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That's ro.co.gov.uk to see.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co. I would like to share with the class today. First up, the New York Post is reporting passenger flagged by TSA after swamp crotch sets off alarm and it's happening to others too. It's the ire of flyers who profusely perspire. Nearly no one enjoys getting stopped by TSA authorities at the airport, but when checkpoint alarm bells begin blaring around a traveler's groin, as happened to one befuddled passenger not long ago, there is a chance it's due to extreme wetness in their pants, insiders say. And I would like to get a real-time interview with a person who suffers from swamp crotch none other than our podcast mother, Pumps.

I don't have swamp. I mean, like if I'm super duper, super duper nervous, I'll get a crotch sweat. But I've never like had like just a wet crotch in TSA. Don't you describe your sweat as being swampy? The first time I ever... Yeah, like I'll say I feel swampy, but that's armpits, butt crack, all the things. Crotch. Crotch, you know, neck, like anywhere that's just kind of an orifice. Did that phone call with AI, you said it was surrounding a TSA pre-issue? Yeah.

Did they bring up any sort of swamp crotch? No, they didn't say, what's your TSA pre-number? And you are notorious for swamp crotch. No, they didn't say, what's your TSA pre number? And you are notorious for swamp crotch. But remember, we're revoking your TSA pre privilege because you are a repeated offender of swamp crotch. Swamp crotch. Okay, but remember we were talking about that one time, that guy who went, it was in Oklahoma City Airport, we were going somewhere, the guy in front of us, he set off all the alarms and we looked and it had his body outlined and it was bright red in his crotch. And we were like, what's he got going on in his crotch? It was like a crotch rocket. Maybe it was a Swamp Crotch. Hans immediately thought he had a penile implant.

She's like, look at the screen, look at the screen. I mean, it was bright red. It's like a crotch rocket there. Yeah. But I think it's this swamp crotch is what I think it is. I think that what about girls that are on their period? Yeah. I mean, that would be part of it. To me, this doesn't scream period. This screams dirty vagene. I don't know why, but that's just what I get. What about testicles and penis?

You can have dirty that too. Right. Why are you just pointing out vaginas and not? Because I feel like it's easier for Vigene to smell just because of all the moisture. And what are you basing that on? Well, I have moisture. Really? And what are you basing that on? Well, I have one. Really? I mean, I don't smell a lot of dicks, but I've never smelled a dick that had like a swampy smell.

When I go and give my two-hour blow jobs so often, I don't sniff them. Wow. Wow. Kylie. Yes. Do you have anything to add about what we just heard? I really don't sniff them. Wow, Kylie. Yes. Do you have anything to add about what we just heard? I really don't. I was just sitting here hoping you don't throw it to me.

Katie, all right. I don't know how to respond to all that, so I'm going to move on to the next story. Next up, we have a MAGA summit for young women pushes for less burnout and more babies. Roughly 3,000 young women attended the Young Women's Leadership Summit, hosted earlier this month by Turning Point USA, the organization that claimed a critical role in turning out young voters for President Trump. The event was part sorority house, part church, and part suburban Tupperware party with a heavy dose of unleash the power within. Many attendees were raised in conservative homes.

Others represented a new political constituency molded politically by Trump's rise and rocked emotionally by the pandemic. They began listening to wellness influencers whose voices became a gateway to the conservative political movement. Okay, here's what I have to say about this. This right here, this trifecta, part sorority house, part church, and part suburbs, that is my own personal trifecta axis of evil. That is like all of the things that I avoid, like the plague at all costs. And all of these things infantilize women. And they infantilize them in the sense that you are only worthy of this. You're only worthy of breeding. You're only worthy of being the identity of the sorority and not an individual identity. You're only worthy of being the wife of a husband and the only work that you

can do is Tupperware or some sort of trad wife account that you do. This is a fucking nightmare. And Charlie Kirk, we played on our other podcast, he's the one who told a 14-year-old girl that he thinks when she goes to college, yeah, sure, go to class and stuff, but really be looking for an MRS degree, which is obviously Mrs. And I think that this is predatorial behavior, preying on young girls and indoctrinating them to prepare themselves for a man. I think this is a disgrace. I think this is so horrific that they have their claws in young women because there's nothing about the MAGA movement that is beneficial to women, specifically young girls. You're absolutely right. That was so well said because I look at that and I think that makes me so sad because we're indoctrinating another generation just as we were kind of getting up to the mountaintop.

