I've Had It - Public Displays of Assholery with Heather Dubrow

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Have you ever accidentally attended a swingers dinner party? Pumps has. On this episode Jennifer and Pumps are joined by RHOC star and Podcast host, Heather Dubrow. They discuss what makes a horrible party guest and how to avoid being one yourself. Also, if you're reading this: Please stop inviting Jennifer to parties, there's nothing less she would rather do. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Heather Dubrow: @heatherdubrow Check Out: Heather Dubrow's World 

So pumps. Yes, Jenny. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Great. I was wondering what you've had it with this week. Oh my gosh. What I've had it with this week is people bragging and let me give you an example. Okay, let's hear it. So I have a friend that moved into a new house. Okay. She built decorated furniture, wallpaper, all that. I mean, she was not going to hire a designer because her taste is so good. Okay. So I go in, not only is everything absolutely atrocious. Right. She gives a play by play of how much each individual piece cost her room to room. She's flexing. Yes, but I'm and you know what I'm thinking the whole time she's doing that. It is so sad to me you spent

this much money for your house to look so bad. Yeah, I mean it's horrible stuff. Yeah. But I would rather like I don't think you need to tell how much your furniture costs. I would agree with that. The only thing I think like if you got a really cheap piece that was, like, everybody loved, I would love, you know, like, I only paid $150 for that. That's the kind of thing you want to know about, like, a fabulous piece for cheap, not ugly shit, for expensive. Right.

So it's just, I was so kind of, bad taste. Bad taste. And wanted everybody to know how much she spent. She spent a lot? Yeah. I mean, not Jennifer Welch designed, but a lot. And it was terrible. It was horrible.

See, this is what happens to me all the time. I go to somebody's home that I didn't design. I get sucked in to people's homes, and then they take me on a tour in every decision they made, why they made those homes, and then they take me on a tour and every decision they made, why they made those decisions, and it's painstaking for me because of what I wanna say is,

I do this 40 hours a week. Right. I'm not working right now, and I am not interested in the minutiae and the process that you went through to design and or remodel your house. At all, at all. Like, I don't watch design shows

because I do that all day long. I'm not interested in it. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay, lay it on me. Madonna. Oh my gosh. It's painful for me to say it because I've grown up with her.

Love Madonna. Loved her. She's like this fierce female icon rock and bond. Right. Right. Dancer. Great songs. Like every decade of my life. There's a Madonna song in it. For sure. Particularly like high school in college. 100% Yeah. And then I see her at the Grammys. Oh my gosh. It is so bad. It is so bad. I would have withdrawn.

I wouldn't, if her plastic surgery looked like that, I would say I couldn't do it. I'm sick. Like I would not go out in public with that. I think it's a fresh facelift. Obviously she thinks it looks good if you're going on the Grammys. Or do you think she just felt like she couldn't get out of it?

She's Madonna, she could get out of it. Well, that's true, too. That's true. She clearly thinks it looks good and it's some form of an addiction. It's some form of just a little bit more filler here, just a little bit more there. I think to answer your question, I think she's had a facelift, I think she said fillers, I think she's had everything she could possibly have. And now she looks like cat.

It's so bad. But you know, what's so true with plastic surgery in terms of facelifts is that if you get enough of them, you look exactly like all the other people that have had a lot of facelifts, man or woman. Like, you start just, everybody looks the same with the facelift, with the super big cheeks and the eyes. Well, I think it's filler too. I think a lot of people, all the filler injectors, they all end up kind of looking like the same person

and listen, listener. We love a good Botox. Oh my gosh, and I love a filler. I mean, so we're just saying there is a fine line between totally juicing up like Madonna. Right. And doing a little maintenance here and there, right. You know, because what Madonna has done is so bad.