And now we've got people that value being a tradwife, they value submitting to their husbands, they value having their opinion be their husband's. I mean, it is, that makes me so sad. Like, I can't even joke about it because it's really depressing. The whole tradwife thing too, you guys, it's all a lie. It's all a lie. It's all based on a lie. And these women are completely trying to pitch something that absolutely does not exist, nor is that attractive for, I mean, like I can't even imagine thinking, but I wasn't raised like

that, but I can't imagine thinking like, that's my goal. I just want to go be a wife and give everything up. Like I can't even imagine that. But sadly in these mega churches, that is the culture that is completely thrust upon women. And there's a lot of hyper fixation in religion over the woman's purity and sex life. And I think that is inherently sexist. I think the idea that Mary, in order to have given birth to a savior, had to have been a virgin, is inherently sexist and doesn't help the cause of women by saying, oh, you know, it's somehow if a woman has had sex that she's dirtied or soiled. Well, I hate to break it to you, but when Adam, you know, Adam in the Bible, it was

in the first chapter, you've got Adam and Eve, Eve is subservient, Eve is the one that brought evil into the world. She ate the apple. She ate the apple. She ate the apple. There's nothing on planet earth institutionally that is more misogynistic than the Bible. Full stop. Yeah. Full stop.

Well, and it's not just the Bible, all the Abrahamic religions, the trifecta of Abrahamic religions are all inherently misogynistic and patriarchal. And it's something that goes when we talk about trying to solve the issue of women's rights and gender issues. There's always this carve out to not include religion because we don't want to offend people. And this is something that we have to move past because the right wing has weaponized

religion and put it at the epicenter of the federal government right now. They're talking in tongue in tongues at the White House. So we have to address, if we're going to uproot these injustices and this discrimination based upon gender, then we have to talk about all of the things that facilitate these injustices and bigotry. And one of the biggest ones is religion. And like, Pumps' kids went to kind of this conservative school. And I was always shocked when you tell me one of your kids' friends, they're getting

married at like 20 and 21. Well, a girl that my daughter went to college with just got engaged and I looked at her and I was like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Are they not having sex? She's like, no, it's against their religion. I was like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Are they not having sex? She's like, no, it's against their religion. I was like, okay. Think about how insane that is. And like for our international listeners, this is a real thing in the Bible Belt South that like people will abstain from having sex.

You're talking like 18, 19 year olds, the horniest motherfuckers on the planet. And they get married early so that they can screw. It's like the worst life advice ever. Ever. The worst life advice ever. It's terrible. And that doesn't even get into you that sex before marriage is a lot more fun than after you get married. A million times more fun. And what if like, what if you wait and then you have sex the first time and then this guy's like a total gyro quick shot. What do you do about that? You're married to that.

Well, I mean, you don't know if you've never had sex before. That's what I mean. But like my point is you get married and then this guy's the worst lay on the planet. Quick shot and then you have that forever. You never enjoy sex because it's over before you're even wet. And I'll tell you another thing. My daughter said this to my face. No, mom, like people that want to stay virgins, they just have sex in the ass.

And I'm just like, is that, I mean, like, is that better? Is that less sexual? That's just insane. It's sex. It's sex. It's like, no, they're still having sex. They're just having anal sex. It's sex. It's like, no, they're still having sex. They're just having anal sex. But it's, it's more accepted in purity culture to do it in the ass than the vagina. And then of course, I know we've told it a million times, the Mormons that have sex in

the knee cap and armpit and the elbow crease, you know, give each other herpes in those areas. I'm just like, is that more? I would rather have sex in the vagene than the elbow. Well, I don't think there's any question. I mean, that just makes sense. Kylie or Katie, Kathy, grew up in Stillwater, Oklahoma, mega church, the whole nine, which is typical upbringing in these parts.

Did you have friends that married young? Yeah, and the MRS degree is a very real thing and a very talked about thing, especially within my sorority. I mean, there were certain ones that would be like, that is why I'm here for the MRS degree. Oh my God. And they say it out loud. They say it out loud.

They're proud of it. That's the lack. And that's what worries me about this. Generationally, people think that this type of thing is okay. And now you have what's his face, Turning Point USA, Charlie Kirk, fucking limp dick from hell. He's going in and he's bringing this up and saying, hey, this is great.

It's not great. It's not great. Being financially dependent on somebody else leads to them being able to abuse you in different ways. It doesn't have to be physical. It can be emotional. It can be emotional. It can be financially. But you are tethered to and tied to somebody if you are financially dependent on them. And so are your kids. And this is the thing that these kids that

these young girls don't understand is you find yourself married and then you have these children. And if you all if your husband is the sole breadwinner, which for some people that works, that's great. But if something happens and this person is, you turn to, a lot of us when we enter relationships, we only see which red flags we want to see. We cherry pick the viewing of the red flags. And then you finally start opening your eyes

because quick shot, it only goes so far, right? And then you have no exit strategy because then you have to sacrifice yourself so that your kids are safe and secure. Absolutely. And what about if the husband trades you in for a newer model? That happens all the time. Then what are you going to do? No education, no work experience. You've got three kids and he's got a new bride. So, Kylie, you're only 30 and you're telling me 10 years ago that was still very much a thing at the Oklahoma State University. Yeah. I graduated in 2018. So that's millennials. Not even 10 years, right? No, 28. Okay. Did anybody say like that's nuts or is that just accepted? No, and not only is it not, is it normal, it's the right thing to do. It's actually

like the best. So it's not just that I'm doing the normal thing. Gross. You're doing the right thing. That is so gross. This is why, Kylie, I want the merch added to our store that says boycott megachurches. I think it is the biggest service that we can provide to society is to get people to boycott these hate churches and indoctrination camps that are an affront to personal liberty of women, LGBTQ+, and then just they're just total grifters. Everybody would save a shit ton of money not going to those things. They're total flea bag, flea market, roach motels with horrible architecture. Horrible.

Horrible architecture. The preachers always look like used car salesmen. We need to boycott mega churches because government's never going to tax them. But we can start a movement to boycott them. Look what we're doing to Elon Musk. He doesn't like it. All right. I think today we should hear from our listener, from, you know, just what's going on out in Asshole Island because we are always mom and me. We are always.

I'm never, ever getting to the end of this. We are always in the market for new petty grievances. Right, mama? I have a petty grievance and it's your mouth. It's not petty. All right. Katie. Yes. it's your mouth. It's not petty. All right, Katie.

Yes. Up first, we've got one from a gay triad. Hi, ladies. All right. I've got something a little bit controversial to bring up. I think I'm going to call out some possible hypocrisy here. Jen, you always talk about parents being the problem with raising narcissistic children, always telling them they're great, fantastic, nothing's wrong. And then I hear you talk about how you raise Tubby and Chacha. That's true. There's a little bit of a disconnect here. You're so photogenic. You're so photogenic.

You're so smart. You come to work every day and you're such a hardworking dog. I think you might be raising some narcissistic pups there. Anyway, just food for thought. Bye. Fucking love it. I take that and I am guilty as charged. Yeah.

I completely agree. I have raised little narcissistic monsters in those two little French bulldogs. We know I have. They are. I've got to say, photogenic, incredibly intelligent. Tebby more than Cha-Cha. Not to discount Cha-Cha. She's super sweet. Tebby is especially photogenic, intelligent. Cha-Cha though, I'm going to tell you, she is as sharp as a tassel.

She is. I can say to Cha-cha, Cha-cha speak and she barks super loud. And then I say Cha-cha whisper and she goes woof. And we can do it back and forth and back and forth. And now I've got her bouncing a ball off of her nose. And she's just always, you know, like really, she is very compliment motivated. Look how good she is and what a good girl she is. And I tell Tubby how photogenic he is and he just smiles right into the camera.

It's true. I'm raising absolute narcissistic monsters. There's no question about it. And I, with Ollie, I mean, he's just, he's the classic over spoiled child that's mother told them, everybody loves you as much as your mother. That's what his problem is. And it's so bad. Like Jennifer and I literally, we get asked all the time, like, what are your photos? Like send us some of your photos, like prepared photos. We have two. We have this one and we have the one we do for our kids. And I'm talking about that. My son goes, I only see the same two pictures of you and Jennifer. And I'm like, we don't, it just has never occurred to us to do that. But I'm getting a new puppy, July 18th, and I really want to redo the photo shoot with all four Frenchies.