I think that it is a, there is a breed of people amongst all of us where all of these women end up looking like the same person. And it is so bad. And men. I mean, the men with the face of the person where all of these women end up looking like the same person. And it is so bad. And men. I mean, the men with the face of the photo are far more with women. Well, yes, I do, but it doesn't matter what sex you are. If you have two or three, you look just like everybody else

with one. But I'll tell you who has the best cosmetic surgery I've ever laid eyes on in my entire life. Who? Chris Jenner. She looks better today than she did when they started that deal 20 years ago. Yes, and you know, I was in Italy a couple of summers ago and we're at this restaurant in Capri called Aurora. And we look over in Chris Jenner with her boyfriend is sitting literally at the booth right next to us.

And she looks really, really good in person. I mean, she looks just as good in person as she does in the photos. It wasn't like, okay, she's photoshopping everything. She looked really fantastic. Yeah, it makes you wonder like, maybe we should get her her person, her facelift person. Right. That's not feasible. No, but after you see her, she's thinking, right, everybody else would be bad. Welcome to I've had it podcast. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And today, first of all, we call her pumps. But today, I would like to give a special shout out to some international listeners in the Netherlands. Okay.

And we have 108 listeners in the Netherlands. I love that. I mean, I'm glad that they add to our other 108 listeners, totaling us at 216. Right, but you know, first of all, welcome. Netherlands. Welcome Netherlands. A.K.A. Holland.

Do they speak English or Dutch? Well, they speak Dutch, and I think it's called Flemish. Well, how do they understand it? They speak like seven and eight languages. Because their country is so small, it's called philemish. Well, how do they understand this? They speak like seven and eight languages. Because their country is so small, it's not subtitled. So they speak English as fluently as we do. Plus French, plus German, plus Spanish. I mean, they speak so many languages.

I mean, we're big losers, right? Compared to the people in the Netherlands. I absolutely love people that can speak more than one language. I find it so attractive. Right, so that means you really don't like that many Americans. Right, that's about right.

So today, Pumps, we are going to talk about something, this is gonna be an interesting episode. Right. Because it's about party etiquette and RSVPing and how to be a good guest, how to be a good host. And I don't think we're very good. I think I'm terrible at all of the above. Yes, and I think that our guest is going to pitch to us that she's had it with a lot of things. And we're going to resemble a lot of those things. Right, she's going it with a lot of things, and we're gonna resemble a lot of those things.

Right, she's gonna hate us. Oh, yes, I mean, I think we're gonna be a part of the problem, a part of what she has had it with. She's gonna black ball us from any invitations. Yes, there's no doubt about it. I mean, I have this problem where I get an invitation. And I'm like, oh, that's sweet, I have this problem where I get an invitation. And I'm like, oh, that's sweet.

I'll go to that. It sounds so good when you see it three weeks away. So I RSVP. Yep. And then each day that passes as the event draws closer, I get mad and resentful. Mad and resentful, mad and resentful until finally, like when I think of the person that's hosting the event,

I think I fucking hate this person. And it could be you. Right, and I would be like, I hate this person. It's selfish to throw parties. If it's a wedding, a baby shower, a dinner party, I get so, because I don't want to get out of my schedule. I have a toddler-like schedule with my life, and I don't want to get out of my schedule. I have a toddler-like schedule with my life and I don't want to get out of it at all. Now and I don't want to get dolled

app. Like after I've been at work all day, the last thing I want to do is like go home and doll it up to the 9s cocktail dress, skims, spanks, hair done, all that. I'm just like I would rather be in my pajamas. I don't mind the dolling. I like clothes done, all that. I'm just like, I would rather be in my pajamas. I don't mind the dolling, I like clothes and all of that. What bothers me is I'm not interested in anything that anybody at the party is gonna say to me at all. I don't care what's going on with their kids, I don't care what's going on with their husbands,

I don't care what's going on with their careers. I just don't give a shit. As I've gotten older, I've gotten and sufferably selfish and agoraphobic. And I just don't want to hear what's going on in other people's lives and feign interest. Right, now that's true. Let me ask you this question.

If you had a choice that you had to go to a party every single day for the rest of your life, but you got to go to all the parties like Oscar parties, cans film festival. If Tom Hanks had a party, you would be there. Okay. Larry David has a dinner party. You're right next to Larry. Okay. But you had to do it every day.