Like I'm more excited about doing a Frenchie photo shoot, even though it'll be disastrous. Getting four dogs, but with Tubby leading because he is so photogenic and he does kind of keep the other two in line until he'll be be a puppy, but like I don't give a shit about our photo, but I want to have Ollie and Matilda in it. I think that's a great idea. I really do. I think that is an excellent idea. I mean, our dogs, you guys, it's just, I just, they make, they mean everything to me. Mine mean everything to me. Mine mean everything to me. Last night I was loving on Ollie and he started licking my face and Emily took a picture

and from the back it looked like we were French kissing. She sent it to Jennifer. Okay go to the next. Okay the next one we have is from Cameron. Good morning Jessica, Pumps, Kiki and the bitch, Seth. So I'm gonna tell you guys what I fucking had it with this morning. Okay, you're all posted on Facebook and all these platforms now. My job's at risk, my healthcare job's at risk,

all these jobs are at risk. Motherfucker, you were warned. You were warned. And I know you know, you was calm and on my post fighting with me. You were. And now you're crying about it because Taco Tits is gonna try to take your job away

and your Medicaid away and all these things that you need to live on. Now you're gonna cry about it? Cry me a fucking river because you were warned. I agree. They jumped on President Taco Tits just as fast as they could, which was great. And they just thought it was high times with their MAGA hats and you know, and then all their, the bios of these MAGA people are so

nauseating. Wife, Christian, Patriot. Just like shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up and go masturbate thinking about taco tits because nobody wants to see you or all of a sudden your selective empathy. You know, here's what I see on all over the place. I voted for Donald Trump. I didn't think he was going to deport my wife. Or, yeah, he took all the migrant workers. I didn't think he was going to take my workers. Or the Latinos for Trump. He sold us down the river.

And I'm like, this was all readily available information. Mass deportations was the thing. And you're sitting around mad because it's your wife, it's your workers, but you didn't give a shit if it was somebody else's wife or somebody else's workers. And so it's funny because you and I kind of switch on this. Like I have a really hard time having empathy for those people. I'm kind of like, you know, you get what you pay for motherfucker. You always go back to my vote covers them. My vote is my empathy. I, there is something perverse

in me that gets a little bit of joy when I see all this. And I just want to say, fucked around, found out. Here's the deal. I get it. I love the, the find out phase of this, but at the end of the day, I don't want this person who was a Latino for Trump whose husband gets deported and detained as much as I fucking hate MAGA and every fucking triple Trumper on the planet. And I mean, H-A-T-E exclamation point, bold print, italicized, underlined, hate them. I don't want them to suffer. I want to hate them. I want to hate them because I think they suck, but I do not hate them and want them to suffer.

That's the difference. The people who want to own the libs, they genuinely want liberals to suffer. They themselves will suffer so that they genuinely want liberals to suffer. They themselves will suffer so that they can ensure that liberals suffer. Right. The suffering and the cruelty is the point for them. I just want to privately hate them and talk about them behind their backs on my podcast. I don't fucking want them to suffer. Right. Well, it's, you know, like this whole, you know, concentration camp thing, like anybody that's cheering for a human to be locked up like

they do in El Salvador or at this Alcatraz Island, there is something deeply wrong with you. Any human being, any human being, particularly without due process, particularly with no evidence against them to be slapped over there, there's something wrong in your brain. Like it's not working. If you look at that and you think, if I can want the merch, I want the hat, I'm in. Like something's not right. As my children's are growing older, they're becoming more susceptible to fragrance in the products they use on their skin.

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Homes.com. We've done your homework. All right, Kylie, next. OK, up next, we've got Will. Hi, Jennifer. Hi, Pumps. Hi, Kylie next we've got Will. Hi, Jennifer. Hi, pumps. Hi, Kylie. My name is Will. I'm from South Alabama, which is just a huge, I've had it all on its own.

But this specific I've had it is really prevalent in like comment sections. And it's when, you know, a Democrat posts something that's slightly controversial, slightly edgy and then a Trump supporter comments back, the party of the caring, everyone. This is the love and acceptance party. I don't love or accept you, motherfucker. Do not tell me if I am loving and caring. I do not like you. I loathe you.

Everything you stand for, I deplore. Ugh! You think I care enough? Ugh! It irks me to my center. Oh, you think I care enough? It irks me to my center. Anyway, see y'all on the next episode. Love y'all. I agree with this. This is this whole, but here's the point.

They never have a policy or a counterpoint to anything. It's just always semantics with them or ad hominem attacks. It is never ever like about tax policy. They never can say, I would much rather the billionaires get a tax break and I'll gladly pay more. They don't, that would be a conversation I want to have, but instead it's like, I'm going to buy a farm to put all the libtards I've owned on because I can own libtards online. And it's like, is that your life purpose? And I think in general, people that just want to have fuck you fest in the comment section, it's toxic.

I mean, that's just so stupid. I remember when Facebook came out, I got in a fight with some girl on Facebook. And then I was like, like my heart rate was raised. And I thought this is just so fucking dumb. But she was a fucking twat. I'll tell you that. She was a fucking twat and I gave it to her. I let her fucking have it. I read her for filth. Did you ever hear from Morgan run into her? No, she unfriended me. And I wore it like a badge of honor. You're like, thank you.

Oh, and I had another confession. I did get in fight with another woman on Facebook and she posted something about Trump. No, no, no. She posted, This was in 2020 when Biden won, and this woman was a Catholic, and she posted something about Biden not being a good Catholic and then something pro-MAGA, this woman, this Catholic Republican. And I just couldn't take it. I couldn't take it. And I knew right when my fingers went to the keyboard, don't do it. Don't do it.

Don't do it. But I couldn't. I couldn't help myself. And I write, the audacity to sit and criticize somebody's Catholicism when you probably have never even criticized all of the priest that sexually abused and raped people for years and covered it up makes perfect sense that you yourself would find a way in your Catholic heart to support the sexual abuser Donald Trump. I immediately got unfriended, but I do not regret what I said. It sounds like to me she needed to hear it. Interestingly enough, when you have a situation like that, and I don't do that. I think like these people are imaginary. I'm not going to waste my time on it. But I do think it's interesting. Like

we get comments all the time where we might say, we believe that everyone deserves the same rights, equality across the board. And instead of, well, you know, our policy is, yeah, they can, but they're criminals. It's always like, you have too much Botox. You're ugly. Your voice sounds weird. And it's just like, is that where we're like, that's going to hurt my feelings. But I mean, that's, that's to me where you see that you're winning the argument. 100%. Yeah. I mean, that's when you see that because they don't they won't type it out. They won't type out the rights of white supremacy. They won't type out their racism. Now, some do some do some absolutely do, especially on Elon Musk, free speech, Twitter, which wasn't about free speech. It was about Nazi racist hate speech favoring

being favored in the algorithm. But I just I think that a lot of these triple Trumpers, they don't have the intelligence to go policy for policy. I mean, you could dismantle an evangelical Christian mega Trumper in 2.5 seconds. I mean, it's about the easiest thing to completely dismantle their hypocrisy. I mean, I could do it in 2.5 seconds, the hypocrisy that an evangelical maga-Trumper lives in. And they just, they only hang out with other magas.

They only watch Fox News. These are not people that are interested in growing. These are not people that are interested in having like an interesting, curious life at all. They're boring. Right. They shop in strip malls and chain stores. They watch Will of Fortune, which sometimes I'm not going to lie.

I like time to time I'll kind of eye a little bit of a Will of Fortune. Although I think Pat Sajak is a mega prick. That's neither here nor there. But you know, this is just, it's just too much. These MAGA triple Trumpers, they're just too much. And they're so loud. They're so dumb and loud at the same time. Yeah.

And I just, I really, this is something I haven't expressed before, but I'm just going to go ahead and express it. What it's done to fashion the MAGA movement is just such a disgrace. From just at the top, the way you see, you know, like Trump and the color blue suit that he wears, I think it's garish. I think it's unattractive. I don't think it's tailored well.