So you had to shitty parties. You had to go to a cheat sheet or never be invited to another party okay? But you had to do it every day, so you had the shitty party, you had to go to your cheap. Or never be invited to another party. What would you choose? Never be invited to another party. That's where I land, too. I mean, like, even that draw of Larry David, why are you stealing Larry David's my guy?

I love Larry David, too. I introduced you to Larry. Well, that's true, but that was 20 years ago. I know. You don't get to have possession of Larry David. I have a framed picture of Larry David on my desk. Okay. Where's your frame picture of Larry David? I don't have a frame picture. I love Larry. Larry spotted Larry at the USO or the French open and told you me you did. I know. Yes, but then I was there withing. No, I know, but I'm just saying you can't have Larry David all to yourself.

Well, I'm just saying I think the Oscar's son miserable. Oh my God, miserable. I think I mean, I just I'm not interested in large group activities and social interactions and having to feign interest and small talk at all. Yeah, I think that my two number ones. Why don't like parties? Number one is having to get all dolled up. Number two is the small talk. Yeah, I mean, the small talk, and it's like, it's not that I'm not good at small talk, it requires effort.

Yeah. Okay, so I think we need to bring our guest in to weigh in on this. And our guest today is, she's an actress, she is a podcast host, a television personality, and I think a good party thrower. Let's welcome to I've had it podcast, Heather Dubrow. Hi!

Hi Heather! Hi Gals, how are you? Wonderful, how are you? I am fine. Excellent. Sounded a little question, Marky, on the fine. I was thinking about it. I am fine. Yeah, I'm good. Well, Heather, we want to hear, you know, this is a podcast we say with a wink about positivity. And it is, it makes us all feel positive when we get shit off our chest, Heather. Right. And so what we want to know from Heather Dubrow is what have you had it with?

Oh, you ready for this? Let's go. Add it. Are we allowed to curse? Oh, yeah. I have had it with fucking bakeries. I'm not telling you something. I love throwing parties. I consider myself actually very good at it. Okay. But the one thing in my life that has been the bane of my existence always is the cake. Every cake I do is a disaster. So if you watch Real Housewives

and my first season on the show, I did a naming party because I changed my last name to my husband's last name after many years and I did a party and it was the one time I ever did a tradeout where someone gave me something for free. I always paid for everything because I want to not like it anyway. They gave me the cake and it showed up

and it looked, it was juvenile. It was the other day. I got seven, a seven year old birthday party with a big pink bow on it. And I went, all right. But hilariously, the girl broke the bow off the cake in the middle of the party and it became drama. And it's so funny, it's become this iconic moment.

She broke the bow off the cake and ate it in the middle. But it even ever since that the cakes are worse and just so bad. So this year, I always celebrate my birthday in February because January, everyone's hungover and broke and over and done. Right. So I celebrated in February. I had a party on Friday night, catch steak in LA.

It was so fabulous. And this very famous bakery who do a lot of gorgeous, I researched, I saw someone pitched it to me, I said great, and they go, how about this? Why don't we do like a cool like box and we're gonna do this and we're gonna have a champagne cook glass and you're gonna be in the glass of champagne. And I go, okay, great.

And I said to the party, better I go, do they know what I look like? Do they, oh, they Googled you, they got it, they got it. So I get to the party better, do they know what I look like? Did they show? They Googled you, they got it, they got it. So I get to the party and everything's cool. The vendors are right, this looks great, that looks great, whatever. And I said, where's the cake? So they take me to the back. Oh my gosh, like the most hideous thing you've ever seen.

But I'm telling you, someone was trying to be mean on purpose. Maybe it was a personal attack. It was a personal attack. It was a personal attack. You're so good. I go, you know what? Just leave it, but bring it in backwards. So I had them at the cake moment, bring the cake in backwards. I gave like a funny toast and I had them spin it around,

I ripped the thing up, but I've had it with bakers. I'm done. I agree. Here's my problem with cakes. The really, really pretty ones tastes like shit. Right, right? And if you want a really good tasting cake, it's literally the bakery at the grocery store

that has the delicious, proper tasting cake. And then you go to the artsy bakers and you want this beautiful cake and the frosting is awful. It's hardly edible. The Europeans are far better at all the baking stuff than Americans. The bakeries in Europe are far greater.

I totally agree. I mean, I'd rather have like a Duncan Hines or a Betty Crocker from the box. 100%. Yes. Brosting from the tub. Yes. That I'll eat anyway plain.

But you know a lot of people do fake cakes now. Oh, really? I hadn't heard that. Yeah. For the tub. Yes, that I'll eat anyway plain. But you know, a lot of people do fake cakes now. Oh, really? I hadn't heard that. Yeah, for the photo. For a photo, they decorate a fake, you know, there's nothing in there. And they've got, you know, so here's what I want to get into. Because I think this is going to be an I've had it first. So you are a good hostess and you like to throw parties, right? And so I hate parties have become more and more agoraphobic. Somebody will invite me to something. I'll respond that I'm coming. And as the date draws in closer and closer, I start to hate that person.

It can be her. And I'm like, I hate her. This party is selfish. This is so self-serving. She's got a grandstand at the third party and I have to give up my Friday night with home with my dogs watching a show. And I start to get really bitter about it. So first of all, tell us what you think about the RSVP etiquette. Oh my god, I've had it with RSVP's. But I moved to California. I thought my mom, when I got married, I thought she was gonna lose her shit.

But she was like, people don't RSVP here. This is not like New York. What is wrong with people that they don't RSVP? It took me a long time to, first of all, stop sending real invitations. Right. I just, the whole paperless, when paperless pose came out, that was better.

Right. You know, the bite and the whole thing, it just felt so uncouth to me. I feel it. I couldn't do it, but eventually it just is so much easier. It really is. And nobody checks their snail mail. I mean, also, this is what they do.

Oh, look at that gorgeous, very expensive invitation Heather sent me. Let me put that in my phone and then they toss it. Right. And that's it. That's exactly right. Well, I don't think that many more. It doesn't matter.

It's a waste of money. So I got rid of that. But what I don't understand is, if you don't want to come, just say no. It's OK. I probably don't really want you anyway. You could be filler. Right, right, right. Say no.

Don't come. Let me ask you this about the invitation. So I have known, I have some girls that work for me that are younger. And so they're in that hole, you know, you go through a period what all you're doing is going to weddings or you're having a wedding. So the girls that work for me in my design farmer in that stage. And I notice that now the kids, the millennials, are using the plus one in a very manipulative way. And I kind of book it.

So it's kind of like, okay, Pops is great, but her boyfriend is a total asshole. So she's not getting a plus one. And they do this stuff on purpose. Like this girl will get an invitation, no plus one because nobody likes the boyfriend. And then somebody else will get a plus one because they like that couple. Have you heard of this?

No, I love that though. I always thought it was a money thing. I always thought that when people could only have a certain amount of guests that only invite a plus one for that age group if they were very serious with someone. Right, engaged or better. Right, like something like that. But honestly, I really just don't like that. I feel like if you're on I really just don't like that.

I feel like if you're on a certain budget, that is fine. Right. But then touch your guess list. I think it's not nice to make people come without a plus one, because there's people that have anxiety and they don't like walking into a place by themselves. Okay, let me ask you this.

Let's say that that plus one is always the drunk at the party. And you know what I'm talking about. Like how do you deal with when you're hosting a party and you've got that one drunk person that will not leave your house and is harassing all of your guests? How do you deal with that?

That's a tough day. You know, I found that for me in the last several years, I've gone from throwing really big parties and they've really gotten smaller. I love a dinner party because my thing about a guest list is that you should want to sit next to everyone at your party. Oh, that's coming to your party and you're like,

okay, well, I just don't want to put them on the other side of the table. They shouldn't be at your party. But sometimes you can't help it because it's like cousin Larry, right? Right. Who's the one, right? Right.

And you have to include them. I think you have to have a preemptive strike. The other thing I do, because sometimes, to be honest, it's my mother that's tricky too much. She's a asshole. So I will tell the servers, like poor light for this one, watch that one, every other drink, water it down, the whole thing. Oh, that's smart.