But then trickle it down, like when you're at the airport and you see the everyday American wearing MAGA merch or MAGA-coated merch, it's sloppy. The cotton's not very nice. The screen printing is not of a good quality. You can tell it's hard and stiff and crunchy. It's just really been a degradation of fashion entirely. Oh my God. Tell them about when we were at LaGuardia the other day and we passed the guy in the Trump shirt. Okay. You don't remember. So we're walking and Pumps goes, oh my God, oh my God, that guy. Oh, in the Trump International. Yeah, yeah. She goes,

oh my God, oh my God, that guy has a Trump shirt on. And there's no question. We're like bumping shoulders with him. And I go where? And she's right there and points right to shirt. And I went, oh, and then when she did that, I started going, yeah, there's no question that he heard it. Yeah. You know, he's like, sucking liberal tears, blah, blah, blah. You know, and I know you're going to get mad at me and I'm going to get so much backlash online, but I just think it's, it's worth saying, we have all this mega hate that starts and stops with Botox fillers, fake faces, all the things. I mean, that's like number one, what we get.

And then you look at the pictures from Mar-a-Lago and I just, I feel like my Botox isn't that bad. I mean, I'll own it. I have Botox, but it's like you're telling me these are your idols and you're criticizing my Botox and fillers. That's a good point. I mean, you know, like really? Botox and fillers? That's a good point, actually. I mean, you know, like, really? Right. No, I think that's a really good point, Pumps. I mean, it's, but again, it's, they're losing the argument.

These are all ad hominem attacks. That's all they have. That's all they have in their arsenal. You can say, I believe in equality. I believe in the constitution. I believe in democracy. They can't say, oh, we do too, because they know the goose is cooked on that. So then it's like, oh, you do too, because they know the goose is cooked on that.

So then it's like, oh, you're old, you're a dried up hag and your Botox sucks. And so it's like, fair enough. Not wrong. Spot it, got it. Right. Okay. Whatever. And then you just move on. Okay, Kylie, next. The last one is from Gaytriett Garrett. Hello, ladies. So there's something that I've been noticing over the last few years that's really bothering me. I'll go on a walk or a hike and I'm starting to constantly see people leave their bagged dog shit on the ground or on the trail or wherever. And I just don't understand what

the fucking purpose of doing that is. Like, why not just leave your dog's shit there? Like without a bag? Now it's going to be in a fucking plastic bag and it's not going to like go anywhere for God knows how long. What's the fucking point? I just don't understand. Have you guys seen this? This is fucking annoying as fuck to me. I have not seen this, but it doesn't surprise me because people cannot take things over the finish line that can't even flush the toilet with their own shit. You know, and so this is insane.

I agree, just leave the shit out. Leave the shit, at least it'll fertilize the grass or whatever. Just leave the shit out. Leave the shit out. At least it'll fertilize the grass or whatever. Just leave the shit out. If you cannot take it over the finish line and throw your dog's shit away, then just leave the shit out. Right. Let it just naturally decompose with the soil. Don't add plastic to it. You know, this is funny because when I take Blaze for a walk, all he doesn't poop on a walk, which is weird, but Blaze, he's even money. He's always going to do it. I have to carry it around. Like I don't want to, I've one time at my neighbors at my old, old house, you remember this, I told Kirk

I had quit smoking. And so I smoked, smoked, smoked. And then I ran over to my neighbor's big, big trash thing on the outside of their house, and I threw my cigarette case in there. And then they were like, did you throw a cigarette pack in our garage? And I'm just like, first of all, who the fuck looks in their big blue trash can? Like, that was weird. But anyway, I'm like, yeah, it was me. And so then ever since then, I'm like, do people look in their trash cans? So I won't even throw my dog poop in. I'll either walk to mine. But there is this like little commercial area and it says, if you don't have a, you know, office here, don't throw in the trash. And I will rev up that shit in that bag and I will chunk it into that deal.

It would never occur to me just to put it in the bag, tie it up and leave it. That seems like you're going back to the revving up of the shit. Let's get back to the details on that. So you lasso it? Yeah, I lasso it because there's a bit there's like how many rotations are we talking here? One, two, on the third. So one, two, so not even an eight count. No, not an eight count. Like, because I'm just trying to get it over the eight foot, like, stockade fence. Revin it. Okay. And I'm looking through the little slits. Yeah, I do. Wow. And are you brawless during most of this? If I was brawless, I'd have a black eye. You'd know. Okay. All right. I was just curious. I do like that you rev it up. I think that's a fun,

little spicy thing to do. Yeah, rev it. All right, guys. I think that's all we have for today. I want to remind you to buy our book, Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. Surprisingly, we're getting really positive feedback. So that's something we did right, Pumps. Something. We'll put that on the list of like two other things. All right, Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served

with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, Pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw.

That's it. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.