That's a great idea. That's a very, very smart idea. How long do you think, because I'm a person that would agree to go to your dinner party, okay? I would RSVP, that's I'm coming. And then I would start resigning you. And then I would show up begrudgingly.

And then how long after the dessert is served, is the expectation to stay in chit-chat? That's a real, oh, that's a good question. How early can you leave without being an asshole? Because my philosophy is you can't leave until you get there. So I wanna be the first person at your party so that I can, when everybody else starts coming, I can fade to black.

And no one will, oh, she's around here somewhere and I've snuck off. So that's kind of my pattern is be the first one there. That's a good, I like that. I have to say, so I had a party on Friday night for my birthday and there were 70 people there. And at first Terry was like, that's too many people. I go, no, it's not because this is LA. What's going to happen is these people are going to come, this group over

here is going to come very early. And they're going to do a pump does. They're going to leave. They're going to say, Oh, we're so and so, shwent to the bathroom gone. Right. Right. And then there's the people that come an hour late and stay for the whole thing. You know, it's just it like it tends to work out. I don't mind any of that. I feel like it's a guest. If you if you if you like to leave early, show up early. Right. Get there, say you're hello. I don't think you have to say goodbye to everyone. And honestly, I don't even like what people do that because then other people see them saying goodbye and it makes it feel like, oh, should we go? Right.

Right. So, let's go over some things that can happen at dinner parties and I want to get your feedback. I'm going to listen things off. How do you feel about a person that is a self-appointed DJ? They show up at your house and they decide they're going to be the DJ and they're running their playlist. Yeah, no, that doesn't happen. Not on Heather's watch.

Nope, not on my watch. This is two things that I think are super three, seating for sure. Music curated to who is there. If my mom's there, I have got Frank Sinatra on and, you know, whatever. If I've got these couples there, we're playing 80s pop. These people, we got to go on. I am very like, it's a very curated thing.

Huge faux pas. The other thing I don't like is the self-appointed photographer. That drives me insane. And I have a couple of friends, not really anymore, but I had a couple of friends that were so, they're off the list that need to photograph like every leaf of lettuce. I'm on the...

I've kind of had it with people constantly taking pictures of food, right? I just... I'm on the only thing. I'm so tired of being in an event and seeing this. Yes, yes. You're bound down. Agree, I completely agree.

Okay, next up, how do you feel about a dinner guest that blows their nose in your cloth napkin? Oh my gosh, let me tell you something. Terry's mom. We'll do that anywhere. I mean, she's older now, so God bless. But even in her younger days, and so if anyone ever does that,

and listen, I'm gonna be honest, I've seen my husband do it. They're looking like, oh, I go, okay Laura. Not okay. Okay. How do you feel about people that are called bedroom borrowers? And these are the horny couple that you invite to your dinner party that sneak off and go get a slap and tickle on in your guest bedroom or maybe even your own bedroom. Stop it that happens!

Oh yes. Oh my gosh Heather, I was in a dinner club once and a wife from one of the couples and a husband of one of the couples goes in the bathroom and has sex with all of the dinner club people there and their spouses and their spouses on top of everything else. Obviously that dinner group broke up but... There's a lot to unpack in this story. A group. What is a dinner club? It's where you have like, say, 10 couples and one month.

It's at my home and I do everything. And then the next month, it's somebody else. And it just rotates. Once a month, you have dinner with these people. Oh, it's cute. And these two people were like cheating on their people? Yes. They were married to other people and then

had sex in the bathroom of the hostesses at dinner club. Yes. How do rumor like a full bath? I think it was the powder bath. If I'm I mean, it's been about 20 years. That's a great question. That is a great question. No, I think question.

It's basically. You have to know is it, you know, is it, you know, a quickie? You know, how intense was it? But I'm kind of shocked that you're shocked that it seems like you're today Years old that you found out that people could possibly have in the past Snuck off at your house and had sex in a guest bedroom because you know it happened Heather It happened I always have security at my parties. Oh

That's smart. Are they monitoring the bedrooms? Yeah, no one goes up or down. Okay. Okay, that's smart. That's smart. What would happen in the powder room? Okay, next up is how do you feel? Like I hosted recently a fundraiser for a person

that was running for district attorney. And it was at my house, and it was like from 5.30 to 7. And I have two dogs that I adore. And so my dogs attended the fundraiser because it's their house. So we were researching what to talk about with you. And some Forbes, actually Forbes magazine said overly attached pet owners are a no-no. Yeah, and that would be me. It was horrible, Heather. I mean, I'm not kidding you. They barked at everybody.

They ran around. I'm just like, put these fuckers outside. It doesn't. It's not going to kill them. But no, she was like, well, no, they're fine. And I'm like, the guest of honor, one of them was barking and trying to bite her pants the whole time.

That is a complete exaggeration. That is completely exaggerating. I don't know. I'm with pumps on this one. You cannot, it's like, we were at someone's house for dinner recently and they're so lovely. And it was just the four of us having dinner

but the dogs were there. And they were fine. They were super sweet. And I've been at other people's homes where the dogs are like so aggressive and they wanna, even when they're sweet, they like just what, like it's like I got nice outfit on. I don't really want your dog sliver on my pants, my thing and it's like not the moment. And if they're barking at people, I don't know. I'm going to say that logically I agree with both of you. You

make perfect sense. And I agree with it. But in practicum, in my everyday life, my fucking dogs will attend every party that I host. Okay, that brings up a point that I just occurred to me. Let's say Heather invited you to a dinner party. I wouldn't take my dogs, but would you, I mean, people probably have tried saying that the service dogs, that's a no-no. No, don't bring a kid or your dog.

No, no. No, to Heather's house. No, nor can you bring a kid. I mean, that's bringing a kid. I would, I would. I would, I would. I would, I would. I would, I would.

I would, I would, I would. I would, I would, I would, I would. I would, I would, I would, I would. I would, I would, I would, I would, I would. I would, I would, I would, I would. I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would. I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would. I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would.

I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would. I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I too. Yeah, definitely I have. But as I've gotten older, I've avoided throwing parties all together because I want to have fewer people and fewer instances of unwanted social interactions in my life. I want to make my life a- Oh, I want to make my life a- With all those strangers, how do you know?

Yeah, it was for a good cause. I mean, we live in Oklahoma and there's some Kuku for Coco puff politicians here. And I had to get this help in your woman. I had to. And she won and she's awesome. But so my heartstrings about, you know, women's issues kind of overrode there. Okay, here we go. This is a big one. And I have witnessed this back in my younger days when I was really on the party circuit, on the dinner club circuit the whole night. Couples married couples that engage in PDA at a party.

Okay, listen, my husband has his friend, and he and the wife, and we stopped hanging out with them because they would like, like, I'd like make out. Yeah. But in a restaurant. Oh, no. Where she would put on and she would tell a story's like like oh I put on my lingerie and my daughters were like

her dog why are you wearing lingerie in front of you're like eight year old daughter so creepy so weird. The pda in a restaurant is just atrocious. I don't like any PDA ever. Maybe a handhold or something like that, that's fine. But to put your tongue in somebody else's mouth in a restaurant is repulsive. So there is this couple when I would go out,

probably in my 20s and 30s, and they're married couple, darling, love them. But every single party I was at at no matter what party it was They would find like an ottoman that is kind of like a cocktail ottoman used as a coffee table You'd look over an hour into the party and they're laid out on the ottoman full-blown mugging his hand in between her legs and it is just like full-blown soft core porn in between her legs, and it is just like full-blown, soft core porn. And you can ask anybody who's been to a party with them,

you know the PDA couple, everybody immediately knows who they are. And I, okay, here's what I wanna unpack, psychologically. Do we think they do it at home? No, I don't either. I don't either. Get off on people watching them have sex.

The voyeurism. Yes, that's gotta be it. It's kind of like couples that act like they're so in love on social media and they communicate with each other on social media. 100% you know they're fucked up and on their way to a divorce. Immediate red flag. To me, it's compensating for some shortcoming

in the marriage because it is not a normal, that's something that's reserved in private. I mean, if my husband started French kissing me in public, I would literally be like, what the fuck are you doing? Right. Same thing, I have this thing about sitting on the same side of the booth, if we went to a restaurant, and we're at a four top,

and he came over and sat down next to me, I'd go get the fuck over there. Like, I am not gonna be this nutty couple. I've had it, I've had it with it. And when you start going out and, you know, valentine, it's Valentine's Day season. This is peak season for all of these offenders that have to sit on the same side of the booth.

And I mean, I have had it. I literally wanna walk up to them and get say, I really don't think you're in love. I think you're compensating for something. I know the minute you get in the car, she's brow-beaten-you or you're brow-beaten-her. I know it. I've cracked the case. Well, I've cracked it.

If you sit on the same side of the booth, you either crack your neck. Right, that's right. Or maybe they just don't like each other and they both want to face forward and look at everyone else. I don't understand it at all. Okay, so here's what I want to move on to and in our theme of hosting parties and we're going to start with pumps. Okay,

pumps tell us if we would have a fantasy dinner party and you could invite three guests living or dead who would you invite? Okay, I would have Dolly Parton, my number one lover. Love Dolly partner. He's on my list. Shit. Oh, well she, she's everybody's list. She could be got Michael Jordan. Okay. Just because I always heard his charisma is like,

you can feel it when he's in the same building as she. So I would want to do him and then think this is probably something everybody in my age category is going to say, but Princess Diana. Okay. Okay. So MJ with Princess Diana with Deli. Okay.

Let's go on to you, Heather. Okay. So, Dolly is on my list too. It's funny. You know, it depends. If you would ask me a month ago, a month from now, it might be different. But today, I mean, the dinner I want to have is Dolly. Yeah. I want Oprah. Yeah. And I want Katie

Corrick. You know, I've liked Kate. I didn't like the today show, but I like her podcast. She's pumped the break. She didn't like the today show. No, I was, I've always been good morning America. I've never heard anybody say they didn't like the today show. I just like her. I like her. She's really cute. Remember when her husband died and she wore his ring around her neck? And I mean, all of them, and she got the young guy, and then they got me.

Like, I just like her. I feel like she's real. I like when she speaks. And I just, but I felt like that group, we'd have a lot of laughs, for sure. Oh yeah, definitely. So mine is Larry David, who I, I Oh, yeah, definitely. So mine is Larry David Who I I mean love I have a framed picture of Larry David on my desk

Curb your enthusiasm is my favorite show. I really don't like shortman And I'm afraid that he's probably short But I will take one for the team because I love him so much Second would be Raffi El Nadal. Oh, yeah, I love Rafa. I love him so much. Second would be Rafi El Nadal. Oh yeah. I love Rafi. I love him so much when he hits those four hands and then he pumps his fist and says,

Vamos. I mean, I feel it in every particle of my body. I have a few different traditions having the couple that have exact, and the person she's having sex with off in the powder. I'm gonna become everything that everybody's had it with. Right. But third, RBG, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Yeah, that's a good one.

Oftentimes when I'm doing stupid, vapid shit, like my interior design projects or this podcast, I think you know, I wonder if I could have been like George Clooney's wife or RBG. And then I think, I don't have enough depth. But I do think I would like to have a dinner or a pickle ball date in an hour. So I recently played an tournament with my husband.

And we made it to the semi finals. Okay. And he really is to the semi finals. Okay. And he really is a much better pickleball player than I. But I think we lost. I think because of him. I don't think he, I think he was the weak link. After we lost the tournament, he announced he has a very, like, you know, accelerator press down

or foot completely on the break type personality. And he's like, I'm quitting pickleball forget. So seven days later, he's like, I'm quitting pickleball forget. So seven days later, he's entered into another tournament. And then he just played and he got second place. And so I noticed he has all these trophies from his tennis and pickleball adult career. So I laid them all out last night. And there's a common theme among all of them. I could not believe. Second place no, Brinner. Second place. Second place. Second place.

To which I said to him, honey, almost. Yeah, when you posted that picture, I thought you're such a bitch. I'm a total bitch. Insufferable bitch. There's no doubt about it. Heather, do, bro, thank you so much for telling us what you've had it with. Don't you feel better getting all that off your chest? I do. I only felt fine at the beginning, and now I feel great.

I feel like a million bucks, yes. I adore the two of you. You're both so funny, so talented. I love your show, and thank you so much for having me on. Thank you so much, Heather. Bye, guys. Bye., thank you. Bye. She's awesome. I love her. She is so fun.

I'm like, it's sitting to talk to her forever. For hours. And I think Heather is, like, if she were to invite us to a dinner party, I kind of think we'd want to go. I would 100% want to go, but I think, like, we would probably not get invited a second time. Well, that's probably true, even on our best behavior. We would probably.

Both of us love to Irish exit. Right. Yes. And I'm really good at it. Okay, this is what I want to go over with you. I have found some tips that can help you Irish exit. Okay, and these are very important. I want to go over them with you and the listener. Okay.

Before you go in, you got to know your exits, side doors, back doors, any way that you can sneak out without being noticed. So immediately upon arrival, you have got to scout out your exit. Right. Immediately. Right. Number two, you can't be the one that plays the music and hook your phone up. No, yeah.

No, I was wondering that. Because when you leave, then they notice because you take the music and hook your phone up. No, yeah, no. Because when you leave, then they notice because you take the phone off. Right. Exactly. Okay. You have to keep your coat in accessories close. I'll tell you what I do.

I don't even bring them out of the car. I don't care if it's 50 below zero. That's smart. I don't take a coat. I don't take my purse. That is smart. Because then you just have to wait on other people to get it back for you or it becomes obvious because you're carrying your coat towards the door.

It's just a beeline. It's a beeline. Yes. Okay, you have to have your getaway car waiting. So if it's an Uber, you need to have it ready. Right. You've got to have that Uber ready and waiting so that when you leave, if somebody sees you in the driveway, you can say, I am so sorry my ride is here, I have to go. There's no pulling you back in. That's probably great advice. And the last one is something I really need to discuss with you. And it is keeping track of your company.

This is the single biggest obstacle to any Irish goodbye is a friendship. And I have experienced both you and Josh Welch claim to be the biggest Irish exitors on the planet. And I have been in situations with each of you where I am ready and we're yacking. And I look over and there you are. Yack mouthing with other yack mouths, preventing me from an Irish accent, feigning interest, I'm standing there making an angry face and I feel exposed. I feel like we were partners in this crime.

And you leave me in the lurch and you've done it to me multiple times. I know, I know, I I do you start yak mal thing I do I start yak and you start yak and then I feel like I can't Like gracefully get out of it. You have multiple times I know I've spent a lot more time at parties than I plan to because of you Yeah, I know and that's fair. That is okay. I just I want to know that moving forward that we can work on this together. Yes. Yes, we can Do you really apologize? Yeah, no, I would hate that if you were doing it to me. Okay. I'll think about forgiving you

Okay, well just that big black heart will just have to melt a little bit for me. I know. I know. I know But I listener. I want to thank you for tuning in To our podcast where we get stuff off of our chest. We get stuff off of our chest with our friend Heather DeBro who is awesome. And I want to ask everybody, please DM us a voice memo on, I've had it podcast on Instagram. And please, people, I'm going to ask you to do something really big here. Pumps is a total thirst trapper. I'm talking dehydration beyond all recognition.

She's always on those Apple charts looking at reviews that people write. And you people are just not writing them quick enough. It hurts her. She needs this motivation. So go give her a five star review and in the reviews on Apple Podcast, tell us how much you love pumps to satisfy the third trapping dehydration of pumps. I'm definitely always thirsty. Yes, she won't. That's the only true part of that. You are. We will see you win pumps next Tuesday or Thursday. Why do you talk so high? I don't know

that's my sorority girl voice, sorority girl voice. Yeah. All right, see you next Tuesday. We'll be back. See you next Tuesday, thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

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